0:00:03 > 0:00:10THIS PROGRAMME CONTAINS SOME STRONG LANGUAGE
0:00:20 > 0:00:24CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:31 > 0:00:35Yes, and welcome to Never Mind The Buzzcocks
0:00:35 > 0:00:38with the kingpin of the car game, the big dog pitbull,
0:00:38 > 0:00:40your boy, Westwood.
0:00:40 > 0:00:42CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:42 > 0:00:48Now I'm going to pimp the Buzzcocks Westwood style.
0:00:48 > 0:00:51DRUM MACHINE
0:00:52 > 0:00:54Thank you.
0:00:55 > 0:00:59Now, riding out on Uncle Phill's team tonight...
0:00:59 > 0:01:03He can't do backflips like Aston,
0:01:03 > 0:01:06but he's the tallest one in JLS.
0:01:06 > 0:01:09Tall enough to reach the top shelf at a service station.
0:01:09 > 0:01:15He's JLS porn provider, my man Marvin.
0:01:19 > 0:01:22She's an end-of-the-pier comedienne.
0:01:22 > 0:01:25In fact, so far at the end, she fell off and broke her arm.
0:01:25 > 0:01:30It's the finalist bird and comedienne, Holly Walsh.
0:01:32 > 0:01:34And in Dr Noel's team...
0:01:34 > 0:01:37He's the godfather of grime,
0:01:37 > 0:01:43he's seen more grime than Amy Winehouse's downstairs flannel.
0:01:43 > 0:01:47And that's nasty. It's my man Wiley. What's up? Good to have you here.
0:01:50 > 0:01:57From the opera scene, where they don't rap the words, they sing them
0:01:57 > 0:02:00like someone's grabbing their nutsack.
0:02:00 > 0:02:06It's crazy, it'll never take off, here's Russell "The Voice" Watson!
0:02:06 > 0:02:08APPLAUSE
0:02:08 > 0:02:13So let's get it cracking with Round One.
0:02:13 > 0:02:15# Woo! Woo! That's the sound of the police! #
0:02:15 > 0:02:18You still here, Wiley? Now...
0:02:19 > 0:02:20Uncle Phill...
0:02:20 > 0:02:24Marvin and Holly, I want you to check this out.
0:02:24 > 0:02:27# Baby, I like it The way you move on the floor
0:02:27 > 0:02:31# Baby, I like it Come on and give me some more
0:02:31 > 0:02:34# Oh, yes, I like it... #
0:02:34 > 0:02:38Enrique Iglesias with I Like It.
0:02:38 > 0:02:44But how did some water-skis get him in trouble with the Miami police?
0:02:44 > 0:02:48Now, Uncle Phill, I know you've got Marvin here
0:02:48 > 0:02:51and he is definitely in the top four of JLS.
0:02:51 > 0:02:54But to be honest, he's not the full package.
0:02:54 > 0:02:59So what we've got is a sub bench full of JLS.
0:02:59 > 0:03:01Ladies, please!
0:03:01 > 0:03:03CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:03:03 > 0:03:04Fantastic.
0:03:04 > 0:03:07Now what's going to happen, when you hear this noise...
0:03:07 > 0:03:09KLAXON
0:03:09 > 0:03:12..there's going to be a substitution, not out of your choice.
0:03:12 > 0:03:15Got to swap musical chairs, that's what's going to happen.
0:03:15 > 0:03:18What happens if one of us sustains a serious injury?
0:03:18 > 0:03:22- Do we get to sub with a member of JLS?- Like falling off the end of a pier, love?
0:03:22 > 0:03:26- How is your arm?- It's a bit bent. - A bit bent?- Yeah.
0:03:26 > 0:03:27Is it metal now?
0:03:27 > 0:03:29It's largely metal, yeah.
0:03:29 > 0:03:31You should have got a claw.
0:03:31 > 0:03:35That's the NHS for you. If I'd gone private, I would have had a drill on my arm.
0:03:35 > 0:03:41- That would be wicked.- What actually happened to you? I don't understand. Were you pushed?
0:03:41 > 0:03:45You know this Worthing Birdman Festival? People try and fly. I tried to do that.
0:03:45 > 0:03:48- I was in a homemade helicopter... - Unsuccessful?
0:03:48 > 0:03:50Did not work out.
0:03:50 > 0:03:53Do you know what, Wiley? The homemade ones usually are.
0:03:56 > 0:04:00- Mr Iglesias. Know anything about him?- I think he's quite attractive. - What?!
0:04:00 > 0:04:01I think he's quite attractive.
0:04:01 > 0:04:04And also he's who I model my fringe on.
0:04:04 > 0:04:11He actually sounded like he'd been sucking on helium before he did the performance.
0:04:11 > 0:04:16- That's a specific tip a lot of pop stars use. That's right, yeah? - Remarkable.
0:04:16 > 0:04:21Performance-enhancing drugs amongst the pop music world is mainly helium and kick in the balls.
0:04:21 > 0:04:25I go for the simple nut crush, it's much easier.
0:04:25 > 0:04:29- Do you crush your own or do you have a roadie? - I have an official nut crusher.
0:04:31 > 0:04:34Do you know what's funny about this video? I don't know if you saw,
0:04:34 > 0:04:37but there's a girl in this video in a pink bikini.
0:04:37 > 0:04:39Oh, right. Her?
0:04:39 > 0:04:42- Yes.- She seems to be having a lovely time.
0:04:42 > 0:04:44That girl there...
0:04:44 > 0:04:47She was in our video, The Club Is Alive.
0:04:47 > 0:04:53- There were loads of girls there and we had this professional pole-dancing girl, right?- Where's this going now?
0:04:53 > 0:04:57Director was like, "Any girls here that want to jump up on the pole..."
0:04:57 > 0:04:59You've never seen someone move...
0:04:59 > 0:05:01Maybe she just wants to be a fireman.
0:05:01 > 0:05:09- JLS, I really respect your game at the moment, you've put out a range of condoms.- Yes.
0:05:09 > 0:05:14We launched our own charity, the JLS Foundation, so for us, young role models,
0:05:14 > 0:05:19our demographic is between 16 and 24 so we thought we'd do something good and spread a good message.
0:05:19 > 0:05:23So for a lot of young guys, when they lose their virginity,
0:05:23 > 0:05:25the last face they see is yours.
0:05:27 > 0:05:30I mean, I have my own range, you know I have my own range of condoms.
0:05:30 > 0:05:32Of... OK.
0:05:32 > 0:05:34Slap it up, there.
0:05:38 > 0:05:43Do you know what? I think seeing your face is the best form of contraception.
0:05:43 > 0:05:45LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:05:45 > 0:05:47Thank you.
0:05:48 > 0:05:51Marvin, your girlfriend is Rochelle from The Saturdays.
0:05:51 > 0:05:56- It is indeed.- Have you ever had sex with an Aston condom on to give him a chance?
0:05:58 > 0:06:02- Aston can create his own chances quite easily.- With your girlfriend.
0:06:03 > 0:06:06That'd be wrong, man.
0:06:06 > 0:06:09There's enough Saturdays anyway, so Aston can...
0:06:09 > 0:06:11That's the way to look at it!
0:06:11 > 0:06:15They're like buses, another one will be along in a minute.
0:06:15 > 0:06:20So what happened with Enrique Iglesias? Why did he get in trouble?
0:06:20 > 0:06:24OK, so, Enrique Iglesias, obviously Spanish, during the World Cup,
0:06:24 > 0:06:27made a bet with all of his mates in Miami and said,
0:06:27 > 0:06:31"If Spain win the World Cup, I'll go on a Jet Ski naked...
0:06:31 > 0:06:34- Yeah?- "..through the beach in Miami."
0:06:34 > 0:06:39Obviously Spain won the World Cup, police found out and then they said to him he couldn't do it.
0:06:39 > 0:06:43And that is the right answer. Can we have a round of applause, please?
0:06:43 > 0:06:45APPLAUSE
0:06:45 > 0:06:52Enrique water-skied butt naked in celebration of Spain's World Cup win.
0:06:52 > 0:06:56Back in 2008, Enrique appeared on Loose Women.
0:06:56 > 0:07:01The women found it very moving - there wasn't a dry seat in the house.
0:07:04 > 0:07:05KLAXON
0:07:05 > 0:07:06Substitution change!
0:07:06 > 0:07:10APPLAUSE
0:07:13 > 0:07:16- Dr Noel...- Hello. - ..Russell and my good man Wiley.
0:07:16 > 0:07:18I want you to check this out.
0:07:18 > 0:07:20# Papa's got a brand new bag... #
0:07:20 > 0:07:26Since his death, his gutsy funk is now stronger than ever.
0:07:26 > 0:07:29It's that dead soul guy, James Brown.
0:07:34 > 0:07:37# Papa's got a brand new bag. #
0:07:40 > 0:07:43James Brown with Papa's Got A Brand New Bag.
0:07:43 > 0:07:47But what I want to know is why did he get in trouble with the law
0:07:47 > 0:07:51at an insurance seminar back in 1988?
0:07:51 > 0:07:54- Papa's got a brand new bag. - He was early in the game.
0:07:54 > 0:07:57We've got bags for life now, we don't need James Brown's.
0:07:59 > 0:08:04He's unbelievable, isn't he? He wears capes, I love that, I like to wear a cape.
0:08:04 > 0:08:08He's got pointy shoes. I think I might be trying to be the white James Brown.
0:08:08 > 0:08:12- You've got the same hairstyle as James Brown as well. Back in the day. - Who? Me?
0:08:12 > 0:08:14- Yeah, you.- That is a liberty.
0:08:16 > 0:08:20That's like an auntie's hair, what are you on about?
0:08:21 > 0:08:24I was out the other week, about a month ago,
0:08:24 > 0:08:27and Noel Gallagher came up to me and went... I had a cape on and he went,
0:08:27 > 0:08:33"It's not the fact you've got a fucking cape on, mate, it's the fact it's a Tuesday."
0:08:36 > 0:08:40- If you look at us as a group of individuals, it's quite bizarre, really.- Yeah.
0:08:40 > 0:08:44- Yeah.- You mean where would these people ever have met?- Exactly!
0:08:44 > 0:08:48I know. It's quite weird, it's like we're different decades.
0:08:48 > 0:08:50Different lifetimes!
0:08:50 > 0:08:53- You look like my accountant. - Thank you.
0:08:53 > 0:08:55And his solicitor.
0:08:55 > 0:08:59Can I say one thing? He looks like my lawyer.
0:08:59 > 0:09:00Without fail.
0:09:00 > 0:09:03You've got the same suit. Different tie.
0:09:03 > 0:09:05You look like my mum.
0:09:11 > 0:09:13His mum IS hot, shut your mouth.
0:09:14 > 0:09:18Wiley, I heard you're scared of foxes, is this true?
0:09:18 > 0:09:23- Oh, my God...- You had a video, Wearing My Rolex, you didn't turn up cos there was foxes in it.
0:09:23 > 0:09:27Do you know what it was, Tim? I actually saw the foxes
0:09:27 > 0:09:31and I thought, "You know what? I'm going leave here and let the foxes do the video for me."
0:09:31 > 0:09:34They looked better than me that day, they actually...
0:09:34 > 0:09:37got styled better than I looked, so I let them do it for me.
0:09:37 > 0:09:40Has that ever happened to you, JLS?
0:09:40 > 0:09:43Has Louis ever made you do something that you didn't want to do?
0:09:51 > 0:09:53- How did James Brown... - I think I know this.
0:09:53 > 0:09:57I think what happened was James Brown tried to do
0:09:57 > 0:10:00an insurance job on his own place.
0:10:00 > 0:10:03Set fire to his own cape and boots.
0:10:03 > 0:10:09- Tried to get the money back on the insurance.- That's what he's tried to do. He's sped off
0:10:09 > 0:10:11- and he's on the chase.- Yes?
0:10:11 > 0:10:14- And then the police have shot his tyres out.- Interesting.
0:10:14 > 0:10:19- And they've gone on him. They went on him.- Interesting Wiley thought of that one,
0:10:19 > 0:10:20cos that's entirely wrong.
0:10:20 > 0:10:23You got any ideas?
0:10:23 > 0:10:25No. As his lawyer, I deny that accusation.
0:10:27 > 0:10:29Was there a firearm involved in it?
0:10:29 > 0:10:31Did he shoot a fox?
0:10:31 > 0:10:34I'm going to have to tell you.
0:10:34 > 0:10:38James Brown stormed out of the insurance seminar with a pistol and a shotgun,
0:10:38 > 0:10:42complaining that someone had used his toilet without permission.
0:10:42 > 0:10:44I don't blame him.
0:10:44 > 0:10:46Stay off my throne, you suckers.
0:10:46 > 0:10:48SILENCE
0:10:48 > 0:10:50No-one's laughing, I don't understand.
0:10:50 > 0:10:51LAUGHTER
0:10:51 > 0:10:56- Am I losing my touch?- I think they thought there was going to be an extra nugget on the end.
0:10:56 > 0:11:00That was the fucking nugget...
0:11:00 > 0:11:03If you put a sound effect on the end, we'd know it was the end,
0:11:03 > 0:11:04and they'd just go for it.
0:11:04 > 0:11:06It's because you've got off-beat timing.
0:11:06 > 0:11:08In what way?
0:11:08 > 0:11:11Just like normal comedians go, da-da-da-da-da-da...DA-DA!
0:11:11 > 0:11:13You go, ba-do-di-ba-da-bo-da!
0:11:19 > 0:11:22Next up, it's the Intros round!
0:11:22 > 0:11:27Uncle Phill, I'm here to pimp your team, so I need the whole of JLS
0:11:27 > 0:11:28to help you out, come up, guys.
0:11:28 > 0:11:30I'm having my team pimped.
0:11:30 > 0:11:33APPLAUSE
0:11:33 > 0:11:35Good luck, guys.
0:11:37 > 0:11:38That's for Phill.
0:11:38 > 0:11:42Thank you. I have here a piece of paper from Tim Westwood.
0:11:42 > 0:11:44You got enough help with you, have you?
0:11:44 > 0:11:47Look at you, you're like Fagin up there.
0:11:49 > 0:11:51- OK?- Yep.
0:11:51 > 0:11:531, 2, 3, 4...
0:11:53 > 0:11:561... On 4!
0:11:56 > 0:12:02I thought you were going to start with the bass. All right!
0:12:02 > 0:12:05Yeah, yeah, yeah! (Fucking idiots!)
0:12:09 > 0:12:10Here we go.
0:12:10 > 0:12:13# Doo-di-di-doo di-di-doo-di-di-doo-di-di-doo...
0:12:13 > 0:12:15# 1, 2, 3, 4!
0:12:15 > 0:12:17- MIMICS TRUMPET - # Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do
0:12:17 > 0:12:19# Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do
0:12:19 > 0:12:21# Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do
0:12:21 > 0:12:24# Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do
0:12:24 > 0:12:27# Do...do...do-do-do-do-do-do... #
0:12:30 > 0:12:32I have no idea what Marvin's contribution to that was.
0:12:32 > 0:12:34I was bass with Phil!
0:12:34 > 0:12:36- I dunno.- Oh, really?- Yeah.
0:12:36 > 0:12:38NOEL: Oh. I think I do know.
0:12:38 > 0:12:40Shall I throw it over?
0:12:40 > 0:12:45I know what it is but I can't remember what it's called.
0:12:45 > 0:12:47It's Paolo Nutini, right?
0:12:47 > 0:12:48Yeah?
0:12:48 > 0:12:49SINGLE DRUMBEAT
0:12:51 > 0:12:53It's about stationery.
0:12:53 > 0:12:56Lead In My Pencil.
0:12:56 > 0:12:58Exactly.
0:12:58 > 0:13:00Lead In My Pencil.
0:13:00 > 0:13:02I'm back in the game!
0:13:02 > 0:13:04Here's how it should have sounded.
0:13:04 > 0:13:07INTRO "Lead In My Pencil" by Paolo Nutini
0:13:14 > 0:13:15The next intro, please!
0:13:15 > 0:13:171, 2, 3, 4...
0:13:17 > 0:13:19# Ba-bom ba-ba-bom
0:13:19 > 0:13:22# Ba-bom ba-ba-bom
0:13:22 > 0:13:25- HIGH-PITCHED, ASCENDING: - # Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da...
0:13:25 > 0:13:27# ..bom-bom-bom...
0:13:27 > 0:13:29- HIGH-PITCHED, DESCENDING: - # Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da...
0:13:29 > 0:13:31# ..bom ba-bom-bom... #
0:13:31 > 0:13:33Is it...erm...
0:13:33 > 0:13:36Is it Grace Jones?
0:13:36 > 0:13:37Is it pardon?
0:13:37 > 0:13:39Is it Grace Jones?
0:13:39 > 0:13:40N-n-not as such.
0:13:40 > 0:13:43Oh, it's not, um... OK, it's not, then.
0:13:43 > 0:13:44We're throwing it over.
0:13:44 > 0:13:46It's Grandmaster Flash.
0:13:46 > 0:13:49It's either The Message or Rapper's Delight.
0:13:49 > 0:13:50So good!
0:13:50 > 0:13:52DRUM BEATS
0:13:52 > 0:13:55Here's how it should have sounded.
0:13:55 > 0:13:58INTRO "The Message" by Grandmaster Flash
0:14:06 > 0:14:09So that was Grandmaster Flash with The Message.
0:14:09 > 0:14:12Grandmaster Flash is the reason I got into hip-hop.
0:14:12 > 0:14:17If it wasn't for him, I could have been an assistant manager in a bank in Norwich.
0:14:17 > 0:14:19I'd probably have a company car by now.
0:14:19 > 0:14:22- Dr Noel.- Hello.
0:14:22 > 0:14:25Because Uncle Phill had JLS,
0:14:25 > 0:14:27I've got something even better.
0:14:27 > 0:14:29I've got Pat Sharp!
0:14:29 > 0:14:31APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:14:34 > 0:14:36Russell!
0:14:39 > 0:14:40What happened to the mullet?!
0:14:40 > 0:14:43It was all business at the front and all party at the back!
0:14:43 > 0:14:46- Now it's all business! - DRUM BEATS
0:14:50 > 0:14:52Pat's here to help you with the intros.
0:14:52 > 0:14:55- Come on, Pat. - Here is your intros.- Thank you.
0:14:55 > 0:14:57My pleasure.
0:14:57 > 0:14:59You ready?
0:14:59 > 0:15:011, 2, 3, 4...
0:15:01 > 0:15:03# Bloum, bloum
0:15:03 > 0:15:06# Bloum-bloum-bloum-bloum
0:15:06 > 0:15:12# Ahhhhhhhhhhh Ahhhhh-ah-ah-ah-ahhhhhhh
0:15:12 > 0:15:17- # Wak-wa-wa Wa-wa-waaa... - Mm-mm-mm... #
0:15:17 > 0:15:18Pat!
0:15:18 > 0:15:24# Ahhhhhhhhhhh Ahhhhh-ah-ah-ah-ahhhhhhh... #
0:15:24 > 0:15:27Come on, Pat, join in, man! It's your last chance to save your career!
0:15:27 > 0:15:32- # Waaaaa-wa-wa-wa-wa... - MM-MM-MM-MM-MM-MM-MM! #
0:15:32 > 0:15:33Oh, wow. Sorry.
0:15:33 > 0:15:35# Ahhhhhhhhhhh Ahhhhh-ah-ah-ah-ahhhhhhh... #
0:15:35 > 0:15:39- That was a joke, Pat. - SINGLE DRUMBEAT
0:15:39 > 0:15:41- I'm lost. I'm lost. - Are we throwing it over?
0:15:41 > 0:15:44- Let him have a guess! - Let me have one guess.
0:15:44 > 0:15:45Let's Get Ready To Rumble!
0:15:46 > 0:15:48Walsh knows.
0:15:48 > 0:15:50I think it's The Specials.
0:15:50 > 0:15:52Ghost Town?
0:15:52 > 0:15:53Yes! Oh, she's good!
0:15:53 > 0:15:55She is good.
0:15:55 > 0:15:58This is how it should have sounded.
0:15:58 > 0:16:01INTRO "Ghost Town" by The Specials
0:16:05 > 0:16:09- I should've known that, shouldn't I? - Listen...
0:16:09 > 0:16:12# MM-MM-MM-MM-MM-MM-MM! #
0:16:14 > 0:16:17Can we have the next intro, please?
0:16:17 > 0:16:22- There you go.- Thank you. - You look like you're about to do a best man's speech.
0:16:22 > 0:16:23I'm ready.
0:16:23 > 0:16:251, 2, 3, 4.
0:16:25 > 0:16:29I'd like to thank you all for coming this afternoon, specially the bride,
0:16:29 > 0:16:35and the bridegroom, it's been an incredible day. We're all pissed and we're going home now. Thanks, bye.
0:16:41 > 0:16:431, 2, 3, 4.
0:16:43 > 0:16:46- # Boo-boo-chh! Boo-boo-chh! - BEEP!
0:16:46 > 0:16:49- # Boo-boo-chh! Boo-boo-chh!- BEEP!
0:16:49 > 0:16:51- # Boo-boo-chh! Boo-boo-chh! - BEEP!
0:16:51 > 0:16:54- # Boo-boo-chh! Boo-boo-chh!- BEEP!
0:16:54 > 0:16:56- # Boo-boo-chh! Boo-boo-chh! - BEEP!
0:16:56 > 0:16:59- # Boo-boo-chh! Boo-boo-chh!- BEEP! #
0:16:59 > 0:17:02- Bass! - # Mak-mak-ma!
0:17:03 > 0:17:05It's not We Will Rock You, is it?
0:17:05 > 0:17:08No. It could be in another lifetime.
0:17:09 > 0:17:13We have got the three stages of Freddie Mercury here.
0:17:13 > 0:17:17Hmmm... It's not Ant And Dec, is it?
0:17:19 > 0:17:22OK. Are we going to pass it over?
0:17:22 > 0:17:23We are passing it over.
0:17:23 > 0:17:26Is it Cypress Hill?
0:17:26 > 0:17:28You are so good, Holly, baby.
0:17:28 > 0:17:30Insane In The Membrane.
0:17:30 > 0:17:32Oh! She is so good! Here's how it should have sounded.
0:17:32 > 0:17:34Make some noise for Holly!
0:17:34 > 0:17:37INTRO "Insane In The Brain" by Cypress Hill
0:17:37 > 0:17:41- # BEEP! # - She's good if she got that. I'm not going to lie, she's good.
0:17:41 > 0:17:43I'd like to say thank you to Pat Sharp.
0:17:43 > 0:17:45APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:17:45 > 0:17:47Really good to see you, man.
0:17:49 > 0:17:54- Good work.- So that was Cypress Hill with Insane In The Brain.
0:17:54 > 0:17:56We also heard Ghost Town by The Specials.
0:17:56 > 0:17:58The band is still very relevant today.
0:17:58 > 0:18:01Just ask Chris Moyles.
0:18:01 > 0:18:03He loves hearing The Specials.
0:18:03 > 0:18:07But then again, he loves most things on the menu.
0:18:07 > 0:18:10LAUGHTER
0:18:10 > 0:18:12NOEL: I like that joke.
0:18:12 > 0:18:14No button for me.
0:18:14 > 0:18:16I like Chris.
0:18:16 > 0:18:19Really? SINGLE DRUMBEAT
0:18:24 > 0:18:29- At the end of that round, Uncle Phill's team - 3! - SINGLE DRUMBEAT
0:18:29 > 0:18:32Dr Noel's team - 3!
0:18:32 > 0:18:35APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:18:40 > 0:18:44Round Three is the Identity Parade. Uncle Phill,
0:18:44 > 0:18:49what about some '70s progressive rock? For the audience only,
0:18:49 > 0:18:52here is the Gordon Giltrap Band.
0:19:15 > 0:19:19That was the Gordon Giltrap Band with Fear Of The Dark.
0:19:19 > 0:19:23But which of our line-up is Gordon Giltrap?
0:19:23 > 0:19:26Is it number one - Giltrap?
0:19:26 > 0:19:30Number two - bear trap?
0:19:30 > 0:19:33Number three - clap trap?
0:19:34 > 0:19:36Number four - Von Trapp?
0:19:38 > 0:19:42Or number five - shut your trap, I'm doing the ID Parade!
0:19:45 > 0:19:47It's like a line-up for God!
0:19:49 > 0:19:50KLAXON BLARES
0:19:50 > 0:19:52Substitution, substitution, substitution!
0:19:52 > 0:19:55CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:19:59 > 0:20:02I think they look like a line-up of Father Christmases.
0:20:02 > 0:20:05If you got number three, you would feel ripped off!
0:20:06 > 0:20:11- I think it's...- You look like Luna from the Harry Potter books, "Hello!"
0:20:11 > 0:20:15- Luna Lovegood? - You read Harry Potter? - I read the Harry Potter books.
0:20:15 > 0:20:18- Do all of you?- Just JB!
0:20:18 > 0:20:20Can we throw it to JB to identify...
0:20:20 > 0:20:23He can only identify number two. He is obsessed with Harry Potter.
0:20:23 > 0:20:26This is the thing I wasn't expecting to find out,
0:20:26 > 0:20:31that he, when he's supposed to be using his own brand of condoms to pleasure the groupies
0:20:31 > 0:20:35is actually going, "Oh, no! Dumbledore, I can't believe you did that!"
0:20:39 > 0:20:42Number one is just staring me out.
0:20:43 > 0:20:46It's just straight at me, he hasn't blinked once.
0:20:49 > 0:20:51I'm going to try and take him off you.
0:20:53 > 0:20:56Let's... Sub in, sub in! Sub in the stare!
0:20:56 > 0:21:00- I think we've got him. I think it's five.- Yeah, I think it's five.
0:21:00 > 0:21:05- Five actually...- He looks like he's made a lot of money and had a lot of prosperity and wealth.
0:21:05 > 0:21:07Well, number five, even if it's not you, sir,
0:21:07 > 0:21:09those young men think highly of you!
0:21:10 > 0:21:12Number five please, big dog.
0:21:12 > 0:21:18Let's find out - would the real Gordon Giltrap please step forwards?
0:21:18 > 0:21:20Yes! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:21:24 > 0:21:27With a joint album with Rick Wakeman out now,
0:21:27 > 0:21:29Gordon Giltrap, ladies and gentlemen!
0:21:30 > 0:21:33Rock on, dude!
0:21:35 > 0:21:37- Dr Noel.- Hello.
0:21:37 > 0:21:40How about some '90s R&B?
0:21:40 > 0:21:44For the audience only, here is Innocence.
0:21:44 > 0:21:46# A natural thing
0:21:46 > 0:21:48# I don't have to prove it
0:21:48 > 0:21:51# A natural thing
0:21:51 > 0:21:53# We're making out, we know we're right
0:21:53 > 0:21:55# A natural thing
0:21:55 > 0:21:58# Time is on our side
0:21:58 > 0:22:03- # Coming on - Keep coming on so strong. #
0:22:03 > 0:22:05That was Innocence with Natural Thing.
0:22:05 > 0:22:10But which of our line-up is singer Gee Morris?
0:22:10 > 0:22:13Is it number one - Gee Morris?
0:22:13 > 0:22:16Is it number two - F off.
0:22:16 > 0:22:20Is it number three - Z-list?
0:22:20 > 0:22:23Is it number four - C sharp?
0:22:23 > 0:22:26Or is it number five - see Pat Sharp!
0:22:26 > 0:22:28APPLAUSE
0:22:32 > 0:22:35We've got to be sensible here, lads.
0:22:35 > 0:22:38What do you mean - not pick number five?
0:22:40 > 0:22:43It feels so right, though, to pick number five.
0:22:43 > 0:22:47No matter what anyone says, I am going to say it's number five.
0:22:48 > 0:22:52Russell, you've done plenty of duets in your time, haven't you?
0:22:52 > 0:22:56- Yes, yes.- Have you ever thought about teaming up with the king of grime?
0:22:56 > 0:22:58- Yes.- Dizzee Rascal.- Yes.
0:22:58 > 0:23:00AUDIENCE: Oooh!
0:23:00 > 0:23:02Oooh!
0:23:02 > 0:23:04SINGLE DRUMBEAT
0:23:04 > 0:23:07- Would you do a... - Four or two, it could be.
0:23:07 > 0:23:10- What do you think? - I think it's number five.
0:23:10 > 0:23:11Would you do...
0:23:13 > 0:23:19Believe it or not, back in 1999, I did a duet with Sean Ryder.
0:23:19 > 0:23:21- Really?- That was quite an experience.
0:23:21 > 0:23:27I shouldn't say this, but I do occasionally do impersonations and...
0:23:27 > 0:23:30- You do a Ryder?- We actually... Yeah.
0:23:30 > 0:23:32We actually struggled to get certain bits from him
0:23:32 > 0:23:38so I did the vocals and his manager came up to us afterwards and he says,
0:23:38 > 0:23:43"Tell you what - that's the best our Sean's sounded for about 10 years!"
0:23:45 > 0:23:47Do Nessun Dorma as Sean Ryder.
0:23:47 > 0:23:48I'll be Bez.
0:23:55 > 0:23:56So it'll be something like -
0:23:56 > 0:24:02- MANCUNIAN ACCENT: - # Nessun dorma, nessun dorma
0:24:02 > 0:24:07# Tu pure, o Principessa
0:24:07 > 0:24:11# Nella tua fredda stanza. #
0:24:11 > 0:24:13CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:24:16 > 0:24:17Fantastic.
0:24:18 > 0:24:22- Can we make a positive decision here?- Five.
0:24:22 > 0:24:25Are you... No, that weren't positive.
0:24:26 > 0:24:28- Let's be sensible.- All right.
0:24:28 > 0:24:31- It's either four or two.- Or five.
0:24:34 > 0:24:37- Can I just remind you of the scores at this stage? - Yeah, what are the scores?
0:24:37 > 0:24:39- You are one behind.- Really?
0:24:39 > 0:24:41OK, number five.
0:24:43 > 0:24:45It's what we call in the business an insistent gag.
0:24:47 > 0:24:49It needs your button.
0:24:49 > 0:24:50SINGLE DRUMBEAT
0:24:50 > 0:24:52Number four!
0:24:52 > 0:24:54- Are we saying four?- Yeah, we are.
0:24:54 > 0:25:00Let's find out. Would the real Gee Morris please put her best foot forward?
0:25:02 > 0:25:04Go on, Pat!
0:25:04 > 0:25:05Go on, Pat!
0:25:06 > 0:25:09CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:25:12 > 0:25:15And we're all looking forward to her new material -
0:25:15 > 0:25:16out soon, probably next year.
0:25:16 > 0:25:18Gee Morris, ladies and gentlemen.
0:25:23 > 0:25:26So we end with Next Lines.
0:25:26 > 0:25:29Noel's team, you are first!
0:25:29 > 0:25:30SINGLE DRUMBEAT
0:25:30 > 0:25:33And your time starts now.
0:25:33 > 0:25:38Here's a little song I wrote.
0:25:35 > 0:25:38You might want to sing it note for note.
0:25:38 > 0:25:42Insane in the membrane.
0:25:40 > 0:25:42Insane in the brain.
0:25:42 > 0:25:45Interview on the TV, I'm laughing.
0:25:45 > 0:25:47WILEY MUMBLES QUIETLY
0:25:49 > 0:25:50Is this one yours?
0:25:50 > 0:25:53All right. Interview on the TV, I'm laughing...
0:25:53 > 0:25:56Interview on the TV, I'm laughing.
0:25:56 > 0:25:59Might see me...uh...
0:25:59 > 0:26:02I missed my own song, you're... Killing Me Softly!
0:26:02 > 0:26:04- Never Mind The Buzzcocks.- Yes!
0:26:04 > 0:26:09- I'll make your...- I'll make your household laugh when I do my casting.
0:26:09 > 0:26:12Wiley with MJ Cole From The Drop.
0:26:12 > 0:26:16Barcelona!
0:26:13 > 0:26:16It was the first time that we met.
0:26:16 > 0:26:18Number five, Pat Sharp.
0:26:18 > 0:26:20END-OF-ROUND JINGLE
0:26:21 > 0:26:24Phill's team, you need four points to win,
0:26:24 > 0:26:28three points to draw or two points to lose.
0:26:28 > 0:26:34OK. Thanks for doing that. I'm going to play two subs now.
0:26:34 > 0:26:36- KLAXON BLARES - Can I sit in the middle?
0:26:40 > 0:26:42I'm really shit at this, by the way.
0:26:43 > 0:26:45Your time starts now.
0:26:45 > 0:26:48- Is that your thing, to wear the hat? - Yeah, do you like it?
0:26:48 > 0:26:51- Yeah, I just didn't realise that was a thing.- Oh, yeah.
0:26:51 > 0:26:54- You know, it just gets me girls, you know?- Really?
0:26:54 > 0:26:56- WILEY:- What's going on over there?
0:26:56 > 0:26:58This is like every bus stop I was ever in.
0:27:06 > 0:27:09I said, a hip-hop.
0:27:08 > 0:27:09- ALL:- Hip-hop.
0:27:09 > 0:27:11The hippie to the hip, hip-hop.
0:27:11 > 0:27:13You don't stop, you rock it to the bang bang...
0:27:13 > 0:27:15Sugarhill Gang, Rapper's Delight.
0:27:15 > 0:27:20Do you remember the good old days?
0:27:18 > 0:27:20No.
0:27:21 > 0:27:23The Specials, Ghost Town.
0:27:23 > 0:27:26Day two, I can't help but think of you.
0:27:26 > 0:27:30- Day two, can't... - Was the same as day two. Day four, I fell in love with you.
0:27:30 > 0:27:34- Thank you. But what happened to day three?- Day three was the same as day two.
0:27:34 > 0:27:37Oh, I though you were just saying that. JLS, Love You More.
0:27:37 > 0:27:42Day four, I fell in love with you.
0:27:40 > 0:27:42Day five, you spent it with me.
0:27:42 > 0:27:44Sixth day, knocked me off my feet. Day seven...
0:27:44 > 0:27:47You're taking my questions! JLS, Love You More.
0:27:47 > 0:27:49- KLAXON BLARES - Oh, change over. Sub, sub, sub!
0:27:49 > 0:27:52CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:27:53 > 0:27:56- END-OF-ROUND JINGLE - Let's go, team. Oh!
0:28:00 > 0:28:01The final scores -
0:28:01 > 0:28:05- Uncle Phill's team - eight, sir. - Thank you.
0:28:07 > 0:28:09Dr Noel's team -
0:28:09 > 0:28:11- seven.- Oh, no!
0:28:11 > 0:28:14CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:28:17 > 0:28:19Thanks to Uncle Phill, Holly and JLS.
0:28:23 > 0:28:26Not forgetting Dr Noel, Russell and my man, Wiley.
0:28:26 > 0:28:29And, of course, number five - Pat Sharp!
0:28:32 > 0:28:34This has been Never Mind The Buzzcocks.
0:28:34 > 0:28:36We're out of here. One.
0:29:00 > 0:29:03Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd