Reece Shearsmith in The Case of the High Foot

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0:00:04 > 0:00:07BRASS-BAND MUSIC PLAYS

0:00:09 > 0:00:11KNOCK AT DOOR Ja, come in.

0:00:15 > 0:00:16Mein God!

0:00:24 > 0:00:27Greetings, Herr Doktor.

0:00:27 > 0:00:29My name is Hilda Stolf.

0:00:29 > 0:00:33Velcome, Hilda. Good times, easy living, let's go and do it.

0:00:33 > 0:00:35What seems to be the problem?

0:00:35 > 0:00:38I think I am suffering from high foot.

0:00:38 > 0:00:40Mein God! Let me see.

0:00:42 > 0:00:45Mein God, this office!

0:00:46 > 0:00:47GLASS SMASHES

0:00:49 > 0:00:50Schweinhund.

0:00:58 > 0:01:01I have arrived now, Hilda.

0:01:01 > 0:01:02Ja, your right foot,

0:01:02 > 0:01:04this one, Hilda,

0:01:04 > 0:01:07does seem to be considerably higher than your left foot,

0:01:07 > 0:01:10which is this other one here, Hilda.

0:01:11 > 0:01:13Oh, my God.

0:01:13 > 0:01:15A third foot?

0:01:15 > 0:01:16I am very happy with it.

0:01:16 > 0:01:19And so you should be, it is magnificent.

0:01:19 > 0:01:26But back to the first of the three feet in consideration, Hilda.

0:01:26 > 0:01:29How long has it been so raised, Hilda?

0:01:29 > 0:01:3131 years, Doktor.

0:01:33 > 0:01:35Yet you only just noticed?!

0:01:35 > 0:01:38I have been complacent in monitoring my feet height,

0:01:38 > 0:01:40but in my defence, Doktor,

0:01:40 > 0:01:43the raising has been very...

0:01:43 > 0:01:45fucking...

0:01:45 > 0:01:46gradual.

0:01:46 > 0:01:47Apple?

0:01:47 > 0:01:49Ja. DOG BARKS

0:01:49 > 0:01:50- Banana? - Ja.

0:01:50 > 0:01:53SHEEP BAAS Parsnip?

0:01:54 > 0:01:55No.

0:01:55 > 0:01:56GLASS SMASHES Schweinhund!

0:01:56 > 0:02:01As I thought, your mind is in perfect working order.

0:02:01 > 0:02:02HE CHUCKLES

0:02:02 > 0:02:04Oh, wow, look at that rare sight.

0:02:04 > 0:02:07BRASS-BAND MUSIC PLAYS

0:02:11 > 0:02:13MUSIC STOPS

0:02:13 > 0:02:15I thought a shock might lower it.

0:02:16 > 0:02:21BRASS-BAND MUSIC PLAYS

0:02:23 > 0:02:25MUSIC STOPS Grrrr!

0:02:26 > 0:02:29Oh, maybe you have the leg gremlin.

0:02:29 > 0:02:31Ah, that would make sense,

0:02:31 > 0:02:34- my father was a gremlinologist. - Hmm, really?

0:02:34 > 0:02:37A gremlinologist, you say. What was his name?

0:02:37 > 0:02:38Arthur C Stolf.

0:02:38 > 0:02:41Oh, ja, what's the "C" for?

0:02:41 > 0:02:43- Sailing ships in. - Boom-bang-a-bang.

0:02:43 > 0:02:45I bought my mother-in-law a new chair for Christmas,

0:02:45 > 0:02:46but she would not plug it in!

0:02:46 > 0:02:50Shang-a-lang-a-bing-bang. My mother-in-law is so fat

0:02:50 > 0:02:52she needs planning permission just to enter Innsbruck.

0:02:52 > 0:02:54Let the good times roll.

0:02:54 > 0:02:56She is very fat but she is an angel.

0:02:56 > 0:03:00An angel, you say. You're so lucky, mine is still alive.

0:03:00 > 0:03:01Ha-ha-ha.

0:03:01 > 0:03:04But my high foot, Doktor,

0:03:04 > 0:03:05what is to be done?

0:03:05 > 0:03:07What is to be done?! I'll tell you what.

0:03:10 > 0:03:12HE WHEEZES Do you want to know

0:03:12 > 0:03:13what I'm going to do?

0:03:16 > 0:03:18Nothing.

0:03:19 > 0:03:21Thank you, Herr Doktor,

0:03:21 > 0:03:25I was so worried you were going to make me take off my hat.

0:03:25 > 0:03:28Oh, no, no, no! We do not do that any more, Hilda.

0:03:28 > 0:03:31No, no, no, this is not the Dark Ages.

0:03:31 > 0:03:32HE CHUCKLES

0:03:32 > 0:03:34So, I am free to go?

0:03:34 > 0:03:36Ja, you're free, get out of here.

0:03:36 > 0:03:38Go easy, ride the breeze.

0:03:38 > 0:03:41You bet I will!

0:03:41 > 0:03:43Schweinhund!

0:03:43 > 0:03:45SHE CHUCKLES

0:03:45 > 0:03:48BRASS-BAND MUSIC PLAYS