0:00:02 > 0:00:03Leslie. Potential problem.
0:00:03 > 0:00:05The previous owner of Lot 48, Norquist Properties,
0:00:05 > 0:00:07is claiming the government screwed them
0:00:07 > 0:00:10by illegally seizing the land.
0:00:10 > 0:00:13I know about this issue. I called the city attorney 50 times. He didn't call me back.
0:00:13 > 0:00:15Do you need a lawyer?
0:00:15 > 0:00:17Because my friend Justin's a lawyer. I'm sure he could help.
0:00:17 > 0:00:18Oh, that'd be terrific.
0:00:18 > 0:00:21Yeah. I'll call him. Justin's the greatest guy ever.
0:00:21 > 0:00:23"The greatest guy ever"?
0:00:23 > 0:00:25But does he dress this well?
0:00:25 > 0:00:28Brooks Brothers. Bought it right off the mannequin.
0:00:31 > 0:00:33Ron Swanson?
0:00:34 > 0:00:35That's me.
0:00:35 > 0:00:36My name is George MacFayden.
0:00:36 > 0:00:40I wanted to talk to you about the amount of snow in the parks.
0:00:40 > 0:00:43I've been getting a lot of visitors recently,
0:00:43 > 0:00:47thanks to a stupid and worthless new push
0:00:47 > 0:00:52to make government officials more accessible to the public.
0:00:52 > 0:00:54There is a disturbing lack of benches
0:00:54 > 0:00:57in Ramsett Park! I want to sit more!
0:00:57 > 0:01:03And another thing I like is the layout of the hiking trails.
0:01:03 > 0:01:07I made this in one of your pottery classes. It's terrible.
0:01:07 > 0:01:09This is my hell.
0:01:29 > 0:01:33Leslie? Ann's friend, Justin.
0:01:33 > 0:01:36Hey, yeah, of course! Hi! Thank you for coming in.
0:01:36 > 0:01:37It's my pleasure. Not a problem.
0:01:37 > 0:01:38Have a seat.
0:01:38 > 0:01:40I should warn you, land seizure isn't really my speciality,
0:01:40 > 0:01:43but I'm happy to take a look. Any friend of Ann's...
0:01:43 > 0:01:46Is a friend of mine! That's my motto, too.
0:01:46 > 0:01:48So, what is your speciality?
0:01:48 > 0:01:50Is it locking up the bad guys or keeping them on the streets?
0:01:50 > 0:01:53Neither. Civil litigation, mostly.
0:01:53 > 0:01:54That's interesting.
0:01:54 > 0:01:56It can be. I've got this crazy case...
0:01:56 > 0:01:58Have you ever heard of this product Fire in a Can?
0:01:58 > 0:02:00Ah, I love those commercials!
0:02:00 > 0:02:03# If you want to start a fire But you have to do it fast...#
0:02:03 > 0:02:07Well, you shouldn't buy it. It'll literally burn your hand clean off.
0:02:07 > 0:02:08- Oh, wow. - Mmm-hmm.
0:02:08 > 0:02:12It is an aerosol can with an igniter and a trigger.
0:02:12 > 0:02:16It's essentially a blowtorch, and if you can believe it,
0:02:16 > 0:02:18it was invented to warm up baby bottles.
0:02:18 > 0:02:20This is my colleague, Tom Haverford.
0:02:20 > 0:02:22Tom. Justin.
0:02:22 > 0:02:25How are you? You are wearing the hell out of that suit, sir.
0:02:25 > 0:02:26Banana, two-button.
0:02:26 > 0:02:27Let's go into the conference room.
0:02:27 > 0:02:29- We should talk later. - Tom, stop.
0:02:31 > 0:02:33Wow, 12:15! You're early today.
0:02:33 > 0:02:35April, there's no paper in the printer.
0:02:35 > 0:02:37So?
0:02:37 > 0:02:39So that's the one thing you do.
0:02:43 > 0:02:46Attention. April, stop doing that.
0:02:46 > 0:02:48Jerry told me to, so it's super crucial.
0:02:48 > 0:02:52More important than that and more important than anything
0:02:52 > 0:02:55in this godforsaken world is finding me an assistant.
0:02:55 > 0:02:56You get an assistant now?
0:02:56 > 0:02:58I've always been able to have one, but I've turned it down
0:02:58 > 0:03:01cos it's a waste of money. In the eight years I've been at the job,
0:03:01 > 0:03:05I've saved the taxpayers of this city more than 150 grand.
0:03:05 > 0:03:08But now, I need the taxpayers' money
0:03:08 > 0:03:09to save me from the taxpayers.
0:03:10 > 0:03:12Post this at your college.
0:03:14 > 0:03:16This looks like an ad for nothing.
0:03:16 > 0:03:18Please be careful with it, it's my only copy.
0:03:19 > 0:03:21You are very organised, Leslie.
0:03:21 > 0:03:24Yeah, I am. Thank you.
0:03:24 > 0:03:26I love what you do. You have the coolest job.
0:03:26 > 0:03:28Let me guess. This is our park.
0:03:28 > 0:03:29I want to know everything about this.
0:03:29 > 0:03:33Oh. OK. Well, these green things represent trees.
0:03:33 > 0:03:34I come in, like, two hours late
0:03:34 > 0:03:39because I had to finish watching Swimfan because it was on,
0:03:39 > 0:03:41and everyone, like, jumped down my throat.
0:03:41 > 0:03:42Oh, man.
0:03:42 > 0:03:43I can't wait till my internship is over
0:03:43 > 0:03:45so I can get the hell out of here.
0:03:45 > 0:03:47Well, you're all set.
0:03:48 > 0:03:50Free of charge, of course.
0:03:50 > 0:03:52Hey, why don't you sell your band's CDs here?
0:03:52 > 0:03:56That is a brilliant idea. I cannot believe I didn't think of that.
0:03:56 > 0:04:00I have been writing a lot of songs about shining shoes lately.
0:04:00 > 0:04:03I tend to write about what I'm doing.
0:04:03 > 0:04:07# Talking about Writing about what I'm doing
0:04:08 > 0:04:13# Now I'm singing about talking about writing about
0:04:13 > 0:04:15# What I'm doing. #
0:04:15 > 0:04:17Companies make bogus claims like this all the time.
0:04:17 > 0:04:18I think you'll be just fine.
0:04:18 > 0:04:20Thank you so much. I know you're really busy.
0:04:20 > 0:04:24Please, my pleasure. At least this stuff is interesting, you know?
0:04:24 > 0:04:26You know, it actually reminds me, two years ago,
0:04:26 > 0:04:28I was in Borneo officiating a wedding,
0:04:28 > 0:04:30and this enormous medicine man showed up
0:04:30 > 0:04:32and he was there to basically tell...
0:04:32 > 0:04:33Justin!
0:04:33 > 0:04:35Hey, kiddo! How you doing?
0:04:35 > 0:04:36I'm good. I haven't seen you in for ever!
0:04:36 > 0:04:38I know! It's so good to see you.
0:04:38 > 0:04:40You too. Do you want to grab some dinner?
0:04:40 > 0:04:42I would love to. I cannot. I am swamped.
0:04:42 > 0:04:44- You're always so busy. - Yeah.
0:04:44 > 0:04:46Next week, I promise.
0:04:46 > 0:04:47Hey, I'm Mark.
0:04:47 > 0:04:48Oh! Sorry!
0:04:48 > 0:04:50Justin, this is Mark. This is the city planner.
0:04:50 > 0:04:53Oh my God! It's such a pleasure to meet you.
0:04:53 > 0:04:54- Pleasure. - Pleasure.
0:04:56 > 0:04:59Anyway, Leslie, I have to go. It has been a super pleasure meeting you.
0:04:59 > 0:05:01I'll get into this over the weekend,
0:05:01 > 0:05:02and I'll get back to you on Monday about it.
0:05:02 > 0:05:04- OK. Great. - All right.
0:05:04 > 0:05:06- See you, Justin! - OK, Tom. Good seeing you.
0:05:06 > 0:05:10I've been thinking. It has been a while since Dave left,
0:05:10 > 0:05:12and I think I might be ready to start dating again.
0:05:12 > 0:05:15That's great! Oh, my God! I have so many ideas.
0:05:15 > 0:05:17You know, I was only with Mark for one night,
0:05:17 > 0:05:19and then I was hung up on him for six years.
0:05:19 > 0:05:23I dated Dave for three months, so if I continue that pattern,
0:05:23 > 0:05:25I won't be over him for...
0:05:27 > 0:05:29..500 years.
0:05:29 > 0:05:30What is your ideal man?
0:05:30 > 0:05:34He has the brains of George Clooney in the body of Joe Biden.
0:05:35 > 0:05:37Interesting. OK. Just off the bat,
0:05:37 > 0:05:40there's a couple of doctors I think you would love.
0:05:40 > 0:05:42What about Justin?
0:05:42 > 0:05:44I mean, I feel like we kind of hit it off in there.
0:05:44 > 0:05:45Yeah, I don't...
0:05:45 > 0:05:47I have to think about that. I'm not sure that would work.
0:05:47 > 0:05:49Really? Is there something wrong with him?
0:05:49 > 0:05:51No, no, he's really, really, really great,
0:05:51 > 0:05:52and you're so great, obviously.
0:05:52 > 0:05:55I just... I don't... I don't know.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57But I will find you someone, I promise, and he'll be awesome.
0:05:57 > 0:05:58I'm going to go do it right now.
0:05:58 > 0:06:00Oh, good, great, yes!
0:06:00 > 0:06:02Go, Ann, go! Oh, just one rule.
0:06:02 > 0:06:06I don't want to date a twin, cos I've been tricked before.
0:06:06 > 0:06:07OK.
0:06:08 > 0:06:10Yes. I understand your complaint.
0:06:10 > 0:06:14I have to go now. Please. Thank you.
0:06:14 > 0:06:16- Ron Solo! - Hello, Tom.
0:06:16 > 0:06:18I want to help you with your assistant search.
0:06:18 > 0:06:19Why?
0:06:19 > 0:06:22Just want to do my boy Ron a solid. I know exactly what you're looking for,
0:06:22 > 0:06:24and I will find you a reliable person.
0:06:24 > 0:06:26PHONE RINGS
0:06:31 > 0:06:34Now get out there and find me an assistant.
0:06:34 > 0:06:35OK.
0:06:35 > 0:06:37I left you three messages. Did you get them?
0:06:37 > 0:06:39No, I've been running around. What's up?
0:06:39 > 0:06:41I found the perfect guy to set you up with but he's going out of town
0:06:41 > 0:06:44so he can only do tonight, so I came over here right after work.
0:06:44 > 0:06:46- Is that his blood? - What?
0:06:46 > 0:06:48Oh, damn, now I have to go back.
0:06:48 > 0:06:49Who is he?
0:06:49 > 0:06:51His name is Chris. He's an MRI technician
0:06:51 > 0:06:53and he's really cute, and he's very passionate about his job,
0:06:53 > 0:06:55and I told him all about you, and he's really interested.
0:06:55 > 0:06:58So, dinner tonight, and here's the info.
0:06:58 > 0:07:02Thanks! Wait! How's he going to know it's me?
0:07:02 > 0:07:04I'll wear a red rose in my hair.
0:07:04 > 0:07:05No, I'll wear a giant red hat.
0:07:05 > 0:07:08No, I don't have one. What should I wear? It'll be red.
0:07:08 > 0:07:10I will just tell him what you look like.
0:07:10 > 0:07:11Good call.
0:07:11 > 0:07:14Hi. I'm Leslie. Are you Chris?
0:07:14 > 0:07:15- Yeah. - Sorry I'm late.
0:07:15 > 0:07:18Oh, don't worry about it. You look beautiful.
0:07:18 > 0:07:19Thank you.
0:07:19 > 0:07:20Oh, here, let me take your coat.
0:07:20 > 0:07:22- Thanks. - Sure.
0:07:22 > 0:07:24(Well done, Ann.)
0:07:24 > 0:07:26- I actually heard that. - What?
0:07:26 > 0:07:30Well, I went to Wisconsin for both undergrad and grad school.
0:07:30 > 0:07:31Go Badgers!
0:07:31 > 0:07:33Boo! Indiana Hoosiers!
0:07:33 > 0:07:35No. Badgers.
0:07:35 > 0:07:36Oh.
0:07:36 > 0:07:38It's not important. I'm just
0:07:38 > 0:07:40glad that we could make this happen.
0:07:40 > 0:07:42Ann kept going on about how wonderful you are,
0:07:42 > 0:07:44and I just had to see for myself.
0:07:44 > 0:07:46Well, she's my number-one best friend.
0:07:46 > 0:07:49I wish she'd told me that you went to Indiana, but whatever.
0:07:49 > 0:07:51So, you're in charge of amusement parks, right?
0:07:51 > 0:07:52God, that's exciting!
0:07:52 > 0:07:56Actually, it's regular parks. Like swings and slides and stuff.
0:07:56 > 0:07:57Strike two.
0:07:59 > 0:08:03You know, isn't it funny how these set-ups are always just so awkward?
0:08:06 > 0:08:07Hey, watch this.
0:08:07 > 0:08:11I will now extinguish this candle with my bare hand.
0:08:11 > 0:08:12OK.
0:08:14 > 0:08:15- Ow!- BLEEP!
0:08:16 > 0:08:18- That really hurt! - Are you OK?
0:08:18 > 0:08:21Oh, God! It looked so much easier on the internet.
0:08:21 > 0:08:23God, I've got to borrow some of your ice!
0:08:25 > 0:08:28German? Oh, my God.
0:08:28 > 0:08:30All right, later.
0:08:31 > 0:08:33Was that, uh, Justin?
0:08:33 > 0:08:35Yes. We are going to lunch tomorrow.
0:08:36 > 0:08:38Great.
0:08:38 > 0:08:39Did you guys ever date?
0:08:39 > 0:08:41No. We never did.
0:08:41 > 0:08:43He's just, like, a really amazing person.
0:08:43 > 0:08:45- Awesome. - Let's do this!
0:08:45 > 0:08:48Marley And Me! Puppies, puppies, puppies!
0:08:48 > 0:08:52I know. Let's watch Marley And Me.
0:08:55 > 0:08:57Brian.
0:08:57 > 0:08:59Technically, you'd be assisting Ron,
0:08:59 > 0:09:01but Ron really doesn't do much government work,
0:09:01 > 0:09:03so you'd really be working for me.
0:09:03 > 0:09:05I'm interested in real world expertise.
0:09:05 > 0:09:10I got a nightclub opening to go to. Which tie do I wear?
0:09:10 > 0:09:12I like the one on the left.
0:09:12 > 0:09:15That was a trick question. The answer's this one.
0:09:15 > 0:09:17Tell me about you. Tell me about your friends.
0:09:17 > 0:09:20Be as superficial as possible.
0:09:20 > 0:09:21I meet a girl at a bar.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23She seems kind of into me, could go either way.
0:09:23 > 0:09:26I get her number, it's two days later, what do I text her?
0:09:26 > 0:09:27"It was nice meeting you."
0:09:27 > 0:09:30No, Zack! I don't text her, "It was nice meeting you."
0:09:30 > 0:09:34I wait eight weeks and I text her, "What's cracking?"
0:09:34 > 0:09:37So, do you enjoy it, being an MRI technician?
0:09:37 > 0:09:40Great question. Someone steps into the room.
0:09:40 > 0:09:43Imagine a mother of three, maybe she's a teacher.
0:09:43 > 0:09:46She knows something's wrong, but she doesn't know what it is.
0:09:46 > 0:09:48She's scared.
0:09:48 > 0:09:50In less than an hour, I know what it is.
0:09:50 > 0:09:51What's wrong with her?
0:09:51 > 0:09:53I don't know.
0:09:53 > 0:09:56But the best part about being an MRI technician is,
0:09:56 > 0:09:58I can see inside everything.
0:09:58 > 0:10:03See that guy over there? Imagine being able to look inside his head.
0:10:03 > 0:10:05- Wow. - I know.
0:10:05 > 0:10:08You could look inside this steak or this butter or this bread.
0:10:08 > 0:10:10You can look inside anything.
0:10:10 > 0:10:13Well, if you look inside this bread, all you'll find is more bread.
0:10:13 > 0:10:16I don't know. I'd have to do an MRI.
0:10:16 > 0:10:18Anyway, it's good that you found your calling.
0:10:18 > 0:10:21I mean, I've never even had an MRI before.
0:10:21 > 0:10:22What?
0:10:24 > 0:10:26I don't know about this.
0:10:26 > 0:10:28Well, I'm offering you a free scan.
0:10:28 > 0:10:31It usually costs up to 2,000.
0:10:31 > 0:10:33I'm kind of spoiling you here.
0:10:33 > 0:10:36Well, I am a little curious.
0:10:36 > 0:10:37Good.
0:10:37 > 0:10:38Frankly, I don't want to invest in someone
0:10:38 > 0:10:40who only has three months to live.
0:10:40 > 0:10:42SHE CHUCKLES
0:10:42 > 0:10:43Oh.
0:10:43 > 0:10:46I'm just trying to think of this as an adventure, you know?
0:10:46 > 0:10:49Just getting right back on that horse,
0:10:49 > 0:10:52even if that horse is crazy and wants to peer inside my body.
0:10:54 > 0:10:55How's that feel?
0:10:55 > 0:10:56Uh, weird.
0:10:56 > 0:10:57Perfect.
0:10:57 > 0:11:00Oh, you're not on your period, are you?
0:11:00 > 0:11:01No. Does that matter?
0:11:01 > 0:11:03Well, not for this.
0:11:04 > 0:11:06OK. It's going to be a little crammed in there.
0:11:06 > 0:11:09Don't worry, I'll be right on the other side of that glass.
0:11:10 > 0:11:11Just your basic assistant stuff.
0:11:11 > 0:11:13Taking messages, wake-up calls,
0:11:13 > 0:11:15Muscle Milk runs, condom runs,
0:11:15 > 0:11:18bottle service at the Snakehole Lounge. That kind of stuff.
0:11:18 > 0:11:19Sorry. What do I get out of this?
0:11:19 > 0:11:21Connections. Plus 19 grand a year,
0:11:21 > 0:11:24minus my 10% head-hunters' fee.
0:11:24 > 0:11:26I have to pay you two grand if I get hired?
0:11:26 > 0:11:28I have a job to offer.
0:11:28 > 0:11:30In the immortal words of Rod Blagojevich,
0:11:30 > 0:11:33- "BLEEP- is a valuable thing. You just don't give it away for nothing."
0:11:34 > 0:11:36So you never told me where you're from.
0:11:36 > 0:11:37I'm from Pawnee.
0:11:37 > 0:11:38Keep still, please.
0:11:38 > 0:11:40What kind of music do you like?
0:11:40 > 0:11:41Can I answer that?
0:11:41 > 0:11:43Sure. Keep still.
0:11:43 > 0:11:44All kinds.
0:11:44 > 0:11:47Very important that you keep still at this moment, Leslie.
0:11:47 > 0:11:49I've told you that a thousand times.
0:11:51 > 0:11:54Did you ever break your arm? You can answer that. I'll turn it off.
0:11:54 > 0:11:57One time I was on my bike and some boys were making fun of me,
0:11:57 > 0:11:59so I chased them and I lost control.
0:11:59 > 0:12:01I'm surprised you can see that.
0:12:01 > 0:12:03It was, like, three years ago.
0:12:03 > 0:12:06I can't believe I turned the machine off for that.
0:12:06 > 0:12:08You never had any kids, right, Leslie?
0:12:08 > 0:12:10No.
0:12:10 > 0:12:11You've got a great oven.
0:12:11 > 0:12:13OK, time to go.
0:12:13 > 0:12:14You got ample room in there.
0:12:14 > 0:12:16Honestly, if you wanted to,
0:12:16 > 0:12:19you could go triplets right off the bat, Leslie.
0:12:19 > 0:12:22You got a big, industrial-sized oven.
0:12:22 > 0:12:23So we're done, right?
0:12:23 > 0:12:25PHONE RINGS
0:12:25 > 0:12:27Sorry. I've got to get that.
0:12:27 > 0:12:29Hey! How's the date going?
0:12:29 > 0:12:31Good! We just finished the MRI.
0:12:31 > 0:12:32What?
0:12:32 > 0:12:34I know I said that I wanted to get back out there,
0:12:34 > 0:12:35but this guy is nuts.
0:12:35 > 0:12:38Sorry, Les. I'll find you somebody else, OK?
0:12:38 > 0:12:40Just don't let this sour you on dating.
0:12:40 > 0:12:42Yeah, OK.
0:12:42 > 0:12:43Hey! No cell phones!
0:12:44 > 0:12:46What was that about?
0:12:46 > 0:12:47I set Leslie up on a date.
0:12:47 > 0:12:49I don't think it's going that well.
0:12:49 > 0:12:51Oh, no. With Justin?
0:12:51 > 0:12:54Oh, no. This guy I know from the hospital.
0:12:54 > 0:12:56Why not Justin?
0:12:56 > 0:12:58I don't really see them together.
0:12:58 > 0:13:00You know? Plus, Leslie just got out of a relationship,
0:13:00 > 0:13:02so I didn't want Justin to be, like,
0:13:02 > 0:13:04her rebound guy or anything, you know?
0:13:04 > 0:13:06Yeah, that makes sense.
0:13:06 > 0:13:09Leslie is a notoriously cruel and thoughtless person.
0:13:09 > 0:13:10Why are we talking about this?
0:13:10 > 0:13:11We're not.
0:13:12 > 0:13:14You've got a large brain.
0:13:14 > 0:13:15Thank you.
0:13:15 > 0:13:17Yeah. Well, it looks pretty...
0:13:17 > 0:13:19Hang on.
0:13:20 > 0:13:21That's weird.
0:13:21 > 0:13:22What? What's weird?
0:13:22 > 0:13:25Your brain. See that shadow right there?
0:13:25 > 0:13:26- Oh, my God! - Is that bad?
0:13:26 > 0:13:29I don't know. I'd have a doctor look at that immediately.
0:13:29 > 0:13:31Are you serious?
0:13:31 > 0:13:32Oh, wait.
0:13:35 > 0:13:36Oh.
0:13:36 > 0:13:39It's, like, a smudge or something.
0:13:39 > 0:13:42Crazy. Thank God I was here.
0:13:42 > 0:13:44Mark, I've never gone out with him. I swear!
0:13:44 > 0:13:46I'm sorry, but there's something weird
0:13:46 > 0:13:47about the way you talk about him.
0:13:47 > 0:13:50I don't know. There was definitely times when we thought
0:13:50 > 0:13:52maybe we would go out someday.
0:13:52 > 0:13:54That's why you didn't set Leslie up. Because you're saving him.
0:13:54 > 0:13:56No, I'm not.
0:13:56 > 0:13:57Oh, yeah, you are.
0:13:57 > 0:14:00OK, fine. You don't have someone in your life that you think,
0:14:00 > 0:14:03"I don't know, maybe if things were different, maybe, some day..."
0:14:03 > 0:14:04You know what?
0:14:04 > 0:14:07You can't save somebody for the future while you're in a relationship.
0:14:07 > 0:14:08Even I know that.
0:14:08 > 0:14:10Come on, don't go.
0:14:10 > 0:14:14I'll talk to you later. And by the way, the dog dies at the end.
0:14:15 > 0:14:17So, did you want to go back to your place?
0:14:17 > 0:14:18Actually, Chris,
0:14:18 > 0:14:22it was nice to meet you, but I think this is going to be our last date.
0:14:22 > 0:14:25I get it. Get your MRI and get out, huh?
0:14:25 > 0:14:26This was your idea.
0:14:26 > 0:14:28Clever lady.
0:14:28 > 0:14:30I guess I'm not as good a tech as I thought I was.
0:14:30 > 0:14:32I should have noticed that you're missing a heart.
0:14:32 > 0:14:34Ew.
0:14:34 > 0:14:35Goodbye, Leslie.
0:14:39 > 0:14:43Right. I drove us here. Goodie.
0:14:43 > 0:14:45Hey, do you mind if we pick up my son Nate
0:14:45 > 0:14:47at his basketball game on the way back?
0:14:48 > 0:14:51Wow! This is really good. "Cease and desist."
0:14:51 > 0:14:52"Burden of proof."
0:14:52 > 0:14:55Check out paragraph two. I drop the F-bomb.
0:14:55 > 0:14:57"Frivolous."
0:14:57 > 0:14:59Definitely have the city attorney look at that,
0:14:59 > 0:15:01but that should be enough to do the trick.
0:15:01 > 0:15:04Well, Justin, I just... I can't thank you enough.
0:15:04 > 0:15:07It's my pleasure. Maybe I'll see you around sometime.
0:15:07 > 0:15:10Yeah! I would love... Mmm-hmm.
0:15:10 > 0:15:11- I'll see you. - OK.
0:15:11 > 0:15:13- Bye. - Bye.
0:15:16 > 0:15:18Damn! He is all right.
0:15:19 > 0:15:21Why don't you hit that?
0:15:21 > 0:15:24Well, frankly, I would like to hit that...
0:15:25 > 0:15:28..but Ann's being a little weird about it.
0:15:28 > 0:15:31When you were dating Ann, did you know this guy Justin?
0:15:31 > 0:15:33Oh, Justin? I hate Justin.
0:15:33 > 0:15:35Ann was so obviously into him. It was so annoying.
0:15:35 > 0:15:37Right.
0:15:37 > 0:15:39I'd say in terms of guys that she's in love with,
0:15:39 > 0:15:42Justin's up here, I'm up here, and then you're down here.
0:15:42 > 0:15:45Well, I just wanted to make sure that I wasn't crazy,
0:15:45 > 0:15:49so, naturally, I came to you for reassurance.
0:15:49 > 0:15:53Do me a favour. Don't tell Ann that we talked about this.
0:15:53 > 0:15:54Will do.
0:15:54 > 0:15:57Ann Perkins! You should be ashamed of yourself.
0:15:57 > 0:15:59What you're doing to Mark is not cool.
0:15:59 > 0:16:02Why are you guys talking to each other? You know what? Forget it.
0:16:02 > 0:16:04- I'm not getting into this with you. - You did something wrong?
0:16:04 > 0:16:07No! I didn't do anything wrong!
0:16:07 > 0:16:09Come here. This is none of your business.
0:16:09 > 0:16:11You don't know what you're talking about.
0:16:11 > 0:16:13Actually, I do know what I'm talking about.
0:16:13 > 0:16:14Every time I used to sit around
0:16:14 > 0:16:16all afternoon playing video games
0:16:16 > 0:16:17wearing only my slippers, all of a sudden,
0:16:17 > 0:16:20I would start to feel bad about myself,
0:16:20 > 0:16:21and do you know why?
0:16:21 > 0:16:23Didn't you just explain why?
0:16:23 > 0:16:25I would feel bad about myself because
0:16:25 > 0:16:27I would start to think about this perfect guy.
0:16:27 > 0:16:29Any time you would talk about Justin,
0:16:29 > 0:16:32I didn't feel very important.
0:16:32 > 0:16:33That was rough.
0:16:33 > 0:16:35Well, I didn't know that.
0:16:35 > 0:16:37Maybe if you had, I wouldn't have left.
0:16:37 > 0:16:40But you do know now, so you have to choose.
0:16:40 > 0:16:41It's either me or Justin.
0:16:41 > 0:16:43I'm not going to choose.
0:16:43 > 0:16:45- Wait. I'm dating Mark! - Are you, though?
0:16:45 > 0:16:48- Yes! - Ah! That close.
0:16:48 > 0:16:52Ronald, I've done it. I've found your assistant, and he's dope.
0:16:52 > 0:16:55His name is Jean-Ralphio. Jean-Ralphio!
0:16:55 > 0:16:56Big T.
0:16:56 > 0:16:58What up? Mr Swanson, two things.
0:16:58 > 0:17:01One, it is an absolute honour to meet you.
0:17:01 > 0:17:04Two, who is that hot intern chick out there?
0:17:04 > 0:17:06Because honestly, damn!
0:17:08 > 0:17:09Take a seat.
0:17:09 > 0:17:10Right. Here we go.
0:17:10 > 0:17:12So, Jean-Ralphio...
0:17:12 > 0:17:14You got him right here. Leave a message after the beep.
0:17:14 > 0:17:17Why do I want you as my assistant?
0:17:17 > 0:17:20For starters, access to the illest clubs.
0:17:20 > 0:17:22And that's just for starters. I will work for you.
0:17:22 > 0:17:24I'll be on you 24/7. I'll be like your family.
0:17:24 > 0:17:25I'm here when you get here in the morning.
0:17:25 > 0:17:27I'll be there tucking you into bed at night.
0:17:27 > 0:17:30Don't worry, it's not gay. Do we have questions?
0:17:30 > 0:17:33I think our only question is, when can you start?
0:17:33 > 0:17:34Right now, let's do it!
0:17:34 > 0:17:38Thank you for coming in. We will talk.
0:17:38 > 0:17:39Cool. I feel good about this.
0:17:39 > 0:17:41And you can hit me up on Facebook any time,
0:17:41 > 0:17:43day or night. You know that, right?
0:17:43 > 0:17:44- Take care, buddy. - Boom.
0:17:44 > 0:17:47So what do you think of your new assistant?
0:17:47 > 0:17:49I want to punch you in the face so bad right now.
0:17:49 > 0:17:52What? OK.
0:17:53 > 0:17:55Message received. I'll keep looking.
0:17:55 > 0:17:57Thank you. Bring me the opposite of him.
0:17:59 > 0:18:00What kind of music is this?
0:18:00 > 0:18:02It's rock'n'roll, my friend.
0:18:02 > 0:18:05Fast, smooth, handsome rock.
0:18:05 > 0:18:07That band is really blowing up right now.
0:18:07 > 0:18:08They're number one on iTunes.
0:18:08 > 0:18:10OK. I'll take one.
0:18:14 > 0:18:15There's your change.
0:18:17 > 0:18:20You are amazing! I like when you hang out here.
0:18:24 > 0:18:25I want to be your assistant.
0:18:25 > 0:18:27Really? You hate it here.
0:18:27 > 0:18:31So do you. I'll make sure you don't have to go to any meetings.
0:18:31 > 0:18:34If anyone comes to see you, I'll scare them away.
0:18:34 > 0:18:38Wait, April, if you had to choose between these two ties...
0:18:39 > 0:18:41You're hired.
0:18:41 > 0:18:44I just figured I might as well get paid for being here.
0:18:46 > 0:18:47Hi.
0:18:47 > 0:18:49Hey! I was just calling you.
0:18:49 > 0:18:50Here.
0:18:52 > 0:18:54This is a prescription for Denise Dogan.
0:18:54 > 0:18:57Oh, my God, I'm sorry. I'm so out of sorts.
0:18:58 > 0:19:00Here.
0:19:00 > 0:19:01Porter's Grill at 7:00.
0:19:01 > 0:19:03Justin's going to meet you there.
0:19:03 > 0:19:05I'm sorry Chris was such a jerk.
0:19:05 > 0:19:07You deserve way better than that.
0:19:07 > 0:19:09If this situation is weird or if you feel weird...
0:19:09 > 0:19:11It's not weird. You guys will really like each other.
0:19:11 > 0:19:12Thanks.
0:19:12 > 0:19:13I've got to run. I have another stop
0:19:13 > 0:19:16on the pride-swallowing tour of City Hall.
0:19:16 > 0:19:17Go get him.
0:19:17 > 0:19:18That's where I never find things.
0:19:18 > 0:19:20- Hey. - Hi, Ann.
0:19:20 > 0:19:23So, I just set up Justin and Leslie.
0:19:24 > 0:19:26And I'm sorry.
0:19:26 > 0:19:29I rented District 9,
0:19:29 > 0:19:32if you maybe wanted to spoil that for me tonight.
0:19:36 > 0:19:37Oh, my God!
0:19:37 > 0:19:38Dark ending, right?
0:19:41 > 0:19:45'I'm back on the horse, and this horse is a lawyer,'
0:19:45 > 0:19:48so I'm looking forward to riding him.
0:19:49 > 0:19:51No, wait.
0:19:51 > 0:19:53Ten months ago,
0:19:53 > 0:19:55she was an intern who could give a C-R-A-P about local government.
0:19:55 > 0:19:59Now, she's our newest employee. To April!
0:19:59 > 0:20:00- Cheers! - Cheers!
0:20:00 > 0:20:01Yay!
0:20:01 > 0:20:03Jerry, come and celebrate!
0:20:03 > 0:20:04No, thanks.
0:20:04 > 0:20:07Well, everybody, let's get back to work.
0:20:10 > 0:20:11Where are you going?
0:20:11 > 0:20:14I want to talk to Ron about the size of my desk.
0:20:14 > 0:20:17Jerry, you have to schedule an appointment.
0:20:18 > 0:20:19OK. How about now?
0:20:19 > 0:20:20Ron's not here.
0:20:20 > 0:20:23He's right there. I can see him.
0:20:23 > 0:20:25I'll let you know when he's available.
0:20:29 > 0:20:30Atta-girl.