0:00:25 > 0:00:31APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:00:31 > 0:00:35That's right, ladies and gentlemen, humorous pop quiz Never Mind The Buzzcocks
0:00:35 > 0:00:41is back for a brand-new series. Due to unforeseen circumstances, none of last year's hosts were good enough.
0:00:41 > 0:00:43Please welcome yet another guest host, I'm afraid.
0:00:43 > 0:00:47It's pop sensation Mark Ronson.
0:00:47 > 0:00:51CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:53 > 0:00:59Hello, I'm pop sensation and international heartthrob Mark Ronson.
0:00:59 > 0:01:02Look, I'm just reading what's on the autocue.
0:01:02 > 0:01:08I really only had one demand for tonight - that no-one, under any circumstances, makes fun of my hair.
0:01:08 > 0:01:12I'm serious. Let's get on with the show. Phill's team.
0:01:12 > 0:01:15# He's a drummer boy...#
0:01:15 > 0:01:19A woman who is regularly watched by millions of devoted viewers...
0:01:19 > 0:01:22..on Sky Plus after X Factor's finished, it's Alesha Dixon.
0:01:22 > 0:01:25APPLAUSE
0:01:29 > 0:01:31And she's a singer who dreams of the day when
0:01:31 > 0:01:36her name doesn't have to be followed by the phrase "from The Saturdays".
0:01:36 > 0:01:39It's Mollie, you know, from The Saturdays.
0:01:39 > 0:01:42APPLAUSE
0:01:44 > 0:01:46And on Noel's team.
0:01:46 > 0:01:48# I needed a change... #
0:01:48 > 0:01:52He's one of Britain's foremost young musical talents.
0:01:52 > 0:01:56The fact I've never worked with him must be an admin oversight. It's Tinie Tempah.
0:01:56 > 0:02:00APPLAUSE
0:02:04 > 0:02:08This next fellow studied Maths at Oxford, and now he's a comedian.
0:02:08 > 0:02:11Here to further disappoint his parents, it's Paul Foot.
0:02:11 > 0:02:14APPLAUSE
0:02:19 > 0:02:21So, we begin with Sorry, No Refunds.
0:02:21 > 0:02:23Noel's team, have a look at this.
0:02:28 > 0:02:30He's wafer-thin, splashed all over the gossip magazines
0:02:30 > 0:02:32and occasionally he does a bit of singing.
0:02:32 > 0:02:35It's Pete Doherty, you know, from The Saturdays.
0:02:35 > 0:02:41# It's the last thing that you'll ever see... #
0:02:41 > 0:02:49That was Babyshambles with The Blinding. But why did Pete Doherty cancel a 2008 festival in Belgium?
0:02:49 > 0:02:54Was it a) he was being sexually threatened by Belgium's Princess Maria Laura,
0:02:54 > 0:02:58b) he wanted to attend the birth of his pregnant cat's kittens,
0:02:58 > 0:03:03or c) he got lost on a Tintin tour of Bruges?
0:03:04 > 0:03:06Have you ever got lost in a Tintin tour, Mark,
0:03:06 > 0:03:10or been thought of to be Tintin and then got trapped in there,
0:03:10 > 0:03:13having to provide Tintin-based Entertainment?
0:03:13 > 0:03:16That's rich coming from Snowy!
0:03:17 > 0:03:19This is not Tintin.
0:03:19 > 0:03:24I went into the hairdresser and said, "Give me the Dame Judi Dench." This is Judi Dench all the way.
0:03:24 > 0:03:29That looks good, actually. When I dyed my hair blond, I looked like Myra Hindley.
0:03:29 > 0:03:30LAUGHTER
0:03:34 > 0:03:35PHILL: I said to the barber,
0:03:35 > 0:03:38"I'd like my hair like Noel, my partner on Never Mind The Buzzcocks."
0:03:38 > 0:03:42He said, "You'll have the Victorian convict and you'll like it!"
0:03:43 > 0:03:50When I go to the hairdresser, I have no say. He just said he'd modelled it on my personality.
0:03:52 > 0:03:54Has he got a Spaniel?
0:03:56 > 0:04:02Don't you think he kind of looks like he's been run over by a little 16-year-old on a 125 moped?
0:04:04 > 0:04:05Who thought this tie was a ramp!
0:04:08 > 0:04:10Is Tinie Tantrum your real name that you have?
0:04:10 > 0:04:13- Tinie Tempah.- Tinie Tempah. - You're supposed to be on my team.
0:04:13 > 0:04:19There is another name you could have - instead of Tinie Tempah, Mild Sexual Assault.
0:04:19 > 0:04:21It's really...
0:04:21 > 0:04:23Not aggravated, only mild!
0:04:23 > 0:04:28The mildest you can get, so you can barely prove it.
0:04:31 > 0:04:35Have you explained to everyone, Noel, that you chose me to be in your team
0:04:35 > 0:04:39and yet I don't know any music, post sort of 1953?
0:04:41 > 0:04:46- He's from the past! - I just thought that they would find that out pretty quickly.
0:04:46 > 0:04:48As soon as you opened your mouth.
0:04:51 > 0:04:55Doherty. I know you mentioned cats, which is quite interesting,
0:04:55 > 0:04:59because I was at a party once in Courtney Love's hotel room.
0:04:59 > 0:05:04He knocked on the door, and we opened the door and Pete Doherty was there
0:05:04 > 0:05:07with a top hat full of kittens. True story.
0:05:07 > 0:05:09On his head?
0:05:09 > 0:05:11That would have been good if he'd...!
0:05:12 > 0:05:15His hair's made of live kittens.
0:05:16 > 0:05:19What a visual, though - a top hat full of kittens.
0:05:19 > 0:05:22His dealer sold it to him and said it was meow meow.
0:05:23 > 0:05:26It's the only real joke you'll get out of me the whole series.
0:05:26 > 0:05:29Tinie, you've got a new album coming out, right?
0:05:29 > 0:05:36- Yeah.- You said you want people to listen to your new album, and it's not all about chart singles.
0:05:36 > 0:05:41You want some people to have some Tinie time when they listen to your album. What is Tinie time?
0:05:41 > 0:05:45- A little bit of time with Tinie! - Does it sound like this?
0:05:45 > 0:05:49MUSIC: "Pass Out" by Tinie Tempah
0:05:49 > 0:05:50Yeah, that's Tinie time.
0:05:50 > 0:05:51That's Tinie time.
0:05:51 > 0:05:55- Are we going to do that for the whole show? My PRS cheque will be crazy!- Yes!
0:05:58 > 0:06:03I haven't got an album coming out, but I am hoping to update my website in two or three months.
0:06:07 > 0:06:10- We should do an album together. - The three of you, for sure.
0:06:10 > 0:06:12We made a Boosh album, I don't know when it's coming out.
0:06:12 > 0:06:15I can't wait for that. I'm a huge fan of the Boosh.
0:06:15 > 0:06:18- You said you would remix Captain Cabinet.- Yes.- Will you?
0:06:18 > 0:06:21I'll still do it. It's a seven-second song
0:06:21 > 0:06:24called Captain Cabinet from the first episode of the Boosh.
0:06:24 > 0:06:25It's a complicated song. It goes,
0:06:25 > 0:06:26# Captain Cabinet, strapped in cabinets
0:06:26 > 0:06:27# Will he get out? Can he get out?
0:06:27 > 0:06:28# Course he will
0:06:28 > 0:06:29# Captain Cabinet
0:06:29 > 0:06:32- # Will he get out? Can he get out? # - Of course he will.
0:06:32 > 0:06:37My dream, my life's dream, to sing Captain Cabinet with Noel Fielding.
0:06:37 > 0:06:39It's been realised. I can go home now!
0:06:39 > 0:06:42APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:06:43 > 0:06:47- OK, so you want to guess some Dohertyness?- We know he likes kittens.
0:06:47 > 0:06:51He brought a top hat full of kittens.
0:06:51 > 0:06:57OK, so b) he wanted to attend the birth of his pregnant cat's kittens. You are right. The answer is b).
0:06:57 > 0:06:58APPLAUSE
0:06:58 > 0:07:01Yeah. What a team!
0:07:02 > 0:07:07Doherty cancelled the lucrative gig so he could be there when his pregnant cat gave birth,
0:07:07 > 0:07:10or to do it another way, he was having some meow meow delivered.
0:07:10 > 0:07:13I didn't know you were going to do that. I didn't know.
0:07:13 > 0:07:18- It was staring you in the face. - But you're the host, they'll use yours, not mine.- I don't know.
0:07:18 > 0:07:22They'll put the laughter from yours onto that.
0:07:25 > 0:07:27That's one point for Noel's team.
0:07:27 > 0:07:30APPLAUSE
0:07:32 > 0:07:34So, Alesha and Mollie, here's yours.
0:07:34 > 0:07:37# Try to find the words to describe this girl... #
0:07:37 > 0:07:42He's one of the richest men in hip-hop, earning 21 million a year.
0:07:42 > 0:07:49Big deal - Tinie Tempah's job at B&Q gets him £7 an hour and all the topsoil he can carry! It's Akon.
0:07:49 > 0:07:52# Trying to find the words to describe this girl
0:07:52 > 0:07:57# Without being disrespectful
0:07:57 > 0:08:03# Damn, girl, she's a sexy chick... #
0:08:03 > 0:08:06That was David Guetta featuring Akon, with Sexy Chick.
0:08:06 > 0:08:09But why did Akon have to cancel a tour to Sri Lanka earlier this year?
0:08:09 > 0:08:14Was it a) he was accused of desecrating a statue of Buddha,
0:08:14 > 0:08:19b) he was refused a visa as he shares the name of Sri Lanka's foremost jewel thief,
0:08:19 > 0:08:25or c) he received death threats after saying he thought the Tamil Tigers invented Frosties?
0:08:29 > 0:08:31Theeeeey're deadly!
0:08:31 > 0:08:35The beginning of every single Akon song, except this one,
0:08:35 > 0:08:38I think, which I am pleased about, it starts off with...
0:08:38 > 0:08:39# Convict! #
0:08:39 > 0:08:42And it's like, we know you're a convict, now get over it.
0:08:42 > 0:08:44It's like us starting off...
0:08:44 > 0:08:46# Girl band! #
0:08:46 > 0:08:47It's like, it's over now.
0:08:47 > 0:08:50NOEL: It's quite a weird thing to boast about.
0:08:50 > 0:08:51Exactly!
0:08:51 > 0:08:53# I've been done for fraud! #
0:08:55 > 0:08:58# Loner, a bit awkward at parties! #
0:08:58 > 0:09:00LAUGHTER
0:09:00 > 0:09:03# I didn't write this song! #
0:09:06 > 0:09:08Have you met Akon?
0:09:08 > 0:09:10- I've met him, yeah.- What he's like?
0:09:10 > 0:09:14- He's a little bit of a diva. - Are you a bit of a diva?
0:09:14 > 0:09:17No! Don't girls always get accused of being divas? I find it's the men.
0:09:17 > 0:09:20It's always the men!
0:09:20 > 0:09:26Alesha, it says here you once hitched a ride back from Cannes in Chris Martin's jet. Is that true?
0:09:26 > 0:09:29- Yes.- But, do you know you only had to pay £20 for an easyJet ticket
0:09:29 > 0:09:33and then you don't have to sit next to Chris Martin? No-one told you that?
0:09:35 > 0:09:36You were in his jet?
0:09:36 > 0:09:40- Yeah, offering me sushi. - Really?- Oh, what a gentleman.
0:09:40 > 0:09:43Is that a showbiz kind of euphemism?
0:09:45 > 0:09:50You know when you land in planes, they go, "Do you want a boiled sweet? Because your ears will pop."
0:09:50 > 0:09:53He goes, "Anyone want sushi?" What a dick.
0:09:56 > 0:09:59APPLAUSE
0:10:00 > 0:10:06We were on tour supporting Jay-Z, and I got to go on his private jet. We were flying around.
0:10:06 > 0:10:11It was from Cardiff to London, so it took 12 minutes. The plane took off,
0:10:11 > 0:10:16I decided to go and be like, "So, when you made..." "Buckle your seatbelts, we're landing."
0:10:18 > 0:10:20I went back to just being a stalker.
0:10:20 > 0:10:26Mollie, do you girls get diva-ish in The Saturdays? You're a pretty big pop group and all that, right?
0:10:26 > 0:10:31Everyone thinks there's definitely diva activity, but there's just not.
0:10:31 > 0:10:37- They're all so sweet. - There can't be. One of them has to be a nightmare, on the law of averages.
0:10:37 > 0:10:38Girls are generally nightmares.
0:10:38 > 0:10:40- That's a given.- Tell me about it!
0:10:40 > 0:10:44- That's a given, but the band, all of them are so sweet. - You're on a girls' team!
0:10:44 > 0:10:46I know, I feel like I've had me old fella cut off!
0:10:48 > 0:10:52Alesha, what's the most ridiculous thing you've ever demanded at a show?
0:10:52 > 0:10:53Ginger beer.
0:10:53 > 0:10:56'Say what?!'
0:10:56 > 0:11:00That is from your new single. And so is this.
0:11:00 > 0:11:02# I think I need a better drummer. #
0:11:02 > 0:11:06You did put out a song because you needed a better drummer, right?
0:11:06 > 0:11:09Did you think of putting...?
0:11:09 > 0:11:14- It's a metaphor.- Putting an ad out in the back pages of the NME? It might have been cheaper.
0:11:14 > 0:11:16You've got to give me an answer, I've got to go Noel's team.
0:11:16 > 0:11:23Answer. OK. Let's go with a).
0:11:23 > 0:11:26He desecrated Buddha.
0:11:26 > 0:11:27You are right.
0:11:27 > 0:11:30APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:11:30 > 0:11:36The answer is a). Akon was refused a visa after one of his videos caused rioting for featuring
0:11:36 > 0:11:40a bikini-clad dancer wiggling her bottom at a statue of Buddha.
0:11:40 > 0:11:47After signing her to his label, Akon is said to be the man behind Lady Gaga's rise to fame.
0:11:47 > 0:11:50I've actually got the minutes to their first meeting here.
0:11:50 > 0:11:55He said, "Ditch the cock, put a phone on your head."
0:11:55 > 0:11:57At the end of that round,
0:11:57 > 0:12:00Noel's team has one point, Phill's team has one point.
0:12:00 > 0:12:03APPLAUSE
0:12:06 > 0:12:10Next up, it's the Intros Round. Noel and Tinie, here are yours for Paul.
0:12:11 > 0:12:18So, you're going to do a modern melody for my delectation. That I will then guess.
0:12:20 > 0:12:23LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:12:23 > 0:12:30That's better! I can hear things! I've been in my own world!
0:12:30 > 0:12:31LAUGHTER
0:12:31 > 0:12:35Before we do this, can I just say some of these are really, really hard?
0:12:35 > 0:12:39Also, I got a bit of a bollocking from Tinie for being rubbish.
0:12:39 > 0:12:42Tinie Tempah actually got cross with you?
0:12:42 > 0:12:45I got well told off. He went, "It's not a joke."
0:12:46 > 0:12:50"Do it properly." I went, "I'm doing my best!"
0:12:50 > 0:12:53One, two, three four.
0:12:53 > 0:12:58# Bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam
0:12:58 > 0:13:04# Bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam... #
0:13:04 > 0:13:08See what I mean?! I'm terrified to sing!
0:13:08 > 0:13:09You had the bassline.
0:13:09 > 0:13:13# Bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam... #
0:13:13 > 0:13:16- It was brilliant, Tinie, let me tell you.- Let's do it together.
0:13:16 > 0:13:19- I'll do it with you.- After three. - Get into the music.
0:13:19 > 0:13:20One, two, three.
0:13:20 > 0:13:25ALL: # Bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam Bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam... #
0:13:25 > 0:13:27- No.- Yeah, I know.
0:13:30 > 0:13:33I'll be a bystander, really getting into it.
0:13:34 > 0:13:37You know when you dance with a dog at a wedding? Look!
0:13:42 > 0:13:45APPLAUSE AND LAUGHTER
0:13:45 > 0:13:51I'm going to guess, because it's obviously a modern band,
0:13:51 > 0:13:55so it would have a name like...The Peppers.
0:13:56 > 0:14:02It's the popular song by The Peppers - You Never Let Me Go, Baby.
0:14:02 > 0:14:04APPLAUSE
0:14:07 > 0:14:13Amazingly, completely wrong. Phill, would you like to have a guess?
0:14:13 > 0:14:18It's was so obvious. Baby, You Never Let Me Go, by The Peppers.
0:14:19 > 0:14:21Amazingly, you are both wrong.
0:14:21 > 0:14:26The song is called Still Dre by Dr Dre, and here's how it should have sounded.
0:14:26 > 0:14:29MUSIC: "Still Dre" by Dr Dre
0:14:32 > 0:14:34# Representing for the gangs all across the world... #
0:14:34 > 0:14:36- And you never got it right once.- No.
0:14:39 > 0:14:40What a beat.
0:14:40 > 0:14:43Is he supposed to do that bit?
0:14:43 > 0:14:48In fairness, it's not dissimilar to some of The Peppers' later work.
0:14:48 > 0:14:50Do you want to try another song, maybe?
0:14:50 > 0:14:51Definitely.
0:14:52 > 0:14:57I know that Paul knows absolutely nothing about modern musical culture.
0:14:57 > 0:15:02I think you should play the tune in, let them dance to it and then see if he knows what it is.
0:15:02 > 0:15:03It would be the first time.
0:15:03 > 0:15:06Shall we play a song in?
0:15:06 > 0:15:07Can you all cover your ears?
0:15:09 > 0:15:13DANCE MUSIC PLAYS
0:15:13 > 0:15:17"Call now, they're nodding! Phone our lines if you want sex right now!
0:15:17 > 0:15:20"Seriously. Bargain-basement dating."
0:15:21 > 0:15:28- Do you know it?- It's Just Shove Off, You Stupid Tart...
0:15:28 > 0:15:31..by Garter Noose.
0:15:32 > 0:15:36- Phill's team, do you know what it is?- Don't know what it is.
0:15:36 > 0:15:38Does anyone know anything about music?
0:15:38 > 0:15:40Not really. It's not that kind of show.
0:15:40 > 0:15:44We're all Pepper-blind now, thanks to you!
0:15:44 > 0:15:46It was the Friendly Fires with Skeleton Boy.
0:15:46 > 0:15:52The drummer from Friendly Fires was injured recently in an altercation with the Brazilian Police.
0:15:52 > 0:15:57I'm not surprised, they are a particularly vicious tribute band.
0:15:58 > 0:16:01Phill and Mollie, here are yours for Alesha.
0:16:04 > 0:16:05I can't see Mollie!
0:16:08 > 0:16:10You know I love you!
0:16:13 > 0:16:16- Phill's leading this one. - One, two, three, four.
0:16:16 > 0:16:21# Gah, gah, gah
0:16:21 > 0:16:24# Dah
0:16:24 > 0:16:25# Bom-bom
0:16:25 > 0:16:29# Boom-boom boom-boom boom-boom
0:16:29 > 0:16:31# Bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam
0:16:31 > 0:16:36# Bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam... #
0:16:36 > 0:16:40I'm not having them back!
0:16:40 > 0:16:42- Anyone know what it is? - Of course they do.
0:16:42 > 0:16:44- Yeah, we do.- Paul Foot knows.
0:16:44 > 0:16:46Go ahead, Paul Foot.
0:16:48 > 0:16:52Rage Against The Machine, Killing In The Name Of.
0:16:52 > 0:16:54Unbelievable! Unbelievable!
0:16:54 > 0:16:58APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:16:58 > 0:17:00Here's how it should have sounded.
0:17:00 > 0:17:04MUSIC: "Killing In The Name" by Rage Against The Machine
0:17:13 > 0:17:15I thought we did that one quite well.
0:17:15 > 0:17:17Yes, we did that one really well.
0:17:17 > 0:17:19You were really good. I'm terrible. So sorry.
0:17:22 > 0:17:25- Do you want to have a go at your second number?- I think we should.
0:17:25 > 0:17:27One, two, three.
0:17:27 > 0:17:33# Na-na-na-nah-na
0:17:33 > 0:17:39# Na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na... #
0:17:39 > 0:17:40I know the tune, but who sings it?
0:17:40 > 0:17:45- I know the song, I know the song. - Apparently not!
0:17:45 > 0:17:48No, I do, I know the beat, but I can't picture the lyrics.
0:17:48 > 0:17:50Picture the lyrics now.
0:17:50 > 0:17:56"Na-na-na-na-na. Na-na-na-na.
0:17:56 > 0:17:59"Na-na-na-na."
0:17:59 > 0:18:01Is it Hotstepper? # Here comes the hotstepper... #
0:18:01 > 0:18:03It's Here Comes The Hotstepper by Ini Kamoze.
0:18:03 > 0:18:07There's a point for you, and here's what it should have sounded like.
0:18:07 > 0:18:12# Na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na
0:18:12 > 0:18:13# Say what?! #
0:18:13 > 0:18:16Remix!
0:18:16 > 0:18:22# Na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na
0:18:22 > 0:18:23# I think I need a better drummer... #
0:18:30 > 0:18:33That was Ini Kamoze with Here Comes The Hotstepper.
0:18:33 > 0:18:37The hook from Here Comes The Hotstepper was borrowed from a Wilson Pickett song.
0:18:37 > 0:18:40I can't stand these people stealing tunes from other people!
0:18:40 > 0:18:43Those bloody Zutons and their time machine!
0:18:43 > 0:18:45LAUGHTER
0:18:46 > 0:18:50And at the end of that round, it's Noel's team, two points, Phill's team, two points.
0:18:50 > 0:18:53APPLAUSE
0:18:58 > 0:19:00Round three is the Identity Parade.
0:19:00 > 0:19:02Phill, Alesha and Mollie, what about some Irish folk music?
0:19:02 > 0:19:06For the audience only, here is Foster and Allen.
0:19:06 > 0:19:09# I love to ramble down the old boreen
0:19:09 > 0:19:12# When the hawthorn blossoms are in bloom
0:19:12 > 0:19:16# And to sit by the gate on that old mossy seat
0:19:16 > 0:19:21# Whispering to Kate Muldoon... #
0:19:24 > 0:19:27That was Foster and Allen
0:19:27 > 0:19:31with The Old Boreen, but which of our line-up is Mick Foster?
0:19:31 > 0:19:33Is it number one, Mick Foster?
0:19:33 > 0:19:36Number two, foster child?
0:19:36 > 0:19:39Number three, Foster's lager?
0:19:39 > 0:19:42Number four, Foster, Foster, Pussycat?
0:19:42 > 0:19:47Or number five, foster a deep sense of resentment?
0:19:47 > 0:19:49I quite like the look of number one.
0:19:49 > 0:19:52- In what sense? - It's not about who you want to date!
0:19:52 > 0:19:58- Number one. Likes the look of you.- He's kept his moustache in good condition.
0:19:58 > 0:20:02He might be used to having done that while he was in the limelight.
0:20:02 > 0:20:07I've seen a video. The guy you're looking for basically looks like an Irish Richard Gere.
0:20:07 > 0:20:09That would be number two, then, wouldn't it?
0:20:09 > 0:20:11Easy there!
0:20:16 > 0:20:18Number five's got that Irish glow about him.
0:20:18 > 0:20:22- In what sense? - Had a few Guinnesses...
0:20:22 > 0:20:25- That is racist!- You cannot say that!
0:20:25 > 0:20:28- All right!- You might as well say you are looking for someone with sick in their beard.
0:20:28 > 0:20:31"I've got lots of Irish friends!"
0:20:31 > 0:20:33My stepmum's Irish.
0:20:33 > 0:20:35What about number three, though?
0:20:35 > 0:20:37I'm scared of number three!
0:20:37 > 0:20:42- He's actually...- Not sure about number three.- He's doing a bank job in Beckenham in the morning.
0:20:42 > 0:20:46- "I need to be fresh as a daisy!" - What about number one?
0:20:46 > 0:20:48- Mario.- OK.
0:20:51 > 0:20:55Number one is all about collecting the gold coins and plumbing, I'm telling you right now.
0:20:59 > 0:21:03- It's definitely number five. - It's not.- It's four.
0:21:03 > 0:21:08- Let's find out. Would the real Mick Foster step forward?- Yes!
0:21:08 > 0:21:10Well done!
0:21:13 > 0:21:17Still touring and recording with Foster and Allen, Mick Foster, ladies and gentlemen.
0:21:17 > 0:21:20APPLAUSE
0:21:25 > 0:21:29Noel, Paul and Tinie, how about some manufactured '90s pop?
0:21:29 > 0:21:32For the audience only, here's Steps.
0:21:32 > 0:21:39# I forgive and forget if you say you'll never go
0:21:39 > 0:21:45# Cos it's true what they say
0:21:45 > 0:21:47# It's better the devil you know
0:21:49 > 0:21:53# Oh, oh... #
0:21:54 > 0:21:59That was Steps with Better The Devil You Know. But which one of our line-up is Lee Latchford-Evans?
0:21:59 > 0:22:03Is it number one, Steps?
0:22:03 > 0:22:05Number two, Steptoe And Son?
0:22:05 > 0:22:08Number three, Stepford wife?
0:22:08 > 0:22:09Number four, Step-ticemia?
0:22:09 > 0:22:13Or number five, stepfather used to touch him?
0:22:19 > 0:22:21What do you think?
0:22:24 > 0:22:28What I'm noticing... Oh, yes, hello.
0:22:28 > 0:22:32What I'm noticing, I don't think it's number two, because he hasn't got the show-business stand.
0:22:33 > 0:22:37Show us the show-business stand.
0:22:37 > 0:22:42It's more, you always want the foot slightly like that, to the side.
0:22:42 > 0:22:47That's the show-business look. And the others have got it, to an extent.
0:22:47 > 0:22:50You need to pat them down. See who's got the dancer's body.
0:22:50 > 0:22:52Yes, OK.
0:22:53 > 0:22:54Looks can be deceiving.
0:22:54 > 0:22:57Before Paul walks across, note the showbiz walk!
0:23:02 > 0:23:04APPLAUSE
0:23:04 > 0:23:08That tie is almost wider than your body. You know that?
0:23:09 > 0:23:15By the way, I think it could be number one. He's very disciplined.
0:23:15 > 0:23:17Even when I go all weird with him.
0:23:19 > 0:23:21Like, all unusual!
0:23:21 > 0:23:26He has been trained not to laugh and to be highly professional.
0:23:26 > 0:23:28I think it could be number one.
0:23:28 > 0:23:30Number two, oh...
0:23:32 > 0:23:37I don't think it is number two, because the feel when I touched you like that,
0:23:37 > 0:23:42it was more like the feel of a lonely businessman in Telford.
0:23:43 > 0:23:48Number three looks happy, like he might be getting a few royalties.
0:23:51 > 0:23:58Might just be sitting there, just waiting, for the envelope to fall through the front door, while
0:23:58 > 0:24:01other people have to work night in, night out!
0:24:01 > 0:24:04APPLAUSE
0:24:06 > 0:24:08It could be number three.
0:24:08 > 0:24:10It's like watching a heron in a grey jacket.
0:24:12 > 0:24:15He knows who it is. You might have to come back to the chair!
0:24:17 > 0:24:22APPLAUSE
0:24:22 > 0:24:28- I think, actually, it's number one.- Right.
0:24:28 > 0:24:30Number one.
0:24:30 > 0:24:32Number one. All right.
0:24:32 > 0:24:35Let's find out. Would the real Lee Latchford-Evans step forward?
0:24:35 > 0:24:38APPLAUSE
0:24:40 > 0:24:42A point for Noel and his team.
0:24:44 > 0:24:48He's the founder of Famously Fit Magazine, it's Lee Latchford-Evans,
0:24:48 > 0:24:50ladies and gentlemen.
0:24:50 > 0:24:51APPLAUSE
0:24:56 > 0:24:59Well, what about the others? We learnt nothing of them!
0:24:59 > 0:25:01LAUGHTER
0:25:01 > 0:25:06And at the end of that round, it is still a deadlock. Noel with three points, Phill with three points.
0:25:06 > 0:25:11APPLAUSE
0:25:15 > 0:25:17So, we end with Next Lines.
0:25:17 > 0:25:21It's a draw, so Noel's team, you go first, and your time starts now.
0:25:21 > 0:25:25"New York."
0:25:23 > 0:25:25"Concrete jungle where dreams are made of."
0:25:25 > 0:25:28Alicia Keys, Jay-Z. "I want to be a part of it."
0:25:28 > 0:25:32This is the actual song?
0:25:32 > 0:25:36"I want to be a part of it, New York, New York."
0:25:36 > 0:25:40Frank Sinatra, New York, New York. I cannot believe you got one.
0:25:42 > 0:25:44APPLAUSE
0:25:45 > 0:25:49That is unbelievable. "Ride my bike."
0:25:49 > 0:25:50"Because I'm frigid."
0:25:50 > 0:25:52LAUGHTER
0:25:52 > 0:25:55"Until I get home." Mark Ronson, Business International.
0:25:55 > 0:25:57"I really love your tiger feet."
0:25:57 > 0:26:01"Not so keen on your iguana ears."
0:26:01 > 0:26:03"Your tiger feet, your tiger feet."
0:26:03 > 0:26:05"I've been to Southampton."
0:26:05 > 0:26:07"But I've never been to Scunthorpe."
0:26:07 > 0:26:10Tinie Tempah, Pass Out. "This baby's got a temper."
0:26:10 > 0:26:13- "This baby's tiny." - "You'll never tame her." Prodigy.
0:26:13 > 0:26:17"She's got an itsy bitsy teenie weenie..."
0:26:17 > 0:26:19"Yellow polka dot bikini."
0:26:19 > 0:26:24"Tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny vagina."
0:26:24 > 0:26:26LAUGHTER
0:26:29 > 0:26:30Miniature.
0:26:31 > 0:26:34It has to be!
0:26:32 > 0:26:34END-OF-ROUND JINGLE
0:26:34 > 0:26:37APPLAUSE
0:26:40 > 0:26:42Phill, Mollie, Alesha.
0:26:42 > 0:26:46- You need eight points to win. - Oh, no.- Your time starts now.
0:26:46 > 0:26:48"We built this city."
0:26:48 > 0:26:49"We built this city on rock 'n roll."
0:26:49 > 0:26:52Starship. "I need a better drummer."
0:26:52 > 0:26:55"A better drummer. Boy, I need..."
0:26:55 > 0:26:58- "I need a better drummer." - 'Say what?!'
0:26:58 > 0:27:00- "Say what?!"- Very nice.
0:27:00 > 0:27:03Alesha Dixon, Drummer Boy. "I played my drum for him."
0:27:03 > 0:27:05- That's not my song.- I know. Not all of them are going to be yours.
0:27:07 > 0:27:09- "I played my drum for him."- No.
0:27:09 > 0:27:11Christmas? "Pa-rup-pa-pum-pum."
0:27:11 > 0:27:13"A newborn king to see."
0:27:13 > 0:27:17- "Pa-rup-pa-pa-pum."- The Harry Simeone Chorale, Little Drummer Boy.
0:27:17 > 0:27:18"I miss hurting you till you cry."
0:27:18 > 0:27:20- Mollie.- Oh, yeah. That's mine.
0:27:22 > 0:27:24"I miss watching you." Yeah.
0:27:24 > 0:27:28- A bit more, please.- "As you try!"
0:27:28 > 0:27:31The Saturdays. "Saturday night at the movies."
0:27:31 > 0:27:33"What a fun night."
0:27:35 > 0:27:37"Who cares what picture you see?" The Saturdays.
0:27:37 > 0:27:39"Sunday, Monday, happy days."
0:27:38 > 0:27:39"Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days."
0:27:39 > 0:27:41The Saturdays, Happy Days.
0:27:41 > 0:27:43"Monday, you can fall apart."
0:27:43 > 0:27:46"Tuesday, Wednesday, break my heart."
0:27:46 > 0:27:48The Saturdays, Friday I'm In Love. "Tell me why."
0:27:48 > 0:27:51- "I don't like Mondays." - The Saturdays, I Don't Like Mondays.
0:27:51 > 0:27:52We have some hits, haven't we?!
0:27:52 > 0:27:55A lot. You don't have to write them to have a hit with them.
0:27:55 > 0:27:58END-OF-ROUND JINGLE
0:27:59 > 0:28:02APPLAUSE
0:28:02 > 0:28:08- The final score is, Noel's team, 10 points, Phill's team, 11.- Yes! Yes!
0:28:08 > 0:28:10CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:28:16 > 0:28:19Thanks to Phill, Alesha and Mollie, Noel, Tinie and Paul.
0:28:19 > 0:28:21This has been Never Mind The Buzzcocks.
0:28:21 > 0:28:25I've been thoroughly entertaining and should probably be the de-facto host.
0:28:25 > 0:28:30Again, I'm just reading what they wrote on the prompter. I'm Mark Ronson. Thank you for tuning in.
0:28:30 > 0:28:32APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:28:36 > 0:28:38Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:28:38 > 0:28:41E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk