0:00:02 > 0:00:04And I'm like, "What?" LAUGHTER
0:00:04 > 0:00:07It's pretty great having Andy working in the building.
0:00:07 > 0:00:10The guy is so much fun. His new thing? Piggyback rides!
0:00:10 > 0:00:11Any time you want.
0:00:11 > 0:00:13Piggyback! Piggyback!
0:00:13 > 0:00:16Move! Piggyback! Bam!
0:00:16 > 0:00:17Piggyback! Bam!
0:00:17 > 0:00:19Mark!
0:00:20 > 0:00:22Brendanawicz!
0:00:25 > 0:00:27- Giddyup! Giddyup! - SHE LAUGHS
0:00:27 > 0:00:29Oh!
0:00:29 > 0:00:30Councilman Howser. Hello.
0:00:30 > 0:00:31Hello.
0:00:31 > 0:00:36Did you get my proposal for the possible re-zoning of Lot 48?
0:00:36 > 0:00:38I have been busy.
0:00:38 > 0:00:41I know. But I think it would be a really great thing for the neighbourhood.
0:00:41 > 0:00:44I don't doubt it. But it's really a question of resource allocation.
0:00:44 > 0:00:47And I completely understand that. But you and I both know
0:00:47 > 0:00:49that if we want to find the money, we can.
0:00:49 > 0:00:51I'm running late.
0:00:51 > 0:00:52Oh, I'll walk with you.
0:00:52 > 0:00:54See, the thing is, when we allocate money for parks...
0:01:14 > 0:01:16Just a reminder. Tomorrow's a half-day.
0:01:16 > 0:01:21Jerry, Mark and I have to conduct the annual trail survey
0:01:21 > 0:01:22at Slippery Elm Park.
0:01:22 > 0:01:26Ron, I had the trail survey hats made to commemorate the trip.
0:01:26 > 0:01:28Nice, Jerry.
0:01:28 > 0:01:31Oh, and if you have any questions about the details,
0:01:31 > 0:01:34feel free to shoot me an email.
0:01:34 > 0:01:35HE LAUGHS
0:01:37 > 0:01:39The only trails he's going to be surveying
0:01:39 > 0:01:41are trails of lies and deception.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43Ron has a special deal with the park rangers.
0:01:43 > 0:01:45Every November, they let him use their cabin
0:01:45 > 0:01:47so he can go on a secret hunting trip
0:01:47 > 0:01:48with all the guys in the office.
0:01:48 > 0:01:51Not all the guys. He's never taken me.
0:01:51 > 0:01:53Fine, all the men.
0:01:53 > 0:01:55Ron, let's cut the bull.
0:01:55 > 0:01:56I want me, Tom and all the other ladies
0:01:56 > 0:01:58included on your hunting trip.
0:01:59 > 0:02:03Hunting trip? We're doing a trail survey, Leslie.
0:02:03 > 0:02:05You're literally listening to turkey calls.
0:02:06 > 0:02:08Is this not rap?
0:02:08 > 0:02:09- Come on. - All right. Look,
0:02:09 > 0:02:12it's not just a hunting trip,
0:02:13 > 0:02:14it's a tradition.
0:02:14 > 0:02:16I am really good at hunting,
0:02:16 > 0:02:18and I'm even better at being one of the guys.
0:02:18 > 0:02:21Well, it's a work event,
0:02:22 > 0:02:24- so legally I can't stop you from coming.- Yes!
0:02:24 > 0:02:27This is going to be so fun! I'll bring S'mores.
0:02:27 > 0:02:30And just like that,
0:02:30 > 0:02:33the one tiny aspect of government I enjoyed
0:02:33 > 0:02:36was clubbed to death before my eyes.
0:02:36 > 0:02:38April! I need you to do something for me.
0:02:38 > 0:02:42I'm going hunting tomorrow, so call the State Parks Office
0:02:42 > 0:02:45and get verbal confirmation that our budget documentation is in.
0:02:45 > 0:02:49Can I just tell you the 16-digit tracking number, or do you want me to write it down?
0:02:49 > 0:02:51I'll write it down. Can you handle this?
0:02:51 > 0:02:54You want me to dial a number and then read another number out loud?
0:02:54 > 0:02:56Yes. Can you handle this?
0:02:59 > 0:03:00No.
0:03:00 > 0:03:02Well, try, OK?
0:03:02 > 0:03:07And if you do it, I will name the first turkey I shoot after you.
0:03:07 > 0:03:08Cool.
0:03:12 > 0:03:13Ann! Ready to bag some birds?
0:03:13 > 0:03:18Nope. But I am ready to relax by the fire and get my Real Simple magazine on.
0:03:18 > 0:03:22Well, if you change your mind, you're now officially a licensed Indiana hunter.
0:03:22 > 0:03:24Oh, gross.
0:03:29 > 0:03:32'Hello, you have reached the Indiana State Parks Department.
0:03:32 > 0:03:36'Your call is very important to us. Please stay on the line.'
0:03:36 > 0:03:38HOLD MUSIC PLAYS
0:03:45 > 0:03:47- All right, here we go! - Here we are!
0:03:47 > 0:03:50- There he is.- There's Ron! Oh, it's pretty!
0:03:50 > 0:03:51- I know. - I thought it was going to be gross.
0:03:54 > 0:03:58Holy cow. Ron, it is good to be back.
0:03:58 > 0:04:00Sneak attack!
0:04:00 > 0:04:01THEY LAUGH
0:04:02 > 0:04:03Damn it!
0:04:03 > 0:04:04I am the Pants King! Bow to me.
0:04:04 > 0:04:06Bow! I bow! I am the Pants...
0:04:06 > 0:04:08I am the Pants Queen.
0:04:10 > 0:04:12What the hell?
0:04:12 > 0:04:14Bow to the Pants Queen.
0:04:14 > 0:04:17When you're out with the boys, you got to be ready for a good pantsing.
0:04:17 > 0:04:21That's why I have suspenders that connect my bra to my jeans.
0:04:22 > 0:04:27Ron "P. Diddy" Combs. I have to admit, this place is pretty tight.
0:04:27 > 0:04:29May I interest anyone in some chew?
0:04:29 > 0:04:31Nice touch, Haverford.
0:04:31 > 0:04:32Let me get some of that.
0:04:32 > 0:04:34You sure?
0:04:34 > 0:04:35- Yeah. - I would not have pegged you
0:04:35 > 0:04:37as a user of mouth tobacco.
0:04:37 > 0:04:39I'm full of surprises, Ron.
0:04:39 > 0:04:40Oh, man.
0:04:40 > 0:04:43My stomach's a little upset. I feel a little queasy.
0:04:43 > 0:04:46Yeah, that might be the chew. You could spit it out.
0:04:46 > 0:04:49I swallowed it. You're supposed to swallow it, right?
0:04:49 > 0:04:50No.
0:04:57 > 0:04:58All right.
0:05:00 > 0:05:01Poor little buddy.
0:05:01 > 0:05:04Why they call it chew and not swallow. Am I right, Ron?
0:05:04 > 0:05:06Yes, you are right.
0:05:06 > 0:05:07RETCHING
0:05:07 > 0:05:10All right, safety basics!
0:05:10 > 0:05:13Donna, can you tell me why it's bad to look down the barrel of your gun?
0:05:13 > 0:05:15Is that a trick question?
0:05:15 > 0:05:16No, Donna, don't! Please!
0:05:16 > 0:05:19Rule number one, do not point the weapon at a person.
0:05:19 > 0:05:21That includes your own face, Donna.
0:05:21 > 0:05:25Now, every year, before we go on our first hunt, we do a toast.
0:05:25 > 0:05:27So grab a beer.
0:05:30 > 0:05:31To the hunt.
0:05:31 > 0:05:32ALL: Hear, hear.
0:05:32 > 0:05:35And to the hunters!
0:05:35 > 0:05:39The only way to defeat the beast is to find the beast within.
0:05:39 > 0:05:41Pretty good. ALL: Hear, hear!
0:05:41 > 0:05:43Yeah! Right on! Cheers.
0:05:43 > 0:05:44Ron, your toast sucked.
0:05:44 > 0:05:47The traditional toast is "To the hunt!"
0:05:47 > 0:05:50And it is said by me.
0:05:50 > 0:05:51You all set, Mark?
0:05:51 > 0:05:53Oh, I was thinking maybe we could do mixed doubles, you know?
0:05:53 > 0:05:55Boy-girl, boy-girl.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57Leslie, you said that we were going to hunt together.
0:05:57 > 0:06:01Oh, Ann, I always forget because you're so pretty, you're not used to rejection.
0:06:01 > 0:06:03I have to hunt with Ron.
0:06:03 > 0:06:04Ann, we'll go together.
0:06:04 > 0:06:05Perfect!
0:06:05 > 0:06:10All right, I hope you're ready to discuss some college bowl game scenarios!
0:06:10 > 0:06:12Bully.
0:06:12 > 0:06:14HOLD MUSIC PLAYS
0:06:18 > 0:06:22Andy! Andy! Can you come here, please?
0:06:22 > 0:06:25- Yeah. What's up?- I've been on hold for, like, an hour and I really have to pee.
0:06:25 > 0:06:28- Can you just sit here for two seconds and just listen, please? - Yes.
0:06:28 > 0:06:33- Please?- OK.- And if they answer, can you just read those numbers out loud?
0:06:33 > 0:06:34- Yeah. - OK, thanks.
0:06:34 > 0:06:36Gobble-gobble-gobble!
0:06:36 > 0:06:38Now here's the female adolescent turkey.
0:06:38 > 0:06:40Gobble-gobble-gobble!
0:06:40 > 0:06:41- Could you hear the difference? - No.
0:06:41 > 0:06:43Turkeys can.
0:06:43 > 0:06:44GUNSHOT
0:06:44 > 0:06:45Boo-la, boo-la, boo-la!
0:06:45 > 0:06:47Boo-la, boo-la, boo-la!
0:06:47 > 0:06:49Boo-la, boo-la, boo-la!
0:06:49 > 0:06:51We do that the first time one of us hits something.
0:06:51 > 0:06:52Oh, cool! Boo-la, boo-la...
0:06:52 > 0:06:55No, no. You missed it.
0:06:55 > 0:06:58Look, Ron, I know this weekend, you were looking forward
0:06:58 > 0:07:01to a lot of man-on-man-on-man action, but I just wanted to say I'm very grateful
0:07:01 > 0:07:03that you let me come along on this trip.
0:07:03 > 0:07:04That's fine.
0:07:04 > 0:07:07I'm just glad you didn't end up inviting more of the motor...
0:07:07 > 0:07:08GUNSHOT
0:07:08 > 0:07:09BLEEP
0:07:11 > 0:07:13- What the hell? Give me some warning!- I saw a quail.
0:07:13 > 0:07:16Sorry, man, you snooze, you lose.
0:07:18 > 0:07:20Boo-la, boo-la, boo-la!
0:07:20 > 0:07:22Boo-la, boo-la, boo-la!
0:07:22 > 0:07:25I think this is going to be a really good bonding sesh for me and Ron.
0:07:25 > 0:07:28Guys love it when you can show them you're better than they are
0:07:28 > 0:07:29at something they love.
0:07:30 > 0:07:33Hey, check this out.
0:07:33 > 0:07:37# I am on hold with the State Parks Department
0:07:37 > 0:07:41# I am on hold so suck on my butt. #
0:07:41 > 0:07:42- Nice. - Yeah.
0:07:45 > 0:07:48They didn't answer, obviously. Where is everyone?
0:07:48 > 0:07:51- Hunting trip.- Hunting trip?
0:07:51 > 0:07:52- Did Mark go? - Yeah.
0:07:52 > 0:07:54That's cool, at least he's not with Ann.
0:07:54 > 0:07:55No, Ann's there.
0:07:55 > 0:07:59God! How come he gets to do all the things I want to do?
0:07:59 > 0:08:02Go hunting, Ann.
0:08:02 > 0:08:04Maybe a deer will eat him.
0:08:04 > 0:08:06HE LAUGHS
0:08:07 > 0:08:11That would be really awesome. But I don't think that will happen, probably.
0:08:11 > 0:08:14You're surprised that my breasts didn't throw my aim off?
0:08:14 > 0:08:15Leslie, please.
0:08:15 > 0:08:18I don't care that you're a girl. I just don't like change.
0:08:18 > 0:08:20I like going to the same place with the same people,
0:08:20 > 0:08:23telling the same stories and seeing who can bag the most turkeys.
0:08:23 > 0:08:28It seems like you like to go hunting with the same people cos you know you can beat them.
0:08:29 > 0:08:31A hundred bucks says I bag more birds than you.
0:08:31 > 0:08:35You're on. Let's split up. I do it better alone.
0:08:35 > 0:08:38Yeah, you do! See? Just one of the guys.
0:08:40 > 0:08:43Your favourite kind of cake can't be birthday cake.
0:08:43 > 0:08:47- That's like saying your favourite kind of cereal is breakfast cereal. - Mmm, I love breakfast cereal.
0:08:47 > 0:08:50Look! Some kind of bird! Let's kill it! You talking to me, bitch?
0:08:50 > 0:08:51GUNSHOT
0:08:53 > 0:08:54GUNSHOT
0:08:54 > 0:08:56What were you aiming at?
0:08:56 > 0:08:57Nothing.
0:09:00 > 0:09:01OK.
0:09:01 > 0:09:02GUNSHOT
0:09:02 > 0:09:04HE LAUGHS
0:09:04 > 0:09:06OK. OK. I can understand why people like that.
0:09:06 > 0:09:08- Right? - Yeah!
0:09:09 > 0:09:11GUNSHOT
0:09:11 > 0:09:12Yeah!
0:09:12 > 0:09:17Yeah. And keeping one's eyes open is always a good rule of thumb around guns.
0:09:17 > 0:09:19This is such a great day.
0:09:19 > 0:09:23See, at my house, I got a wife and three beautiful daughters.
0:09:23 > 0:09:28But this trip, it is the one time of year I get to pee standing up.
0:09:28 > 0:09:31DISTANT GUNSHOTS
0:09:31 > 0:09:33I love that sound.
0:09:34 > 0:09:35Aagh!
0:09:35 > 0:09:37Aah! I've been shot!
0:09:38 > 0:09:40I've been shot!
0:09:47 > 0:09:49Somebody shot me in the head!
0:09:54 > 0:09:55Boo-la, boo-la, boo-la?
0:09:57 > 0:10:00- Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! I gotta pee.- Over here. All right, right there.
0:10:00 > 0:10:03- Ron, I got your hat! Ron, I have your hat!- Oh, my God!- Are you in a lot of pain?
0:10:03 > 0:10:06- I was shot in the head with a shotgun.- Ron, it's actually not that serious.
0:10:06 > 0:10:10- I just need you to stay calm, OK? - Yeah, I'm just going to stay angry. I find that relaxes me.
0:10:10 > 0:10:13OK, Ron, we called 911 and they're going to send a ranger.
0:10:13 > 0:10:15Oh, damn! This is a mess.
0:10:15 > 0:10:19- The rangers won't let us come back next year.- No!- We're not going to think about that right now.
0:10:19 > 0:10:22You guys, can you just put him on the day bed in the carcass room?
0:10:22 > 0:10:23- Day bed? - Yeah.
0:10:23 > 0:10:25SCREAMING OUTSIDE
0:10:25 > 0:10:27- Sure. OK, now. Hold on! Hold on! - Is that Donna?
0:10:27 > 0:10:30- Donna? - OK, easy.
0:10:30 > 0:10:32- Donna? - Don't worry.
0:10:32 > 0:10:34SHE HYPERVENTILATES
0:10:36 > 0:10:40- Are you OK? What? Is it your heart? Are you having trouble breathing? - DONNA SCREAMS
0:10:40 > 0:10:43It's my car. Someone shot my car!
0:10:43 > 0:10:47SHE SCREAMS AND SOBS
0:10:47 > 0:10:51- OK. Here's your Scotch, Ron.- OK, Jerry. Jerry's here. Here you go. Here's your Scotch, Ron.
0:10:51 > 0:10:55There we go, Ron. OK. Hey, you know what is great? Ann's going to take care of you.
0:10:55 > 0:10:59And Ann is the best nurse in North America. All right. There you go.
0:10:59 > 0:11:01Ahh...
0:11:01 > 0:11:03- What? You OK?- Did you shoot me?
0:11:03 > 0:11:05What? No!
0:11:05 > 0:11:06There was a bird kind of near me,
0:11:06 > 0:11:08and I know how desperate you were to prove yourself.
0:11:08 > 0:11:12No. No, I swear, I didn't. Ron, I swear to God, I've never shot anyone.
0:11:12 > 0:11:16Well, you better find out who it was. And then, purchase them a coffin,
0:11:16 > 0:11:18because I'm going to rip them apart.
0:11:18 > 0:11:20OK.
0:11:20 > 0:11:22Marco!
0:11:22 > 0:11:23Polo!
0:11:23 > 0:11:25Marco!
0:11:25 > 0:11:26Polo!
0:11:26 > 0:11:27Marco?
0:11:28 > 0:11:29Polo!
0:11:32 > 0:11:33- Marco!- Polo!
0:11:36 > 0:11:37- Hey.- OK.- How are you feeling?
0:11:37 > 0:11:41How are you feeling? Are you dizzy? Are you dizzy or... Are you light-headed?
0:11:41 > 0:11:44When I look at my palm, I see a lady's mouth French kissing a dog.
0:11:44 > 0:11:46- Is that normal? - Is that normal?
0:11:46 > 0:11:48Well, the pain medication I gave you is pretty strong.
0:11:48 > 0:11:53- Donna uses it for menstrual cramps. How many did you take?- Seven. Eight.
0:11:53 > 0:11:55But I washed them down with plenty of fluids.
0:11:55 > 0:11:57No, Ron, you cannot drink Scotch with this.
0:11:57 > 0:12:00- You're going to need to purge, right now! OK?- No!
0:12:00 > 0:12:02- Oh, yeah.- No, I'm not wasting 20-year Scotch.- Yes.
0:12:02 > 0:12:05- Can you open his mouth? - No.- Leslie? Open his mouth.- What?
0:12:05 > 0:12:06- No.- Open his mouth.
0:12:06 > 0:12:08- OK.- I'm not making myself throw up.
0:12:08 > 0:12:11- Oh, Ron. I'm sorry we have to do this!- Ron, you have to.
0:12:11 > 0:12:13- Ron?- This is for your own good.- I will bite you!- Open your mouth!
0:12:13 > 0:12:17- Leslie, get... Grab his moustache! - Oh, God!- Open your mouth!- Just a...
0:12:17 > 0:12:20- Open your mouth! - Aagh!- His shoulders!
0:12:20 > 0:12:22HE SCREAMS
0:12:22 > 0:12:23SHE SCREAMS
0:12:23 > 0:12:26Well, good news is Ron is resting comfortably.
0:12:26 > 0:12:28Is he OK? Is he going to live?
0:12:28 > 0:12:29I think so.
0:12:29 > 0:12:32Although I am hoping that he has some memory loss.
0:12:32 > 0:12:35On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how pissed is he?
0:12:35 > 0:12:38Well, he's very curious about who shot him.
0:12:38 > 0:12:40So, if you did it, just say, "I did it."
0:12:42 > 0:12:44Come on, person who shot Ron.
0:12:47 > 0:12:49Look, I think it's a little weird
0:12:49 > 0:12:52that nobody wants to admit that they shot Ron in the head.
0:12:52 > 0:12:56- Maybe Ron shot himself. - Hmm, he has seemed really depressed lately.
0:12:56 > 0:12:58- He was shot in the back of the head.- You're right.
0:12:58 > 0:13:01He loves the back of his head. He would never shoot himself there.
0:13:01 > 0:13:04It could have been someone else that shot Ron. Someone not in our group.
0:13:04 > 0:13:06You think someone is hunting us?
0:13:06 > 0:13:08Man is the most dangerous game.
0:13:08 > 0:13:10To the Predator.
0:13:10 > 0:13:12I did smell something out there. And it wasn't human.
0:13:12 > 0:13:13That was pine trees.
0:13:13 > 0:13:15The Predator can see heat.
0:13:15 > 0:13:18We should cover ourselves in mud. It could still be out there.
0:13:18 > 0:13:19DOOR SLAMS
0:13:19 > 0:13:22- Did you hear that? - Actually, I did hear something.
0:13:22 > 0:13:26- OK. There's someone out there.- I'm going to get my gun.- OK, Tom. Scare him off and shoot over his head!
0:13:26 > 0:13:30- What's that going to do? I'm going to shoot under its head!- Don't shoot anyone!- Whoa! Where are you going?
0:13:30 > 0:13:32What are you doing? Tom! GUNSHOT
0:13:32 > 0:13:36Hey! Don't shoot! Hey! It's Craig from Reinhold Mercedes!
0:13:36 > 0:13:40Craig! Craig, I got you, dog! Craig! Don't worry, I'm coming!
0:13:40 > 0:13:43Attention, person who shot me in the head!
0:13:43 > 0:13:46I'm going to find you, and I'm going to tear you apart.
0:13:46 > 0:13:48Ron! Bed! Now!
0:13:48 > 0:13:49OK.
0:13:51 > 0:13:52Here.
0:13:52 > 0:13:54HOLD MUSIC PLAYS
0:13:54 > 0:13:56That man wasn't my brother.
0:13:56 > 0:13:57He was my husband.
0:14:00 > 0:14:03- How was that? That wasn't good? - Yeah, you can do better.- All right. Give me another one.
0:14:03 > 0:14:05OK.
0:14:05 > 0:14:06I'm pregnant...
0:14:06 > 0:14:08with Josh Groban's baby.
0:14:11 > 0:14:14- That was good. - You do one.
0:14:14 > 0:14:15OK.
0:14:16 > 0:14:21What do you mean the squirrel took the nuts out of the...
0:14:22 > 0:14:26Out of that kid's backpack and ate them?
0:14:26 > 0:14:30But you have to give me a reason to spit.
0:14:30 > 0:14:32- You asked me a...- Oh, oh, oh! Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah.
0:14:32 > 0:14:35- Don't ask me a question. - I won't. OK. Not a question. - OK, ready?
0:14:35 > 0:14:36Yeah.
0:14:36 > 0:14:39I've lived in Pawnee my whole life.
0:14:43 > 0:14:46That is a fact. A fact about me.
0:14:48 > 0:14:50And how...
0:14:55 > 0:14:56Hey. How is he?
0:14:56 > 0:14:59He's pretty out of it. He's talking about you in his sleep.
0:14:59 > 0:15:00Good stuff?
0:15:00 > 0:15:02- No.- Oh.- How's it going out there?
0:15:02 > 0:15:06Terribly. No-one will admit they shot Ron. And no-one saw it happen.
0:15:06 > 0:15:09I know what happened.
0:15:09 > 0:15:10You do?
0:15:11 > 0:15:15Listen, I heard about the accident and I need to know who is responsible.
0:15:15 > 0:15:17- I don't know. - Ron and I saw Jerry...
0:15:17 > 0:15:19- That's the problem. - I am.
0:15:19 > 0:15:21I shot Ron Swanson.
0:15:21 > 0:15:22You shot my Mercedes?!
0:15:22 > 0:15:24What? No! No!
0:15:25 > 0:15:28OK, follow my light. No, not your whole head. Just your eyes.
0:15:28 > 0:15:30Just... Yeah. OK.
0:15:31 > 0:15:32What month is it?
0:15:32 > 0:15:34November.
0:15:34 > 0:15:36Why are you taking the blame for this?
0:15:36 > 0:15:40(Don't worry about it. I know what I'm doing. Just go look after Ron.)
0:15:43 > 0:15:47So what happened? Did you forget to check the entire field?
0:15:47 > 0:15:50I find a lot of women have problems with tunnel vision.
0:15:51 > 0:15:53No. I'm an excellent hunter.
0:15:53 > 0:15:55How did you end up shooting a guy in the head then?
0:15:55 > 0:15:58Fair enough. I was walking in the woods
0:15:58 > 0:16:01and then I tripped and my gun went off.
0:16:01 > 0:16:03Ah, so you forgot to put the safety on.
0:16:03 > 0:16:06No, I always have the safety on. I'm...
0:16:06 > 0:16:11While I was tripping, I saw a quail and I shot at it.
0:16:11 > 0:16:12In mid-trip?
0:16:12 > 0:16:14No, that's...
0:16:15 > 0:16:16OK, fine.
0:16:17 > 0:16:21I got that tunnel vision that girls get.
0:16:21 > 0:16:22SHE LAUGHS
0:16:22 > 0:16:24And that's what happened. End of story.
0:16:24 > 0:16:27I think you're hysterical because of all the excitement, obviously.
0:16:27 > 0:16:30So, I'm just not following your story. All right?
0:16:31 > 0:16:33I let my emotions get the best of me.
0:16:33 > 0:16:37I just... I would... I cared too much, I guess.
0:16:37 > 0:16:39I was thinking with my lady parts.
0:16:39 > 0:16:41I was walking and I felt something icky.
0:16:41 > 0:16:43I thought there was going to be chocolate.
0:16:43 > 0:16:44I don't even remember!
0:16:44 > 0:16:48I'm wearing a new bra and it closes in the front,
0:16:48 > 0:16:50so it popped open and it threw me off.
0:16:50 > 0:16:52All I want to do is have babies!
0:16:52 > 0:16:53Are you single?
0:16:53 > 0:16:56I'm just, like, going through a thing right now.
0:16:56 > 0:16:58I guess when my life is incomplete I want to shoot someone.
0:16:58 > 0:17:01This would not happen if I had a penis.
0:17:01 > 0:17:03What? Bitches be crazy.
0:17:03 > 0:17:09I'm good at tolerating pain. I'm bad at maths. And I'm stupid.
0:17:09 > 0:17:11I wonder what they're doing right now.
0:17:11 > 0:17:13Probably making out on top of a deer carcass.
0:17:14 > 0:17:16Super romantic.
0:17:17 > 0:17:21You know, if I gave you a hickey, it would totally make Ann jealous.
0:17:23 > 0:17:24I don't know, I think that would...
0:17:24 > 0:17:27That's pretty gross. Seems kind of weird.
0:17:27 > 0:17:31What's weird about one friend sucking on another friend's neck?
0:17:34 > 0:17:36When you put it that way, it doesn't sound that weird at all.
0:17:36 > 0:17:39Yeah, it's not. I gave my gay boyfriend's boyfriend a hickey
0:17:39 > 0:17:42and it totally made my gay boyfriend jealous.
0:17:42 > 0:17:43Really?
0:17:45 > 0:17:48All right. Awesome. I'm in.
0:17:48 > 0:17:50I'm going to go sterilise my neck.
0:17:50 > 0:17:52OK.
0:17:55 > 0:17:57What?
0:17:57 > 0:17:59You know, Leslie, the Super Bowl is in a couple of months.
0:17:59 > 0:18:01I usually watch it with my brothers.
0:18:01 > 0:18:05Maybe you could come by at half-time and shoot me in the head.
0:18:05 > 0:18:08Ron, I'm really sorry that I ruined your weekend.
0:18:08 > 0:18:12Perhaps next time I'm enjoying some alone time in the men's restroom,
0:18:12 > 0:18:15you could invite yourself into my stall and shoot me in the head.
0:18:15 > 0:18:18Look, if there's anything I can do to make it up to you...
0:18:18 > 0:18:22Sure. How about you shoot me in the head? Oh, wait, you already did that!
0:18:24 > 0:18:26Hey, Tom, can I talk to you for a second?
0:18:26 > 0:18:28Hold on, this is amazing.
0:18:28 > 0:18:30Now. I need to talk to you now.
0:18:30 > 0:18:31OK. OK!
0:18:33 > 0:18:34Whoa!
0:18:34 > 0:18:36Ann! Whoa, are we finally going to do this?
0:18:36 > 0:18:37Ow!
0:18:37 > 0:18:40I saw you shoot Ron. OK? Leslie covered for you,
0:18:40 > 0:18:44but I'm not going to let her take any more crap from Ron on your sorry-ass behalf.
0:18:44 > 0:18:47OK, for the record, I was going to come forward and I'll do it right now.
0:18:47 > 0:18:49But afterwards, can we come back here and talk about us?
0:18:49 > 0:18:51Aah!
0:18:51 > 0:18:52Aah...
0:18:52 > 0:18:55Maybe the next time I'm at the doctor's office getting my prostate examined,
0:18:55 > 0:18:57you could come by and shoot me in the head!
0:18:57 > 0:19:01Excuse me, everyone. Ron, I have something to say.
0:19:01 > 0:19:03Hang on a minute, Tom, I'm not done berating Leslie.
0:19:03 > 0:19:05It wasn't Leslie's fault.
0:19:05 > 0:19:10She was covering for me because I didn't have a hunting license.
0:19:10 > 0:19:11I was the one who shot you.
0:19:11 > 0:19:13You didn't get a license?
0:19:13 > 0:19:15What kind of moron doesn't get a license?
0:19:15 > 0:19:17That's reckless endangerment, my son.
0:19:17 > 0:19:22That's a 25,000 fine, minimum, and probably jail time.
0:19:22 > 0:19:25But she covered for me, and I'm in the clear.
0:19:25 > 0:19:27Yeah. That's right.
0:19:27 > 0:19:29She kept her mouth shut and now you're in the clear.
0:19:29 > 0:19:33- Well, Ron, you know, I couldn't let...- I know.
0:19:33 > 0:19:34You did good.
0:19:37 > 0:19:40You're a real stand-up guy.
0:19:40 > 0:19:42I'm sorry I lost my temper before.
0:19:42 > 0:19:44It was cos I was shot in the head by a moron.
0:19:44 > 0:19:46- Yeah. - Dude, Ron, I'm so sorry.
0:19:46 > 0:19:48Apology not accepted, moron.
0:19:52 > 0:19:54Pants King!
0:19:54 > 0:19:55Pants Queen!
0:19:59 > 0:20:01- Hi, Ann.- Hey.
0:20:07 > 0:20:09Mmm! Turkey's great.
0:20:09 > 0:20:12- Hey, Ron Swanson!- Hey!
0:20:12 > 0:20:13Ron Swanson!
0:20:13 > 0:20:16- Thank you. Thank you, all. - Welcome back, Ron.- Oh, hey!
0:20:17 > 0:20:20"Welcome back, Ron."
0:20:20 > 0:20:23That's terrific. Thanks, you guys.
0:20:23 > 0:20:24Let's eat!