0:00:02 > 0:00:03- TOM:- 'So, we've been called out to this hiking trail
0:00:03 > 0:00:05'because there's some reports that some teenagers
0:00:05 > 0:00:07'are digging bags of dog poop out of the trash'
0:00:07 > 0:00:09and having dog poop fights.
0:00:09 > 0:00:11I don't believe it.
0:00:22 > 0:00:24CHATTERING
0:00:24 > 0:00:25Oh, my God. It's real.
0:00:25 > 0:00:29Um...yeah, I'm not going to go deal with this. I'm leaving.
0:00:31 > 0:00:35Hey! Hey! Hello? Boys!
0:00:35 > 0:00:37I am Leslie Knope. I work for the Department Of Parks And Recreation.
0:00:37 > 0:00:39- BOYS LAUGH - Nice!
0:00:39 > 0:00:43OK, all right. Cool it! OK.
0:00:43 > 0:00:45- Get her shoes!- No! Ah!
0:00:45 > 0:00:46That's disgusting! What are you doing?
0:00:46 > 0:00:50Help! Help! Help! Tom!
0:00:50 > 0:00:52Tom!
0:00:52 > 0:00:55No! Smells so bad.
0:00:55 > 0:00:56LESLIE GRUNTS
0:00:56 > 0:00:58Why would you think this was fun?
0:00:58 > 0:01:00Really? Oh, really? Really?
0:01:00 > 0:01:02Oh, hey! Hey! You like it?
0:01:02 > 0:01:03Boom!
0:01:03 > 0:01:05BOYS EXCLAIM
0:01:06 > 0:01:07OK, here we go. Who wants it?
0:01:07 > 0:01:09LESLIE GRUNTS
0:01:09 > 0:01:10Whoo, missed it!
0:01:12 > 0:01:13Yeah!
0:01:13 > 0:01:17Actually, this is a little fun. This is fun.
0:01:17 > 0:01:18Get her hair!
0:01:18 > 0:01:19Oh.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43Ooh. Hey, Tom. Check it out.
0:01:43 > 0:01:45Norton Construction just sent this over.
0:01:45 > 0:01:46Whoa, mama!
0:01:46 > 0:01:48I love Great Lakes wine.
0:01:48 > 0:01:49You can have the wine.
0:01:49 > 0:01:51I want to take that cheese and do terrible things to it.
0:01:51 > 0:01:53LESLIE TUTTS
0:01:53 > 0:01:55No, no, no, no, no!
0:01:55 > 0:01:56You know as well as I do
0:01:56 > 0:01:59that we are not allowed to accept gifts over 25 dollars,
0:01:59 > 0:02:00for corruption reasons.
0:02:00 > 0:02:02We live in a fish bowl
0:02:02 > 0:02:03and the public is always watching.
0:02:03 > 0:02:05That's why I go two towns over
0:02:05 > 0:02:06if I want to rent a movie with nudity in it.
0:02:06 > 0:02:08Mmm.
0:02:08 > 0:02:09Yeah, I probably shouldn't have said that.
0:02:09 > 0:02:12But you cannot enjoy this basket, I'm so sorry.
0:02:12 > 0:02:15And so to avoid temptation, I am going to lock it up.
0:02:15 > 0:02:16When you're in government,
0:02:16 > 0:02:18there's a million ways to exploit your power.
0:02:18 > 0:02:20'Have I ever given in to that temptation?
0:02:20 > 0:02:22'No, never. I'm not that kind of politician.'
0:02:22 > 0:02:23Official Parks And Rec business.
0:02:23 > 0:02:25Just need to grab a quick hot dog.
0:02:25 > 0:02:27Sorry about that, little girl, you can have the next one.
0:02:27 > 0:02:30'I have a moral code, and I never violate it.
0:02:30 > 0:02:32'People look at me and they say, "Wow, Tom.'
0:02:32 > 0:02:35"You are so pure, you're like a brown Superman with a beard
0:02:35 > 0:02:39"that just stands for justice and truth and the American way."
0:02:40 > 0:02:42So, Ann. I asked April to create one of those
0:02:42 > 0:02:45social-network internet profiles for the Sullivan Street pit.
0:02:45 > 0:02:47So, are you guys ready for the debut?
0:02:47 > 0:02:49Yes, can we cut that red ribbon around your monitor now?
0:02:49 > 0:02:52Absolutely. I love a good ribbon cutting.
0:02:52 > 0:02:53LESLIE EXCLAIMS
0:02:53 > 0:02:55Oh. April, that's good.
0:02:55 > 0:02:56Kids.
0:02:56 > 0:03:00Hey, look, the pit already has six friends.
0:03:00 > 0:03:01Oh, yeah. Mark. Mark's a friend.
0:03:01 > 0:03:03Well, you guys got to see Mark's profile.
0:03:03 > 0:03:05Look at the photos of these ladies on his page.
0:03:05 > 0:03:07- Wow.- Ew! Sick.
0:03:07 > 0:03:08Maybe those are his relatives.
0:03:08 > 0:03:11Yeah, maybe fake boobs run in his family.
0:03:11 > 0:03:14Look at this lady. She's got a thong on her face.
0:03:14 > 0:03:16Oh, my God, his favourite movie is Dances With Wolves.
0:03:16 > 0:03:17OK, we're good.
0:03:17 > 0:03:19We'll keep checking in on this.
0:03:19 > 0:03:20Where is Mark, anyway?
0:03:20 > 0:03:24Attending yet another meeting of the old boys' club.
0:03:24 > 0:03:27'Politics is full of boys' clubs, formal and informal.'
0:03:27 > 0:03:31Behind me are all the members of the city council over the past 30 years.
0:03:31 > 0:03:34And every day, as a woman, I have to walk past this wall of men.
0:03:34 > 0:03:37It can be very upsetting. Especially because of that guy.
0:03:37 > 0:03:39No matter what direction I move,
0:03:39 > 0:03:41he's always staring at my chest.
0:03:41 > 0:03:43Hmm?
0:03:43 > 0:03:44See?
0:03:44 > 0:03:46What are they doing out there?
0:03:46 > 0:03:48Wheeling and dealing.
0:03:48 > 0:03:51Divvying up the empire.
0:03:51 > 0:03:52Oh, my wife got me this shirt.
0:03:52 > 0:03:54She swears it makes me look thinner.
0:03:54 > 0:03:55It kind of does.
0:03:55 > 0:03:57You know what we should do? Let's go out there.
0:03:57 > 0:03:59Let's bust up that old boys' club.
0:03:59 > 0:04:01We're doing great work in the government. We deserve to be included.
0:04:01 > 0:04:03Sure, yeah. I could use a beer.
0:04:03 > 0:04:04Yes, Ann! That's good, think like a man.
0:04:04 > 0:04:06April, we're leaving, you're in charge.
0:04:06 > 0:04:08And it's because you're a woman!
0:04:08 > 0:04:11What, do you really like red tape and uphill battles?
0:04:11 > 0:04:12- Hey, Leslie!- Hey!
0:04:12 > 0:04:13What is up?
0:04:13 > 0:04:14I'll tell you what's up.
0:04:14 > 0:04:18A couple of ladies are coming to bust up your little boys' club.
0:04:18 > 0:04:21Awesome. Glad to have you. Let me get you a beer.
0:04:21 > 0:04:23- (We're in.)- Hey, I'm Brian.
0:04:23 > 0:04:25Hi, Brian, Leslie Knope. Deputy director of...
0:04:25 > 0:04:27- Drink that.- OK.
0:04:27 > 0:04:29I'm Ann, everyone. I don't work here.
0:04:29 > 0:04:31- ALL:- Hey, Ann.
0:04:31 > 0:04:33So, what are you guys talking about? What's the topic du jour?
0:04:33 > 0:04:34Oh!
0:04:34 > 0:04:36GLASS SHATTERS
0:04:36 > 0:04:38Did you hear that?
0:04:38 > 0:04:42That was the sound of a glass ceiling being shattered.
0:04:42 > 0:04:45The boys' club is more about socializing than work, you know?
0:04:45 > 0:04:46'I mean, you got to loosen up.
0:04:46 > 0:04:50'I kind of feel like I'm already in the boys' club.
0:04:50 > 0:04:52'I mean, look at those bitches clean up after me.'
0:04:52 > 0:04:55So, is this, like, your regular Tuesday night scene?
0:04:55 > 0:04:57- Well, it's just a way to unwind, you know.- Mmm-hmm.
0:04:57 > 0:05:00Really different from your Friday night crowd, right?
0:05:00 > 0:05:01- What crowd?- You know,
0:05:01 > 0:05:03the girls with the tribal back tattoos
0:05:03 > 0:05:04who drink Red Bull for a living.
0:05:04 > 0:05:06- Oh! Oh, I like this. This is banter.- That crowd.
0:05:06 > 0:05:08- Banter's fun. - Where'd that come from?
0:05:08 > 0:05:09We were just on the computer,
0:05:09 > 0:05:10looking at your profile.
0:05:10 > 0:05:13You know, you have a friend who has a tattoo that says,
0:05:13 > 0:05:14"Daddy's Girl."
0:05:14 > 0:05:16And both words are misspelled.
0:05:16 > 0:05:18Ooh! Mixing it up with the boys! So...
0:05:18 > 0:05:19what are you going to say? What's your comeback?
0:05:19 > 0:05:21Those aren't really my friends anymore.
0:05:21 > 0:05:22I don't hang out with them.
0:05:22 > 0:05:26Oh, boo. Brendanawicz, that's some weak sauce. You need to hit harder!
0:05:27 > 0:05:29Natalie, it's your sister.
0:05:30 > 0:05:33Pick me up or I'm going to draw all over your jeans.
0:05:36 > 0:05:40Well, it's official, people. We're out of beer.
0:05:40 > 0:05:42That's the cue. See you later, Leslie.
0:05:42 > 0:05:44It was nice hanging out, you know, after work hours.
0:05:44 > 0:05:46- Wait! - I think I'm going to take off, too.
0:05:46 > 0:05:47- Yeah, I should go, Leslie. - Wait, you guys!
0:05:47 > 0:05:49Let's keep this good feeling going.
0:05:49 > 0:05:50It's just getting started!
0:05:50 > 0:05:53Um, yeah, cos parties usually get started when you run out of booze.
0:05:53 > 0:05:56OK, wait. Just hold on a second.
0:06:11 > 0:06:12I got wine!
0:06:12 > 0:06:13- ALL:- Hey!
0:06:13 > 0:06:14And cheese!
0:06:14 > 0:06:15- ALL:- Hey!
0:06:18 > 0:06:20Good morning.
0:06:20 > 0:06:24Last night, in a foolish attempt to infiltrate a boys' club,
0:06:24 > 0:06:27'I violated the government employee ethics code of the state of Indiana.
0:06:27 > 0:06:31'I have always tried to live my life in an ethical way, and last night, I failed.
0:06:31 > 0:06:35'I realise I have let down every female public official in America,
0:06:35 > 0:06:38'and I would like to apologise to them, right now,
0:06:38 > 0:06:41'individually, and in alphabetical order.'
0:06:41 > 0:06:48Michele Bachmann, Republican, Minnesota. I am sorry.
0:06:48 > 0:06:54Tammy Baldwin, Democrat, Wisconsin. I'm so sorry, Tammy.
0:06:54 > 0:06:55Melissa Bean...
0:07:05 > 0:07:09OK. Double shift, remember? So I won't see you till tomorrow.
0:07:09 > 0:07:14- Are you going to be OK? - Oh, yeah. I got dinner.
0:07:14 > 0:07:17Oh, God. Honey, can you just clean up a little bit?
0:07:19 > 0:07:21I'll try. Don't expect much.
0:07:21 > 0:07:24OK. I'll do it when I get home.
0:07:24 > 0:07:25- You will?- Yes. Yes.
0:07:25 > 0:07:27'Ann is amazing.
0:07:27 > 0:07:31'She takes care of me, she takes care of sick people, sick babies.'
0:07:31 > 0:07:36She is an angel. And I seriously love her.
0:07:36 > 0:07:37Hard.
0:07:37 > 0:07:41She's going to be gone for the next 24 hours so I made this list
0:07:41 > 0:07:46and, basically, this place is going to be like a sparkling palace when she returns.
0:07:46 > 0:07:47I took a bunch of painkillers.
0:07:47 > 0:07:50They're about to kick in so I'm ready to go.
0:07:52 > 0:07:54There it is. Let's clear the air.
0:07:54 > 0:07:58Last night, I opened up this gift basket, for my own pleasure.
0:07:58 > 0:08:02Really. Leslie Knope. Usually such a prudish stickler for the rules.
0:08:02 > 0:08:04I'm not happy about it either, Tom.
0:08:04 > 0:08:06It's like I don't even know you anymore.
0:08:06 > 0:08:09Last year you wrote me up for making personal phone calls to my mom.
0:08:09 > 0:08:10Yes, I did. And I would do it again.
0:08:10 > 0:08:12Two wrongs do not make a right.
0:08:12 > 0:08:14Yes, but she was in the hospital.
0:08:15 > 0:08:17I did not know that at the time.
0:08:17 > 0:08:18So, can I have the basket?
0:08:18 > 0:08:19No, I'm sorry. It's evidence.
0:08:19 > 0:08:20It's a nice basket.
0:08:20 > 0:08:22What would you put in there?
0:08:22 > 0:08:23I don't know. Potpourri?
0:08:23 > 0:08:26- That's a lot of potpourri. - Hey, I am not the one on trial here.
0:08:26 > 0:08:29I appreciate and thank you in advance for your unwavering support.
0:08:29 > 0:08:32I think you should go to jail. Think about what you've done.
0:08:33 > 0:08:35Go to jail? What's going on?
0:08:35 > 0:08:39Ron, I have a very important and very long story to tell you.
0:08:41 > 0:08:42- Put it in an e-mail?- Nope.
0:08:43 > 0:08:47It happened right out there, right outside this window.
0:08:47 > 0:08:49Why can't I look away?
0:08:49 > 0:08:51Let's not blow this out of proportion.
0:08:51 > 0:08:54I will blow this in proportion!
0:08:54 > 0:08:55The minimum punishment for this
0:08:55 > 0:08:58is an official reprimand from the city manager.
0:08:58 > 0:09:01- It's not that big a deal. - Maybe in your world it isn't a big deal.
0:09:01 > 0:09:05You're a white protestant man with a full, rich moustache.
0:09:05 > 0:09:06But I am a woman
0:09:06 > 0:09:08and I need to hold myself up to a higher standard.
0:09:08 > 0:09:10This is ridiculous. You're punishing yourself
0:09:10 > 0:09:12more than anybody else is going to punish you.
0:09:12 > 0:09:15No. What do you suggest we do?
0:09:15 > 0:09:16You think we should cover this up?
0:09:16 > 0:09:19No, I'm not saying that. No-one said cover-up.
0:09:19 > 0:09:22Good, because the cover-up is worse than the crime.
0:09:22 > 0:09:24When you spill something and you try to wipe it up
0:09:24 > 0:09:26with something that's dirty,
0:09:26 > 0:09:28then you get double dirty.
0:09:28 > 0:09:30- Please, don't make this worse. - Oh, my God.
0:09:30 > 0:09:32Good afternoon.
0:09:32 > 0:09:35Since we last spoke, I have taken extraordinary steps
0:09:35 > 0:09:39to make further amends for the mistakes that I have made.
0:09:39 > 0:09:41I have written a full confession,
0:09:41 > 0:09:46which I will be e-mailing to everyone in the entire Pawnee government.
0:09:46 > 0:09:49I've also attached a link to the pit's web page,
0:09:49 > 0:09:52just to remind people of all the good work that I do.
0:09:52 > 0:09:54I asked Ron to blow the whistle on me, and he refused.
0:09:54 > 0:09:57And that is why I had to whistle-blow myself.
0:10:00 > 0:10:05'I wish I could say some of this mess was Ann's, but it's all mine.
0:10:05 > 0:10:06'I'm kind of a nester.'
0:10:08 > 0:10:11Huh? Not bad for a guy with two broken legs.
0:10:19 > 0:10:20Hey.
0:10:21 > 0:10:22Hey.
0:10:22 > 0:10:26'I'm doing a little experiment tonight to see what will get me drunker.'
0:10:27 > 0:10:29- 'Drinking wine...' - Leslie. Come here.
0:10:29 > 0:10:31See what April put on the pit's web page.
0:10:31 > 0:10:33'Right now, drinking wine is winning...'
0:10:33 > 0:10:35Oh, my God. What am I looking at?
0:10:35 > 0:10:37A video of me drinking some of that wine you stole.
0:10:37 > 0:10:39What? Why did you do this?
0:10:40 > 0:10:42Because I was waiting for my sister and I was bored,
0:10:42 > 0:10:44and my hair looked really good.
0:10:44 > 0:10:46And you put it in the pit's web page?
0:10:46 > 0:10:48- Yeah.- OK, take this off.
0:10:48 > 0:10:50OK. I just sent an e-mail to everyone in the government,
0:10:50 > 0:10:51and I put a link to this page!
0:10:52 > 0:10:55A young law-breaker. A future Leslie Knope.
0:10:55 > 0:10:58- DOOR OPENS - Play it again for us, Jerry. - You got it.
0:11:03 > 0:11:04Leslie?
0:11:04 > 0:11:06She's 19 years old.
0:11:06 > 0:11:08I thought I told you not to make this worse.
0:11:08 > 0:11:09And I heard you loud and clear.
0:11:09 > 0:11:11But then you made it worse.
0:11:12 > 0:11:15The disciplinary committee is having a hearing tomorrow,
0:11:15 > 0:11:17and you're going to have to testify.
0:11:17 > 0:11:18Oh, no.
0:11:18 > 0:11:20April might get dismissed. You could get fired.
0:11:20 > 0:11:22Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
0:11:22 > 0:11:23Oh, no.
0:11:23 > 0:11:24Oh, God.
0:11:24 > 0:11:26This bench is so uncomfortable.
0:11:26 > 0:11:30Ow. Help. Please, Ron. Ron.
0:11:30 > 0:11:32Ron, tell me it's going to be OK.
0:11:32 > 0:11:34- Tell me it's going to be OK. - It's going to...
0:11:34 > 0:11:35Ron? Where are you?
0:11:35 > 0:11:38It's... It'll... Hang in.
0:11:38 > 0:11:41- Ron!- OK. You're OK.
0:11:41 > 0:11:42Good evening.
0:11:42 > 0:11:45I've spoken to you a couple of times about something that happened,
0:11:45 > 0:11:48but I don't want to...
0:11:48 > 0:11:50I don't want to talk about it anymore.
0:11:52 > 0:11:55So, the disciplinary committee awaits.
0:11:55 > 0:11:57- Feeling good? Feeling strong? - Not really. No.
0:11:57 > 0:11:58Do you want me to run some test questions with you?
0:11:58 > 0:12:00Maybe give you an idea of what the disciplinary committee will be like?
0:12:00 > 0:12:03Yeah, that'd be great. Yeah, thanks, Tom.
0:12:03 > 0:12:05OK.
0:12:05 > 0:12:09So, Miss Knope, you're accused of stealing wine.
0:12:09 > 0:12:11How many drinks do you have per week, on average?
0:12:11 > 0:12:14Zero.
0:12:14 > 0:12:15Zero to six.
0:12:15 > 0:12:18- I'm going to write down 10. - Yeah.
0:12:18 > 0:12:20Do you ever cheat on your taxes?
0:12:20 > 0:12:21No, no, no. Never.
0:12:21 > 0:12:23Good. You're doing great.
0:12:23 > 0:12:25How many sexual partners have you had in the last year?
0:12:25 > 0:12:28- Are they going to ask that? - This is a deposition-style hearing, Miss Knope.
0:12:28 > 0:12:29Nothing is off-limits. You have to answer.
0:12:29 > 0:12:33Now, how many sexual partners have you had in the last year?
0:12:33 > 0:12:35- Zero to six.- Zero.
0:12:35 > 0:12:37- Have you ever thought about Ron sexually?- What?
0:12:37 > 0:12:39Including dreams.
0:12:39 > 0:12:41Have you ever had a sexual dream about our boss, Ron Swanson?
0:12:41 > 0:12:44- No! Absolutely not. No.- Yes.
0:12:44 > 0:12:46- No. - Now, in this recurring dream
0:12:46 > 0:12:48that you have about Ron, is he like a regular Ron,
0:12:48 > 0:12:51or is he half-Ron, half-animal, like a centaur?
0:12:51 > 0:12:52What? No...
0:12:52 > 0:12:53Is he wearing a football uniform?
0:12:53 > 0:12:57Are you making love to him on a couch shaped like his moustache?
0:12:57 > 0:12:58Is he covered in Powerade?
0:12:58 > 0:12:59No, OK. Time-out. Time-out.
0:12:59 > 0:13:01This committee doesn't take time-outs, Miss Knope.
0:13:01 > 0:13:02Now answer the question!
0:13:02 > 0:13:04- I need something to drink. - How about some stolen wine?
0:13:04 > 0:13:07No. I meant water.
0:13:07 > 0:13:10Thank you for your time, Miss Knope. You're fired.
0:13:10 > 0:13:12So, that's kind of your worst-case scenario, you know?
0:13:12 > 0:13:15If you can handle that, I think you'll be fine.
0:13:15 > 0:13:16Great.
0:13:18 > 0:13:20'Ron, thank you for being here with me today.'
0:13:20 > 0:13:23I'm your department head. I have to be.
0:13:23 > 0:13:24Nonetheless.
0:13:24 > 0:13:25- Miss Knope?- Yes.
0:13:25 > 0:13:29You're here because you allegedly accepted a gift of over 25 dollars
0:13:29 > 0:13:32and contributed to the delinquency of a minor.
0:13:32 > 0:13:33Can you tell us what happened?
0:13:33 > 0:13:35I'm going to take a glass of water first, if I may.
0:13:35 > 0:13:37Certainly.
0:13:37 > 0:13:38Sorry.
0:13:49 > 0:13:50"Two days ago,
0:13:50 > 0:13:55"I attended an informal boys' club meeting for the very first time."
0:13:56 > 0:13:58"After one and a half beers,
0:13:58 > 0:13:59"awash in the glow of acceptance
0:13:59 > 0:14:01"into this elite, exclusive club..."
0:14:01 > 0:14:03Sorry, what club is this?
0:14:03 > 0:14:06A couple city planners like to drink beer
0:14:06 > 0:14:08in the courtyard on Tuesday nights.
0:14:08 > 0:14:11No-one is supposed to drink alcohol on government property.
0:14:11 > 0:14:13That's not my department.
0:14:13 > 0:14:14Go ahead, Leslie.
0:14:16 > 0:14:18"I made a very unwise decision.
0:14:18 > 0:14:20"A decision that will live in infamy.
0:14:20 > 0:14:23"I opened a gift basket of wine and cheese."
0:14:27 > 0:14:30"Our intern, April Ludgate,
0:14:30 > 0:14:32"drank some of that wine without my knowledge."
0:14:33 > 0:14:35"That was never part of the plan.
0:14:35 > 0:14:38"She had not been invited to the meeting of the boys' club.
0:14:38 > 0:14:41"I repeat, not been invited.
0:14:41 > 0:14:44"Though it is my hope that some day, she lives in a world
0:14:44 > 0:14:48"where the very idea of boys' clubs is ancient history."
0:14:50 > 0:14:56But you did open the gift basket. And the intern did drink the wine.
0:14:56 > 0:14:58Please, don't blame her for my mistake.
0:14:58 > 0:15:01The biggest crime we could commit here
0:15:01 > 0:15:06would be to destroy a teenage girl's passion for local government.
0:15:08 > 0:15:11There's only one more thing I need to clean, me.
0:15:11 > 0:15:13Um, I can't really get into a shower,
0:15:13 > 0:15:17so I got this idea from my parents.
0:15:17 > 0:15:19This is how they clean their dog.
0:15:19 > 0:15:21ANDY SINGS ON CD PLAYER
0:15:23 > 0:15:25Do you like that?
0:15:25 > 0:15:26Huh?
0:15:26 > 0:15:29I wrote that for Ann.
0:15:29 > 0:15:31It's going to be playing when she walks through the door today.
0:15:31 > 0:15:35And check this out. Washed my shorts. How do you like that?
0:15:38 > 0:15:39Hey. Turn that down.
0:15:39 > 0:15:41No. I wrote that song.
0:15:41 > 0:15:42I don't care. Turn it down.
0:15:42 > 0:15:44What are you doing in my yard, Lawrence? Get out of here.
0:15:44 > 0:15:46OK, you know what? I'm taking this.
0:15:46 > 0:15:47Put down my boom box.
0:15:47 > 0:15:49It's my boom box now. I asked you nicely.
0:15:49 > 0:15:52You did not ask me nicely! Put that down!
0:15:52 > 0:15:55I just put 12 new batteries in that thing!
0:16:00 > 0:16:02Lawrence, come on!
0:16:02 > 0:16:03What's going on out here?
0:16:03 > 0:16:04Give it to me!
0:16:04 > 0:16:06DOG BARKS
0:16:06 > 0:16:08- Come on. - Go back inside, Hank.
0:16:08 > 0:16:09'Miss Knope,'
0:16:09 > 0:16:12what was the first thing you did when you arrived at work the next day?
0:16:12 > 0:16:14Can you go over the time line for us once more?
0:16:14 > 0:16:17Yes, of course. I awoke at 6.21am.
0:16:17 > 0:16:18After a fitful night of sleep...
0:16:18 > 0:16:20We've been over this.
0:16:20 > 0:16:23What more could you guys possibly want her to do?
0:16:23 > 0:16:25Well, we don't know yet.
0:16:25 > 0:16:26Frankly we've got a lot more questions.
0:16:26 > 0:16:28RON GROANS Ron, it's OK.
0:16:28 > 0:16:31No, it's not. This is not Communist China.
0:16:31 > 0:16:32You cannot make her whip herself.
0:16:32 > 0:16:35You cannot make her wear a hair shirt.
0:16:35 > 0:16:36We weren't planning on doing either of those things.
0:16:36 > 0:16:38This is America.
0:16:38 > 0:16:41You want to live in North Korea, you can live in North Korea.
0:16:41 > 0:16:44I don't want to. I want to live in America.
0:16:44 > 0:16:46Leslie has never broken a rule in her life,
0:16:46 > 0:16:49to the point that it's annoying.
0:16:49 > 0:16:51If you want to slap her on the wrist, go ahead.
0:16:51 > 0:16:53If you want to do anything more serious,
0:16:53 > 0:16:54you're going to have to go through me.
0:16:54 > 0:16:56- Let's go.- Are we done?
0:16:56 > 0:16:57We're done, let's go.
0:17:02 > 0:17:05So, after all that, it's really not that bad.
0:17:05 > 0:17:07You're going to get a letter in your file.
0:17:08 > 0:17:10- Ron, I just wanted to say thank you, so...- Don't worry about it.
0:17:15 > 0:17:20'No, I didn't do it for Leslie. I did it because I hate bureaucracy.'
0:17:20 > 0:17:24My idea of a perfect government is one guy,
0:17:24 > 0:17:26who sits in a small room at a desk,
0:17:26 > 0:17:30and the only thing he's allowed to decide is who to nuke.
0:17:30 > 0:17:33The man is chosen based on some kind of IQ test,
0:17:33 > 0:17:37and maybe also a physical tournament, like a decathlon.
0:17:37 > 0:17:41And women are brought to him, maybe,
0:17:41 > 0:17:44when he desires them.
0:17:44 > 0:17:45Oh, hey, Ann. You're here.
0:17:45 > 0:17:48Yeah, I came from the hospital. How'd it go?
0:17:48 > 0:17:49I don't want to be overdramatic,
0:17:49 > 0:17:51but today felt like 100 years in hell
0:17:51 > 0:17:52and the absolute worst day of my life.
0:17:52 > 0:17:54Oh, God.
0:17:54 > 0:17:56I never should have opened that stupid basket.
0:17:56 > 0:17:58Yeah. Why did you open that basket?
0:17:58 > 0:17:59It doesn't really seem like you.
0:17:59 > 0:18:02I think it's cos I wanted to shatter the glass ceiling.
0:18:02 > 0:18:05You know what I mean? And just kind of infiltrate the boys' club.
0:18:05 > 0:18:06Hmm.
0:18:08 > 0:18:10I did it for a guy.
0:18:10 > 0:18:13- Oh!- Yeah. Mark.
0:18:14 > 0:18:16Oh.
0:18:16 > 0:18:18Oh. Wow.
0:18:18 > 0:18:23I... We had a brief affair in February of 2004.
0:18:23 > 0:18:28And there's still something very complicated between us, so...
0:18:29 > 0:18:31Yeah. Sure.
0:18:31 > 0:18:32Yeah.
0:18:32 > 0:18:35Smart woman. Iffy choice in men.
0:18:36 > 0:18:38But then again, I'm not one to talk.
0:18:39 > 0:18:41DOOR OPENS
0:18:42 > 0:18:44ANN GASPS
0:18:45 > 0:18:46What do you think?
0:18:46 > 0:18:49Andy. This is so sweet.
0:18:49 > 0:18:51- It's nothing. - What happened to you?
0:18:51 > 0:18:55Oh, I was chasing our neighbour who's a total jagweed
0:18:55 > 0:18:57and I fell in some prickly bushes.
0:18:57 > 0:19:00Doesn't matter. What do you think of the house, huh?
0:19:00 > 0:19:02- Were you totally surprised?- Yeah.
0:19:02 > 0:19:04- Do you love it?- Yeah.
0:19:04 > 0:19:06Here, baby. Sit down. I'm going to put something on those scratches.
0:19:08 > 0:19:11Somebody is getting gently laid tonight.
0:19:11 > 0:19:14Andy! God!
0:19:21 > 0:19:23You look like you need one of these.
0:19:23 > 0:19:27Come on. You're over 21.
0:19:27 > 0:19:29You're not supposed to be drinking on government property.
0:19:29 > 0:19:31Loosen up. You're going to drive yourself crazy
0:19:31 > 0:19:34trying to follow every single rule in government.
0:19:34 > 0:19:36Mark, I have a letter in my file.
0:19:36 > 0:19:39I got seven letters in my file.
0:19:39 > 0:19:42Pretty much every guy in city planning has a bunch of letters.
0:19:43 > 0:19:45So, welcome to the team.
0:19:51 > 0:19:53Look out, boys. I'm in your club now.
0:19:53 > 0:19:56I'm in your club. I'm in your club. I'm in your club. I'm in your club.
0:19:56 > 0:20:00I'm in your club. I'm in your club. I'm in your... Mmm. Creepy.