0:00:03 > 0:00:08This programme contains some strong language
0:00:20 > 0:00:23CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:30 > 0:00:35'Welcome to the Never Mind The Buzzcocks 250th episode special!
0:00:35 > 0:00:37'And, to celebrate,
0:00:37 > 0:00:41'we've lined up 250 possible hosts to host tonight's show...
0:00:42 > 0:00:44'..but who will it be?
0:00:44 > 0:00:49'Phill and Noel, please spin the Wheel of Hosts!
0:00:49 > 0:00:52GONG SOUNDS
0:00:52 > 0:00:55AUDIENCE: Woo!
0:01:02 > 0:01:07'Please welcome your host for the evening, Richard Madeley!'
0:01:07 > 0:01:09CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:15 > 0:01:20Thank you very much. Thank you very much indeed.
0:01:21 > 0:01:23Thank you very much indeed. Hello!
0:01:26 > 0:01:28DROWNED BY APPLAUSE
0:01:32 > 0:01:34Hi, guys.
0:01:34 > 0:01:38Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you.
0:01:38 > 0:01:40Thank you.
0:01:40 > 0:01:41Thank you so much.
0:01:43 > 0:01:47Hello and welcome to the 250th episode of Never Mind The Buzzcocks.
0:01:47 > 0:01:50It is incredible that, after 250 episodes,
0:01:50 > 0:01:54the show has lost none of its edge and its relevance to modern culture.
0:01:54 > 0:01:56- I'm Richard Madeley. - LAUGHTER
0:01:57 > 0:01:59On Phill's team tonight...
0:01:59 > 0:02:00# Let me go...
0:02:00 > 0:02:02..is a rapper whose music was described as,
0:02:02 > 0:02:06"Spitting out seething, bass-centric nocturnal explosions,"
0:02:06 > 0:02:07to which I replied,
0:02:07 > 0:02:10"I don't care what it is, Judy, just turn it down."
0:02:10 > 0:02:11It's Maverick Sabre!
0:02:11 > 0:02:13CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:02:14 > 0:02:19And a comedian who describes himself as a transvestite vegan occultist
0:02:19 > 0:02:20who believes in UFOs
0:02:20 > 0:02:23and thinks Winston Churchill was Jack the Ripper.
0:02:23 > 0:02:25It's the first time this show's had a guest
0:02:25 > 0:02:28that Noel thinks is a bit weird - it's Andrew O'Neill.
0:02:28 > 0:02:31CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:02:31 > 0:02:33And on Noel's team tonight...
0:02:33 > 0:02:36# You don't know about a girl...
0:02:36 > 0:02:39Earlier this year she appeared in Dancing On Ice.
0:02:39 > 0:02:41Each week someone would leave and she'd never see them again -
0:02:41 > 0:02:44a bit like being in the Sugababes! It's Heidi Range!
0:02:44 > 0:02:47CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:02:48 > 0:02:51And a comedian who says he doesn't go to nightclubs any more
0:02:51 > 0:02:54because he's always falling out with bouncers.
0:02:54 > 0:02:58Reminds me of Judy at the National Television Awards! It's Seann Walsh!
0:02:58 > 0:03:00CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:03:02 > 0:03:06Well, as this really is the 250th episode celebratory special
0:03:06 > 0:03:09we begin with a round called Celebrate Good Times Come On!
0:03:09 > 0:03:10LAUGHTER
0:03:10 > 0:03:12Noel, Heidi and Seann, have a look at this.
0:03:12 > 0:03:18# I don't know how I'm meant to feel any more... #
0:03:18 > 0:03:22Yeah, she's got a really cool showbiz dad, just like my children.
0:03:22 > 0:03:25I'm rad and totes amazeballs! It's Lily Allen.
0:03:27 > 0:03:29Yeah, that was Lily Allen with The Fear
0:03:29 > 0:03:33but which of the following objects did Lily get as a gift for Example
0:03:33 > 0:03:35to celebrate their tour together?
0:03:35 > 0:03:39Was it, A - a piano, B - flying lessons,
0:03:39 > 0:03:42- or was it C - a bacon sandwich? - Flying lessons would be...
0:03:42 > 0:03:45- That's a good present, isn't it? - It's a great present, isn't it? Yeah.
0:03:45 > 0:03:49- On a plane? Not...?- What? No. - LAUGHTER
0:03:49 > 0:03:51- Not from a duck. - LAUGHTER
0:03:51 > 0:03:54- If you're not scared of flying. - Are you scared of flying?
0:03:54 > 0:03:55- Yes.- Are you?- Yeah.
0:03:55 > 0:03:58How's that work? Cos you must have to tour all the time.
0:03:58 > 0:03:59I take Valium.
0:03:59 > 0:04:02- Valium? Really?- Yes.- Does that help?
0:04:02 > 0:04:04- Yeah, it does. - What does it do to you?
0:04:04 > 0:04:08- Makes me feel a little bit happy. - Are you on...? Are you on some now?
0:04:08 > 0:04:10- No! - LAUGHTER
0:04:10 > 0:04:14I'm scared of flying as well, a bit. I'm always scared of the bit where...
0:04:14 > 0:04:17the wings make that noise, where they go, "Nrrrr!"
0:04:17 > 0:04:21Every noise, I shout out to the rest of the plane what it is
0:04:21 > 0:04:23cos I've done four fear of flying courses
0:04:23 > 0:04:25and been hypnotised by Paul McKenna.
0:04:25 > 0:04:27- What's that, "Nrrrr!"? - It's the wings!
0:04:27 > 0:04:29That doesn't help if you hear a really frightening...
0:04:29 > 0:04:32- "It's the wings!"- "It's the wings!" - "It's the wings!"
0:04:32 > 0:04:33"They're coming off!"
0:04:33 > 0:04:36I think it would be lovely if she'd got him a piano.
0:04:38 > 0:04:39Would it help if I played a tune on it?
0:04:39 > 0:04:42- You just look like a giant now. - LAUGHTER
0:04:42 > 0:04:46OK, this is the miniature piano version of The Sting, all right?
0:04:46 > 0:04:48- OUT OF TUNE JANGLING - It doesn't work.
0:04:48 > 0:04:52- LAUGHTER - It's not me, is the piano. - Can you play the piano?- Yeah.
0:04:52 > 0:04:55- Really?- Yeah, by ear. Well, I use the hands but...
0:04:55 > 0:04:57LAUGHTER
0:04:57 > 0:05:00- Maverick, this look like someone you might go out with. - LAUGHTER
0:05:00 > 0:05:04Resembles the same shape of head, do you know what I mean?
0:05:04 > 0:05:08- If you sort of faced each other you could do that optical illusion. - LAUGHTER
0:05:11 > 0:05:15He looks like that guy in Independence Day, doesn't he?
0:05:15 > 0:05:18I look exactly like Will Smith. LAUGHTER
0:05:19 > 0:05:22- No, the one who took it up the arse from the aliens. - LAUGHTER
0:05:25 > 0:05:26Did that happen in that film?
0:05:26 > 0:05:29You didn't see it but he did mention being probed quite a lot.
0:05:29 > 0:05:32It was a constant and slightly distasteful joke.
0:05:32 > 0:05:35- I didn't like it. - LAUGHTER
0:05:35 > 0:05:38Happens to be not just this programme's 250th anniversary,
0:05:38 > 0:05:40as it were, it's the 250th year since the sandwich was invented.
0:05:40 > 0:05:43- Oh, piano!- So, it's definitely not the sandwich. LAUGHTER
0:05:43 > 0:05:47- I think he's trying to tell us it's the sandwich.- Oh, really?
0:05:47 > 0:05:49Yeah, as far as his quiz...
0:05:49 > 0:05:52I mean, Richard's had a career in television spanning years
0:05:52 > 0:05:53but he just gave you the answer.
0:05:53 > 0:05:54LAUGHTER
0:05:54 > 0:05:57"SANDWICH!" LAUGHTER
0:05:57 > 0:06:00- So, we know it's bacon sandwich? - Yeah, OK.
0:06:00 > 0:06:01Yeah, we're going with bacon sandwich?
0:06:01 > 0:06:03- Yes.- All right. Bacon Sandwich.
0:06:03 > 0:06:04Absolutely right!
0:06:04 > 0:06:06The answer is C - the bacon sandwich.
0:06:06 > 0:06:08- CHEERING AND APPLAUSE - I did not lie,
0:06:08 > 0:06:13the sandwich really is celebrating its 250th birthday this year.
0:06:13 > 0:06:16In 2010 Lily Allen ploughed thousands of pounds into her shop
0:06:16 > 0:06:18from which you could borrow clothing, wear it once
0:06:18 > 0:06:20and then just take it back.
0:06:20 > 0:06:25- What a shame nobody told her about Marks and Spencer's! - LAUGHTER
0:06:25 > 0:06:28Phill, Maverick and Andrew, take a look at this.
0:06:28 > 0:06:30(RAPS) Your dream's fulfilled, you're rocking with the best
0:06:30 > 0:06:33Unforgivable, I'm a push your limits to the test...
0:06:33 > 0:06:36Yes, it's a seminal, influential black rap superstar
0:06:36 > 0:06:39but would the producers let me dress up as him tonight? Would they f...
0:06:39 > 0:06:42for shizzle! It's P Diddy!
0:06:45 > 0:06:48Yes, of course, that was P Diddy, featuring Christina Aguilera, with Tell Me
0:06:48 > 0:06:52but which of the following objects ruined his album celebration party?
0:06:52 > 0:07:00Was it, A - a candle, B - a seafood platter, or was it C - an orchestra?
0:07:00 > 0:07:03- LAUGHTER - I think it had something to do with the seafood.
0:07:03 > 0:07:06Maybe there was a couple of dodgy things going around...
0:07:06 > 0:07:09I thought that, you might be right, but it takes time to work through.
0:07:09 > 0:07:11Some people can have quite a violent reaction to the seafood.
0:07:11 > 0:07:14I mean, projectile vomiting at a P Diddy party
0:07:14 > 0:07:15is normally something...
0:07:15 > 0:07:17Well, you'd book in. You'd organise that, wouldn't you?
0:07:17 > 0:07:21I just read a biography of P Diddy and he's half clam.
0:07:21 > 0:07:22LAUGHTER
0:07:24 > 0:07:26Not the bits you can see, the back half.
0:07:26 > 0:07:28- LAUGHTER - So, he has a shell?
0:07:28 > 0:07:31- Yeah.- He clings to rocks in pools? - Yeah, he's half clam.
0:07:31 > 0:07:35He's only half clam. If you say he's fully clam he gets WELL wound up!
0:07:35 > 0:07:38And, of course, his mortal enemy are the Klu Klux Clams!
0:07:38 > 0:07:40LAUGHTER
0:07:40 > 0:07:43APPLAUSE
0:07:43 > 0:07:45Is that why he's always in a shell suit?
0:07:45 > 0:07:49- Yes.- YES, there we go! Come on! APPLAUD!
0:07:49 > 0:07:51APPLAUSE
0:07:53 > 0:07:55SEANN: What's going on?
0:07:55 > 0:07:58Pay attention, Walsh, P Diddy's half clam.
0:07:58 > 0:08:01- Look at the lion, he's well confused! - LAUGHTER
0:08:01 > 0:08:03Urrrgh?
0:08:03 > 0:08:07- Seann, just do this for me, "Put 'em up! Put 'em up!" - LAUGHTER
0:08:07 > 0:08:11- "Put 'em up! Put 'em up!"- Yes. Yes.
0:08:11 > 0:08:12APPLAUSE
0:08:12 > 0:08:15- I'm going to go for the candles. - You think it's candles?
0:08:15 > 0:08:17The candle set someone's hair alight, or dress alight,
0:08:17 > 0:08:20- or something like that. - A sort of fire risk issue?
0:08:20 > 0:08:22The only way I can imagine a candle spoiling a party
0:08:22 > 0:08:24is if it sets light to something, A,
0:08:24 > 0:08:27B, his roadies, in a moment of whimsy,
0:08:27 > 0:08:30- got those ones you can't blow out and put them on the cake. - LAUGHTER
0:08:30 > 0:08:35- He started crying!- The irony is that he runs out of puff.
0:08:35 > 0:08:37- LAUGHTER - We need to pick an answer
0:08:37 > 0:08:39because I can sense that Madeley is champing at the bit.
0:08:39 > 0:08:42Oh, I just think we've kind of run out of options now, haven't we?
0:08:42 > 0:08:45I'll tell you when we've run out of options, Richard Madeley!
0:08:45 > 0:08:47LAUGHTER
0:08:47 > 0:08:48- We've run out of options. - LAUGHTER
0:08:48 > 0:08:51So is it, A - the candles, B - the seafood platter,
0:08:51 > 0:08:52is it C - the orchestra?
0:08:52 > 0:08:55- I'll go candles.- Is, I have to tell you, the right answer!
0:08:55 > 0:08:58CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:08:58 > 0:08:59Well done.
0:08:59 > 0:09:03- That was you! That was you! That was you!- And...
0:09:03 > 0:09:06while throwing a party to celebrate the success of an album
0:09:06 > 0:09:07at P Diddy's penthouse,
0:09:07 > 0:09:11a candle did indeed accidentally set light to a glamorous model's hair.
0:09:11 > 0:09:14- It... - LAUGHTER
0:09:14 > 0:09:16But it's still officially the least exciting thing
0:09:16 > 0:09:18ever to happen at a rapper's party.
0:09:18 > 0:09:21P Diddy actually says that there's an art to sending sex texts.
0:09:21 > 0:09:24Oh, come on, P, we all know the art to sexting!
0:09:24 > 0:09:25It's three emoticons -
0:09:25 > 0:09:29smiley face, cum face, sleepy face.
0:09:29 > 0:09:31LAUGHTER
0:09:33 > 0:09:36I just heard Richard Madeley say, "cum face"! LAUGHTER
0:09:36 > 0:09:39- I'm still drinking that in. - LAUGHTER
0:09:42 > 0:09:44And at the end of that round, Phill's team have 1
0:09:44 > 0:09:45and Noel's team have 1.
0:09:45 > 0:09:47CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:09:51 > 0:09:55It's time now for mine and Judy's favourite round, the Intros Round.
0:09:55 > 0:09:57In fact, Judy and I were reviewing this round
0:09:57 > 0:09:59at our comedy pop quiz review club just the other night
0:09:59 > 0:10:01and here's what we thought.
0:10:01 > 0:10:04Judy and myself find it to be one of the most watchable,
0:10:04 > 0:10:07emotionally intense rounds of the year.
0:10:07 > 0:10:09Phill and Noel pull off the key team captain's trick
0:10:09 > 0:10:11of getting us to care about the intros.
0:10:11 > 0:10:15By the end of the performance you will be comprehensively on the hook.
0:10:15 > 0:10:20Put quite simply, a cracking watch. We gave it 4/5 stars. We like that.
0:10:20 > 0:10:21APPLAUSE
0:10:24 > 0:10:27OK, so, here are the cards for you, Andrew. Good luck.
0:10:27 > 0:10:30Right, OK.
0:10:30 > 0:10:32Neow-w-w-weee!
0:10:32 > 0:10:34Da da-da-da dum! Da da-da-da dum! Da da-da-da dum!
0:10:34 > 0:10:38Da da-da-da dum! Da da-da-da dum! Da da-da-da dum! Da da-da-da dum!
0:10:38 > 0:10:39- Da da-da-da dum...!- Ba-ba ba bow...
0:10:39 > 0:10:42# If you go down to the woods today You're sure of a big surprise. #
0:10:42 > 0:10:45- No! - LAUGHTER
0:10:45 > 0:10:48- It's Marilyn Manson, isn't it? It's...- Yeah, which one?
0:10:48 > 0:10:51It's the one I like out of his entire album, it's The Beautiful People.
0:10:51 > 0:10:54- Absolutely right! Brilliant, well done. - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:10:54 > 0:10:57Here, of course, is how it should have sounded.
0:10:57 > 0:11:01MUSIC: "The Beautiful People" by Marliyn Manson
0:11:07 > 0:11:09LAUGHTER
0:11:14 > 0:11:19Were you not doing that with me? I thought you, we... I just assumed!
0:11:19 > 0:11:22LAUGHTER
0:11:22 > 0:11:25- I'd just assumed that... - Everyone was doing that?
0:11:25 > 0:11:29Even the people watching at home?
0:11:29 > 0:11:31- I...- No-one was doing that.
0:11:31 > 0:11:34People in beds on their iPlayer! LAUGHTER
0:11:36 > 0:11:39- Next one, please.- Oh, yeah.
0:11:39 > 0:11:41- Der num! - Bom-bom bom-bom bom bom bom-bom...
0:11:41 > 0:11:47- Der num, der num, der num! - ..bom-bom bom-bom bom bom bom-bom!
0:11:47 > 0:11:49Bass line sounds familiar but I can't place it.
0:11:49 > 0:11:52- Yeah, you, you, there's no...- Oh, I've got Jackson Five on the brain.
0:11:52 > 0:11:55- There's no pride in guessing this one, my friend.- Oh, fine, fine.
0:11:55 > 0:11:58- It could be anything, couldn't it? - It's not...- Do you want it again?
0:11:58 > 0:12:01Nobody wants it again, Richard. Nobody wants it again.
0:12:01 > 0:12:03In that case, we'll have it again.
0:12:03 > 0:12:04LAUGHTER
0:12:04 > 0:12:06- Lucky Judy(!) - LAUGHTER
0:12:09 > 0:12:12Two, three, four...
0:12:12 > 0:12:14- Der num! - Bom-bom bom-bom bom bom bom-bom...
0:12:14 > 0:12:17- Der num, der num, der num! - ..bom-bom bom-bom bom bom bom-bom...
0:12:17 > 0:12:21- Is it one of those X Factor people? - Could be.- I've got no...
0:12:21 > 0:12:24I think Seann will know it.
0:12:24 > 0:12:26Er, is it Maybe On My Birthday by Anal Danger?
0:12:26 > 0:12:28LAUGHTER
0:12:29 > 0:12:32You're not even... you're not even close.
0:12:32 > 0:12:35- It's Simply Red, Something Got Me Started.- Oh!
0:12:35 > 0:12:36And it sounds like this.
0:12:36 > 0:12:38MUSIC: "Something Got Me Started" by Simply Red
0:12:38 > 0:12:41LAUGHTER
0:12:45 > 0:12:48So, that was Simply Red with Something Got Me Started.
0:12:48 > 0:12:50Simply Red have not released an album for five years,
0:12:50 > 0:12:53- to great acclaim. In fact, the decision... - LAUGHTER
0:12:53 > 0:12:56In fact, the decision not to release an album for five years
0:12:56 > 0:13:00- has led to them being nominated for a Brit. - LAUGHTER
0:13:00 > 0:13:02We also heard Marilyn Manson with Beautiful People.
0:13:02 > 0:13:05Now, I don't like to spread gossip and innuendo
0:13:05 > 0:13:08but Marilyn Manson is rumoured to have had a rib removed
0:13:08 > 0:13:11to allow him to give himself oral sex.
0:13:11 > 0:13:13If that's true, he's wasted a lot of time and money,
0:13:13 > 0:13:17- because all you have to do is fall backwards into a wheelie bin. - LAUGHTER
0:13:17 > 0:13:18That's fine.
0:13:18 > 0:13:22- I'm going to need counselling after this show! - LAUGHTER
0:13:22 > 0:13:25Is that what that woman was doing for that cat? Doing him a favour?
0:13:25 > 0:13:27- LAUGHTER - That's why it was all hushed up.
0:13:27 > 0:13:30"Go in the wheelie bin, keep yourself amused."
0:13:30 > 0:13:32I've seen cats, they can already do it!
0:13:32 > 0:13:34- Marilyn's ex... - They won't do it to me
0:13:34 > 0:13:36no matter how much cat food I put on it!
0:13:36 > 0:13:39LAUGHTER AND GROANING
0:13:39 > 0:13:42- As a lion, are you offended by that? - LAUGHTER
0:13:44 > 0:13:46That's my mum you're talking about!
0:13:46 > 0:13:49LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:13:51 > 0:13:53Do you know what'd be brilliant?
0:13:53 > 0:13:55If, towards the end of this episode,
0:13:55 > 0:13:57Judy just came out from under that desk.
0:13:57 > 0:13:59LAUGHTER
0:14:01 > 0:14:03- She's not... she's not finished yet. - LAUGHTER
0:14:03 > 0:14:08ARGH! ARGH! ARGH!
0:14:08 > 0:14:10My EYES!
0:14:10 > 0:14:13LAUGHTER
0:14:17 > 0:14:19APPLAUSE
0:14:22 > 0:14:25- You are SO going to regret that! - I know.
0:14:25 > 0:14:26LAUGHTER
0:14:26 > 0:14:28- Sorry.- Look at the lion in a carwash.
0:14:28 > 0:14:30LAUGHTER
0:14:32 > 0:14:35- Noel and Heidi, here are yours for Seann.- Thank you. All right.
0:14:35 > 0:14:39- Are you going to lead this? - Do I start?- Yeah, go on, you start.
0:14:39 > 0:14:42# Do do do do do, do do do do do
0:14:42 > 0:14:44# Do do do do do, do do do do do
0:14:44 > 0:14:45# Oh!
0:14:45 > 0:14:48# Do do do do do, do do do do do
0:14:48 > 0:14:49# Do do do do do, do do do do do
0:14:49 > 0:14:51# Oh!
0:14:51 > 0:14:53# Do do do do do, do do do do do
0:14:53 > 0:14:55# Oh... #
0:14:55 > 0:14:59It's someone chasing a bus and then stepping on a cat!
0:14:59 > 0:15:01By?
0:15:01 > 0:15:04LAUGHTER
0:15:04 > 0:15:06What do lions listen to?
0:15:06 > 0:15:10SINGS "THE CIRCLE OF LIFE" BY ELTON JOHN
0:15:13 > 0:15:16LAUGHTER
0:15:16 > 0:15:18Very good.
0:15:19 > 0:15:21Who would win in a fight, you or a tiger?
0:15:21 > 0:15:24Sort of depends what mood I'm in, know what I mean?
0:15:24 > 0:15:26If I'm chilling out, I don't mind that.
0:15:26 > 0:15:28I'll have a little chat with the tiger, but seriously,
0:15:28 > 0:15:31if I'm in a really bad mood, mate, I just see a tiger,
0:15:31 > 0:15:34"What are you looking at, mate?"
0:15:34 > 0:15:36You know lions are not from South London, don't you?
0:15:36 > 0:15:38LAUGHTER
0:15:38 > 0:15:40They are, mate. That's why the Millwall's logo's a lion. Keep up.
0:15:40 > 0:15:42LAUGHTER
0:15:42 > 0:15:45I don't know what it is. I don't, sorry.
0:15:45 > 0:15:47Guys on the other team, any thoughts?
0:15:47 > 0:15:50Yeah, I'd like to be on a different quiz, please, Richard.
0:15:50 > 0:15:51LAUGHTER
0:15:51 > 0:15:54Here's the answer. It's Calvin Harris.
0:15:54 > 0:15:55I don't know who that is.
0:15:55 > 0:15:57Ready For The Weekend. This is how it should have sounded.
0:15:57 > 0:16:01MUSIC: "Ready For The Weekend" by Calvin Harris
0:16:01 > 0:16:04Oh, I have heard this. Of course I've heard this.
0:16:04 > 0:16:06NOEL: Yeah, it's good. Oh!
0:16:06 > 0:16:09I can't believe I'm saying this, but next one, please.
0:16:09 > 0:16:11Next one, OK. Yeah, cool. Yeah?
0:16:11 > 0:16:15# Ba do do do do do do
0:16:15 > 0:16:16# Ooh-hoo
0:16:16 > 0:16:19# Ba do do do do do do...#
0:16:19 > 0:16:21Oh, no! Is it...
0:16:21 > 0:16:23# Bow bow bow na na na na
0:16:23 > 0:16:25# Ooh-hoo
0:16:25 > 0:16:26# Ba do do do do do do... #
0:16:26 > 0:16:28Oh, hang on! Is this... Yeah.
0:16:28 > 0:16:31# Ba do do do do do do... #
0:16:31 > 0:16:32How do I...
0:16:32 > 0:16:35If you don't get this, you've got to leave the quiz.
0:16:35 > 0:16:37LAUGHTER
0:16:37 > 0:16:40That is officially the easiest intro in 250 programmes.
0:16:40 > 0:16:42I know, but I just don't know much about music.
0:16:42 > 0:16:45You've got to know that. What are you doing here for the 250th?
0:16:45 > 0:16:47- What were we doing? - I'm just chilling out, mate.
0:16:47 > 0:16:50Mainly pretending to be a lion.
0:16:50 > 0:16:52No, hang on.
0:16:54 > 0:16:57- Celebrate! Celebration! - Celebration!
0:16:57 > 0:16:59CHEERING
0:16:59 > 0:17:01That was unreal.
0:17:01 > 0:17:03And here's how it should have sounded.
0:17:03 > 0:17:05MUSIC: "Celebration" by Kool & the Gang
0:17:05 > 0:17:09Oh, God. I love this song. It's my favourite song.
0:17:09 > 0:17:10# Celebration
0:17:13 > 0:17:16# Wa-hoo... #
0:17:16 > 0:17:18That was Kool & The Gang with Celebration.
0:17:18 > 0:17:20So, at the end of that round, Noel's team has 2,
0:17:20 > 0:17:22and Phill's team have 2.
0:17:22 > 0:17:24APPLAUSE
0:17:26 > 0:17:30And to celebrate playing the 250th Intros Round,
0:17:30 > 0:17:33we are going to have a fireworks display.
0:17:33 > 0:17:36I love fireworks displays. All right, Russell?
0:17:36 > 0:17:38CHEERING
0:17:38 > 0:17:40Russell Grant, ladies and gentlemen.
0:17:40 > 0:17:42Russell Grant with a firework.
0:17:42 > 0:17:46I own this chair, Russell. Get over it. Get over it.
0:17:46 > 0:17:49LAUGHTER
0:17:49 > 0:17:51Round Three is, of course, the identity parade,
0:17:51 > 0:17:54and this week both our line-ups come from
0:17:54 > 0:17:56the first ever series of Never Mind The Buzzcocks.
0:17:56 > 0:17:59For the whole audience only, here are The Bandit Beatles
0:17:59 > 0:18:02appearing on the show in January 1997.
0:18:02 > 0:18:06Two of these men make a living being Paul McCartney and John Lennon
0:18:06 > 0:18:08in a tribute band called The Bandit Beatles,
0:18:08 > 0:18:09but which ones are they?
0:18:09 > 0:18:12I don't know why, but I suddenly feel like buying insurance.
0:18:12 > 0:18:15I've just got this feeling coming over me.
0:18:15 > 0:18:16That was The Bandit Beatles.
0:18:16 > 0:18:18Colin Smith in the line-up.
0:18:18 > 0:18:23Phill's team, which of our line-ups is Colin Smith, 15 years on?
0:18:23 > 0:18:26Is it number one, Bandit Beatles?
0:18:26 > 0:18:29Number two, should have banned it.
0:18:29 > 0:18:30Number three, never tried it.
0:18:30 > 0:18:34Number four, tried it, didn't like it.
0:18:34 > 0:18:37Or number five, let's not mention it again.
0:18:37 > 0:18:39LAUGHTER
0:18:39 > 0:18:43Number four looks a bit like a Soviet soldier, or something.
0:18:43 > 0:18:44Number two looks like he hates music.
0:18:46 > 0:18:49Five looks like he doesn't want to be here at all.
0:18:49 > 0:18:51Welcome aboard, five.
0:18:51 > 0:18:53I think five's Ken Livingstone, actually.
0:18:53 > 0:18:55LAUGHTER
0:18:55 > 0:18:58PHILL: Number three's got kind eyes like Paul McCartney.
0:18:58 > 0:18:59I want him to be my dad.
0:18:59 > 0:19:02That position's taken, so he'd have to kill him first.
0:19:02 > 0:19:04- Number four could kill him. - Four could do that, yeah.
0:19:04 > 0:19:07Phill, do you remember this item? Because you would have been on the show.
0:19:07 > 0:19:11Yeah, I remember everything with a crystal clarity, Richard.
0:19:11 > 0:19:12I've got 100% total recall.
0:19:12 > 0:19:13So, which one is it?
0:19:13 > 0:19:15I don't have a clue.
0:19:15 > 0:19:17LAUGHTER
0:19:17 > 0:19:18Did I get it right in '97?
0:19:18 > 0:19:21You got it wrong as usual, apparently.
0:19:22 > 0:19:24NOEL: Why are they called The Bandit Beatles?
0:19:24 > 0:19:26They gig in Mexico only.
0:19:26 > 0:19:28LAUGHTER
0:19:28 > 0:19:30"Oh, yes, after we do the concert and we play Hey Jude,
0:19:30 > 0:19:32"then we go to the bank."
0:19:32 > 0:19:33LAUGHTER
0:19:35 > 0:19:37"Then there will be whores and tequila,
0:19:37 > 0:19:39"then we have to play Ticket To Ride."
0:19:39 > 0:19:41LAUGHTER
0:19:41 > 0:19:44Hey, Gringo!
0:19:48 > 0:19:51How scary is this?
0:19:51 > 0:19:53LAUGHTER
0:20:00 > 0:20:04You did the softest mauling ever. Grrr.
0:20:04 > 0:20:07Well, one of them is definitely a Bandit Beatle,
0:20:07 > 0:20:09but one of the other five has got to get back to Metropolis
0:20:09 > 0:20:11and start making things tricky for Superman.
0:20:11 > 0:20:14LAUGHTER
0:20:14 > 0:20:17Can number three just go, "Woooo!"
0:20:18 > 0:20:20- No.- No.
0:20:20 > 0:20:23- We think three. - We think three.- OK, let's find out.
0:20:23 > 0:20:26Would the real Colin Smith please step forward.
0:20:28 > 0:20:30APPLAUSE
0:20:30 > 0:20:32Well done. Well done.
0:20:32 > 0:20:35Still performing across the country with The Bandit Beatles,
0:20:35 > 0:20:39Colin Smith, ladies and gentlemen! Colin Smith.
0:20:39 > 0:20:42APPLAUSE
0:20:42 > 0:20:44Now then, to Noel, Heidi and Seann.
0:20:44 > 0:20:48How about some series one panel action, OK?
0:20:48 > 0:20:52Here, for the audience only, is Cathy Dennis on Phill's team.
0:20:53 > 0:20:54I do moonwalk.
0:20:54 > 0:20:56Now you must do it.
0:20:56 > 0:20:58Steady, you pop minx.
0:20:58 > 0:21:00Look what you've got us into now.
0:21:00 > 0:21:02APPLAUSE
0:21:04 > 0:21:05No, don't applaud.
0:21:07 > 0:21:11That is a woman walking backwards, that's not a moonwalk.
0:21:11 > 0:21:12That was Cathy Dennis back then,
0:21:12 > 0:21:15but which of our line-up is Cathy Dennis now?
0:21:15 > 0:21:17Is it number one, Cathy Dennis?
0:21:17 > 0:21:19Number two, Cathy Pacific?
0:21:20 > 0:21:22Number three, de-Cathinated?
0:21:22 > 0:21:25Number four, Cath-and-Carry?
0:21:25 > 0:21:28Or number five, Heathcliff, it's me, it's me, Cathy, I've come home?
0:21:28 > 0:21:29LAUGHTER
0:21:29 > 0:21:32Or number six, Russell Grant?
0:21:32 > 0:21:34CHEERING
0:21:35 > 0:21:39Wow. What are you thinking, Liony?
0:21:40 > 0:21:41EasyJet.
0:21:41 > 0:21:43LAUGHTER
0:21:43 > 0:21:44And six is the pilot.
0:21:44 > 0:21:47The thing is, this isn't really fair, is it?
0:21:47 > 0:21:50No, because I know Cathy.
0:21:50 > 0:21:52- You know Cathy Dennis, don't you?- Yeah.
0:21:52 > 0:21:54- To talk to?- We've written and worked with her.
0:21:54 > 0:21:56- She's written some of our songs. - She's written for everybody.
0:21:56 > 0:22:00- She's written for Britney Spears. She wrote Toxic, didn't she?- Yeah.
0:22:00 > 0:22:01She's incredibly rich.
0:22:01 > 0:22:04Really? Wow. Why is she doing this?
0:22:04 > 0:22:06LAUGHTER
0:22:06 > 0:22:09It's down to me and you. We've got to make a decision.
0:22:09 > 0:22:12You said that you came on the Tube with one of these women, didn't you?
0:22:12 > 0:22:15I saw number five behind me on the Tube, which is weird,
0:22:15 > 0:22:18because that means I must have turned round to look at you.
0:22:18 > 0:22:20- Do you turn around? - I've never turned round, no.
0:22:20 > 0:22:22LAUGHTER
0:22:22 > 0:22:25I wouldn't do it.
0:22:25 > 0:22:27- I think it's number two.- Why?
0:22:27 > 0:22:30She wasn't behind me on the Tube, you idiot!
0:22:30 > 0:22:32Because a Sugababe told me.
0:22:32 > 0:22:35LAUGHTER
0:22:35 > 0:22:38What does number five do?
0:22:38 > 0:22:40- I've no idea.- She gets the Tube.
0:22:41 > 0:22:42She's a train driver.
0:22:42 > 0:22:44I'm going to push you for an answer now, guys.
0:22:44 > 0:22:46- I think number two. - All righty. Let's find out.
0:22:46 > 0:22:50Would the real Cathy Dennis please step forward.
0:22:50 > 0:22:53APPLAUSE
0:22:56 > 0:23:00You've written for just about every major female artist.
0:23:00 > 0:23:01Could you just list the top five?
0:23:01 > 0:23:04I guess Kylie Minogue, Can't Get You Out Of My Head is...
0:23:04 > 0:23:07Can't Get You Out Of My Head. That's a huge song.
0:23:07 > 0:23:10That's a round of applause, isn't it?
0:23:10 > 0:23:11APPLAUSE
0:23:13 > 0:23:15Cathy Dennis, ladies and gentlemen.
0:23:15 > 0:23:18CHEERING
0:23:21 > 0:23:23So, at the end of that round,
0:23:23 > 0:23:25Noel's team have 3,
0:23:25 > 0:23:28and Phill's team have 3.
0:23:28 > 0:23:31APPLAUSE DROWNS OUT SPEECH
0:23:31 > 0:23:36And now, to celebrate the 250th ever identity parade,
0:23:36 > 0:23:37let's have some balloons!
0:23:37 > 0:23:39Lovely.
0:23:43 > 0:23:46Fantastic.
0:23:48 > 0:23:50The balloons, ladies and gentlemen!
0:23:50 > 0:23:52Balloons.
0:23:52 > 0:23:55We end with a game close to my heart.
0:23:55 > 0:23:57You Say, We Pay.
0:23:58 > 0:24:00APPLAUSE
0:24:00 > 0:24:04In fact, I haven't played this game since it accidentally spawned
0:24:04 > 0:24:07mass public outcry against television shows in general,
0:24:07 > 0:24:11when it became the catalyst for uncovering mass phone-in scandals
0:24:11 > 0:24:13throughout the UK.
0:24:13 > 0:24:15The entire TV industry was rocked to its core.
0:24:15 > 0:24:18All you need to do is describe what the mystery images are
0:24:18 > 0:24:20behind me and you'll get a point for every one.
0:24:20 > 0:24:24But I guess correctly without turning round.
0:24:24 > 0:24:27Phill, Phill, you go first. Your team, OK? And let's play You Say, We Pay.
0:24:29 > 0:24:30Right, umm...
0:24:30 > 0:24:34Mary's Boy Child, Christmas singles all the time.
0:24:34 > 0:24:35Cliff Richard.
0:24:37 > 0:24:39- His family, they had a TV... - Bit the head off a pigeon.
0:24:39 > 0:24:41Pigeon? Meatloaf.
0:24:41 > 0:24:42The whole family have a series.
0:24:42 > 0:24:46- Ozzy Osbourne!- Yeah, yep.
0:24:46 > 0:24:47Oh, glasses, piano, Watford.
0:24:47 > 0:24:49- Oh, Elton John.- Yep.
0:24:49 > 0:24:52Drug-based English musician.
0:24:52 > 0:24:53Everyone!
0:24:53 > 0:24:55Hung about with Amy Winehouse a lot.
0:24:55 > 0:24:57Oh, what, the druggie?
0:24:57 > 0:24:59- He's a nice guy, though, isn't he? - Is he?- Yeah. Probably.
0:24:59 > 0:25:02- He wears the hats? - Bowler hats?
0:25:02 > 0:25:05- Pete Doherty!- There we go.- Jeez!
0:25:05 > 0:25:08The lead singer was on here, wears a woolly hat.
0:25:08 > 0:25:09He has an enormous penis.
0:25:09 > 0:25:12Oh, Badly Drawn Boy.
0:25:12 > 0:25:13LAUGHTER
0:25:13 > 0:25:16- N-Dubz!- Yes!
0:25:16 > 0:25:19Oh, well done, guys. That's brilliant.
0:25:19 > 0:25:22I must be honest with you, the You Say, We Pay scandal was terrible,
0:25:22 > 0:25:25because we were the first in a great line.
0:25:25 > 0:25:26We started the avalanche.
0:25:26 > 0:25:29The story broke, we were on the front pages,
0:25:29 > 0:25:31I remember we had to get out of the house after about a week
0:25:31 > 0:25:34cos of the paparazzi and the press knocking on the door.
0:25:34 > 0:25:35So we went to a little hotel in Suffolk,
0:25:35 > 0:25:38we came down in the morning, and it was a hotel that
0:25:38 > 0:25:40gave everybody the same free newspaper, it was The Times.
0:25:40 > 0:25:43And on the front page of The Times at every breakfast table
0:25:43 > 0:25:45was this big front-page headlines saying,
0:25:45 > 0:25:47"Richard and Judy to be questioned by police."
0:25:47 > 0:25:48Can you imagine that?
0:25:48 > 0:25:54Can I just... I shoplifted from WH Smith in Ipswich in 1974.
0:25:54 > 0:25:57- I nicked some Pritt Stick once. - Did you?- Yeah.
0:25:57 > 0:26:00I nicked a monkey from Chessington Zoo.
0:26:00 > 0:26:02He's all right, he's quite a nice bloke.
0:26:02 > 0:26:03LAUGHTER
0:26:03 > 0:26:06- So...- I had a monkey. - You had a monkey?- I had a monkey.
0:26:06 > 0:26:09Whoa, whoa, whoa! Sugababe's got a monkey!
0:26:09 > 0:26:13- What?- No, I had a monkey. Called Charlie.- What, in the house?
0:26:13 > 0:26:15Yeah, he was our pet.
0:26:15 > 0:26:18- I know that's really bad, isn't it? - Are you sure it wasn't a cat?
0:26:18 > 0:26:21He was a rhesus monkey called Charlie.
0:26:21 > 0:26:23- How did you know it was racist? - Rhesus!
0:26:24 > 0:26:27- That was the type of monkey.- Rhesus.
0:26:27 > 0:26:28LAUGHTER
0:26:29 > 0:26:33- Originally we wanted an Ewok. - I wanted a Ewok as well.
0:26:33 > 0:26:35- They're brilliant, aren't they? - Don't think you can get them.
0:26:35 > 0:26:37You can't get them?
0:26:37 > 0:26:38LAUGHTER
0:26:38 > 0:26:41I don't think you can. I don't you can get them!
0:26:41 > 0:26:43I've got a Jawa, but you can't get Ewoks.
0:26:43 > 0:26:46Right, so, Noel's team, you need five points to win,
0:26:46 > 0:26:49so let's play You Say, We Pay. Your time starts now.
0:26:51 > 0:26:53He plays up front for Norwich.
0:26:53 > 0:26:56LAUGHTER
0:26:56 > 0:26:58- He's in Coldplay.- Chris Martin.
0:26:58 > 0:27:00He's the colour of mahogany.
0:27:00 > 0:27:01LAUGHTER
0:27:01 > 0:27:02Tom Jones!
0:27:03 > 0:27:08- He's got massive sideburns and he was in a glam-rock band.- Christmas song.
0:27:08 > 0:27:11- Gary Glitter.- He wore a top hat with mirrors on it.- Too soon.
0:27:11 > 0:27:13He's from Birmingham.
0:27:13 > 0:27:15Oh, Noddy Holder!
0:27:15 > 0:27:17She used to go out with Simon Cowell.
0:27:17 > 0:27:20Everyone!
0:27:20 > 0:27:22And she was dressed in leaves on the X Factor.
0:27:22 > 0:27:25She's still friends with Simon Cowell.
0:27:25 > 0:27:27- Sinitta.- Yep.
0:27:27 > 0:27:30He dresses like a gay robot and he's on The Voice.
0:27:30 > 0:27:34- He's on the show where the chair spins round.- The Voice.
0:27:34 > 0:27:36- The Voice.- He wears bowties.
0:27:36 > 0:27:39- Oh, it's him.- Yeah.
0:27:39 > 0:27:40Go on. Oh, that's it.
0:27:40 > 0:27:42You got most of them, well done.
0:27:45 > 0:27:48So, the final, final scores are Phill's team have 7,
0:27:48 > 0:27:52but Noel's team are tonight's winners, with 8. Well done.
0:27:52 > 0:27:54CHEERING
0:27:58 > 0:28:01Which brings us to the end of our 250th episode special.
0:28:01 > 0:28:04Thanks to Phill, Maverick Sabre and Andrew O'Neill.
0:28:04 > 0:28:06APPLAUSE
0:28:07 > 0:28:10Noel, Heidi Range and Seann Walsh.
0:28:10 > 0:28:12APPLAUSE
0:28:12 > 0:28:14This has been Never Mind The Buzzcocks,
0:28:14 > 0:28:16I've been Richard Madeley, and as you enjoy the credits,
0:28:16 > 0:28:19we're going to have a glass of champagne, a slice of cake,
0:28:19 > 0:28:21and we're going to watch the first ever episode of Buzzcocks.
0:28:21 > 0:28:22Goodnight!
0:28:53 > 0:28:54Join us next week where your
0:28:54 > 0:28:55guest host will definitely be
0:28:55 > 0:28:57one of the following new young
0:28:57 > 0:28:58British comedians.