0:00:02 > 0:00:06# We're not going out Not staying in
0:00:06 > 0:00:09# Just hanging around With my head in a spin
0:00:09 > 0:00:13# But that is no need to scream and shout
0:00:13 > 0:00:15# We're not going out
0:00:16 > 0:00:18# We are not going out. #
0:00:22 > 0:00:24OK. Bye.
0:00:24 > 0:00:28- That was Mum.- Oh, they're back from their holidays?
0:00:28 > 0:00:30Yeah, they just got home. It was a lovely break.
0:00:30 > 0:00:34Certainly was, but we can't keep them away for ever.
0:00:34 > 0:00:36Where did Grandma and Grandad go?
0:00:36 > 0:00:38They went to Venice.
0:00:38 > 0:00:40It's a place in Italy with lots of canals.
0:00:40 > 0:00:41I know that.
0:00:41 > 0:00:45I know you do, sweetheart, I was telling Daddy.
0:00:45 > 0:00:48It was a special present from all of us for their wedding anniversary.
0:00:48 > 0:00:5150 years. Isn't that amazing?
0:00:51 > 0:00:53Certainly is. Your mum deserves a medal.
0:00:53 > 0:00:57It's only the "Till death do us part" line that's keeping her hanging on in there.
0:00:57 > 0:00:59Anyway, they're coming around in a bit to tell us all about it.
0:00:59 > 0:01:01Already? They've literally just got back.
0:01:01 > 0:01:05- Sorry, is that a problem?- No. But they are here quite a lot.
0:01:05 > 0:01:08Not as much as you.
0:01:08 > 0:01:10Actually, I've just remembered, I've, er...got to pop into work.
0:01:12 > 0:01:14- On a Sunday morning?- Yeah.
0:01:14 > 0:01:17Of course. I was forgetting you're the Archbishop of Canterbury(!)
0:01:17 > 0:01:21You're going to be here, and you'll listen to their holiday stories,
0:01:21 > 0:01:23and look at their photos and smile politely.
0:01:25 > 0:01:27Lying and avoiding my parents.
0:01:27 > 0:01:29I don't know which one is worse.
0:01:29 > 0:01:31Oh, it's definitely your dad.
0:01:38 > 0:01:40So, how are you?
0:01:40 > 0:01:42Yeah, all fine.
0:01:42 > 0:01:45Apart from the usual, Lee always trying to find an excuse
0:01:45 > 0:01:49to nip out when certain people he has an issue with come around.
0:01:49 > 0:01:51- Where is he?- He's nipped out.
0:01:53 > 0:01:54I mean my parents.
0:01:54 > 0:01:58It's like he tries to avoid having anything to do with them.
0:01:58 > 0:02:00Sounds like you two are having a few problems.
0:02:00 > 0:02:02Oh, no, just letting off steam.
0:02:02 > 0:02:04It's OK, Lucy, you can talk to me.
0:02:04 > 0:02:07This might come as a bit of a surprise to you,
0:02:07 > 0:02:10but, just between us,
0:02:10 > 0:02:13my marriage to Toby isn't exactly perfect.
0:02:13 > 0:02:14No?!
0:02:15 > 0:02:18I know. We put on a show of being this ideal couple,
0:02:18 > 0:02:21all sweetness and light.
0:02:21 > 0:02:26The truth is, at times, I can be a little bit abrasive towards Toby.
0:02:26 > 0:02:28At times?
0:02:28 > 0:02:30I mean, abrasive?
0:02:31 > 0:02:34But recently, we decided to try and improve things,
0:02:34 > 0:02:37so we've been for some marriage guidance counselling.
0:02:37 > 0:02:39- Really? - I have to say, it's been amazing.
0:02:39 > 0:02:42I've been talking about things more, vocalising my feelings.
0:02:42 > 0:02:44I'm really opening up.
0:02:44 > 0:02:46Wow! What about Toby?
0:02:46 > 0:02:47Yes, he comes along, too.
0:02:49 > 0:02:51Really, Lucy, you should try it.
0:02:51 > 0:02:54Us? Oh, we don't need marriage guidance.
0:02:54 > 0:02:57Why not? It would help you get to the bottom of these issues
0:02:57 > 0:02:58he has with your parents.
0:02:58 > 0:03:00Look, I can see your marriage isn't in trouble,
0:03:00 > 0:03:02but why wait until it is?
0:03:02 > 0:03:04Look at it this way, if you found a lump,
0:03:04 > 0:03:07even if you were almost certain it was nothing serious,
0:03:07 > 0:03:09you'd still go to the doctor, right?
0:03:09 > 0:03:10I suppose.
0:03:10 > 0:03:13Well, in your marriage, there's a lump.
0:03:16 > 0:03:19- Right.- And I'm quite sure it's absolutely nothing to worry about,
0:03:19 > 0:03:22but it's still worth getting checked out.
0:03:22 > 0:03:26You know, on the off chance it needs to be removed.
0:03:26 > 0:03:29Yeah. Thanks for the advice, but have you ever heard the phrase,
0:03:29 > 0:03:32- "taking a sledgehammer to crack a nut"?- Yes.
0:03:32 > 0:03:34Well, I'll probably just do that instead.
0:03:39 > 0:03:40Venice was beautiful.
0:03:40 > 0:03:42Yes, we loved it.
0:03:42 > 0:03:46The food, the architecture. We had all kinds of new experiences.
0:03:46 > 0:03:48Oh, what's Dad doing in this one?
0:03:48 > 0:03:50He's smiling.
0:03:52 > 0:03:55- Look at this one of Dad. - That's interesting, Geoffrey.
0:03:55 > 0:03:57I never realised you showed up on photographs.
0:04:03 > 0:04:05- So, thank you both. - Oh, don't be silly.
0:04:05 > 0:04:08If you can't put your in-laws on a plane and send them
0:04:08 > 0:04:111,000 miles across Europe, what pleasures do we have left?
0:04:13 > 0:04:17So...50 years of marriage.
0:04:17 > 0:04:20Come on, then, what's the secret?
0:04:20 > 0:04:21Oh, there's no great secret.
0:04:21 > 0:04:25If you want to stay married, don't get divorced and don't die.
0:04:27 > 0:04:29So don't leave Lee and don't kill him.
0:04:29 > 0:04:32We're not underestimating the size of the challenge.
0:04:33 > 0:04:36Well, we probably should be leaving.
0:04:36 > 0:04:38Is everything OK, darling, with you two?
0:04:38 > 0:04:40Yeah. Why wouldn't it be?
0:04:40 > 0:04:42You know we're always here.
0:04:42 > 0:04:44Yes, I know you are, and so does Lee.
0:04:45 > 0:04:47Bye-bye, darling.
0:04:51 > 0:04:52What? I did what you asked.
0:04:52 > 0:04:56Really? I don't remember asking you to make smart-arse comments.
0:04:56 > 0:04:58I thought I was quite restrained.
0:04:58 > 0:05:01When your mum said that gondolier had taken her up the Grand Canal, I didn't say a word.
0:05:04 > 0:05:05Anna popped around earlier.
0:05:05 > 0:05:07That reminds me, the freezer needs defrosting.
0:05:09 > 0:05:11- She told me something quite surprising.- Oh, really?
0:05:11 > 0:05:14Don't tell me, one of her servants has got rickets?
0:05:14 > 0:05:17She and Toby are having marriage counselling.
0:05:17 > 0:05:18And that surprises you?
0:05:18 > 0:05:21If I was married to Anna, I'd want counselling.
0:05:21 > 0:05:23I say counselling, it would be a bloke with a megaphone
0:05:23 > 0:05:25telling me to step away from the ledge.
0:05:27 > 0:05:29She suggested it might be good for us to give it a go.
0:05:31 > 0:05:32Unbelievable!
0:05:32 > 0:05:35Why is it every fad that Anna picks up, you have to follow?
0:05:35 > 0:05:38Pilates, spiralizer, Fitbit. I hope they never get mauled by tigers,
0:05:38 > 0:05:41you'll have me over the fence at Whipsnade with a pocketful of sausages!
0:05:43 > 0:05:47- We're fine!- I know we are, but Anna and Toby were totally fine once.
0:05:47 > 0:05:49Why wait until we really need it?
0:05:49 > 0:05:50I don't need a colostomy bag,
0:05:50 > 0:05:54but it doesn't mean I'm going to get one fitted just in case.
0:05:54 > 0:05:58A counsellor is not the same thing as a colostomy bag.
0:05:58 > 0:06:01Oh, I don't know, I think there's a key similarity.
0:06:03 > 0:06:05Why would you want to copy Anna and Toby?
0:06:05 > 0:06:07Who'd want a marriage like theirs?
0:06:07 > 0:06:10I don't want a marriage like Anna and Toby's, I want a marriage like...
0:06:10 > 0:06:12Like...?
0:06:12 > 0:06:13Oh, I don't know.
0:06:13 > 0:06:16Like your mum and dad, that's what you were going to say.
0:06:16 > 0:06:19- Where are you going? - To get something to keep polar bears away from that freezer.
0:06:19 > 0:06:21Obviously, they're not a problem at the moment,
0:06:21 > 0:06:23but why wait until we really need it?
0:06:29 > 0:06:32- So, how have you been?- Fine.
0:06:33 > 0:06:35Yeah? Everything OK?
0:06:35 > 0:06:36Fine.
0:06:36 > 0:06:38How's Anna?
0:06:38 > 0:06:40Fine.
0:06:40 > 0:06:43What do you pay when your library books are late?
0:06:46 > 0:06:49- Is there something you're trying to ask me?- Let me put it another way,
0:06:49 > 0:06:52- but you promise to tell me if I'm being too cryptic.- OK.
0:06:52 > 0:06:54How's the marriage counselling going?
0:06:55 > 0:06:57That is supposed to be confidential.
0:06:57 > 0:06:59Yeah, but surely I'm allowed to tell you.
0:07:01 > 0:07:03Well, since you know about it anyway,
0:07:03 > 0:07:06yes, we have been going to see someone.
0:07:06 > 0:07:08So, what are they like, these sessions?
0:07:08 > 0:07:11Well, it's not my kind of thing at all, really.
0:07:11 > 0:07:13But at least I get to list all Anna's faults.
0:07:13 > 0:07:16Well, not all her faults, obviously, the sessions only last two hours.
0:07:19 > 0:07:22- So, what kind of things do you talk about?- Everything.
0:07:22 > 0:07:27We even have to talk in far too much detail about our...sex life.
0:07:28 > 0:07:31- What kind of things do you say? - Do you know what, next time,
0:07:31 > 0:07:35I'll have a laptop at the ready so you can join in via Skype(!)
0:07:35 > 0:07:36Counselling or the sex?
0:07:39 > 0:07:43So, er...how bad had things got before, you know, you decided to go?
0:07:43 > 0:07:45Well, things weren't great.
0:07:45 > 0:07:48But at least the counselling has improved things a bit,
0:07:48 > 0:07:50you know, in terms of the arguing
0:07:50 > 0:07:53and the sleeping in the spare room, of course.
0:07:53 > 0:07:55- Is that where you were before the counselling? - No, that's where I am now.
0:07:57 > 0:07:59Before the counselling, I was at the Premier Inn.
0:08:02 > 0:08:05- Things must have been awful. - Well, there's no room service,
0:08:05 > 0:08:08but it's clean and the showers are good.
0:08:08 > 0:08:10And Lenny Henry always cheers me up at breakfast.
0:08:12 > 0:08:13This is terrible!
0:08:13 > 0:08:16Well, thanks for your concern,
0:08:16 > 0:08:19but, like I say, we're working things through.
0:08:19 > 0:08:20I don't mean for you, I mean for me!
0:08:20 > 0:08:23Lucy wants us to go, but she must think we're in a right state
0:08:23 > 0:08:26if she wants to talk to someone who deals with couples who are that messed up.
0:08:26 > 0:08:29Remind me again why we're friends?
0:08:29 > 0:08:31Look, it's fine.
0:08:31 > 0:08:33The way I see it is this -
0:08:33 > 0:08:35marriage is a marathon, not a sprint.
0:08:35 > 0:08:37And like a marathon, you have to keep on going,
0:08:37 > 0:08:40drink as much as you can,
0:08:40 > 0:08:45and keep telling yourself over and over, "This will end".
0:08:48 > 0:08:50Ladies and gentlemen, the bride and groom.
0:08:59 > 0:09:00THEY CHUCKLE
0:09:03 > 0:09:05Ah. You ready to go, Anna?
0:09:05 > 0:09:08Or are you too busy discussing more personal details of our marriage?
0:09:09 > 0:09:10What is it this time?
0:09:10 > 0:09:13Telling Lucy that I like to keep my pyjamas on during sex?
0:09:15 > 0:09:16No. She didn't mention that.
0:09:18 > 0:09:20And why would she? It's a made-up example.
0:09:20 > 0:09:22Exactly. Because, as we know, Lucy,
0:09:22 > 0:09:26despite their wonderful marriage counselling, they never have sex.
0:09:26 > 0:09:29No, they're having a lot more sex since counselling, actually.
0:09:29 > 0:09:32I think you'll find they're in separate bedrooms, actually.
0:09:32 > 0:09:35- Yes, but they have an arrangement on Wednesdays where they... - All right!
0:09:37 > 0:09:40I think I preferred it when you were talking behind my back.
0:09:40 > 0:09:43- Sorry.- I'm sorry, too, Toby.
0:09:43 > 0:09:46I hear what you're saying
0:09:46 > 0:09:50and I acknowledge that you're annoyed with me.
0:09:52 > 0:09:56I shared information about our private life without your consent
0:09:56 > 0:10:01and without considering how that might make you feel.
0:10:02 > 0:10:04OK.
0:10:04 > 0:10:09Well, I hear what you're saying, too, Anna.
0:10:09 > 0:10:11I appreciate your apology.
0:10:11 > 0:10:15I should have understood that sometimes you need to share
0:10:15 > 0:10:17your feelings with friends.
0:10:17 > 0:10:21I apologise, too. I shouldn't have tried to stifle your conversation.
0:10:26 > 0:10:28Eurgh!
0:10:30 > 0:10:32We should be going.
0:10:32 > 0:10:34Thank you for being so honest with us.
0:10:34 > 0:10:36It won't go any further.
0:10:36 > 0:10:38Of course. And best of luck for Wednesday.
0:10:41 > 0:10:43See? Impressive, right?
0:10:43 > 0:10:47Impressive? It was like watching two Daleks trying to mate!
0:10:47 > 0:10:50At least their problems are discussed, Lee.
0:10:50 > 0:10:52Unlike the one you have with my parents.
0:10:52 > 0:10:55- We're nothing like Toby and Anna. - Of course we're not!
0:10:55 > 0:10:59But counselling's improved their relationship in all sorts of ways.
0:10:59 > 0:11:02You heard, they're having more sex.
0:11:02 > 0:11:06Well, are you prepared to give it a go?
0:11:08 > 0:11:11If it's what you really want, then, yes, I'm prepared to have more sex.
0:11:13 > 0:11:15What about the counsellor?
0:11:15 > 0:11:17I'll have to see a picture of him first.
0:11:24 > 0:11:26Have you done any marriage counselling before?
0:11:26 > 0:11:28No. You?
0:11:31 > 0:11:33- And what made you come to counselling?- Her.
0:11:36 > 0:11:39He only came because I promised him a McDonald's on the way home.
0:11:40 > 0:11:43- So, you're here reluctantly? - A bit, yeah.
0:11:43 > 0:11:44I think our marriage is fine.
0:11:44 > 0:11:46And the way I look at it, if it ain't broke,
0:11:46 > 0:11:48charge it £70 an hour and it soon will be.
0:11:50 > 0:11:53Can we not discuss money, please, Lee?
0:11:53 > 0:11:54I'm sorry.
0:11:54 > 0:11:58Forget the embarrassing discussions about money, let's just talk about the sex.
0:11:58 > 0:12:00That's not the first time he's used that line to a woman.
0:12:03 > 0:12:04That's a joke.
0:12:04 > 0:12:06Lee's never paid for sex.
0:12:06 > 0:12:09We've got three kids, you always end up paying for it in the end.
0:12:11 > 0:12:15So, why did you want to come here today, Lucy?
0:12:15 > 0:12:18Um...you were recommended to us by our friends, Toby and Anna.
0:12:18 > 0:12:20You know them, right?
0:12:20 > 0:12:23I'm afraid I can't discuss any of my other clients.
0:12:23 > 0:12:25I wouldn't admit to that one either.
0:12:25 > 0:12:29That would be like saying you were Shane MacGowan's dentist.
0:12:29 > 0:12:32I don't discuss anything that happens in here at all.
0:12:32 > 0:12:34It's all confidential.
0:12:34 > 0:12:36Confidential. You could learn from that.
0:12:36 > 0:12:39- What does that mean?- You, discussing our marriage with Anna!
0:12:39 > 0:12:42Some things are supposed to be kept between a husband and wife.
0:12:42 > 0:12:46- Right?- You're not paying me to judge or point the finger.
0:12:46 > 0:12:47Oh, that's extra, is it?
0:12:49 > 0:12:53I only talked to Anna because you and I don't discuss our problems properly.
0:12:53 > 0:12:56Like your attitude towards my parents.
0:12:56 > 0:13:00Here we go. Right, you want me to discuss things, I'll discuss things.
0:13:00 > 0:13:02Lucy thinks I have an issue with her parents,
0:13:02 > 0:13:05but the real issue is that she puts their marriage on a pedestal,
0:13:05 > 0:13:07which means she then has unreasonably high expectations
0:13:07 > 0:13:10about our own marriage, and when we fail to meet those expectations,
0:13:10 > 0:13:13she sees it as a failure, rather than what it really is,
0:13:13 > 0:13:16which is the normal tensions that exist in any loving, happy relationship.
0:13:16 > 0:13:20Especially those that don't idealise their perfect parents' marriage.
0:13:20 > 0:13:23- What?- Well, you asked me to do this properly.
0:13:23 > 0:13:25But you weren't supposed to think about it in advance.
0:13:25 > 0:13:27That's cheating!
0:13:27 > 0:13:31Does any of Lee's account strike a chord with you, Lucy?
0:13:32 > 0:13:36Well, I suppose I do see my parents as having the perfect marriage.
0:13:36 > 0:13:40When I was growing up, it was always a very happy home.
0:13:40 > 0:13:42And what about you, Lee, when you were growing up?
0:13:42 > 0:13:43Way ahead of you, Doc.
0:13:43 > 0:13:47Classic broken home, which, to some, might suggest an unhappy upbringing,
0:13:47 > 0:13:50which led to me having personal relationship issues as an adult.
0:13:50 > 0:13:52But it's actually the complete opposite.
0:13:52 > 0:13:55It enables me to value what Lucy and I have in our own marriage
0:13:55 > 0:13:58and makes me less likely to compare our perfectly happy marriage
0:13:58 > 0:13:59with anybody else's.
0:14:01 > 0:14:04Maybe you need some one-on-one time with my wife. Shall I pop out and get us all a coffee?
0:14:06 > 0:14:08Or maybe it's possible that Lucy,
0:14:08 > 0:14:11who comes from a place of security and warmth,
0:14:11 > 0:14:15is more able to vocalise these bigger questions about your relationship
0:14:15 > 0:14:18because she's not afraid of it causing bigger problems.
0:14:18 > 0:14:22Whereas you fear addressing anything you consider unpleasant
0:14:22 > 0:14:25due to your own deep-rooted anxieties.
0:14:25 > 0:14:27You what?
0:14:27 > 0:14:29How do you get along with Lucy's parents?
0:14:29 > 0:14:31Her dad hates me.
0:14:31 > 0:14:33It takes two people to make a bad relationship.
0:14:33 > 0:14:35Fair point. Her mum doesn't like me much either.
0:14:36 > 0:14:38Of course they like you.
0:14:38 > 0:14:43You talk about them not liking you, but maybe you don't like them
0:14:43 > 0:14:45because of what they represent.
0:14:45 > 0:14:47The secure and solid marriage
0:14:47 > 0:14:50that you didn't have around you growing up.
0:14:50 > 0:14:52Perhaps Lucy's parents aren't judging you at all.
0:14:52 > 0:14:54Perhaps you're judging yourself.
0:14:54 > 0:14:56Hang on. Can we go out and come back in again?
0:14:56 > 0:14:59Yes, I'm going to recommend you come several times.
0:14:59 > 0:15:03No chance. You'll have me saying I've got desires to set fire to things and sleep with my mum.
0:15:07 > 0:15:09Oh, I've had enough of this!
0:15:09 > 0:15:12Lee, can you sit down, please? This is progress.
0:15:12 > 0:15:15No. I came here on the express condition that it would be a complete waste of time.
0:15:15 > 0:15:18If I'd known it'd be worthwhile, I would have never agreed to it!
0:15:26 > 0:15:28So, you didn't enjoy it?
0:15:28 > 0:15:30No, I didn't, and it's all your fault.
0:15:30 > 0:15:33- Why?- Because you've been in there.
0:15:33 > 0:15:35You know how awful it is, and you didn't stop me from going.
0:15:35 > 0:15:38This is like Lord of the Dance all over again.
0:15:39 > 0:15:41I didn't exactly recommend the counselling.
0:15:41 > 0:15:44No, but you didn't warn me that it'd all turn out to be my fault.
0:15:44 > 0:15:46Oh, I see.
0:15:46 > 0:15:49Yeah, that's right. It's all me, apparently.
0:15:49 > 0:15:52It doesn't mean she's right. I mean, you're a doctor,
0:15:52 > 0:15:54I bet you've made the odd incorrect diagnosis.
0:15:54 > 0:15:57Course I have. I'm not infallible.
0:15:57 > 0:16:00But put it this way, if I had a patient who owned a crocodile
0:16:00 > 0:16:02who came in complaining of lower limb pain
0:16:02 > 0:16:06and carrying his foot in a plastic bag, I wouldn't diagnose mumps.
0:16:08 > 0:16:11Maybe it's time you made some changes. I know Anna has.
0:16:11 > 0:16:15Exactly, Anna's made the changes, which means I'm the Anna.
0:16:15 > 0:16:18I'm the baddie, I'm the evil one, I'm the Wicked Witch of the West.
0:16:18 > 0:16:20Keep going.
0:16:20 > 0:16:24The counsellor said we needed to think of new pet names for each other.
0:16:24 > 0:16:27Look, I know I was sceptical about the counselling,
0:16:27 > 0:16:31and I still am, but I can't deny it has improved my marriage.
0:16:31 > 0:16:33We're sharing a bedroom again.
0:16:33 > 0:16:36- Really?- Well, Anna has it the first half of the week...
0:16:38 > 0:16:41..I have it the second. But it's a start.
0:16:41 > 0:16:43Yeah, well, like I say, with all due respect,
0:16:43 > 0:16:45me and Lucy are not as bad as you two.
0:16:45 > 0:16:46I know.
0:16:46 > 0:16:49Because if counselling can't help you,
0:16:49 > 0:16:51you are worse than me and Anna.
0:16:52 > 0:16:55You are worse than me and Anna.
0:16:55 > 0:16:58Sorry, it's just not a sentence I get to say to people very often.
0:17:08 > 0:17:10What are you reading?
0:17:13 > 0:17:16Really? The Dummy's Guide to Telepathic Communication.
0:17:17 > 0:17:19Oi! No, I will not, cheeky, I've just brushed my teeth.
0:17:22 > 0:17:26Look, I've been thinking, about your mum and dad.
0:17:26 > 0:17:28I already know what you think of my mum and dad.
0:17:28 > 0:17:30Hang on, this is a positive thing.
0:17:33 > 0:17:37- Go on.- It's true that I don't feel comfortable around them.
0:17:37 > 0:17:40I always thought it was because your dad was a miserable old sod
0:17:40 > 0:17:43who always put me down and expected everyone to do what he says
0:17:43 > 0:17:45and that your mum is also a bit stuck up in her own sort of way.
0:17:45 > 0:17:49Can we print these lovely words on a cushion and give it to them for Christmas(?)
0:17:50 > 0:17:53But, like the counsellor says...
0:17:54 > 0:17:56..maybe it's possible
0:17:56 > 0:17:59that I'm threatened by how strong their relationship is.
0:17:59 > 0:18:00And so...
0:18:00 > 0:18:03I hear what you're saying,
0:18:03 > 0:18:06and perhaps I should start feeling less threatened
0:18:06 > 0:18:08and start admiring them a bit more.
0:18:08 > 0:18:10Are you after sex?
0:18:10 > 0:18:12No.
0:18:13 > 0:18:16Obviously, I'm not completely ruling it out.
0:18:16 > 0:18:18- Go on.- Excellent!
0:18:18 > 0:18:20I mean, keep talking.
0:18:20 > 0:18:22Oh.
0:18:22 > 0:18:25And so I've decided to make more of an effort with them.
0:18:25 > 0:18:30And I'm going to start by cooking them a celebratory anniversary meal.
0:18:30 > 0:18:32Lee, this is really great.
0:18:32 > 0:18:34But can you do me a favour?
0:18:34 > 0:18:38Don't mention any of this marriage guidance stuff in front of Dad.
0:18:38 > 0:18:41He thinks it's a sign of weakness to have semi-skimmed milk.
0:18:41 > 0:18:42Course.
0:18:42 > 0:18:45Maybe this counselling is having a real effect.
0:18:51 > 0:18:53Good night.
0:18:55 > 0:18:57I wish I'd saved this chat for a Wednesday.
0:19:05 > 0:19:07Thank you, darling. We feel very spoiled.
0:19:07 > 0:19:09First Venice, now this.
0:19:09 > 0:19:12Don't thank me, thank Lee. He did all the cooking.
0:19:12 > 0:19:13I loved the croutons.
0:19:13 > 0:19:15They were mushrooms.
0:19:17 > 0:19:20And it wasn't just the cooking, the whole thing was Lee's idea.
0:19:20 > 0:19:24Well, I must say, that's very uncharacteristic.
0:19:24 > 0:19:27Careful, Dad, you almost gave Lee a compliment.
0:19:27 > 0:19:29Oh, I'm quite capable of giving compliments when I want to.
0:19:32 > 0:19:34Well, I'm around all evening.
0:19:34 > 0:19:38If I were a cynical man, I'd say you'd done something terrible
0:19:38 > 0:19:39and now you were trying to make up for it.
0:19:39 > 0:19:42- Dad!- It's OK, Lucy.
0:19:42 > 0:19:44I hear what your dad is saying.
0:19:44 > 0:19:47I am trying to make up for something, Geoffrey.
0:19:47 > 0:19:49Lost time with you and Wendy.
0:19:49 > 0:19:51Perhaps if I spent more time with you both,
0:19:51 > 0:19:54I'd learn what it takes to have such a long, fulfilling and wonderful marriage.
0:19:54 > 0:19:57My God, he must have done something awful.
0:19:58 > 0:20:01Ignore him. I thought this meal was wonderful, and so does Geoffrey.
0:20:01 > 0:20:02Look at his face!
0:20:06 > 0:20:10Why don't you two go and make yourselves comfy and we'll clear up?
0:20:13 > 0:20:14Well, this is going well.
0:20:14 > 0:20:16Look, I know Dad can be a bit gruff.
0:20:16 > 0:20:19It doesn't matter to me what Dad says or thinks,
0:20:19 > 0:20:21what matters to me is how you're reacting to him,
0:20:21 > 0:20:23and you're being really lovely.
0:20:24 > 0:20:26KNOCK AT DOOR
0:20:26 > 0:20:28Sorry to just land on you like this,
0:20:28 > 0:20:30but we were just passing and thought we'd say hello.
0:20:30 > 0:20:33Yeah, nothing at all to do with Anna wanting to hear about your counselling.
0:20:33 > 0:20:35Of course not.
0:20:35 > 0:20:38But now that Toby mentions it, how did it go?
0:20:38 > 0:20:40Well, um...we weren't sure at first,
0:20:40 > 0:20:42but I have to admit, the results are pretty impressive.
0:20:42 > 0:20:44How many sessions have you had since?
0:20:44 > 0:20:46Same as you, just Wednesdays.
0:20:49 > 0:20:51Counselling sessions.
0:20:51 > 0:20:53Just the one. But I've booked us in for another.
0:20:53 > 0:20:57- Have you?- Well, I thought that's what you'd want.- Thank you.
0:20:57 > 0:21:00Don't forget, someone's still owed ridiculously undersized McNuggets
0:21:00 > 0:21:01and a bit of limp lettuce.
0:21:01 > 0:21:04Is there anything you haven't told them about our sex life, Anna?
0:21:07 > 0:21:09I'm talking about McDonald's.
0:21:09 > 0:21:12As you were.
0:21:12 > 0:21:15Look, I'm sorry to be rude, but Mum and Dad are here at the moment.
0:21:15 > 0:21:17We invited them over for dinner.
0:21:17 > 0:21:19Oh, sorry, I didn't realise. Of course, we'll leave you to it.
0:21:19 > 0:21:22It's just that Dad's a bit old-school about this sort of thing,
0:21:22 > 0:21:26so I'm really trying to avoid him finding out we've been having marriage guidance.
0:21:26 > 0:21:27He'd probably say something like...
0:21:27 > 0:21:30Marriage guidance? What the hell are you talking about?
0:21:30 > 0:21:32Something like that.
0:21:35 > 0:21:36It's, um...Anna and Toby.
0:21:36 > 0:21:39They've been going for marriage guidance.
0:21:39 > 0:21:40Going through a rough patch.
0:21:40 > 0:21:44Keep spreading the word, we're not quite trending on Twitter yet.
0:21:46 > 0:21:49You weren't talking about them, you were talking about you and Lee going!
0:21:49 > 0:21:52- Oh, um...- I knew it! I said he'd done something wrong, didn't I?
0:21:52 > 0:21:54Dad, all sorts of people go for marriage counselling.
0:21:54 > 0:21:56It doesn't mean we're in trouble.
0:21:56 > 0:21:59Rubbish! It's for marriages in jeopardy, that's what it is.
0:21:59 > 0:22:01The word jeopardy isn't very helpful.
0:22:01 > 0:22:03Unless you're playing Scrabble, of course.
0:22:06 > 0:22:07So, come on, then, what's he done?
0:22:07 > 0:22:09I'll tell you exactly what he's done.
0:22:09 > 0:22:11He's made an effort to do something really nice for you and Mum
0:22:11 > 0:22:13and you've thrown it back in his face!
0:22:13 > 0:22:15Yeah. I'm glad I didn't get you that lawnmower.
0:22:17 > 0:22:18He's never made an effort before.
0:22:18 > 0:22:21He must be trying to atone for something. So, what is it?
0:22:21 > 0:22:23- Nothing!- Yes, leave Lee alone!
0:22:23 > 0:22:25- Shush, Wendy.- Don't shush me!
0:22:25 > 0:22:28Not everyone who goes to marriage guidance has done something wrong!
0:22:28 > 0:22:31For goodness' sake, woman, stop sticking your nose in!
0:22:31 > 0:22:33Not everyone is like you and your little floozy!
0:22:36 > 0:22:38Floozy, another good Scrabble word.
0:22:40 > 0:22:42Not as good as jezebel, but...
0:22:45 > 0:22:47- What floozy?- Nothing. Ignore me.
0:22:47 > 0:22:50OK. Huh! Can I tempt anyone to an olive?
0:22:52 > 0:22:54What, that wasn't her name, was it?
0:22:56 > 0:22:59- Dad?- It was nothing. It was just a couple of lunch dates.
0:22:59 > 0:23:01Three lunch dates,
0:23:01 > 0:23:04one evening at a Berni Inn and a Demis Roussos concert.
0:23:04 > 0:23:06I'm going to take a punt and say this wasn't recently.
0:23:06 > 0:23:08Course it wasn't recently, it was many years ago,
0:23:08 > 0:23:10before you were even born, Lucy!
0:23:10 > 0:23:14Absolutely nothing physical happened, and...and you know it!
0:23:14 > 0:23:16I'd never have come if I'd known Brenda was going to be dragged up.
0:23:16 > 0:23:18What, you mean she was actually a man?
0:23:21 > 0:23:22- Are you enjoying this?- No!
0:23:22 > 0:23:24Lucy, it was nothing,
0:23:24 > 0:23:26and, to be quite honest, it's none of your business!
0:23:26 > 0:23:29Geoffrey's right, what he did all those years ago is his affair.
0:23:29 > 0:23:32- Well, not affair, I mean...- Shut up! - No, I will not shut up.
0:23:32 > 0:23:35I'm doing what you asked and showing some interest in your parents.
0:23:35 > 0:23:38We wanted to know the secret of their wonderful marriage, now we do.
0:23:38 > 0:23:40- Oh, my God, you actually are enjoying this!- Course I'm not.
0:23:40 > 0:23:43We had some problems, but we dealt with them and we moved on.
0:23:43 > 0:23:45At least I thought we'd moved on.
0:23:45 > 0:23:47That was the whole point of those sessions.
0:23:47 > 0:23:50- What sessions? - We had some marriage guidance.
0:23:50 > 0:23:54Ha! I'm still not enjoying this.
0:23:54 > 0:23:56What do you mean, "Ha"?
0:23:56 > 0:23:58Well, you know, marriage guidance, your perfect parents.
0:23:58 > 0:24:01I hoped you'd never find out about it, and you wouldn't have done
0:24:01 > 0:24:03if somebody hadn't opened their big mouth!
0:24:03 > 0:24:05Oh, typical! I tell you about his fling
0:24:05 > 0:24:07and he's more embarrassed about having counselling!
0:24:07 > 0:24:10Good job I didn't mention the pipe he started smoking during that time
0:24:10 > 0:24:12because he thought it made him look like a poet!
0:24:12 > 0:24:14Ha! All right, I enjoyed that one.
0:24:16 > 0:24:18Oh, come on, you've got to admit, it's quite ironic.
0:24:18 > 0:24:20We only went to marriage guidance in the first place to be more like them!
0:24:20 > 0:24:22You're using this as a weapon!
0:24:22 > 0:24:25So what if they had a bit of counselling? It's no big deal!
0:24:25 > 0:24:27I agree. At least they went for a proper reason.
0:24:27 > 0:24:29- Your dad had an affair. - How many times...?
0:24:29 > 0:24:32I don't know, Geoffrey, is there others we don't know about?
0:24:32 > 0:24:34I should knock your block off for that comment.
0:24:34 > 0:24:38Typical! Never content until there's a squabble or a ruckus!
0:24:38 > 0:24:40Don't mention Scrabble again.
0:24:42 > 0:24:44- Unbelievable!- Great, I'm getting more grief than your dad!
0:24:44 > 0:24:47Maybe I should have had an affair and I'd have got off lighter!
0:24:47 > 0:24:51Have you got her address? I'll go down to the nursing home and wheel Brenda out.
0:24:51 > 0:24:52Maybe I can borrow your pipe!
0:24:54 > 0:24:58Let's all take a moment to acknowledge what's been shared.
0:25:00 > 0:25:03Lee, I hear what you're saying...
0:25:03 > 0:25:04Oh, shut up, Anna!
0:25:04 > 0:25:05I beg your pardon?!
0:25:05 > 0:25:08If you had kept our business private in the first place,
0:25:08 > 0:25:11instead of telling the whole world, none of this would have happened!
0:25:11 > 0:25:14I don't need permission to speak from you, Toby.
0:25:14 > 0:25:16I am bloody sick of holding my tongue
0:25:16 > 0:25:19just to protect your so-called feelings!
0:25:19 > 0:25:21Well, I hear what you're saying
0:25:21 > 0:25:24and you can stuff it up your jacksie!
0:25:26 > 0:25:28Wait for me!
0:25:32 > 0:25:35So...where were we?
0:25:35 > 0:25:37I was just saying,
0:25:37 > 0:25:39how's the marriage guidance going?
0:25:51 > 0:25:53Well, that went well(!)
0:25:53 > 0:25:55I would book into the Premier Inn,
0:25:55 > 0:25:58but Toby and your dad got the last two rooms.
0:26:00 > 0:26:03Look, I know you're angry, and you've got a right to be.
0:26:04 > 0:26:07I should have been more sympathetic.
0:26:07 > 0:26:10I was a bit too busy enjoying your dad being knocked off his perch.
0:26:10 > 0:26:12Schadenfreude.
0:26:12 > 0:26:16It's when you take pleasure in another person's misfortune.
0:26:16 > 0:26:17It's fairly well-known.
0:26:17 > 0:26:21Is it like when you're pleased because you know a word that somebody else doesn't?
0:26:21 > 0:26:23Because we can all play that game.
0:26:23 > 0:26:24Bastian Schweinsteiger.
0:26:26 > 0:26:28Look, I've said I'm sorry.
0:26:28 > 0:26:31I must have missed that. What language was that in?
0:26:31 > 0:26:33Before, when I offered you a Jaffa Cake.
0:26:33 > 0:26:34What did you say?
0:26:34 > 0:26:37I said, "Do you want a Jaffa Cake?"
0:26:37 > 0:26:38That was the apology?
0:26:38 > 0:26:40Come on, I put them on a plate,
0:26:40 > 0:26:42you must have been able to read between the lines.
0:26:44 > 0:26:46Anyway, I do apologise, and I mean it.
0:26:47 > 0:26:49I should have considered your feelings.
0:26:49 > 0:26:52And I think I owe you an apology, too.
0:26:52 > 0:26:55Turns out my parents aren't so perfect after all.
0:26:55 > 0:26:57They're doing all right, and so are we,
0:26:57 > 0:27:00especially after we go for another counselling session.
0:27:00 > 0:27:01Oh, can we not?
0:27:01 > 0:27:03Can we just work things out on our own from now on?
0:27:03 > 0:27:06I'm glad we went. It made us talk things through,
0:27:06 > 0:27:09and that's all I ever wanted.
0:27:09 > 0:27:10Course.
0:27:12 > 0:27:15So I guess there's nothing else left to do now apart from have sex and move on.
0:27:15 > 0:27:17Actually, I'm a bit tired.
0:27:17 > 0:27:19Good night.
0:27:22 > 0:27:25I wonder what time that McDonald's drive-thru closes?
0:27:29 > 0:27:33# We're not going out Not staying in
0:27:33 > 0:27:36# Just hanging around With my head in a spin
0:27:36 > 0:27:38# But that is no need to scream and shout
0:27:38 > 0:27:41# We're not going out
0:27:41 > 0:27:45# We are not going out. #