:00:10. > :00:16.This programme contains some strong language.
:00:17. > :00:29.Hello and welcome to the fourth addition of No Such Thing As The
:00:30. > :00:37.News, coming from Greenwich in London. My name is Dan Schreiber. I
:00:38. > :00:41.am sitting here with the panel. Once again, we are here to bring you the
:00:42. > :00:46.most interesting things we've found in the news in the last seven days,
:00:47. > :00:51.like the fact revealed by the BBC that, as well as being the head of
:00:52. > :00:56.the Church of England and the Armed Forces, the Queen also wanted to be
:00:57. > :01:01.the head of the George Formby appreciation Society. She apparently
:01:02. > :01:09.knows all of his songs and she can sing them pitch perfect. That is
:01:10. > :01:15.your Queen. Let's begin. Here we go. Starting with you, James Harkin. The
:01:16. > :01:18.Euro 2016 trophy was named after a man who retired from refereeing
:01:19. > :01:30.after accidentally swallowing his own whistle. He was a French man who
:01:31. > :01:35.worked at the French football Federation. He had earlier played
:01:36. > :01:40.for a team in Paris and became a referee. One day he was hit in the
:01:41. > :01:46.face with a ball and he swallowed his whistle. He also lost to macro
:01:47. > :01:50.teeth. Then he became an administrator and thought of the
:01:51. > :01:57.idea of the Euro Championships and they named it after him. Did he
:01:58. > :02:03.always speak with a slight whistle afterwards? I was looking at the
:02:04. > :02:07.referees and they all have day jobs outside of being referees. If you
:02:08. > :02:20.line them up and say, here they are... Which one of these men was it
:02:21. > :02:28.who sent you off? They all have day jobs and they include, two lawyers,
:02:29. > :02:32.an insurance broker, and RE teacher, an ambulance driver, an estate agent
:02:33. > :02:39.and an alleged multimillionaire who is doing it for fun. One of the
:02:40. > :02:50.referees was voted the worst referee at the 2014 World Cup. One more
:02:51. > :02:56.chance. That is nice. He was too harsh on the rules. When you look at
:02:57. > :03:01.the harshest moments for referees, they are extremely harsh. I found
:03:02. > :03:09.the earliest red card given to anyone, two seconds into the match.
:03:10. > :03:19.What did he do? Did he look at the referee Fannie? It was Taunton East
:03:20. > :03:32.Reach Wanderers. The referee blew the whistle and the striker
:03:33. > :03:45.went, fuck me, that was loud! He was red carded after two seconds.
:03:46. > :03:49.Talking of loud whistles. Did you see that a school has banned
:03:50. > :03:53.whistles in its playgrounds because it thinks children might be too
:03:54. > :03:57.frightened by the sound of the noise and teachers have to raise their
:03:58. > :04:03.hand into the air at the end of play time to get the attention of pupils.
:04:04. > :04:07.I want to give you a quote from a teacher, Pamela Cunningham. She said
:04:08. > :04:13.you was going to keep the whistle in her pocket. He said, in case of
:04:14. > :04:20.emergency, she would keep a handcart whistle on her at all times. What
:04:21. > :04:35.kind of teacher has a hand carved whistle? It is exciting at the
:04:36. > :04:40.moment. The International football Association board has just made 95
:04:41. > :04:45.changes to the rules. Most of them are quite Dahl. Some of them are
:04:46. > :04:53.fun. They have had to register various things. If a manager dies in
:04:54. > :04:58.front of a ball, it was a goal. Players wearing tights have to make
:04:59. > :05:04.sure they are matching with their shorts and the tights of their
:05:05. > :05:11.team-mates. So, here is an example of a footballer wearing bad tights.
:05:12. > :05:16.These tights are bad. You are a footballer, do not wear these
:05:17. > :05:24.tights! Think he has a ladder in them as well. I was looking at the
:05:25. > :05:30.teams in Euro 2016. Iceland love football so much. They reckon if
:05:31. > :05:35.they made to the final, of the entire population will be over for
:05:36. > :05:43.the matches. 10% of the population of Iceland will be in France
:05:44. > :05:48.watching the final. If you are a burglar, go over to Iceland. The
:05:49. > :06:07.mascot will be this guy. That is what I used to look like when I had
:06:08. > :06:14.a Venus for a nose. The problem is, if you search for super victor toy,
:06:15. > :06:22.this is what to get. It is the name of a sex toy. It is quite extreme.
:06:23. > :06:29.It says on one of the sites, but where, not for beginners. This this
:06:30. > :06:34.is really interesting. British fans have been told by the French
:06:35. > :06:39.government, if they are Courtois they are over there seeing any
:06:40. > :06:44.prostitutes, they will be sent to sex school. I do nothing that is to
:06:45. > :06:49.make them better at it. What they mean is, they will give them lessons
:06:50. > :06:55.on how immoral it is and they will get a fine and they will have to go
:06:56. > :07:02.to sex school and be taught. We will have to move on very shortly. One
:07:03. > :07:07.last piece of whistle news from the East Anglia and daily Times. A
:07:08. > :07:13.search is under way for a brass whistle stolen from a steam engine
:07:14. > :07:19.housed in a separate museum. Police are appealing for information from a
:07:20. > :07:33.museum in Stowmarket. The whistle was taken sometime between 8th of
:07:34. > :07:42.May and 20th of May. Where were you? You just have a line-up of referees.
:07:43. > :07:48.OK. Time to move on to fact number two. Andrew Hunter Murray. In the
:07:49. > :07:52.recent Romanian elections, you are no longer allowed to give people
:07:53. > :07:57.free buckets to vote for you. This is from a website called Romania
:07:58. > :08:01.insider. It is grateful that they have just changed the rules for
:08:02. > :08:07.Romania in local elections. There were a lot of free gifts given out.
:08:08. > :08:15.Candidates can no longer give out branded pens, hats, mugs, T-shirts,
:08:16. > :08:25.hats, lighters, matches, food, alcohol, cigarettes or buckets. One
:08:26. > :08:29.guy has just been sentenced to prison for bribing voters with
:08:30. > :08:40.grilled chicken. If you think that is a minor offence, he gave out 60
:08:41. > :08:47.tonnes of it. Just on the one guy! The reason those elections have been
:08:48. > :09:01.in the news, there is a town where three candidates all had the same
:09:02. > :09:15.name. You could vote for the same name. The first guy won 1200 votes.
:09:16. > :09:24.Is it a really popular name? It is. It means big onions. It has not just
:09:25. > :09:32.been Romanian elections this week. Hillary Clinton, it seems, will be
:09:33. > :09:38.the Democratic candidate. I read a really good article in USA Today.
:09:39. > :09:43.What might we call Bill Clinton is Hillary becomes president? You
:09:44. > :09:50.cannot call them first lady. I thought they should call him First
:09:51. > :09:58.Lad. They said may first gentleman or former President Clinton. It
:09:59. > :10:13.could be President Clinton's husband, President Clinton. It would
:10:14. > :10:17.be easy. One in admin. Recently, the candidates have been given their CIA
:10:18. > :10:23.codename. Hillary Clinton were inherit the one she had when she was
:10:24. > :10:30.in the Bill Clinton Administration. She will be called Evergreen. Donald
:10:31. > :10:36.Trump's codename is Mogul. Prior to that, there was a public debate
:10:37. > :10:44.about people being asked what they wanted their codename to be. Donald
:10:45. > :10:50.Trump said, Hamble. He is a master of irony. Another chose, justice
:10:51. > :11:10.never sleeps. He is asleep. It turns out American politicians
:11:11. > :11:16.have more fun websites and British politicians. With Hillary Clinton,
:11:17. > :11:27.she is selling so many interesting products. On her tote bag, it said,
:11:28. > :11:36.girls just want to have fun! I really like that. There is a- and
:11:37. > :11:40.everything. She also has, I have not seen them so much in the UK but you
:11:41. > :11:48.can buy chilling things going around your pan of drink. It says on the
:11:49. > :11:55.front, it says Hillary Clinton .com. On the back it says more like
:11:56. > :12:06.Chillary Clinton. Underneath, am I right? There is a candidate called
:12:07. > :12:14.John McCarthy. He is standing for the Libertarian party. He has been
:12:15. > :12:18.an antivirus software pioneer and an international fugitive. It reads
:12:19. > :12:21.technology behind their presidential candidate. He used to read eccentric
:12:22. > :12:29.millionaire and still alive. The Libertarian party are
:12:30. > :12:33.interesting because they have an important role in this election
:12:34. > :12:37.because we have the two least popular candidates for about 100
:12:38. > :12:41.years running for President, so a lot of votes might go to the
:12:42. > :12:45.Libertarians, the third biggest party. But they are riddled with
:12:46. > :12:49.slightly eccentric people. They have their party conference last week and
:12:50. > :12:53.there is a man called James Weekes who was running to be the
:12:54. > :12:57.chairperson. He stepped on stage to give his speech and instead of
:12:58. > :13:03.giving his speech, music started playing and he started to take his
:13:04. > :13:08.clothes off. By the time was down to a leather thong, were booing loudly.
:13:09. > :13:15.He leaned into the microphone and said, sorry, I did it for a dare, I
:13:16. > :13:23.am out of the race. I have another Libertarian candidate. This man
:13:24. > :13:28.called vermin supreme. Is he related to super victor? Yes, the sex toy.
:13:29. > :13:33.He wears a Wellington boot on his head at all times, advocates regular
:13:34. > :13:37.tooth-brushing and a free pony for every American if he becomes
:13:38. > :13:40.President. They have events in America for fringe candidates but he
:13:41. > :13:46.is the only one who hasn't been invited back, because during the
:13:47. > :13:50.2011 event he started to glitter bomb the other candidates. I have a
:13:51. > :13:56.nice picture of him glitter bombing this man. I love it when people
:13:57. > :14:04.still attempt to look dignified whilst being glitter bombed by a man
:14:05. > :14:07.with a boot on his head! We are halfway through the show and it is
:14:08. > :14:18.time for the stories you have sent in on e-mail and social media. I got
:14:19. > :14:23.this one which is from the Guardian. A great sunken city of the coast of
:14:24. > :14:28.Greece has been tested and found to actually be made of microbe waste.
:14:29. > :14:33.They saw all of these structures under their water and they thought,
:14:34. > :14:37.it is obviously a building. They tested it and it turns out that you
:14:38. > :14:41.have microbes and when they risk by they make a rock. They were in
:14:42. > :14:46.circles which people thought were columns, but they were on events, so
:14:47. > :14:52.all of the microbes sat around a circle and built them up in a little
:14:53. > :15:02.column. Really cool. Imagine if the Colosseum and the Parthenon are just
:15:03. > :15:08.piles of microbe waste. OK. This was treated in. This is from ITV News.
:15:09. > :15:13.After ace beading vehicle was stopped by police in Swindon and the
:15:14. > :15:16.four occupants ran forward, police constables pattern gave chase
:15:17. > :15:21.shouting that he was a dog handler and then he started barking. To his
:15:22. > :15:29.astonishment, one suspect gave himself up when he heard the barking
:15:30. > :15:34.and was promptly arrested. Wow! He now has a career as an impersonator.
:15:35. > :15:40.Haven't they done something where they have started to text criminals
:15:41. > :15:46.and say, and yourself in? Sussex Police. They just text criminals who
:15:47. > :15:56.go, sorry, I have been busted, see you later. This one is that there
:15:57. > :16:01.has been a Bactrian camel born in Chicago Lincoln Park zoo, the first
:16:02. > :16:12.since 1948, named Alexander camel town. Time for fact number three, my
:16:13. > :16:19.fact. Mine is that as well as being a great boxer, Muhammad Ali was also
:16:20. > :16:23.a great magician. However, he was also a terrible magician because, as
:16:24. > :16:28.it was against his religion to deceive, he immediately told
:16:29. > :16:33.everyone how he did the tricks. Straightaway. He could do over 30
:16:34. > :16:37.card tricks, he could levitate. He was like, I will explain how that
:16:38. > :16:42.happened. Tragic news, Muhammad Ali has passed away and his funeral was
:16:43. > :16:46.today. Nice things are coming out about his respect for every detail
:16:47. > :16:50.for his religion. He has a star on the Hollywood walk of Fame, and his
:16:51. > :16:55.is the only one that is not on the floor but on the wall. That was as a
:16:56. > :17:01.result of his request that he did not want anyone to be walking over
:17:02. > :17:04.the name of the Prophet Muhammad. He had multiple interests. This is one
:17:05. > :17:10.of the things that is so great about Muhammad Ali. He was active in a lot
:17:11. > :17:15.of directions. He was a poet, wrote some excellent poems. I particularly
:17:16. > :17:24.like the one he wrote about his rumble in the jungle. For this
:17:25. > :17:27.fight, I wrestled with alligators, tussled with a wail, handcuffed
:17:28. > :17:34.lightning and through Sunday in jail. I can drown a drink of water
:17:35. > :17:39.and kill a dead tree, wait until you see Muhammad Ali. He was a great
:17:40. > :17:43.literary figure. There was a feeling that the great theory that he was
:17:44. > :17:47.not very literate and even the books he collaborated on, he had not read,
:17:48. > :17:53.which might be why he used so many rhymes in his sledging. One couplet
:17:54. > :17:58.that has been in my head - Ali fights great, he has speed and
:17:59. > :18:06.insurer -- speed and engine runs. If you decide to fight him, increase
:18:07. > :18:12.your insurance. There was an article in the Coventry Telegraph. He was a
:18:13. > :18:16.Coventry man, wasn't he? Well, he did once go to Coventry, and that is
:18:17. > :18:23.what they talked about. He only ever went to one football match. Despite
:18:24. > :18:27.knowing he was a famous Muslim they served him am sandwiches at
:18:28. > :18:33.half-time. Being the polite man that he was, he took the ham out and he
:18:34. > :18:37.ate the bread. He went on a feud tours of Britain and one of the ones
:18:38. > :18:41.he was in the north-east and he played darts against the former
:18:42. > :18:55.world number one darts player with the best nickname. He is called
:18:56. > :19:05.David Allan Evans. Once, he was in Manchester and he was selling
:19:06. > :19:13.Ovaltine. Muhammad Ali? Yes. He went to Tesco in Stretford. What is this
:19:14. > :19:16.story? He went to Tesco in Stretford and he was selling Ovaltine and
:19:17. > :19:20.thousands of people turned up and the police had to be called to keep
:19:21. > :19:24.them away. The police could not quite understand it was because it
:19:25. > :19:27.was Muhammad Ali. They thought the reason there were so many people
:19:28. > :19:34.going mad was because some of them thought he was giving away free tins
:19:35. > :19:44.of Ovaltine. It is annoying because you have a way of calming down the
:19:45. > :19:48.crowd. He was very afraid of flying so it is interesting how many world
:19:49. > :19:52.tour is heeded. When he did the Olympics in Rome, he was so flaky --
:19:53. > :19:57.afraid of flying that he would wear a parachute for the entire journey.
:19:58. > :20:01.There is a story about him in a plane about to take off and the
:20:02. > :20:06.stewardess said, can you put on your seat belt. He said, Superman does
:20:07. > :20:15.money do seat belt. She said, Superman doesn't need a plane.
:20:16. > :20:21.It is hard to tell it is Superman because he puts on those glasses and
:20:22. > :20:25.it does not look anything like him. One of the things that he can do is
:20:26. > :20:32.that he can compress his spine and so he is a little shorter than
:20:33. > :20:37.Superman, Clark Kent. Nice detail. That is why no one can tell, even
:20:38. > :20:48.though he looks the same. If you lost an inch, I would have no idea.
:20:49. > :20:56.He fought a famous fight in Tokyo against a mixed martial artist and
:20:57. > :20:59.it was kind of hilarious, because the rules were altered specifically,
:21:00. > :21:04.because this man did martial arts and Muhammad Ali was a boxer. It
:21:05. > :21:08.ended up being that the man realised the only way to beat Ali was to lie
:21:09. > :21:14.on the floor and kick him really hard. He did this for round after
:21:15. > :21:19.round. He lay on the floor, the Guardian said, like a hound trying
:21:20. > :21:25.to scratch its pass on the carpet. Backing away and lashing out. The
:21:26. > :21:29.report said he might have to have his legs amputated because they had
:21:30. > :21:36.been so badly kicked. The Rumble in the jungle against George Foreman in
:21:37. > :21:40.1974, amazing sledging before the fight, but also mid-fight, whenever
:21:41. > :21:44.he got the chance he would whisper to George Foreman, is that all
:21:45. > :21:48.you've got, George? George Foreman said he thought it would be an easy
:21:49. > :21:55.fight and by around six he was thinking, yes, that is about all I
:21:56. > :22:05.have got. I thought you were going to say that he said, I also have
:22:06. > :22:13.this handy toastie maker. OK, time for our final fact and that is from
:22:14. > :22:18.Anna. My fact is that fish can be trained to spit in people's faces.
:22:19. > :22:23.This story came out this week and is about archerfish. What they did was
:22:24. > :22:29.to work out if archerfish camera cognize human faces. The way they
:22:30. > :22:34.did used to whether they code was that they showed the archerfish on a
:22:35. > :22:38.monitor screen two pictures of people. If the archerfish spat at
:22:39. > :22:45.one of the people, they would be fed, so they learned that was the
:22:46. > :22:50.one to spit at. And then they put that person, a picture of that
:22:51. > :22:56.person, among 44 other faces the archerfish had never seen. In more
:22:57. > :23:00.than 80% of cases, they spat on the correct person, so they could
:23:01. > :23:03.identify the face. They even changed the shape and colour of the fish
:23:04. > :23:11.sometimes, which goes beyond my facial wreck -- facial recognition
:23:12. > :23:15.abilities. The archerfish could still work out which person to spit
:23:16. > :23:20.at. Not to be confused with the Geoffrey archerfish, when it says, I
:23:21. > :23:27.am the best at spitting in the world. Topical! I have never had the
:23:28. > :23:36.chance to make Jeffrey archer joke in life. We can insert it into have
:23:37. > :23:42.I got News for you from 1996. Archerfish are amazing. When they
:23:43. > :23:46.are under the water, they fired jets of water and they cannot insects off
:23:47. > :23:52.leaves and they fall into water so they can eat them. That is amazing
:23:53. > :23:55.in itself, but if you think about it, their eyes are underwater, so
:23:56. > :24:01.the density of water is different to air. It will be a fracture. Also,
:24:02. > :24:05.you have gravity which pulls down the water. They have two games
:24:06. > :24:09.somewhere that is nowhere near the insect and they still get it almost
:24:10. > :24:14.every time. Archerfish use water as a tool, because the definition of a
:24:15. > :24:19.tool is that you mould it to your purpose. They do that with water,
:24:20. > :24:22.because they spit out the last bit of water faster than the first, so
:24:23. > :24:28.the last bit catches up with the first hit, so by the time it hits
:24:29. > :24:34.the insect, it all hits at once and has the power to knock it off. There
:24:35. > :24:40.is a new app in Russia which is very popular and it is called find face.
:24:41. > :24:44.You take a picture of someone on the street and it tracks them through
:24:45. > :24:56.the social networks they belong to. Creepy! One of the founders
:24:57. > :25:02.explained that it was not creepy. And he did it while he was doing
:25:03. > :25:07.this! He said, it also looks for similar people. So you could upload
:25:08. > :25:11.a photo of a movie star or your ex and fined ten girls who look similar
:25:12. > :25:13.to her and send their messages. Breen macro you are right, that is
:25:14. > :25:26.not creepy at all. This week, there was a fish hack,
:25:27. > :25:31.where people invent mobile things to do with fishing. The winner was
:25:32. > :25:34.great Lake saviour, which is a real-time app which takes that
:25:35. > :25:40.project and flow data of the great Lakes to work out when Asian carp
:25:41. > :25:45.will spawn. They are an invasive species and you need to know when
:25:46. > :25:53.they spawn. Another which did the same thing was called carpe diem,
:25:54. > :25:57.which would have been good, right. Another one which did not win tried
:25:58. > :26:05.to get the phone to analyse molecules in a fish and tell you
:26:06. > :26:11.what species it is. If you do not trust the signage. One third of fish
:26:12. > :26:18.in America are mis-sold. There was a companion app for fishermen, which
:26:19. > :26:22.sounds good. So sweet. Is it if there is another fisherman on
:26:23. > :26:34.another boat? Yes, you nowhere years. Is it like grinder for
:26:35. > :26:41.fishermen? You are still 30 miles apart, I am afraid! OK, that is all
:26:42. > :26:51.of our facts. Just time to share the facts we did not have time to get
:26:52. > :26:54.to. This is from the Guardian. At London's first naked rest room,
:26:55. > :26:58.which opened this week, staff have been asked to cover their genitals
:26:59. > :27:09.for logistical reasons. -- restaurant. Minors from the
:27:10. > :27:13.Australian broadcasting Corporation. A green tree frog in Australia has
:27:14. > :27:18.been airlifted to frog hospital after being injured in a lawn mower
:27:19. > :27:20.accident. The frog, which had to be x-rayed going through airport
:27:21. > :27:35.security, is expected home next week. Mine was sent into us. The
:27:36. > :27:39.fact is that at an anti-immigration demo in Germany, one demonstrator
:27:40. > :27:45.turned up, plus 50 counterdemonstrators and 107 -- 170
:27:46. > :27:50.policemen. You need three people for it to be considered a demonstration
:27:51. > :27:57.in Germany, so the counter demonstrators went away and so did
:27:58. > :28:01.the police. Finally, Andy. This is from the Salt Lake Tribune. A
:28:02. > :28:07.suspicious package left outside a launderette in a suburb of Salt Lake
:28:08. > :28:13.City has turned out to be empty. Just time to go to Jane Hill in the
:28:14. > :28:24.studio. I am not in the studio. I am in the pub. Hello, Bernard. That is
:28:25. > :28:25.it from us and them in the pub. We will be back again next week.
:28:26. > :29:07.Goodbye. with a new round
:29:08. > :29:10.of celebrity rookies...