0:00:25 > 0:00:28CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:38 > 0:00:40CHEERING
0:00:47 > 0:00:51And we'll add the materialisation effect in afterwards, yeah?
0:00:51 > 0:00:53Good. Thanks. Hello!
0:00:53 > 0:00:57Welcome to the show. On Noel's team tonight...
0:00:58 > 0:01:02He's the jazz singer who's engaged to Sophie Dahl.
0:01:02 > 0:01:07I've heard she's only after him for his Big Friendly Giant. It's Jamie Cullum!
0:01:07 > 0:01:10APPLAUSE
0:01:14 > 0:01:18She's one of a long line of comedy legends to appear on Doctor Who
0:01:18 > 0:01:21after Peter Kay, Lee Evans and Bobby Davros!
0:01:21 > 0:01:25It's Catherine Tate! APPLAUSE
0:01:27 > 0:01:29And on Phill's team...
0:01:29 > 0:01:32# "Right" said Fred "Both of us together..." #
0:01:32 > 0:01:36He was the voice of The Wombles and has even had hits in the pop charts.
0:01:36 > 0:01:42I'm looking forward to his next album, Uncle Bulgaria's Grindcore Odyssey. It's Bernard Cribbins!
0:01:42 > 0:01:44APPLAUSE I heard that!
0:01:46 > 0:01:51And as a top Radio 1 DJ, she's got some of the biggest names in music on her speed dial.
0:01:51 > 0:01:55Bit of a shame we didn't ask her to call them. It's Jo Whiley!
0:01:55 > 0:01:57APPLAUSE
0:01:58 > 0:02:04Those are the teams. Let's get on with the quiz before I fall back through a wormhole in time and space
0:02:04 > 0:02:07and turn back into Sylvester McCoy!
0:02:07 > 0:02:09APPLAUSE
0:02:12 > 0:02:16So we begin with Connections. Phill, Bernard and Jo, look at this.
0:02:18 > 0:02:24What happened when Busted died and regenerated, it's jingly-jangly, kiddie punk merchants McFly.
0:02:24 > 0:02:28# Girl, I gotta tell you I'm feelin' much better
0:02:28 > 0:02:32# Make a little love in the moonlight... #
0:02:32 > 0:02:34# I don't want to be a soldier... #
0:02:34 > 0:02:40You're expecting a funny line, but I don't care what anyone else says. I like Coldplay. All right?
0:02:40 > 0:02:45I like Come Dine With Me and Honey Nut Shredded Wheat. Deal with it!
0:02:45 > 0:02:49# So if you love me, why did you let me go...? #
0:02:49 > 0:02:54That was Coldplay with Violet Hill and McFly with Star Girl.
0:02:54 > 0:02:57What connects the two bands, Phill's team?
0:02:57 > 0:03:00I hate Coldplay. I can't stand them.
0:03:00 > 0:03:03They're such an easy target. I like them.
0:03:03 > 0:03:07I'm not mad about that cereal you eat either.
0:03:08 > 0:03:13They're not an easy target because that Christopher fella jumps around the stage quite a bit.
0:03:13 > 0:03:17I have tried to hit him a number of times.
0:03:17 > 0:03:21If you try a shotgun, you get a nice spread, you'll catch him on the move.
0:03:21 > 0:03:24I'll be taking Cribbins' advice.
0:03:24 > 0:03:28Their manager phoned me up and said, "You're both very mean to Coldplay,"
0:03:28 > 0:03:33then texted me and said, "But I know it's very cool to hate Coldplay."
0:03:33 > 0:03:37So I texted her back, "I just want to say I wasn't trying to be cool.
0:03:37 > 0:03:40"I genuinely hate Coldplay...
0:03:42 > 0:03:45"Just for the record."
0:03:45 > 0:03:49# I will try
0:03:49 > 0:03:52# To fix you... #
0:03:52 > 0:03:55APPLAUSE
0:03:55 > 0:04:01I met Chris Martin once. Yes? Yeah. Do tell. I met him probably six or seven years ago.
0:04:01 > 0:04:07I didn't realise he was the lead singer of Coldplay. He said, "I like that old lady character you do.
0:04:07 > 0:04:10"The old lady who works in our studio is like that."
0:04:10 > 0:04:13I said, "Oh, what are you doing in a studio?"
0:04:13 > 0:04:16And he said, "Oh, I've got a band."
0:04:17 > 0:04:22And I said, "Well, you know, good luck with that. Good luck with that."
0:04:22 > 0:04:29And when I came back to my friends, my little cousin said, "Was that Chris Martin from Coldplay?"
0:04:29 > 0:04:32I said, "I hope not."
0:04:32 > 0:04:34LAUGHTER
0:04:34 > 0:04:39He could be a Doctor Who baddie... You're quite a Doctor Who fan? Yes.
0:04:39 > 0:04:45Would you rather be answering questions on music or Doctor Who? Probably on Doctor Who.
0:04:45 > 0:04:47Oh, no!
0:04:47 > 0:04:49THEME MUSIC: "Doctor Who"
0:04:53 > 0:04:57Jo, how many hearts does the Doctor have?
0:04:57 > 0:05:02He has two hearts. Catherine, would you rather be answering questions on music or Doctor Who?
0:05:02 > 0:05:06I only realised you shouldn't call the Daleks robots about a week ago!
0:05:07 > 0:05:12I have learnt a bit by osmosis. Let's see. What does TARDIS stand for?
0:05:12 > 0:05:15You can do this. Ssh!
0:05:16 > 0:05:18And you, put your hand down!
0:05:20 > 0:05:22Time And Dimension In Space.
0:05:22 > 0:05:27Time And Relative Dimension In Space. ..Nearly. I think we have to give that to Jo Whiley.
0:05:27 > 0:05:31If she'd not put me off... Jo, who created the Daleks?
0:05:31 > 0:05:35That was Davros, wasn't it? Absolutely correct.
0:05:35 > 0:05:39Is Davros that small one with the weird face, looks like a prawn?
0:05:39 > 0:05:42A bit like a prawn, yeah.
0:05:42 > 0:05:45I like prawns. They're nice.
0:05:47 > 0:05:51Bernard, I can see there's going to be a clash between our styles.
0:05:51 > 0:05:55I'll look like a right mainstream idiot when you've been on!
0:05:57 > 0:06:02Jo Whiley gets the point on the Doctor Who quiz. I should have been the assistant, not you!
0:06:02 > 0:06:06Oh, all right! AUDIENCE: Ooh!
0:06:06 > 0:06:08CATHERINE: Yes!
0:06:09 > 0:06:15You were good as the assistant. Thanks. You don't need to know anything. I'm supposed to be dim.
0:06:16 > 0:06:19I played the part quite well!
0:06:19 > 0:06:23I didn't even know he wasn't called Doctor Who!
0:06:25 > 0:06:29I thought his name was Doctor Who, but he's called The Doctor. Yes.
0:06:29 > 0:06:32I thought you were Mr Who, who...
0:06:32 > 0:06:35I did! ..who was a doctor.
0:06:36 > 0:06:38Jamie, are you lost?
0:06:38 > 0:06:42I have absolutely no idea what anyone's talking about.
0:06:42 > 0:06:47Can I just ask you... Yes. Is it true that you head-butted Natasha Bedingfield?
0:06:47 > 0:06:52No, I accidentally head-butted her while accompanying her on the piano.
0:06:52 > 0:06:54Were you trying for Daniel?
0:06:56 > 0:07:02We had Daniel on this show once and you mustn't give him sweets. He goes mad if you give him sweets.
0:07:02 > 0:07:06He arrived in the green room and he found a big basket of Mars Bars.
0:07:06 > 0:07:11He ate them all and it took us half an hour to get him off the ceiling!
0:07:11 > 0:07:15We had to get one of them things you open school windows with.
0:07:15 > 0:07:19I probably would have left him up there, to be honest.
0:07:19 > 0:07:24Let's get back to the question. What is the link between Coldplay and McFly?
0:07:24 > 0:07:28Phill? Oh, um, their music has been sent into space.
0:07:28 > 0:07:31Is surprisingly the correct answer. APPLAUSE
0:07:35 > 0:07:41Both have had their music beamed across the solar system by NASA to the International Space Station.
0:07:41 > 0:07:47It was annoying for the astronauts as they'd actually requested more oxygen canisters.
0:07:47 > 0:07:49McFly's song had the lyrics,
0:07:49 > 0:07:54"There's nothing on Earth that could save us when I fell in love with Uranus,"
0:07:54 > 0:07:59which, as it happens, was a line removed from the pilot episode of Torchwood.
0:08:01 > 0:08:03Barrowman!
0:08:04 > 0:08:12Dougie once received a thong in the post that had "Turn your erection in my direction" written on it.
0:08:13 > 0:08:15Barrowman!
0:08:17 > 0:08:19APPLAUSE
0:08:21 > 0:08:24And Coldplay are really good. Deal with it!
0:08:24 > 0:08:28Noel, Jamie and Catherine, take a look at this.
0:08:28 > 0:08:31# In the snow with Rosebud... #
0:08:31 > 0:08:35It's the only known sound in the universe that repels Cybermen...
0:08:35 > 0:08:39No, actually, I quite like her too. It's Kate Bush. Deal with it!
0:08:39 > 0:08:42# Is telling us she's having your baby... #
0:08:42 > 0:08:44# Bodies making chemistry... #
0:08:44 > 0:08:50He's a man who needs Take That more than a Dalek needs a bungalow - Robbie Williams.
0:08:50 > 0:08:54# That's the way it's gonna be All we've ever wanted
0:08:54 > 0:08:57# Is to look good naked
0:08:57 > 0:09:00# Hope that someone can take it... #
0:09:00 > 0:09:05That was King Of The Mountain by Kate Bush and Bodies by Robbie Williams.
0:09:05 > 0:09:08What do the singers have in common, Noel's team?
0:09:08 > 0:09:13Can we look at Robbie? There's a bit where he's standing on the wing of a plane.
0:09:13 > 0:09:18I like to imagine that the pilot went, "Robbie, I've left my wallet on the plane.
0:09:18 > 0:09:22"Could you pop out and get that for us? Yeah, just down the end."
0:09:25 > 0:09:30That was actually taken at 30,000 feet and they drew the ground in afterwards.
0:09:32 > 0:09:36Do you want to come and write for The Boosh?
0:09:39 > 0:09:44It's that weird kind of... He does that kind of psoriasis move. Yeah.
0:09:44 > 0:09:48Why is he doing that? Has that got anything to do with Kate Bush?
0:09:48 > 0:09:51Does she have a skin condition?
0:09:51 > 0:09:54It's not what I've got on the card.
0:09:54 > 0:09:59He's mental. He's probably just brushing an imaginary hawk off his shoulder.
0:09:59 > 0:10:03"It's back again! The hawk!"
0:10:03 > 0:10:06That's the pilot's wallet.
0:10:06 > 0:10:08"It's got the face of Gary Barlow!"
0:10:08 > 0:10:11LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:10:16 > 0:10:20He's really into his aliens, that aliens exist and things like that.
0:10:20 > 0:10:24Oh! Oh, oh, oh! You're getting warm.
0:10:24 > 0:10:30Maybe that's the link because this is a bit themed of supernatural, this show, isn't it, because of you!
0:10:30 > 0:10:32LAUGHTER
0:10:34 > 0:10:37What's that stuff... It's like we've never met.
0:10:37 > 0:10:41What do they call that thing? Sci-fi? Sci-fi.
0:10:43 > 0:10:45That's what I meant.
0:10:45 > 0:10:52There is another clue, possibly from a previous job, just to your left. Oh, look out!
0:10:52 > 0:10:54Oh, I've seen that before.
0:10:54 > 0:10:57Has that been there all along?
0:10:57 > 0:11:00"I couldn't hear the noise."
0:11:00 > 0:11:03No. Normally, it's like a horn or something, innit?
0:11:07 > 0:11:09We're back to Barrowman!
0:11:12 > 0:11:16Kate Bush, in that video, looked like Fern Britton.
0:11:19 > 0:11:23When Wuthering Heights came out, the song,
0:11:23 > 0:11:29everyone thought it was written, the song was written in the book.
0:11:32 > 0:11:38When I was at school and Robin... No, not Robin Hood. What is it? Kate Bush!
0:11:38 > 0:11:44Can I just say, if you've brought any sandwiches, this is the time to eat them.
0:11:46 > 0:11:52Didn't everyone think, when it was No.1, that they said if you go to the library and borrow Wuthering Heights,
0:11:52 > 0:11:54it would have the words in it?
0:11:54 > 0:11:57- No. - They did, Bernard.
0:11:57 > 0:12:00- No, they never did. - But it didn't.
0:12:00 > 0:12:02LAUGHTER
0:12:02 > 0:12:08I did an interview for a Dali documentary today and it wasn't half as weird as this.
0:12:10 > 0:12:16It's not that then? It's not that, no. I don't know what that is, to be honest, but it isn't it.
0:12:16 > 0:12:22You were stumbling towards an answer about UFOs. They think aliens are real. Correct, yes.
0:12:22 > 0:12:24APPLAUSE
0:12:26 > 0:12:30The answer is both have been involved in the search for UFOs.
0:12:30 > 0:12:34Robbie Williams visits observatories in Nevada to look for them
0:12:34 > 0:12:37and Kate Bush was head of a local UFO investigation group.
0:12:37 > 0:12:41I've faced many terrifying beasts as the Doctor.
0:12:41 > 0:12:46The most gruesome was the life form that regenerated every time you thought you'd killed it -
0:12:46 > 0:12:49the Sugababes.
0:12:49 > 0:12:52APPLAUSE
0:12:53 > 0:12:58Next up, it's the Intros Round. Phill and Bernard, here are yours for Jo. Thank you.
0:12:58 > 0:13:03This week, because I'm the Doctor, you can have help from the Tardis.
0:13:03 > 0:13:07Just ask me if you need assistance. Take it away.
0:13:07 > 0:13:11# Da-da, da-da, da, da, da, da-da-da Da-da, da-da, da, da, da, da-da-da
0:13:11 > 0:13:16# Da-da, da-da, da, da, da, da-da-da Da-da, da-da, da-da-da... #
0:13:16 > 0:13:18Help!
0:13:18 > 0:13:21You need help? Yeah, I need some help, please.
0:13:21 > 0:13:24OK, Tardis, Tardis, what can you send forth?
0:13:27 > 0:13:29APPLAUSE
0:13:29 > 0:13:32Oh, my God!
0:13:35 > 0:13:38Hello, Mr Ood. How are you?
0:13:38 > 0:13:41Is that Andre Agassi?
0:13:41 > 0:13:43LAUGHTER
0:13:43 > 0:13:46We need you to help Jo Whiley. Would you oblige?
0:13:46 > 0:13:49# Ba-doh, ba-doh, oh-oh-oh
0:13:49 > 0:13:53# Ba-doh, ba-doh, oh-oh-oh, ba-doh
0:13:53 > 0:13:56# Ba-doh, ba-doh, oh-oh-oh, ba-doh
0:13:56 > 0:14:00# Ba-doh, ba-doh, oh-oh-oh, ba-doh... #
0:14:01 > 0:14:04APPLAUSE
0:14:07 > 0:14:11Thank you, Mr Ood. Can you stop staring at me?
0:14:14 > 0:14:17I look like that when I have linguini.
0:14:18 > 0:14:22I look like that when I've got a cold.
0:14:23 > 0:14:26Is it Yazoo, Don't Go?
0:14:26 > 0:14:28Don't Go! APPLAUSE
0:14:28 > 0:14:31This is how it should have sounded.
0:14:31 > 0:14:33INTRO PLAYS
0:14:40 > 0:14:42And your next intro, please.
0:14:42 > 0:14:46One, two, three, four... # Doo-da-doo-da-doo-da-doo-da-doo
0:14:46 > 0:14:50# Shuck-da-um Doo-da-doo-da-doo-da-doo-da-doo
0:14:50 > 0:14:52# Shuck-da-um Doo-da-doo-da-doo-da-doo
0:14:52 > 0:14:55# Down-nown Shuck-da-um... #
0:14:55 > 0:14:58Is that right? It's... # Ooh-eh-eh-i-oh... #
0:14:58 > 0:15:02Tight Fit, In The Jungle? No, not Tight Fit.
0:15:02 > 0:15:06# Ooh-eh-ooh... # Lion Sleeps Tonight? ..Sort of.
0:15:06 > 0:15:09# Doo-da-doo-da-doo-da-doo... # When? Now?
0:15:09 > 0:15:12# Ooh-eh-ooh-eh-i-oh-oh
0:15:12 > 0:15:16# Doo-da-doo-da-doo-da-doo Ooh-eh-ooh-eh-ooh
0:15:16 > 0:15:18# Ooh-eh-ooh-eh-ooh... #
0:15:18 > 0:15:21APPLAUSE
0:15:22 > 0:15:27He's started. I took it up an octave there. Did you notice?
0:15:27 > 0:15:29I've got no idea. I'm sorry.
0:15:29 > 0:15:33We'll swing it over... LAUGHTER
0:15:33 > 0:15:38Jo Whiley's going to... Let's wait till we get it right first. OK, OK.
0:15:38 > 0:15:44We think we know it. Yeah, but you should take this moment because... Go on.
0:15:44 > 0:15:46Is it by any chance...?
0:15:46 > 0:15:50I'll be honest with you, Catherine. I don't think it is.
0:15:50 > 0:15:54Is it by any chance the theme from Doctor Who?
0:15:54 > 0:15:56No. No?
0:15:59 > 0:16:02What a stupid question! Oh, get out of it!
0:16:02 > 0:16:06Was it Muse? Is it a Muse track? What Muse track is it?
0:16:06 > 0:16:10Invincible? No, it's Uprising. Here's how it should have sounded.
0:16:10 > 0:16:13INTRO PLAYS
0:16:16 > 0:16:20So that was Muse with Uprising.
0:16:20 > 0:16:26Muse's Matt Bellamy once cancelled a day of interviews because he said an asteroid would hit the Earth.
0:16:26 > 0:16:29Not the first time he's tried to pull that stunt.
0:16:29 > 0:16:36He once claimed the world was going to burst into a ball of fiery destruction just to get out of PE.
0:16:36 > 0:16:40Matt Bellamy has been plagued by letters from fans,
0:16:40 > 0:16:44claiming they would commit suicide unless he sleeps with them.
0:16:44 > 0:16:46Barrowman!
0:16:46 > 0:16:48APPLAUSE
0:16:49 > 0:16:53Noel and Jamie, here are yours for Catherine.
0:16:53 > 0:16:56Good luck. Don't worry. The Tardis can help you.
0:16:56 > 0:17:00Are these songs people will have heard of?
0:17:00 > 0:17:02People, not you.
0:17:03 > 0:17:06Cos I don't know songs I've never heard of.
0:17:07 > 0:17:10I think you'll know the first one.
0:17:10 > 0:17:13# Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
0:17:13 > 0:17:16# Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
0:17:16 > 0:17:22# Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
0:17:22 > 0:17:27# La-la-la, la-la, la-la-la La-la-la, la-la, la-la-la...
0:17:27 > 0:17:30# Something about Kylie
0:17:30 > 0:17:32# And I can't do it
0:17:32 > 0:17:35# I know the words What are they?
0:17:35 > 0:17:38# Ta-hee-da-da-va... #
0:17:38 > 0:17:40Stop it, you're putting me off!
0:17:43 > 0:17:48I Just... I Just Can't Get You Out Of Mind!
0:17:48 > 0:17:50Yes, close enough!
0:17:50 > 0:17:54CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:17:58 > 0:18:00Oh...
0:18:00 > 0:18:04CROAKY VOICE: This is how it should've sounded.
0:18:04 > 0:18:07INTRO PLAYS
0:18:07 > 0:18:11That's the tricky bit. Yeah, I wouldn't have got that bit.
0:18:11 > 0:18:14# La-la-la... # That bit I would have got.
0:18:14 > 0:18:18Then you go, "Oh, I can't remember the words!"
0:18:18 > 0:18:22What are your areas of expertise? I like astrology.
0:18:22 > 0:18:26Got any questions on astrology? I wouldn't dirty my mouth with them!
0:18:26 > 0:18:29Yeah, typical Aries!
0:18:29 > 0:18:32LAUGHTER
0:18:32 > 0:18:34Next one, please.
0:18:36 > 0:18:39# Brrm-brrm-brrm Dun-dugga-dun, dun-dugga-dun
0:18:39 > 0:18:42# Ba-ba-ba-boo, boo-boo-boo-boo-boo
0:18:42 > 0:18:46# Ba-ba-ba-boo Boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo
0:18:46 > 0:18:50# Dun-dugga-dun, dun-dugga-dun Ba-ba-ba-boo, boo-boo-boo-boo-boo
0:18:50 > 0:18:53# Ba-ba-ba-boo... # I think I know it.
0:18:53 > 0:18:58Is it...? Before you settle on something, it's probably worth... I'd ask the Tardis.
0:18:58 > 0:19:02# Ba-ba-ba-ba-boo Dun-dugga-dun... #
0:19:02 > 0:19:04I'm going to ask the Tardis!
0:19:05 > 0:19:10For God's sake! It won't be any help, but you might as well.
0:19:13 > 0:19:16APPLAUSE
0:19:29 > 0:19:30Hello.
0:19:30 > 0:19:33Oh, could you tell me what it is?
0:19:35 > 0:19:37THEY PLAY INTRO
0:19:57 > 0:20:00APPLAUSE
0:20:02 > 0:20:07Give thanks to the Fulham Brass Band, ladies and gentlemen!
0:20:07 > 0:20:10CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:20:13 > 0:20:18Catherine, what do you reckon? Are they the new baddies in Doctor Who?
0:20:18 > 0:20:23You'll have to wait and see. Are they from the Tardis's sex chamber?
0:20:23 > 0:20:28Does he have a room for getting it on, the Doctor? Does he have sex? He has had children.
0:20:28 > 0:20:32Do you think he ever got busy with a Dalek?
0:20:32 > 0:20:35MIMICS DALEK: Harder! Harder! Harder!
0:20:35 > 0:20:38Harder! Harder!
0:20:38 > 0:20:41Harder!
0:20:42 > 0:20:44WD-40, you need.
0:20:44 > 0:20:47LAUGHTER
0:20:48 > 0:20:53I don't know who it's by, but is it... Please God, let it be! The Final Countdown? Catherine Tate!
0:20:53 > 0:20:56APPLAUSE Who's it by?
0:20:56 > 0:21:00By Europe. This it what it should've sounded like.
0:21:00 > 0:21:02INTRO PLAYS
0:21:09 > 0:21:12That was Europe with The Final... Shut up!
0:21:12 > 0:21:17That was Europe with The Final Countdown about the destruction of Planet Earth
0:21:17 > 0:21:19and humanity heading for Venus.
0:21:19 > 0:21:26Venus isn't bad. I've been to many planets and you'd be surprised how many look like quarries in Wales.
0:21:27 > 0:21:32In 1987, Europe had their second hit with their No.12 single, Rock The Night.
0:21:33 > 0:21:35No, me neither.
0:21:35 > 0:21:39You heard Kylie Minogue with Can't Get You Out Of My Head.
0:21:39 > 0:21:43Kylie's favourite bra fetched a staggering ?6,000 on eBay.
0:21:43 > 0:21:46Do you want to see it? LAUGHTER
0:21:51 > 0:21:55When I heard that, I thought, "I've got Cribbins' Y-fronts.
0:21:55 > 0:21:59"He can sign the gusset and I'll whack 'em on eBay straight away!"
0:21:59 > 0:22:01Your line was better.
0:22:01 > 0:22:08Round 3 is the Identity Parade. Phill, Bernard and Jo, how about a doctor from the '80s?
0:22:08 > 0:22:11For the audience only, here is Doctor And The Medics.
0:22:11 > 0:22:14# Goin' on up to the spirit in the sky
0:22:14 > 0:22:19# That's where I'm gonna go when I die
0:22:19 > 0:22:21# When I die and they lay me to rest
0:22:21 > 0:22:25# I'm gonna go to the place that's the best... #
0:22:27 > 0:22:31That was Doctor And The Medics with their 1986 No.1, Spirit In The Sky.
0:22:31 > 0:22:35But which of our line-up is guitarist Steve McGuire?
0:22:35 > 0:22:37Is it No.1, Doctor And The Medics,
0:22:37 > 0:22:40No.2, Dr Shipman...
0:22:40 > 0:22:43LAUGHTER
0:22:44 > 0:22:47No.3, Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman...
0:22:49 > 0:22:52..No.4, Doctored His Passport,
0:22:52 > 0:22:56or No.5, The Doctor Said It Was Supposed To Look Like That?
0:22:58 > 0:23:03Phill's team. This is Goldie Lookin Chain, isn't it, in ten years' time?
0:23:03 > 0:23:07Any idea? I've got a number of ideas. Yeah.
0:23:07 > 0:23:10Can we concentrate on this for the moment?
0:23:12 > 0:23:15I think No.2 for some strange reason, I have no idea why.
0:23:15 > 0:23:20Looks like a musician. Are you saying that No.3 couldn't rock hard?
0:23:20 > 0:23:23I think he grows good vegetables.
0:23:24 > 0:23:26He grows something all right!
0:23:26 > 0:23:30I think No.5 wasn't even born then, was he?
0:23:30 > 0:23:34No, I don't think so. No, he's only about 12.
0:23:34 > 0:23:38I'm going to say 1. It's 1 or 2. It's definitely 1 or 2.
0:23:38 > 0:23:41Well, 1 is so bored, he could be.
0:23:41 > 0:23:461 is the one that really scares me. I can't look him in the eye!
0:23:46 > 0:23:48You're team captain. You choose.
0:23:48 > 0:23:52No.1. No.1. It's going to be No.2, isn't it? No.1.
0:23:52 > 0:23:55Will the real Steve McGuire step forward?
0:23:55 > 0:23:58No way, no way!
0:23:58 > 0:24:01APPLAUSE
0:24:01 > 0:24:02Long, blond hair(!)
0:24:02 > 0:24:07Now working as a tour manager, Steve McGuire, ladies and gentlemen!
0:24:07 > 0:24:09APPLAUSE
0:24:17 > 0:24:20LAUGHTER
0:24:22 > 0:24:27Noel, Jamie and Catherine, how about a slightly earlier blues rock doctor?
0:24:27 > 0:24:29For the audience only, Dr Feelgood.
0:24:29 > 0:24:32# I decided eventually
0:24:32 > 0:24:35# This ain't doing a thing for me
0:24:35 > 0:24:39# They got him on milk and alcohol
0:24:40 > 0:24:44# They got him on milk and alcohol... #
0:24:46 > 0:24:53That was Dr Feelgood in 1979 with Milk And Alcohol, but which of our line-up is bassist John B Sparks?
0:24:53 > 0:24:56Is it No.1, Feelgood,
0:24:56 > 0:24:58No.2, Feel Bad,
0:24:58 > 0:25:01No.3, Feel Jupitus...
0:25:01 > 0:25:03LAUGHTER
0:25:03 > 0:25:06..No.4, Feel Like Making Love,
0:25:06 > 0:25:09or No.5, I Feel Like We've Met Before?
0:25:11 > 0:25:14No.3 is Michael Winner, so it can't be him.
0:25:14 > 0:25:16LAUGHTER
0:25:18 > 0:25:21No.2 is Vinnie Jones's dad.
0:25:23 > 0:25:27He is, look. No.2 is from Camelot.
0:25:29 > 0:25:32I'm pretty sure it's not No.5.
0:25:32 > 0:25:36If it is No.5, then someone's going to pop out of it.
0:25:36 > 0:25:40I think it's a trick question. What, Davros? Yeah, Bobby Davros.
0:25:40 > 0:25:43The king prawn's going to come out.
0:25:43 > 0:25:46I think it's probably No.1. Really?
0:25:46 > 0:25:50I'm looking at No.4. I'm not quite sure why.
0:25:54 > 0:26:00They were quite a sort of tight, sort of sharp, kind of cheek-bony, chewing gum kind of band.
0:26:00 > 0:26:04Oh, so it's... You're saying it's either No.1 or 4?
0:26:04 > 0:26:11He's still got the same gum. He's still got the gum. Shit! It's the Hubba Bubba Overlord!
0:26:11 > 0:26:162's got the shiniest shoes. He's got the shiniest shoes.
0:26:16 > 0:26:19That's a good point. Once a Mod, always a Mod.
0:26:19 > 0:26:23Let's have a look at the shoes. Yeah, he's grown out of his wedges.
0:26:23 > 0:26:26The Dalek's shoes are appalling(!)
0:26:26 > 0:26:30They're like built-up shoes.
0:26:30 > 0:26:34Are you telling me we've got an orthopaedic Dalek here?
0:26:36 > 0:26:38All right, it's No.2.
0:26:39 > 0:26:42Let's find out. Would the real John B Sparks step forward?
0:26:42 > 0:26:45APPLAUSE
0:26:51 > 0:26:57Currently promoting a new documentary about Dr Feelgood, John B Sparks, ladies and gentlemen!
0:26:57 > 0:27:00APPLAUSE
0:27:05 > 0:27:11So we end with Next Lines. Phill's team are in the lead, so you go first.
0:27:11 > 0:27:14And your time starts now. "Flash, a-ah...
0:27:14 > 0:27:20"Saviour of the universe." From Queen. "Gossip calypso, gossip calypso...
0:27:20 > 0:27:25"Hear all about it, yak-a-yak-yak." Bernard Cribbins. "'Right' said Fred..."
0:27:25 > 0:27:31# "Right" said Fred "Both of us together, one each end and steady as you go..." # Brilliant.
0:27:31 > 0:27:35"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday, dear...
0:27:35 > 0:27:39"Bernard Cribbins." "David." Sorry, it's Christmas, it's Jesus.
0:27:39 > 0:27:42"Exterminate...
0:27:42 > 0:27:47"Exterminate." Yes, the Daleks. "Knock knock. Who's there? Doctor. Doctor who?"
0:27:47 > 0:27:49Correct.
0:27:49 > 0:27:52"Who are you...?"
0:27:52 > 0:27:58This is Phill Jupitus, I'm Bernard Cribbins. I'm Jo Whiley.
0:27:58 > 0:28:00END-OF-ROUND JINGLE
0:28:00 > 0:28:03APPLAUSE
0:28:03 > 0:28:06Very good. You've got 12 points.
0:28:06 > 0:28:10I know. Noel's team, you've got four points.
0:28:10 > 0:28:16You've got eight to make up, nine to win. Are you ready? I'm imagining we won't do it.
0:28:16 > 0:28:20Your time starts now. "Ground Control to Major Tom...
0:28:20 > 0:28:24"Put your records on and do something with your hair."
0:28:24 > 0:28:27"Put your spacesuit on?"
0:28:27 > 0:28:30# Ground Control to Major Tom
0:28:30 > 0:28:33# Something about the cigarettes... # I don't know!
0:28:33 > 0:28:38"Commencing countdown, engines on." David Bowie. "Intergalactic planetary...
0:28:38 > 0:28:40"Intergalactic planetary...
0:28:40 > 0:28:46"Planetary intergalactic." Beastie Boys, yes. "21st century kid...
0:28:46 > 0:28:50"Surrounded by illusion and confusion." Yes, Jamie Cullum.
0:28:50 > 0:28:53"Plinky plonk plink..." Jamie, it's one for you.
0:28:53 > 0:28:58Anything that I've ever done. "Plonky plink plink plonk." Damn it!
0:28:58 > 0:29:01"Lights will guide you home and ignite your bones..."
0:29:01 > 0:29:05# I will try to fix you... # Is it not?
0:29:05 > 0:29:08# I will try
0:29:08 > 0:29:10# To fix you... #
0:29:10 > 0:29:14APPLAUSE
0:29:16 > 0:29:21"Doctor, doctor, can't you see? I'm burning, burning." Thompson Twins.
0:29:21 > 0:29:26"Doctor, doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains." "Pull yourself together." Correct.
0:29:26 > 0:29:31"Doctor, doctor, I've got a steering wheel stuck down my pants." "Who's driving you?" Nearly.
0:29:31 > 0:29:34Down your pants. "Are your balls driving you?"
0:29:34 > 0:29:40"It's driving me nuts!" That's it. "Doctor, doctor, I have a strawberry on my head."
0:29:40 > 0:29:42"You must be a cone."
0:29:42 > 0:29:45LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:29:45 > 0:29:48No?
0:29:48 > 0:29:52"Try not to scream"? "Don't scream about it"?
0:29:52 > 0:29:56"Just get out, it's ridiculous." "I'll give you some cream for that!"
0:29:56 > 0:29:58END-OF-ROUND JINGLE
0:30:00 > 0:30:04Well, ladies and gentlemen, it's Christmas time,
0:30:04 > 0:30:08so I'm pleased to announce it's a draw!
0:30:08 > 0:30:11CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:30:16 > 0:30:20Thanks to Phill, Bernard and Jo, Noel, Catherine and Jamie.
0:30:20 > 0:30:24This has been Never Mind The Buzzcocks. Good night and Merry Christmas!
0:30:46 > 0:30:50Subtitles by Subtext for Red Bee Media Ltd 2009
0:30:50 > 0:30:53Email subtitling@bbc.co.uk