0:00:02 > 0:00:03- Leslie.- What's up, Ron? - I need you to go up
0:00:03 > 0:00:06to the Bureau of Motor Vehicles on the fourth floor. We gotta
0:00:06 > 0:00:09talk ourselves out of this late registration fee for the Parks van.
0:00:09 > 0:00:11Come on. I don't want to go to the fourth floor.
0:00:11 > 0:00:14That is the creepiest place on Earth.
0:00:14 > 0:00:16The fourth floor is awful.
0:00:16 > 0:00:21The DMV, divorce filings, probation offices. Ugh!
0:00:21 > 0:00:24They put a popcorn machine up there just to brighten things up,
0:00:24 > 0:00:26but they used the wrong kind of oil,
0:00:26 > 0:00:28and a bunch of people had to get their throats replaced.
0:00:28 > 0:00:30They'll only talk to you or me,
0:00:30 > 0:00:33and I can't go, because I don't want to.
0:00:33 > 0:00:35SHE GROANS
0:00:35 > 0:00:37GROANS CONTINUE
0:00:37 > 0:00:38OK.
0:00:41 > 0:00:44RANDOM SHOUTING IN DIFFERENT LANGUAGES
0:00:46 > 0:00:48COUGHING
0:00:53 > 0:00:56- Hey, boo. You're pretty. - Uh... Thank you, sir.
0:00:56 > 0:00:58- WOMAN: Hey, girl. - Are you on probation?
0:00:58 > 0:01:00I got clean urine. You need female? I got female.
0:01:00 > 0:01:03- I'm good, thank you. - Hey, you clean? I buy, too.
0:01:03 > 0:01:04MAN: Order. Order!
0:01:04 > 0:01:07Next case. Indiana vs... GAVEL BANGS
0:01:09 > 0:01:10HE CACKLES
0:01:15 > 0:01:17I know, I'm just telling you.
0:01:22 > 0:01:24Tom and Wendy?
0:01:24 > 0:01:26- Popcorn?- Ah!
0:01:48 > 0:01:49So, Tom,
0:01:49 > 0:01:53how's everything in your life, generally?
0:01:53 > 0:01:56Amazing. Took a risk. Bought some shoes online.
0:01:57 > 0:01:59Paid off handsomely, as you can see.
0:02:01 > 0:02:02Uh-huh.
0:02:02 > 0:02:06And how are your institutions,
0:02:06 > 0:02:09- that you're a part of? - Ah. You heard about my divorce?
0:02:09 > 0:02:13I saw you on the fourth floor. I'm so, so sorry.
0:02:13 > 0:02:15Honestly, it's fine.
0:02:15 > 0:02:19Lasted longer than Avril Lavigne and the guy from Sum 41, am I right?
0:02:19 > 0:02:23I don't know what those are. Look, Tom, stop working.
0:02:23 > 0:02:25Whoa! Would've been nice to have saved that.
0:02:25 > 0:02:29- You should've auto-saved.- Right. - That kind of feels like your fault.
0:02:29 > 0:02:32Look, I've heard your voice when she calls you on the phone.
0:02:32 > 0:02:34I've seen you look at her ass when she leaves the room.
0:02:34 > 0:02:36You love her.
0:02:36 > 0:02:39Leslie, I really appreciate what you're trying to do, but I'm fine.
0:02:39 > 0:02:41Look, look at my face. Are you watching?
0:02:43 > 0:02:45'I did a little research,'
0:02:45 > 0:02:50and divorce is the number two most stressful event in a person's life.
0:02:50 > 0:02:56Of course, marriage is number seven. So, watch out, everyone.
0:02:56 > 0:02:58It's all bad.
0:02:58 > 0:02:59HE LAUGHS
0:02:59 > 0:03:02We have to step up, for Tom's sake.
0:03:02 > 0:03:05- I think Tom seems fine. - Well, that is the problem.
0:03:05 > 0:03:08Tom always seems like Mr Slickster Cool Guy,
0:03:08 > 0:03:10but he's actually hiding his emotions
0:03:10 > 0:03:12underneath a very thick layer of Axe body spray.
0:03:12 > 0:03:15We have to help him. We are his safe bubble.
0:03:15 > 0:03:18She's kind of right. None of his family lives here,
0:03:18 > 0:03:20and all of his friends are frat guys and morons.
0:03:20 > 0:03:22This seems like none of our business.
0:03:22 > 0:03:24Be supportive, OK?
0:03:24 > 0:03:27Don't be all, like, "No, I don't want to.
0:03:27 > 0:03:32"I am a guy and I like fire and playing hockey and eating meat!
0:03:32 > 0:03:36"No, no, says I!"
0:03:36 > 0:03:37That was a really good Ron.
0:03:37 > 0:03:38Thank you.
0:03:38 > 0:03:41- I don't know how to explain... - Hey, Mark.
0:03:41 > 0:03:43The shoeshine stand still doesn't have
0:03:43 > 0:03:45that syphilis medication you were asking about.
0:03:46 > 0:03:49Ann, hey! What a coincidence!
0:03:49 > 0:03:53Are you in this office purely for business reasons?
0:03:53 > 0:03:57Pleasure, actually. My boyfriend Mark works here.
0:03:57 > 0:03:59- He's sitting right next to me. - Hey, Andy.
0:03:59 > 0:04:02What a surprise, running into you all day, every day,
0:04:02 > 0:04:04every single place that we are.
0:04:04 > 0:04:08Likewise. Well, I guess I'll see you guys around.
0:04:08 > 0:04:11- See ya. - Oh! Uh, also, Mark, again,
0:04:11 > 0:04:14we don't have those extra-small condoms you ordered.
0:04:14 > 0:04:17I called the factory, it's gonna take a special order.
0:04:17 > 0:04:21Not just because of the size, but because of the weird shape as well.
0:04:21 > 0:04:24Something they've never dealt with before. We'll talk.
0:04:24 > 0:04:27Mark never asked me for any small, weirdly-shaped condoms.
0:04:27 > 0:04:29I made that up.
0:04:29 > 0:04:32Every day, I subtly chip away at their relationship.
0:04:32 > 0:04:34Weakening it, little by little.
0:04:38 > 0:04:41Whe-eigh-eigh-re's Tom Haverford?
0:04:43 > 0:04:45- For- BLEEP- sake!
0:04:45 > 0:04:48# So, ya had a divorce Of course, of course
0:04:48 > 0:04:51# And no-one enjoys a divorce, of course! #
0:04:51 > 0:04:52I don't know what to do, man.
0:04:52 > 0:04:55I can't be like, "Hey, Leslie, it's a green card marriage, I'm fine."
0:04:55 > 0:04:58You know, Leslie just thinks you're a wounded animal,
0:04:58 > 0:05:01so her female instincts are kicking in. Here's what you do.
0:05:01 > 0:05:04Act sad, let her pull the thorn out of your paw
0:05:04 > 0:05:06and wrap a bandage around it.
0:05:06 > 0:05:09That'll make her feel better. She'll get off your jock.
0:05:09 > 0:05:11You still can't tell anyone about the green card thing.
0:05:11 > 0:05:14Apparently you can get in trouble even after a divorce.
0:05:14 > 0:05:17Damn the man. Well, hey, your secret's safe with me.
0:05:17 > 0:05:19Thanks, Rondoleezza Rice.
0:05:19 > 0:05:23OK, everyone. The rumours are true. Wendy and I are splitting up.
0:05:23 > 0:05:24Yeah, I'm really hurt.
0:05:24 > 0:05:27I'm so sorry you feel that way, little friend.
0:05:27 > 0:05:30Why don't we go out tonight, hit the town after work, huh?
0:05:30 > 0:05:34We'll make it Tom's night. You can go anywhere you want, our treat.
0:05:34 > 0:05:36Oh, I know there's a really fun documentary
0:05:36 > 0:05:39about tandem bicycles at the art house.
0:05:39 > 0:05:41It's supposed to be pretty unapologetic.
0:05:41 > 0:05:43- Or we could go to a restaurant... - Strip club?
0:05:43 > 0:05:45Did somebody say strip club?
0:05:45 > 0:05:47- No... - Did somebody say strip club?
0:05:47 > 0:05:49- You did.- I definitely heard someone say strip club.
0:05:49 > 0:05:51- You just did. - Would the Glitter Factory be OK
0:05:51 > 0:05:53with whoever suggested strip club?
0:05:53 > 0:05:55I don't think that's a good idea, Tom.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57There is a great dinosaur-themed restaurant
0:05:57 > 0:06:00in Patterson. It is called Jurassic Fork.
0:06:00 > 0:06:02SHE LAUGHS
0:06:02 > 0:06:04I have gone there three times a week for the last 15 years.
0:06:04 > 0:06:07Ooh! Dinosaurs, huh?
0:06:07 > 0:06:08All right. Sounds OK.
0:06:08 > 0:06:10OK! It's gonna be a crazy night, guys!
0:06:10 > 0:06:13I will see you at Jurassic Fork at 5:45pm.
0:06:13 > 0:06:15- JERRY:- Yes.
0:06:15 > 0:06:19Hi. Welcome to Jurassic Fork, where the only thing that'll be extinct
0:06:19 > 0:06:21- is your appetite. - JERRY GIGGLES
0:06:21 > 0:06:23- You ready to order?- Yes.
0:06:23 > 0:06:26I will have the Jamaican Jerk Chicken Veloci-Wrap.
0:06:26 > 0:06:28I'm gonna get the Tricera-chops, please.
0:06:28 > 0:06:30How do you want that cooked?
0:06:30 > 0:06:32Medium roar.
0:06:33 > 0:06:36- Medium rare? - No, medium roar.
0:06:36 > 0:06:38For legal reasons, we're not allowed to make puns
0:06:38 > 0:06:40about the temperature of the meats any more.
0:06:40 > 0:06:42I'll have the surf-and-turf-a-saurus,
0:06:42 > 0:06:45and a couple of bottles of wine.
0:06:45 > 0:06:48I'm gonna need a lot of wine, so keep it flowing.
0:06:48 > 0:06:49I'm not gonna be drinking anything.
0:06:49 > 0:06:51Just wanted everybody to know that.
0:06:51 > 0:06:54I'm not a big fan of group dinners where everybody splits the bill
0:06:54 > 0:06:56no matter what they get.
0:06:56 > 0:07:00I ordered a Tyranna-Caesar salad, and that's all I'm paying for.
0:07:01 > 0:07:04Hey, check it out. They got pool.
0:07:05 > 0:07:07Mark, you want to play a quick game?
0:07:07 > 0:07:10Finally settle that debate about who's the better pool player?
0:07:10 > 0:07:12I've never had that debate with anyone, Andy.
0:07:12 > 0:07:13Come on, we'll put a little money on it.
0:07:13 > 0:07:16- Make it a little more interesting. - Andy, please.- No.
0:07:16 > 0:07:18I just figured because pool is all about angles
0:07:18 > 0:07:20and he's a failed architect that he might want to play pool.
0:07:20 > 0:07:23- Let's do it. - Really? That worked?
0:07:23 > 0:07:26How to hustle somebody in pool, by Andy Dwyer.
0:07:26 > 0:07:29Step one, find the person you want to hustle. Invite them to play pool.
0:07:29 > 0:07:32Should they accept, you're in.
0:07:32 > 0:07:35Here's what I think we should do. Everyone should go around
0:07:35 > 0:07:38- and say one thing that they love about Tom.- I'll start.
0:07:38 > 0:07:41- I really wish I could have your body.- What?
0:07:41 > 0:07:44Ew! Like, tied up, naked, in your basement?
0:07:44 > 0:07:47No, no. I mean, you're in good shape and you can eat whatever you want.
0:07:47 > 0:07:49Well, that was weird, Jerry.
0:07:49 > 0:07:52- Ann, you go ahead. - I think Tom is really nice.
0:07:52 > 0:07:54Also, if you want to give me your credit cards,
0:07:54 > 0:07:56- I'll divide it up, I don't mind. - Don't worry about it.
0:07:56 > 0:07:58The restaurant will just divide it evenly.
0:07:58 > 0:08:01Just enjoy yourself. April, go ahead.
0:08:01 > 0:08:03Tom is the only cool person in the office.
0:08:04 > 0:08:06Ridiculous. Donna?
0:08:06 > 0:08:09I love you, Tom. You're my little prince.
0:08:09 > 0:08:12I just want to put you in a little cape and a little hat
0:08:12 > 0:08:14and just fly you around.
0:08:14 > 0:08:17Thank you, Donna. Hey, garcon.
0:08:17 > 0:08:21I'm still feeling pretty sad. Can I get two creme brulees
0:08:21 > 0:08:24and another glass of bronto grigio?
0:08:24 > 0:08:26'I thought I had Tom all figured out,'
0:08:26 > 0:08:29but it's almost like he's faking being sad.
0:08:29 > 0:08:31Why would he do that?
0:08:33 > 0:08:37And that's game. I think you now owe me 25.
0:08:37 > 0:08:40Shoot. Someone had a pool table growing up, huh?
0:08:40 > 0:08:43Hey, no, no. What do you say we play again?
0:08:43 > 0:08:45We'll make it more interesting. Go double or nothing?
0:08:45 > 0:08:47Why not?
0:08:47 > 0:08:48'Step two.'
0:08:48 > 0:08:52Lose to your opponent intentionally so they gain confidence.
0:08:52 > 0:08:55Step two has been completed easily.
0:08:55 > 0:09:00Very easily. Mark is pretty good at pool.
0:09:00 > 0:09:04So, how are you feeling, Tom? Are you feeling OK?
0:09:04 > 0:09:07I like pretending to be sad. I now see why girls do it.
0:09:07 > 0:09:12So, your arrangement with Wendy, it really was completely platonic?
0:09:12 > 0:09:14Yeah. Never so much as even kissed,
0:09:14 > 0:09:17except for a little peck at the wedding ceremony for appearances.
0:09:17 > 0:09:20Uh, now that you're getting divorced,
0:09:20 > 0:09:25I sort of feel like there may be some potential with me and Wendy.
0:09:25 > 0:09:28Would it be OK with you if I was to ask her out,
0:09:28 > 0:09:31once the fake dust settles?
0:09:31 > 0:09:34Yeah, why not? Sure.
0:09:34 > 0:09:37Looking at her, I feel like
0:09:37 > 0:09:40she might be the perfect spooning size for me.
0:09:40 > 0:09:42I'm gonna take a leak.
0:09:46 > 0:09:48ANDY COUGHS
0:09:48 > 0:09:52Oh! That would be 6,400.
0:09:52 > 0:09:55- Oh!- I accept cheques and most major credit cards.
0:09:55 > 0:09:58Yeah! 'Mark is way better than me.'
0:09:58 > 0:10:03I'm gonna... I'm gonna say that there is at least a chance
0:10:03 > 0:10:07that I didn't think this through completely.
0:10:07 > 0:10:10- I think I'm done, Andy. - OK. Forget money.
0:10:10 > 0:10:14- We'll play for something else. - You have nothing else to give me.
0:10:14 > 0:10:18I have a T-shirt I tackled Eddie Vedder in. It's literally priceless.
0:10:18 > 0:10:21OK, how about this? If you win, you don't owe me any money,
0:10:21 > 0:10:23but if I win, you have to stop bugging me and Ann.
0:10:23 > 0:10:25- What are you talking about? - No more comments,
0:10:25 > 0:10:28or showing up when we're together. You have to leave us alone.
0:10:28 > 0:10:32That doesn't seem like a very fair bet, Mark.
0:10:32 > 0:10:36So, if I win, I also get Ann.
0:10:36 > 0:10:40OK, fine. If you win, then you get Ann.
0:10:40 > 0:10:43- Rack them up! - Somebody punch someone!
0:10:43 > 0:10:48So, how you doing, buddy? Want some steak? Champagne?
0:10:48 > 0:10:50Think of something extravagant and we'll get it for you.
0:10:50 > 0:10:52What do you want? A cheese fountain? A ruby?
0:10:52 > 0:10:55A goose heart?
0:10:55 > 0:10:58How about a marriage? How about a non-divorce?
0:10:58 > 0:11:01Tom, I'm sorry. Maybe you guys just need some time apart,
0:11:01 > 0:11:03you know, to remember how much you care about each other.
0:11:03 > 0:11:06Leslie, think about it. Does our marriage really make sense to you?
0:11:06 > 0:11:09She's a tall, beautiful surgeon.
0:11:09 > 0:11:13I'm a short, beautiful government employee/club promoter.
0:11:13 > 0:11:15You're a club promoter?
0:11:15 > 0:11:17Aspiring.
0:11:17 > 0:11:20The point is, I never meant anything to her.
0:11:20 > 0:11:22It wasn't even a real marriage.
0:11:22 > 0:11:25Now, the sadness is pouring out of Tom,
0:11:25 > 0:11:29like blood from a pterodactyl after it's attacked by a T-Rex.
0:11:29 > 0:11:32I have to take him to a place where he can't possibly be sad.
0:11:35 > 0:11:38Oh, crap.
0:11:38 > 0:11:39- We are going to the Glitter Factory.- What?
0:11:39 > 0:11:42Not me. I can't go back there.
0:11:42 > 0:11:44But if you see Jasmine, tell her she can keep Anthony,
0:11:44 > 0:11:47but I want my microwave back.
0:11:47 > 0:11:49OK, good. You're gonna take April home.
0:11:49 > 0:11:51No, I want to go to the Glitter Factory.
0:11:51 > 0:11:55Well, drop out of school and start doing meth. Let's go, everybody.
0:11:56 > 0:11:58Leslie, I appreciate what you're trying to do,
0:11:58 > 0:12:02but once you go in there, you will see things you cannot un-see.
0:12:02 > 0:12:04I'm a feminist, OK? I would never, ever go to a strip club.
0:12:04 > 0:12:07I've gone on record that if I had to have a stripper's name,
0:12:07 > 0:12:09it would be "Equality."
0:12:09 > 0:12:11But I'm willing to sacrifice all that I've worked for
0:12:11 > 0:12:13just to put a smile on your perverted little face.
0:12:13 > 0:12:15- So don't blow this.- All right.
0:12:15 > 0:12:18OK! Lap dances are on me. I mean, I'm paying for them.
0:12:18 > 0:12:21- They're not gonna actually be on me.- Got it.
0:12:21 > 0:12:24I kind of feel like Jane Goodall studying the chimps, you know?
0:12:24 > 0:12:25Cos there are some feminist scholars
0:12:25 > 0:12:28who say that stripping is a feminist act.
0:12:28 > 0:12:33# Oh, yeah! She's my cherry pie! Put a smile on your face... #
0:12:35 > 0:12:38There is a girl here that also works at Quiznos.
0:12:38 > 0:12:41She's really nice to me here, but really mean to me at Quiznos.
0:12:41 > 0:12:46OK, Tom, go put these in places I do not approve of.
0:12:46 > 0:12:50Leslie, I'm gonna put these in places you've never heard of.
0:12:50 > 0:12:52Yeah, I've been a little down.
0:12:52 > 0:12:54Totally natural. I'm getting divorced.
0:12:54 > 0:12:58But now, I'm ready to pull myself up by some g-strings.
0:12:58 > 0:13:01God! It is rough in here. Is it always like this?
0:13:01 > 0:13:04I wouldn't know. Don't like strip clubs.
0:13:04 > 0:13:06Smells like a wet mop in here.
0:13:06 > 0:13:07And I get the feeling that
0:13:07 > 0:13:09every one of these women is running a low-grade fever.
0:13:09 > 0:13:11You're one of the good ones, Ron.
0:13:11 > 0:13:14Wait a minute.
0:13:14 > 0:13:16Hello, beautiful.
0:13:17 > 0:13:21Strippers do nothing for me. I like a strong, salt-of-the-earth,
0:13:21 > 0:13:23self-possessed woman at the top of her field.
0:13:23 > 0:13:26Your Steffi Grafs, your Sheryl Swoopeses.
0:13:26 > 0:13:31But I will take a free breakfast buffet any time, any place.
0:13:38 > 0:13:42Tomcat, pull up a mouth. This buffet is unstoppable.
0:13:42 > 0:13:44Yeah, I'm not hungry.
0:13:44 > 0:13:48By the way, you're doing a bang-up job of looking sad about Wendy.
0:13:48 > 0:13:50Does she make scrambled eggs?
0:13:52 > 0:13:54- No.- Take it down a notch.
0:13:54 > 0:13:58You already won your Oscar, DiCaprio.
0:13:58 > 0:14:00MAN: Coming on stage next is Angel. Angel!
0:14:01 > 0:14:06Ann, in case I don't sink this, it's been a real pleasure dating you.
0:14:07 > 0:14:09HE LAUGHS
0:14:10 > 0:14:12Scratch on the eight!
0:14:12 > 0:14:14Ah-ha! Ha!
0:14:15 > 0:14:20I'm victorious. I am awesome at pool and I hustled your ass.
0:14:20 > 0:14:23Ann, take a moment to say goodbye.
0:14:24 > 0:14:27I don't even know how to say this. I am so sorry,
0:14:27 > 0:14:30and I will do my best to visit you on holidays.
0:14:30 > 0:14:32- Thanks, you tried. - I guess you're his now.
0:14:32 > 0:14:35- Do you want to get out of here? - I do.- OK.- Yeah.
0:14:35 > 0:14:36Bye, Andy.
0:14:36 > 0:14:41I know that, legally, Ann is now mine,
0:14:41 > 0:14:46but it weirdly doesn't feel that way.
0:14:47 > 0:14:50- All right, Tom! This is Seabiscuit.- Sierra.
0:14:50 > 0:14:52Sierra. Sorry. It's loud in here.
0:14:52 > 0:14:55And, um, I gave her money to writhe around on your parts.
0:14:55 > 0:14:58- Leslie, I don't want to do that. - Well, I already paid her.
0:14:58 > 0:15:01- Can I get my money back?- No. - OK, so let her do her writhing.
0:15:01 > 0:15:03- All right.- I just gotta say, Sierra.
0:15:03 > 0:15:05I really don't get why this cheers men up,
0:15:05 > 0:15:07because it's very insincere and it's very fleeting.
0:15:07 > 0:15:10But go crazy, OK? Give my friend here the works.
0:15:10 > 0:15:12- Really grind the sorrow out of him. - You got it.- And then, afterwards,
0:15:12 > 0:15:15maybe reconsider your profession, but for now, grind away.
0:15:19 > 0:15:21Whoo!
0:15:21 > 0:15:23Stripper dancing action!
0:15:25 > 0:15:27This isn't working. I don't want to do this.
0:15:27 > 0:15:30Is it because you have a strong, positive female figure watching you?
0:15:30 > 0:15:32No. It's because I'm miserable.
0:15:32 > 0:15:35OK. Never mind. Thank you, Seabiscuit. That'll be all.
0:15:35 > 0:15:39MAN: All Glitter Factory, girls, please come backstage.
0:15:39 > 0:15:40Tom.
0:15:40 > 0:15:42I don't know what's wrong with me.
0:15:42 > 0:15:45This is honestly the saddest I've ever been.
0:15:45 > 0:15:47MAN: Glitter Bomb!
0:15:47 > 0:15:50LOUD BANG, ALARM WHOOPS
0:15:54 > 0:15:56Ah!
0:15:56 > 0:16:00I've been to the Glitter Factory a million times.
0:16:00 > 0:16:04That girl up there, she's my emergency contact.
0:16:04 > 0:16:09But right now, I hate it here, and I just want to see Wendy.
0:16:09 > 0:16:13Tom, it's perfectly normal to feel devastated when something's over.
0:16:13 > 0:16:16It's exactly how I felt when that Planet Earth series ended.
0:16:16 > 0:16:2060 days. And then she's free to marry Ron Swanson.
0:16:20 > 0:16:22What? Ron?
0:16:22 > 0:16:24He's gonna ask her out. He told me.
0:16:24 > 0:16:28But who cares? If it's not him, it'll just be some other guy.
0:16:31 > 0:16:35Swanson! Did you tell Tom that you were gonna ask out Wendy?
0:16:35 > 0:16:37It's complicated.
0:16:37 > 0:16:38What is wrong with you?
0:16:38 > 0:16:41I wish I wasn't alive to hear myself say this,
0:16:41 > 0:16:44but I am ashamed to be your deputy.
0:16:44 > 0:16:46I don't get men.
0:16:46 > 0:16:48If they're not wagering their girlfriends in pool,
0:16:48 > 0:16:50then they're trying to steal each other's wives.
0:16:50 > 0:16:54It makes you question the whole notion of those bromance movies.
0:16:54 > 0:16:56Tom.
0:16:57 > 0:17:01Great! Good, OK. Could you carry him out of here, please?
0:17:01 > 0:17:04And, you know, also maybe not have sex with his wife? Thanks.
0:17:06 > 0:17:09- From the knees. - He weighs eight pounds.
0:17:11 > 0:17:13Oh! Oh. Oh, boy.
0:17:13 > 0:17:15Hi, Wendy. We took Tom out tonight,
0:17:15 > 0:17:17and he had a little bit too much to drink.
0:17:17 > 0:17:19Oh!
0:17:19 > 0:17:22OK, um... Come on in.
0:17:24 > 0:17:28Oh, my God. You insensitive little hussy.
0:17:28 > 0:17:32- Excuse me? - Leslie, whoa. Halt.
0:17:32 > 0:17:35You're not even divorced yet and you're inviting other men over?
0:17:35 > 0:17:39- You were married?- Uh... Technically. Yeah, that's...
0:17:39 > 0:17:41That's my husband.
0:17:41 > 0:17:44- Who's he carrying?- No. No, that's his... That's his boss.
0:17:44 > 0:17:48My husband's the one that's being carried by his boss.
0:17:48 > 0:17:50- How's it going?- Good.
0:17:50 > 0:17:53You know what, Wendy? You and Ron will be perfect for each other.
0:17:53 > 0:17:55You two should get married
0:17:55 > 0:17:58and start a club for people who betray Tom Haverford.
0:18:00 > 0:18:01You have a lovely home.
0:18:03 > 0:18:04DOOR SLAMS
0:18:04 > 0:18:07So, where do you want this?
0:18:07 > 0:18:10So, how you feeling? Rough morning?
0:18:10 > 0:18:13- You know those hangover pills you can order on TV?- Mmm.
0:18:13 > 0:18:16I threw up a bunch of them this morning. I feel much better.
0:18:16 > 0:18:17I know last night was really rough,
0:18:17 > 0:18:20but all I want for you is to be able to get over this.
0:18:20 > 0:18:22Leslie, I need to tell you something.
0:18:22 > 0:18:23OK.
0:18:23 > 0:18:25Uh... The reason I was acting weird yesterday
0:18:25 > 0:18:28was Wendy and I have a green card marriage.
0:18:29 > 0:18:32Oh, my God, because you're a Libyan!
0:18:32 > 0:18:34No. Damn it. Wendy's from Canada.
0:18:34 > 0:18:36Oh! Oh. OK.
0:18:36 > 0:18:38Wait. Start again.
0:18:38 > 0:18:42Um...this... KNOCK ON DOOR
0:18:42 > 0:18:46Hey, Ann. Mark. You guys got a second? It's about last night.
0:18:46 > 0:18:48I hope I'm not gonna have to explain to you
0:18:48 > 0:18:49that you don't actually own me.
0:18:49 > 0:18:53Of course not. I never for one second thought that was for real.
0:18:53 > 0:18:58Look, you don't have to worry about me bothering you any more.
0:18:58 > 0:19:02You clearly have something going, and I should respect that.
0:19:02 > 0:19:06OK. If you say "psych" right now, I'm gonna be really pissed.
0:19:06 > 0:19:10You remembered how much I like to say "psych."
0:19:10 > 0:19:13But no, no. This is no psych.
0:19:13 > 0:19:16Andy, thank you for saying all that just now.
0:19:16 > 0:19:17Sure.
0:19:17 > 0:19:22Goodbye, A-Cakes. Hello, Ann.
0:19:22 > 0:19:25Goodbye, Ann.
0:19:25 > 0:19:26Goodbye, Andy.
0:19:26 > 0:19:28Oh, oh.
0:19:32 > 0:19:35I thought for a second you were gonna chase after me right there,
0:19:35 > 0:19:38but you didn't, and that's OK. I meant every word I said.
0:19:39 > 0:19:43Aw, you like your wife? That's a bummer.
0:19:43 > 0:19:45Does anyone else know that you like your wife?
0:19:45 > 0:19:47Does your wife know that you like your wife?
0:19:47 > 0:19:49I didn't know until yesterday.
0:19:49 > 0:19:52So don't tell anyone. Don't tell Ron. It's my problem.
0:19:54 > 0:19:57How could there possibly still be glitter on me?
0:19:57 > 0:20:01It takes forever to get off. My crotch looks like a disco ball.
0:20:04 > 0:20:07< GALLOPING FOOTSTEPS APPROACH
0:20:13 > 0:20:17# Leslie's...sorry She called you selfish, of course
0:20:17 > 0:20:19# She just didn't know the full story, of course
0:20:19 > 0:20:23# But now that she does She's sorry, of course
0:20:23 > 0:20:25# She loves being your deputy! #