0:00:02 > 0:00:07- I'm looking forward to the host this week.- So excited. I love Alice Cooper.- Look! What an entrance!
0:00:07 > 0:00:09- He's a genius.- Ohh.
0:00:09 > 0:00:14Hey, guys, you know where the nearest drop-off station for this thing is?
0:00:15 > 0:00:17White City.
0:00:40 > 0:00:43CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:48 > 0:00:52'Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
0:00:52 > 0:00:57'My name is Alice Cooper. Welcome to my nightmare.'
0:00:57 > 0:01:01THUNDER BOOMS
0:01:05 > 0:01:09CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:09 > 0:01:13- Sit down! Sit down! - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:13 > 0:01:16Time to get down to serious stuff.
0:01:16 > 0:01:19With team captain Noel Fielding tonight...
0:01:19 > 0:01:21# I just want you to dance...
0:01:21 > 0:01:25He's the X Factor star who you the public overwhelmingly decided
0:01:25 > 0:01:31wasn't as good as some guy called Joe McElderry. It's Olly Murs.
0:01:31 > 0:01:33CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:36 > 0:01:40He's a man who performed as Cheryl Cole on Let's Dance.
0:01:40 > 0:01:43In order to truly perfect the impression,
0:01:43 > 0:01:48he contracted malaria and assaulted a toilet attendant. It's Rufus Hound.
0:01:48 > 0:01:50CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:51 > 0:01:54And across the way with captain Phil Jupitus...
0:01:54 > 0:01:58He's a rapper and MC who when deciding on a name,
0:01:58 > 0:02:03followed strict instructions that it contain at least eight characters
0:02:03 > 0:02:05including one uppercase letter and two numbers.
0:02:05 > 0:02:09- It's Wretch 32. - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:02:11 > 0:02:14And she's a presenter who's best known for appearing on breakfast TV.
0:02:14 > 0:02:19Breakfast TV. So that's on at, what, two in the afternoon?
0:02:19 > 0:02:22- It's Penny Smith. - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:02:25 > 0:02:30So we begin with Tonight We're Going To Party Like It's Insert Relevant Date Here.
0:02:30 > 0:02:33We show each team a video montage from a particular year.
0:02:33 > 0:02:38They have to guess the year and I'll ask them a question related to that year.
0:02:38 > 0:02:41Phil's team, look at this and tell me what year it's from.
0:02:41 > 0:02:46# Bye-bye, baby, baby, goodbye
0:02:48 > 0:02:52# Bye-bye, baby, don't make me cry
0:02:52 > 0:02:55# I am sailing
0:02:55 > 0:02:59# Stormy waters
0:02:59 > 0:03:04# So when you're near me, darling, can't you hear me, SOS
0:03:06 > 0:03:08# The love you gave me...
0:03:08 > 0:03:14- So what year was that? - What year did you break six ribs when you fell off a stage?
0:03:14 > 0:03:17All six ribs right here. 28 stitches and I finished the show.
0:03:17 > 0:03:21Was that the first ever leap into the audience that anybody ever did?
0:03:21 > 0:03:25The first stage dive, and the audience didn't know what you did? "What's he doing?"
0:03:25 > 0:03:31- Yes. I bled all over everybody, it was great.- And normally a rock star would be spilling different fluids.
0:03:31 > 0:03:36- I like to keep my blood. And yours. - LAUGHTER
0:03:36 > 0:03:42The Bay City Rollers. I liked that the drummer's got his name written all the way down.
0:03:42 > 0:03:46When you're that good a drummer and number one every week
0:03:46 > 0:03:48because a lot of young girls have been misinformed...
0:03:48 > 0:03:53- LAUGHTER I like tartan!- Why wasn't there a lot more Moira Anderson in the charts?
0:03:53 > 0:03:58- I was struggling to remember the name of any other Scottish artist. - Lorraine Kelly.
0:03:58 > 0:04:01- Lorraine Kelly? Does she ask about me?- Every time I see her.
0:04:01 > 0:04:04- I still think of her every time I wax my legs. - LAUGHTER
0:04:04 > 0:04:07- You wax your legs?- Oh, yeah. - LAUGHTER
0:04:07 > 0:04:11- Did I just look round at a grime artist and go, "Oh, yeah"?- Yeah.
0:04:11 > 0:04:14- You wax your legs on this show. - Try that again.
0:04:14 > 0:04:17- You wax your legs?- True dat. - LAUGHTER
0:04:17 > 0:04:21APPLAUSE
0:04:21 > 0:04:24This picture of ABBA looks like they've been shipwrecked
0:04:24 > 0:04:27- and then they've gone, "There's a helicopter! Help us!" - LAUGHTER
0:04:27 > 0:04:33Actually, ABBA are only three inches tall and that's a normal photographer
0:04:33 > 0:04:37- taking a photo of them. They're on a beach and that's grains of sand. - LAUGHTER
0:04:37 > 0:04:41- You're stalling. What year was it? - 75 is our final answer.
0:04:41 > 0:04:45- Yes. It is 75. - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:04:45 > 0:04:51Why did my buddy David Bowie break into a psychiatric ward in that year?
0:04:51 > 0:04:53I met David Bowie. I even spoke to him.
0:04:53 > 0:04:58Well, actually, I saw him at a party and I reversed into him and said, "Sorry".
0:04:58 > 0:05:02- Were you in a car? - LAUGHTER
0:05:02 > 0:05:07- Were you doing a driving test? Was he in his Labyrinth outfit? - Ohh!- Love that outfit.
0:05:07 > 0:05:09- Great film.- That was a good look.
0:05:09 > 0:05:15It'd be great if you bumped into him and he went, "You'll never find your little baby".
0:05:15 > 0:05:19Then I spoke to Dustin Hoffman, as well. Well, I did the same thing and reversed into him.
0:05:19 > 0:05:21- Do you walk backwards? - LAUGHTER
0:05:21 > 0:05:27- So David Bowie tried to break into a mental home?- Most people try to get out, he breaks in.
0:05:27 > 0:05:29- I think he forgot his key. - LAUGHTER
0:05:30 > 0:05:33- LAUGHTER - He needed drugs.
0:05:33 > 0:05:38- Absolutely not.- I've got it. He was in the A-Team that week and he had to get Murdock out.
0:05:38 > 0:05:41- He needed a helicopter.- No.
0:05:41 > 0:05:46There were people in there he knew and those people were famous. It was you.
0:05:46 > 0:05:48- No. - LAUGHTER
0:05:48 > 0:05:51- He had a lust for life, though. - ALL: Iggy Pop!
0:05:51 > 0:05:54- Oh, what?- He tried to break in to get Iggy Pop out.
0:05:54 > 0:05:57So he could give him a quote on his car insurance.
0:05:57 > 0:06:01LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:06:01 > 0:06:06I grew up with Iggy Pop in Detroit and Iggy Pop's the last person that you would need for insurance.
0:06:06 > 0:06:11He was the most dangerous human being on the planet. I gave him a switch blade once and he says "Oh"
0:06:11 > 0:06:16and starts hacking himself up, walks through the audience, they put peanut butter all over it.
0:06:16 > 0:06:20- I finally had to take him to the hospital. But that was Detroit. - LAUGHTER
0:06:20 > 0:06:24- Imagine how bad it would've been if he'd also had a peanut allergy! - LAUGHTER
0:06:24 > 0:06:28In 1975, David Bowie broke into a psychiatric ward
0:06:28 > 0:06:33- with Dennis Hopper to deliver drugs to Iggy Pop. - LAUGHTER
0:06:33 > 0:06:38- What a wingman! - They had to break in because a sure-fire way to get committed
0:06:38 > 0:06:42is to turn up at a psychiatric ward and say, "It's Ziggy Stardust and Dennis Hopper,
0:06:42 > 0:06:46- "we're here to see Mr Pop." - LAUGHTER
0:06:46 > 0:06:50Noel's team, take a look at this and for bonus points, tell me what year it's from.
0:06:50 > 0:06:53# Hey, hey, you, you, I don't like your girlfriend
0:06:53 > 0:06:56# No way, no way, I think you need a new one
0:06:56 > 0:07:00# Beautiful girl
0:07:00 > 0:07:02# That's why it'll never work
0:07:02 > 0:07:05# You had me suicidal
0:07:05 > 0:07:09# Gotta be green, gotta be mean, gotta be everything more
0:07:09 > 0:07:12# Why don't you like me, why don't you like me?
0:07:12 > 0:07:13# Walk out the door
0:07:13 > 0:07:17- Hm.- Hm. What year was that? - What happened to Mika?
0:07:17 > 0:07:19He's in my basement tied to a radiator.
0:07:19 > 0:07:23- He can have food, but he's making no music ever again. - LAUGHTER
0:07:23 > 0:07:27It's awful, cos he just keeps rocking backwards and forwards going,
0:07:27 > 0:07:30- "Why don't you like me? Why don't you like me?" - LAUGHTER
0:07:30 > 0:07:35Avril Lavigne there, as well. Does anybody ever see Avril Lavigne without, erm...
0:07:37 > 0:07:41- ..just wanting to rip out her face? - LAUGHTER
0:07:41 > 0:07:45- Ohh.- She did the whole thing where it was like,
0:07:45 > 0:07:47"I'm from a sub-culture, I'm from a sub-culture"
0:07:47 > 0:07:52and the moment that album didn't sell, she went, "I've got a lovely frock on. I'm Celine Dion."
0:07:52 > 0:07:56- No, you're not, you're a waste of skin. - LAUGHTER
0:07:56 > 0:08:00I just sense that someone here has been ignored in a chat room by Avril Lavigne.
0:08:00 > 0:08:04- Yeah.- Like you wanted to get that off your chest for a long time.
0:08:04 > 0:08:08I don't understand her I went past the Hammersmith Apollo and there was a queue outside
0:08:08 > 0:08:12and Avril Lavigne was on. I thought, "If everyone in there died, no-one would cry".
0:08:12 > 0:08:15LAUGHTER
0:08:15 > 0:08:17- APPLAUSE - I was in the queue.
0:08:17 > 0:08:19LAUGHTER
0:08:19 > 0:08:24What year? It wasn't that long ago. It said something about Led Zeppelin reforming.
0:08:24 > 0:08:29- You were pretty for that, weren't you?- I can't say too much about that year. I remember parts of it.
0:08:29 > 0:08:32- LAUGHTER - You guys must know this.
0:08:32 > 0:08:36- You know, don't you? - 2007, maybe? What do you reckon?
0:08:36 > 0:08:39Don't ask him! He's insane!
0:08:39 > 0:08:42- LAUGHTER - Final answer?- 2007.
0:08:42 > 0:08:452007. It's right.
0:08:45 > 0:08:48Yes! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:08:48 > 0:08:52It was 2007.
0:08:52 > 0:08:56But how did the police upset my fellow hell-raiser Ozzy Osbourne in that year?
0:08:56 > 0:08:59Did they insist on the rectal examination?
0:08:59 > 0:09:03- No, that would've been OK with him, I think. - LAUGHTER
0:09:03 > 0:09:07I can see him now. He's that absent-minded... "Sharon! Is that you?"
0:09:07 > 0:09:10LAUGHTER
0:09:10 > 0:09:14- This probably should've happened to Sting.- It's a clue. - They gave him the electric chair?
0:09:14 > 0:09:17- LAUGHTER - Does nobody know this?- No.
0:09:17 > 0:09:23In 2007, police in North Dakota sent invitations for a fake Ozzy after-party
0:09:23 > 0:09:27to over 500 known criminals who were arrested on arrival.
0:09:27 > 0:09:32- It was a sting operation.- ALL: Ahhh!
0:09:32 > 0:09:36UK police employed a similar tactic recently and arrested 40 paedophiles
0:09:36 > 0:09:39when they turned up at a fake Justin Bieber party.
0:09:39 > 0:09:43- LAUGHTER - People are watching this and you go, "ped-ophile"
0:09:43 > 0:09:46- and they go, "Ooh, glamorous". - LAUGHTER
0:09:46 > 0:09:51People who do PR for paedophiles are going, "Hey, that's right, let's bring a bit of glamour to this!"
0:09:51 > 0:09:54- "Ped-ophile doesn't sound so bad!" - LAUGHTER
0:09:54 > 0:09:57At the end of that round, Noel's team has one, Phil's team has two!
0:09:57 > 0:10:01CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:10:01 > 0:10:05Next up, a special rock-themed Intros round.
0:10:05 > 0:10:08Noel and Olly, here are yours for Rufus.
0:10:08 > 0:10:11- I feel weird.- If it's any consolation, you kind of look weird.
0:10:11 > 0:10:14Yeah, I know. I might perch.
0:10:14 > 0:10:17- Are you ready for this?- Hang on, I'm just shitting out a pellet.
0:10:17 > 0:10:19LAUGHTER
0:10:19 > 0:10:23THEY IMITATE GUITAR AND PERCUSSION
0:10:27 > 0:10:29LAUGHTER
0:10:30 > 0:10:34Oh, er... It's not a good version of that.
0:10:34 > 0:10:37- A Little Less Conversation. - Yes!- Yes.
0:10:37 > 0:10:40- Yes, yes, yes.- Huh! Huh! Huh! APPLAUSE
0:10:40 > 0:10:43You are right and this is how it should have sounded.
0:10:43 > 0:10:47MUSIC: "A Little Less Conversation" by Elvis Presley vs JXL
0:10:52 > 0:10:56- All right, fine. - LAUGHTER
0:10:56 > 0:11:01So that was Elvis vs JXL with A Little Less Conversation.
0:11:01 > 0:11:07- Now I met Elvis in 1970.- Oh, wow. - I got a thing that said, "Elvis wants to meet you".
0:11:07 > 0:11:11I got to the Hilton Hotel, the elevator opened up and it was me,
0:11:11 > 0:11:15Liza Minnelli, Chubby Checker and Linda Lovelace.
0:11:15 > 0:11:19- Wow.- Wow! - What, you'd come together or you just happened to be in that lift?
0:11:19 > 0:11:22- He invited those four people. - Really?
0:11:22 > 0:11:27We went up and they searched us for guns, which was silly cos there were guns everywhere once you got in.
0:11:27 > 0:11:32When he came in the room, he was Elvis. He wasn't the fat Elvis, he was Elvis.
0:11:32 > 0:11:38He was the guy. He goes, "Hey, man, you're that cat with the snake, ain't you?" I said, "Yeah."
0:11:38 > 0:11:43He goes, "That's cool, man. I wish I would've thought of that. Here, I want to show you something"
0:11:43 > 0:11:47And we go in the kitchen, he opens the drawer, takes out a loaded snub-nosed .38,
0:11:47 > 0:11:49puts it in my hand and he says,
0:11:49 > 0:11:53"I'm going to show you how to take this gun out of somebody's hand."
0:11:53 > 0:11:56The little devil here on my shoulder says, "Shoot him."
0:11:56 > 0:12:00LAUGHTER
0:12:01 > 0:12:06- The little angel over here says, "Don't kill him, just wound him." - LAUGHTER
0:12:06 > 0:12:09Before I could decide what to do, I was on the floor
0:12:09 > 0:12:13and he had his boot in my throat and I go, "That's good, Elvis."
0:12:13 > 0:12:15LAUGHTER
0:12:15 > 0:12:21I'm still reeling over the fact that you were there with Liza Minnelli. He must've thought you were sisters.
0:12:21 > 0:12:25- LAUGHTER - Of course, only three of us came down on the elevator that night.
0:12:25 > 0:12:29- Now, I don't know what he did with Chubby Checker all night. - LAUGHTER
0:12:29 > 0:12:32I tell you what, he was an amazing character. A very funny guy.
0:12:32 > 0:12:35But he was Elvis. I mean, you know...
0:12:35 > 0:12:40Noel and Olly, stand by for your next one.
0:12:40 > 0:12:42Let's do it.
0:12:42 > 0:12:45OLLY IMITATES ELECTRIC GUITAR
0:12:45 > 0:12:47NOEL IMITATES DRUMS
0:12:58 > 0:13:00- Owwww. - LAUGHTER
0:13:00 > 0:13:04- I made that last bit up, to be fair. - LAUGHTER
0:13:04 > 0:13:06OLLY IMITATES ELECTRIC GUITAR
0:13:06 > 0:13:10- Stop doing that! - LAUGHTER
0:13:10 > 0:13:12It's the number one stripper song in the world.
0:13:12 > 0:13:16- THEY IMITATE GUITAR AND DRUMS - The singer is really sexy.
0:13:16 > 0:13:18- Poison!- Yes!
0:13:18 > 0:13:23- APPLAUSE - It must have been that clue about the singer is really sexy, right?
0:13:23 > 0:13:27- That was the clue. - Here's how it should have sounded.
0:13:27 > 0:13:31MUSIC: "Poison" by Alice Cooper
0:13:47 > 0:13:50# You're cruel...
0:13:50 > 0:13:55- Yeah!- Yes! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:13:56 > 0:14:01That was me with Poison. I wrote this song when my poisons were alcohol and class-A drugs.
0:14:01 > 0:14:06Nowadays, the most exciting thing that happens to me is a birdie on a par four
0:14:06 > 0:14:08and an occasional erection.
0:14:08 > 0:14:10LAUGHTER
0:14:10 > 0:14:14Which I'm having right now. Phil and Wretch, here are yours for Penny.
0:14:14 > 0:14:16Yep. Be upstanding.
0:14:16 > 0:14:19It's got a really terrible introduction
0:14:19 > 0:14:21but the end bit's the key bit, so we'll focus on that.
0:14:21 > 0:14:25- So it sort of goes... - LAUGHTER
0:14:25 > 0:14:27PHIL IMITATES ELECTRIC GUITAR
0:14:35 > 0:14:38THEY IMITATE GUITAR AND PERCUSSION
0:14:38 > 0:14:40Oh!
0:14:44 > 0:14:48- LAUGHTER Is it Whitesnake?- No.
0:14:48 > 0:14:50LAUGHTER Give me a clue.
0:14:50 > 0:14:53Yeah, I tell you what, I'll do the introduction.
0:14:53 > 0:14:56HE IMITATES GUITAR Down, down, give it around.
0:14:56 > 0:15:00- Is it Status Quo? - It's not words. It's not words.
0:15:00 > 0:15:02- It's not words.- Kylie Minogue.
0:15:02 > 0:15:05- It's a rock-themed round!- Oh. Sorry. LAUGHTER
0:15:05 > 0:15:09- All right, Noel. - I wasn't even listening. - LAUGHTER
0:15:09 > 0:15:13- Sounded like Oh What A Night. - That's what I was thinking!
0:15:13 > 0:15:17# Bam-bam-bam, oh, what a night
0:15:17 > 0:15:21ALL: # Late December back in 63
0:15:21 > 0:15:24- It's not that. - All right, here comes the answer.
0:15:24 > 0:15:27Guns 'N Roses, Welcome To The Jungle.
0:15:27 > 0:15:29This is how it should've sounded.
0:15:29 > 0:15:34- MUSIC: "Welcome To The Jungle" by Guns N' Roses - See? Yeah.
0:15:34 > 0:15:36No.
0:15:36 > 0:15:41- Where's that bit? Whoooo!- Why didn't you do that bit?- Because it sucks!
0:15:51 > 0:15:54- You're just basically doing your own intro for that. - LAUGHTER
0:15:54 > 0:15:58I didn't really like that bit, Slash, so we're just going to change that.
0:15:58 > 0:16:02He once came on the show and we were pestering him to tell us anecdotes about Guns N' Roses
0:16:02 > 0:16:07and I went, "Come on, you must have had some amazing gigs" and he went, "One time we played in London
0:16:07 > 0:16:11- "and my hat melted." - LAUGHTER
0:16:11 > 0:16:14That was Guns N' Roses, Welcome To The Jungle.
0:16:14 > 0:16:17Slash says he once ran naked and bleeding through a high-class golf resort.
0:16:17 > 0:16:22He eventually collapsed face-down and created the trickiest hole I've ever had to play in my life.
0:16:22 > 0:16:27- LAUGHTER - Slash, though, was not the first to wear a top hat.
0:16:27 > 0:16:31- Abraham Lincoln. - LAUGHTER
0:16:31 > 0:16:35- APPLAUSE - He did his thing.
0:16:36 > 0:16:40- All right, next one, please, Phil and Wretch.- Is this a rock one?
0:16:40 > 0:16:44- LAUGHTER - No, no, no, don't worry, don't worry.
0:16:44 > 0:16:47- Don't vex me! Don't vex me! - LAUGHTER
0:16:47 > 0:16:52- I'll tell you what, we'll do it where the vocal comes in.- OK! - Can we do that? OK.- Yeah.
0:16:52 > 0:16:55THEY IMITATE GUITAR
0:17:06 > 0:17:10I thought you said you were going to do the vocal bit. LAUGHTER
0:17:10 > 0:17:13- I had the fucking singer here, I thought he might pitch in. - LAUGHTER
0:17:13 > 0:17:16APPLAUSE
0:17:19 > 0:17:22Still don't know it? No clues?
0:17:22 > 0:17:25HE SINGS MELODY
0:17:31 > 0:17:34- Oh, come on!- It's Alice Cooper!
0:17:34 > 0:17:38- Yes! - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:17:38 > 0:17:41- You don't know the song, do you? - What is the answer?
0:17:41 > 0:17:45- You must know. This is killing me. You're going to have to leave the show now.- Really?
0:17:45 > 0:17:49- School's Out. - School's Out! I know that one!
0:17:49 > 0:17:53- Apparently you don't! - And here's how it should've sounded.
0:17:53 > 0:17:57MUSIC: "School's Out" by Alice Cooper
0:17:58 > 0:18:00I know that one!
0:18:05 > 0:18:08Dancing like that.
0:18:09 > 0:18:12That was me with School's Out. My songs are often misinterpreted.
0:18:12 > 0:18:17For example, School's Out is really to tell kids to start their revision planners.
0:18:17 > 0:18:19LAUGHTER
0:18:19 > 0:18:22- Muscle Of Love is about a romantic oyster. - LAUGHTER
0:18:22 > 0:18:27And Welcome To My Nightmare is a cautionary tale about eating cheese in the evening.
0:18:27 > 0:18:31LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:18:32 > 0:18:37It's all true. And at the end of that round, Phil's team has two
0:18:37 > 0:18:39- and Noel's team has four.- Yes!
0:18:39 > 0:18:43CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:18:43 > 0:18:46Round three is the Identity Parade
0:18:46 > 0:18:48and this week it's from my world of shock rock.
0:18:48 > 0:18:52Phil, Wretch and Penny, how about some British grindcore?
0:18:52 > 0:18:55For the audience only, here is Napalm Death.
0:18:55 > 0:18:59MUSIC: "Silence Is Deafening" by Napalm Death
0:19:11 > 0:19:14That was Napalm Death with Silence Is Deafening.
0:19:14 > 0:19:16I actually like the Carpenters version better.
0:19:16 > 0:19:20Which of our line-up is lead shouter Mark Greenway?
0:19:20 > 0:19:23Is it number one, Napalm Death?
0:19:23 > 0:19:26Number two, Black Death?
0:19:26 > 0:19:29Number three, Bored to Death?
0:19:29 > 0:19:31Number four, Looks Like Death?
0:19:31 > 0:19:35Or number five, Career Death After Big Brother Ten?
0:19:35 > 0:19:37LAUGHTER
0:19:37 > 0:19:41- I'm going to get number four to explain the plot of Lost to me. - LAUGHTER
0:19:41 > 0:19:45APPLAUSE
0:19:45 > 0:19:49- Number one's got a flamingo trying to escape out of his head. - LAUGHTER
0:19:49 > 0:19:54- I like those mutton chops. - Number five, get those Adamantium claws out, you've pulled.
0:19:54 > 0:19:58- LAUGHTER - I would say three, cos three's my lucky number,
0:19:58 > 0:20:02- but he doesn't look like he can see or hear us. - LAUGHTER
0:20:02 > 0:20:04- Yo. - LAUGHTER
0:20:04 > 0:20:11- Final answer.- I saw this band at the Download Festival I think five years ago and it's number two.
0:20:11 > 0:20:16Let's find out. Would the real Mark Greenway please step forward?
0:20:16 > 0:20:18Yeah! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:20:20 > 0:20:25Still touring and recording with Napalm Death, Mark Greenway, ladies and gentlemen.
0:20:25 > 0:20:29- I'll see you out on the road somewhere. - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:20:31 > 0:20:34Noel, Olly and Rufus, something a little different for you.
0:20:34 > 0:20:39For the audience only, here is me performing live on the BBC in 1971
0:20:39 > 0:20:41with a reptile friend of mine.
0:20:41 > 0:20:44# Is it my body?
0:20:45 > 0:20:48# Or something I might be?
0:20:50 > 0:20:53# Or something inside me?
0:20:53 > 0:20:55# You better tell me
0:20:56 > 0:20:58# Tell me
0:20:58 > 0:21:01# It's really up to you
0:21:03 > 0:21:07# Have you got the time to find out
0:21:07 > 0:21:11# Who I really am?
0:21:11 > 0:21:15All right, that was me in this very studio in 1971.
0:21:15 > 0:21:17OK, I was a little drunk at the time.
0:21:17 > 0:21:20But which of our Alice Coopers through the ages
0:21:20 > 0:21:23is holding the breed of snake that I use in my live show?
0:21:23 > 0:21:26Is it number one, Alice Cooper?
0:21:27 > 0:21:31- Number two, Tommy Cooper? - LAUGHTER
0:21:31 > 0:21:35- Number three, Mini Cooper? - LAUGHTER
0:21:35 > 0:21:38- Number four, Hangin' With Mr Cooper? - LAUGHTER
0:21:38 > 0:21:42- Or number five, Pooper Cooper? - LAUGHTER
0:21:42 > 0:21:47- I have to say... - That is just bonkers.- ..I don't think I'm ever going to sleep again.
0:21:47 > 0:21:51- LAUGHTER - If we don't hurry up, I'm pretty sure number three's going to die.
0:21:51 > 0:21:55- LAUGHTER - Take a close look.
0:21:55 > 0:21:59Shall we have a look? Cos I think you used a reticulated python or a boa constrictor.
0:21:59 > 0:22:04- I thought you had a boa, which would be number three. - Or a reticulated python.
0:22:04 > 0:22:08- Hello, cheeky!- Oh, Jesus. - That's a big snake.
0:22:08 > 0:22:11- Is it a big snake or is it just a perspective thing? - LAUGHTER
0:22:11 > 0:22:16That looks like a boa constrictor. I think that's a milk snake or a corn snake.
0:22:16 > 0:22:21- Get you, reptile watch! - Yeah! Terry Nutkins can kiss my ass! - LAUGHTER
0:22:21 > 0:22:24- Don't whoop Terry Nutkins, you freak! - LAUGHTER
0:22:24 > 0:22:27- Oh, it is Terry. All right, Terry? - LAUGHTER
0:22:27 > 0:22:32- Noel, one of them is going to go for you, they think you're a buzzard. - LAUGHTER
0:22:32 > 0:22:37These ones look all right. I'm not scared of these ones much. I'm not going to touch it, though.
0:22:37 > 0:22:42- What was the snake called, Alice? - I had Boa Derek and I had Julius Squeezer.
0:22:42 > 0:22:48- All right, take your seats. - You'd want a big snake, so it's got to be a boa.
0:22:48 > 0:22:52- Or number five? - No, look, we're talking Alice Motherfucking Cooper here.
0:22:52 > 0:22:56- I know.- He's not walking out with a corn snake, is he?- No.
0:22:56 > 0:22:58- # School's out for summer - LAUGHTER
0:22:58 > 0:23:00Stop it!
0:23:00 > 0:23:03- Final answer. - We think it's number... - NOEL SCREAMS
0:23:03 > 0:23:06It's a feather! LAUGHTER
0:23:06 > 0:23:09I've just given you a feather back. LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:23:09 > 0:23:13I thought you'd produced a snake out of your denim jacket!
0:23:13 > 0:23:18- HE SCREAMS - Sorry, I am on mushrooms.
0:23:18 > 0:23:19LAUGHTER
0:23:19 > 0:23:24- Good to know that when flustered, Noel becomes a Victorian lady! - LAUGHTER
0:23:24 > 0:23:26Noel's team, which number?
0:23:26 > 0:23:31- Is it number three?- Would the real snake please make themselves known?
0:23:31 > 0:23:34Yay! APPLAUSE
0:23:34 > 0:23:37Wow. That's impressive.
0:23:37 > 0:23:41That's a baby. Now here's what happened to me. I had a snake twice that size
0:23:41 > 0:23:44He swallowed a heating pad.
0:23:44 > 0:23:48He thought that it was part of his dinner. He ate the whole heating pad.
0:23:48 > 0:23:52There's an electric cord coming out of his mouth plugged into the wall.
0:23:52 > 0:23:57So I called up the doctor and said, "What do I do?" He said, "Well, first, unplug him."
0:23:57 > 0:24:00He said, "Don't try to pull the cord out cos you'll pull his stomach out."
0:24:00 > 0:24:04So he said, "Just clip the cord and see if he can digest it."
0:24:04 > 0:24:08It's a heating pad, it's that big. Two days later, we realised he wasn't going to digest it
0:24:08 > 0:24:12so we took him in, they cut him open, took the heating pad out,
0:24:12 > 0:24:15sewed him back up and he's in a petting zoo now.
0:24:15 > 0:24:19- So there's a nice ending to that story.- ALL: Aww.
0:24:19 > 0:24:22APPLAUSE
0:24:22 > 0:24:27Now hosting BBC pop quizzes, Alice Cooper, ladies and gentlemen.
0:24:27 > 0:24:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:24:33 > 0:24:36And at the end of that round, Phil's team has three,
0:24:36 > 0:24:38Noel's team has five.
0:24:38 > 0:24:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:24:43 > 0:24:47In my time, I've always placed great stock on image and shock factor,
0:24:47 > 0:24:52so we end with a round that looks at some of the craziest album covers in music history.
0:24:52 > 0:24:54I'll show you a cover with the title blurred out
0:24:54 > 0:24:59and all you have to do is guess the title. Noel's team are in the lead so you go first.
0:24:59 > 0:25:03And your time starts...now.
0:25:03 > 0:25:05What's Swamp Dogg selling here?
0:25:05 > 0:25:08- Mouse Jockeys. - LAUGHTER
0:25:08 > 0:25:12Albino Rat Cyclist Celebration.
0:25:12 > 0:25:20- Ooh, is it The World's Unlikeliest Pearly King...On A Big White Mouse? - LAUGHTER
0:25:20 > 0:25:24- The answer is Rat On!- ALL: Ahh. LAUGHTER
0:25:24 > 0:25:27What album is William Hung pedalling here?
0:25:27 > 0:25:30LAUGHTER William Hung Like A Horse?
0:25:30 > 0:25:34- Hung Like Tinsel. - LAUGHTER
0:25:34 > 0:25:37What do they call Christmas to kind of include everything?
0:25:37 > 0:25:40- Holiday.- Almost! - Hung For The Holidays.- Yes.
0:25:40 > 0:25:43- Hung For The Holidays. - APPLAUSE
0:25:43 > 0:25:45- Great album. - LAUGHTER
0:25:45 > 0:25:50- What's the name of this album from Jerry Butler? - I Seem To Be Inside My Own Drink.
0:25:50 > 0:25:55- LAUGHTER Ice Man.- Ice Man is close.
0:25:55 > 0:25:58- The Ice Man Cometh. - The Ice Man Cometh. - APPLAUSE
0:25:58 > 0:26:02Who has Paddy Roberts written songs for?
0:26:02 > 0:26:05- Aww.- That's weird. - It's Songs For Gay Dogs.
0:26:05 > 0:26:08- Yes! That is the right answer! - It is!
0:26:08 > 0:26:11APPLAUSE
0:26:11 > 0:26:17- You're going to love this one. What's the title of this Scorpions offering?- Hubba Bubba Tit Stretch.
0:26:17 > 0:26:20LAUGHTER
0:26:20 > 0:26:24It's called Love Drive. It doesn't make any sense at all.
0:26:24 > 0:26:27CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:26:27 > 0:26:33All right, Phil's team, you need six points to win and your time starts...now.
0:26:33 > 0:26:36What was the offering from The Handsome Beasts called?
0:26:36 > 0:26:39- It's Bacon Week With The Hairy Bikers. - LAUGHTER
0:26:39 > 0:26:43- Makin' Bacon.- That would be a great title, but it's not it.
0:26:43 > 0:26:47- I'm A Pig, Get Me Out Of Here? - Beastiality.- Nice.
0:26:47 > 0:26:52- How about this album from Aphex Twin?- Ahh. - I've Got Something On My Chest.
0:26:52 > 0:26:57- Ah, nice!- The answer is the unlikely Windowlicker.
0:26:57 > 0:27:00What does the ESP stand for in Millie Jackson's ESP?
0:27:00 > 0:27:03Extra Sexual Perception.
0:27:03 > 0:27:06- Ooh, so close.- Extra Sexual Persuasion.- That's it.- Nice!
0:27:06 > 0:27:09- That is right. - She's got nice kneecaps.
0:27:09 > 0:27:11LAUGHTER
0:27:11 > 0:27:14What is the title of my new album?
0:27:14 > 0:27:17- Alice Cooper Loves Kittens. - LAUGHTER
0:27:17 > 0:27:19There was another album called this.
0:27:19 > 0:27:23- Really? - One of my albums was called this.
0:27:23 > 0:27:25- Alice Cooper's Greatest Hits 2. - No. Think scarier.
0:27:25 > 0:27:28IN SPOOKY VOICE: Alice Cooper's Greatest Hits 2.
0:27:28 > 0:27:32In 1975, I had Welcome To My Nightmare.
0:27:32 > 0:27:35- This is Welcome 2 My Nightmare. - Welcome...
0:27:35 > 0:27:39- All: Ahhh! - It's so damn clever, it's amazing.
0:27:39 > 0:27:41LAUGHTER
0:27:41 > 0:27:44APPLAUSE
0:27:46 > 0:27:50So at the end of that, in second place with four is Phil's team.
0:27:50 > 0:27:53CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Well done.
0:27:53 > 0:27:55This week's winner is Noel's team with eight!
0:27:55 > 0:27:59CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:28:01 > 0:28:05Thanks to Phil, Wretch 32 and Penny, Noel, Olly and Rufus.
0:28:05 > 0:28:10I've been Alice Cooper and so have these guys. Take it away, fellas!
0:28:10 > 0:28:13CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:28:13 > 0:28:16MUSIC: "School's Out" by Alice Cooper
0:28:19 > 0:28:24ALL: # School's out for summer
0:28:27 > 0:28:32# School's out forever
0:28:34 > 0:28:40# School's been blown to pieces
0:28:41 > 0:28:48# School's out completely
0:28:48 > 0:28:52CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:28:52 > 0:28:54Good night!
0:28:56 > 0:29:00- If he squeezes, I become a girl right now. - LAUGHTER
0:29:00 > 0:29:03Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk
0:29:03 > 0:29:03.