0:00:02 > 0:00:04# Yeah, not going out
0:00:04 > 0:00:06# Not staying in
0:00:06 > 0:00:09# Just hanging around With my head in a spin
0:00:09 > 0:00:12# But there is no need to scream and shout
0:00:12 > 0:00:15# Yeah, not going out
0:00:15 > 0:00:18# We are not going out. #
0:00:23 > 0:00:28Help! Let me out! Get us out of here!
0:00:29 > 0:00:32It's no good. No-one can hear us.
0:00:32 > 0:00:35Why do I ever listen to you?
0:00:35 > 0:00:37I can't breathe.
0:00:37 > 0:00:39You've really done it this time.
0:00:39 > 0:00:43I'm not joking, I'm really struggling for oxygen here.
0:00:43 > 0:00:48You idiot! Because of you we have lost 13 children!
0:00:48 > 0:00:52Lucy, for the love of God, will you just listen to me?
0:00:52 > 0:00:53I can't breathe.
0:00:53 > 0:00:56Please! Just take your hands off my neck.
0:01:03 > 0:01:05I know Twister's for perverts,
0:01:05 > 0:01:07but you're making it a bit too easy for them.
0:01:07 > 0:01:12I'm trying to decide what to wear to my god-daughter Nancy's birthday party tomorrow.
0:01:12 > 0:01:16What's the theme? Coco the transvestite clown?
0:01:16 > 0:01:19Oh, good. Is this your rent money?
0:01:19 > 0:01:20You're early.
0:01:20 > 0:01:23- It was due three days ago. - Like I say, you're early.
0:01:23 > 0:01:25- Actually it's not the rent. - Well, what is it?
0:01:25 > 0:01:28It's for a bet on tomorrow's Grand National.
0:01:28 > 0:01:30There's a horse running called Lucky Lee.
0:01:30 > 0:01:32I am telling you, it is an omen.
0:01:32 > 0:01:34Oh, right. Maybe I should have a bet, too.
0:01:34 > 0:01:37No, I can't see any horses called The Exploited Landlady
0:01:37 > 0:01:39or The Gullible Idiot.
0:01:39 > 0:01:42- Maybe you should go for the one called Churchtown Flyer.- Why?
0:01:42 > 0:01:43It's a right old nag.
0:01:43 > 0:01:46- Listen to me! - KNOCK AT DOOR
0:01:46 > 0:01:48OK. Anything else, Woody Woodpecker?
0:01:52 > 0:01:53Hi, Lucy.
0:01:53 > 0:01:56Kerry! What a lovely surprise.
0:01:56 > 0:01:58All right?
0:01:59 > 0:02:01Oh, sorry.
0:02:01 > 0:02:03I get so used to it, it doesn't shock me any more.
0:02:03 > 0:02:06What's the matter? Is Nancy all right?
0:02:06 > 0:02:10Oh, she's fine but there's been a fire.
0:02:10 > 0:02:14My whole house has been destroyed.
0:02:14 > 0:02:17Maybe I should go for the one called Firestarter.
0:02:17 > 0:02:19Come in. Let me get you a drink.
0:02:19 > 0:02:21It's OK, I can't stay.
0:02:21 > 0:02:24I've just got a big favour to ask of you, Lucy.
0:02:24 > 0:02:27I'm going to have to cancel tomorrow's birthday party
0:02:27 > 0:02:29unless I can find someone else to host it.
0:02:29 > 0:02:32I mean, I won't even be there because I've got to find us
0:02:32 > 0:02:34a new flat and then there's the loss adjusters...
0:02:34 > 0:02:37Hey, of course I'll host it.
0:02:37 > 0:02:40But it's the Grand National tomorrow.
0:02:40 > 0:02:42Oh...I really don't want to inconvenience you, Lucy.
0:02:42 > 0:02:45You're not, Kerry. Is she, Lee?
0:02:45 > 0:02:49Look, you've had a huge traumatic thing happen to you.
0:02:49 > 0:02:52It's at times like these that people need to make sacrifices.
0:02:52 > 0:02:56I'm sure little Nancy will understand if she doesn't have a party.
0:02:56 > 0:02:59Of course we'll do it. In fact, why not bring Nancy round this afternoon?
0:02:59 > 0:03:03That way you can sort some things out and we can work out what she wants to do tomorrow.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06Don't worry, Nancy and Lee will get on like a...
0:03:07 > 0:03:09..hot cake.
0:03:17 > 0:03:20It's not like you to ask me for a drink, Lee.
0:03:20 > 0:03:21Should I be getting ideas?
0:03:21 > 0:03:25Oh, come on, Daisy. You? Ideas?
0:03:26 > 0:03:29The thing is, I've just got something to ask you.
0:03:29 > 0:03:33Lucy's friend's child needs a venue for her eighth birthday party tomorrow
0:03:33 > 0:03:36because their house burnt down and you don't want to have it at yours
0:03:36 > 0:03:40because you want to watch Lucky Lee race in the Grand National.
0:03:40 > 0:03:45Lucy phoned me and told me to tell you "no" if you asked.
0:03:45 > 0:03:46Did you think I'd read your mind?
0:03:46 > 0:03:48Did you think I was a witch?
0:03:48 > 0:03:51Not so much a witch - more of a why.
0:03:51 > 0:03:53Do you know what I think?
0:03:53 > 0:03:57Badgers shouldn't be allowed to use zebra crossings - they're only asking for trouble?
0:03:59 > 0:04:02I think you should forget trying to spend the afternoon slumped on
0:04:02 > 0:04:07the sofa watching the Grand National and help organise the party instead.
0:04:07 > 0:04:10And why on earth would I want to do that?
0:04:10 > 0:04:13Shall I tell you the difference between men and women, Lee?
0:04:13 > 0:04:16And I'm not just talking about the obvious stuff like Wiggly Bob
0:04:16 > 0:04:18and the meadow of love.
0:04:18 > 0:04:22Good, because you'd only lose me with your scientific jargon.
0:04:22 > 0:04:26When a woman looks for a man, she's not just looking for one thing.
0:04:26 > 0:04:28She's looking at the package.
0:04:28 > 0:04:30Well, make your mind up, which one is it?
0:04:30 > 0:04:36You show a woman that you're willing to play daddies and mummies, and
0:04:36 > 0:04:41before you know it she'll be letting you play mummies and daddies.
0:04:41 > 0:04:44Or to put it another way, Wiggly Bob might just...
0:04:44 > 0:04:45Ah! Just drink your orange juice.
0:04:50 > 0:04:51Pass the parcel?
0:04:51 > 0:04:54- Boring.- Musical chairs?
0:04:54 > 0:04:55Boring.
0:04:55 > 0:04:59My mum used to say only boring people find things boring.
0:04:59 > 0:05:01Your mum sounds tedious.
0:05:03 > 0:05:05Nancy, this is Lee.
0:05:05 > 0:05:06Hello, Nancy.
0:05:06 > 0:05:08Why have you got such a big nose?
0:05:08 > 0:05:12It helps if there's a gas leak.
0:05:12 > 0:05:14Mum thinks we had a gas leak.
0:05:14 > 0:05:17She thinks that's why my house burned down and killed my goldfish.
0:05:17 > 0:05:20Sorry to hear that. What was his name?
0:05:20 > 0:05:22I didn't give him a name. He was just a dumb fish.
0:05:22 > 0:05:25He couldn't do anything. He was boring.
0:05:25 > 0:05:28Well, it's a very touching eulogy. So - what you doing?
0:05:28 > 0:05:31Trying to work out some things to do for Nancy's party tomorrow.
0:05:31 > 0:05:37- But we're struggling a bit, aren't we, Nancy?- We? You're the adult. I'm just a child.
0:05:37 > 0:05:38Oh, come on, we're not falling for that.
0:05:38 > 0:05:42You're a middle-aged woman who obviously smoked too much.
0:05:42 > 0:05:44Maybe I can help.
0:05:44 > 0:05:49So what were you going to do before, you know...plans changed?
0:05:49 > 0:05:51Have some friends round for a party.
0:05:51 > 0:05:53But it's not what I really wanted to do.
0:05:53 > 0:05:55What did you really want to do?
0:05:55 > 0:05:57Take all my friends to watch JLS at Wembley.
0:05:57 > 0:06:01The tickets are only 80 pound each.
0:06:01 > 0:06:04Sorry, Nancy, we can't afford that sort of thing.
0:06:04 > 0:06:06You two must be really poor.
0:06:06 > 0:06:09Don't worry. We've got other plans. What about hide-and?
0:06:09 > 0:06:11You mean hide-and-seek.
0:06:11 > 0:06:14Oh, no, we're not going to come looking for you.
0:06:16 > 0:06:18I know! What about a magician?
0:06:18 > 0:06:21OK. If I HAVE to.
0:06:21 > 0:06:25Great! Well done. I'll, erm, I'll book one straightaway.
0:06:37 > 0:06:40This game is going on for ever.
0:06:40 > 0:06:43You shouldn't suck your thumb. It'll give you buck teeth.
0:06:43 > 0:06:45You'll end up looking like a rabbit.
0:06:45 > 0:06:47Better than looking like a fat whippet.
0:06:47 > 0:06:50That's what my mum said you looked like.
0:06:50 > 0:06:52Well, she was probably just having a joke.
0:06:52 > 0:06:55She said you didn't want to have my party here
0:06:55 > 0:06:58because you were selfish, you abused your friendship with Lucy,
0:06:58 > 0:07:02you probably hated children and you looked like a fat whippet.
0:07:02 > 0:07:05See, it's not so bad when it's in context.
0:07:05 > 0:07:09- And I'll tell you what else she said...- Just put your thumb back in your mouth.
0:07:09 > 0:07:10It's no good.
0:07:10 > 0:07:13There are no magicians available at such short notice.
0:07:13 > 0:07:16My party is going to be rubbish!
0:07:16 > 0:07:18If you can't get a magician, you have to take me
0:07:18 > 0:07:21and my friends to see JLS.
0:07:21 > 0:07:23I'm not taking you anywhere.
0:07:23 > 0:07:26You're rubbish at organising things.
0:07:26 > 0:07:29I know, why don't we have a think about what food you'd like?
0:07:29 > 0:07:32I don't care as long as HE doesn't smell it with his big nose.
0:07:32 > 0:07:35At least I don't suck my thumb, you loser.
0:07:35 > 0:07:37At least I don't cheat at Monopoly.
0:07:37 > 0:07:38I didn't cheat.
0:07:38 > 0:07:41I saw you steal a "get out of jail free" card.
0:07:41 > 0:07:44When it comes to a man's liberty, sometimes you've got to make difficult choices.
0:07:44 > 0:07:46- Cheat.- Thumb sucker.
0:07:46 > 0:07:49- Big nose.- Girl.
0:07:49 > 0:07:51- Have you finished? - I knew you'd take her side.
0:07:51 > 0:07:55I'm not taking sides. You're a fully grown adult.
0:07:55 > 0:07:58You might want to remember that next time you talk to me like I'm a child.
0:07:58 > 0:08:00I don't talk to you like you're a child. Oh, just go.
0:08:00 > 0:08:02Where?
0:08:02 > 0:08:04To your room.
0:08:04 > 0:08:09Oh! Don't worry. I'm not staying here and listening to little Linda Blair.
0:08:09 > 0:08:10That's not funny.
0:08:10 > 0:08:13Only because you don't get it. It was a film.
0:08:13 > 0:08:15About a demonic little girl whose head span round
0:08:15 > 0:08:17until she vomited the devil out of her gob.
0:08:21 > 0:08:24Or you could just watch Toy Story 2. We've got both.
0:08:43 > 0:08:45All right, mate. How's tricks?
0:08:48 > 0:08:51What can I get you, sir? Novelty nose?
0:08:51 > 0:08:54Oh, no, I see you've already got one.
0:08:54 > 0:08:59I just wondered if you knew anyone that could do a children's party tomorrow?
0:08:59 > 0:09:04No. This is a magic shop, sir. Magicians come to us.
0:09:04 > 0:09:06Not the other way round.
0:09:06 > 0:09:10- Perhaps if I wait, one might come in?- Perhaps.
0:09:12 > 0:09:15How often do you get people in here?
0:09:15 > 0:09:17The last person came in...
0:09:19 > 0:09:20..October.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23I blame the internet.
0:09:23 > 0:09:27- People ordering online?- No. They're staying at home watching porn.
0:09:27 > 0:09:31There is another alternative, sir.
0:09:32 > 0:09:34Why don't YOU do the magic show?
0:09:34 > 0:09:37Me? I can't do magic.
0:09:37 > 0:09:40Anyone can do magic, sir.
0:09:42 > 0:09:46Blimey. Make sure you don't do that when you're blowing your nose.
0:09:46 > 0:09:48How did you do that?
0:09:49 > 0:09:52Rent some tricks off me and I'll tell you.
0:09:52 > 0:09:55- I'm not sure.- Look, business is quiet at the moment,
0:09:55 > 0:09:56so I'll tell you what I'll do.
0:09:56 > 0:10:02I'll teach you some tricks, you can take them home and practise, no charge.
0:10:02 > 0:10:05If you don't like them, just bring them back later and we'll say no more about it.
0:10:05 > 0:10:09If you do like them, which you will,
0:10:09 > 0:10:12come back and pay me before I close today.
0:10:12 > 0:10:15- Very trusting of you.- Some people have got very honest faces, sir.
0:10:15 > 0:10:17Thanks.
0:10:17 > 0:10:19Others, I need to see proof of address.
0:10:30 > 0:10:32Hello?
0:10:32 > 0:10:33Can you let me in?
0:10:33 > 0:10:35No.
0:10:35 > 0:10:37Please, I've got a little something I want to show you.
0:10:37 > 0:10:42Is that right? Tell you what, you pop it through the gap in the door and I'll come over and slam it.
0:10:42 > 0:10:44I'm sorry about before, Lucy.
0:10:44 > 0:10:46Anyone can say sorry.
0:10:46 > 0:10:50That's not true. Elton John finds it hard.
0:10:50 > 0:10:51Please! Open the door.
0:10:51 > 0:10:56I've found someone to do your children's party.
0:11:02 > 0:11:08Well, come on then, smart aleck, don't keep us waiting. Who?
0:11:08 > 0:11:12Me, Daisy. Prepare to be...amazed.
0:11:12 > 0:11:14Argh!
0:11:14 > 0:11:16God, I'm sorry.
0:11:16 > 0:11:20You'll have to hold it lower if you want to do that to the kids.
0:11:20 > 0:11:22What the hell are you doing?
0:11:22 > 0:11:24I am trying to show you that I can be a children's entertainer.
0:11:24 > 0:11:28Well, she's already had her house burned down - why not blind her as well?
0:11:28 > 0:11:31- You can't do magic. - Oh, is that right?
0:11:31 > 0:11:34Well, if you'd like to take your seats, ladies and gentlemen,
0:11:34 > 0:11:37and please welcome onto the stage...
0:11:38 > 0:11:40..Wiggly Bob!
0:11:44 > 0:11:46Hello, boys and girls!
0:11:46 > 0:11:48Hello, Wiggly Bob!
0:11:48 > 0:11:51Wiggly Bob can't hear you!
0:11:51 > 0:11:56Oh, right. Is that the joke, then - that you're deaf?
0:11:56 > 0:11:58Hello, boys and girls!
0:11:58 > 0:12:00Hello, Wiggly Bob!
0:12:04 > 0:12:06Hello, boys and girls.
0:12:06 > 0:12:09Hello, Wiggly Bob.
0:12:09 > 0:12:10And who's this little girl?
0:12:10 > 0:12:14My name's...Apple.
0:12:14 > 0:12:16I'm not calling you Apple.
0:12:16 > 0:12:19Erm, what about Peaches?
0:12:19 > 0:12:22Why stop at fruit? What about Cabbage?
0:12:22 > 0:12:23I could be a flower.
0:12:23 > 0:12:25All right, be a flower.
0:12:25 > 0:12:28Erm... I can't think of one now.
0:12:28 > 0:12:29How about Daisy?
0:12:29 > 0:12:32Oh, I like that. Erm...
0:12:32 > 0:12:35Hello, Wiggly Bob. I'm Daisy.
0:12:35 > 0:12:38- Would you like to help me do some magic, Daisy?- Yes!
0:12:38 > 0:12:40Let's hear it for Daisy!
0:12:40 > 0:12:45Now then, Daisy, this is my most specialest, my most magicalest,
0:12:45 > 0:12:47my most expensivest wand in the world.
0:12:47 > 0:12:50- Do you promise to take good care of it?- I promise.
0:12:50 > 0:12:53Oh, I'm so sorry, Lee, I don't know what happened, cos I didn't...
0:12:53 > 0:12:55- It's supposed to happen.- Oh, right.
0:12:55 > 0:12:58What have you done to my wand, Daisy?
0:12:58 > 0:13:00Nothing. It's supposed to happen.
0:13:04 > 0:13:07Can you pretend to be a child?
0:13:07 > 0:13:10What have you done to my wand, Daisy?
0:13:10 > 0:13:13Help, I've wet myself!
0:13:14 > 0:13:16I'll tell you what.
0:13:16 > 0:13:20Why don't we give Daisy a brand-new wand and she can help me
0:13:20 > 0:13:23make this silk handkerchief disappear?
0:13:23 > 0:13:25- Would you like to do that, Daisy? - Yes.
0:13:25 > 0:13:30- And what's the magic word? - Oh, sorry - yes, please.
0:13:31 > 0:13:33No, it's abracadabra.
0:13:33 > 0:13:36No, it's not. Kids' magicians never say abracadabra.
0:13:36 > 0:13:39They always say stuff like Silly Sausages or Izzy Wizzy.
0:13:39 > 0:13:41- All right, we'll say that. - Oh, no, I don't know, Lee.
0:13:41 > 0:13:45If it's supposed to be abracadabra then we should say abracadabra.
0:13:45 > 0:13:49You shouldn't mess around when dealing with the occult.
0:13:49 > 0:13:51This isn't a toy.
0:13:54 > 0:13:58Just wave the magic wand and say whatever you like.
0:13:58 > 0:14:01Dark forces of the night, hear my words.
0:14:01 > 0:14:04I implore you, show your mysterious ways. Use me.
0:14:04 > 0:14:07I am your vessel.
0:14:07 > 0:14:11Abra-ca-dabra!
0:14:11 > 0:14:15Oh, my God. That was actually amazing!
0:14:15 > 0:14:18Thanks very much. Erm, it's actually easier than it looks.
0:14:18 > 0:14:20What do you reckon?
0:14:20 > 0:14:22- I haven't got much choice No-one else is available.- Great.
0:14:22 > 0:14:25OK, Daisy, there's a magic shop on the high street,
0:14:25 > 0:14:29go and give the bloke in there this money. Me and Lucy have got some rehearsing to do.
0:14:29 > 0:14:33- Have we?- Yes. This is my big finale.
0:14:33 > 0:14:37And I need a very special assistant to help me with this one.
0:14:37 > 0:14:42OK. But aren't magicians' assistants always glamorous and pretty?
0:14:42 > 0:14:44Well, I don't think you need to worry in that department.
0:14:44 > 0:14:46Yeah. It's only a kids' party.
0:14:50 > 0:14:53# I heat up, I can't cool down
0:14:53 > 0:14:57# You got me spinnin' round and round
0:14:57 > 0:15:01# Round and round and round it goes
0:15:01 > 0:15:05# Where it stops nobody knows
0:15:05 > 0:15:08# Every time you call my name
0:15:08 > 0:15:12# I heat up like a burnin' flame
0:15:12 > 0:15:16# Burnin' flame full of desire
0:15:16 > 0:15:19# Kiss me, baby, let the fire get higher
0:15:19 > 0:15:23# Abra-abracadabra
0:15:23 > 0:15:26# I wanna reach out and grab ya
0:15:26 > 0:15:32# Abra-abracadabra
0:15:32 > 0:15:34# Abracadabra
0:15:34 > 0:15:39# Abra-abracadabra
0:15:39 > 0:15:41# I wanna reach out and grab ya... #
0:15:50 > 0:15:55# 'Roll over, roll over' And they all rolled o... #
0:16:09 > 0:16:11OK, settle down, everyone.
0:16:11 > 0:16:14The magic will be starting soon!
0:16:14 > 0:16:18Toby, can you come out of my bedroom, please?
0:16:18 > 0:16:23And stop playing with my electric toothbrush.
0:16:23 > 0:16:26At least I hope that's my electric toothbrush.
0:16:36 > 0:16:38All right, Mr Chuckles.
0:16:40 > 0:16:43You were supposed to bring me round my money last night.
0:16:43 > 0:16:47I sent my friend Daisy. Black hair, big eyes, different planet.
0:16:48 > 0:16:53Is that right? Well, she didn't show up.
0:16:53 > 0:16:56Why don't you give me my money now?
0:16:56 > 0:16:57I haven't got it.
0:16:57 > 0:17:00Well, in that case I'm going to have to make a few things disappear.
0:17:07 > 0:17:11Hang on, you can't take that. I'm on in five minutes.
0:17:11 > 0:17:12Is that right?
0:17:20 > 0:17:25When I come back later for my big, heavy magic box with my big,
0:17:25 > 0:17:30heavy friends, you can pay me 200 quid for the inconvenience.
0:17:30 > 0:17:34That way I won't have to rip your nose off,
0:17:34 > 0:17:38and stick it where the sun don't shine.
0:17:38 > 0:17:41Are you available for children's parties?
0:17:41 > 0:17:45No, seriously, are you available for children's parties?
0:17:46 > 0:17:51Can you hurry up, please? They're getting restless!
0:17:51 > 0:17:57Actually, I'm just going to need a few more minutes to...prepare.
0:18:01 > 0:18:05Oh, my God! Toby, that is not an egg whisk!
0:18:14 > 0:18:20WAIT! Drop the sticks and step away from the donkey!
0:18:21 > 0:18:24The man who looks like the fat whippet told me
0:18:24 > 0:18:27to tell you he's ready and can you introduce him.
0:18:27 > 0:18:32Oh, thank God! OK, boys and girls, who's ready for some magic?
0:18:32 > 0:18:35ALL: Yay!
0:18:35 > 0:18:40Please welcome onto the stage the amazing, the incredible,
0:18:40 > 0:18:44the unbelievable...Wiggly Bob!
0:18:44 > 0:18:47ALL: Yay!
0:18:52 > 0:18:55Hello, boys and girls!
0:18:55 > 0:18:59Who wants to see some special illusions?
0:19:14 > 0:19:18That's rubbish. My friend Gemma can do that, and she's only eight.
0:19:18 > 0:19:21Yes, there are others like me.
0:19:21 > 0:19:23Oh, there aren't.
0:19:23 > 0:19:25Right, I need a volunteer.
0:19:25 > 0:19:28Let's hear it for the birthday girl - Nancy!
0:19:28 > 0:19:29A FEW CLAPS
0:19:32 > 0:19:34Right, Nancy, would you like to help me make
0:19:34 > 0:19:36this silk handkerchief disappear?
0:19:37 > 0:19:39They're underpants.
0:19:39 > 0:19:42Underpants, handkerchief, same difference.
0:19:42 > 0:19:46You can blow your nose on both.
0:19:46 > 0:19:47Take the magic wand...
0:19:50 > 0:19:54..and say the magic word, abracadabra.
0:19:54 > 0:19:55- Abraca...- Look!
0:19:58 > 0:20:00Oooooo!
0:20:04 > 0:20:06You're rubbish.
0:20:08 > 0:20:10"Help! Help! Let me out of here!
0:20:10 > 0:20:12"Somebody get me out of here!"
0:20:12 > 0:20:15What was that, boys and girls?
0:20:15 > 0:20:17Was it my internal monologue?
0:20:17 > 0:20:19"Somebody help me!"
0:20:19 > 0:20:22I think it's coming from my special magic suitcase!
0:20:27 > 0:20:28And what's your name?
0:20:28 > 0:20:32"Sammy the Snake. I want to tell a joke."
0:20:32 > 0:20:34Well, I hope it's appropriate!
0:20:34 > 0:20:38What, you mean like a deranged transvestite talking to a sock?
0:20:38 > 0:20:41"Two nuns in the bath..."
0:20:41 > 0:20:45No! Sammy, that would be really inappropriate.
0:20:45 > 0:20:49Of course it would, you cheeky little...sausage.
0:20:49 > 0:20:51You're rubbish. I want to go and watch JLS.
0:20:51 > 0:20:52And this party is rubbish.
0:20:52 > 0:20:58ALL: Boo!
0:20:58 > 0:21:03Tell you what, I think it's time for my big finale.
0:21:04 > 0:21:06MUSIC STARTS
0:21:06 > 0:21:10Let's welcome our special magic assistant, it's Lucy!
0:21:10 > 0:21:12MUSIC: "Just An Illusion" by Imagination
0:21:16 > 0:21:20- Are you ready?- Almost. I just need to find some bricks and a canal.
0:21:23 > 0:21:25Ow!
0:21:27 > 0:21:29# Could it be that it's just an illusion?
0:21:37 > 0:21:38DRUM ROLL
0:21:38 > 0:21:40CYMBAL
0:21:44 > 0:21:47Why are you still inside the box?
0:21:47 > 0:21:49Oh.
0:21:49 > 0:21:52What do you mean, oh?
0:21:52 > 0:21:55You know that special little tool that opens the secret flap?
0:21:55 > 0:21:58The one I told you on no account to forget?
0:21:58 > 0:22:00It's in my other clown trousers.
0:22:00 > 0:22:03And where are your other clown trousers?
0:22:03 > 0:22:05You know the magic shop on the high street?
0:22:05 > 0:22:08Is that the one near the Housing Association office?
0:22:08 > 0:22:12- I don't know where that is. - Oh, you will.
0:22:12 > 0:22:15Nancy, darling, can you unlock the box, please, my sweet?
0:22:15 > 0:22:18If I do, will you take us to see JLS?
0:22:18 > 0:22:21You know we can't afford that, sweetheart.
0:22:21 > 0:22:24In that case...
0:22:24 > 0:22:25Food fight!
0:22:32 > 0:22:34I don't believe this.
0:22:34 > 0:22:38I know. Stuck in here when there's a food fight. I love a food fight.
0:22:38 > 0:22:40Don't worry about that.
0:22:40 > 0:22:43As soon as we're out of here, I'll throw a tin of soup at your face.
0:22:43 > 0:22:47I know, let's go and throw food at other people's cars!
0:22:47 > 0:22:49Nancy!
0:22:49 > 0:22:51Yes?
0:22:51 > 0:22:55Do not leave this flat. Do you understand?
0:22:55 > 0:22:57I know you've had your own way a lot today and I've let it go,
0:22:57 > 0:23:01but I'm telling you now, madam, if you walk out of that door you will be in big trouble.
0:23:01 > 0:23:04Do I make myself perfectly clear?
0:23:06 > 0:23:10Right. That's it. Do you agree with corporal punishment?
0:23:10 > 0:23:11Absolutely.
0:23:11 > 0:23:13SMACK
0:23:13 > 0:23:15I walked right into that, didn't I?
0:23:23 > 0:23:26- Help! Let us out! - Let me out of here!
0:23:27 > 0:23:31My foot's gone numb. I'm touching it, but I can't feel it.
0:23:31 > 0:23:34That's my foot.
0:23:34 > 0:23:38My breast has gone numb! Do you get it? I'm pretending I was going to feel your...
0:23:38 > 0:23:40SMACK
0:23:40 > 0:23:42Please stop hitting me.
0:23:42 > 0:23:45What the hell am I going to say when Nancy's mum turns up
0:23:45 > 0:23:48and wants to know why her child and all her friends have disappeared?
0:23:48 > 0:23:52"Blimey, that magician was better than we thought"?
0:23:52 > 0:23:55Why do I ever listen to you? I'm an idiot.
0:23:55 > 0:23:58I can't believe you're being like this. I gave up a bet on the Grand National for you.
0:23:58 > 0:24:01Oh, slow down, William Blake, my heart's melting.
0:24:01 > 0:24:05Well, if I'm William Blake, you're Terry Fenwick.
0:24:05 > 0:24:07Who the hell is Terry Fenwick?
0:24:07 > 0:24:11See, it's not nice, is it?
0:24:11 > 0:24:15There are a bunch of eight-year-olds roaming the street. What the hell are we going to do?
0:24:15 > 0:24:18Oh, stop whingeing. It was all the rage when I was a kid.
0:24:18 > 0:24:23So was scurvy and Noel Edmonds, but it doesn't make it right, you cretin.
0:24:23 > 0:24:26Listen, if I wanted to see things from your point of view
0:24:26 > 0:24:29I would stick my head up my arse!
0:24:29 > 0:24:34Oh, why don't you just go and fart peas on the moon?
0:24:34 > 0:24:38Look at you. You've got a face like a short-changed hooker.
0:24:38 > 0:24:40Well, there's no need to be rude.
0:24:40 > 0:24:45If you're playing hide-and-seek you can always just say "hot" and "cold".
0:24:45 > 0:24:48Daisy? We're in the big wooden box.
0:24:54 > 0:24:57Ha! Look at your face! You look really funny!
0:24:57 > 0:25:00Do I look like I'm smiling?
0:25:00 > 0:25:02Why did you not pay the man in the magic shop?
0:25:02 > 0:25:06Well, I was going to but at the last minute I remembered your omen,
0:25:06 > 0:25:09so I bet all the money on Lucky Lee.
0:25:09 > 0:25:12Well, I knew you had magical powers as soon as I saw your wand
0:25:12 > 0:25:15go from solid to collapsey!
0:25:15 > 0:25:20Anyway, you'll be pleased to hear...that you won.
0:25:20 > 0:25:23- Get in!- OK.
0:25:23 > 0:25:25Oh, well, that's great, isn't it?
0:25:25 > 0:25:30We've lost 13 children but Lee's quids in.
0:25:30 > 0:25:32Oh, I don't think you have lost them, Lucy.
0:25:32 > 0:25:35They're all downstairs jumping on top of your car.
0:25:35 > 0:25:36Oh, thank God.
0:25:36 > 0:25:39Oh, I'm glad you're not bothered. It looked like fun, so I had a go.
0:25:42 > 0:25:45So you didn't get to play mummies and daddies then?
0:25:45 > 0:25:48Oh, I did, but it was more like MY mummy and daddy.
0:25:48 > 0:25:53- What does that mean? - It means I messed up like me dad. And I look like me mum.
0:25:53 > 0:25:56Well, it's a good job your horse won then, isn't it?
0:25:56 > 0:25:57How does that help?
0:25:57 > 0:26:01I've clearly failed in showing Lucy I'm any good with kids.
0:26:01 > 0:26:03Well, I'm sure if you spend the winnings wisely, you can
0:26:03 > 0:26:05still find a way to impress her.
0:26:08 > 0:26:11MUSIC: "Everybody In Love" by JLS
0:26:18 > 0:26:19Are you having fun, Nancy?
0:26:19 > 0:26:21Best birthday present ever!
0:26:21 > 0:26:24I thought all you kids were into One Direction nowadays?
0:26:24 > 0:26:26No way! They're rubbish!
0:26:26 > 0:26:28I had one of their CDs but I hated it so much
0:26:28 > 0:26:30I set fire to it in the cellar.
0:26:42 > 0:26:46Aren't you worried that that magic shop owner's going to come after you?
0:26:46 > 0:26:48Don't worry. After the concert tickets and your rent money
0:26:48 > 0:26:51there was just enough left over from my winnings to pay him off.
0:26:51 > 0:26:53I even had enough to buy one final trick.
0:26:53 > 0:26:54Let's see it, then.
0:27:04 > 0:27:06What's in your other hand?
0:27:06 > 0:27:07Nothing.
0:27:07 > 0:27:10Argh!
0:27:10 > 0:27:12Nancy had a great time. Well done.
0:27:12 > 0:27:14What do you mean, well done?
0:27:14 > 0:27:17You don't punish an arsonist by taking them to see a two-hour JLS concert.
0:27:17 > 0:27:20Everyone knows you take them to see Justin Bieber.
0:27:20 > 0:27:22It wasn't our job to decide what punishment to give Nancy.
0:27:22 > 0:27:24It was our job to give her a good party.
0:27:24 > 0:27:27And thanks to you, she got one.
0:27:27 > 0:27:29You quite suited wearing my dress, actually.
0:27:29 > 0:27:32Do you think it brought out my feminine side?
0:27:32 > 0:27:36If you had a feminine side, you'd probably try and shag it.
0:27:36 > 0:27:38- Lucy.- Yeah?
0:27:38 > 0:27:40- There's something I want to tell you. - What?
0:27:40 > 0:27:43- You need to take me to see Justin Bieber.- Why?
0:27:43 > 0:27:45The sofa's on fire.
0:27:49 > 0:27:52# Yeah, not going out
0:27:52 > 0:27:54# Not staying in
0:27:54 > 0:27:57# Just hanging around With my head in a spin
0:27:57 > 0:27:59# But there is no need To scream and shout
0:27:59 > 0:28:03# Yeah, not going out
0:28:03 > 0:28:06# We are not going out. #
0:28:09 > 0:28:11Arlo!
0:28:11 > 0:28:14Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd