0:00:04 > 0:00:05Vic was inspirational.
0:00:05 > 0:00:06There was no-one like her.
0:00:06 > 0:00:10I look all right tonight cos I've been dressed, you know.
0:00:10 > 0:00:12Normally, I look like I've just stumbled up an embankment
0:00:12 > 0:00:14after a derailment. LAUGHTER
0:00:14 > 0:00:18Her appeal is huge, and that's what I think is so clever.
0:00:18 > 0:00:20"Kelly Marie Tunstall, have you switched that cover
0:00:20 > 0:00:22"I couldn't get off that ironing board?"
0:00:22 > 0:00:23LAUGHTER
0:00:23 > 0:00:26Inspiring, funny...
0:00:26 > 0:00:28genius, unique.
0:00:28 > 0:00:30Yes, that's much better.
0:00:30 > 0:00:32If we deliver these antiques on Friday morning,
0:00:32 > 0:00:34we can take delivery of these antiques in the afternoon.
0:00:34 > 0:00:38She's probably the best writer of a gag that I ever worked with.
0:00:38 > 0:00:39But those aren't flat.
0:00:41 > 0:00:42LAUGHTER
0:00:44 > 0:00:45Flatter now.
0:00:45 > 0:00:47I just want to be in that gang.
0:00:47 > 0:00:49How do I get in the gang?
0:00:49 > 0:00:51Hello. LAUGHTER
0:00:51 > 0:00:52I'm looking for me friend.
0:00:54 > 0:00:56Kimberley.
0:00:56 > 0:00:57She was one of us.
0:00:57 > 0:01:00And we wanted to have her as a friend.
0:01:07 > 0:01:10Vic and I made each other laugh, a lot.
0:01:10 > 0:01:12That's what drew us together, really.
0:01:12 > 0:01:14Seeing the funny side of life.
0:01:14 > 0:01:16She loved watching people and their comings and goings.
0:01:16 > 0:01:19And she'd just turn ordinary situations
0:01:19 > 0:01:21into extraordinary comedy.
0:01:21 > 0:01:23That's why I loved working with her.
0:01:23 > 0:01:26Actually, she's probably up there now watching me, in case I cock up.
0:01:31 > 0:01:35But she was an absolute powerhouse of creativity.
0:01:35 > 0:01:37A multi-award-winning comedian,
0:01:37 > 0:01:39actress, singer, songwriter,
0:01:39 > 0:01:42director, stand-up and sketch writer.
0:01:42 > 0:01:46And she gave me some of the funniest characters I've ever performed.
0:01:46 > 0:01:49So it's my absolute pleasure to present this programme -
0:01:49 > 0:01:53a celebration of the finest work of Our Friend Victoria.
0:01:56 > 0:01:59Tonight, I am looking at Vic's take on age.
0:01:59 > 0:02:03Over the last 40 years, she's written about deaf old grannies,
0:02:03 > 0:02:06middle-aged women in the middle of a midlife crisis,
0:02:06 > 0:02:08and, of course, teenagers.
0:02:08 > 0:02:12She was a master at exploring teenage angst.
0:02:15 > 0:02:18I wouldn't be an adolescent again if you bumped my pocket money
0:02:18 > 0:02:20up to three and six. LAUGHTER
0:02:20 > 0:02:23It's like you're going along quite happily - nine, ten, 11 -
0:02:23 > 0:02:25and suddenly this sort of dial inside you
0:02:25 > 0:02:27clicks over from fun to grease.
0:02:28 > 0:02:31Everybody in my school had really greasy hair.
0:02:31 > 0:02:33We made sealskin look dry and unmanageable.
0:02:33 > 0:02:35LAUGHTER
0:02:35 > 0:02:37Because nobody used to wash it. Well, they washed it once a week,
0:02:37 > 0:02:39on Friday nights.
0:02:39 > 0:02:41So by Wednesday dinner time, there was enough oil about
0:02:41 > 0:02:43to heat six radiators and a towel rail.
0:02:44 > 0:02:47And if we went swimming in the sea without our caps on,
0:02:47 > 0:02:49they were hosing down seagulls with Fairy Liquid for weeks.
0:02:49 > 0:02:50LAUGHTER
0:02:52 > 0:02:55And we never used to take showers after games.
0:02:55 > 0:02:57So many people had body odour
0:02:57 > 0:02:59they had to make it part of the school uniform.
0:03:00 > 0:03:03Carl, when we get married, where will we live?
0:03:03 > 0:03:06Well, we're living in me mam's sideboard, aren't we?
0:03:06 > 0:03:08Yeah, but after that, should we have a house?
0:03:08 > 0:03:10Nah. Penthouse flat.
0:03:10 > 0:03:13- What's that? - It's got fur rugs, hasn't it?
0:03:13 > 0:03:14What colour?
0:03:14 > 0:03:16Well, it depends, doesn't it?
0:03:16 > 0:03:17If it's off an animal,
0:03:17 > 0:03:20it'll be animal-coloured, won't it?
0:03:20 > 0:03:21Or there's orange.
0:03:21 > 0:03:22LAUGHTER
0:03:24 > 0:03:26- Where is it?- What?
0:03:26 > 0:03:27This flat.
0:03:27 > 0:03:29Well, they're all in London, aren't they?
0:03:29 > 0:03:31And there's two in the Isle of Man.
0:03:31 > 0:03:32LAUGHTER
0:03:33 > 0:03:35Is that the same as France?
0:03:35 > 0:03:37France is abroad, isn't it?
0:03:37 > 0:03:39They have different bread and all sorts.
0:03:39 > 0:03:41Different Allsorts?
0:03:41 > 0:03:42LAUGHTER
0:03:43 > 0:03:45- You mean not liquorice?- Eh?
0:03:46 > 0:03:49- Anyway, they're on t'roof.- What?
0:03:49 > 0:03:50Penthouse flats.
0:03:50 > 0:03:52Well, I'm not living on a roof.
0:03:52 > 0:03:54Me knitting will roll into t'guttering.
0:03:56 > 0:03:59Vic had the ability to eke out and bring out into the light
0:03:59 > 0:04:03that naivete that even... That every teenager has.
0:04:03 > 0:04:05I said, "I'll have a pint of Babycham,
0:04:05 > 0:04:08"some pork scratchings and a yellow cherry.
0:04:08 > 0:04:09"And if I'm not here when you get back,
0:04:09 > 0:04:12"I'll be in toilet putting hide 'n' heel on me love bites."
0:04:13 > 0:04:14- You didn't?- I did.
0:04:14 > 0:04:17So I come out of toilets, he says, "Hey, scallop face,
0:04:17 > 0:04:19"your skirt's all caught up in your knickers at the back."
0:04:19 > 0:04:20"I pity you. Do you know why?" "Why?"
0:04:20 > 0:04:22"Must be the latest fashion, I read it in a book."
0:04:22 > 0:04:25He says, "What book?" I said, "Vogue, that's what book."
0:04:25 > 0:04:26LAUGHTER
0:04:26 > 0:04:28He says, "Oh, likely, likely, when do you read Vogue?"
0:04:28 > 0:04:31"When I'm in hospital having exploratory surgery, that's when."
0:04:31 > 0:04:32- He said, "Oh."- He didn't?- He did.
0:04:32 > 0:04:33LAUGHTER
0:04:34 > 0:04:39Vic's beautiful face with her funny one tooth on that side
0:04:39 > 0:04:41that is so cute.
0:04:41 > 0:04:44Even when she was, you know, well into her 50s,
0:04:44 > 0:04:48that teenage face was still there when she played it.
0:04:48 > 0:04:49It kind of opened up.
0:04:52 > 0:04:57My very favourite sketch is Vic as a 12-year-old with delusions
0:04:57 > 0:05:01of being able to swim the English Channel, and she was so convincing.
0:05:01 > 0:05:03I mean, give her a cuddly toy and a swimming cap
0:05:03 > 0:05:05and suddenly she's 20 years younger.
0:05:06 > 0:05:0814 sugars, please, thank you.
0:05:11 > 0:05:13This is Miranda.
0:05:13 > 0:05:14And this is Samantha.
0:05:15 > 0:05:18And this is my bear, Mr Teddy.
0:05:18 > 0:05:21I'll probably take him to bed with me tonight.
0:05:21 > 0:05:24I don't usually, but tonight, I might.
0:05:24 > 0:05:25And these are my cups, trophies.
0:05:25 > 0:05:28- INTERVIEWER:- Are you worried about tomorrow?
0:05:28 > 0:05:29Well, I am in a way because...
0:05:29 > 0:05:33I've never swum such a long way, and some of it's in the dark.
0:05:33 > 0:05:36And I don't really like the dark.
0:05:36 > 0:05:38And if I do get to t'French coast,
0:05:38 > 0:05:40I don't talk French very well, so...
0:05:40 > 0:05:42I don't do French, I do woodwork.
0:05:42 > 0:05:43LAUGHTER
0:05:43 > 0:05:44I know a few bits.
0:05:44 > 0:05:47Bonjour and aujourd'hui.
0:05:47 > 0:05:48Do you think you'll make it?
0:05:50 > 0:05:52I don't know.
0:05:52 > 0:05:54I'll do double prayers tonight anyways.
0:05:57 > 0:05:59- Night, Dad.- Night.
0:05:59 > 0:06:02Well, it's the night before your daughter swims the Channel.
0:06:02 > 0:06:03Any misgivings?
0:06:03 > 0:06:06I don't think so. Have we, Cliff?
0:06:06 > 0:06:07No.
0:06:07 > 0:06:08No, she's as strong as an ox.
0:06:08 > 0:06:10You'll be in the backup boat, presumably?
0:06:10 > 0:06:14Well, no, actually, Joan and I are popping down to London for the day.
0:06:14 > 0:06:16You know, sort of day out shopping.
0:06:16 > 0:06:18We'll probably take in a show.
0:06:18 > 0:06:20We hear Cats is very good.
0:06:20 > 0:06:23Or any of the Andrew Lloyd Webber things, really, would be nice.
0:06:23 > 0:06:24LAUGHTER
0:06:31 > 0:06:32LAUGHTER
0:06:32 > 0:06:34- INTERVIEWER:- There's a problem.
0:06:34 > 0:06:36There's no support vessel, no officials, nobody.
0:06:36 > 0:06:38Chrissie's entirely alone.
0:06:38 > 0:06:41- Are you still going to go, Chrissie? - Yeah, I think so.
0:06:41 > 0:06:42I might as well.
0:06:42 > 0:06:44Me friend Marie's in Kidderminster today,
0:06:44 > 0:06:46so I haven't got anybody to play with anyway.
0:06:46 > 0:06:48- What about food and drink?- Well...
0:06:48 > 0:06:51I've got a sandwich box, so I think they'll stay dry.
0:06:51 > 0:06:53And I've got some little milkshakes in cartons.
0:06:53 > 0:06:55I think they'll be all right.
0:06:55 > 0:06:58And, see, I can put me duffle bag round me neck like this.
0:06:58 > 0:07:00But what about finding the French coast?
0:07:00 > 0:07:02I think I'll find it all right, thank you.
0:07:02 > 0:07:05I came fourth in geography, 81%.
0:07:05 > 0:07:08- What time is it?- 7:55.
0:07:08 > 0:07:09Five to eight?
0:07:09 > 0:07:10Off I go, then.
0:07:16 > 0:07:18That was eight days ago
0:07:18 > 0:07:21and Chrissie hasn't yet reached land.
0:07:21 > 0:07:23No-one seems to know where she is.
0:07:24 > 0:07:27Oh, I'm sure she'll turn up eventually.
0:07:27 > 0:07:29Slow but sure, that's our Chrissie.
0:07:29 > 0:07:32Yeah, she's probably just swimming about looking for a nice beach.
0:07:32 > 0:07:34Ice creams and donkeys - you know how kids are.
0:07:34 > 0:07:37What do your other children think about it all?
0:07:37 > 0:07:40- Oh, I'd forgotten that we had any other children. - LAUGHTER
0:07:41 > 0:07:43- Oh, I don't know where they are. - LAUGHTER
0:07:46 > 0:07:47APPLAUSE
0:07:53 > 0:07:57Vic struck gold when she penned the sitcom Dinnerladies.
0:07:57 > 0:07:59Writing fabulous young characters,
0:07:59 > 0:08:03extraordinary middle-aged eccentrics, and old - namely me -
0:08:03 > 0:08:06grannies, because she cast me as her rather decrepit old mum.
0:08:06 > 0:08:09And at the time, we were the same age virtually.
0:08:09 > 0:08:10The cheek of it.
0:08:11 > 0:08:13- Ta-da! - LAUGHTER
0:08:16 > 0:08:18You're on your own, kid.
0:08:20 > 0:08:21I'm back!
0:08:22 > 0:08:24New venue, new caravan,
0:08:24 > 0:08:26new kidney.
0:08:27 > 0:08:30That's a long story. I do beg your pardon, Reg.
0:08:30 > 0:08:33This is my daughter - born Christmas Eve,
0:08:33 > 0:08:35so we called her Brenda.
0:08:35 > 0:08:36LAUGHTER
0:08:37 > 0:08:39This is Reg. Did I say?
0:08:39 > 0:08:41Go and look at their snacks, Reg.
0:08:41 > 0:08:44Reg does snacks at the petrol station.
0:08:44 > 0:08:46My caravan's on his forecourt.
0:08:46 > 0:08:47He's cute, isn't he?
0:08:49 > 0:08:50Like an Asian Roger Moore.
0:08:50 > 0:08:51LAUGHTER
0:08:52 > 0:08:54Just seeing her play her mum,
0:08:54 > 0:08:56I mean, that was just so brilliant.
0:08:56 > 0:08:59Petula Gordino, what a character.
0:08:59 > 0:09:03I mean, Julie did get the best lines.
0:09:03 > 0:09:04I'm back.
0:09:04 > 0:09:06And this will tickle you.
0:09:06 > 0:09:07I'm pregnant.
0:09:07 > 0:09:08LAUGHTER
0:09:11 > 0:09:13It was wonderful casting.
0:09:13 > 0:09:17I mean, real honour to be working with people like that,
0:09:17 > 0:09:19because so experienced
0:09:19 > 0:09:21and so good at the comedy.
0:09:21 > 0:09:24Nobody's ordered an old lady, have they?
0:09:24 > 0:09:25LAUGHTER
0:09:26 > 0:09:29No-one has ticked the wrong box in the Help the Aged catalogue?
0:09:31 > 0:09:34- Are you all right? - Yes, thank you.
0:09:34 > 0:09:36Shall I give her a biscuit?
0:09:36 > 0:09:37Don't go too near,
0:09:37 > 0:09:40there could be two slapheads under that blanket.
0:09:40 > 0:09:41LAUGHTER
0:09:42 > 0:09:44Do you mean smackheads?
0:09:46 > 0:09:49There could be two drug addicts under there, ready to leap out.
0:09:49 > 0:09:51They'd have to be pretty small.
0:09:54 > 0:09:55Vic rang me and said,
0:09:55 > 0:09:58"How do you fancy working with Thelma Barlow?"
0:09:58 > 0:10:01She'd seen Thelma and I together, fooling about,
0:10:01 > 0:10:03because we've been friends for a long time.
0:10:03 > 0:10:05And I said, "Yeah, it'd be great."
0:10:05 > 0:10:07And apparently, she rang Thelma, you know,
0:10:07 > 0:10:09and said, "Would you like to work with Annie?"
0:10:09 > 0:10:11I mean, she might have said no.
0:10:11 > 0:10:13In which case, we would have been in trouble.
0:10:13 > 0:10:16- Twink, what's the soup? - Minestrone.
0:10:16 > 0:10:17Why don't you put it on the menu?
0:10:17 > 0:10:19- Can't spell it. - LAUGHTER
0:10:19 > 0:10:21I first met Victoria when I got this phone call saying,
0:10:21 > 0:10:24"You've got an audition." "Oh, my God, I've got an audition.
0:10:24 > 0:10:26"I've got an audition, how exciting.
0:10:26 > 0:10:28"I didn't think that would happen."
0:10:28 > 0:10:31And they said, "It's for this new sitcom
0:10:31 > 0:10:33"by Victoria Wood." And I couldn't believe it.
0:10:33 > 0:10:35And I just thought, "I'm going to go and sit
0:10:35 > 0:10:37"in the same room as Victoria Wood."
0:10:37 > 0:10:38That was sort of enough, really.
0:10:38 > 0:10:40I'm not a dinosaur.
0:10:40 > 0:10:42I quite like women, in a sad, baffled sort of way.
0:10:42 > 0:10:43LAUGHTER
0:10:43 > 0:10:45But can we please get a grip?
0:10:45 > 0:10:48Out of a workforce of five, at any given moment one will have
0:10:48 > 0:10:50premenstrual tension, one's panicking because she's not,
0:10:50 > 0:10:52someone's having a hot flush, and someone else is having
0:10:52 > 0:10:54a nervous breakdown cos their HRT patch
0:10:54 > 0:10:56has fallen in the minestrone.
0:10:56 > 0:10:57LAUGHTER
0:10:59 > 0:11:00That was a one-off.
0:11:02 > 0:11:03LAUGHTER
0:11:04 > 0:11:06Do you know, it was a joy for me,
0:11:06 > 0:11:08cos it was my first big job, really.
0:11:08 > 0:11:12So I was turning up and reading with all these people I'd been
0:11:12 > 0:11:16watching on television for the last, I don't know, 20 years or something.
0:11:16 > 0:11:17So it was quite nerve-racking.
0:11:17 > 0:11:20But once you started working with them, they were fine.
0:11:20 > 0:11:22Everyone was helpful and everything.
0:11:22 > 0:11:25But it was a joy for me.
0:11:25 > 0:11:27I made a list of all me bras last night.
0:11:28 > 0:11:31Did you? Why, how many have you got?
0:11:31 > 0:11:3317.
0:11:33 > 0:11:36Then I divided my knickers into work, casual and evening.
0:11:36 > 0:11:37LAUGHTER
0:11:37 > 0:11:39Do you ever do that?
0:11:39 > 0:11:40No, but I tell you what I do do -
0:11:40 > 0:11:41I take all the labels off me tins,
0:11:41 > 0:11:43then I don't know what I'm having for me tea.
0:11:43 > 0:11:44LAUGHTER
0:11:46 > 0:11:49Just the idea of meeting Victoria
0:11:49 > 0:11:51was astounding to me.
0:11:51 > 0:11:53But I met her in the basement
0:11:53 > 0:11:55of the...of Granada Studios,
0:11:55 > 0:11:57by the big boiler pipes.
0:11:57 > 0:11:59And I just remember her sitting there,
0:11:59 > 0:12:02and I was just thinking, "I am sitting in front of Victoria Wood."
0:12:02 > 0:12:06And that, to me, was one of the greatest things ever.
0:12:06 > 0:12:08She was, erm...
0:12:08 > 0:12:10my hero.
0:12:10 > 0:12:11My comedy hero.
0:12:11 > 0:12:13Hey, how are you doing? You're looking great.
0:12:13 > 0:12:15I'm really well.
0:12:15 > 0:12:17Got away with just one little haemorrhoid.
0:12:17 > 0:12:18LAUGHTER
0:12:21 > 0:12:22Did you?
0:12:22 > 0:12:25The hardest point for me, personally,
0:12:25 > 0:12:27in my story - Anita's story -
0:12:27 > 0:12:30was talking about piles.
0:12:30 > 0:12:32I mean, how brilliant for an actor of colour
0:12:32 > 0:12:35to stand there and talk about piles
0:12:35 > 0:12:36and not some, you know,
0:12:36 > 0:12:39something to do with her culture?
0:12:42 > 0:12:45My cousin had three big ones, sort of in a cluster.
0:12:45 > 0:12:46LAUGHTER
0:12:49 > 0:12:51LAUGHTER CONTINUES
0:12:54 > 0:12:55I'm just having a fag.
0:12:59 > 0:13:02When it came to middle-aged woes, Vic's stand-up
0:13:02 > 0:13:03brought the house down.
0:13:03 > 0:13:07She was never afraid to share stories about her ovaries,
0:13:07 > 0:13:10her menopause, or her failing eyesight.
0:13:10 > 0:13:11APPLAUSE
0:13:14 > 0:13:16You know, I've been thinking about giving it up,
0:13:16 > 0:13:18you know, being a stand-up comedian.
0:13:18 > 0:13:20I was thinking about stopping doing it.
0:13:20 > 0:13:21AUDIENCE BOOS
0:13:23 > 0:13:25No, not, tonight, I'll wait till you've gone home, but...
0:13:25 > 0:13:26LAUGHTER
0:13:28 > 0:13:31I don't want to get too middle-aged to do it.
0:13:31 > 0:13:33Cos I've got really middle-aged lately.
0:13:33 > 0:13:35I can't read the paper, I'm doing this with the paper now.
0:13:35 > 0:13:38I can't really read it unless the woman in the house across the
0:13:38 > 0:13:41street holds it up at the bedroom window.
0:13:41 > 0:13:42And I can't read A to Z.
0:13:42 > 0:13:44I can't read the small streets.
0:13:44 > 0:13:46If you don't live on a main road, I'm not coming to see you.
0:13:46 > 0:13:48LAUGHTER
0:13:48 > 0:13:49And I can't thread a needle.
0:13:49 > 0:13:51One of my children changed schools a bit ago.
0:13:51 > 0:13:53And I had all these name tags to sew on.
0:13:53 > 0:13:55I've got the needle, and I've got the thread.
0:13:55 > 0:13:56I'm like this...
0:13:56 > 0:13:58LAUGHTER
0:14:02 > 0:14:05I said, "Right, you're not going to that school now."
0:14:08 > 0:14:09No, but you don't want to get...
0:14:09 > 0:14:11You don't want to get too old and out of touch to do it, do you?
0:14:11 > 0:14:14I don't want to do all of that sort of terrible boasting that people
0:14:14 > 0:14:15do when they get old.
0:14:15 > 0:14:17If you ever see Raquel Welch on a chat show,
0:14:17 > 0:14:20she always has to say, "These are my own breasts, you know."
0:14:20 > 0:14:23I'd be coming on and saying, "Still got my own hips."
0:14:23 > 0:14:24LAUGHTER
0:14:24 > 0:14:25I used to do a thing in my show,
0:14:25 > 0:14:28I used to say, "I knew when I was getting older when I went past
0:14:28 > 0:14:31a rack of Dr Scholl sandals and went, "Oh, they look comfy."
0:14:31 > 0:14:32LAUGHTER
0:14:33 > 0:14:35Now, I'm going past going, "Oh, too modern, too modern."
0:14:37 > 0:14:39The fantastic thing about Vic
0:14:39 > 0:14:41was that she talked about women's issues.
0:14:41 > 0:14:44And confronted them for all of us.
0:14:45 > 0:14:47And would talk about bladder problems,
0:14:47 > 0:14:49would talk about fallopian tubes,
0:14:49 > 0:14:52the menopause - was fearless...
0:14:52 > 0:14:54and wildly funny.
0:14:54 > 0:14:56And it was just brilliant
0:14:56 > 0:14:59to have that voice throughout youth
0:14:59 > 0:15:01and into middle-age.
0:15:01 > 0:15:03At the time, you know, I just put it down to the menopause, you know,
0:15:03 > 0:15:06cos I was that age and I put everything down to the menopause now -
0:15:06 > 0:15:08tiredness, irritability,
0:15:08 > 0:15:09global warming. LAUGHTER
0:15:09 > 0:15:11Well, it could be, couldn't it?
0:15:11 > 0:15:14280 Eskimos all having a hot flush at the same time. Whoa!
0:15:18 > 0:15:20And I was used to going a bit mad, you know, once a month.
0:15:20 > 0:15:21I was used to all that.
0:15:21 > 0:15:23I was used to that cycle. You're all right, getting your period,
0:15:23 > 0:15:27got your period, "I love you, I hate you, I'm really sorry."
0:15:27 > 0:15:29And I'd identified a little mini cycle within that
0:15:29 > 0:15:31when you go like this cos you're ovulating.
0:15:31 > 0:15:34"I'm all right, I've got my period, I've had my period, I'm really sorry..."
0:15:34 > 0:15:36LAUGHTER
0:15:36 > 0:15:39And I thought, "Well, that's all right. I have all that.
0:15:39 > 0:15:41"Then that'll stop, and then I'll get my menopause."
0:15:41 > 0:15:45But what I didn't realise was, you get all this - "I'm having my period..." -
0:15:45 > 0:15:48and at the same time, you get your menopause coming the other way.
0:15:48 > 0:15:49LAUGHTER
0:15:49 > 0:15:52So you go, "I'm getting my period, I've had my period, I'm ovulating,
0:15:52 > 0:15:54"is it hot, or is it me?" LAUGHTER
0:15:56 > 0:15:58"What have I come in here for?"
0:15:58 > 0:16:03Humour is the best way to stop something being scary.
0:16:03 > 0:16:05And to stop something being taboo.
0:16:05 > 0:16:08And to make it OK to talk about,
0:16:08 > 0:16:10and that's what she understood.
0:16:10 > 0:16:13And also, she would write about her experience.
0:16:13 > 0:16:17And her way of processing stuff would be to make it funny.
0:16:17 > 0:16:20It got so bad with me that, in the end,
0:16:20 > 0:16:22there was only 17 minutes in a month...
0:16:22 > 0:16:23LAUGHTER
0:16:26 > 0:16:28..when anybody could get any sense out of me.
0:16:28 > 0:16:31So they are all queueing up for those 17 minutes.
0:16:31 > 0:16:34They know I'll be nice and reasonable and won't burst into tears.
0:16:34 > 0:16:36They're all queueing - carol singers in April.
0:16:36 > 0:16:38# Deck the halls... # "Yes, come in."
0:16:38 > 0:16:41I've got those men who go door-to-door selling the dusters.
0:16:41 > 0:16:42"Yes, I'll have your dusters.
0:16:42 > 0:16:44"And your ironing board cover - anything you like."
0:16:44 > 0:16:47My children are queueing up. "Can I go to Ibiza even though I'm only 12?"
0:16:47 > 0:16:49"Yes, of course you can, my darling."
0:16:49 > 0:16:51"Can I have another two Game Boys?" "Yes, darling."
0:16:51 > 0:16:53My husband's at the back of the queue. "Hurry up, hurry up."
0:16:53 > 0:16:54LAUGHTER
0:16:58 > 0:17:00"Yes?" "Can we have sex tonight?"
0:17:00 > 0:17:02"Oh, ping, time's up. What have I come in here for?" LAUGHTER
0:17:02 > 0:17:03APPLAUSE
0:17:11 > 0:17:14Victoria's comedy had a warmth.
0:17:14 > 0:17:15It appealed to more or less everyone,
0:17:15 > 0:17:17including those handing out the awards.
0:17:17 > 0:17:19I mean, she had a shelf full of them that creaked like one of
0:17:19 > 0:17:21Mrs Overall's hips.
0:17:21 > 0:17:22And by the way,
0:17:22 > 0:17:25I loved playing Mrs O.
0:17:25 > 0:17:27Even though, yet again, of course, she'd made me old.
0:17:31 > 0:17:32Rowena?
0:17:32 > 0:17:34From Kuwait?
0:17:34 > 0:17:36Hello?
0:17:36 > 0:17:37Hello?
0:17:39 > 0:17:41Darn.
0:17:41 > 0:17:42Oh, sorry, Mrs Overall.
0:17:42 > 0:17:44Here's your coffee, Miss Babs.
0:17:44 > 0:17:46What's wrong now?
0:17:46 > 0:17:47Oh, nothing.
0:17:47 > 0:17:50Just a rather mysterious phone call from the Far East.
0:17:50 > 0:17:52Well, sometimes that's God's way of telling you
0:17:52 > 0:17:54to think on and look sharp.
0:17:54 > 0:17:55You're right.
0:17:55 > 0:17:57Gosh, I am awful.
0:17:57 > 0:18:00Here I am blabbing away about my own troubles,
0:18:00 > 0:18:02and I forgot to ask you about your husband's car crash.
0:18:02 > 0:18:04- Oh, he's dead, Miss Babs. - LAUGHTER
0:18:04 > 0:18:06Yes, in fact, I was going to ask you if I could have
0:18:06 > 0:18:09a couple of hours off on Thursday for the funeral?
0:18:09 > 0:18:10Of course.
0:18:10 > 0:18:12Just pop back at five for the hoovering.
0:18:12 > 0:18:13What happened?
0:18:13 > 0:18:14His heart stopped beating.
0:18:14 > 0:18:16LAUGHTER
0:18:16 > 0:18:19Yes, well, sometimes that's God's way of telling you you're dead.
0:18:19 > 0:18:22Never mind, it's bingo tonight.
0:18:22 > 0:18:25Every time I watch it, I can't work out what age Julie Walters is.
0:18:25 > 0:18:28Like, I really can't tell if she's 20 or 90.
0:18:28 > 0:18:31Every single time, because she's hunched over, and she's coming
0:18:31 > 0:18:32in with her tray,
0:18:32 > 0:18:35and she's kind of wobbling around all the time.
0:18:35 > 0:18:37And you look at everything around her,
0:18:37 > 0:18:38and she has the body of a 90-year-old,
0:18:38 > 0:18:40and then you actually look at her face,
0:18:40 > 0:18:43and it's the most beautiful 20-year-old's face in the world.
0:18:43 > 0:18:45And it's...it's quite a wonder.
0:18:47 > 0:18:49Mm, your macaroons smell delicious.
0:18:49 > 0:18:52Yes, Mrs O, you sample the first one.
0:18:52 > 0:18:54Well, yes. I will.
0:18:54 > 0:18:56But just in case something should happen
0:18:56 > 0:18:58when I bite into it...
0:18:58 > 0:18:59FORLORN PIANO PLAYS
0:18:59 > 0:19:02..I'd just like to say what I feel
0:19:02 > 0:19:04for Acorn Antiques...
0:19:04 > 0:19:07and the folks what work there.
0:19:09 > 0:19:11I'm only a simple woman.
0:19:11 > 0:19:13Got no O levels or life-saving certificates.
0:19:14 > 0:19:16I've never been abroad,
0:19:16 > 0:19:18or fully participated in a summit conference.
0:19:18 > 0:19:20LAUGHTER
0:19:20 > 0:19:22But I've got feelings.
0:19:22 > 0:19:26and what I feel for you, Miss Babs,
0:19:26 > 0:19:28and you, Miss Berta...
0:19:30 > 0:19:32..is nothing more or less than plain, simple...
0:19:34 > 0:19:37..cove. Love.
0:19:37 > 0:19:39She's choking on her own macaroon!
0:19:39 > 0:19:41Quick, get Dr Wimley, the family doctor!
0:19:41 > 0:19:43I can't, he's being blackmailed in the Sudan.
0:19:43 > 0:19:45Oh, darn.
0:19:45 > 0:19:47Well, quite frankly, Berta, as far as Mrs O is concerned,
0:19:47 > 0:19:48it's far too late.
0:19:48 > 0:19:50MRS O GASPS
0:20:01 > 0:20:05Are we on? I thought that went quite well, didn't you?
0:20:05 > 0:20:07- MAN:- (Still on air!) - LAUGHTER
0:20:11 > 0:20:14Now, don't get me wrong, I loved playing old women, mainly
0:20:14 > 0:20:18because it made Vic laugh and that's all I ever wanted to do, actually.
0:20:18 > 0:20:22Make Vic laugh. So, here we go again.
0:20:22 > 0:20:27- Legs 11! - Why'd he say that?- What?
0:20:27 > 0:20:30Legs! He said legs.
0:20:30 > 0:20:32It's what they say.
0:20:32 > 0:20:36There's enough legs at home. That's why we come out.
0:20:38 > 0:20:40To get away from legs!
0:20:40 > 0:20:45- LAUGHTER Pack it in, Mum.- Well, he wants to watch his mouth.
0:20:47 > 0:20:50- Just cross 'em off! - What do you mean, cross?- Shhh!
0:20:50 > 0:20:56- Two Fat Ladies, 88. - Ooh, that's nice!
0:20:56 > 0:20:58What's nice?
0:20:58 > 0:21:01- Where are they?- Who? - Ooh, THERE they are!
0:21:01 > 0:21:05LAUGHTER
0:21:05 > 0:21:08Oi! Ignore him!
0:21:08 > 0:21:12They could lose a bit of weight that they ain't fat!
0:21:12 > 0:21:15- Mum!- Well, what does he know?
0:21:15 > 0:21:19On its own, doctor's orders, number nine.
0:21:19 > 0:21:21House!
0:21:21 > 0:21:26- Why'd she shout "house"? - She's won, she got a full house.
0:21:26 > 0:21:29Oh, we've got a full house since Bill come home.
0:21:29 > 0:21:32I don't go shouting about it.
0:21:32 > 0:21:35- She got five in a row, so she gets the jackpot.- I got five in a row.
0:21:36 > 0:21:38- When?- Hours back!
0:21:40 > 0:21:47- Oh, Mum!- I don't know why people play this. Oi! You ain't fat!
0:21:47 > 0:21:51- Cheeky blighter. - LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:21:55 > 0:21:59Now, this next sketch needs no introduction.
0:21:59 > 0:22:02But I'm going to introduce it anyway.
0:22:02 > 0:22:05It's called Waitress, and not Two Soups, as most people think.
0:22:09 > 0:22:11APPLAUSE
0:22:13 > 0:22:17I will never tire of watching the soup sketch but it fascinates
0:22:17 > 0:22:20me how we ever managed to get through it without laughing,
0:22:20 > 0:22:24because we never ever did in rehearsals.
0:22:24 > 0:22:27- Ready to order, Sir? Madam?- Jane?
0:22:28 > 0:22:32Erm, yes, what's the soup of the day, please?
0:22:32 > 0:22:34I'll just go and find out.
0:22:34 > 0:22:37LAUGHTER
0:22:41 > 0:22:45- What time's your train?- 25 to. - Oh, well, that's not too bad.
0:22:47 > 0:22:49LAUGHTER
0:22:54 > 0:22:56LAUGHTER
0:22:56 > 0:23:00'Julie has this wonderful way of surprising you.'
0:23:00 > 0:23:06You know, she won't show you what she's going to do until she does it.
0:23:06 > 0:23:09So, it kind of...
0:23:09 > 0:23:12HE CHUCKLES
0:23:12 > 0:23:15There is a...it was just the most wonderful experience - to
0:23:15 > 0:23:18actually keep a straight face was a little bit tricky now and again.
0:23:20 > 0:23:23Ready to order, sir?
0:23:24 > 0:23:29- Madam?- Yes, I want to know what the soup of the day was.
0:23:29 > 0:23:31That's right.
0:23:33 > 0:23:36No, I've forgotten.
0:23:36 > 0:23:38LAUGHTER
0:23:38 > 0:23:42I'll just go and check. Won't be one moment.
0:23:44 > 0:23:47'If you watch our mouths,
0:23:47 > 0:23:51'you'll realise they were hanging on for grim death not to laugh.'
0:23:51 > 0:23:53'The length of time'
0:23:53 > 0:23:57that it all took was, you had to hold your breath.
0:23:59 > 0:24:02I don't think anybody had sort of dared write such a thing,
0:24:02 > 0:24:05you see, that's what was so clever about her.
0:24:05 > 0:24:08- We'll have two soups!- Two soups.
0:24:12 > 0:24:14LAUGHTER
0:24:18 > 0:24:21One...
0:24:21 > 0:24:23Soup...
0:24:25 > 0:24:27And...
0:24:27 > 0:24:31Another... Soup...
0:24:31 > 0:24:34Right away, sir.
0:24:36 > 0:24:37LAUGHTER
0:24:37 > 0:24:42When we rehearsed it, we thought, we're never going to get through this.
0:24:42 > 0:24:45But we said, we've got to do it in one take.
0:24:47 > 0:24:49Otherwise, we're knackered.
0:24:52 > 0:24:54LAUGHTER
0:24:57 > 0:25:02AUDIENCE HOOTS WITH LAUGHTER
0:25:04 > 0:25:08LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:25:16 > 0:25:20- Two soups. - LAUGHTER
0:25:21 > 0:25:25So often, you have a brilliant sketch but it doesn't quite,
0:25:25 > 0:25:29you get, you think, "Aw, this is brilliant," but it doesn't quite finish.
0:25:29 > 0:25:30But the very end...
0:25:30 > 0:25:33Hope you enjoyed your meal, sir.
0:25:35 > 0:25:37No tip?
0:25:37 > 0:25:41- Bastards! - LAUGHTER
0:25:44 > 0:25:46So, there you have it.
0:25:46 > 0:25:50That was my friend and our friend, Victoria.
0:25:50 > 0:25:51So, shall we end on a song?
0:25:51 > 0:25:53I think that'd be nice.
0:25:53 > 0:25:55It's my favourite.
0:25:55 > 0:25:58A song which Victoria wrote just for me -
0:25:58 > 0:26:00Fourteen Again.
0:26:00 > 0:26:01And who'd want to be that?
0:26:01 > 0:26:04APPLAUSE
0:26:06 > 0:26:09# I want to be fourteen again
0:26:09 > 0:26:13# When sex was just called number ten
0:26:13 > 0:26:17# And I was up to seven and a half
0:26:19 > 0:26:22# Boys were for love, girls were for fun
0:26:22 > 0:26:26# You burst out laughing if you saw a nun
0:26:26 > 0:26:30# Sophistication was a sports car and a chiffon scarf
0:26:32 > 0:26:35# I want to be fourteen again
0:26:35 > 0:26:38# Tattoo myself with a fountain pen
0:26:38 > 0:26:42# Pretend to like the taste of rum and Coke
0:26:44 > 0:26:47# Chuck my school hat in a bush
0:26:47 > 0:26:50# Spit on my mascara brush
0:26:50 > 0:26:55# Buy Consulate and teach myself to smoke
0:26:57 > 0:27:00# I want to be fourteen again
0:27:00 > 0:27:03# Free rides on the waltzers off the fairground men
0:27:03 > 0:27:08# For a promise of a snog, the last night of the fair
0:27:10 > 0:27:13# French kissing as the kiosks shut
0:27:13 > 0:27:16# Behind the generators with your coconut
0:27:16 > 0:27:23# The coloured lights reflected in the Brylcreem on his hair
0:27:25 > 0:27:28# I want to be fourteen again
0:27:28 > 0:27:32# For all the things I didn't know then
0:27:32 > 0:27:36# When I was funny, I was famous
0:27:36 > 0:27:40# I was never ignored
0:27:40 > 0:27:44# I was a crazy girl, I had a laugh
0:27:44 > 0:27:48# I had Ilya Kuriakin's autograph
0:27:48 > 0:27:51# I had no idea
0:27:53 > 0:27:55# You could wake up
0:27:55 > 0:27:58# Feeling bored. #
0:28:05 > 0:28:07APPLAUSE
0:28:36 > 0:28:38Hello. Well, the nights are getting
0:28:38 > 0:28:40a little bit darker a little bit sooner,
0:28:40 > 0:28:43and also the mornings are staying a little bit less light for quite
0:28:43 > 0:28:45a little bit longer, so...
0:28:45 > 0:28:48I've forgotten what I was going to say. Darn.