0:00:02 > 0:00:03Not Dappy!
0:00:03 > 0:00:06Fieldmouse, what happened last night?
0:00:06 > 0:00:09I can't remember anything after Cilla's house!
0:00:10 > 0:00:13Is that a gimp?!
0:00:13 > 0:00:17- Morning, boys!- How are you still alive after last night?
0:00:17 > 0:00:20Because I'm showbiz, you pussies!
0:00:20 > 0:00:23Anyone for champoo?
0:00:45 > 0:00:47CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:50 > 0:00:56Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome your host, Miss Cilla Black!
0:00:56 > 0:00:58CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:58 > 0:01:00How great is this?!
0:01:05 > 0:01:09Ah! Hello, and welcome to the Buzzcocks!
0:01:10 > 0:01:16It's lovely to be here. Mind you, at my age, it's lovely to be anywhere!
0:01:16 > 0:01:20Let's see who you'll be enjoying tonight,
0:01:20 > 0:01:23with the lovely Phill Jupitus!
0:01:25 > 0:01:30Will it be contestant number one, our hip-hop duo from Brighton?
0:01:30 > 0:01:32Will you let them "rap" you up and take you home
0:01:32 > 0:01:35or will you "rizzle kick" them to the kerb?
0:01:35 > 0:01:37It's Rizzle Kicks!
0:01:37 > 0:01:39WHISTLING, CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:42 > 0:01:48Or will it be contestant number two? She's a lady comedian from London
0:01:48 > 0:01:50but will she tickle your funny bone?
0:01:50 > 0:01:52It's Tiffany Stevenson.
0:01:52 > 0:01:53CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:55 > 0:01:59And with the gorgeous Noel Fielding...
0:02:01 > 0:02:03Will it be contestant number three?
0:02:03 > 0:02:06I like nothing more than waking up to this lady.
0:02:06 > 0:02:10It's the host of This Morning, Holly Willoughby!
0:02:10 > 0:02:12# You don't know-o-ow
0:02:12 > 0:02:14# You don't know you're beautiful... #
0:02:16 > 0:02:21Or will it be contestant number four, our burger-van vendor from Greece?
0:02:21 > 0:02:25He'd like to flip you over and serve you his quarter-pounder with cheese.
0:02:25 > 0:02:27It's Angelos Epithemiou.
0:02:27 > 0:02:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:02:32 > 0:02:37Let's begin with "Tonight, We Are Going To Party Like It's..."
0:02:37 > 0:02:40Oh...put whatever date in you want to.
0:02:40 > 0:02:44Phill, Rizzle Kicks and Tiffany, have a look at this.
0:02:44 > 0:02:48# It's the eye of the tiger It's the thrill of the fight
0:02:48 > 0:02:53# Rising up to the challenge of our rival
0:02:53 > 0:02:57# And the last known survivor stalks his prey in the night... #
0:02:57 > 0:03:02# Do you really want to hurt me?
0:03:02 > 0:03:07# Do you really want to make me cry? #
0:03:07 > 0:03:08# Come on, Eileen
0:03:08 > 0:03:10# Oh, I swear what he means
0:03:10 > 0:03:14# At this moment, you mean everything... #
0:03:16 > 0:03:19OK, Phill's team, which year do you think that was?
0:03:19 > 0:03:24I don't know what year it is but I think Noel is in the background, playing a stick.
0:03:24 > 0:03:25Oh yeah!
0:03:28 > 0:03:32- What is that instrument?- A stick!
0:03:32 > 0:03:35So we had Survivor, with Eye Of The Tiger...
0:03:35 > 0:03:39- Boy George...- Yeah.- With a slightly disturbing courtroom scene.
0:03:39 > 0:03:44- My auntie was in that, I saw her dancing in the background.- What year did she dance with Culture Club?
0:03:44 > 0:03:46- I think I just made that up for comedic value.- OK.
0:03:46 > 0:03:48LAUGHTER
0:03:51 > 0:03:55Cilla, I've got a compliment for you. My mum was so excited
0:03:55 > 0:04:01when I said I was doing this, she said, "Tell Cilla she's got great legs. I'd love Cilla's legs!"
0:04:01 > 0:04:03Well, tell your mother I've had them lagged!
0:04:04 > 0:04:09I saw your disco tits when you did the Royal Variety Performance!
0:04:09 > 0:04:10Oh, my God!
0:04:10 > 0:04:15That was a long time ago, and I was playing a part!
0:04:15 > 0:04:19Paul O'Grady talked me into it, to get the lallies out.
0:04:19 > 0:04:21LAUGHTER
0:04:22 > 0:04:27- The lallies are legs, by the way! - Oh! I thought they were your boobs!
0:04:27 > 0:04:29No, I've never had any boobs.
0:04:29 > 0:04:32Dear Frankie Howerd used to say
0:04:32 > 0:04:36I was the only girl he knew with two backs.
0:04:36 > 0:04:40Ahhh! That's not nice!
0:04:41 > 0:04:42What year?
0:04:42 > 0:04:47- I think it's '82.- He's right! Yes!
0:04:47 > 0:04:49APPLAUSE
0:04:49 > 0:04:51Indeed it was 1982
0:04:51 > 0:04:57but why was Snoop Dogg expelled from a school for high achievers in that year?
0:04:57 > 0:05:00Was it the gluing his teacher's legs together?
0:05:00 > 0:05:04For building a bong in art?
0:05:04 > 0:05:08Or for exposing himself in the lunch queue?
0:05:09 > 0:05:12From what I understand of Snoop Dogg, having seen him online,
0:05:12 > 0:05:14I think he'd need a queue to expose himself to.
0:05:14 > 0:05:16Really? What are you talking about?
0:05:16 > 0:05:17His enormous cock!
0:05:18 > 0:05:20Oh, my God!
0:05:24 > 0:05:27- I've gone all funny now!- The young man asked, I had to tell him.
0:05:27 > 0:05:29I didn't...oh yeah, I did.
0:05:30 > 0:05:35In Rizzle Kicks' biog last night, I was reading all about you kids.
0:05:35 > 0:05:38- Who made the mistake over the menstrual cycle?- I wanted to say,
0:05:38 > 0:05:40in terms of chocolate, I like Minstrels.
0:05:40 > 0:05:42But I said, "I like menstruals."
0:05:42 > 0:05:43LAUGHTER
0:05:43 > 0:05:46They're only available once a month.
0:05:49 > 0:05:52I'll be a nervous wreck by the time this show is over!
0:05:52 > 0:05:55- We think it was a bong. - You're wrong!
0:05:55 > 0:06:01At the age of 11, Snoop Dogg was expelled from a school for high achievers
0:06:01 > 0:06:04for exposing himself to a girl in the lunch queue.
0:06:04 > 0:06:06I think it was a case of...
0:06:06 > 0:06:09# Surprise, surprise!
0:06:09 > 0:06:13# The unexpected hits you between the eyes... #
0:06:13 > 0:06:17The things I have to do for money!
0:06:21 > 0:06:23Noel's team, have a look at this.
0:06:23 > 0:06:27# I'm a firestarter Twisted firestarter
0:06:30 > 0:06:34# You're the firestarter Twisted firestarter
0:06:34 > 0:06:36- # Return of the mack - It is
0:06:36 > 0:06:38- # Return of the mack - Come on
0:06:38 > 0:06:41- # Return of the mack - Oh, my God
0:06:41 > 0:06:43- # You know that I'll be back - Here I am... #
0:06:43 > 0:06:45# Oh, oh-h oh, oh-h oh
0:06:45 > 0:06:49# Mysterious girl, I wanna get close to you... #
0:06:54 > 0:06:57So, Noel, chuck, which year do you think that was?
0:06:57 > 0:07:01What's happening with his arms there, have they been melted off?
0:07:03 > 0:07:06I will hold my hands up and say, back in the day,
0:07:06 > 0:07:08I was a bit of a Peter Andre fan.
0:07:08 > 0:07:11Were you? Me too.
0:07:11 > 0:07:13Even with no arms, he fancied him.
0:07:13 > 0:07:17I think, at that age, I was more attracted to his stomach area.
0:07:17 > 0:07:23Because when you look at the tummy, it looks quite nice but the face, not quite so good...
0:07:23 > 0:07:28- I love Peter but...- Well, he's a bright bloke, isn't he?- Yeah.
0:07:28 > 0:07:30LAUGHTER
0:07:32 > 0:07:37I think that song was number one when I first went on holiday
0:07:37 > 0:07:40with my friends, without my mum and dad.
0:07:40 > 0:07:42This is one of the weirdest ways of remembering a date!
0:07:42 > 0:07:48- It's how I remember it. I was 16, we went to Lanzarote.- I've been there.
0:07:48 > 0:07:51- I've never been there. - Did you go to the volcano?
0:07:51 > 0:07:56Whenever Noel goes on holiday, he has to have a volcano there so he can frolic with the Orcs!
0:07:56 > 0:07:58- ANGELOS:- Is that true?
0:08:04 > 0:08:07That seems extraordinary!
0:08:07 > 0:08:12I do actually remember, I did kiss a local boy.
0:08:12 > 0:08:16His name was Yvan Daniel Gonzales Santana!
0:08:16 > 0:08:18That's a mouthful!
0:08:18 > 0:08:21- IN SPANISH ACCENT:- I am Yvan Daniel Gonzales Santana!
0:08:21 > 0:08:25And I have come to avenge my father, Holly Willoughby!
0:08:26 > 0:08:29- Did he have a black mask on?- No. - Riding a white horse?
0:08:29 > 0:08:33I wish he was. He was actually the pool cleaner at the resort we were staying!
0:08:34 > 0:08:39I show you the extendable bag I have on the end of this long stick for removing leaves!
0:08:39 > 0:08:42Look, Holly, I pulled a moth from the pool!
0:08:42 > 0:08:46Sometimes when you get insects out of pools, they make it.
0:08:46 > 0:08:52You put them on the side, they dry out and then go, "Oh! What happened?"
0:08:52 > 0:08:54- I'm lucky I remember his name. - You're not going to forget
0:08:54 > 0:08:56a name like that, you're just not!
0:08:56 > 0:08:59- PHILL:- Are you sure it wasn't four blokes?
0:09:00 > 0:09:03- No! I'm very sure!- He's probably watching this now online,
0:09:03 > 0:09:08thinking, "Ah, Holly Willoughby, I could have been yours
0:09:08 > 0:09:10"and now I have two pools!"
0:09:10 > 0:09:14"Oh, look, that moth just woke up."
0:09:14 > 0:09:20When you went on holiday, were you sponsored by Hawaiian Tropic, like Peter Andre is in that video?
0:09:20 > 0:09:24I don't think he's sponsored by Hawaiian Tropic so much as Ronseal!
0:09:25 > 0:09:30- Would you like to have a stomach like that, though?- I think I would, yes.
0:09:32 > 0:09:34It's just what the birds go for, you know?
0:09:34 > 0:09:40- I liked them blokes what brought you on, Cilla.- I liked them too! - I mean, I'm not that way
0:09:40 > 0:09:43but, you know, you got to appreciate beauty
0:09:43 > 0:09:45when it's shoved in your face!
0:09:46 > 0:09:50- So what year was it?- 1997. - '97, yeah.
0:09:50 > 0:09:56It was 1996, but why did Mick Hucknall cut off
0:09:56 > 0:09:59his ginger dreadlocks in that year?
0:09:59 > 0:10:03Was it because he was receiving death threats from Rastafarians?
0:10:03 > 0:10:06Martine McCutcheon was sick on them
0:10:06 > 0:10:11or Chris Evans stuck chewing gum in them? What do you think?
0:10:11 > 0:10:14Do you reckon, if Martine McCutcheon chucked up in them,
0:10:14 > 0:10:16they'd smell of Activia?
0:10:17 > 0:10:21I think the reason he chopped them off, cos he grew up.
0:10:26 > 0:10:31- He was in the ginger army and they said, "You can't have..."- "You can't have them hanging off your head!"
0:10:31 > 0:10:34- You had yours done the same day as...- Mick Hucknall.
0:10:34 > 0:10:37Dreadlocks down to here. I said, "Why are you getting yours chopped off?"
0:10:37 > 0:10:40He said, "Cos they look shit." I said, "I agree with you."
0:10:40 > 0:10:46When I was young, there was a tramp that lived near us and he had just one dreadlock.
0:10:46 > 0:10:48He had a hood, like a triceratops?
0:10:48 > 0:10:52Yeah! And it used to raise up when kids teased him.
0:10:52 > 0:10:55I think it might be Chris Evans, the chewing gum?
0:10:55 > 0:10:59Everybody knows, if you get chewing gum on anything, even a dreadlock,
0:10:59 > 0:11:03if you put it in the freezer, it comes out really easily.
0:11:03 > 0:11:05Can't put your head in the freezer though!
0:11:05 > 0:11:07Walt Disney did!
0:11:07 > 0:11:09What are you going to go for then?
0:11:09 > 0:11:12I think it's cos Chris Evans stuck chewing gum in it.
0:11:12 > 0:11:14All right, we'll go with that.
0:11:14 > 0:11:16No, you're totally wrong!
0:11:16 > 0:11:22- Oh...- After an Oasis concert, Martine McCutcheon climbed into Mick's car,
0:11:22 > 0:11:25where she was sick all over his face and dreadlocks!
0:11:25 > 0:11:30I think it was a case of... # Surprise, surprise! #
0:11:30 > 0:11:36Next up, it's the intros round. Noel and Holly, here are yours
0:11:36 > 0:11:38- for Angelos.- Hold on, please.
0:11:38 > 0:11:42- What?- I've got to put on my special hat for this.
0:11:44 > 0:11:49Me guessing hat. You know. Just makes things easier, bit of fun.
0:11:49 > 0:11:54Angelos, remember it's the title of the song we're looking for.
0:11:54 > 0:11:57Cilla, you don't have to tell me that!
0:11:57 > 0:12:00- How hard can this be?- Have you ever seen this show on telly?- No!
0:12:02 > 0:12:04- OK, good luck.- Why would you?
0:12:04 > 0:12:06LAUGHTER
0:12:08 > 0:12:10# Om-dum jigundow...
0:12:10 > 0:12:12- Tsssssup... - # Om-bom jigadow....
0:12:12 > 0:12:14# Di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di...
0:12:14 > 0:12:16- # Om-bom jigadow... # - I know this one, when can I say?
0:12:16 > 0:12:19Any time you like.
0:12:19 > 0:12:20- Tsssssup... - # Om-bom jigadow.... #
0:12:20 > 0:12:22- The Beatles! - CILLA GASPS
0:12:22 > 0:12:24I know it, it's The Beatles.
0:12:24 > 0:12:29- Pass it over to them.- No, don't pass it over. I'll be here all night just guessing, I'd rather do that.
0:12:29 > 0:12:31LAUGHTER
0:12:31 > 0:12:34- Can you read?- Yes, thank you!
0:12:34 > 0:12:37What? I don't know what that says.
0:12:37 > 0:12:41Beatles, it's The Beatles, isn't that enough?
0:12:41 > 0:12:43Who's in charge here?
0:12:45 > 0:12:48- Why don't you give him a clue?- Lots of people in the same area,
0:12:48 > 0:12:51how did they get there?
0:12:51 > 0:12:52The bus!
0:12:53 > 0:12:57When you're making love, er...
0:12:58 > 0:12:59LAUGHTER
0:13:01 > 0:13:04..perfect union...
0:13:04 > 0:13:08- is when you?- Oh, hold on!
0:13:08 > 0:13:13Oh! I'm getting... I'm getting something through!
0:13:13 > 0:13:16Come Together!
0:13:16 > 0:13:21Yes! I know, I know! Terrible! But you're right, actually,
0:13:21 > 0:13:25and here is how it should have sounded but they did pretty well.
0:13:25 > 0:13:29MUSIC: "Come Together" by The Beatles
0:13:31 > 0:13:34That was The Beatles, with Come Together.
0:13:34 > 0:13:37Did anybody know I was great mates with The Beatles?
0:13:37 > 0:13:41- Did you have a favourite Beatle? - Don't!
0:13:41 > 0:13:44I went through the lot of them, actually!
0:13:44 > 0:13:49- No! No!- Cilla Black!
0:13:49 > 0:13:50No! No!
0:13:50 > 0:13:52No! No!
0:13:54 > 0:13:56No, let me clarify that.
0:13:56 > 0:14:01- No, no, no...- Surely that's what Come Together is about!
0:14:01 > 0:14:07No, let me clarify that, just for the audience and everybody who's watching at home.
0:14:07 > 0:14:13When you saw The Beatles as a kid, your first love was Paul
0:14:13 > 0:14:17cos he had that lovely baby-face and then you went on to John
0:14:17 > 0:14:21because he was rugged and very feisty.
0:14:21 > 0:14:25And then you went on to George because he was just so lovely,
0:14:25 > 0:14:28and the last resort was Ringo!
0:14:29 > 0:14:32Mind you, have you seen him lately?
0:14:32 > 0:14:36Who'd have thought that Ringo would turn out the cute one?
0:14:36 > 0:14:40He used to look like Yasser Arafat, he doesn't any more!
0:14:40 > 0:14:43He doesn't any more!
0:14:43 > 0:14:45Anyway...
0:14:45 > 0:14:48can we have the next one, please, Holly.
0:14:48 > 0:14:50What's in your bag, a severed cat's head?
0:14:50 > 0:14:54Don't be ridiculous, it's a blind man's stick, of course.
0:15:01 > 0:15:05I used to play that in Dexy's Midnight Runners!
0:15:06 > 0:15:10Best to be prepared.
0:15:10 > 0:15:14And then I've just got some cut-outs of fat people.
0:15:15 > 0:15:19I'll be honest with you, look at Holly more than me for this one.
0:15:19 > 0:15:21I will be doing that anyway!
0:15:22 > 0:15:25- # Duh duh duh, duh-duh! - Ting ting ting, ker-ting! #
0:15:25 > 0:15:28- Oh, that was wrong! - # Duh duh duh, duh-duh! #
0:15:28 > 0:15:30Oh, I know this one!
0:15:30 > 0:15:31Keep going!
0:15:31 > 0:15:35# Duh duh, da-da-da-da duh daaah! #
0:15:35 > 0:15:37- Do it again, start again. - THEY IMITATE AN EXPLOSION
0:15:39 > 0:15:42Oh, I don't know!
0:15:42 > 0:15:45- It's a Take That one. - Picture the boys.
0:15:45 > 0:15:46I'm picturing them, yeah.
0:15:47 > 0:15:53- Is there anyone else?- Yeah, there is. - Who's there?- Their manager.
0:15:55 > 0:15:59We're at a day out on the beach, just mucking about in the sand.
0:15:59 > 0:16:02Is Lulu there?
0:16:02 > 0:16:05- Yes!- Re-start me engine!
0:16:05 > 0:16:08- Relight My Fire.- Yeah!
0:16:13 > 0:16:16- Well, you're right, Angelos.- Thanks, Cilla.
0:16:16 > 0:16:19And here's how it should have sounded...
0:16:19 > 0:16:22MUSIC: "Relight My Fire" by Take That Featuring Lulu
0:16:26 > 0:16:28# Help me escape... #
0:16:28 > 0:16:33That was Take That featuring Lulu, with Relight My Fire.
0:16:33 > 0:16:36Of course, Lulu can relight her fire now
0:16:36 > 0:16:40cos she's reached the age where she gets her heating allowance!
0:16:40 > 0:16:42LAUGHTER
0:16:43 > 0:16:46- Are you friends?- We were...
0:16:46 > 0:16:51Cilla, do you know, I tried about ten times to get on Blind Date?
0:16:51 > 0:16:55- Did you?- Yeah, I never got on. - Not even with your stick?
0:16:55 > 0:16:57LAUGHTER
0:17:00 > 0:17:05Phill, and Rizzle Sticks... No! Rizzle Kicks!
0:17:07 > 0:17:10I'm sorry, I'm sorry!
0:17:10 > 0:17:14You've got that lyric about getting grass stains on your white trainers.
0:17:14 > 0:17:16True stories!
0:17:16 > 0:17:19Really good lyrics, really funny.
0:17:19 > 0:17:20Thanks, Noel!
0:17:20 > 0:17:28That's not a joke. I meant that, I love kids, and not in that way either!
0:17:29 > 0:17:31I like that you've got a song called When I Was Younger
0:17:31 > 0:17:35cos I did think, was that last week?
0:17:35 > 0:17:39It was referring to us when we were like ten or whatever.
0:17:39 > 0:17:43I'm old enough to be your mum, if I was a slut at school!
0:17:44 > 0:17:46I was...
0:17:46 > 0:17:49- Are you ready for this, guys? - Yes!- No!
0:17:49 > 0:17:53Phill and Rizzle Kicks, here are yours for Tiffany.
0:17:53 > 0:17:56- Ah, I've been sitting down for ages. - It's nice to stretch the old legs
0:17:56 > 0:18:00when you're AS OLD AS I AM!
0:18:02 > 0:18:05- # Rom bom bom bom bom bom - Da da da, da da da
0:18:05 > 0:18:07- HARLEY IMITATES PERCUSSION - # Da na na, da na na
0:18:07 > 0:18:09- # Rom bom bom bom bom bom - # Da na na, da na na
0:18:09 > 0:18:12- # Rom bom bom bom bom bom - # Da na na, da na na
0:18:12 > 0:18:14- HARLEY IMITATES PERCUSSION - # Rom bom bom bom bom bom - # Da na na, da na na... #
0:18:14 > 0:18:18- Is that a violin?- Yeah.- Are you self-harming? What's happening?
0:18:18 > 0:18:20APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH
0:18:20 > 0:18:24Oh, come on, Twizzle Sticks, we can do it, we can do it!
0:18:24 > 0:18:26Is it Cliff Richard's...
0:18:26 > 0:18:31- Which Cliff Richard song would you self-harm to?- Aw...
0:18:31 > 0:18:34- I've upset Cilla now. Sorry, Cilla. - He's my friend!
0:18:34 > 0:18:37Can I just say "Christmas" to you?
0:18:38 > 0:18:42- Millennium Prayer!- Did you mouth then? You did, chuck.
0:18:42 > 0:18:46This is like young men misbehaving with their auntie and it has to stop.
0:18:46 > 0:18:48You're right, Tiffany.
0:18:48 > 0:18:51And here's how it should have sounded.
0:18:51 > 0:18:54MUSIC: "Millennium Prayer" by Cliff Richard
0:18:56 > 0:18:58# Our father... #
0:18:58 > 0:19:04- Surely that's enough.- You know, I live quite close to Cliff in Barbados.
0:19:04 > 0:19:09- Do you?- I do. And he often gives me advice, it's lovely.- What on?
0:19:09 > 0:19:14Only last week, he told me, "Cilla, whatever you do,
0:19:14 > 0:19:18"never ever host a pop panel quiz show."
0:19:19 > 0:19:21Oh, shit...
0:19:21 > 0:19:25- LAUGHTER - Does he turn up in tennis whites?
0:19:25 > 0:19:29- When he wants to.- Has he got a good set of lallies?
0:19:29 > 0:19:33He's got great lallies, great chest, great... Do you know what?
0:19:33 > 0:19:35I'm turning myself on here!
0:19:35 > 0:19:37LAUGHTER AND CHEERING
0:19:41 > 0:19:42Cilla!
0:19:43 > 0:19:45Next one, please.
0:19:45 > 0:19:46One, two, three, four!
0:19:46 > 0:19:48# Dow, dow, dow na na na now now
0:19:48 > 0:19:50# Dow, dow, dow na na na now now
0:19:50 > 0:19:53- # Dow, dow, dow na na na now now - Bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow
0:19:53 > 0:19:55- # Dow, dow, dow na na na now now - Bow, bow, gdaunsch, daunsch
0:19:55 > 0:19:58- ALL: # Ga da, now now now, na na na na now, now!- Woo! #
0:19:58 > 0:20:01I reckon this was probably the song that was playing
0:20:01 > 0:20:05when Holly had her little dalliance with Santana-face.
0:20:05 > 0:20:07Were you there?
0:20:07 > 0:20:10- IN SPANISH ACCENT:- Please, not now, Holly Willoughby, I have to clear out the deep end!
0:20:13 > 0:20:17A child has left something in the pool that nobody wanted to see.
0:20:17 > 0:20:19It's definitely Girls Aloud...
0:20:19 > 0:20:22- Ooh.- Love Machine!
0:20:22 > 0:20:24Wow! Yes, exactly right.
0:20:26 > 0:20:29And here is how it should have sounded.
0:20:29 > 0:20:32MUSIC: "Love Machine" by Girls Aloud
0:20:41 > 0:20:44# Ladies, you're damn right... #
0:20:44 > 0:20:46So that was Girls Aloud with Love Machine.
0:20:46 > 0:20:51Nicola Roberts has seen success with her solo single
0:20:51 > 0:20:57and could soon become the most successful Scouse redhead solo artist of all time.
0:20:58 > 0:21:01Over my dead body!
0:21:07 > 0:21:10Round 3 is the identity parade.
0:21:10 > 0:21:15Noel, Holly and Angelos, let's have a bit of TV history.
0:21:15 > 0:21:19For the audience only, here is Blind Date.
0:21:19 > 0:21:23Welcome to Blind Date. I must say, hello, number one, would you like to tell everybody out there
0:21:23 > 0:21:25what your name is and where you come from.
0:21:25 > 0:21:28My name's Andrew and I'm from Surrey.
0:21:28 > 0:21:30My name's Anna and I come from London.
0:21:30 > 0:21:33I'd love to be posh!
0:21:33 > 0:21:37Well, that was, of course, Blind Date. But what I want to know
0:21:37 > 0:21:42is which one of our line-up was the first Blind Date bride?
0:21:42 > 0:21:46Here's our Graham with a quick reminder.
0:21:46 > 0:21:52Is it number one? She's a blonde bombshell who'll make you explode.
0:21:52 > 0:21:57Number two. I asked her out backstage but she claimed she'll be washing her hair!
0:21:57 > 0:22:00Number three. She's got more "mussels"
0:22:00 > 0:22:03than a Belgian bistro on "2 for 1" moules day!
0:22:04 > 0:22:08Number four, she likes country walks and country pubs,
0:22:08 > 0:22:10so why not take a ramble with her?
0:22:10 > 0:22:14Or is it number five? If she was your yummy mummy,
0:22:14 > 0:22:17you'd wish every night was bath night!
0:22:17 > 0:22:18LAUGHTER
0:22:21 > 0:22:25Which one of those looks like they'd go on a TV show to find love?
0:22:25 > 0:22:30- Let's start with that question. - Number one. That's your guess.
0:22:30 > 0:22:34Have you got anything in your bag that will help us?
0:22:34 > 0:22:38Yeah, this should help. It's just a dog mask.
0:22:43 > 0:22:47Maybe it's the wrong way round. What if I put it over their faces?
0:22:47 > 0:22:50Yeah, have a look. Put that on and all.
0:22:53 > 0:22:54Let's do a reaction test.
0:23:00 > 0:23:02HE BEEPS HORN
0:23:03 > 0:23:05I'm frightened to do this to you, if I'm honest.
0:23:07 > 0:23:10- HE BEEPS HORN - Yeah, nothing. Nothing.
0:23:10 > 0:23:12- HE BEEPS HORN - OK.- Yep?
0:23:12 > 0:23:14Yeah, I think I've got it.
0:23:14 > 0:23:16LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:23:17 > 0:23:21In retrospect, that was a waste of time.
0:23:23 > 0:23:26- Holly...- Let's go two.
0:23:26 > 0:23:27I'm saying four and I'm not moving.
0:23:27 > 0:23:29Arm wrestle?
0:23:29 > 0:23:31- Ready?- Yeah.
0:23:31 > 0:23:34- One, two, three, go.- OK, that's enough, thanks.
0:23:34 > 0:23:38Number two, I think it's number two. It's definitely number two.
0:23:38 > 0:23:43Would the real Anna Coverdale step forward?
0:23:43 > 0:23:47- Oh no!- Oh, thank you, thank you!
0:23:48 > 0:23:50Aah...
0:23:50 > 0:23:52Sorry!
0:23:52 > 0:23:58And now divorced, ladies and gentlemen, Anna Coverdale!
0:23:59 > 0:24:01She divorced him!
0:24:02 > 0:24:08Phill, Rizzle Kicks and Tiffany, what about some late '70s mods?
0:24:08 > 0:24:13For the audience only, here is Secret Affair.
0:24:13 > 0:24:14# Take me to your leader
0:24:15 > 0:24:19# Because it's time you realised
0:24:19 > 0:24:22- # That this is the time - This is the time for action
0:24:22 > 0:24:25- # The time for action - This is the time to be seen
0:24:25 > 0:24:26# The time to be seen
0:24:26 > 0:24:28# This is the time for action
0:24:28 > 0:24:32# Time to be seen... #
0:24:32 > 0:24:36Well, that was Secret Affair, with Time For Action.
0:24:36 > 0:24:41But which of our line-up is guitarist Dave Cairns?
0:24:41 > 0:24:44Is it one, time for action?
0:24:44 > 0:24:47Number two, time for bed.
0:24:47 > 0:24:50Number three, time for another.
0:24:50 > 0:24:53Number four, time on his hands.
0:24:53 > 0:24:56Or number five, done time!
0:24:56 > 0:24:58LAUGHTER
0:24:58 > 0:25:00Number one looks like he's just bought a yacht!
0:25:03 > 0:25:05Modelling it in a catalogue!
0:25:05 > 0:25:11Ah, she's a beauty. 40 foot of wood and steel that I'm going to take to the edge of the earth!
0:25:12 > 0:25:14Number two looks really pissed off!
0:25:14 > 0:25:18Number one is still gazing off into the middle distance though!
0:25:18 > 0:25:22He's absolutely not broken that Rattan catalogue look he's got there.
0:25:22 > 0:25:27- Number two looks like a bodyguard. - Four looks like manager at Aldi.
0:25:29 > 0:25:32I reckon four looked incredibly confident when he walked in
0:25:32 > 0:25:37- so I'm going to go four.- OK, will the real David Cairns step forward?
0:25:39 > 0:25:40- Oh no!- Argh...
0:25:40 > 0:25:44APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH
0:25:44 > 0:25:51Still touring with reformed Secret Affair, Dave Cairns, ladies and gentlemen, well done!
0:25:56 > 0:26:01And we end with a round all about dating and love
0:26:01 > 0:26:03in the world of music.
0:26:03 > 0:26:06Phill's team are in the lead, so you go first.
0:26:06 > 0:26:08Your time starts now.
0:26:08 > 0:26:12Who did Sinitta date - Brad Pitt or Bon Jovi?
0:26:12 > 0:26:16- Brad Pitt.- Brad Pitt, can you imagine how she got him?
0:26:16 > 0:26:20Listen to this one. Who claims to have slept with more women -
0:26:20 > 0:26:25Mick Hucknall, Gene Simmons or Cliff Richard?
0:26:25 > 0:26:27- Gene Simmons.- Gene Simmons. - Gene Simmons.
0:26:27 > 0:26:28You're absolutely right.
0:26:28 > 0:26:32He's slept with 4,600 women!
0:26:32 > 0:26:36Which one of these has not made a sex tape?
0:26:36 > 0:26:40Tommy Lee, Christopher Biggins, Frank Sinatra?
0:26:40 > 0:26:43Oh, Frank Sinatra, Frank Sinatra.
0:26:43 > 0:26:48Oh no! Then that means there's a sex tape of Biggins out there!
0:26:48 > 0:26:50Oh, my eyes!
0:26:50 > 0:26:54- Argh! Argh!- You reckon Frank Sinatra?
0:26:54 > 0:26:59He did, actually. He starred in a porn film called The Masked Bandit
0:26:59 > 0:27:05when he was 19 and strapped for cash. It was Christopher Biggins!
0:27:05 > 0:27:10- END-OF-TIME JINGLE - Oh, we're out of time! I'm sorry.
0:27:10 > 0:27:15Now, Noel's team, you need four points to win, so here we go.
0:27:15 > 0:27:18How did Phil Collins split up with his second wife?
0:27:18 > 0:27:20- Fax.- By fax.- Fax.
0:27:20 > 0:27:25- You're right, you didn't even have to...- I know I am, come on!
0:27:25 > 0:27:30- You're right! Which of the Cheeky Girls...- The one on the right.
0:27:31 > 0:27:33..did Lembit Opik date?
0:27:33 > 0:27:35- Gabriela.- Well, we know that
0:27:35 > 0:27:36but which one's Gabriela?
0:27:36 > 0:27:38- The one on the left. - The one on the left.
0:27:38 > 0:27:43Correct. How did David Beckham woo Posh Spice?
0:27:43 > 0:27:44He gave her a shin pad.
0:27:46 > 0:27:49Was it A, he traced animals from The Lion King for her?
0:27:49 > 0:27:51That's true, he gave her his colouring book.
0:27:51 > 0:27:55He said he painted, and then he went, "I draw round pictures from The Lion King."
0:27:55 > 0:27:58I thought, "David, I was on your side until that point!"
0:27:58 > 0:28:00You're right, you're so totally right.
0:28:00 > 0:28:03END-OF-TIME JINGLE
0:28:03 > 0:28:04APPLAUSE
0:28:04 > 0:28:06APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH
0:28:06 > 0:28:10At the end of that round, Phill's team has five
0:28:10 > 0:28:12and Noel's team have six!
0:28:12 > 0:28:14ANGELOS BEEPS HIS HORN
0:28:14 > 0:28:16They are this week's winners!
0:28:17 > 0:28:20What? Lies, lies.
0:28:20 > 0:28:25And it's our very big thanks to Phill, Rizzle Kicks and Tiffany,
0:28:25 > 0:28:30Noel, our Holly, and Angelos.
0:28:30 > 0:28:32This has been Never Mind The Buzzcocks
0:28:32 > 0:28:36and I've been Cilla Black. I'm off to glug champers
0:28:36 > 0:28:40through a funnel! Ta-ra for now!
0:28:40 > 0:28:43CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:28:48 > 0:28:50Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:28:50 > 0:28:55E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk
0:29:09 > 0:29:11GRAHAM: Cilla? Cilla?
0:29:11 > 0:29:14Oh, bugger, she's left without me.
0:29:14 > 0:29:19Well, I guess I'll have to sit tight here until Rhod Gilbert next week.