0:00:01 > 0:00:05This programme contains some strong language.
0:00:29 > 0:00:32CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:32 > 0:00:37Hello. Hello and welcome to what they call a show.
0:00:37 > 0:00:39I think you all know why I'm here.
0:00:39 > 0:00:44I could have been on Strictly Come Dancing or on I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here,
0:00:44 > 0:00:50but I wanted to put myself through the most degenerating and debasing show of them all.
0:00:50 > 0:00:52Let's play Never Mind The Buzzcocks!
0:00:52 > 0:00:54CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:57 > 0:00:59Now, on Phill's team tonight...
0:00:59 > 0:01:02# The morning's on its way... #
0:01:02 > 0:01:08He's an exceptionally nice man, he's served his country with distinction and written music adored by millions
0:01:08 > 0:01:14but Buzzcock rules are Buzzcock rules, so here's a man only the public likes - James Blunt.
0:01:14 > 0:01:16APPLAUSE
0:01:19 > 0:01:25It's one of those new comedians with a strange name. I'll probably not understand a word the man says.
0:01:25 > 0:01:31But I'll do the old avuncular smile and nod thing just to encourage the lad. It's Rufus Hound.
0:01:31 > 0:01:34APPLAUSE
0:01:35 > 0:01:38And on Noel's team...
0:01:38 > 0:01:39# Oh, mayhem... #
0:01:39 > 0:01:45She's young, she's Irish. She's trying to repair some of the musical damage caused by Jedward.
0:01:45 > 0:01:50From Dublin's fair city, it's Molly Malone... No, Imelda May!
0:01:50 > 0:01:52APPLAUSE
0:01:56 > 0:02:00She's the only thing I listen to on Radio 1 these days.
0:02:00 > 0:02:02Modelled herself on Tony Blackburn.
0:02:02 > 0:02:07And in the dark with the light behind her, she's not unlike him.
0:02:07 > 0:02:09It's Radio 1's Edith Bowman.
0:02:09 > 0:02:11APPLAUSE
0:02:13 > 0:02:16So, we begin with Guess Who.
0:02:16 > 0:02:20Phill, James and Rufus, take a look at this.
0:02:20 > 0:02:22# Hello, hello... #
0:02:22 > 0:02:28He's the world's biggest rock star with the conscience of a saint and the glasses of a Chilean miner.
0:02:28 > 0:02:31The biggest thing to come out of Ireland since Shergar, Enya
0:02:31 > 0:02:35and the international fiscal crisis, it's "Bonio"!
0:02:37 > 0:02:39# Don't blame it on the sunshine... #
0:02:39 > 0:02:44The best band ever with Five in their name, numerically stranded between The Fun Boy Three
0:02:44 > 0:02:48and The Temperance Seven, it's Michael, Tito, Jermaine
0:02:48 > 0:02:51and two others whose names escape me.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53It's The Jackson Five.
0:02:55 > 0:02:59That was The Jackson Five with Blame It On The Boggie...Boogie
0:02:59 > 0:03:01and U2 with Vertigo.
0:03:01 > 0:03:04But now here's the question, lads.
0:03:04 > 0:03:07Who once wrote a brand-new foreword to the Bible?
0:03:07 > 0:03:10Bono or The Jackson Five?
0:03:10 > 0:03:13Well, it's not going to be him.
0:03:13 > 0:03:19- Not Bono.- With the glasses and the fact that he's as powerful as he is, it says Bond villain to me.
0:03:19 > 0:03:23"I'm Bono." All he needs is a cat every time he does those gigs.
0:03:23 > 0:03:27Just in a huge, round chair. "I've been expecting you..."
0:03:27 > 0:03:30"I should bloody hope so, Bono. It was 60 quid a ticket!"
0:03:31 > 0:03:34If you are the Bible's publishers...
0:03:34 > 0:03:35Yeah.
0:03:35 > 0:03:41..who I believe is God, which one of them would have got the gig?
0:03:41 > 0:03:45- Does he have a publishing wing? - Well, he's omnipotent.
0:03:45 > 0:03:50So he has distribution, he works in the warehouse, he signs the cheques.
0:03:50 > 0:03:53That's really the beauty of being God.
0:03:53 > 0:03:57As a one-man band goes, omnipotence is very much your calling card.
0:03:57 > 0:04:03He's going to go with whichever one sings the most about love because God is love.
0:04:03 > 0:04:10"And whomsoever lives in love lives in God and God lives in them." 1 John 4:16. I like the way you're thinking!
0:04:10 > 0:04:15- I'll take this to a lower level. - Must you?- I was going to speak to James and bring him in.
0:04:15 > 0:04:18- Oh, God! - You're a notorious playboy...
0:04:18 > 0:04:21LAUGHTER
0:04:21 > 0:04:23This is a note from my mother.
0:04:23 > 0:04:27What is the secret of your success with women, James?
0:04:27 > 0:04:29- I'm a lesbian.- Ah!
0:04:31 > 0:04:33And much bigger with no clothes on.
0:04:36 > 0:04:39You're too quick for me, James, I'll tell you that!
0:04:39 > 0:04:43Thank God you've got two fellas as slow as anything beside you!
0:04:44 > 0:04:49Terry, you're smashin' it tonight. Absolutely smashin' it.
0:04:49 > 0:04:52- Which is popular talk for ruining it?- No.
0:04:52 > 0:04:54- It means you're doing well. - Thank you.
0:04:54 > 0:04:58I've done quite a few panel shows with all different sorts of hosts.
0:04:58 > 0:05:02Normally, if they have a go at you, you want to fight back.
0:05:02 > 0:05:07- But when Terry says the thing, I sit here thinking, "You're right, I am..."- BLEEP
0:05:07 > 0:05:09LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:05:11 > 0:05:15What kind of a person do you guys think I am?
0:05:16 > 0:05:20Can we have an answer? Is it The Jackson Five or our "Bonio"?
0:05:20 > 0:05:27I think that if God had tried to get in touch with Bono to write the foreword, he'd have only got his PA.
0:05:27 > 0:05:29Bono once... This is a true story.
0:05:29 > 0:05:33I'm going to name-drop like an idiot, but Bono rang me up once.
0:05:33 > 0:05:39I don't know how he got my number and I stupidly thought it was one of my mates mucking about,
0:05:39 > 0:05:41so I was like, "Yeah, whatever..."
0:05:41 > 0:05:47And it was him, but I went to him, "That's not even a good Irish accent, you dick!"
0:05:47 > 0:05:49LAUGHTER
0:05:49 > 0:05:52And it was him!
0:05:52 > 0:05:55Did he happen to say...
0:05:55 > 0:05:59- IRISH ACCENT: - "Noel, I've been asked to do a foreword to the Bible"?
0:05:59 > 0:06:03Listen, if this is the first round and it's taken this long,
0:06:03 > 0:06:06we won't be out before Christmas.
0:06:06 > 0:06:08- Gentlemen? - You think it's Bono.
0:06:08 > 0:06:11- I'm going to go for Bono. - Bono.
0:06:11 > 0:06:15- I hate to say it, but you're right. - APPLAUSE
0:06:16 > 0:06:21Bono once wrote a foreword to a book of the Bible.
0:06:21 > 0:06:27A little known fact here - Bono actually appears in that painting of The Last Supper.
0:06:27 > 0:06:29He's there on the end, sitting on the "Edge".
0:06:29 > 0:06:31LAUGHTER
0:06:33 > 0:06:38- Noel, Imelda...- Yeah.- Edith... Look closely at this.
0:06:38 > 0:06:41# We can get a sensual seduction... #
0:06:41 > 0:06:46He was Snoop Doggy Dogg, then Snoop Dogg, then Snoop and now Snoop Dogg again.
0:06:46 > 0:06:52At last, sense has prevailed. Raise a hind leg and salute Snoop Dogg!
0:06:52 > 0:06:55# Sensual seduction... #
0:06:56 > 0:07:02And she kissed a girl and liked it, then she kissed Russell Brand and liked that as well for some reason.
0:07:02 > 0:07:08It's equal opportunities tonsil jockey and California girl Katy Perry.
0:07:12 > 0:07:18That was Katy Perry with California Girls and Snoop Dogg with Sensual Seduction.
0:07:19 > 0:07:24But who tried to hire the entire country of Liechtenstein for a video shoot?
0:07:24 > 0:07:29Was it Katy Perry or was it Snoop Dogg?
0:07:30 > 0:07:35- Is it a big country or a small country?- It's about the same size as Limerick.
0:07:36 > 0:07:39Liechtenstein is a great place to hide your money.
0:07:40 > 0:07:44How do you go about hiring an entire country?
0:07:44 > 0:07:50Is it like one of those extras you get on a website when you book a flight? "You want a car, a country?"
0:07:50 > 0:07:53Who do you phone up to hire a country?
0:07:53 > 0:07:58- It's a weird video. She sees a walking jelly tot...- It's awesome.
0:07:58 > 0:08:01I'd quite like to meet a walking...
0:08:01 > 0:08:04It walks over and she looks a bit frightened,
0:08:04 > 0:08:08then as a natural reaction, shoots Nesquik out of her tits.
0:08:09 > 0:08:11LAUGHTER
0:08:11 > 0:08:14- I would go for Snoop.- Really?- Yeah.
0:08:14 > 0:08:19He has the best microphone I've ever seen. Sorry, Terry. I know you're a legend when it comes to microphones.
0:08:19 > 0:08:25At Glastonbury, he had this diamante microphone with a knuckle-duster hand grip that came on.
0:08:25 > 0:08:28You do see some interesting mics, don't you?
0:08:30 > 0:08:34I was just thinking it's another world for me.
0:08:34 > 0:08:36Lou Reed had a gold microphone.
0:08:36 > 0:08:40- You did a duet with Lou Reed, didn't you?- I did.
0:08:40 > 0:08:44Just got back and he ordered in this microphone
0:08:44 > 0:08:47and it was apparently pure gold.
0:08:47 > 0:08:49- Solid gold?- Solid gold.
0:08:49 > 0:08:55I like to imagine that he said it was solid gold, but it was actually chocolate money.
0:08:55 > 0:09:02Do you think C3PO looks at Lou Reed with his gold microphone and thinks, "Looks like he's giving me a blowy"?
0:09:02 > 0:09:09- I had no idea before I met you... - Sorry, Terry.- ..just the depths of your depravity.- Sorry.
0:09:09 > 0:09:14I was going to say to you, any tips, as an Irish woman, on getting on here?
0:09:14 > 0:09:17- No.- In this country?
0:09:17 > 0:09:19No. I've... No.
0:09:19 > 0:09:21LAUGHTER
0:09:21 > 0:09:25- Cos you're really struggling, Terry(!)- Yeah.
0:09:25 > 0:09:31- You really need the help(!) - You're a knight. We should call you Sir Tel.- No, you shouldn't.
0:09:31 > 0:09:33- Can we though?- No, you shouldn't.
0:09:33 > 0:09:37Does it slightly turn you on when people call you Sir Tel?
0:09:37 > 0:09:40Oh, let's not talk about me!
0:09:40 > 0:09:43Come on, you guys.
0:09:43 > 0:09:46When you're made a "sir", do they give you any jewellery?
0:09:46 > 0:09:51Come to my dressing room afterwards and I'll show you.
0:09:54 > 0:09:59- Can we have an answer?- All I can think about now is Lou Reed singing into C3PO's penis.
0:09:59 > 0:10:02That's all I can think about.
0:10:02 > 0:10:06R2 would be next to him, going, "Oh..."
0:10:07 > 0:10:09"Oh, Mr Reed!
0:10:09 > 0:10:12"You just keep me hanging on!"
0:10:12 > 0:10:16Of course, king of the robot blowies - Henry.
0:10:16 > 0:10:18LAUGHTER
0:10:18 > 0:10:21Do you live on your own?
0:10:21 > 0:10:23LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:10:26 > 0:10:29Enough of the society entertainment!
0:10:31 > 0:10:35Can we have an answer from the more logical side here?
0:10:35 > 0:10:39- I'm going to leave it to... - Snoop.- Snoop. - Yeah.
0:10:39 > 0:10:43- OK, you're right.- Yes! - That's a point each.
0:10:43 > 0:10:45APPLAUSE
0:10:45 > 0:10:50The answer is Snoop Dogg once tried to hire Liechtenstein for a video shoot.
0:10:50 > 0:10:56In 2008, Snoop's tour bus was raided and police found strippers, marijuana and booze.
0:10:56 > 0:11:01It reminds me of the time we took the old Radio 2 Roadshow down...
0:11:01 > 0:11:03to Cirencester.
0:11:05 > 0:11:09Let's just say nobody was in bed before nine o'clock.
0:11:10 > 0:11:15At the end of that thrilling round, it's a point each to Noel and Phill.
0:11:15 > 0:11:17APPLAUSE
0:11:21 > 0:11:27I've had a missive from Linda in Tring, wondering if we're having another round?
0:11:28 > 0:11:31Are we...?
0:11:31 > 0:11:33- We are. - LAUGHTER
0:11:34 > 0:11:36It's the Intros Round.
0:11:36 > 0:11:40Phill and James, here are yours for Rufus.
0:11:40 > 0:11:45Now...I'll hand you the card, the magic card. You've got to perform for Rufus.
0:11:45 > 0:11:50Rufus, as ever, perceptive and the ears of an owl.
0:11:50 > 0:11:52One, two, three, four.
0:11:52 > 0:11:56- # Boom-boom, ba-da-da-da-dum - Tch!- Ba-da-da-da-dum- Tch!
0:11:56 > 0:12:00- # Boom-boom, ba-da-da-da-dum - Tch!- Ba-da-da-da-dum- Tch!
0:12:00 > 0:12:02# Oh! Oh! Oh! Boom-boom, ba-da-da-da-dum
0:12:02 > 0:12:05- # Tch!- Oh! Hey!
0:12:05 > 0:12:09- # Ba-da-da-da-dum... # Will you concentrate?- No idea?
0:12:09 > 0:12:12- # Ba-da-da-da-dum...- Tch! Tch! #
0:12:12 > 0:12:15# Seh, seh, ho, ho! #
0:12:15 > 0:12:18- This is not working. - He's got Tourette's syndrome.
0:12:20 > 0:12:24- What do you think, Rufus? - Uh... I've genuinely forgot it.
0:12:24 > 0:12:29- It's tough. - Bowman has got it so much, she's dancing to it.- Yeah, I know.
0:12:31 > 0:12:34- # Tch! Tch!- Da-da-da-da... #
0:12:39 > 0:12:42I've got the military behind me now and...
0:12:42 > 0:12:46There's a certain amount of pressure to get this right soon.
0:12:46 > 0:12:49Go on, James, tell me he's beautiful.
0:12:52 > 0:12:54APPLAUSE
0:12:56 > 0:13:02I know who it is. I clearly know the song. I don't know the name of The Stone Roses classic.
0:13:02 > 0:13:07- It's Phill... - Everybody in Manchester is like, "What a fucking wanker!
0:13:07 > 0:13:10"That's why we should have all the telly up here,
0:13:10 > 0:13:14"so then we can make EastEnders more like fucking Shameless."
0:13:14 > 0:13:16That'd be good for a week!
0:13:16 > 0:13:19LAUGHTER
0:13:21 > 0:13:24Oh, Fools Gold. No... Fools Gold.
0:13:24 > 0:13:27D'you know, you're absolutely right.
0:13:27 > 0:13:30APPLAUSE Well done.
0:13:31 > 0:13:35Here is how it should have sounded.
0:13:35 > 0:13:38INTRO PLAYS: "Fools Gold" - The Stone Roses
0:13:38 > 0:13:42You got that right, but you can never gig up north again.
0:13:45 > 0:13:51With a group of people looking at me, going, "But he's not talking about things at the end of my road!"
0:13:51 > 0:13:53LAUGHTER
0:13:53 > 0:13:58If you like that, go and watch Peter Kay. He's brilliant at remembering.
0:13:59 > 0:14:05- What about the next one then, lads? - Are you ready for that one? - Yes, I am ready.- OK...
0:14:08 > 0:14:14- Were you in the cavalry or not? - Can we dim the lights? - Ride me, ride me, ride me.
0:14:15 > 0:14:17APPLAUSE
0:14:17 > 0:14:19Wow!
0:14:20 > 0:14:24The last person to do that to me was Brian Kennedy.
0:14:26 > 0:14:31- Shall we sing the song now? - I'm a devil for the balladeers.
0:14:31 > 0:14:33One, two, three, four...
0:14:33 > 0:14:36# Dang-dang, dagga-dagga-dag-dag
0:14:36 > 0:14:39# Dagga-dagga-dag-dag Dagga-dagga-dag-dag
0:14:39 > 0:14:43- # Dagga-dagga-dag-dag - Daa-aan...dan-dan
0:14:43 > 0:14:46- # Dagga-dagga-dag-dag - Daa-aan....dan-dan
0:14:46 > 0:14:50- # Dagga-dagga-dag-dag - Daa-aan...dan-dan
0:14:50 > 0:14:53# Dan-dan...dan-dan
0:14:53 > 0:14:57- # Dan-dan...dan-dan - Dagga-dagga-dag-dag
0:14:57 > 0:14:58# Dan-dan... #
0:14:58 > 0:15:03# Don't cry Don't change your eye
0:15:03 > 0:15:07# It's only teenage wasteland... #
0:15:07 > 0:15:11- So the song is called...? - Baba O'Riley by The Who.
0:15:11 > 0:15:14APPLAUSE
0:15:16 > 0:15:22This is the only programme that combines pop music and the Horse of the Year Show.
0:15:22 > 0:15:24Two correct, Rufus. Well done.
0:15:24 > 0:15:28Here, friends, is how it should have sounded.
0:15:28 > 0:15:30INTRO PLAYS: "Baba O'Riley" - The Who
0:15:40 > 0:15:44# Out here in the fields... #
0:15:44 > 0:15:47So that was The Who with Baba O'Riley.
0:15:47 > 0:15:50Pete Townshend suffers from tinnitus,
0:15:50 > 0:15:55an annoying, monotonous buzzing that sounds as if it's coming from the base of your skull.
0:15:55 > 0:16:01If you want to know what that sounds like, tune in to Chris Evans on Radio 2 every morning.
0:16:01 > 0:16:04APPLAUSE
0:16:05 > 0:16:08Just fooling around here...
0:16:08 > 0:16:10Fools Gold by Stone Roses.
0:16:10 > 0:16:14Mani from The Stones Roses described today's music
0:16:14 > 0:16:18as "a torrent of mediocrity, dull as dishwater, safe and unimaginative."
0:16:18 > 0:16:22Did I tell you of my new collection of favourite tunes?
0:16:23 > 0:16:29Last year, The Stone Roses' Ian Brown was wounded by an on-stage attack.
0:16:30 > 0:16:36Louis Walsh had told him, "The song choice was all wrong and you just didn't own it!"
0:16:46 > 0:16:51Noel and Imelda, here are yours that you're going to perform for Edith.
0:16:51 > 0:16:57I don't think I'm ever going to get that image of you doing Louis Walsh out of my head.
0:16:59 > 0:17:01LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:17:03 > 0:17:07OK, you don't have to ride me like a greyhound. It's fine.
0:17:07 > 0:17:11- I'll sing your bit, then we'll swap, yeah?- Yeah?
0:17:11 > 0:17:13- # De-de-de-de-de... # Yeah?- All right.
0:17:13 > 0:17:17That's like when you give a really small child a simple task.
0:17:17 > 0:17:22"You can't cook dinner with me, but if you hold this wooden spoon...
0:17:24 > 0:17:27"Then we can say we cooked dinner together."
0:17:30 > 0:17:33# Doooooo
0:17:33 > 0:17:37# Doo-dooooo
0:17:37 > 0:17:39- # Ba-da-da-da-daaa - De-de-de-de
0:17:39 > 0:17:42# Ba-da-da-da-da-da-doo... #
0:17:42 > 0:17:44- OK, yeah.- OK...
0:17:44 > 0:17:48# Ba-da-da-da-doo Ba-da-da-da-da-doo... #
0:17:48 > 0:17:50Is it Rod Stewart?
0:17:50 > 0:17:52Yes! Yeah... >
0:17:52 > 0:17:55# My heart is here tonight
0:17:55 > 0:17:57# Time is on my side... #
0:17:57 > 0:17:59Ohh!
0:17:59 > 0:18:02- # Do-do-do-do-doo - De-de-de-de-de... #
0:18:02 > 0:18:05Stop singing, stop singing!
0:18:05 > 0:18:08- # Do-do-do-do-doo... # - Terry, make it stop!
0:18:08 > 0:18:10You know when you get...
0:18:10 > 0:18:13LAUGHTER
0:18:13 > 0:18:17- Something like My Heart Is Here Tonight?- Oh, Edith, Edith.
0:18:17 > 0:18:20Dave Lee Travis would have known the answer.
0:18:20 > 0:18:22Yes, but he's 105.
0:18:23 > 0:18:28The answer is Young Turks. Here's how it should have sounded.
0:18:28 > 0:18:32INTRO PLAYS: "Young Turks" - Rod Stewart
0:18:33 > 0:18:37# Do-do-do-do-doo Do-do-do-do-doo.... #
0:18:37 > 0:18:39Couldn't get the words.
0:18:39 > 0:18:43# Billy left his home with a dollar in his pocket... #
0:18:43 > 0:18:47Well, it has its own elusive charm, certainly.
0:18:48 > 0:18:52OK, Noel, next intro, please. Good luck to you, Imelda.
0:18:52 > 0:18:57- # Doo... Do-do-do-do-do-do-doo - Nana-nana-now-now, bow-wow-wow
0:18:57 > 0:18:59- # Ooh, yeah!- Now-now-bung-tch
0:18:59 > 0:19:04- # Wa-wa-nama-now-now, now-now-now - Tch, tch, tch
0:19:04 > 0:19:05# Jigga-doo-doo... #
0:19:05 > 0:19:09You know this. I know I know. I just can't say the words.
0:19:09 > 0:19:13- # Now-now-now... #- We're on a different tune.- # Oh, yeah! #
0:19:13 > 0:19:18# Nana-nana-now-now, bow-dow-dow-dow
0:19:18 > 0:19:20# Bung-tch... #
0:19:20 > 0:19:22ALL JOIN IN
0:19:22 > 0:19:25- # Boom-boom-boom - Tch!
0:19:25 > 0:19:29- # Na-na-na-na-na-na - Bom-bom, bom-bom-bom
0:19:29 > 0:19:31# Bom!
0:19:31 > 0:19:35# Na-na-na-na-na-na Bom-bom-bom... #
0:19:35 > 0:19:37OK, OK!
0:19:37 > 0:19:43I tell you something, Terry. They didn't get audience participation when Amstell was in the chair.
0:19:43 > 0:19:46He hated people.
0:19:46 > 0:19:50After this show, I'm not that keen on them myself.
0:19:52 > 0:19:54Edith, you won't get this.
0:19:54 > 0:19:59# Edith, I've hidden the answer in my labyrinth... #
0:20:00 > 0:20:03It's David Bowie. Is it Ziggy?
0:20:03 > 0:20:06- Ziggy what?- Stardust.- You got it.
0:20:06 > 0:20:09APPLAUSE
0:20:11 > 0:20:15This is how it should have sounded, he said bad-temperedly.
0:20:15 > 0:20:18INTRO PLAYS: "Ziggy Stardust" - David Bowie
0:20:18 > 0:20:21- That was weird. - You had a brain snap.- Totally.
0:20:22 > 0:20:25# Ooh, yeah... # We got that bit. >
0:20:25 > 0:20:28# Ziggy played guitar... #
0:20:28 > 0:20:33- What an idiot!- That was David Bowie with Ziggy Stardust.
0:20:33 > 0:20:37After a difficult interview, I came close to slapping David Bowie.
0:20:37 > 0:20:40I can't tell you what I thought of him,
0:20:40 > 0:20:45but I almost blanked him in the blankety-blank, the totally blankety-blanker!
0:20:45 > 0:20:49And we also heard Young Turks by Rod Stewart.
0:20:49 > 0:20:54Rod Stewart is a 65-year-old man. He's expecting his eighth child by four different women.
0:20:54 > 0:20:57I don't know, youngsters these days!
0:20:57 > 0:21:00Now, my mail bag is bulging.
0:21:03 > 0:21:09I think it's boredom that brings it on. What everyone wants to know is, "What's the next round, Terry?"
0:21:09 > 0:21:15Let me get you off your tenterhooks by telling you that it's the Identity Parade
0:21:15 > 0:21:18and this week, we've made it a Eurovision special.
0:21:18 > 0:21:21ALL: Ooh!
0:21:21 > 0:21:26So, Phill, James and Rufus, how about some '90s Eurovision rap, eh?
0:21:26 > 0:21:29For the audience only, here's Love City Groove.
0:21:29 > 0:21:32# In the morning
0:21:32 > 0:21:34# When the sun shines
0:21:34 > 0:21:36# Down on your body
0:21:37 > 0:21:40# I know we're really making love now
0:21:40 > 0:21:42# We're really making, we're really making
0:21:42 > 0:21:45# We're really making, we're really making
0:21:45 > 0:21:49# We're really making, we're really making, we're really making love now... #
0:21:49 > 0:21:53That was Love City Groove with...Love City Groove.
0:21:53 > 0:21:55How do they think them up?
0:21:55 > 0:22:00Which of our line-up is the singer Paul Hardy?
0:22:00 > 0:22:02Is Number 1 Paul Hardy?
0:22:02 > 0:22:05Is Number 2 Laurel and Hardy?
0:22:05 > 0:22:07Is Number 3 Kiss Me Hardy?
0:22:07 > 0:22:10Is Number 4 Hardy Har Har?
0:22:10 > 0:22:13LAUGHTER
0:22:13 > 0:22:17Or is Number 5 Hardy Worth Getting Out Of Bed For?
0:22:19 > 0:22:22It's not Number 4. He's come straight out of a Chilean mine.
0:22:22 > 0:22:26- SOUTH AMERICAN ACCENT: - "I will do the Buzzcocks this week."
0:22:26 > 0:22:28Number 3 is an Elvis impersonator.
0:22:28 > 0:22:32- Do your Elvis impersonation.- He can't move or do anything you say.
0:22:32 > 0:22:38You can't come here, James Blunt, with all your fine ways and try and make the rules.
0:22:38 > 0:22:40I apologise.
0:22:40 > 0:22:43LAUGHTER
0:22:43 > 0:22:47James is slightly reeling because that's not his family tartan.
0:22:49 > 0:22:51Number 1 kind of looks the most...
0:22:51 > 0:22:55- It's clearly Number 1, isn't it? - I think it's Number 1.
0:22:55 > 0:22:58Would the real Paul Hardy step forward now?
0:23:00 > 0:23:02APPLAUSE
0:23:05 > 0:23:11Performing Elvis in his tribute show Elvis - What If, Paul Hardy, ladies and gentlemen!
0:23:11 > 0:23:14APPLAUSE
0:23:14 > 0:23:17- That's what James said.- Yeah.
0:23:18 > 0:23:24- For Noel, Imelda and Edith, how about some Eurovision '80s pop?- Yes!
0:23:24 > 0:23:26For the audience only, Bucks Fizz.
0:23:26 > 0:23:28# And try to look as if you don't care less
0:23:28 > 0:23:31# But if you want to see some more
0:23:31 > 0:23:36# Bending the rules of the game will let you find the one you're looking for
0:23:36 > 0:23:41# And then you can show that you think you know You're making your mind up... #
0:23:41 > 0:23:48That was Bucks Fizz with Making Your Mind Up, so Noel's team, which of our line-up is singer Cheryl Baker?
0:23:48 > 0:23:51Is it Number 1, Making Your Mind Up?
0:23:51 > 0:23:53Number 2, I've Made My Mind Up?
0:23:53 > 0:23:56Number 3, I Definitely Know Who It Is?
0:23:56 > 0:23:59Number 4, I'm Having Second Thoughts?
0:23:59 > 0:24:02Or Number 5, Oh No, It's Number 2?
0:24:02 > 0:24:05LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:24:08 > 0:24:10She's laughing, she's laughing.
0:24:10 > 0:24:13She's laughing. It's Number 2. She's laughing.
0:24:13 > 0:24:17What do you mean, "It's Number 2, she's laughing"?
0:24:17 > 0:24:21Do you mean the one that looks exactly like Cheryl Baker?
0:24:21 > 0:24:27You can't see what we can see. It's like sort of transsexual Frank Zappas. It's terrifying.
0:24:27 > 0:24:32People that haven't got HDTV think the Nolans are back together!
0:24:32 > 0:24:35They are!
0:24:37 > 0:24:41I think it's Number 2. They all look very good...
0:24:41 > 0:24:44What do you mean, you THINK it's Number 2? It's Number 2!
0:24:44 > 0:24:51The one that looks like Cheryl Baker that in his introduction Terry said it was!
0:24:53 > 0:24:56- OK, let's find out. - Wait a sec. Terry, easy!
0:24:56 > 0:24:59- For God's sake!- Let me just...
0:24:59 > 0:25:05- We want to make sure.- I've got the authority of a seven-year-old girl. This is ridiculous. Edith's useless.
0:25:05 > 0:25:09You're dressed as a ladybird. It's Number 2!
0:25:09 > 0:25:13Number 2. Would the real Cheryl Baker please step forward?
0:25:14 > 0:25:17- It's Number 2. - APPLAUSE
0:25:23 > 0:25:28Now touring with The Original Bucks Fizz, Cheryl Baker, ladies and gentlemen!
0:25:28 > 0:25:31CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:25:37 > 0:25:43OK... The fax machine is overheating with requests to know what round it is.
0:25:43 > 0:25:47I can tell you... I can.
0:25:48 > 0:25:52- It's Next Lines. You're in the lead, Phill.- Yeah.
0:25:52 > 0:25:56- So you go first.- Thank you, Terry. - Your time starts now.
0:25:56 > 0:26:00And from this envelope from which I tear the questions feverishly...
0:26:02 > 0:26:07# Congratulations and jubilations... #
0:26:07 > 0:26:11- "I want the world to know how happy I can be."- That'll do.
0:26:11 > 0:26:17- Cliff's looking well these days, isn't he?- Finally, his face has caught up with his bollocks.
0:26:18 > 0:26:21# BBC...
0:26:21 > 0:26:23# Radio 2! #
0:26:23 > 0:26:27APPLAUSE
0:26:27 > 0:26:30Royaume-Uni...
0:26:30 > 0:26:32Nul points!
0:26:35 > 0:26:38# You're beautiful, you're beautiful... #
0:26:38 > 0:26:41I know it.
0:26:41 > 0:26:44# You're beautiful...
0:26:44 > 0:26:47# It's true... #
0:26:48 > 0:26:49No.
0:26:49 > 0:26:52The answer is, "And so are you, Terry."
0:26:52 > 0:26:55END-OF-ROUND JINGLE
0:26:56 > 0:26:59APPLAUSE
0:26:59 > 0:27:05- Look, they're running away with this.- We only need 47 to win. - Come on. Pull yourselves together.
0:27:05 > 0:27:10OK, your time starts now... As if we were keeping to a time!
0:27:12 > 0:27:14Come on.
0:27:14 > 0:27:18- "Ziggy played guitar..." - Oh, not again!
0:27:18 > 0:27:22It's "Jammin' good with Weird and Gilly".
0:27:22 > 0:27:24You got it right, Edith. My goodness!
0:27:24 > 0:27:30Fantastic. It was "Jammin' good with Weird and Gilly," David Bowie's Ziggy Stardust.
0:27:30 > 0:27:32Loveable chap that he is.
0:27:32 > 0:27:36Was it that bad an interview? Come on, tell us.
0:27:36 > 0:27:42- Yeah.- What did he do, Terry? Show us on the puppet what David Bowie did to you.
0:27:43 > 0:27:47Sometimes you want to know just a little bit too much.
0:27:47 > 0:27:51"He's the devil divine, I'm so glad that he's mine..."
0:27:51 > 0:27:54- AS DAVID BOWIE: - I don't know this one!
0:27:54 > 0:28:00- "Cos he's my big, bad, handsome man." - Yeah, of course, that's one of yours, Imelda. # Blankety Blank...
0:28:00 > 0:28:05- # Blankety Blank. #- Correct. - AS DAVID BOWIE: - # Blankety Blank... #
0:28:05 > 0:28:09That would be brilliant if David Bowie presented Blankety Blank.
0:28:09 > 0:28:12- Just on it. Terry should present it.- Sorry.
0:28:12 > 0:28:15# Ziggy played... # Blank.
0:28:15 > 0:28:19You're only delaying this cos you know they're catching you up.
0:28:19 > 0:28:21# Maybe I didn't love you...
0:28:21 > 0:28:24# Quite as often as I should have... #
0:28:24 > 0:28:27# That is correct, all available on this... #
0:28:27 > 0:28:30LAUGHTER
0:28:31 > 0:28:35"You're answering questions that have not yet been asked..."
0:28:35 > 0:28:39- AS DAVID BOWIE: - It was a shit interview, Terry.
0:28:39 > 0:28:44- Afterwards, you called me a prick. - I should know this one.
0:28:44 > 0:28:47END-OF-ROUND JINGLE
0:28:47 > 0:28:49Oh, no way!
0:28:49 > 0:28:51APPLAUSE
0:28:53 > 0:28:57And so drained of all emotion, we come to the final scores.
0:28:57 > 0:29:00Noel with 9,
0:29:00 > 0:29:03Phill, an even more magnificent 10. Phill's the winner.
0:29:05 > 0:29:08APPLAUSE
0:29:08 > 0:29:13So, thanks to Phill and James and Rufus and Noel, Imelda and Edith.
0:29:13 > 0:29:17This has been... Never Mind The Boo Radleys.
0:29:19 > 0:29:22I used to be Terry Wogan.
0:29:22 > 0:29:24Good night.
0:29:24 > 0:29:27CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:29:47 > 0:29:51Subtitles by Subtext for Red Bee Media Ltd 2010
0:29:51 > 0:29:54Email subtitling@bbc.co.uk