0:00:02 > 0:00:03Coming soon to Sky Atlantic,
0:00:03 > 0:00:06ground-breaking drama from the makers of The Young Pope...
0:00:06 > 0:00:09The Scottish Pope.
0:00:09 > 0:00:10'mon the Hoops.
0:00:16 > 0:00:19Having a party? Needing a bouncy castle?
0:00:19 > 0:00:22Then look nae further than Boings of Springboig.
0:00:23 > 0:00:27Boings of Springboig are the premier bouncy castle hire firm
0:00:27 > 0:00:29in the hale of the west bit of the east-end of Glasgow.
0:00:29 > 0:00:32We do wee yins for the wee yins, bigger wans for the bigger wans,
0:00:32 > 0:00:35and reinforced wans for the fatties.
0:00:35 > 0:00:38Bouncy castles you can fling your dugs on for a laugh.
0:00:41 > 0:00:43Go large and hire for an extra hour,
0:00:43 > 0:00:46so the grown-ups can get a shot after they've had a few swallies.
0:00:48 > 0:00:51And no matter whit fluids end up on it,
0:00:51 > 0:00:54all our bouncy castles are washed and hosed back at the ranch
0:00:54 > 0:00:56for your peace of mind.
0:01:04 > 0:01:08Boings of Springboig has the bespoke bouncy castle for every celebration.
0:01:08 > 0:01:12Boings of Springboig - your one-stop bouncy castle hire shop.
0:01:15 > 0:01:18Well, yes, it's true, it really is.
0:01:18 > 0:01:22I did once seriously consider
0:01:22 > 0:01:25investing in Rangers,
0:01:25 > 0:01:29with a view to making them financially secure and challenging
0:01:29 > 0:01:32for the SPL title again.
0:01:32 > 0:01:36In the end, though, I decided to run for President,
0:01:36 > 0:01:39because I thought at least that was achievable.
0:01:42 > 0:01:45What do I bring to the Celtic manager's job?
0:01:46 > 0:01:49Well, hopefully, I'm buying into the philosophy,
0:01:49 > 0:01:53because in my heart, there's real passion.
0:01:53 > 0:01:55In my head - real belief.
0:01:55 > 0:01:57And on my face -
0:01:57 > 0:01:58Fake Bake.
0:02:00 > 0:02:03Following the success of the Homeless World Cup,
0:02:03 > 0:02:06Glasgow is set to host another football tournament -
0:02:06 > 0:02:09the Steamin' World Cup.
0:02:09 > 0:02:10Pass it, here!
0:02:16 > 0:02:19Another figure involved in the hanging of two
0:02:19 > 0:02:24Rangers-related effigies at Celtic Park has been arrested by police.
0:02:28 > 0:02:29Walk on.
0:02:30 > 0:02:34And Scottish football has been rocked by a bribery scandal.
0:02:34 > 0:02:38A sting set up by the Banffshire Gazette uncovered the stench of
0:02:38 > 0:02:42corruption in the Aberdeen and District Amateur Football League.
0:02:42 > 0:02:46Fit like, ken, I can hae a word wi' the officials nae problem
0:02:46 > 0:02:49and I can mak' sure the result goes the way you want it, ken.
0:02:49 > 0:02:55But it'll cost you three, maybe fower packets o' tattie scones.
0:02:55 > 0:02:58Maybe we can sign another laddie but, yeah,
0:02:58 > 0:03:00you have to keep me sweet.
0:03:01 > 0:03:04Have you got what we discussed?
0:03:04 > 0:03:06Absolutely, yes, it's all there.
0:03:06 > 0:03:08Ah, good, good.
0:03:08 > 0:03:10That's four sacks of turnips, a bag of cement...
0:03:12 > 0:03:13..and a poke of soor plooms.
0:03:15 > 0:03:16Braw.
0:03:18 > 0:03:212016 has been a bumper year for Scottish tennis,
0:03:21 > 0:03:24and a new coaching initiative aims to get even more Scots
0:03:24 > 0:03:28playing the game, under the watchful eye of Judy Murray.
0:03:28 > 0:03:30Nice. That it, out in front.
0:03:30 > 0:03:34So the idea is anyone can drop by and learn new skills?
0:03:34 > 0:03:35Absolutely anyone.
0:03:46 > 0:03:47Oh!
0:03:47 > 0:03:51Excuse moi, is this the correct locale for the tennising?
0:03:51 > 0:03:54- Yes, it is.- Oh, Lady Judy,
0:03:54 > 0:03:58can I just say it is a pure honour for I, ra Frankie-boy,
0:03:58 > 0:04:00to be of meeting your fair self,
0:04:00 > 0:04:04and offer my congratulations to your boys's successes?
0:04:04 > 0:04:08And on you, becoming the nation's most glamorous of grannies?
0:04:08 > 0:04:12Thank you very much. Have you much experience of this game?
0:04:12 > 0:04:16Well, you know, growing up in the Milton, we were not blessed
0:04:16 > 0:04:19with tennis courts in the back greens.
0:04:19 > 0:04:23And back then it wasnae so much Lendl and Connors
0:04:23 > 0:04:25as mental an' hauners, you know.
0:04:25 > 0:04:27But you're willing to learn?
0:04:27 > 0:04:30Correctamundo. I mean, every day is a school day.
0:04:30 > 0:04:32So let's talk technique.
0:04:32 > 0:04:34Do you have a favourite stroke?
0:04:39 > 0:04:40A favourite stroke?
0:04:42 > 0:04:45To be honest, they're all pretty good, you know.
0:04:45 > 0:04:47Shall we try a few?
0:04:47 > 0:04:51Oh, is that what you mean? Aye, aye, sure.
0:04:51 > 0:04:54Just haud on, I'll away and get my bat, all right?
0:05:16 > 0:05:18You're not very fit, are you?
0:05:18 > 0:05:19Have you ever jumped a net?
0:05:21 > 0:05:23Don't know.
0:05:23 > 0:05:24What did she look like?
0:05:32 > 0:05:33OK.
0:05:33 > 0:05:36So it's getting dark and it's starting to get cold.
0:05:36 > 0:05:40Now, as a survivalist, the first thing you need in this situation
0:05:40 > 0:05:41is warmth.
0:05:41 > 0:05:43So you need to start a fire.
0:05:43 > 0:05:45There are a couple of ways to do this.
0:05:45 > 0:05:48The tried and tested of rubbing two pieces of flint together,
0:05:48 > 0:05:51or a much simpler method...
0:05:52 > 0:05:54The Samsung Galaxy Note.
0:06:02 > 0:06:06Oh, yes, I enjoyed Euro 2016.
0:06:06 > 0:06:08Now, listen, it's true - Scotland weren't involved,
0:06:08 > 0:06:12but the other nations from these islands provided plenty to hold my
0:06:12 > 0:06:15interest, you know? Ireland's victory over Italy,
0:06:15 > 0:06:18Wales versus Belgium, Northern Ireland defeating Ukraine.
0:06:18 > 0:06:20And, of course, England gave me immense pleasure
0:06:20 > 0:06:22when they got pumped by Iceland.
0:06:23 > 0:06:25Gareth Southgate?
0:06:26 > 0:06:27He's a gentleman.
0:06:27 > 0:06:30First thing he did when he got the England manager's job
0:06:30 > 0:06:32was send me a text saying, "Thanks."
0:06:37 > 0:06:38Boozegate?
0:06:39 > 0:06:41See, know this, right.
0:06:41 > 0:06:43Boozegate is a myth.
0:06:43 > 0:06:47For a start, we wurnae boozing at the gate,
0:06:47 > 0:06:49it was in the bar.
0:06:49 > 0:06:51And the papers said it was an all-night bender.
0:06:51 > 0:06:53Well, it wasnae an all-night bender.
0:06:53 > 0:06:57It was just a maist-of-the-night bender.
0:06:57 > 0:07:00And there was other players involved in it as well, no' just me.
0:07:00 > 0:07:05And I've never revealed who they were, because I told Scott Brown,
0:07:05 > 0:07:08"Your secret's safe with me, mate."
0:07:08 > 0:07:13I'm David Hayman, actor, documentary maker,
0:07:13 > 0:07:15whisky drinker.
0:07:15 > 0:07:18And this is Scotch.
0:07:21 > 0:07:25Uisge beatha, the water of life, the elixir of elation,
0:07:25 > 0:07:28the brew of brouhaha.
0:07:28 > 0:07:32Nothing gently caresses your thrapple like a dram,
0:07:32 > 0:07:33a goldy, a nip,
0:07:33 > 0:07:38a right good charge or a slug of the hard stuff.
0:07:38 > 0:07:40PLANE ENGINE PASSES
0:07:42 > 0:07:44Scotland's gift to the world.
0:07:44 > 0:07:45Sorry, cut, cut, cut.
0:07:45 > 0:07:48Sorry, David, just had an aeroplane going overhead.
0:07:48 > 0:07:51Can we do one more for sound, please? Thanks, David.
0:07:51 > 0:07:53Oh, I'll need some...
0:07:53 > 0:07:54I've run out.
0:07:54 > 0:07:55Take two.
0:07:55 > 0:07:57Whisky...
0:07:59 > 0:08:00Scotland's gift...
0:08:00 > 0:08:02Cut! Go again.
0:08:02 > 0:08:03Take three.
0:08:03 > 0:08:05Whisky...
0:08:06 > 0:08:09Scotland's gift to the...
0:08:09 > 0:08:12Cut, cut! Excuse me, we're filming here!
0:08:12 > 0:08:13Oh, I couldnae gie a f...
0:08:13 > 0:08:15Take four.
0:08:15 > 0:08:16Whisky...
0:08:17 > 0:08:18Scotland's gift to...
0:08:18 > 0:08:20Cut, boom in!
0:08:21 > 0:08:22Whisky...
0:08:24 > 0:08:25Scotland's gift...
0:08:25 > 0:08:28ALARM BLARES Och! What's going on here?
0:08:30 > 0:08:31Whisky...
0:08:33 > 0:08:35Scotland's gift to the...
0:08:35 > 0:08:36Cut.
0:08:37 > 0:08:39I'm Havid Dayman.
0:08:40 > 0:08:42Doer of 'hings.
0:08:42 > 0:08:44And see whisky?
0:08:44 > 0:08:46It's the bollocks, by the way.
0:08:46 > 0:08:50Scotch whisky knocks that Irish shite in its hole.
0:08:50 > 0:08:53This is the water of life.
0:08:53 > 0:08:56SLURRED: # That's life, that's what people say... #
0:08:58 > 0:09:00Is it a song youse are wanting?
0:09:01 > 0:09:04Forgive me, for I am nothing
0:09:04 > 0:09:07but an ignorant fud.
0:09:07 > 0:09:09Listen, the...
0:09:09 > 0:09:12The bottle's empty - can we go again?
0:09:13 > 0:09:16You can say what you want, but this is not an Old Firm match.
0:09:16 > 0:09:21No, no. It's a Cel'ic versus Sevco match because, I'm sorry, but...
0:09:21 > 0:09:23They are not the same club.
0:09:23 > 0:09:26All right, listen, they look like Rangers, they sound like Rangers,
0:09:26 > 0:09:28they smell like Rangers.
0:09:28 > 0:09:32And I hate them with an absolute passion that burns in the depths
0:09:32 > 0:09:35of my very soul. But they're no' really Rangers.
0:09:35 > 0:09:38So I cannae get worked up about them, you know.
0:09:40 > 0:09:42I cannae stand them.
0:09:42 > 0:09:44Their colours make my skin crawl.
0:09:44 > 0:09:48I cross the street to avoid them, and their logo makes me boke.
0:09:48 > 0:09:51One of my colleagues had a mug with their crest on it.
0:09:51 > 0:09:53I'll admit it -
0:09:53 > 0:09:54I grogged in it.
0:09:54 > 0:09:56We hate them and they hate us.
0:09:58 > 0:10:01That's just how it is with Rangers fans and Sports Direct.
0:10:04 > 0:10:07Well, right from the start this club has said it had a four-year plan
0:10:07 > 0:10:10to come up the divisions and win the title again.
0:10:10 > 0:10:14Well, I can report that, six years in to that four-year plan,
0:10:14 > 0:10:15things are progressing well.
0:10:21 > 0:10:24Coming soon to BBC Scotland,
0:10:24 > 0:10:28a brand-new case on a brand-new island.
0:10:28 > 0:10:29So, this is Millport?
0:10:32 > 0:10:33Millport.
0:10:34 > 0:10:38A unique location for a unique type of crime.
0:10:38 > 0:10:41Something washed up on the beach, sir.
0:10:44 > 0:10:46Just as I thought -
0:10:46 > 0:10:47a gonk.
0:10:47 > 0:10:51Find witnesses. Knock on every door on the island.
0:10:51 > 0:10:53Take 25 minutes if you have to.
0:10:56 > 0:11:02Featuring loads and loads of staring out to sea and contemplating.
0:11:04 > 0:11:05With a guest appearance...
0:11:07 > 0:11:10..by him that always plays a creepy hermit,
0:11:10 > 0:11:11playing the Creepy Hermit.
0:11:12 > 0:11:14You've come alone?
0:11:14 > 0:11:15Aye.
0:11:17 > 0:11:18Then that'll be 50p, please.
0:11:20 > 0:11:21Enjoy your round.
0:11:21 > 0:11:26Millport, an island like no other.
0:11:26 > 0:11:27- Sir...- Shh.
0:11:27 > 0:11:29I'm staring.
0:11:29 > 0:11:31Featuring high-speed chases.
0:11:36 > 0:11:39This is Millport.
0:11:39 > 0:11:42It's the dead eyes, they give you away.
0:11:43 > 0:11:45And that wee smile?
0:11:45 > 0:11:46You're fooling no-one.
0:11:52 > 0:11:54Look, times are tough.
0:11:54 > 0:11:56We wouldnae dae this if we wurnae desperate.
0:11:56 > 0:12:00Now just stick to the plan, like we said, and no-one gets hurt.
0:12:01 > 0:12:04- You ready?- Aye.
0:12:04 > 0:12:05Let's dae this.
0:12:13 > 0:12:15I want all the money you've got. Now.
0:12:15 > 0:12:17And what do you want to drink?
0:12:17 > 0:12:19Never mind a drink, just gie's the money!
0:12:19 > 0:12:22No, no, get a drink.
0:12:22 > 0:12:23OK. Change that.
0:12:24 > 0:12:27All the money you've got and two Cokes.
0:12:27 > 0:12:29Do you want fries?
0:12:29 > 0:12:30Aye, get fries an' all.
0:12:30 > 0:12:33Aye, aye, gie us fries.
0:12:33 > 0:12:36So that's all the money you've got, two Cokes and two fries.
0:12:36 > 0:12:39Right. Drive to the next window, please.
0:12:40 > 0:12:44So that's all the money we've got, two Cokes and two fries.
0:12:44 > 0:12:45- That's great.- Thank you.
0:12:45 > 0:12:46Thanks very much.
0:12:47 > 0:12:49You got that now, aye?
0:12:49 > 0:12:51Right - go, go, go!
0:12:57 > 0:12:59Excuse me...
0:12:59 > 0:13:01- Nae straws.- Oh, sorry.
0:13:03 > 0:13:04Go!
0:13:06 > 0:13:09There's been big changes at Celtic's stadium.
0:13:09 > 0:13:14In the north curve, the seats slide back so that, during European games,
0:13:14 > 0:13:15it's a standing section.
0:13:15 > 0:13:19And they slide out so that, during Scottish League games,
0:13:19 > 0:13:21it's a sleeping section.
0:13:26 > 0:13:30I think Scotland has to stay in the single market,
0:13:30 > 0:13:35because the single market is important to the Scottish people.
0:13:35 > 0:13:39We must always be able to buy a single fish,
0:13:39 > 0:13:41a single sausage
0:13:41 > 0:13:42and a single fag.
0:13:44 > 0:13:47Following his long silence after being awarded the Nobel Prize
0:13:47 > 0:13:51for literature, Bob Dylan has posted the following musical statement.
0:13:53 > 0:13:57# Thank you, Mr Nobel, for the Literature Prize
0:13:57 > 0:14:00# Recognition is sweeter when you're old
0:14:02 > 0:14:07# But I won't be coming over to pick up what I'm due
0:14:07 > 0:14:09# Because Sweden is
0:14:09 > 0:14:12- # Too- BLEEP- cold... #
0:14:18 > 0:14:23For outstanding contribution to music, charity, Lycra,
0:14:23 > 0:14:27eyeliner sales and divorce lawyers,
0:14:27 > 0:14:30Mr Rod Stewart.
0:14:30 > 0:14:34And there he is, the soon to be Sir Rod Stewart.
0:14:34 > 0:14:37And I'm sure the flamboyant showman wouldn't wish to do anything
0:14:37 > 0:14:41to detract from such an auspicious occasion.
0:14:41 > 0:14:43MUSIC: Da Ya Think I'm Sexy by Rod Stewart
0:14:54 > 0:14:56Hail, hail.
0:14:56 > 0:14:59I's a member of that elite band of Cel'ic fans who bring
0:14:59 > 0:15:01a special atmosphere to home games -
0:15:01 > 0:15:04that's right, the Nuisance Brigade.
0:15:04 > 0:15:08I make sure I go to every game with what every true Cel'ic fan needs -
0:15:08 > 0:15:10flares, a Palestinian flag
0:15:10 > 0:15:12and a chip on each shoulder.
0:15:12 > 0:15:16I'm also a member of the '67 Lisbon Lions Club.
0:15:16 > 0:15:20And, see to be honest, I didnae know there was 67 Lisbon Lions.
0:15:20 > 0:15:21I thought there was only 11.
0:15:25 > 0:15:27Was I on the pitch at the Scottish cup final?
0:15:27 > 0:15:28No way.
0:15:28 > 0:15:32I'm a true blue, dyed in the wool Rangers man,
0:15:32 > 0:15:34so I left the stadium with 20 minutes to go.
0:15:37 > 0:15:40I didn't have a problem with Joey Barton tweeting,
0:15:40 > 0:15:42except when he was doing it when he was meant to be
0:15:42 > 0:15:44man-marking Scott Brown.
0:15:53 > 0:15:55My name is Joey Barton.
0:15:55 > 0:15:56I'm from Liverpool,
0:15:56 > 0:15:58and I'm a proud Livertonian.
0:15:58 > 0:16:01But I'm not just your typical scally Scouser.
0:16:01 > 0:16:05I'm intellectually open to new cultures and new concepts.
0:16:06 > 0:16:08Earl Grey?
0:16:08 > 0:16:10No, Joey Barton. Pleased to meet you.
0:16:13 > 0:16:16I'm into me meditation and therapeutic techniques.
0:16:16 > 0:16:18I focus on the present.
0:16:18 > 0:16:20You know, accept all my feelings and body sensations?
0:16:20 > 0:16:22I call it mindlessness.
0:16:22 > 0:16:24It's a mental state.
0:16:24 > 0:16:26And, trust me -
0:16:26 > 0:16:30Joey Barton is better than anyone at creating a state
0:16:30 > 0:16:32that is truly mental.
0:16:32 > 0:16:34I can spend hours with a book,
0:16:34 > 0:16:36and sometimes I even open it.
0:16:36 > 0:16:41I looked at one recently by Thomas Carlyle called Free Will.
0:16:41 > 0:16:44It's all about the importance of free will.
0:16:44 > 0:16:47I think they made it into one of the best ever movies
0:16:47 > 0:16:49about a whale.
0:16:49 > 0:16:53My current favourite book, though, is this one.
0:16:53 > 0:16:56While we're waiting for the crowds of me fans to turn up,
0:16:56 > 0:17:01let me read you a short extract from me book about my time in Marseille,
0:17:01 > 0:17:02France.
0:17:03 > 0:17:06"Haw-haw, hee-haw hee-haw.
0:17:06 > 0:17:10"It is, how you say, wunderbar, ja?"
0:17:10 > 0:17:11I wrote that.
0:17:13 > 0:17:15OK, so I like a bet.
0:17:15 > 0:17:16Oh, 3-1.
0:17:16 > 0:17:19But I've learned my lesson so, trust me,
0:17:19 > 0:17:21you don't need a bet to enjoy a match.
0:17:21 > 0:17:23And fair play to the Scottish football authorities, you know,
0:17:23 > 0:17:25they're doing all they can to discourage gambling,
0:17:25 > 0:17:28so fans can enjoy the Ladbrokes SPL,
0:17:28 > 0:17:31the William Hill Scottish Cup and the BetFred League Cup
0:17:31 > 0:17:34without feeling any pressure to place a bet whatsoever.
0:17:34 > 0:17:35Oh, bingo.
0:17:37 > 0:17:41In a recent poll, Sunset Song was voted Scotland's favourite book.
0:17:41 > 0:17:44But did this choice reflect the true nature
0:17:44 > 0:17:46of the nation's reading habits?
0:17:46 > 0:17:48As a peer of wur realm,
0:17:48 > 0:17:52I like a right page-turner in every sense of the word, so ah dae.
0:17:52 > 0:17:55And that's why I picked the book whit I did -
0:17:55 > 0:17:59because you is guaranteed something different oan every page.
0:17:59 > 0:18:01And that's why my favourite book is...
0:18:01 > 0:18:03the Argos catalogue.
0:18:05 > 0:18:07Can't decide where tae go?
0:18:07 > 0:18:10Choose the ultimate staycation with Strachan Holidays.
0:18:11 > 0:18:13Did we go tae France?
0:18:13 > 0:18:14Nuh.
0:18:15 > 0:18:16Are we going to Russia?
0:18:16 > 0:18:17Nuh.
0:18:17 > 0:18:21Choose Strachan Holidays and holiday at hame.
0:18:21 > 0:18:24No booking fee, cos you're no' going anywhere.
0:18:26 > 0:18:29Every time, wi' Strachan Holidays.
0:18:32 > 0:18:36Oh, yes, you know, I feel for the supporters of my old team, Aberdeen.
0:18:36 > 0:18:40You know, losing yet another Cup Final.
0:18:40 > 0:18:43I mean, that long, miserable journey back from Glasgow, that can...
0:18:43 > 0:18:45That can take three hours by coach
0:18:45 > 0:18:47or 19 hours by ScotRail.
0:18:51 > 0:18:53Single?
0:18:53 > 0:18:56Living in a rural community?
0:18:56 > 0:18:58Feeling frisky?
0:18:58 > 0:19:00Try this new online dating app.
0:19:01 > 0:19:03See someone you like,
0:19:03 > 0:19:06check you're definitely not related to them,
0:19:06 > 0:19:08and swipe right.
0:19:08 > 0:19:12Select all singles in a 150 mile radius.
0:19:12 > 0:19:15True love could just be a short ferry crossing
0:19:15 > 0:19:18and two bus rides away.
0:19:18 > 0:19:20Get yourself a footr.
0:19:26 > 0:19:28Brexit means Brexit.
0:19:28 > 0:19:30There's nae going back.
0:19:30 > 0:19:33It's like when you're driving doon the motorway -
0:19:33 > 0:19:36miss your Brexit and you're humped.
0:19:37 > 0:19:41Could Celtic win the league in Scotland with Steven Gerrard
0:19:41 > 0:19:43playing centre-mid?
0:19:43 > 0:19:46I think Celtic could win the league in Scotland
0:19:46 > 0:19:48with Stephen Fry playing centre-mid.
0:19:55 > 0:19:57Nah, that's it, man, eh - I'm aff the gear.
0:19:57 > 0:19:59How? Whit's wrang?
0:19:59 > 0:20:02I just cannae handle the hallucinations anymair, eh.
0:20:02 > 0:20:05What I saw the last time, it was just too much for us, eh.
0:20:05 > 0:20:08No' the baby crawling alang the ceiling again?
0:20:08 > 0:20:11Naw, it was much mair mental than that, eh.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15I thought I saw Hibs win the Scottish Cup!
0:20:19 > 0:20:23In Edinburgh, my friends and I love Hogmanay.
0:20:23 > 0:20:26In Glesga, my friends and I love Hogmanay.
0:20:26 > 0:20:28We take to the streets, we have a drink,
0:20:28 > 0:20:30we sing the traditional songs.
0:20:30 > 0:20:33We take to the streets, have a drink, sing the
0:20:33 > 0:20:35"traditional" songs.
0:20:35 > 0:20:39The rugby's on so we round up the gang, catch up with them.
0:20:39 > 0:20:42Fitba's oan, so we round up the gang, catch up with them.
0:20:42 > 0:20:44When it kicks off, it can get messy.
0:20:44 > 0:20:46When it kicks aff, oh...
0:20:46 > 0:20:48gets messy.
0:20:48 > 0:20:51The next day it's down to the Forth for the Loony Dook.
0:20:51 > 0:20:53Next day it's doon to the Clyde
0:20:53 > 0:20:54for the Loony Puke.
0:20:58 > 0:21:00He's back.
0:21:00 > 0:21:05Andre Rieu returns with a wonderful new collection of tunes -
0:21:05 > 0:21:08Andre Rieu's Great Scottish Football Fans Songbook.
0:21:08 > 0:21:09Includes...
0:21:14 > 0:21:16And the timeless classic...
0:21:25 > 0:21:29Andre also interprets the genre's more challenging works, such as...
0:21:41 > 0:21:43Thankfully, without lyrics.
0:21:51 > 0:21:53What bowmanship!
0:21:53 > 0:21:55And Andre signs of with a cheeky...
0:22:03 > 0:22:05Magical, wonderful.
0:22:09 > 0:22:12Available at all good record shops, hair salons
0:22:12 > 0:22:13and pie stalls.
0:22:16 > 0:22:17Yes, it's been a long season.
0:22:17 > 0:22:21The players get to go on a well-deserved lap of honour
0:22:21 > 0:22:23and give something back to the fans and...
0:22:23 > 0:22:26There's the captain handing over his shirt -
0:22:26 > 0:22:28that's a wonderful souvenir.
0:22:28 > 0:22:30And there's the goalie giving the fans his gloves -
0:22:30 > 0:22:32that's so nice to see.
0:22:32 > 0:22:35And there's the star striker with his toddler -
0:22:35 > 0:22:38oh, surely that's the best souvenir of the lot.
0:22:38 > 0:22:40These really are wonderful scenes.
0:22:48 > 0:22:49SINISTER MUSIC
0:23:02 > 0:23:04Are you John from the dating site?
0:23:04 > 0:23:06Aye.
0:23:06 > 0:23:09You look different from the pictures you had online.
0:23:09 > 0:23:11You fancy a cheeky wee Nando's?
0:23:11 > 0:23:12Yeah.
0:23:14 > 0:23:15Quite mild out.
0:23:19 > 0:23:21Cheers.
0:23:21 > 0:23:23Where did you get your lava lamp?
0:23:23 > 0:23:26Off eBay. And it isn't a lava lamp -
0:23:26 > 0:23:29it's the latest Russian athlete's urine sample.
0:23:33 > 0:23:34Hey, you!
0:23:37 > 0:23:39- Me?- Aye, you.
0:23:39 > 0:23:41Have you left your family enough money for your funeral?
0:23:43 > 0:23:45Because if you huvnae...
0:23:52 > 0:23:55Well, then, why not pay for your funeral in advance with a...
0:23:59 > 0:24:02You can catch me maist mornings between 10 and 11
0:24:02 > 0:24:05in the Ladbrokes in Maryhill Road.
0:24:05 > 0:24:09Gies Yer Dosh Afore Ye Croak - part of the Gemme Cremmy Group.
0:24:09 > 0:24:12You get a free bookie's pen just for enquiring.
0:24:15 > 0:24:19We're talking about deprivation.
0:24:19 > 0:24:22We're talking about unemployment.
0:24:22 > 0:24:26We're talking about a breakdown in society.
0:24:26 > 0:24:30But we're going to do something about it.
0:24:30 > 0:24:32Trust me. And it is going to be beautiful.
0:24:33 > 0:24:36We're going to go into Paisley
0:24:36 > 0:24:38and make St Mirren great again.
0:24:44 > 0:24:48Well, you know, it's great to see that America's continuing with
0:24:48 > 0:24:51the tradition of electing presidents with great,
0:24:51 > 0:24:53memorable initials, you know.
0:24:53 > 0:24:57Like John F Kennedy - JFK. Lyndon B Johnson - LBJ.
0:24:57 > 0:24:59And Donald J Trump -
0:24:59 > 0:25:00GTF.
0:25:11 > 0:25:15Aw, nice to see the Scotland fans heading back to Wembley.
0:25:15 > 0:25:18No. That's the SNP MPs' bus for Westminster.
0:25:23 > 0:25:25MUSIC: I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles) by The Proclaimers
0:25:25 > 0:25:28If you're a globetrotting First Minister
0:25:28 > 0:25:30who's always on the go...
0:25:35 > 0:25:39If you hold the highest of offices in the highest of heels...
0:25:44 > 0:25:49If you have to keep on stoating even when your feet are louping...
0:25:49 > 0:25:53then you need Dr Schturgeon's Stiletto Insoles.
0:26:01 > 0:26:05In 2016, anything was possible.
0:26:05 > 0:26:09They said it couldn't be done, but we won.
0:26:09 > 0:26:11In 2016, anything was possible.
0:26:11 > 0:26:14They said it couldn't be done, but we won.
0:26:15 > 0:26:17In 2016, they said...
0:26:19 > 0:26:21I'll get mah coat.
0:26:23 > 0:26:26We don't mind players having a laugh, and if the players
0:26:26 > 0:26:30want to do the mannequin challenge, that's fine by me.
0:26:30 > 0:26:32I just wish they wouldn't do it during the match.