0:00:02 > 0:00:04Help the hero. Help the hero.
0:00:05 > 0:00:08Any spare change? Help the hero?
0:00:08 > 0:00:14Help the hero? Any spare change, pal? Cheers, pal.
0:00:14 > 0:00:17Help the hero! Help the hero!
0:00:27 > 0:00:32Well, as, as a lifelong feminist, I... I give my full support to
0:00:32 > 0:00:36Nicola Sturgeon, Mhairi Black, and Tasmina Ahmed-Sheikh.
0:00:36 > 0:00:39And I... I passionately embrace this...
0:00:39 > 0:00:45this new forward-looking, feminine side of the SNP.
0:00:55 > 0:00:59# Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?
0:00:59 > 0:01:03# Don't cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?
0:01:03 > 0:01:05# Don't cha?
0:01:06 > 0:01:09# Don't cha? #
0:01:09 > 0:01:12Mark, apart from the things that are still the same,
0:01:12 > 0:01:14what would you say has changed?
0:01:14 > 0:01:16Well, I.. I'd like to see the stats,
0:01:16 > 0:01:19but, basically, we... We play a high pressing game.
0:01:19 > 0:01:22Bish, bash, bosh, 4-0, thank you and goodnight.
0:01:22 > 0:01:26And that's all down to training hard, tactical awareness,
0:01:26 > 0:01:30and playing against, with the greatest respect, crap opposition.
0:01:30 > 0:01:33Warbs, what about the fantastic Rangers supporters?
0:01:33 > 0:01:34Haven't they been fantastic?
0:01:34 > 0:01:37Well, respectfully, we've got the best fans in the world.
0:01:37 > 0:01:41I mean, fans who will stand in all weathers to hurl abuse
0:01:41 > 0:01:44at former club officials as they leave the Sheriff Court.
0:01:44 > 0:01:47Yeah, since I came here, the fans have been magnificent.
0:01:47 > 0:01:51The fact that so many of them work in the press, is a bonus.
0:01:52 > 0:01:55Ronny, people say you're unable to change things in Europe.
0:01:55 > 0:01:59No. That's... That's clearly not true.
0:01:59 > 0:02:03I have a track record here at Celtic, of making changes in Europe.
0:02:03 > 0:02:07Before I came here, Celtic used to play in Champions League,
0:02:07 > 0:02:08I changed that.
0:02:08 > 0:02:11They were in competition after Christmas, I changed that.
0:02:11 > 0:02:15They didn't win away ties, I didn't change that.
0:02:20 > 0:02:22Check this move.
0:02:26 > 0:02:28Awesome.
0:02:28 > 0:02:32'Out now, Grand Theft FIFA 2015.'
0:02:36 > 0:02:39Coming soon to BBC Scotland...
0:02:39 > 0:02:43hard-hitting drama that hits hard.
0:02:47 > 0:02:48You've been away.
0:02:48 > 0:02:51Aye. I've been away.
0:02:53 > 0:02:55But now I'm back.
0:02:55 > 0:02:58The story of a man who's been away...
0:02:58 > 0:02:59but comes back.
0:03:00 > 0:03:03Starring someone from River City from yonks ago.
0:03:03 > 0:03:05Where have you been?
0:03:05 > 0:03:06Away.
0:03:07 > 0:03:09But I'm back.
0:03:09 > 0:03:12And someone you remember from Taggart, but cannae place...
0:03:12 > 0:03:14Well, well, well.
0:03:14 > 0:03:16..playing a polis.
0:03:16 > 0:03:18Been away, have you?
0:03:19 > 0:03:21Aye.
0:03:21 > 0:03:23But now I'm back.
0:03:23 > 0:03:24And...Peter Mullan.
0:03:26 > 0:03:30So, you go your merry way,
0:03:30 > 0:03:34and come back from being away like you've never been away.
0:03:34 > 0:03:38Well, now you're back, you might wish you were away,
0:03:38 > 0:03:42but you're not away, son, you're back.
0:03:42 > 0:03:46Not away. Back. Not away.
0:03:46 > 0:03:47Back.
0:03:47 > 0:03:50He was away and now he's back.
0:03:50 > 0:03:54And then, in an unexpected twist...
0:03:54 > 0:03:55That's me away again.
0:03:59 > 0:04:00You don't come back.
0:04:05 > 0:04:08Welcome to a town that's tough to leave.
0:04:10 > 0:04:12I'm back.
0:04:17 > 0:04:21# I would like to leave this city
0:04:21 > 0:04:24# This whole town don't smell too pretty
0:04:24 > 0:04:31# And I can feel the warning signs running around my mind... #
0:04:37 > 0:04:4012 months on from the Commonwealth Games,
0:04:40 > 0:04:42what sort of legacy have they left behind?
0:04:42 > 0:04:45Do we Scots still have the same get up and go?
0:04:45 > 0:04:47Are we up for doing more exercise?
0:04:47 > 0:04:49I've come to this city park to find out.
0:04:50 > 0:04:53- Hi, there.- You all right?
0:04:53 > 0:04:56I take it you're in training for some sort of endurance test?
0:04:56 > 0:04:58No, just stealing tyres.
0:05:02 > 0:05:05I'm Stevie Connell
0:05:05 > 0:05:08and you're watching STV Rutherglen.
0:05:08 > 0:05:12For all your haunels...
0:05:12 > 0:05:16come to Connell's Haunels Direct for all your haunel requirements.
0:05:16 > 0:05:17Need caunels, tae?
0:05:18 > 0:05:22Come to Connell's Caunels Direct for all your caunel requirements.
0:05:22 > 0:05:24Yous are wanting saunels?
0:05:25 > 0:05:29Come to Connell's Saunels Direct for all your saunel requirements.
0:05:29 > 0:05:32And internet shoppers, gouch on your couch, tap your phone,
0:05:32 > 0:05:36and bulk buy wan-click for Connell's haunels, caunels, and saunels,
0:05:36 > 0:05:40via Connell's haunels, caunels, and saunels direct online.
0:05:40 > 0:05:43Now, we don't want to be accused of trial by Sportscene
0:05:43 > 0:05:45or alerting the compliance officer,
0:05:45 > 0:05:48but as always, there's a bit of controversy involving the referee.
0:05:48 > 0:05:51So, should this have been a red card?
0:05:51 > 0:05:55Well, from that angle, it's difficult to tell.
0:05:55 > 0:05:58But if you look at it from this angle, you know,
0:05:58 > 0:06:02I'd have to say, there's not much contact there.
0:06:02 > 0:06:05No, no, no. For me, that is just two players coming together.
0:06:05 > 0:06:07No red card.
0:06:07 > 0:06:12So, in this instance, it would seem the referee got it right.
0:06:12 > 0:06:15No, I think we're in with a great chance of finishing at...
0:06:15 > 0:06:19at the top of the table this year, because Ronny keeps telling us, that
0:06:19 > 0:06:23the only team that can stop Celtic from winning the league, is Celtic.
0:06:23 > 0:06:25And I've looked at the rest of the season's fixtures,
0:06:25 > 0:06:27and, luckily, we're not playing them.
0:06:30 > 0:06:32Good evening, sir.
0:06:33 > 0:06:35See anything you fancy?
0:06:36 > 0:06:38What's the speciality?
0:06:38 > 0:06:39Pulled pork.
0:06:43 > 0:06:44Yes, please.
0:06:48 > 0:06:52I think the loan system is a good system.
0:06:52 > 0:06:58For example, you have Tyler Blackett, who is very,
0:06:58 > 0:06:59very good player.
0:06:59 > 0:07:01I rate him very highly.
0:07:01 > 0:07:06I see him as someone with a, with a big future at Manchester United,
0:07:06 > 0:07:09but he needs, he needs game time,
0:07:09 > 0:07:13and that is why I send him on loan to Celtic.
0:07:13 > 0:07:15So, Louis, would you like him back?
0:07:15 > 0:07:16No chance.
0:07:18 > 0:07:23Andy and Kim, 2015 has been such an exciting 12 months for you.
0:07:23 > 0:07:25The wedding of the year, the Davis Cup victory,
0:07:25 > 0:07:27and soon the pitter-patter of tiny feet.
0:07:27 > 0:07:30How do you feel about becoming parents?
0:07:30 > 0:07:31Yeah, you know, ecstatic.
0:07:31 > 0:07:32And you, Kim?
0:07:32 > 0:07:34- I can't- BLEEP- wait.
0:07:34 > 0:07:37- It's been a big- BLEEP- change that's for sure.
0:07:37 > 0:07:40- But with this- BLEEP- beside me, I'll- BLEEP- be a- BLEEP
0:07:40 > 0:07:46- the best- BLEEP- parents the tennis - BLEEP- world has ever- BLEEP- seen.
0:07:51 > 0:07:54You off to a big party for the bells?
0:07:54 > 0:07:57Do you want a bag for that? It's five pence.
0:07:57 > 0:08:00Erm...
0:08:02 > 0:08:06A new year can mean new financial decisions.
0:08:10 > 0:08:15Your Hogmanay carry out is more than just a carry out,
0:08:15 > 0:08:17it's a statement of who you are.
0:08:18 > 0:08:21What you need is a poly bag.
0:08:21 > 0:08:26Five pence might seem a lot, but it's a solid investment that could
0:08:26 > 0:08:29stop you from looking a right walloper.
0:08:34 > 0:08:36Nah. Nah. Don't need one.
0:08:46 > 0:08:47Telt you.
0:08:49 > 0:08:53Speaking as Lady Mone of Mayfair, which am are,
0:08:53 > 0:08:57coming to my work in the standard gear for the peer of the realm,
0:08:57 > 0:09:00this scarlet ermine housecoat has gied me a new
0:09:00 > 0:09:05idea for a sensuous new range in the lingerie, which I'm about to test
0:09:05 > 0:09:09out on one of my workmates, Lord Dalston-Faulkenberry-Smythe here.
0:09:12 > 0:09:13I say.
0:09:17 > 0:09:19Aye, that's the desired effect.
0:09:20 > 0:09:25Welcome to Embarrassed Bodies. This week, we're in Scotland.
0:09:28 > 0:09:30Excuse me, sir. Do you have anything to be embarrassed about?
0:09:30 > 0:09:34Embarrassed? Aye, look at the state of this!
0:09:38 > 0:09:41I like this vodka
0:09:41 > 0:09:47and I like this vodka.
0:09:48 > 0:09:54I like this frozen doner kebab, and...
0:09:54 > 0:09:58I like this frozen doner kebab.
0:10:01 > 0:10:02Huh?!
0:10:05 > 0:10:09I like this hair of the dog...
0:10:09 > 0:10:13and I like this hair of the dog.
0:10:13 > 0:10:17For when you don't care what goes down your neck, give it Laldi.
0:10:21 > 0:10:22Aye, well, that's right.
0:10:22 > 0:10:27You know, I started up a new league for walking football teams.
0:10:27 > 0:10:30None of the players are allowed to run, tackle,
0:10:30 > 0:10:32or even break into a sweat.
0:10:32 > 0:10:35Got the idea from watching Celtic in Europe.
0:10:37 > 0:10:40MUSIC PLAYS
0:10:42 > 0:10:46And now to the big one.
0:10:46 > 0:10:51The Heroic Hero Outstanding Lifetime Unsung Achievement Award.
0:10:51 > 0:10:54For a hing achieved in a lifetime.
0:10:54 > 0:10:57And the nominations are...
0:10:57 > 0:11:01Jock McCorkindale, an old soldier,
0:11:01 > 0:11:04because he's old and he used to be a soldier.
0:11:04 > 0:11:06God bless you, son.
0:11:06 > 0:11:08By the way, will somebody take that bayonet off him?
0:11:08 > 0:11:10Going to have somebody's eye out.
0:11:10 > 0:11:14Next nominee, loan shark with a conscience,
0:11:14 > 0:11:18Terry 'Mad Dog' McBlurty, who only charges the people
0:11:18 > 0:11:23in his scheme a mere 5,000% interest on loan deals and initially will
0:11:23 > 0:11:27only break the fingers of the haun they don't use if they cannae pay.
0:11:27 > 0:11:30Such compassion, big man. Marvellous.
0:11:30 > 0:11:36The next nominee is Wee Davey of Davey's Dynamite,
0:11:36 > 0:11:39official supplier of quality explosives to the
0:11:39 > 0:11:41Glasgow City Council.
0:11:41 > 0:11:44The man who very nearly brought down the Red Road flats.
0:11:44 > 0:11:47I think we can see a bit of Davey's work in action now.
0:11:56 > 0:12:00Nae luck, wee man. So near and yet so far.
0:12:00 > 0:12:03And now on Channel 4,
0:12:03 > 0:12:07we head north as First Dates comes to Glasgow.
0:12:07 > 0:12:09The blind date can be magical.
0:12:13 > 0:12:16My pals call me Billy,
0:12:16 > 0:12:19but my full name is William Williamson McWilliam.
0:12:20 > 0:12:22My pals call me Terry,
0:12:22 > 0:12:26but my real name is Theresa Marie Bernadette McCafferty.
0:12:27 > 0:12:29Opposites attract, don't they?
0:12:29 > 0:12:31Have you got any brothers or sisters?
0:12:31 > 0:12:33Just the six brothers and the four sisters.
0:12:33 > 0:12:39There's Henrik, Hoopy, Walfrid, Jinky, Wee Jinky, and Lubo.
0:12:39 > 0:12:41And then there's Margaret-Mary, Mary-Margaret, Anne-Marie
0:12:41 > 0:12:42and Lizzie.
0:12:42 > 0:12:43Lizzie?
0:12:43 > 0:12:47Named after her most glorious Britannic Majesty, the Queen?
0:12:47 > 0:12:51- No, it's short for Lisbon. - Never heard of it.
0:12:51 > 0:12:57What every great lover knows, it is vital to eat well.
0:12:57 > 0:12:58I'll have the special.
0:12:58 > 0:13:01Excellent choice. And for you, sir?
0:13:01 > 0:13:02Steak.
0:13:02 > 0:13:05And how would you like that cooked?
0:13:05 > 0:13:06Fried.
0:13:08 > 0:13:10Aye, sis, it's going great.
0:13:10 > 0:13:14I mean, we've got our differences but I think we're really connecting.
0:13:14 > 0:13:19Hello. Is that the phone-in? Can I speak to Mr Keevins?
0:13:19 > 0:13:24And finally, we have come to the most romantic part of the evening.
0:13:24 > 0:13:26The end.
0:13:27 > 0:13:29It's been really nice.
0:13:29 > 0:13:32To be honest, aye, it has.
0:13:34 > 0:13:37So, do you have a girlfriend?
0:13:37 > 0:13:39Oh, aye.
0:13:39 > 0:13:42I was waiting to see what you looked like before I chucked her.
0:13:42 > 0:13:44Oh, really?
0:13:44 > 0:13:46'Sake.
0:13:46 > 0:13:47Oh, what?
0:13:48 > 0:13:52Excuse me, do you do tattoo alterations?
0:13:52 > 0:13:53I do, aye. Show us.
0:13:53 > 0:13:57Well, see how it says Scott Allan - Rangers for Life?
0:13:57 > 0:14:00Yeah, mate. And you want it changed to Celtic for Life?
0:14:00 > 0:14:01If you wouldnae mind.
0:14:01 > 0:14:04Aye, that's not a problem. That happens all the time.
0:14:04 > 0:14:08What about the Scott Allan bit? I can change that, too.
0:14:08 > 0:14:09I am Scott Allan.
0:14:10 > 0:14:14When I came to Celtic I said I'd make the players fitter, and I have.
0:14:15 > 0:14:18Now James Forrest limps much faster than he used to.
0:14:20 > 0:14:23- Hiya, doll.- Oh, hiya. - On the e-fags, aye?
0:14:23 > 0:14:26Aye. But I'm wanting to chuck them for good. You?
0:14:26 > 0:14:31Nah, I'm still tabbing away, mate. On these new ones, brilliant.
0:14:31 > 0:14:34Still feels like a smoke, still looks like a smoke,
0:14:34 > 0:14:36still smokes like a smoke,
0:14:36 > 0:14:40but according to the packet, doesn't actually contain any smoke.
0:14:40 > 0:14:42Wow, what are they called?
0:14:42 > 0:14:44Volkswagens.
0:14:47 > 0:14:52Sir Alex, 2015 has undoubtedly been a momentous year for literature,
0:14:52 > 0:14:56but the business book of the year has to be Leading.
0:14:56 > 0:14:58How does this compare with your other works?
0:14:58 > 0:15:03Well, Kirsty, first there was my gardening book, Weeding.
0:15:03 > 0:15:07Then there was my baking book, Kneading.
0:15:07 > 0:15:11And now, ah, yes, there's my latest book, Leading.
0:15:11 > 0:15:15And broadly speaking, what is the main focus of your book?
0:15:15 > 0:15:21It's about leading and, and leadership because, you know,
0:15:21 > 0:15:23the principles are the same, you know,
0:15:23 > 0:15:27whether you're leading a multi-million pound football club
0:15:27 > 0:15:31like Manchester United or you're, you're leading half
0:15:31 > 0:15:34the Govan Young Team against the Maryhill Fleet.
0:15:34 > 0:15:37You, though, have been demonstrating your leadership
0:15:37 > 0:15:41skills on the lucrative lecture circuit.
0:15:41 > 0:15:43You know, you've done a very prestigious seminar
0:15:43 > 0:15:46at no less a place than Harvard in Boston.
0:15:46 > 0:15:49Oh, proud. Very proud.
0:15:49 > 0:15:52Harvard were very proud to get hold of me.
0:15:52 > 0:15:57But it was a particular privilege for, for these Ivy Leaguers to,
0:15:57 > 0:15:58to listen, you know?
0:15:58 > 0:16:00And, and to learn.
0:16:00 > 0:16:06Right now, a man has to get a fox, a hen,
0:16:06 > 0:16:10and a bag of grain across a river in a rowing boat.
0:16:11 > 0:16:15Now, instantly, you have to say to yourself,
0:16:15 > 0:16:21that is plainly a ridiculous way for a grown man to behave.
0:16:21 > 0:16:25What's he doing with a fox, anyway? These animals aren't domesticated.
0:16:26 > 0:16:31This here is a pie chart, right?
0:16:31 > 0:16:32You see that red bit?
0:16:32 > 0:16:36That's how much of the pie Wayne Rooney would eat.
0:16:36 > 0:16:42It's a Mexican in a sombrero frying an egg for his breakfast.
0:16:42 > 0:16:46See? The full picture. It's marvellous.
0:16:46 > 0:16:48Well, now that we've actually witnessed your leadership
0:16:48 > 0:16:51skills in action, Sir Alex, I assume then you think it's very
0:16:51 > 0:16:53important to lead from the front?
0:16:53 > 0:16:57Absolutely. I mean, that's... Well, that's crucial, Kirsty.
0:16:57 > 0:17:00I mean, there can only be one leader.
0:17:00 > 0:17:04You know, all-powerful, all-knowing, all-conquering,
0:17:04 > 0:17:07and that was, that was me at Manchester United.
0:17:07 > 0:17:10I mean, just look at my record, you know?
0:17:10 > 0:17:16League Cups, FA Cups, League titles, Cup Winner's Cup, Champions League,
0:17:16 > 0:17:18World Club Cup.
0:17:18 > 0:17:22And, you know, that's all down to me, and to me alone.
0:17:22 > 0:17:25And the appointment of David Moyes as your successor?
0:17:25 > 0:17:27That was a board decision.
0:17:29 > 0:17:33Finally, Sir Alex, who would be your ideal leader?
0:17:33 > 0:17:38Well, Kirsty, the... the ideal leader requires the, the philanthropy
0:17:38 > 0:17:43of Andrew Carnegie, the oratory of, of Martin Luther King.
0:17:43 > 0:17:45And the courage of Churchill?
0:17:45 > 0:17:46Churchill?
0:17:46 > 0:17:51No, I cannae see what a dog out of a car insurance advert can do.
0:17:51 > 0:17:54And make no mistake, I'm up there with the most successful
0:17:54 > 0:17:56business gurus of recent times.
0:17:56 > 0:17:59I'm a Gates, I'm a Jobs, I'm a Branson.
0:17:59 > 0:18:02- You're a Sugar. - Thank you very much, Kirsty.
0:18:02 > 0:18:04You're a wee sweetheart yourself.
0:18:04 > 0:18:06Sir Alex, thank you very much.
0:18:06 > 0:18:09Now, next week, we'll be looking at a comprehensive new study
0:18:09 > 0:18:14of quantum physics by the former Hamilton Accies Manager, Billy Reid.
0:18:14 > 0:18:15Goodnight.
0:18:16 > 0:18:20Wayne Rooney is still developing.
0:18:20 > 0:18:26I, I know this, because he is always asking questions like,
0:18:26 > 0:18:29"Can I go to the toilet?"
0:18:29 > 0:18:31"Are we nearly there yet?"
0:18:31 > 0:18:34And, "How come I look like a monkey?"
0:18:36 > 0:18:39Are you a professional footballer with bags of cash
0:18:39 > 0:18:40and a receding hairline?
0:18:40 > 0:18:44Well, all that can change thanks to us here at the
0:18:44 > 0:18:47Glasgow Napperomics Studio in Glasgow.
0:18:47 > 0:18:49Thanks to our revolutionary techniques,
0:18:49 > 0:18:53I've taken the healthy hairs from your skull and attached them
0:18:53 > 0:18:54on to the baldy bits.
0:18:54 > 0:18:58Gen up, man, you wouldn't believe the results. See for yourselves.
0:19:10 > 0:19:13The Glasgow Napperomics Studio, gie it a go.
0:19:13 > 0:19:17Aye, the idea of playing Dundee in America is frying my nut.
0:19:17 > 0:19:20I mean, I would need to call my trackie troosers, trackie pants.
0:19:20 > 0:19:24And if I fell on my bum, I would need to say I've got a sore fanny.
0:19:24 > 0:19:28I know all about wise business investments.
0:19:28 > 0:19:34That's why I'm standing at this crossroads dressed as an owl.
0:19:34 > 0:19:40Sport socks, there's your sport socks, now. Two pairs for £1.
0:19:48 > 0:19:52I'm Michael Portillo and what a journey I'm on this week,
0:19:52 > 0:19:54in Scotland.
0:19:54 > 0:19:56MUSIC PLAYS
0:20:00 > 0:20:02BABY CRIES
0:20:02 > 0:20:04Wee Will.I.Am, shut it.
0:20:05 > 0:20:07Here, big man. You want a swally?
0:20:07 > 0:20:09Here, mate.
0:20:09 > 0:20:12Do you want to hold that a minute, get ma sauce on it.
0:20:12 > 0:20:13Cheers, boss.
0:20:23 > 0:20:26Tonight on BBC Scotland, Stuart Cosgrove
0:20:26 > 0:20:27on The Bay City Rollers.
0:20:27 > 0:20:32The rollers, the strollers, the ten-pin bowlers,
0:20:32 > 0:20:38they were the quintessentially zeitgeistian pop group of their era.
0:20:41 > 0:20:46The National Game, the us and them, the coughed up phlegm, the quint...
0:20:49 > 0:20:51The Turner, the butter churner...
0:20:53 > 0:20:58The pesky wee midgie, the Kessock Bridgie, the ginger...
0:21:00 > 0:21:03The rent-a-quote, the reach for the remote,
0:21:03 > 0:21:07the Cosgrove get your coat, he is the quintessentially
0:21:07 > 0:21:12zeitgeistian intellectual gub of his era.
0:21:16 > 0:21:19You cannae beat it!
0:21:19 > 0:21:24As an emerald disciple of the Celtic truth, I have to say, I appreciate
0:21:24 > 0:21:27how down to earth and, and approachable today's Hoops team is.
0:21:27 > 0:21:30I mean, take our club captain, Scott Brown.
0:21:30 > 0:21:34I mean, you can go up to him in the street, in fact, some nights
0:21:34 > 0:21:36you could fall over him in the street.
0:21:38 > 0:21:41So, I've just been on my break with my co-workers,
0:21:41 > 0:21:44the Duke of Montrose, the Marquis of Salisbury
0:21:44 > 0:21:46and the Earl of Caithness.
0:21:46 > 0:21:49It's amazing how many folk in here are named after pubs.
0:21:51 > 0:21:55Being in the jungle is a real eye-opener.
0:21:55 > 0:22:01Sharing a shower, eating disgusting food, and fighting scary beasts.
0:22:01 > 0:22:04And that is just Duncan Bannatyne telling me
0:22:04 > 0:22:07about his upbringing in Clydebank.
0:22:11 > 0:22:15So, I took a break from my dental business in America
0:22:15 > 0:22:18and I travelled the world to hunt big game.
0:22:18 > 0:22:22I've bagged a lion, an elephant, a giraffe, and a brown bear,
0:22:22 > 0:22:25but this is the one I really want.
0:22:26 > 0:22:28Right, I've got him in my sight.
0:22:33 > 0:22:35Yes!
0:22:43 > 0:22:49'New on BBC Scotland, brand-new drama starring Mark Rylance.'
0:22:49 > 0:22:52Hang thy bunting, bang thy drum,
0:22:52 > 0:22:56let the Royal Standard fly proudly in the breeze.
0:22:58 > 0:23:01'Specially created for the viewers of South Lanarkshire
0:23:01 > 0:23:04'from the makers of Wolf Hall.'
0:23:04 > 0:23:07I prithee my men, don thy white gloves,
0:23:07 > 0:23:11spark up thy half-bottle, and let us walk.
0:23:18 > 0:23:22The Warbster, you have basically reinvented the game of football.
0:23:22 > 0:23:25Can you give us some clues as to how you've achieved this?
0:23:25 > 0:23:30Well, for example, the players get urine tests every morning to see
0:23:30 > 0:23:31if they're hydrated enough.
0:23:31 > 0:23:35And if they're not, we get them hydrated.
0:23:35 > 0:23:37And what do you hydrate them with?
0:23:37 > 0:23:40- Liquids.- Genius.
0:23:40 > 0:23:42And finally, Mark, as a former city trader,
0:23:42 > 0:23:44how do you see the future for Rangers?
0:23:44 > 0:23:47Well, when it, when it comes to recruiting players,
0:23:47 > 0:23:50Rangers now have an extensive youth policy, a network of contacts
0:23:50 > 0:23:55in a worldwide scouting system, all providing us with information
0:23:55 > 0:23:59so that we can say, "Sod that, let's sign Kenny Miller again."
0:23:59 > 0:24:00Cheers, fellas.
0:24:03 > 0:24:06Look, the law lords have said it, right?
0:24:06 > 0:24:12Between 2001 and 2010, Rangers operated a dodgy financial system
0:24:12 > 0:24:16that gave them an unfair sporting advantage over everybody else.
0:24:16 > 0:24:17And this has to be acknowledged.
0:24:17 > 0:24:21Look, I am, however, a reasonable Celtic man.
0:24:21 > 0:24:24So, look, look, I'm not calling for title stripping
0:24:24 > 0:24:26or medals taken back. No, no, no.
0:24:26 > 0:24:29All I'm saying is, that a wee asterisk be
0:24:29 > 0:24:32put against the titles and the cups Rangers won during these years.
0:24:32 > 0:24:35And a wee line at the bottom of the page that says,
0:24:35 > 0:24:38"asterisk denotes cheating bastards."
0:24:39 > 0:24:41Just want to say happy new year.
0:24:41 > 0:24:47But when I say new year, it's still the same year, right?
0:24:47 > 0:24:49The old year did not die,
0:24:49 > 0:24:52you cannot strip the old year out of nothing, this year goes on.
0:24:52 > 0:24:54It's just a new name, right?
0:24:59 > 0:25:03# I would like to leave this city
0:25:03 > 0:25:07# This old town don't smell too pretty
0:25:07 > 0:25:14# And I can feel the warning signs running around my mind
0:25:16 > 0:25:20# And when I leave this island
0:25:20 > 0:25:21# I put... #
0:25:44 > 0:25:47The force is strong with this one.
0:25:50 > 0:25:54# Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?
0:25:54 > 0:25:57# Don't cha wish you girlfriend was a freak like me?
0:25:57 > 0:25:59# Don't cha?
0:26:02 > 0:26:04# Don't cha?
0:26:06 > 0:26:10# Don't cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me?
0:26:10 > 0:26:14# Don't cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me?
0:26:14 > 0:26:16# Don't cha?
0:26:17 > 0:26:19# Don't cha? #