0:00:02 > 0:00:04- We were here first.- But we're scheduled for this time.
0:00:04 > 0:00:06OK, this is no way for adults to act in front of children.
0:00:06 > 0:00:08You're not only coaches, you're also role models.
0:00:08 > 0:00:11I would hardly call what he does coaching.
0:00:15 > 0:00:17Wow. Excellent role modelling.
0:00:17 > 0:00:19Apparently, the girls' team does not have a field
0:00:19 > 0:00:21assigned to them for practice, but the boys' team does.
0:00:21 > 0:00:27No. Not on my watch. Every child has the right to play, no matter how boring the sport.
0:00:27 > 0:00:31OK. Could you just share the field with the girls today, please?
0:00:31 > 0:00:33I'm the girls' coach. She's the boys' coach.
0:00:33 > 0:00:35- Oh. OK. Sorry. - That's sexist.
0:00:35 > 0:00:37- No, it's not. - Yeah. It kind of is.
0:00:37 > 0:00:39OK, why don't the boys take the field today.
0:00:39 > 0:00:41And then I will make sure that the girls get
0:00:41 > 0:00:44a place to practice by the end of the week.
0:00:44 > 0:00:47And that, little lady, is a Leslie Knope promise!
0:00:47 > 0:00:49- I'm a boy.- Good. Yeah. Cos I wasn't talking to you.
0:00:49 > 0:00:53- I was talking to you. You're a girl, right?- Yeah.- Yeah. She.
0:01:13 > 0:01:15Mail's here.
0:01:15 > 0:01:17Oh! Hey!
0:01:17 > 0:01:21Jerry! You got soup all over our mail! You jerk.
0:01:21 > 0:01:24Oh, my God. It's an envelope from the IOW Awards Office!
0:01:24 > 0:01:26Nobody freak out!
0:01:26 > 0:01:28Do you know what this means?
0:01:28 > 0:01:31I am Pawnee's Woman of the Year!
0:01:31 > 0:01:33The IOW is the Indiana Organisation of Women.
0:01:33 > 0:01:36I have been a dues-paying member since I was nine.
0:01:36 > 0:01:38And every year, they choose one woman
0:01:38 > 0:01:41to win the Dorothy Everton Smythe Female Empowerment Award.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43Winning is every girl's dream.
0:01:43 > 0:01:46But it's my destiny. And my dream.
0:01:46 > 0:01:50Can you read it, please? Where are my ladies at?
0:01:50 > 0:01:51Here we go.
0:01:52 > 0:01:56"The IOW is proud to announce this year's Dorothy Everton Smythe
0:01:56 > 0:02:00"Female Empowerment Award Winner, Ronald Swanson."
0:02:00 > 0:02:01Ha-ha. OK, pretty funny.
0:02:01 > 0:02:04- It says Ronald Swanson. - What? No, no. No, it doesn't.
0:02:04 > 0:02:07I... That... No. That... What?
0:02:07 > 0:02:10They only honour women. And Ron's the opposite of a woman.
0:02:10 > 0:02:12What's going on?
0:02:12 > 0:02:15You're Pawnee's Woman Of The Year, it looks like.
0:02:17 > 0:02:20- Well, it's about time. - No, no, no. - OTHERS LAUGH
0:02:20 > 0:02:22They've obviously made some sort of mistake.
0:02:22 > 0:02:25- Bully for me! - Congratulations, Ron.- Yeah, congratulations.- Congrats.
0:02:25 > 0:02:27- That's awesome.- It's very exciting.
0:02:27 > 0:02:29Awards are stupid,
0:02:29 > 0:02:32which is why I fully intend to decline this nonsense,
0:02:32 > 0:02:36and recommend it go to Leslie because she works really hard, and I don't.
0:02:38 > 0:02:42However, she cares way too much about crap like this,
0:02:42 > 0:02:46which is why I can't pass up this opportunity to tease her about it.
0:02:47 > 0:02:50Well, we can't stand around all day congratulating me
0:02:50 > 0:02:53on receiving an award from some lousy women's organisation.
0:02:53 > 0:02:56Back to work, everyone.
0:03:01 > 0:03:08Hey, Freddy. Good news! Your liquor licence renewal got got, yo.
0:03:08 > 0:03:09What do you mean by that?
0:03:09 > 0:03:12Oh, I got you temporary approval from the liquor board
0:03:12 > 0:03:16pending full-board authorisation and council review. Got got.
0:03:16 > 0:03:17Thank you. Thank you so much.
0:03:17 > 0:03:20No worries. You know the Snakehole's my favourite Pawnee hot spot.
0:03:20 > 0:03:22I want to open up my own club one day.
0:03:22 > 0:03:24Maybe call it something like Club-a-Dub-Dub
0:03:24 > 0:03:28or The Clubmarine, sort of a submarine-themed club.
0:03:28 > 0:03:33- Or Tom's Bistro. The word "bistro" is classy as- BLEEP.
0:03:33 > 0:03:37Tom, we are looking for a few top-quality guys like yourself
0:03:37 > 0:03:39to become part-owners.
0:03:39 > 0:03:41A guy like you, with your political connections,
0:03:41 > 0:03:43I think you'd make a great asset.
0:03:43 > 0:03:45I agree. That's why I got into public service. To help me.
0:03:45 > 0:03:50All right. 10,000 a share. I need the money by Friday.
0:03:50 > 0:03:5210,000. That's chump change.
0:03:53 > 0:03:57I will see you Friday with 10,000.
0:03:57 > 0:03:58All right, partner.
0:04:01 > 0:04:04I just don't get why the IOW would give that award to Ron.
0:04:04 > 0:04:06- Yeah, it's a bummer. - One, he's not a woman.
0:04:06 > 0:04:10And two, they mentioned the Camp Athena project in that letter.
0:04:10 > 0:04:12That's my project. I started that. It was my brainchild.
0:04:12 > 0:04:15Why would Ron start a camp for troubled girls?
0:04:15 > 0:04:17- He wouldn't?- Exactly.
0:04:17 > 0:04:20I deserve that award. That award is mine. Not his. It's mine.
0:04:20 > 0:04:22- You know what you should do?- I know, I already started a list.
0:04:22 > 0:04:24"Write an e-mail to Barack Obama.
0:04:24 > 0:04:27"Lock myself in my office and scream until I lose my voice."
0:04:27 > 0:04:28That's all I have so far.
0:04:28 > 0:04:30I was going to suggest maybe you just go and talk to him.
0:04:30 > 0:04:33You're only going to get more resentful if you don't.
0:04:33 > 0:04:35- Hmm. - PHONE RINGS
0:04:35 > 0:04:37Hey, Ann. How...
0:04:37 > 0:04:40Ann. I have so much I need to tell you right now.
0:04:40 > 0:04:43Hey, Ann. Leslie would like to talk to you for a moment. Is that all right? Good.
0:04:45 > 0:04:46Jean-Ralphio.
0:04:46 > 0:04:49Big T! What it do, nephew?
0:04:51 > 0:04:54Jean-Ralphio, I have a hot investment opportunity
0:04:54 > 0:04:56that you are going to want to jump all over.
0:04:56 > 0:04:59- Hit me with it, Daddy. - The Snakehole Lounge... - Heard of it.
0:04:59 > 0:05:03- ..is looking for investors. - No way. Yesterday, if you would have asked me,
0:05:03 > 0:05:06I would've said no, but thank God, my grandfather just died, so I am
0:05:06 > 0:05:10- HE SINGS:- # A-flush with cash! #
0:05:10 > 0:05:14Awesome. I have 4,000 bucks. All I need you to do is kick in six Gs.
0:05:14 > 0:05:18- Six Gs. - And then you and I are part-owners of the hottest nightclub in Pawnee.
0:05:18 > 0:05:20Also, sorry about your grandpa.
0:05:20 > 0:05:22No worries. He was a dick. Here's the thing.
0:05:22 > 0:05:24I can kick in five Gs. That should be enough, right?
0:05:24 > 0:05:28No, it's not enough. I just said I need six G's. What about your trust fund?
0:05:28 > 0:05:31My parents had it amended. I don't get anything until I'm 50, which is a waste,
0:05:31 > 0:05:33cos I'm going to be a billionaire in Costa Rica by then,
0:05:33 > 0:05:36eating dolphins and hanging out with lady singers.
0:05:36 > 0:05:39It's not a huge deal. Just sit tight. I'll take care of it.
0:05:39 > 0:05:40You want to come home with me?
0:05:40 > 0:05:43Don't you work at Lady Foot Locker?
0:05:43 > 0:05:46Look, if you're not going to pay rent, at least clean up your dishes.
0:05:46 > 0:05:48HE GROANS
0:05:48 > 0:05:53- Is that all? - No. Also, The Bag of Smells was a fun experiment, but it has to stop.
0:05:53 > 0:05:57Come on! No. We're finally starting to get serious results.
0:05:57 > 0:06:00Andy, dude, I love you, but shape up or move out.
0:06:03 > 0:06:04What's going on?
0:06:04 > 0:06:07The guitarist from my band is driving me crazy. He's such a control freak.
0:06:07 > 0:06:09"That's not a working fireplace, Andy."
0:06:09 > 0:06:12"Stop writing phone messages on the wall, Andy."
0:06:12 > 0:06:15"Dude, seriously, I love you but stop digging that weird hole in the backyard."
0:06:15 > 0:06:17Is Mouse Rat going to break up?
0:06:17 > 0:06:20Well, we're not Mouse Rat anymore. We changed it to Tackleshaft.
0:06:20 > 0:06:21Oh.
0:06:21 > 0:06:25- I should just get my own place. - You should. I'll help you.
0:06:25 > 0:06:27- You can help me? - Yeah, that'd be fun.
0:06:27 > 0:06:30April, you're like an angel with no wings.
0:06:30 > 0:06:31So, like, a person?
0:06:34 > 0:06:36Hey. What's in the envelope?
0:06:36 > 0:06:39Nothing. You wanted to see me?
0:06:39 > 0:06:44I think the Pawnee Chapter of the IOW has made a little mistake.
0:06:44 > 0:06:48Really? You're saying a women's organisation made a mistake?
0:06:48 > 0:06:50I was as surprised as you were.
0:06:50 > 0:06:53But the fact is, they only give that award to women.
0:06:53 > 0:06:56Hmm. Well, it definitely said Ron Swanson in the letter.
0:06:56 > 0:07:00- Yeah, but it also mentioned my camp project.- Yes. Camp Xena.
0:07:00 > 0:07:03Athena. Camp Athena. You don't even know the name.
0:07:03 > 0:07:05- I almost got it. I was pretty close. - No.
0:07:05 > 0:07:09Look, Leslie, your job, which you're great at, is making me look good.
0:07:09 > 0:07:11Which you've clearly done well
0:07:11 > 0:07:14because I'm getting an award. Right?
0:07:15 > 0:07:17- Yeah. - Be proud of yourself.
0:07:17 > 0:07:19You deserve an award.
0:07:19 > 0:07:22Not this one, obviously, this one belongs to me,
0:07:22 > 0:07:26but some other one. Some other lesser award.
0:07:26 > 0:07:30And if the shoe were on the other foot and you won the award, I would've congratulated you.
0:07:32 > 0:07:34- QUIETLY:- Congratulations, Ron.
0:07:34 > 0:07:35- What's that?- You heard me.
0:07:37 > 0:07:39You promised the girls a field by the end of this week.
0:07:40 > 0:07:43Well, it's a man's world, Winston. Get used to it.
0:07:43 > 0:07:44I'm a man.
0:07:46 > 0:07:48You know who you should talk to? Ron Swanson.
0:07:48 > 0:07:50He's an award-winning public servant.
0:07:50 > 0:07:54He's the guy that's going to help you out. Go on in there.
0:07:54 > 0:07:57Excuse me? Ron, someone's coming in.
0:07:57 > 0:08:00Hi. Leslie said I should come over here.
0:08:00 > 0:08:03If you don't get credit for your work, why bother doing it?
0:08:03 > 0:08:05Because I love it!
0:08:05 > 0:08:07But I'm going to make a point!
0:08:09 > 0:08:12'This VIP card gives you exclusive access
0:08:12 > 0:08:15'to the investment opportunity of a lifetime.
0:08:15 > 0:08:19'Where? Multipurpose Room F. When? 3pm
0:08:19 > 0:08:22Dress code? Black tie optional. Just like life.
0:08:24 > 0:08:29- Hey, you wanted to see me?- Yes, yes. Just hang on one second.
0:08:29 > 0:08:33I'm doing my official portrait for the IUD Awards Dinner Programme.
0:08:33 > 0:08:34IOW.
0:08:34 > 0:08:39No, this portrait is not official in any way. I'm paying for it myself.
0:08:39 > 0:08:41Did you need me?
0:08:41 > 0:08:44Because some of us actually do work around here.
0:08:44 > 0:08:47Work that often goes unrewarded.
0:08:47 > 0:08:49I need your opinion.
0:08:49 > 0:08:53Which of these objects most represents women for this portrait?
0:08:53 > 0:08:54A pot?
0:08:56 > 0:08:58Or this Deputy Director Barbie?
0:09:00 > 0:09:03Isn't it adorable? She's got a little briefcase, her cell phone.
0:09:03 > 0:09:06"I'm going to help my boss win an award."
0:09:06 > 0:09:11How's the scheduling conflict with the soccer teams going? Take care of that, did you?
0:09:11 > 0:09:12Nope. Passed the buck to Donna.
0:09:12 > 0:09:15That's not really the attitude I'd expect from an award winner.
0:09:15 > 0:09:18Everything I do is the attitude of an award winner
0:09:18 > 0:09:20because I've won an award.
0:09:21 > 0:09:24So, what kind of place are you looking for?
0:09:24 > 0:09:26I can afford, like, 300 bucks a month.
0:09:26 > 0:09:29I've always wanted a doorman named Ernie. That'd be awesome. Or Kipp.
0:09:29 > 0:09:31I'm pretty flexible on that.
0:09:31 > 0:09:33Here's a great one. It's a Tudor mansion.
0:09:33 > 0:09:37It's got seven rooms, four bathrooms. It's got a tennis court,
0:09:37 > 0:09:40- a pool and a three-car garage.- What?
0:09:40 > 0:09:44And it's only 20,000 a month. And it's in Chicago.
0:09:44 > 0:09:47Ah! That close! It was almost perfect.
0:09:47 > 0:09:50Actually, there are a couple of cool places in here.
0:09:50 > 0:09:52- Let's go look at them! - Now?- Let's roll.- OK.
0:10:00 > 0:10:03Thank you all so much for joining me today.
0:10:03 > 0:10:05I have two questions for you.
0:10:05 > 0:10:08One, are you ready for the investment opportunity of a lifetime?
0:10:08 > 0:10:11And two, do any of you have pacemakers or a history of epilepsy?
0:10:11 > 0:10:13- Yes, both.- Anybody? No?
0:10:13 > 0:10:15- Both!- All right.
0:10:15 > 0:10:19FAST ELECTRONIC MUSIC
0:10:19 > 0:10:20Ladies!
0:10:23 > 0:10:27Jay-Z. Rihanna. Audrina Patridge.
0:10:27 > 0:10:31Jon Gosselin. Lady Gaga. Snooki.
0:10:31 > 0:10:32Are these real people?
0:10:32 > 0:10:34Cash Warren and Dennis Rodman.
0:10:34 > 0:10:37These are just a few of the celebrities that wish they could invest
0:10:37 > 0:10:42in Pawnee's hottest club. But they CAAAAAN'T!
0:10:42 > 0:10:45And you can. For the small price of only one, one, one,
0:10:45 > 0:10:48thousand, thousand, thousand dollars, dollars, dollars!
0:10:48 > 0:10:52The only question is, who's going to be my partner?
0:10:52 > 0:10:55Mark, I'm talking to you! Donna, I'm talking to you!
0:10:55 > 0:10:58Jerry! I'm talking to you! Mark! I'm talking to you!
0:11:00 > 0:11:0526 certificates, plaques, ribbons, trophies, medals and miscellany
0:11:05 > 0:11:06certifying that I am the kind of person
0:11:06 > 0:11:09who deserves recognition for her achievements.
0:11:09 > 0:11:10What do you have, Ron?
0:11:10 > 0:11:13I have the Dorothy Every Time Smurf Girl Trophy
0:11:13 > 0:11:15for excellence in female stuff.
0:11:15 > 0:11:17Dorothy Everton Smythe. I swear to God, I would...
0:11:17 > 0:11:19Leslie.
0:11:19 > 0:11:22Before you continue, please read this.
0:11:22 > 0:11:26Another organisation giving you credit for something you didn't do?
0:11:28 > 0:11:31"I, Ron Swanson, recognise that
0:11:31 > 0:11:34"Leslie Knope should have received the IOW Award
0:11:34 > 0:11:36"for all the hard work she has done,
0:11:36 > 0:11:38"especially for the Camp Athena project.
0:11:38 > 0:11:40"However, in my opinion,
0:11:40 > 0:11:44"she is far too concerned with institutional gratification."
0:11:44 > 0:11:45No, I'm not.
0:11:45 > 0:11:48"So, I am going to let her dangle
0:11:48 > 0:11:53"in order to show her that awards are bull crap."
0:11:53 > 0:11:56Come on, Leslie, you know I'm not sexist. I love powerful women.
0:11:56 > 0:11:59You do attend a shocking number of WNBA games.
0:11:59 > 0:12:04I'm just saying that awards are political, and everybody has an agenda.
0:12:04 > 0:12:07If you spend your life chasing them, you'll drive yourself nuts.
0:12:07 > 0:12:11Yeah, all right. But Dorothy Everton Smythe was a trailblazing feminist.
0:12:11 > 0:12:14She was the first woman in Pawnee to wear pants on a Sunday.
0:12:14 > 0:12:16She spent four years in jail for that.
0:12:16 > 0:12:19I know I'm not supposed to care about these things,
0:12:19 > 0:12:20but this one means a lot.
0:12:23 > 0:12:26- HE SINGS:- # I know you've been changing. #
0:12:26 > 0:12:28The acoustics in the bathroom are insane.
0:12:28 > 0:12:31So, how much is this one again?
0:12:31 > 0:12:34This one is 425 a month, plus utilities.
0:12:34 > 0:12:38I like it. It seems to have a lot of potential
0:12:38 > 0:12:43and a lot of advantages, per se.
0:12:43 > 0:12:46I could definitely picture myself doing something over there.
0:12:48 > 0:12:51Can you hear that?
0:12:51 > 0:12:52- What is that? - It's still on.
0:12:52 > 0:12:55You can light a match to get rid of that smell.
0:12:55 > 0:13:00- I feel really good about this. - Really?- It screams Andy Dwyer.
0:13:00 > 0:13:03And I live nearby. So, we could, like, carpool to work or something.
0:13:03 > 0:13:06- Are you serious?- Yeah. The scream just got louder.
0:13:06 > 0:13:09- So, what do you think?- I don't know. Make me an offer.
0:13:11 > 0:13:15OK. First come, first served. Who's in? Jerry?
0:13:15 > 0:13:19Jeez, Tom, if I spend any more than 25 bucks, I got to ask my wife.
0:13:19 > 0:13:21- Jerry, get out.- OK.
0:13:21 > 0:13:23"Mark? What are we doing tonight?"
0:13:23 > 0:13:25"I don't know, Ann.
0:13:25 > 0:13:28"We could do the usual boring stuff like eat some chicken salad
0:13:28 > 0:13:31"with some crackers, or watch the pay-per-view,
0:13:31 > 0:13:36"or we could go to my nightclub and do some dancing."
0:13:36 > 0:13:37I don't think so, man.
0:13:37 > 0:13:39You'd never have to beg for sex again.
0:13:39 > 0:13:43I don't want to get into this, really, but I don't beg for sex now.
0:13:43 > 0:13:46Forget about that, Mark. Are you in or out?
0:13:46 > 0:13:49- It's just not really my thing. - Bye, Mark.
0:13:50 > 0:13:53- Cindi.- Donna?
0:13:53 > 0:13:56Maybe. I like The Snakehole. Plus, I would look good
0:13:56 > 0:13:59pulling into my owner's parking space in my Mercedes.
0:13:59 > 0:14:02Just to be clear, you wouldn't be an owner, per se.
0:14:02 > 0:14:05You, me and my boy, Jean-Ralphio, would each own part of a share.
0:14:05 > 0:14:06Will that be cash or check?
0:14:06 > 0:14:09Not so fast. I like to know who I'm in business with.
0:14:09 > 0:14:11I want to meet your boy.
0:14:11 > 0:14:13In here. This lady's here.
0:14:13 > 0:14:17Hi, I'm Elise Yarktin, I'm with the IOW.
0:14:17 > 0:14:20I'm Woman of the Year, Ron Swanson.
0:14:20 > 0:14:23Yes, I know. We are very excited to be presenting you with the Smythe Award.
0:14:23 > 0:14:25That's what I called you to talk about.
0:14:25 > 0:14:28I don't know if I can take all of the excitement.
0:14:28 > 0:14:31So, I think the award should go to Miss Knope, here.
0:14:31 > 0:14:34- Hello.- She's the one who really deserves it.
0:14:34 > 0:14:38Camp Athena was her idea. She did all the work. You made a mistake.
0:14:38 > 0:14:40We didn't make a mistake.
0:14:40 > 0:14:44We made a very conscious decision this year to choose a man.
0:14:44 > 0:14:45Why?
0:14:45 > 0:14:48Well, every year, we give it to a woman, and, frankly, nobody cares.
0:14:48 > 0:14:53Yeah, the media has all but written us off as a niche interest group.
0:14:53 > 0:14:58But if you give a women's award to a mustachioed, masculine man,
0:14:58 > 0:15:02such as yourself, well, then, eventually, people take notice.
0:15:02 > 0:15:03I don't want the damn thing.
0:15:03 > 0:15:08Well, we're giving it to you. So, you're going to take it, like a man.
0:15:09 > 0:15:11So, congratulations.
0:15:11 > 0:15:13The IOW is a bunch of sexist jerks
0:15:13 > 0:15:16who need to get back in the kitchen where they belong,
0:15:16 > 0:15:19and leave the real feminist work to actual feminists like Ron Swanson!
0:15:19 > 0:15:22Oh, my God! What is happening?
0:15:22 > 0:15:24- Now do you see how silly these things are?- Unbelievable.
0:15:24 > 0:15:26Obviously, I'm just going to decline it.
0:15:26 > 0:15:28No, I want you to accept it. I want you to go to the podium
0:15:28 > 0:15:30and talk about how stupid awards are.
0:15:30 > 0:15:32And how they are superficial and meaningless.
0:15:32 > 0:15:34I want you to rip awards a new A-hole!
0:15:34 > 0:15:38Now we're talking. I tell you what. You write the speech. Don't pull your punches.
0:15:38 > 0:15:42I won't. I'm going to push my punches as far as my fists can extend!
0:15:42 > 0:15:44Attagirl! Kind of.
0:15:44 > 0:15:47What up, Big T! Stop.
0:15:48 > 0:15:51This must be the lovely Donna. Enchante.
0:15:52 > 0:15:55Listen, beautiful, let's cut the bull, right?
0:15:55 > 0:15:59You want this. I definitely want this. TH wants this.
0:15:59 > 0:16:01Let's seal this devil's three-way right here, right now.
0:16:01 > 0:16:05Step one, we buy into this club. Step two, we roll over to the club,
0:16:05 > 0:16:08either in your Mercedes Benz or my pre-owned Acura Legend.
0:16:08 > 0:16:10Step three, I dagger you on the dance floor.
0:16:10 > 0:16:12Just bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce
0:16:12 > 0:16:14- HE SINGS:- # Now, all the ladies say it
0:16:14 > 0:16:16# Bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce. #
0:16:16 > 0:16:17What do you say, sexy?
0:16:17 > 0:16:20- I'm out.- Why?- I hate that guy.
0:16:24 > 0:16:27Mr Swanson. Hi, welcome to the IOW Awards,
0:16:27 > 0:16:29and congratulations on winning.
0:16:30 > 0:16:33- Yay!- Well, here is your awards packet,
0:16:33 > 0:16:35and if you will just follow me,
0:16:35 > 0:16:38- we're going to have a little meet-and-greet before the ceremony. - OK.- Great.
0:16:38 > 0:16:42No, I'm sorry. This area is for award winners only.
0:16:42 > 0:16:44Get over yourself, Elise.
0:16:44 > 0:16:48Work on the speech. Let's nail these women.
0:16:48 > 0:16:49- You know what I mean. - Yeah.
0:16:49 > 0:16:53I don't know, Andy. What's it all about? What's the secret?
0:16:53 > 0:16:54Yeah.
0:16:54 > 0:16:56Why's it so hard to become a mogul?
0:16:56 > 0:16:58All I want in life is to own a nightclub on every continent,
0:16:58 > 0:17:00have my own line of upscale sweat suits,
0:17:00 > 0:17:03and a cologne called Tommy Fresh. And I fell 1,000 short.
0:17:03 > 0:17:06Seriously? That's all you needed?
0:17:06 > 0:17:09- Tom, I have 1,000. You can have it. - Thanks, Andy, but I can't take your money.
0:17:09 > 0:17:13I'm a singer/songwriter. The two lines I've put into every song I've ever sang,
0:17:13 > 0:17:17"Spread your wings and fly," and "You deserve to be a champion."
0:17:17 > 0:17:21If you're telling me that all you need is 1,000 to do your dreams,
0:17:21 > 0:17:24then I want you to have it.
0:17:24 > 0:17:27Are you sure about this?
0:17:27 > 0:17:31- Maybe.- You don't know how happy you just made me. - ANDY LAUGHS AWKWARDLY
0:17:31 > 0:17:35He's the Director of the Pawnee Parks and Recreation Department.
0:17:35 > 0:17:37He is also the recipient of this year's
0:17:37 > 0:17:40Dorothy Everton Smythe Female Empowerment Award.
0:17:40 > 0:17:43Please put your hands together for Mr Ron Swanson.
0:17:43 > 0:17:46APPLAUSE
0:17:53 > 0:17:54Thank you. Thank you.
0:17:56 > 0:18:01Every award, from the smallest trophy to the Nobel Prize,
0:18:01 > 0:18:03is nothing more than...
0:18:10 > 0:18:13..is nothing more than a great way to honour someone.
0:18:13 > 0:18:18So, I would like to present this year's Dottie English Whatever Award
0:18:18 > 0:18:21to the person who actually deserves it,
0:18:21 > 0:18:23Leslie Knope. Come on up here, Leslie.
0:18:23 > 0:18:25HESITANT APPLAUSE
0:18:29 > 0:18:32Thank you. I don't know what to say.
0:18:32 > 0:18:35Honestly, I'm just very honoured to work for someone
0:18:35 > 0:18:38as insightful and kind as my boss.
0:18:38 > 0:18:44So, I would like to present this year's Dorothy Everton Smythe Award
0:18:44 > 0:18:45to Ron Swanson.
0:18:47 > 0:18:49HESITANT APPLAUSE
0:18:49 > 0:18:52- I don't want it. Just take the damn thing. - You deserve it.
0:18:52 > 0:18:54- No, no. Really.- No, Ron, you deserve it.- Really, but I don't want it.
0:18:54 > 0:18:56- But you won it. And you should win it.- You should take it.
0:18:56 > 0:18:59- After that whole conversation... - I'm being ridiculous. - Could someone please just take it?
0:18:59 > 0:19:02OK, I'll take it. Who do I speak to about getting this changed?
0:19:02 > 0:19:04- AUDIENCE MEMBERS: Get off the stage! - Yeah!
0:19:04 > 0:19:07I still think awards are stupid.
0:19:07 > 0:19:11But they'd be less stupid if they went to the right people.
0:19:15 > 0:19:19- You gave Tom all your money? - Yeah, well, I'm investing.
0:19:19 > 0:19:21I'm like Warren Buffett
0:19:21 > 0:19:24I kind of feel like it would have been good for you to have your own place.
0:19:24 > 0:19:29Yeah, I know. But I feel like Tom really needed the money,
0:19:29 > 0:19:32and small sacrifice to see one of your best friends' dreams come true.
0:19:37 > 0:19:40- They cropped you out. - Figures.
0:19:40 > 0:19:44- So, where are you going to put it? - I have an idea.
0:19:44 > 0:19:46- One... - BOTH: ..two, three.
0:19:50 > 0:19:52RON CHUCKLES
0:20:01 > 0:20:03What's up?
0:20:03 > 0:20:06Hey, guys. How long did you wait in line?
0:20:06 > 0:20:08I didn't wait at all! I'm a part-owner. Freddy! I'm back.
0:20:08 > 0:20:11Tom Haverford, part-owner. Let me know if you need anything.
0:20:11 > 0:20:13Keep this booth warm for me every night.
0:20:13 > 0:20:15I'm going to live in this booth.
0:20:17 > 0:20:18Yes, sir.
0:20:19 > 0:20:21Donna?
0:20:22 > 0:20:24What are you doing here?
0:20:24 > 0:20:26I bought three shares. Thanks for the tip.