0:00:02 > 0:00:04# We're not going out
0:00:04 > 0:00:06# Not staying in
0:00:06 > 0:00:09# Just hanging around with my head in a spin
0:00:09 > 0:00:12# But there is no need to scream and shout
0:00:12 > 0:00:15# We're not going out
0:00:15 > 0:00:18# We are not going out. #
0:00:26 > 0:00:27Lucy?
0:00:30 > 0:00:31Lucy?
0:00:33 > 0:00:35What?
0:00:35 > 0:00:37It's 7:30 and the kids are still asleep.
0:00:37 > 0:00:39Isn't it great to wake up naturally?
0:00:40 > 0:00:42I don't know. Is it?
0:00:42 > 0:00:44You know what this means?
0:00:44 > 0:00:47We were right to put Baileys in their bedtime milk?
0:00:47 > 0:00:48No.
0:00:50 > 0:00:52Oh!
0:00:52 > 0:00:55Permission to come aboard, Captain?
0:00:55 > 0:00:57Permission granted.
0:00:58 > 0:01:01You'll have to be quick. I've got three packed lunches to make
0:01:01 > 0:01:04and I need to clean that sick off the booster seat.
0:01:05 > 0:01:08Well, you might want to cut down on the sweet-talking, then(!)
0:01:13 > 0:01:15Please tell me you can see them, too.
0:01:15 > 0:01:17What are you doing?
0:01:17 > 0:01:20Daddy was just tickling Mummy.
0:01:20 > 0:01:22What with?
0:01:22 > 0:01:25Why don't you go downstairs and do one of your jigsaws?
0:01:25 > 0:01:27Or maybe two jigsaws.
0:01:27 > 0:01:29Somebody's dreaming.
0:01:33 > 0:01:35And you, whatever you do, don't eat any of those Haribos
0:01:35 > 0:01:39- I've hidden in the top cupboard, just behind the teabags.- Yes!
0:01:39 > 0:01:42Maybe in about five years, we'll get some privacy back.
0:01:42 > 0:01:45- Yeah. Unless we've got more kids by then.- Ha!
0:01:47 > 0:01:49- What?- What?
0:01:49 > 0:01:52- We have finished, right? - You're getting quicker at this.
0:01:52 > 0:01:54Normally, I can at least tell when you've started.
0:01:54 > 0:01:58- I thought we weren't having any more kids?- We're not.- All right.
0:02:00 > 0:02:01For now.
0:02:01 > 0:02:04Is this some sort of psychological contraception?
0:02:04 > 0:02:06What, like, "Shall I pretend to be Tom Selleck"?
0:02:06 > 0:02:10I was feeling experimental, and it was Movember.
0:02:11 > 0:02:15- You are still taking precautions, aren't you?- You know I am.
0:02:16 > 0:02:18Well, I know you're taking A pill.
0:02:18 > 0:02:20For all I know, you could be necking
0:02:20 > 0:02:22Tic Tacs and mentally repainting the nursery.
0:02:22 > 0:02:24Look, I'm not saying I definitely do want another,
0:02:24 > 0:02:27I just think we should have an open discussion before we rule it out.
0:02:27 > 0:02:29All right, let's have an open discussion.
0:02:29 > 0:02:30- Good.- And then rule it out.
0:02:30 > 0:02:32That's not an open discussion, Lee.
0:02:32 > 0:02:34An open discussion is an exchange of
0:02:34 > 0:02:36ideas where you don't know how it will end.
0:02:36 > 0:02:39The last time I had an open discussion like that, I ended up sponsoring a guide dog!
0:02:40 > 0:02:42Where are you going?
0:02:42 > 0:02:45Oh! Can we discuss this like adults, please?
0:02:45 > 0:02:47No. I'm going for a Haribo.
0:02:48 > 0:02:50I bet the kids would like a new brother or sister.
0:02:50 > 0:02:53They'd like a full-sized model Dalek.
0:02:53 > 0:02:56No, you'd like that, and we're not getting one.
0:02:56 > 0:02:58Oh, so, that's not open to discussion?
0:02:58 > 0:03:01At least when we were trying to make love, it wouldn't suddenly come up the stairs.
0:03:08 > 0:03:11So, she's dead set on having another one, is she?
0:03:11 > 0:03:14She's not dead set, but she wants to discuss it.
0:03:14 > 0:03:17Oh, good God, you ARE in trouble.
0:03:17 > 0:03:21In the past few months, Anna and I have discussed having a new kitchen,
0:03:21 > 0:03:24we've discussed a very expensive private school for Jack
0:03:24 > 0:03:28and we've discussed having her parents over for far too long at Christmas.
0:03:28 > 0:03:31And guess which one of us got her own way?
0:03:33 > 0:03:35Why are you so against the idea, anyway?
0:03:35 > 0:03:38It's all right for you, with your one kid and your nanny.
0:03:38 > 0:03:40The nanny was Anna's idea.
0:03:40 > 0:03:42Obviously, we discussed it first.
0:03:42 > 0:03:44At least you and Anna still get to do different things.
0:03:44 > 0:03:47Me and Lucy's social life has been reduced to tedious get-togethers
0:03:47 > 0:03:50with tedious parents talking about tedious children.
0:03:52 > 0:03:54You two still coming around tomorrow?
0:03:54 > 0:03:57Wild horses couldn't drag me away.
0:03:58 > 0:04:00It is possible to get through this, you know.
0:04:00 > 0:04:03Anna and I talk about stuff all the time.
0:04:03 > 0:04:06Yeah, and you just said, you then do what she tells you.
0:04:06 > 0:04:09I might give the impression I'm doing whatever Anna tells me.
0:04:09 > 0:04:12Yeah, by very cleverly doing whatever she tells you.
0:04:12 > 0:04:15But sometimes, the trick is getting her to want the same things
0:04:15 > 0:04:18I wanted in the first place.
0:04:18 > 0:04:19Go on.
0:04:19 > 0:04:22Classic example. Few months ago, an investment matured,
0:04:22 > 0:04:24we decided to blow the money on a treat.
0:04:24 > 0:04:29I wanted a classic car, 1969 E-Type Jag convertible.
0:04:29 > 0:04:33But she wanted to blow the money on a five-star luxury skiing holiday in St Moritz.
0:04:33 > 0:04:35But we couldn't afford both.
0:04:35 > 0:04:38The harsh choices facing families in austerity Britain(!)
0:04:38 > 0:04:41Like I said, I wanted the car,
0:04:41 > 0:04:44but I acted like I wanted the skiing holiday.
0:04:48 > 0:04:49Do you know why?
0:04:52 > 0:04:53Because you're absolutely terrified of her?
0:04:56 > 0:05:01Because anything I want, she automatically doesn't want.
0:05:01 > 0:05:05- Result? We got the car.- Right.
0:05:05 > 0:05:09And what's your advice for a marriage that isn't based on bitterness and mistrust?
0:05:11 > 0:05:14It's the same principle, but more subtle.
0:05:14 > 0:05:16It's about planting little seeds.
0:05:16 > 0:05:18Or, in your case, not planting any.
0:05:20 > 0:05:22You have got to make Lucy change her mind,
0:05:22 > 0:05:25but at the same time, make her think it was her idea.
0:05:26 > 0:05:28And how do I do that?
0:05:28 > 0:05:30Well, instead of telling her all the reasons
0:05:30 > 0:05:33why having another child wouldn't suit you,
0:05:33 > 0:05:36subtly make her see all the reasons why it wouldn't suit her.
0:05:36 > 0:05:38I see.
0:05:38 > 0:05:41- Well?- I suppose having another child would mean
0:05:41 > 0:05:44that she has less quality time to spend with me.
0:05:44 > 0:05:46Perhaps give that one a bit more thought.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57Checking for three sixes?
0:05:57 > 0:06:00I think he might have head lice.
0:06:00 > 0:06:02But, look on the bright side,
0:06:02 > 0:06:04if you have it your way, we won't have to go through all this again.
0:06:04 > 0:06:07Charlie, why don't you go upstairs and flick nits at your sister?
0:06:07 > 0:06:09Yay!
0:06:12 > 0:06:15Look, um...maybe I was a bit hasty this morning,
0:06:15 > 0:06:17saying, er...no more kids, ever.
0:06:17 > 0:06:21- I'm not saying I do want more. - No, neither am I.
0:06:21 > 0:06:24But I am up for, you know, an open discussion.
0:06:24 > 0:06:26Well, that's all I was asking for.
0:06:26 > 0:06:30After all, you've taken five years out from work, what's another five?
0:06:35 > 0:06:37Five?
0:06:37 > 0:06:40Well, yeah. With another mouth to feed, I won't be able to share
0:06:40 > 0:06:42the housework, like I did with the first three.
0:06:42 > 0:06:43All right, bad example.
0:06:43 > 0:06:45And we're going to need a bigger car.
0:06:45 > 0:06:47- I've been doing some research in the magazines.- Oh!
0:06:47 > 0:06:49Take a look at this one.
0:06:49 > 0:06:50Oh, that's lovely!
0:06:50 > 0:06:52Oh, sorry, wrong page.
0:06:52 > 0:06:56That one's the classic vintage Jaguar E-Type convertible that Toby and Anna bought.
0:06:56 > 0:06:58I mean this one, in the no-frills section.
0:06:58 > 0:07:00Or, as they've called it, the more-kids-than-sense section.
0:07:00 > 0:07:03Huh! Oh, you've got to love Clarkson!
0:07:05 > 0:07:07Hm. That looks functional.
0:07:07 > 0:07:10- What type is it?- Ah, whatever. They're all the same, anyway.
0:07:10 > 0:07:14You know, Vauxhall Zafira, Renault Espace, Nissan Minger.
0:07:14 > 0:07:16The point is, they're practical.
0:07:16 > 0:07:18Say what you want about sports cars,
0:07:18 > 0:07:20but have they got all-plastic interiors
0:07:20 > 0:07:22for when you have to hose out the vomit?
0:07:23 > 0:07:28Well, like I say, it's only a discussion at this stage.
0:07:28 > 0:07:31'Course it is. I mean, it's easy for me to say, innit?
0:07:31 > 0:07:33I don't have to go through the pregnancy.
0:07:33 > 0:07:36OK, yes, there's the morning sickness and the sore joints
0:07:36 > 0:07:37and the mood swings and the tiredness,
0:07:37 > 0:07:40and the dehydration and the leg cramps
0:07:40 > 0:07:42and the constant stabbing pain in the pelvic girdle,
0:07:42 > 0:07:45and the not wanting to get back into your bikini after the birth
0:07:45 > 0:07:48because of the varicose veins and the constant big, old bloated feeling.
0:07:48 > 0:07:50But look at all the benefits!
0:07:51 > 0:07:54Another healthy year of no wine.
0:07:57 > 0:07:59You forgot the constipation.
0:07:59 > 0:08:02Oh, come on! That'll come in handy when you're that busy.
0:08:11 > 0:08:13- Argh!- Can't catch me!- Yeah, I can!
0:08:13 > 0:08:14HIGH-PITCHED SQUEALING
0:08:14 > 0:08:19Quiet, Molly! Anna doesn't want to hear you screaming!
0:08:19 > 0:08:22It's all right, Lucy. You forget I have a child, too.
0:08:22 > 0:08:25I know how to deal with this.
0:08:28 > 0:08:31Are you sure you want four children?
0:08:31 > 0:08:33I know someone who's giving away a chinchilla.
0:08:33 > 0:08:37Actually, I'm starting to think having more children isn't such a good idea after all.
0:08:37 > 0:08:41- Really?- Well, the more Lee and I talk about it, the more I've gone off the idea.
0:08:41 > 0:08:46Don't tell me, he's been looking at it from your point of view?
0:08:46 > 0:08:49Talked about how happy he was to make loads of compromises,
0:08:49 > 0:08:52- didn't put any pressure on you at all?- Pretty much.
0:08:52 > 0:08:54The oldest trick in the book.
0:08:54 > 0:08:55Making the case for one thing,
0:08:55 > 0:08:58while subtly steering you in the other direction.
0:08:58 > 0:08:59That doesn't sound like Lee.
0:08:59 > 0:09:01- He was being clever. - That's what I mean.
0:09:03 > 0:09:05Marriage is a complicated game of chess.
0:09:05 > 0:09:07You always have to look five moves ahead.
0:09:07 > 0:09:09My marriage isn't like a game of chess,
0:09:09 > 0:09:12it's more like throwing a Frisbee for a dog.
0:09:15 > 0:09:16Forget all the discussions and what-ifs,
0:09:16 > 0:09:19forget how open Lee was being.
0:09:19 > 0:09:21Just ask yourself one simple question.
0:09:21 > 0:09:24Might you want another child in the future?
0:09:25 > 0:09:28Well...maybe, yes.
0:09:28 > 0:09:30Well, there you go. Simple.
0:09:30 > 0:09:32You're right, Anna.
0:09:32 > 0:09:34I feel so much clearer after talking to you.
0:09:34 > 0:09:36I'm going to tell Lee.
0:09:36 > 0:09:39Don't tell him! My God, you're naive!
0:09:39 > 0:09:41You need to manipulate him in return.
0:09:41 > 0:09:43- Do I?- Of course you do.
0:09:43 > 0:09:46Trust me, I know what I'm talking about.
0:09:46 > 0:09:51Recently, Toby wanted to buy a sports car, and so did I.
0:09:51 > 0:09:53But guess what I did?
0:09:55 > 0:09:59- I pretended I wanted a skiing holiday instead.- Why?
0:09:59 > 0:10:01Because I knew Toby was trying to manipulate me,
0:10:01 > 0:10:03so I manipulated him in return.
0:10:04 > 0:10:07I knew he was only pretending to want the skiing holiday
0:10:07 > 0:10:10to make me want the car, but I already wanted the car,
0:10:10 > 0:10:12so I played him at his own game.
0:10:13 > 0:10:15That way, it looked like I'd compromised.
0:10:15 > 0:10:18And so, next time I want something, he owes me.
0:10:18 > 0:10:21And you've got to manipulate Lee to get what you want.
0:10:21 > 0:10:25Oh, I don't know. All sounds a bit cold and calculating.
0:10:25 > 0:10:27Good. I'm glad I'm making myself clear.
0:10:38 > 0:10:41I just saw a very heavily pregnant woman in the supermarket.
0:10:41 > 0:10:46- Oh, yeah?- Yeah, she looked so happy. She had that...glow.
0:10:46 > 0:10:48- Is that right?- Yeah.
0:10:48 > 0:10:51She'd just knocked over a display with her pushchair and the kids were running riot,
0:10:51 > 0:10:54but she just kept glowing.
0:10:54 > 0:10:57I know you used to call it blotchy-gland rash,
0:10:57 > 0:10:59but I call it glowing.
0:11:01 > 0:11:03I've been thinking about everything you've been saying
0:11:03 > 0:11:05and I feel bad about what I'm going to say,
0:11:05 > 0:11:08especially given that you've been so considerate and thoughtful about everything,
0:11:08 > 0:11:12but I've made a decision, and I feel definite about it.
0:11:12 > 0:11:14Go on.
0:11:14 > 0:11:16I don't want to have any more children.
0:11:17 > 0:11:19COWBOY: Yee-haw!
0:11:23 > 0:11:24That's a shame.
0:11:26 > 0:11:28I was so full of enthusiasm.
0:11:28 > 0:11:31Yes, you were. You were full of it.
0:11:33 > 0:11:35You've been very sweet, but you got me thinking,
0:11:35 > 0:11:37do I actually want more time off work?
0:11:37 > 0:11:39Do I really want to go through another pregnancy again?
0:11:39 > 0:11:43And I decided, no, I don't.
0:11:43 > 0:11:45Are you sure?
0:11:45 > 0:11:46Yes, I am.
0:11:46 > 0:11:48As in, not ever, for definite?
0:11:48 > 0:11:50For definite.
0:11:50 > 0:11:52Shall we put it in writing?
0:11:52 > 0:11:54Oh, I haven't got time for that.
0:11:54 > 0:11:58The kids are at my mum's and you and me have got some unfinished business from this morning.
0:11:58 > 0:12:00Ooo! Afternoon delight!
0:12:00 > 0:12:02My favourite delight, after Angel.
0:12:04 > 0:12:07- What's brought this on? - Well, it's a special occasion.
0:12:07 > 0:12:08Is it?
0:12:08 > 0:12:12Yeah. The last time we make love before your vasectomy.
0:12:19 > 0:12:21- My what?- You know, an operation on your genitals
0:12:21 > 0:12:24which stops sperm leaving the body and making you sterile.
0:12:24 > 0:12:27No, you're still not selling it.
0:12:27 > 0:12:29Well, it's the only way to make things final,
0:12:29 > 0:12:32and the pill has lots of side-effects, like weight gain,
0:12:32 > 0:12:35and I want to look good in that bikini, remember?
0:12:35 > 0:12:38A vasectomy doesn't have any side-effects.
0:12:38 > 0:12:41No. Unless you count cutting off half your genitalia with a big knife!
0:12:41 > 0:12:45Lee, it's a vasectomy, not gender-reassignment surgery.
0:12:45 > 0:12:47They don't cut half of anything off.
0:12:47 > 0:12:49They take less than a millimetre.
0:12:49 > 0:12:52So, what's that, about three-quarters?
0:12:54 > 0:12:56- We've talked about this in the past. - Have we?
0:12:56 > 0:12:59Gosh! We've been talking about so much lately, I can't remember.
0:12:59 > 0:13:02I always said, if I get old and confused
0:13:02 > 0:13:04and I don't recognise you or the kids
0:13:04 > 0:13:05and I've got no quality of life,
0:13:05 > 0:13:08please do the humane thing and don't give me a vasectomy.
0:13:09 > 0:13:12Well, the pill was about keeping the window of opportunity open,
0:13:12 > 0:13:15but now, we've just decided to slam that window shut.
0:13:15 > 0:13:18But we don't have to slam it shut on my testicles, do we?
0:13:18 > 0:13:21Come on, are we going upstairs?
0:13:21 > 0:13:24- I'm not really in the mood any more. - Oh, OK.
0:13:24 > 0:13:27Well, I suppose we'd better get ready for Anna and Toby, anyway.
0:13:27 > 0:13:31Ooo! It's a bit chilly in here, isn't it?
0:13:31 > 0:13:33SLAM!
0:13:45 > 0:13:48- Did you put the kids down?- Yeah. I told Charlie he's a thicko
0:13:48 > 0:13:51and said the twins smelt like chicken Cup-a-Soup.
0:13:53 > 0:13:55- Look, Lucy... - KNOCK AT DOOR
0:13:55 > 0:13:57Oh, can you get that? It'll be Anna and Toby.
0:13:57 > 0:13:59Chop chop!
0:14:05 > 0:14:06- Hello!- Hi!- Hi!
0:14:06 > 0:14:08Oh, you just missed the children, I'm afraid.
0:14:08 > 0:14:12Yes, anybody would think that Anna makes us sit outside in the car,
0:14:12 > 0:14:14waiting for the kids' bedroom light to go off.
0:14:18 > 0:14:21- Well, I followed your advice. - What, about squeezing a lemon on it?
0:14:21 > 0:14:23Not about stopping fruit salad going brown.
0:14:23 > 0:14:26I'm talking about your Derren Brown mind-control tactics
0:14:26 > 0:14:28to make Lucy say no more kids.
0:14:28 > 0:14:29And?
0:14:29 > 0:14:31Now she wants me to have a vasectomy.
0:14:31 > 0:14:33Well, congratulations.
0:14:33 > 0:14:37Congratulations? My testicles have just been put on death row,
0:14:37 > 0:14:40they've not just passed their driving test!
0:14:40 > 0:14:41It solves all your problems
0:14:41 > 0:14:44and it's a perfectly routine bit of surgery.
0:14:44 > 0:14:47When you were a kid, did you have your tonsils taken out?
0:14:47 > 0:14:49Yeah, but I didn't have them taken out of my scrotum.
0:14:50 > 0:14:52A vasectomy?!
0:14:52 > 0:14:55Oh, it's OK, it's all part of the plan.
0:14:55 > 0:14:57There's no way he'll go through with it,
0:14:57 > 0:15:00and when he backs down, the balance of power returns to me.
0:15:00 > 0:15:03Oh, clever girl!
0:15:03 > 0:15:05You really have got him by the...
0:15:08 > 0:15:10How's the new car, Toby?
0:15:10 > 0:15:13Oh, not bad. You know, it's no skiing holiday,
0:15:13 > 0:15:16but marriage is all about compromise.
0:15:16 > 0:15:20Exactly. And skiing is a bit overrated, anyway.
0:15:20 > 0:15:22I mean, who wants to be up to their hips in frost?
0:15:22 > 0:15:24Yeah. I can get that at home.
0:15:26 > 0:15:27This looks delicious, Lucy, thank you.
0:15:27 > 0:15:30Oh, it's just something simple.
0:15:30 > 0:15:33But where would we be without our meat and two veg?
0:15:33 > 0:15:36- Are you doing this deliberately? - Doing what?
0:15:37 > 0:15:40Sorry, I'm just a bit stressed at the moment.
0:15:40 > 0:15:42Lee's having a vasectomy.
0:15:42 > 0:15:44- I had no idea.- Oh, gosh! Really?
0:15:46 > 0:15:49- I haven't actually said I'm going through with it. - I wouldn't worry, Lee.
0:15:49 > 0:15:51These days, plenty of men go in for the chop.
0:15:51 > 0:15:53I think people refer to it as the snip.
0:15:53 > 0:15:56Snip, chop, hack, slice, mince.
0:15:57 > 0:15:58Bludgeon.
0:16:01 > 0:16:02What's worrying you about it?
0:16:02 > 0:16:05I don't know. What if it goes wrong?
0:16:05 > 0:16:08What if the doctor's doing the operation and his hand slips?
0:16:08 > 0:16:10A buzzer goes off and your nose lights up?
0:16:13 > 0:16:16Lee, a vasectomy is a perfectly straightforward operation.
0:16:16 > 0:16:20There's plenty of information available to show you how safe it is.
0:16:20 > 0:16:23Toby's right. I'm going to Google it.
0:16:23 > 0:16:26What could possibly go wrong with a vasectomy?
0:16:28 > 0:16:29- Oh!- Ooo!
0:16:31 > 0:16:33Ooo, I wish I hadn't done an Eton mess now.
0:16:35 > 0:16:37- Have a look at that, Lee. - Yeah, have a butcher's.
0:16:38 > 0:16:40This is ridiculous!
0:16:40 > 0:16:43I can't sit by and let that sort of ignorance go unchallenged.
0:16:43 > 0:16:45Oh, come on, Toby, what makes you such an expert?
0:16:45 > 0:16:47I'm a doctor.
0:16:47 > 0:16:50And that makes you better than Google, does it?
0:16:50 > 0:16:54Anyway, this isn't professional advice, this is personal.
0:16:54 > 0:16:58- Toby?- If you have a vasectomy, Lee, you'll be fine. I was.
0:16:59 > 0:17:03This is hardly conversation for the dinner table, is it?!
0:17:03 > 0:17:06Well, you're the one who's got their phone open on mangledtackle.com.
0:17:08 > 0:17:10- So, when did you have it done? - Six years ago.
0:17:10 > 0:17:12It was totally fine.
0:17:12 > 0:17:13Would you have it done again?
0:17:16 > 0:17:18There wouldn't be much point in having it done again.
0:17:18 > 0:17:21- You know what I mean. - Of course I would. It was a simple little operation.
0:17:21 > 0:17:24- Did it hurt?- Not really.
0:17:24 > 0:17:27- Was it embarrassing?- Not at all!
0:17:28 > 0:17:32And how long afterwards was it before you, you know, got to have sex?
0:17:32 > 0:17:34I'll keep you posted on that one.
0:17:36 > 0:17:38So, it really was OK?
0:17:38 > 0:17:40It was simple and it was painless.
0:17:40 > 0:17:44And more importantly, it hasn't made me any less of a man.
0:17:44 > 0:17:46- No?- No, that was a totally separate operation,
0:17:46 > 0:17:49performed by Anna slowly over a period of years.
0:17:50 > 0:17:54And did you, er...offer to do it, you know, voluntarily?
0:17:54 > 0:17:58Well...we discussed it.
0:18:00 > 0:18:03- So, Anna got her way? - If Anna had got her way,
0:18:03 > 0:18:05I would have had it done before our first date.
0:18:05 > 0:18:07I beg your pardon?
0:18:07 > 0:18:09I didn't mean...
0:18:09 > 0:18:10You mean before we had Jack?
0:18:10 > 0:18:12No, of course not, it was just a silly joke.
0:18:12 > 0:18:14I always wanted a child, you know that,
0:18:14 > 0:18:16I just didn't want loads of kids. Is that such a crime?!
0:18:16 > 0:18:19- Of course not. - And having just one child meant
0:18:19 > 0:18:21we were able to devote all our energy and attention
0:18:21 > 0:18:24to finding people to properly look after him.
0:18:24 > 0:18:26I know that.
0:18:26 > 0:18:30Why is it nowadays, if you don't want a huge, noisy family
0:18:30 > 0:18:31you're seen as not normal?
0:18:31 > 0:18:33It's hard work. You get no sleep,
0:18:33 > 0:18:36it costs a fortune and you get no time to yourself!
0:18:36 > 0:18:39Having loads of kids robs you of everything else you might want to achieve in life,
0:18:39 > 0:18:42and I'm not afraid to admit, that's how I feel.
0:18:42 > 0:18:46If you ask me, the world would be a better place if everyone was sterilised at 30!
0:18:49 > 0:18:52But...good luck with whatever you decide.
0:18:55 > 0:18:57She's right. I need to do this.
0:18:57 > 0:18:59For you and our family.
0:18:59 > 0:19:01What, you're going to do it?
0:19:01 > 0:19:06I need to man up and grow a pair, and then get them sterilised.
0:19:07 > 0:19:09Anna's right.
0:19:09 > 0:19:11No, I'm not.
0:19:11 > 0:19:14Tell him, Toby! Tell him I'm wrong!
0:19:14 > 0:19:15What, in front of you?
0:19:25 > 0:19:27Lucy?
0:19:27 > 0:19:29Lucy?
0:19:29 > 0:19:30What?
0:19:30 > 0:19:32We're awake before the kids again.
0:19:36 > 0:19:40Those novelty hot water bottles are getting more realistic.
0:19:40 > 0:19:44Should I, er...scoop her up and put her back into bed?
0:19:44 > 0:19:46- Why?- You know...
0:19:46 > 0:19:50This might be the last time we, er...with me intact.
0:19:50 > 0:19:54End of an era, like the final ever Boyzone concert.
0:19:54 > 0:19:57Except I won't reform in 20 years and produce new material.
0:20:00 > 0:20:03- You're still going through with the vasectomy, then?- 'Course.
0:20:03 > 0:20:05EXCITED SHRIEKING
0:20:06 > 0:20:08Oh! Well, that was wonderful. How was it for you(?)
0:20:08 > 0:20:10Let's have a tickling competition.
0:20:10 > 0:20:12First one to wet themselves makes breakfast!
0:20:12 > 0:20:14You're in a good mood.
0:20:14 > 0:20:17Well, we've made a positive decision, haven't we?
0:20:17 > 0:20:21I'm going to bring you breakfast in bed.
0:20:21 > 0:20:24How about cereal with sterilised milk and seedless grapes?
0:20:26 > 0:20:29I can't believe that by tonight, it might all be over.
0:20:29 > 0:20:32- You're not seeing someone about it today, are you?- Why not?
0:20:32 > 0:20:34Well, they wouldn't do it there and then, surely.
0:20:34 > 0:20:36It's not while-you-wait.
0:20:36 > 0:20:39Well, I don't think you drop 'em off and call back to pick 'em up later.
0:20:39 > 0:20:41The sooner we do it, the better.
0:20:41 > 0:20:45And in the meantime, we need to make the most of these little monkeys whilst they're young.
0:20:45 > 0:20:46Doesn't last forever, does it?
0:20:46 > 0:20:48LUCY SOBS
0:20:50 > 0:20:52Don't worry, kids, Mummy's doing happy crying.
0:20:52 > 0:20:57Why don't you go downstairs and put the television on...really loudly?
0:20:59 > 0:21:01What's the matter?
0:21:01 > 0:21:03I don't want you to have a vasectomy.
0:21:03 > 0:21:06- What do you want?- Another baby.
0:21:06 > 0:21:08You said yesterday you changed your mind.
0:21:08 > 0:21:11I only said that to manipulate you. It was Anna's idea.
0:21:13 > 0:21:17You've been taking relationship advice from Frosty the Snow Cow?
0:21:17 > 0:21:19Oh, like you haven't been manipulating me?
0:21:19 > 0:21:20So let me get this straight,
0:21:20 > 0:21:23you asked me to have a vasectomy because you want a baby?
0:21:23 > 0:21:24That's a novel approach(!)
0:21:24 > 0:21:27I just wanted to keep the possibility open, that's all.
0:21:27 > 0:21:29But when things started to sound so final,
0:21:29 > 0:21:32it made me think I actually definitely do want another one.
0:21:33 > 0:21:35I didn't think you'd agree to the vasectomy!
0:21:35 > 0:21:39I did agree, because I listen to your needs and I do what you want.
0:21:39 > 0:21:42Good. I want another baby.
0:21:42 > 0:21:44I walked into that one, didn't I?
0:21:50 > 0:21:52It has to be a mutual decision.
0:21:54 > 0:21:56I know. But if I don't agree to another baby,
0:21:56 > 0:21:58then I'm responsible for Lucy being miserable.
0:21:58 > 0:22:01Lee, you're a married man, you took a solemn vow
0:22:01 > 0:22:03to be responsible for Lucy being miserable.
0:22:05 > 0:22:07There is one other way of looking at this, of course.
0:22:07 > 0:22:09Maybe you should just count your blessings.
0:22:09 > 0:22:11I have counted them.
0:22:11 > 0:22:13I've got three blessings and I adore them,
0:22:13 > 0:22:15but kids are like Pot Noodles,
0:22:15 > 0:22:17nobody needs more than three at a time.
0:22:18 > 0:22:21Count your blessings that Lucy's the kind of woman that wants more.
0:22:21 > 0:22:23I never had that option with Anna.
0:22:23 > 0:22:25I know, and I do appreciate it.
0:22:25 > 0:22:28Lucy's an amazing mum, and I love being a dad,
0:22:28 > 0:22:30but, come on, four?!
0:22:30 > 0:22:33I wanted to start a family, not a Beatles tribute act.
0:22:34 > 0:22:37Would having one more child really make such a huge difference?
0:22:37 > 0:22:40Don't they start looking after one another when you have a few?
0:22:40 > 0:22:41No, they do not!
0:22:41 > 0:22:45You still have to clothe them, and bathe them, and breast-feed them.
0:22:45 > 0:22:47Wow! You're more hands-on than I thought.
0:22:49 > 0:22:51You still have to look after them, tell them off,
0:22:51 > 0:22:54break up fights, check for lice,
0:22:54 > 0:22:57take that little seat on and off the toilet,
0:22:57 > 0:23:00chase them, have play fights in bed,
0:23:00 > 0:23:03teach them all the rude words to Jingle Bells
0:23:03 > 0:23:06and deny all knowledge of it at the carol concert.
0:23:06 > 0:23:08Have you considered the possibility
0:23:08 > 0:23:10that you might actually quite like to have another child?
0:23:13 > 0:23:16I did once have four Pot Noodles, actually.
0:23:16 > 0:23:18Maybe having another baby is not such a bad idea.
0:23:20 > 0:23:22Not me and him, we're not having a baby.
0:23:22 > 0:23:24I've had a vasectomy, anyway.
0:23:25 > 0:23:27Why are you so proud of that?
0:23:40 > 0:23:41How did you know I was here?
0:23:41 > 0:23:44I checked Wetherspoons and Ladbrokes, where else was left?
0:23:45 > 0:23:47Toby told me you were meeting Anna here.
0:23:47 > 0:23:49You've not been for the operation, have you?
0:23:49 > 0:23:52If I'd been for a vasectomy, would I be able to do this?
0:24:00 > 0:24:02Tinder, eh? Wish I'd swiped left now.
0:24:07 > 0:24:09Sorry I got so emotional this morning.
0:24:09 > 0:24:11You've got nothing to be sorry about.
0:24:11 > 0:24:13- Faster!- OK!
0:24:15 > 0:24:17We need to talk about this properly, though.
0:24:17 > 0:24:19You mean without trying to manipulate each other?
0:24:19 > 0:24:22Yeah. Honestly and openly, like we should have done from the start.
0:24:24 > 0:24:28Or we could just let the wise old sage from the village have another crack at things(!)
0:24:28 > 0:24:31Oh, Anna, Anna, Anna!
0:24:31 > 0:24:34It's true, say her name three times and she does appear.
0:24:35 > 0:24:38Go and play with the other children, Jack.
0:24:39 > 0:24:41Hi, Jack!
0:24:41 > 0:24:43Lucy...Lee, I wanted to apologise
0:24:43 > 0:24:45for my outburst at dinner last night,
0:24:45 > 0:24:49and I certainly shouldn't have told Lucy to try to manipulate you, Lee.
0:24:50 > 0:24:54And I shouldn't have told Lee to try and manipulate you, either, Lucy.
0:24:54 > 0:24:56I didn't know you had.
0:24:58 > 0:25:01I'm going to go and stand over there now.
0:25:04 > 0:25:06It's none of my business, I know, but just because
0:25:06 > 0:25:09I don't want a bigger family doesn't mean you two shouldn't.
0:25:09 > 0:25:12I mean, look how happy those kids are.
0:25:12 > 0:25:13No! Argh!
0:25:13 > 0:25:15Toby, drop any of those children in the dirt
0:25:15 > 0:25:17and you'll be the one who's crying!
0:25:18 > 0:25:22Why not have more? You've got such great kids.
0:25:23 > 0:25:26That'd be nice, growing old, surrounded by so many of 'em.
0:25:26 > 0:25:29'Course it would. Children are a blessing.
0:25:29 > 0:25:32Oh, for God's sake! Toby, show some authority!
0:25:32 > 0:25:34You're supposed to be the Alpha!
0:25:34 > 0:25:38Look, four kids. It's not that different to three, is it?
0:25:42 > 0:25:45Mm. One per limb.
0:25:48 > 0:25:51Four could be a wonderful experience for you both.
0:25:51 > 0:25:53Benji, be careful with Toby!
0:25:53 > 0:25:56Leave him. Toby needs to learn.
0:25:56 > 0:25:58Toby, stop showing your weakness!
0:25:58 > 0:26:00One of them's got my wallet!
0:26:01 > 0:26:05I'm sure whatever you decide will be the right thing.
0:26:05 > 0:26:07Help! CHILDREN SHRIEK
0:26:07 > 0:26:09Jack, get off your father!
0:26:09 > 0:26:11No teeth, you're riddled with germs!
0:26:13 > 0:26:15- Four kids, eh!- Help!
0:26:15 > 0:26:18- Yeah. Who wouldn't want that?- Help!
0:26:19 > 0:26:21TOBY YELLS
0:26:28 > 0:26:30I was ashamed of our children today.
0:26:30 > 0:26:33We need to think of a punishment.
0:26:33 > 0:26:34I already have.
0:26:34 > 0:26:37I've told them, no more beating up Toby for the next two weeks.
0:26:38 > 0:26:41I've not really thought through how difficult having four kids is, have I?
0:26:41 > 0:26:43No, but that's what we need to do,
0:26:43 > 0:26:45have a proper discussion about everything and...
0:26:45 > 0:26:48Actually, can we not, just for a while?
0:26:48 > 0:26:52I'm not saying no more kids, nor am I definitely saying I do want more.
0:26:52 > 0:26:56I'm just saying, can we just see how things go for a bit,
0:26:56 > 0:26:58stop putting so much pressure on ourselves?
0:26:58 > 0:27:00Yeah.
0:27:00 > 0:27:03And who knows, if we do stop at three,
0:27:03 > 0:27:05maybe we'll save enough money to afford a treat.
0:27:05 > 0:27:07Perhaps even a skiing holiday.
0:27:07 > 0:27:09You're not getting a sports car.
0:27:10 > 0:27:13So if we're not talking about stuff,
0:27:13 > 0:27:16we're going to need to think of something else to do.
0:27:16 > 0:27:19Ooo! Somebody's been watching Magnum PI.
0:27:19 > 0:27:21What did you have in mind?
0:27:21 > 0:27:23Well, come a little closer and I'll show you.
0:27:24 > 0:27:26COWBOY: Yee-haw!
0:27:32 > 0:27:35Can I sleep in your bed again?
0:27:35 > 0:27:37HE SIGHS
0:27:37 > 0:27:39Go on, then. Get in.
0:27:39 > 0:27:41- Yay!- Ooo!
0:27:42 > 0:27:44Oh, you know what?
0:27:44 > 0:27:47I think more kids might be out of the question now, anyway.
0:27:50 > 0:27:52# We're not going out
0:27:52 > 0:27:54# Not staying in
0:27:54 > 0:27:56# Just hanging around with my head in a spin
0:27:56 > 0:27:59# But there is no need to scream and shout
0:27:59 > 0:28:02# We're not going out
0:28:02 > 0:28:05# We are not going out. #