0:00:00 > 0:01:59This programme contains some strong language
0:00:02 > 0:00:05'12 outstanding hosts, over 57 laugh-out-loud moments,
0:00:05 > 0:00:12'six slightly above average reviews, all collected together in one very special place.'
0:00:12 > 0:00:16Welcome to the Museum of Never Mind The Buzzcocks, Series 25.
0:00:16 > 0:00:22- Don't touch anything or I'll smash his face in.- I thought I was going to see Tinie Tempah.
0:00:22 > 0:00:24It's not Tinie Tempah, it's me!
0:00:24 > 0:00:28- Aren't you a bit old to be in school uniform?- I'm seven.
0:00:31 > 0:00:34- Here's some stuff from Round One. Any questions?- What is that?
0:00:34 > 0:00:38It's a wax strip with Phill Jupitus's leg hair on it.
0:00:38 > 0:00:40- What's that?- A placenta in a bag.
0:00:40 > 0:00:45- What's that?- It's the Polo that the magician Dynamo pulled out of his neck in Episode 4.
0:00:45 > 0:00:49- What is that?- Did you watch any of this series, son?
0:00:49 > 0:00:53It's a picture of a whale getting tossed off by a cow's vagina.
0:00:54 > 0:00:56When this show started back in 1996,
0:00:56 > 0:01:00I was in a little show called Baywatch.
0:01:00 > 0:01:02WHISTLES FROM AUDIENCE
0:01:03 > 0:01:06Whoa! I'm huge!
0:01:07 > 0:01:12I looked pretty good back then, but the question is, how did our team captains look?
0:01:14 > 0:01:16Oh, my God!
0:01:16 > 0:01:18LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:01:18 > 0:01:20Phill...
0:01:21 > 0:01:23Is that you?
0:01:23 > 0:01:30- Is that really you?- I thought it was Manatee Week on the Discovery Channel.- Noel, is that really you?
0:01:30 > 0:01:33- Yeah.- It looks like someone I dated in high school.
0:01:33 > 0:01:37- Oh, my God! - I remember those years, yeah.
0:01:37 > 0:01:39I don't.
0:01:39 > 0:01:41That was Wyclef with Anything Can Happen,
0:01:41 > 0:01:45but which of these objects caused Wyclef to break his hand?
0:01:45 > 0:01:47You've got them underneath there.
0:01:47 > 0:01:50- We've got Christmas decorations. - For the Jew!- Yes.
0:01:51 > 0:01:55I don't even know what these are. I don't.
0:01:55 > 0:01:59- And we've got a vuvuzela.- That horn actually goes with your outfit.
0:01:59 > 0:02:03- It does.- You should mill about town with that. You'd look brilliant.
0:02:03 > 0:02:05There you go. That's really good.
0:02:08 > 0:02:10APPLAUSE
0:02:10 > 0:02:14I'm too old for Topshop? Get outta here!
0:02:14 > 0:02:17I'll summon my...men.
0:02:18 > 0:02:20BLOWS VUVUZELA
0:02:21 > 0:02:23To Topshop! APPLAUSE
0:02:23 > 0:02:29Maybe he just was so sick of Christmas, he punched his Christmas tree.
0:02:29 > 0:02:31LAUGHTER
0:02:31 > 0:02:35He punched his Christmas tree, then it got him in a headlock.
0:02:35 > 0:02:40Stacey has spent so long today with Noel and Tony, she's got secondary weird!
0:02:42 > 0:02:46- I can't wait for her next album. - I haven't even had a first one!
0:02:46 > 0:02:49LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:02:50 > 0:02:53We've got this from Ian Paisley's house.
0:02:53 > 0:02:58I'd like somebody I like on my toilet roll, then you would see them all the time.
0:02:58 > 0:03:01Yeah, then rub shit on their face.
0:03:01 > 0:03:06- If they were a true friend, they'd take it.- That's true.
0:03:06 > 0:03:10- What does placenta even look like? - This is what it looks like.
0:03:11 > 0:03:13That is horrible.
0:03:13 > 0:03:15I got it for you, Pixie.
0:03:15 > 0:03:17No, no, no.
0:03:20 > 0:03:25- What is that? - What have I told you kids about throwing offal around the studio?
0:03:25 > 0:03:27Now the bears are going to come!
0:03:27 > 0:03:33- Where did Tinchy Stryder come from? - Tinchy - I've always been the smallest one out of all my friends.
0:03:33 > 0:03:36Some of the researchers got hold
0:03:36 > 0:03:39of your working book when you made up your stage name.
0:03:39 > 0:03:42They've got the ones that you used...
0:03:42 > 0:03:46LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:03:46 > 0:03:51- I remember that book. - You remember it?- Yeah, when I was even smaller than this.- That's it.
0:03:51 > 0:03:53So, One-Pack, that was a good one.
0:03:56 > 0:04:00Not Particularly B-I-G. That was a good one.
0:04:02 > 0:04:05- Busta Nursery Rhymes. - LAUGHTER
0:04:05 > 0:04:11- How tall are you?- I'm six foot eight. - Six foot eight?- Yeah. Don't pick on me about my height!
0:04:11 > 0:04:18- It's like the two of you are from different dimensions.- I thought you were going to say Different Strokes.
0:04:18 > 0:04:20Tom, you've had run-ins with other performers.
0:04:20 > 0:04:27- Once, one of our band members decided to BBM Nicole Scherzinger.- What does BBM mean?- BlackBerry Messenger.
0:04:27 > 0:04:32- What happened? - One of the band members got our choreographer's phone.
0:04:32 > 0:04:37He decided to put, "I can smell your rotting faeces and your horrible perfume from here."
0:04:37 > 0:04:40It didn't go down too well.
0:04:40 > 0:04:43- Tom, that wasn't the incident I was talking about.- Oh.
0:04:43 > 0:04:48- I was just talking about you falling out with Blue.- Oh... Oh, shit!
0:04:48 > 0:04:55That's like me going, "Tell me about that incident," and you going, "I killed a man." "Not that one."
0:04:55 > 0:04:57You know this is going on telly?
0:04:57 > 0:05:02- Do you want to see something that's quite freaky, yeah?- Yeah. - Watch this.
0:05:05 > 0:05:07Ohhh!
0:05:07 > 0:05:08Oh, no!
0:05:11 > 0:05:13But have you seen this?
0:05:18 > 0:05:20APPLAUSE
0:05:22 > 0:05:24- Wow!- Yeah? Have you seen this?
0:05:29 > 0:05:31Prepare to be amazed!
0:05:37 > 0:05:40I had a Batman kite when I was young and I flew it too high.
0:05:40 > 0:05:44It wasn't tied on to the handle. And it just went...
0:05:44 > 0:05:51- Why would you buy a kite without a handle?- It had a handle. The string wasn't tied to the handle.
0:05:51 > 0:05:55- Why not?- I didn't manufacture it and then buy it.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57I was seven!
0:05:57 > 0:06:02I was holding it and it just disappeared. I had to go home just holding a handle.
0:06:02 > 0:06:06And there was a girl who looked a bit like you who was laughing.
0:06:06 > 0:06:09It would've been me.
0:06:10 > 0:06:13"Everyone knows how to tie it to the handle first!"
0:06:13 > 0:06:17"What did you fly a kite for without a handle? Ha-ha-ha!"
0:06:17 > 0:06:23From what I understand of Snoop Dogg, I think he'd need a queue to expose himself too.
0:06:23 > 0:06:26- Really? What are you talking about? - His enormous cock.
0:06:26 > 0:06:29Oh, my God!
0:06:32 > 0:06:38- I've gone all funny now.- The young man asked. I had to tell him. - I didn't... Oh, yeah, I did.
0:06:38 > 0:06:41Tinie Tempah claims he once had sex in a cinema.
0:06:41 > 0:06:47Stupid really, cos he missed the bit where Schindler makes his list.
0:06:47 > 0:06:49- I had sex in a Grundon bin once. - What?
0:06:51 > 0:06:56- You know those large wheelie bins? - Now you're talking, Will!
0:06:56 > 0:07:01All those bloody pictures of birds and we could've started with this!
0:07:01 > 0:07:05- Did you bring the top down, it was a private moment?- Let's get serious.
0:07:06 > 0:07:11Lou Reed and his wife played a 20-minute set composed for dogs.
0:07:11 > 0:07:15The crowd were licking their bollocks, sniffing arses,
0:07:15 > 0:07:19shagging everything that moves and shitting everywhere.
0:07:19 > 0:07:22It was very much reminiscent of an N-Dubz gig.
0:07:23 > 0:07:27- Can you say that?- I'll be all right, I'll be all right.
0:07:27 > 0:07:30In 2011, Wyclef...
0:07:30 > 0:07:37- Don't do that to Mr Punch. That's an antique.- Sorry.- That's a spanking. Come up. That's abuse.
0:07:37 > 0:07:39APPLAUSE
0:07:39 > 0:07:40Bend over.
0:07:44 > 0:07:46APPLAUSE
0:07:46 > 0:07:49Very naughty.
0:07:49 > 0:07:54- Wow!- You know what you did. You just think on.- I was trying not to say something sexual.
0:07:54 > 0:07:58Do you feel if you said that, it's like saying it to your mum?
0:07:58 > 0:08:03- Is that what it's like, talking to me about rude things?- No.
0:08:03 > 0:08:07- You're not like a mum. - Oh, right, OK.- You're fit.
0:08:07 > 0:08:13This is one of our newest attractions. It's the interactive intros round with Phill Jupitus.
0:08:13 > 0:08:16As I say, it's interactive, so...
0:08:16 > 0:08:19- # Neow!- Tch!- Neow!- Tch!
0:08:19 > 0:08:21- # Neow!- Tch!- Neow!- Tch!
0:08:21 > 0:08:25- # Neow!- Tch!- Neow!- Tch! - Neow!- Tch!- Neow!- Tch... #
0:08:25 > 0:08:27Any idea what that is?
0:08:29 > 0:08:32Anything?
0:08:33 > 0:08:37You're going to kick yourselves.
0:08:37 > 0:08:41Come on! Even that girl from the Sugababes got this one!
0:08:41 > 0:08:46It was, of course, Steady, As She Goes by The Raconteurs.
0:08:46 > 0:08:48Next up, it's the Intros Round,
0:08:48 > 0:08:52so let's celebrate with a game of Pass The Parcel.
0:08:53 > 0:08:57# I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world
0:08:57 > 0:09:00# Life in plastic, it's fantastic
0:09:00 > 0:09:04# You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere
0:09:04 > 0:09:08# Imagination, life is your creation
0:09:09 > 0:09:14# I'm a blonde bimbo girl in the fantasy world
0:09:14 > 0:09:16# Dress me up, make it tight... #
0:09:16 > 0:09:18Oh!
0:09:18 > 0:09:21Oh, that's embarrassing.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23Oh, it's an iPad!
0:09:23 > 0:09:26- APPLAUSE - Oh!
0:09:28 > 0:09:31I've been after one of them. That's great.
0:09:31 > 0:09:35- Noel and Holly, here are yours for Angelos.- Yes, hold on, please.
0:09:35 > 0:09:39- And remember... What? - I've got to put on my special hat.
0:09:41 > 0:09:46It's me guessing hat. You know, just makes things easier. Bit of fun.
0:09:46 > 0:09:51Angelos, remember, it's the title of the song we're looking for.
0:09:51 > 0:09:55Cilla, you don't have to tell me that. How hard can this be?
0:09:55 > 0:09:59- Have you ever seen this show on telly?- No.
0:09:59 > 0:10:03- Well, good luck.- Why would you? LAUGHTER
0:10:05 > 0:10:10Noel and Tinchy, here are yours for Holly. It's the title of the song we're after, Tinchy.
0:10:10 > 0:10:12LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:10:22 > 0:10:24It's even funnier than I imagined.
0:10:24 > 0:10:29- We'll do it where the vocal comes in.- OK.- We'll do it where the vocal comes in.
0:10:29 > 0:10:33# Dow-na-now, dow-da-dow, dow-dow-dow-dow
0:10:33 > 0:10:36# Bow! Dow-da-dow, dow-da-dow, dow-dow-dow-dow
0:10:36 > 0:10:40# Bow! Dow-da-dow, dow-da-dow, dow-dow-dow-dow
0:10:40 > 0:10:44# Bow! Dow-da-dow, dow-da-dow, dow-dow-da-da-da-da... #
0:10:44 > 0:10:51- I thought you said you'd do the vocal bit.- I had the fucking singer here. I thought he might do it!
0:10:51 > 0:10:53LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:10:56 > 0:10:58# Bur-na-na-now
0:10:58 > 0:11:01# Bur-na-na-now-now
0:11:01 > 0:11:04# Bur-na-na-now... #
0:11:04 > 0:11:10- You should go to a slightly higher pitch.- It's that one that really grates on everybody. What is it?
0:11:10 > 0:11:13- # Bur-na-na-now... # - It's annoying. What is it?
0:11:16 > 0:11:20I think I know what it is. It's Mr Blunt's song - You're Beautiful.
0:11:20 > 0:11:23- Yeah.- You're absolutely right.
0:11:23 > 0:11:25APPLAUSE
0:11:25 > 0:11:28This is how it should've sounded.
0:11:28 > 0:11:31- INTRO STARTS - OK, that's enough. Thank you.
0:11:31 > 0:11:36So that was James Cucking Funt with You're Beautiful.
0:11:36 > 0:11:41A six-year-old girl came out of a coma after hearing that song on hospital radio.
0:11:41 > 0:11:47It was a beautiful sight until she woke up, leant forward and screamed, "Turn that shit off!"
0:11:47 > 0:11:50APPLAUSE
0:11:50 > 0:11:55# Da-now, da-now, da-now, dah-now Da-now, da-now, da-now, dah-now Da-now, dah-now... #
0:11:55 > 0:11:58You should all stand up for this.
0:11:58 > 0:12:00Let's get a bit of energy in it. Go on, Phill.
0:12:00 > 0:12:03# Da, da, da-da-da
0:12:03 > 0:12:06- # Oooh!- Oooh!- Oooh!
0:12:06 > 0:12:09- # Oooh!- Oooh! #
0:12:09 > 0:12:12- More like a bad Halloween song! - Think "stable"...
0:12:12 > 0:12:19- I have no idea.- Think of a stable, but where the residents have smeared their own shit on the walls.
0:12:19 > 0:12:21Caroline, who lives in a stable?
0:12:21 > 0:12:27- A horse.- Yes, a horse. What kind of horse would rub his own shit down his walls?
0:12:27 > 0:12:31- A crazy horse? I don't know. - Crazy Horses!- Crazy Horse!
0:12:31 > 0:12:34Crazy Horse. APPLAUSE
0:12:34 > 0:12:37There's a dirty old fly in here.
0:12:37 > 0:12:41I was laughing cos I saw you eat one of the flies when it landed on you.
0:12:41 > 0:12:45Yeah, that's what I did. I just tucked into it. Yeah, that's right.
0:12:45 > 0:12:47LAUGHTER
0:12:49 > 0:12:53- Did you eat a fly? - No, I didn't eat a fly!
0:12:53 > 0:12:55I'd freak out if you ate a fly.
0:12:55 > 0:12:58I would freak out if I ate a bloody fly!
0:12:58 > 0:13:00There's a lot of protein in flies.
0:13:00 > 0:13:02(I did eat it, actually.)
0:13:04 > 0:13:06He did eat it.
0:13:07 > 0:13:10I just didn't want to look like a dickhead.
0:13:10 > 0:13:12LAUGHTER
0:13:12 > 0:13:16It was, of course, Mr Blobby with Mr Blobby.
0:13:16 > 0:13:18Here is what it should have sounded like.
0:13:18 > 0:13:20MUSIC PLAYS
0:13:20 > 0:13:23Turn it off! Turn it off!
0:13:23 > 0:13:27Turn it off! Turn it off! Turn it off!
0:13:27 > 0:13:32Turn it off! Turn it off! Turn it off!
0:13:32 > 0:13:36- Turn it off! - # Blobby, Mr Blobby... # - Turn it off!
0:13:36 > 0:13:39- Turn it off! - APPLAUSE
0:13:39 > 0:13:43But here is how it should have sounded.
0:13:43 > 0:13:46LATIN-STYLE GUITAR MUSIC
0:13:48 > 0:13:50Yeah, it's smooth.
0:13:50 > 0:13:52Sorry.
0:13:53 > 0:13:57I'm having terrible trouble. I'll be right back.
0:13:57 > 0:14:00APPLAUSE
0:14:02 > 0:14:05I'll be Lorraine Kelly. It's easy.
0:14:05 > 0:14:08OK, you be Lorraine Kelly.
0:14:08 > 0:14:10Oh, shit, my bra's exploded!
0:14:10 > 0:14:12Who wants a spanking?
0:14:12 > 0:14:15Get up on my desk. Get up on the desk!
0:14:15 > 0:14:19- Let me be up there. - I'll be Phill. I'll be Phill.
0:14:19 > 0:14:21OK.
0:14:21 > 0:14:24I'll be your tits. I'll be your tits.
0:14:24 > 0:14:26I'll be a cameraman.
0:14:28 > 0:14:32- MIMICS SCOTTISH ACCENT: - Here's how it should've sounded.
0:14:32 > 0:14:34Oh, no!
0:14:37 > 0:14:39APPLAUSE
0:14:46 > 0:14:49Sorry about that.
0:14:49 > 0:14:52I met Elvis in 1970. I got a thing that said,
0:14:52 > 0:14:54"Elvis wants to meet you."
0:14:54 > 0:14:58I got to the Hilton Hotel. The elevator opened up and it was me,
0:14:58 > 0:15:02Liza Minnelli, Chubby Checker and Linda Lovelace.
0:15:02 > 0:15:07Wow! You had come together or you just happened to be in that lift?
0:15:07 > 0:15:09He invited those four people that night.
0:15:09 > 0:15:16We went up and they searched us for guns which was kind of silly cos there were guns everywhere.
0:15:16 > 0:15:21When he came in the room, he was Elvis. He wasn't the fat Elvis, he was Elvis.
0:15:21 > 0:15:24He goes, "You're the cat with the snake, ain't ya?"
0:15:24 > 0:15:30I said, "Yeah." He goes, "That's cool. I wish I'd thought of that. Hey, I want to show you something."
0:15:30 > 0:15:36We go in the kitchen, he opens a drawer, takes out a loaded, snub-nosed .38, puts it in my hand.
0:15:36 > 0:15:40He says, "I'll show you how to take this gun out of somebody's hand."
0:15:40 > 0:15:43A little devil here on my shoulder says, "Shoot him."
0:15:43 > 0:15:47LAUGHTER
0:15:48 > 0:15:52A little angel over here says, "Don't kill him. Just wound him."
0:15:53 > 0:15:57Before I could decide what to do, I was on the floor.
0:15:57 > 0:16:01He had his boot on my throat and I'm going, "That's good, Elvis."
0:16:01 > 0:16:05I'm still reeling over the fact that you were there with Liza Minnelli.
0:16:05 > 0:16:08He must've thought you were sisters.
0:16:09 > 0:16:12Only three of us came down on the elevator that night.
0:16:12 > 0:16:16I don't know what he did with Chubby Checker all night.
0:16:16 > 0:16:22He was an amazing character, a very funny guy, but he was Elvis. I mean, you know...
0:16:22 > 0:16:26One of the most popular rounds is the Identity Parade.
0:16:26 > 0:16:30We're lucky enough to have one of the models from Episode 6 and 7.
0:16:30 > 0:16:32- Thanks, Greg.- Shut it!
0:16:32 > 0:16:36The rules are simple. Never look the celebrities directly in the face.
0:16:36 > 0:16:41Never move and never leave one of them in a car without the window open.
0:16:41 > 0:16:42Hey!
0:16:42 > 0:16:45ELECTRONIC SOUND
0:17:05 > 0:17:09A song about the vicissitudes of fame there.
0:17:09 > 0:17:11Is it number one, Heat Wave,
0:17:11 > 0:17:13number two, Damp Patches...
0:17:14 > 0:17:16..number three, Snowballs,
0:17:16 > 0:17:19number four, Gale Force Winds,
0:17:19 > 0:17:23or number five, Michelle Gayle off EastEnders?
0:17:23 > 0:17:25LAUGHTER
0:17:28 > 0:17:34That was Love Decade with So Real, but which of our line-up is vocalist Jerome Stokes?
0:17:34 > 0:17:36Is it number one, Love Decade,
0:17:36 > 0:17:38number two, Love Handles,
0:17:38 > 0:17:40number three, Love For Sale,
0:17:40 > 0:17:42number four, Love Downton Abbey...
0:17:42 > 0:17:44LAUGHTER
0:17:45 > 0:17:49..or number five, Love That Dare Not Speak Its Name?
0:17:50 > 0:17:51Noel?
0:17:51 > 0:17:54Oh, help me! Love Decade?
0:17:54 > 0:18:01- I'm thinking number two.- Number two? Really?- He's got a little essence about him.- He's got an essence?
0:18:01 > 0:18:04He's more gaunt. He looks like he's done more pills.
0:18:04 > 0:18:08What about his nose? He's just had flashbacks.
0:18:09 > 0:18:12Have you got anything in your bag that'll help us?
0:18:12 > 0:18:15Yeah, this should help.
0:18:15 > 0:18:17It's just a mask.
0:18:17 > 0:18:19LAUGHTER
0:18:22 > 0:18:27- Maybe it's the wrong way round. What if I put it over their faces?- Yeah, have a look.
0:18:27 > 0:18:30Put that on an' all.
0:18:31 > 0:18:33Let's do a reaction test.
0:18:36 > 0:18:38All right.
0:18:38 > 0:18:40PRESSES HOOTER
0:18:41 > 0:18:45I'm frightened to do this to you, if I'm honest with you.
0:18:45 > 0:18:48PRESSES HOOTER Yeah, nothing. Nothing.
0:18:49 > 0:18:50OK.
0:18:50 > 0:18:53- Yeah?- Yeah, I think I've got it.
0:18:53 > 0:18:55LAUGHTER
0:18:56 > 0:18:59In retrospect, that was a waste of time.
0:19:00 > 0:19:03- Did one of them go out with a politician?- Lembit Opik.
0:19:03 > 0:19:09- He bought me two gin and tonics once. Not in a gay way. Just... - And you woke up in a bin?
0:19:09 > 0:19:13How do you buy someone a gin and tonic in a gay way?
0:19:13 > 0:19:15"Oh, excuse me..."
0:19:15 > 0:19:17LAUGHTER
0:19:17 > 0:19:19"A gin and tonic, please."
0:19:21 > 0:19:23"That's £2.50." "Oh, there you are."
0:19:24 > 0:19:28It's like something out of Are You Being Served?
0:19:28 > 0:19:31How did Lembit Opik buy YOU a gin and tonic?
0:19:31 > 0:19:33"Oi, mate, a gin and...
0:19:33 > 0:19:37"A gin and tonic for this bloke, right? There you have it, mate.
0:19:37 > 0:19:42"Drink it or I'll smash the glass in your face!
0:19:42 > 0:19:45"I'm off to have sex with a woman."
0:19:45 > 0:19:48LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:19:50 > 0:19:55Quite a leap - playing trumpet for Adam Ant, then all of a sudden, Mayor.
0:19:55 > 0:19:58- I'm a man of many talents. - He can speak as well.
0:19:58 > 0:20:02We're not in Scunthorpe now, mate. You don't make the rules. Shut up!
0:20:02 > 0:20:06You don't talk to the Mayor like that!
0:20:06 > 0:20:08APPLAUSE
0:20:11 > 0:20:14We're having a party at my mum and dad's.
0:20:14 > 0:20:18If you want to come, you can, but we have to stay in the conservatory
0:20:18 > 0:20:21and not make too much noise as Mum's working in the morning.
0:20:21 > 0:20:26- You'll come up to Scunthorpe afterwards? - Defo.- Put me down as a maybe.
0:20:26 > 0:20:30Why should we visit Scunthorpe? Is it better than Southampton?
0:20:30 > 0:20:35Great town, Southampton, but greater still is Scunthorpe!
0:20:35 > 0:20:39He's talking in riddles. He's talking in riddles.
0:20:39 > 0:20:43Would the real Andy Abraham please step forward...?
0:20:43 > 0:20:46APPLAUSE
0:20:46 > 0:20:49- Oh, here we go.- I know this man.
0:20:49 > 0:20:52- Hello.- Number two, give me some love! Number two!
0:20:52 > 0:20:55Come on, two! Come on! Yes!
0:20:56 > 0:20:58APPLAUSE
0:20:58 > 0:21:00My boy! My boy!
0:21:02 > 0:21:04Four! Come on, four!
0:21:08 > 0:21:11APPLAUSE
0:21:12 > 0:21:17Right, you've had the Noel Fielding Dressing Room Experience.
0:21:17 > 0:21:20Make sure you take that stuff back at the end.
0:21:20 > 0:21:25Now, as big fans of the show, you know that the final round is the Quickfire Round
0:21:25 > 0:21:30where you can have last-minute glory by guessing the lyrics of the song
0:21:30 > 0:21:33or guessing the title of the absolutely rubbish album
0:21:33 > 0:21:38or trying to work out what on earth was going through Will Young's mind
0:21:38 > 0:21:44when he drew this ridiculous picture of a bird with horns.
0:21:44 > 0:21:47So Noel's team goes first and your time starts now.
0:21:53 > 0:21:55My fault. The card was upside down.
0:21:55 > 0:21:58LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:22:05 > 0:22:08That's still upside down.
0:22:08 > 0:22:10Unbelievable. Unbelievable.
0:22:11 > 0:22:14That's a funny way to hand your notice in.
0:22:14 > 0:22:16LAUGHTER
0:22:18 > 0:22:20OK?
0:22:22 > 0:22:26Well, it's a draw, so Noel's team goes first and...
0:22:26 > 0:22:28LAUGHTER
0:22:32 > 0:22:34OK...
0:22:35 > 0:22:39OK, it is... OK, I'm sure if I do it this time...
0:22:39 > 0:22:41Oh, my God!
0:22:46 > 0:22:50- Right...- Do you want me to turn the desk round?
0:22:50 > 0:22:51No...
0:22:51 > 0:22:53Turn the telly upside down!
0:22:54 > 0:22:58It's a draw, so Noel's team is going to go first.
0:22:58 > 0:23:01LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:23:02 > 0:23:05CHEERING
0:23:05 > 0:23:08We're going to end... I know, you're sad.
0:23:08 > 0:23:11..with a round that's all about me.
0:23:11 > 0:23:13And my hits.
0:23:13 > 0:23:15- LAUGHTER - Shut up!
0:23:16 > 0:23:19PHILL LAUGHS LOUDLY
0:23:21 > 0:23:25- Did someone say "hit"?- He went, "It's all about me and my hits."
0:23:25 > 0:23:30A woman in the front row goes, "It won't last long then."
0:23:31 > 0:23:36"Well enough likkle girl dem bought they own dem got di goody goody..."
0:23:36 > 0:23:38LAUGHTER
0:23:38 > 0:23:42You make ragga sound like the shipping forecast!
0:23:44 > 0:23:48"One ting me tell you, Sean Paul, one shooby shooby..."
0:23:48 > 0:23:52"One ting me haffi tell dem Dutty... de woody woody..."
0:23:52 > 0:23:55One point for you - Like Glue, Sean Paul.
0:23:55 > 0:23:58That's like the football scores!
0:23:58 > 0:24:02East Fife 4, Dem Shoogy Shoogy 3.
0:24:02 > 0:24:05LAUGHTER
0:24:05 > 0:24:09"Frontway backway Dutty K man have de shooby shooby..."
0:24:11 > 0:24:13..Everton 2.
0:24:15 > 0:24:19Here is a comment that was left underneath a video of you, Dynamo, performing.
0:24:19 > 0:24:22And this was left by Gerybaboona.
0:24:22 > 0:24:25- Hmm!- He says...
0:24:25 > 0:24:28"Dis guy must be a..." what?
0:24:28 > 0:24:29Wizard?
0:24:29 > 0:24:32- LAUGHTER - A new Paul Daniels?
0:24:32 > 0:24:34Genius.
0:24:35 > 0:24:39"Dis guy must be a alien or sutin."
0:24:39 > 0:24:41LAUGHTER
0:24:41 > 0:24:44APPLAUSE
0:24:44 > 0:24:47"Oh, look at the skills on this guy.
0:24:47 > 0:24:49"He's a alien or sutin."
0:24:51 > 0:24:56"This is Gerybaboona. He always can spot a alien or sutin."
0:24:56 > 0:24:59What album is William Hung peddling here?
0:25:00 > 0:25:03William Hung Like A Horse?
0:25:04 > 0:25:06Hung Like Tinsel?
0:25:06 > 0:25:10What do they call Christmas, kind of include everything?
0:25:10 > 0:25:16- Holiday?- Almost. - Hung For The Holidays? - Oh, yes, Hung For The Holidays.
0:25:16 > 0:25:18- Great album. - LAUGHTER
0:25:18 > 0:25:23- What's the title of this Scorpions offering?- Hubba Bubba Tit Stretch.
0:25:23 > 0:25:24LAUGHTER
0:25:26 > 0:25:28It's called Lovedrive.
0:25:28 > 0:25:33What school uniform regulations is Britney Spears breaching in this photograph?
0:25:33 > 0:25:37- Being a crazy, mental slut. - LAUGHTER
0:25:37 > 0:25:39That'll do. Well done.
0:25:39 > 0:25:42Here's another comment left under your video, Dynamo.
0:25:53 > 0:25:57That's... That's Gerybaboona again!
0:25:58 > 0:26:04"You are the only people on planet made from...sutin."
0:26:05 > 0:26:08Let's have a look.
0:26:16 > 0:26:18APPLAUSE
0:26:19 > 0:26:27Now, the scores at the end of that round are five-all, so it's a draw, teams, OK?
0:26:27 > 0:26:29APPLAUSE
0:26:29 > 0:26:34It's a tie-break situation. I'm going to show you a home-made clip.
0:26:34 > 0:26:39Count how many Mobys there are in this clip. Go!
0:26:39 > 0:26:41# Moby, Moby
0:26:41 > 0:26:43# Moby, Moby, Michael Stipe
0:26:43 > 0:26:47# Moby, Moby Moby, Moby, Michael Stipe
0:26:47 > 0:26:50# Michael Stipe, Michael Stipe Moby, Moby, Michael Stipe
0:26:50 > 0:26:53# Moby, Moby, Moby, Michael Chiklis
0:26:53 > 0:26:56# Bruce Willis, Bruce Willis, Bruce Willis
0:26:56 > 0:26:59# Michael Chiklis, Moby, Moby, Michael Stipe
0:26:59 > 0:27:02# Michael Chiklis, Heston Blumenthal... #
0:27:03 > 0:27:05APPLAUSE
0:27:10 > 0:27:17You might have been thrown by Blumenthal at the end there, but how many Mobys did you count? Phill?
0:27:17 > 0:27:20- 12.- You're going for 12.
0:27:20 > 0:27:22- Noel's team?- 14.
0:27:22 > 0:27:27The correct answer was 15, so, Noel, you were closest with 14...
0:27:27 > 0:27:29Sweet Christ!
0:27:32 > 0:27:36- Tell him the right way to do it or sutin!- What's going on or sutin?
0:27:38 > 0:27:41Turn over the...the envelope?
0:27:42 > 0:27:45"Dear Points Of View...
0:27:46 > 0:27:52"I do not pay my licence fee to see an envelope that was one way up in one scene,
0:27:52 > 0:27:56"only to see the envelope the other way up in the next scene.
0:27:56 > 0:28:00"Thanks for pissing my money against a wall!"
0:28:00 > 0:28:02APPLAUSE
0:28:04 > 0:28:07"The worst pub quiz ever..."
0:28:07 > 0:28:09LAUGHTER
0:28:09 > 0:28:12It wouldn't be in that accent, though.
0:28:12 > 0:28:17- GRUFF VOICE: - "Dear Points Of View, envelope one way, then the other way or sutin!
0:28:19 > 0:28:22"Complete sperm shit!"
0:28:22 > 0:28:26"So you spend more money or sutin? Fuck you!"
0:28:28 > 0:28:32- So the party theme thing went well? - Absolutely, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
0:28:32 > 0:28:38- And all the guest hosts have this done?- Yeah, yeah. Well, the cool ones.- Yeah, right, OK.
0:28:39 > 0:28:41LAUGHTER
0:28:46 > 0:28:48That's the end of the tour.
0:28:50 > 0:28:52Well, go on. Twat off!
0:29:19 > 0:29:24Subtitles by Subtext for Red Bee Media Ltd 2011
0:29:24 > 0:29:26Email subtitling@bbc.co.uk
0:29:26 > 0:29:29Don't fight it, Arnold.
0:29:29 > 0:29:32Don't fight it.