0:00:02 > 0:00:05It's because of you, our teachers, that every recreation class
0:00:05 > 0:00:08in this catalogue shines like a jewel in Pawnee's beautiful crown.
0:00:10 > 0:00:12Unfortunately, due to budget constraints,
0:00:12 > 0:00:16this year we will have to remove five jewels from that crown.
0:00:16 > 0:00:19Excuse me? Are you cutting our classes?
0:00:19 > 0:00:23Yeah. The city took away 1,000 from our budget.
0:00:23 > 0:00:24So, I'm very sorry.
0:00:24 > 0:00:27How will you decide which classes to cut?
0:00:27 > 0:00:30By attendance and student evaluations.
0:00:30 > 0:00:33So, just make sure your students leave with a smile.
0:00:33 > 0:00:35My class is called "Coping with Terminal Illness."
0:00:35 > 0:00:38Hopefully your attendance is good!
0:00:38 > 0:00:40Actually, no, hopefully it's bad.
0:00:41 > 0:00:44'Nobody's more upset about this than me.'
0:00:44 > 0:00:47I've been taking these rec centre classes since I was in high school.
0:00:47 > 0:00:50It's where I learned hair braiding, and how to make biscuits.
0:00:50 > 0:00:52French kissing.
0:00:52 > 0:00:54The French kissing was from a boy in my biscuits class,
0:00:54 > 0:00:56but either way, lesson learned!
0:01:15 > 0:01:17Oh, my God! You have never been to Carnival?
0:01:17 > 0:01:18I want to go!
0:01:18 > 0:01:22We have to get tickets in February to go to Rio de Janeiro, Leslie Knope.
0:01:22 > 0:01:23OK.
0:01:23 > 0:01:26'I am on a date with Justin in Indianapolis.'
0:01:26 > 0:01:27We've only been out a few times,
0:01:27 > 0:01:29but every one of them has been amazing.
0:01:29 > 0:01:30Cheers.
0:01:30 > 0:01:32'Last time, we had a private tour'
0:01:32 > 0:01:35'and cocktails at the Indianapolis Aquarium.'
0:01:35 > 0:01:39- That fish over there kind of reminds me of my mom.- Why?
0:01:39 > 0:01:41It's just being really withholding.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43Justin is definitely the most interesting guy I've ever dated.
0:01:43 > 0:01:45All I did was a little paperwork.
0:01:45 > 0:01:46He's being modest.
0:01:46 > 0:01:49It is thanks to him my family remains in this country.
0:01:49 > 0:01:52- And it was all pro bono. - Oh, Justin.
0:01:52 > 0:01:55You've got to try this.
0:01:55 > 0:01:58- Oh, that's really good! - Isn't it great?
0:01:58 > 0:02:00It's camel stomach.
0:02:00 > 0:02:03- Is it?- I'm teasing! I'm teasing. It's chicken.
0:02:03 > 0:02:05Would you like to try the camel stomach?
0:02:05 > 0:02:06No.
0:02:08 > 0:02:10This is me.
0:02:10 > 0:02:12So, when am I going to see you again?
0:02:12 > 0:02:14Oh! You know what, I'm going to be near Pawnee on Tuesday.
0:02:14 > 0:02:17Excellent, yeah. I'll plan something exciting.
0:02:17 > 0:02:22In fact, our date in Pawnee will blow Indianapolis out of the water.
0:02:22 > 0:02:24All right. I'm going to hold you to that.
0:02:24 > 0:02:27- Good! You better. - I will!
0:02:30 > 0:02:33I've racked my brain and I can't come up with one exciting idea.
0:02:33 > 0:02:35I mean, he once ate fried cockatoo
0:02:35 > 0:02:37with a member of the Thai royal family.
0:02:37 > 0:02:43Well, maybe just have him over, cook him some chicken, and tell him it's Pawnee cockatoo.
0:02:43 > 0:02:46A dinner party! That's genius.
0:02:46 > 0:02:48I'll invite all my most interesting friends over,
0:02:48 > 0:02:50we'll have this big rambling party.
0:02:50 > 0:02:52No, I actually meant more like a one-on-one thing.
0:02:52 > 0:02:54I know, but I took your idea and I made it better.
0:02:54 > 0:02:55It's called a think tank, Ann.
0:02:55 > 0:02:58- What is?- Our lunches. Our lunches are like think tanks.
0:02:58 > 0:03:00OK, I want you to come over to my house at 2:00 and help me get ready.
0:03:00 > 0:03:03And make sure that Mark is coming. So much work to do!
0:03:03 > 0:03:05You're my best friend. Now, get out of here!
0:03:07 > 0:03:09How many courses will there be?
0:03:09 > 0:03:11- Three.- Hmm.
0:03:11 > 0:03:13- Four.- Hm.- Not including dessert.
0:03:13 > 0:03:15So, five courses.
0:03:15 > 0:03:17Yes. Now, it will be five courses.
0:03:17 > 0:03:21If I wanted to bring a large number of deviled eggs,
0:03:21 > 0:03:23but I didn't want to share them with anyone else,
0:03:23 > 0:03:26can you guarantee fridge space?
0:03:26 > 0:03:28Just be there at 8:00.
0:03:28 > 0:03:31Oh, hey, Tom! I'm having an A-list dinner party for Justin.
0:03:31 > 0:03:32And you, out of all my friends,
0:03:32 > 0:03:34come from the most distant and exotic land.
0:03:34 > 0:03:35South Carolina?
0:03:35 > 0:03:36SHE LAUGHS
0:03:36 > 0:03:39Save it for the party! Can you make it?
0:03:39 > 0:03:42For Justin? Are you kidding? I'm there.
0:03:42 > 0:03:43Just don't invite any boring people like Jerry.
0:03:43 > 0:03:47- What are you guys talking about? - Nothing.- Don't worry about it.- What?
0:03:49 > 0:03:52- Leslie.- Hey!- Hey! Check it out. Just practising.
0:03:52 > 0:03:55Isn't that polish going to get on people's butts when they sit down?
0:03:55 > 0:03:57No.
0:03:57 > 0:03:58- OK, listen. I'm having a party.- Mmm-hmm.
0:03:58 > 0:04:02And I thought maybe you could help me with serving and taking people's coats.
0:04:02 > 0:04:03I'd pay you, like, 10 bucks an hour.
0:04:03 > 0:04:06My guardian angel! I would love to! Who's going to be there?
0:04:06 > 0:04:08Really fun people.
0:04:08 > 0:04:11- Ron, Tom, Mark and Ann. - CLEARS THROAT
0:04:11 > 0:04:13That's great. What's the occasion?
0:04:13 > 0:04:14Justin is coming to town.
0:04:16 > 0:04:19Hey, it's me, Justin. Take my coat. But please, be careful.
0:04:19 > 0:04:24I got it from the king of Africa when we were walking on the Berlin Wall together.
0:04:24 > 0:04:28Really, Justin? What instruments do you play?
0:04:28 > 0:04:32Actually, he's a pretty sick keyboardist.
0:04:32 > 0:04:34Good. I'm good to go. That sounds great.
0:04:34 > 0:04:36- Great. All right. - I'll see you there.
0:04:36 > 0:04:43- Afternoon, Andy.- Hi, Kyle. You know, way before you sat down,
0:04:43 > 0:04:46I noticed, did you have some kind of stain on your ass, or something?
0:04:46 > 0:04:48- What was that? - What?
0:04:49 > 0:04:50No, no, no. You're good.
0:04:50 > 0:04:54- Hey, Ann.- Hey!- Welcome to my house, for the very first time.
0:04:54 > 0:04:56I know! I can't believe you've never had me over.
0:05:04 > 0:05:07- Now, I can believe it. - I know, I know. It's a little messy.
0:05:07 > 0:05:12But I have a system. So, I just need you to help me with the finishing touches.
0:05:12 > 0:05:14This newspaper's from November, 1986.
0:05:14 > 0:05:18Oh, the first rumblings of Iran-Contra! Don't throw that out!
0:05:18 > 0:05:20I think I need to call Child Services
0:05:20 > 0:05:22and have Leslie taken away from herself.
0:05:25 > 0:05:28Leslie, don't take this the wrong way,
0:05:28 > 0:05:31but your house is like a crazy person's garage.
0:05:32 > 0:05:35What do you need this birdhouse for?
0:05:35 > 0:05:37Can we get rid of it?
0:05:37 > 0:05:41- I might need it. - What about this one?
0:05:41 > 0:05:44Well, if two birds come along? Leslie...
0:05:44 > 0:05:47Andy's going to come over soon, he can help us with all this stuff.
0:05:47 > 0:05:48Andy? No. No, no, no.
0:05:48 > 0:05:51You need a team of professionals to help.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57I have an idea.
0:05:57 > 0:06:00Hi, is this Maria Portlesman
0:06:00 > 0:06:03from Organise Your Life with Maria Portlesman?
0:06:03 > 0:06:06- April, come here.- What? - Shake my hand.- Why?
0:06:06 > 0:06:10I can't tell if I've exfoliated too much.
0:06:10 > 0:06:13I don't want to creep Justin out. I want him to respect my handshake.
0:06:13 > 0:06:16- Why do you care about him? - Justin is hip.
0:06:16 > 0:06:18Pawnee is the opposite of hip.
0:06:18 > 0:06:20People in this town are just now getting into Nirvana.
0:06:20 > 0:06:23I don't have the heart to tell them what's going to happen to Kurt Cobain in 1994.
0:06:23 > 0:06:25Hey, Justin.
0:06:25 > 0:06:28Ew! It's like touching raw chicken.
0:06:28 > 0:06:31Damn it. Going to have to re-foliate them.
0:06:31 > 0:06:37I'll need some help moving the boxes, but...it's doable.
0:06:37 > 0:06:39Oh, thank God. How much do I owe you?
0:06:39 > 0:06:42Please, no charge. I just appreciate the chance
0:06:42 > 0:06:46to demonstrate how valuable my class is to the rec centre.
0:06:46 > 0:06:48And I hope you'll keep that in mind.
0:06:48 > 0:06:51Oh! No, no, I insist on paying.
0:06:51 > 0:06:55Oh, no, no, I insist on demonstrating.
0:06:55 > 0:06:58- This will not affect my decision at all.- Oh, of course not.
0:06:58 > 0:06:59Stop winking.
0:07:00 > 0:07:02Hey, Leslie, I forgot to ask you. What are you cooking?
0:07:02 > 0:07:05- Five courses. - Of what?
0:07:05 > 0:07:07- Huh? - Of what?
0:07:07 > 0:07:08Oh, God...
0:07:08 > 0:07:10VEGETABLE CHOPPING
0:07:11 > 0:07:14So, how's it looking? It smells great.
0:07:14 > 0:07:15OK, the appetizers are almost ready.
0:07:15 > 0:07:19And they're a very good sampling of what my level one class does,
0:07:19 > 0:07:22which I hope you'll keep in mind when you're making your decisions.
0:07:22 > 0:07:24Tania, like I said over the phone...
0:07:24 > 0:07:27I know. It won't influence your decision.
0:07:27 > 0:07:29But learning to cook is very important in this day and age.
0:07:29 > 0:07:31Is it?
0:07:32 > 0:07:34- Hey, Andy. - Hey!
0:07:34 > 0:07:36Are you going to be all right, tonight?
0:07:36 > 0:07:38What? Cos of Mark and Justin?
0:07:38 > 0:07:41They are just guests at a really awesome dinner party.
0:07:41 > 0:07:42And I will treat them as such.
0:07:42 > 0:07:44- That sounds very professional. - Thank you.
0:07:44 > 0:07:46I promise I will not spit in anyone's food,
0:07:46 > 0:07:48- unless they should request that I do.- Good.
0:07:48 > 0:07:50Did I do this right?
0:07:50 > 0:07:53- I don't know. - DOORBELL
0:07:53 > 0:07:56- Oh, hey, Mark.- Hey. - Welcome to my humble abode.
0:07:56 > 0:08:01Well, thank you. Whoa! This is way cleaner than the last time I was here.
0:08:01 > 0:08:04You've been here?
0:08:04 > 0:08:05Right.
0:08:05 > 0:08:08When was Mark here before?
0:08:08 > 0:08:11Oh...! Sex.
0:08:11 > 0:08:14'I can't wait to talk to Justin again.'
0:08:14 > 0:08:18Last time he told me about how he snorkelled with whale sharks in Madagascar.
0:08:18 > 0:08:23That was after I told him that I sometimes go swimming at the Y.
0:08:23 > 0:08:26Oh, thank you, son.
0:08:26 > 0:08:29Leslie Knope. I believe you've arranged accommodations for these.
0:08:29 > 0:08:30Yes, I have.
0:08:30 > 0:08:34Hey, Ron Swanson. You didn't happen to hear about the incident with Mayor Gunderson's dog, did you?
0:08:34 > 0:08:36- My God. It was a blood bath. - No, no, no, no talking!
0:08:36 > 0:08:39Everybody stop talking until Justin gets here.
0:08:39 > 0:08:42Don't use up your stories.
0:08:42 > 0:08:44Somebody from Animal Services is going to get canned.
0:08:44 > 0:08:48Oh, my God. What part of not talking do you not understand?
0:08:48 > 0:08:50Please, have a good time and shut your mouth.
0:08:50 > 0:08:52'I just want this dinner party to go well.'
0:08:52 > 0:08:54There are very few things I've asked for in this world.
0:08:54 > 0:08:56To build a new park from scratch.
0:08:56 > 0:08:57To eventually become president.
0:08:57 > 0:08:59And to one day solve a murder on a train.
0:08:59 > 0:09:02I think it's fair to add this to the list.
0:09:02 > 0:09:04EVERYONE CHATS EASILY
0:09:04 > 0:09:07- DOORBELL - Guys! Justin's here! That's Justin!
0:09:07 > 0:09:08Everybody, start talking.
0:09:16 > 0:09:17- Hey!- Hey.
0:09:17 > 0:09:18Sorry I'm a little bit late.
0:09:18 > 0:09:22It's OK. Welcome to my very interesting party.
0:09:22 > 0:09:25Andy Dwyer! Can't wait to catch up with this guy.
0:09:25 > 0:09:27All right, Justin. May I take your coat, sir?
0:09:27 > 0:09:30Why, yeah. Thank you.
0:09:30 > 0:09:33I'm going to get to hang out with all your friends tonight.
0:09:33 > 0:09:35It's going to be super fun! It's going to be a blast.
0:09:35 > 0:09:37Like the best, most exciting night of your life.
0:09:37 > 0:09:40I cannot over-hype it enough.
0:09:40 > 0:09:42- All right.- OK!- Let's get started! - OK!- Good.- Yeah.
0:09:42 > 0:09:44- 'Sup, J? - How you doing, man?
0:09:44 > 0:09:48- How are you. I'm Justin...- I have the swine flu.- Oh.- No, she doesn't!
0:09:50 > 0:09:52- Yo.- Yo.
0:09:52 > 0:09:54Is that Justin's coat?
0:09:54 > 0:09:55Oh, yeah. Isn't it awesome?
0:09:55 > 0:09:59He got it in Cambodia, when he was hiking Mount Everest.
0:09:59 > 0:10:02- Let's put chewed up gum in his pockets.- That's genius. But I can't.
0:10:02 > 0:10:04Leslie's being super cool to me,
0:10:04 > 0:10:06and I can't screw over her boyfriend's jacket.
0:10:06 > 0:10:08I'll do it when you're not in the room then.
0:10:08 > 0:10:11That would be terrible.
0:10:12 > 0:10:15I'm being sarcastic. That would be awesome.
0:10:15 > 0:10:16God, India is so amazing.
0:10:16 > 0:10:19Let me tell you something. That is my absolute favourite place to travel.
0:10:19 > 0:10:21Where did you say your parents were from?
0:10:21 > 0:10:23The south part.
0:10:23 > 0:10:26The southern part's always the best part of anything.
0:10:26 > 0:10:29Have you ever been to the Kaniman Mosque? Down in Tamil Nadu?
0:10:29 > 0:10:31Are you kidding? My uncle practically runs the place.
0:10:31 > 0:10:33I've prayed there. It's sick.
0:10:33 > 0:10:35Tell me everything, right now.
0:10:35 > 0:10:37One sec, I just got to hit the loo,
0:10:37 > 0:10:40as those bastard British imperialists would say!
0:10:40 > 0:10:42LAUGHTER
0:10:42 > 0:10:45Last time I was in India, I was eight years old
0:10:45 > 0:10:47and I stayed inside the whole time playing video games.
0:10:47 > 0:10:48I got to bone up.
0:10:49 > 0:10:52Fourth largest coal reserves in the world.
0:10:52 > 0:10:55This is the best old-fashioned I have ever had.
0:10:55 > 0:10:57Where'd you find this bartender?
0:10:57 > 0:11:00Oh... I think... I don't know. Like, maybe the Yellow Pages.
0:11:00 > 0:11:02There's no way you're paying him enough.
0:11:02 > 0:11:05If you want, I could teach you the secret to great...
0:11:05 > 0:11:07Shst!
0:11:07 > 0:11:09- Leslie.- Ann, get over here!
0:11:09 > 0:11:10I'm here. Already.
0:11:10 > 0:11:12Good. OK, do you think this party's going well?
0:11:12 > 0:11:15Can you see Justin? Is he having fun?
0:11:15 > 0:11:19Justin is over there talking to Mark. Happily.
0:11:19 > 0:11:20OK, good. Yeah, good.
0:11:20 > 0:11:23I'm just going to casually make my...
0:11:23 > 0:11:27So my face is literally on fire,
0:11:27 > 0:11:30but it's this weird chemical, so no-one can see the flames.
0:11:30 > 0:11:32I'm dancing around, freaking out.
0:11:32 > 0:11:36I end up having to dunk my face into a bucket of sand.
0:11:36 > 0:11:38- Unreal!- Unreal!
0:11:38 > 0:11:40- Oh, my God, that is unbelievable. - Isn't it, Ann? Unbelievable.
0:11:40 > 0:11:44Didn't happen to me. It was a kid I knew from camp.
0:11:44 > 0:11:47But a great story's a great story.
0:11:47 > 0:11:50Plus, the kid can't tell it - his mouth melted.
0:11:52 > 0:11:54Dinner is served!
0:11:54 > 0:11:57Oh! Excellent!
0:11:57 > 0:11:59KNOCK ON DOOR
0:11:59 > 0:12:02- Hi.- Oh. I'm sorry, are we late?
0:12:03 > 0:12:06What the hell are you doing?
0:12:06 > 0:12:08How could you invite Wendy when Ron's here?
0:12:08 > 0:12:10He's going to wrap her up in his moustache and take her home!
0:12:10 > 0:12:13We agreed that we should invite interesting people for Justin,
0:12:13 > 0:12:14and Wendy is an interesting person!
0:12:14 > 0:12:16I've been telling you for weeks that you should tell her how you feel.
0:12:16 > 0:12:19- Now's your chance! - Oh, yeah. That makes sense.
0:12:19 > 0:12:22No, it doesn't! Not cool, at all!
0:12:22 > 0:12:24He'll get over it.
0:12:24 > 0:12:27No, I won't.
0:12:27 > 0:12:31The first course is a Mexican bean soup.
0:12:31 > 0:12:35Are these peppers for consuming?
0:12:35 > 0:12:37I wouldn't. They're very hot.
0:12:37 > 0:12:39I'm going to give it a try.
0:12:39 > 0:12:42Mm. Hot.
0:12:42 > 0:12:43You're very brave.
0:12:43 > 0:12:46Please, that was one of the tiny ones.
0:12:46 > 0:12:48# This is how you eat it! #
0:12:48 > 0:12:49Don't do that, Tom!
0:12:52 > 0:12:53(BLEEP!)
0:12:57 > 0:13:02This is something, Justin. Derek and Ben are gay,
0:13:02 > 0:13:06but often, on occasion, April will have relations with Derek.
0:13:06 > 0:13:09Right? Crazy stuff. Discuss that.
0:13:09 > 0:13:14There's not much more to discuss. You kind of explained it all.
0:13:14 > 0:13:17Who else is gay?
0:13:17 > 0:13:20Tom, I need your help. There was a lull. I saw Justin yawn.
0:13:20 > 0:13:24Please tell me that yawning is a sign of excitement in India or something.
0:13:24 > 0:13:26- Tom, focus!- Argh..! - God, you're no help!
0:13:26 > 0:13:30Yes, just to be clear, this will in no way influence me.
0:13:30 > 0:13:34It won't affect my decision. And it has no bearing on the future of your class.
0:13:34 > 0:13:37Hey, little buddy! Everything OK?
0:13:37 > 0:13:39That took a long time.
0:13:39 > 0:13:42Poor Tommy. He has a very frail colon.
0:13:42 > 0:13:43I feel your pain, brother.
0:13:43 > 0:13:46The hottest thing I ever put into my mouth was in this remote village in Southern Brazil.
0:13:46 > 0:13:50- This sounds good. - Yeah. They take a little bit of scorpion poison and they serve...
0:13:50 > 0:13:53- DOORBELL - I wonder who that is!
0:13:53 > 0:13:55- Who could that be? - More people?
0:13:55 > 0:13:58A belly dancer?
0:13:58 > 0:14:00What...?!
0:14:00 > 0:14:04It's weird, but she just showed up.
0:14:04 > 0:14:05'I mean, I'm not the kind of person
0:14:05 > 0:14:07'that's going to throw someone out,
0:14:07 > 0:14:11'or, you know, not let them in if they randomly show up.'
0:14:11 > 0:14:16'I don't know how they all got here.'
0:14:16 > 0:14:19'You know, people hear about a killer party at Knope's house,'
0:14:19 > 0:14:23they all come a-running.
0:14:23 > 0:14:25You don't do origami every day, do ya?
0:14:25 > 0:14:28They brought in a little entertainment, thank God.
0:14:28 > 0:14:30That Justin, he's so boring.
0:14:30 > 0:14:33What are you talking about? He's incredible.
0:14:33 > 0:14:35Yeah. He's not gay, but if he were,
0:14:35 > 0:14:37I would totally break up with Ben for him.
0:14:37 > 0:14:40Yeah, I would understand. He's amazing, right, April?
0:14:40 > 0:14:42"Right, April?" Don't we love him?
0:14:42 > 0:14:46Yeah. He's actually kind of awesome.
0:14:47 > 0:14:49You're underage.
0:14:50 > 0:14:52- I could lose my liquor licence, I'm sorry.- Andy.
0:14:52 > 0:14:54Hey. Are you having fun?
0:14:54 > 0:14:57All I can say is, this is not what I was expecting.
0:14:57 > 0:14:58DOORBELL
0:14:58 > 0:15:01- I cannot believe there's more. - There's not.
0:15:02 > 0:15:07Miss Knopes, I understand that you're currently evaluating
0:15:07 > 0:15:10- the rec centre teachers. - You're doing what? Leslie?
0:15:10 > 0:15:12I demand an evaluation.
0:15:12 > 0:15:15OK. What course do you teach?
0:15:15 > 0:15:18When it comes to choosing accounting software,
0:15:18 > 0:15:22there's no...Accounting...for taste.
0:15:22 > 0:15:24The advantage of QuickBooks Pro
0:15:24 > 0:15:27is that it's easy to assemble a list of vendors...
0:15:27 > 0:15:29Well, this is great.
0:15:29 > 0:15:33I'm heading home, so as not to have to be here any more.
0:15:33 > 0:15:35My office, first thing tomorrow.
0:15:35 > 0:15:39Yeah, I think we're probably going to take off, too.
0:15:39 > 0:15:41The demonstration takes another 45 minutes.
0:15:41 > 0:15:44Yeah, guys, please. Everybody, can you just stay? OK?
0:15:44 > 0:15:47Justin, would you...
0:15:47 > 0:15:49(Oh, my God...)
0:15:49 > 0:15:52I promise you, Miss Knope, this disciplinary committee will go over
0:15:52 > 0:15:55every detail of what happened last night.
0:15:55 > 0:15:58And we will determine whether you are guilty of abusing your power.
0:15:58 > 0:16:00Do you have anything to say before we begin?
0:16:00 > 0:16:04Just that I am looking forward to the truth coming out.
0:16:04 > 0:16:07I would like to say that Leslie is incapable
0:16:07 > 0:16:10of using people for her own gain.
0:16:10 > 0:16:13Thank you, Tom.
0:16:13 > 0:16:15But I can't, because Leslie loves using people for her own gain.
0:16:15 > 0:16:19If I may, Phil, I'd like to say something to Tom on the record.
0:16:19 > 0:16:22This has all been on the record.
0:16:22 > 0:16:24I'm very sorry that I invited Wendy to the party.
0:16:24 > 0:16:27- Is Wendy one of the teachers? - No, she's my soon-to-be ex-wife.
0:16:27 > 0:16:31And hopefully-then-to-be future-wife.
0:16:31 > 0:16:33Look, I'm really sorry.
0:16:33 > 0:16:35I put a new romance in front of an old friendship.
0:16:35 > 0:16:38- OK.- I put a beautiful man in front of an adorable man-child.
0:16:38 > 0:16:40You're ruining it.
0:16:40 > 0:16:43I put a big white stallion in front of a little brown pony.
0:16:43 > 0:16:44Totally uncalled for.
0:16:44 > 0:16:46Ron Swanson will be next.
0:16:46 > 0:16:49When it comes to government hearings,
0:16:49 > 0:16:53the only type of witness I enjoy being is a hostile one.
0:16:53 > 0:16:56That's why I intend to answer every one of their questions
0:16:56 > 0:16:58with a question.
0:16:58 > 0:17:03Were you aware that all of the entertainment and food was provided by rec centre teachers?
0:17:03 > 0:17:06Would I have stayed if I knew that?
0:17:06 > 0:17:07I don't know, would you have?
0:17:07 > 0:17:08Would you have?
0:17:08 > 0:17:10No. I wouldn't have.
0:17:10 > 0:17:12Did you hear Leslie make any promises?
0:17:12 > 0:17:15What constitutes a promise?
0:17:15 > 0:17:18- A quid pro quo. - Oh! Do you know Latin?
0:17:18 > 0:17:21OK. Thank you, Ron.
0:17:21 > 0:17:23Are we done?
0:17:23 > 0:17:25Can I get a shine?
0:17:25 > 0:17:31Oh. No. I'm sorry. We're closed, due to betrayment.
0:17:31 > 0:17:33Well, I'm sorry. But I don't know what you're talking about.
0:17:33 > 0:17:38Why don't you ask your new best friend, whose...name...is...
0:17:38 > 0:17:39- Justin? - ..Justin!
0:17:39 > 0:17:41Yes.
0:17:41 > 0:17:46I would, but he's probably too busy
0:17:46 > 0:17:48cleaning gum out of his coat pockets.
0:17:50 > 0:17:53Wow. Unbetrayed.
0:17:55 > 0:17:57So, you don't work for the government and you had no idea
0:17:57 > 0:18:00that these people were teachers from the local rec centre?
0:18:00 > 0:18:03No. I was simply attending a dinner party at my friend's house.
0:18:03 > 0:18:05Why is he here, Miss Knope?
0:18:05 > 0:18:09That will become clear. Mr Anderson, could you please describe that evening?
0:18:09 > 0:18:11Well, I had a very pleasant time.
0:18:11 > 0:18:15And from my perspective, there was no abuse of power with respect to Miss Knope
0:18:15 > 0:18:18- and any of her various guests. - Could you define pleasant?
0:18:18 > 0:18:20Did you have a good time? Did you have a great time?
0:18:20 > 0:18:22Be specific, and do remember that you're under oath.
0:18:22 > 0:18:25I had an amazing time.
0:18:25 > 0:18:27But...you fell asleep.
0:18:27 > 0:18:29Oh, God. I'm so sorry. You know, look,
0:18:29 > 0:18:31I'd been given a case the night before, so I had to stay up
0:18:31 > 0:18:33working and I didn't want to cancel.
0:18:33 > 0:18:34I would've rescheduled.
0:18:34 > 0:18:37Are you kidding me? I was looking forward to it.
0:18:37 > 0:18:39I had an awesome time which had nothing
0:18:39 > 0:18:42to do with the rec centre teachers.
0:18:42 > 0:18:44No further questions.
0:18:44 > 0:18:46OK. We're going to take a break,
0:18:46 > 0:18:49and we'll let you know what we decide in about an hour.
0:18:49 > 0:18:51Great. I will see you later.
0:18:51 > 0:18:55I'm in the middle of official business, so I can't talk about it right now.
0:18:55 > 0:18:57- OK.- But, yes, yes, you will.
0:19:01 > 0:19:04So, did you get that? He said amazing and awesome.
0:19:04 > 0:19:06So, I'm going to drive up and see him next weekend.
0:19:06 > 0:19:09There's some Kabuki theatre festival happening.
0:19:09 > 0:19:13Great. You're so relaxed. You're not freaking out about this at all?
0:19:13 > 0:19:15OK, Leslie. We've reached our decision.
0:19:15 > 0:19:18We're not going to take any further action at this time.
0:19:18 > 0:19:19Thank you.
0:19:19 > 0:19:22It really helped that you asked for this hearing yourself.
0:19:22 > 0:19:25And that you made financial restitution out of your own pocket.
0:19:25 > 0:19:30But I think we both know you skirted a line here.
0:19:30 > 0:19:33You turned yourself in? Why?
0:19:33 > 0:19:35Well, I did something wrong, and I felt bad.
0:19:35 > 0:19:39So, this morning I donated 1,000 to the rec centre,
0:19:39 > 0:19:41so everybody could keep teaching their classes.
0:19:41 > 0:19:43OK, so why did you ask for the hearing?
0:19:43 > 0:19:44Are you kidding, Ann?
0:19:44 > 0:19:48It's every girl's dream to ask a dude how their date went under penalty of perjury!
0:19:48 > 0:19:51I'm not proud of my actions. But the most important thing is,
0:19:51 > 0:19:53there is now an official government document
0:19:53 > 0:19:56that proves my dinner party kicked ass!
0:19:58 > 0:19:59Tommy Hav.
0:19:59 > 0:20:01J Train! What's up, brother?
0:20:01 > 0:20:03This might be none of my business,
0:20:05 > 0:20:06but you need to ask Wendy out.
0:20:07 > 0:20:09For reals, this time.
0:20:10 > 0:20:12- Did Leslie tell you?- You.
0:20:12 > 0:20:14She didn't need to. I saw it.
0:20:16 > 0:20:19I'm not gay, but you're the most incredible man I've ever met.
0:20:19 > 0:20:21That doesn't sound gay, at all.
0:20:21 > 0:20:24- See you around.- Take care. - Bye, brother.
0:20:24 > 0:20:27Sure you don't want to hang out for a minute?