0:00:04 > 0:00:07'Channel M.
0:00:07 > 0:00:10'In our brand-new season, we drop in on The Undateables.
0:00:10 > 0:00:14'Pete Hoffman has been unlucky in love for the past two years,
0:00:14 > 0:00:19'but he's hoping tonight's date with Miley Cyrus will change all that.'
0:00:19 > 0:00:21Like, if my fans are, like, liking the music and stuff
0:00:21 > 0:00:23and it's really what it's all about, because I don't really, like,
0:00:23 > 0:00:26read reviews, like, because, like, who cares what they think?
0:00:26 > 0:00:29It's all about my fans and, you know, I've gone from, like, 12 million
0:00:29 > 0:00:31to, like, 15 million on my Twitter, you know,
0:00:31 > 0:00:33because like people are finally getting to hear my record,
0:00:33 > 0:00:36and it's not just because I smoked a joint on stage, or whatever,
0:00:36 > 0:00:37you know, like...
0:00:37 > 0:00:40Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah...
0:00:40 > 0:00:42Oh, God.
0:00:42 > 0:00:44Dirty, ah, ah, ah.
0:00:44 > 0:00:48Shine it, click it, ah, clean it, clean it, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, yeah...
0:00:48 > 0:00:50Ooh, ooh, ooh.
0:00:50 > 0:00:52My fans, like, know I'm an artist and if, like, people wanna talk about me
0:00:52 > 0:00:55just because I show my titties, but I really don't care
0:00:55 > 0:00:57because I'm, like, the biggest feminist in, like, the world
0:00:57 > 0:00:58and, like, I don't even care.
0:00:58 > 0:01:01I just wanna, like, tell people that they shouldn't be scared of me,
0:01:01 > 0:01:02or end themselves
0:01:02 > 0:01:06or, you know, like... But there's no reason not to be happy. Ah, ah!
0:01:06 > 0:01:10As long as you're breathing and your fans are buying your record.
0:01:10 > 0:01:13If you don't love me when I'm, like, smoking pot,
0:01:13 > 0:01:15then how can you possibly love me
0:01:15 > 0:01:19when I'm nailing my tits to the back of a van, you know? Agh, agh, agh!
0:01:19 > 0:01:23'Coming soon to a TV screen in front of your face -
0:01:23 > 0:01:26'12 famous faces take on the gruelling challenge
0:01:26 > 0:01:28'of Celebrity Forward Roll.'
0:01:28 > 0:01:30WHISTLE BLOWS
0:01:30 > 0:01:33Just remind me - it's a just forward roll,
0:01:33 > 0:01:35- isn't it? - Just a forward roll.
0:01:35 > 0:01:37Oh, my God, my heart is beating, it's me adremalin.
0:01:37 > 0:01:40OK, Amy, keep looking forward, focus.
0:01:40 > 0:01:42You can do this.
0:01:42 > 0:01:44Oh, shut up. It's easier said than done, though, isn't it?
0:01:44 > 0:01:47It's the scariest thing I've ever done in my life.
0:01:47 > 0:01:50- Amy, remember what I told you. - No, what did you tell me?
0:01:50 > 0:01:52- Just concentrate. - I've got the hump.
0:01:52 > 0:01:54- What?! - I've got the angry camel.
0:02:00 > 0:02:03God, that's not a very good Amy Childs. No, not very talented.
0:02:03 > 0:02:06I think she's pretty good, actually, rather pretty.
0:02:06 > 0:02:09Pretty?! She looks like your mother.
0:02:09 > 0:02:11Well, I think my mother is very pretty.
0:02:16 > 0:02:18'And also...
0:02:18 > 0:02:24'there are unmissable, heart-warming scenes in Educating Morgana.'
0:02:24 > 0:02:27Right, own up. Which one of you nicked my sandwiches?
0:02:27 > 0:02:30Don't know, might have done, can't remember, weren't me.
0:02:30 > 0:02:33Don't know, can't remember, weren't me, might have done.
0:02:33 > 0:02:34I don't even like sandwiches.
0:02:34 > 0:02:37You don't like sandwiches?! Who don't like sandwiches?
0:02:37 > 0:02:40I just said, I don't like sandwiches. I like pasta.
0:02:40 > 0:02:42Pasta? What kind of pasta?
0:02:42 > 0:02:45Like fuzzy pasta, like helter-skelter pasta.
0:02:45 > 0:02:49I like Chinese. I prefer Chinese, me. I like lasagne, me.
0:02:49 > 0:02:51Mr Steer likes lasagne.
0:02:51 > 0:02:55You fancy Mr Steer, don't you? You wanna kiss his willy.
0:02:55 > 0:02:56That's disgusting. I do not.
0:02:56 > 0:02:58Anyway, it's not what he were asking. What were you asking?
0:02:58 > 0:03:00Which one of you nicked my sandwiches?
0:03:00 > 0:03:02- Don't know. - Weren't me.
0:03:02 > 0:03:04Might have done.
0:03:04 > 0:03:08'Coming up, the woman whose eyes are shot to shit...'
0:03:08 > 0:03:09Hello.
0:03:12 > 0:03:15'Also coming up on Channel M -
0:03:15 > 0:03:18'it's the grime-tastic Benefits Cul-De-Sac.'
0:03:20 > 0:03:21BRUMMIE ACCENT: Yes, so what?
0:03:21 > 0:03:24I've got an iPhone - who gives a shit?
0:03:24 > 0:03:27Well, how else I am supposed to order me Ocado?
0:03:27 > 0:03:29What are you staring at?
0:03:29 > 0:03:31Yeah, that's right.
0:03:31 > 0:03:35Human beings are people as well, you know. Get off my street!
0:03:38 > 0:03:40POSH ACCENT: Was that all right? Yeah?
0:03:40 > 0:03:42Have we got it? Got everything you need?
0:03:42 > 0:03:44Great, let's out of here.
0:03:44 > 0:03:47This place stinks like an explosion in a shit factory.
0:03:47 > 0:03:50Here's your iPhone.
0:03:50 > 0:03:54'..The network premiere of Woman Vs Booze.'
0:03:54 > 0:03:56I'm here at the famous Turk's Head
0:03:56 > 0:03:58to take on this legendary double-dozen challenge.
0:03:58 > 0:04:00SHOUTS OF ENCOURAGEMENT
0:04:00 > 0:04:02SHE GROWLS
0:04:02 > 0:04:04CHEERING
0:04:05 > 0:04:07That's a victory for woman!
0:04:08 > 0:04:10Shut up!
0:04:10 > 0:04:11Right. Is that the time?
0:04:11 > 0:04:13I'm going to go pick up the kids from school.
0:04:13 > 0:04:16Bye. Get out my way. Bastards.
0:04:20 > 0:04:24Some people have no class whatsoever.
0:04:24 > 0:04:27SLURRED: I know. You'd think they'd have something better to do
0:04:27 > 0:04:30than sit around drinking all day.