0:00:20 > 0:00:23Coming up: Britain's best loved comedians reveal
0:00:23 > 0:00:27who gets their chuckle muscles working overtime.
0:00:27 > 0:00:30When I watched Dave Allen as a child,
0:00:30 > 0:00:34I rolled around the floor, laughing at him, properly in pain laughing.
0:00:34 > 0:00:36SCREAMS
0:00:36 > 0:00:39There's no-one else like Steve Martin.
0:00:39 > 0:00:41It's just stupid!
0:00:42 > 0:00:45From stand-up routines to classic sketches,
0:00:45 > 0:00:49they're letting us in on their all-time favourite jokes
0:00:49 > 0:00:51and their love, envy and sheer admiration
0:00:51 > 0:00:54for the star performers who told them.
0:00:54 > 0:00:55Happy feet!
0:00:55 > 0:00:59It felt so new, it was like seeing modern art for the first time.
0:00:59 > 0:01:01You know, what she sells is madness!
0:01:01 > 0:01:03Next.
0:01:03 > 0:01:05You know, as a child, that was pure gold!
0:01:07 > 0:01:10Why didn't I think of that? Why didn't I write that joke?
0:01:10 > 0:01:14So, dust off your laughing gear, hold onto your armchairs
0:01:14 > 0:01:18and buckle up for a raucous ride into the land of comedy!
0:01:25 > 0:01:27I'm not stretching the point too far
0:01:27 > 0:01:30to say that Steve Martin on Parkinson
0:01:30 > 0:01:32is why I am sat in front of you today.
0:01:32 > 0:01:34That is the one reason.
0:01:34 > 0:01:36Ladies and gentlemen, Mr Steve Martin!
0:01:36 > 0:01:39APPLAUSE
0:01:39 > 0:01:43It was Steve Martin's first UK appearance, television appearance.
0:01:43 > 0:01:44I was 17.
0:01:45 > 0:01:48# Hey, I got music
0:01:48 > 0:01:51# I got rhy-y-thm. #
0:01:51 > 0:01:53LAUGHTER
0:01:53 > 0:01:58I just was pissing myself laughing pretty much all the way through.
0:01:58 > 0:02:01Just, the joy. I got tingles.
0:02:04 > 0:02:07- APPLAUSE AND LAUGHTER - It's a funny gag.
0:02:07 > 0:02:10Straight away, you're laughing. A guy in a pink suit with an arrow in his head.
0:02:10 > 0:02:12Ha-ha-ha-ha!
0:02:12 > 0:02:15And he does juggling. Steve Martin, that's the first guy
0:02:15 > 0:02:19I saw do that funny thing with the third ball routine.
0:02:20 > 0:02:23Now, three!
0:02:25 > 0:02:27LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:02:27 > 0:02:29HE PLAYS THE BANJO
0:02:29 > 0:02:35And these were genuinely things I'd never seen someone ever do before.
0:02:35 > 0:02:37# Well, I'm rambling, rambling round
0:02:37 > 0:02:39# I'm rambling guy, oh, yes. #
0:02:39 > 0:02:42HE WHISTLES
0:02:42 > 0:02:45Fame travelled much slower across the pond back then.
0:02:45 > 0:02:47A virtual unknown in the UK,
0:02:47 > 0:02:51Steve Martin was a megastar in the States.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53He became a rock'n'roll comedian.
0:02:55 > 0:02:58He was so explosive and so fast and suddenly,
0:02:58 > 0:03:00he was on the cover of magazines - Rolling Stone,
0:03:00 > 0:03:03he's on Saturday Night Live,
0:03:03 > 0:03:05he's filling giant arenas.
0:03:05 > 0:03:08When you see people playing the O2 now, Steve Martin was the first one to do that.
0:03:08 > 0:03:14Steve Martin's unique off-the-wall act was totally out of the ordinary,
0:03:14 > 0:03:17creating mayhem and general bemusement all round.
0:03:18 > 0:03:19Here you go.
0:03:19 > 0:03:22And now, YOU are funny, too.
0:03:22 > 0:03:24- LAUGHTER - 'The audience over there got it'
0:03:24 > 0:03:25but when he came here,
0:03:25 > 0:03:28he looked like a guy playing the banjo and doing stupid stuff.
0:03:28 > 0:03:29Yes. No.
0:03:29 > 0:03:32- LAUGHTER - Yes...
0:03:32 > 0:03:35'Parkinson and Clive James are watching him,'
0:03:35 > 0:03:39going, "Hnhnh?" like Scooby Doo. They just don't get it.
0:03:39 > 0:03:43And Steve is doing cat juggling and doing happy feet!
0:03:43 > 0:03:46Oh, no, I'm getting...happy feet!
0:03:46 > 0:03:50LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:03:50 > 0:03:53When I saw it, I just roared with laughter.
0:03:53 > 0:03:58# You better smile, smile, smile, smile, smile, smile... #
0:03:58 > 0:04:03That kind of very, very silly comedy does appeal to your inner child.
0:04:03 > 0:04:06'Do you ever wonder...'
0:04:06 > 0:04:09where all the farts go?
0:04:10 > 0:04:12But his most stand-out moment was when Steve demonstrated
0:04:12 > 0:04:16that he wasn't to be trusted with chat show hosts.
0:04:16 > 0:04:22There's a moment where Parkinson goes, "What's the difference between British and American comedy?"
0:04:22 > 0:04:24And Steve Martin is holding a pair a scissors.
0:04:24 > 0:04:26Let's say you were going to cut someone's tie.
0:04:26 > 0:04:31An American comedian I think, would give it... Oh, I'm not going to use mine!
0:04:31 > 0:04:36- ..would give it more of a shot... - This is a joke, is it?
0:04:36 > 0:04:38Well, this is an example.
0:04:38 > 0:04:43And he gets Parkinson's tie and he cuts tassels in it at the bottom.
0:04:43 > 0:04:45LAUGHTER AND SCATTERED APPLAUSE
0:04:49 > 0:04:53'That is English comedy. And then he talks about American comedy,'
0:04:53 > 0:04:56and he cuts off... the tie at the neck.
0:04:56 > 0:05:00Of course, an American would just use the more...
0:05:00 > 0:05:04LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:05:04 > 0:05:09Parkinson was almost as pissed off as when the emu attacked him.
0:05:09 > 0:05:12LAUGHTER
0:05:12 > 0:05:16- I think that's very funny. Don't you, Clive?- Are you sure you didn't have that ready?
0:05:16 > 0:05:21No, indeed not. I'd have wore a different bloody tie if I'd known that!
0:05:21 > 0:05:23Steve Martin may have left his host unamused
0:05:23 > 0:05:28but he certainly made a huge impact on impressionable young minds.
0:05:28 > 0:05:30There's no-one like Steve Martin.
0:05:30 > 0:05:34He's just daft and he's the master at being just...
0:05:34 > 0:05:38absurd and stupid but very, very, very funny.
0:05:38 > 0:05:41LAUGHTER
0:05:41 > 0:05:45'If you're going to do silly, you have to really believe in the silly.'
0:05:45 > 0:05:47Otherwise, the audience spot it.
0:05:47 > 0:05:49And he really believed in the silly.
0:05:49 > 0:05:51It was a revelation.
0:05:51 > 0:05:53It felt so new, it was like seeing
0:05:53 > 0:05:56modern art for the first time if I can get pretentious.
0:05:56 > 0:05:58It was like seeing something that touches you in some way
0:05:58 > 0:06:01but not in the way that art previously had worked for you.
0:06:01 > 0:06:05It was like someone saying, "Hold on, this is not comedy
0:06:05 > 0:06:09"because it doesn't fit any of the guidelines for comedy that I've grown up expecting."
0:06:09 > 0:06:12DNA molecule!
0:06:12 > 0:06:16And yet, I'm laughing. And that's why I adore Steve Martin.
0:06:16 > 0:06:19- Venereal disease. - LAUGHTER
0:06:19 > 0:06:24Everyone has that kind of moment in their life where one moment changes how they see something
0:06:24 > 0:06:26for the rest of their life.
0:06:26 > 0:06:30'He was like the Sex Pistols were to music
0:06:30 > 0:06:32'to my perception of comedy,'
0:06:32 > 0:06:34and it was just, bam!
0:06:34 > 0:06:38OK. Thank you very much. Good night! Well, see you again!
0:06:47 > 0:06:50Dick Emery was a huge part of my Saturday night entertainment.
0:06:50 > 0:06:52My whole generation loved watching him
0:06:52 > 0:06:56and strangely now, he's very much forgotten about, really.
0:06:58 > 0:07:00He had such a wide range of characters.
0:07:00 > 0:07:04You were guaranteed a lot of laughs. I was open mouthed watching him.
0:07:04 > 0:07:08I used to think, "This can't be the same man. This can't be him."
0:07:08 > 0:07:10The Dick Emery Show
0:07:10 > 0:07:13became a mainstay of the BBC schedules,
0:07:13 > 0:07:16running for almost 20 years with king of the catchphrase Dick Emery
0:07:16 > 0:07:19appearing in every single sketch.
0:07:20 > 0:07:24'He could play gay men - he played this one character,'
0:07:24 > 0:07:28"Hello, honky tonks", and it was so flamboyant.
0:07:28 > 0:07:32Oh, olives, stuffed! Oh, that'll make a change!
0:07:32 > 0:07:36'The women he played were believable. He played different sorts of women.'
0:07:36 > 0:07:38Ooh, you are awful.
0:07:38 > 0:07:40But I like you!
0:07:40 > 0:07:42LAUGHTER
0:07:42 > 0:07:47This wide range of characters from posh vicars to the bovver boy character.
0:07:47 > 0:07:50LAUGHTER
0:07:50 > 0:07:51Dad...
0:07:51 > 0:07:56- I think I got it wrong again. - I think you got it wrong again.
0:07:56 > 0:08:00In 1975, Dick Emery created five and half minutes of comedy gold
0:08:00 > 0:08:04with a masterfully executed driving test sketch.
0:08:04 > 0:08:08'Ere, Mr Bush, I've passed my test! I've passed it!
0:08:08 > 0:08:10'Ere, you're a good driving instructor!
0:08:10 > 0:08:15In that sketch, you see something new at the time - to put together all the characters.
0:08:15 > 0:08:17Harry Enfield did it again but not often.
0:08:17 > 0:08:21It's difficult to put all the characters into the same sketch.
0:08:21 > 0:08:23That means I can drive any car I like.
0:08:23 > 0:08:27- That's right. You'll have to get yourself a car.- That's right.
0:08:27 > 0:08:29'Ere, I think I'll have this one.
0:08:29 > 0:08:31LAUGHTER
0:08:31 > 0:08:34The opening of that driving test sketch is extraordinary.
0:08:36 > 0:08:39LAUGHTER
0:08:39 > 0:08:43On its own, it's a brilliant sketch and it's got a great punchline.
0:08:43 > 0:08:46But before that, there are four or five massive laughs in there.
0:08:46 > 0:08:49- You seem to be in a bit of a nervous state.- A nervous state?
0:08:49 > 0:08:53You should have seen me before I took my tranquilizers.
0:08:53 > 0:08:57His nervousness, the way he is so petrified - brilliant, absolutely brilliant.
0:08:57 > 0:09:00Oh, dear, it doesn't seem to be your day, does it?
0:09:00 > 0:09:02If I were you, I'd just pack up and go home.
0:09:02 > 0:09:04You're in no fit state to be on the road.
0:09:08 > 0:09:10- Mr Charmers.- Yes, I'm here.
0:09:10 > 0:09:14OK, he's all yours. Take him away.
0:09:14 > 0:09:18LAUGHTER Mr Charmers....
0:09:18 > 0:09:21'When I was little, I would watch Dick Emery with my dad'
0:09:21 > 0:09:27and just be sort of... I think ghastly is the word for Dick Emery.
0:09:27 > 0:09:28He was prepared to be ghastly.
0:09:28 > 0:09:34- I assume you've taken the necessary instruction to take the test?- All guidance come from on high.
0:09:34 > 0:09:37'And his characters were all like people with big teeth
0:09:37 > 0:09:40'and randy middle-aged women. And he was funny.'
0:09:40 > 0:09:43I just really, really love Dick Emery.
0:09:43 > 0:09:47Love Dick Emery. I liked all of the characters.
0:09:47 > 0:09:52But, um, I personally liked it best when he was in drag.
0:09:52 > 0:09:56"Hello, honky tonk." I mean, that gay man with the leather cap.
0:09:56 > 0:09:59I mean, I should be offended by that but you can't be,
0:09:59 > 0:10:02it's so camp - "Hello, honky tonk."
0:10:02 > 0:10:05That licence is as good as in my pocket.
0:10:05 > 0:10:08I should have another think, sweetheart.
0:10:08 > 0:10:13You've got me for your examiner! Put those away. Come on, let's go.
0:10:13 > 0:10:16You wouldn't have had any trouble, honky tonks.
0:10:16 > 0:10:19I'd pass you sitting on that bench!
0:10:19 > 0:10:22When he did the woman, "You are awful, but I like you",
0:10:22 > 0:10:23and would push the man out the way,
0:10:23 > 0:10:26you know, as a child, that was pure gold.
0:10:27 > 0:10:31Very good. For an attractive young lady, you surprise me.
0:10:31 > 0:10:32You drove like a man.
0:10:32 > 0:10:33Oh, thank you.
0:10:33 > 0:10:37Apart from your two big boobs.
0:10:37 > 0:10:40Look how you reacted when that policeman suddenly put his hand up.
0:10:40 > 0:10:44Ooh, you are awful.
0:10:44 > 0:10:46But I like you.
0:10:46 > 0:10:48LAUGHTER
0:10:49 > 0:10:52Ooh, you are awful.
0:10:52 > 0:10:54But I like you.
0:10:54 > 0:10:56'And that sexually repressed woman!'
0:10:56 > 0:10:58Excuse me.
0:10:58 > 0:11:00Yes, madam.
0:11:00 > 0:11:01'I think her name was Hetty,'
0:11:01 > 0:11:05and she had these really '60s, '70s glasses on that went up like this
0:11:05 > 0:11:08and her eyes were so desperate behind them, you know.
0:11:08 > 0:11:12This hair was perfectly done and this handbag clasped so tight.
0:11:12 > 0:11:15I heard that one of your examiners won't pass a woman driver
0:11:15 > 0:11:17unless she lets him have his way with her!
0:11:17 > 0:11:19'But underneath it was this woman'
0:11:19 > 0:11:22who was desperate for human contact and for male contact.
0:11:22 > 0:11:24Point him out to me, I'll have him.
0:11:24 > 0:11:27No, you point him out to me and I'LL have him!
0:11:27 > 0:11:30LAUGHTER
0:11:30 > 0:11:32A nice distinguished gentleman like you...
0:11:35 > 0:11:37It's just so funny!
0:11:37 > 0:11:40It's a guilty pleasure, really,
0:11:40 > 0:11:45because probably, it's not that clever but it's hilarious!
0:11:45 > 0:11:48CAR HORN TOOTS
0:11:48 > 0:11:51CRASH!
0:11:51 > 0:11:52LAUGHTER
0:11:52 > 0:11:55Always at the back of my mind, Dick Emery has been there
0:11:55 > 0:11:58as somebody who was really able to act well
0:11:58 > 0:12:00'as well as be a good comic
0:12:00 > 0:12:02'and that's always what I've wanted to do.'
0:12:06 > 0:12:07He was inspirational.
0:12:16 > 0:12:20There is a legend about a working housewife and a mother of five
0:12:20 > 0:12:22who at the age of 37 suddenly decided she was funny,
0:12:22 > 0:12:26so they say, she walked on stage and the audience told her that she was right.
0:12:26 > 0:12:30Phyllis Diller was a tremendous groundbreaker for women comedians
0:12:30 > 0:12:32because she bridged the gap
0:12:32 > 0:12:35between when you had to be like zany and kooky and ugly
0:12:35 > 0:12:37or you weren't considered funny.
0:12:37 > 0:12:39Phyllis Diller!
0:12:39 > 0:12:40APPLAUSE
0:12:40 > 0:12:43'I remember the first time I saw her on television.
0:12:43 > 0:12:46'She came on as a really wild character
0:12:46 > 0:12:49'so you were able to feel at ease with her'
0:12:49 > 0:12:53because you felt superior to her but the wit was so sharp.
0:12:53 > 0:12:57If I have one more lift, it'll be Caesarean.
0:12:57 > 0:13:01Her jokes are so simple
0:13:01 > 0:13:02and so clean.
0:13:02 > 0:13:04The hair on the top of my head is so thin
0:13:04 > 0:13:07that part is on the roof of my mouth.
0:13:08 > 0:13:11And I think I got this thing on upside down.
0:13:12 > 0:13:15And I know the hanger is still in it!
0:13:17 > 0:13:21In 1955, middle-aged housewife and mother Phyllis Diller
0:13:21 > 0:13:24stormed her way into the male-dominated world of stand-up comedy.
0:13:24 > 0:13:27I mean, it's an extraordinary story, Phyllis Diller,
0:13:27 > 0:13:30she was out there doing it and brilliantly
0:13:30 > 0:13:35in a nearly totally male domain.
0:13:35 > 0:13:37Miss Phyllis Diller!
0:13:37 > 0:13:41Diller's quickfire stand-up routines made her a huge star
0:13:41 > 0:13:45and she was one of the only female comedians to share the stage
0:13:45 > 0:13:51with comedy giants including Groucho Marx and Bob Hope.
0:13:51 > 0:13:53Phyllis Diller, what she sells is madness.
0:13:53 > 0:13:55Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
0:13:55 > 0:13:59You know, she comes out with the hair, the kind of scarecrow body
0:13:59 > 0:14:03and she's just a bit bonkers.
0:14:03 > 0:14:08So, I said to the lady, I said, "I want to buy something very sexy to catch a man."
0:14:08 > 0:14:11You ready? She sold me 20 feet of rope and a gun.
0:14:11 > 0:14:12LAUGHTER
0:14:13 > 0:14:19But it was a routine about her lazy dog that got Joan Rivers worked up.
0:14:19 > 0:14:22You know when you know somebody's wonderful when you watch them
0:14:22 > 0:14:24and you say, "Why didn't I think of that?
0:14:24 > 0:14:26"Why didn't I write that joke?"
0:14:26 > 0:14:28We have the world's dumbest dog!
0:14:28 > 0:14:31Have you heard of an Alsatian who bites his nails?
0:14:33 > 0:14:37Her dog routine with her dog was so lazy that he wouldn't stand up.
0:14:37 > 0:14:39- 'Brilliant!' - Ha-ha-ha-ha!
0:14:39 > 0:14:42And he's easy to find because he never moves, he just lays there.
0:14:42 > 0:14:49One day, I laid down alongside the couch to see what the hell he would look like standing up.
0:14:49 > 0:14:52The one stupid joke about her dog is so lazy,
0:14:52 > 0:14:56she wants to see what he looks like standing up, she has to lie down next to him.
0:14:56 > 0:14:59And that to me is one of my favourite jokes of hers.
0:14:59 > 0:15:02You say, "Attack!" and he has one.
0:15:02 > 0:15:04LAUGHTER
0:15:04 > 0:15:06And it's not even the greatest of her jokes.
0:15:06 > 0:15:12But every time I look at my slug of a dog, I think, Phyllis's joke. "Why didn't I think of that?"
0:15:12 > 0:15:15He's up for the Nobel piss prize!
0:15:16 > 0:15:19Phyllis Diller is a trail blazer.
0:15:19 > 0:15:22I watch her now and send a little thank you
0:15:22 > 0:15:25because I think she made it a lot easier for women in this job
0:15:25 > 0:15:27without some of us even realising.
0:15:27 > 0:15:30She was just funny!
0:15:30 > 0:15:34Oh, heavens, the last time I was in court, the magistrate said,
0:15:34 > 0:15:38he said it was the worst case of hit and run he'd ever seen in his life!
0:15:38 > 0:15:39He thought I was the victim!
0:15:41 > 0:15:44Phyllis influenced me in a very negative way
0:15:44 > 0:15:49because I said I'm not going to dress like that and I'm not going to be the class clown.
0:15:49 > 0:15:52I am going to come out and be a college graduate
0:15:52 > 0:15:55and be smart and either you come with me or I don't care.
0:16:04 > 0:16:09Dave Allen was one of those people who was very different from other comics.
0:16:09 > 0:16:15Just to see a man sitting at a seat, telling stories
0:16:15 > 0:16:16was already different.
0:16:16 > 0:16:18In a career spanning four decades,
0:16:18 > 0:16:25Dave Allen both charmed and entertained the nation with his rueful style of sit-down comedy.
0:16:25 > 0:16:30He was so engaging on the bar stool with the glass of whisky and the cigarette.
0:16:30 > 0:16:34It was like walking into a pub with my dad and suddenly,
0:16:34 > 0:16:37there was this bloke at the bar who was the best of your dad's mates
0:16:37 > 0:16:39and the funniest.
0:16:39 > 0:16:40'He had something about him'
0:16:40 > 0:16:45that was that great gift of being able to tell a story
0:16:45 > 0:16:50and spin the yarn so that everything was seen through his sense of logic
0:16:50 > 0:16:54and that's where the laughter and the fun of it came in.
0:16:54 > 0:16:58And as a practising atheist, there are certain things...
0:16:58 > 0:17:00I travel around the world and no matter where I go,
0:17:00 > 0:17:04somebody called Gideon leaves me this book to read.
0:17:04 > 0:17:07Dave Allen was notorious for his long but perfect monologues.
0:17:07 > 0:17:11Delivered with the precise timing of a comedy assassin,
0:17:11 > 0:17:15his material on religion made him Ireland's most controversial export.
0:17:15 > 0:17:19When I saw that sort of stuff, you know, in the '70s,
0:17:19 > 0:17:22I thought, this man is brave, he's really funny.
0:17:22 > 0:17:27Anyone can come out and go, "Anyone who's into religion is bonkers,"
0:17:27 > 0:17:31but when he breaks things down, and says, "Do you understand what's going on here?"
0:17:31 > 0:17:33There are certain things when I read the Bible,
0:17:33 > 0:17:37and I do read the Bible, that I find difficult to understand.
0:17:37 > 0:17:40If God has been there forever, what was he doing before he got to us?
0:17:40 > 0:17:45I mean, what was he out there doing? Was he sitting there, going, "Bub-bub-bub"?
0:17:45 > 0:17:47"Bored today. What will I do?"
0:17:47 > 0:17:52Suddenly from nowhere, he decided to create a world. "I'll make a world, that's what I'll do!"
0:17:52 > 0:17:56His stuff on religion is probably his greatest legacy.
0:17:56 > 0:18:00The routine that most encapsulates this is the Adam and Eve routine
0:18:00 > 0:18:05because that routine does what any great stand-up does - point out the ridiculousness of something.
0:18:05 > 0:18:08Rivers, seas, mountains.
0:18:08 > 0:18:11Puh, puh, puh. Pu-coh!
0:18:11 > 0:18:14Vroom, everything's there!
0:18:14 > 0:18:15I want a garden.
0:18:15 > 0:18:18I'd like a nice garden.
0:18:18 > 0:18:20Whack! Garden of Eden.
0:18:20 > 0:18:23I hate gardening.
0:18:23 > 0:18:25I need a gardener!
0:18:25 > 0:18:29Ah, gardener. Spit and dust. Adam! Boom!
0:18:29 > 0:18:32And he, Adam, never once says,
0:18:32 > 0:18:35"Where in the name of God did I come from?"
0:18:35 > 0:18:39I mean, he's 40 years of age, he has no childhood, he has no recall,
0:18:39 > 0:18:42he doesn't say, "How did I get here?"
0:18:42 > 0:18:46But he's quite happy, he just kind of trundles round the garden, working away.
0:18:46 > 0:18:48And God is looking at him,
0:18:48 > 0:18:50and he sees that Adam is happy.
0:18:52 > 0:19:00LAUGHTER
0:19:01 > 0:19:03I didn't put him there to be happy.
0:19:03 > 0:19:05LAUGHTER
0:19:05 > 0:19:07I'll put a stop to that!
0:19:07 > 0:19:10'He takes the story of Adam and Eve,'
0:19:10 > 0:19:12but what's brilliant to watch, as a comic,
0:19:12 > 0:19:14is watch the escalation of it.
0:19:14 > 0:19:16Just watch the beats as he makes it bigger and bigger
0:19:16 > 0:19:18and more and more stupid.
0:19:18 > 0:19:21And from his rib, he makes Woman.
0:19:21 > 0:19:25And Adam wakes up in the morning, he's a real thickie!
0:19:25 > 0:19:28He's lying there and there's somebody else,
0:19:28 > 0:19:30and he doesn't say, "Where did you come from?
0:19:30 > 0:19:32"How the hell did you get here?
0:19:32 > 0:19:35"Where did you get those lumps?"
0:19:35 > 0:19:38LAUGHTER
0:19:40 > 0:19:42LAUGHTER
0:19:42 > 0:19:46APPLAUSE
0:19:46 > 0:19:50It was more the intelligence of it, the unwavering intelligence of it,
0:19:50 > 0:19:55just the fact that he would forensically, laser like hone in on something and dissect it.
0:19:55 > 0:19:58And God comes down and has a conversation with Eve,
0:19:58 > 0:20:02and tells her that she can eat of any fruit on the tree...
0:20:03 > 0:20:05..in the whole garden,
0:20:05 > 0:20:08with the exception of one fruit tree.
0:20:08 > 0:20:10He's talking to a woman!
0:20:10 > 0:20:14LAUGHTER
0:20:14 > 0:20:17He actually tells her not to eat of the fruit
0:20:17 > 0:20:20and when she says, "Which tree?", he says, "That one over there."
0:20:20 > 0:20:22He points it out to her!
0:20:22 > 0:20:25LAUGHTER
0:20:25 > 0:20:28That's worse than President Regan and Iran!
0:20:28 > 0:20:30LAUGHTER
0:20:30 > 0:20:35And when he goes and hides, and she sneaks up to the tree,
0:20:35 > 0:20:39and a snake comes down and has a conversation.
0:20:39 > 0:20:40A snake!
0:20:40 > 0:20:44Now, if I see a snake, I'll back off!
0:20:44 > 0:20:46If one starts talking, I'll crap myself!
0:20:46 > 0:20:51LAUGHTER
0:20:51 > 0:20:56APPLAUSE
0:20:56 > 0:20:59And the snake actually convinces her to eat the apple
0:20:59 > 0:21:02and she eats the apple and when she eats the apple, she learns shame.
0:21:02 > 0:21:05That's what happens when you eat apples.
0:21:05 > 0:21:09She's not ashamed that she's disobeyed God or that she's eaten the apple,
0:21:09 > 0:21:12she's ashamed of here, one part of her body,
0:21:12 > 0:21:14that's all.
0:21:14 > 0:21:16She becomes ashamed of that area of the body.
0:21:16 > 0:21:18And why that area?
0:21:18 > 0:21:19Why not her elbow?
0:21:19 > 0:21:22- LAUGHTER - 'A cracker routine.'
0:21:22 > 0:21:24We dream of a punchline which is like a whip crack,
0:21:24 > 0:21:26which goes, "Doof!" at the end.
0:21:26 > 0:21:29And this is just perfect. Escalate, escalate, escalate,
0:21:29 > 0:21:31and then bang at the end.
0:21:31 > 0:21:35Do you realise that if Eve had been ashamed of her nose,
0:21:35 > 0:21:38every woman in the world now would be ashamed of your noses.
0:21:38 > 0:21:42You'd all be sitting here tonight with little nose knickers on!
0:21:42 > 0:21:46LAUGHTER
0:21:46 > 0:21:50Men would be in nightclubs watching naked ladies with G-strings on their noses!
0:21:50 > 0:21:54LAUGHTER
0:21:54 > 0:21:56Take 'em off! Oh, I saw a nose! Oh!
0:21:56 > 0:21:59LAUGHTER
0:21:59 > 0:22:03And this is the book, this is the book that you go into court
0:22:03 > 0:22:04and place your hand upon,...
0:22:04 > 0:22:07LAUGHTER
0:22:07 > 0:22:10..and swear to tell the truth, the whole truth,
0:22:10 > 0:22:13and nothing but the truth! LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:22:15 > 0:22:18I thought he was absolutely magic.
0:22:18 > 0:22:22I really miss his influence now, nowadays.
0:22:22 > 0:22:25And as much as I enjoy a lot of new comedy,
0:22:25 > 0:22:30I also wish we could have some of that elegance about it, as well.
0:22:30 > 0:22:36What's so cool about Dave Allen is he wasn't afraid of tackling big issues, you know, religion,
0:22:36 > 0:22:38the Troubles, you know, politics,
0:22:38 > 0:22:40but in such a charming, fun Saturday night way
0:22:40 > 0:22:46which I can't think has been done properly since, really.
0:22:46 > 0:22:51I'd loved to have met him. I'd loved to have sat down with him. I was on a plane to Dublin once,
0:22:51 > 0:22:54and some guy came up to me and introduced himself and said,
0:22:54 > 0:22:57"I was a friend of Dave Allen and he really liked your stuff,"
0:22:57 > 0:23:03and I don't know if he was just being polite, but yeah, I was thrilled, I punched the air.
0:23:03 > 0:23:07Very happy. I'd have been thrilled had he seen me.
0:23:07 > 0:23:09I'd loved to have met him, loved to.
0:23:18 > 0:23:21Victoria Wood is my comedy hero.
0:23:21 > 0:23:23I've been a huge fan. Even with my stand-up,
0:23:23 > 0:23:28I often go back to her, just the word play that she uses.
0:23:28 > 0:23:30Everything she touches turns to gold.
0:23:30 > 0:23:32# Let's do it! Let's do it!
0:23:32 > 0:23:35# Do it while the mood is right!
0:23:35 > 0:23:37# I'm feeling appealing... #
0:23:37 > 0:23:41Multi-talented comedian, actor, musician and writer Victoria Wood
0:23:41 > 0:23:43has been entertaining us for almost 40 years
0:23:43 > 0:23:48and has a stack of awards on her mantelpiece to prove it.
0:23:48 > 0:23:50# ..I can't do it! I can't do it!
0:23:50 > 0:23:52# I don't believe in too much sex! #
0:23:52 > 0:23:54'Victoria Wood is a genius.'
0:23:54 > 0:23:57I don't want to bandy that word around too much because people
0:23:57 > 0:24:01say that about lots of people but Vic is. "I will sit down,
0:24:01 > 0:24:04"I will write a sketch about this and it'll be good."
0:24:07 > 0:24:12In the mid-'80s, Victoria Wood penned the classic Acorn Antiques sketches
0:24:12 > 0:24:15which quickly achieved cult status.
0:24:15 > 0:24:19Acorn Antiques was just a little part of Victoria Wood, As Seen On TV.
0:24:19 > 0:24:24Me and me mum use to watch it and I was just in pieces.
0:24:24 > 0:24:26It's just so, so funny!
0:24:26 > 0:24:28I know it's only a quarter to
0:24:28 > 0:24:33but I've just this minute got me coconut buns out of the microwave.
0:24:33 > 0:24:36Well, you know me and coconut!
0:24:34 > 0:24:36LAUGHTER
0:24:36 > 0:24:40'It was a bit of homage to Crossroads, I think.'
0:24:40 > 0:24:43It's like a soap set in Manchesterford,
0:24:43 > 0:24:49and it was... It's so badly made and badly acted.
0:24:49 > 0:24:50- Shall I go?- No, stay!
0:24:52 > 0:24:54And please come back, Mrs O.
0:24:56 > 0:24:59What I have to say concerns everybody.
0:25:01 > 0:25:04It's just stupid!
0:25:06 > 0:25:10Wood famously plays the eccentric antique shop owner Miss Berta
0:25:10 > 0:25:14assisted by her elderly tea lady Mrs Overall
0:25:14 > 0:25:16played by Julie Walters.
0:25:16 > 0:25:20'I adore Acorn Antiques because it's based on Crossroads'
0:25:20 > 0:25:24which I loved when I was a school child
0:25:24 > 0:25:26and was actually like that.
0:25:26 > 0:25:29There were constantly mics in shot and elongated silences
0:25:29 > 0:25:33where people looked at each other like rabbits under the headlights.
0:25:33 > 0:25:35There's people missing their cues,
0:25:35 > 0:25:37there's people knocking the furniture,
0:25:37 > 0:25:39scenery moves, people get their names wrong!
0:25:43 > 0:25:45'Everything that can go wrong goes wrong.'
0:25:45 > 0:25:47Basically, if that was in any way reality,
0:25:47 > 0:25:50somebody would be shouting "Cut!" every three seconds.
0:25:50 > 0:25:52It should be "Cut, cut, cut, cut!"
0:25:52 > 0:25:54But they don't, there is nobody shouting cut
0:25:54 > 0:25:56so they plough on through the mistakes.
0:25:56 > 0:26:00Hello, Derek, Mrs O.
0:26:00 > 0:26:03I don't see how we can get this wedding ready in a week!
0:26:03 > 0:26:06Trixie hasn't even chosen her dress yet!
0:26:06 > 0:26:10Victoria Wood wrote a total of 12 Acorn Antique sketches
0:26:10 > 0:26:15but the wedding dress episode has to be the all-time classic.
0:26:15 > 0:26:18If it's for any Acorn Antiques wedding, Miss Babs,
0:26:18 > 0:26:21I'll put it up, even if it kills me!
0:26:21 > 0:26:25One of my favourite scenes is the wedding dress scene where Trixie
0:26:25 > 0:26:30complains that the triplets have put jam all up the front of her wedding dress.
0:26:30 > 0:26:33Now, obviously, she realises that there is no jam
0:26:33 > 0:26:37and then she tries to cover it up by saying, "On the front, round the back."
0:26:37 > 0:26:40Honestly, I could kill those triplets!
0:26:40 > 0:26:42Calm down, Trixie. Whatever's the matter?
0:26:42 > 0:26:45They've put jammy fingerprints all over the front...
0:26:45 > 0:26:46all over at the back!
0:26:46 > 0:26:48We'll get Mrs O to sponge it off.
0:26:48 > 0:26:50'Mrs Overall comes in,'
0:26:50 > 0:26:53you can see her hovering in the background, comes in,
0:26:53 > 0:26:56"Ooh, Trixie you've got jam up the front",
0:26:56 > 0:27:00cos she can't veer away from the script.
0:27:00 > 0:27:02Julie Walters is absolutely unable to improvise
0:27:02 > 0:27:06or even work around that fact or even go off her lines at all.
0:27:06 > 0:27:09Mrs O! Whatever's wrong with the front of your frock?
0:27:09 > 0:27:11It looks like jam!
0:27:11 > 0:27:15- Yes.- What?
0:27:15 > 0:27:16There's jam at the back.
0:27:16 > 0:27:18The triplets didn't put any on at the front.
0:27:18 > 0:27:22There's two opportunities for her to bail out there. She comes in,
0:27:22 > 0:27:25there's nothing on the front, she can bail out there, but if you then say,
0:27:25 > 0:27:29"What's that on the front of your dress?", she's got another opportunity to go,
0:27:29 > 0:27:32"Oh, it's nothing", you know, to bail out again but, no.
0:27:32 > 0:27:37Unable to pull out, she has to plough on and go, "It looks like jam."
0:27:37 > 0:27:38It looks like jam!
0:27:38 > 0:27:42- LAUGHING:- It looks like jam!
0:27:43 > 0:27:45Shall I come along with you?
0:27:45 > 0:27:48And you'll find something to sponge it off with.
0:27:48 > 0:27:52Come along with me and I'll find something to sponge it off with.
0:27:52 > 0:27:55'I have also always loved Victoria Wood
0:27:55 > 0:27:58'because she doesn't actually care what she looks like.'
0:27:58 > 0:28:02One of my favourite bits in it is where she's sitting with her legs open
0:28:02 > 0:28:06and you can see her pants and there's a bit of a gusset shot.
0:28:06 > 0:28:10I don't know any Trixies! Or anyone! I live in a world of strangers!
0:28:10 > 0:28:14And you can see right up her gusset and everything.
0:28:14 > 0:28:17It's just hilarious. And her make-up is so over the top.
0:28:17 > 0:28:20I thought I made my feelings quite clear in the British Home Stores.
0:28:20 > 0:28:22But I'm here to see Berta.
0:28:22 > 0:28:25Berta? Berta?
0:28:25 > 0:28:30Love Victoria Wood and I just think that Acorn Antiques is the icing on the cake for me.
0:28:30 > 0:28:31It was her finest moment.
0:28:31 > 0:28:36'She's witty, clever, a brilliant musician.'
0:28:36 > 0:28:39Yeah, in Victoria Wood,
0:28:39 > 0:28:43we really have a lovely, lovely lady jester.
0:28:43 > 0:28:45A jest... A jester-ess!
0:29:08 > 0:29:12Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd