0:00:02 > 0:00:04With a few moments to go before the start of the next programme,
0:00:04 > 0:00:07I'll just fill you in on what's happening over the next few weeks.
0:00:07 > 0:00:11I'm having a small sherry party on Wednesday - just a few friends.
0:00:11 > 0:00:12That should be nice.
0:00:12 > 0:00:16I've a pair of curtains arriving from Laura Ashley on the 15th.
0:00:16 > 0:00:18Sky blue, with a regency stripe.
0:00:18 > 0:00:20And at the end of the month, I'm being fired.
0:00:25 > 0:00:29Attractive, funny, successful.
0:00:29 > 0:00:30Woman of the people.
0:00:30 > 0:00:35Welcome to the world of Sacherelle.
0:00:35 > 0:00:37She's the best, you know?
0:00:37 > 0:00:39You want to work with the best, and she was.
0:00:39 > 0:00:40There was nobody to touch her.
0:00:40 > 0:00:42Twink, what's the soup?
0:00:42 > 0:00:44- Minestrone.- Why didn't you put it on the menu?
0:00:44 > 0:00:46Can't spell it.
0:00:47 > 0:00:51The quality of what she did just stands up.
0:00:51 > 0:00:53We'll be talking about fatal plane crashes
0:00:53 > 0:00:56and whether it's worth taking sandwiches next week.
0:00:56 > 0:00:59I know everyone is unique, but not as unique as her.
0:00:59 > 0:01:02I've caught this cold off Susan on smoked meats.
0:01:02 > 0:01:04Well, they're not smoked when they come,
0:01:04 > 0:01:06but she's on 60 a day.
0:01:06 > 0:01:07My God, she was clever.
0:01:07 > 0:01:09We want a test-tube baby.
0:01:09 > 0:01:11Why? Are there problems?
0:01:11 > 0:01:14We've only got a maisonette, so a little tiny test-tube one...
0:01:14 > 0:01:17I'm terribly proud to say that she's my friend,
0:01:17 > 0:01:18you know, special friend.
0:01:28 > 0:01:32I first met Victoria Wood when I got a part in her film Eric & Ernie.
0:01:32 > 0:01:35I played a young Eric Morecambe, she played my mum.
0:01:35 > 0:01:36It came up in conversation
0:01:36 > 0:01:39that I didn't have anywhere to live at the end of the job.
0:01:39 > 0:01:40Without hesitating, Vic said,
0:01:40 > 0:01:41"Why don't you come and stay with me?"
0:01:41 > 0:01:43Then, when I'd been there a couple of weeks,
0:01:43 > 0:01:45"Why don't you stay until Christmas?"
0:01:45 > 0:01:47Then, in August the following year,
0:01:47 > 0:01:49"Why don't you find somewhere to live?"
0:01:53 > 0:01:56Spending time with Victoria was inspirational,
0:01:56 > 0:02:00and I'll forever count myself lucky to have known our friend Victoria.
0:02:03 > 0:02:05So, this episode is all about fame -
0:02:05 > 0:02:07how Victoria rose to fame,
0:02:07 > 0:02:09and how she embraced it in her comedy.
0:02:18 > 0:02:21Proper celebrities, they always give their children
0:02:21 > 0:02:22really bizarre names, don't they?
0:02:22 > 0:02:23If you're a proper celebrity,
0:02:23 > 0:02:25you can't just call your babies Chris and Bob,
0:02:25 > 0:02:30you have to call them things like Mercedes and Rainforest.
0:02:30 > 0:02:32You see, if I was a proper celebrity.
0:02:32 > 0:02:34I'd have to have at least four children -
0:02:34 > 0:02:35one naturally, two adopted,
0:02:35 > 0:02:37one from sperm sent in by a well-wisher...
0:02:37 > 0:02:40LAUGHTER
0:02:40 > 0:02:42..and I'd call them Pinky, Perky,
0:02:42 > 0:02:45Monosodium Glutamate and Satsuma, I think.
0:02:45 > 0:02:48I do have fans, you know, but I don't have, sort of, mad fans.
0:02:48 > 0:02:49I don't have people hanging around the house
0:02:49 > 0:02:52trying to drink my bathwater, or anything like that.
0:02:52 > 0:02:54And I've only once had one of those letters
0:02:54 > 0:02:57from somebody asking for some of my used underwear.
0:02:57 > 0:02:59Well, I sent some, you know.
0:02:59 > 0:03:01I sent all of it, actually.
0:03:01 > 0:03:02LAUGHTER
0:03:02 > 0:03:04I said to them, "There's no need to iron it,
0:03:04 > 0:03:07"just fold it flat as it comes out of the tumble dryer."
0:03:07 > 0:03:10And I don't have a stalker, as far as I know,
0:03:10 > 0:03:12though the police have warned me it's a possibility.
0:03:12 > 0:03:16They said to me, "Do you carry any sort of anti-mugging device?"
0:03:16 > 0:03:17I said, "Well, I don't really,
0:03:17 > 0:03:20"but in the very inside pocket of my handbag
0:03:20 > 0:03:21"is my emergency Lil-let...
0:03:21 > 0:03:24LAUGHTER
0:03:26 > 0:03:28"..which is about 17 years old.
0:03:30 > 0:03:34"And if anybody comes near me, I shall jam it up their nose
0:03:34 > 0:03:37"and they'll die of toxic shock syndrome."
0:03:37 > 0:03:39LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:03:45 > 0:03:48The first time we saw Vic regularly on TV,
0:03:48 > 0:03:51she was singing her own songs on a hugely popular programme
0:03:51 > 0:03:52called That's Life.
0:03:53 > 0:03:56A lady who always gets the right number is Victoria Wood,
0:03:56 > 0:03:58and she's with us again this week
0:03:58 > 0:04:00with a song she's written specially for us.
0:04:00 > 0:04:04A soft, gentle ballad for May Day.
0:04:04 > 0:04:06One, two, three, four!
0:04:06 > 0:04:08# According to my horoscope
0:04:08 > 0:04:10# This month's gonna be ace
0:04:10 > 0:04:13# And the trials of the past eleven
0:04:13 > 0:04:15# Will vanish without trace
0:04:15 > 0:04:18# I've got to take advantage
0:04:18 > 0:04:20# And move without delay
0:04:20 > 0:04:26# My stars are gonna twinkle all through May
0:04:26 > 0:04:28# My horoscope says go abroad
0:04:28 > 0:04:31# If you want to make your mark
0:04:31 > 0:04:33# I think I'll make a smudgy one
0:04:33 > 0:04:35# And head for the nearest park
0:04:35 > 0:04:38# Wander round the soggy pathways
0:04:38 > 0:04:41# In my month of wet good luck
0:04:41 > 0:04:43# With a bag of rock-hard Wonderloaf
0:04:43 > 0:04:45# To see if ducks duck... #
0:04:45 > 0:04:47From what I can remember,
0:04:47 > 0:04:49she always wanted to stand up, tell jokes,
0:04:49 > 0:04:50and sing at the piano.
0:04:50 > 0:04:55Do both. And, of course, she did, to great acclaim, quite rightly.
0:04:58 > 0:05:01# There's not too many jobs available
0:05:01 > 0:05:03# Unqualified as I am
0:05:03 > 0:05:06# I've got a Brownies' badge for skipping
0:05:06 > 0:05:10# And a Guides' for making jam
0:05:10 > 0:05:12# CSE heavy petting
0:05:12 > 0:05:14# O-level hanging around
0:05:14 > 0:05:17# And I would have got a bronze life-saving medal
0:05:17 > 0:05:20# If the person I was saving hadn't drowned
0:05:20 > 0:05:22# I've been working in an office
0:05:22 > 0:05:25# And I can't face that again
0:05:25 > 0:05:30# And I've always fancied being a comedienne... #
0:05:30 > 0:05:31She could go so much.
0:05:31 > 0:05:34She could write, she could do stand-up comedy.
0:05:34 > 0:05:36And all these things, when you're starting out,
0:05:36 > 0:05:38you think, "What am I? Am I an actress, am I this?"
0:05:38 > 0:05:42And in the end, that galvanises itself into becoming Victoria Wood.
0:05:42 > 0:05:43And there's only one.
0:05:51 > 0:05:52Fame was just around the corner
0:05:52 > 0:05:55when Victoria teamed up with Julie Walters.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57The planets aligned.
0:05:57 > 0:06:00They made a fantastic double act, complementing each other perfectly.
0:06:00 > 0:06:02Like cod and chips.
0:06:07 > 0:06:11- What do you want doing? - It's all right, thank you. My appointment's with Michael.
0:06:11 > 0:06:13He's not here. He's gone home sick.
0:06:13 > 0:06:15Nearly wore a hole in that bloody toilet.
0:06:15 > 0:06:18Wouldn't bother me. I've had septic fingers and all sorts,
0:06:18 > 0:06:20carried right on shampooing.
0:06:20 > 0:06:21Well, perhaps Brian could cut my hair.
0:06:21 > 0:06:23He's off sick and all.
0:06:23 > 0:06:26They live together, you know.
0:06:26 > 0:06:28Gay. Don't bother me.
0:06:28 > 0:06:31I couldn't get steamed up about intercourse one way or the other.
0:06:31 > 0:06:33Oh, I do it, you know.
0:06:33 > 0:06:34I mean, don't get me wrong,
0:06:34 > 0:06:37but I don't smile or nothing.
0:06:37 > 0:06:39- You know.- Is Maggie here, or...?
0:06:39 > 0:06:40They're all off sick.
0:06:40 > 0:06:43Why, what's happened?
0:06:43 > 0:06:45Faulty hamburgers.
0:06:45 > 0:06:47They sent out for them quarter-pounders.
0:06:47 > 0:06:50Now, I don't touch them, because I know the bloke that makes them.
0:06:50 > 0:06:53And not only has he got boils and a finger stall,
0:06:53 > 0:06:55but he told me what they were made of.
0:06:55 > 0:06:57Gerbils.
0:06:57 > 0:06:58LAUGHTER DROWNS OUT SPEECH
0:06:58 > 0:07:00I mean, it's all right
0:07:00 > 0:07:02posting one through your mam's letterbox for a laugh,
0:07:02 > 0:07:05but you eat one crushed in a bun with a gherkin and a bag of chips
0:07:05 > 0:07:07and it's trouble downstairs, know what I mean?
0:07:07 > 0:07:09I used to do bits of improvisation,
0:07:09 > 0:07:11used to do bits of writing.
0:07:11 > 0:07:13And this drama teacher
0:07:13 > 0:07:15I had at my college in Leyland, in Lancashire,
0:07:15 > 0:07:18said, "You should have a look at Wood And Walters."
0:07:18 > 0:07:19Have a lie-down.
0:07:25 > 0:07:26Oh, sorry!
0:07:28 > 0:07:31I bet he don't know what half these buttons are for, you know.
0:07:31 > 0:07:33He's not a bit mechanically minded.
0:07:33 > 0:07:37Called the RAC out to adjust his braces.
0:07:37 > 0:07:40Good, though, innit? Eh?
0:07:40 > 0:07:43- Good, innit?- Yeah...- Yeah.
0:07:43 > 0:07:47They worked as if they were one person, really.
0:07:47 > 0:07:52And it was somebody writing the lines as clever as that,
0:07:52 > 0:07:57and someone saying those lines in such a clever way,
0:07:57 > 0:08:00is a combination that is very rare.
0:08:02 > 0:08:04SHE PLAYS SOME WRONG NOTES
0:08:12 > 0:08:14Having trouble, are you?
0:08:14 > 0:08:18- Yes.- Just a little? Yeah.
0:08:18 > 0:08:19Music like that's all the same
0:08:19 > 0:08:21whether you play it wrong or not, isn't it?
0:08:21 > 0:08:25- Sorry? - Do you not know any proper tunes?
0:08:25 > 0:08:27Do you know Dream Of Olwen? It's lovely, that.
0:08:27 > 0:08:31That were on in women's surgical, night I had my cervix cauterised.
0:08:31 > 0:08:36You saw the respect that Julie gave to Victoria
0:08:36 > 0:08:39as the writer and creator,
0:08:39 > 0:08:44and then you saw the respect that Vic gave Julie
0:08:44 > 0:08:46when Julie was performing.
0:08:46 > 0:08:48It was completely equal.
0:08:52 > 0:08:56It was Victoria's own series As Seen On TV that made her famous,
0:08:56 > 0:08:58a household name, and deservedly so.
0:08:58 > 0:09:01She cooked up everything - the theme tune, the stand-up,
0:09:01 > 0:09:03the monologues and the sketches.
0:09:06 > 0:09:07This woman said to me,
0:09:07 > 0:09:09"Am I speaking to Victoria Wood's secretary?"
0:09:09 > 0:09:14And I said, "Oh, yes", trying to sound as if I had nail varnish on.
0:09:14 > 0:09:16And she said, "We'd like her to do a fashion feature."
0:09:16 > 0:09:19I said, "What? There must be some mistake.
0:09:19 > 0:09:21"You must be mixing me up with Benny Hill."
0:09:21 > 0:09:24I'm not very fashion-conscious, you know.
0:09:24 > 0:09:27As long as it's this year's gravy spilled down the front, I'm happy.
0:09:27 > 0:09:30Across the board, I think the format
0:09:30 > 0:09:32of the, sort of, stand-up
0:09:32 > 0:09:33and the Kitty monologues
0:09:33 > 0:09:37and the insert of the mock documentary
0:09:37 > 0:09:38and then Acorn Antiques,
0:09:38 > 0:09:42it's such an unlikely sort of format for a show
0:09:42 > 0:09:45but I remember feeling, within a couple of weeks,
0:09:45 > 0:09:47it was like, "This is what the show is",
0:09:47 > 0:09:51and it just works so brilliantly on so many levels.
0:09:51 > 0:09:54We'd like to apologise to viewers in the north.
0:09:54 > 0:09:55It must be awful for them.
0:09:58 > 0:10:01The secret of my youthful appearance is simply...
0:10:02 > 0:10:04..mashed swede.
0:10:05 > 0:10:08As a face mask, as a nightcap,
0:10:08 > 0:10:10and, in an emergency, as a draught excluder.
0:10:10 > 0:10:14- What about those Dublin prawns? - Never touch prawns.
0:10:14 > 0:10:16Do you know they hang around sewage outlet pipes,
0:10:16 > 0:10:18treading water with their mouths open?
0:10:20 > 0:10:22They love it!
0:10:23 > 0:10:25So, anyway, I'm at Maison Reenie's...
0:10:25 > 0:10:27Aren't prawns an aphrodisiac?
0:10:27 > 0:10:29I wouldn't put it past them.
0:10:29 > 0:10:30Everyone used to talk about it at school.
0:10:30 > 0:10:33We used to do this sketch, you know what I mean?
0:10:33 > 0:10:36You'd come in and all the little catchphrases.
0:10:36 > 0:10:40And...yeah, it really got under the psyche of the country, didn't it?
0:10:40 > 0:10:43- Carl?- What?
0:10:43 > 0:10:47Would you rather have a brown washing-up bowl
0:10:47 > 0:10:50and a brown washing-up bowl... brush, I mean,
0:10:50 > 0:10:54or a red washing-up brush - I mean, bowl -
0:10:54 > 0:10:56and a red washing-up brush,
0:10:56 > 0:11:02or a yellow washing-up bowl and a brown washing-up brush?
0:11:02 > 0:11:03Why?
0:11:03 > 0:11:04Just wondered.
0:11:04 > 0:11:06LAUGHTER
0:11:08 > 0:11:12Her most famous creation back then was, of course, Acorn Antiques.
0:11:12 > 0:11:14But Vic shone a light on the backstage life of the cast
0:11:14 > 0:11:17in a spoof documentary called The Making of Acorn Antiques.
0:11:17 > 0:11:20APPLAUSE
0:11:27 > 0:11:29How many people tune in every evening
0:11:29 > 0:11:31to hear that oh-so-familiar music?
0:11:31 > 0:11:34About 54.
0:11:34 > 0:11:38But what goes on behind the scenes? What don't the public see?
0:11:41 > 0:11:44Let's find out exactly what does or doesn't go into the making
0:11:44 > 0:11:47of Acorn Antiques.
0:11:47 > 0:11:48- KNOCKING - Get out!
0:11:48 > 0:11:50The Making of Acorn Antiques
0:11:50 > 0:11:52is quite rightly an absolute,
0:11:52 > 0:11:54not only a classic, but a legend.
0:11:54 > 0:11:58I mean, I don't think I've ever since
0:11:58 > 0:12:01been in any kind of rehearsal room where somebody, usually me,
0:12:01 > 0:12:03will go, Simon, "Lunch, Simon, yes?"
0:12:03 > 0:12:05HE LAUGHS
0:12:05 > 0:12:06You're being repatriated.
0:12:06 > 0:12:09You're to catch the first train to Kirk-cud-bright tomorrow morning.
0:12:09 > 0:12:11- It's Kirkcudbright. - I know that. Babs wouldn't.
0:12:11 > 0:12:12Simon, agree?
0:12:12 > 0:12:15Now, look. Because he's sort of stunned by this news, isn't he?
0:12:15 > 0:12:19- No idea.- And I'll turn and go...
0:12:19 > 0:12:21The camera's on me there, anyway, isn't it?
0:12:21 > 0:12:24Simon, yes? Teabreak, Simon? Yes?
0:12:24 > 0:12:25LAUGHTER
0:12:27 > 0:12:32Victoria had been around long enough to know all the ins and outs of fame
0:12:32 > 0:12:35and the enormous egos that many famous people have.
0:12:35 > 0:12:42None more so than Boadicea, or Bo, as she calls herself, Mrs Overall,
0:12:42 > 0:12:48where she puts all of that into one character, who is...
0:12:48 > 0:12:51her public persona is of, you know, bumbly old Mrs Overall,
0:12:51 > 0:12:54and on the other hand, she's an absolutely ruthless diva
0:12:54 > 0:12:57who believes she is the greatest star on the planet.
0:12:57 > 0:13:00Bo, how are they?
0:13:00 > 0:13:02Has this terrible rain brought them on again?
0:13:02 > 0:13:04They're fine. I'm fine.
0:13:04 > 0:13:06Kenny, if you could hover with my Veganin.
0:13:06 > 0:13:08- I'll be here. - Is there some kind of problem?
0:13:08 > 0:13:11Small change, Bo. The pillar box has been stolen.
0:13:11 > 0:13:14- So, I come out.- Come out. - Walk, walk, walk to the pillar box.
0:13:14 > 0:13:16"Blimey, oh, fiddlybob. No pillar box."
0:13:16 > 0:13:19- React, react, react.- That's it. - Fantastic, it's here.
0:13:19 > 0:13:21Ah, back to plan A.
0:13:21 > 0:13:22There is now a pillar box.
0:13:22 > 0:13:24Oh, there is a pillar box. First, there is no pillar box.
0:13:24 > 0:13:27Then one appears. What next? No pavement? No shop?
0:13:27 > 0:13:30- So...- I'm sorry, do you mind? This is rather a tricky manoeuvre.
0:13:30 > 0:13:33- Rather fussing to be filming as one's working.- OK, cut it.
0:13:33 > 0:13:36We loved the thought of Bo,
0:13:36 > 0:13:40that she's this very, very grand actress, doing a...
0:13:40 > 0:13:46"Not stuck on the peripheries of the business, really".
0:13:46 > 0:13:49There's been a rather a lot made in the press lately of a feud
0:13:49 > 0:13:52between you and certain younger members of the cast.
0:13:52 > 0:13:55Is there any truth in that?
0:13:55 > 0:14:00Dear Paul, I'm a huge, huge star.
0:14:00 > 0:14:02This is the price I pay.
0:14:02 > 0:14:04Look how the press treated poor Yorkie.
0:14:04 > 0:14:05- Fergie.- Fergie.
0:14:06 > 0:14:08What is that?
0:14:08 > 0:14:11It's a haemorrhoid preparation, to be brutally frank.
0:14:12 > 0:14:14Cut.
0:14:14 > 0:14:16'The pomposity of the woman,'
0:14:16 > 0:14:18then having to play somebody very unattractive,
0:14:18 > 0:14:21she'd probably rather have played a Joan Collins part.
0:14:21 > 0:14:23- How do you feel? - I won't talk, Paul, my darling.
0:14:23 > 0:14:25I just have to gather myself in.
0:14:25 > 0:14:27Focus. Be.
0:14:31 > 0:14:32Header from Michaela.
0:14:32 > 0:14:34Coming to two. No, three.
0:14:34 > 0:14:37No, it WAS two. Now coming to three.
0:14:37 > 0:14:39Oh!
0:14:39 > 0:14:40And in on Babs?
0:14:40 > 0:14:43'Pull in close, camera two. Love those nostrils!'
0:14:43 > 0:14:46And Princess Margaret is so like me.
0:14:46 > 0:14:48Give, give, give.
0:14:48 > 0:14:51Do you mind? I did promise the specialist. Well...
0:14:51 > 0:14:53Stand by, Mrs Overall.
0:14:53 > 0:14:54Steady on the doorway. Three.
0:14:54 > 0:14:57I said, "For you, Lord Delfont..."
0:14:57 > 0:14:59I'm talking, Colin.
0:14:59 > 0:15:06"For you, Lord Delfont, it would be a pleasure and an honour."
0:15:06 > 0:15:11She completely dismantled the facade of fame
0:15:11 > 0:15:12to the real person behind it
0:15:12 > 0:15:17who was a narcissist, ego-driven, personality-disordered nutter,
0:15:17 > 0:15:21and that, as an audience member, was such joy.
0:15:21 > 0:15:24Be calm, be calm.
0:15:24 > 0:15:25Come on!
0:15:25 > 0:15:29- You're on!- I'm aware of that, Colin, after 30 years in the business.
0:15:32 > 0:15:35No tray. Where's the bloody tray?!
0:15:35 > 0:15:38- We'll cope.- It's mentioned! - Mentioned?
0:15:41 > 0:15:43She'll get us out of it!
0:15:43 > 0:15:46Come on, Bo. Improvise!
0:15:46 > 0:15:51Yes, I just had to bring it in to show you.
0:15:51 > 0:15:53Take it. Isn't it light?
0:15:53 > 0:15:57Mm - and such a lovely shade of mauve.
0:15:57 > 0:15:59- Look, Clifford.- It's magnificent.
0:15:59 > 0:16:01Shall we cut? Go back?
0:16:01 > 0:16:03No. We professionals notice.
0:16:03 > 0:16:06Joe Public never clocks a damn thing.
0:16:11 > 0:16:14Bo's fame wasn't confined to Acorn Antiques.
0:16:14 > 0:16:17Vic released her into the world of celebrity
0:16:17 > 0:16:20when she penned Beyond The Marigolds.
0:16:20 > 0:16:22I got Mrs Overall
0:16:22 > 0:16:27and poor old Diana Rigg was stuck with The Avengers.
0:16:27 > 0:16:29Which ran what? Two series?
0:16:29 > 0:16:31Oh, it was a nice little show.
0:16:31 > 0:16:33Oh, it was a nice enough show and Diana...
0:16:33 > 0:16:36- Dame Diana. - Yes, for charity work...
0:16:36 > 0:16:38She's had a decent enough career.
0:16:38 > 0:16:40She's respected.
0:16:40 > 0:16:41But she's not loved.
0:16:41 > 0:16:44- No.- Bo is loved.
0:16:46 > 0:16:48'The producer of I'm A Celebrity
0:16:48 > 0:16:52'has explained that it is a Japanese-style endurance game.'
0:16:52 > 0:16:56You get all the jungle gear, the boots and the shorts and so on.
0:16:56 > 0:16:59Sometimes, we fly people in as a surprise.
0:16:59 > 0:17:01I think we did that with Cannon and Ball.
0:17:01 > 0:17:04'But Bo seems still to be interested.'
0:17:04 > 0:17:07We have these things called bushtucker trials,
0:17:07 > 0:17:10where the celebrities have to eat rather disgusting things
0:17:10 > 0:17:17like edible grubs and locusts and kangaroo anus.
0:17:17 > 0:17:19I think Jan Leeming ate wombat penis.
0:17:21 > 0:17:23Well...that's about it.
0:17:26 > 0:17:29How dare you.
0:17:29 > 0:17:34- What?- Do you seriously think I would give an instant's consideration
0:17:34 > 0:17:36to your fetid little programme?
0:17:36 > 0:17:38Why...?
0:17:38 > 0:17:40I am an actress.
0:17:40 > 0:17:43A loved and respected actress.
0:17:43 > 0:17:50I was voted Best-Loved Character In A Soap 1987, 1989 and 1990
0:17:50 > 0:17:54and there are three things on television I will never do.
0:17:54 > 0:17:56I will not wear shorts.
0:17:56 > 0:18:00I will not take part in any repellent eating trial
0:18:00 > 0:18:01and I will not appear
0:18:01 > 0:18:06on any programme that considers Jan Leeming
0:18:06 > 0:18:07to be a celebrity.
0:18:07 > 0:18:08Come on.
0:18:08 > 0:18:10LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:18:10 > 0:18:11It's about delusion, isn't it?
0:18:11 > 0:18:14It's about being deluded, basically.
0:18:14 > 0:18:16Deluded. What's the business can do to you.
0:18:16 > 0:18:18Delude you into thinking
0:18:18 > 0:18:20you're massively, massively important.
0:18:20 > 0:18:24And, you know, when in fact you're this poor little person,
0:18:24 > 0:18:27who is just like everybody else, really.
0:18:31 > 0:18:33Vic used to talk about chewing her pencil,
0:18:33 > 0:18:34staring at the bins,
0:18:34 > 0:18:36trying to think of the right word.
0:18:36 > 0:18:39I think that bin-staring is evident throughout her work,
0:18:39 > 0:18:41right from very early on.
0:18:41 > 0:18:44You get the sense that every sentence has been loved.
0:18:45 > 0:18:48And there's a great example of that in her northern reality star,
0:18:48 > 0:18:50Stacey Leanne.
0:18:50 > 0:18:52What a year I have had.
0:18:52 > 0:18:54I mean, a year ago, I was nobody.
0:18:54 > 0:18:55Yes, I was gifted,
0:18:55 > 0:18:58yes, I was gorgeous.
0:18:58 > 0:18:59But basically, nobody knew
0:18:59 > 0:19:02who the Kentucky Fried frickin' Chicken I was.
0:19:02 > 0:19:04PHONE CHIMES
0:19:04 > 0:19:07Oh, text message.
0:19:07 > 0:19:09SHE LAUGHS
0:19:09 > 0:19:11Anyway...
0:19:11 > 0:19:12AUDIENCE LAUGHTER
0:19:15 > 0:19:18Now I'm going to plunge into a little Lancashire idiom now,
0:19:18 > 0:19:21so bear with me, anyone who's south of the Watford Gap,
0:19:21 > 0:19:24which I only mention cos we came through Watford Gap service station last night.
0:19:24 > 0:19:26Boy, have they got sophisticated.
0:19:26 > 0:19:29The mozzarella and tree-ripened tomato pork scratchings.
0:19:29 > 0:19:33Whoo! They're out of this world. They're bliss in a bucket.
0:19:33 > 0:19:34LAUGHTER
0:19:34 > 0:19:38She writes lots of very ego-driven characters,
0:19:38 > 0:19:41especially in the entertainment industry, and obviously,
0:19:41 > 0:19:43Vic has come across a lot of these people,
0:19:43 > 0:19:46working in television for so long, and in the theatres.
0:19:46 > 0:19:49And, um...she nails it. She really nails it.
0:19:49 > 0:19:52Anyway, to plunge into a little Lancashire idiom,
0:19:52 > 0:19:56last year I was nobody, I had nothing, and as we say,
0:19:56 > 0:19:59I didn't have a pot to piss in.
0:19:59 > 0:20:01No, I'm not trying to be offensive when I say that,
0:20:01 > 0:20:03we speak as we find in Radcliffe.
0:20:03 > 0:20:06I did not have a pot to piss in. Did I, Mum?
0:20:06 > 0:20:09A pot to piss in, I did not have.
0:20:10 > 0:20:13If somebody had come to me for a pot, wanting a piss,
0:20:13 > 0:20:16- I couldn't help them. - LAUGHTER
0:20:18 > 0:20:22Pot-wise, piss-wise, I was nowhere.
0:20:22 > 0:20:26No piss, no pot. That was me, big-time.
0:20:26 > 0:20:28Anyway, it's a nice little expression, isn't it?
0:20:28 > 0:20:30We've got loads of sayings like that, haven't we, Mum?
0:20:30 > 0:20:32What did you used to say to me dad?
0:20:32 > 0:20:35"Don't leave your teeth in the bed. Me bum's bad enough as it is!"
0:20:37 > 0:20:39And my own particular favourite,
0:20:39 > 0:20:41"If you think you'll have a shag,
0:20:41 > 0:20:43"pop a johnny in your bag."
0:20:51 > 0:20:54It was Victoria's own success that allowed her to branch out
0:20:54 > 0:20:56and work on projects dear to her heart.
0:20:56 > 0:21:01One such film was Eric & Ernie and I was lucky enough be in it.
0:21:01 > 0:21:03- # By the light... # - Not the dark, but the light.
0:21:03 > 0:21:05# Of the silvery moon... #
0:21:05 > 0:21:07Not the sun, but the moon.
0:21:07 > 0:21:08# I want to spoon... #
0:21:08 > 0:21:10He's looking to spoon somebody.
0:21:10 > 0:21:15BOTH: # To my honey I'll croon love's tune... #
0:21:15 > 0:21:16# Honeymoon... #
0:21:16 > 0:21:19- What are you doing? - Having a little dance.
0:21:19 > 0:21:21This is my solo!
0:21:21 > 0:21:26Victoria loved classical British variety and was a great fan
0:21:26 > 0:21:31of Les Dawson, of Morecambe and Wise, of course,
0:21:31 > 0:21:33Tommy Cooper, people like this.
0:21:33 > 0:21:36So the chance to make a film
0:21:36 > 0:21:38all about Eric and Ernie
0:21:38 > 0:21:39was wonderful.
0:21:43 > 0:21:45- AMERICAN VOICE:- Come on, get up.
0:21:45 > 0:21:47I said get up, you snake.
0:21:50 > 0:21:52Ma!
0:21:52 > 0:21:53Ike, it's Ma.
0:21:53 > 0:21:55And she's not laughing.
0:21:58 > 0:22:00Ham and eggs? What the heck's this in aid of?
0:22:00 > 0:22:02I found Ernie's wallet and managed to open it with a crowbar.
0:22:02 > 0:22:06- We've landed a tour. - Number two circuit. £25 a week.
0:22:06 > 0:22:08£25 a week?
0:22:08 > 0:22:11- When do we start? - He didn't mean you. We meant us.
0:22:13 > 0:22:15You've done your bit, Mrs B.
0:22:15 > 0:22:19Yes - we've got a proper manager now, Mum.
0:22:19 > 0:22:21You can go home, put your feet up.
0:22:21 > 0:22:23And here's your ticket. Ernie, give the lady her ticket.
0:22:23 > 0:22:25First class.
0:22:30 > 0:22:31First class.
0:22:33 > 0:22:36'I think, as she became comfortable in her own skin,
0:22:36 > 0:22:39'she allowed herself to play wonderful parts.
0:22:39 > 0:22:43'I remember in Eric & Ernie, with the train ticket home,
0:22:43 > 0:22:47'the pathos of that was beautiful'
0:22:47 > 0:22:48and in Housewife, 49,
0:22:48 > 0:22:50she was almost a tragic figure, wasn't she?
0:22:50 > 0:22:52She became a great actress, I think.
0:22:52 > 0:22:55# We've nothing to lose We're done with the blues
0:22:55 > 0:22:57# We're spreading the news We know that it's true
0:22:57 > 0:22:59# We're telling it to the people we meet... #
0:22:59 > 0:23:03In 2014, Vic produced her most ambitious project yet,
0:23:03 > 0:23:05a musical called That Day We Sang.
0:23:05 > 0:23:07It was huge, because as well as the usual pressures
0:23:07 > 0:23:10of writing both the script and the music,
0:23:10 > 0:23:12she took on the role of director.
0:23:16 > 0:23:20I was doing Sweeney Todd with Imelda Staunton
0:23:20 > 0:23:25and Imelda told me about this next project she was going to be doing,
0:23:25 > 0:23:29That Day We Sang, with Victoria, and I was so jealous.
0:23:29 > 0:23:32I was bitter and twisted.
0:23:32 > 0:23:33And then I got a call saying
0:23:33 > 0:23:37would I be interested in reading for it and meeting?
0:23:37 > 0:23:42And I said, "Yes, I'll sell my soul. I'll do anything that is necessary."
0:23:42 > 0:23:44What were you saying about yoghurt?
0:23:44 > 0:23:47I didn't know which flavour, so...
0:23:47 > 0:23:48I got them all.
0:23:51 > 0:23:53You didn't get plain?
0:23:53 > 0:23:54I didn't know there was plain.
0:23:54 > 0:23:57- I can only have plain. - I never saw plain.
0:23:57 > 0:23:59If it's not plain, it's not slimming.
0:24:01 > 0:24:03Look, leave that aside for the moment.
0:24:03 > 0:24:05I shall deal with that first thing tomorrow.
0:24:05 > 0:24:09I'll strike out into the icy wastes of the chilled dairy section.
0:24:09 > 0:24:13I'll be like Captain Oates, only, hopefully, I shall come back.
0:24:13 > 0:24:17But what I wanted to say, Enid, is...
0:24:18 > 0:24:20I know this wasn't a date,
0:24:20 > 0:24:22but could it be?
0:24:22 > 0:24:25Not this yoghurt blunderer's debacle,
0:24:25 > 0:24:29but could we go on a proper date?
0:24:29 > 0:24:30I'm going out with someone.
0:24:31 > 0:24:33- Oh!- So...
0:24:35 > 0:24:38Right. Sorry.
0:24:38 > 0:24:41Doing my two short planks act.
0:24:41 > 0:24:44I should have checked. Sorry.
0:24:44 > 0:24:46As you were.
0:24:46 > 0:24:48It did feel like That Day We Sang
0:24:48 > 0:24:51was, sort of, like her firing on all cylinders,
0:24:51 > 0:24:53doing everything that she could do,
0:24:53 > 0:24:55and it felt joyous, in a way,
0:24:55 > 0:24:59that, you know, you just thought she was just indulging in,
0:24:59 > 0:25:03obviously, a world that she really liked exploring.
0:25:03 > 0:25:05# You hang on tight... #
0:25:05 > 0:25:06CONDUCTOR: Hold very tight, please.
0:25:06 > 0:25:08# You play it safe
0:25:08 > 0:25:12BOTH: # You never rock the boat
0:25:12 > 0:25:15# And then the stuff you flatten down
0:25:15 > 0:25:17# The memories you batten down
0:25:17 > 0:25:21BOTH: # Come floating up to grab you by the throat... #
0:25:21 > 0:25:25This was a big responsibility for her, that she'd taken on,
0:25:25 > 0:25:26but that was typical of her,
0:25:26 > 0:25:29that she wanted this huge challenge
0:25:29 > 0:25:31and also didn't trust anyone else to do it.
0:25:31 > 0:25:35Anyway, look, from where I said.
0:25:35 > 0:25:38You could have organised this a little bit better, Victoria Wood.
0:25:38 > 0:25:39'Literally, from that moment,'
0:25:39 > 0:25:42Vic and I became great, great mates.
0:25:42 > 0:25:44We talked all the time
0:25:44 > 0:25:50and the whole process of making this extraordinary film
0:25:50 > 0:25:52was a joy from beginning to end.
0:26:00 > 0:26:02So there you have it. That was our friend Victoria.
0:26:02 > 0:26:04But a show about Victoria Wood
0:26:04 > 0:26:06wouldn't be a show about Victoria Wood
0:26:06 > 0:26:08if we didn't end on a song.
0:26:08 > 0:26:11And out of the many hundreds that she wrote and performed,
0:26:11 > 0:26:14I've chosen my favourite - Pam.
0:26:14 > 0:26:16# Can I tell you who I am?
0:26:16 > 0:26:19# I'm Pamela Patricia but they call me Pam
0:26:19 > 0:26:22# I don't like shorts or sling-back shoes
0:26:22 > 0:26:26# My only pair of trousers are my gardening trews
0:26:26 > 0:26:28# I don't say "who", I do say "whom"
0:26:28 > 0:26:31# I never use the toilet Just the smallest room
0:26:31 > 0:26:34# I don't say "gay", I still say "queer"
0:26:34 > 0:26:37# I think that Mussolini had the right idea ... #
0:26:37 > 0:26:39LAUGHTER
0:26:39 > 0:26:42# Da-da-da-da, da-da, da-da-da-da
0:26:42 > 0:26:45# Got engaged in '62
0:26:45 > 0:26:47# Got married in the April in a nice pale blue
0:26:47 > 0:26:50# It all turned sour to say the least
0:26:50 > 0:26:54# I was stuck in Abergele with a sex-crazed beast
0:26:54 > 0:26:56# Our wedding night I heard a cough
0:26:56 > 0:27:00# There was Harold in the doorway with his 'jamas off
0:27:00 > 0:27:03# I said, "Now look, I must be blunt
0:27:03 > 0:27:06# "I couldn't give a beggar on the whole sex front
0:27:06 > 0:27:08# "Not me, not my scene
0:27:08 > 0:27:12# "I prefer a game of rummy and an Ovaltine
0:27:12 > 0:27:14# "Harold, dear, now do get dressed
0:27:14 > 0:27:17# "I've seen one in a book and I was not impressed..." #
0:27:17 > 0:27:19LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:27:23 > 0:27:25SHE WHISTLES
0:27:33 > 0:27:35# Once divorced I lived alone
0:27:35 > 0:27:39# Then I chummed up with a woman by the name of Joan
0:27:39 > 0:27:41# She moved in, she seemed quite nice
0:27:41 > 0:27:44# Wore Army boots and braces but I didn't think twice
0:27:46 > 0:27:49# Then one night she seemed upset
0:27:49 > 0:27:51# I said, "Are you not happy in my maisonette?"
0:27:51 > 0:27:53# She drained her rum and Babycham
0:27:53 > 0:27:55# Ran her fingers through her crewcut
0:27:55 > 0:27:56# Said, "I love you, Pam"... #
0:28:29 > 0:28:32- Oh, and Andrew, one thing I forgot to show you.- Yes?
0:28:32 > 0:28:34Did I explain what happens when you press this switch?
0:28:34 > 0:28:36- Er, no.- This.