0:00:02 > 0:00:04# We're not going out
0:00:04 > 0:00:06# Not staying in
0:00:06 > 0:00:10# Just hanging around with my head in a spin
0:00:10 > 0:00:13# But there is no need to scream and shout
0:00:13 > 0:00:16# We're not going out
0:00:16 > 0:00:18# We are not going out. #
0:00:24 > 0:00:26- Where are you going? - It's a business thing.
0:00:26 > 0:00:31At this time? Times are hard, but how are you earning money nowadays?
0:00:31 > 0:00:34- Ho ho ho.- I heard you the first time.
0:00:35 > 0:00:40I'm catching an overnight train to a conference, so you're on your own for a couple of days.
0:00:40 > 0:00:44Try to behave like a human adult. I haven't got time to lay down newspaper.
0:00:44 > 0:00:50I can be civilised. I'll have an evening of blues and jazz. Dig out the old seven inches.
0:00:50 > 0:00:54By "blues and jazz" I'm guessing you mean blue movies and jazz magazines?
0:00:54 > 0:00:58- Yeah. And "by dig out the old..." - Got it!
0:00:59 > 0:01:03- Hi!- Hi, Daisy. Lee, can you get my dad's nail gun?
0:01:03 > 0:01:07She's a bit dippy, but she deserves the right to live.
0:01:07 > 0:01:08I'm joking.
0:01:08 > 0:01:11Of course I'll shoot her.
0:01:11 > 0:01:13Thank you for lending it to me, Lucy.
0:01:13 > 0:01:17- That's OK. What do you need it for? - Well, loads of DIY things.
0:01:17 > 0:01:20Plus that garden sculpture that Tim bought keeps collapsing.
0:01:20 > 0:01:24- What garden sculpture? - Oh, you know, what's it called?
0:01:24 > 0:01:27Giant Jenga?
0:01:29 > 0:01:33Thank you. Right, I'd better dash. I'm parked on a speed hump.
0:01:33 > 0:01:38It's not illegal, but it makes me really nervous, like it might shrug me off.
0:01:40 > 0:01:43Hope she's going to be all right with that nail gun.
0:01:43 > 0:01:45Why's she doing the DIY, anyway?
0:01:45 > 0:01:48- My brother's not exactly a handyman.- I don't know.
0:01:48 > 0:01:52He's handy for tips on how to arrange a flower display.
0:01:52 > 0:01:58"First the tall stems, then the shorter. To keep fresh, add sugar to the water." Jane Asher, 1998.
0:01:58 > 0:02:02What about that for an entrance? Why's my girlfriend just walked out of your flat?
0:02:02 > 0:02:06- I hope you're not up to anything, you scoundrel.- Don't be silly.
0:02:06 > 0:02:12- I was too busy shagging your sister. - What are you doing here?
0:02:12 > 0:02:15I'm on my way back from the work's night out. A rough place.
0:02:15 > 0:02:20- Although it didn't stop us having a raucous night.- Raucous night?- Yep.
0:02:20 > 0:02:21It's quarter past nine.
0:02:21 > 0:02:25I had to leave early. There was no anti-bacterial handwash in the gents.
0:02:27 > 0:02:29Daisy left her coat, by the way.
0:02:29 > 0:02:34Talking of coats, what are you wearing? You're like two dwarfs with one cinema ticket.
0:02:34 > 0:02:39This is a very practical coat, actually. It's warm, machine washable
0:02:39 > 0:02:42and there's loads of pockets for your bits and...
0:02:43 > 0:02:45..bobs.
0:02:45 > 0:02:49If that's your bits and bobs, I can't wait to see your knick-knacks.
0:02:49 > 0:02:51Oh, sh... Sugar.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53I don't think it's sugar.
0:02:53 > 0:02:58I think the phrase you're looking for is, "Oh, sh... Class A drugs."
0:02:58 > 0:03:02- I must have picked up the wrong coat.- How could you, you idiot?
0:03:02 > 0:03:06You think he feels stupid? What about the Colombian drugs baron in Tim's cagoule?
0:03:06 > 0:03:11- What am I going to do? - Flush it down the toilet.
0:03:11 > 0:03:14It's extra large, it would never get past the U-bend.
0:03:14 > 0:03:18- The drugs.- They belong to someone. What if he tracks me down?
0:03:18 > 0:03:22- How?- He's got my coat. - It's not like you've sewn a little name tag in your collar.
0:03:25 > 0:03:28You have sewn a name tag in your collar.
0:03:28 > 0:03:30So he knows Timothy Adams has got his drugs.
0:03:30 > 0:03:36- There must be a hundred Timothy Adams in London. - Not Timothy Gladstone Adams.
0:03:36 > 0:03:39You sew your middle name into your coat?
0:03:39 > 0:03:43- Yes.- Why?- Because there must be a hundred Timothy Adams in London.
0:03:43 > 0:03:46I'm going to miss this train.
0:03:46 > 0:03:48Ring the police. Now.
0:03:48 > 0:03:52- What are you doing? - Doing what Lucy said.
0:03:52 > 0:03:57If you do, someone will give you shoes that'll send you to the bottom of a lake.
0:03:57 > 0:03:59Crocs?
0:04:01 > 0:04:04- Look, maybe it isn't even drugs. - Well, what is it?
0:04:04 > 0:04:07It could be anything. It could be washing powder.
0:04:07 > 0:04:12Yeah, he popped in for a pint after a long day doing the Daz doorstep challenge.
0:04:12 > 0:04:17- What are you doing?- I'm proving to you it's not washing powder.
0:04:17 > 0:04:20What are you doing that for?
0:04:20 > 0:04:22To see if it's good shit.
0:04:22 > 0:04:24That's going to take ages.
0:04:31 > 0:04:32I mean the drugs.
0:04:32 > 0:04:36- You haven't got a clue what you're doing, have you?- Not really.
0:04:36 > 0:04:40- I saw them do it on Scarface. - I'm glad you haven't been watching Brokeback Mountain.
0:04:42 > 0:04:46You try it, then, smartarse. Come on, this is your problem, not mine.
0:05:00 > 0:05:02It's my own fault.
0:05:02 > 0:05:06I knew I shouldn't have let him watch The Railway Children.
0:05:14 > 0:05:16I meant Trainspotting.
0:05:23 > 0:05:25Oh, hang on.
0:05:25 > 0:05:27Oh, yeah, that's odd.
0:05:27 > 0:05:30See, that is definitely not Bold 3-in-1.
0:05:30 > 0:05:33It might be biological. I'm allergic to that.
0:05:33 > 0:05:35Tim, it's not washing powder, it's drugs.
0:05:35 > 0:05:38Find this bloke and get it back to him
0:05:38 > 0:05:44- Now, what do you know about him? - I don't know. There's no name tag.
0:05:44 > 0:05:47You don't say? What about mittens on string?
0:05:47 > 0:05:48Oh, yeah, laugh it up.
0:05:48 > 0:05:54- You weren't laughing when we went ice-skating and I didn't have frozen fingers.- Oh, I was laughing.
0:05:54 > 0:05:57And not just me, the whole of the stag party.
0:05:58 > 0:06:01Hang on, he's got a business card.
0:06:01 > 0:06:04Larry "The Butcher" Stubbs.
0:06:04 > 0:06:07You're not the only one with a unusual middle name.
0:06:07 > 0:06:10Get back to that nightclub, now.
0:06:10 > 0:06:13OK. But will you come with me?
0:06:13 > 0:06:17The adoption agency never told me you were going to be this needy.
0:06:17 > 0:06:20You know this is wrong. This shouldn't be back on the streets.
0:06:20 > 0:06:24- I've seen what drugs can do to people.- No, you haven't.- I have, actually.
0:06:24 > 0:06:29It was a long time ago, back in the '80s. I was still at school.
0:06:29 > 0:06:31There was a boy, popular boy.
0:06:31 > 0:06:34He had lots of friends, enjoyed sport.
0:06:34 > 0:06:39Someone offered him some drugs at a party and he thought, "Well, what's the harm? Why not?"
0:06:39 > 0:06:45Within weeks he was a wreck, scrambling around on the floor, looking for bits of his fix.
0:06:45 > 0:06:51- Sorry, Tim. Can I just interrupt? - Yes.- Are you talking about Zammo from Grange Hill?
0:06:52 > 0:06:55It was a very convincing portrayal, actually.
0:07:03 > 0:07:05Well, here it is.
0:07:05 > 0:07:08- I see what you mean about rough. - These are old-school gentlemen villains.
0:07:08 > 0:07:12If you want us to fit in, imagine you're Reggie and I'm Ronnie.
0:07:12 > 0:07:14Which one, Barker or Corbett?
0:07:18 > 0:07:21- Go on, then.- Can you do it? Please?
0:07:21 > 0:07:23If you do, I'll never, ever forget it.
0:07:23 > 0:07:28You won't have a choice. You'll be reminded every time you look at my disfigured face.
0:07:28 > 0:07:30It hasn't affected our relationship so far.
0:07:39 > 0:07:42Excuse me.
0:07:42 > 0:07:46This is a bit awkward, but the thing is, my mate,
0:07:46 > 0:07:49the dippy looking geezer with the bad dress sense,
0:07:49 > 0:07:53apart from his coat, which is lovely, lovely coat...
0:07:53 > 0:07:59Anyway, the thing is, he accidentally took your coat by mistake.
0:07:59 > 0:08:00And we found your...
0:08:00 > 0:08:03..shit in his pocket.
0:08:03 > 0:08:05We didn't touch it.
0:08:05 > 0:08:08I never touch another man's shit.
0:08:08 > 0:08:11We rubbed some in our gums, just to check it was shit.
0:08:11 > 0:08:15If you're following any of this, just stare at me really menacingly.
0:08:17 > 0:08:20Great. So, why don't we swap back?
0:08:20 > 0:08:22Yeah? No harm done?
0:08:22 > 0:08:24Perfect.
0:08:24 > 0:08:28I'm warning you if you've touched any of Timothy's Fruit Polos,
0:08:28 > 0:08:31he'll hunt you down and slice you like a carrot.
0:08:32 > 0:08:33Thanks.
0:08:37 > 0:08:41Next time you want me to do a favour, keep it simple.
0:08:41 > 0:08:46Ask me to steal Osama Bin Laden's white turban and replace it with a giant meringue.
0:08:52 > 0:08:54This isn't my coat.
0:08:54 > 0:08:58If that's not yours, then that one's not his.
0:09:00 > 0:09:03Thanks for the free drugs, you Muppets.
0:09:08 > 0:09:11Bloody hell. Was there a sale on at House of Gangster?
0:09:12 > 0:09:18Where's the gear? And who the hell is Timothy Gladstone Adams?
0:09:18 > 0:09:22Well, I've finished with my Reggie act.
0:09:22 > 0:09:26- You'd better start doing your Ronnie impression, and quick. - It's good night from me.
0:09:26 > 0:09:29- And it's good night from him. - Come here!
0:09:29 > 0:09:32Come here!
0:09:41 > 0:09:44- Cup of tea?- Agh!- Coffee! I can do coffee!
0:09:44 > 0:09:48I was hoping I'd wake up and this would just be a bad dream.
0:09:48 > 0:09:53If was one of your dreams, we'd have been attacked by Patricia Hodge with a tache on.
0:09:53 > 0:09:56Why did I ever tell you about that?
0:09:56 > 0:10:01- We're in trouble, aren't we, Lee? - Yes, "we" now being the operative word.
0:10:01 > 0:10:05- Can't believe that you gave the drugs to the wrong person. - Don't blame me.
0:10:05 > 0:10:09You had the wrong clothes on. Good job it wasn't a drag club,
0:10:09 > 0:10:14otherwise I'd be sat here being entertained by Timothy Titflaps and her disturbingly unsightly bulge.
0:10:14 > 0:10:16Will you stop going on about my dreams?!
0:10:19 > 0:10:22I didn't tell you about that one, did I?
0:10:22 > 0:10:27As long as we're here, we're safe. He doesn't know my name or where I live.
0:10:27 > 0:10:31So, can we just get dressed, calm down and stop over-reacting?
0:10:35 > 0:10:38- What are you doing? - Ringing Daisy to explain everything.
0:10:38 > 0:10:42Oh, no, we haven't got time to start explaining everything to Daisy.
0:10:42 > 0:10:45- Not enough time?- In six billion years the sun's going to explode.
0:10:45 > 0:10:51It is vitally important that nobody knows you're here.
0:10:51 > 0:10:52BANGING ON DOOR
0:10:52 > 0:10:55Blimey, it's all kicking off in Narnia.
0:11:08 > 0:11:10Oh, Daisy. Thank God it's you.
0:11:10 > 0:11:14- Who were you expecting?- Anne Frank.
0:11:14 > 0:11:18Well, the traffic's terrible. Maybe she's running a bit late.
0:11:19 > 0:11:22- I'm looking for Tim. - I haven't seen him.
0:11:22 > 0:11:26Don't lie to me, Lee. I'm not stupid. You've seen him loads of times.
0:11:26 > 0:11:28He's six foot with blond hair.
0:11:30 > 0:11:35- I haven't seen him lately. - There is something very strange going on here.
0:11:35 > 0:11:39- No, there isn't.- So why's there a wardrobe jammed up against the door?
0:11:39 > 0:11:41Feng Shui.
0:11:41 > 0:11:43Oh, yes, I've read about that.
0:11:43 > 0:11:48Organising your furniture to keep out unhelpful, negative energy.
0:11:48 > 0:11:51- Does it work?- No.
0:11:53 > 0:11:55Well, I'll get straight to the point.
0:11:55 > 0:11:58I know that you and Tim are taking drugs.
0:11:58 > 0:12:02- Why would you possibly think that? - The way you've been behaving.
0:12:02 > 0:12:04Give me one example.
0:12:04 > 0:12:06All right, you're acting all nervous and twitchy.
0:12:06 > 0:12:09All right, two examples.
0:12:09 > 0:12:11All right, two, you're hiding behind your wardrobe.
0:12:11 > 0:12:13Three examples.
0:12:13 > 0:12:18All right, three, I came round yesterday and saw you both taking drugs.
0:12:18 > 0:12:22Most people would have had that as number one.
0:12:22 > 0:12:24We weren't taking drugs.
0:12:24 > 0:12:27You know what they say about denial, Lee.
0:12:27 > 0:12:29It isn't just a river in France.
0:12:33 > 0:12:38- I saw you rubbing powder into your gums.- That was to test to see if it was washing powder.
0:12:38 > 0:12:40I wasn't born yesterday, Lee.
0:12:40 > 0:12:43To test if something was washing powder, you do something else.
0:12:43 > 0:12:49- Like what?- I don't know, like putting it in your eyes to see if it made you cry bubbles.
0:12:51 > 0:12:55- Tell me the truth, or I'm going to the police.- Why?
0:12:55 > 0:12:58Because Tim didn't come home last night and his phone's switched off.
0:12:58 > 0:13:01And he only does that during Midsomer Murders.
0:13:01 > 0:13:04Promise me you won't go to the police.
0:13:04 > 0:13:06Only if you tell me the truth.
0:13:08 > 0:13:11Look, Tim stayed here last night and he's fine.
0:13:11 > 0:13:14- We weren't taking drugs the other day, we were just...- Experimenting?
0:13:14 > 0:13:17- Yeah.- Well, I had a friend who "experimented" by smoking marijuana.
0:13:17 > 0:13:22Thought it was harmless, but they were on a slippery slope and they learned a hard lesson.
0:13:22 > 0:13:26- What?- Don't get wasted at the top of a slippery slope.
0:13:28 > 0:13:32Broke both his ankles. And lost his snowboard.
0:13:32 > 0:13:37All right, I'm going to go. But I want you to both look at this.
0:13:37 > 0:13:39It's a leaflet for the drugs helpline.
0:13:41 > 0:13:43Oh, excuse the holes. It's the nail gun.
0:13:43 > 0:13:46It keeps going off unexpectedly.
0:13:46 > 0:13:49And, Lee, do me a favour.
0:13:49 > 0:13:53Next time I ask you a straight question, don't treat me like an idiot.
0:14:06 > 0:14:08Is it safe?
0:14:10 > 0:14:15What were you going to do with that? Stick it up his backside and sing Ladleweiss?
0:14:18 > 0:14:26It wasn't him. We were lucky. Buy some more cocaine and give it back to your butcher friend, and quick.
0:14:26 > 0:14:30- What are you talking about, cocaine? It was heroin.- Was it?- Wasn't it?
0:14:30 > 0:14:32I don't know.
0:14:32 > 0:14:35- There's a bit left. Try some.- What? - Go on.
0:14:35 > 0:14:38If you start talking quickly, we'll know it's cocaine.
0:14:38 > 0:14:44If I lose four stone, steal DVD players and become a male prostitute, we know it's heroin.
0:14:44 > 0:14:49We need to find an expert to identify it and find out what it's worth.
0:14:49 > 0:14:50Brilliant.
0:14:50 > 0:14:54Let's ring Fiona Bruce and see if she's still presenting the Narcotics Roadshow.
0:14:54 > 0:14:57Yeah, or Dickinson's Real Deal.
0:15:01 > 0:15:03Crack In The Attic.
0:15:03 > 0:15:09This is excellent use of our time. Let's think of some more drug puns about TV programmes, shall we?
0:15:09 > 0:15:11That'll solve everything.
0:15:12 > 0:15:14- I know.- Top Gear.- Shut it!
0:15:18 > 0:15:20We'll phone this lot.
0:15:24 > 0:15:27- Thanks for coming round so quickly. - That's OK. That's why we're here.
0:15:27 > 0:15:30To chat, honestly and frankly.
0:15:30 > 0:15:34I agree. It's very important to be honest in these situations.
0:15:34 > 0:15:39So, what exactly did you find in your son's bedroom?
0:15:41 > 0:15:45I found this under his mattress. You can imagine how shocked I was.
0:15:45 > 0:15:47I was only looking for pornography.
0:15:48 > 0:15:50- And why was that? - The internet's down.
0:15:52 > 0:15:58- You're right, it's not a time for jokes.- So, what exactly do you know about drugs?
0:15:58 > 0:16:01Nothing. When I was his age, we couldn't even afford them.
0:16:01 > 0:16:03To get high, I went to the glue factory.
0:16:03 > 0:16:08- Did that work?- Yeah, there was a bloke there selling cheap cannabis.
0:16:09 > 0:16:15I say cheap, not that I know what cannabis costs because I don't take drugs. And neither does he.
0:16:15 > 0:16:18- Oh. And this is?- Tim. I'm a friend of the fa...
0:16:18 > 0:16:21Unless you said we were a gay couple?
0:16:24 > 0:16:27- Why would I say that? - I'm a friend of the family.
0:16:27 > 0:16:33Well, what you've found is definitely a banned substance. It's cocaine.
0:16:33 > 0:16:35Where could he possibly be getting this stuff from?
0:16:35 > 0:16:38Well, it's all too easy to obtain drugs.
0:16:38 > 0:16:42- Good. God, is it?- He's probably getting it off the street. - More specific, street names?
0:16:42 > 0:16:46Postcode's better for sat nav.
0:16:47 > 0:16:51I know there's a group of dealers operating on Seeton Road at the moment.
0:16:51 > 0:16:53Great, Seaton Road.
0:16:53 > 0:16:55With two Es.
0:16:55 > 0:16:57That can't be earning them much money.
0:17:02 > 0:17:05Next question, how much would he be paying for this stuff?
0:17:05 > 0:17:09For an amount like that, probably £60.
0:17:09 > 0:17:13How about for an amount, say, like that?
0:17:13 > 0:17:15That's a serious quantity.
0:17:15 > 0:17:17About £8,000. CROCKERY BREAKS
0:17:20 > 0:17:23Don't we get a discount for bulk?
0:17:23 > 0:17:25Do YOU get a discount?
0:17:25 > 0:17:27He means my son.
0:17:27 > 0:17:29This son of yours...
0:17:29 > 0:17:31- Yes?- What is his name?
0:17:32 > 0:17:33George.
0:17:37 > 0:17:39- George?- Yeah.
0:17:39 > 0:17:42Same as the make of my T-shirt?
0:17:42 > 0:17:44Yeah.
0:17:44 > 0:17:48- May I have a word with him? - He's out.- Where?
0:17:48 > 0:17:50At ASDA.
0:17:54 > 0:18:00I notice you don't have any photos of your son, George at ASDA?
0:18:02 > 0:18:06No, You see, he doesn't photograph very well. He's, um...
0:18:06 > 0:18:08- He's, um...- A vampire.
0:18:10 > 0:18:12What?
0:18:12 > 0:18:15Hang on, that's reflections, isn't it?
0:18:15 > 0:18:17He's a Red Indian, that's it.
0:18:17 > 0:18:21He believes the camera steals his soul, so he can never be photographed.
0:18:21 > 0:18:26I'm not exactly sure what's going on here, but I think we'll leave it there for now.
0:18:26 > 0:18:29I'm going to go and speak to some of my colleagues.
0:18:29 > 0:18:32I'll be in touch.
0:18:34 > 0:18:36George at ASDA!
0:18:36 > 0:18:42Well, it's better than Big Chief Nosferatu, the Native American smack-head vampire.
0:18:42 > 0:18:47- What if she goes to the police? - Stop panicking. You've got the information you want.
0:18:47 > 0:18:53It's cocaine, you get it from Seeton Road, it costs about £8,000. Just get it done, and quick.
0:19:01 > 0:19:03It's bad enough having to empty my savings account,
0:19:03 > 0:19:08but can you at least stop holding it like you're advertising a Sun bingo promotion?
0:19:08 > 0:19:10Just act cool.
0:19:10 > 0:19:11It's about bravado and confidence.
0:19:11 > 0:19:15These are our streets. We know every alleyway like the back of our hands.
0:19:15 > 0:19:17SAT NAV: 'Right on the roundabout.'
0:19:17 > 0:19:20Maybe lose the sat nav?
0:19:20 > 0:19:22And the National Trust membership sticker.
0:19:22 > 0:19:24And the Rolf Harris CD.
0:19:24 > 0:19:26And the tartan travel rug.
0:19:26 > 0:19:30- All right, pimp my ride, why don't you?- You watch Pimp My Ride?
0:19:30 > 0:19:32I record it and watch it backwards.
0:19:32 > 0:19:36I love seeing those vulgar cars restored to their original condition.
0:19:47 > 0:19:51This is great, I don't even have to get out of the car.
0:19:52 > 0:19:55Big Mac, chicken nuggets and fries, please.
0:19:56 > 0:19:58I was trying to lighten the mood.
0:19:58 > 0:20:01We normally get our drugs from Boots.
0:20:01 > 0:20:03I don't sell drugs.
0:20:03 > 0:20:04I beg your pardon?
0:20:04 > 0:20:07That would be illegal, officer.
0:20:07 > 0:20:10You think if we were coppers, I'd let him open his mouth?
0:20:10 > 0:20:14You don't look like the type of geezers who buy drugs.
0:20:14 > 0:20:18I took drugs before you were born, like your mum, by the look of it.
0:20:19 > 0:20:21I've done 'em all, me, mate.
0:20:21 > 0:20:24Es, Gs, Bs, knees.
0:20:24 > 0:20:27Snap, crackle, poppers.
0:20:27 > 0:20:30Hobnobs, crystal tips, acid drops.
0:20:30 > 0:20:34Reefers, roofers, joiners.
0:20:34 > 0:20:38Speed, Speed 2, charlie, brown.
0:20:39 > 0:20:41Snoopy, droopy,
0:20:41 > 0:20:45Fred Bassett. Uppers, downers, frowners.
0:20:45 > 0:20:48- Frosties.- Frosties?
0:20:48 > 0:20:50Yeah. Good shit, is frosties.
0:20:50 > 0:20:5350% crack, 50%...
0:20:53 > 0:20:55..tiger's foot.
0:20:55 > 0:21:00- They're grrr...- Shut up. Don't tell me you've never heard of frosties?
0:21:00 > 0:21:03- Call yourself a dealer?- Yeah.
0:21:03 > 0:21:07- Course I've heard of them. Is that what you're after? - Not today, thanks.
0:21:07 > 0:21:11Approximately half a kilo of powdered cocaine, if it's not too much trouble, young man.
0:21:12 > 0:21:14Wait here.
0:21:17 > 0:21:21- What?- It's like watching an episode of The Wire starring Derek Nimmo.
0:21:30 > 0:21:33Lee, I think we're being followed.
0:21:35 > 0:21:37Don't be stupid.
0:21:37 > 0:21:40- I think it's an unmarked police car. - How do you know?
0:21:40 > 0:21:43It doesn't say "police'" on it anywhere.
0:21:43 > 0:21:49It could be The Butcher. Maybe it's a gangster car with weapons and hookers and a Jacuzzi in the back.
0:21:49 > 0:21:52- What car is it? - Powder-blue 1.4 Nissan Micra.
0:21:53 > 0:21:57What? You think I watch too many gangster films?
0:21:57 > 0:21:59No, I don't think you watch enough.
0:22:00 > 0:22:03I'm serious, Lee. There is someone following us.
0:22:03 > 0:22:06- Maybe I should pull over. - What? Put your foot down!
0:22:06 > 0:22:08OK, I INSIST we pull over!
0:22:08 > 0:22:10Just step on it, now.
0:22:10 > 0:22:12OK. Let's do this.
0:22:12 > 0:22:16Sit back, tighten your seat belt and let's crank that stereo good and loud.
0:22:16 > 0:22:19# Two little boys had two little toys...
0:22:24 > 0:22:29# When we were two little boys. #
0:22:29 > 0:22:32I think we've lost them.
0:22:32 > 0:22:34You all right?
0:22:34 > 0:22:40I'm fine. It's just that bit where he goes back for him on the horse.
0:22:40 > 0:22:46- It always gets me. - Well, this is the address.
0:22:46 > 0:22:50"Larry Stubbs, Butcher & Poulterer."
0:22:50 > 0:22:56- Well, there's a glimmer of hope. Maybe he'll just poulter us. - Come on.
0:23:02 > 0:23:04Larry "The Butcher" Stubbs?
0:23:05 > 0:23:08Well, well, well.
0:23:08 > 0:23:11You must be Timothy Gladstone Adams.
0:23:11 > 0:23:13You've got balls showing up here.
0:23:13 > 0:23:16Unless, of course, you've brought along some dope.
0:23:16 > 0:23:18Hello!
0:23:23 > 0:23:25I think we've got something of yours.
0:23:30 > 0:23:32It's a nice place you've got here.
0:23:32 > 0:23:37Yeah. If I was a cow, this is where I'd want to be butchered.
0:23:39 > 0:23:41Honestly, it was a complete accident.
0:23:41 > 0:23:44- I took your coat home, thinking it was mine.- Shh.
0:23:44 > 0:23:45Be a good little boy.
0:23:45 > 0:23:49You don't want Daddy to have to give you a slap, do you?
0:23:49 > 0:23:52You're not going to tell my dad, are you?
0:23:55 > 0:23:57What the hell is this?
0:23:57 > 0:23:58It's your drugs.
0:23:58 > 0:24:00This is washing powder.
0:24:00 > 0:24:05Come on. You can't tell that just by looking at it.
0:24:10 > 0:24:13OK, that does look a little bit like washing powder.
0:24:13 > 0:24:15Yeah, I use that stuff.
0:24:15 > 0:24:18It's pretty good...shit.
0:24:19 > 0:24:22Look, you've even written me a little note.
0:24:22 > 0:24:26- Have we? - "Wash your mouth out, tosser.
0:24:26 > 0:24:29"No-one slags off my mum."
0:24:30 > 0:24:33I don't remember slagging off your mum.
0:24:33 > 0:24:38- You didn't.- Have you any idea what I'm going to do to you?
0:24:38 > 0:24:40You sons of bitches.
0:24:40 > 0:24:44- Strictly speaking, you're now slagging off both our... - Not now, Tim.
0:24:46 > 0:24:51You think you're hard, do you? Just remember, there's two of us and only one of you.
0:24:51 > 0:24:56If you want to rumble, bring on the thunder, little man, see how far it gets you.
0:25:03 > 0:25:07Why does that kind of thing work when Steven Seagal says it?
0:25:07 > 0:25:10Come on, mate. Let us go, please.
0:25:10 > 0:25:12Sorry, boys.
0:25:12 > 0:25:15I've got a reputation to think of.
0:25:15 > 0:25:17This is my manor, see?
0:25:17 > 0:25:19I don't know where your manors are.
0:25:19 > 0:25:22He did say "please".
0:25:22 > 0:25:26He means manor, as in To The Manor Born, you pillock!
0:25:26 > 0:25:30That's right. And I've BLEEP Penelope Keith!
0:25:30 > 0:25:32Does Peter Bowles know about this?
0:25:32 > 0:25:36- CAR DOOR SLAMS - Did you hear that? See, I said we were being followed.
0:25:36 > 0:25:40- It must be the police.- Oh, thank God!- What are you talking about?
0:25:40 > 0:25:42I'll tell you, sunshine.
0:25:42 > 0:25:46We're talking about Old Bill walking through that door and serving you up cold porridge.
0:25:46 > 0:25:48Hello!
0:25:50 > 0:25:53Oh, yeah. Powder-blue Nissan Micra. I could kick myself.
0:25:53 > 0:25:56Hi. I'm Daisy.
0:25:57 > 0:25:59Bit rude.
0:25:59 > 0:26:03I followed you, Tim. I wanted to know if your involvement with drugs
0:26:03 > 0:26:05- was getting out of hand. - SHARPENS KNIFE
0:26:05 > 0:26:08Well, Tim? Is it getting out of hand?
0:26:11 > 0:26:14- You come here on your own, sweetheart?- Yes.
0:26:14 > 0:26:19- I bet you phoned the police. - But when I came round, you made me promise...
0:26:19 > 0:26:23Never mind that, Daisy. If you tell us that you did phone the police,
0:26:23 > 0:26:29and that they're on their way, this man will have to let us all go home. You understand?
0:26:29 > 0:26:34- Yes.- That is what will happen if you tell us you phoned the police.
0:26:34 > 0:26:36Right.
0:26:36 > 0:26:39Now, did you phone the police?
0:26:40 > 0:26:42No.
0:26:43 > 0:26:46- Looks like I'm going to need another meat hook.- Freeze!
0:26:49 > 0:26:52I think you should untie them, don't you?
0:26:52 > 0:26:57I'll tell you what I think - a nice girl like you doesn't know how to work one of those.
0:26:57 > 0:27:01That is very true. I was returning it. It keeps going off accidentally!
0:27:04 > 0:27:05Oh, my God.
0:27:05 > 0:27:07I am so sorry!
0:27:10 > 0:27:13Sorry, which ones did I do?
0:27:13 > 0:27:16Never mind him, Daisy. Just untie us!
0:27:16 > 0:27:17Oh, yes.
0:27:27 > 0:27:28Whoops!
0:27:37 > 0:27:40I can't believe the police let you off.
0:27:40 > 0:27:41They didn't have any choice.
0:27:41 > 0:27:46It's not against the law to spend £8,000 on a box of washing powder.
0:27:47 > 0:27:49Ask anyone that shops at Waitrose.
0:27:52 > 0:27:54And what about Daisy?
0:27:54 > 0:27:56She got off with a caution.
0:27:56 > 0:28:00At first they thought she was the brains behind the whole operation, but...
0:28:01 > 0:28:03..luckily, she opened her mouth.
0:28:03 > 0:28:08If you'd gone to the police at the start, this would have been avoided.
0:28:08 > 0:28:10It's easy to be wise after the event.
0:28:10 > 0:28:14I told you two days ago, and Daisy said it again yesterday.
0:28:14 > 0:28:19It's easy to be wise before, during and after the event.
0:28:19 > 0:28:22Anyway, of course they let us off.
0:28:22 > 0:28:25The police knew we never meant to steal those drugs.
0:28:25 > 0:28:27I'm many things, Lucy.
0:28:27 > 0:28:30But if there's one thing I'm not, it's a thief. Cup of tea?
0:28:37 > 0:28:39# We're not going out
0:28:39 > 0:28:40# Not staying in
0:28:40 > 0:28:43# Just hanging around with my head in a spin
0:28:43 > 0:28:46# But there is no need to scream and shout
0:28:46 > 0:28:49# We're not going out
0:28:49 > 0:28:52# We are not going out. #
0:28:52 > 0:28:54Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd