The Possum

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0:00:02 > 0:00:04Ann Perkins. What's happening, sweetheart?

0:00:04 > 0:00:07Just waiting for April. She's taking care of my house while I'm away, so...

0:00:07 > 0:00:09That's great. Happy belated Valentine's Day.

0:00:09 > 0:00:12Valentine's Day was a month ago. Why are you giving it to me now?

0:00:12 > 0:00:15Whatever. Happy early Valentine's Day.

0:00:15 > 0:00:17I saw this and I thought of you.

0:00:17 > 0:00:19Hope you keep that somewhere special.

0:00:19 > 0:00:21OK. This is one of those nanny-cam teddy bears, isn't it?

0:00:21 > 0:00:25What? No. It's a regular, camera-less teddy bear.

0:00:25 > 0:00:28Just put it in your bedroom, don't even think about it.

0:00:28 > 0:00:32It's a robot bear. It's programmed to snuggle!

0:00:32 > 0:00:33I'll take it.

0:00:33 > 0:00:35Donna, there's a camera in it.

0:00:35 > 0:00:36I know.

0:00:57 > 0:01:00All right. That's basically it. Water the plants, get the mail.

0:01:00 > 0:01:01Can I read your mail?

0:01:01 > 0:01:04- No. Please, don't.- Fine.

0:01:04 > 0:01:07Oh. And here are the keys, and remember...

0:01:07 > 0:01:08I know. Don't let Tom make a copy.

0:01:08 > 0:01:10That's right. Good.

0:01:10 > 0:01:13'I'm paying April 50 bucks to watch my house while I'm away.'

0:01:13 > 0:01:15I would have asked Leslie,

0:01:15 > 0:01:18but I've seen the way she takes care of her house.

0:01:18 > 0:01:21Plus, there's always been a little distance between me and April.

0:01:21 > 0:01:23And I thought this would maybe,

0:01:23 > 0:01:26I don't know, give us a chance to get a little closer. Maybe even...

0:01:26 > 0:01:28I don't like Ann.

0:01:28 > 0:01:31..become friends. Who knows?

0:01:31 > 0:01:35Leslie, this is Evelyn Rowshlind, from the mayor's office.

0:01:35 > 0:01:37Oh, hello! I've always dreamed of you.

0:01:37 > 0:01:39- Excuse me?- Meeting you.

0:01:39 > 0:01:41- What can I do for you? Have a seat. - I prefer to stand.

0:01:41 > 0:01:42OK.

0:01:42 > 0:01:44I have kind of an odd favour to ask.

0:01:44 > 0:01:46Mayor Gunderson was playing golf last week at Pawnee Municipal,

0:01:46 > 0:01:49- and he brought his dog and... - Rufus.

0:01:49 > 0:01:50We all know Rufus. Everybody loves Rufus.

0:01:50 > 0:01:52He's a great dog. Continue.

0:01:52 > 0:01:54Well, they were out on the sixth hole

0:01:54 > 0:01:57- when suddenly, out of nowhere... - Rufus was bitten by a possum?

0:01:57 > 0:01:59Yes. How did you know that?

0:01:59 > 0:02:00It was Fairway Frank.

0:02:00 > 0:02:03Fairway Frank is this awful possum

0:02:03 > 0:02:05who lives near the sixth hole of the public golf course.

0:02:05 > 0:02:07And he's actually number three

0:02:07 > 0:02:09on the Parks Department's Most Wanted Pest List,

0:02:09 > 0:02:12right behind the bats, who like to poop on the bell tower,

0:02:12 > 0:02:15and Poopy, the raccoon who poops all over the high school cafeteria.

0:02:15 > 0:02:17Shouldn't you take this up with Animal Control?

0:02:17 > 0:02:19Let's be honest. Animal Control

0:02:19 > 0:02:23- is not the most effective branch of our government.- They're a bunch of burned-out morons.

0:02:23 > 0:02:25Well, you have the reputation as a person who gets things done,

0:02:25 > 0:02:28so we'd like you to form a little task force,

0:02:28 > 0:02:30find the animal and put it down.

0:02:30 > 0:02:31- A task force?- Needless to say,

0:02:31 > 0:02:33the mayor will be very grateful for your help.

0:02:33 > 0:02:35Ma'am, the next time we speak,

0:02:35 > 0:02:38we shall be dancing on the grave of a possum.

0:02:38 > 0:02:42- Great.- Ron will show you around.

0:02:42 > 0:02:44Right this way is the exit.

0:02:44 > 0:02:47Yo, police!

0:02:47 > 0:02:49No, you're not. Coffee!

0:02:49 > 0:02:51You always know what to bring me.

0:02:51 > 0:02:53I only ever bring you coffee.

0:02:53 > 0:02:58And it is my very favourite non-alcoholic hot drink, except for hot tea.

0:02:58 > 0:03:01And hot orange juice, weirdly delicious.

0:03:01 > 0:03:02Anyways, thank you so much.

0:03:02 > 0:03:04I need it. I got a really bad case of shoeshine head today.

0:03:04 > 0:03:07Andy recently diagnosed himself

0:03:07 > 0:03:10with what he calls "shoeshine head."

0:03:10 > 0:03:12It's when you shine too many shoes

0:03:12 > 0:03:16and the fumes create a thunderstorm in your brain.

0:03:16 > 0:03:21Cures include coffee, cheeseburgers

0:03:21 > 0:03:24and napping on the floor.

0:03:24 > 0:03:26Mark Brendanawicz!

0:03:26 > 0:03:28Hey, Ron, what's up?

0:03:28 > 0:03:32I have a woodshop, and I'm planning a little expansion.

0:03:32 > 0:03:36Need my buddy, Mark the city planner, to sign off on the plans.

0:03:36 > 0:03:38Sure, I just need to schedule an inspection.

0:03:38 > 0:03:40That's not really necessary.

0:03:40 > 0:03:41Yes, it is. But you'll be fine

0:03:41 > 0:03:43as long as you don't have any code violations.

0:03:43 > 0:03:46You don't have any code violations, do you?

0:03:51 > 0:03:53Nope.

0:03:56 > 0:03:59Eugene! Boy, we have a really important job for you.

0:03:59 > 0:04:00We'll get to it first thing Monday.

0:04:00 > 0:04:02Today's Wednesday.

0:04:02 > 0:04:03Look, this is not a request.

0:04:03 > 0:04:06We're acting under direct orders from Mayor Gunderson's dog.

0:04:06 > 0:04:08Office. I need your two best guys

0:04:08 > 0:04:10to join me and be part of my task force.

0:04:10 > 0:04:13That would be Harris and Brett.

0:04:13 > 0:04:15But they're not here.

0:04:15 > 0:04:17- Isn't that them, there?- Nope.

0:04:17 > 0:04:18- Hey, Brett.- Yeah?

0:04:18 > 0:04:20- Dude.- Listen,

0:04:20 > 0:04:22that stupid possum is on the golf course again.

0:04:22 > 0:04:25Would you rather I capture it myself, and then just call you,

0:04:25 > 0:04:27- so you can come and pick it up? - OK.

0:04:27 > 0:04:30Hey, guys. Cool! Hey, you want your ball back?

0:04:30 > 0:04:33Want your ball back? Come with me.

0:04:33 > 0:04:35Oh, man!

0:04:35 > 0:04:37How you know my name, homie?

0:04:37 > 0:04:39- Stop, man! - Stop hanging yourself.

0:04:39 > 0:04:41- I'm going to hang yourself. - Stop hanging yourself.

0:04:41 > 0:04:43It's quite a crack team you've assembled, Leslie.

0:04:43 > 0:04:45Yeah, well, there's five of us and only one possum.

0:04:45 > 0:04:49How hard can it be? Excuse us! Task force coming through!

0:04:49 > 0:04:51Task force clear. Resume golfing.

0:04:51 > 0:04:55I used to love Tiger Woods because he was a great champion.

0:04:55 > 0:04:58But after that sex scandal? The man is a god!

0:05:01 > 0:05:02Hey, Mark.

0:05:02 > 0:05:04- Welcome to my haven. - Thank you.

0:05:04 > 0:05:09You are the first non-me to set foot in this building in ten years.

0:05:09 > 0:05:11Ron, none of this is up to code.

0:05:11 > 0:05:14Sure it is. It's up to the Swanson Code.

0:05:14 > 0:05:17There's no drainage. Doesn't seem to be any ventilation.

0:05:17 > 0:05:19You've got hazardous chemicals over here.

0:05:19 > 0:05:21Yeah, which only I'm breathing.

0:05:21 > 0:05:24It's the same liberty that gives me the right to fart in my own car.

0:05:24 > 0:05:27Are you going to tell a man that he can't fart in his own car?

0:05:27 > 0:05:31There is a basket of oil-soaked rags above a wood-burning stove.

0:05:31 > 0:05:35Good thing I've got a fire extinguisher, which, I can assure you,

0:05:35 > 0:05:37is totally up to your precious code.

0:05:40 > 0:05:43This says it should be recharged June of 1996.

0:05:43 > 0:05:44Those dates are arbitrary.

0:05:44 > 0:05:48They're like those expiration dates that the government forces companies

0:05:48 > 0:05:50to put on yogurt and medicine.

0:05:50 > 0:05:51Observe. Watch yourself.

0:05:51 > 0:05:53Yeah.

0:05:53 > 0:05:54SPLURT

0:05:56 > 0:05:59OK. I'll replace this. Happy?

0:05:59 > 0:06:02How long do you think it would take me to learn golf, Leslie?

0:06:02 > 0:06:04I could teach you. I have a 16 handicap.

0:06:04 > 0:06:06But, you know, it takes a lot of practice.

0:06:06 > 0:06:09You have to get up early, hit the range, practice reading greens.

0:06:09 > 0:06:10Yeah, I don't want to do all that.

0:06:10 > 0:06:12I think I just want some of those dope pants.

0:06:12 > 0:06:14Oh, my God!

0:06:14 > 0:06:17Oh, my God! It's Fairway Frank! Wow. OK.

0:06:17 > 0:06:19All right. Tom, I want you to very slowly...

0:06:22 > 0:06:25Move! Get out of the way!

0:06:25 > 0:06:2825, 26, 27, 28 violations.

0:06:28 > 0:06:32Come on, Brendanawicz, relax.

0:06:32 > 0:06:34Let me make you a canoe.

0:06:34 > 0:06:38Well, I don't need a canoe, Ron. I need you to fix this place up.

0:06:38 > 0:06:41So, I'll give you 24 hours.

0:06:51 > 0:06:54OK, we may only get one chance to catch this thing,

0:06:54 > 0:06:56so we have to play it smart.

0:06:56 > 0:06:58You two, flank the left. I'll flank the right.

0:06:58 > 0:06:59Andy will come in to...

0:06:59 > 0:07:02SCREAMING

0:07:02 > 0:07:04Andy!

0:07:04 > 0:07:06I got it!

0:07:06 > 0:07:08- Oh, my God! Task force, engage! - I got him!

0:07:08 > 0:07:10- He's got it.- He's good.

0:07:10 > 0:07:12- I got him.- Come on, you cowards!

0:07:12 > 0:07:13Let me see his face. Let me see his face!

0:07:13 > 0:07:15That's him! That's him! We got him!

0:07:15 > 0:07:17It's OK. He's on my neck!

0:07:17 > 0:07:18- OK, OK, OK, OK!- He's on my neck!

0:07:18 > 0:07:20It's all right, it's all right. All right, it's OK.

0:07:20 > 0:07:22You're next, Poopy.

0:07:22 > 0:07:24Very impressive, Leslie.

0:07:24 > 0:07:26Oh, thank you. I had a great task force.

0:07:26 > 0:07:28I was just the simple mastermind who planned the whole operation

0:07:28 > 0:07:30and executed it to perfection.

0:07:30 > 0:07:33- This is Andy Dwyer, he actually caught the thing.- Mr Dwyer.

0:07:33 > 0:07:36Please, my friends call me Andy Radical.

0:07:36 > 0:07:37No, we don't.

0:07:37 > 0:07:40By day, Andy Dwyer, shoeshine-ist.

0:07:40 > 0:07:44By a different time of day, Andy Radical, possum tackler.

0:07:44 > 0:07:46And by night,

0:07:46 > 0:07:48I do whatever I want. No job.

0:07:48 > 0:07:50We think that this is a great PR opportunity.

0:07:50 > 0:07:54So, we've arranged for a reporter from the Journal to stop by to interview,

0:07:54 > 0:07:55get some pictures of the team.

0:07:55 > 0:07:57Task force. Great!

0:07:57 > 0:08:01And next time you need a special favour from the mayor's office, give me a call.

0:08:01 > 0:08:04Oh, my God, I will! I need so many special favours.

0:08:04 > 0:08:07- Which one should I choose?- Well, you don't have to choose right...

0:08:07 > 0:08:10How about an extra recycling can? No. Laminated bus pass? No.

0:08:10 > 0:08:14What time do you usually go to sleep cos my best ideas usually come to me at night?

0:08:14 > 0:08:16- Let's stick to business hours, shall we?- Yeah, all right.

0:08:16 > 0:08:18See you in hell, buddy.

0:08:24 > 0:08:27Am I sure the possum we caught is Fairway Frank? Yes.

0:08:27 > 0:08:30Am I quite sure? No. Am I sure enough? Maybe.

0:08:30 > 0:08:33If it wasn't Fairway Frank, would I feel badly? Of course.

0:08:33 > 0:08:35Could I live with myself? That depends.

0:08:35 > 0:08:39As a city official, it's important that I ask myself a lot of questions.

0:08:39 > 0:08:41Does doing so help me make decisions?

0:08:41 > 0:08:42Uh...

0:08:42 > 0:08:44- Oh, hey, Shauna.- Hi, Leslie.

0:08:44 > 0:08:48- Hi! Andy, you remember Shauna Malwee-Tweep, from the Pawnee Journal?- How could I forget?

0:08:48 > 0:08:49You wrote the article when I fell in the pit.

0:08:49 > 0:08:51And then afterwards, had sex with Mark

0:08:51 > 0:08:53and everyone talked about it.

0:08:55 > 0:08:58So, you're on the golf course, and you see Fairway Frank.

0:08:58 > 0:09:02Well, we see a possum that we believe to be Fairway Frank.

0:09:02 > 0:09:04So, for right now, let's just refer to it as a possum.

0:09:04 > 0:09:06Let me explain something to you, Tweep.

0:09:06 > 0:09:10When you're in a situation, you don't have time to think.

0:09:10 > 0:09:13So, I thought to myself,

0:09:13 > 0:09:16"Don't think, Andy, act."

0:09:16 > 0:09:18So, you weren't thinking?

0:09:18 > 0:09:20Not at all.

0:09:20 > 0:09:23I cannot emphasise enough how little I was thinking.

0:09:23 > 0:09:24Were you scared?

0:09:24 > 0:09:26No. No, I wasn't. Well, I...

0:09:26 > 0:09:30I lived in the pit for the better part of last year,

0:09:30 > 0:09:33and made some vermin friends.

0:09:33 > 0:09:37You know what? "Friends" sounds stupid. Colleagues.

0:09:37 > 0:09:42They are bad at sharing, but they are good at tag.

0:09:42 > 0:09:44Well, your family must be very proud.

0:09:44 > 0:09:47What does your girlfriend think? The nurse.

0:09:47 > 0:09:51I broke up with Ann. Yeah. Shortly after she kicked me out

0:09:51 > 0:09:53and told me we wouldn't be together anymore.

0:09:53 > 0:09:56Well, maybe this article will change her mind.

0:09:58 > 0:09:59What now?

0:09:59 > 0:10:03I hadn't even thought of that. Wow.

0:10:03 > 0:10:06Of all the things I thought would bring us back together,

0:10:06 > 0:10:09catching a possum was never on that list.

0:10:11 > 0:10:14Well, let's go take some pictures of Fairway Frank.

0:10:14 > 0:10:15Of the possum.

0:10:17 > 0:10:20Seriously, man, when you wear these clothes,

0:10:20 > 0:10:22you just feel better than everyone else.

0:10:22 > 0:10:23You know?

0:10:23 > 0:10:25Yeah.

0:10:25 > 0:10:26- Busy?- No. What's up?

0:10:26 > 0:10:31Just wanted to tell you, I understand that city codes exist,

0:10:31 > 0:10:33and I know why they exist.

0:10:33 > 0:10:37And I understand that you enforce them.

0:10:37 > 0:10:39OK. OK. Good talk.

0:10:39 > 0:10:41Can you sign off on my plans now?

0:10:41 > 0:10:44Did you get everything up to code?

0:10:48 > 0:10:50Yup.

0:10:50 > 0:10:52No, you didn't! You clearly didn't!

0:10:52 > 0:10:56It's my property, my land, my shop.

0:10:56 > 0:10:59Ooh. Tommy needs a banana. You guys good?

0:10:59 > 0:11:01Ron, you're asking me to do a bad job

0:11:01 > 0:11:04at my job, and I'm just not going to do that.

0:11:04 > 0:11:08So, if you don't mind, would you please just get out of my office?

0:11:08 > 0:11:12Ooh. Silly me. There was this little pom-pom

0:11:12 > 0:11:14on my glove and it fell off. Have you seen it?

0:11:14 > 0:11:18Could you help me look for it real quick? It should be on the ground somewhere.

0:11:18 > 0:11:21When I was putting it up. See.

0:11:21 > 0:11:23- So, how's your hole?- Excuse me?

0:11:23 > 0:11:24The pit. Lot 48.

0:11:24 > 0:11:27Oh, we're making really good progress on the park.

0:11:27 > 0:11:29In fact, there may be some big news on that front coming soon,

0:11:29 > 0:11:32all because of this very important business card.

0:11:32 > 0:11:35So, this isn't a really big story, right?

0:11:35 > 0:11:36Nobody cares about this very much.

0:11:36 > 0:11:38Well, Fairway Frank did bite the mayor's dog.

0:11:38 > 0:11:40So, this could be on the front page.

0:11:40 > 0:11:43# Fairway Frank You're going to die

0:11:43 > 0:11:47# You're going to fry, oh, yeah

0:11:47 > 0:11:50# You guilty son of a bitch

0:11:50 > 0:11:54# You're going to fry When they flip that switch. #

0:11:57 > 0:12:00Hey, April, can I talk to you about this situation with the possum?

0:12:00 > 0:12:02- No. OK. - Hypothetically, if you were going

0:12:02 > 0:12:05on a mission to, say, catch a guilty whale.

0:12:05 > 0:12:07And while you were catching the whale,

0:12:07 > 0:12:09you saw something else that may also be another whale,

0:12:09 > 0:12:12and you were like, "What?" But then you thought, maybe it's not a whale.

0:12:12 > 0:12:15Maybe it's a big fish. Maybe it's a submarine with a face painted on it.

0:12:15 > 0:12:18The point is, if I kill the first whale, am I technically a murderer?

0:12:18 > 0:12:22- I don't know what you're talking about.- I saw a second possum!

0:12:22 > 0:12:24There was another possum!

0:12:24 > 0:12:26Wait. Andy's in there talking to a reporter,

0:12:26 > 0:12:29literally kissing his own biceps

0:12:29 > 0:12:30and you're telling me he might not be a hero,

0:12:30 > 0:12:33but just some jerk that goes around tackling random possums?

0:12:33 > 0:12:35No. I've gotta help Leslie find the truth.

0:12:35 > 0:12:38Not because I'm pissed at Andy, which I'm not.

0:12:38 > 0:12:42Because I care so deeply about possums.

0:12:43 > 0:12:46Because they're so adorable.

0:12:46 > 0:12:48April! Did you see my photo shoot?

0:12:49 > 0:12:51I think I nailed it. I fell off the stool once

0:12:51 > 0:12:54when I was trying to look serious, but I'm OK.

0:12:54 > 0:12:57That's cool. I'm really happy for you.

0:12:57 > 0:12:58You are?

0:13:00 > 0:13:03Man, our happy reactions are super different.

0:13:03 > 0:13:07So, he said he's going to e-mail me the photos in, like, six hours.

0:13:07 > 0:13:08Do you want to wait with me?

0:13:08 > 0:13:10Yeah, that sounds good, but I can't

0:13:10 > 0:13:13because I have to go do something that actually matters.

0:13:17 > 0:13:19Fairway Frank's been haunting the sixth hole for a while now.

0:13:19 > 0:13:22- You must know him pretty well. - Sure do.

0:13:22 > 0:13:25I've chased that little sucker off more times than I can count.

0:13:25 > 0:13:27Can you just take a look at these photos

0:13:27 > 0:13:30and make sure that it's Fairway Frank?

0:13:30 > 0:13:31Yup, that's him.

0:13:32 > 0:13:37Mr Campopiano, those are photos of three different possums.

0:13:37 > 0:13:39Huh.

0:13:39 > 0:13:40You guys want something to drink?

0:13:40 > 0:13:42KNOCK ON DOOR

0:13:42 > 0:13:45Hey, boss. There's a possum wandering around on the 14th green.

0:13:45 > 0:13:49- Should I call Animal Control again? - Yeah.

0:13:49 > 0:13:52Oh, my God. Those idiots are here from Animal Control.

0:13:52 > 0:13:54They're going to take it away. OK.

0:13:54 > 0:13:56We need more time to figure out the truth.

0:13:56 > 0:13:58I have an idea. I'm going to distract everybody

0:13:58 > 0:14:00and you get that possum out of here.

0:14:00 > 0:14:02Can you do that, April? Can you get the possum out of here?

0:14:02 > 0:14:05Can you sneak it out of here? April, can you do it? Can you?

0:14:05 > 0:14:08- Please, April, tell me you can do it!- Yes. Yes, I can do it. God.

0:14:08 > 0:14:10I can't kill the possum, because it might be innocent.

0:14:10 > 0:14:13I can't let the possum go, because it might be guilty.

0:14:13 > 0:14:15I can't make a good soup, can't do a handstand in a pool,

0:14:15 > 0:14:17can't spell the word "lieutenant."

0:14:17 > 0:14:19There's a lot of can'ts in my life right now.

0:14:19 > 0:14:22Let's make it happen, Captain.

0:14:22 > 0:14:23Don't call me that.

0:14:25 > 0:14:27You know what smells?

0:14:27 > 0:14:30Help! Help, my arm looks like it's bleeding!

0:14:30 > 0:14:31Holy cow! Leslie!

0:14:31 > 0:14:33Oh, boy. Oh, look how much it's bleeding. Everybody look at it.

0:14:33 > 0:14:35Everybody look over here!

0:14:35 > 0:14:37I need everyone's full attention during this.

0:14:37 > 0:14:39- That's a lot of blood. - It is, it's so...

0:14:39 > 0:14:41- It's ketchup!- Is it?

0:14:42 > 0:14:45- Jerry. Jerry. - Yes. It's ketchup.

0:14:45 > 0:14:48TV: 'Sentry duty is usually approximately one hour long.

0:14:48 > 0:14:52'Baby meerkats do not start foraging for food until about one month old.'

0:14:52 > 0:14:54Do you know them?

0:14:54 > 0:14:57What do you mean that Fairway Frank is not here?

0:14:57 > 0:14:59Here's the thing, Evelyn,

0:14:59 > 0:15:02we're not sure that the possum we caught is, in fact, Fairway Frank.

0:15:02 > 0:15:05Leslie, whoever it is, it's a possum.

0:15:05 > 0:15:10And the sooner it's dead, the sooner the mayor can do what he wants with it.

0:15:10 > 0:15:13Does he want to have sex with a dead possum?

0:15:13 > 0:15:14- No! - No.

0:15:14 > 0:15:16He's not a monster.

0:15:16 > 0:15:19He wants to stuff it and hang it above the urinal

0:15:19 > 0:15:22in his office bathroom so that little flecks of pee can get on it forever.

0:15:22 > 0:15:24Ew!

0:15:24 > 0:15:27Now, Leslie, you did a great job,

0:15:27 > 0:15:30and the mayor knows that you did a great job.

0:15:30 > 0:15:33Now, where is the possum?

0:15:33 > 0:15:35I'm sorry, but he's somewhere you'll never find it

0:15:35 > 0:15:38and he's going to stay there until the truth comes out.

0:15:38 > 0:15:41And I will not reveal his location, no matter how much you ask me.

0:15:41 > 0:15:43But I'm going to stop talking now because I'm afraid

0:15:43 > 0:15:45I may accidentally say where it is, so please go.

0:15:48 > 0:15:51This is interesting. They put down a raccoon

0:15:51 > 0:15:54that bit a jogger in a park in Staten Island.

0:15:54 > 0:15:57- Wow.- And in Walnut Creek, California,

0:15:57 > 0:15:59they put down a duck that bit a kid.

0:15:59 > 0:16:04But security footage later revealed that it was actually a goose.

0:16:04 > 0:16:07- That's great. - No, it's awful, Tom.

0:16:07 > 0:16:09How would you feel if you killed an innocent duck

0:16:09 > 0:16:11and let a vicious goose waddle free?

0:16:11 > 0:16:13PHONE RINGS

0:16:13 > 0:16:14- Tom Haverford. - 'Tom! It's April,

0:16:14 > 0:16:17'I'm at Ann's house and the possum's loose! I need your help!

0:16:17 > 0:16:21- 'It's chewing on everything! Don't tell Leslie.'- You got it.

0:16:21 > 0:16:23The possum got loose at Ann's house.

0:16:23 > 0:16:25Oh, my God!

0:16:25 > 0:16:28April! April, it's Leslie Knope, from the Parks Department.

0:16:28 > 0:16:31Stop ringing the doorbell, it's making him mad.

0:16:32 > 0:16:34Oh, my God! How did this happen?

0:16:34 > 0:16:36I let it out of its cage because it needed water,

0:16:36 > 0:16:39and I thought it would just drink out of the toilet or something,

0:16:39 > 0:16:41but then it ran off and I couldn't get it back in.

0:16:41 > 0:16:43He did that, too.

0:16:43 > 0:16:45- Oh, boy.- Yeah, and then I opened all the doors

0:16:45 > 0:16:48because I thought it would just go outside, but it won't leave the house!

0:16:48 > 0:16:50It must love tacky pictures of flowers.

0:16:50 > 0:16:53OK, OK, OK. I'm going to fix this. Let me just think for a second.

0:16:53 > 0:16:55- Uh-oh.- What?

0:16:55 > 0:16:57Where is it? I can't see it! No! OK, where did it go?

0:16:57 > 0:17:01- I don't know! I don't know.- We just go outside. Let's just go outside!

0:17:01 > 0:17:02Get in here!

0:17:12 > 0:17:14I haven't even started yet.

0:17:14 > 0:17:16I know.

0:17:16 > 0:17:18Thought you could use some help.

0:17:18 > 0:17:21Those city planning guys can be real pains in the ass.

0:17:24 > 0:17:25OK. I just want you to know

0:17:25 > 0:17:27that I still don't think city codes...

0:17:27 > 0:17:28Ron, shut up.

0:17:28 > 0:17:30Would you, please?

0:17:30 > 0:17:33I'm taking a half-day off to come and help you out

0:17:33 > 0:17:38because you're my friend, so just shut up.

0:17:38 > 0:17:41No, I am bringing my workshop up to the Swanson Code.

0:17:41 > 0:17:44And if the Swanson Code happens to overlap

0:17:44 > 0:17:46with the City Government Code...

0:17:46 > 0:17:48< Shut up.

0:17:49 > 0:17:53I know there's a door there, but I kind of feel like it's going to chew through the door

0:17:53 > 0:17:56- and jump on my face and bite me. - I know!- What if it's in here?

0:17:56 > 0:17:58What if it laid eggs in the bed?

0:17:58 > 0:18:01- OK, there are no eggs!- You know, we should've killed it.

0:18:01 > 0:18:03- It's so huge. I'm going to call Andy.- No.

0:18:03 > 0:18:06- Yeah. He tackled it once before, he can do it again. - No, please don't, OK?

0:18:06 > 0:18:09He's going to be pissed at me. I already ruined his big day,

0:18:09 > 0:18:11and it's my fault that it's in Ann's house,

0:18:11 > 0:18:13who he's obviously still in love with.

0:18:13 > 0:18:16I just... I don't

0:18:16 > 0:18:20want him to be mad at me, OK?

0:18:20 > 0:18:22Oh. April.

0:18:22 > 0:18:24He'll forgive you.

0:18:24 > 0:18:26- You think so?- Yeah.

0:18:26 > 0:18:28We don't have to call Andy.

0:18:28 > 0:18:30We can just call Animal Control.

0:18:30 > 0:18:31OK.

0:18:33 > 0:18:35And, April, any time you want to talk about boys...

0:18:35 > 0:18:37Oh, my God! Stop!

0:18:37 > 0:18:39THEY SCREAM

0:18:51 > 0:18:53PHONE RINGS

0:18:57 > 0:19:00Yo. So, I feel like you were mad at me yesterday

0:19:00 > 0:19:01and I don't know why.

0:19:01 > 0:19:03So, I made a list of everything I did

0:19:03 > 0:19:05and I'm going to try not to do any of them again.

0:19:05 > 0:19:08Also, I got you this coffee.

0:19:10 > 0:19:13And then there's this. Fourth paragraph down.

0:19:13 > 0:19:15"But Dwyer had some help catching the possum.

0:19:15 > 0:19:18"I wouldn't have been able to do it without a caffeine boost

0:19:18 > 0:19:20"from the amazing April Ludgate.

0:19:20 > 0:19:25"She gave me the liquid courage I needed to wrestle that beast to the ground."

0:19:25 > 0:19:28Well, Miss Knope. I have to say I'm very disappointed.

0:19:28 > 0:19:31You didn't have to say that, you could've just thought it.

0:19:31 > 0:19:33What did you do with the possum, exactly?

0:19:33 > 0:19:36Well, I'm proud to say that it's somewhere

0:19:36 > 0:19:38the mayor can never pee on it.

0:19:38 > 0:19:40It's OK. Honestly. I mean, look.

0:19:40 > 0:19:44When I retire and I'm attending some gala

0:19:44 > 0:19:47honouring the first three female presidents in history,

0:19:47 > 0:19:50myself and two other women I've inspired,

0:19:50 > 0:19:52I want to be looking back at my distinguished legacy

0:19:52 > 0:19:56and not thinking that I owe my career to some possum.

0:19:56 > 0:19:59And I want to be wearing a huge, beautiful, blue hat!

0:19:59 > 0:20:00- Thank you so much.- Sure.

0:20:00 > 0:20:04It made me feel happy that I knew somebody was here taking care of my house.

0:20:04 > 0:20:07- Cool.- So, did the neighbours give you any problems?- No.

0:20:07 > 0:20:09- Anything in...- Possum. - There was a possum.

0:20:09 > 0:20:13We captured a possum, it got out and it might have laid eggs in your bed.

0:20:13 > 0:20:16- What?- And it went into your laundry and your kitchen, and it touched all your bras

0:20:16 > 0:20:18and I'm so sorry. It's our fault.

0:20:18 > 0:20:21We captured it and it ran around and it was a possum. OK? April, run!

0:20:21 > 0:20:24Run, April. Sorry, Ann! I love you!

0:20:25 > 0:20:29- I'm going to go.- I think that would be best.

0:20:29 > 0:20:30Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd