0:00:02 > 0:00:07- If you look inside your bags, you will find a few things. A bouquet of hand-crocheted flower pens...- Oh!
0:00:07 > 0:00:09A mosaic portrait of each of you
0:00:09 > 0:00:12made from the crushed bottles of your favourite diet soda,
0:00:12 > 0:00:15and a personalized 5,000-word essay
0:00:15 > 0:00:17of why you are all so awesome.
0:00:17 > 0:00:21What's Galentine's Day?! Oh, it's only the best day of the year!
0:00:21 > 0:00:24Every February 13th, my lady friends and I
0:00:24 > 0:00:26leave our husbands and our boyfriends at home
0:00:26 > 0:00:30and we come and kick it breakfast style. Ladies celebrating ladies.
0:00:30 > 0:00:35It's like Lilith Fair minus the angst. Plus frittatas.
0:00:35 > 0:00:38So to conclude our Galentine's Day breakfast,
0:00:38 > 0:00:41it is time for the greatest story ever told.
0:00:42 > 0:00:43What's the story?
0:00:43 > 0:00:45It's the most romantic story ever.
0:00:45 > 0:00:49It makes The Notebook look like Saw V.
0:00:49 > 0:00:50Go, Mom, go.
0:00:50 > 0:00:53It was 1968. I was 18
0:00:53 > 0:00:56and our family went on a vacation to Bermuda.
0:00:56 > 0:01:00And on the first day, I went for a swim in the ocean.
0:01:00 > 0:01:04And I got caught in a very strong current.
0:01:04 > 0:01:06- SHE GASPS - You've heard this story before, right?
0:01:06 > 0:01:10- Yes, but the drama. - The next thing I felt
0:01:10 > 0:01:16were two very powerful arms whisking me to safety.
0:01:16 > 0:01:19And he looked down at me and he said,
0:01:19 > 0:01:21"Are you OK?"
0:01:21 > 0:01:25And I looked up at him and I said, "I am now."
0:01:26 > 0:01:29So they sneak out to meet each other and walk on the beach.
0:01:29 > 0:01:30And two weeks later, he asked her
0:01:30 > 0:01:33to marry him and move to Illinois.
0:01:33 > 0:01:35But her parents thought she was too young, so she said no.
0:01:35 > 0:01:38And then they lost touch, and a few years later she met my dad!
0:01:38 > 0:01:40I gotta take one of those lifeguard courses.
0:01:40 > 0:01:42Those guys get all the action.
0:01:42 > 0:01:44- Am I right, Justin? - We gotta find this guy.
0:01:44 > 0:01:46Frank? He's probably married or dead.
0:01:46 > 0:01:48What's the difference? Am I right, Justin?
0:01:48 > 0:01:50Well, at least let me try and find him.
0:01:50 > 0:01:54Imagine how much better that story would be if we actually reunited them?
0:01:55 > 0:01:58I think Justin's right. You should let him do this.
0:01:58 > 0:02:01OK. Do it. But if you find him and he's weird,
0:02:01 > 0:02:03like a ventriloquist, or a puppeteer,
0:02:03 > 0:02:05or anyone who pretends toys are people,
0:02:05 > 0:02:08- then abort the mission. - Absolutely.- Absolutely.
0:02:08 > 0:02:09HE LAUGHS
0:02:30 > 0:02:32You, you're the best girlfriend ever.
0:02:32 > 0:02:35Aw! Happy Valentine's Day.
0:02:35 > 0:02:37I knew, eventually, somehow,
0:02:37 > 0:02:39being in a relationship with you would totally pay off.
0:02:39 > 0:02:41'I bought him some actual towels.'
0:02:41 > 0:02:43He was using a bathrobe.
0:02:43 > 0:02:45And I bought him some other things
0:02:45 > 0:02:47that humans usually use, like shampoo.
0:02:47 > 0:02:50Troops, gather around. Great news.
0:02:50 > 0:02:53The Senior Center Valentine's Dance is tomorrow, from 5:00 to 9:00.
0:02:53 > 0:02:58Are we talking AM or PM? Those people are old. Am I right, Justin?
0:02:58 > 0:03:00Oh! Justin's not here.
0:03:00 > 0:03:01It isn't just a job, gang.
0:03:01 > 0:03:03We're going to learn a lot from these seniors.
0:03:03 > 0:03:07Some of them have been married for half a century.
0:03:07 > 0:03:10And no offence, but everybody here is terrible at love.
0:03:10 > 0:03:17Divorced, dating a gay guy, divorced twice, jury's still out on you two.
0:03:17 > 0:03:20- And Jerry, who knows.- I've been happily married for 28 years.
0:03:20 > 0:03:22You've met my wife, Gayle, many times.
0:03:22 > 0:03:25Whatever. Finally, Ann and Mark are our special volunteers,
0:03:25 > 0:03:27and they will be available whenever needed.
0:03:27 > 0:03:29I didn't volunteer.
0:03:29 > 0:03:30Yeah, too bad. You got drafted.
0:03:30 > 0:03:34SHE CHANGES HER ACCENT Ask not what your old people could do for you,
0:03:34 > 0:03:37ask what you could do for your old people.
0:03:37 > 0:03:40- Terminator.- What? No, JFK.
0:03:40 > 0:03:42AS TERMINATOR This meeting has been terminated.
0:03:42 > 0:03:44THAT'S the Terminator.
0:03:44 > 0:03:46- Nice.- Where am I going?
0:03:49 > 0:03:52- Well, hello there.- Well, hey. I got your message.
0:03:52 > 0:03:55- You wanted to talk? - Yes, I do.
0:03:55 > 0:03:57- HE PLAYS HOLD MUSIC Oh.- Have a seat.
0:03:59 > 0:04:02- Mmm.- Some champagne?- Uh, no, thanks.
0:04:02 > 0:04:05Come on. This is Armand de Brignac. Jay-Z drinks this.
0:04:05 > 0:04:07Yeah, well, Jay-Z doesn't have to perform surgery in an hour.
0:04:07 > 0:04:11You don't know Jay-Z's schedule. He's a renaissance man.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13OK, fine. Well, this is for you.
0:04:13 > 0:04:15Oh!
0:04:15 > 0:04:16Well, it's almost Valentine's Day,
0:04:16 > 0:04:19so I thought it would be a good day to tell you that...
0:04:19 > 0:04:23OK. Let me just stop you right there.
0:04:24 > 0:04:26Look, Tommy...
0:04:28 > 0:04:31I just want you to know I'm so grateful
0:04:31 > 0:04:36for EVERYTHING you did for me, but I only see us as friends.
0:04:36 > 0:04:40For now. But think about how much better our friendship would be
0:04:40 > 0:04:42if we added doing it.
0:04:43 > 0:04:45Seriously, I know our marriage was fake,
0:04:45 > 0:04:47but there's something between us.
0:04:47 > 0:04:49And I think we should give it a shot, for real.
0:04:49 > 0:04:53I just don't feel that way about you.
0:04:55 > 0:04:56I'm sorry.
0:05:06 > 0:05:07# Each time I do
0:05:07 > 0:05:13# Just the thought of you makes me stop before I begin
0:05:13 > 0:05:16# I've got you
0:05:16 > 0:05:18# Under my skin. #
0:05:18 > 0:05:19So, there's that one, I guess.
0:05:19 > 0:05:21OK. You guys sound ready for the dance tomorrow.
0:05:21 > 0:05:24I don't know about these old fogy songs, Leslie.
0:05:24 > 0:05:25Why can't we just do our originals?
0:05:25 > 0:05:27I just wrote a new song, OK?
0:05:27 > 0:05:30Bottom line, it's called Sex Hair.
0:05:30 > 0:05:32It's about how you can tell when someone's just had sex
0:05:32 > 0:05:35Cos of how their hair gets matted up in the back. It's awesome.
0:05:35 > 0:05:38Think of it this way. These songs are exactly
0:05:38 > 0:05:40like the songs you usually play,
0:05:40 > 0:05:42except instead of modern rock,
0:05:42 > 0:05:44they're old jazzy standards from the '40s.
0:05:46 > 0:05:48OK, yeah. You got a point.
0:05:48 > 0:05:50Yeah. You're going to do great.
0:05:50 > 0:05:52All right, guys.
0:05:52 > 0:05:54Andy, I've been here for half an hour.
0:05:54 > 0:05:55Can I get my shoes shined?
0:05:55 > 0:05:59- Kyle, I'm going to lose my- (BLEEP) - on you if you ask me one more time.
0:05:59 > 0:06:01Found him.
0:06:02 > 0:06:05Frank Beckerson, 63.
0:06:05 > 0:06:08Lives in a little town called Bridgeport, Illinois.
0:06:08 > 0:06:12Divorced, no kids, worked as a lifeguard when he was 20.
0:06:13 > 0:06:18Ron, I need a half a day off for a secret mission of love.
0:06:18 > 0:06:20You're asking my permission to take a nooner?
0:06:20 > 0:06:22Sure. Well, I don't know. Maybe.
0:06:22 > 0:06:24Justin and I need to go on a romantically-inspired road trip.
0:06:24 > 0:06:26So it is a nooner?
0:06:26 > 0:06:29Well, we're planning to leave around noon, so I'm not quite sure...
0:06:29 > 0:06:30That's... No, Leslie, that is not a nooner.
0:06:30 > 0:06:32I tracked down this old flame of Leslie's mom.
0:06:32 > 0:06:36We're going to go pick him up. We're going to reunite them on Valentine's Day.
0:06:36 > 0:06:38Is that a great story or what?
0:06:38 > 0:06:41Yeah, great story indeed. Enjoy your half day off.
0:06:41 > 0:06:43- Thank you.- Pick you up tomorrow around noon.
0:06:43 > 0:06:46For our nooner. Which is a cute word.
0:06:46 > 0:06:48- Explain it to her later. - Explain what?
0:06:49 > 0:06:51Happy Valentine's Day!
0:06:51 > 0:06:55First off, a bear in a paper bag and a heart-shaped balloon.
0:06:55 > 0:06:59- I love bears in bags. - Well, you will like this, then.
0:06:59 > 0:07:04Because this is a giant teddy bear holding a red heart.
0:07:04 > 0:07:06- Aw!- Festive. What's this? Oh, I don't know.
0:07:06 > 0:07:09It's a heart-shaped box of chocolates.
0:07:09 > 0:07:12That's a dozen red roses in a heart-shaped arrangement.
0:07:12 > 0:07:16- See that? Perfume. For the lady. Yeah.- Ooh! Ooh!
0:07:16 > 0:07:19"Yearning, by Dennis Feinstein."
0:07:19 > 0:07:23Mmm. Ooh! Dennis. No, no, Dennis.
0:07:23 > 0:07:25Finally, The Heart of the Ocean.
0:07:25 > 0:07:27Gorgeous.
0:07:30 > 0:07:34I never had a chance to get a girl a cliched Valentine's Day gift before.
0:07:34 > 0:07:37So I got you all of them.
0:07:39 > 0:07:41Thank you. That was very sweet.
0:07:41 > 0:07:43Do you think they'll get married?
0:07:43 > 0:07:44Oh, my God, what if they get married?
0:07:44 > 0:07:45That would be amazing.
0:07:45 > 0:07:48Would I call him "Dad" then?
0:07:48 > 0:07:51- Hmm. Hmm.- No, that'd be too much. Maybe I'll call him "Pappy."
0:07:51 > 0:07:54Pop? Poppy? Paw-Paw?
0:07:54 > 0:07:57- Look at me. I'm getting ahead of myself.- Hey. You never know.
0:07:58 > 0:08:01I'm going to call him "Poo-Paw."
0:08:01 > 0:08:03'How often do you get to reunite soul mates?'
0:08:03 > 0:08:06What if I told you that you could reunite Romeo and Juliet?
0:08:06 > 0:08:09Or Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston?
0:08:10 > 0:08:13Oh, Jen. I really want you to be happy.
0:08:15 > 0:08:16Stay away from John Mayer.
0:08:17 > 0:08:19I cannot believe I'm going to meet Frank Beckerson.
0:08:19 > 0:08:22I feel like I've known him my whole life.
0:08:24 > 0:08:25Frank?
0:08:25 > 0:08:28My God. Marlene.
0:08:28 > 0:08:31Oh, no. Poo-Paw. Poo-Paw, no. I'm not Marlene.
0:08:32 > 0:08:36Oh! So sorry. I should really wear my glasses. Come on in.
0:08:39 > 0:08:41Frank, I was wondering.
0:08:41 > 0:08:43My mom always said that you wanted to be a lawyer.
0:08:43 > 0:08:46- Did that work out? - No. Never did.
0:08:46 > 0:08:49Though I did once act as my own lawyer.
0:08:49 > 0:08:54Oh! I found some old pictures of Marlene and me. Look.
0:08:55 > 0:08:57Look how young she is.
0:08:57 > 0:08:59These are amazing.
0:08:59 > 0:09:01Probably shouldn't show you this one.
0:09:01 > 0:09:05Ah, lalala! No, thank you.
0:09:05 > 0:09:10Your mom was such a firecracker. Smart, funny, sharp as a tack. Such firm breasts.
0:09:11 > 0:09:14Oh, that was inappropriate.
0:09:15 > 0:09:19Wow. I am just, all of a sudden, so nervous to see her again.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23I'm going to throw up real quick and then we can leave.
0:09:25 > 0:09:26- Hi.- Hi.
0:09:26 > 0:09:28Valentine's bash at The Bulge tonight.
0:09:28 > 0:09:30We can get you a drink bracelet.
0:09:30 > 0:09:34I can't. I've gotta work at the Senior Center Valentine's Day Dance thing.
0:09:34 > 0:09:37That sounds amazing. Can we come?
0:09:37 > 0:09:40- I guess. I don't know why you would want to.- Because old people are funny.
0:09:40 > 0:09:41Yeah, it'll be like The Golden Girls.
0:09:41 > 0:09:43I have to go get ready.
0:09:45 > 0:09:47So, Frank, where have you been for the past 40 years?
0:09:47 > 0:09:51Oh! You know, here and there. You know? Grenada, for a while.
0:09:51 > 0:09:55Then Panama, then Afghanistan.
0:09:55 > 0:09:57- So you were in the military? - Nope.
0:09:57 > 0:10:00You know, I always wonder how different my life would've been
0:10:00 > 0:10:03if your mother had married me.
0:10:03 > 0:10:05It would've been better. I'll tell you that much.
0:10:05 > 0:10:07HE GASPS
0:10:07 > 0:10:09Frank? Frank, are you OK?
0:10:09 > 0:10:11I'm fine. I'm good.
0:10:13 > 0:10:16I am just so nervous to see her.
0:10:16 > 0:10:18There's nothing to be nervous about.
0:10:18 > 0:10:20- Have you got a bag or something? - A what?
0:10:20 > 0:10:23- Do you have a bag?- I have a purse. - Well, give him the purse then.
0:10:23 > 0:10:24All right!
0:10:24 > 0:10:27HE HYPERVENTILATES
0:10:30 > 0:10:33# You like potato and I like potahto
0:10:33 > 0:10:37# You like tomato and I like tomahto
0:10:37 > 0:10:40# Potato, potahto Tomato, tomahto
0:10:40 > 0:10:42# Let's call the whole thing off. #
0:10:44 > 0:10:46Uh...
0:10:46 > 0:10:47I mean, that sucked, didn't it?
0:10:47 > 0:10:50Maybe if you sang it like Louis Armstrong.
0:10:50 > 0:10:51Maybe, yeah.
0:10:51 > 0:10:54I mean, here's the thing, though.
0:10:54 > 0:10:55Who is that?
0:10:56 > 0:11:00My problem is I don't know how to tell if we're doing good.
0:11:00 > 0:11:02Because when you play a rock show,
0:11:02 > 0:11:04it's really easy to know if you're doing great
0:11:04 > 0:11:08because chicks will flash their boobs at you when you're up onstage.
0:11:08 > 0:11:11And you're like, "Oh! That must've sounded pretty good."
0:11:11 > 0:11:15If that happens here, my eyes will fall out of my head and I'll die.
0:11:20 > 0:11:22Frank? Frank, are you OK?
0:11:27 > 0:11:29- Maybe we should... - Yeah. Frank.
0:11:29 > 0:11:31- Frank.- Frank!- Frank.
0:11:33 > 0:11:36# But I can't see anybody but you
0:11:38 > 0:11:39# Flip flop... #
0:11:39 > 0:11:41You know, I might be crazy, but I have this weird suspicion
0:11:41 > 0:11:44that things are going well with us.
0:11:44 > 0:11:47You know, I have that same suspicion.
0:11:48 > 0:11:50But having never been in something like this before,
0:11:50 > 0:11:55I feel the need to ask, how am I doing?
0:11:55 > 0:11:59- Come on. - No, I'm sort of serious.
0:12:00 > 0:12:01All right, fine, forget it.
0:12:04 > 0:12:06I'm just saying, you know, it seems to me, on paper,
0:12:06 > 0:12:08that this thing we have is pretty great.
0:12:08 > 0:12:09Yes, nerd.
0:12:09 > 0:12:12On paper, this thing we have is pretty great.
0:12:12 > 0:12:14'Mark is a great boyfriend.'
0:12:14 > 0:12:18I have no complaints at all. Everything is good.
0:12:22 > 0:12:25I don't know. I don't feel right about this.
0:12:25 > 0:12:28Are you kidding me? This is so much fun.
0:12:28 > 0:12:30Look, we took a road trip today.
0:12:30 > 0:12:33We chased your mom's long lost love down a freeway.
0:12:33 > 0:12:35- He's a loon, Justin.- So he freaked out a little bit.
0:12:35 > 0:12:37He got nervous. You would, too. He was fine when we got him back
0:12:37 > 0:12:39- in the car.- Yeah, well, he cried himself to sleep.
0:12:39 > 0:12:41I mean, I don't know why you're pushing.
0:12:41 > 0:12:43Why do you want him to spend time with my mom?
0:12:43 > 0:12:45How would that help her?
0:12:45 > 0:12:47I don't like this. I don't think this is going to work. I'm calling this off.
0:12:47 > 0:12:50Come on. No, no, no. Look, we're here. Let's just see what happens.
0:12:50 > 0:12:53- What happens is, I drive him home. - You need to breathe.
0:12:53 > 0:12:54I'm breathing. OK?
0:13:00 > 0:13:02Mom.
0:13:02 > 0:13:04Oh! There you are.
0:13:04 > 0:13:06So, what's the big surprise?
0:13:06 > 0:13:09You going to try to check me into an old folks home?
0:13:09 > 0:13:12It's a long story. One that we'd love to tell you over a cup
0:13:12 > 0:13:14of coffee, somewhere far from this place.
0:13:18 > 0:13:22- Frank.- Hello, Marlene.
0:13:22 > 0:13:27My gosh. I can't believe it's really you!
0:13:27 > 0:13:29Want to catch up?
0:13:30 > 0:13:32Sure.
0:13:37 > 0:13:39- Oh, boy. - Oh, boy.
0:13:39 > 0:13:43Do you think we should stand by...
0:13:43 > 0:13:46She's fine. Let's just let this unfold.
0:13:49 > 0:13:52Come here, sonny. Let me tell you about the Civil War.
0:13:52 > 0:13:54Grandpa, leave me alone. You smell like death!
0:13:59 > 0:14:01I'm going to get some punch.
0:14:05 > 0:14:10Excuse me. You guys are really adorable. It's really nice.
0:14:11 > 0:14:14So Leslie's like, "That's it, I'm taking him home."
0:14:14 > 0:14:17So, we look over, and he's not even in the car anymore.
0:14:17 > 0:14:20- You're kidding. - No. It's insane.
0:14:20 > 0:14:23What does Leslie think about all this?
0:14:23 > 0:14:24Oh, God, Leslie. I don't even know.
0:14:24 > 0:14:26I think I just lost track of her in all the chaos.
0:14:26 > 0:14:28Anyway, so, now he and Marlene
0:14:28 > 0:14:30are off somewhere, doing God knows what.
0:14:30 > 0:14:32- I don't want to... - THEY LAUGH
0:14:37 > 0:14:41- You're suing me for alimony?- Yes.
0:14:41 > 0:14:44When we were married, I got accustomed to a certain lifestyle.
0:14:44 > 0:14:47And I'm entitled to money to maintain that lifestyle.
0:14:47 > 0:14:50- This is insane.- Yeah, it's insane, but it's all I got.
0:14:50 > 0:14:54And you can make it all go away if you just gave me a chance.
0:14:54 > 0:14:55- What?!- Three dates.
0:14:57 > 0:14:59One date.
0:15:00 > 0:15:01Coffee?
0:15:01 > 0:15:04So your plan was to sue me,
0:15:04 > 0:15:07and then to use that to blackmail me into falling in love with you.
0:15:08 > 0:15:10Yeah.
0:15:16 > 0:15:19Hey. You guys sound good.
0:15:19 > 0:15:23You really think so? It's impossible to tell.
0:15:23 > 0:15:24It's like Bizarro Land out there.
0:15:24 > 0:15:26As soon as we finish a song, it's dead silence.
0:15:26 > 0:15:30Well, what do you expect, you know. They're like a million years old.
0:15:30 > 0:15:32Well, I'm glad you like it.
0:15:32 > 0:15:34You were always a big supporter of the band.
0:15:34 > 0:15:35Hey. Break's over.
0:15:35 > 0:15:37Ludgate, cracking the whip.
0:15:37 > 0:15:41Yeah, well, these old bags paid for some entertainment.
0:15:41 > 0:15:43- So get up there. - No, you're right. OK.
0:15:43 > 0:15:47- Hey, you should play that song The Way You Look Tonight.- Hmm.
0:15:47 > 0:15:50- It's a good one. - The next one's going out to a
0:15:50 > 0:15:53special little lady named April Ludgate.
0:15:55 > 0:15:58# Someday
0:15:59 > 0:16:02# When I'm all alone... #
0:16:03 > 0:16:05Are you guys... Never mind.
0:16:07 > 0:16:09- Why do you care?- I don't.
0:16:09 > 0:16:13# Just thinking of you
0:16:13 > 0:16:16# And the way you look tonight... #
0:16:16 > 0:16:19What about you? What do you do for a living?
0:16:19 > 0:16:22- Well, it's been an interesting ride. - Yeah?
0:16:22 > 0:16:26I got a job at a grocery store right out of college
0:16:26 > 0:16:27just for a way to make money.
0:16:28 > 0:16:32And here I am, 40 years later, completely unemployed.
0:16:34 > 0:16:35Wow.
0:16:36 > 0:16:41What do you say we pick up where we left off?
0:16:41 > 0:16:45- You're not serious, right? - I'm serious as a heart attack.
0:16:45 > 0:16:46Of which I've had four.
0:16:48 > 0:16:52# And the world is cold
0:16:52 > 0:16:54# I will feel a glow
0:16:54 > 0:16:58# Just thinking of you
0:16:59 > 0:17:03# And the way you look tonight... #
0:17:09 > 0:17:11Hey, Mom, are you OK? Did Frank leave?
0:17:11 > 0:17:13Uh, yeah. He just stepped away for a second.
0:17:13 > 0:17:16- I'm so sorry we brought him here. - Oh, it's OK.
0:17:16 > 0:17:18It was very thoughtful, sweetheart.
0:17:18 > 0:17:20It's not your fault that he turned out to be...
0:17:20 > 0:17:22Excuse me. Hi. Excuse me, hi.
0:17:24 > 0:17:27My name is Frank Beckerson.
0:17:27 > 0:17:30Marlene, you...
0:17:31 > 0:17:33blew it.
0:17:34 > 0:17:36Take one last look, Marlene,
0:17:36 > 0:17:40because you'll never see this body again.
0:17:42 > 0:17:44Marlene, what happened between you two?
0:17:44 > 0:17:46Tell me everything. I want every detail.
0:17:46 > 0:17:48Hey, we're almost done, so we can leave soon.
0:17:48 > 0:17:51Yes. I'll take you for an ice cream malted,
0:17:51 > 0:17:53and then we can go choose our caskets.
0:17:53 > 0:17:55God, why does everything we do
0:17:55 > 0:17:57have to be cloaked in, like, 15 layers of irony?
0:17:57 > 0:17:59Here's something un-ironic.
0:17:59 > 0:18:02Ever since you've been hanging out with that meathead,
0:18:02 > 0:18:04you've become completely lame.
0:18:04 > 0:18:06You know what? We're breaking up.
0:18:07 > 0:18:10Fine, then you can't make out with me when you're drunk anymore.
0:18:10 > 0:18:12- Fine, then I'll make out with Ben.- Pass.
0:18:12 > 0:18:13No, he's MY boyfriend.
0:18:13 > 0:18:15You can either make out with both of us or none of us.
0:18:15 > 0:18:17- Fine, none of you.- Fine.
0:18:21 > 0:18:24# I've got you
0:18:24 > 0:18:26# Under my skin... #
0:18:31 > 0:18:33Everything OK, Knope?
0:18:33 > 0:18:37My boyfriend is a lawyer, and he's smart and interesting,
0:18:37 > 0:18:39and there's a lot of things about him I like.
0:18:39 > 0:18:42But he acted like a real jerk today.
0:18:42 > 0:18:45I don't know. There's something about the way
0:18:45 > 0:18:48he treats people or something.
0:18:48 > 0:18:50He's a tourist.
0:18:50 > 0:18:53He vacations in people's lives, takes pictures,
0:18:53 > 0:18:55puts them in his scrapbook, and moves on.
0:18:55 > 0:19:00- All he's interested in are stories.- Huh.
0:19:01 > 0:19:04Basically, Leslie, he's selfish.
0:19:04 > 0:19:07And you're not. And that's why you don't like him.
0:19:09 > 0:19:13I told you so. It's Duke Silver.
0:19:13 > 0:19:16Duke, can I have your autograph? I love your music.
0:19:17 > 0:19:21You're mistaken, ladies. Move along.
0:19:21 > 0:19:24# I got you under my skin. #
0:19:24 > 0:19:26ONE PERSON APPLAUDS
0:19:26 > 0:19:30Yeah. Go Mouse Rat. Wooh!
0:19:32 > 0:19:35- I thought you were just terrific. - Seriously?
0:19:35 > 0:19:37You sound like Dean Martin.
0:19:37 > 0:19:40If I were 50 years younger...
0:19:40 > 0:19:44- Eww!- What? Wait. Who's Dean Martin?
0:19:46 > 0:19:49If I'm not mistaken, that was the old-lady version of flashing. Nailed the gig.
0:19:49 > 0:19:53Look, it's sad, I know. But we'll still be friends.
0:19:53 > 0:19:56We're going to see each other all the time.
0:19:56 > 0:19:59I come into town, like, every other weekend.
0:19:59 > 0:20:01No. You guys can't break up. We can fix this. Let me talk to Leslie.
0:20:01 > 0:20:04Tom, it's over. She doesn't want to see me anymore.
0:20:04 > 0:20:06- Is it my fault? Did I do something wrong?- No.
0:20:06 > 0:20:09Seriously, this has NOTHING to do with you.
0:20:09 > 0:20:11- Can we still go suit shopping? - Of course.
0:20:11 > 0:20:13Armani's having a sale right now.
0:20:13 > 0:20:16- I'm going to get you a pocket square.- All right.