0:00:02 > 0:00:04- Uh-oh!- Oh, Jeez.
0:00:04 > 0:00:07Bricks cut off my cards. I'm stuck here.
0:00:07 > 0:00:11- Jake is going out with a 19-year-old.- She thinks I'm 17.
0:00:11 > 0:00:13- Why?- That's what I told her.
0:00:13 > 0:00:16You're going out with a 19-year-old lap-dancer?
0:00:16 > 0:00:18Me and Brick split up badly.
0:00:18 > 0:00:21He was psychologically abusive, especially to Misty.
0:00:21 > 0:00:24So you've done a runner with Brick's daughter?
0:00:26 > 0:00:29- DOORBELL RINGS - It's that man. He's back.
0:00:29 > 0:00:32The guy that's looking for Auntie Angela.
0:00:32 > 0:00:35Don't answer it. He might think we're out.
0:00:35 > 0:00:37DOORBELL RINGS
0:00:39 > 0:00:42I don't think so. Karen's waving at him.
0:00:42 > 0:00:45OK. He doesn't know she's here, so when he mentions Angela,
0:00:45 > 0:00:47act surprised, but not too surprised. Don't do too much,
0:00:47 > 0:00:49just look normal.
0:00:50 > 0:00:52No - normal!
0:00:53 > 0:00:57Oh, Mr and Mrs Brockman.
0:00:57 > 0:01:01Hello, I'm Darren Armitage, senior partner with the law firm Sneider, Morpego.
0:01:01 > 0:01:03You may already have one of these.
0:01:03 > 0:01:05- Yes.- Erm, no.
0:01:05 > 0:01:10Well, you probably didn't see it because Karen gave it to me earlier.
0:01:10 > 0:01:12But, but not... it wasn't that much earlier.
0:01:12 > 0:01:15So I didn't have a chance to tell you.
0:01:15 > 0:01:18That must have been Karen who cross-examined me yesterday.
0:01:18 > 0:01:21We may be recruiting her soon.
0:01:21 > 0:01:23Please ask Angela to come to the door.
0:01:25 > 0:01:29- Angela?- They're not here. - They? I just said Angela.
0:01:29 > 0:01:31Look, I don't know why you're here, but whatever it is,
0:01:31 > 0:01:33could you please put it in writing?
0:01:33 > 0:01:37Because we're right in the middle of a quiet family dinner.
0:01:43 > 0:01:46We don't get many callers. They get excited.
0:01:48 > 0:01:51- Auntie?- Shh-shh-shh!
0:01:51 > 0:01:54Did you know your husband was going to turn into a monster?
0:01:54 > 0:01:57No, obviously, I didn't.
0:01:57 > 0:02:01Well, we did. "Angela's done it again," Mummy said.
0:02:01 > 0:02:05"She's married a sociopath." What is a sociopath?
0:02:05 > 0:02:08Look, I really don't want to talk about this right now.
0:02:08 > 0:02:13He's mafia. You can see by the cold, merciless eyes. And the briefcase.
0:02:13 > 0:02:18- He's not mafia.- He is, he's like that guy in The Godfather. The nice one.
0:02:18 > 0:02:23He's not the one who kills you. He does the paperwork afterwards. You could imagine him saying,
0:02:23 > 0:02:26"I'm sorry about Angela, it's just business."
0:02:26 > 0:02:28- You know nothing about the Mafia. - I do!
0:02:28 > 0:02:32- Kylie Arrett's dad's in it. - He's a security guard at SuperBowling.- By day.
0:02:32 > 0:02:35And an assassin by night.
0:02:35 > 0:02:39I'm sure I don't have to tell you that Angela has a casual relationship with the truth.
0:02:39 > 0:02:42She may have told you otherwise, but the truth is
0:02:42 > 0:02:45she has illegally abducted a vulnerable 15-year-old girl
0:02:45 > 0:02:48and is using her as leverage to try and bump up her divorce settlement.
0:02:48 > 0:02:51- Illegally abducted?- Yes.
0:02:51 > 0:02:55I know my sister and she wouldn't do something like that, would she, Pete?
0:02:55 > 0:02:59Er, no. No. No, that's very unlike her.
0:03:00 > 0:03:07From what I remember of her. Having not seen her for some...time...now.
0:03:07 > 0:03:09Still, this is all good for you, because Mum and Dad
0:03:09 > 0:03:12will forget about you going out with that 19-year-old girl.
0:03:12 > 0:03:16- Oh, just...- So she's a lap-dancer. Is she from Lapland?
0:03:16 > 0:03:21No, you moron. Firstly, she's not a lap-dancer, she's a pole-dancer.
0:03:21 > 0:03:23Oh, so she's from Poland.
0:03:23 > 0:03:26Don't get me wrong, it's not just you,
0:03:26 > 0:03:29lots of dads and some mums turn into monsters.
0:03:29 > 0:03:34Tanya's dad says that mums turn into monsters once a month,
0:03:34 > 0:03:37- but I think he's getting them mixed up with werewolves.- Look...
0:03:37 > 0:03:41- this is not...- Do you think my mum and dad will suddenly turn into monsters?
0:03:41 > 0:03:45No, Karen, there are some people who can never surprise you.
0:03:45 > 0:03:49They can surprise me. They surprised me with a trip to Legoland.
0:03:50 > 0:03:54Child abduction is a most serious criminal offence
0:03:54 > 0:03:58and carries a custodial sentence, both for those who carry it out, and those who help them.
0:03:58 > 0:04:01- Look, don't think you can push us around.- I can, though.
0:04:01 > 0:04:04We're an immensely rich and powerful legal firm
0:04:04 > 0:04:09who can assign an entire floor of our practice to making your lives unlivable.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13Yeah, well, we'll see about that!
0:04:15 > 0:04:17- Yeah!- Pete, he's gone.
0:04:20 > 0:04:22Oh, he's got a car with darkened windows.
0:04:22 > 0:04:26It means you can slit someone's throat in the back and no-one will know.
0:04:26 > 0:04:29It's lucky you're still a child, otherwise they'd section you.
0:04:35 > 0:04:40- You didn't tell him we were here, did you?- Misty's under 16.
0:04:42 > 0:04:45- Didn't I mention that?- So, Misty, did you want to leave home?
0:04:45 > 0:04:48- We had no choice.- Angela, please!
0:04:50 > 0:04:54He used to lock me in my room for hours and hours.
0:04:54 > 0:04:57Don't be scared, Misty, you are safe here with us.
0:04:57 > 0:04:59- DOORBELL RINGS - I'll get it!
0:04:59 > 0:05:01Ben, don't!
0:05:05 > 0:05:09Hello! Sorry, they were a bit late getting in.
0:05:11 > 0:05:13This is Ottfried...
0:05:15 > 0:05:17..your exchange student?
0:05:17 > 0:05:18Oh, shoot!
0:05:20 > 0:05:22I mean, hello, Ottfried. Oh, God. I... It...
0:05:22 > 0:05:26Oh, God, it's just gone right out of my head,
0:05:26 > 0:05:29we've had all sorts here today.
0:05:29 > 0:05:33Their plane was held up so I'm... Did Jake not mention this?
0:05:33 > 0:05:38- Jake!- No, he's a bit... But it's fine. Come on in, Ottfried.
0:05:38 > 0:05:40Bye, Ottfried, and, er...
0:05:40 > 0:05:44- and good luck.- Jake!
0:05:44 > 0:05:46- Bye, Mr Hunslet!- Bye, Ben.
0:05:46 > 0:05:49- Have you got the smell out of your car yet?- Not entirely.
0:05:49 > 0:05:52- Bit hard to scrub inside the glove box.- Sorry.
0:05:52 > 0:05:55Next time I'll manage to open the window in time.
0:05:55 > 0:05:59Or maybe don't eat seven Scotch eggs for a bet.
0:05:59 > 0:06:00Laters!
0:06:04 > 0:06:07We're all just in here. Please, please come through.
0:06:07 > 0:06:11I'm just so sorry, cos we've had quite a...
0:06:11 > 0:06:13Gosh, you're tall, aren't you?
0:06:13 > 0:06:20We've had quite an unusual day here, but it's all back to normal now.
0:06:20 > 0:06:23And this is my sister Angela, but if anybody asks,
0:06:23 > 0:06:25it's probably best to say that...
0:06:25 > 0:06:31she is not here. And this is Misty, and she, again,
0:06:31 > 0:06:35- is not...here.- Not here?
0:06:35 > 0:06:39That's right. Nicht...here. It's a bit complicated.
0:06:39 > 0:06:44- The exchange student you forgot to tell us about is here! - He's got headphones on.
0:06:44 > 0:06:46There's a man sitting in a van parked outside.
0:06:46 > 0:06:49- What sort of man? - He'll be a builder, or something.
0:06:49 > 0:06:52- Let's not get all...- If it comes to it, you can hide in our loft,
0:06:52 > 0:06:56- like Anne Frank did when she was hiding from the...- So! Ottfried!
0:06:56 > 0:07:00Let me give you the tour, and work out where the hell you're going to sleep.
0:07:02 > 0:07:04That German boy was like a baby giant.
0:07:04 > 0:07:06I want to be that size when I'm 15.
0:07:07 > 0:07:11- I like to sleep with the light on. - But I like it off.
0:07:11 > 0:07:13When I sleep with the light off,
0:07:13 > 0:07:17it's like I'm sleeping in a cave and I get really weird dreams.
0:07:17 > 0:07:19Yeah, but that's why I like it.
0:07:19 > 0:07:23I don't like dreams, it's like you've gone to sleep,
0:07:23 > 0:07:26but your brain's staying up at a sleepover with your lungs,
0:07:26 > 0:07:30- cos your lungs have to be awake to make sure you breathe. - Your whole body's awake.
0:07:30 > 0:07:34- It's like your brain... - But dreams are good cos they're like going to the cinema,
0:07:34 > 0:07:37but then the movie's so much better because, it's like you're in it
0:07:37 > 0:07:41but then you're also watching it, and then the effects are always better,
0:07:41 > 0:07:43and you never get kicked out for being too young.
0:07:43 > 0:07:47Yeah, but when I go to sleep I just want to sleep.
0:07:47 > 0:07:52- I just want to close my eyes and... - Yeah, but sleep's boring without it.
0:07:52 > 0:07:55- I just want it to be just plain black.- I want to start a dream log,
0:07:55 > 0:07:58I don't want to forget my favourite dream, like,
0:07:58 > 0:08:00I'll have one book for the crucifixion dreams
0:08:00 > 0:08:04and then I'll have another book for all the other dreams I get.
0:08:04 > 0:08:06Because, like, I get the crucifixion dream a lot,
0:08:06 > 0:08:11but then I'm kind of used to that now so it doesn't disturb me as much as it used to.
0:08:11 > 0:08:14- Yeah...- The best dreams are the ones with all the explosions,
0:08:14 > 0:08:18and stuff like monsters that you'll never be able to see.
0:08:18 > 0:08:22- That's why I keep cheese in here. - So that's what that smell is.
0:08:24 > 0:08:26- Yeah, it's in one of these drawers. - Right.
0:08:26 > 0:08:30Well, we've got a houseful tonight. I hope the plumbing's up to it.
0:08:30 > 0:08:34- We still haven't got a strategy. - Maybe we should consult a lawyer.
0:08:34 > 0:08:38- No, about Jake and his showgirl! - Look, I know it's a worry,
0:08:38 > 0:08:42but he is a mature 15. Maybe she's an immature 19.
0:08:42 > 0:08:46Yes, cos lap-dancers are famous for being shy, mousy girls(!)
0:08:46 > 0:08:50- She's a pole-dancer.- Sorry, our son is dating a pole-dancer,
0:08:50 > 0:08:54slightly further away from being a prostitute than a lap-dancer.
0:08:54 > 0:08:57- We still need a... - A strategy, yeah, OK, I know.
0:09:01 > 0:09:03(Oh, God.)
0:09:03 > 0:09:07You have had the safe sex conversation with him, haven't you?
0:09:07 > 0:09:12- Yeah, ages ago. - How did it go?- It was OK.
0:09:14 > 0:09:18I mean, there was a bit of giggling, but, you know...I was nervous.
0:09:19 > 0:09:24I don't want something in my head that I haven't...said is OK.
0:09:24 > 0:09:26Yeah, but you can't stop yourself...
0:09:26 > 0:09:28But it's like all the bad things in my life,
0:09:28 > 0:09:31all the good things are shutting it out.
0:09:31 > 0:09:35So whilst the good things go to sleep, the bad things think,
0:09:35 > 0:09:38"Ah, here is my time to mess up Karen's head."
0:09:38 > 0:09:43- It's just not good. - Yeah, but your mind doesn't fall asleep, your body does,
0:09:43 > 0:09:47- your mind's awake.- Your mind is like...has lots of drawers in it
0:09:47 > 0:09:50and then, like, at night all the stuff
0:09:50 > 0:09:53just wiggles around in your head and makes weird films for you.
0:09:53 > 0:09:57It's just, like, "No, I don't need that, I just want to go to sleep."
0:09:57 > 0:09:59Maybe we're like characters in someone else's dream,
0:09:59 > 0:10:01but then we're not actually real
0:10:01 > 0:10:03and we don't actually exist in the real world.
0:10:03 > 0:10:08- I do exist!- Well, maybe someone's got a mental disease
0:10:08 > 0:10:12and if he doesn't get over his problem, we're going to be stuck here for ever.
0:10:14 > 0:10:15No.
0:10:16 > 0:10:20Angela hasn't asked once how Dad is.
0:10:20 > 0:10:22Perhaps she's scared to.
0:10:22 > 0:10:26- KAREN:- Mum! Dad! Ben's scaring me!
0:10:26 > 0:10:30He scares us all, Karen, go to sleep.
0:10:30 > 0:10:32He says I don't exist.
0:10:32 > 0:10:35You do exist, now go to sleep.
0:10:35 > 0:10:39Ah, I've been thinking about this whole Angela thing.
0:10:39 > 0:10:42- I've written a sort of ledger.- OK.
0:10:44 > 0:10:48"Reasons not to help Angela. One, it's not our problem.
0:10:48 > 0:10:54"Two, we could get into serious legal difficulties.
0:10:54 > 0:10:59"Three, we don't like her. Four, in that book she wrote, she called you, erm...
0:10:59 > 0:11:03"manipulative and compared me to a dust mite.
0:11:03 > 0:11:05"Five. We don't like..."
0:11:05 > 0:11:07Oh, no, hang on, I've done that one twice.
0:11:07 > 0:11:09"Five, she's probably lying."
0:11:11 > 0:11:15"Reasons TO help Angela. One, she's your sister."
0:11:15 > 0:11:16Yep?
0:11:18 > 0:11:22No, that's it. If you've got any others, I'll...
0:11:22 > 0:11:25No, sod it, we'll just tell her she's got to go.
0:11:30 > 0:11:34This one is the really good one. A bear gets stuck in a tree.
0:11:34 > 0:11:38- Is that a trampoline? - I can see what's going to happen. They're going to... Ha!
0:11:38 > 0:11:43- Oh!- Oh, that's mean. - It's all right, it's not mean.
0:11:43 > 0:11:46- Let's watch it again, let's watch it again.- See, see, let me show you.
0:11:46 > 0:11:51- Look at it in slow motion! - Look at that, look how high it is, that's like five trampolines.
0:11:51 > 0:11:55- And then look, and then look. Just smash!- Head first into the ground. Head first.
0:11:55 > 0:11:57- It just bounces.- It doesn't. - It does!
0:11:57 > 0:12:00If you watch, its head hits the floor
0:12:00 > 0:12:03and then the rest of its body sort of crunches into his head.
0:12:03 > 0:12:09Look. Oh, my God, that is terrible! THEY LAUGH
0:12:09 > 0:12:11- SUE:- It's 8:20!
0:12:11 > 0:12:17Can you stop watching animals getting hurt on YouTube?
0:12:17 > 0:12:19Jake, we need a word, now.
0:12:22 > 0:12:24You have till the end of today.
0:12:24 > 0:12:29- Guten Morgen, mein Herren. - Oh, guten Morgen, Ben.
0:12:29 > 0:12:31Would you like sausage-bread-bacon-beans?
0:12:31 > 0:12:35- Excuse me?- I'm learning German and you have those compound nouns,
0:12:35 > 0:12:38where you stick words together to make one-huge-long-big-word.
0:12:38 > 0:12:40Like Gehimmelsschickelwurstgarten or
0:12:40 > 0:12:44Blitzengrubereinekleine- messerschmidtfrau.
0:12:47 > 0:12:49- These are not German words.- No,
0:12:49 > 0:12:52but they could be, because you can make up any words you like.
0:12:52 > 0:12:56Or as you would say, "You can any words you like up make."
0:12:56 > 0:12:59It's cool being German. It's like being Yoda.
0:12:59 > 0:13:02Yes, I am seeing a 19-year-old pole-dancer, but don't worry,
0:13:02 > 0:13:04I always get my homework out of the way first.
0:13:04 > 0:13:09- That's not quite the issue. is it, Pete?- No. No, it's not.
0:13:09 > 0:13:13By the end of today, you need to tell this girl your real age.
0:13:13 > 0:13:16- She has got a name, Mum. Victoria.- OK.
0:13:16 > 0:13:20By the end of today, you have to tell your real age to Victoria.
0:13:21 > 0:13:22The stripper.
0:13:29 > 0:13:32- Ben, have you seen Misty? - No, Auntie.
0:13:32 > 0:13:34The blue van with the man sitting in it is still outside.
0:13:34 > 0:13:39- Thank you for keeping me up to date. - Are you going to run or hide?
0:13:39 > 0:13:41What would you recommend?
0:13:41 > 0:13:44Run. Because you can run but you can't hide.
0:13:44 > 0:13:46Would you like some Cheerios?
0:13:46 > 0:13:48No, thank you.
0:13:48 > 0:13:52She is being chased by a scary-ex-husband-psycho-mafia-man.
0:13:52 > 0:13:56- Misty?- You're such a hypocrite. You went to that Chippens...things.
0:13:56 > 0:13:59- The men who took their clothes off. - That was ages ago.
0:13:59 > 0:14:04And it was harmless. When women look at naked men they just laugh.
0:14:04 > 0:14:06Well, cackle.
0:14:06 > 0:14:10- Have you seen the exploding koalas? - No.- Well,
0:14:10 > 0:14:13have you seen the, erm... the pogo hopping nuns?
0:14:13 > 0:14:15No.
0:14:18 > 0:14:19PHONE RINGS
0:14:21 > 0:14:23Hello.
0:14:24 > 0:14:27Ah, hello, Brick. ..Package?
0:14:28 > 0:14:31Yes, we have, although why you've sent it to us I don't know,
0:14:31 > 0:14:35because Angela and Misty aren't here.
0:14:38 > 0:14:43Yeah, just because you're a psychoanalyst doesn't mean you can tell I'm lying.
0:14:43 > 0:14:46- RADIO:- 'And now it's time for Thought for the...'
0:14:46 > 0:14:49Good morning, Ottfried. Did you sleep well?
0:14:49 > 0:14:53- I heard many animal noises.- Oh, well, that'll be the foxes mating.
0:14:53 > 0:14:56Or the new couple next door.
0:14:56 > 0:15:00- Mum, Dad's on the phone to Brick. - Brick?!
0:15:00 > 0:15:02Please, what is this?
0:15:02 > 0:15:06Oh, well, you may as well know, Ottfried, er...
0:15:06 > 0:15:11My sister married an American psychoanalyst with lots of children.
0:15:11 > 0:15:15Um... But he turned out to be abusive so she ran away
0:15:15 > 0:15:19with one of the children, but now he is pursuing her.
0:15:19 > 0:15:22No. What is this?
0:15:22 > 0:15:24Oh, that.
0:15:24 > 0:15:26Well, that's a hot cross bun.
0:15:26 > 0:15:29We eat them for breakfast sometimes.
0:15:31 > 0:15:32- Are you OK?- Brick.
0:15:32 > 0:15:38He's sent these air tickets for Angela and Misty to go back to the States,
0:15:38 > 0:15:40but says that if they don't,
0:15:40 > 0:15:43he's going to take emergency measures in a British court
0:15:43 > 0:15:46to seize their passports.
0:15:46 > 0:15:47Oh, and prosecute us.
0:15:47 > 0:15:49Holy crap!
0:15:49 > 0:15:52I'm not falling for that. I'm not leaving this house.
0:15:52 > 0:15:55He could have a snatch squad waiting for me in that...
0:15:55 > 0:15:57Well, let's just remain calm...
0:15:57 > 0:16:00- The police aren't going to come, are they?- Sweetheart,
0:16:00 > 0:16:03you don't need to worry about that. All that'll happen is...
0:16:03 > 0:16:07No! I don't want to know, cos if I don't know, I'm not guilty
0:16:07 > 0:16:11and I'm not going to be one of the people taken away in the van.
0:16:13 > 0:16:16- Why didn't we think of that?- Look...
0:16:16 > 0:16:18I think I've got a solution.
0:16:18 > 0:16:22Once Misty's 16, Brick can't do anything so...
0:16:22 > 0:16:26I know it's a huge ask, but if we could just stay until then.
0:16:26 > 0:16:30And how far away is Misty's 16th birthday?
0:16:30 > 0:16:32Erm...five and a half months.
0:16:32 > 0:16:36He can't serve me an injunction if I never leave the house.
0:16:36 > 0:16:40- You wouldn't leave the house? - I'd pull my weight. - For five and a half months?
0:16:40 > 0:16:45I can cook, and you know I did that interior design course. I could give the house a makeover.
0:16:45 > 0:16:46What do you say?
0:16:46 > 0:16:50- Five and a half months. - All right, Pete.
0:16:50 > 0:16:54Listen, Angela, it wouldn't really be very practical,
0:16:54 > 0:16:57because by then you'd be dead and Pete and I would be in prison.
0:16:57 > 0:17:01- Could we just stay until...? - This evening? Yes, you can.
0:17:01 > 0:17:03This evening?
0:17:03 > 0:17:04Yes.
0:17:09 > 0:17:11COOKERY SHOW ON TV
0:17:11 > 0:17:17- So, Misty, what kind of music do you like?- I don't like music.
0:17:19 > 0:17:24- Why do you have an iPod, then? - To shut out the world.
0:17:29 > 0:17:33Ottfried, what other English TV do you like?
0:17:33 > 0:17:39Erm, I like Ricky Gervais and the other comedian, he is, uh...
0:17:39 > 0:17:43he plays a character, a very funny character of the fat politician.
0:17:43 > 0:17:48And he has funny, funny blond hair, he walks and sometimes cycles,
0:17:48 > 0:17:50I see him on a bike on the TV.
0:17:50 > 0:17:51Do you mean Boris Johnson?
0:17:51 > 0:17:56Yes! Boris Johnson, yes! It's so funny, you like him also?
0:17:56 > 0:17:59No, Ottfried, he's the Mayor of London.
0:17:59 > 0:18:02- Yes, he plays the Mayor of London, a stupid politician...- No...
0:18:02 > 0:18:04Very stupid and funny.
0:18:04 > 0:18:07- Look, Ottfried... - We in Germany love him.
0:18:07 > 0:18:09I'm feeling a little nauseous.
0:18:09 > 0:18:11Can we watch something that isn't a cookery show?
0:18:14 > 0:18:15'Roll the pastry thus...'
0:18:15 > 0:18:18'Herbs, chives and...'
0:18:18 > 0:18:20- 'Duck a l'orange...' - 'Lots of seasoning...'
0:18:20 > 0:18:23- 'Bit of chilli...' - 'Oodles and oodles...'
0:18:23 > 0:18:26'Just look at that! Isn't that a sight to behold?'
0:18:26 > 0:18:28'And lots of pepper on top.'
0:18:28 > 0:18:30Hang on, we'll get one in a sec.
0:18:30 > 0:18:32'The pasta!'
0:18:34 > 0:18:36Angela hasn't gone, has she?
0:18:41 > 0:18:46- What the hell is that?- Tai chi. - Oh, yeah, tai chi,
0:18:46 > 0:18:49the ancient art of attention-seeking.
0:18:49 > 0:18:51- Ah, Jake.- I need a shower.
0:18:51 > 0:18:54Have you told Victoria your real age yet?
0:18:54 > 0:18:56Yes, yes, yes. How many times do I need to tell you?
0:18:56 > 0:19:00Well, it's not really the number of times, it's, "Is it true?"
0:19:02 > 0:19:04DOG BARKS Oh, for... Right!
0:19:07 > 0:19:09Er, Angela?
0:19:09 > 0:19:13- Hi, Pete.- Could you not do that in your room maybe?- It's better outside.
0:19:13 > 0:19:15There are more positive ions.
0:19:15 > 0:19:17You're setting off next door's dog.
0:19:17 > 0:19:21He doesn't like...bright colours and...weird movement.
0:19:21 > 0:19:25Also you're visible to Brick's spy drones out here.
0:19:25 > 0:19:29- Are you worried about the neighbours?- No. - My God, you are, aren't you?
0:19:29 > 0:19:34- It's not the neighbours. It's the dog, once it gets going... - Are you telling me my needs
0:19:34 > 0:19:38- are less important than a dog's?! - Well, in this case...yes.
0:19:38 > 0:19:40Oh, for Christ's sake!
0:19:44 > 0:19:45PHONE BEEPS
0:19:47 > 0:19:49- That's Jake's mobile, isn't it?- Is it?
0:19:49 > 0:19:54"Say where to meet or I pick you up your place. Vic."
0:19:54 > 0:19:57Well, I suppose we'd better tell him.
0:19:57 > 0:20:00Well, then he'll think we've been reading his texts.
0:20:00 > 0:20:04- Maybe it's best to do nothing. - But then she'll come here.- Yeah.
0:20:06 > 0:20:10- Please, may I have some of your fruit?- Of course, help yourself.
0:20:11 > 0:20:15- I've lost him, haven't I? - Eh?- Jake. To her.
0:20:15 > 0:20:18And all the others that will come after her.
0:20:22 > 0:20:23What are you doing?
0:20:24 > 0:20:30Well, we're clearly not welcome here. So we're just going to leave.
0:20:31 > 0:20:33Right, OK!
0:20:33 > 0:20:36- JAKE:- Mum! There's no hot water!
0:20:36 > 0:20:39There's a lot of us in the house at the moment, you'll just have to wait.
0:20:39 > 0:20:42Me and Misty will leave
0:20:42 > 0:20:48and face up to the consequences, however catastrophic.
0:20:48 > 0:20:55- Fair enough.- For myself and that poor, frightened little girl.
0:20:55 > 0:20:56Well, if that's your decision.
0:20:59 > 0:21:03And if this does turn out to be the last time you ever see us,
0:21:03 > 0:21:07- I don't want you to think this was your fault.- We won't. Will you need a cab?
0:21:08 > 0:21:11Yes. Thank you.
0:21:11 > 0:21:15No, I find this most upsetting. I..
0:21:15 > 0:21:19I think you are nice people but you behave in the ways that is not nice.
0:21:19 > 0:21:24Yes, yes, she is annoying, but you are better than this.
0:21:24 > 0:21:28She is your sister and they have nobody,
0:21:28 > 0:21:31so not to help them is unforgivable.
0:21:31 > 0:21:34A lack of morals.
0:21:34 > 0:21:36Anyway, that is what I think.
0:21:39 > 0:21:43His English is actually rather good, isn't it?
0:21:43 > 0:21:46(We don't really have much choice, do we?)
0:21:46 > 0:21:49PHONE BEEPS
0:21:50 > 0:21:52She's outside.
0:21:53 > 0:21:58- I bet this is a bit different from your home.- Oh, I think this is different from any home.
0:21:58 > 0:22:00Hello!
0:22:01 > 0:22:06- You must be Victoria.- Yeah.- Well, don't wait out there in the cold...
0:22:06 > 0:22:08wearing almost nothing, come in.
0:22:08 > 0:22:13- Maybe I'll just...- No, come on in! We can have a chat while Jake gets ready.- No, honestly, I would...
0:22:13 > 0:22:15Just come in.
0:22:18 > 0:22:20Come on, in you come.
0:22:20 > 0:22:23- PHONE RINGS - Misty! Hello?
0:22:23 > 0:22:26Pete, this is Victoria.
0:22:26 > 0:22:31- Hello.- Hey.- Why don't you two go in there and have a nice chat.
0:22:31 > 0:22:33What, us two?
0:22:33 > 0:22:35I think it would be safer. Nice in-depth chat.
0:22:35 > 0:22:38About things.
0:22:53 > 0:22:54Right. Well, um...
0:22:56 > 0:22:57Cup of tea?
0:22:57 > 0:23:00- No, thanks.- Or a beer.
0:23:00 > 0:23:04Because you're old enough to drink, aren't you?
0:23:04 > 0:23:06No, thanks.
0:23:06 > 0:23:12Whereas, with Jake, of course, that's...not the case, because...
0:23:12 > 0:23:13given his age.
0:23:15 > 0:23:18Which you, of course, know because...
0:23:18 > 0:23:21- he's told you.- Sorry?
0:23:21 > 0:23:25- He's told you he's 15? - Why would he do that?
0:23:25 > 0:23:29- Because he's 15.- He's 15?
0:23:29 > 0:23:32Why would he tell me he was 17?
0:23:32 > 0:23:34Well, to impress you, I imagine.
0:23:38 > 0:23:42That is so sweet. Bless him!
0:23:42 > 0:23:46Oh, my God. There are eight,
0:23:46 > 0:23:51no, nine threatening emails from Brick and his lawyers.
0:23:51 > 0:23:55Don't worry, there's a good chance none of this is real. And if it is real,
0:23:55 > 0:24:00there's a quantum universe with infinite worlds and in most of them, this isn't happening.
0:24:00 > 0:24:02- Hi, Martin.- In a lot of them, you're probably on holiday.
0:24:02 > 0:24:04Well, thanks for ringing back.
0:24:04 > 0:24:08- And in one of them, you're playing rugby for England. - Ben, I'm on the phone.
0:24:08 > 0:24:09But only in this universe.
0:24:09 > 0:24:15Illegal? Really? Like, against the law?
0:24:15 > 0:24:18- Yes.- What, me and Jake? God.
0:24:18 > 0:24:23So they could arrest, like, hundreds of thousands of 15-year-old schoolkids all over England.
0:24:23 > 0:24:27- That's really interesting. - Well, interesting's not exactly...
0:24:27 > 0:24:31I can see now why you wanted to speak to me. So we done?
0:24:32 > 0:24:35Well, we're also a bit worried about what you do.
0:24:35 > 0:24:39The dancing? I only do it in Westminster where they make you keep your pants on.
0:24:39 > 0:24:42Well, that's...
0:24:42 > 0:24:44good.
0:24:44 > 0:24:47Look, we're just not sure that one of those clubs
0:24:47 > 0:24:51is a healthy environment for a 15-year-old boy.
0:24:51 > 0:24:54- Oh, I don't let him watch the other girls.- But he is there in the club.
0:24:54 > 0:24:57Look, if you want to check out the club, that it's...
0:24:57 > 0:25:02you know, healthy, this promo gets two people in for free.
0:25:02 > 0:25:04You could take Mrs Brockman.
0:25:04 > 0:25:07I don't think that's going to happen.
0:25:09 > 0:25:11Or not take her.
0:25:13 > 0:25:15- In the multiverse...- Yeah.
0:25:15 > 0:25:20..you can't call anything real. Because reality isn't really real.
0:25:20 > 0:25:24Ben, if ever there was a moment not to question the nature of existence,
0:25:24 > 0:25:26it's now, so just back off!
0:25:26 > 0:25:28Sorry, Martin.
0:25:28 > 0:25:31- In another universe, his name's Trevor.- Yeah?
0:25:31 > 0:25:35At the end of the day, it comes down to this - he's 15.
0:25:35 > 0:25:37- You're 19.- Well, he thinks I'm 19,
0:25:37 > 0:25:40but, I mean, age is only a number, isn't it? Really.
0:25:40 > 0:25:43Sorry, did you just say, "He THINKS I'm 19"?
0:25:43 > 0:25:47Well, everyone does. I have to say that
0:25:47 > 0:25:49or they won't let me do the dancing. I'm 16.
0:25:49 > 0:25:53- You're 16?- Yep.
0:25:53 > 0:25:56You're 16 and he's...15.
0:25:56 > 0:26:00I guess so.
0:26:01 > 0:26:02Well, I guess that's...
0:26:02 > 0:26:07Hi! How long have you been here?
0:26:07 > 0:26:10- Five minutes.- Oh, right, well, we should get going.
0:26:10 > 0:26:13Jake, I know you're 15, not 17.
0:26:14 > 0:26:19- Oh.- But I'm not 19, I'm 16.
0:26:21 > 0:26:25- You're 16?- Yeah.
0:26:28 > 0:26:31- Oh, well.- Oh, well?!
0:26:31 > 0:26:34Do you want to see the Steve Carell film or the space one?
0:26:34 > 0:26:38- They're both on at the cine centre? - Yeah. The Steve Carell one's meant to be good.
0:26:40 > 0:26:43Pete? Did that go well?
0:26:43 > 0:26:48- I... I've really no idea. - Come on, Misty, we're going.
0:26:48 > 0:26:52Angela, look, I've been talking to a friend of mine, Martin,
0:26:52 > 0:26:55who's a solicitor, he's driving up from Portsmouth so we can talk through
0:26:55 > 0:27:01some of the legal options so that you and Misty are protected from Brick.
0:27:01 > 0:27:05What I'm saying is, you don't have to leave.
0:27:05 > 0:27:07You can stay as long as necessary.
0:27:10 > 0:27:13I'm getting back together with Brick.
0:27:15 > 0:27:18- I'm sorry? - That was him on the phone.
0:27:18 > 0:27:21He was lovely. He cried.
0:27:21 > 0:27:25- But you said yourself, he's a monster.- Oh, he has bad days.
0:27:25 > 0:27:28But I can change him. It's like I say in my book, Pete,
0:27:28 > 0:27:31relationships are marathons, not sprints.
0:27:33 > 0:27:36- Come on, Misty, we've got to go and see Daddy.- Oh, for...!
0:27:38 > 0:27:42In German, we have a word for this kind of person. Idiot.
0:27:42 > 0:27:44Yeah, we say idiot as well.
0:27:44 > 0:27:46Also prat, moron, git and pain in the arse.
0:27:49 > 0:27:52- These are all good words. - Look, what matters is she's going.
0:27:52 > 0:27:55- Problem solved.- Yes.
0:27:56 > 0:27:59Oh, by the way, Victoria's only 16.
0:27:59 > 0:28:01She lied about her age so she could pole-dance.
0:28:01 > 0:28:03Right.
0:28:03 > 0:28:05So she's an illegal pole-dancer,
0:28:05 > 0:28:07but she's only a little bit older than Jake.
0:28:07 > 0:28:09That...that's better, isn't it?
0:28:09 > 0:28:13I think it might be worse. But do you know, I'm not sure now.
0:28:13 > 0:28:17- It's sort of better and sort of worse.- I think it is a little worse.
0:28:18 > 0:28:21- Really?- She is entertaining older men.
0:28:21 > 0:28:26- I think you're right. He's right.- They pay for this. - Oh, God. This is so difficult.
0:28:26 > 0:28:28There has to be a question about her morals.
0:28:28 > 0:28:29There must be a helpline for this.
0:28:46 > 0:28:48Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd