0:00:01 > 0:00:07Zofi, find me the number... for E.ON Power.
0:00:07 > 0:00:10'Do you want me to search Facebook for Ian Power?'
0:00:10 > 0:00:12Jesus.
0:00:12 > 0:00:14Search E.ON!
0:00:14 > 0:00:17'Do you want me to search for sea urchin?'
0:00:17 > 0:00:19Sea urchin? What the...?
0:00:19 > 0:00:21You've only had that phone for five minutes
0:00:21 > 0:00:23and already you're in a dysfunctional relationship!
0:00:23 > 0:00:25This phone is deaf!
0:00:25 > 0:00:28It's probably scared of you, cos it found out you smashed your last phone
0:00:28 > 0:00:29by jumping up and down on it.
0:00:29 > 0:00:31I'm surprised they let you have another one after that.
0:00:31 > 0:00:34- Well, Dad lied to them. - Not a lie, exactly.
0:00:34 > 0:00:36Just a white lie.
0:00:36 > 0:00:38It was carried off by a raven?!
0:00:38 > 0:00:39OK. I panicked.
0:00:39 > 0:00:43I was aiming for something where they think no-one could have made that up.
0:00:45 > 0:00:46Hang on. I was sitting there.
0:00:46 > 0:00:48Well, I'm sitting here now, so tough.
0:00:49 > 0:00:52BOTH STRAIN AND GROAN
0:00:52 > 0:00:55Dad, can I use the computer to do my cyber-bullying homework?
0:00:55 > 0:00:58Eh? What happened to good old-fashioned bullying?
0:00:58 > 0:01:00It's a lost art!
0:01:00 > 0:01:03Does nobody have their head stuffed down the toilet any more?
0:01:03 > 0:01:05Well, they do it virtually
0:01:05 > 0:01:07because they get a picture of someone with their head down the toilet
0:01:07 > 0:01:09- and they Photoshop the face...- Yeah.
0:01:09 > 0:01:12..they animate it and then they upload it to YouTube.
0:01:12 > 0:01:14- BOTH GROAN - Here, mind my tea!
0:01:14 > 0:01:16You're going to knock over your Zimmer frame!
0:01:16 > 0:01:22The biggest muscles you have got are in...your...hair!
0:01:22 > 0:01:26The old silverback is ejected from the family group.
0:01:26 > 0:01:27I'll take you on next.
0:01:27 > 0:01:30STRAINING AND GRUNTING
0:01:30 > 0:01:34I could snap you in half like a twig!
0:01:34 > 0:01:36FRONT DOOR CLOSES
0:01:36 > 0:01:39Don't stop the mindless violence for me!
0:01:40 > 0:01:44- How's Grandad? - Oh, he's still very poorly, darling.
0:01:44 > 0:01:46Did he recognise you?
0:01:46 > 0:01:50Well, yeah, but as someone who worked in a bar in Korea.
0:01:51 > 0:01:54Obviously, they were very close.
0:01:54 > 0:01:58- And is he still, er, in danger? - Could go either way, they say.
0:01:58 > 0:02:00- I'll put the kettle on.- Thanks.
0:02:02 > 0:02:06- I was right to ring Angela, wasn't I?- You had to.
0:02:06 > 0:02:08And we've got to have that big talk with her anyway.
0:02:08 > 0:02:11Oh, I'm looking forward to that(!)
0:02:11 > 0:02:13Oh, God, Auntie Angela's coming?
0:02:13 > 0:02:16I wonder what strange bloke she'll have in tow this time!
0:02:16 > 0:02:21We had the psychotic psychiatrist, the secretly gay Mexican lumberjack
0:02:21 > 0:02:24and the delusional, stone-balancing accountant.
0:02:24 > 0:02:27Oh, and there was that one who was really weird!
0:02:27 > 0:02:29- She's got religion now. - I thought she did religion?
0:02:29 > 0:02:31You know, in between being a Maoist and a fruitarian.
0:02:31 > 0:02:33Yeah, well, that was just Buddhism. That doesn't count.
0:02:33 > 0:02:35She just chanted and shopped in Monsoon.
0:02:35 > 0:02:37Where's Ben?
0:02:37 > 0:02:40Spartacus "the musical". It's the dress rehearsal tonight.
0:02:40 > 0:02:45He's been practising nonstop. I just hope he hasn't wrecked his voice.
0:02:45 > 0:02:48How?! He sounds like a sea lion stuck down a mine shaft.
0:02:48 > 0:02:50- Hey, just...- Hi, Sue!
0:02:50 > 0:02:54- I'm sorry to hear about your dad. - Stacey!
0:02:54 > 0:02:55Hello!
0:02:55 > 0:03:00Yeah, Stacey's come back for a couple of days before she flies to Greece.
0:03:00 > 0:03:02How lovely!
0:03:02 > 0:03:05At least there's some good news!
0:03:05 > 0:03:06So, you chose Greece?
0:03:06 > 0:03:09Yep. There's got to be some bargains there since the economy tanked.
0:03:09 > 0:03:11Make them an offer on the Acropolis!
0:03:12 > 0:03:15It's a hill with a temple on it.
0:03:16 > 0:03:19In Athens, which is in Greece.
0:03:19 > 0:03:23Oh! Cool. Right, I'm just going to go depilate.
0:03:23 > 0:03:27- Has she never heard of a hotel?! - There's quite a lot of things she's never heard of.
0:03:27 > 0:03:32My favourites are the Vietnam War, typewriters...and Norway.
0:03:32 > 0:03:37I'm sorry, Sue, she is my goddaughter, I couldn't turn her away.
0:03:37 > 0:03:40Yeah. And Ben'll slip back into his testosterone coma.
0:03:40 > 0:03:42- I'll get that tea. - I've made it already.
0:03:42 > 0:03:45It's by the kettle.
0:03:45 > 0:03:46Thanks.
0:03:46 > 0:03:50- Karen's being really nice to me. - Well, to everyone.
0:03:50 > 0:03:54I think maybe the penny's dropped since she had that talk with the headmistress.
0:03:54 > 0:03:58An adult she respects. How long is it since we've had one of those?
0:03:58 > 0:03:59Father Christmas?
0:03:59 > 0:04:04Actually, didn't she call him "fatso in a red dress" when she got the wrong bear?
0:04:04 > 0:04:05Oh, yeah.
0:04:05 > 0:04:08Be a shame if she lost her essential Karen-ness.
0:04:08 > 0:04:10I know I shouldn't say this,
0:04:10 > 0:04:15but I think we may have finally got to a point where they're all, you know, OK.
0:04:15 > 0:04:18- Yeah.- Are you OK?
0:04:18 > 0:04:22I'm all right. I held Dad's hand and had a bit of a blub.
0:04:22 > 0:04:24Oh, I don't know. Maybe it's best if he doesn't pull through.
0:04:24 > 0:04:27I wouldn't want for him to get like some of that lot in the home.
0:04:28 > 0:04:33Oh, God. One day it'll be our kids having a conversation like this about us!
0:04:33 > 0:04:36No, they'll have packed us off to that place in Switzerland long before that.
0:04:36 > 0:04:39I've got my place back on the sofa, sucker!
0:04:39 > 0:04:42Jake, you've got a text from Alex!
0:04:42 > 0:04:45OK! Don't look at it!
0:04:48 > 0:04:50Yes!
0:04:50 > 0:04:52You think you're so funny.
0:04:57 > 0:05:00- Karen, why aren't you in bed? - Because I'm in the kitchen.
0:05:00 > 0:05:02SHE SIGHS
0:05:02 > 0:05:05I think her Karen-ness is still intact.
0:05:05 > 0:05:06- FRONT DOOR SLAMS - Ooh!
0:05:08 > 0:05:10Ben, the front door is not your enemy!
0:05:10 > 0:05:12- How was the dress?! - BEN: Terrible.
0:05:12 > 0:05:13Well, that's probably...
0:05:13 > 0:05:17I've just let Auntie Angela in. And a man. I'm going straight to bed.
0:05:17 > 0:05:19(Angela.)
0:05:22 > 0:05:24- Hi.- Angela.
0:05:24 > 0:05:27- Hi.- You're here.
0:05:27 > 0:05:29I landed three hours ago and rushed straight to the care home,
0:05:29 > 0:05:31which I have just come from,
0:05:31 > 0:05:33- and where dad is fine.- Fine?!
0:05:33 > 0:05:35He's seriously ill.
0:05:35 > 0:05:37He was watching the boxing.
0:05:37 > 0:05:39He's watching the boxing?! Are you sure?
0:05:39 > 0:05:41Well, the boxing was on the television, and he was watching it.
0:05:43 > 0:05:45- Well, that's great. - Yes, it is great!
0:05:45 > 0:05:49Though, from your phone call, I wasn't sure I'd even get here in time.
0:05:49 > 0:05:51But, still, that's a relief, isn't it?
0:05:51 > 0:05:54Yes, a relief. And a surprise.
0:05:54 > 0:05:59Well, I was at the care home, er, three or four hours ago, and...and, honestly,
0:05:59 > 0:06:03he was seriously ill. "Could go either way," they said.
0:06:05 > 0:06:06You brought suitcases, I see.
0:06:06 > 0:06:08I rushed straight here, Pete.
0:06:08 > 0:06:13I left halfway through an exorcism. I didn't have time to book a hotel.
0:06:14 > 0:06:16- Hi.- Hi.
0:06:16 > 0:06:18- Hi.- Hi.
0:06:21 > 0:06:23Hello, Auntie Angela. How are you?
0:06:23 > 0:06:26I'm... I'm...fine.
0:06:26 > 0:06:28Thank you, Karen.
0:06:28 > 0:06:30Could you put me through to the Nixon ward, please?
0:06:30 > 0:06:32This is Tommy.
0:06:32 > 0:06:35- Tommy?- He came over to support me.
0:06:35 > 0:06:38Because I expected a situation serious enough to need support.
0:06:38 > 0:06:41Yeah. Hi, yes...
0:06:41 > 0:06:42You've got a really cool home.
0:06:43 > 0:06:46- Thank you.- I have a hamster called Tommy.
0:06:46 > 0:06:49But he's stuck under the floorboards, and Dad won't take them up.
0:06:49 > 0:06:52Karen, it's two-and-a-half months since he did a runner.
0:06:52 > 0:06:54What would he have lived off since then?
0:06:54 > 0:06:56The hamster food that I pushed through the floorboards.
0:06:56 > 0:07:00Well, that would explain the smell. I thought that was Tommy.
0:07:00 > 0:07:01Yeah.
0:07:02 > 0:07:04No, not, not you.
0:07:04 > 0:07:06Sorry, I didn't mean you, I meant...
0:07:06 > 0:07:09Look, I have come 7,000 miles!
0:07:09 > 0:07:11Perhaps we could stop discussing hamsters!
0:07:11 > 0:07:15Right. So, the antibiotics they've given him have kicked in
0:07:15 > 0:07:17and he's taken a sudden turn for the better.
0:07:17 > 0:07:19Well, I know.
0:07:19 > 0:07:22Cos I've just come from there. As I just informed you.
0:07:24 > 0:07:26Well.
0:07:26 > 0:07:28Here we are again.
0:07:36 > 0:07:38Anyone like a cup of tea?
0:07:38 > 0:07:39Auntie Angela?
0:07:40 > 0:07:42- You're offering me tea?- Yes.
0:07:42 > 0:07:45- Thank you.- Biscuits?
0:07:45 > 0:07:47Yes.
0:07:47 > 0:07:48OK.
0:07:49 > 0:07:51- What was all that about?- Sorry?
0:07:51 > 0:07:53Well, she's being nice to me. It's unnerving.
0:07:53 > 0:07:55It's a phase she's going through. She...
0:07:55 > 0:07:57It's a good phase.
0:07:57 > 0:07:59She's a great kid.
0:07:59 > 0:08:02And your dad, Sue, must've been a great guy.
0:08:02 > 0:08:03He still is.
0:08:03 > 0:08:06I don't know why he's in that hideous home.
0:08:06 > 0:08:09with all those old people, being old
0:08:09 > 0:08:13with their old-people smell and...elasticated trousers.
0:08:13 > 0:08:16Don't suppose he knew who you were, did he?
0:08:17 > 0:08:19- No, actually, he did.- Really?
0:08:19 > 0:08:22- He held my hand. - He'll hold anybody's hand!
0:08:22 > 0:08:23Cleaners have complained.
0:08:23 > 0:08:27He smiled and whispered, "Ange."
0:08:28 > 0:08:31Here we are. Nice cup of tea.
0:08:33 > 0:08:34Thank you.
0:08:37 > 0:08:39Are you sure he said "Ange"?
0:08:39 > 0:08:42Sure he didn't say "ungh"?
0:08:42 > 0:08:45It was Ange.
0:08:45 > 0:08:48Cos he makes the "ungh" noise quite a lot.
0:08:48 > 0:08:51He said Ange, didn't he? Yeah.
0:08:51 > 0:08:52Yeah, he did say...
0:08:53 > 0:08:54..what she said.
0:08:56 > 0:08:58Recognises me as well. Totally.
0:08:58 > 0:09:00- Did he say your name? - Says my name all the time.
0:09:00 > 0:09:03So, he recognises everyone! That's just...
0:09:03 > 0:09:04splendid.
0:09:04 > 0:09:08There is something else that we do need to talk about.
0:09:09 > 0:09:13- Hiya.- Um, this is my goddaughter. Stacey,
0:09:13 > 0:09:16this is Angela and Tommy.
0:09:16 > 0:09:20Stacey's staying with us until she heads off to Greece very soon.
0:09:20 > 0:09:22Travelling the world, eh? Yeah.
0:09:22 > 0:09:24Oh, God, Sue, do you remember just before you went to uni,
0:09:24 > 0:09:28and I took you off to the Greek islands and we lived on retsina
0:09:28 > 0:09:31and slept on the beach under the stars.
0:09:31 > 0:09:33Well, I slept on the beach under the stars.
0:09:33 > 0:09:36You slept in a taverna with that Greek waiter you'd met.
0:09:36 > 0:09:39Oh! Hercules! The one who had the brother who liked you!
0:09:39 > 0:09:40Yeah!
0:09:40 > 0:09:44The obese, 50-year-old, one-legged, epileptic brother!
0:09:44 > 0:09:46Chased me all over the island.
0:09:46 > 0:09:48Well, he tried to.
0:09:48 > 0:09:50Sisters, eh?! Oh, you can't beat them.
0:09:50 > 0:09:52No. But you can kick them.
0:09:52 > 0:09:56Probably, we should just all head up to bed.
0:09:56 > 0:10:00OK. Just for tonight, Stacey, you'll have to go in with Karen.
0:10:00 > 0:10:01OK.
0:10:01 > 0:10:05Jake can go in with Ben, and Angela and Tommy, you can go in Jake's room,
0:10:05 > 0:10:08assuming, that is, you'd like to share a room.
0:10:08 > 0:10:09And why wouldn't we?
0:10:09 > 0:10:12Well, I don't know the nature of your relationship.
0:10:12 > 0:10:14Is this to do with our difference in age?
0:10:14 > 0:10:15No, not at all.
0:10:15 > 0:10:17So, I shall put you in the same room.
0:10:17 > 0:10:20Tommy's born-again, like me.
0:10:20 > 0:10:21We met at Sunday school.
0:10:21 > 0:10:24- Was he still at Sunday school? - Probably an adult Sunday school.
0:10:24 > 0:10:25SLAMS DOWN HER MUG
0:10:29 > 0:10:33Yeah. We'll head up... DOOR SLAMS
0:10:33 > 0:10:35..to your upstairs,
0:10:35 > 0:10:37which I'm sure is as great as your downstairs.
0:10:42 > 0:10:45Well, that could have gone worse!
0:10:45 > 0:10:47She doesn't appear to be wanted by Interpol.
0:10:47 > 0:10:49There hasn't been any physical violence yet.
0:10:51 > 0:10:55Do you think she came over purely to show off her Stepford toy boy?
0:10:55 > 0:10:57I don't know.
0:10:57 > 0:11:00So, how long do you think this relationship will last? Ooh!
0:11:00 > 0:11:03'I do not understand your question.'
0:11:03 > 0:11:04I haven't got the hang of this yet.
0:11:08 > 0:11:09I can hear a hamster-y noise in the wall.
0:11:09 > 0:11:12There's no such thing as a hamster-y noise.
0:11:12 > 0:11:14- You should check it out. - Thank you, Karen.
0:11:14 > 0:11:18Well, I'll just rip out the fitted kitchen, shall I, in the search for dead,
0:11:18 > 0:11:19domesticated vermin?
0:11:19 > 0:11:21You shouldn't talk to her like that.
0:11:21 > 0:11:23- It is OK, it's what he does. - Look, Karen,
0:11:23 > 0:11:26I'm sorry, but he's gone.
0:11:26 > 0:11:27Hiya!
0:11:27 > 0:11:29Hi. How was your dad this morning?
0:11:29 > 0:11:32Yeah, yeah, a lot better. Sitting up. Eating.
0:11:32 > 0:11:35Did you mention to the staff about the Britain's Got Talent thing?
0:11:35 > 0:11:36Britain's Got Talent?
0:11:36 > 0:11:41Why he confuses Amanda Holden with Eva Braun, I have absolutely no idea,
0:11:41 > 0:11:44but it is safer to keep him out of the TV room on a Saturday night.
0:11:44 > 0:11:46- Where's everyone else? - All still asleep.
0:11:46 > 0:11:47Teenagers, eh?
0:11:47 > 0:11:50I wasn't including Tommy in that, by the way!
0:11:50 > 0:11:52Just Ben, Jake and Stacey.
0:11:52 > 0:11:55Tommy's obviously not even close to being a teenager.
0:11:56 > 0:12:00You can't help yourself, can you? CUTLERY CLATTERS
0:12:01 > 0:12:05Look, for the sake of your dad,
0:12:05 > 0:12:10it is very important that you don't get into a...confrontation.
0:12:10 > 0:12:11You were worse than me last time!
0:12:11 > 0:12:14- The time before? - Oh, not that again?!
0:12:14 > 0:12:18Honestly, you kick your sister up the arse at a wedding once,
0:12:18 > 0:12:19and no-one lets you forget it.
0:12:21 > 0:12:23What?
0:12:23 > 0:12:25Well, I thought I heard scratching above the oven.
0:12:25 > 0:12:28That's autosuggestion. He's not there.
0:12:28 > 0:12:29Hello, star.
0:12:29 > 0:12:31- I'm not playing Spartacus tonight. - What?
0:12:31 > 0:12:33The dress rehearsal was awful.
0:12:33 > 0:12:34Well, it can't have been that bad.
0:12:34 > 0:12:38I walked across the sea, I poked the pianist in the eye with the trident
0:12:38 > 0:12:40and I fell off the cross. I'm not doing it.
0:12:40 > 0:12:41Ben!
0:12:43 > 0:12:44Ben.
0:12:44 > 0:12:48Ben, look, it is perfectly natural to be nervous before a big show like this,
0:12:48 > 0:12:49but you know what they say?
0:12:49 > 0:12:52Once you've fallen off the horse, you have to get straight back on.
0:12:52 > 0:12:54- How did you know I fell off a horse?- You fell off a horse?
0:12:54 > 0:12:57Yeah! Zach and Ibrahim, they were having a fight inside the costume.
0:12:57 > 0:13:00- Well, look, anyway... - How did the dress rehearsal go, Ben?
0:13:00 > 0:13:02- Yeah, great.- Oh, fantastic.
0:13:02 > 0:13:04You're going to be fab!
0:13:04 > 0:13:06But I need to go and google Greece some more.
0:13:06 > 0:13:09Did you know they invented civilisation?
0:13:10 > 0:13:11Hats off to the Greeks, eh!
0:13:13 > 0:13:15Listen, you are the lead. You can't...
0:13:15 > 0:13:17I'm not doing it!
0:13:17 > 0:13:21- Have you seen my phone? - No. Angela, listen,
0:13:21 > 0:13:24there is a serious problem with Dad and the home.
0:13:24 > 0:13:26- All his savings have run out. - They can't all have gone.
0:13:26 > 0:13:27Hey, guys.
0:13:27 > 0:13:29And as we're quite stretched,
0:13:29 > 0:13:33what we'd like to suggest is that we go half-and-half.
0:13:33 > 0:13:37Oh. Now I see.
0:13:37 > 0:13:39That's why you tricked me into coming over.
0:13:39 > 0:13:41No, we didn't!
0:13:41 > 0:13:44But surely if his money's run out, the Government will pay.
0:13:44 > 0:13:45They've got to do that.
0:13:45 > 0:13:49Well, possibly, but then we'd have to move him
0:13:49 > 0:13:51out of the place he's in and into a cheaper home and that...
0:13:51 > 0:13:53Look, I care about him as much as you.
0:13:53 > 0:13:56But what difference does it make where he lives, if he doesn't know who anybody is?!
0:13:56 > 0:13:58Well, he does, because he called you Ange.
0:13:58 > 0:14:00Yeah, but...
0:14:00 > 0:14:02That's not very helpful at the moment. The point is...
0:14:02 > 0:14:05I don't know why you put him in there in the first place. It's depressing.
0:14:05 > 0:14:09- Full of all those old people. - It's an old people's home.
0:14:09 > 0:14:11You can't have an old people's home without old people.
0:14:11 > 0:14:13- It's creepy. - It was kind of creepy.
0:14:15 > 0:14:16Look, the point is...
0:14:16 > 0:14:20So, Pete, I think we're just going to have to
0:14:20 > 0:14:23trust in the mercy of the Lord on this one.
0:14:24 > 0:14:27I don't think the home will accept that as collateral!
0:14:29 > 0:14:32You know, what's great is that you guys are all talking.
0:14:36 > 0:14:39- FRONT DOOR SLAMS - Oh, great!
0:14:39 > 0:14:41- Now she's gone out. - No, that was Ben.
0:14:41 > 0:14:44He's having a meltdown. He's gone for a walk.
0:14:44 > 0:14:48He's probably exaggerating. He couldn't have been that bad.
0:14:48 > 0:14:50No, he was. I've been on Facebook.
0:14:50 > 0:14:52But people like these little mistakes in a school production!
0:14:52 > 0:14:56Mum, when the Romans asked, "Which one of you is Spartacus?"
0:14:56 > 0:14:58all the other gladiators just pointed at him.
0:15:00 > 0:15:02Can you change the channel, please?
0:15:02 > 0:15:05The guy with the vegetable nose is freaking me out.
0:15:07 > 0:15:08That's Bob The Builder
0:15:08 > 0:15:13- and Spud's supposed to have a carrot nose, because he's a scarecrow.- Bob!
0:15:13 > 0:15:16I don't know why they even show people with vegetable noses on TV.
0:15:16 > 0:15:18It is not natural. Can you change the channel, please?
0:15:18 > 0:15:20Bob.
0:15:22 > 0:15:25- Angela, I know you're hiding in there.- I have very little, Sue.
0:15:25 > 0:15:28I'm like a gypsy just wandering from place to place.
0:15:28 > 0:15:31You've got all this stuff.
0:15:31 > 0:15:34- A big house.- A big second mortgage.
0:15:34 > 0:15:36Come on, Angela.
0:15:36 > 0:15:3750-50.
0:15:37 > 0:15:40You know you were always his favourite.
0:15:40 > 0:15:41Look, Sue!
0:15:41 > 0:15:42SHE SCREAMS
0:15:42 > 0:15:44Oh, Jesus, Sue!
0:15:44 > 0:15:47There's a rat in your bathroom! It came up at the hole behind the toilet!
0:15:47 > 0:15:49- DOORBELL RINGS - Are you sure it wasn't a hamster?
0:15:49 > 0:15:51Well, it didn't have its bloody wheel!
0:15:54 > 0:15:56I forgot my keys.
0:15:56 > 0:15:57Are you OK?
0:15:58 > 0:15:59Ben.
0:16:01 > 0:16:03I have heard you rehearse all the songs
0:16:03 > 0:16:07and you are really good!
0:16:07 > 0:16:14Mr Wilson, four doors down, he said you have a very distinctive voice.
0:16:14 > 0:16:20I know all the lines and it's just when I try and say them, my brain just stops
0:16:20 > 0:16:24like a frozen laptop and I can't just turn myself off and on again.
0:16:24 > 0:16:25Well...
0:16:25 > 0:16:27Everyone I know is going to be there -
0:16:27 > 0:16:32you, Stacey. The school magazine is going to write a review on it.
0:16:32 > 0:16:34You mustn't worry about the critics.
0:16:34 > 0:16:39Every interview you read with an actor before a brilliant performance,
0:16:39 > 0:16:41they're always worried that they're going to get crucified.
0:16:41 > 0:16:43Well, I am going to get crucified.
0:16:43 > 0:16:47If I don't fall off the cross again. I'm not going to do this.
0:16:47 > 0:16:49Well, that's a big decision, and it's your decision.
0:16:49 > 0:16:51But you need to tell Mr Farthingwell.
0:16:53 > 0:16:55Can you ring him for me?
0:16:55 > 0:16:57No. You have to ring him.
0:17:01 > 0:17:02Are you all right, Auntie?
0:17:02 > 0:17:05I've got to get out of this rat-infested house.
0:17:05 > 0:17:09Your mum and dad, well, they just keep having a go at me.
0:17:09 > 0:17:12I think they're right about Grandad and the money for the home.
0:17:12 > 0:17:15Oh, Jake, you're turning into them.
0:17:15 > 0:17:18God, you really do need to get away.
0:17:18 > 0:17:19Travel the world.
0:17:19 > 0:17:22Work as a cowboy. Swim the Bosphorus.
0:17:22 > 0:17:26Have your heart broken by a knife-thrower's assistant.
0:17:26 > 0:17:29Yeah, that does all sound quite dangerous.
0:17:29 > 0:17:31Where are you going on your gap year?
0:17:31 > 0:17:33Um... Well, I'm not.
0:17:33 > 0:17:34Is this them stopping you?
0:17:34 > 0:17:36No, only because Mum thought I shouldn't...
0:17:36 > 0:17:38- Right. - No. Auntie...!
0:17:38 > 0:17:41I'm sorry, I just can't, Mr Farthingwell.
0:17:41 > 0:17:43She's just going to keep running away.
0:17:43 > 0:17:45What in God's name are we going to do now?
0:17:45 > 0:17:47'I do not understand the question.'
0:17:47 > 0:17:50You are a menace with that thing!
0:17:50 > 0:17:52- You've got to let Jake go on a gap year.- What?
0:17:52 > 0:17:55- Why are we suddenly talking about this?- Let him live!
0:17:55 > 0:17:56I never said that you'd stopped me going.
0:17:56 > 0:17:58Travel is the best degree you can get.
0:17:58 > 0:18:01Well, to employers, it's the equivalent of sociology at Bolton.
0:18:01 > 0:18:04Oh, your world is so tiny.
0:18:04 > 0:18:05Everyone should have a gap year!
0:18:05 > 0:18:07Your whole life is a gap year!
0:18:07 > 0:18:12You see, Jake, you've got to escape these mediocrities.
0:18:12 > 0:18:13They're not mediocre. They're...
0:18:13 > 0:18:16ordinary.
0:18:16 > 0:18:19Thank you. I think?
0:18:19 > 0:18:20Look, we...
0:18:20 > 0:18:21- I spoke to Mr Farthingwell.- Yeah?
0:18:21 > 0:18:24I said I'd do it, as long as I don't have to be washed by the handmaidens.
0:18:24 > 0:18:26Oh, that is brilliant!
0:18:26 > 0:18:28Well done, Ben, you will be brilliant tonight.
0:18:29 > 0:18:31I've been sick.
0:18:32 > 0:18:35Well, that's perfectly normal. Loads of performers do that before a show.
0:18:35 > 0:18:37In the fireplace.
0:18:37 > 0:18:39Right, well, don't worry,
0:18:39 > 0:18:41- I'll clear that up. - And at the bottom of the stairs.
0:18:42 > 0:18:45OK. That's fine.
0:18:45 > 0:18:49Look, we have to sort out about Dad.
0:18:49 > 0:18:52- I simply don't have the money. - You do have the money.
0:18:52 > 0:18:57You flew here club class, Jake found the ticket stubs.
0:18:59 > 0:19:02We were upgraded from premium economy. And now we have to be on our way.
0:19:02 > 0:19:05Angela, you can't keep running away.
0:19:05 > 0:19:07You have a responsibility to your family.
0:19:07 > 0:19:10Why? Why do we have responsibilities to our families?
0:19:10 > 0:19:12Cos they're...there.
0:19:12 > 0:19:17Families are just like strangers you get stuck in a lift with.
0:19:17 > 0:19:20Dad, it might be Tommy. I can hear scratching.
0:19:20 > 0:19:22- Hey, guys.- We need to pack.
0:19:22 > 0:19:23We're going to the airport.
0:19:23 > 0:19:27Oh, you know what, Angie? I might stay in Europe,
0:19:27 > 0:19:29- do a bit of travelling. - Travelling?
0:19:29 > 0:19:31Yeah.
0:19:31 > 0:19:32Are you cool with that?
0:19:32 > 0:19:35Well, yes. Obviously.
0:19:35 > 0:19:38Travel is the best degree you can get.
0:19:38 > 0:19:39That's so true.
0:19:41 > 0:19:43Um, where were you thinking of going travelling?
0:19:43 > 0:19:46Oh, around Greece, maybe.
0:19:46 > 0:19:49- The same as Stacey? - Yeah. Yeah,
0:19:49 > 0:19:50I'm just going to take a look around Europe, you know.
0:19:50 > 0:19:53See the Parthenon, the pyramids.
0:19:53 > 0:19:56The pyramids aren't in Europe. They're in Africa.
0:19:56 > 0:19:58Oh, Stacey said they were.
0:19:58 > 0:19:59JAKE: I can see it.
0:19:59 > 0:20:03- Are you sure you're cool with this? - Absolutely!
0:20:03 > 0:20:05Very cool indeed.
0:20:05 > 0:20:07Totally chilled.
0:20:07 > 0:20:10Perhaps we could discuss this upstairs while I pack.
0:20:10 > 0:20:13Aw, I'm good here.
0:20:13 > 0:20:15Well, I'll be... It is Tommy!
0:20:15 > 0:20:17- It is what?- Tommy.
0:20:17 > 0:20:20- Yeah?- Really doesn't matter.
0:20:20 > 0:20:22Angela, you can't just walk away!
0:20:22 > 0:20:24It's not fair, you ambushing me like this!
0:20:24 > 0:20:26Well, it's not fair Dad's in a home!
0:20:26 > 0:20:30It's not fair he doesn't know who I am! It's not fair he's stopped being him!
0:20:30 > 0:20:33What is fair about any of it?!
0:20:33 > 0:20:35'Do you want me to look up Faro boat trips?'
0:20:35 > 0:20:40Could you stop leaning on that effing button?!
0:20:40 > 0:20:41Ange...
0:20:41 > 0:20:44Listen, I am not wired for all of these petty practicalities.
0:20:44 > 0:20:46If he's ill again, don't call me, it doesn't help him.
0:20:46 > 0:20:47Just let me know when it's...
0:20:49 > 0:20:50..when it's all over.
0:20:53 > 0:20:57Tommy, I could always take you to see the pyramids.
0:20:57 > 0:20:59Yeah, thanks, but I...
0:20:59 > 0:21:01I kind of need to do some stuff on my own.
0:21:01 > 0:21:03Yes, of course.
0:21:04 > 0:21:06No problem.
0:21:06 > 0:21:08- Get him?- Oh...
0:21:09 > 0:21:11We caught Tommy.
0:21:12 > 0:21:14So we can do nothing about my dad...
0:21:16 > 0:21:18..but we do have a hamster.
0:21:18 > 0:21:19Way to go, team.
0:21:19 > 0:21:21Have you caught him?
0:21:21 > 0:21:23Oh, you've caught him! Oh, hi!
0:21:23 > 0:21:27Aw, thank you so much, Dad!
0:21:27 > 0:21:30Aw! Thanks, Jake.
0:21:30 > 0:21:34Oh, Sue, are you feeling left out? Do you want a hug?
0:21:34 > 0:21:36No, you don't, do you?
0:21:38 > 0:21:40- Front row?- Yeah.
0:21:40 > 0:21:42Otherwise we won't be able to see anything
0:21:42 > 0:21:46when they all start holding their bloody phones up in the air.
0:21:46 > 0:21:48Sorry about earlier, by the way.
0:21:50 > 0:21:52Stacey's Australian, she's used to swearing.
0:21:52 > 0:21:54And the threat you made wasn't really a threat
0:21:54 > 0:21:58because you posed it as a question.
0:21:58 > 0:21:59A rhetorical question, in fact,
0:21:59 > 0:22:04because she wouldn't have wanted you to do what you said.
0:22:04 > 0:22:06Sod the lot of them! I'm...
0:22:06 > 0:22:08Do you know what? I'm just going to sit here
0:22:08 > 0:22:10and I'm going to enjoy watching my son.
0:22:10 > 0:22:13- Um...- What?
0:22:13 > 0:22:15Well, the word is, Ben's chickened out again.
0:22:15 > 0:22:18- BOTH: Oh... - But he spoke to Mr Farthingwell.
0:22:18 > 0:22:21Apparently, some kid's going to play Spartacus holding a script.
0:22:21 > 0:22:24Oh, God, no!
0:22:24 > 0:22:25Where's Karen?
0:22:28 > 0:22:29Oh, there you are.
0:22:29 > 0:22:32I'm scared.
0:22:32 > 0:22:33But you like being scared.
0:22:33 > 0:22:37You're the boy who eats cheese just before bed to give himself nightmares.
0:22:39 > 0:22:40Yeah, but those nightmares are in my head.
0:22:40 > 0:22:45Not in front of 300 people and a lady mayoress.
0:22:45 > 0:22:47- Is she the one with the bling?- Yeah.
0:22:47 > 0:22:49Well, you can't wuss out.
0:22:49 > 0:22:52You know I'll just keep bringing it up in arguments.
0:22:52 > 0:22:53You're making it too easy for me.
0:22:57 > 0:23:00Well, Spartacus, I think you should do it.
0:23:00 > 0:23:02- Why?- Because you'll be good.
0:23:04 > 0:23:08Have you ever said anything nice to me before?
0:23:10 > 0:23:11No.
0:23:11 > 0:23:12I don't think I have.
0:23:14 > 0:23:16Better try and find Ben.
0:23:16 > 0:23:17What next?
0:23:17 > 0:23:21A plague of locusts? Frogs raining down?
0:23:21 > 0:23:22What's this?
0:23:22 > 0:23:24Auntie Angela said to give it to you.
0:23:24 > 0:23:26Once she was airborne.
0:23:27 > 0:23:28It's a cheque.
0:23:28 > 0:23:29Bloody hell!
0:23:29 > 0:23:33God, that's going to keep Dad going for ages. But...
0:23:33 > 0:23:34I had a word with her. I've set her straight.
0:23:34 > 0:23:36- Why has she done this? - Well, she's paying us off
0:23:36 > 0:23:39so she doesn't have to see him again and be reminded that she's next in line.
0:23:39 > 0:23:40Did she say that?
0:23:40 > 0:23:43No, but I am doing A-level psychology.
0:23:43 > 0:23:44How?
0:23:47 > 0:23:53Ladies and gentlemen, I just need to make an announcement about a late change.
0:23:53 > 0:23:55This is it.
0:23:55 > 0:23:59The sea battle now involves strobe lighting,
0:23:59 > 0:24:00so, um,
0:24:00 > 0:24:03please be aware if you're prone to fits.
0:24:03 > 0:24:06Also, anyone with a fear of crocodiles
0:24:06 > 0:24:11should probably miss the start of part two. Enjoy the show.
0:24:12 > 0:24:14BUGLE BLOWS
0:24:14 > 0:24:16APPLAUSE
0:24:16 > 0:24:18BOYS: Behold, Spartacus.
0:24:18 > 0:24:19It's stuck.
0:24:19 > 0:24:22- Push it!- I am pushing!
0:24:24 > 0:24:25GROANING
0:24:26 > 0:24:29Who will pay to see me fight? APPLAUSE
0:24:37 > 0:24:40I told him Stacey would be horribly disappointed if he didn't go on.
0:24:40 > 0:24:43- She's not coming now. - He doesn't know that.
0:24:44 > 0:24:45Sorry.
0:24:45 > 0:24:48Well, that's the answer to our problems.
0:24:48 > 0:24:51Just let the kids sort everything out.
0:24:51 > 0:24:56ALL: Who will pay to see him fight?
0:24:56 > 0:24:58CHEERING
0:25:03 > 0:25:05GROANING
0:25:06 > 0:25:08LAUGHTER
0:25:09 > 0:25:12CHEERING
0:25:12 > 0:25:13GROANING
0:25:21 > 0:25:24CHEERING Go on! Do it!
0:25:25 > 0:25:28CHEERING
0:25:28 > 0:25:31CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:25:32 > 0:25:36Oh, no. Vesuvius has erupted!
0:25:40 > 0:25:42Run for your lives!
0:25:52 > 0:25:55Calm down! It's only a volcano!
0:25:57 > 0:25:58Sorry.
0:25:58 > 0:26:01What about now, Lavinia? Will you kiss me now?
0:26:02 > 0:26:06WOLF WHISTLING AND WHOOPING
0:26:08 > 0:26:10APPLAUSE
0:26:10 > 0:26:11# No, I'm not a liar
0:26:11 > 0:26:15# We'll beat you like Hannibal Your legions are tired
0:26:15 > 0:26:17# And your warships are rammable
0:26:17 > 0:26:20# We're not for hire and we're just not bannable
0:26:20 > 0:26:24# Our hearts are on fire And your houses are flammable
0:26:24 > 0:26:25ALL: # So listen up
0:26:25 > 0:26:27# Don't make a fuss
0:26:27 > 0:26:32# And know his name is Spartacus. #
0:26:33 > 0:26:35APPLAUSE
0:26:35 > 0:26:37Which of you is Spartacus?
0:26:37 > 0:26:39I am Spartacus.
0:26:39 > 0:26:41No, I'm Spartacus.
0:26:41 > 0:26:44No, I am Spartacus. No, sorry.
0:26:46 > 0:26:51# OK, we lost, but we invented liberty
0:26:51 > 0:26:57# OK, there's a cost but one day you'll all be free
0:26:57 > 0:27:00# Then you won't be bossed
0:27:00 > 0:27:03# Just wait and you will see
0:27:03 > 0:27:05# Sunrays melt the frost
0:27:05 > 0:27:09# The rulers will be you and me
0:27:09 > 0:27:10# We're the question
0:27:10 > 0:27:11# We're the answer
0:27:11 > 0:27:13# We're the music
0:27:13 > 0:27:14# We're the dancer
0:27:14 > 0:27:16# We're the earth, the sky, the sea
0:27:16 > 0:27:19# We're something new
0:27:19 > 0:27:24# We're liberty
0:27:25 > 0:27:26# Black or white
0:27:26 > 0:27:28# Yellow, brown
0:27:28 > 0:27:30# Gay, straight or in between
0:27:30 > 0:27:33# Rich, poor, from field or town
0:27:33 > 0:27:36# Old or young, or just a teen
0:27:36 > 0:27:38# No-one will be a slave
0:27:38 > 0:27:41# No-one will make a fuss
0:27:41 > 0:27:47# Freedom is born today, today
0:27:47 > 0:27:52# Let's thank him, Spartacus
0:27:52 > 0:27:57# Let's thank him, Spartacus. #
0:28:01 > 0:28:03Thank him, Spartacus!
0:28:03 > 0:28:05Yes!
0:28:05 > 0:28:08CHEERING AND APPLAUSE More!
0:28:12 > 0:28:13More!
0:28:13 > 0:28:16Yes!
0:28:17 > 0:28:21CHEERING
0:28:21 > 0:28:23More!
0:28:23 > 0:28:25More!
0:28:25 > 0:28:27# OK, we lost
0:28:27 > 0:28:30# But we invented liberty
0:28:30 > 0:28:32# OK, there's a cost
0:28:32 > 0:28:36# But one day you'll all be free
0:28:36 > 0:28:38# Then you won't be bossed
0:28:38 > 0:28:43# Just you wait and you will see Sunrays melt the frost
0:28:43 > 0:28:46# The rulers will be you and me
0:28:46 > 0:28:50# Freedom is born today
0:28:50 > 0:28:52# Today
0:28:52 > 0:28:57# Let's thank him, Spartacus. #
0:28:57 > 0:29:00Thank him, Spartacus!