0:00:02 > 0:00:05This programme contains very strong language.
0:00:21 > 0:00:25CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:31 > 0:00:35Welcome to the Never Mind The Buzzcocks Radio DJ Special!
0:00:35 > 0:00:38But who will be your DJ superstar host?
0:00:40 > 0:00:43No, not you, Tony Blackburn.
0:00:44 > 0:00:46Sit yourself down, Mike Reid.
0:00:49 > 0:00:52In your dreams, Pat Sharp.
0:00:52 > 0:00:56Please welcome your rightful host for the evening, Nick Grimshaw!
0:00:56 > 0:01:00MUSIC: "Dream" by JayZ
0:01:14 > 0:01:16Hi.
0:01:18 > 0:01:21Hello and welcome to Never Mind The Buzzcocks.
0:01:21 > 0:01:26I am Nick Grimshaw, the saviour of Buzzcocks. Hi, welcome to the show.
0:01:26 > 0:01:29On Phill's team tonight...
0:01:29 > 0:01:31is the lead singer of Spector,
0:01:31 > 0:01:34whose sound has been described as somewhere between Roxy Music,
0:01:34 > 0:01:39The Strokes, The Killers, Kanye West, Pulp and Frank Sinatra.
0:01:39 > 0:01:42In fact, they're one of my favourite bands of the '80s indie rappy
0:01:42 > 0:01:44croony scene of the moment.
0:01:44 > 0:01:46It's Fred Macpherson.
0:01:46 > 0:01:49APPLAUSE
0:01:50 > 0:01:54And a comedian nominated as Best Newcomer at this year's
0:01:54 > 0:01:57Edinburgh Fringe. He's been compared to Julian Clary, which means,
0:01:57 > 0:02:01if he's lucky, in 20 years, he too could end up winning a Z-list
0:02:01 > 0:02:04celebrity based TV show on Channel 5.
0:02:04 > 0:02:07Lucky him, it's Joe Lycett.
0:02:07 > 0:02:10APPLAUSE
0:02:10 > 0:02:12And on Noel's team,
0:02:12 > 0:02:18we have...a man considered to be the UK's answer to Justin Bieber.
0:02:18 > 0:02:20Watch out, Bieber, everyone pretty much forgot about Elvis
0:02:20 > 0:02:23when Shakin' Stevens arrived on the scene.
0:02:23 > 0:02:24It's Conor Maynard!
0:02:24 > 0:02:27APPLAUSE
0:02:29 > 0:02:31And she's an Italian who's so intelligent,
0:02:31 > 0:02:34she is now completely fluent in English.
0:02:34 > 0:02:36Well, apart from the phrase,
0:02:36 > 0:02:39"No, I'm not available to be in that reality show."
0:02:39 > 0:02:41It's Nancy Dell'Olio.
0:02:41 > 0:02:44APPLAUSE
0:02:44 > 0:02:46Now, before we get started,
0:02:46 > 0:02:49as this is the Never Mind The Buzzcocks Radio DJ special,
0:02:49 > 0:02:51I've given you some Hey Mr DJ cards.
0:02:51 > 0:02:55At any point, you can play that card to request a DJ of your choice to help you out.
0:02:55 > 0:02:58Please do use those cards because we've made buzzers. Have a listen.
0:02:58 > 0:03:02JINGLE PLAYS "Mike Reid!"
0:03:02 > 0:03:04JINGLE PLAYS "Pat Sharp!"
0:03:04 > 0:03:08JINGLE PLAYS "Tony Blackburn!"
0:03:08 > 0:03:10APPLAUSE
0:03:10 > 0:03:14Can we use them after the show cos I need someone to paint my kitchen.
0:03:14 > 0:03:16Always available.
0:03:16 > 0:03:18See you Wednesday!
0:03:20 > 0:03:25Nancy just whispered in my ear, "Which one's the most experienced?"
0:03:25 > 0:03:29JINGLE PLAYS: Tony Blackburn!
0:03:29 > 0:03:31In mullets.
0:03:31 > 0:03:34JINGLE PLAYS: Pat Sharp!
0:03:36 > 0:03:39We begin with a round called Guess Who?
0:03:39 > 0:03:42I'm going to show you a picture where we've morphed together
0:03:42 > 0:03:44two well-known faces from the world of music.
0:03:44 > 0:03:45All the teams have to do is tell me
0:03:45 > 0:03:48who those famous musical faces belong to.
0:03:48 > 0:03:50Phill, Fred and Joe, you're up first.
0:03:50 > 0:03:54Whose faces have we morphed together here? Have a look at that.
0:03:54 > 0:04:00- Wow.- Is one of them Pauline Quirke? I think the cheeks are.
0:04:00 > 0:04:05He looks like he's skinned another human being and is wearing their skin.
0:04:05 > 0:04:08- He's got the weird eyes coming through.- He's got an evil eye.
0:04:08 > 0:04:10- One laser eye. - A laser eye?- A laser eye.
0:04:10 > 0:04:13- Pauline Quirke doesn't have a laser eye.- She has a lazy eye.
0:04:13 > 0:04:17She does. She chooses not to use it.
0:04:17 > 0:04:18She has got that ability.
0:04:18 > 0:04:21She goes out in the street when no-one's up and just...
0:04:21 > 0:04:24- Are you talking with me?- What? - Are you talking with me?- No.
0:04:24 > 0:04:27LAUGHTER
0:04:28 > 0:04:32- Have you just woken up? - No, I'm awake.
0:04:32 > 0:04:34When you're not talking, do you go to sleep like a laptop?
0:04:34 > 0:04:38- Then you have to sort of be like... - No, I'm listening to everything.
0:04:38 > 0:04:41You mind your business. I'm listening.
0:04:41 > 0:04:43This laptop's got claws.
0:04:43 > 0:04:46If it is a laptop, Noel's shirt looks like the screensaver.
0:04:46 > 0:04:52We're actually doing a quiz show here. Any idea who those people are?
0:04:52 > 0:04:56- That's David Bowie.- Yeah. - And Beppe from EastEnders.- Oh!
0:04:56 > 0:04:59- Do you know Beppe? - No, who's him?- Who's him?!
0:04:59 > 0:05:01He's Italian, I thought...
0:05:01 > 0:05:05His family run an Italian restaurant on Albert Square.
0:05:05 > 0:05:08- Any ideas who you think these people might be in real life?- Bowie and...
0:05:08 > 0:05:12- Tom Jones.- That is correct. It is Bep... No, sorry!
0:05:12 > 0:05:14LAUGHTER
0:05:14 > 0:05:16It's not Beppe! It's Tom Jones and David Bowie.
0:05:16 > 0:05:18Let's see the picture.
0:05:22 > 0:05:26Which of these did Slash from Guns N Roses say he caught naked with his mum?
0:05:26 > 0:05:31Well, logic dictates it would be Jones. He's a legendary swordsman.
0:05:31 > 0:05:33Who would you rather walk in on,
0:05:33 > 0:05:37your mum with Tom Jones or your mum with David Bowie?
0:05:37 > 0:05:39Have you met my mum?
0:05:39 > 0:05:44What would be disturbing is a threesome. That would be wrong.
0:05:44 > 0:05:47- AS TOM JONES:- Oh, go on, love, give it a go. That's fantastic.
0:05:47 > 0:05:50- Tom, please, you're getting in the way.- Out of the way, boy, you idiot.
0:05:50 > 0:05:53I'm trying to have sex with this lady.
0:05:53 > 0:05:57Everyone imagines Tom Jones as the more sexual of the two,
0:05:57 > 0:06:00but I think he'd get up to more freaky shit, let's be honest.
0:06:00 > 0:06:04What do you, think, Nancy? Have you ever met either of them?
0:06:04 > 0:06:06- Yes, I've met both of them. - Have they ever tried it on with you?
0:06:06 > 0:06:10Yeah, but it's like everybody. Everybody tries.
0:06:10 > 0:06:13- Do you know who either of these people are, Conor?- Yeah, I met...
0:06:13 > 0:06:14They're old people.
0:06:14 > 0:06:18I met Tom Jones, he didn't try and have sex with me, which was cool.
0:06:18 > 0:06:19- You got rinsed.- Yeah.
0:06:19 > 0:06:21LAUGHTER
0:06:21 > 0:06:25- He thought you were frigid. - No, he didn't.
0:06:30 > 0:06:34- Who did Slash's mum get busy with, do we think?- It's Bowie.
0:06:34 > 0:06:38That is correct. Slash walked in on his mother and David Bowie.
0:06:41 > 0:06:43Slash once said that he wore leather trousers
0:06:43 > 0:06:45because they're more forgiving when you piss yourself.
0:06:45 > 0:06:49That explains Denise Welch's new leather house!
0:06:49 > 0:06:51Noel, Conor and Nancy, take a look at this,
0:06:51 > 0:06:55tell me who these two celebrities are.
0:06:55 > 0:06:56LAUGHTER
0:06:56 > 0:07:01- Definitely is Elton John, one. - Do you know Elton John?- I do.
0:07:01 > 0:07:02Is there anyone you don't know?
0:07:02 > 0:07:06Well, of course. I didn't know you, first of all.
0:07:06 > 0:07:08Oh, no!!
0:07:08 > 0:07:11CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:07:11 > 0:07:13NOEL: Who's that in the bottom half?
0:07:13 > 0:07:16I feel like if we add a mullet... Is that all right?
0:07:16 > 0:07:17JINGLE PLAYS Pat Sharp!
0:07:17 > 0:07:22- Have you ever interviewed Elton? - Erm, no, never.- OK, thanks.
0:07:22 > 0:07:24JINGLE PLAYS Pat Sharp!
0:07:24 > 0:07:28- Can I keep that?- Yeah.- I want to make Top Trumps when I get home.
0:07:28 > 0:07:31Mullet, '94.
0:07:31 > 0:07:34- It's one of the Gallaghers, isn't it? Cos of the eyebrows.- Yes.- Yeah.
0:07:34 > 0:07:38- Which one? - I don't know if it's Noel or Liam. It looks more like Liam's chops.- Yes.
0:07:38 > 0:07:41- Liam and Elton? - Let's see if you're right.
0:07:41 > 0:07:45That is correct. It's Elton John and Liam Gallagher.
0:07:48 > 0:07:50We have some of my favourite Liam Gallagher quotes, here.
0:07:50 > 0:07:53Now, they might have to bleep some of this out.
0:07:53 > 0:07:57- On going out to gigs, Liam Gallagher says,- "BLEEP- that. What's the point?
0:07:57 > 0:07:59"All bands are shit."
0:08:00 > 0:08:03- On the Glastonbury spirit: "I- BLEEP- hate Glastonbury.
0:08:03 > 0:08:05"I'm here for the money."
0:08:08 > 0:08:12- On the Scissor Sisters: "Bright colours and- BLEEP- weirdos on stilts?
0:08:12 > 0:08:14"No."
0:08:15 > 0:08:20- Nancy. Do you know Liam?- No, I don't know Liam. I know his brother, Noel.
0:08:20 > 0:08:22- You know Noel?- Yep.
0:08:22 > 0:08:25- We share the same football team. - You support Man City?
0:08:25 > 0:08:27I do support Man City, because... Yes.
0:08:27 > 0:08:31- Do you go on the terraces and fight? - Arsenal is my first team, of course.
0:08:31 > 0:08:34- You support Arsenal AND man city? - And Man City.
0:08:34 > 0:08:37- Yes. I was the First Lady of English football.- Who called you that?
0:08:37 > 0:08:40- Well... - LAUGHTER
0:08:40 > 0:08:42OK, here's a question for you.
0:08:42 > 0:08:44Which of these two people say they have a body shave once a month -
0:08:44 > 0:08:46Elton John or Liam Gallagher?
0:08:46 > 0:08:49NOEL: Do you want help from a DJ?
0:08:49 > 0:08:51OK, she's gone for...
0:08:51 > 0:08:53JINGLE PLAYS Pat Sharp!
0:08:53 > 0:08:56Pat Sharp, My question to you is,
0:08:56 > 0:08:59who has a body shave once a month - Liam Gallagher or Elton John?
0:08:59 > 0:09:02I don't know personally, but I would go with Elton,
0:09:02 > 0:09:05because often people who are bald have a lot of hair on their body.
0:09:05 > 0:09:09JINGLE PLAYS Pat Sharp!
0:09:10 > 0:09:14How does Pat Sharp know what bald people looked like naked?
0:09:14 > 0:09:17LAUGHTER
0:09:17 > 0:09:19- Erm, Conor, what do you think? - I don't know, really.
0:09:19 > 0:09:23As if Conor knows about shaving!
0:09:23 > 0:09:25I feel like this is a nice family setup.
0:09:25 > 0:09:29Like Noel and Nancy have adopted Conor, or this is your child.
0:09:29 > 0:09:32And you've basically come in and said, "Dad, how do you shave?"
0:09:32 > 0:09:35And I've gone, "You're probably best to ask your mum."
0:09:37 > 0:09:40Nancy's texting her agent under the desk.
0:09:40 > 0:09:43No, I'm just... You know, I'm learning.
0:09:43 > 0:09:45LAUGHTER
0:09:45 > 0:09:48- Come on, give us the answer to that. - You think it's Elton John?
0:09:48 > 0:09:51- It's Elton John.- I'll go with your knowledge of body...
0:09:51 > 0:09:53You think it's Elton, that is correct.
0:09:53 > 0:09:54Well done.
0:09:57 > 0:10:00It is Elton John who says he has a body shave once a month.
0:10:00 > 0:10:04Who says David Furnish does nothing to deserve that lifestyle?
0:10:04 > 0:10:07Elton once said that he should have died in the 1990s.
0:10:07 > 0:10:08Mm-hmm.
0:10:08 > 0:10:11Whoa!
0:10:11 > 0:10:13Who'd have played piano at Diana's funeral?
0:10:13 > 0:10:16Can you play piano?
0:10:16 > 0:10:18Nancy can't play at Elton's funeral.
0:10:18 > 0:10:21- I mean, what kind of question...? - Do you want me to play piano at your funeral?
0:10:21 > 0:10:24My funeral would be a big party.
0:10:24 > 0:10:26- Can we get invites?- Yes, of course.
0:10:26 > 0:10:29Everybody I met is going to be invited.
0:10:29 > 0:10:32- Is it fancy dress? - Of course it will be fancy dress.
0:10:32 > 0:10:34You're ready, darling.
0:10:34 > 0:10:37Right, the end of that round, Phill's team have two points
0:10:37 > 0:10:40and Noel's team also have two points.
0:10:44 > 0:10:48OK, time now for the nation's favourite thing. The Intros Round.
0:10:48 > 0:10:50Phill and Fred, these are yours for Joe. There you go.
0:10:50 > 0:10:52Are you excited about this, Joe Lycett?
0:10:52 > 0:10:55The most current song I know is the national anthem,
0:10:55 > 0:10:58so, I feel like I might struggle.
0:10:58 > 0:11:01- Tell you what, maybe you'll get one of these.- Yeah, you could get a DJ.
0:11:01 > 0:11:04- Tony Blackburn. I'd like to play Tony Blackburn.- Come on down!
0:11:04 > 0:11:06JINGLE PLAYS Tony Blackburn!
0:11:10 > 0:11:12- Hi, nice to meet you. - Lovely to meet you.
0:11:12 > 0:11:15You're going to perform to Joe and Tony Blackburn?
0:11:15 > 0:11:18- Yeah.- Yeah? Shall I count in? - Yeah, you start. Yeah.
0:11:18 > 0:11:19One, two, three, four.
0:11:19 > 0:11:23# Glink, gink-gink, gink-gink eh-eh-eh-eh-uh
0:11:23 > 0:11:27# Uh, dink-dink duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh
0:11:27 > 0:11:29# Duh-dink, dink-dink dink-dink-gink-gink-gink... #
0:11:29 > 0:11:30That's...
0:11:30 > 0:11:32-Oh, hello! -From X Factor.
0:11:32 > 0:11:34Is that right? It's One Direction.
0:11:34 > 0:11:37- Yes! - Is it One Direction?- I know it!
0:11:37 > 0:11:40- It's One Direction, do you know the name of the track?- Bollocks!
0:11:40 > 0:11:41Yes! "Bollocks" by One Direction!
0:11:45 > 0:11:48And this is how "Bollocks" should have sounded.
0:11:48 > 0:11:51MUSIC: "That's What Makes You Beautiful" by One Direction
0:11:51 > 0:11:54NOEL: # Summer lovin' had me a blast... #
0:11:54 > 0:11:56TONY: Yeah, it's just like that.
0:11:56 > 0:12:00ALL: # Summer Lovin' happened so fast
0:12:00 > 0:12:03# Met a girl, crazy for me
0:12:03 > 0:12:06# I met a boy cute as can be
0:12:06 > 0:12:09# Ba-ba-da-bum summer days drifting away
0:12:09 > 0:12:12# Whoa-oh-oh oh, the summer nights
0:12:12 > 0:12:15# Oh-well-oh-well-oh-well-oh ooh! #
0:12:15 > 0:12:17CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:12:19 > 0:12:21Move onto the next one.
0:12:21 > 0:12:25- One, two, three, # Jing-jing-jing-jing-jing-jing - Boom! Ksh! Gun-ga-da-gung
0:12:25 > 0:12:27# Jin-jin-jin-jin-jin-jin
0:12:27 > 0:12:32- # Jin-jin-jin-jin-jin-jin - Bug-a-bug-a-bug-a-bug-a-boom!
0:12:32 > 0:12:37# Do-do-do-do-doooo da-da-dow-dow!
0:12:37 > 0:12:41- # Wah-wow-wah-wow widdle-diddle-wow - Digga-digga-dun, dun-dun
0:12:41 > 0:12:44# Dun... Da-ga-dunk-dunk... #
0:12:44 > 0:12:47It's like Where's Wally? having a stroke.
0:12:49 > 0:12:51- I have no idea.- No, no.- Any ideas over here?
0:12:51 > 0:12:55- Not sure about that one. - Erm, do you know? No. Oh!
0:12:57 > 0:13:00# Dun-dun-dun-dun, duh dun-dun-dun-dun
0:13:00 > 0:13:02TONY: # Da-da-dum-da-dum
0:13:02 > 0:13:05# Summer days drifting away
0:13:05 > 0:13:07ALL: # But, oh! Oh the summer nights
0:13:07 > 0:13:10# Oh-well-oh-well oh-well-oh ooh!
0:13:10 > 0:13:12# Tell me more, tell me more... #
0:13:12 > 0:13:13Now Nancy by herself!
0:13:13 > 0:13:16Oh, OK.
0:13:16 > 0:13:18Don't be rude to your mother.
0:13:21 > 0:13:24Seriously, you'll get a clip behind the ear. Er, yeah, it's...
0:13:24 > 0:13:28It's basically if your hair and shirt made a song.
0:13:28 > 0:13:30Which... They have made a couple of albums.
0:13:30 > 0:13:35They did some, sort of, white reggae. It was awful.
0:13:35 > 0:13:38- Can we ask...?- Who do you want? You want Reidy?- Yep.
0:13:38 > 0:13:41JINGLE PLAYS Mike Reid!
0:13:41 > 0:13:44Any ideas what that just was, just there, Mike Reid?
0:13:44 > 0:13:46- James Marshall Hendrix.- Correct!
0:13:46 > 0:13:49- Jimi Hendrix. - All Along The Watchtower.
0:13:49 > 0:13:52All Along The Watchtower! Correct!
0:13:52 > 0:13:54Here's how it should have sounded.
0:13:54 > 0:13:57MUSIC: "All Along The Watchtower" by Jimi Hendrix
0:13:57 > 0:13:58- It was pretty good.- Well done.
0:14:02 > 0:14:07- Your performance was horrendous. - What! It was brilliant!
0:14:07 > 0:14:09I'm going to put that on our CD, on the front.
0:14:09 > 0:14:11"Horrendous" - Nancy Dell'Olio.
0:14:13 > 0:14:15Tony Blackburn, thank you for coming down. Ladies and gentlemen, Tony Blackburn.
0:14:15 > 0:14:18Thank you. APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:14:18 > 0:14:19Tony Blackburn!
0:14:21 > 0:14:23All Along The Watchtower
0:14:23 > 0:14:25was Jimi Hendrix's only Top 40 hit in America,
0:14:25 > 0:14:28whereas Conor Maynard has had two.
0:14:28 > 0:14:30It's good to finally put that age-old
0:14:30 > 0:14:33"who's better?" argument to bed. The stats don't lie. You're better!
0:14:33 > 0:14:34Yes!
0:14:34 > 0:14:38- APPLAUSE AND CHEERING - Yes, Conor.- I can't believe it!
0:14:38 > 0:14:40Noel and Conor, here are your cards for Nancy.
0:14:40 > 0:14:43- OK. You ready?- Yeah.
0:14:43 > 0:14:45- CONOR BEATBOXES - # M-ka m-ka m-ka bow-bow
0:14:45 > 0:14:47# Bm-ka bm-ka bm-ka bow-bow
0:14:47 > 0:14:50# Boom chk-a boom chk-a boom chk-a boom
0:14:50 > 0:14:53# M-ka m-ka m-ka bow-bow
0:14:53 > 0:14:56# Der der diddly-der... der!
0:14:56 > 0:14:58# Baaaaa...
0:14:58 > 0:15:00LAUGHTER
0:15:00 > 0:15:02- Mum! - # Booo... #
0:15:02 > 0:15:04LAUGHTER
0:15:04 > 0:15:05Mum, we play every day!
0:15:07 > 0:15:08- No?- I need help.
0:15:08 > 0:15:10- No, of course not! - Who do you want, then?
0:15:10 > 0:15:14What do you mean, "Of course not"? That was genius.
0:15:14 > 0:15:16- Erm...- Oh, I can't believe I married you.
0:15:16 > 0:15:18LAUGHTER
0:15:18 > 0:15:20- Who do you want? Do you want Sharpy? - Yes.
0:15:20 > 0:15:22- JINGLE - # Pat Sharp! #
0:15:22 > 0:15:26Pat Sharp, who the hell were they doing an impression of just then?
0:15:26 > 0:15:28I have no idea.
0:15:28 > 0:15:30- Thank you very much, Pat Sharp. - APPLAUSE
0:15:30 > 0:15:31Pat Sharp!
0:15:33 > 0:15:35Any idea over here? Phil's team?
0:15:35 > 0:15:38It is Mark Ronson - Oh My God, featuring Lily Allen.
0:15:38 > 0:15:41That is absolutely correct. Here's how it should have sounded.
0:15:41 > 0:15:44MUSIC: "Oh My God" by Mark Ronson featuring Lily Allen
0:15:44 > 0:15:47- See, you never performed it properly.- Ready?
0:15:47 > 0:15:49BRASS PLAYS IN MUSIC
0:15:51 > 0:15:54- See, you just weren't concentrating. - Absolutely, I was not concentrating.
0:15:54 > 0:15:56You look like two baddies from a Disney film.
0:15:58 > 0:16:00- We've kidnapped Conor Maynard. - "Come on, lady!
0:16:00 > 0:16:02"Let's kidnap them puppies!"
0:16:02 > 0:16:05It'd be a good idea for the BBC. A new show.
0:16:05 > 0:16:09Do you reckon? Nancy And Noel Kidnap Some Dogs, on BBC Three.
0:16:09 > 0:16:12We're going to drop an atlas on a Dalmatian.
0:16:13 > 0:16:17- Do you like Bieber? Have you met him?- I haven't met him, no.
0:16:17 > 0:16:19- I walked past him once.- Really?
0:16:19 > 0:16:23- I feel the comparison sometimes... - That was surely a shop window.
0:16:23 > 0:16:25LAUGHTER
0:16:25 > 0:16:27..I've got to sometimes embrace it and take it in,
0:16:27 > 0:16:31and I feel like that's why I actually have done for you today...
0:16:31 > 0:16:33- There he is! - LAUGHTER
0:16:33 > 0:16:35Our Justin.
0:16:35 > 0:16:37APPLAUSE
0:16:37 > 0:16:40Are you all right? Have you gone again?
0:16:41 > 0:16:44What you doing later, Nancy?
0:16:44 > 0:16:46That's my wife! Get back!
0:16:46 > 0:16:50- Are you coming with us for dinner? - Shall we all go out with Nancy?
0:16:50 > 0:16:54- ALL: Yes!- She's well rich, she's paying. Yeah!
0:16:54 > 0:16:56I can see her now. AS NANCY: Four hundred Happy Meals!
0:16:59 > 0:17:02- AS NANCY:- Make it quick, or the Dalmatian gets it.
0:17:02 > 0:17:05OK. Do the next one for Nancy, please.
0:17:05 > 0:17:07- Here we go.- OK.
0:17:07 > 0:17:09# Dum...dum-dum...dum-dum...
0:17:09 > 0:17:12- That's... - LAUGHTER DROWNS SPEECH
0:17:12 > 0:17:14ALL: # Dum...dum-dum...dum-dum...
0:17:14 > 0:17:15# Da da-da dum-dum
0:17:15 > 0:17:18# Summer lovin', happened so fast...
0:17:18 > 0:17:21# Summer lovin', had me a blast... #
0:17:21 > 0:17:24I've blown it. I'm sorry.
0:17:24 > 0:17:27I'm only 12, OK? LAUGHTER
0:17:27 > 0:17:30APPLAUSE
0:17:30 > 0:17:32Right, come on, Bieber, let's do it.
0:17:32 > 0:17:35- CONOR BEATBOXES - What's that?!
0:17:36 > 0:17:39# Bow... bow-bow...
0:17:39 > 0:17:42# Bow... bow-bow
0:17:42 > 0:17:44# Bow...bow...
0:17:44 > 0:17:47# Bow...bow...
0:17:47 > 0:17:48# B...
0:17:48 > 0:17:49I think I just made that up.
0:17:49 > 0:17:54- That's different songs. Any ideas, Nancy?- No.
0:17:54 > 0:17:55- No. OK.- No, of course not.
0:17:55 > 0:17:57Any ideas over here what the hell that was?
0:17:57 > 0:17:59- No.- No.- It was The Ting Tings,
0:17:59 > 0:18:02Be The One. This is how it should have sounded.
0:18:02 > 0:18:04MUSIC: "Be The One" by The Ting Tings
0:18:04 > 0:18:06- Oh, my God.- Not so good from Conor.
0:18:06 > 0:18:09- LAUGHTER - And then...oh, dear.
0:18:09 > 0:18:12It's completely another world. I mean, it's nothing...
0:18:12 > 0:18:13That's a wonderful piece.
0:18:13 > 0:18:17LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:18:17 > 0:18:19A wonderful piece.
0:18:19 > 0:18:21A wonderful piece.
0:18:21 > 0:18:23So that was The Ting Tings with Be The One.
0:18:23 > 0:18:27Speaking about their second album, Sounds From Nowheresville,
0:18:27 > 0:18:29Jules Martino said, "It would have been very easy
0:18:29 > 0:18:33"to bash out any old shit off the back of the first album,"
0:18:33 > 0:18:35which explains exactly why they did.
0:18:37 > 0:18:39Right, Round Three is the identity parade.
0:18:39 > 0:18:42Phill's team, how about some early noughties kiddie-pop,
0:18:42 > 0:18:45your favourite of the musical genres?
0:18:45 > 0:18:47For the audience only, here are S Club Juniors.
0:18:49 > 0:18:52# One step closer to heaven, baby
0:18:52 > 0:18:55# Means one step closer to you
0:18:55 > 0:18:59# There'll be no more living without you, baby
0:18:59 > 0:19:01# I'll be counting each minute
0:19:01 > 0:19:03# Till I'm back to you... #
0:19:03 > 0:19:06That was S Club Juniors with One Step Closer,
0:19:06 > 0:19:08but which of our line-up is Stacey McClean,
0:19:08 > 0:19:11one of the original members of the group?
0:19:11 > 0:19:14Is it - Number One, S Club...
0:19:14 > 0:19:17Number Two, G-string...
0:19:17 > 0:19:20Number Three, ex-con...
0:19:20 > 0:19:22Number Four, ex-addict...
0:19:22 > 0:19:26or Number Five, F off?
0:19:26 > 0:19:28LAUGHTER
0:19:28 > 0:19:30One thing I'm thinking, it's not Four.
0:19:30 > 0:19:34She looks like an '80s Bond villain. It's about the age range.
0:19:34 > 0:19:36Two of the S Club Juniors are in The Saturdays.
0:19:36 > 0:19:37They're in The Saturdays,
0:19:37 > 0:19:40and the rest of them had Saturday jobs, I presume.
0:19:40 > 0:19:43Maybe if we sing their song and see who reacts?
0:19:43 > 0:19:46# One step closer to heaven, baby means...
0:19:46 > 0:19:47No, no-one.
0:19:47 > 0:19:50- They're all smiling. - Let's do it more aggressively.
0:19:50 > 0:19:53- (STERNLY) # One step closer to heaven... # - Two!
0:19:53 > 0:19:55Number Two.
0:19:55 > 0:19:56Two shuddered when you did that, Joe.
0:19:56 > 0:19:59Two's trousers are very well-ironed, whereas...
0:19:59 > 0:20:01look at Four and Five.
0:20:01 > 0:20:02Ohhh!
0:20:02 > 0:20:04Do you need an iron?
0:20:04 > 0:20:06Pat Sharp's free.
0:20:07 > 0:20:09But One looks freakishly...
0:20:09 > 0:20:12what's the word when someone reminds you of something?
0:20:12 > 0:20:14"Familiar". LAUGHTER
0:20:14 > 0:20:17She has a great skull. I always think about
0:20:17 > 0:20:19- what people's skulls look like inside their head, and...- What?!
0:20:19 > 0:20:22- Wow!- Do you not think about that?
0:20:22 > 0:20:24Go and sit with the Dark Mistress over there.
0:20:24 > 0:20:27- Maybe me and Dell'Olio should swap. - Yes, for a while.
0:20:27 > 0:20:29AS NANCY: No, do not do that.
0:20:30 > 0:20:32What's your answer? Do you think One or Two...?
0:20:32 > 0:20:34Two, shall we say Two?
0:20:34 > 0:20:37- My team are very drawn to Two. - You're going for Number Two?- Yes.
0:20:37 > 0:20:42Let's find out. Would the real Stacey McClean please step forward?
0:20:42 > 0:20:44THEY CHEER
0:20:44 > 0:20:47APPLAUSE
0:20:50 > 0:20:53Now doing gigs as a solo artist, Stacey McLean, ladies and gentlemen.
0:20:53 > 0:20:57APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:20:58 > 0:21:01Now, Noel, Conor and Nancy, how about a little bit of smooth R&B?
0:21:01 > 0:21:04You'd like that, wouldn't you, Conor?
0:21:04 > 0:21:06Yeah (!)
0:21:06 > 0:21:09Yeah. For the audience only, here is Dante Thomas.
0:21:09 > 0:21:11# She's Miss California
0:21:11 > 0:21:14# Hottest thing in West LA
0:21:14 > 0:21:16# House down by the water
0:21:16 > 0:21:18# Sails her yacht across the bay
0:21:18 > 0:21:21# Drives a Marinello... #
0:21:21 > 0:21:24Right, that was Dante Thomas with Miss California,
0:21:24 > 0:21:26but which of our line-up is Dante Thomas?
0:21:26 > 0:21:29Is it...number one, Dante Thomas?
0:21:29 > 0:21:31Number two, Doubting Thomas?
0:21:31 > 0:21:34Number three, Peeping Thomas?
0:21:34 > 0:21:38Number four, Thomas the Tank Engine?
0:21:38 > 0:21:42Or number five, John Thomas?
0:21:42 > 0:21:45- What a cool name, Dante!- Dante!
0:21:45 > 0:21:47- OF COURSE you were going to be an R&B star!- Yeah.
0:21:47 > 0:21:50- There was no choice, was there? - No, absolutely no choice.
0:21:50 > 0:21:52- Do you know about Dante?- Yeah!
0:21:52 > 0:21:54- Do you?- Well, of course.
0:21:54 > 0:21:56- Who is he? - He invented the telescope.
0:21:56 > 0:21:58Dante didn't invent the telescope!
0:21:58 > 0:22:00It was Galileo, wasn't it!
0:22:00 > 0:22:01A little confusion.
0:22:01 > 0:22:04It doesn't matter. We'll talk later.
0:22:04 > 0:22:07- LAUGHTER - I bet that's what it looks like
0:22:07 > 0:22:09outside your bedroom door of a morning, Nancy.
0:22:09 > 0:22:13Can you see from there? You said you couldn't see.
0:22:13 > 0:22:15- No, I can't see from here. - Do you want to go have a look?
0:22:15 > 0:22:18Go and have a look. Who do you think looks really R&B, Nancy?
0:22:18 > 0:22:20Number two looks genuinely very nervous about this.
0:22:20 > 0:22:23- PHIL:- You look like my Auntie Pat at a buffet.
0:22:23 > 0:22:26LAUGHTER
0:22:26 > 0:22:29Ooh, when she sees a vol-au-vent...
0:22:31 > 0:22:33- NOEL:- Yeah?- Any ideas, Nancy?
0:22:33 > 0:22:37- No.- Why are you being...?
0:22:37 > 0:22:39Is Dante Thomas Conor's real dad?
0:22:41 > 0:22:44Number three's just having a LOL of a time!
0:22:44 > 0:22:47Look at him! You think it is number three?
0:22:47 > 0:22:49I think it is number three. I shouted, "Dante!"
0:22:49 > 0:22:51and he's the only one that looked.
0:22:51 > 0:22:54- Shall we see if Blackburn knows? - I reckon Blackburn might know.
0:22:54 > 0:22:57THEME PLAYS Tony Blackburn!
0:22:57 > 0:22:59Any idea who the bleeding hell he is?
0:22:59 > 0:23:01Well, I think it's probably number three.
0:23:01 > 0:23:03Mike Reid, hang on.
0:23:03 > 0:23:05THEME PLAYS Mike Reid!
0:23:05 > 0:23:08- He's disagreeing. - I think it's number two.
0:23:08 > 0:23:10- Uh-oh, really?- The shape of the mouth, the teeth,
0:23:10 > 0:23:12and the shape of the hair.
0:23:12 > 0:23:15The shape of number two's teeth means that he's Dante Thomas?!
0:23:15 > 0:23:16Indeed.
0:23:16 > 0:23:19- NOEL:- When you said it was number two, number three looked agitated.
0:23:19 > 0:23:23Like, "I'm Dante Thomas!
0:23:23 > 0:23:26- "There's only one Dante Thomas!" - OK, let's take a guess.
0:23:26 > 0:23:29- Who do we think it is? - CONOR: I want to say number 3.
0:23:29 > 0:23:33All right, you say what you want, son, because it's your day out.
0:23:33 > 0:23:36Let's find out. Would the real Dante Thomas please step forward?
0:23:37 > 0:23:40Oh!
0:23:40 > 0:23:43APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:23:43 > 0:23:46Mike Reid knows his R&B people through teeth alone!
0:23:46 > 0:23:50THEME PLAYS Mike Reid!
0:23:52 > 0:23:55Now a success in Germany, Dante Thomas, ladies and gentleman.
0:23:55 > 0:23:58APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:24:01 > 0:24:03What you think, Nancy?
0:24:03 > 0:24:06- Not too bad.- Not too shabby!
0:24:06 > 0:24:08- Have you got a boyfriend, Nancy? - Have you got a boyfriend?
0:24:08 > 0:24:11Well, we're married, so I should know.
0:24:14 > 0:24:18- I've seen you out there, dancing with other men.- Well, of course!
0:24:18 > 0:24:21While me and Conor are indoors, playing Battleships.
0:24:21 > 0:24:23Do you know what I think about monogamy?
0:24:23 > 0:24:26- PHIL:- It was a good game, that. I like it.
0:24:27 > 0:24:29- Who's your lover?- Tony Blackburn.
0:24:29 > 0:24:33THEME PLAYS Tony Blackburn!
0:24:33 > 0:24:34Are you Nancy Dell'Olio's lover?
0:24:34 > 0:24:38Yes, I am! APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:24:40 > 0:24:42The end of that round, Noel's team have three
0:24:42 > 0:24:44and Phil's team have five.
0:24:44 > 0:24:46APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:24:50 > 0:24:53So we end our DJ special with Next Lines.
0:24:53 > 0:24:57Phil's team, you're in the lead, so you go first.
0:24:57 > 0:25:00Your time starts now. Hey, Mr DJ, put a record on.
0:25:00 > 0:25:02I want to dance with my baby.
0:25:02 > 0:25:05Correct, by Madonna. Wake up, it's a beautiful morning.
0:25:05 > 0:25:08Ba-ba-badda-bada-ba-dah!
0:25:08 > 0:25:09Incorrect.
0:25:09 > 0:25:13Feel the sun shining for your eyes. The Boo Radleys.
0:25:13 > 0:25:15I don't want to rock, DJ.
0:25:15 > 0:25:17But you're keeping me up all night. That's one of yours.
0:25:17 > 0:25:18One of mine?
0:25:18 > 0:25:21I'm not Robbie Williams.
0:25:21 > 0:25:23I don't want to rock, DJ.
0:25:23 > 0:25:25I don't want to rock, DJ...
0:25:25 > 0:25:27But your something is something, something.
0:25:27 > 0:25:29Correct! Robbie Williams - Rock DJ.
0:25:29 > 0:25:32You walked back into my life, not innocent, but holy.
0:25:32 > 0:25:36We didn't have to fall in love, we could have climbed down slowly.
0:25:36 > 0:25:38Wow, Fred. That's beautiful.
0:25:38 > 0:25:40- Thank you. - Spector - Upset Boulevard.
0:25:40 > 0:25:42Our album's available now, ladies and gentlemen!
0:25:42 > 0:25:45I'm in Wigan next weekend, so, if anyone wants to...
0:25:47 > 0:25:49..I'll be doing 20 minutes and then I'll be off.
0:25:49 > 0:25:52- Anything to plug, Nancy? - PHIL:- Ooh!
0:25:52 > 0:25:55LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:25:55 > 0:25:58END OF ROUND THEME
0:25:58 > 0:26:01Right, so Noel's team, you need five points to win.
0:26:01 > 0:26:03Your time starts now.
0:26:03 > 0:26:06Boom, shake, shake, shake the room.
0:26:06 > 0:26:07Boom, boom.
0:26:07 > 0:26:08Beethoven.
0:26:09 > 0:26:12- I don't know.- It's tick, tick, tick, tick, boom.
0:26:12 > 0:26:15- by DJ Jazzy Jeff and Fresh Prince, of course.- Oh, come on!
0:26:15 > 0:26:18- Also more difficult! - That's not difficult!
0:26:18 > 0:26:20Hey, shake, shake, like you're famous, girl.
0:26:20 > 0:26:24Hair back, lay it down like a Vegas girl - me.
0:26:24 > 0:26:26- That is Conor Maynard's Vegas Girl.- Yeah.
0:26:26 > 0:26:29- Is it hair back, or head back? - LAUGHTER
0:26:29 > 0:26:31It's actually both.
0:26:31 > 0:26:33It actually switches every time I perform it,
0:26:33 > 0:26:36- to make it interesting for me. - Sometimes, do you say, "hairy back?"
0:26:36 > 0:26:37That's the Elton John remix.
0:26:38 > 0:26:41When the stars make you drool,
0:26:41 > 0:26:43just-a-like-a pasta fazool.
0:26:43 > 0:26:46- That's amore!- Yeah! Dean Martin.
0:26:46 > 0:26:48That's Amore.
0:26:48 > 0:26:50- Did you know that one? - Of course, yes.
0:26:50 > 0:26:53Comme te po'capi
0:26:53 > 0:26:55che te vo bene.
0:26:55 > 0:26:57- It is Italian?- Come on, Nancy!
0:26:57 > 0:26:59You speak the language of love!
0:26:59 > 0:27:01Can you try it again?
0:27:01 > 0:27:03Try it in a more Italian accent. Maybe that will urge her.
0:27:03 > 0:27:06- EXAGGERATED ITALIAN ACCENT - Comme te po'capi
0:27:06 > 0:27:07che te vo bene.
0:27:07 > 0:27:10I've got a boner.
0:27:10 > 0:27:12LAUGHTER
0:27:15 > 0:27:17- Should I give it to you?- Yeah.
0:27:17 > 0:27:20It was, of course, the next line...
0:27:20 > 0:27:22si tu le parle
0:27:22 > 0:27:26mmiezzo americano. Duh!
0:27:26 > 0:27:29That was, of course, Yolanda Be Cool.
0:27:29 > 0:27:31Traditional Italian artist.
0:27:31 > 0:27:32We No Speak No Americano.
0:27:32 > 0:27:36- Oh!- Aw, Nancy, you let your country down!
0:27:36 > 0:27:38END OF ROUND THEME
0:27:42 > 0:27:45So the final scores are Noel's team,
0:27:45 > 0:27:47you have six points.
0:27:47 > 0:27:50But Phil's team are tonight's winners with seven.
0:27:50 > 0:27:53APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:27:58 > 0:28:01So that's it. Thank you to Phil, Fred McPherson, and Joe Lycett,
0:28:01 > 0:28:05Noel, Conor Maynard, and Nancy Dell'Olio.
0:28:05 > 0:28:07This is been Never Mind The Buzzcocks.
0:28:07 > 0:28:08I have been Nick Grimshaw.
0:28:08 > 0:28:11And, as we have some of this country's most legendary DJs
0:28:11 > 0:28:13in the same room, as you enjoy the credits,
0:28:13 > 0:28:16we're going to have the best disco the world has ever seen.
0:28:16 > 0:28:18Good night!
0:28:26 > 0:28:30# If you see a faded sign by the side of the road that says
0:28:30 > 0:28:36# 15 miles to the Love Shack... #
0:28:50 > 0:28:55Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:28:55 > 0:28:58Time now for the Who's Hosting Next Week viewer competition.
0:28:58 > 0:28:59Will it be..?