0:00:20 > 0:00:23CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
0:00:34 > 0:00:37Hello, and welcome to Never Mind The Buzzcocks. I'm Richard Ayoade.
0:00:37 > 0:00:40When I was asked to host the show,
0:00:40 > 0:00:43I said I would do so on one condition.
0:00:43 > 0:00:47But when my financial demands weren't met - not even close -
0:00:47 > 0:00:50I said, "Yes, I'll do it for this low fee.
0:00:50 > 0:00:53"I have no other work. My career's in a tailspin.
0:00:53 > 0:00:56"But I want you to treat pop and soft funk
0:00:56 > 0:00:59"with the seriousness and respect it deserves."
0:00:59 > 0:01:03We all like a chuckle. Not now, obviously. It's dead silent.
0:01:03 > 0:01:05LAUGHTER
0:01:06 > 0:01:09We all like a chuckle, and that's your prerogative,
0:01:09 > 0:01:13as Bobby Brown once said in his hit song of the same name.
0:01:13 > 0:01:19For once, on NMTB, let's put our heads down and have an informative popular music-based quiz
0:01:19 > 0:01:21without resorting to jokes.
0:01:21 > 0:01:24- The coward's way out. - LAUGHTER
0:01:24 > 0:01:26On Phill's team tonight...
0:01:26 > 0:01:29# I feel like a winner... #
0:01:30 > 0:01:33It's the lead singer of Noisettes, recently described by the Guardian
0:01:33 > 0:01:35as the best live band in Britain.
0:01:35 > 0:01:39Her favourite song to sing in the shower is Where Is Love?
0:01:39 > 0:01:42A fine choice for a song for shower singing purposes.
0:01:42 > 0:01:45- Shingai Shaniwa. - CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
0:01:48 > 0:01:52And a comedian who came back from a hugely successful Edinburgh fringe
0:01:52 > 0:01:55gaining five-star reviews for Pappy's Last Show Ever.
0:01:55 > 0:02:00So, SINCERE congratulations from all of us here. Comedian Matthew Crosby.
0:02:00 > 0:02:02CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
0:02:03 > 0:02:06And on Noel's team tonight...
0:02:07 > 0:02:10..is a singer who started from a young age.
0:02:10 > 0:02:14He used to sing in the church choir with his mother when he was four
0:02:14 > 0:02:18and, despite a brief dalliance with yoyos, wisely stuck with music
0:02:18 > 0:02:24and went on to win two Brit Awards. Seems like an absolutely knock-out chap. It's Ed Sheeran.
0:02:24 > 0:02:26CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
0:02:26 > 0:02:28And the television presenter
0:02:28 > 0:02:31who started her working life in a pork factory,
0:02:31 > 0:02:34before getting the taste for show business as a magician's assistant
0:02:34 > 0:02:36and finally finding her true calling
0:02:36 > 0:02:41as a co-presenter on the companion show to the X Factor, the Xtra Factor.
0:02:41 > 0:02:44- It's Caroline Flack. - CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
0:02:46 > 0:02:52Can I just add, on a personal note, it's an absolute honour to be quizzing with you tonight.
0:02:52 > 0:02:56We begin with Who Do You Think You Are? Phill, Shingai and Matthew, look at this.
0:02:56 > 0:03:00# I'm addicted to you Don't you know that you're toxic #
0:03:00 > 0:03:04Yes, it's the Queen of Pop with over 13 hard-won years in the business -
0:03:04 > 0:03:07and it IS a business - Britney Spears.
0:03:07 > 0:03:09# With a taste of a poison paradise
0:03:09 > 0:03:13# I'm addicted to you Don't you know that you're toxic #
0:03:13 > 0:03:16OK, that was Britney Spears with Toxic.
0:03:16 > 0:03:19Which of the following was it reported that Britney demanded
0:03:19 > 0:03:22be in her dressing room whilst she was here on tour?
0:03:22 > 0:03:25Was it A, a framed picture of Princess Diana?
0:03:25 > 0:03:29B, a compilation CD of Simon Cowell's words of wisdom?
0:03:29 > 0:03:34Or C, a dartboard with Christina Aguillera's face on?
0:03:34 > 0:03:37I brought this anyway, so it's a happy coincidence.
0:03:37 > 0:03:42- That's yours(!)- I don't see Britney as a darts playing type.
0:03:42 > 0:03:47You say that, but a lot of people don't know that Britney's middle name is The Viking.
0:03:47 > 0:03:50Britney "The Viking" Spears.
0:03:50 > 0:03:53- Right.- She's a very prosperous Norwegian darts player.
0:03:53 > 0:03:56- I wonder why people don't know that. - LAUGHTER
0:03:56 > 0:03:58That's why we're watching the show.
0:03:58 > 0:04:02Why ARE we watching this show? It's very hard to know.
0:04:02 > 0:04:04Sometimes it's just company, loneliness.
0:04:04 > 0:04:06LAUGHTER
0:04:06 > 0:04:09- Thoughts. - ED: Does this CD actually exist?
0:04:09 > 0:04:14This is one of the many metaphysical questions we're addressing tonight. Does it exist?
0:04:14 > 0:04:20SHINGAI: Maybe Simon had things to say and she thought that would be worth taking on board.
0:04:20 > 0:04:22Caroline, does this ring true?
0:04:22 > 0:04:25When I started X-factor, he buys everyone presents,
0:04:25 > 0:04:29and he bought me a framed picture of himself to keep in my dressing room.
0:04:29 > 0:04:34Why did he BUY it? Did he not own a picture of himself?
0:04:34 > 0:04:36- It's in my bathroom now.- Doing what?
0:04:36 > 0:04:39Looking at me. LAUGHING: Watching me shower.
0:04:39 > 0:04:43It wakes me up when I walk in there in the morning to have a shower!
0:04:43 > 0:04:46There's waking up and then there's, "Aargh!"
0:04:46 > 0:04:50SHINGAI: Let's guess. MATTHEW: Yeah, guess. Why not?
0:04:50 > 0:04:54That is very much what you have to do within this quiz.
0:04:54 > 0:04:57I don't feel that Britney would have the malice in her heart
0:04:57 > 0:04:59to start throwing darts at people.
0:04:59 > 0:05:03Her management used to have someone across the corner of her room.
0:05:03 > 0:05:06- Whenever Britney became enraged... - BLOWS
0:05:07 > 0:05:10Who was that? Eric Bristow?
0:05:11 > 0:05:15- Cos he's got the yips, hasn't he? - When you can't throw a dart?
0:05:15 > 0:05:20You can't let it go. What happens is, you throw it then you carry on.
0:05:20 > 0:05:25- Ed, any thoughts? - Personally, I don't think the Simon Cowell CD exists.
0:05:25 > 0:05:29- No to the CD. What about the dartboard?- I'd say the dartboard...
0:05:29 > 0:05:34- Cos they were in Disney... I'm getting too deep into this. - No. Get deep.
0:05:34 > 0:05:38What I like about you, Ed, is you're trying to get to the bottom of this.
0:05:38 > 0:05:41That, for me, is what good quizzing is all about.
0:05:41 > 0:05:46Christina Aguillera and Britney were in The Disney Club together. They were mates.
0:05:46 > 0:05:50- She's going to be happy for her mate being happy. Yanks are obsessed with Brits.- Who?
0:05:50 > 0:05:55"The Yanks" is a condition you get when compulsively masturbating.
0:05:55 > 0:06:00- You can't release your genitals. - I'm saying Diana, but I'm not on their team.
0:06:00 > 0:06:03But you fell into his trap, Sheeran!
0:06:03 > 0:06:05This is 101 stuff.
0:06:05 > 0:06:09You've just given them sound reasoning. It's their round.
0:06:09 > 0:06:12- Why did you do it? - LAUGHTER
0:06:12 > 0:06:15- Cos you asked me to do it. - Oh, Ed, that's so simple.
0:06:15 > 0:06:18- AUDIENCE: Ah. - I'm sorry. Don't "ah" him.
0:06:18 > 0:06:21He's got to learn, if he's gonna keep in the quiz.
0:06:21 > 0:06:26- Next time, shall I keep quiet? - Absolutely. Stone-face killer.
0:06:26 > 0:06:30- What are you saying, Phill? - Unless it's a Sheeran double-bluff, let's go with Diana.
0:06:30 > 0:06:33- You are correct. - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:06:37 > 0:06:39While Britney was performing at the O2 last year,
0:06:39 > 0:06:44it was reported she had requested a framed picture of Princess Diana,
0:06:44 > 0:06:46as she found her to be an inspiration.
0:06:46 > 0:06:48- Good for her. - LAUGHTER
0:06:48 > 0:06:52- Good for her.- Good for her. Let's not stoop to jokes.
0:06:52 > 0:06:54LAUGHTER
0:06:54 > 0:06:57Noel, Ed and Caroline, have a look at this.
0:06:57 > 0:07:01# Going to the jungle We got fun and games... #
0:07:01 > 0:07:05Yes, it's classic firearms and horticulture themed rockers,
0:07:05 > 0:07:07Guns 'n' Roses.
0:07:08 > 0:07:12# ..if you got the money, honey We got your disease... #
0:07:12 > 0:07:15That was GnR with Welcome To The Jungle.
0:07:15 > 0:07:20Which of the following objects did Axl Rose demand he have backstage at one of their gigs?
0:07:20 > 0:07:22Was it A, an inflatable bike?
0:07:22 > 0:07:26B, a bilingual parrot? Not really an object. That's a mammal.
0:07:26 > 0:07:29Or C, a square melon?
0:07:29 > 0:07:34Ed, please apply your diagnostic approach to this particular question.
0:07:34 > 0:07:39I've seen these have been created. Is it on The Simpsons where they have square melons?
0:07:39 > 0:07:43I feel I could be playing into Sheeran's hands if I point out
0:07:43 > 0:07:46that The Simpsons is not a documentary.
0:07:46 > 0:07:47LAUGHTER
0:07:47 > 0:07:51- CAROLINE: What would you want...? - I'm going to interrupt you.
0:07:51 > 0:07:54- For a pop fact.- OK. - I'm going to go with euro pop.
0:07:54 > 0:07:58Since the dissolution of the euro pop band Aqua in 2001...
0:07:58 > 0:08:01- I liked Aqua.- Who didn't?
0:08:01 > 0:08:07..the lead singer Rene Diff has released several successful solo tracks, including The Uhh Uhh Song,
0:08:07 > 0:08:10still proving the endurance of the genre.
0:08:10 > 0:08:13- Caroline, you have that for your records.- Thank you.
0:08:13 > 0:08:17- Let's get back to the quiz. - Your outfit matches the bike.
0:08:17 > 0:08:20I want to see you drive home on that bike.
0:08:20 > 0:08:23I'm scared of riding bikes. I'm a bit scared of the road.
0:08:23 > 0:08:26- Roads ARE scary.- They are in London. - The way they go on for ages.
0:08:26 > 0:08:30- I think driving is scary. - So, what are we saying?
0:08:30 > 0:08:32Ed, you got their one. Get our one.
0:08:32 > 0:08:34- I'm saying melon.- Really?
0:08:34 > 0:08:36What's your answer?
0:08:36 > 0:08:39- It's Noel's team, not mine. - Listen, Ed...
0:08:39 > 0:08:42- Hey, come on, Ed. - I'm saying square melon, yeah.
0:08:42 > 0:08:47- Don't get dramatic, though. He's going with square melon.- Yeah?
0:08:47 > 0:08:49- You're right. - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:08:54 > 0:08:59Axl Rose demanded that the band be provided with wine, beer, vodka, white roses and a square melon,
0:08:59 > 0:09:02claiming it was essential to his performance.
0:09:02 > 0:09:07So, at the end of that round, Phill's team have one and Noel's team have one.
0:09:07 > 0:09:09CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:09:12 > 0:09:16Let's have another pop fact. Here's a soft rock fact.
0:09:16 > 0:09:17- Nice.- Yeah.
0:09:17 > 0:09:20One of the greatest soft rock bands, Crowded House,
0:09:20 > 0:09:23are known to their Australian fans as Crowdies.
0:09:23 > 0:09:25LAUGHTER
0:09:25 > 0:09:27- Crowdies.- Like it.
0:09:27 > 0:09:29Richard, these facts are extraordinary.
0:09:29 > 0:09:32No need for jokes. No need.
0:09:32 > 0:09:35Time, now, for the nation's favourite the Intros Round.
0:09:35 > 0:09:38Shingai and Phill, here are yours for Matthew.
0:09:38 > 0:09:41PHILL HUMS IN A WHISPER
0:09:41 > 0:09:44- Could you do it so I can hear it as well?- No.
0:09:44 > 0:09:47It's a really tricky way of doing it.
0:09:47 > 0:09:50One, two. A-one, two, three, four.
0:09:50 > 0:09:54- # Bm-sh-bm-sh-bm-sh - Sh-sh-sh
0:09:54 > 0:09:57- # Ba-do-down-down-down-down - Dooo
0:09:57 > 0:10:00- # Down-down-down-down-down - Dooo
0:10:00 > 0:10:03- # Bow-da-ba-bow - Dooo
0:10:03 > 0:10:06- # Ba-dow-bown - Mmmmmm.....
0:10:06 > 0:10:08# Yeuh! #
0:10:08 > 0:10:10LAUGHTER
0:10:10 > 0:10:12Is it Let's Spend The Night Together?
0:10:12 > 0:10:14LAUGHTER
0:10:14 > 0:10:17- That was close! - Ooh!
0:10:17 > 0:10:20- Hang on. - It Was Close.- It really wasn't.- Oh.
0:10:20 > 0:10:23Any ideas?
0:10:23 > 0:10:26I watch this on TV. I always think I've got it. Then I don't.
0:10:26 > 0:10:30It's a real insight into your television viewing habits.
0:10:30 > 0:10:33It's a lot easier here, perhaps, than at home?
0:10:33 > 0:10:35Which is often the opposite.
0:10:36 > 0:10:39Of what, often, people say on TV. "It's really easy at home."
0:10:39 > 0:10:45What's interesting about what you said... "Even at home it's bloody hard."
0:10:45 > 0:10:47I know it, but I can't think what it is.
0:10:47 > 0:10:52Caroline, I don't want to be pedantic but that's the same as not knowing.
0:10:52 > 0:10:53LAUGHTER
0:10:53 > 0:10:58- I take no pleasure as I say that neither of you are right. I'm sorry. - Wait one sec.
0:10:58 > 0:11:00You know this.
0:11:00 > 0:11:04I'm only going to know it when they tell me what it is.
0:11:04 > 0:11:07That's the same as not knowing. It's all the same as not knowing.
0:11:07 > 0:11:11- The answer, of course, is Chris Rea, Road To Hell.- Oh!
0:11:11 > 0:11:13- I knew it!- You didn't know it!
0:11:13 > 0:11:15You didn't!
0:11:15 > 0:11:18MUSIC: Intro to "Road To Hell" by Chris Rea
0:11:19 > 0:11:21# Do-do-do
0:11:23 > 0:11:25CAROLINE: # ..on a road to hell #
0:11:29 > 0:11:32Oh, my God! It's cos you're scared of roads!
0:11:32 > 0:11:34LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:11:36 > 0:11:39Can we do a fact about Road To Hell?
0:11:39 > 0:11:42- Coming up. But I like your enthusiasm.- OK.
0:11:42 > 0:11:45- You two are definitely on the same page.- Yeah.
0:11:45 > 0:11:47We dress very similarly. We share a look.
0:11:47 > 0:11:50- Like teacher, supply teacher. - LAUGHTER
0:11:55 > 0:11:57Next one, please, fellas.
0:11:57 > 0:12:01- # Ssshhhh - Do-do-do-do-do do-do-do
0:12:01 > 0:12:04- # Didididdi - Ahhhhh
0:12:04 > 0:12:06MATTHEW JOINS IN
0:12:06 > 0:12:10- # Da-da-dow... # - We know it.
0:12:10 > 0:12:12OK, now, I KNOW it...
0:12:12 > 0:12:16- LAUGHTER This time, I really do.- Yeah.
0:12:16 > 0:12:18But I don't know its... Destiny's Child.
0:12:18 > 0:12:21- Noel's team. - Justin Timberlake, Cry Me A River.
0:12:21 > 0:12:24- SHINGAI SCREAMS - It is.
0:12:24 > 0:12:27This is how it should have sounded.
0:12:27 > 0:12:31MUSIC: Intro to "Cry Me A River" by Justin Timberlake
0:12:34 > 0:12:36# You were my sun... #
0:12:36 > 0:12:38We also heard Chris Rea with Road To Hell.
0:12:38 > 0:12:42Chris wrote Road To Hell in a traffic jam on the M25.
0:12:42 > 0:12:47The M25 can be a frustrating road, but if you time your journey right,
0:12:47 > 0:12:49it should be fairly free-flowing.
0:12:49 > 0:12:53The times to avoid are between 8am and 10am, and 4pm to 7pm.
0:12:53 > 0:12:56I mean rush hour. Just use your common sense.
0:12:56 > 0:13:00Rich, you haven't got any jazz funk facts, have you?
0:13:00 > 0:13:03- I do. Let's have a jazz funk fact. - LAUGHTER
0:13:03 > 0:13:09Jazz funk characteristics include a departure from ternary rhythm towards a more binary rhythm,
0:13:09 > 0:13:13which you'll probably know by its more common name, groove.
0:13:13 > 0:13:16Noel and Ed, here are yours for Caroline.
0:13:16 > 0:13:19- Honestly! - Sorry. That was aggressive.
0:13:21 > 0:13:25I'm feeling just so pumped from all these facts.
0:13:25 > 0:13:30Caroline, by the way, if you want to play this really well, don't get all of them wrong.
0:13:30 > 0:13:32That's the trap I fell into.
0:13:32 > 0:13:36SHINGAI: I'm just happy we get to spend the night together.
0:13:36 > 0:13:39ED: Didn't know that was happening.
0:13:39 > 0:13:41LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:13:44 > 0:13:47Logistically, that sounds VERY complicated.
0:13:47 > 0:13:50Hope it's not all night, I have to say.
0:13:50 > 0:13:54I usually pass out around the second time.
0:13:54 > 0:13:57LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:13:57 > 0:14:01- Wow!- OK, time out. Ed, let's get into that.
0:14:01 > 0:14:05- Are we talking before, during or after?- After.
0:14:06 > 0:14:08You pass out? Out cold?
0:14:08 > 0:14:12I can manage a couple more if I haven't had too much of a heavy day.
0:14:12 > 0:14:16As long as he has a glass of squash and a Club biscuit, he's good to go.
0:14:16 > 0:14:20Just have a segment of orange, like in football.
0:14:20 > 0:14:22- Does that work?- No.
0:14:22 > 0:14:24But...it is delicious.
0:14:26 > 0:14:29- Second time? You're a young man. You're 21.- Yeah.
0:14:29 > 0:14:34That's not great. You want to be ranging seven or eight and then passing out, at your age.
0:14:34 > 0:14:37Ed, you don't HAVE to share this much.
0:14:38 > 0:14:42I'm not saying don't, but I'm just saying... Actually, just tell me.
0:14:44 > 0:14:48Do you often wake up and all your stuff from your flat's gone?
0:14:48 > 0:14:51Are you sure you're not being drugged?
0:14:52 > 0:14:55When we were in the green room, there's a few things you mentioned.
0:14:55 > 0:15:00I said, "I could bring that up." You said, "Please don't mention that. I'm a role model."
0:15:00 > 0:15:04Then you just said you pass out the second time of having sex.
0:15:04 > 0:15:08Kids are gonna be, "You know what's cool? Passing out second time."
0:15:08 > 0:15:10They're gonna be faking it.
0:15:13 > 0:15:15- I slightly love you. - Oh, good.
0:15:17 > 0:15:18AUDIENCE: Ah!
0:15:18 > 0:15:22You're a good lad. Just have a coffee.
0:15:22 > 0:15:25- Or a tea.- Then I'll need a wee halfway through.
0:15:25 > 0:15:28LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:15:31 > 0:15:34You'd end up in a weird situation when you're shooting...
0:15:34 > 0:15:39- AUDIENCE GROANS - Classic Sheeran!- Wow! Wow!
0:15:39 > 0:15:45If you went for a wee in Caroline's flat, there's a good chance you'd piss on Simon Cowell's face.
0:15:46 > 0:15:50- Let's bloody crack on. - Let's do it. You know there are two?
0:15:50 > 0:15:54I haven't got to do the last one on my own, have I?
0:15:54 > 0:15:57LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:16:02 > 0:16:06# Dow-dow-dow dicka-dicka Dow-dow-dow dicka-dicka
0:16:06 > 0:16:10- # Dow-dow-dow dicka-dicka dooo - Mm ch mm ch
0:16:10 > 0:16:14- # Dow-dow-dow dicka-dicka - Mm ch mm ch
0:16:14 > 0:16:18- # Dow-dow-dow dicka-dicka - Mm ch mm ch. #
0:16:18 > 0:16:21- That was genius. - LAUGHTER
0:16:21 > 0:16:23APPLAUSE
0:16:24 > 0:16:27We didn't know this song.
0:16:27 > 0:16:30- I've got to say, that was great. - You know it?- Yeah.
0:16:30 > 0:16:33- It's written here. - LAUGHTER
0:16:33 > 0:16:38ED: The person that did the song, when I did the Queen's Jubilee, we got invited to the party.
0:16:38 > 0:16:41- I brought my parents... - Please don't say you fell asleep.
0:16:41 > 0:16:45No, but my mum disappeared and no-one could find her.
0:16:45 > 0:16:49And we found my mum two bottles of wine deep with this person.
0:16:49 > 0:16:53- On a sofa.- When you say "two bottles of wine deep"?
0:16:55 > 0:16:59I've got to say, I need five minutes just to shower my mind.
0:16:59 > 0:17:01LAUGHTER
0:17:03 > 0:17:06She Tweeted her the next day to say thank you.
0:17:06 > 0:17:08LAUGHTER
0:17:08 > 0:17:12Did she fall asleep during the second bottle?
0:17:12 > 0:17:16She's going to be watching this. It's going to be awkward.
0:17:16 > 0:17:20- Caroline, have you got it?- It's Kylie Minogue.- Which song, though?
0:17:20 > 0:17:26ED: If you were to tattoo two letters on your arse and bend over, it would spell it out.
0:17:26 > 0:17:28LAUGHTER
0:17:28 > 0:17:30It's Kylie Minogue, Wow.
0:17:30 > 0:17:32COUGHS
0:17:34 > 0:17:39- What's happened, Richard?- I'm just thinking of that tattoo image.
0:17:39 > 0:17:43Just to bring this to a close, I'm going to say, you're right.
0:17:43 > 0:17:45And this is how it should have sounded.
0:17:45 > 0:17:47MUSIC: "Wow" by Kylie Minogue
0:17:57 > 0:17:59# Read my lips, I'm into you... #
0:17:59 > 0:18:03- Next one, please. - ED IMITATES GUITAR
0:18:06 > 0:18:09- ED CONTINUES RIFF - # Prr prr
0:18:09 > 0:18:11# Prr prr
0:18:11 > 0:18:14# Prr prr prr prrr prrang prrang
0:18:14 > 0:18:17THEY CONTINUE
0:18:19 > 0:18:20# Prrang! #
0:18:20 > 0:18:21Yeah.
0:18:21 > 0:18:24Is it Mumford & Sons? What's the song?
0:18:24 > 0:18:26Is it Little Lion Man? Yes.
0:18:26 > 0:18:28CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:18:29 > 0:18:32I probably need to take a rest now.
0:18:32 > 0:18:36For God's sake, Ed. Sit down. Have some fluids.
0:18:36 > 0:18:40You were absolutely right. This is how it should have sounded.
0:18:40 > 0:18:44MUSIC: Intro to "Little Lion Man" by Mumford & Sons
0:18:53 > 0:18:55# Weep for yourself my man... #
0:18:55 > 0:18:58We also heard Kylie Minogue with Wow.
0:18:58 > 0:19:04The song Wow came off Kylie's album X, but how many studio albums had she released at that point?
0:19:04 > 0:19:07Seven. ED: I'm saying like 11 or something.
0:19:07 > 0:19:10- You're saying "like" 11? - I'm gonna say nine.
0:19:10 > 0:19:13- LAUGHTER - That's quite like 11, isn't it?
0:19:13 > 0:19:17- Kinda like 11.- There was a clue in the question. The album's called X.
0:19:17 > 0:19:22The answer was ten. Kylie making characteristically good use of Roman numerals.
0:19:22 > 0:19:26That means, at the end of that round, Phill's team have one.
0:19:26 > 0:19:28And Noel's team have three.
0:19:28 > 0:19:31CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:19:34 > 0:19:36Time now, for round three.
0:19:36 > 0:19:41I thought we should look at the other talents that our greatest music stars have.
0:19:41 > 0:19:43Tonight's Identity Parade is an artistic one.
0:19:43 > 0:19:47Phill's team, one of the last living Beatles doing what he does best,
0:19:47 > 0:19:51ripping it up on mandolin, here is Sir Paul McCartney.
0:19:51 > 0:19:56# You can do anything you wanna do
0:19:57 > 0:19:59# Everybody gonna stamp their feet
0:19:59 > 0:20:02# Everybody's gonna feel the beat
0:20:02 > 0:20:06# Everybody's gonna dance around tonight... #
0:20:07 > 0:20:10That was Paul McCartney with Dance Tonight.
0:20:10 > 0:20:14Which one of our line-up of artwork was actually painted by Sir Paul?
0:20:14 > 0:20:17Was it number one? This rather stunning landscape
0:20:17 > 0:20:20with blue water crashing against the rocks
0:20:20 > 0:20:23in an awesome display of nature's power.
0:20:23 > 0:20:26Or number two? A more Russian feeling,
0:20:26 > 0:20:28kind of multi-coloured, very vibrant.
0:20:28 > 0:20:31Relatively dodgy brushwork there, though.
0:20:31 > 0:20:35Number three? Almost with a kind of David Hockney feel.
0:20:35 > 0:20:38Very simple. And now, something that looks like a lozenge.
0:20:38 > 0:20:41Number four?
0:20:41 > 0:20:43Not much to say. Bit dull.
0:20:43 > 0:20:45Black and white. Poor-man's Cezanne.
0:20:45 > 0:20:47Number five?
0:20:47 > 0:20:49Moving on to a naive work.
0:20:49 > 0:20:52Girl surrounded by fried eggs.
0:20:52 > 0:20:53LAUGHTER
0:20:53 > 0:20:59SHINGAI: Number one is something I think Uncle Mac could pull off.
0:20:59 > 0:21:02Two, market, I'm not feeling that.
0:21:02 > 0:21:04Four's what they do in an over-60s art class.
0:21:04 > 0:21:06He IS over 60.
0:21:06 > 0:21:09I'm tempted by number five.
0:21:09 > 0:21:11- LIVERPUDLIAN ACCENT - She's just covered in eyes!
0:21:11 > 0:21:14We think it's either one, two, three, four or five.
0:21:16 > 0:21:20- I just think one or three. - We think three.- Three.
0:21:20 > 0:21:24Well, let's find out which painting is the real McCartney.
0:21:25 > 0:21:27SHINGAI: Yes!
0:21:32 > 0:21:35Painted in 1990, part of his Sand, Water, Sky collection.
0:21:35 > 0:21:39Beach Towels by Paul McCartney.
0:21:39 > 0:21:41There it is! Beach Towels.
0:21:44 > 0:21:49Noel, Ed and Caroline, how about some pure '70s glam rock stardust? It's David Bowie.
0:21:49 > 0:21:51# The Jean Genie lives on his back
0:21:52 > 0:21:55# The Jean Genie loves chimney stacks
0:21:56 > 0:21:59# He's outrageous He screams and he bawls
0:21:59 > 0:22:03# Jean Genie, let yourself go... #
0:22:03 > 0:22:09David Bowie with Jean Genie, but which of our artwork line-up is one of David Bowie's own masterpieces?
0:22:09 > 0:22:11Is it number one?
0:22:11 > 0:22:14Sort of looks like John Lydon being attacked by monkeys
0:22:14 > 0:22:16and giving him a semi.
0:22:16 > 0:22:18LAUGHTER
0:22:18 > 0:22:20Number two?
0:22:20 > 0:22:23Which looks a bit like an abstract Um Bungo packet.
0:22:23 > 0:22:28Number three? A naked man with a knee up, just relaxing.
0:22:28 > 0:22:30Number four?
0:22:30 > 0:22:32A hand and a foot.
0:22:32 > 0:22:36Locked in, perhaps, a deathless battle for supremacy.
0:22:36 > 0:22:38LAUGHTER
0:22:38 > 0:22:40Number five? Bit rushed.
0:22:41 > 0:22:45Bit rushed here. Lot of colours, but very little focus.
0:22:45 > 0:22:49Let's find out which one you think is the real Bowie.
0:22:49 > 0:22:53I've seen a David Bowie painting but it doesn't look like any of those.
0:22:53 > 0:22:56Number three looks like an exercise in life drawing
0:22:56 > 0:22:59that you do in the first year of art college. No way is it that.
0:22:59 > 0:23:02One looks like a bad self-portrait of him.
0:23:02 > 0:23:07- With that sort of ginger flat-top. - ED: Maybe he was trying to paint me.
0:23:08 > 0:23:12Please tell me you didn't fall asleep on Bowie.
0:23:12 > 0:23:16- Do you paint, Richard?- Do I paint? Let's talk through the process.
0:23:16 > 0:23:19- I don't. No. - LAUGHTER
0:23:19 > 0:23:22- What are you saying? - Caroline thinks it's five. Do you?
0:23:22 > 0:23:25- I always thought it was five. - I think it's number one.
0:23:25 > 0:23:29I'll be a gracious captain and go with my team. Number five.
0:23:29 > 0:23:32Let's find out which one is the real David Bowie.
0:23:34 > 0:23:37- Ah! - AUDIENCE GROANS
0:23:37 > 0:23:42- ED: I'm sorry. - Sold for £4,500 earlier this year.
0:23:42 > 0:23:44Ancestor by David Bowie, ladies and gentlemen.
0:23:44 > 0:23:46APPLAUSE
0:23:48 > 0:23:52- These two dickheads got it wrong! - LAUGHTER
0:23:52 > 0:23:55Let's have a pop fact. This is a aquacrunk fact.
0:23:55 > 0:23:58Or AN aquacrunk fact.
0:23:58 > 0:24:01Aquacrunk is made of slowed down, low-slung beats
0:24:01 > 0:24:05with lashings of electronic mutterings and morphing basslines on top.
0:24:05 > 0:24:09Performers of crunk music are sometimes referred to as crunksters.
0:24:10 > 0:24:14- I preferred the jazz funk. - We can't go back. It's dead now.
0:24:15 > 0:24:19So, we end with Next Lines. Noel's team, you are in the lead.
0:24:19 > 0:24:23- Let's get down to the bloody quiz. - Right, Ed. This is all about you.
0:24:23 > 0:24:25- And Flacky. Come on. - Come on, Flacky.
0:24:25 > 0:24:29I want to fall from the stars.
0:24:27 > 0:24:29It's a thing I like to do.
0:24:29 > 0:24:32# ..straight into your arms. #
0:24:32 > 0:24:35Simply Red, Stars. Don't do the whole song, cos time...
0:24:35 > 0:24:40Maybe next time, use your eyes and look at me.
0:24:38 > 0:24:40Ed, are you in a coma?
0:24:41 > 0:24:43Maybe next time, use your eyes and look at me.
0:24:43 > 0:24:45I'm a drama queen, if that's your thing, baby.
0:24:45 > 0:24:48- Geri Halliwell, Look At Me. - How are we gonna know that?
0:24:48 > 0:24:50- That's not music. - LAUGHTER
0:24:50 > 0:24:54- It's not poetry.- What IS it? - It's her heart.
0:24:54 > 0:24:56People think I'm bound to blow up
0:24:56 > 0:25:01I've done around a thousand shows.
0:24:58 > 0:25:01I haven't got a house but I live on a couch.
0:25:01 > 0:25:04Ed Sheeran - You Need Me, I Don't Need You, I'm Already Asleep.
0:25:04 > 0:25:06LAUGHTER
0:25:06 > 0:25:08END-OF-ROUND JINGLE
0:25:08 > 0:25:11CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:25:11 > 0:25:15So, Phill's team, you're next.
0:25:15 > 0:25:18You just need more points than Noel's total to win.
0:25:19 > 0:25:22So, let me show you something super-beautiful.
0:25:22 > 0:25:24Oh! SINGS TO HERSELF
0:25:24 > 0:25:28- Can you start again? - So let me show you something super-beautiful.
0:25:28 > 0:25:30- Let's rock the boat. The magic... - The magic is unstoppable.
0:25:30 > 0:25:34- Noisettes, Don't Upset The Rhythm. - Is that your song?- Almost!
0:25:34 > 0:25:37- Cos you knew none of the words! - SHINGAI: Almost!
0:25:37 > 0:25:39- Your face is so serious.- I know.
0:25:39 > 0:25:42- Can we do one with a face...? - A different mouth? Yeah.
0:25:42 > 0:25:46So what you're asking me to do is not have my face?
0:25:46 > 0:25:50- LAUGHTER - I want your ugly. I want your disease.
0:25:50 > 0:25:54- I want your everything as long as it's free. - Lady Gaga, Bar... Bad Romance.
0:25:54 > 0:25:59Lady Gaga, Bad Romance. Or Bard Romance, a song about Shakespeare.
0:25:59 > 0:26:01END-OF-ROUND JINGLE
0:26:01 > 0:26:03CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:26:05 > 0:26:09So, the final scores are, Phill's team have six.
0:26:09 > 0:26:11And Noel's team also have six.
0:26:11 > 0:26:13CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:26:15 > 0:26:18The teams have failed to reach a majority score. It is a tie.
0:26:18 > 0:26:21As Caroline knows, in entertaining television, that means one thing.
0:26:21 > 0:26:24- We've gone to deadlock. - DRAMATIC JINGLE
0:26:30 > 0:26:33The tension here is...unbearable and sexual.
0:26:33 > 0:26:34Palpable.
0:26:34 > 0:26:38- No, it's not palpable.- Oh, sorry. - You, literally, can't touch it.
0:26:39 > 0:26:42- As MC Hammer said in his hit song. - LAUGHTER
0:26:43 > 0:26:48- It's now down to this final question to decide who will be tonight's winner.- Oh, my God!
0:26:48 > 0:26:51It's fastest finger... with the right answer.
0:26:51 > 0:26:55Not just whoever has the fastest finger. You're born with that.
0:26:55 > 0:26:58I am medium height, nearly 5ft 10.
0:26:59 > 0:27:01Ed Sheeran.
0:27:01 > 0:27:04- No. You need to buzz. - BUZZER
0:27:04 > 0:27:08- Ed Sheeran.- No. I was nominated for a Grammy for Best New Artist
0:27:08 > 0:27:11in 1988 and I was really happy about it.
0:27:11 > 0:27:15BELL YOU were nominated for a Grammy?
0:27:15 > 0:27:18No. After I retired as a solo star,
0:27:18 > 0:27:23I auditioned for a film role in Last Action Hero, which I didn't get.
0:27:23 > 0:27:27BELL Is it the guy out of Wham?
0:27:25 > 0:27:27It's not the guy out of Wham.
0:27:27 > 0:27:31I have a deep singing voice and some people say I...
0:27:31 > 0:27:34- BUZZER - Barry White.
0:27:34 > 0:27:39I was nominated for a Grammy for Best New Artist in 1988?
0:27:39 > 0:27:43- Barry White?- I'm drinking buddies with Matt Goss, Adam Ant
0:27:43 > 0:27:45- and Tony Hadley. - BELL
0:27:45 > 0:27:49Was it Rick Astley?
0:27:47 > 0:27:49That is correct.
0:27:49 > 0:27:51CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:27:58 > 0:28:01Phill's team won there, with a late spurt.
0:28:01 > 0:28:03LAUGHTER
0:28:03 > 0:28:05- Come on!- A late spurt!
0:28:05 > 0:28:08It's just a noun. Get over it.
0:28:08 > 0:28:13Thanks to Phill, Shingai Shaniwa and Matthew Crosby, Noel, Ed Sheeran and Caroline Flack.
0:28:13 > 0:28:17This has been Never Mind The Buzzcocks. It still is. I've been Richard Ayoade.
0:28:17 > 0:28:23As you enjoy the credits, without our team knowing who, we intend to digitally alter one of them.
0:28:23 > 0:28:25CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:28:29 > 0:28:32Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:28:32 > 0:28:34E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk