0:00:02 > 0:00:04Time for the hummingbird lottery! ALL GROAN
0:00:04 > 0:00:07OK. You know how it works. Write your name down on a piece of paper.
0:00:07 > 0:00:09'They don't win a hummingbird.'
0:00:09 > 0:00:12I installed hummingbird feeders in all the parks,
0:00:12 > 0:00:15so the winner gets to refill those feeders.
0:00:15 > 0:00:18Scientifically, hummingbirds are the world's cutest animals.
0:00:18 > 0:00:22I mean, they're so small. And they have tiny beaks.
0:00:22 > 0:00:25And they only eat sugar water. I mean, what beats that?
0:00:25 > 0:00:29Come on. Baby monkeys in diapers?
0:00:29 > 0:00:31Yeah. They do.
0:00:31 > 0:00:33Baby monkeys in diapers are the cutest.
0:00:33 > 0:00:34OK. Who's it going to be?
0:00:34 > 0:00:36- Not me.- Not me. - Not me. Not me...
0:00:36 > 0:00:38- Jerry.- Yeah!
0:00:38 > 0:00:40You can stop by tomorrow morning before work.
0:00:40 > 0:00:43- This is my third time in a row. - Just a bad luck streak, buddy.
0:00:43 > 0:00:45Next time, I'm sure it will definitely be one of us.
0:00:45 > 0:00:48But it won't be me. Because I always write...
0:00:51 > 0:00:52Yeah.
0:00:52 > 0:00:53Yep.
0:00:53 > 0:00:55No, I always write my own name.
0:00:55 > 0:01:01But just to be safe, I do add 20 extra Jerrys.
0:01:21 > 0:01:24We are kicking off the Children's Concert Series this weekend
0:01:24 > 0:01:26with a performance by Freddy Spaghetti.
0:01:26 > 0:01:28I thought Freddy Spaghetti OD'd.
0:01:28 > 0:01:31No. That's Mr Funny Noodle. And he didn't OD, his drummer shot him.
0:01:31 > 0:01:34- Oh.- Where is Jerry, by the way? Why isn't he back?
0:01:34 > 0:01:36How long does it take to fill feeders?
0:01:36 > 0:01:38Maybe he fell into the toilet. Remember when he did that?
0:01:40 > 0:01:41"Oh, sorry, guys. Sorry I'm late.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43"I got confused and took a shower,
0:01:43 > 0:01:45"after I got dressed, because I'm Jerry."
0:01:46 > 0:01:49David Meyers, the Jewish guy who works at City Hall,
0:01:49 > 0:01:51once told me something.
0:01:51 > 0:01:56A "schlemiel" is the guy who spills soup at a fancy party.
0:01:56 > 0:01:59A "schlimazel" is the guy he spills it on.
0:01:59 > 0:02:05Jerry is both the "schlemiel" and the "schlimazel" of our office.
0:02:05 > 0:02:08"And then I put my underwear on my head instead of my butt."
0:02:08 > 0:02:10THEY ALL LAUGH
0:02:10 > 0:02:12OK. OK, guys. That's enough.
0:02:12 > 0:02:14Unless somebody has another good one.
0:02:14 > 0:02:16PHONE RINGS
0:02:16 > 0:02:18Oh.
0:02:18 > 0:02:20Hi, Ann.
0:02:20 > 0:02:21Oh, no.
0:02:21 > 0:02:23Jerry. Jerry, are you OK? Ann, is Jerry OK?
0:02:23 > 0:02:26What's wrong with your arm? Ann, tell me what's wrong.
0:02:26 > 0:02:29- Jerry, talk to me. Ann, get Jerry to talk to me.- OK. He's OK.
0:02:29 > 0:02:32He's got a couple of scrapes and a dislocated shoulder.
0:02:32 > 0:02:33- Oh!- What happened?
0:02:33 > 0:02:35You guys are just going to laugh.
0:02:35 > 0:02:38Why? Did you throw out your shoulder swinging a honey pot off your hand?
0:02:38 > 0:02:40- I was mugged.- Oh.
0:02:40 > 0:02:43Oh, my God. Oh, I'm so sorry, Jerry.
0:02:43 > 0:02:46I was on my way to the hummingbird feeders, walking Lord Sheldon.
0:02:46 > 0:02:49Ew! Is that code for some kind of weird sex act?
0:02:49 > 0:02:52Lord Sheldon is my dog. My wife named him.
0:02:52 > 0:02:54- Ew.- Anyway, these kids, they came out of nowhere,
0:02:54 > 0:02:56they pinned my arm back, they grabbed my wallet,
0:02:56 > 0:02:59- and they knocked me to the ground. - How did you counter-attack?
0:02:59 > 0:03:02Fist to the throat? Did you hit him in the beanbag?
0:03:02 > 0:03:04There's no shame in attacking a criminal's beanbag.
0:03:04 > 0:03:06No, I just curled up and laid still until they left.
0:03:08 > 0:03:10Well, that's another way to play it.
0:03:10 > 0:03:12Did any of them have weird tattoos or scars or anything?
0:03:12 > 0:03:16If even one of them had a unique scar, we got them.
0:03:16 > 0:03:17I didn't get a good look.
0:03:17 > 0:03:19Damn it, Jerry!
0:03:19 > 0:03:21Sorry. You're the victim. Sorry. Sorry.
0:03:21 > 0:03:24I feel like we're responsible for this.
0:03:24 > 0:03:26Why? We didn't mug Jerry.
0:03:26 > 0:03:28Well, why was he in the park in the first place?
0:03:28 > 0:03:30We tricked him into going. I don't see the connection.
0:03:30 > 0:03:33I don't know. This is on us. It's karma.
0:03:33 > 0:03:35Wouldn't it be karma if WE got mugged?
0:03:35 > 0:03:38That's how pathetic Jerry is. He can't even get karma right.
0:03:38 > 0:03:39THEY ALL LAUGH
0:03:39 > 0:03:40No, that's not funny.
0:03:43 > 0:03:45Our friend got mugged this morning.
0:03:45 > 0:03:48- We will not let that happen in vain. - He doesn't have a black eye.
0:03:48 > 0:03:50Well, frankly, the whole department has a black eye.
0:03:50 > 0:03:52This is our wake-up call, guys.
0:03:52 > 0:03:54Jerry's face is the symbol of failure.
0:03:54 > 0:03:55APRIL SNIGGERS
0:03:55 > 0:03:57Our failure to keep the parks safe.
0:03:57 > 0:04:00I have some folders. Inside are some assignments.
0:04:00 > 0:04:02And some homemade taffy.
0:04:02 > 0:04:04- Mmm.- Mmm-hmm.
0:04:04 > 0:04:07April, I want you to check in with our police liaison.
0:04:07 > 0:04:10Donna, I need you to go to Ramsett Park. Tom, you're with me.
0:04:10 > 0:04:13So, when you say that you want me to check in with the police liaison,
0:04:13 > 0:04:15you mean hook up with him, right?
0:04:15 > 0:04:18No. Just check in with him. Everybody dismissed.
0:04:18 > 0:04:19Wait. I want to help.
0:04:19 > 0:04:20What?
0:04:20 > 0:04:22I'm going to teach everybody self-defence,
0:04:22 > 0:04:24so you can defend yourselves.
0:04:24 > 0:04:27We need it. Because we certainly are a bunch of weaklings.
0:04:27 > 0:04:29- Especially Tom. - I am not a weakling.
0:04:29 > 0:04:31- Arm wrestle me right now.- OK.
0:04:33 > 0:04:36I think I'm more than holding my own here...
0:04:36 > 0:04:38Three, four, five...
0:04:38 > 0:04:39Hey.
0:04:41 > 0:04:44Six. Hey! How you doing?
0:04:44 > 0:04:47Not too bad. I was just dropping off Jerry from the hospital.
0:04:47 > 0:04:48He was mugged in the park.
0:04:48 > 0:04:50No. Jerry?
0:04:50 > 0:04:53The black guy with the Looney Tunes ties? I love him.
0:04:53 > 0:04:55No. Jerry who works with Leslie.
0:04:55 > 0:04:57- HE LAUGHS That Jerry?!- Yeah.
0:04:57 > 0:05:00He got mugged? Ha-ha-ha!
0:05:00 > 0:05:02Oh. Well, I mean, that's kind of a bummer, too.
0:05:02 > 0:05:06Hey, while I have you here, what do you think of this?
0:05:06 > 0:05:07Uh...
0:05:07 > 0:05:08Scrotation Marks.
0:05:08 > 0:05:11I don't know what you're talking about, but my gut says no.
0:05:11 > 0:05:13New band name.
0:05:13 > 0:05:15Because Mouse Rat, it's a great name,
0:05:15 > 0:05:18but at the same time, it sucks.
0:05:18 > 0:05:20I think we have to change it just one more time...
0:05:20 > 0:05:22Dude, you've got to stop doing that.
0:05:22 > 0:05:24How will people become fans if they literally don't know
0:05:24 > 0:05:27the name of the band they're listening to?
0:05:27 > 0:05:28That is a really good point.
0:05:28 > 0:05:31I always had fun with Andy.
0:05:31 > 0:05:34The problem is, when you're his girlfriend, you're also his mother,
0:05:34 > 0:05:36and his maid and his nurse.
0:05:36 > 0:05:38He's completely helpless.
0:05:38 > 0:05:40He's like a baby in a straightjacket.
0:05:40 > 0:05:43Ooh! Baby In A Straightjacket. That's a good band name.
0:05:43 > 0:05:45I should tell him that.
0:05:45 > 0:05:48Ha-ha, guys. Really funny. Where's the real banner?
0:05:48 > 0:05:49We only had an hour.
0:05:49 > 0:05:51So did I. Look what I did.
0:05:51 > 0:05:54- Hey, guys.- Jerry!
0:05:54 > 0:05:56- Welcome back. - ALL CHEER
0:05:56 > 0:05:58My gosh, you should not have gone to all this trouble.
0:05:58 > 0:06:02Oh... It's no trouble for our buddy. Here you go.
0:06:02 > 0:06:04Listen. Today is Jerry Day. We'll do whatever you want to do.
0:06:04 > 0:06:07- Anything at all. - Honestly, what I would like to do
0:06:07 > 0:06:09is just have everything go back to normal.
0:06:09 > 0:06:10- That sounds good to me.- OK.
0:06:10 > 0:06:13I believe you were going to do a presentation.
0:06:13 > 0:06:15- Yes, sir, I was. I will go set up.- OK.
0:06:17 > 0:06:21Remember, you guys. No jokes. No comments. Nothing but support.
0:06:21 > 0:06:22He needs a lot of support.
0:06:22 > 0:06:23Tom...
0:06:23 > 0:06:25Talking about a bra for a man.
0:06:25 > 0:06:27LESLIE GIGGLES
0:06:27 > 0:06:29OK, seriously. That was the last one.
0:06:29 > 0:06:32So, as we know, Spring Hunting Season is upon us.
0:06:34 > 0:06:39Uh, anyway, here's the info about the new licensing system.
0:06:39 > 0:06:40Um...
0:06:40 > 0:06:43Jerry? I don't... I don't think your computer is plugged in.
0:06:43 > 0:06:45I'm sorry, guys. Just got to power up.
0:06:45 > 0:06:50First thing we should have is my graph about the season. What?!
0:06:50 > 0:06:52Wait a minute. No. That is not the graph.
0:06:52 > 0:06:54That's a picture from my vacation to Muncie.
0:06:54 > 0:06:58You went on a vacation and you chose Muncie, Indiana?
0:06:58 > 0:07:00Yeah. My wife and I have a time-share.
0:07:00 > 0:07:03- In Muncie?! - Tom, Muncie is a lovely city.
0:07:05 > 0:07:07Anyway, Hunting and Fishing Season is winding down. OK?
0:07:07 > 0:07:11And we all know that it's already closed season on twout. So, now...
0:07:12 > 0:07:14I said twout instead of trout.
0:07:14 > 0:07:16It happens to everyone.
0:07:16 > 0:07:19My marbles are full of mouth today.
0:07:19 > 0:07:21You know what? Has anybody seen my glasses?
0:07:21 > 0:07:23I don't even think I can...
0:07:23 > 0:07:24RIPPING, FARTING
0:07:31 > 0:07:33It says here "1:00 meeting." Who are we meeting with?
0:07:33 > 0:07:36- Don't worry about it. - Oh, no. Please, no.
0:07:36 > 0:07:38Tom, it's important to meet with the Park Rangers.
0:07:38 > 0:07:40They are the first line of defence.
0:07:40 > 0:07:43- SHOUTING THROUGHOUT:- Leslie Knope!
0:07:43 > 0:07:45- Hey, Carl. - What's up, pencil pushers?
0:07:45 > 0:07:48- Haverford. Good to see you, man. - HE LAUGHS
0:07:48 > 0:07:51Is it hot in here? I feel hot. Are you guys hot?
0:07:51 > 0:07:55How you guys doing? I'm good. You guys got any snacks?
0:07:55 > 0:07:57Carl is the head of all outdoor security.
0:07:57 > 0:08:00Why was he transferred from his indoor desk job, you ask?
0:08:00 > 0:08:01Listen.
0:08:01 > 0:08:05Hey, Leslie. Have you seen Avatar? I never saw Avatar.
0:08:05 > 0:08:07I wanted to read the book first,
0:08:07 > 0:08:10but then I realised there's no book version of Avatar.
0:08:10 > 0:08:12What did you guys do for St Patty's Day?
0:08:12 > 0:08:15I was wearing this t-shirt that said "Kiss me, I'm Irish."
0:08:15 > 0:08:17But no-one would kiss me.
0:08:17 > 0:08:22So! You're too important for me until one of your own gets attacked.
0:08:22 > 0:08:26I just feel like there's more we can do to keep the parks safe.
0:08:26 > 0:08:28Oh, you think you know how to do my job?
0:08:28 > 0:08:30Well, you might not be so confident
0:08:30 > 0:08:33once you've walked a mile in my size sevens.
0:08:33 > 0:08:35Kind of small feet.
0:08:35 > 0:08:38- Actually, seven is the worldwide average.- Boom!
0:08:40 > 0:08:42Welcome to the emergency self-defence class.
0:08:42 > 0:08:46I'll be showing you how to escape from a variety of situations,
0:08:46 > 0:08:49while inflicting maximum damage on your attackers.
0:08:49 > 0:08:52Ron, do you think that maybe I should put Mark in a headlock?
0:08:52 > 0:08:55That way, I can show everyone how to escape a pervert?
0:08:55 > 0:08:58In the scenario you just laid out, you're the pervert.
0:08:58 > 0:09:00You understand that, right?
0:09:00 > 0:09:02- You wish.- Enough.
0:09:02 > 0:09:04I'm going to start off simple, and demonstrate
0:09:04 > 0:09:08how to extract oneself from a wrist grab.
0:09:08 > 0:09:10Andy. Ann. Step up here.
0:09:10 > 0:09:13'I watch a lot of Lifetime movies. There was this one,'
0:09:13 > 0:09:17How Far is Too Far Enough: The Teri Palliber Lonergan Story.
0:09:17 > 0:09:20This woman had agoraphobia and her therapist was obsessed with her,
0:09:20 > 0:09:21and he hid in her house.
0:09:21 > 0:09:24And then he attacked her and tried to eat her toes.
0:09:24 > 0:09:27Also, her daughter was having sex way too young.
0:09:27 > 0:09:30So, yeah. Free self-defence class? I'm there.
0:09:31 > 0:09:33- And then just twist away... - Arrrrggh!
0:09:33 > 0:09:35Very good. Very good. Well done.
0:09:35 > 0:09:37Oh! What's up now, mugger?
0:09:37 > 0:09:40Ann, that was awesome. That was really good.
0:09:42 > 0:09:44I don't know, Leslie. I'd rather be back at the office.
0:09:44 > 0:09:48I know this is painful for you, Jerry, but you have to be strong.
0:09:49 > 0:09:50You guys ready?
0:09:51 > 0:09:54Oh, boy. Yeah, OK. We're ready.
0:09:54 > 0:09:57I'm going to show you guys all the problems we've been facing.
0:09:57 > 0:09:59Show you that we've been doing everything we can.
0:09:59 > 0:10:01I'm looking forward to working together, Carl.
0:10:01 > 0:10:04And after that, I'm going to show you this log I found.
0:10:04 > 0:10:08It's got, like, 50 worms on it. I call it Worm Log.
0:10:10 > 0:10:12Yeah, I've always been a bit of an outdoorsman.
0:10:12 > 0:10:15When I was a kid, my parents used to make me hang out in the backyard
0:10:15 > 0:10:18and just run around until I got tired.
0:10:18 > 0:10:22But if there's any criminals out there watching, I never get tired.
0:10:22 > 0:10:24And ladies, too.
0:10:26 > 0:10:28This thing is a mess.
0:10:28 > 0:10:30We used to have three carts, actually.
0:10:30 > 0:10:33The first one got pushed into the creek by some kids.
0:10:33 > 0:10:37The second one, raccoons got onto. There was urine everywhere.
0:10:37 > 0:10:39And the third one was recently stolen.
0:10:39 > 0:10:41- What's this one? - This is the second one.
0:10:41 > 0:10:43The raccoon piss one.
0:10:43 > 0:10:46All right. So we're going to just head out.
0:10:48 > 0:10:52Oh, no. You know what? I think we've got too much weight.
0:10:53 > 0:10:55Oh. That's Tom, probably.
0:10:55 > 0:10:57Are you serious?
0:10:57 > 0:10:58Tom, can you get off, please?
0:10:58 > 0:11:01Just run alongside the cart, OK?
0:11:01 > 0:11:02OK. Here we go.
0:11:02 > 0:11:04Whoa!
0:11:04 > 0:11:06So, I want to tell you a little bit about the park.
0:11:06 > 0:11:11Up here on the left is one of our most beautiful grass fields.
0:11:11 > 0:11:14It's primarily grass. All right, I'm going to make a hard left here.
0:11:14 > 0:11:17Stick with us, Tom.
0:11:17 > 0:11:20OK. Lesson learned. Thank you. Next. Andy.
0:11:23 > 0:11:27Impressive. I'm going to engage Andy in an attack hold,
0:11:27 > 0:11:29and he's going to try and break free.
0:11:29 > 0:11:31Cool. Now, I don't want to hurt you, Ron.
0:11:31 > 0:11:33Don't worry about that. Just try to escape my attack.
0:11:33 > 0:11:37Now, when I get out, am I allowed to counter-strike?
0:11:37 > 0:11:41Sure. WHEN you get out, you may counter-attack.
0:11:41 > 0:11:43But just promise me you'll be ready,
0:11:43 > 0:11:47because, I mean, I don't want to destroy you.
0:11:47 > 0:11:50Oh...OK. I see where we're going with this...
0:11:52 > 0:11:54Now, when your arms are pinned to your sides,
0:11:54 > 0:11:56use your legs to break free,
0:11:56 > 0:11:59instead of your neck, which is what Andy is trying to do.
0:12:00 > 0:12:03OK, hold up. Get off!
0:12:03 > 0:12:04Let him go.
0:12:08 > 0:12:09Andy...
0:12:11 > 0:12:13- Oh, God.- Oops.
0:12:13 > 0:12:15Any of this looking familiar?
0:12:15 > 0:12:17Yeah. It happened right over there.
0:12:17 > 0:12:22Oh, yeah. I'm not surprised. Take a look at this path.
0:12:22 > 0:12:25With budget cuts, we can't afford a single safety light.
0:12:25 > 0:12:28- There's been 10 assaults already this year.- Wow. Really?
0:12:28 > 0:12:30Can't you station a Park Ranger out here?
0:12:30 > 0:12:32We have! Who do you think they're assaulting?
0:12:32 > 0:12:35I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell.
0:12:35 > 0:12:38One way or another, I'm going to get money so you can protect Jerry,
0:12:38 > 0:12:41and all the other helpless, pathetic people in this town.
0:12:44 > 0:12:45You guys have got to slow down.
0:12:45 > 0:12:48- Can I just take a rest for a minute? - No, Tom. Sorry. No can do.
0:12:48 > 0:12:51- Sun's going down and it's real dangerous out here. Let's roll, Carl. - OK. Going fast.
0:12:55 > 0:12:57OK, what day is it today?
0:12:57 > 0:12:59I don't know.
0:12:59 > 0:13:02- OK, but to be fair, you never know. - That's kind of true.
0:13:02 > 0:13:07I'm super bad at days. But honestly, I'm fine.
0:13:07 > 0:13:09Sorry I squeezed your lights out there, son.
0:13:09 > 0:13:12No worries. Will you show me how to do that move, though?
0:13:12 > 0:13:14- Sure. I can teach you right now... - No, no, no.
0:13:14 > 0:13:17Andy, you should really just take it easy, I think.
0:13:17 > 0:13:19Do you want some more water? Or maybe some pancakes?
0:13:19 > 0:13:22No. No, I'm fine. Thank you.
0:13:22 > 0:13:25- What's the first move in any fight? - Punch to the balls.
0:13:25 > 0:13:28We've all heard the old saying.
0:13:28 > 0:13:30"Parks are supposed to be fun."
0:13:30 > 0:13:32But sometimes, muggers have their own ideas.
0:13:32 > 0:13:36Leslie Knope is with us again from the Parks Department.
0:13:36 > 0:13:39Leslie, tell us your story.
0:13:39 > 0:13:42This is my co-worker, Jerry Gergich.
0:13:42 > 0:13:46Diabetic. Sloppily out of shape. Friend.
0:13:46 > 0:13:50He was mugged this morning in Ramsett Park.
0:13:50 > 0:13:55Who's next? Your frumpy uncle? Your simple neighbour?
0:13:55 > 0:13:57Your unpopular co-worker?
0:13:57 > 0:13:59Head of security, Carl Lorthner,
0:13:59 > 0:14:01is doing his best to keep the parks safe,
0:14:01 > 0:14:02but he's failing.
0:14:02 > 0:14:04So, what is the solution to fix this?
0:14:04 > 0:14:08To make it right. And not bad.
0:14:09 > 0:14:13We need money from City Hall. And it's not coming through.
0:14:13 > 0:14:15And Pawnee, I am sorry to say this,
0:14:15 > 0:14:17but your government is failing you.
0:14:17 > 0:14:21Up next, 10 objects you didn't know you can eat!
0:14:22 > 0:14:24What possessed you to do that?
0:14:24 > 0:14:27I'm sorry, Paul, but one of my guys got mugged in the park.
0:14:27 > 0:14:30I don't care how upset you are.
0:14:30 > 0:14:33You do not badmouth your own government on TV.
0:14:34 > 0:14:37I'm sure you'll be happy to know your little stunt worked.
0:14:37 > 0:14:43The Mayor is going to divert 2,500 to the Parks for security upgrades.
0:14:43 > 0:14:45There's be an announcement tomorrow at 10 in the press room.
0:14:45 > 0:14:49So... Make sure you bring the doofus that got his ass kicked.
0:14:49 > 0:14:51I don't know who you're referring to.
0:14:51 > 0:14:54We treat everyone with respect around here.
0:14:54 > 0:14:55(OK.)
0:14:56 > 0:14:58Good morning. As many of you know,
0:14:58 > 0:15:04there was an incident involving a government employee in Ramsett Park.
0:15:04 > 0:15:06Jerry, are you nervous?
0:15:06 > 0:15:09Just talk about how hard it was for you. Speak from the heart.
0:15:09 > 0:15:11You'll be fine.
0:15:11 > 0:15:13Leslie? I wasn't mugged.
0:15:13 > 0:15:16..safety of our citizens. That's why we're here today to give Pawnee...
0:15:16 > 0:15:20- Jerry? Why don't you step on up here?- No! No, I will...
0:15:20 > 0:15:25get up here. I'm going to speak for Jerry.
0:15:25 > 0:15:30He can't talk right now because he has hysterical muteness from trauma.
0:15:30 > 0:15:32- Correct.- Jerry...!
0:15:34 > 0:15:35What about this? Is this fake? Huh? Is it?!
0:15:35 > 0:15:38This is real. I really dislocated my shoulder.
0:15:38 > 0:15:40Were you even in the park yesterday?
0:15:40 > 0:15:42Look, I was on my way to feed the hummingbirds,
0:15:42 > 0:15:44and I stopped for a breakfast burrito.
0:15:44 > 0:15:46- The farting.- Yeah.
0:15:46 > 0:15:49And Lord Sheldon... He lunged at a bird, I dropped the burrito,
0:15:49 > 0:15:51and it landed on a log in the creek.
0:15:51 > 0:15:53So, I go to reach for it, I lose my balance,
0:15:53 > 0:15:54and I fall on my shoulder really weird.
0:15:54 > 0:15:56Why didn't you just tell everybody the truth?!
0:15:56 > 0:16:00Are you kidding me? Imagine what Tom would have said.
0:16:01 > 0:16:04AS TOM: Damn, Jerry! You jumped in a creek for a burrito?
0:16:04 > 0:16:07What would you do for a Klondike Bar? Kill your wife?
0:16:07 > 0:16:10Block the opponent's punch and counter-punch to the jaw.
0:16:11 > 0:16:12Shoeshine?
0:16:12 > 0:16:14Hey.
0:16:14 > 0:16:16Oh! Hey! Ann Perkins, in the "shoe-shouse."
0:16:17 > 0:16:20I wanted to check in. I brought some stuff from the hospital.
0:16:20 > 0:16:24Water, a compress, aspirin, some lollipops, I know you love those.
0:16:24 > 0:16:27Ann, you know, thank you. But really, I'm feeling great.
0:16:27 > 0:16:29I took a couple of aspirin and slept right through the night. And...
0:16:29 > 0:16:33Hold on a second. Ludgate. What the hell?
0:16:33 > 0:16:36- I got you one of those veggie muffins that you're always eating.- Score.
0:16:36 > 0:16:38Yeah. It tastes like a rug.
0:16:38 > 0:16:40- Shut up!- Don't hit me.
0:16:41 > 0:16:44- Good. Well, I'm glad you're feeling better.- I am. Thank you for that.
0:16:44 > 0:16:46That's so cool.
0:16:46 > 0:16:49'Since when did he start doing stuff for other people?'
0:16:49 > 0:16:53Now, I actually am worried that something happened to his brain.
0:16:53 > 0:16:55People change, I guess...
0:16:56 > 0:16:58Wouldn't you rather the money go to keeping parks safe?
0:16:58 > 0:17:01Yes, but now we have the money under false pretences.
0:17:01 > 0:17:04- I actually think that you have a bigger problem than the money.- What?
0:17:04 > 0:17:08There is someone in your department willing to lie about being mugged,
0:17:08 > 0:17:09because he's afraid of his co-workers.
0:17:09 > 0:17:11PHONE RINGS
0:17:11 > 0:17:15Knope. Yep. ..No!
0:17:17 > 0:17:19Carl. What are you doing?
0:17:19 > 0:17:21Oh, Leslie.
0:17:21 > 0:17:24Well, since you decided to drag my name through the mud on TV,
0:17:24 > 0:17:25I figured why not return the favour.
0:17:25 > 0:17:28Carl, could you quietly quiet down for a second,
0:17:28 > 0:17:32and please tell me what is going on, quietly? OK? In a quiet voice.
0:17:33 > 0:17:36- SHOUTS LOUDER:- A citizen handed in a very interesting home video
0:17:36 > 0:17:40that I think the people of Pawnee will find very interesting.
0:17:40 > 0:17:42Take a peek at this.
0:17:45 > 0:17:47Keep your eyes on the creek.
0:17:48 > 0:17:52There he is. This is my favourite part.
0:17:52 > 0:17:55Not willing to share with a dog.
0:17:55 > 0:17:59So, it would appear that Park Security was not to blame after all.
0:17:59 > 0:18:02OK, look. I have a proposition for you.
0:18:02 > 0:18:07- Fine. I'll have sex with you in exchange for the tape. - That's not what I am saying. OK?
0:18:07 > 0:18:10Just listen to what I have to say.
0:18:11 > 0:18:16The Ramsett Park mugging story continues with a shiny new twist.
0:18:17 > 0:18:20Ranger Carl Lorthner is here today.
0:18:20 > 0:18:22Now, I understand
0:18:22 > 0:18:27that you have a bombshell to drop that you are just sitting on.
0:18:28 > 0:18:29Yes, that's correct.
0:18:29 > 0:18:33I came on today because I have some very important information to share.
0:18:33 > 0:18:37I finally saw Avatar and I thought it lived up to the hype.
0:18:39 > 0:18:43Well, I'm not sure what that has to do with the mugging.
0:18:43 > 0:18:45Uh... Leslie. Counterpoint.
0:18:45 > 0:18:47- I disagree with Carl.- OK.
0:18:47 > 0:18:52I have seen Avatar as well, and I think it exceeded the hype.
0:18:52 > 0:18:53What?!
0:18:53 > 0:18:56Oh boy, we...
0:18:56 > 0:18:58Disagreement.
0:18:58 > 0:19:00Well, things are really heating up in here, aren't they?
0:19:00 > 0:19:03We should probably take some calls.
0:19:03 > 0:19:07- That segment was a disaster. Don't you ever- BLEEP- me like that again.
0:19:07 > 0:19:10- This is Pawnee- BLEEP- Today.
0:19:10 > 0:19:11Do you know that I bumped a cat
0:19:11 > 0:19:13that can stand up on its hinders for you?
0:19:13 > 0:19:16You disgust me, Knope. Get out of my sight.
0:19:16 > 0:19:18- Yes, ma'am.- Go.
0:19:18 > 0:19:22Go on. Oh, no, no, no. Don't make me chase you.
0:19:22 > 0:19:23You want to go eat something?
0:19:23 > 0:19:25- QUIETLY:- OK.
0:19:25 > 0:19:26I am part of a great team.
0:19:26 > 0:19:29And sometimes, the best way to maintain a strong team
0:19:29 > 0:19:33is just by letting someone know that he is still a part of it.
0:19:33 > 0:19:37This is the only copy, and I am going to destroy it.
0:19:38 > 0:19:42Right after I watch it one more time.
0:19:42 > 0:19:44I'm sorry, but it is so good.
0:19:45 > 0:19:46- Hey, Jerry.- Hmm?
0:19:46 > 0:19:48I got you a peppermint latte.
0:19:48 > 0:19:52Seriously? My goodness. I love a peppermint...
0:19:52 > 0:19:53I know.
0:19:55 > 0:19:58Oh, geez. Go ahead.
0:19:58 > 0:20:00We should just directly apply the food to your clothes.
0:20:00 > 0:20:03Haha! Yaaay! Making fun of Jerry is back!
0:20:04 > 0:20:06'They can laugh at me all they want.'
0:20:06 > 0:20:10Because two more years till I retire with full benefits and pension.
0:20:10 > 0:20:13And the wife and I, we have bought a little cottage on a lake.
0:20:13 > 0:20:15And I am going to get myself a stack of mystery novels,
0:20:15 > 0:20:20a box of cigars, and I am going to sit back and enjoy my life.
0:20:20 > 0:20:23Hey, Jerry? April was just double-checking the lunch order.
0:20:23 > 0:20:25Do you want the salmon or the twout?
0:20:25 > 0:20:28CHANTING: Twout! Twout! Twout! Twout!