0:00:02 > 0:00:062012 has been a glorious year for the British spirit.
0:00:06 > 0:00:11And one pop quiz aimed to keep that spirit alive. But did it?
0:00:11 > 0:00:14Over the next half hour, we're going to take you on an epic journey,
0:00:14 > 0:00:17travelling an astonishing tens of miles to find out what,
0:00:17 > 0:00:20if anything, Never Mind The Buzzcocks
0:00:20 > 0:00:22has meant to you normal people.
0:00:22 > 0:00:26Along the way, we shall meet actual viewers with actual
0:00:26 > 0:00:27viewpoints as they help us
0:00:27 > 0:00:32to remind ourselves of some truly treasured memories from the series.
0:00:33 > 0:00:37This is the story of Never Mind The Buzzcocks 2012
0:00:37 > 0:00:39and the people who let us touch them.
0:00:49 > 0:00:52Meet Andy, who runs a post office.
0:00:52 > 0:00:55Andy thinks he can best sum up what it is about Buzzcocks
0:00:55 > 0:00:57that people love so much.
0:00:57 > 0:00:59- CASHIER:- Number six, please.
0:00:59 > 0:01:05If I could sum up the Buzzcocks in one word, I would say...
0:01:05 > 0:01:07Top viewing.
0:01:07 > 0:01:10I've seen you out there dancing with other men,
0:01:10 > 0:01:14while me and Conor are indoors playing Battleships.
0:01:14 > 0:01:16Do you know what I think about monogamy?
0:01:16 > 0:01:18Good game, that. I like it.
0:01:19 > 0:01:22- Who's your lover?- Tony Blackburn.
0:01:22 > 0:01:24MUSIC
0:01:24 > 0:01:25- ANNOUNCER:- Tony Blackburn!
0:01:25 > 0:01:29- Are you Nancy Dell'Olio's lover? - Yes, I am.
0:01:29 > 0:01:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:30 > 0:01:33- ANNOUNCER:- Tony Blackburn!
0:01:33 > 0:01:37- Fazer, you were in a combo called the N-Dubz.- The N-Dubz?
0:01:37 > 0:01:40- N-Dubz, yeah. - And it was you and your friends.
0:01:40 > 0:01:44- My childhood friends.- Lovely. And you know Ms Tulisa.- Yes, I do.
0:01:44 > 0:01:48Can I ask you, when you were dating Ms Tulisa,
0:01:48 > 0:01:50did she ever whisper in your ear...
0:01:50 > 0:01:53COCKNEY ACCENT: 'I want a brown baby'.
0:01:53 > 0:01:55LAUGHTER
0:02:02 > 0:02:04But the story doesn't end there.
0:02:04 > 0:02:07John from Wales has his own opinion about what he thinks.
0:02:07 > 0:02:12I get the impression at times you struggle to fill the show
0:02:12 > 0:02:16and get the right people on there but that's half the fun, really.
0:02:16 > 0:02:20It's not as tight as it used to be in terms of guests
0:02:20 > 0:02:24and everything like that but it's still very, very watchable.
0:02:24 > 0:02:28- What about paintings? Have you received any paintings?- No.
0:02:28 > 0:02:32So lucky I made copies. That I sent to you about three years ago.
0:02:32 > 0:02:37- This one I call Ocean Bliss and it's me and you.- I really want that.
0:02:37 > 0:02:40- Here. It's for you. - But you haven't signed it.
0:02:40 > 0:02:45- ..Which I call Balmy Summer.- Wow! - There's Balmy Summer.
0:02:45 > 0:02:49And this when I call Contorting The Actress Mena Suvari With My Python Cock.
0:02:49 > 0:02:50LAUGHTER
0:02:53 > 0:02:55They're good.
0:02:55 > 0:02:59- Rita, have you ever crowd surfed?- I crowd surfed once.- At your own gig?
0:02:59 > 0:03:01Yeah. It was. A very intimate gig.
0:03:01 > 0:03:04I wouldn't trust it, for somebody just grabbing you
0:03:04 > 0:03:05and probing you.
0:03:05 > 0:03:10- I've been probed quite a few times. - Is that why they call you Labrinth?
0:03:10 > 0:03:11LAUGHTER
0:03:17 > 0:03:18Are you a big fan of Michael Jackson?
0:03:18 > 0:03:21I do like Michael Jackson and his music.
0:03:21 > 0:03:24I bet Olympic gymnastics would be better if you moonwalked.
0:03:24 > 0:03:26- Over, up and down the pommel horse? - Yeah.
0:03:26 > 0:03:30If you'd come down the pommel horse moonwalking, you might've win gold.
0:03:31 > 0:03:35- We're on the same team, man! Come on!- Can you moonwalk, Louis?
0:03:35 > 0:03:37- Cos you do dancing. - I can moonwalk.
0:03:37 > 0:03:39I thought everyone could moonwalk.
0:03:39 > 0:03:40Do you want to moonwalk?
0:03:40 > 0:03:44Would you mind moonwalking? Louis Smith is going to moonwalk.
0:03:44 > 0:03:45CHEERING
0:03:45 > 0:03:48- Billie Jean?- Yeah, sounds good. - You'll do Billie Jean?
0:03:48 > 0:03:50Billie Jean for you.
0:03:50 > 0:03:52SONG: "Billie Jean"
0:03:54 > 0:03:55CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:03:56 > 0:03:59There we go. Louis Smith!
0:03:59 > 0:04:00CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:04:00 > 0:04:04How you managed to get a half an hour show out of it is incredible
0:04:04 > 0:04:07sometimes, because at times you laugh all the way through
0:04:07 > 0:04:10and others you only laugh three times in the whole show,
0:04:10 > 0:04:14but those three times you really laugh and it makes it worthwhile.
0:04:14 > 0:04:17- Would you judge the best kitten? - All right, yeah.
0:04:17 > 0:04:20Should we race or are we going for artistic...
0:04:20 > 0:04:2230 seconds. Go!
0:04:22 > 0:04:28Danny from McFly drawing a pussy from memory.
0:04:28 > 0:04:29LAUGHTER
0:04:29 > 0:04:32You legend. You absolute legend.
0:04:32 > 0:04:35- NOEL:- Have you finished already? - I finished.
0:04:35 > 0:04:38I said a kitten. You've drawn a vagina!
0:04:40 > 0:04:43Oh, yes, we've actually drawn kittens!
0:04:43 > 0:04:46I don't think I want Mena to have to see that.
0:04:46 > 0:04:50It's very smutty, Mena, I'm sorry. Just show it.
0:04:50 > 0:04:55You despicable man! Show the cameras, Danny from McFly!
0:04:55 > 0:04:58Oh, you sick bastard!
0:04:59 > 0:05:02This is a family show!
0:05:03 > 0:05:07But to find out if the complete mystery of Buzzcocks' success
0:05:07 > 0:05:11runs deeper than it first appears, we need to meet these people.
0:05:11 > 0:05:14- Hi, I'm Nicola.- Hello, I'm Roscoe. - And this is our flat.
0:05:14 > 0:05:16Like most ordinary people of their age,
0:05:16 > 0:05:20Roscoe and Nicola like nothing more than sitting on the sofa
0:05:20 > 0:05:24next to their stuffed pet fox and watching television, and lots of it.
0:05:24 > 0:05:27- Big Bang Theory... - Big Bang Theory, yeah.
0:05:27 > 0:05:30You'll try and make me watch Family Guy or...
0:05:30 > 0:05:33I don't mind Family Guy, it's the other one, South Park.
0:05:33 > 0:05:34Take or leave it.
0:05:34 > 0:05:37But then you sit me through How I Met Your Mother,
0:05:37 > 0:05:43- the most powerfully unfunny programme on the planet. - So, it's a mix.- Yeah.
0:05:43 > 0:05:48- Mondays. And then Never Mind The Buzzcocks.- And then a bit of sex!
0:05:50 > 0:05:52I'm so thrilled that you're on this show,
0:05:52 > 0:05:55because when I was asked to do the show I did say to the producers,
0:05:55 > 0:05:59"It would be blooming marvellous if we could get one of our great
0:05:59 > 0:06:04"Olympians on", and obviously, I would have preferred Mo Farah.
0:06:06 > 0:06:09Do you ever think about anything when you're mid-flight?
0:06:11 > 0:06:14I really fancy some toast!
0:06:14 > 0:06:17No, it happens so quick you really don't have time to...
0:06:17 > 0:06:19You ever not landed?
0:06:21 > 0:06:25I suppose Buzzcocks don't get the bigger celebrities,
0:06:25 > 0:06:27but I think that makes it better.
0:06:27 > 0:06:29We also heard Automatic with Monster.
0:06:29 > 0:06:31- Their last album... - HE MUMBLES
0:06:31 > 0:06:33No, no, that's...I had a flashback.
0:06:33 > 0:06:37I used to be a Japanese warrior in the 14th century.
0:06:39 > 0:06:43We also heard Automatic with Monster. Dun-diya...Done it again.
0:06:43 > 0:06:46We also heard Automatic with Monster.
0:06:46 > 0:06:49Their last album Tear...Tear, tear, it's Tear, isn't it?
0:06:49 > 0:06:52"Teer" and "tare" are spelt the same, aren't they? That's the problem.
0:06:52 > 0:06:57I don't like words that are spelt the same, but mean different things, like cock and cock.
0:06:57 > 0:07:00We also heard Automatic with Monster. Their latest album...
0:07:00 > 0:07:02We also...We, we, we...
0:07:02 > 0:07:06RAUCOUS LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:07:06 > 0:07:08We also heard Automatic with Monster.
0:07:08 > 0:07:12Their last album Tear The Sign Down... Signs, it's plural!
0:07:12 > 0:07:15I thought they had only committed one crime.
0:07:15 > 0:07:17I didn't know they were repeat offenders.
0:07:17 > 0:07:20We also heard Automatic with Monster. Good, weren't it?
0:07:20 > 0:07:21Right, move on!
0:07:21 > 0:07:25APPLAUSE
0:07:25 > 0:07:28Everyone there looks like they're so tired
0:07:28 > 0:07:30and they hate their lives and are still on the show,
0:07:30 > 0:07:33but they do it because they still have an enjoyment.
0:07:33 > 0:07:37It's a bit like going to work and then realising you don't want
0:07:37 > 0:07:39to get to work cos it's shit but when you're there you go,
0:07:39 > 0:07:42it's not so bad and you actually have a laugh at the end of it.
0:07:42 > 0:07:44Bob Marley performed with The Wailers who are still
0:07:44 > 0:07:46very much imitated around the world.
0:07:46 > 0:07:49I recently went to see the Japanese Wailers
0:07:49 > 0:07:51and they've given it a very different spin!
0:07:53 > 0:07:56Barry Manilow was once sent a roll of toilet paper with
0:07:56 > 0:07:58"I Love You" written on every sheet.
0:07:58 > 0:08:01I imagine he needs a lot of toilet paper. I don't know if you've ever
0:08:01 > 0:08:04seen Barry close-up but he has the most enormous shitty arse!
0:08:06 > 0:08:09So we heard Lenny Kravitz with Are You Gonna Go My Way?
0:08:09 > 0:08:11Lenny Kravitz is half-Jewish and half-black,
0:08:11 > 0:08:14whereas I look Jewish and wish I was black!
0:08:20 > 0:08:22We also heard Carly Simon with You're So Vain.
0:08:22 > 0:08:25Recently, Carly Simon revealed the identity
0:08:25 > 0:08:28of the song's subject to the highest bidder at a charity auction.
0:08:28 > 0:08:31The lucky winner was a Mr Dick Ebersol,
0:08:31 > 0:08:34who I believe is married to Fanny Canesten.
0:08:34 > 0:08:38RAUCOUS LAUGHTER
0:08:40 > 0:08:44P Diddy actually says there's an art to sending sex texts.
0:08:44 > 0:08:46Oh, come on, P, we all know the art of sexting.
0:08:46 > 0:08:51It's three emoticons - smiley face, cum face, sleepy face!
0:08:55 > 0:08:58I heard Richard Madeley say cum face.
0:08:59 > 0:09:01I'm still drinking that in!
0:09:04 > 0:09:07But is putting such a show together a difficult task
0:09:07 > 0:09:09and what makes it an unparalleled quiz show?
0:09:09 > 0:09:12One person who thinks he knows about it as well as most,
0:09:12 > 0:09:14is this man - Amin.
0:09:14 > 0:09:18The thing about Buzzcocks is you do the same thing over and over
0:09:18 > 0:09:21and over, until you feel like you're enjoying it.
0:09:21 > 0:09:25I prefer Mock The Week, to be honest, because there are comics on it
0:09:25 > 0:09:27and I think the games
0:09:27 > 0:09:31and the different sketches are better than Buzzcocks.
0:09:32 > 0:09:36It's time for mine and Judy's favourite round, the Intros Round.
0:09:36 > 0:09:38In fact, Judy and I were reviewing this round at our
0:09:38 > 0:09:41Comedy Pop Quiz Review Club just the other night.
0:09:41 > 0:09:43- Here's what we thought. - LOUNGE MUSIC PLAYS
0:09:43 > 0:09:46Judy and myself find it to be one of the most watchable,
0:09:46 > 0:09:48emotionally intense rounds of the year.
0:09:48 > 0:09:51Phill and Noel pull off the key team captains' trick of getting us
0:09:51 > 0:09:52to care about the intros.
0:09:52 > 0:09:54By the end of the performance,
0:09:54 > 0:09:56you'll be comprehensively on the hook.
0:09:56 > 0:09:58Put quite simply, a cracking watch.
0:09:58 > 0:10:01We gave it four out of five stars. Well done, guys.
0:10:01 > 0:10:04APPLAUSE
0:10:04 > 0:10:09# Dow-dow-dow-dow-dow-dow Ticka-dow-dow-dow-dow-dow
0:10:09 > 0:10:13# Ticka-dow, ticka-dow... #
0:10:13 > 0:10:14Is it...
0:10:14 > 0:10:17# Bap-ba-bada-ba bada-ba... #
0:10:17 > 0:10:18Oh, come on!
0:10:18 > 0:10:21PHILL SIMULATES GUITAR
0:10:21 > 0:10:24David, don't cover your ears, that won't help!
0:10:26 > 0:10:29Tss-tss-tss-tss-tss-tss
0:10:29 > 0:10:31Boom-tss-tss-tss-tss
0:10:31 > 0:10:33# Do-do-do-diddle-oo-do-do
0:10:33 > 0:10:35# Bar-boo-wo-de-do-do
0:10:35 > 0:10:37# Do-do-do-do-do
0:10:37 > 0:10:40# Warrr-urrr
0:10:40 > 0:10:44# Weeee! #
0:10:44 > 0:10:48When you both started screaming, it's...
0:10:48 > 0:10:49It's not screaming!
0:10:49 > 0:10:54Exactly. It's what I imagine a stroke sounds like, in your head.
0:10:55 > 0:10:57SARAH SCREAMS
0:10:56 > 0:10:57Like that!
0:10:57 > 0:10:59What do lions listen to?
0:10:59 > 0:11:04HE WAILS
0:11:11 > 0:11:15LOW, THRUMMING GUITAR INTRO
0:11:15 > 0:11:17Right, stop. Now you do that.
0:11:17 > 0:11:20# Bo-bom-bom-bom-bom Bo-bom-bom-bom-bom #
0:11:20 > 0:11:23Yours sounded like Carly Simon was underwater!
0:11:23 > 0:11:25Yours sounded like she was going to go...
0:11:25 > 0:11:28- DISTORTED:- # You're so vain
0:11:28 > 0:11:30# Bet you think this song is about you
0:11:30 > 0:11:33# You're so vain... #
0:11:33 > 0:11:36- Here's One Direction. Know the name of the track?- Bollocks!
0:11:36 > 0:11:37Yes, Bollocks!
0:11:41 > 0:11:44And this is how Bollocks should have sounded!
0:11:44 > 0:11:46AUDIENCE WHOOPS
0:11:46 > 0:11:48# You're insecure... #
0:11:48 > 0:11:52- NOEL:- # Summer lovin' had me a blast
0:11:52 > 0:11:56ALL: # Summer lovin happened so fast
0:11:56 > 0:11:59# Met a girl crazy for me
0:11:59 > 0:12:02# Met a boy cute as can be
0:12:02 > 0:12:06# Summer days driftin' away
0:12:06 > 0:12:08# Wooh ah oh the summer nights
0:12:08 > 0:12:10# A wella-wella-wella-uh... #
0:12:10 > 0:12:12Un, dos, tres, cuatro...
0:12:12 > 0:12:15# Barm-barm-barm-barm-barm-barm
0:12:15 > 0:12:18# Barm-barm-barm-barm-barm
0:12:18 > 0:12:21# Barm-barm-barm-barm-barm-barm... #
0:12:21 > 0:12:24Smoke On The Water!
0:12:24 > 0:12:28Wait! He's got it right!
0:12:28 > 0:12:30Here's how it should have sounded.
0:12:30 > 0:12:36JAZZ VERSION
0:12:38 > 0:12:42# Smoke on the water... #
0:12:45 > 0:12:48So that was Deep Purple with Smoke On The water.
0:12:48 > 0:12:50If you've never heard Deep Purple,
0:12:50 > 0:12:54they're a sort of cross between Simply Red and Blue.
0:12:54 > 0:12:56Pretty good, pretty good!
0:12:57 > 0:13:01We also heard Black Keys with Gold On The Ceiling. Some people have
0:13:01 > 0:13:03accused the Black Keys of sounding a bit samey.
0:13:03 > 0:13:06That's nonsense. That's a signature sound.
0:13:06 > 0:13:10You might as well say McFly songs are bit samey! The samey as Busted!
0:13:12 > 0:13:16Yes, that was Justin Bieber with Eeny Meeny.
0:13:16 > 0:13:19Justin is breaking a lot of young girls' hearts.
0:13:19 > 0:13:22I say hearts - hymens!
0:13:25 > 0:13:28That was the Spice Girls with Who Do You Think You Are?
0:13:28 > 0:13:30The Spice Girls reformed to sing at the Olympic Closing Ceremony
0:13:30 > 0:13:31a few months ago.
0:13:31 > 0:13:35It was the first time they'd sung together live since...they met!
0:13:41 > 0:13:43These men are fishmongers and they found they very much
0:13:43 > 0:13:49enjoyed the revealing nature of the show's more journalistic side.
0:13:49 > 0:13:52Sometimes with the guests on Buzzcocks, I don't think they're
0:13:52 > 0:13:54the most famous people around at the moment.
0:13:54 > 0:13:57But they are the more quirky, interesting characters.
0:13:57 > 0:13:59When they reveal something they shouldn't have,
0:13:59 > 0:14:03I still think it's funny the way the team captains abuse them
0:14:03 > 0:14:06for the whole show, the rest of the show.
0:14:06 > 0:14:08Who once said, "I love dogs.
0:14:08 > 0:14:10"I let them lick me and everything."
0:14:10 > 0:14:12Was it Rita or another singer?
0:14:12 > 0:14:15That sounds like Rita!
0:14:15 > 0:14:18- Sounds like Rita! - What is everything?
0:14:18 > 0:14:23I'm talking about the lick, then you have the affection, the jump,
0:14:23 > 0:14:27- the kind of like, you know, fiddle, kiddle, cuddle. LABRINTH:- Whoa!
0:14:27 > 0:14:29No, no, no!
0:14:29 > 0:14:32I meant like, you know, when you fiddle your dog and you cuddle...
0:14:32 > 0:14:34No, no!
0:14:34 > 0:14:36Wow, hey!
0:14:36 > 0:14:39Before they go, oh, Rita admits fiddling with animals.
0:14:39 > 0:14:42- No, it's not! JASON:- You got a dog now?- No.
0:14:42 > 0:14:45It's been taken into protective custody!
0:14:45 > 0:14:50- Has anyone here got a dog that licks them?- Silence.- Are you serious?
0:14:50 > 0:14:52No-one licks their dog... I mean...
0:14:52 > 0:14:55RAUCOUS LAUGHTER
0:14:56 > 0:14:59I am just happy we get to spend the night together so...
0:14:59 > 0:15:02- I don't really mind. - I didn't know that was happening!
0:15:05 > 0:15:08APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:15:09 > 0:15:11Logistically, that sounds very complicated.
0:15:11 > 0:15:14I hope it's not all night, I have to say.
0:15:14 > 0:15:17I usually pass out around the second time!
0:15:22 > 0:15:25- Wow!- OK, time out, Ed, let's make a start.
0:15:25 > 0:15:31- Ed, are we talking before, during or after?- After.- You pass out?
0:15:31 > 0:15:33- You're out cold? - I can manage a couple more
0:15:33 > 0:15:35if I haven't had too much of a heavy day.
0:15:35 > 0:15:39Ed, you don't have to share this much.
0:15:39 > 0:15:43Not saying don't, but I'm just saying... Actually, just tell me.
0:15:44 > 0:15:49I slightly love you. Come on!
0:15:49 > 0:15:50AUDIENCE: Awww!
0:15:50 > 0:15:54Ed, you're a good lad. Just have a coffee! Or tea.
0:15:54 > 0:15:56Then I'd need a wee halfway through.
0:15:56 > 0:16:00LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:16:02 > 0:16:06You'd end up in a weird situation where you're kind of shooting...
0:16:08 > 0:16:10Classic Sheeran!
0:16:10 > 0:16:14I think your guests are OK. They're not really proper celebrities.
0:16:14 > 0:16:17You could have Rihanna or... I don't know...
0:16:17 > 0:16:20Who else is sort of like that... but you don't.
0:16:22 > 0:16:25Gareth, why don't you tell Wretch
0:16:25 > 0:16:27which songs you like to make love to?
0:16:30 > 0:16:32I think a healthy dose of silence!
0:16:32 > 0:16:34Yeah?
0:16:35 > 0:16:39It's hard to maintain an erection to Pie Jesu, isn't it?
0:16:39 > 0:16:45# Pie Jesu, Pie Jesu...
0:16:45 > 0:16:49On that note, would you say you are adventurous in the bedroom?
0:16:49 > 0:16:53- Not really, no.- Gareth?
0:16:56 > 0:16:58Yeah!
0:16:58 > 0:17:01CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:17:01 > 0:17:04See? Two very different people.
0:17:04 > 0:17:08I think it would be brilliant if towards the end of this episode,
0:17:08 > 0:17:11Judy just came out from under that desk!
0:17:15 > 0:17:17She's not finished yet!
0:17:17 > 0:17:22PHILL SCREAMS
0:17:22 > 0:17:23My eyes!
0:17:25 > 0:17:26- SEANN:- Oh no!
0:17:35 > 0:17:39Solomon here is Phill Jupitus' driver who spends those
0:17:39 > 0:17:42intimate moments after recording a show with the man himself,
0:17:42 > 0:17:46driving him home to his house. So who better to give us
0:17:46 > 0:17:50a rare insight into Buzzcocks' long-standing Captain?
0:17:50 > 0:17:53No, we never talk about Never...Buzztalk.
0:17:53 > 0:17:56No, we never talk about the guest host at all.
0:17:56 > 0:17:59We never talk about his job in the car at all.
0:17:59 > 0:18:02He never talk about the team in the car as well.
0:18:02 > 0:18:04Oh, yeah, he's a chatty guy.
0:18:07 > 0:18:11Never Mind The Buzzcocks also gives normal people the chance
0:18:11 > 0:18:12to be on television.
0:18:12 > 0:18:15This old lady is Barbara, who was asked to appear on R and B superstar
0:18:15 > 0:18:18Ne-Yo's show as a prop.
0:18:18 > 0:18:20Hiya! Hey!
0:18:22 > 0:18:28If I could sum up Buzzcocks in one word,
0:18:28 > 0:18:32it would be fantabulous! How about that one?
0:18:32 > 0:18:35- NOEL:- We've got a lady. Hello.
0:18:35 > 0:18:37What if the lady pooed on 'em all?
0:18:42 > 0:18:46Babs, you're here for the whole series! I think they prefer you...
0:18:46 > 0:18:48Whatever turns you on!
0:18:48 > 0:18:53RAUCOUS LAUGHTER AND CHEERING
0:18:53 > 0:18:55That was Nirvana with Smells Like Teen Spirit,
0:18:55 > 0:19:00but which of our line up is Spencer Elden, the now grown-up baby
0:19:00 > 0:19:04featured on the front cover of the band's iconic album Nevermind?
0:19:04 > 0:19:07Is it number one - Nevermind?
0:19:07 > 0:19:11Number two - Nevermind The Buzzcocks.
0:19:11 > 0:19:13Number three - nevermind the tiny cocks.
0:19:15 > 0:19:19Number four - nevermind, your mum still loves you.
0:19:20 > 0:19:23Or number five - ahh, never mind!
0:19:23 > 0:19:26Number two looks very confident.
0:19:26 > 0:19:30Funny little smile, look at his face.
0:19:33 > 0:19:34He looks like a baby now!
0:19:34 > 0:19:39Look at him! I could pick which one I most want to breastfeed.
0:19:42 > 0:19:45I think it's number two because his face is exactly the same.
0:19:45 > 0:19:49- Look at it. Bless.- Number two, is that your final answer?
0:19:49 > 0:19:54OK. Let's find out. Would the real Nirvana baby please step forward?
0:19:56 > 0:19:59Oh! No way!
0:20:01 > 0:20:06How much sex have you got from being the Nirvana baby?
0:20:06 > 0:20:10I've definitely got laid at least twice because of that, maybe more.
0:20:10 > 0:20:14At what point in the relationship do you bust that secret on them?
0:20:14 > 0:20:18Very first line. LAUGHTER DROWNS SPEECH
0:20:19 > 0:20:23- What was the thing that Jedward brought to it?- Our rings...
0:20:23 > 0:20:25..are engraved "Jedward Forever" with a heart.
0:20:30 > 0:20:32Jedward Forever?
0:20:32 > 0:20:35- Is it real gold?- Yeah. - Melt it down, make a necklace.
0:20:40 > 0:20:41You know Jedward?
0:20:41 > 0:20:44- Yeah, I actually saw them not long ago. I love Jedward.- Do you?- Yeah.
0:20:44 > 0:20:47What do you do? What sort of stuff?
0:20:47 > 0:20:50Push each other in the bushes?
0:20:50 > 0:20:53We talk, like, politics...
0:20:53 > 0:20:56LAUGHTER
0:20:59 > 0:21:03Politics is cool. Politics is the best thing in the world. Yay!
0:21:03 > 0:21:06I wanted to know about Stalin and things like that.
0:21:12 > 0:21:15Well, when I wanted to know about Stalin,
0:21:15 > 0:21:17obviously I phoned Jedward first.
0:21:17 > 0:21:20That was Toy Dolls with Nelly The Elephant,
0:21:20 > 0:21:23but which one of our line-up is lead singer Pete Zulu?
0:21:23 > 0:21:25Is it number one - toy doll?
0:21:25 > 0:21:28Number two - Barbie doll?
0:21:28 > 0:21:31Number three - Cabbage Patch doll?
0:21:31 > 0:21:34Number four - blow-up doll?
0:21:34 > 0:21:37Or number five - show me on the doll where he touched you?
0:21:45 > 0:21:50This man is not making eye contact with me. His favourite...
0:21:52 > 0:21:56He looks like he's in a gay porn version of Mad Max Thunderdome.
0:21:56 > 0:22:03This man, his face is gnarled by years of bitterness.
0:22:03 > 0:22:07And he's worn a sort of codpiece thing tonight and I think he did
0:22:07 > 0:22:11that because he was like, whatever, I just want to get on the telly.
0:22:11 > 0:22:14I will wear the codpiece.
0:22:14 > 0:22:16- JACK:- Number three, he'd get it.
0:22:16 > 0:22:18Yeah, you know I'm talking about you.
0:22:18 > 0:22:21Looking down at the floor, little cheeky smile.
0:22:21 > 0:22:24And I wouldn't want any eye contact, so that's good.
0:22:24 > 0:22:26Keep looking straight ahead, big guy.
0:22:26 > 0:22:29I'll wring you out like a wet towel.
0:22:29 > 0:22:31Oh, you like that! Yeah!
0:22:33 > 0:22:37Sorry, is number two... is that Uncle Ben?
0:22:44 > 0:22:47I am pretty certain it's number two and the reason I am,
0:22:47 > 0:22:50is because when Example said the geezer's name, he turned round
0:22:50 > 0:22:55as if he was, like, being summoned for a conversation.
0:22:55 > 0:22:56Tony!
0:22:56 > 0:22:58LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:23:01 > 0:23:05Number five looks like his eyes never get wet in the rain!
0:23:09 > 0:23:13- Number three is quite stylish. He's got a hoop attached to his head. - Well observed.
0:23:13 > 0:23:16# Mousecat, he's lookin' at stuff and sayin' it aloud
0:23:16 > 0:23:17# He's noticin' stuff
0:23:17 > 0:23:19# There goes a red bus drivin' by
0:23:19 > 0:23:22# And a load went out at the same time
0:23:22 > 0:23:23# Here comes Mousecat
0:23:23 > 0:23:25# He's got his dungarees on They're his favourite
0:23:25 > 0:23:26# Not his work ones
0:23:26 > 0:23:28# The ones he wears when he goes out for social occasions
0:23:28 > 0:23:30# How come when men do the washing up
0:23:30 > 0:23:33# They always leave one thing at the end?
0:23:33 > 0:23:35# Just noticin' stuff, Mousecat
0:23:35 > 0:23:39# Noticin' stuff from his own life, Mousecat
0:23:39 > 0:23:40# His life's like... #
0:23:40 > 0:23:42ONE!
0:23:49 > 0:23:53But maybe this year's show can best be summed up by Tom,
0:23:53 > 0:23:56who works in the City.
0:23:56 > 0:23:58I suppose people watch Buzzcocks
0:23:58 > 0:24:01because it's a bit of a habit for them.
0:24:01 > 0:24:04You know it's been around for 15 years, I don't know, you tell me.
0:24:04 > 0:24:1115 years...so I'm sure they've got it on series link on their Sky Plus
0:24:11 > 0:24:15and it just happens to be on when nothing else is on.
0:24:15 > 0:24:18You might as well flick to it and watch Buzzcocks.
0:24:18 > 0:24:22- His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy.- That's Eminem.
0:24:22 > 0:24:24Vomit on his sweater already, mum's spaghetti.
0:24:24 > 0:24:28JACK RAPS
0:24:28 > 0:24:30True or false, Britney Spears said,
0:24:30 > 0:24:32"Where the hell is Australia anyway?"
0:24:32 > 0:24:37- True.- It is true. True or false, Kane West said...- KANE West?
0:24:37 > 0:24:40LAUGHTER
0:24:40 > 0:24:42I'M 44!
0:24:45 > 0:24:47Don't want to be an American idiot.
0:24:47 > 0:24:49THRASH GUITAR
0:24:52 > 0:24:54True or false, George Michael said,
0:24:54 > 0:24:57"Honestly, you're going to have to wet that before you put it in."
0:24:57 > 0:24:58No, true or false...
0:24:58 > 0:25:02RAUCOUS LAUGHTER
0:25:02 > 0:25:04- # I believe... # - I can fly.
0:25:04 > 0:25:07No, it's the children are the future by Whitney Houston.
0:25:07 > 0:25:09The Greatest Love Of All. Again...
0:25:09 > 0:25:12- # I believe... # - I can fly.
0:25:12 > 0:25:15No, same one. The children are our future.
0:25:15 > 0:25:19Comte po cappi ci tivio bene.
0:25:19 > 0:25:20That is Italian?
0:25:20 > 0:25:23Come on, Nancy. You speak the language of love.
0:25:23 > 0:25:24Can you try it again?
0:25:24 > 0:25:27Try it in a more Italian accent. Maybe that will urge her.
0:25:27 > 0:25:30Comte po cappi
0:25:30 > 0:25:32ci tivo bene!
0:25:32 > 0:25:34I've got a boner!
0:25:38 > 0:25:41True or false, Britney Spears said, "I never really wanted to go to
0:25:41 > 0:25:44"Japan, simply because I don't like eating fish
0:25:44 > 0:25:47"and I know that's very popular out there in Africa."
0:25:49 > 0:25:52- True.- It's true.
0:25:52 > 0:25:54Britney Spears said...
0:25:54 > 0:25:58Britney Spears said, "There's no I in celebrity."
0:26:00 > 0:26:02True. She's an idiot!
0:26:02 > 0:26:07- We've gone to Deadlock. - DRAMATIC MUSIC
0:26:07 > 0:26:11It's now down to this final question to decide who is tonight's winner.
0:26:11 > 0:26:13- NOEL:- Oh, my God.
0:26:13 > 0:26:16Fastest finger... fastest finger with the right answer,
0:26:16 > 0:26:19not just whoever has the fastest finger!
0:26:19 > 0:26:22After I retired as a solo star,
0:26:22 > 0:26:26I auditioned for a film role in Last Action Hero, which I didn't get.
0:26:26 > 0:26:29- Is it the guy from Wham? - No, it's not the guy from Wham.
0:26:32 > 0:26:36Me and a couple man rollin' in a whip....
0:26:36 > 0:26:40- Sounds like something N-Dubz would've done. - HE SINGS
0:26:40 > 0:26:44- PHILL:- Did you say it sounds like something N-Dubz would've done?
0:26:44 > 0:26:45Rollin' in the whip.
0:26:45 > 0:26:49Rollin' without a G. Rollin'! In a whip.
0:26:49 > 0:26:55"It's met a pretty young lady, or should I say a bitch?"
0:26:55 > 0:26:58Fazer!
0:27:01 > 0:27:03That's N-Dubz, I Need You!
0:27:05 > 0:27:09I am medium height, nearly five foot ten.
0:27:10 > 0:27:11Ed Sheeran.
0:27:11 > 0:27:13No, you need to buzz.
0:27:13 > 0:27:14BUZZER
0:27:14 > 0:27:18- Yes?- Ed Sheeran.- No. - Read them quicker.
0:27:18 > 0:27:21- Make me beg for more, climbing up the walls.- Is this one of yours?
0:27:21 > 0:27:24- Yeah, can't remember the next line. - What? Trying to remember?
0:27:24 > 0:27:27- You wrote it.- I can't. You're stressing me out.
0:27:27 > 0:27:30What are the words? What are the words?
0:27:30 > 0:27:34- No-one puts it down like me?- No.
0:27:34 > 0:27:38I am drinking buddies with Matt Goss, Adam Ant and Tony Hadley.
0:27:38 > 0:27:39BELL RINGS
0:27:39 > 0:27:42- Go on.- Was it Rick Astley? - That's correct.
0:27:42 > 0:27:45CHEERING
0:27:45 > 0:27:47So there you have it.
0:27:47 > 0:27:51Together, we've gone on a journey of Buzzcocks discovery,
0:27:51 > 0:27:54remembering our memories and learning just how important
0:27:54 > 0:27:57the show has been to you and your lives.
0:27:59 > 0:28:01It's probably the best game show on TV
0:28:01 > 0:28:06and it's interesting as it's related to the popular music business.
0:28:06 > 0:28:09Yes, I do think Buzzcocks is too into its music.
0:28:09 > 0:28:13Maybe it should branch out to be a bit more, well, funnier.
0:28:15 > 0:28:18You watch it and it's changed and it's good in parts.
0:28:18 > 0:28:20There's other parts you think,
0:28:20 > 0:28:22what's happening here, but it's just something that you always get
0:28:22 > 0:28:26at least a couple of real big laughs out of and it's worth watching,
0:28:26 > 0:28:30you know, for the odd moment and the bits that you really enjoy.
0:28:32 > 0:28:34This has been Never Mind The Buzzcocks
0:28:34 > 0:28:38and I have been the voice of Simon Callow. Goodnight.
0:29:05 > 0:29:08Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd