0:00:02 > 0:00:08This programme contains some strong language.
0:00:30 > 0:00:33Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome your host
0:00:33 > 0:00:37for this evening, Peter Andre.
0:00:37 > 0:00:39MUSIC: "It's My Life" by Bon Jovi
0:00:44 > 0:00:46APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:00:53 > 0:00:57Hello, and welcome to Never Mind The Buzzcocks - My Life.
0:00:57 > 0:00:59I'm Peter Andre. APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:01:01 > 0:01:05VOICE-OVER: Peter settles down to host the ailing pop quiz.
0:01:05 > 0:01:08So far, so good, as Peter prepares to introduce the teams.
0:01:10 > 0:01:11On Phill's team tonight...
0:01:13 > 0:01:16..is the lead singer of the Scissor Sisters, the only band to be
0:01:16 > 0:01:20named after a sexual position, apart from Take That.
0:01:20 > 0:01:21It's Ana Matronic.
0:01:21 > 0:01:23APPLAUSE
0:01:26 > 0:01:29And a judge on Stepping Out, ITV's bold
0:01:29 > 0:01:32and original celebrity ballroom dancing show.
0:01:32 > 0:01:35Next week he's a guest on ITV's bold new pop quiz
0:01:35 > 0:01:37Never Mind the Cockbuzz.
0:01:37 > 0:01:38It's Jason Gardiner.
0:01:38 > 0:01:40APPLAUSE
0:01:44 > 0:01:47And on Noel's team...
0:01:47 > 0:01:51is the bass guitarist with the White Lies, Charles Cave,
0:01:51 > 0:01:54which is, coincidentally, the Queen's nickname for Camilla.
0:01:54 > 0:01:56It's Charles Cave.
0:01:56 > 0:01:58APPLAUSE
0:02:01 > 0:02:04And a comedian, originally from Canada,
0:02:04 > 0:02:06but who makes his living in Britain.
0:02:06 > 0:02:09Honestly, these foreign celebrities come over here with a weird act,
0:02:09 > 0:02:12take advantage of the good nature of this great country...
0:02:12 > 0:02:13It's Tony Law!
0:02:13 > 0:02:15APPLAUSE
0:02:21 > 0:02:24We begin with a round called Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word.
0:02:24 > 0:02:27Noel, Charles and Tony, check this out.
0:02:27 > 0:02:30# As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
0:02:30 > 0:02:33# I take a look at my life and realise there's nothing left...#
0:02:33 > 0:02:38That's right, it's crazy-haired, temperature-driven rapper Coolio.
0:02:38 > 0:02:42# But I ain't never crossed a man that didn't deserve it
0:02:42 > 0:02:45# Me be treated like a punk, you know that's unheard of
0:02:45 > 0:02:47# Been spending most our lives
0:02:47 > 0:02:52# Living in the Gangsta's Paradise...#
0:02:52 > 0:02:54That was Coolio with Gangsta's Paradise.
0:02:54 > 0:02:58But what did Coolio do that meant he had to flee his house?
0:02:58 > 0:03:02Did he, A - get chased out of the house by his girlfriend after
0:03:02 > 0:03:07bringing home a woman with the hope that she would agree to a threesome?
0:03:07 > 0:03:09Did he, B - flee after all the animals
0:03:09 > 0:03:11from his private zoo escaped?
0:03:12 > 0:03:17Did he, C - flee to escape a chip-pan fire?
0:03:17 > 0:03:20He had a dinosaur in his private zoo.
0:03:20 > 0:03:26Is he selling off his royalties to have cooking lessons?
0:03:26 > 0:03:27That's what we heard.
0:03:27 > 0:03:30We heard that he can no longer express himself
0:03:30 > 0:03:31through the body of music.
0:03:31 > 0:03:35It's true. And he's going to make ham sandwiches or something instead.
0:03:35 > 0:03:38Because no-one in the history of the world has ever been able to
0:03:38 > 0:03:40express themselves through the music.
0:03:40 > 0:03:42Just not happened! I don't feel nothing.
0:03:42 > 0:03:44Cooking - mmm!
0:03:44 > 0:03:46If I'm furious I just show someone a shepherd's pie.
0:03:46 > 0:03:50Oh, yeah. I find that they really quickly know that I'm angry.
0:03:50 > 0:03:52Souffle? That's foreplay.
0:03:54 > 0:03:58Threesome - we've all been there, it's always the wrong idea.
0:03:58 > 0:03:59Am I right?
0:04:00 > 0:04:02Always a bad idea.
0:04:02 > 0:04:05It's got to be that, that's the most, like, human-like thing.
0:04:05 > 0:04:08I like the idea of him having a display stand for his sexual handcuffs,
0:04:08 > 0:04:10as opposed to just pulling them out the drawer.
0:04:10 > 0:04:14You arrive knowing exactly what kind of furry discipline you're in for.
0:04:15 > 0:04:16Furry discipline.
0:04:16 > 0:04:19Every week on the show we get a new band name, and today...
0:04:19 > 0:04:21LAUGHTER
0:04:21 > 0:04:22..Furry Discipline.
0:04:22 > 0:04:25The thing about Coolio, a lot of people don't know this, I happen to know,
0:04:25 > 0:04:28he was into 1970s Britain.
0:04:28 > 0:04:31And part of that was buying a deep fat fryer.
0:04:33 > 0:04:35"I'm going to fry some chips!"
0:04:35 > 0:04:37Sorry about the racist voice I just did.
0:04:39 > 0:04:42It was from the '70s and that's, technically, allowed.
0:04:42 > 0:04:45Wasn't he on a really small tricycle once on one of his videos?
0:04:45 > 0:04:49Was he? I think that's every rapper.
0:04:49 > 0:04:51Yeah, they're all doing that, it's so cliched!
0:04:51 > 0:04:54That's all they do, they go, "I'll get the tricycle out.
0:04:54 > 0:04:58"Here we go again with the tricycle woman-hating."
0:04:58 > 0:05:00LAUGHTER
0:05:00 > 0:05:02Um, I met Coolio. Did you?
0:05:02 > 0:05:05Yep, we were in a studio together in New York
0:05:05 > 0:05:08and we recorded this track together and guess what?
0:05:08 > 0:05:09It's true, this.
0:05:09 > 0:05:10It wasn't a hit.
0:05:11 > 0:05:13It was called All Night All Right.
0:05:13 > 0:05:16Radio 1 A-listed it for something like eight weeks.
0:05:16 > 0:05:17Still wasn't a hit.
0:05:18 > 0:05:21Does that mean the people definitely didn't like it?
0:05:21 > 0:05:23Definitely.
0:05:23 > 0:05:26It was a good tune though. It was a good tune. It's an underground hit.
0:05:26 > 0:05:29The Wombles bought it. LAUGHTER
0:05:29 > 0:05:31Guys, what are you going for? ALL: Chips.
0:05:31 > 0:05:33You're going for chips?
0:05:33 > 0:05:34Going for chips.
0:05:34 > 0:05:35You are wrong.
0:05:35 > 0:05:39The answer was A. Coolio was chased out of his house by his furious girlfriend
0:05:39 > 0:05:42after bringing home a woman for a threesome.
0:05:42 > 0:05:45Now, I remember my first threesome in the music biz,
0:05:45 > 0:05:47and if the Pet Shop Boys are watching...
0:05:47 > 0:05:50LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:05:53 > 0:05:56I'm going to do that joke for ITV2.
0:05:57 > 0:06:00Threesome! Waaah!
0:06:00 > 0:06:02LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:06:06 > 0:06:08Phill, Ana and Jason, take a look at this.
0:06:10 > 0:06:14That's right, it's name-changing, bling-coated party rapper P Diddy.
0:06:16 > 0:06:18# We ain't going nowhere
0:06:18 > 0:06:23# We can't be stopped now, cos it's Bad Boy for life...#
0:06:23 > 0:06:25That was P Diddy with Bad Boy For Life,
0:06:25 > 0:06:29but why did someone try to sue him for one trillion dollars?
0:06:29 > 0:06:31Was it, A -
0:06:31 > 0:06:35Ken Dodd tried to sue him over the use of the word "diddy"?
0:06:35 > 0:06:38Did he?
0:06:38 > 0:06:40A party on his private yacht was
0:06:40 > 0:06:43so loud it nearly caused a natural disaster.
0:06:43 > 0:06:47Or was it C - he was accused of masterminding 9/11?
0:06:49 > 0:06:50A trillion dollars.
0:06:50 > 0:06:52I didn't even know that existed.
0:06:52 > 0:06:53What, a trillion?
0:06:53 > 0:06:56That's the sort of thing you say when you're seven, isn't it?
0:06:56 > 0:07:00Trillion. Trillion. A million-billion-trillion-zillion.
0:07:00 > 0:07:03Your dad says, "Well, you can have a raise in pocket money but not that much."
0:07:03 > 0:07:06He's awfully busy, the P Diddy person.
0:07:06 > 0:07:07Very busy.
0:07:07 > 0:07:10And I don't think it was the natural disaster thing,
0:07:10 > 0:07:15I think that really just describes his latest clothing range, really.
0:07:15 > 0:07:16Yeah!
0:07:16 > 0:07:18Meow!
0:07:18 > 0:07:22There's the natural disaster caused by a boat,
0:07:22 > 0:07:23I don't see how he could have done that.
0:07:23 > 0:07:25I bet he was in Cannes or somewhere,
0:07:25 > 0:07:28where they're really uptight about that.
0:07:28 > 0:07:33MIMICS FRENCH ACCENT: This rap music is so loud you will cause a tsunami, you know.
0:07:33 > 0:07:34The French are so up themselves,
0:07:34 > 0:07:38they might just think hip-hop is a natural disaster.
0:07:38 > 0:07:43MIMICS FRENCH ACCENT: Ugh! These rhymes of yours, they are terrible.
0:07:43 > 0:07:46It's possible that someone from the Ken Dodd organisation might
0:07:46 > 0:07:49have sued him for using the word "diddy", just for a PR laugh.
0:07:49 > 0:07:51Which is why a trillion dollars would get the PR.
0:07:51 > 0:07:54I don't know who Doddy Diddy is.
0:07:54 > 0:07:56P Doddy? That would be good.
0:07:56 > 0:07:59How did you discover how to extend your duster?
0:07:59 > 0:08:01I just rubbed it and it did it naturally!
0:08:01 > 0:08:04LAUGHTER
0:08:04 > 0:08:06APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:08:06 > 0:08:08Give me an answer.
0:08:08 > 0:08:10Phill, you're the captain. Oh, captain.
0:08:10 > 0:08:12Ken Dodd for a laugh.
0:08:12 > 0:08:13You are wrong, my friend.
0:08:13 > 0:08:16Sorry. The answer is C.
0:08:16 > 0:08:19Believe it or not, P Diddy was once sued for one trillion dollars,
0:08:19 > 0:08:23right, after someone accused him of being the mastermind behind 9/11.
0:08:23 > 0:08:24It's true.
0:08:24 > 0:08:27P Diddy may have won three Grammys, be the richest figure in hip hop
0:08:27 > 0:08:30and have a vast business empire, but come back to me
0:08:30 > 0:08:33when you've got your own show on two British TV channels -
0:08:33 > 0:08:36ITV2 and ITV2+1.
0:08:36 > 0:08:38LAUGHTER
0:08:43 > 0:08:46Right, at the end of that round, Phill's team have nothing
0:08:46 > 0:08:49and Noel's team have nothing!
0:08:49 > 0:08:52CHEERING
0:08:57 > 0:08:59Time now for the Intros Round.
0:08:59 > 0:09:02Noel and Charles, here are yours for Tony.
0:09:02 > 0:09:04All right. Yeah.
0:09:04 > 0:09:05Come along, Charles.
0:09:05 > 0:09:07OK. Charles is the best name ever.
0:09:07 > 0:09:08Thanks a lot.
0:09:08 > 0:09:11Come on. You're the only Charles I know who's not a butler.
0:09:11 > 0:09:13LAUGHTER
0:09:13 > 0:09:15I actually have to get off quite soon.
0:09:16 > 0:09:18Boom-boom-boom-boom.
0:09:18 > 0:09:19CHARLES MIMICS DRUMS
0:09:19 > 0:09:22NOEL MIMICS GUITAR STRUM It's under water!
0:09:22 > 0:09:24NOEL MIMICS ELECTRIC GUITAR
0:09:32 > 0:09:36It's Freddy, Get To Bed by The Sailor Boys.
0:09:36 > 0:09:39LAUGHTER
0:09:39 > 0:09:40I have no frickin' idea.
0:09:40 > 0:09:42All right. Let me ask you guys. Any of you...?
0:09:42 > 0:09:45It's not Is She Really Going Out With Him by Joe Jackson?
0:09:45 > 0:09:47You're both wrong.
0:09:47 > 0:09:50It is Scooby Snacks by Fun Lovin' Criminals.
0:09:50 > 0:09:53And this is how it should sound.
0:09:53 > 0:09:55MUSIC: "Scooby Snacks" by Fun Lovin' Criminals
0:09:55 > 0:09:58It doesn't sound like "braaaaawmmm".
0:10:01 > 0:10:03# Running around robbing banks
0:10:03 > 0:10:06# All wacked on the Scooby Snacks. #
0:10:06 > 0:10:08This is from the '90s, I should have known it.
0:10:08 > 0:10:10Yeah.
0:10:10 > 0:10:11It was my era.
0:10:11 > 0:10:12Next one, please.
0:10:12 > 0:10:13OK. This one's good.
0:10:13 > 0:10:16I can't remember this one. Can you remember it?
0:10:16 > 0:10:18Well, Pete can help us if we... Yeah.
0:10:18 > 0:10:20You could probably help us with this one.
0:10:20 > 0:10:22Mysterious Girl!
0:10:22 > 0:10:25Are you just shouting at me, "Mysterious girl"? LAUGHTER
0:10:25 > 0:10:27You really are a mystery!
0:10:29 > 0:10:31LAUGHTER
0:10:32 > 0:10:35Quite a penis you've got there, lady.
0:10:35 > 0:10:36LAUGHTER
0:10:36 > 0:10:40You guys want me to help you with this? A little bit, yeah.
0:10:40 > 0:10:42He knows how to...
0:10:42 > 0:10:44You know the first bit that goes...?
0:10:44 > 0:10:45NOEL WARBLES MUSICALLY
0:10:45 > 0:10:47CHARLES MIMICS ACOUSTIC GUITAR
0:10:50 > 0:10:53No, it's nothing like the song at all.
0:10:53 > 0:10:56We're going to hear it in a minute and you're going to be blown away by how accurate that is.
0:10:56 > 0:10:59But it has something in it that's sort of like...
0:10:59 > 0:11:01PETER HUMS A MELODY
0:11:01 > 0:11:04CHARLES MIMICS ACOUSTIC GUITAR I'm doing the guitar!
0:11:04 > 0:11:06NOEL HUMS That was... That was...
0:11:06 > 0:11:10I'm not doing the vocal. Do you know what it is? You know what it is yet?
0:11:10 > 0:11:12Of course I do, I read it off the card.
0:11:14 > 0:11:15It's pretty insane sounding.
0:11:16 > 0:11:19Sounds mental!
0:11:19 > 0:11:21Yes, but it's more than insane.
0:11:21 > 0:11:25It's insane-mous.
0:11:25 > 0:11:29It's insanity times two. It's...
0:11:29 > 0:11:31What's the mathematical term for insanity?
0:11:31 > 0:11:32Insania!
0:11:32 > 0:11:33He did it. He got it.
0:11:33 > 0:11:36APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:11:37 > 0:11:39That's how it should have sounded.
0:11:39 > 0:11:41No, this is how it should have sounded.
0:11:41 > 0:11:43MUSIC: "Insania" by Peter Andre
0:11:49 > 0:11:51OK.
0:11:51 > 0:11:53Cool.
0:11:53 > 0:11:55Yep.
0:11:55 > 0:11:56Great.
0:11:56 > 0:12:00PHILL LAUGHS
0:12:00 > 0:12:03Excellent.
0:12:03 > 0:12:05Keep it going.
0:12:05 > 0:12:07And it's moving on.
0:12:07 > 0:12:08CROWD CLAPS ALONG WITH MUSIC
0:12:14 > 0:12:16LAUGHTER
0:12:26 > 0:12:28MUSIC STOPS
0:12:28 > 0:12:31Touch me. Touch me. Touch me.
0:12:31 > 0:12:32Touch me.
0:12:32 > 0:12:34CHEERING
0:12:36 > 0:12:37So, that was me with Insania.
0:12:37 > 0:12:40Look, I know I've apologised for Insania many times,
0:12:40 > 0:12:42but hundreds and thousands of you bought it.
0:12:42 > 0:12:45They did. I did it, but you let it happen.
0:12:45 > 0:12:47So there's blood on all our hands!
0:12:47 > 0:12:50I remember when I wrote that song, I was sleeping rough,
0:12:50 > 0:12:51deep in the bush...
0:12:51 > 0:12:53eating anus.
0:12:53 > 0:12:55And I was jetlagged cos we'd only just come back from the jungle...
0:12:55 > 0:12:58LAUGHTER
0:12:58 > 0:13:01APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:13:03 > 0:13:06We also heard Fun Lovin' Criminals with Scooby Snacks.
0:13:06 > 0:13:09Scooby Snacks got to number 22 in the charts, but I'm guessing
0:13:09 > 0:13:12it's not the highest the Fun Lovin' Criminals have ever been.
0:13:15 > 0:13:18VOICE-OVER: Peter is upset that his joke about the Fun Lovin' Criminals
0:13:18 > 0:13:20didn't go as well as he'd hoped.
0:13:21 > 0:13:24It is upsetting when a joke doesn't quite happen as planned.
0:13:24 > 0:13:28I wasn't sure about it and, to be honest, I don't even get it.
0:13:32 > 0:13:34Phill and Ana, here are yours to give Jason.
0:13:35 > 0:13:38Oh, God. Whenever you're ready, guys.
0:13:38 > 0:13:40ANA CLEARS HER THROAT
0:13:40 > 0:13:41THEY HUM TOGETHER
0:13:56 > 0:13:58Oh, my God. I haven't got a clue.
0:13:58 > 0:13:59No? No. Really?
0:13:59 > 0:14:01Yeah. What is it?
0:14:01 > 0:14:02Guys, did you hear that?
0:14:02 > 0:14:05We think it was that I'll Be There song but we don't know who it's by.
0:14:05 > 0:14:06# I'll be there. #
0:14:06 > 0:14:10You're right. Reach Out I'll Be There by the Four Tops.
0:14:10 > 0:14:12APPLAUSE
0:14:12 > 0:14:14This is how it should have sounded.
0:14:14 > 0:14:17MUSIC: "Reach Out I'll Be There" by Four Tops
0:14:19 > 0:14:21I always dance like that.
0:14:21 > 0:14:23Oh, wow. There a horse in that.
0:14:25 > 0:14:28From a zoo...looking for Coolio.
0:14:28 > 0:14:31THEY LAUGH
0:14:31 > 0:14:34OK. Next one please.
0:14:34 > 0:14:36ANA MIMICS GUITAR CHORDS
0:14:38 > 0:14:40But not the one you think it is!
0:14:42 > 0:14:44THEY MIMIC CHORDS
0:14:45 > 0:14:48PHILL MIMICS PIANO
0:14:49 > 0:14:51PHILL MIMICS ELECTRIC GUITAR CHORDS
0:14:51 > 0:14:53ANA SCREAMS
0:14:53 > 0:14:55It's the sound of their fans.
0:14:55 > 0:14:57That's giving too much away.
0:14:57 > 0:14:59I'm not really good at this, clearly.
0:14:59 > 0:15:01Just take a stab in the dark.
0:15:01 > 0:15:02Haven't got a clue.
0:15:02 > 0:15:04Good. Guys.
0:15:04 > 0:15:06# Out here in the fields
0:15:06 > 0:15:09# I fight for my meals
0:15:09 > 0:15:15# I don't need to be forgiven, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. #
0:15:15 > 0:15:16HE MIMICS ELECTRIC GUITAR CHORDS
0:15:18 > 0:15:20APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:15:23 > 0:15:27It actually isn't that song. Think more naff and more current.
0:15:27 > 0:15:30You're all going to be so appalled, and I think Tony might be
0:15:30 > 0:15:32a little bit sick in his own mouth in a moment.
0:15:32 > 0:15:34Tony, that was really good but it was wrong,
0:15:34 > 0:15:37so I'm going to tell you what it is.
0:15:37 > 0:15:40It was One Direction - Best Song Ever.
0:15:40 > 0:15:42Nooooo!
0:15:43 > 0:15:45This is how it should have sounded.
0:15:45 > 0:15:47That's not how it should have sounded.
0:15:47 > 0:15:49MUSIC: "Best Song Ever" by One Direction
0:15:49 > 0:15:52Yeah, so...
0:15:52 > 0:15:54ANA: I got it wrong.
0:15:59 > 0:16:01You're not allowed to do that.
0:16:01 > 0:16:02How was I going to get that?
0:16:06 > 0:16:08That was One Direction with Best Song Ever.
0:16:08 > 0:16:11Some people point out similarities between Best Song Ever
0:16:11 > 0:16:12and Baba O'Riley by The Who,
0:16:12 > 0:16:15but Pete Townshend responded by saying, "It's not a problem,
0:16:15 > 0:16:18"we're all using the same three chords in basic music."
0:16:21 > 0:16:23A...
0:16:23 > 0:16:25G and...
0:16:25 > 0:16:27H? LAUGHTER
0:16:27 > 0:16:30Now, Best Song Ever, I do like that sort of confidence.
0:16:30 > 0:16:32That's why I wrote a song yesterday called Album Filler
0:16:32 > 0:16:35and it's on the b-side of That'll Do.
0:16:35 > 0:16:36LAUGHTER
0:16:36 > 0:16:38APPLAUSE
0:16:43 > 0:16:46Time now for a bonus game based on one of the greatest pop songs
0:16:46 > 0:16:49ever written in a jungle.
0:16:49 > 0:16:51Ladies and gentlemen, let's play Insania.
0:16:51 > 0:16:53MUSIC: "Insania" by Peter Andre
0:16:57 > 0:17:00I'm going to give you guys clues leading to a famous pop star
0:17:00 > 0:17:03who has gone a little insania in the head.
0:17:03 > 0:17:06All both teams have to do is guess which insania pop star I'm
0:17:06 > 0:17:07talking about.
0:17:07 > 0:17:09Are you guys ready to play?
0:17:09 > 0:17:10ALL: Yes!
0:17:10 > 0:17:12OK. Who am I?
0:17:12 > 0:17:14Peter! Yes.
0:17:16 > 0:17:18Who am I? Peter. Yes.
0:17:18 > 0:17:22LAUGHTER
0:17:22 > 0:17:23Who...? Peter. Yeah.
0:17:23 > 0:17:25LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:17:29 > 0:17:31Do it again.
0:17:31 > 0:17:33Who am I? MUMBLED: Peter!
0:17:33 > 0:17:35LAUGHTER
0:17:35 > 0:17:39I love accessorising my outfits with human teeth.
0:17:39 > 0:17:40Keisha.
0:17:40 > 0:17:42Peter. Hang on a second...
0:17:42 > 0:17:45What did you just say? I just said Keisha.
0:17:45 > 0:17:46Yes!
0:17:46 > 0:17:48CHEERING
0:17:53 > 0:17:54Who am I? Peter.
0:17:54 > 0:17:56Oh... LAUGHTER
0:17:56 > 0:17:58OK. Ask me. Ask me. Who am I? Peter. Yeah...
0:17:58 > 0:18:01LAUGHTER
0:18:01 > 0:18:03Jeez, you guys...! Ask me. Ask me.
0:18:03 > 0:18:04Who am I?
0:18:04 > 0:18:05Jordan's ex-husband.
0:18:05 > 0:18:08CHEERING
0:18:14 > 0:18:16I think you should come back to me.
0:18:16 > 0:18:19LAUGHTER
0:18:19 > 0:18:21Who am I?
0:18:21 > 0:18:22Peter.
0:18:22 > 0:18:24Seriously, ask me one more time.
0:18:24 > 0:18:25OK. I will.
0:18:25 > 0:18:26I will.
0:18:27 > 0:18:28WHISPERS: Who am I?
0:18:28 > 0:18:30One of the nicest people I've ever met, frankly.
0:18:30 > 0:18:33AUDIENCE: Awwww!
0:18:36 > 0:18:38Right.
0:18:38 > 0:18:39Who am I?
0:18:39 > 0:18:41For years, I let a camera crew follow me
0:18:41 > 0:18:46around and record my every move for a TV... Peter Andre! Peter Andre!
0:18:46 > 0:18:47No.
0:18:47 > 0:18:50I once dragged a dead shark into my hotel room and then dismembered it.
0:18:50 > 0:18:53Oh, that was me. Ozzy Osbourne. Ozzy Osbourne. Brilliant!
0:18:53 > 0:18:56All right.
0:18:56 > 0:18:58One more, one more, one more.
0:18:58 > 0:19:01One more, one more, one more. Who am I?
0:19:01 > 0:19:04I recently employed a DNA team to forensically clean my dressing
0:19:04 > 0:19:07room of all hair, skin and saliva when I leave.
0:19:07 > 0:19:10Chris Martin from Coldplay. ANA: Madonna.
0:19:10 > 0:19:11Madonna! Brilliant!
0:19:11 > 0:19:13APPLAUSE
0:19:17 > 0:19:21Well done, everyone, and thanks for playing Insania.
0:19:21 > 0:19:26MUSIC: "Insania" by Peter Andre
0:19:26 > 0:19:29Round three is the Identity Parade.
0:19:29 > 0:19:31Noel, Charles and Tony, how about some feel-good,
0:19:31 > 0:19:34ocean-based muscle pop?
0:19:34 > 0:19:38For the audience only, here is me with Mysterious Girl.
0:19:38 > 0:19:40# Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
0:19:40 > 0:19:42# Mysterious girl
0:19:42 > 0:19:48# Move your body close to mine
0:19:48 > 0:19:51# Well I've been sitting by the phone hoping you'd call
0:19:51 > 0:19:54# When time me hear your voice I feel ten feet tall
0:19:54 > 0:19:57# Body weh you have a make de man dem a bawl
0:19:57 > 0:20:00# Man a trip over man when time your name call...#
0:20:00 > 0:20:03That was me with Mysterious Girl, but which of our line-up was
0:20:03 > 0:20:06the true star in the video, Bubbler Ranx?
0:20:06 > 0:20:09Is it number one - Bubbler Ranx?
0:20:09 > 0:20:12Number two - Bubble And Squeak?
0:20:12 > 0:20:14Number three - Bubble Bath?
0:20:14 > 0:20:17Number four - Bubble Butt?
0:20:17 > 0:20:21Or number five - Hubba Bubba?
0:20:21 > 0:20:24Do you now what, I think it's uncomfortable for these dudes
0:20:24 > 0:20:27to be standing there wearing no shirt.
0:20:27 > 0:20:29I think you and you should get your shirts off in support.
0:20:29 > 0:20:31I'll be the waterfall.
0:20:31 > 0:20:33LAUGHTER
0:20:36 > 0:20:38He'll start singing his bit.
0:20:38 > 0:20:39Which is the main bit, right?
0:20:39 > 0:20:42It's the main bit. What were you doing?
0:20:42 > 0:20:44Just standing around with your six pack?
0:20:44 > 0:20:46# Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. #
0:20:47 > 0:20:50I know that. I used to do it all the time.
0:20:50 > 0:20:52Was that how you got a six pack, from the waterfall?
0:20:52 > 0:20:54Just from doing this constantly for months.
0:20:54 > 0:20:56LAUGHTER
0:20:56 > 0:21:00AUSTRALIAN ACCENT: I've never done a fucking sit-up in my life, mate.
0:21:00 > 0:21:02LAUGHTER
0:21:05 > 0:21:07APPLAUSE
0:21:09 > 0:21:13I'm judging it now by the ones that look like they want to have
0:21:13 > 0:21:15a drink with you afterwards, considering this is your friend.
0:21:15 > 0:21:20And number two looks just so ready to drive home.
0:21:20 > 0:21:23I think I saw number four checking out Peter in a, kind of,
0:21:23 > 0:21:25where's my royalties...?
0:21:25 > 0:21:27LAUGHTER
0:21:27 > 0:21:30I'm pretty sure it's one.
0:21:30 > 0:21:33He's so stoic and confident and he just looks like he's ready to
0:21:33 > 0:21:36bring up Insania once again with you after the show.
0:21:36 > 0:21:39Different song, but no worries.
0:21:39 > 0:21:40Shall we find out who it is?
0:21:40 > 0:21:42Let Charles have a stab at it.
0:21:42 > 0:21:44I think it's one. Let's find out.
0:21:44 > 0:21:47Would the real Bubbler, please, step forward?
0:21:47 > 0:21:49NOEL: It's four, isn't it? He's laughing.
0:21:49 > 0:21:52Oh...!
0:21:52 > 0:21:55THEY CHEER
0:21:55 > 0:21:57APPLAUSE
0:21:57 > 0:21:59Bubbler!
0:22:01 > 0:22:04VOICE-OVER: Peter and Bubbler are reunited
0:22:04 > 0:22:06for the first time in many years.
0:22:06 > 0:22:08Despite their solemn promises to keep in touch
0:22:08 > 0:22:10and have a beer together after the show,
0:22:10 > 0:22:14this hug would prove to be the last time they would ever see each other.
0:22:14 > 0:22:17LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:22:21 > 0:22:25Now running his own music production company - Bubbler Ranx,
0:22:25 > 0:22:26ladies and gentlemen!
0:22:27 > 0:22:29CHEERING
0:22:33 > 0:22:36Phill's team, how about some alternative UK androgo-rock?
0:22:36 > 0:22:40Here is Placebo with Pure Morning.
0:22:40 > 0:22:51# Day's dawning, skins crawling
0:22:51 > 0:22:57# Day's dawning, skins crawling... #
0:22:59 > 0:23:01That was Placebo with Pure Morning,
0:23:01 > 0:23:03but which of our line-up is David Fox,
0:23:03 > 0:23:06the now grown-up boy from the iconic
0:23:06 > 0:23:09front cover of Placebo's album Placebo?
0:23:09 > 0:23:12Is it...Number one - David Fox?
0:23:12 > 0:23:15Number two - Doctor Fox?
0:23:15 > 0:23:18Number three - Samantha Fox?
0:23:18 > 0:23:20Number four - Foxy Knoxy?
0:23:22 > 0:23:25Or number five - what the fox!?
0:23:26 > 0:23:29Why is that I suddenly want to rent Home Alone?
0:23:29 > 0:23:31LAUGHTER
0:23:31 > 0:23:35It's like a kindergarten version of Edvard Munch's Scream.
0:23:35 > 0:23:37Looks like a really upset lifeboat crew.
0:23:37 > 0:23:39"Ah, we didn't save them"!
0:23:39 > 0:23:42LAUGHTER
0:23:42 > 0:23:44Jason, what do you reckon?
0:23:44 > 0:23:47I think it's number one.
0:23:47 > 0:23:50I think he's really been completely traumatised by it all
0:23:50 > 0:23:52and he's never quite got over it.
0:23:52 > 0:23:55He hasn't combed his hair since the shoot.
0:23:55 > 0:23:58You going to go with one? I think... Yep. Let's give it a go.
0:23:58 > 0:24:01So would the real David Fox, please, step forward?
0:24:04 > 0:24:06APPLAUSE
0:24:12 > 0:24:13It's the Placebo boy David Fox.
0:24:13 > 0:24:15Ladies and gentlemen...
0:24:15 > 0:24:18APPLAUSE
0:24:18 > 0:24:21At the end of that round Phill's team have nothing
0:24:21 > 0:24:23and Noel's team have three.
0:24:23 > 0:24:25CHEERING
0:24:27 > 0:24:29So we end with Next Lines.
0:24:29 > 0:24:32Noel's team, you're in the lead so you go first.
0:24:32 > 0:24:35And your time starts now.
0:24:35 > 0:24:37"It's like rain on your wedding day."
0:24:37 > 0:24:39"It's the free ride that you just can't take."
0:24:39 > 0:24:43Close enough. "It's a free ride, you've already paid." Isn't It Ironic - Alanis Morissette.
0:24:43 > 0:24:45"Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh."
0:24:45 > 0:24:47Mysterious Girl!
0:24:47 > 0:24:49You were right. It was Mysterious Girl by...
0:24:49 > 0:24:51Peter Andre.
0:24:51 > 0:24:53And Bubble...Wrap.
0:24:53 > 0:24:54Yep. Next one.
0:24:54 > 0:24:56"Let's grow old together."
0:24:56 > 0:24:58"And die at the same time."
0:24:58 > 0:25:01To Lose My Life by White Lies.
0:25:01 > 0:25:02Here's the next one.
0:25:04 > 0:25:08# Your personality alone light up de room... #
0:25:08 > 0:25:11CHEERING
0:25:18 > 0:25:20Mysterious Girl by Peter Andre.
0:25:20 > 0:25:21Yes, but what is the line?
0:25:21 > 0:25:22# Mysterious girl...#
0:25:22 > 0:25:25No, but hang on, hang on. Hang on.
0:25:25 > 0:25:28"Your personality alone light de room,"
0:25:28 > 0:25:31"just one kiss alone a make me heart go boom."
0:25:31 > 0:25:37Mysterious Girl by...Peter Andre, and featuring Bubbler Ranx. Yes!
0:25:37 > 0:25:39CHEERING
0:25:44 > 0:25:47# Baby girl, I said tonight is your lucky night. #
0:25:47 > 0:25:49CHEERING
0:25:54 > 0:25:55Close enough.
0:25:55 > 0:25:59Peter Andre along with Bubbler Ranx on the mic.
0:25:59 > 0:26:00END OF ROUND JINGLE
0:26:00 > 0:26:02CHEERING
0:26:07 > 0:26:12Phill's team, you need eight points to win, your time starts...now.
0:26:12 > 0:26:15"When you call my name it's like a little prayer..."
0:26:15 > 0:26:19# Get down on my knees and I'll take you there. #
0:26:19 > 0:26:23She's a dirty cow! Yeah.
0:26:23 > 0:26:25OK. "Come into my garden..."
0:26:25 > 0:26:26"And watch my penis harden."
0:26:26 > 0:26:28LAUGHTER
0:26:33 > 0:26:36"Check out these ideas I've planted." Garden by Rizzle Kicks.
0:26:36 > 0:26:38"But I don't feel like dancing..."
0:26:38 > 0:26:40"I don't feel like dancing when the Joanna plays,
0:26:40 > 0:26:43"my heart goes..." SHE MUMBLES
0:26:43 > 0:26:44It's one of yours, isn't it?
0:26:44 > 0:26:47Well, I don't sing lead on it, so... I know.
0:26:47 > 0:26:49Would it help if I did this?
0:26:49 > 0:26:51# I don't feel like dancing. #
0:26:51 > 0:26:53Maybe if you put on Noel's outfit.
0:26:53 > 0:26:55That's simply not going to happen.
0:26:55 > 0:26:59As we know, Noel is petite...and I'm medium.
0:26:59 > 0:27:01LAUGHTER
0:27:01 > 0:27:03# I don't feel like dancing. #
0:27:03 > 0:27:05"When the old Joanna plays my heart goes..."
0:27:05 > 0:27:07SHE MUMBLES
0:27:07 > 0:27:09"No sir, no dancin' today."
0:27:09 > 0:27:12I Don't Feel Like Dancin' by the Scissor Sisters.
0:27:12 > 0:27:14"All right.
0:27:14 > 0:27:16"Stop. Collaborate and listen..."
0:27:16 > 0:27:17"Ice is back with a brand new invention,
0:27:17 > 0:27:20"something grabs a hold of me tightly..." SHE MUMBLES
0:27:20 > 0:27:23"Daily and nightly. Will it ever stop? Yo - I don't know,
0:27:23 > 0:27:25"turn off the lights and I'll glow.
0:27:25 > 0:27:27"To the extreme I rock a mic like a vandal,
0:27:27 > 0:27:31"light up a stage and wax a chump like a candle." CHEERING
0:27:31 > 0:27:33END OF ROUND JINGLE
0:27:35 > 0:27:39So the final scores are - Phill's team have two,
0:27:39 > 0:27:42and Noel's team have seven.
0:27:42 > 0:27:44CHEERING
0:27:47 > 0:27:48So that's it.
0:27:48 > 0:27:50Thanks to Phill, Ana Matronic
0:27:50 > 0:27:52and Jason Gardiner, Noel, Charles Cave and Tony Law.
0:27:52 > 0:27:55APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:27:59 > 0:28:02This has been Never Mind The Buzzcocks - My Life.
0:28:02 > 0:28:05I've been Peter Andre, and as you enjoy the credits,
0:28:05 > 0:28:08we're going to see just how good at gardening Jason Gardiner really is.
0:28:08 > 0:28:10Good night.
0:28:10 > 0:28:12CHEERING
0:28:30 > 0:28:32Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd