0:00:02 > 0:00:04NICK GRIMSHAW: 'Thank you, the news.
0:00:04 > 0:00:06'Bigger than all the news you just covered in Newsbeat
0:00:06 > 0:00:09'is the fact that Rhod Gilbert is hosting Never Mind The Buzzcocks.
0:00:09 > 0:00:13'It starts tonight. Oh, Rhod, you make my dreams come true.'
0:00:13 > 0:00:16MUSIC: You Make My Dreams Come True by Hall & Oates
0:00:17 > 0:00:19BIRDS SING
0:00:19 > 0:00:22# What I want you got and it might be hard to handle
0:00:22 > 0:00:26# But like a flame that burns the candle
0:00:26 > 0:00:28# The candle feeds the flame
0:00:28 > 0:00:30# Yeah, yeah, what I've got
0:00:30 > 0:00:34# Full stock of thoughts and dreams that scatter
0:00:34 > 0:00:37# Then you pull them all together
0:00:37 > 0:00:40# And how I can't explain
0:00:40 > 0:00:43# Oh, yeah Well, well, you
0:00:43 > 0:00:45# Ooh-ooh ooh, ooh-ooh
0:00:45 > 0:00:48# You make my dreams come true
0:00:48 > 0:00:51# You, you, you, ooh-ooh
0:00:51 > 0:00:52# You-ooh
0:00:52 > 0:00:54# Well, well, well, you
0:00:54 > 0:00:56# Ooh-ooh ooh, ooh-ooh
0:00:56 > 0:00:59# Oh, yeah You make my dreams come true... #
0:00:59 > 0:01:01BOTTLE SMASHES
0:01:01 > 0:01:03# Yeah, yeah
0:01:05 > 0:01:09# On a night when bad dreams become a screamer
0:01:09 > 0:01:12# When they're messing with the dreamer
0:01:12 > 0:01:14# I can laugh it in the face
0:01:14 > 0:01:15# Oh, yeah
0:01:15 > 0:01:17# Well, cos you
0:01:17 > 0:01:19# Ooh-ooh ooh, ooh-ooh
0:01:19 > 0:01:23# You make my dreams come true
0:01:23 > 0:01:25# You, you, you, ooh-ooh
0:01:25 > 0:01:26# You-ooh
0:01:26 > 0:01:28# Well, well, well, you
0:01:28 > 0:01:30# Ooh-ooh ooh, ooh-ooh
0:01:30 > 0:01:34# Whoo hoo You make my dreams come true
0:01:34 > 0:01:37# You, you, you, ooh-ooh
0:01:37 > 0:01:38# Oh, yeah
0:01:38 > 0:01:41# Listen to this... #
0:01:43 > 0:01:45- KNOCKING - Yeah?
0:01:45 > 0:01:49Hey, Rhod. Here's your coffee.
0:01:49 > 0:01:53- Nice one.- Is that everything, do you need anything else?
0:01:53 > 0:01:55Mmm! What's this?
0:01:55 > 0:01:59- It's coffee, two sugars.- Were those sugars heaped?- Quite heaped, yeah.
0:01:59 > 0:02:02- PUNCHING - What did I tell you?- You said level!
0:02:02 > 0:02:04- And what did you bring me? - It was heaped!
0:02:04 > 0:02:07- And what is a heap?- It's a mound!
0:02:10 > 0:02:13And to think today started so well.
0:02:16 > 0:02:19CHEERING
0:02:20 > 0:02:26This programme contains some strong language.
0:02:53 > 0:02:55Hello, welcome to Never Mind The Buzzcocks.
0:02:55 > 0:02:58I'm your new regular host, Rhod Gilbert. On Phill's team tonight.
0:03:02 > 0:03:05An artist whose new album was released just last week,
0:03:05 > 0:03:07it's called Growing Up In Public.
0:03:07 > 0:03:10Let's hope his balls don't drop during the intros round.
0:03:10 > 0:03:12It's plucky 30-year-old rapper Professor Green.
0:03:12 > 0:03:14CHEERING
0:03:17 > 0:03:21And a sports presenter who recently declared she hates littering.
0:03:21 > 0:03:23Although she also presents Splash on ITV
0:03:23 > 0:03:26so her attitude to rubbish is clearly ambivalent at best.
0:03:26 > 0:03:28It's Gabby Logan.
0:03:28 > 0:03:30CHEERING
0:03:30 > 0:03:32And on Noel's team.
0:03:35 > 0:03:37He is the lead singer of The 1975,
0:03:37 > 0:03:40who last year opened for the Rolling Stones at Hyde Park.
0:03:40 > 0:03:43It's the first time local residents complained about the terrible noise
0:03:43 > 0:03:46before the headliners even started. It's Matty Healy.
0:03:46 > 0:03:48CHEERING
0:03:53 > 0:03:56And a multi-award-winning stand-up comedian who says,
0:03:56 > 0:03:59"When I'm getting ready, it takes me hours just not to look mad."
0:03:59 > 0:04:02Thanks for stepping in at late notice, it's old Bedlam Face,
0:04:02 > 0:04:03Roisin Conaty.
0:04:03 > 0:04:05CHEERING
0:04:07 > 0:04:09Ladies and gentlemen, the teams.
0:04:15 > 0:04:18So, the brand-new host begins his first brand-new show
0:04:18 > 0:04:19with a brand spanking new round.
0:04:19 > 0:04:21This round is called Rumour Has It.
0:04:21 > 0:04:25- RHOD RAPS DOURLY OVER ADELE SONG: - 'Rumour has it. Rumour has it.'
0:04:30 > 0:04:34- Watch out, Professor Green!- Oh! - Here comes the competition!
0:04:34 > 0:04:37I'll take you down in a battle, right now. Go on, you start.
0:04:40 > 0:04:41This round is all about rumours.
0:04:41 > 0:04:45Did Keith Richards once refuse to eat under-chocolated Coco Pops?
0:04:45 > 0:04:47Was CeeLo Green the first man on the moon? Is Rihanna a horse?
0:04:47 > 0:04:49I'm going to show you...
0:04:50 > 0:04:52I'm going to show you...
0:04:52 > 0:04:54show you a picture of a musician
0:04:54 > 0:04:56and some clues that relate to a rumour about them.
0:04:56 > 0:04:58Your task is to correctly identify the rumour.
0:04:58 > 0:05:00Phill, Professor Green and Gabby,
0:05:00 > 0:05:03your first musician is the dreary James Blunt.
0:05:03 > 0:05:04Sorry, DREAMY James Blunt.
0:05:04 > 0:05:08# Goodbye, my lover Goodbye, my friend
0:05:08 > 0:05:11# You have been the one... #
0:05:11 > 0:05:15But what rumour connects friend of the show Blunty to these objects?
0:05:15 > 0:05:19A turkey, a coffin and a microphone. Phill's team.
0:05:19 > 0:05:21James Blunt moved to Norfolk
0:05:21 > 0:05:26and started East Anglia's first necrophiliac turkey karaoke night.
0:05:28 > 0:05:30That's a solid rumour right there,
0:05:30 > 0:05:32that's the sort of thing Blunty would do.
0:05:32 > 0:05:35Until you said necrophilia, you were doing quite well.
0:05:35 > 0:05:37I think I've had sex with that turkey.
0:05:39 > 0:05:41Did he get the turkey to sing to him?
0:05:41 > 0:05:43Did he get the turkey to sing to him?
0:05:43 > 0:05:47- How would he do that, do you think? - He's got a microphone.
0:05:51 > 0:05:54That turkey, look how green the grass is. That turkey's at Wembley.
0:05:54 > 0:05:58It's interesting you say about Wembley, because the rumour
0:05:58 > 0:06:01- originated on a Manchester United forum, this rumour.- Right.
0:06:01 > 0:06:04I can also tell you that I heard you say something about Norfolk.
0:06:04 > 0:06:07- Here we go.- Bernard Matthews? - It is something to do with Norfolk.
0:06:07 > 0:06:09You said it just now, Bernard Matthews,
0:06:09 > 0:06:12we think maybe he sang at Bernard Matthews' funeral?
0:06:12 > 0:06:14- Boom!- Wow.- Is that the rumour? - That's the rumour.
0:06:16 > 0:06:18Yes, apparently James Blunt was rumoured to have performed
0:06:18 > 0:06:21at close family friend Bernard Matthews' funeral.
0:06:21 > 0:06:24Absolutely right. You're probably expecting James Blunt gags,
0:06:24 > 0:06:27but this is the all-new Buzzcocks and the truth is, read his Twitter
0:06:27 > 0:06:29- and he's a pretty cool, funny bloke.- Wow.
0:06:29 > 0:06:32For Christ's sake, he came fourth in a survey not long ago
0:06:32 > 0:06:35in the 100 most annoying things, he came fourth,
0:06:35 > 0:06:37he came ahead of stepping in dog shit.
0:06:39 > 0:06:43For an extra bonus point, though, what else was he more annoying than?
0:06:43 > 0:06:45- Stubbing your toe? - Stabbing your toe?- Stubbing.
0:06:45 > 0:06:48I thought you said stabbing your toe. You're the real deal, man.
0:06:57 > 0:07:00- What would it have to do? - Stops me hurting other people.
0:07:03 > 0:07:06Running out of milk, when you want a cup of tea.
0:07:06 > 0:07:08- That is irritating. - It's really annoying.
0:07:08 > 0:07:10You're right, especially in the context of wanting to make tea.
0:07:15 > 0:07:18You're wrong, anyway. It's stepping in dog shit is one of them.
0:07:18 > 0:07:21- Diarrhoea.- I don't know if shitting yourself is annoying.
0:07:21 > 0:07:25It's more bleak than that. "Bit annoying, just shit myself.
0:07:25 > 0:07:29"Hate it when that happens. Anyway, let's carry on and go to the gig.
0:07:29 > 0:07:31"I've got shit in my trousers!"
0:07:33 > 0:07:36A girl shat herself on the train next to me, that was annoying for me.
0:07:38 > 0:07:40- It was awful for her. - It's annoying for her.- No, for me.
0:07:40 > 0:07:44For her, it was damningly bad. Her friends were, like, crying.
0:07:44 > 0:07:47- She had a white dress on.- Oh, my God. - She had a white dress on.
0:07:47 > 0:07:50- I bet that was annoying.- It was.
0:07:50 > 0:07:53White dress, "Going to my wedding, just shat myself."
0:07:53 > 0:07:56- Yeah! It was our wedding!- A bit annoying. A little bit annoying.
0:07:56 > 0:07:58Here's one for Noel's team.
0:07:58 > 0:08:02It's bouffant-haired guitar botherers Van Halen.
0:08:02 > 0:08:05# How do I know when it's love?
0:08:05 > 0:08:08# I can't tell you but... #
0:08:08 > 0:08:10In Welsh their name means salt van.
0:08:10 > 0:08:14But what rumour connects Sammy Hagar to these objects?
0:08:16 > 0:08:18A tent, a guitar and a security guard.
0:08:18 > 0:08:22But what connects these things to a rumour about Sammy Hagar from Van Halen?
0:08:22 > 0:08:24Noel's team.
0:08:24 > 0:08:28Did he chop a man's legs off with his guitar, put him in a tent?
0:08:28 > 0:08:31And that man said, "No more of that!"
0:08:31 > 0:08:36- Was that tent getting a new pair of shoes?- Sorry, is that shoes?
0:08:36 > 0:08:39I thought a rabbit had taken a bad selfie.
0:08:39 > 0:08:44He got caught having sex with his own guitar at a festival.
0:08:44 > 0:08:47- You're on the right lines.- No way! - You're on the right lines.
0:08:47 > 0:08:50Did he have sex with a security guard in a tent with a guitar?
0:08:50 > 0:08:53Matty is getting very warm, not just because he's wearing a rug.
0:08:53 > 0:08:55I'm going to die in this rug.
0:08:55 > 0:08:58Van Halen had the tent at gigs...
0:08:58 > 0:09:00- To have sex in.- But when?
0:09:00 > 0:09:02During guitar solos, guitar solos!
0:09:02 > 0:09:04- Yes, guitar solos!- No way!
0:09:04 > 0:09:07- Yes, guitar solos.- That's genius!
0:09:09 > 0:09:12Sammy Hagar of Van Halen used to have a special sex tent
0:09:12 > 0:09:15backstage at gigs. It's the security guards would pluck groupies
0:09:15 > 0:09:18from the audience and take them round to the sex tent...
0:09:18 > 0:09:21- Classy!- ..where he would knob 'em!
0:09:22 > 0:09:24Mick Jagger used to like to get blow jobs
0:09:24 > 0:09:26while he was singing in the booth.
0:09:26 > 0:09:28- Wow, you won't be supporting them again.- No, I won't!
0:09:28 > 0:09:31It was the fucking worst day of my life! Nightmare.
0:09:31 > 0:09:34It was like, come on.
0:09:35 > 0:09:38He supported Jagger, that's amazing!
0:09:38 > 0:09:39Tell us more about supporting Jagger.
0:09:39 > 0:09:42It was really nice, he did that... quite a lot.
0:09:42 > 0:09:44When he was dancing.
0:09:44 > 0:09:47I tell you what, you've really given us the inside scoop there, Matty.
0:09:47 > 0:09:50I didn't even get... Everyone was like, what happened?
0:09:50 > 0:09:52- I didn't get to talk to him. - Pretend you did.
0:09:52 > 0:09:55So Mick comes over to me, right, he's like, "Love the band."
0:09:55 > 0:09:56He's like, "The album..."
0:09:56 > 0:09:59"I really like to get a blowie when I'm giving vocals
0:09:59 > 0:10:01"so if you could just down here..."
0:10:03 > 0:10:07This is the rudest show I've ever been on. You're a pervert.
0:10:07 > 0:10:10- Sorry, mate.- His name is Rhod!
0:10:12 > 0:10:15Oh, I tell you what. This is how they start.
0:10:17 > 0:10:19After delving deeper than a deep-sea delver,
0:10:19 > 0:10:22I found one of these very odd rumours were subsequently proven.
0:10:22 > 0:10:24For a bonus point, which one is it?
0:10:24 > 0:10:27Was Blunt one of the turkeys at Bernard's funeral or did
0:10:27 > 0:10:29Van Halen erect a sex tent?
0:10:29 > 0:10:32Is Bernard Matthews an actual person?
0:10:32 > 0:10:33I thought it was like Mr Kipling.
0:10:40 > 0:10:42I think probably Van Halen, they're quite mucky pups.
0:10:42 > 0:10:45I think they probably did have sex in a tent.
0:10:45 > 0:10:47I don't think they had that long guitar solos.
0:10:47 > 0:10:51- He likes a solo, doesn't he, Phill, Van Halen.- Like, three minutes?
0:10:51 > 0:10:54- Six minutes!- But you've got to get off stage, undo.
0:10:54 > 0:10:58Hey, I can do it four times in six minutes.
0:10:58 > 0:11:01- But you've got to get...- I could put the tent up and have sex.
0:11:02 > 0:11:04Maybe he had, like, an F1 team, you go into the pits
0:11:04 > 0:11:07and they take his trousers off.
0:11:07 > 0:11:11- Right, what's your answers?- I'll go with the James Blunt rumour. Yeah.
0:11:11 > 0:11:14Goodbye My Lover was the most popular funeral song.
0:11:14 > 0:11:172006, it was the most popular funeral song.
0:11:17 > 0:11:19I'm getting Jump played at my funeral.
0:11:19 > 0:11:22And I'm going to be pulled out on strings out the coffin.
0:11:22 > 0:11:24THEY SING JUMP
0:11:25 > 0:11:27What is the answer?
0:11:27 > 0:11:30We're saying that James Blunt, the rumour that James Blunt
0:11:30 > 0:11:32sang at Bernard Matthews' funeral is the true rumour.
0:11:32 > 0:11:35- That's what we're saying.- And we're saying it's the other rumour.
0:11:35 > 0:11:39You're saying Sammy Hagar used to go backstage to the tent? OK.
0:11:39 > 0:11:41I can reveal that the answer is...
0:11:42 > 0:11:44Sammy Hagar of Van Halen had a sex tent.
0:11:47 > 0:11:49We have a sex tent at Buzzcocks.
0:11:49 > 0:11:51I got thrown out the other day for having a threesome.
0:11:51 > 0:11:54It's my own fault, it was a two-man tent. Heh!
0:11:59 > 0:12:01Rumours, anyone got any rumours on the panel
0:12:01 > 0:12:02that they would like to dispel?
0:12:02 > 0:12:05Anything they're unhappy about being out there, rumours-wise?
0:12:05 > 0:12:07I heard that on tour,
0:12:07 > 0:12:11you in The 1975 have got a game called Birds Eye Potato Waffles.
0:12:11 > 0:12:13Oh... Yeah...?
0:12:15 > 0:12:18- Well, do you want to tell us what it is?- It's not rock and roll at all.
0:12:18 > 0:12:21- Isn't it?- It's a good game. - Let's see if it's a good game.
0:12:21 > 0:12:24We're here to play it tonight, ladies and gentlemen.
0:12:24 > 0:12:26But due to BBC branding restrictions,
0:12:26 > 0:12:28we can't call it Birds Eye Potato Waffles, we've changed the name
0:12:28 > 0:12:31so let's all have a game of The Potato Lattice Game!
0:12:31 > 0:12:33Amazing, we're actually doing this!
0:12:38 > 0:12:41All you've got to do is say a food, that's all it is.
0:12:41 > 0:12:44You've got to be quick, right, it's just one type of food,
0:12:44 > 0:12:46- any type of food. - You've got to have time to think.
0:12:46 > 0:12:51No, that's the whole point. Birds Eye Potato Waffles, they're waffley versatile, they go with bacon.
0:12:51 > 0:12:53- Egg.- Bread.- Cheese.- Moussaka.
0:12:53 > 0:12:57- Ice cream.- Kendal Mint Cake. - Quinoa.- Pea.
0:12:57 > 0:12:59- Kale.- Biscuits!- Feta cheese!
0:12:59 > 0:13:02- Bulgarian cheese.- Couscous. - Mint sauce.
0:13:02 > 0:13:05- You're out, you're out.- No, I'm not!
0:13:05 > 0:13:09- Come on!- No way! Guys, guys, guys, this has totally backfired.
0:13:09 > 0:13:12I thought it was going to be a shit game, you're all loving it.
0:13:14 > 0:13:16Time now for the nation's favourite, it's the Intros Round.
0:13:16 > 0:13:22Phill and Professor Green, here are yours for Gabby.
0:13:22 > 0:13:25OK. So it's...sort of...
0:13:25 > 0:13:27- # Aaaah! - Dum dum doosssh!
0:13:27 > 0:13:29- # Aaaah! - Dumbedumdum doosssh!
0:13:29 > 0:13:31- # Aaaaah! - Bum-de-bump-de-bump, tch
0:13:31 > 0:13:33- # Aaaaah! - Bum-de-bump-de-bump
0:13:33 > 0:13:35- # Aaaah! - Em-menemem-nem man-nam-man
0:13:35 > 0:13:37- # Aaaah! - Em-menemem-nem man-nam-man
0:13:37 > 0:13:39- # Aaaah! - Em-menemem-nem man-nam-man
0:13:39 > 0:13:41- # Aaaah! - Em-menemem-nem man-nam-man
0:13:41 > 0:13:43- # Aaah! - Boom-de-boom-boom dah! Tch-tch
0:13:43 > 0:13:45- # Aaaaah! - Boom-de-boom-boom dah!
0:13:45 > 0:13:48# Aaaaaah! #
0:13:48 > 0:13:50Are you not going anywhere else with that?
0:13:50 > 0:13:51He's very, very good at that bit.
0:13:51 > 0:13:55# Aaaaah! Aaaaaaah! Uhh... #
0:13:55 > 0:13:56Oh, I feel like singing.
0:14:05 > 0:14:07- Gabby, come on, you got it? - Oh, is it Prodigy?
0:14:07 > 0:14:09Oh, no.
0:14:09 > 0:14:11- Oh.- I'll hand it over.
0:14:11 > 0:14:14Naan bread! Oh, that's a different game.
0:14:15 > 0:14:18- You're wrong.- What do you mean? We didn't say anything!
0:14:19 > 0:14:24- Go on, what is it? - It is Beyonce. Run The World.
0:14:24 > 0:14:26And it should have sounded like this.
0:14:26 > 0:14:28The Major Lazer one.
0:14:28 > 0:14:30- That's brilliant. To be fair. - Really good.
0:14:35 > 0:14:37Perfect.
0:14:37 > 0:14:38Really good.
0:14:43 > 0:14:46OK, next one, please. Phill.
0:14:46 > 0:14:47# Dow-dow-dow-dow-dow-dow-dow-dow
0:14:47 > 0:14:49# Beep beep beep. #
0:14:49 > 0:14:51Really?!
0:14:51 > 0:14:54I knew it, I know it!
0:14:54 > 0:14:55Do it again, do it again.
0:14:55 > 0:14:58- # Dah-dah-dah dah-dah-dah dah-dah. - Bree-bree-bree.
0:14:58 > 0:15:00- # Dah-dah-dah dah-dah-dah dah-dah. - Bree. #
0:15:02 > 0:15:04- I know it.- Apparently not!
0:15:04 > 0:15:07- They do know it! So please... - I do know it.
0:15:07 > 0:15:10- Bloody tell us then! - # Dah-dah-dah dah-dah-dah dah-dah. #
0:15:10 > 0:15:12What you're trying to say is you don't know it.
0:15:12 > 0:15:14- Should I Stay Or Should I Go.- Yes!
0:15:14 > 0:15:16APPLAUSE
0:15:16 > 0:15:19It was The Clash - Should I Stay Or Should I Go.
0:15:19 > 0:15:21Should've sounded like this.
0:15:21 > 0:15:24SONG: Should I Stay Or Should I Go by The Clash
0:15:28 > 0:15:29Bree.
0:15:31 > 0:15:33Whoo!
0:15:35 > 0:15:38# Darling, you've got to let me know... #
0:15:39 > 0:15:42During one recording session The Clash's producer poured
0:15:42 > 0:15:44an entire bottle of red wine into their piano.
0:15:44 > 0:15:45Joe Strummer flew into a rage.
0:15:45 > 0:15:48He wanted it to sound rockier, but it just sounded rioja!
0:15:53 > 0:15:57"Come on," Strummer shouted, "I've never been treated so 'Chablis'."
0:15:58 > 0:16:02Noel and Matty, here are yours for Roisin.
0:16:02 > 0:16:07- You've got to stand up, mate.- OK. I'm just not very good at this.
0:16:07 > 0:16:09- Think of it as a gig. - You're brilliant at this.
0:16:09 > 0:16:11- It's me that's bad at this. - Let me decide that!
0:16:11 > 0:16:14OK. So this one starts out like this, right.
0:16:16 > 0:16:18# Der-der-del-in-tin, der-der-del-in-tin
0:16:18 > 0:16:20# Der-der-der-der-der-der-der-der.
0:16:20 > 0:16:22# Der-der-del-in-tin, der-der-del-in-tin... #
0:16:22 > 0:16:25- I'm not so sure it does. - It does! It does. It does.
0:16:25 > 0:16:28# Bom-bom-bom ba-bom-bom-bom bom. Bom-bom-bom... #
0:16:28 > 0:16:30Come on, don't look at us like that.
0:16:30 > 0:16:33# Bom-bom-bom bom-bom-ba-bom-bom-bowow... #
0:16:33 > 0:16:36The first bit I recognise, but this doesn't happen.
0:16:36 > 0:16:38Oh, I see what's happening here!
0:16:38 > 0:16:42- Is it Papa Don't Preach? - It is!- Whoa!
0:16:42 > 0:16:45It is!
0:16:45 > 0:16:47It is Papa Don't Preach - Madonna.
0:16:47 > 0:16:49But let's hear the original.
0:16:49 > 0:16:51SONG: Papa Don't Preach by Madonna
0:16:59 > 0:17:01No, you didn't do that, Noel.
0:17:01 > 0:17:04- Close enough. - But we got it, we got it.
0:17:04 > 0:17:07- You did really well. - Yeah, you did really well.
0:17:07 > 0:17:08Let's have your next one.
0:17:08 > 0:17:11- # Bom-bom-bow!- Bop-bop- bop-bop-buddah... #- No, not quite.
0:17:11 > 0:17:14- Join in and I'll harmony with it. - OK.- All right.
0:17:14 > 0:17:17Don't leave me out there on my own.
0:17:17 > 0:17:20# Bom-bom-bow! Bum-bum-padum-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da.
0:17:20 > 0:17:23# Bom-bom-bow! Bum-bum-padum-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da.
0:17:23 > 0:17:27# Bom-bom-bow! Bum-bum-padum-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da.
0:17:27 > 0:17:29# Bom-bom-bow! Bum-bum-padum-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da... #
0:17:29 > 0:17:31I know it. You're doing really well.
0:17:31 > 0:17:32# Bom-bom-bow! #
0:17:32 > 0:17:35- It's really good.- Roisin, I get the impression you're stalling.
0:17:37 > 0:17:38- Let's Go...- It's not that.
0:17:38 > 0:17:40- ..Stay In.- No.
0:17:42 > 0:17:45PROFESSOR GREEN: It's Q-Tip and it's Don't...
0:17:45 > 0:17:47It's the Chemical Brothers - Galvanise.
0:17:47 > 0:17:49Galvanise by the Chemical Brothers.
0:17:49 > 0:17:51This is what it should've sounded like.
0:17:51 > 0:17:54Do I get a point for the word "Don't"?
0:17:54 > 0:17:56I said "Don't Go Out"
0:17:56 > 0:18:00- and I said "Don't Stay In." - I should've given you a clue.
0:18:00 > 0:18:02That's really good. They did really well.
0:18:02 > 0:18:04Well done them.
0:18:04 > 0:18:06Olympic hero Chris Hoy says listening to the band
0:18:06 > 0:18:08while training was the key to his achievements.
0:18:08 > 0:18:10"I'd like to thank the Chemical Brothers," he said,
0:18:10 > 0:18:13which is virtually word for word what fellow cyclist
0:18:13 > 0:18:16Lance Armstrong said as he won his seventh consecutive Tour de France.
0:18:19 > 0:18:22We also heard Madonna with Papa Don't Preach.
0:18:22 > 0:18:25The video for the song marked the unveiling of Madonna's
0:18:25 > 0:18:28second look - short cropped platinum hair and a more muscular physique.
0:18:28 > 0:18:31For anyone who's counting, she's now on her 37th look.
0:18:31 > 0:18:34Unconvincing Malawian ice cream man with net.
0:18:34 > 0:18:37LAUGHTER
0:18:41 > 0:18:45At the end of that round Noel's team have three, Phill's team have two.
0:18:45 > 0:18:48APPLAUSE
0:18:53 > 0:18:56Gabby, last time you were on the show I was hosting,
0:18:56 > 0:19:00I may have accidentally inferred that you were incredibly boring.
0:19:01 > 0:19:05You told me about how you'd been to Steve Cram's New Year's Eve party
0:19:05 > 0:19:06and since then...
0:19:08 > 0:19:11No, I learned my lesson then that you were not boring,
0:19:11 > 0:19:15and since then I've been looking at your blog and OMG. LOL.
0:19:15 > 0:19:19- ROFL, your blog is incredible. - I haven't blogged for a long time.
0:19:19 > 0:19:21- Right. - You haven't been watching me blog.
0:19:21 > 0:19:23Why is this suddenly sounding really sexual?
0:19:23 > 0:19:25Yeah, it's got really...
0:19:25 > 0:19:28- It always does with me and Gabby. - I only blog on my own at home.
0:19:30 > 0:19:32OK. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
0:19:32 > 0:19:36I've invested a bit of my own money, cos I knew you wouldn't do it.
0:19:36 > 0:19:38I've had your blogs published.
0:19:39 > 0:19:41This is Gift Of The Gabby.
0:19:42 > 0:19:44You've got copies down here.
0:19:44 > 0:19:46I've got copies for all of you as well, don't worry.
0:19:46 > 0:19:48- You'll all get a chance. - Can I see?- Have a little look.
0:19:48 > 0:19:51If you read on the back it says, "A real page-turner,"
0:19:51 > 0:19:53Usain Bolt, look, says on the back.
0:19:53 > 0:19:55Look at this one, this is brilliant.
0:19:55 > 0:19:57Your blog for this one was called "The Green Drink."
0:19:57 > 0:20:00- Do you remember this one? - You bastard.- What?
0:20:01 > 0:20:05"I tweeted a picture of the green drink I had for breakfast today.
0:20:05 > 0:20:09"Lots of people asked about the ingredients and how much to use,
0:20:09 > 0:20:12"so I thought I would tell you what I do
0:20:12 > 0:20:14"and why I do it.
0:20:14 > 0:20:16"I have nothing to gain from this.
0:20:18 > 0:20:21"If you do need something more then a boiled egg would do the trick."
0:20:22 > 0:20:24Can you tell me a bit more about the green drink?
0:20:24 > 0:20:26No, you twat.
0:20:26 > 0:20:29LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:20:33 > 0:20:35Round three is the Identity Parade.
0:20:35 > 0:20:38Phill's team, how about some classic reggae pop?
0:20:38 > 0:20:42For the audience only, here is Wayne Wonder with No Letting Go.
0:20:42 > 0:20:44# No letting go
0:20:44 > 0:20:46# No holding back
0:20:46 > 0:20:52# Because you are my baby
0:20:52 > 0:20:56# When I'm with you it's all that
0:20:56 > 0:21:00# Girl, I'm so glad we've made it... #
0:21:00 > 0:21:02That was Wayne Wonder with No Letting Go,
0:21:02 > 0:21:04but which of our line-up is Wayne himself?
0:21:04 > 0:21:06Is it...
0:21:06 > 0:21:08Have I got to say something funny about him?
0:21:08 > 0:21:11LAUGHTER
0:21:15 > 0:21:16What's he got in his arms?
0:21:18 > 0:21:20It's not number one.
0:21:22 > 0:21:25It's not number one - Wayne Wonder.
0:21:25 > 0:21:28Is it number two - a fish called wonder?
0:21:28 > 0:21:31Is it number three - I wandered lonely as a cloud?
0:21:34 > 0:21:37Is it number four - I wonder who's kissing her now?
0:21:37 > 0:21:39Or number five - I wonder where he's buried them?
0:21:42 > 0:21:45Uh, all right. So I'm taking Rhod's advice, not number one.
0:21:45 > 0:21:48- I just can't stop staring at his arms.- Nor can I.
0:21:48 > 0:21:49I kind of want to touch his arms.
0:21:49 > 0:21:54- Go on, touch 'em.- Touch his arms. - Ask him nicely... Ohhh!
0:21:58 > 0:22:01- Fine. Fine.- Apparently he's got legs like shrubs.
0:22:03 > 0:22:06- What's shrubs in Welsh? - We don't have shrubs.
0:22:12 > 0:22:15This is the first time live on TV we're going to see somebody
0:22:15 > 0:22:16pop a sweat band.
0:22:18 > 0:22:20It's going to go. Stand back, everyone!
0:22:20 > 0:22:22The sweat band's going to blow!
0:22:27 > 0:22:29- It's not him, you don't think?- Number two.
0:22:29 > 0:22:31- Oh, hang on.- It's number two.
0:22:31 > 0:22:33Oh, sorry, I've got a young person on the team. It's number two.
0:22:33 > 0:22:38Let's see if you're right. Would the real Wayne please step forward?
0:22:38 > 0:22:40Aah, there he is.
0:22:42 > 0:22:45There he is, Wayne Wonder, ladies and gentleman.
0:22:45 > 0:22:49- Wayne, hello.- How you doing? - What are you up to now?
0:22:49 > 0:22:52- I've been touring and selling yams, man.- You've been what?
0:22:52 > 0:22:54- Touring and selling yams. - Touring and selling yams.
0:22:54 > 0:22:57- Yeah. You know Usain Bolt, the yam that he ate to run fast?- Yeah.
0:22:57 > 0:22:59That's what I've been selling.
0:22:59 > 0:23:01You don't do merch, you just sell yams at the gig?
0:23:01 > 0:23:03I sold more yams than records.
0:23:03 > 0:23:06LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:23:13 > 0:23:16Thank you very much. Wayne Wonder, ladies and gentlemen!
0:23:16 > 0:23:18Go out and buy his yams!
0:23:18 > 0:23:19Buy his records.
0:23:22 > 0:23:25Noel, Matty and Roisin, how about a little teen pop?
0:23:25 > 0:23:29For the audience only, here are allSTARS with Land Of Make Believe.
0:23:29 > 0:23:33# Run for the sun, little one
0:23:33 > 0:23:35# You're an outlaw once again
0:23:35 > 0:23:36# Time to change
0:23:36 > 0:23:42# Superman will be with us while he can
0:23:42 > 0:23:47# In the land of make believe... #
0:23:47 > 0:23:49That was allSTARS with Land Of Make Believe,
0:23:49 > 0:23:52but which of our line-up is band member Sam Bloom?
0:23:52 > 0:23:54Is it number one - Sam Bloom?
0:23:54 > 0:23:56Is it number two - Sam Cam?
0:23:56 > 0:23:58Is it number three - Sam like it hot?
0:23:58 > 0:24:00Number four - play it again, Sam.
0:24:00 > 0:24:03Or number five - touch it again, Sam, and I'll call the police.
0:24:06 > 0:24:10- What do you think, Noel?- Number one looks like a drawing of a man.
0:24:14 > 0:24:16He looks like a drawing of a man that you spent ages on
0:24:16 > 0:24:18but then had to go to the shops at the last minute,
0:24:18 > 0:24:21so you just went, "Oh, it'll be all right."
0:24:22 > 0:24:25Number two's got a cute face but he's grown a beard to hide that,
0:24:25 > 0:24:28to make him look older so he can get cigarettes.
0:24:29 > 0:24:34Number five is my Auntie June...
0:24:35 > 0:24:38Number five, they've given him a massive top which
0:24:38 > 0:24:40I find annoying, trying to make him look like he's in The Borrowers.
0:24:40 > 0:24:42He's not that small.
0:24:42 > 0:24:45What if I tell you that he now runs a recruitment agency?
0:24:45 > 0:24:48- Number two. - I'm getting a number two vibe.
0:24:48 > 0:24:51- Whoa, whoa, whoa, he's got tattoos all over his hands.- Who? Who? Who?
0:24:51 > 0:24:53- Number two. - Oh, what a ruffian.
0:24:53 > 0:24:56- Aahh...- But it says something like, "Work whore."
0:24:56 > 0:24:58I'm going to have to push you, Noel's team.
0:24:58 > 0:25:00He seems quite cool. I think it's number two.
0:25:00 > 0:25:03Let's find out. Would the real Sam Bloom please step forward?
0:25:03 > 0:25:07Ohhh!
0:25:07 > 0:25:09Whoa!
0:25:09 > 0:25:11Ohh!
0:25:11 > 0:25:13Sam Bloom, ladies and gentlemen.
0:25:13 > 0:25:17- What are you doing now, Sam?- As you said, I run a recruitment agency.
0:25:17 > 0:25:18You run a recruitment agency?
0:25:18 > 0:25:21We place recent graduates into their first jobs.
0:25:21 > 0:25:22Aww, well done.
0:25:25 > 0:25:27Ladies and gentlemen, Sam Bloom!
0:25:32 > 0:25:34And at the end of that round Noel's team have three
0:25:34 > 0:25:37and Phill's team have three.
0:25:42 > 0:25:44So, we end the show with Next Lines.
0:25:44 > 0:25:46Each week I'm going to give you a theme.
0:25:46 > 0:25:49This week it's Unanswered Song Questions.
0:25:49 > 0:25:52It's a draw. Phill's team, you are up first and your time starts now.
0:25:52 > 0:25:55What's she going to look like with a chimney on her?
0:25:55 > 0:25:57# What's she going to look like with a chimney on her... #
0:25:57 > 0:25:59- Repeats it. - I'll give you it.
0:25:59 > 0:26:01It is "What's she going to look like with a chimney on her?"
0:26:01 > 0:26:03Are we human or are we dancers?
0:26:03 > 0:26:04Does it repeat itself?
0:26:04 > 0:26:06- Oh!- No.- If it doesn't repeat itself you're buggered.
0:26:06 > 0:26:08Aren't you? Let's face it.
0:26:08 > 0:26:11"My sign is vital, may hands are cold." Human by The Killers.
0:26:11 > 0:26:12Do you really want to hurt me?
0:26:12 > 0:26:13Do you really want to make me cry?
0:26:13 > 0:26:15Yes. Do You Really Want To Hurt Me by Culture Club.
0:26:15 > 0:26:20Picture round. Name the artist.
0:26:20 > 0:26:24- Ben Fogle.- Oh, Ben Folds Five.- Yes.
0:26:28 > 0:26:30Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?
0:26:30 > 0:26:33Don't Cha, Don't Cha, Don't Cha.
0:26:33 > 0:26:35"Don't you wish your girlfriend was a freak like me."
0:26:35 > 0:26:37Don't Cha - Pussycat Dolls.
0:26:37 > 0:26:40END OF ROUND JINGLE
0:26:44 > 0:26:51Whoa. Very exciting there. Noel's team, and your time starts...now.
0:26:51 > 0:26:52Do you really like it?
0:26:52 > 0:26:53Is it, is it, wicked.
0:26:53 > 0:26:56We're lovin' it, lovin' it, lovin' it. Lovin' it like this. MC Alistair.
0:26:56 > 0:26:59You're so close. It's - "Do you really like it, is it, is it wicked?
0:26:59 > 0:27:02- "We're lovin' it, lovin' it, lovin it. We're lovin' it like THAT."- Oh!
0:27:02 > 0:27:05Oh, you monster! You horrible...
0:27:05 > 0:27:07You will not endear yourself
0:27:07 > 0:27:09to the Buzzcock crowds with moves like that.
0:27:09 > 0:27:11What's love got to do, got to do with it?
0:27:11 > 0:27:13What's love but a second-hand emotion?
0:27:13 > 0:27:14I'll give you that one.
0:27:14 > 0:27:16What's Love Got To Do With It by Tina Turner.
0:27:16 > 0:27:17How do I live without you?
0:27:17 > 0:27:20# How do I live with you, I want to know
0:27:20 > 0:27:21# How do I live without you... #
0:27:21 > 0:27:23Absolutely. How Do I Live - Leann Rimes.
0:27:23 > 0:27:26Ooh, hang on a minute. Name the classic album.
0:27:26 > 0:27:28- Fish, trout.- Fish lover.
0:27:28 > 0:27:31- Rub bass... - Oh, rub...
0:27:31 > 0:27:34- Rubber Soul.- Rubber Soul.- I know it wasn't really a sole, but...
0:27:34 > 0:27:36How can we be lovers if we can't even be friends?
0:27:36 > 0:27:38# How can we be lovers if we can't even be friends? #
0:27:38 > 0:27:41- How can we start over... - ..when the fighting never ends?
0:27:41 > 0:27:42How Can We Be Lovers - Michael Bolton.
0:27:42 > 0:27:44What becomes of the broken-hearted?
0:27:44 > 0:27:46# What becomes of the broken hearted
0:27:46 > 0:27:49# Those who've loved... #
0:27:49 > 0:27:51No, no, no... Who had love...
0:27:51 > 0:27:52THEY SING INCOHERENTLY
0:27:52 > 0:27:55No, no, no. It's their time you're wasting.
0:27:55 > 0:27:58END OF ROUND JINGLE
0:27:58 > 0:28:00No way!
0:28:00 > 0:28:03So the final scores are - Phill's team have six,
0:28:03 > 0:28:05Noel's team have seven.
0:28:05 > 0:28:08Tonight's winners, seven points.
0:28:09 > 0:28:10Seven points.
0:28:11 > 0:28:13So that's it.
0:28:13 > 0:28:16Thanks to Phill, Professor Green and Gabby, Noel, Matty and Roisin.
0:28:16 > 0:28:18This has been Never Mind The Buzzcocks.
0:28:18 > 0:28:21I've been your new host, the artist formerly known as Rhod Gilbert.
0:28:21 > 0:28:23We're all off for a backstage tent orgy, but to get us
0:28:23 > 0:28:26in the mood how about another round of the Potato Lattice Game?
0:28:31 > 0:28:33Who's up first? I'll go first.
0:28:33 > 0:28:38- Onion.- Rhubarb.- Sugar.- Spaghetti. - Bacon.- Peanuts.- Mint sauce.- Mint.
0:28:38 > 0:28:41- Custard.- Meat.- Courgette.- Lamb. - Melon.- Couscous.
0:28:41 > 0:28:45- Chicken.- Pasta.- Fish.- Pasta. Cow.- Coriander.- Cornflakes.
0:28:45 > 0:28:46- Parsley.- Sausages.
0:28:46 > 0:28:50- Coco Pops.- Lettuce.- I'm out. - Sweet potato.- Croissant.- Chipolatas.
0:28:50 > 0:28:53- Coco Pops.- I said Coco Pops!
0:28:55 > 0:28:57What a prick!
0:28:57 > 0:28:59Ladies and gentlemen!