0:00:02 > 0:00:04"Thank you, Old Gus, for brightening our lives,
0:00:04 > 0:00:07"our hearts, and most importantly, our shoes."
0:00:08 > 0:00:11This truly is a day of mixed emotions for me.
0:00:11 > 0:00:14I'm sad that Old Gus is leaving,
0:00:14 > 0:00:16but it allows me to help Andy restart his life
0:00:16 > 0:00:19as Pioneer Hall's new shoeshine guy.
0:00:19 > 0:00:21Well, I've been listening to your boring speeches
0:00:21 > 0:00:23for the last 50 years,
0:00:23 > 0:00:25and now it's time for you to listen to one of mine.
0:00:25 > 0:00:27LAUGHTER
0:00:27 > 0:00:30You know, a day like this makes a man reflect upon his life,
0:00:30 > 0:00:34and I've come to the conclusion that I've completely wasted mine.
0:00:34 > 0:00:35MUTED LAUGHTER
0:00:35 > 0:00:40And just for the record, I never ever liked being called "Old Gus."
0:00:40 > 0:00:44I didn't understand it when I was in my 20s, and I sure hate it now.
0:00:44 > 0:00:46So go to hell, every single one of you.
0:00:46 > 0:00:49Screw Pawnee, and screw your damn shoes.
0:00:52 > 0:00:54Oh, God. That's classic.
0:01:15 > 0:01:18So, I propose that we change our name from
0:01:18 > 0:01:20the Sub-committee for Pit Beautification
0:01:20 > 0:01:23to the Sub-committee for Lot Beautification.
0:01:23 > 0:01:25April, stop that. Who are you texting?
0:01:25 > 0:01:26You.
0:01:26 > 0:01:29Aw. She's texting me.
0:01:31 > 0:01:33I'm sorry you're bored.
0:01:34 > 0:01:37Uh, hey, everyone. Oh, hey, Ann.
0:01:37 > 0:01:38Leslie, can I talk to you for a minute?
0:01:38 > 0:01:40Fine. Tom, you're in charge.
0:01:40 > 0:01:43Keep the momentum going. Keep these minds working.
0:01:43 > 0:01:45Absolutely, chief. OK.
0:01:45 > 0:01:48Would you rather be able to fly, or speak fluent French?
0:01:48 > 0:01:50Donna, go.
0:01:48 > 0:01:50French.
0:01:50 > 0:01:51I don't want to freak you out,
0:01:51 > 0:01:54but another department filed a planning claim for Lot 48.
0:01:54 > 0:01:55Who?
0:01:57 > 0:01:59No.
0:01:58 > 0:01:59Yeah.
0:01:59 > 0:02:03Damn it. The library?
0:02:03 > 0:02:05Pawnee's library department is the most diabolical,
0:02:05 > 0:02:07ruthless bunch of bureaucrats I've ever seen.
0:02:07 > 0:02:09They're like a biker gang,
0:02:09 > 0:02:12but instead of shotguns and crystal meth,
0:02:12 > 0:02:16they use political savvy and shushing.
0:02:16 > 0:02:19It's going to be OK. It's not a done deal.
0:02:19 > 0:02:22Yeah, you're right. Thanks for pulling me out of there.
0:02:22 > 0:02:25I need a good plan, though. You know, I don't want to cause a panic.
0:02:25 > 0:02:28Newsflash, we're screwed. We got a big problem with the library.
0:02:28 > 0:02:30Punk-ass book jockeys.
0:02:30 > 0:02:32Wait. Why do we hate the library?
0:02:32 > 0:02:35The library is the worst group of people ever assembled in history.
0:02:35 > 0:02:37They're mean, conniving, rude, and extremely well read,
0:02:37 > 0:02:39which makes them very dangerous.
0:02:39 > 0:02:41And they're trying to steal Lot 48 for a new branch.
0:02:41 > 0:02:43What? Get out of here!
0:02:43 > 0:02:45- Yeah. Yeah.- On 48?
0:02:45 > 0:02:48I actually think a library would be nice that close to my house.
0:02:48 > 0:02:50- Let's bring the library down! - Yeah.
0:02:50 > 0:02:52But I'm not about to say that in there.
0:02:52 > 0:02:53A new branch? Jerks.
0:02:53 > 0:02:56You're kidding. Oh, I hate them.
0:02:56 > 0:02:58OK. We need to make contact with someone there.
0:02:58 > 0:03:01Does anybody know anybody that works at the library?
0:03:01 > 0:03:04Well, we actually kind of do.
0:03:04 > 0:03:08The new Deputy Director of the department is Tammy Swanson.
0:03:08 > 0:03:11Ron's ex-wife? That's terrific.
0:03:11 > 0:03:14Or is that awful? I mean, he hates her, but he knows her.
0:03:14 > 0:03:16Everything's OK. Or is it just the same?
0:03:16 > 0:03:18Leslie, you're thinking out loud again.
0:03:18 > 0:03:20Am I? I am.
0:03:20 > 0:03:24Of course. That bitch of an ex-wife is working for the library now.
0:03:24 > 0:03:25That is perfect.
0:03:25 > 0:03:29The worst person in the world working at the worst place in the world.
0:03:29 > 0:03:32I have to go talk to her. And you got to give me something I can use.
0:03:32 > 0:03:34Does she have any weaknesses?
0:03:34 > 0:03:35No.
0:03:35 > 0:03:37What do you mean, no? Everybody has a weakness.
0:03:37 > 0:03:41Not machines. I honestly believe that she was programmed by someone from the future
0:03:41 > 0:03:44to come back and destroy all happiness.
0:03:44 > 0:03:47I see. I knew that you had two ex-wives named Tammy,
0:03:47 > 0:03:49so I was hoping that there was one that you got along with and...
0:03:49 > 0:03:52Nope. I hate them both.
0:03:52 > 0:03:56On my deathbed, my final wish is to have my ex-wives rushed to my side,
0:03:56 > 0:04:01so I can use my dying breath to tell them both to go to hell one last time.
0:04:01 > 0:04:04Would I get married again? Oh, absolutely.
0:04:04 > 0:04:07If you don't believe in love, what's the point of living?
0:04:07 > 0:04:10I'm just looking forward to a thoughtful debate with Tammy
0:04:10 > 0:04:14about the relative merits of parks versus libraries.
0:04:14 > 0:04:18And in case something bad goes down, I wore my sharpest rings.
0:04:18 > 0:04:19This one will tear you up.
0:04:23 > 0:04:24Hello?
0:04:24 > 0:04:27Hi. I'm Leslie Knope. I called a little while ago.
0:04:27 > 0:04:30You have a lot of nerve showing your face here.
0:04:30 > 0:04:32Excuse me?
0:04:32 > 0:04:35You have overdue book fees totaling 3, missy.
0:04:35 > 0:04:39That is so typical. I should have known you'd use a low blow,
0:04:39 > 0:04:41dirty pool BS move like that.
0:04:40 > 0:04:41No...
0:04:41 > 0:04:44That's why everybody hates the library. Here's your 3.
0:04:44 > 0:04:45Leslie, no...
0:04:44 > 0:04:45And I'll see you in hell.
0:04:45 > 0:04:48Leslie, Leslie, Leslie. I'm just kidding.
0:04:48 > 0:04:52My gosh, I mean, you did have 3 worth of fines, but I cleared them.
0:04:52 > 0:04:56We government gals have to watch each other's backs, right?
0:04:56 > 0:04:58I know this is a trap. But I don't know how.
0:04:58 > 0:05:01OK. Did you talk to Ron?
0:05:02 > 0:05:06Ron tends to exaggerate when it comes to me.
0:05:06 > 0:05:08I swear I don't have cloven feet.
0:05:08 > 0:05:10Please. Sit down.
0:05:12 > 0:05:14Shine, shine, shine your shoes.
0:05:14 > 0:05:17What do you say, sir? Ma'am? Shoeshine?
0:05:17 > 0:05:18I won't look up your skirt.
0:05:18 > 0:05:21Ann. Whoa. Oh, my gosh.
0:05:21 > 0:05:23Crazy. What are you doing? It's me. It's Andy.
0:05:23 > 0:05:26Hi, Andy.
0:05:24 > 0:05:26So, Ann, how you been?
0:05:26 > 0:05:28Good. Yeah, Leslie told me you were working here now.
0:05:28 > 0:05:31Yeah, I just joined the rat race. Chasing the cheese.
0:05:31 > 0:05:33Racing the rats, trying to get the cheese.
0:05:33 > 0:05:36Enough technical business talk. You look ravishing.
0:05:36 > 0:05:38Not a lot of customers, huh?
0:05:37 > 0:05:38Yeah, business is a little slow.
0:05:38 > 0:05:43It is definitely due to the economy.
0:05:43 > 0:05:47I've been hearing a lot of people say that a lot about a lot of stuff.
0:05:47 > 0:05:50Whoa, Mark. You want those shoes shined?
0:05:50 > 0:05:53I'll give you a discount because you're a friend of Ann's.
0:05:53 > 0:05:55Well, I'm more than a friend of Ann's.
0:05:55 > 0:05:56Not for long.
0:05:56 > 0:05:57Sorry?
0:05:57 > 0:06:00I don't know. At least he finally has a real job.
0:06:00 > 0:06:02When we were dating, the only job he had
0:06:02 > 0:06:05was sending audition tapes to Survivor and Deal or No Deal.
0:06:05 > 0:06:07Hi, my name is Andy Dwyer,
0:06:07 > 0:06:10and I would be a perfect contestant for Deal or No Deal.
0:06:13 > 0:06:15I want it to be a perfect park
0:06:15 > 0:06:17with a state-of-the-art swing set,
0:06:17 > 0:06:19and basketball courts, and off to the side,
0:06:19 > 0:06:22a lovely sitting area for kids with asthma to watch other kids play.
0:06:22 > 0:06:25Wow. If I'd had a park like that when I was growing up,
0:06:25 > 0:06:30I probably wouldn't have gone through such a prolonged mall-slut phase.
0:06:30 > 0:06:33Well, that's the goal, Tammy.
0:06:33 > 0:06:35Listen, you guys got there first.
0:06:35 > 0:06:37I'm going to withdraw my request for the lot,
0:06:37 > 0:06:40as a professional courtesy to you.
0:06:40 > 0:06:42Government gals, right?
0:06:42 > 0:06:44Government gals.
0:06:45 > 0:06:47So you talked to Tammy?
0:06:47 > 0:06:50What's it like to stare into the eye of Satan's butthole?
0:06:50 > 0:06:53She's changed, Ron. She's a different person.
0:06:53 > 0:06:56I think it would be healthy for you to get a sense of closure.
0:06:56 > 0:06:57Look at Mark and me. We slept together.
0:06:57 > 0:06:59We talked about it, we're still friends.
0:06:59 > 0:07:01You slept with Brendanawicz?
0:07:01 > 0:07:03No.
0:07:03 > 0:07:06Look, Tammy and I don't work. We are oil and water.
0:07:06 > 0:07:11Or oil, and TNT, and C-4, and a detonator, and a butane torch.
0:07:11 > 0:07:14Nothing good will come...
0:07:14 > 0:07:15Wait.
0:07:19 > 0:07:21She's here, isn't she?
0:07:26 > 0:07:27Hi, Ron.
0:07:30 > 0:07:32Tammy.
0:07:32 > 0:07:34Good. Good start.
0:07:36 > 0:07:39I'm sorry about this, but I just really want to talk to you.
0:07:39 > 0:07:41Couldn't we go have a cup of coffee?
0:07:44 > 0:07:46Let's get this over with.
0:07:47 > 0:07:50Thanks, Ron. It means a lot.
0:07:50 > 0:07:51You're a miracle worker.
0:07:51 > 0:07:52Oh.
0:07:54 > 0:07:55Do you know what you just did?
0:07:55 > 0:07:58Yes, Donna. I got two people to put aside years of hostility
0:07:58 > 0:08:00and open a door to the possibility of friendship.
0:08:00 > 0:08:03You were not here when Ron and Tammy got divorced. I was.
0:08:03 > 0:08:04Those two are crazy.
0:08:04 > 0:08:08Yeah. And you just opened the gates to Crazytown.
0:08:08 > 0:08:12Frankly, I think Ron was acting like a baby, a little bit.
0:08:12 > 0:08:15I mean, what is he afraid of? Tammy's just a woman.
0:08:15 > 0:08:19A nice woman. You know, she's not a murderer.
0:08:19 > 0:08:20She's not a dragon.
0:08:20 > 0:08:23It's really good to see you, Ron.
0:08:23 > 0:08:25You've aged horribly.
0:08:25 > 0:08:28You son of a bitch.
0:08:28 > 0:08:30That didn't take long.
0:08:30 > 0:08:33Oh, my God. What is your problem? Nothing's changed, has it?
0:08:33 > 0:08:35Who set the bed on fire, huh?
0:08:34 > 0:08:35Excuse me, folks.
0:08:35 > 0:08:37I did! OK?! Is that what you want to hear?
0:08:37 > 0:08:39Please, folks.
0:08:37 > 0:08:39We're fine. We're fine.
0:08:38 > 0:08:39OK. I'm so sorry.
0:08:39 > 0:08:41Fine. Take it easy.
0:08:40 > 0:08:41Oh, my God.
0:08:41 > 0:08:44When you meddle in someone's personal life,
0:08:44 > 0:08:46it's just so rewarding.
0:08:51 > 0:08:53Oh, God, yes. Oh, God.
0:08:53 > 0:08:54Oh, wow. Yeah.
0:08:54 > 0:08:56Sir. Ma'am.
0:08:56 > 0:08:57Oh, God.
0:08:57 > 0:08:59Oh, yes. Baby. Gun it.
0:08:59 > 0:09:00The usual place.
0:09:00 > 0:09:02TYRES SCREECH
0:09:13 > 0:09:17# Have Gun Will Travel reads the card of a man
0:09:17 > 0:09:21# A knight without armour in a savage land. #
0:09:21 > 0:09:23Good morning, Jerry. That is a beautiful sweater vest.
0:09:23 > 0:09:27April. You look like you could use 20. Am I right?
0:09:27 > 0:09:28Why?
0:09:28 > 0:09:30Cos you're a kid, and kids always need money.
0:09:30 > 0:09:32I need money.
0:09:32 > 0:09:34Ha! That's why you're my favourite, Tom.
0:09:34 > 0:09:37'When Tiger Woods feels invincible, he wears a red shirt and black pants.'
0:09:37 > 0:09:39Good morning, Deputy!
0:09:39 > 0:09:41Ron wears the same thing after he's had sex.
0:09:41 > 0:09:43I'm a simple man.
0:09:43 > 0:09:45I like pretty, dark-haired women and breakfast food.
0:09:45 > 0:09:49But this stock photo I bought at a framing store isn't real.
0:09:49 > 0:09:51Today, I got the real thing.
0:09:51 > 0:09:55A naked Tammy made me breakfast this morning.
0:09:55 > 0:09:58I should have taken a picture of it.
0:09:58 > 0:10:00Hey, Tom. What's up?
0:10:00 > 0:10:03My girlfriend's ex is working 100 feet away from my desk,
0:10:03 > 0:10:05and he's been pretty clear about wanting her back.
0:10:05 > 0:10:07What do I do with that?
0:10:07 > 0:10:08Mmm. That's a tough one.
0:10:08 > 0:10:10You should break up with her, and tell her to go out with me.
0:10:10 > 0:10:12That's good. Can I ask you another question?
0:10:12 > 0:10:14Why did I come to you for advice?
0:10:14 > 0:10:17OK. I think you should play this one cool, man.
0:10:17 > 0:10:19Be the grown-up. Take the high road.
0:10:18 > 0:10:19Yeah.
0:10:19 > 0:10:21Ann's a classy chick.
0:10:21 > 0:10:24If you get down in the mud, you're just going to lose her respect.
0:10:24 > 0:10:28You've just made a surprising amount of sense, Tom. Thank you.
0:10:28 > 0:10:31I've never taken the high road. But I tell other people to.
0:10:31 > 0:10:34Cos then there's more room for me on the low road.
0:10:36 > 0:10:39So, how did your coffee with Tammy go?
0:10:39 > 0:10:41Leslie, I can't thank you enough
0:10:41 > 0:10:43for sticking your nose where it didn't belong.
0:10:43 > 0:10:46I knew it. So what did you guys talk about? Old times?
0:10:46 > 0:10:49Oh, I love talking about old times. New times are great, too,
0:10:49 > 0:10:52but there's just something about old times, you know what I mean?
0:10:52 > 0:10:54We didn't talk. We made love.
0:10:54 > 0:10:57Oh, my. Mmm. Good.
0:10:57 > 0:10:59Well, spare me the details. I'm just happy.
0:10:59 > 0:11:02It was so intense, I didn't know where my flesh stopped
0:11:02 > 0:11:04and hers began. You know what I mean?
0:11:04 > 0:11:06Yeah.
0:11:06 > 0:11:11Our marriage was always a complete disaster, but we did have that.
0:11:11 > 0:11:15The two of us. It's like doing peyote and sneezing, slowly, for six hours.
0:11:15 > 0:11:18This seems like a private matter, but I'm so...
0:11:18 > 0:11:21That woman really knows her way around a penis.
0:11:22 > 0:11:27OK. Well, I'm happy that it went well and that you enjoyed your coffee.
0:11:27 > 0:11:31I truly believe that everyone should be friends with their exes.
0:11:31 > 0:11:34I can't even tell you how many of my exes' weddings I've been to.
0:11:39 > 0:11:42They're reading their old divorce papers.
0:11:42 > 0:11:46"Three fistfuls of hair." That's not even possible.
0:11:46 > 0:11:49Well, I'm too classy to say "I told you so," Donna.
0:11:49 > 0:11:51So I wrote it on a Post-it.
0:11:55 > 0:11:56Leslie.
0:11:56 > 0:12:00Why don't you take the rest of the day off?
0:12:00 > 0:12:03I mean, you spend so much time worrying about this park,
0:12:03 > 0:12:06but really, who cares?
0:12:06 > 0:12:10I care. I care a lot. It's kind of my thing, remember?
0:12:10 > 0:12:12But at the end of the day, what does it matter
0:12:12 > 0:12:18if the lot becomes a park, or a museum, or a megachurch?
0:12:18 > 0:12:20Or a library.
0:12:20 > 0:12:21Nobody said "library."
0:12:21 > 0:12:25Ron, have you been talking to Tammy about the lot?
0:12:25 > 0:12:27No.
0:12:27 > 0:12:30I swear on a grave.
0:12:30 > 0:12:33Oh, my God. Ron, tell me the truth.
0:12:33 > 0:12:35Are you giving her the lot?
0:12:35 > 0:12:37Not giving.
0:12:37 > 0:12:39We have discussed a trade.
0:12:39 > 0:12:40For what?
0:12:40 > 0:12:41More...
0:12:41 > 0:12:43Excuse me?
0:12:43 > 0:12:44More sex.
0:12:44 > 0:12:46Ugh!
0:12:47 > 0:12:50Tammy, can I speak with you for a second?
0:12:50 > 0:12:53I know what you're doing. You don't care about Ron.
0:12:53 > 0:12:55You're just using him to get Lot 48 for your library.
0:12:55 > 0:12:58Leslie, that's crazy. And correct.
0:12:58 > 0:13:00Why are you doing this?
0:13:00 > 0:13:03Les, there are two kinds of women in this world.
0:13:03 > 0:13:07There are women who work hard and stress out about doing the right thing.
0:13:07 > 0:13:10And then there are women who are cool.
0:13:10 > 0:13:14You could either be a Cleopatra or you could be an Eleanor Roosevelt.
0:13:14 > 0:13:17I'd rather be Cleopatra.
0:13:17 > 0:13:21What kind of lunatic would want to be Cleopatra over Eleanor Roosevelt?
0:13:21 > 0:13:24Haven't you ever messed with a man's head
0:13:24 > 0:13:26just to see what you could get him to do for you?
0:13:26 > 0:13:29We do it all the time in the Library Department.
0:13:29 > 0:13:31You should come join us sometime.
0:13:31 > 0:13:33I would never work at the Library Department.
0:13:33 > 0:13:35I'm going to tell Ron what you just said,
0:13:35 > 0:13:38and this little game that you're playing is going to be over.
0:13:36 > 0:13:38Okeydoke.
0:13:38 > 0:13:39Yeah, you better run.
0:13:39 > 0:13:42We're no longer government gals.
0:13:42 > 0:13:43Look, we need to talk.
0:13:43 > 0:13:45Ron, no.
0:13:45 > 0:13:47The Planning Department Re-prioritization Document?
0:13:47 > 0:13:50Calm down, I haven't signed it yet.
0:13:49 > 0:13:50Yeah, well, you're going to.
0:13:50 > 0:13:53Because Tammy wants you to, and you do everything that she wants.
0:13:53 > 0:13:55She made some really good points about libraries.
0:13:55 > 0:13:58Are you even listening to yourself? You're defending the library now?
0:13:58 > 0:14:00Ron, the library?
0:14:00 > 0:14:02Of all the horrifying, miserable things in the world?
0:14:02 > 0:14:04Some people like libraries.
0:14:04 > 0:14:06I can't even believe what I'm hearing.
0:14:06 > 0:14:09"Some people like libraries." Ron, she's in your head.
0:14:09 > 0:14:12You said that she was a manipulative monster, and you were right.
0:14:12 > 0:14:14No. No. Tammy's changed.
0:14:14 > 0:14:16Look me in the eye and tell me that she's changed.
0:14:17 > 0:14:19Look me in the eye.
0:14:22 > 0:14:23I'm so screwed, Knope.
0:14:23 > 0:14:25- Her hooks are in my brain.- Yep.
0:14:25 > 0:14:29She has all the power and I have nothing.
0:14:29 > 0:14:30I'm so little.
0:14:41 > 0:14:43Why don't you just break up with her?
0:14:43 > 0:14:45I don't think I can.
0:14:45 > 0:14:47We would just end up naked,
0:14:47 > 0:14:51and I'd give her your lot, and my house, and God knows what else.
0:14:51 > 0:14:53I have no control over my actions.
0:14:53 > 0:14:54It's like she's crawled up inside of me.
0:14:54 > 0:14:58Oh, God, Ron, I don't want to hear about your disgusting sex any more.
0:14:58 > 0:15:00OK? Now sack up.
0:15:00 > 0:15:03You are Ron freaking Swanson.
0:15:03 > 0:15:05Not around her, I'm not.
0:15:05 > 0:15:09It took years of intense, focused hatred to get over her,
0:15:09 > 0:15:12and now I've undone all that great work.
0:15:12 > 0:15:15You've got to help me break up with her.
0:15:15 > 0:15:17I don't think I should get involved in this.
0:15:17 > 0:15:20Oh, now you don't want to get involved?
0:15:20 > 0:15:23"It's just coffee, Ron." "She's changed, Ron."
0:15:23 > 0:15:25"I let Mark nail me and we're still friends."
0:15:25 > 0:15:27OK. I would never use those words.
0:15:27 > 0:15:29I never said... Point taken.
0:15:31 > 0:15:33Let's go dump your ex.
0:15:33 > 0:15:35Thank you.
0:15:35 > 0:15:39So, would you like to be in the room when I tell her it's over, or would you rather wait outside?
0:15:39 > 0:15:42In the room. I don't want her to think I'm a wimp.
0:15:42 > 0:15:44Here're the ground rules. Don't talk to her.
0:15:44 > 0:15:47Do not make eye contact with her. Don't believe anything she says.
0:15:47 > 0:15:51Just sit there, like a potted plant. Can you do that?
0:15:51 > 0:15:53Come on.
0:15:53 > 0:15:55Do you have any tong...
0:15:53 > 0:15:55Mark!
0:15:55 > 0:15:57Hey. Donna.
0:15:57 > 0:15:59So, how's the shoeshine game?
0:15:59 > 0:16:04I'm on a break, one of the many advantages of owning your own business.
0:16:04 > 0:16:06You know that's not your situation, right?
0:16:07 > 0:16:09Yeah. Listen, Donna.
0:16:09 > 0:16:12Quick question. Ann is trying to decide between Mark and myself.
0:16:12 > 0:16:14No, she's not, actually.
0:16:14 > 0:16:16If you had to choose, who would you choose? Right now, on the spot.
0:16:16 > 0:16:19I'm not sure. Why don't you spin around for me?
0:16:19 > 0:16:21You know what? Can we talk privately?
0:16:21 > 0:16:22Sure.
0:16:21 > 0:16:22Just out here.
0:16:25 > 0:16:27Mmm.
0:16:27 > 0:16:28Andy.
0:16:28 > 0:16:30So, Tammy, for that and many other reasons,
0:16:30 > 0:16:33Ron has decided to end this relationship.
0:16:37 > 0:16:41Wait a minute. Ron brought you here to break up with me for him?
0:16:41 > 0:16:43She volunteered.
0:16:45 > 0:16:49Leslie, Ron doesn't want to break up with me.
0:16:49 > 0:16:54What Ron wants to do is leave here right now,
0:16:54 > 0:16:57go to the sleaziest motel in town,
0:16:57 > 0:17:01and wrap himself around me like a coiled snake.
0:17:01 > 0:17:02No, he doesn't.
0:17:02 > 0:17:04I'm pretty sure he does.
0:17:06 > 0:17:09See? He's completely over you.
0:17:09 > 0:17:14Look, I understand that this Ann situation is awkward.
0:17:14 > 0:17:16But I like you a lot as a dude.
0:17:16 > 0:17:18And I just hope that there is some way
0:17:18 > 0:17:22that we can both be mature, and maybe be friends.
0:17:22 > 0:17:24Yeah. I doubt it.
0:17:24 > 0:17:28I mean, I think you're a cool dude, too. I like you as well.
0:17:28 > 0:17:31But I'm still in love with Ann.
0:17:31 > 0:17:34I couldn't have been more upfront about that.
0:17:34 > 0:17:37Is punching allowed on the high road?
0:17:37 > 0:17:39I'm sorry, Leslie.
0:17:39 > 0:17:42She wins.
0:17:42 > 0:17:43I can't resist her.
0:17:43 > 0:17:45God, Ron, you have to.
0:17:45 > 0:17:47Stay out of this. This is our relationship.
0:17:47 > 0:17:51He's my man. And we have something twisted and beautiful.
0:17:51 > 0:17:53Oh.
0:17:53 > 0:17:55You want Ron. That's what this is all about.
0:17:55 > 0:17:57No. That's insane.
0:17:59 > 0:18:01Fine, I had one dream. But no, no.
0:18:01 > 0:18:03Baby, don't you see what's happening here?
0:18:03 > 0:18:07She's manipulating you because she's jealous of me,
0:18:07 > 0:18:10and the things I get to do to your body and face.
0:18:10 > 0:18:13I'm here because Ron is my friend,
0:18:13 > 0:18:14and I don't like seeing my friends miserable.
0:18:14 > 0:18:16And you, Tammy, you make him miserable.
0:18:16 > 0:18:19So, Ron, you can give her the lot, or don't, whatever.
0:18:19 > 0:18:23Just, please, find a way to be happy.
0:18:27 > 0:18:28Knope. Wait.
0:18:28 > 0:18:30Ron, it's OK. Just sign the thing.
0:18:30 > 0:18:34No, Leslie, it's not OK. You just put my needs in front of your own.
0:18:34 > 0:18:36No woman has ever done that for me before.
0:18:36 > 0:18:37I'm sure that's not true.
0:18:37 > 0:18:40You see the kind of women that I choose, right?
0:18:40 > 0:18:42Look, just wait for me downstairs.
0:18:42 > 0:18:43If I'm not down in five minutes,
0:18:43 > 0:18:45it's only because I'm receiving a pleasure so intense...
0:18:45 > 0:18:47Oh, my God.
0:18:50 > 0:18:52What the hell are you doing?
0:18:52 > 0:18:54"Andy and Ann's Family Shoeshine"?
0:18:54 > 0:18:56Andy, Ann, I thought it had a nice ring to it.
0:18:56 > 0:18:59Oh, my God. Look, Mark has been really cool about all this,
0:18:59 > 0:19:00and you're throwing it in his face.
0:19:00 > 0:19:02Look, I still have feelings for you. OK?
0:19:02 > 0:19:04I said it. What do you want me to do?
0:19:04 > 0:19:06Not mention those feelings to your boyfriend?
0:19:06 > 0:19:08- Yes.- Yes.
0:19:08 > 0:19:10And you might want to take these pictures down.
0:19:10 > 0:19:12Oh, my God. Take those pictures down.
0:19:12 > 0:19:13What? Fine.
0:19:13 > 0:19:15All of them!
0:19:14 > 0:19:15I'm going to.
0:19:15 > 0:19:17Now. Oh, my God.
0:19:17 > 0:19:19Give me the bikini one.
0:19:19 > 0:19:20The teeny one?
0:19:20 > 0:19:21Bikini one.
0:19:29 > 0:19:31You didn't give her the lot.
0:19:30 > 0:19:31Let's get out of here.
0:19:31 > 0:19:34Is part of your moustache missing?
0:19:32 > 0:19:34Yes. Just keep walking.
0:19:34 > 0:19:36There's a pushpin in your face.
0:19:35 > 0:19:36Leave it in.
0:19:36 > 0:19:40Can't you walk faster?
0:19:38 > 0:19:40My legs are shorter than yours.
0:19:43 > 0:19:45Mmm.
0:19:45 > 0:19:46We had a good run.
0:19:50 > 0:19:52Thank you for saving my future park.
0:19:52 > 0:19:55I know that must've been hard for you.
0:19:55 > 0:19:57You didn't kill Tammy, did you?
0:19:57 > 0:19:59I'm afraid she can't be killed.
0:20:01 > 0:20:05To exes. May they always stay that way.
0:20:05 > 0:20:09Tammy is a mean person.
0:20:09 > 0:20:12Come on, Ron. You can do better than that.
0:20:12 > 0:20:14She's a grade-A bitch.
0:20:14 > 0:20:15There we go.
0:20:15 > 0:20:18Every time she laughs, an angel dies.
0:20:18 > 0:20:20Even telemarketers avoid her.
0:20:20 > 0:20:23Her birth was payback for the sins of man.
0:20:23 > 0:20:26But you know the worst thing about her?
0:20:26 > 0:20:28She works for the library.
0:20:28 > 0:20:30She works for the library.