0:00:02 > 0:00:04# We're not going out
0:00:04 > 0:00:06# Not staying in
0:00:06 > 0:00:09# Just hanging around with my head in a spin
0:00:09 > 0:00:12# But there is no need to scream and shout
0:00:12 > 0:00:15# We're not going out
0:00:15 > 0:00:18# We are not going out. #
0:00:26 > 0:00:28Excuse me.
0:00:28 > 0:00:29Do you know if this one goes up
0:00:29 > 0:00:31AND down the mountain?
0:00:33 > 0:00:37Daisy, would you stop asking people that when we get on cable cars?
0:00:37 > 0:00:39It's the first time I've said it.
0:00:39 > 0:00:42No, it's not. You said it when we went on the London Eye.
0:00:44 > 0:00:45Are you coming, or what, Lucy?
0:00:48 > 0:00:52I'm sorry, I stopped to give you a round of applause for booking
0:00:52 > 0:00:54such a great holiday(!)
0:00:54 > 0:00:56And then remembered I couldn't.
0:00:57 > 0:00:59How many times do I have to say I'm sorry?
0:00:59 > 0:01:01Um...once would be a start.
0:01:01 > 0:01:03OK.
0:01:03 > 0:01:07I'm very sorry for crashing into you and breaking your arms.
0:01:07 > 0:01:09It was a freak accident.
0:01:09 > 0:01:11You mean it was an accident caused by a freak.
0:01:13 > 0:01:17I misjudged my speed at that first corner and just careered off.
0:01:17 > 0:01:21You shouldn't have been riding that luggage carousel in the first place!
0:01:21 > 0:01:24I don't want to sound like I'm defending Lee here,
0:01:24 > 0:01:26but if they don't want people to ride it,
0:01:26 > 0:01:29they shouldn't really be calling it a "carousel."
0:01:29 > 0:01:31JINGLE
0:01:34 > 0:01:36Well, I'm having a great time.
0:01:36 > 0:01:39I always thought skiing was for the middle classes,
0:01:39 > 0:01:41but I'm really enjoying it.
0:01:41 > 0:01:44Perhaps one day you can try some other middle class activities,
0:01:44 > 0:01:47like brushing your teeth. Or hoovering.
0:01:47 > 0:01:50Oh, hoovering. That's a good idea.
0:01:50 > 0:01:52You know, instead of flossing them.
0:01:55 > 0:01:56Ooh, look.
0:01:56 > 0:01:58Someone's come to sing us a song.
0:01:58 > 0:02:01- What are you talking about? - Hello!
0:02:01 > 0:02:02Who is it, Lionel Ritchie?
0:02:03 > 0:02:05What are you doing up there?
0:02:05 > 0:02:07Dancing on the ceiling?
0:02:08 > 0:02:10It's a little bird on the roof.
0:02:10 > 0:02:13He looks hungry, I think I'm going to give him a biscuit.
0:02:13 > 0:02:15SHE SPEAKS HARSHLY IN OWN LANGUAGE
0:02:15 > 0:02:18Daisy, I don't think you're allowed to open that.
0:02:18 > 0:02:21Of course you're allowed. Otherwise why would they have a sunroof?
0:02:23 > 0:02:25I don't think that's a sunroof, Daisy.
0:02:26 > 0:02:30My mistake. They've actually now got a bloody enormous sunroof.
0:02:32 > 0:02:35I've been on some terrible holidays in my time, but this?
0:02:35 > 0:02:37I don't think there are words to describe it.
0:02:37 > 0:02:39- It's taking the biscuit! - That's it.
0:02:41 > 0:02:42Look, I know how to cheer you up.
0:02:44 > 0:02:47Why don't I take you out for dinner tonight, just the two of us?
0:02:47 > 0:02:49Is that what you think will count as an apology?
0:02:49 > 0:02:52- A three-course dinner? - Hang on, I never said three courses.
0:02:52 > 0:02:55I broke your arms, I didn't reverse over your gran.
0:02:55 > 0:02:59Um, thanks for the offer, but the answer's no.
0:02:59 > 0:03:01Oh, he's eating it.
0:03:02 > 0:03:04I'll bring you a chocolate one tomorrow.
0:03:04 > 0:03:06How about a Penguin?
0:03:06 > 0:03:09Oh, no, that would be a sort of be cannibalism, wouldn't it?
0:03:09 > 0:03:13SHE REMONSTRATES IN OWN LANGUAGE
0:03:13 > 0:03:16I think she wants a bite of your biscuit.
0:03:16 > 0:03:19SHE PROTESTS
0:03:19 > 0:03:22Oh, Daisy, I don't think you're supposed to feed the birds.
0:03:22 > 0:03:24- Why not?- I dunno.
0:03:24 > 0:03:27I suppose in case they fly into the mechanism and die.
0:03:27 > 0:03:30Oh, my God! Of course. I'm such an idiot.
0:03:30 > 0:03:33That's why the bird's having its head cut off in the picture!
0:03:36 > 0:03:38Oh, that's good.
0:03:38 > 0:03:41I threw the biscuit over the side and he went after it.
0:03:41 > 0:03:43Shame we don't have any Pot Noodle,
0:03:43 > 0:03:45we could've tried the same with Lee.
0:03:52 > 0:03:54SHE MOUTHS: What?
0:04:00 > 0:04:02Well done, Lee.
0:04:02 > 0:04:05It's just as well only English people speak mime(!)
0:04:07 > 0:04:09I didn't know she was going to look round.
0:04:09 > 0:04:11Not as round as that anyway!
0:04:15 > 0:04:18Why is a pregnant woman going up a mountain in a cable car?
0:04:18 > 0:04:21It'd be too far to walk in her condition.
0:04:23 > 0:04:26Well, she can't be going to sit in that filthy,
0:04:26 > 0:04:28unhygienic cafe all day.
0:04:28 > 0:04:31I'm the only one stupid enough to be doing that.
0:04:31 > 0:04:33Maybe she's just fat.
0:04:33 > 0:04:37You know, like beer-belly fat, like men get.
0:04:37 > 0:04:39Maybe she used to be a man.
0:04:39 > 0:04:40Maybe she still is.
0:04:45 > 0:04:47You speak fluent English, don't you?
0:04:47 > 0:04:51Your boorish manner brings disgrace to both you and your country.
0:04:51 > 0:04:54You could have told me you spoke English.
0:04:54 > 0:04:57It's actually quite rude, what you just did.
0:04:57 > 0:05:00Yes. Please forgive extreme rudeness I just showed you(!)
0:05:00 > 0:05:04Yeah. The sarcasm's not very attractive either.
0:05:04 > 0:05:08I am very sorry about my companion's insensitive comments.
0:05:08 > 0:05:10British people aren't all like that.
0:05:10 > 0:05:13So, um, why are you going up the mountain?
0:05:13 > 0:05:15To be with my family.
0:05:15 > 0:05:19They own the filthy, unhygienic cafe at the top of the mountain.
0:05:22 > 0:05:26I'm very sorry about my companion's insensitive comments.
0:05:26 > 0:05:28British people aren't all like that.
0:05:29 > 0:05:30I am so sorry.
0:05:30 > 0:05:33Please, feel free to insult me in return.
0:05:33 > 0:05:35- Be as rude as you like. - No, thank you.
0:05:35 > 0:05:38I don't wish to sink to level of you and your husband.
0:05:40 > 0:05:43When I said "as rude as you like"...
0:05:45 > 0:05:48So, how long to go?
0:05:48 > 0:05:50Two weeks.
0:05:50 > 0:05:52Blimey, how big is this mountain?!
0:05:54 > 0:05:59- BIRD TWITTERS - Oh, no, the bird's back again.
0:05:59 > 0:06:01Oh, I've got to get him away from the mechanism.
0:06:03 > 0:06:04I know what will get rid of him.
0:06:09 > 0:06:11That's very considerate of you,
0:06:11 > 0:06:14but I think he's going to need one for each foot!
0:06:16 > 0:06:19Shoo. Shoo!
0:06:20 > 0:06:23It's sort of like I'm teaching him English now.
0:06:23 > 0:06:25Because it is a kind of shoe.
0:06:27 > 0:06:28CLANKING
0:06:28 > 0:06:30ELECTRICAL CRACKLING
0:06:33 > 0:06:35What is happening?
0:06:36 > 0:06:39Well, the good news is, the noise has scared the bird away.
0:06:39 > 0:06:42So, no danger of him jamming the mechanism.
0:06:42 > 0:06:44The less good news is...
0:06:46 > 0:06:48..I've jammed the mechanism.
0:06:50 > 0:06:53FRANTIC MUTTERING IN OWN LANGUAGE
0:06:53 > 0:06:54What's she doing?
0:06:54 > 0:06:57- She's getting stressed. We mustn't get her stressed.- OK.
0:06:57 > 0:07:00Just out of interest, what kind of things get you stressed?
0:07:00 > 0:07:02I am very afraid of small, crowded places.
0:07:02 > 0:07:04- Of course you are!- And of heights.
0:07:04 > 0:07:07Yeah. Anything else? Fear of woolly hats?
0:07:07 > 0:07:09Fear of waterproof jackets?
0:07:09 > 0:07:12Is that what anoraknophobia is?
0:07:14 > 0:07:16Ooh... Ooh.... Ooh...
0:07:16 > 0:07:18Oh, no, no, no, no. Don't do that.
0:07:18 > 0:07:21That's the noise that people make on films just before they have a baby.
0:07:21 > 0:07:24Oooh.... Oooh... Oooh...
0:07:24 > 0:07:26Actually, about nine months before.
0:07:28 > 0:07:30Why don't you sit down and relax?
0:07:30 > 0:07:34I'm sure we'll be moving again in a minute and everything will be fine.
0:07:34 > 0:07:37CREAKING
0:07:38 > 0:07:41We can't just sit here. We've got to do something.
0:07:41 > 0:07:44- Maybe I should press that red button.- I don't know, Lee.
0:07:44 > 0:07:47It might be the cable car emergency release switch, for all we know.
0:07:49 > 0:07:51We might go hurtling back down the mountain
0:07:51 > 0:07:54and crash in to the cable car behind us.
0:07:54 > 0:07:56- Ooh!- Oh, Daisy, you silly billy!
0:07:56 > 0:07:59You forgot to mention the blood-curdling screams.
0:08:03 > 0:08:05INTERCOM CRACKLES
0:08:05 > 0:08:07'Da?'
0:08:07 > 0:08:08Hello, it's Lee.
0:08:11 > 0:08:12We're on a cable car
0:08:12 > 0:08:16and it's broken down and we've got a pregnant woman on board.
0:08:19 > 0:08:20Broken down,
0:08:20 > 0:08:22cable car,
0:08:22 > 0:08:24pregnant woman, have we.
0:08:26 > 0:08:30That's right, Lee. If you're stuck, think, "What would Yoda say?"
0:08:32 > 0:08:35MAN ON INTERCOM SPEAKS IN OWN LANGUAGE
0:08:35 > 0:08:37I'll deal with this.
0:08:39 > 0:08:40Computer...
0:08:43 > 0:08:45We want to go back down the mountain.
0:08:47 > 0:08:48Make it so.
0:08:53 > 0:08:55You talk to him. Tell him we're stuck.
0:08:56 > 0:08:59SHE SPEAKS IN OWN LANGUAGE
0:08:59 > 0:09:04MAN SPEAKS IN OWN LANGUAGE
0:09:04 > 0:09:07He says he knows we are stuck. Of course he knows we are stuck.
0:09:07 > 0:09:09The entire system is now stuck, obviously,
0:09:09 > 0:09:11you total bunch of morons!
0:09:12 > 0:09:14- Was the morons bit you or him? - Him.
0:09:14 > 0:09:15You moron.
0:09:16 > 0:09:18- Did you tell him you're pregnant? - Yes.
0:09:18 > 0:09:22He said there's nothing we can do but wait for maintenance people to come and fix.
0:09:22 > 0:09:24He's bloody useless this guy, isn't he?
0:09:24 > 0:09:26Wait till we're down, I'll have a word with him!
0:09:26 > 0:09:28He'll soon know who he's dealing with then.
0:09:28 > 0:09:31- SHE BEGINS TRANSLATING - Don't tell him that bit!
0:09:32 > 0:09:36So, seems like there's nothing to do but wait.
0:09:36 > 0:09:39SHE MUTTERS IN OWN LANGUAGE
0:09:39 > 0:09:40No chance.
0:09:40 > 0:09:44I am not just sitting here whilst a pregnant woman gets stressed.
0:09:45 > 0:09:46HE STRAINS
0:09:46 > 0:09:49It's no good. I need something to dislodge it.
0:09:49 > 0:09:51Daisy, get me the other ski.
0:09:53 > 0:09:55SHE EXCLAIMS
0:09:55 > 0:09:58Hey, wouldn't it be amazing if you fell from this height,
0:09:58 > 0:10:02but then you landed in a really small tub? You know, like Mousetrap.
0:10:09 > 0:10:12Men and their tools, eh? Always getting us into trouble.
0:10:12 > 0:10:15CLANKING
0:10:17 > 0:10:19I think we're getting somewhere.
0:10:19 > 0:10:20ELECTRICAL CRACKLING
0:10:28 > 0:10:29Oops.
0:10:30 > 0:10:34Right, just a few more to go, then we can start that giant game
0:10:34 > 0:10:36of KerPlunk!
0:10:36 > 0:10:40I've got an idea. This might sound crazy, but trust me.
0:10:40 > 0:10:43That's the exact phrase you used when I asked, "How come
0:10:43 > 0:10:46"a skiing holiday only costs £199?"
0:10:46 > 0:10:50Daisy, if you help me get my boots into those skis,
0:10:50 > 0:10:54and then grab hold of me, the combined weight will pull
0:10:54 > 0:10:57the skis loose and then we'll be on our way again.
0:10:57 > 0:10:58Are you a crazy person?
0:10:58 > 0:11:01That is rich coming from a woman who decided to climb up
0:11:01 > 0:11:04a mountain doing an impression of a Russian doll.
0:11:04 > 0:11:05I am not Russian.
0:11:05 > 0:11:07Yeah, you're no doll, either.
0:11:10 > 0:11:12HE STRAINS
0:11:12 > 0:11:13Oh!
0:11:13 > 0:11:17Right, Daisy, grab the top of my thighs and get a solid grip.
0:11:17 > 0:11:20Any other northern chat-up lines?
0:11:21 > 0:11:24Right, push! Push!
0:11:24 > 0:11:26- WOMAN GROANS - Not you.
0:11:27 > 0:11:29How's it looking?
0:11:29 > 0:11:31Like we're being carjacked by Eddie the Eagle.
0:11:38 > 0:11:39Did it!
0:11:39 > 0:11:42You watch, any minute now we'll be moving again.
0:11:42 > 0:11:45THEY ALL SCREAM
0:11:47 > 0:11:49RUMBLING
0:11:51 > 0:11:54It's OK! We've stopped.
0:11:54 > 0:11:58We're going to be OK. Everyone relax.
0:11:58 > 0:12:02SHE REMONSTRATES IN OWN LANGUAGE
0:12:02 > 0:12:03You need to keep her calm, Lee.
0:12:03 > 0:12:05SHE CONTINUES TO SCOLD
0:12:05 > 0:12:07Shall I slap her?
0:12:07 > 0:12:08SHE SHOUTS
0:12:08 > 0:12:12For God's sake, Lee, you're scaring the hell out of the poor woman.
0:12:12 > 0:12:14I know, she must be terrified.
0:12:14 > 0:12:17Look. There's a puddle of water on the floor.
0:12:20 > 0:12:23Oh, God. Her waters have broken!
0:12:23 > 0:12:25Help! Somebody help!
0:12:25 > 0:12:27She's having a baby!
0:12:27 > 0:12:29For the love of God, somebody help!
0:12:29 > 0:12:31Oh!
0:12:31 > 0:12:32Thanks, I needed that.
0:12:34 > 0:12:36Get us down from here, now!
0:12:36 > 0:12:38MAN SPEAKS IN OWN LANGUAGE
0:12:38 > 0:12:41- Get him to send a helicopter. - I don't want to get into helicopter.
0:12:41 > 0:12:44It's not for you, love, it's for me!
0:12:44 > 0:12:46SHE ASKS FOR HELICOPTER
0:12:46 > 0:12:53MAN REPLIES CALMLY IN OWN LANGUAGE
0:12:53 > 0:12:56He says don't worry. This sort of thing happen all the time.
0:12:56 > 0:12:59They can scramble military helicopter from local airbase,
0:12:59 > 0:13:01will be here in two minutes.
0:13:01 > 0:13:03Oh, that's fantastic. That's exactly what we need.
0:13:03 > 0:13:05Tell him that's brilliant.
0:13:08 > 0:13:09He's taking the piss, isn't he?
0:13:11 > 0:13:12Yes.
0:13:12 > 0:13:18DERISIVE LAUGHTER FROM INTERCOM
0:13:21 > 0:13:23This is about that bad score we gave you lot
0:13:23 > 0:13:25in the Eurovision Song Contest, isn't it?
0:13:25 > 0:13:28MAN ON INTERCOM MUTTERS IN OWN LANGUAGE
0:13:28 > 0:13:31He says hopefully we'll have it fixed soon
0:13:31 > 0:13:34and when they do, they will have doctor waiting for us.
0:13:34 > 0:13:35Oh, right. It's "us" now, is it?
0:13:35 > 0:13:37A few minutes ago I didn't know this woman,
0:13:37 > 0:13:40- now we're having a baby together. - SHE MOANS
0:13:40 > 0:13:42I have got to get out of here!
0:13:42 > 0:13:44And how do you plan to do that?
0:13:44 > 0:13:48I saw a film recently called Frozen where these people get stuck
0:13:48 > 0:13:49in a ski lift.
0:13:49 > 0:13:53The resort closes and everyone's left dangling all night.
0:13:53 > 0:13:56After a while, one of them decides there's no choice and jumps out.
0:13:56 > 0:14:00- Does he survive?- No, he breaks both his legs and a wolf eats him.
0:14:01 > 0:14:02Go for it.
0:14:03 > 0:14:06It will bring your whole life full circle,
0:14:06 > 0:14:08to be raised AND eaten by wolves.
0:14:09 > 0:14:12Look, we've just got to hang on in here for a short while.
0:14:12 > 0:14:16- Just sit down on the bench and breathe deeply.- OK.
0:14:16 > 0:14:17Not you, her!
0:14:18 > 0:14:22Look, I don't want to worry anyone, but we've got another problem here.
0:14:22 > 0:14:25Oh, good. When it comes to problems, I felt we were running short(!)
0:14:25 > 0:14:27You see that sign up there?
0:14:27 > 0:14:29Maximum Occupancy: 4.
0:14:34 > 0:14:38The moment that baby arrives, this car's going to be overloaded.
0:14:40 > 0:14:44- We'll be no worse off, Daisy. - Oh, is that right?
0:14:44 > 0:14:46Well, explain that to me then, Mr Clever Potatoes.
0:14:46 > 0:14:48You know what? I'll wait and explain it to the baby -
0:14:48 > 0:14:51that way I might have a fighting chance!
0:14:51 > 0:14:52Oh, God!
0:14:52 > 0:14:55Just because her water's are broken, it doesn't necessarily mean
0:14:55 > 0:14:57she's immediately going to have her baby.
0:14:57 > 0:14:59It could be hours away yet.
0:14:59 > 0:15:02The thing to do is to reduce the levels of stress in here.
0:15:02 > 0:15:03SHE SCREAMS
0:15:03 > 0:15:07Yes, good idea, did you hear that? Reduce stress. Relax! Relax!
0:15:07 > 0:15:08Relax!
0:15:08 > 0:15:10Doing an impression of Brian Blessed sings
0:15:10 > 0:15:14Frankie Goes To Hollywood is not going to help things, Lee!
0:15:14 > 0:15:16Well, what does reduce stress, then?
0:15:16 > 0:15:18I don't know! General relaxation techniques.
0:15:18 > 0:15:20Calming music, that sort of thing.
0:15:20 > 0:15:23Oh, good idea! Have you got 50 pence for the jukebox(?)
0:15:23 > 0:15:24All right then, massage.
0:15:25 > 0:15:27Massage a strange woman?
0:15:27 > 0:15:29Yes! One of you needs to do it.
0:15:29 > 0:15:32Daisy, warm your hands up, I'll check if Clannad
0:15:32 > 0:15:34are hiding under the bench.
0:15:36 > 0:15:37Not her belly!
0:15:37 > 0:15:40We're trying to hold it in, not squeeze it out.
0:15:40 > 0:15:43- Do her shoulders. - Well, that's quite difficult, Lee,
0:15:43 > 0:15:46it's hard to tell which bit of the baby I'm massaging as it is!
0:15:46 > 0:15:48The WOMAN'S shoulders.
0:15:50 > 0:15:52SHE MOANS
0:15:52 > 0:15:54It's not working, we need something else. I know.
0:15:54 > 0:15:56The sound of waves on a sandy beach.
0:15:56 > 0:16:00HE MIMICS WAVES
0:16:02 > 0:16:05I thought you said the sound of waves on a sandy beach,
0:16:05 > 0:16:09not a baboon blowing out the candles on his birthday cake.
0:16:09 > 0:16:12Actually, this is nice.
0:16:12 > 0:16:16It's making me feeling relaxed.
0:16:16 > 0:16:18HE CONTINUES RASPING
0:16:18 > 0:16:22# Rock-a-bye-baby on the tree top
0:16:23 > 0:16:28# When the wind blows the cradle will rock
0:16:29 > 0:16:34# When the bow breaks the cradle will fall... #
0:16:34 > 0:16:37CREAKING
0:16:40 > 0:16:42- # And down will come... # - Shush!
0:16:45 > 0:16:48This does make me feeling little better.
0:16:52 > 0:16:56It is like the techniques I have been taught at antenatal group.
0:16:56 > 0:17:00Why do they teach you that? Is it to slow down the labour?
0:17:00 > 0:17:02Actually, it is the opposite.
0:17:02 > 0:17:05They teach us this techniques to speed up the labour,
0:17:05 > 0:17:06to make it happen quicker.
0:17:08 > 0:17:11SHE SCREAMS
0:17:11 > 0:17:13Stop relaxing! Clench that cervix! Clench!
0:17:15 > 0:17:17It is happening! Baby is on its way!
0:17:17 > 0:17:20It might feel like that, but these things can take a long time,
0:17:20 > 0:17:22especially if it's your first.
0:17:22 > 0:17:24It is your first, right?
0:17:24 > 0:17:25It is number six!
0:17:25 > 0:17:27Six!
0:17:27 > 0:17:30It's going to come out like it's on an Olympic bobsleigh run.
0:17:30 > 0:17:32SHE SCREAMS
0:17:32 > 0:17:34Right. There's only one thing for it.
0:17:34 > 0:17:37You and Daisy will have to deliver it.
0:17:37 > 0:17:40- What?- Well, I can't do it. I can't move my arms.
0:17:40 > 0:17:43You've still got feet and teeth.
0:17:43 > 0:17:45Look, it'll be fine. I can direct you.
0:17:45 > 0:17:49- My cousin's a midwife. - So? My cousin's a fishmonger.
0:17:49 > 0:17:51It doesn't mean I know how to de-scale a halibut!
0:17:51 > 0:17:54- SHE CRIES OUT - Oh, bloody hell!
0:17:54 > 0:17:56Don't panic, Lee. It's very, very simple.
0:17:56 > 0:17:59- Really? Do you know what to do? - Of course I do.
0:17:59 > 0:18:01- Oh, thank God. - You use a slightly blunt knife
0:18:01 > 0:18:04and you scrape from the tail towards the gills.
0:18:06 > 0:18:08And what about delivering a baby?
0:18:08 > 0:18:10Oh. Oh, not a clue.
0:18:11 > 0:18:13Right. Looks like it's down to you, then.
0:18:13 > 0:18:16I can't do it. She's not going to want a man down there.
0:18:16 > 0:18:17Bit late for that.
0:18:17 > 0:18:19You know what I mean.
0:18:19 > 0:18:21You don't want me delivering it, do you, love?
0:18:21 > 0:18:22I don't care who does it!
0:18:22 > 0:18:24Look, Lee, I don't mind doing my share.
0:18:24 > 0:18:26You can impersonate whatever pop star you like,
0:18:26 > 0:18:28but you are delivering this baby!
0:18:28 > 0:18:31- I'm not doing it, Lee. - Oh, look, please, Daisy.
0:18:31 > 0:18:34I'll do everything else if you just deal with the business end.
0:18:34 > 0:18:38What? You think we have to get some sort of payment from her first?
0:18:38 > 0:18:40I mean, if you do the actual removal of the baby,
0:18:40 > 0:18:44- I will do everything else. - SHE CRIES OUT IN OWN LANGUAGE
0:18:44 > 0:18:45Please, Daisy, I'm begging.
0:18:45 > 0:18:48OK. I'll grab it when he comes out, but you're doing everything else.
0:18:48 > 0:18:50Deal.
0:18:50 > 0:18:53That's not the way they sterilise in Holby City.
0:18:53 > 0:18:54SHE SCREAMS
0:18:54 > 0:18:56Quick, remove her knickers.
0:18:56 > 0:18:59Oh, no. I said nothing down the business end.
0:18:59 > 0:19:02No, you said anything but the actual delivery.
0:19:02 > 0:19:03Well, go on, away you go.
0:19:03 > 0:19:05For God's sake, be quick,
0:19:05 > 0:19:07whoever is doing it. Argh!
0:19:07 > 0:19:08Do it, now!
0:19:08 > 0:19:09Oh, God...
0:19:13 > 0:19:15- Have you done this before? - I don't know.
0:19:15 > 0:19:18Do you drink at Wetherspoon's on Burnley High Street?
0:19:21 > 0:19:22SHE MOANS
0:19:23 > 0:19:26- Right. Now you need to make her feel comfortable.- Oh!
0:19:26 > 0:19:29Well, at this point, I usually pour two glasses of Asti Spumante,
0:19:29 > 0:19:31what d'you reckon?
0:19:36 > 0:19:39Right. Are you feeling up to this, Daisy?
0:19:39 > 0:19:41Well, I'm not sure. I've only ever witnessed one birth.
0:19:41 > 0:19:43- Whose?- My own.
0:19:44 > 0:19:47It went very well and I seemed to enjoy it.
0:19:47 > 0:19:48You can't remember your own birth, Daisy.
0:19:48 > 0:19:52No, I know that, but we've got it on video and we used to watch it
0:19:52 > 0:19:55every year with the family, you know, before my birthday cake.
0:19:55 > 0:19:56WOMAN CONTINUES TO MOAN
0:19:56 > 0:19:58Really? Didn't it put you off eating?
0:19:58 > 0:20:02You'd think so, wouldn't you? Especially as I was a caesarean.
0:20:03 > 0:20:05It was a sort of family tradition.
0:20:05 > 0:20:10And then Alien came out on video so we watched that instead.
0:20:10 > 0:20:13WOMAN SCREAMS
0:20:13 > 0:20:15What the hell are you doing?!
0:20:15 > 0:20:18I am preparing for the women's 1,500 metres downhill.
0:20:18 > 0:20:19What does it look like?
0:20:19 > 0:20:21I am helping to ease the passage.
0:20:21 > 0:20:22Is there anything else I can do for you?
0:20:22 > 0:20:24Yes, now you must shave me.
0:20:27 > 0:20:30- Sorry, I misheard that one. - You must shave me.
0:20:30 > 0:20:33- No, I misheard it again. - Shave me!
0:20:33 > 0:20:36- It's still sounds like you're saying "shave me".- Yes!
0:20:36 > 0:20:38And that sounded like "yes".
0:20:38 > 0:20:41There is towels, razor blade and cream in the bag.
0:20:41 > 0:20:43You have got to be kidding me.
0:20:43 > 0:20:45Lee, if she wants to be shaved, then shave her.
0:20:45 > 0:20:47Some people consider it hygienic.
0:20:47 > 0:20:50Not for me, it isn't. Tell her I'm not doing it.
0:20:50 > 0:20:51What is problem?!
0:20:51 > 0:20:54It's just, that's not the really the way we do things.
0:20:54 > 0:20:57In Britain, that hasn't been done since the 1960s.
0:20:57 > 0:21:00I bet THAT hasn't been done since the 1960s, either.
0:21:01 > 0:21:04Sorry, Lee. When in Rome...
0:21:04 > 0:21:05We're not in Rome.
0:21:05 > 0:21:06We're not in Britain!
0:21:06 > 0:21:08Knowing my luck, I bet we're not in Brazil either.
0:21:08 > 0:21:10SHE SCREAMS
0:21:10 > 0:21:13- Just do it!- Oh... And what would you like, madam?
0:21:13 > 0:21:16Leave a bit of length on top, short at the sides?
0:21:16 > 0:21:20It's too late for shave! I think baby is coming now.
0:21:20 > 0:21:23Oh, thank God. Daisy, you're on.
0:21:23 > 0:21:25- Daisy? - BIRD TWEETS
0:21:25 > 0:21:28On, no, the bird's back, it's going near the mechanism again!
0:21:28 > 0:21:31Daisy, forget about the bird! It's not important!
0:21:31 > 0:21:34Oh, tell that to the bird's mother.
0:21:34 > 0:21:36We will tell her later, in fact, we'll tweet her!
0:21:36 > 0:21:39Just get down here and deliver the bloody baby!
0:21:39 > 0:21:42I'm sorry, I couldn't live with myself if anything happened to it.
0:21:42 > 0:21:45- I'm going to bring it back inside where it's safe.- Daisy!
0:21:45 > 0:21:48- SHE SCREAMS - Be quick! Baby is coming!
0:21:48 > 0:21:49Oh. Lee, check her dilation.
0:21:49 > 0:21:51Do what?
0:21:51 > 0:21:52See how wide she is.
0:21:52 > 0:21:54How wide she is? Look at her, she's massive.
0:21:54 > 0:21:56She's having a baby!
0:21:56 > 0:22:00That's not what dilation means. It means down there.
0:22:00 > 0:22:02I have already removed the knickers.
0:22:02 > 0:22:05Never go back to a lit firework!
0:22:05 > 0:22:07SHE SCREAMS
0:22:07 > 0:22:09Do it!
0:22:09 > 0:22:11Surely this is Daisy's job.
0:22:11 > 0:22:13Daisy's got a bird in her hand.
0:22:13 > 0:22:16- Well, a bird in the hand's worth two hands in the...- Arrgghhh!
0:22:19 > 0:22:21Do you know how to check for dilation?
0:22:21 > 0:22:23I don't need to. I can see.
0:22:23 > 0:22:24It's about 15 inches.
0:22:24 > 0:22:26It's not 15 inches, Lee.
0:22:26 > 0:22:30If she was dilated 15 inches, her pelvis would fall out!
0:22:30 > 0:22:31Oh, I am sorry,
0:22:31 > 0:22:34I appear to have come on this skiing holiday without my tape measure.
0:22:34 > 0:22:37I was going to pack it, just on the off chance I had to measure the width
0:22:37 > 0:22:39of a stranger's fanny in a cable car!
0:22:39 > 0:22:42But no, I seem to have left it at home!
0:22:42 > 0:22:43How wide?
0:22:43 > 0:22:44SHE MOANS
0:22:44 > 0:22:46Does that mean the baby's coming out?
0:22:46 > 0:22:50Coming out? I'm surprised you haven't fallen in.
0:22:50 > 0:22:52- I've got him! - BIRD TWEETS
0:22:52 > 0:22:54Thank God. Right, it's half-time.
0:22:54 > 0:22:55This is where we change ends, Daisy.
0:22:55 > 0:22:57No way!
0:22:57 > 0:23:00The insane woman with dirty bird feathers all over her fingers
0:23:00 > 0:23:02is coming nowhere near my baby!
0:23:02 > 0:23:04- But that was the agreement. - This was your agreement.
0:23:04 > 0:23:08I would not trust this woman to deliver a pizza, never mind a baby.
0:23:08 > 0:23:12Oh, please. If it's late, you'll get free garlic bread.
0:23:12 > 0:23:15- You will have to do it. - SHE SCREAMS
0:23:15 > 0:23:17LEE SCREAMS
0:23:17 > 0:23:19CABLE CAR STARTS UP
0:23:19 > 0:23:21Oh, thank God, we're moving!
0:23:21 > 0:23:23We're moving back down to the bottom!
0:23:23 > 0:23:26Which means I don't have to... move back down to the bottom.
0:23:26 > 0:23:28You hear that, little fella?
0:23:28 > 0:23:30There's a light at the end... AGHHH!
0:23:30 > 0:23:34- What is it?- There's something down there, sticking out.
0:23:34 > 0:23:36It's called a baby, you moron!
0:23:36 > 0:23:38It wasn't a baby. It was purple.
0:23:38 > 0:23:40Oh, that's its head.
0:23:40 > 0:23:42Oh, my God!
0:23:42 > 0:23:44No, that's a good thing. It means it's coming head first.
0:23:44 > 0:23:46Are you sure?
0:23:46 > 0:23:49Either that or he's got extremely big testicles.
0:23:49 > 0:23:52- Right, get down here and deliver it. - I can't do it.
0:23:52 > 0:23:55Yes, you can. We can do this together.
0:23:55 > 0:23:58Together? Me as the midwife and you as the airing cupboard?
0:23:58 > 0:23:59She needs you for this.
0:23:59 > 0:24:01We're still 300 yards away from the station.
0:24:01 > 0:24:04Good, I'll get out and walk. I could do with the exercise.
0:24:04 > 0:24:06You have to do this, Lee!
0:24:06 > 0:24:08SHE MOANS
0:24:08 > 0:24:11She might be a ski-jumper, quick, open the door!
0:24:11 > 0:24:13That baby will fall to the ground if you don't catch it.
0:24:13 > 0:24:15It's got that thing, the umbilical cord.
0:24:15 > 0:24:17It'll be like a bungee.
0:24:17 > 0:24:19How do you want to remember this trip, Lee?
0:24:19 > 0:24:20Do you want to be the hero,
0:24:20 > 0:24:24the man who delivered a child in perilous circumstances?
0:24:24 > 0:24:27Or do you want to be the man who almost shaved a stranger's vagina
0:24:27 > 0:24:29in a cable car?
0:24:29 > 0:24:31Oh, it's that age-old question(!)
0:24:31 > 0:24:33WOMAN'S MOANING INCREASES
0:24:33 > 0:24:36- Oh, bloody hell! - Do it! Now!
0:24:36 > 0:24:40- TEARFULLY:- I just wanted a skiing holiday.
0:24:43 > 0:24:45SHE CRIES OUT
0:24:45 > 0:24:47- Lee?- What?
0:24:47 > 0:24:49What can you see?
0:24:49 > 0:24:51Nothing, I've got me eyes closed!
0:24:53 > 0:24:55Open them.
0:24:55 > 0:24:56OK.
0:24:57 > 0:24:58LEE SCREAMS
0:24:58 > 0:25:02THEY SCREAM IN UNISON
0:25:02 > 0:25:04THEY SILENCE, BABY CRIES
0:25:04 > 0:25:07LEE RESUMES SCREAMING
0:25:07 > 0:25:10You've done it! Congratulations!
0:25:10 > 0:25:14BABY CRIES
0:25:14 > 0:25:15It's a girl.
0:25:15 > 0:25:19If it had been boy, I would have named him after you.
0:25:19 > 0:25:21Well, Lee can be a girl's name, too.
0:25:21 > 0:25:24Oh, OK, you got me there. I was lying.
0:25:24 > 0:25:28Maybe you could give her a name to fit our surroundings, like...
0:25:28 > 0:25:29Snowdrop.
0:25:29 > 0:25:31Yeah, or Rocky.
0:25:31 > 0:25:32Or Vince.
0:25:34 > 0:25:36You know, Vince Cable.
0:25:36 > 0:25:38Oh...
0:25:38 > 0:25:41I tell you what, never again.
0:25:41 > 0:25:43Oh, you say this now.
0:25:43 > 0:25:45Trust me, I mean it.
0:25:45 > 0:25:48No, there is something that I have not told you.
0:25:48 > 0:25:50I saw how you panicked earlier
0:25:50 > 0:25:53so I decide not to tell you to keep you calmer.
0:25:53 > 0:25:55Twins?
0:25:59 > 0:26:00SHE SCREAMS
0:26:00 > 0:26:03- LEE SCREAMS - Cover me! I'm going in!
0:26:06 > 0:26:09Don't arrest me, she gave me permission!
0:26:14 > 0:26:18Now you are safe, my precious.
0:26:18 > 0:26:20Fly free and be happy!
0:26:20 > 0:26:22TRUCK SIREN BLARES
0:26:22 > 0:26:24SPLAT!
0:26:32 > 0:26:34How long were we in here?
0:26:37 > 0:26:39Wasn't I wearing a watch earlier?
0:26:42 > 0:26:44So, er, are you getting out or staying on
0:26:44 > 0:26:46and going back up the mountain?
0:26:46 > 0:26:48I should go up to the cafe and tell them the good news.
0:26:48 > 0:26:53I'm supposed to have a day's skiing, but she's gone off with me skis.
0:26:53 > 0:26:55Come up to the cafe if you like.
0:26:55 > 0:26:58Maybe you could take me for that dinner after all.
0:26:58 > 0:27:00I thought you said it was hopeless and rundown.
0:27:00 > 0:27:03Well, you've shown that hopeless and rundown can still deliver.
0:27:03 > 0:27:05Oh...
0:27:05 > 0:27:06You all right, mate?
0:27:06 > 0:27:08Yeah, yeah. I'll be fine.
0:27:08 > 0:27:11It's just I keep getting these chest pains...
0:27:12 > 0:27:14Don't worry. I'll be fine. Agh!
0:27:14 > 0:27:16God, that was a bad one!
0:27:16 > 0:27:18JINGLE
0:27:18 > 0:27:22- Stop!- Let us out!
0:27:22 > 0:27:25- We want to get off!- Help!
0:27:28 > 0:27:31# We're not going out
0:27:31 > 0:27:32# Not staying in
0:27:32 > 0:27:35# Just hanging around with my head in a spin
0:27:35 > 0:27:38# But there is no need to scream and shout
0:27:38 > 0:27:41# We're not going out
0:27:41 > 0:27:44# We are not going out. #
0:27:44 > 0:27:47Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd