0:00:02 > 0:00:03Good morning, Ron.
0:00:03 > 0:00:05Morning.
0:00:05 > 0:00:08I know how much you enjoy paperwork, but don't hover.
0:00:08 > 0:00:10Nice bench. Is that new?
0:00:10 > 0:00:12No, that's been there since the '90s.
0:00:12 > 0:00:14What are you doing for your birthday on Friday?
0:00:14 > 0:00:16Nothing. I never d...
0:00:16 > 0:00:18- Aha! - Oh, God.
0:00:18 > 0:00:20# Birthday, birthday, birthday
0:00:20 > 0:00:22# It's your birthday
0:00:22 > 0:00:24# It's your birthday, and I know when it is. #
0:00:24 > 0:00:27Ron refuses to tell anyone when his birthday is.
0:00:27 > 0:00:29He's even had it redacted on all government documents.
0:00:29 > 0:00:32Three years of investigations, phone calls,
0:00:32 > 0:00:34Freedom of Information Act requests,
0:00:34 > 0:00:36and still, I had nothing...
0:00:36 > 0:00:40Until a well-placed bribe to a gentleman at Baskin-Robbins
0:00:40 > 0:00:42revealed...
0:00:42 > 0:00:44Ron's birthday is on Friday.
0:00:44 > 0:00:46Damn it. I was so careful.
0:00:46 > 0:00:47Well, you blew it.
0:00:47 > 0:00:49All for a free scoop of rum raisin.
0:00:49 > 0:00:51Was it worth it, Ron? Was it?
0:00:51 > 0:00:52I command you to do nothing.
0:00:52 > 0:00:55I'm not going to do nothing. I'm going to do something.
0:00:55 > 0:00:56And it's going to be really big.
0:00:56 > 0:00:58I have a lot of years to make up for.
0:00:58 > 0:01:02I don't like loud noises and people making a fuss,
0:01:02 > 0:01:04and I especially don't like people celebrating
0:01:04 > 0:01:08because they know a piece of private information about me.
0:01:08 > 0:01:10Plus, the whole thing is a scam.
0:01:10 > 0:01:14Birthdays were invented by Hallmark to sell cards.
0:01:34 > 0:01:37- They put up a fence. - Who?
0:01:37 > 0:01:38No!
0:01:38 > 0:01:40- What's that? - There's a small park
0:01:40 > 0:01:42on the line between Pawnee and Eagleton, and...
0:01:42 > 0:01:45Last night Eagleton put up a fence around their side
0:01:45 > 0:01:48to keep us disgusting Pawnee hobos off their precious land.
0:01:48 > 0:01:49There's even a security guard.
0:01:49 > 0:01:52You got to show Eagleton ID to get in.
0:01:52 > 0:01:53Eagleton is a bunch of rich snobs.
0:01:53 > 0:01:55And that's coming from someone who has a Mercedes...
0:01:55 > 0:01:59With a Harman Kardon Logic 7 surround-sound system.
0:01:59 > 0:02:01Who builds a fence to keep kids out of a playground?
0:02:01 > 0:02:03Three words... Lindsay Carlisle Shay.
0:02:03 > 0:02:05ANDY GROANS LOUDLY
0:02:05 > 0:02:07Who?
0:02:07 > 0:02:11Lindsay Carlisle Shay and I used to be best friends.
0:02:11 > 0:02:13We worked together at the Pawnee Parks Department.
0:02:13 > 0:02:15Then she went to work in Eagleton
0:02:15 > 0:02:19and "fixed her deviated septum" and lost 35 pounds
0:02:19 > 0:02:21and lost something else.
0:02:21 > 0:02:22What was it again?
0:02:22 > 0:02:24Oh, yeah. Her soul.
0:02:24 > 0:02:26Is the Eagleton side really that much better
0:02:26 > 0:02:28- than the Pawnee side? - To be fair, yeah.
0:02:28 > 0:02:30Our side is this scrappy piece of land
0:02:30 > 0:02:32where kids go to smash fluorescent light tubes.
0:02:32 > 0:02:34But it has a lot of heart.
0:02:34 > 0:02:36That's what people always say when something sucks.
0:02:36 > 0:02:38We should stand up for our town, OK?
0:02:38 > 0:02:40Pawneeans are just as good as Eagletonians,
0:02:40 > 0:02:43although on average, we are several inches shorter
0:02:43 > 0:02:44and 80 pounds heavier.
0:02:44 > 0:02:47People in Eagleton are straight up mean to us.
0:02:47 > 0:02:48I would never set foot over there.
0:02:48 > 0:02:50But it's the only place that I can get
0:02:50 > 0:02:52my Bumble and Bumble hair care products,
0:02:52 > 0:02:54so I'm there every eight days.
0:02:54 > 0:02:56OK, well, I am on "Operation No More Fence,"
0:02:56 > 0:02:58so I'm putting you in charge of "Operation Ron's Party...
0:02:58 > 0:03:01- "colon Shock And Awe." - I am all over it.
0:03:01 > 0:03:03I just need you to do what's on that list.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06Leslie has a lot of qualities I find horrifying.
0:03:06 > 0:03:10But the worst one by far is how thoughtful she can be.
0:03:10 > 0:03:12It's the only park in our neighbourhood.
0:03:12 > 0:03:14I mean, where are my kids supposed to play,
0:03:14 > 0:03:16the rock quarry? There's rocks in there.
0:03:16 > 0:03:17Why don't we just set fire to the fence?
0:03:17 > 0:03:19You know, set it ablaze.
0:03:19 > 0:03:20That's arson.
0:03:20 > 0:03:22Well, let's leave that up to the lawyers.
0:03:22 > 0:03:23The point is, it would work.
0:03:23 > 0:03:27Why don't we build a fence around their fence?
0:03:27 > 0:03:29- Why? - It would give us...
0:03:29 > 0:03:30Two fences,
0:03:30 > 0:03:33so if they needed to get to their fence
0:03:33 > 0:03:36for maintenance and whatnot, their pants might get caught.
0:03:36 > 0:03:38My son Joey tried to scale that fence
0:03:38 > 0:03:40to play on the Eagleton side,
0:03:40 > 0:03:41and he fell and hurt his arm.
0:03:41 > 0:03:44You need to get those people to tear that fence down.
0:03:44 > 0:03:45This woman's right.
0:03:45 > 0:03:49I promise you, citizens of Pawnee,
0:03:49 > 0:03:50and sweet, brave Joey,
0:03:50 > 0:03:52I will tear down that fence.
0:03:52 > 0:03:54APPLAUSE
0:03:54 > 0:03:56OK, I'm just going to suggest one more time
0:03:56 > 0:03:57that we burn it down.
0:03:57 > 0:03:58But whatever you guys think.
0:03:58 > 0:04:00Yeah. Great.
0:04:00 > 0:04:01Yes, hi.
0:04:01 > 0:04:04I have a question about your inflatable saxophones.
0:04:04 > 0:04:07Do those come in different sizes?
0:04:07 > 0:04:09I'm going to need about 40 dozen of those.
0:04:09 > 0:04:12Also, what about your neon gangster fedora hats?
0:04:12 > 0:04:13Um...
0:04:13 > 0:04:15- That was rude. - Whatever's going on here,
0:04:15 > 0:04:18- stop it immediately.- I was just talking on the phone.
0:04:18 > 0:04:19- To whom? - It was personal.
0:04:19 > 0:04:22I would never make a work-related call. You know that.
0:04:25 > 0:04:27- Lindsay! - Leslie Knope.
0:04:27 > 0:04:28Hi.
0:04:28 > 0:04:31Has it really been five years?
0:04:31 > 0:04:34It has. You look amazing.
0:04:34 > 0:04:36Thank you. This place hasn't changed a bit...
0:04:36 > 0:04:38Still lovable, but grimy.
0:04:38 > 0:04:39Hello, there. I'm Ben Wyatt.
0:04:39 > 0:04:41I'm assistant city manager.
0:04:41 > 0:04:42Hi, Dan.
0:04:42 > 0:04:44- Ben. - It's not important.
0:04:44 > 0:04:45It won't come up again.
0:04:45 > 0:04:48Uh, this is Ann. She is my best friend...
0:04:48 > 0:04:49Now.
0:04:49 > 0:04:51And, uh, she's a nurse, and she works at a hospital.
0:04:51 > 0:04:53- Ooh. - Nice to meet you.
0:04:53 > 0:04:55Oh, I'm sorry. It's just, nursing...
0:04:55 > 0:04:58You must be so tired. It's sad.
0:04:58 > 0:05:01It's really nice outside. Shall we speak in my courtyard?
0:05:01 > 0:05:02Yeah.
0:05:03 > 0:05:05Well, thank you so much for stopping by.
0:05:05 > 0:05:07I was passing through Pawnee anyway.
0:05:07 > 0:05:09I do a lot of charity work here.
0:05:09 > 0:05:12There's only so much you can do.
0:05:12 > 0:05:16You know, I found a picture of you from back in the day.
0:05:16 > 0:05:18Let me look at that.
0:05:18 > 0:05:20Let me get a closer look.
0:05:21 > 0:05:24So let's talk about Lafayette park.
0:05:24 > 0:05:26Oh, yes. The fence.
0:05:26 > 0:05:28I'm only trying to protect our children.
0:05:28 > 0:05:29Come on, Lindsay, this isn't you.
0:05:29 > 0:05:31When we used to work here together,
0:05:31 > 0:05:33we loved the fact that parks were for everyone.
0:05:33 > 0:05:35That's what makes them so great.
0:05:35 > 0:05:36You know what's really great?
0:05:36 > 0:05:38A private park that's not for everyone.
0:05:38 > 0:05:40- Wowsers. - What do you care?
0:05:40 > 0:05:42It's just a crappy little park.
0:05:42 > 0:05:43Well, someone once told me
0:05:43 > 0:05:46that there's no such thing as small parks,
0:05:46 > 0:05:47- just small ideas. - Mm.
0:05:47 > 0:05:49And that someone...
0:05:49 > 0:05:51Was this woman.
0:05:51 > 0:05:54You can take it if you want. I have many copies and the negatives.
0:05:54 > 0:05:56And I have a jpeg.
0:05:56 > 0:05:58The fence stays up.
0:05:58 > 0:06:00- Lindsay, if we... - Sweetie...
0:06:00 > 0:06:02and I mean this in the nicest possible way,
0:06:02 > 0:06:04Pawnee is and always will be a dirty, little nightmare
0:06:04 > 0:06:06from which you will never wake up.
0:06:08 > 0:06:11But it was good seeing you.
0:06:11 > 0:06:14What? I'm not asleep. I'm awake.
0:06:14 > 0:06:16I'm wide awake, and I got my eyes on you.
0:06:16 > 0:06:18That's what I would've said
0:06:18 > 0:06:20if I had thought of it in the moment.
0:06:20 > 0:06:22What did I say instead?
0:06:24 > 0:06:26Wow! This is where they have their Public Forums?
0:06:26 > 0:06:29- Yeah, it's not that great. - They had a valet.
0:06:29 > 0:06:31Yes, Eagleton is nicer than Pawnee.
0:06:31 > 0:06:33And, yes, because of their cupcake factory,
0:06:33 > 0:06:35the air always smells like vanilla.
0:06:35 > 0:06:37Oh, yeah. Wow.
0:06:37 > 0:06:39But, their people are not inherently better than our people.
0:06:39 > 0:06:42The only thing they beat us in is life expectancy, beauty pageants,
0:06:42 > 0:06:44and average income... who cares?
0:06:44 > 0:06:45Factoid alert...
0:06:45 > 0:06:48Eagleton was founded by former Pawneeans.
0:06:48 > 0:06:51Pawnee was established in May of 1817.
0:06:51 > 0:06:52And by July,
0:06:52 > 0:06:55finding the smell unpleasant and the soil untenable,
0:06:55 > 0:06:59all the wealthy people evacuated to Eagleton.
0:06:59 > 0:07:01Hello, Pawnee.
0:07:01 > 0:07:03Welcome to our public forum.
0:07:03 > 0:07:05Hi, I'm Thomas Montgomery Haverford.
0:07:05 > 0:07:08- OK. - Well, nice outfit.
0:07:08 > 0:07:10- What, did you just come from the stables?- Yes.
0:07:10 > 0:07:12- I was just at the stables. - Oh.
0:07:12 > 0:07:14You look like you've been working hard.
0:07:14 > 0:07:16You have a million flyaways right now.
0:07:16 > 0:07:19- Would you like to borrow a mirror or a self-help book? - I would not.
0:07:19 > 0:07:22I would like you to get off your high horse, Lindsay...
0:07:22 > 0:07:23pun intended.
0:07:23 > 0:07:25You know if I had your job, there would be no fence there.
0:07:25 > 0:07:27Well, you don't have my job,
0:07:27 > 0:07:28because you knew you couldn't handle it.
0:07:28 > 0:07:31Oh, the forum is beginning.
0:07:31 > 0:07:33Uh, we've got a little bit of Eagleton business,
0:07:33 > 0:07:35- and then I'll introduce you. - Great.
0:07:35 > 0:07:36Look how pretty the people are.
0:07:36 > 0:07:38Hey, Ron...
0:07:38 > 0:07:40How's the street parking at your house?
0:07:40 > 0:07:42- What? - Can you handle, like, 20 cars
0:07:42 > 0:07:43or a double-decker party bus?
0:07:43 > 0:07:46There is no street parking at my house.
0:07:46 > 0:07:48My house is not even on a street.
0:07:48 > 0:07:52Do you have space for, like, a huge circus tent?
0:07:52 > 0:07:54Hey, Ron. Have you seen...
0:07:54 > 0:07:56What the hell?
0:07:56 > 0:07:58No!
0:07:58 > 0:07:59Oh!
0:07:59 > 0:08:02Well, looks like there won't be any balloons for the birthday boy.
0:08:02 > 0:08:04These were for a sick child at the hospital.
0:08:04 > 0:08:05Ah.
0:08:05 > 0:08:06My office, now.
0:08:06 > 0:08:08- I don't work for you. - Don't care.
0:08:08 > 0:08:10Decisions, decisions.
0:08:10 > 0:08:12Uh, I think I'm going to go
0:08:12 > 0:08:14with the porcini mushrooms and boursin, s'il vous plait.
0:08:14 > 0:08:16..that the Eagleton-Pawnee fence
0:08:16 > 0:08:18does a lot more harm than it does good.
0:08:18 > 0:08:22Hello. I'm Bertram Rolands, a citizen of Eagleton.
0:08:22 > 0:08:25APPLAUSE
0:08:25 > 0:08:26With all due respect, Ms Knope,
0:08:26 > 0:08:29can't you just clean up your side of the park,
0:08:29 > 0:08:30put some new equipment there?
0:08:30 > 0:08:32Well, we would love to do that,
0:08:32 > 0:08:35but, unfortunately, money is tight right now.
0:08:35 > 0:08:37Hello. I'm Christine Porter.
0:08:37 > 0:08:38APPLAUSE
0:08:40 > 0:08:43I want to respectfully say that I'm in favour of the fence.
0:08:43 > 0:08:45I see it as a kind of punishment for Pawnee
0:08:45 > 0:08:49that might inspire your town to clean up its act.
0:08:49 > 0:08:50APPLAUSE
0:08:50 > 0:08:52Well, I would like to respectfully say
0:08:52 > 0:08:55that any child should be able to play in any park,
0:08:55 > 0:08:58regardless of wealth or status.
0:09:01 > 0:09:05Uh, anyway, this is Joey Plunkett.
0:09:05 > 0:09:06Joey, wave to the audience.
0:09:06 > 0:09:09Oh, you can't, because you broke your arm
0:09:09 > 0:09:10climbing that fence.
0:09:10 > 0:09:13- Uh, I can wave with this arm. - No, you can't.
0:09:13 > 0:09:15Both your arms are broken.
0:09:15 > 0:09:17All due respect, I recognise that boy.
0:09:17 > 0:09:20He was caught selling fireworks to Eagleton kids.
0:09:20 > 0:09:22Well, with more due respect,
0:09:22 > 0:09:24a lot of boys do that in our town.
0:09:24 > 0:09:26You cannot be sure that he is the one.
0:09:26 > 0:09:29This is a perfect example of how we're going to help you.
0:09:29 > 0:09:31Here's to you, Joey, and your mother
0:09:31 > 0:09:34and to every Pawnee citizen who might have a bright future
0:09:34 > 0:09:38if they fundamentally change everything about themselves.
0:09:38 > 0:09:40- Thanks to Leslie Knope. - I'm not done.
0:09:40 > 0:09:42Isn't she trying her hardest?
0:09:42 > 0:09:44APPLAUSE
0:09:44 > 0:09:48So cute and so good.
0:09:48 > 0:09:50I'm only going to ask you this once.
0:09:50 > 0:09:51What is going on with my birthday?
0:09:51 > 0:09:53Oh, my God. Ron, it's your birthday.
0:09:53 > 0:09:56- Happy Birthday. - Shut your damn mouth.
0:09:56 > 0:09:57This is a fun conversation.
0:09:57 > 0:09:59Just tell me what Leslie is planning.
0:09:59 > 0:10:02Honestly, I don't know. I haven't heard anything.
0:10:02 > 0:10:05Why don't you tell me what she did for your last birthday?
0:10:05 > 0:10:06Oh, well, that was intense.
0:10:06 > 0:10:08She totally surprised me.
0:10:08 > 0:10:09She kidnapped me from work,
0:10:09 > 0:10:11and then she took me to that place, Senor Vega's,
0:10:11 > 0:10:15you know, where the mariachi band comes out. They put a big sombrero on you,
0:10:15 > 0:10:17- and then everybody sings Happy Birthday?- Damn it.
0:10:17 > 0:10:19And then we went back to my house,
0:10:19 > 0:10:21and she invited basically everyone I knew,
0:10:21 > 0:10:23and she had this great guy doing face painting,
0:10:23 > 0:10:26and I had my face painted like a fairy tiger.
0:10:27 > 0:10:29Also, she did it, like, a week before my birthday,
0:10:29 > 0:10:31which is genius, cos I had no idea it was coming.
0:10:31 > 0:10:34And then there was a bouncy castle.
0:10:34 > 0:10:37- Did you know they made those for adults?- Mm-hmm.
0:10:37 > 0:10:39Maybe I'll change it up this time.
0:10:39 > 0:10:40Can I try the andouille sausage?
0:10:40 > 0:10:43- Tom, let's go. - What? No.
0:10:43 > 0:10:45Hey, not you too.
0:10:45 > 0:10:47It's gross. I don't like it.
0:10:47 > 0:10:49It's disgusting.
0:10:49 > 0:10:51Did you guys get your public forum gift bag?
0:10:51 > 0:10:52There's an iPod Touch in here.
0:10:52 > 0:10:54Man, she used to not be like this.
0:10:54 > 0:10:55Eagleton really changed her.
0:10:55 > 0:10:58Yeah, what exactly happened between the two of you, anyway?
0:10:58 > 0:11:01Five years ago, Eagleton offered me that job.
0:11:01 > 0:11:03And you said no? Are you insane?
0:11:03 > 0:11:05I talked it over with Lindsay, and we made a pact
0:11:05 > 0:11:07that we would stay in Pawnee together
0:11:07 > 0:11:10and work hard and fight to make Pawnee
0:11:10 > 0:11:11a better place to live.
0:11:11 > 0:11:13And then they offered her the job,
0:11:13 > 0:11:15and she took it and disappeared.
0:11:15 > 0:11:17Wow.
0:11:17 > 0:11:20Ooh, verbena-scented soy candles!
0:11:20 > 0:11:23You want me to do what, now?
0:11:23 > 0:11:25Send Leslie somewhere on an assignment,
0:11:25 > 0:11:26a conference or something,
0:11:26 > 0:11:30and make her take April and freeze their bank accounts.
0:11:30 > 0:11:31I don't understand.
0:11:31 > 0:11:33Is Leslie's work unsatisfactory?
0:11:33 > 0:11:34No, it has nothing to do with her work.
0:11:34 > 0:11:37I don't want to get into it.
0:11:37 > 0:11:39Ron, look, this is me, OK?
0:11:39 > 0:11:41You know you can talk to me about anything.
0:11:41 > 0:11:45Well, it's... it's my birthday on Friday.
0:11:45 > 0:11:47Hey! Happy Birthday.
0:11:50 > 0:11:52I'm ending this right now.
0:11:52 > 0:11:55I'm just going to leave early and go home...
0:11:55 > 0:11:57Unless...
0:11:57 > 0:12:00That's exactly what she wants me to do.
0:12:00 > 0:12:02All right, everybody just grab a bag
0:12:02 > 0:12:04and open it up
0:12:04 > 0:12:06and then try to find some dirty stuff in there.
0:12:06 > 0:12:08- What are you doing?- Eagleton treats us like garbage.
0:12:08 > 0:12:10We're going to treat them like garbage.
0:12:10 > 0:12:11We're going to take these bags of trash,
0:12:11 > 0:12:13and throw it over to their side of the park.
0:12:13 > 0:12:16And then we're just going to let the stink and the raccoons run wild.
0:12:16 > 0:12:21Well, isn't that just playing right into what they think of you?
0:12:21 > 0:12:23Oh, my God. What am I thinking?
0:12:23 > 0:12:26Let's just stop this. Put everything back in the truck.
0:12:26 > 0:12:27- Let's back it up. - No, no, no, no.
0:12:27 > 0:12:29Leslie, you promised we could throw garbage everywhere.
0:12:29 > 0:12:31Wow.
0:12:31 > 0:12:34I didn't expect to see the whole Parks Department here,
0:12:34 > 0:12:37although it is, sadly, one of the nicest spots in town.
0:12:37 > 0:12:39I am so sick of this, Lindsay.
0:12:39 > 0:12:41Wait, Leslie. I've got this.
0:12:41 > 0:12:43You listen to me, Lindsay Carlisle Shay.
0:12:43 > 0:12:47Why don't you take your fancy dog, get in your Escalade,
0:12:47 > 0:12:50and if you have any job openings, maybe you should let me know about 'em.
0:12:50 > 0:12:52- Come on, man. - No!
0:12:52 > 0:12:54I'm sick of being treated
0:12:54 > 0:12:57like I'm not willing to relocate to Eagleton, because I am!
0:12:57 > 0:13:00So here's what you could do, lady.
0:13:00 > 0:13:02Take this resume
0:13:02 > 0:13:04and shove it into your human resources slot.
0:13:06 > 0:13:08Oh, yeah! Shove it there!
0:13:10 > 0:13:13You might have a fancy car and a mahogany purse,
0:13:13 > 0:13:15or whatever rich people have,
0:13:15 > 0:13:17but I remember something that you're trying to forget.
0:13:17 > 0:13:19- You're a Pawnee girl. - Mm-hmm.
0:13:19 > 0:13:21No, Leslie, I'm not.
0:13:21 > 0:13:23Well, then why do you come here at dinner time
0:13:23 > 0:13:25and get takeout from the legendary JJ's Diner?
0:13:25 > 0:13:27It's not for me.
0:13:27 > 0:13:30These waffles make great dog laxatives.
0:13:30 > 0:13:32Don't you dare
0:13:32 > 0:13:35feed that waffle to that dog to get it to poop.
0:13:36 > 0:13:38Sambuca need to make?
0:13:38 > 0:13:39There you go.
0:13:39 > 0:13:41- Leslie. - How dare you?
0:13:41 > 0:13:43Get her, Leslie!
0:13:43 > 0:13:44- Get off of me! - Get her!
0:13:46 > 0:13:48Garbage fight!
0:13:51 > 0:13:53I want her arrested for attempted murder.
0:13:53 > 0:13:54For God's sake, Knope. Get a grip.
0:13:54 > 0:13:56Thank God you're here!
0:13:56 > 0:13:57I want her arrested!
0:13:57 > 0:13:59She attacked me,
0:13:59 > 0:14:01and then she hurled my Kate Spade headband somewhere.
0:14:01 > 0:14:03I think my Eagleton colleagues would agree
0:14:03 > 0:14:05that we don't want to make a federal case out of this,
0:14:05 > 0:14:07so I suggest you both apologise to each other,
0:14:07 > 0:14:09and we pretend this never happened.
0:14:09 > 0:14:10I will never apologise to her.
0:14:10 > 0:14:12- Nor I her. - "Nor I her."
0:14:12 > 0:14:15"I doth proclaim to be a stupid fartface."
0:14:15 > 0:14:18Nice retort. Did GB Shaw write that for you?
0:14:18 > 0:14:20Did GB Shaw write your stupid fartface?
0:14:20 > 0:14:21Ladies, if you don't apologise,
0:14:21 > 0:14:24we're going to have to toss the both of you in jail.
0:14:24 > 0:14:27So just swallow your pride...
0:14:27 > 0:14:29Say you're sorry.
0:14:36 > 0:14:39We hope you enjoy your evening here at the Eagleton holding cell.
0:14:39 > 0:14:42Can I offer you anything... herbal tea, Greek yoghurt?
0:14:42 > 0:14:43No.
0:14:46 > 0:14:47Morning, Ron.
0:14:47 > 0:14:50Ooh, dude, you forgot to put a shirt on.
0:14:50 > 0:14:52I do it all the time. It's fine.
0:14:52 > 0:14:54- I slept here. - Sweet.
0:14:54 > 0:14:57So a little birdie told me it's your birthday coming up.
0:14:57 > 0:14:59How about a free birthday shoe shine?
0:14:59 > 0:15:01What did this little birdie tell you
0:15:01 > 0:15:03is going to happen for my birthday?
0:15:03 > 0:15:05Oh, nice try, Ron. You're not getting anything out of me.
0:15:05 > 0:15:10- Andrew, please.- Ron, look, I love you like a father
0:15:10 > 0:15:12who's not that much older than me...
0:15:12 > 0:15:15like a young uncle, or like, uh, you were my camp counsellor,
0:15:15 > 0:15:18but we're adults, so we hang out, and it's not weird, you know.
0:15:18 > 0:15:20Or, actually, here's what it is.
0:15:20 > 0:15:22- You're my lacrosse coach. - I get it. I get it.
0:15:22 > 0:15:23What's the point?
0:15:23 > 0:15:25Well, coach,
0:15:25 > 0:15:27Leslie swore me to secrecy, so I can't say anything.
0:15:27 > 0:15:29I owe her so much. I can't ruin it for her.
0:15:29 > 0:15:33- Well, I respect that. - Mm-hmm.
0:15:33 > 0:15:37- See you later.- OK, not if I see you first, Uncle Ron.
0:15:37 > 0:15:38And I probably will,
0:15:38 > 0:15:42cos Leslie assigned me to the kidnap squad.
0:15:45 > 0:15:46Hey, jailbird.
0:15:46 > 0:15:49Beautiful Ann, thank you for coming to get me.
0:15:49 > 0:15:51Oh, my God, are you kidding?
0:15:51 > 0:15:52Are you OK?
0:15:52 > 0:15:56It was a rough night, but I survived.
0:15:56 > 0:15:57Scone?
0:15:57 > 0:16:01- They only have maple walnut. - Yeah. Thank you.
0:16:01 > 0:16:03Why did you get arrested? What did you do?
0:16:03 > 0:16:06The only thing I'm guilty of is loving Pawnee...
0:16:06 > 0:16:08and punching Lindsay in the face
0:16:08 > 0:16:10and shoving a coffee filter down her pants.
0:16:10 > 0:16:12But in my defence, I believe that assault should be legal
0:16:12 > 0:16:14if a person is a jerk.
0:16:14 > 0:16:16Why are you letting her get to you like this?
0:16:16 > 0:16:18Because she's a stupid jerk.
0:16:18 > 0:16:19Because we were best friends
0:16:19 > 0:16:22and then she sold out everything that we believed in.
0:16:22 > 0:16:23And the worst part?
0:16:23 > 0:16:26To her, our friendship, it's like it never happened.
0:16:26 > 0:16:28Well, first of all, this colour looks amazing on you.
0:16:28 > 0:16:29Thank you.
0:16:29 > 0:16:31Second of all, the whole fence thing,
0:16:31 > 0:16:33she's obviously trying to get a rise out of you.
0:16:33 > 0:16:36Third of all, she knows she only got the job
0:16:36 > 0:16:38because you turned it down, which must drive her nuts.
0:16:38 > 0:16:41But most importantly, you say the word,
0:16:41 > 0:16:44and I will beat her senseless with a baseball bat.
0:16:44 > 0:16:46Thank you.
0:16:46 > 0:16:48Wait a minute.
0:16:48 > 0:16:50Oh, my God. OK, we have a lot of work to do.
0:16:50 > 0:16:53Ann, put these scones in your bra. Let's go.
0:16:53 > 0:16:55OK, can we just stop off at the lobby,
0:16:55 > 0:16:57cos the prison gift bags are amazing.
0:16:57 > 0:17:00Hey, batter, batter, batter, batter, batter.
0:17:00 > 0:17:03Hey, batter, bah.
0:17:03 > 0:17:05Lucas with a crazy base hit!
0:17:05 > 0:17:07Dude, stop rooting for the other team.
0:17:07 > 0:17:10You're just mad cos they are lighting you up.
0:17:10 > 0:17:12- What's going on here? - Hi, Lindsay.
0:17:12 > 0:17:14Introducing the Pawnee wiffle ball league.
0:17:14 > 0:17:16It's an idea that I came up with after my best friend Ann over there
0:17:16 > 0:17:19said she wanted to bash your head in with a baseball bat.
0:17:19 > 0:17:21And I want to thank you for the fence.
0:17:21 > 0:17:24There's no way we could afford that high-quality wood.
0:17:24 > 0:17:26What if someone hits a home run? How will you get the ball back?
0:17:26 > 0:17:28One of the many Eagleton kids who signed up
0:17:28 > 0:17:32will just pop over and grab it.
0:17:32 > 0:17:33Hey, what are you doing tonight?
0:17:33 > 0:17:35- Why? - I don't know.
0:17:35 > 0:17:38I thought maybe you could bust out your old jazz sweatshirt,
0:17:38 > 0:17:40and you and I could go to Sullivan's for a beer.
0:17:40 > 0:17:42Yeah, I do still have that sweatshirt.
0:17:42 > 0:17:43I know you do.
0:17:43 > 0:17:45Foul ball!
0:17:45 > 0:17:48- You did all this in a day? - Yeah.
0:17:48 > 0:17:49All right.
0:17:49 > 0:17:51I work with some really great people.
0:17:53 > 0:17:55Good job, guys. Great job.
0:17:56 > 0:17:59Hey, did you hear the news?
0:17:59 > 0:18:01Ben and Chris want us to go into Conference Room C
0:18:01 > 0:18:05- for a meeting. - Let's get this over with.
0:18:13 > 0:18:14Happy Birthday, Ron.
0:18:15 > 0:18:18Ann said you had a big party...
0:18:18 > 0:18:19sombreros, karaoke.
0:18:19 > 0:18:21Yeah, I did that for Ann.
0:18:21 > 0:18:23Why would I throw Ron Swanson an Ann Perkins party?
0:18:23 > 0:18:26What about the giant list of things April was doing?
0:18:26 > 0:18:29That was just a list of ways to mess with you.
0:18:29 > 0:18:31- She do 'em all? - She did indeed.
0:18:33 > 0:18:36So I have rented Bridge on the River Kwai
0:18:36 > 0:18:38and The Dirty Dozen.
0:18:38 > 0:18:40Artie from security is outside the door,
0:18:40 > 0:18:42so no-one will bother you.
0:18:42 > 0:18:44And a cab will be here whenever you're ready
0:18:44 > 0:18:45to take you home.
0:18:47 > 0:18:49Thank you.
0:18:49 > 0:18:51Do you remember what you said to me five years ago
0:18:51 > 0:18:53when Eagleton offered me that job,
0:18:53 > 0:18:55and I asked you for your advice?
0:18:55 > 0:18:57Uh, "do whatever the hell you want. What do I care?"
0:18:57 > 0:18:59Right, but then, after,
0:18:59 > 0:19:01when I pressed you, what did you say?
0:19:02 > 0:19:04I believe I said
0:19:04 > 0:19:06that I thought we worked well together
0:19:06 > 0:19:09and that I might disagree with your philosophy,
0:19:09 > 0:19:11but I respected you.
0:19:11 > 0:19:12And I said that you'll get
0:19:12 > 0:19:15a lot of job offers in your life,
0:19:15 > 0:19:17but you only have one hometown.
0:19:17 > 0:19:18Yes.
0:19:18 > 0:19:21That's how I remember it.
0:19:24 > 0:19:27This, by the way, is a one-time-only situation.
0:19:27 > 0:19:30Next year, your birthday party is going to be a rager.
0:19:35 > 0:19:36Mmm!
0:19:43 > 0:19:45Mmm.