0:00:02 > 0:00:04# We're not going out
0:00:04 > 0:00:06# Not staying in
0:00:06 > 0:00:09# Just hanging around with my head in a spin
0:00:09 > 0:00:12# But there is no need to scream and shout
0:00:12 > 0:00:18# We're not going out # We are not going out. #
0:00:22 > 0:00:24Thank you, Lucy, that was delicious.
0:00:24 > 0:00:28Pleasure. It's just nice to cook a proper meal for adults.
0:00:28 > 0:00:29The kids are such fussy eaters.
0:00:29 > 0:00:32Yes, Anna, how was your gluten-free, non-lactose, low-carb,
0:00:32 > 0:00:36- organic salad?- Toby's jealous because I listen to my body.
0:00:36 > 0:00:39I have to listen to Lee's body all the time.
0:00:40 > 0:00:43Mummy, I weed the bed.
0:00:43 > 0:00:46Oh, good, the after-dinner speaker's arrived.
0:00:46 > 0:00:48Well, are you going to sort it out?
0:00:48 > 0:00:50She said, "Mummy, I've weed the bed."
0:00:50 > 0:00:52It was me that did it last time.
0:00:52 > 0:00:53I know, and I had to clean it up.
0:00:55 > 0:00:56Mummy!
0:00:56 > 0:00:58Coming!
0:00:58 > 0:01:01Typical. Toby doesn't do anything at home, either.
0:01:01 > 0:01:02Sorry?
0:01:02 > 0:01:04Oh, come on!
0:01:04 > 0:01:06Every time Jack makes a mess it's always me
0:01:06 > 0:01:08who has to tell the nanny to pick it up.
0:01:08 > 0:01:11You're too busy gallivanting with your celebrity friends.
0:01:11 > 0:01:14Have you told Lee who you had dinner with last night?
0:01:14 > 0:01:15Who?
0:01:15 > 0:01:20Who is the last person you can imagine Toby enjoying a night out with?
0:01:22 > 0:01:23Don't say it.
0:01:25 > 0:01:26Emma Bunton.
0:01:26 > 0:01:29As in Spice Girl Emma Bunton?
0:01:29 > 0:01:32Yeah, the more famous pop rivet welder Emma Bunton wasn't available.
0:01:32 > 0:01:34How come?
0:01:34 > 0:01:38Cos a new steel factory in Rotherham required her services.
0:01:38 > 0:01:41We're doing some fundraising for a new wing at the hospital.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43She's become a patron of the charity.
0:01:43 > 0:01:44She's very nice, actually.
0:01:44 > 0:01:47I know she's very nice. You don't have to tell me.
0:01:47 > 0:01:49She was always the sexiest Spice Girl.
0:01:49 > 0:01:52She's just so...feminine.
0:01:52 > 0:01:54They were all feminine.
0:01:54 > 0:01:57Come on! Two of them are called Mel and the other two are Vic and Geri.
0:01:57 > 0:02:00They'd have been a darts team if it wasn't for Emma.
0:02:00 > 0:02:03She's amazing. You know what I'm talking about, right?
0:02:03 > 0:02:04You're met her.
0:02:04 > 0:02:06I suppose so. She's not really my type.
0:02:06 > 0:02:09That's true. You usually go for posh and scary.
0:02:12 > 0:02:17Are we to take it that Emma Bunton is your hot tub fantasy date, Lee?
0:02:17 > 0:02:18Oh, here we go.
0:02:18 > 0:02:19Oh, stop being so boring.
0:02:19 > 0:02:21It's only a bit of harmless fun.
0:02:21 > 0:02:25So, the way it works is you get to choose one celebrity
0:02:25 > 0:02:29to spend a fantasy evening with in a hot tub.
0:02:29 > 0:02:32So, for me it would be Tom Hardy.
0:02:32 > 0:02:34I thought it was Brad Pitt.
0:02:34 > 0:02:36It was Brad Pitt. Now it's Tom Hardy.
0:02:36 > 0:02:40Just me and Tom and a bottle of bubbly.
0:02:40 > 0:02:43Oh, and maybe I'd need some handcuffs.
0:02:43 > 0:02:45You'd definitely need some handcuffs,
0:02:45 > 0:02:47or at the very least something to sedate him.
0:02:50 > 0:02:52Toby's just jealous because every time we play I'm always able
0:02:52 > 0:02:54to think of new exciting people,
0:02:54 > 0:02:57and he always says the same boring old answer.
0:02:57 > 0:02:58Who?
0:02:58 > 0:03:01I find this whole game rather distasteful, to be honest.
0:03:01 > 0:03:04- Come on. Who? - There's something rather tawdry...
0:03:04 > 0:03:05Tell him.
0:03:05 > 0:03:09Susie Dent from Countdown's Dictionary Corner.
0:03:10 > 0:03:11Nothing untoward.
0:03:11 > 0:03:13Just a bit of stimulating chat.
0:03:13 > 0:03:15You're supposed to be having sex with her, Toby.
0:03:15 > 0:03:17Actually, as a medical professional,
0:03:17 > 0:03:21I would advise strongly against having intercourse in a hot tub.
0:03:21 > 0:03:24It's a breeding ground for Legionnaires' disease.
0:03:24 > 0:03:27Well, I wouldn't waste any time chatting with Tom Hardy,
0:03:27 > 0:03:28let me tell you.
0:03:28 > 0:03:31Oh, he doesn't know what he's missing.
0:03:32 > 0:03:35I bet Lee wouldn't be talking to Emma Bunton.
0:03:35 > 0:03:37Damn right we wouldn't be talking.
0:03:37 > 0:03:41And if we were, it'd just be sweet nothings and romantic small talk.
0:03:41 > 0:03:43There's a pile of wet sheets in the bath.
0:03:43 > 0:03:44They stink of pee and so does Molly.
0:03:44 > 0:03:46And I'm back in the room.
0:03:46 > 0:03:49We've just been playing a game with Lee.
0:03:49 > 0:03:52You pick someone to have a romantic evening in a hot tub with,
0:03:52 > 0:03:54and it's your turn.
0:03:54 > 0:03:56Oh! Who did you pick?
0:03:56 > 0:03:57You first.
0:03:57 > 0:03:59Well, obviously me first, but who after me?
0:03:59 > 0:04:01Come on. Who? I won't be offended.
0:04:01 > 0:04:02It's just a game.
0:04:02 > 0:04:06Um... Well, I suppose if I have to say, then I would pick...
0:04:08 > 0:04:11..Michael Lorenzo.
0:04:11 > 0:04:12Who?
0:04:12 > 0:04:14Oh, you won't know him. He's my dentist.
0:04:18 > 0:04:20Can't choose your dentist.
0:04:20 > 0:04:21Why not?
0:04:21 > 0:04:23It's supposed to be a celebrity.
0:04:23 > 0:04:24Oh.
0:04:25 > 0:04:27Mine would be Hugh Jackman.
0:04:27 > 0:04:29You just said Tom Hardy!
0:04:29 > 0:04:30And now I'm saying Hugh Jackman.
0:04:30 > 0:04:33It doesn't mean Tom Hardy has to get out.
0:04:34 > 0:04:36So who did you choose?
0:04:36 > 0:04:38Emma Bunton.
0:04:38 > 0:04:40Oh, good choice. She's a very attractive woman.
0:04:40 > 0:04:43Oh, yeah, it's easy to be unbothered when it's someone famous.
0:04:43 > 0:04:46- You'd feel differently if it was someone I knew.- No, I wouldn't.
0:04:46 > 0:04:48All right, I want to change my mind. Forget Emma Bunton.
0:04:48 > 0:04:51I want to spend the night in a hot tub with...Anna.
0:04:53 > 0:04:55You'd be lucky to find any room.
0:05:05 > 0:05:06So what does he look like, then?
0:05:06 > 0:05:07Who?
0:05:07 > 0:05:09You know who.
0:05:09 > 0:05:12Oh, I don't know. Like a dentist.
0:05:12 > 0:05:14Bit older than me. Grey hair.
0:05:14 > 0:05:17The boyfriend you had before me was older with grey hair,
0:05:17 > 0:05:19and you fancied him.
0:05:19 > 0:05:22I'm just saying you should have chosen a celebrity.
0:05:22 > 0:05:24OK, fine.
0:05:24 > 0:05:28I'd love to lie naked in a hot tub with George Clooney.
0:05:28 > 0:05:31Then we can dry off and he can give me both barrels
0:05:31 > 0:05:34on a rug in front of a fire in an isolated crofter's cottage
0:05:34 > 0:05:38in the Highlands, pushing my buttons like I'm an espresso machine.
0:05:38 > 0:05:39Happy now?
0:05:40 > 0:05:44Interesting. Clooney. Older. Grey hair.
0:05:44 > 0:05:46Just like your dentist.
0:05:46 > 0:05:49Only you don't go and see George Clooney all the time.
0:05:49 > 0:05:51I have to go and see my dentist.
0:05:51 > 0:05:52It's called a check-up.
0:05:52 > 0:05:56Oh, come on. Who goes for a check-up every six months?
0:05:56 > 0:05:58The hell has got into you?
0:05:58 > 0:06:01I'm completely fine about you choosing Emma Bunting.
0:06:01 > 0:06:03It's Bunton, not Bunting.
0:06:03 > 0:06:05She's a Spice Girl, not a street party.
0:06:06 > 0:06:09And that is completely different because I've never met her.
0:06:09 > 0:06:10Don't look at me like that.
0:06:10 > 0:06:13I know loads of blokes who wouldn't be happy about their wife
0:06:13 > 0:06:15fantasising about seeing their dentist.
0:06:15 > 0:06:19I do not. I sometimes fantasise about you seeing the dentist.
0:06:20 > 0:06:23Well, I might just do that. Check him out for myself.
0:06:23 > 0:06:26- I'm going to book an appointment first thing in the morning.- Fine.
0:06:26 > 0:06:28And while you're at it, I've also got
0:06:28 > 0:06:30a crush on the gym owner and anyone who trims nasal hair.
0:06:44 > 0:06:46< Mind how you go.
0:06:48 > 0:06:50You can book your next check-up at reception.
0:06:50 > 0:06:52Thank you.
0:06:52 > 0:06:54Hello. Come on in.
0:06:54 > 0:06:56Thanks.
0:06:56 > 0:06:57Make yourself comfortable.
0:06:59 > 0:07:01HE BURPS
0:07:01 > 0:07:05I'm so sorry. How embarrassing.
0:07:05 > 0:07:10It's fine. It's really, really, really fine.
0:07:10 > 0:07:12I apologise for the aroma.
0:07:12 > 0:07:14I'm not allowed to eat garlic at home.
0:07:14 > 0:07:15My boyfriend hates it.
0:07:17 > 0:07:18You know what?
0:07:18 > 0:07:22I'm not usually keen on coming to the dentist, but I like you.
0:07:22 > 0:07:23Thank you.
0:07:23 > 0:07:25But I'm afraid you won't actually be seeing me today.
0:07:25 > 0:07:27I was just filling in for his last patient.
0:07:27 > 0:07:30You'll be seeing my colleague Michael. Michael Lorenzo.
0:07:32 > 0:07:34Talk of the devil.
0:07:34 > 0:07:37But he's beautiful!
0:07:38 > 0:07:40Thanks, big guy. I owe you.
0:07:40 > 0:07:42OK, let's have a look.
0:07:42 > 0:07:45So, why haven't we seen you here before?
0:07:45 > 0:07:47Well, my wife makes up for it.
0:07:47 > 0:07:48She's a season ticket holder.
0:07:48 > 0:07:50Hang on. Your wife.
0:07:50 > 0:07:51She's not Lucy, is she?
0:07:51 > 0:07:53Yeah.
0:07:53 > 0:07:57I thought I recognised your surname. Yeah, Lucy. Lovely girl.
0:07:57 > 0:08:00Never said she was married, though.
0:08:00 > 0:08:01OK.
0:08:01 > 0:08:04First check-up in several years.
0:08:04 > 0:08:06Who's a naughty boy, then?
0:08:06 > 0:08:09You tell me.
0:08:14 > 0:08:16Two fillings. What a con.
0:08:16 > 0:08:18He's just trying to make a few quid.
0:08:18 > 0:08:19Nothing wrong with my teeth.
0:08:19 > 0:08:20Sugar?
0:08:20 > 0:08:22Yeah, three.
0:08:22 > 0:08:26You know, it's quite common for people to fantasise about
0:08:26 > 0:08:29their dentists, nurses, surgeons.
0:08:29 > 0:08:32When I was a doctor at Moorfields, several patients had crushes on me.
0:08:32 > 0:08:35Moorfields, the eye hospital?
0:08:35 > 0:08:40Yeah. But you picked Emma Bunton. She picked the dentist.
0:08:40 > 0:08:41What's the difference?
0:08:41 > 0:08:44There is a huge difference, and well you know it.
0:08:44 > 0:08:47In fact, I reckon that's the exact reason you chose Susie Dent.
0:08:47 > 0:08:48What?
0:08:48 > 0:08:50You chose her because you know you'll never meet her,
0:08:50 > 0:08:52so it's a safe bet to say it in front of Anna.
0:08:52 > 0:08:58It's the exact same reason Anna chose Tom Hardy and Hugh Jackman.
0:08:58 > 0:09:00- And Brad Pitt.- Exactly.
0:09:00 > 0:09:06And Daniel Craig, Damien Lewis, and Antonio Banderas,
0:09:06 > 0:09:10and Michael Fassbender, and Rob Lowe...
0:09:10 > 0:09:11The point is...
0:09:11 > 0:09:16..and Christian Bale, and Jude Law, and Russell Crowe,
0:09:16 > 0:09:18and Leonardo DiCaprio...
0:09:18 > 0:09:20Exactly. She chose them because...
0:09:20 > 0:09:23Kevin Costner, Daniel Day-Lewis...
0:09:23 > 0:09:25How long is this list?
0:09:25 > 0:09:27Oh, it's quite long. Yeah.
0:09:27 > 0:09:30Ends with Chas and Dave and the tall one from the Chuckle Brothers.
0:09:30 > 0:09:33Point is, you're both playing safe cos you'll never meet
0:09:33 > 0:09:36any of these people. Trust me, you'd both think differently if it was
0:09:36 > 0:09:39somebody you knew, because it's against the rules if you know them.
0:09:39 > 0:09:41Well, there's your answer, then.
0:09:41 > 0:09:43If you want Lucy to see things from your point of view you need
0:09:43 > 0:09:46to become a member of the Spice Girls and get to know Emma Bunton.
0:09:46 > 0:09:48Don't worry.
0:09:48 > 0:09:50You wouldn't clash with any of them on stage,
0:09:50 > 0:09:52cos you're not ginger, you're not sporty,
0:09:52 > 0:09:56you're not particularly scary, and you're definitely not posh.
0:09:56 > 0:09:59Although you do act a bit like a baby.
0:09:59 > 0:10:01Hang on, you're onto something here.
0:10:01 > 0:10:04If I could get to meet Emma Bunton I'd be on a level playing field with Lucy.
0:10:04 > 0:10:06When are you next seeing her?
0:10:06 > 0:10:08Well, there's a fundraiser this weekend, but...
0:10:08 > 0:10:10I can't just invite people in off the street,
0:10:10 > 0:10:13and even if I could, I wouldn't ask you.
0:10:13 > 0:10:17I'd rather invite... people in off the street.
0:10:17 > 0:10:20Please, Toby. I've got a point to prove here.
0:10:20 > 0:10:22Oh, God.
0:10:23 > 0:10:26Can't you just make my life simple and do your other idea?
0:10:26 > 0:10:28Have sex with my wife.
0:10:37 > 0:10:39You look smart, Lee.
0:10:39 > 0:10:41Are McDonald's interviewing?
0:10:43 > 0:10:45So, today's the big day, hey?
0:10:45 > 0:10:46Yup.
0:10:46 > 0:10:48Do you think you'll actually get to talk to her?
0:10:48 > 0:10:49Who?
0:10:49 > 0:10:51You know who.
0:10:51 > 0:10:53Maybe. Why? Does it bother you?
0:10:53 > 0:10:56Not in the slightest. I am genuinely pleased for you, Lee.
0:10:56 > 0:10:57Is that right?
0:10:57 > 0:11:00Am I not reacting the way you want?
0:11:07 > 0:11:08What do you want me to say, Lee?
0:11:08 > 0:11:11Can you please say that again, just one more time?
0:11:11 > 0:11:12What do you want?
0:11:12 > 0:11:15# Yo I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want
0:11:15 > 0:11:17# So tell me what you want, what you really, really want
0:11:17 > 0:11:19# I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want
0:11:19 > 0:11:22# So tell me what you want, what you really, really want
0:11:22 > 0:11:24# I wanna (ha) I wanna (ha) I wanna (ha) I wanna (ha)
0:11:24 > 0:11:27# I wanna really, really, really wanna zigazig ah. #
0:11:35 > 0:11:37That is so childish.
0:11:37 > 0:11:39I can't believe he's bothering to goad you
0:11:39 > 0:11:42when it's so clear it's having absolutely no effect.
0:11:42 > 0:11:43I know!
0:11:43 > 0:11:45As if I'd be bothered about Emma Bunton,
0:11:45 > 0:11:48even if she is "so feminine".
0:11:48 > 0:11:50How do you know he said that about her?
0:11:50 > 0:11:53You were upstairs changing the bedsheets when he said that.
0:11:53 > 0:11:55Was I?
0:11:55 > 0:11:59Well, Lee's voice travels in this house.
0:11:59 > 0:12:01It hitches a ride with the smell.
0:12:02 > 0:12:06So, how come you didn't also hear that the rules of the game
0:12:06 > 0:12:08are you have to pick someone famous?
0:12:08 > 0:12:10OK, I heard everything, all right?
0:12:10 > 0:12:15About how he wants to whisper sweet nothings in gorgeous Emma Bunton's ear, and I thought,
0:12:15 > 0:12:19"Right, well, two can play at that game," so I decided to go one better
0:12:19 > 0:12:23and choose someone who was not only good-looking but that I also knew.
0:12:23 > 0:12:27You deliberately made him jealous. You're as bad as each other.
0:12:27 > 0:12:28So?
0:12:28 > 0:12:32It worked, and it got him to go to the dentist.
0:12:41 > 0:12:42This is all very pleasant, isn't it?
0:12:42 > 0:12:44Let's keep it that way, yeah?
0:12:44 > 0:12:47Don't worry. I'm not going to embarrass you.
0:12:47 > 0:12:48Are they free?
0:12:52 > 0:12:55Oh, my God. There she is. There's Emma Bunton.
0:12:55 > 0:12:57That's really her, right? It's not just one of those lookalikes.
0:12:57 > 0:12:59Maybe we should ask her to sing.
0:12:59 > 0:13:02If she can do it, we'll know it's not a real Spice Girl.
0:13:03 > 0:13:06What should I say to her when I meet her?
0:13:06 > 0:13:10She's just a normal person who likes normal conversations
0:13:10 > 0:13:12and has a normal sense of humour.
0:13:12 > 0:13:14So you're saying I should just crack a few jokes?
0:13:14 > 0:13:16I am absolutely not saying that.
0:13:16 > 0:13:18So what should I say, then?
0:13:18 > 0:13:19Just don't say anything too...
0:13:19 > 0:13:21Don't say anything too what?
0:13:21 > 0:13:24Just don't say anything to...her.
0:13:26 > 0:13:27No chance.
0:13:27 > 0:13:30I'm getting a selfie with the Bunts and I'm going to send it to Lucy
0:13:30 > 0:13:33and wind my wife up like a clockwork monkey.
0:13:33 > 0:13:35At least you're winding your women up nowadays.
0:13:35 > 0:13:36You used to just blow them up.
0:13:39 > 0:13:43And thank you again. £20,000 will make such a huge difference.
0:13:45 > 0:13:46Toby!
0:13:46 > 0:13:48- Emma.- Lovely to see you again.
0:13:48 > 0:13:50One kiss or two?
0:13:50 > 0:13:51Let's do it the French way.
0:13:51 > 0:13:53You have got to be kidding me!
0:13:55 > 0:13:57Hi, Lee, I'm Emma.
0:14:00 > 0:14:01I mean, you're Emma.
0:14:01 > 0:14:04Emma Bunton, the most amazing and most beautiful,
0:14:04 > 0:14:07talented singer in the whole of the Spice Girls.
0:14:07 > 0:14:10Anyway, Emma's got some charity mugging to do,
0:14:10 > 0:14:12so we should probably let her mingle.
0:14:12 > 0:14:15She is mingling, with me, a potential donor.
0:14:15 > 0:14:18I'm the minglee, she's the minger...mingler.
0:14:20 > 0:14:22Come on.
0:14:22 > 0:14:24You go. I'll be over in a second.
0:14:24 > 0:14:27I just want to get a selfie with Emma, if that's all right.
0:14:27 > 0:14:28Always happy to help the donors.
0:14:28 > 0:14:31Thanks. My wife is going to be so jealous.
0:14:31 > 0:14:34She loves you almost as much as going to the dentist.
0:14:34 > 0:14:35Nice.
0:14:38 > 0:14:40Better get close. I've got very short arms.
0:14:43 > 0:14:44Closer.
0:14:47 > 0:14:50What do you think? Is that a bit compromising?
0:14:50 > 0:14:51No, of course not.
0:14:51 > 0:14:53You're right, it's rubbish. Let's do another.
0:14:53 > 0:14:55Actually, can I ask you a cheeky favour, Emma?
0:14:55 > 0:14:58Is there any chance of a little kiss on the cheek?
0:14:58 > 0:15:00Er, well...
0:15:00 > 0:15:01Come on, think of the sick kiddies.
0:15:03 > 0:15:05How much are you donating?
0:15:06 > 0:15:07Five?
0:15:07 > 0:15:095,000?
0:15:09 > 0:15:11Well, yeah, if you mean 5,000 pence.
0:15:11 > 0:15:13That's £50.
0:15:13 > 0:15:14Is it? I thought it was a fiver.
0:15:17 > 0:15:19All right, £50.
0:15:19 > 0:15:22Well, seeing as you're a friend of Toby's...
0:15:22 > 0:15:24Thanks.
0:15:24 > 0:15:26Three, two, one...
0:15:28 > 0:15:30Mmm!
0:15:32 > 0:15:34That is brilliant.
0:15:34 > 0:15:36I can't wait for my wife to see this.
0:15:36 > 0:15:38That is the best £50 I have ever spent.
0:15:38 > 0:15:40You were robbed, mate.
0:15:42 > 0:15:44Look, it's not just that he's meeting Emma Bunton.
0:15:44 > 0:15:47It's the fact that he's spent all week trying to wind me up,
0:15:47 > 0:15:48doing stupid little things.
0:15:48 > 0:15:50Like what?
0:15:50 > 0:15:53MUSIC: "Spice Up Your Life" by The Spice Girls
0:15:53 > 0:15:56Like changing my ring tone.
0:15:56 > 0:15:59Oh, it's a text from Lee.
0:15:59 > 0:16:00What the...?
0:16:03 > 0:16:05Blimey. Fast mover.
0:16:05 > 0:16:09Toby would still be asking Susie Dent her favourite preposition.
0:16:09 > 0:16:10I'm going to kill him.
0:16:10 > 0:16:12Lucy, think for a moment.
0:16:12 > 0:16:14If you grind him down for long enough he'll kill himself.
0:16:17 > 0:16:19Maybe you should calm down before you phone him.
0:16:19 > 0:16:22Oh, I'm not phoning Lee. That'll play right into his hands.
0:16:22 > 0:16:24Hello?
0:16:24 > 0:16:28I need to book an immediate appointment to see Michael Lorenzo, please.
0:16:28 > 0:16:32Tell him fun-time Lucy needs an emergency drilling.
0:16:34 > 0:16:35Yeah, I never go to the doctor's, me.
0:16:35 > 0:16:38Fit as a fiddle. Never get ill, never catch anything.
0:16:38 > 0:16:40Well, just the occasional cold sore.
0:16:40 > 0:16:45Anyway, it's, er, been lovely chatting. I'll see you later.
0:16:48 > 0:16:50You got your selfie, then. I saw you.
0:16:50 > 0:16:54It was like watching an octopus eating a Barbie doll.
0:16:55 > 0:16:58Yeah, well, it didn't work, did it? Lucy still hasn't responded.
0:16:58 > 0:16:59Well, never mind.
0:16:59 > 0:17:03Let's see if we can get you into a threesome with Mel B and Mel C,
0:17:03 > 0:17:04cause a "Mel A."
0:17:07 > 0:17:10Save the wordplay crap in case you ever meet Susie Dent.
0:17:21 > 0:17:23I'm so sorry for wasting your time.
0:17:23 > 0:17:25Lucy, you never waste my time.
0:17:25 > 0:17:28The pain was probably just a bit of food that got lodged in your tooth.
0:17:28 > 0:17:29Have a rinse.
0:17:31 > 0:17:33I saw your husband this week.
0:17:34 > 0:17:36You never mentioned you were married.
0:17:36 > 0:17:38Well, it's not really a marriage.
0:17:38 > 0:17:40It's more like a murder-suicide pact with jewellery.
0:17:42 > 0:17:46Actually, Michael, before I go, can I ask you a favour?
0:17:46 > 0:17:47Anything you like, Lucy.
0:17:47 > 0:17:50I know it's really silly, but I've got this friend who's got
0:17:50 > 0:17:53a thing for men in white coats, so we've got this sort of
0:17:53 > 0:17:56competition going, who can get the best selfie with a white-coated man.
0:17:56 > 0:17:58- Sounds fun.- It is.
0:17:58 > 0:18:02The best I've managed so far is a painter and decorator and two beekeepers.
0:18:02 > 0:18:06Funny thing is, I ended up getting stung by the painter and decorator.
0:18:06 > 0:18:09- Ha-ha-ha!- Oh!
0:18:09 > 0:18:11Oh, what am I like?
0:18:11 > 0:18:13So, um, could I...?
0:18:13 > 0:18:16Well, of course. Get over here.
0:18:16 > 0:18:19Well, actually, why don't you, er, get on the chair with me,
0:18:19 > 0:18:20you know, bit of fun?
0:18:23 > 0:18:26Here we go! Scream if you want to go faster.
0:18:26 > 0:18:30And smile for the camera.
0:18:30 > 0:18:32Great. See you in six months.
0:18:40 > 0:18:43Well, this afternoon has been extremely successful.
0:18:43 > 0:18:46Today's offer of donations alone will pay for
0:18:46 > 0:18:50a waiting area for the new wing, and thanks to your offer we can
0:18:50 > 0:18:53now afford to put a few magazines in there, too.
0:18:54 > 0:18:56It's not been a complete success, has it?
0:18:56 > 0:18:58Lucy still hasn't texted back.
0:18:58 > 0:18:59Oh, grow up, Lee.
0:18:59 > 0:19:02There's no time for petty little jealousies in a marriage.
0:19:02 > 0:19:04That is rich coming from a man who had to make up
0:19:04 > 0:19:06a hot tub fantasy just to stop his wife getting jealous.
0:19:06 > 0:19:09You still think that's why I picked Susie Dent,
0:19:09 > 0:19:10because really I fancy Emma Bunton?
0:19:10 > 0:19:13Of course it is. You've seen how sexy Emma is,
0:19:13 > 0:19:16but you can't admit it to Anna because you personally know Emma.
0:19:16 > 0:19:18I didn't pick Emma cos I don't fancy her.
0:19:18 > 0:19:21Course you fancy her. She's Emma Bunton, for God's sake!
0:19:21 > 0:19:23She was grown in a laboratory out of kittens and boobs.
0:19:25 > 0:19:26BEEP
0:19:26 > 0:19:29- A-ha-ha.- At last, a text from Lucy.
0:19:29 > 0:19:31I knew it would work.
0:19:33 > 0:19:35Is that a painter and decorator?
0:19:35 > 0:19:38It's not a painter and decorator. It's a dentist.
0:19:38 > 0:19:42And I assume from your reaction that's Michael Lorenzo.
0:19:42 > 0:19:45Yes, because when she sends me pictures of her rolling round
0:19:45 > 0:19:48with other dentists, I'm perfectly fine about it.
0:19:48 > 0:19:50What the hell are they doing?
0:19:50 > 0:19:53Maybe he's trying a novel way to get her to say, "Ah."
0:19:53 > 0:19:57Oh, come on. It's perfectly obvious what she's doing.
0:19:57 > 0:19:59She's getting her own back, and I don't blame her.
0:19:59 > 0:20:01It's exactly the same as you did to her.
0:20:01 > 0:20:03No, it's not. This is a lot worse.
0:20:03 > 0:20:05Well, I'm not taking it lying down.
0:20:05 > 0:20:06She is.
0:20:08 > 0:20:11Ah, here she is. Emma, thank you so much for today.
0:20:11 > 0:20:12You were great.
0:20:12 > 0:20:14Can I, er, arrange a car for you?
0:20:14 > 0:20:15Oh, there's no need.
0:20:15 > 0:20:18I'm going to hang out at the hotel spa,
0:20:18 > 0:20:20maybe soak in the hot tub for a bit.
0:20:20 > 0:20:21I'll see you later.
0:20:26 > 0:20:27Don't even think about it.
0:20:36 > 0:20:38Hello!
0:20:41 > 0:20:43It's not me making those bubbles, by the way.
0:20:46 > 0:20:48You know what, Emma, whilst you're here,
0:20:48 > 0:20:51I don't suppose I could ask one final favour, could I?
0:20:51 > 0:20:54I don't think you should be in here with a camera.
0:20:54 > 0:20:55Oh, I take it with me everywhere.
0:20:55 > 0:20:58You never know when you're going to meet a famous celebrity.
0:20:58 > 0:21:00I've had 'em all, me - Elton John outside Wembley Arena,
0:21:00 > 0:21:04Ant and Dec at the Brits, Chesney Hawkes at Aldi.
0:21:06 > 0:21:11Go on, one quick selfie then I promise I'll go away and leave you alone to...broil.
0:21:11 > 0:21:13This is definitely the last one.
0:21:13 > 0:21:14Definitely.
0:21:14 > 0:21:16No sudden lip action.
0:21:16 > 0:21:18None. No diving, no bombing, no heavy petting.
0:21:20 > 0:21:22OK. Make it quick.
0:21:22 > 0:21:24Oh, thanks, Emma.
0:21:24 > 0:21:27You were always my favourite, the real talent, the Ken Barlow.
0:21:27 > 0:21:28What?
0:21:28 > 0:21:31I mean Gary. OK, here we go.
0:21:31 > 0:21:32Three, two...
0:21:34 > 0:21:36Is that all right?
0:21:36 > 0:21:38Well, at least I can see where it is.
0:21:39 > 0:21:40One.
0:21:42 > 0:21:43Perfect!
0:21:43 > 0:21:46Right. See how you like these onions.
0:21:46 > 0:21:48Where are you sending that?
0:21:48 > 0:21:53Nowhere, honest. This is just for my own personal private use.
0:21:53 > 0:21:55That's reassuring.
0:21:57 > 0:21:59You didn't have to wait and drive me home, Anna.
0:21:59 > 0:22:03It's fine. Anything to get a glimpse of Mikey the dentist.
0:22:03 > 0:22:06He's got a bit of a wicked glint in his eye.
0:22:07 > 0:22:10I wonder if he's seen Fifty Shades Of Grey.
0:22:10 > 0:22:12Only when he looked at Lee's teeth.
0:22:12 > 0:22:14MUSIC: "Spice Up Your Life"
0:22:14 > 0:22:15Oh, here we go.
0:22:15 > 0:22:18I knew it wouldn't be long before he took the bait.
0:22:23 > 0:22:25This charity event - where is it?
0:22:25 > 0:22:28It's just round the corner from here, actually.
0:22:28 > 0:22:31Can you take me there, please? And quickly.
0:22:31 > 0:22:32Lee's about to drown.
0:22:35 > 0:22:37I thought you said you were getting out.
0:22:37 > 0:22:39Will in a minute. Just waiting for something.
0:22:39 > 0:22:44Can't you just think of John McCririck and wrap a towel round you?
0:22:44 > 0:22:47Thought I'd find you here. Get out.
0:22:47 > 0:22:49Don't listen to him, Emma.
0:22:49 > 0:22:51You've got as much right to be here as the next man.
0:22:51 > 0:22:52Get out.
0:22:52 > 0:22:55What, so you can take my place?
0:22:55 > 0:22:57I knew that dictionary woman was a cover story.
0:22:57 > 0:22:59You're a dark horse, aren't you?
0:22:59 > 0:23:03Or as Susie Dent would say, a charcoal-shaded equine quadruped.
0:23:04 > 0:23:05Will you please leave?
0:23:05 > 0:23:08By that look on your face you've clearly got what you were after.
0:23:08 > 0:23:09I beg your pardon?
0:23:09 > 0:23:11Sorry, I didn't mean that.
0:23:11 > 0:23:12What did you mean?
0:23:12 > 0:23:14I mean, he only asked me to invite him here today
0:23:14 > 0:23:17so he could meet you to get his wife jealous.
0:23:17 > 0:23:18Then why did you invite him?
0:23:19 > 0:23:21She's got a point.
0:23:21 > 0:23:26Sorry, how come this has suddenly turned into me being the problem?
0:23:26 > 0:23:30Because I came here today to help raise funds for a hospital wing,
0:23:30 > 0:23:33not to impress your groupie mates.
0:23:33 > 0:23:36Yeah, all right, big head. I'm not a groupie.
0:23:36 > 0:23:39I'm here for the music, not just the Spice Girls.
0:23:39 > 0:23:42I move with the times. I've got other cassettes.
0:23:44 > 0:23:48Oh! Hello, love. What a nice surprise.
0:23:48 > 0:23:51Me and Emma were just about to order champagne.
0:23:51 > 0:23:53Er, no, we weren't.
0:23:53 > 0:23:54She prefers Babycham.
0:23:56 > 0:23:58What the hell are you doing here?
0:23:58 > 0:23:59- What the hell am- I- doing here?
0:23:59 > 0:24:01- What the hell am- I- doing here?
0:24:01 > 0:24:04What the hell were you doing at the dentist, again?
0:24:04 > 0:24:07Lee, will you please show some dignity?
0:24:07 > 0:24:09I've got dignity!
0:24:12 > 0:24:14Eyes off the prize, Bunton.
0:24:18 > 0:24:20Well done.
0:24:20 > 0:24:22Why is everyone suddenly having a go at me?
0:24:22 > 0:24:24Because you should never have invited him!
0:24:24 > 0:24:26You never invite me to these things.
0:24:26 > 0:24:28You should have just said no to him.
0:24:28 > 0:24:31Especially given you knew what he was up to.
0:24:31 > 0:24:33Yeah, Toby.
0:24:33 > 0:24:35I've had enough of this.
0:24:35 > 0:24:37Well, if you can't beat 'em...
0:24:37 > 0:24:38Happy now?
0:24:38 > 0:24:39You started it.
0:24:39 > 0:24:41No, I didn't.
0:24:41 > 0:24:42Well, you sort of did, Lucy.
0:24:42 > 0:24:46You should have just said Brad Pitt, or Tom Hardy, or Hugh Jackman,
0:24:46 > 0:24:47or Daniel Craig.
0:24:49 > 0:24:53I can't believe you're blaming me. You shouldn't have started playing the stupid game in the first place.
0:24:53 > 0:24:55Don't start on me, Lucy.
0:24:55 > 0:24:57This is both your faults, nobody else's.
0:24:57 > 0:24:59Well, maybe Toby's, but I'll deal with him later.
0:24:59 > 0:25:02Just me, or will the whole of Hollywood be there?
0:25:02 > 0:25:05You're a couple of silly, little, immature children,
0:25:05 > 0:25:07with stupid, petty jealousies.
0:25:07 > 0:25:09You should be ashamed of yourselves, both of you.
0:25:11 > 0:25:13Hi there, Toby. Mind if I join you?
0:25:17 > 0:25:20Sorry I couldn't get to say hello at the function.
0:25:20 > 0:25:22I got cornered by a crazy fan.
0:25:22 > 0:25:24You know what they can be like.
0:25:28 > 0:25:30This is my wife, Anna.
0:25:30 > 0:25:35Anna, I'd like you to meet another of our charity patrons,
0:25:35 > 0:25:39Susie Dent, from Countdown.
0:25:39 > 0:25:40Hello.
0:25:42 > 0:25:44You never told me you were married.
0:25:45 > 0:25:47Didn't I?
0:25:47 > 0:25:50HUMS COUNTDOWN MUSIC
0:26:02 > 0:26:05I didn't really fancy Emma Bunton that much in real life.
0:26:05 > 0:26:06Bit offish.
0:26:07 > 0:26:11Well, you know what they say - never meet your heroes...
0:26:11 > 0:26:13in a giant bathtub, in your underpants.
0:26:15 > 0:26:17They never want to talk to the little people.
0:26:17 > 0:26:21Yeah, all right. That hot tub was colder than it looked.
0:26:21 > 0:26:24You know there's nothing going on
0:26:24 > 0:26:27- between Toby and Susie Dent, don't you?- Course I do.
0:26:27 > 0:26:31So does Anna, but she's still not happy he's lived out his hot tub fantasy.
0:26:31 > 0:26:36I don't think his fantasy involved Anna jumping in the water and dragging him out by the hyperboles.
0:26:37 > 0:26:40I'm changing dentists, by the way.
0:26:40 > 0:26:42You don't need to, honestly.
0:26:42 > 0:26:44No, I want to.
0:26:44 > 0:26:45He's a bit too flirty,
0:26:45 > 0:26:47and I don't like where he's been putting his hands.
0:26:47 > 0:26:49Where?
0:26:49 > 0:26:50In your mouth.
0:26:52 > 0:26:53I'm sorry, Lucy.
0:26:53 > 0:26:54Me, too.
0:26:55 > 0:26:57Sleep well.
0:26:57 > 0:26:58And you.
0:27:02 > 0:27:06I tell you what - that Susie Dent looked good in a swimsuit.
0:27:06 > 0:27:08Ow!
0:27:09 > 0:27:12# We're not going out
0:27:12 > 0:27:13# Not staying in
0:27:13 > 0:27:16# Just hanging around with my head in a spin
0:27:16 > 0:27:20# But there is no need to scream and shout
0:27:20 > 0:27:23# We're not going out
0:27:23 > 0:27:26# We are not going out. #