0:00:02 > 0:00:04- I need you to come to the Snakehole Lounge tonight to help me. - Tonight's not good.
0:00:04 > 0:00:06- No can do.- I'm on a cleanse.
0:00:06 > 0:00:08Please. This is important.
0:00:08 > 0:00:12I'm launching my new high-end, Kahlua-style liqueur,
0:00:12 > 0:00:13Snakejuice.
0:00:13 > 0:00:16Sounds like you took a snake and twisted it like a rag
0:00:16 > 0:00:18until its blood and guts came out.
0:00:18 > 0:00:19- HE CHUCKLES - Eww.
0:00:19 > 0:00:22- What does "Kahlua-style" mean? - I mix a bunch of alcohol together,
0:00:22 > 0:00:24I add some sugar and coffee and some other junk,
0:00:24 > 0:00:26and it kind of tastes like Kahlua.
0:00:26 > 0:00:28I can only drink warm tap water with Cayenne pepper.
0:00:28 > 0:00:31Fine. Then don't drink it. Just get other people to drink it, OK?
0:00:31 > 0:00:35Meeting in one hour. If you don't make it, you're on my done-zo list.
0:00:35 > 0:00:37Uh, what's a done-zo list?
0:00:37 > 0:00:39It means you and I...are done-zo.
0:00:39 > 0:00:42Hanging out, getting food together - done-zo.
0:00:42 > 0:00:44You want to come to my house and play video games? Done-zo.
0:00:44 > 0:00:46"Hey, Tom, you want to come play putt-putt with me?"
0:00:46 > 0:00:48No, we're done-zo.
0:00:48 > 0:00:51Babe, we got to make that meeting.
0:01:10 > 0:01:12All right, let's start with the personal stuff. How's Jessie?
0:01:12 > 0:01:15- Who?- The photographer guy. - Oh, yeah.
0:01:15 > 0:01:19- We broke up. I didn't tell you that? - Mm-mm! Why? I liked him.
0:01:19 > 0:01:21Yeah, I did too. I just... I couldn't deal with his face.
0:01:21 > 0:01:25Huh. Do you think I could get that book back that I loaned him?
0:01:25 > 0:01:28Oh, well, I'm technically "out of the country."
0:01:28 > 0:01:31So I would have to call him from a weird number.
0:01:31 > 0:01:32- Oh.- Sorry.
0:01:32 > 0:01:33Never mind.
0:01:33 > 0:01:35But I'm seeing this new guy, Mattias.
0:01:35 > 0:01:37You would love him. He's a triple Pisces.
0:01:37 > 0:01:40- Uh-oh, looks like someone's gonna be late for her meeting.- I'll race you.
0:01:40 > 0:01:42Really? Isn't that a little childish?
0:01:42 > 0:01:45Oh, ha-ha. Bye, Ann. Sorry, got to go. Hey, move!
0:01:45 > 0:01:48Oh! Councilman Howser, sorry. Nice to see you as always.
0:01:48 > 0:01:50Bye.
0:01:50 > 0:01:52Welcome to Guerilla Marketing 101.
0:01:52 > 0:01:54What is Guerilla Marketing?
0:01:54 > 0:01:56A few ordinary schmoes - no offence -
0:01:56 > 0:01:59have a casual conversation next to some guy
0:01:59 > 0:02:01about how great Snakejuice is.
0:02:01 > 0:02:04Next thing you know, that guy orders a whole bottle of Snakejuice,
0:02:04 > 0:02:05and he has no idea why.
0:02:05 > 0:02:10Ron is going to play our exciting Snakejuice drinker,
0:02:10 > 0:02:11AKA Brian Thunder.
0:02:11 > 0:02:14Jerry, you'll be playing a boring beer drinker.
0:02:14 > 0:02:16Your name will be Jerry.
0:02:16 > 0:02:20Your talking points are high-end, VIP, lifestyle.
0:02:20 > 0:02:22All right, let's run through it once.
0:02:22 > 0:02:23And action!
0:02:23 > 0:02:26"The weather has been so weird lately.
0:02:26 > 0:02:28"Hey, let me buy you all a drink."
0:02:28 > 0:02:30"I'll take something basic like a beer."
0:02:30 > 0:02:32"Yeah, I'm pretty...
0:02:32 > 0:02:34"boring.
0:02:34 > 0:02:36"So I'll take a beer, too."
0:02:36 > 0:02:40"Not me. I want this night to get K-razzy."
0:02:40 > 0:02:42"C-ra-zy."
0:02:42 > 0:02:44Like crazy.
0:02:46 > 0:02:48- FLATLY:- "I want this night to get c-ra-zy.
0:02:48 > 0:02:50"Get me a shot of Snakejuice.
0:02:50 > 0:02:52"I hear it has a dope aftertaste."
0:02:52 > 0:02:55All right, that's gonna be a cut. Um,
0:02:55 > 0:02:56Ron, you got to say it like you mean it.
0:02:56 > 0:02:59I won't publicly endorse a product
0:02:59 > 0:03:01unless I use it exclusively and I really believe in it.
0:03:01 > 0:03:05My only official recommendations are US Army-issued moustache trimmers,
0:03:05 > 0:03:11Morton's Salt, and the CR Laurence Fein two-inch, axe-style scraper oscillating knife blade.
0:03:11 > 0:03:15We need to find a new PR Director for the Health Department.
0:03:15 > 0:03:16Dennis Cooper was fired today.
0:03:16 > 0:03:18Why?
0:03:18 > 0:03:19Short answer - he went bananas.
0:03:19 > 0:03:22Long answer - his wife Jan had an affair,
0:03:22 > 0:03:23gave him a venereal disease,
0:03:23 > 0:03:26so he put signs about her all through City Hall.
0:03:26 > 0:03:28- I'm sure you've seen them. BOTH:- Oh, yeah.
0:03:34 > 0:03:37"The Department of Health congratulates Jan Cooper,
0:03:37 > 0:03:38"Miss Chlamydia."
0:03:38 > 0:03:41"Jan, I love you. Please come back.
0:03:41 > 0:03:43"I realise that I'm not blameless here.
0:03:43 > 0:03:44"Please.
0:03:46 > 0:03:48"Brought to you by the Health Department."
0:03:48 > 0:03:51"Re-elect Jan Cooper, Mayor of Whoreville."
0:03:51 > 0:03:54Leslie, I want you to help us choose a replacement.
0:03:54 > 0:03:57Parks and Health work closely on outdoor programmes and exercise initiatives.
0:03:57 > 0:03:59- Ann should do it.- Ann Perkins?
0:03:59 > 0:04:02Pawnee is looking for a new PR Director for the Health Department,
0:04:02 > 0:04:06and I submitted your name. You have an interview tomorrow at 9am
0:04:06 > 0:04:09- 9am - wow.- Yes, I know. I couldn't get it earlier.
0:04:09 > 0:04:10- I'm... I am...- Grateful. I know.
0:04:10 > 0:04:13You can thank me later. But first you need to go over your homework.
0:04:13 > 0:04:18These are all the health initiatives the city has ever undertaken since the 1960s.
0:04:18 > 0:04:20So you need to partially memorise that.
0:04:20 > 0:04:23And it's gonna be a long night, so I got you some energy drinks
0:04:23 > 0:04:25and some chocolate-covered espresso beans
0:04:25 > 0:04:27and the book Freedom by Jonathan Franzen.
0:04:27 > 0:04:31- Why am I reading this?- Because I'm almost done with it, Ann, and I want to talk to you about Patty.
0:04:31 > 0:04:33OK, deep breath. SHE INHALES CURTLY
0:04:33 > 0:04:34BOTH EXHALE DEEPLY
0:04:34 > 0:04:36OK, I've been a nurse for over ten years.
0:04:36 > 0:04:38It's not something you just quit.
0:04:38 > 0:04:40I understand.
0:04:40 > 0:04:43I just think with this new job, you could make a difference.
0:04:43 > 0:04:44Make real change happen.
0:04:44 > 0:04:47Plus, we'd be working in the same building.
0:04:47 > 0:04:49No more lightning-round catch-up sessions.
0:04:49 > 0:04:51It would be nice to have an office.
0:04:51 > 0:04:55Let's be honest - it would be nice to not have to pull strange things out of people's butts every night.
0:04:55 > 0:04:57You've mentioned that before. That doesn't happen that often.
0:04:57 > 0:04:58- It happened once.- Just once.
0:04:58 > 0:05:00That already is too many times.
0:05:00 > 0:05:02Ugh. I hate talking,
0:05:02 > 0:05:05to people about things. This is a nightmare.
0:05:05 > 0:05:07Ugh. I'm grouchy.
0:05:07 > 0:05:09Well, we have to support Tom.
0:05:09 > 0:05:11Think about it as role-playing.
0:05:12 > 0:05:14That makes it sexy.
0:05:14 > 0:05:17- That could be fun. - Ha! Really?
0:05:17 > 0:05:20- Can I use a weird voice and try to freak people out?- Yes.- OK.
0:05:20 > 0:05:23Then, er, next time you see me,
0:05:23 > 0:05:25I'll be a stranger.
0:05:29 > 0:05:31Snakejuice! What? Here?
0:05:31 > 0:05:34High-end, VIP, exclusive.
0:05:34 > 0:05:37- Hey, how's it going? - I think it's going OK.
0:05:37 > 0:05:39People better buy this stuff, or else I'm gonna be screwed.
0:05:39 > 0:05:42- It's gonna be fine. People will definitely buy it.- Uh-oh! Uh-oh!
0:05:42 > 0:05:44# K to the N to the O-P-E
0:05:44 > 0:05:47# She's the dopest little shorty in all Pawnee, Indiana. #
0:05:47 > 0:05:50- Why didn't you just stop at "Pawnee"?- Leslie Knope, seriously,
0:05:50 > 0:05:51you get sexier every day.
0:05:51 > 0:05:53And that is not a line. That is for real.
0:05:53 > 0:05:55Aw, Jean-Ralphio.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57Well, I know tonight's gonna be a big success,
0:05:57 > 0:06:00and I wish I could stay - I really do - but I have to go help Ann.
0:06:00 > 0:06:02She's gonna be up all night cramming for a big job interview.
0:06:02 > 0:06:03She might be up all night,
0:06:03 > 0:06:05but I think someone else is gonna be doing the cramming.
0:06:05 > 0:06:07Uh-oh. Whoop!
0:06:07 > 0:06:10HIP-HOP MUSIC
0:06:13 > 0:06:14- Hey.- Hey.
0:06:14 > 0:06:16- I'm so happy to see you. - I'm seeing you here.
0:06:16 > 0:06:18- Yes.- Yes, I'm surprised.
0:06:18 > 0:06:20I thought maybe you'd be home preparing for tomorrow.
0:06:20 > 0:06:24Oh, well, there was way too much stuff for me to read tonight, anyway.
0:06:24 > 0:06:28I mean, it was a ridiculous amount of stuff that you gave me.
0:06:28 > 0:06:31Oh. But you are going in for the interview tomorrow?
0:06:31 > 0:06:32I think so.
0:06:34 > 0:06:37Uh-oh. Is there enough room for some "man-aise"
0:06:37 > 0:06:39in this lady sandwich?
0:06:39 > 0:06:42- Oh.- Leslie, this is my friend Howard Tuttleman.
0:06:42 > 0:06:44Oh, please. Call me The Douche.
0:06:44 > 0:06:47You probably know me from my morning radio show on 93.7,
0:06:47 > 0:06:49Crazy Ira and The Douche.
0:06:49 > 0:06:52Yeah, I-I have met you before. I actually was on your show once...
0:06:52 > 0:06:55Wait! Were you on the show where we had that stripper do math?
0:06:55 > 0:06:56Classic, right?
0:06:56 > 0:06:59DANCE MUSIC
0:07:00 > 0:07:03Hello, strange person who I have never met before.
0:07:03 > 0:07:05Who are you?
0:07:05 > 0:07:06I'm Janet Snakehole.
0:07:06 > 0:07:08I'm a very rich widow with a terrible secret.
0:07:08 > 0:07:09Who are you?
0:07:09 > 0:07:12Bert Macklin, FBI.
0:07:12 > 0:07:13I was the best damn agent they had
0:07:13 > 0:07:15until I was framed for a crime I didn't commit...
0:07:15 > 0:07:18- SHE GASPS - Stealing the president's rubies.
0:07:18 > 0:07:20Now I work alone.
0:07:20 > 0:07:22Lovely to meet you.
0:07:22 > 0:07:24I got to admit, er, I thought your costume
0:07:24 > 0:07:26would maybe be a little bit sluttier.
0:07:26 > 0:07:27How dare you?
0:07:29 > 0:07:30Nice.
0:07:30 > 0:07:32Gentlemen.
0:07:32 > 0:07:35- Swan song, how you living?- Yes.
0:07:35 > 0:07:37Why aren't you holding a Snakejuice?
0:07:37 > 0:07:38I'm more of a whisky man.
0:07:38 > 0:07:39Ron-Ron, come here.
0:07:39 > 0:07:41Come here for a bit. You're good right there.
0:07:41 > 0:07:44Listen, you got to jump on the Tommytown Express.
0:07:44 > 0:07:47This guy has some of the best investment ideas I've ever heard in my life.
0:07:47 > 0:07:49Make a baby tuxedo clothing line.
0:07:49 > 0:07:52A department store with a guest list.
0:07:52 > 0:07:54White fur ear muffs for men.
0:07:54 > 0:07:56Contact lenses that display text messages.
0:07:56 > 0:07:58Invent a phone that smells good.
0:07:58 > 0:08:01Own a nightclub called Eclipse
0:08:01 > 0:08:04that's only open for one hour two times a year.
0:08:04 > 0:08:08Cover charge - 5,000.
0:08:08 > 0:08:09I can keep going.
0:08:09 > 0:08:11How about this, Ron?
0:08:11 > 0:08:12Try Snakejuice.
0:08:12 > 0:08:14If you like it, you got to talk it up all night.
0:08:14 > 0:08:18If you don't, I'll shave Jean-Ralphio's head.
0:08:19 > 0:08:21Yeah, I'd like to see that. Hit me.
0:08:22 > 0:08:25A lot riding on this.
0:08:27 > 0:08:29Damn, if that isn't delicious.
0:08:29 > 0:08:31Oh!
0:08:31 > 0:08:33# R to the O to the N-N-N
0:08:33 > 0:08:36# I say Swanson's got swagger the size of Big Ben clock. #
0:08:36 > 0:08:37Dude, you got to end it on the rhyme.
0:08:37 > 0:08:40- I know what I have to do.- You had it at "Ben."- I know. I got it.
0:08:41 > 0:08:44You think I haven't been around the world?
0:08:44 > 0:08:46I've been everywhere, darling. I'm a very wealthy woman.
0:08:46 > 0:08:49My husband's kept me in the finest clothes
0:08:49 > 0:08:50from Bergdorf Goodman, you see.
0:08:50 > 0:08:53- Freeze! FBI!- No! Leave me alone!
0:08:53 > 0:08:56- Hands in the air! - I didn't kill anybody!
0:08:56 > 0:08:58And I didn't burn down the mill either. My sister did.
0:08:58 > 0:09:00But now she's been eaten by wolves!
0:09:00 > 0:09:01SHE SOBS
0:09:01 > 0:09:03Nothing to see here.
0:09:03 > 0:09:07- So how did you two meet? - We met at the supermarket.
0:09:07 > 0:09:08Used my classic pick-up line.
0:09:08 > 0:09:11If you're looking for douches, they're in aisle me.
0:09:11 > 0:09:13- Awesome.- Yeah.
0:09:13 > 0:09:17Oh, hey, by the way, I don't think I can get that book back from, um, whatshisname.
0:09:17 > 0:09:19Oh, that's OK. I mean, I should've known better
0:09:19 > 0:09:21than to loan something to one of your boyfriends.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23They come and go so fast.
0:09:23 > 0:09:25Uh, what are you saying, exactly?
0:09:25 > 0:09:27Well, I mean, let's be honest. How long is it gonna last with this guy?
0:09:27 > 0:09:30- Sitting right here.- I don't know. He's dumb, but he's fun.
0:09:30 > 0:09:31Thank you.
0:09:31 > 0:09:35I mean, the whole point of dating around is you get to try on a bunch of different hats.
0:09:35 > 0:09:37Well, this hat is an idiot.
0:09:37 > 0:09:38Ha-ha. Classic!
0:09:38 > 0:09:41Leslie, are you mad that I came here?
0:09:41 > 0:09:42What? No.
0:09:42 > 0:09:44I'm not... Are you... You seem mad at me.
0:09:44 > 0:09:46No, I'm not... I'm not mad at you.
0:09:46 > 0:09:48- I'm not mad at you.- I'm not mad at all.- Neither am I.- No.
0:09:50 > 0:09:52Looks like you two need to kiss and make up.
0:09:52 > 0:09:54- All right.- Reow!
0:09:54 > 0:09:57Hello. My name is Ron Swanson.
0:09:57 > 0:09:59In general, I try never to speak with people,
0:09:59 > 0:10:02but I have been drinking this Snakejuice thing,
0:10:02 > 0:10:03and it's damn good.
0:10:03 > 0:10:05You should buy it.
0:10:05 > 0:10:06Yeah, OK. Thanks, man.
0:10:06 > 0:10:09Son, you should know that my recommendation
0:10:09 > 0:10:11is essentially a guarantee.
0:10:11 > 0:10:12Drink this, now.
0:10:12 > 0:10:15HIP-HOP MUSIC
0:10:15 > 0:10:18Traegermeister! You made it.
0:10:18 > 0:10:21Yeah, I got your e-mail. We need to talk.
0:10:21 > 0:10:24First off, though, try a little Snakejuice.
0:10:24 > 0:10:27It's 140 proof, which means it's 70% alcohol.
0:10:27 > 0:10:30But don't worry. There's plenty caffeine in it to keep you awake.
0:10:30 > 0:10:33I believe an ounce of that would literally kill me.
0:10:33 > 0:10:38You e-mailed everyone at City Hall and told them to come to a club
0:10:38 > 0:10:41that you own to buy alcohol that you invented.
0:10:41 > 0:10:44Government employees can't use their power
0:10:44 > 0:10:45to enhance their personal wealth.
0:10:45 > 0:10:48I totally get your point, Chris. It won't happen again.
0:10:48 > 0:10:50I just don't see any way around it.
0:10:50 > 0:10:53- You're gonna have to sell your shares in the Snakehole.- No!
0:10:53 > 0:10:55T-pain, this guy bothering you?
0:10:55 > 0:10:57- This is my boss.- OK, yeah.
0:10:57 > 0:10:59- You want me to write a rap about your name?- Yes.
0:10:59 > 0:11:01# B to the O to the double-S
0:11:01 > 0:11:05- # Do what he say and you'll be successful.- #
0:11:05 > 0:11:09No offence, but maybe you think I'm going too fast cos you're going too slow with Ben.
0:11:09 > 0:11:11No offence, but I'm going slow because I might lose my job.
0:11:11 > 0:11:15OK, no offence, but maybe that's a little bit of an excuse for not acting on your feelings.
0:11:15 > 0:11:18No offence, but I don't remember you having a nursing degree in feelings.
0:11:18 > 0:11:19Offence! That's rude.
0:11:19 > 0:11:21I'm gonna go dance.
0:11:21 > 0:11:22Douche, you're up.
0:11:22 > 0:11:24Uh, er. Mmm.
0:11:24 > 0:11:26Hey, are you OK? I heard yelling.
0:11:26 > 0:11:28Yeah, I'm very angry, and I'm really drunk.
0:11:28 > 0:11:31Do you want to dance with me? Go get me another "snorkjuice."
0:11:31 > 0:11:33Oh, that's maybe not the best idea for you.
0:11:33 > 0:11:35Forget it. Jean-Ralphio!
0:11:35 > 0:11:36- Yes, I'm here.- Dance up on me.
0:11:36 > 0:11:38Yes, yes, yes.
0:11:38 > 0:11:41'This is my first fight with Ann, and it's a doozy.'
0:11:41 > 0:11:44But I believe that honest discussions between friends
0:11:44 > 0:11:45can lead to deeper intimacy.
0:11:45 > 0:11:47This is a watershed moment in our relationship,
0:11:47 > 0:11:49and it's important that we fight clean.
0:11:49 > 0:11:53All I need to do is focus and stay calm.
0:11:53 > 0:11:55You're stupid and you're drunk and you're stupid.
0:11:56 > 0:11:59Oh! I don't understand how this is my fault.
0:11:59 > 0:12:01It's not... Everything isn't your fault all the time.
0:12:01 > 0:12:03Don't always make everything your fault.
0:12:03 > 0:12:06Good! It's not all my fault. I'm not the stupid jerk.
0:12:06 > 0:12:08- I'm not the one who's being a stupid jerk.- I didn't mean it like that.
0:12:08 > 0:12:11You know I didn't mean it like that. I just meant you were being stupid,
0:12:11 > 0:12:13and you were acting like a jerk.
0:12:13 > 0:12:15Look, I'm sorry that I thought about you for the job, OK?
0:12:15 > 0:12:17But sometimes if I don't push you in the right direction,
0:12:17 > 0:12:19you end up standing still.
0:12:19 > 0:12:21I was just trying to do you a favour.
0:12:21 > 0:12:24Enough with your favours, OK?
0:12:24 > 0:12:25Stop.
0:12:29 > 0:12:31Maybe we shouldn't work together, then.
0:12:31 > 0:12:34Maybe we shouldn't.
0:12:36 > 0:12:39Every time I cleanse, I can literally
0:12:39 > 0:12:41feel the toxins leaving my body.
0:12:41 > 0:12:43I know! I feel so much healthier.
0:12:43 > 0:12:46I've still got a full week to go before the broth stage.
0:12:46 > 0:12:49Mmm! Pre-broth is an amazing stage.
0:12:49 > 0:12:51It's when you're most alert.
0:12:51 > 0:12:53Good. Someone needs to be alert tonight.
0:12:53 > 0:12:56This Snakejuice is basically rat poison.
0:12:56 > 0:12:57Everybody's wasted.
0:12:57 > 0:13:00You don't even know one thing. I didn't even say one thing.
0:13:00 > 0:13:02And then she asked me the whole thing, and I didn't even do it once.
0:13:02 > 0:13:04I'm like an elephant, OK?
0:13:04 > 0:13:07If I walk into a room, it's like, "OK, he's in there."
0:13:08 > 0:13:10- Ba-ba booey. - HE CHUCKLES
0:13:12 > 0:13:14Turn this music down.
0:13:14 > 0:13:17# Farts and poop and love and stuff
0:13:19 > 0:13:22# Macaroni salad... #
0:13:22 > 0:13:26SHE SPEAKS SPANISH-SOUNDING GIBBERISH
0:13:26 > 0:13:29UPBEAT HIP-HOP MUSIC
0:13:31 > 0:13:33- Is this everybody? - Ann took a cab.
0:13:33 > 0:13:35Tom's in the trunk. Jerry's on the roof.
0:13:35 > 0:13:37All right, where to first?
0:13:37 > 0:13:39Your mother's butt.
0:13:39 > 0:13:41LAUGHTER
0:13:41 > 0:13:43I'm so alone.
0:13:43 > 0:13:45If even one of you thinks about dry heaving in my car,
0:13:45 > 0:13:47you're all walking home.
0:13:50 > 0:13:51Leslie.
0:13:51 > 0:13:52I'm here.
0:13:55 > 0:13:57We have to go hire a new PR Director for the Health Department.
0:13:57 > 0:13:59Oh, my God. I'm so hung over.
0:13:59 > 0:14:01I've never been this hung over.
0:14:01 > 0:14:03I feel great. I ran 5k this morning.
0:14:03 > 0:14:04Really?
0:14:04 > 0:14:06No, I threw up in the shower.
0:14:06 > 0:14:08Top of the morning, everyone.
0:14:08 > 0:14:12I brought some burgers and fries.
0:14:12 > 0:14:13Eat up.
0:14:13 > 0:14:15The protein soaks up the sugar.
0:14:15 > 0:14:16HE WHISTLES
0:14:16 > 0:14:20First, you take the cow to the killing floor.
0:14:20 > 0:14:22Well, I am out of questions.
0:14:22 > 0:14:24Thank you. We will let you know.
0:14:26 > 0:14:30- Then our heads will explode, and we will die.- Oh, God.- Oh.
0:14:30 > 0:14:32I cannot believe that fight I had with Ann.
0:14:32 > 0:14:34Look, I'm sure you guys can work it out.
0:14:34 > 0:14:38I owe her, like, a million apologies.
0:14:38 > 0:14:40I think I owe you one, too.
0:14:40 > 0:14:42- I'm sorry.- For what?
0:14:42 > 0:14:44I don't know.
0:14:45 > 0:14:46Are you OK?
0:14:46 > 0:14:50No, I'm sad.
0:14:56 > 0:14:58- Say, thanks, chum.- Ugh.
0:14:58 > 0:15:02- I'll get those papers delivered for you.- Whatever.
0:15:02 > 0:15:03Posthaste.
0:15:04 > 0:15:07The doctor says it's probably not serious, but it might be.
0:15:07 > 0:15:10Oh, Kyle, please stop talking.
0:15:10 > 0:15:13Why, isn't it Bert Macklin?
0:15:13 > 0:15:15What are you doing here, and who is this sorry Charlie?
0:15:15 > 0:15:18I'm Janet Snakehole. I demand answers, and I want them now.
0:15:18 > 0:15:22Honey, please. I love you. No offence...
0:15:22 > 0:15:23but Bert Macklin died last night
0:15:23 > 0:15:25after the tenth shot of Snakejuice.
0:15:27 > 0:15:29OK. Sorry.
0:15:31 > 0:15:33Miss Snakehole.
0:15:35 > 0:15:37You think I'd let you get away that easily?
0:15:37 > 0:15:40Bert Macklin may be dead,
0:15:40 > 0:15:42but I'm his brother...
0:15:42 > 0:15:44Kip Hackman.
0:15:44 > 0:15:47Why wouldn't you have his same last name?
0:15:47 > 0:15:48Shut up, Kyle.
0:15:48 > 0:15:51I know you boosted those paintings.
0:15:51 > 0:15:54Maybe it was me, but I'll never tell you where they are.
0:15:54 > 0:15:56And you'll never have my body either.
0:16:01 > 0:16:05Sorry to hear the news, Tom. We're gonna miss you around the club.
0:16:05 > 0:16:07Hey, you own shares, too. Why didn't Chris make you sell?
0:16:07 > 0:16:09Cos Chris doesn't know.
0:16:09 > 0:16:10You know what?
0:16:10 > 0:16:13Snitches get stitches.
0:16:13 > 0:16:16- Donna, come on.- Don't.
0:16:16 > 0:16:17I'm a natural money maker.
0:16:17 > 0:16:20I got into government for the connections.
0:16:20 > 0:16:22This was supposed to be a thing that led to the other thing.
0:16:22 > 0:16:24It's like when Vin did Boiler Room.
0:16:24 > 0:16:27- That's what lead to him being XXX and...- And Furious. Yeah, I know.
0:16:27 > 0:16:29Listen, I don't like all this negativity, man.
0:16:29 > 0:16:32Why don't you turn that frizz-own upside-dizz-ity? Huh?
0:16:32 > 0:16:33This sucks, man.
0:16:33 > 0:16:35KNOCK AT DOOR
0:16:36 > 0:16:38Oh.
0:16:38 > 0:16:40You're wearing snow pants.
0:16:40 > 0:16:44I got home last night and I thought I might go sledding.
0:16:45 > 0:16:46Can I come in?
0:16:46 > 0:16:48- Yeah, if you're quiet.- OK.
0:16:48 > 0:16:51SHE GROANS
0:16:51 > 0:16:52Er, Leslie doesn't know I'm here.
0:16:52 > 0:16:55Oh, God. So high school.
0:16:55 > 0:16:58I can't believe that Leslie and I got drunk in a bar
0:16:58 > 0:16:59and fought about boys.
0:16:59 > 0:17:01We're so much better than that.
0:17:01 > 0:17:06I just keep having flashes of things that we said to each other.
0:17:06 > 0:17:08And she's so important to me.
0:17:08 > 0:17:10I feel like such a dick.
0:17:10 > 0:17:11I know she feels awful.
0:17:11 > 0:17:14I mean, technically, we all do.
0:17:14 > 0:17:18Yeah. What the hell is in Snakejuice - Demerol?
0:17:18 > 0:17:20All I know is Leslie's always talking
0:17:20 > 0:17:23about how lucky she is to have you as a friend.
0:17:23 > 0:17:27And I just... wanted you to know that.
0:17:27 > 0:17:29You're nice.
0:17:29 > 0:17:31I can see why she likes you.
0:17:31 > 0:17:34When did she say... Likes me?
0:17:34 > 0:17:36Oh, God. This is so high school.
0:17:36 > 0:17:39Just rent a limo, ask her to the prom.
0:17:39 > 0:17:40I'm sure she'll say yes.
0:17:40 > 0:17:42All right. Thanks.
0:17:42 > 0:17:44So let me get this straight.
0:17:44 > 0:17:47Tom tries to get off the Government teat,
0:17:47 > 0:17:48and we punish him.
0:17:48 > 0:17:50That doesn't make any sense to me.
0:17:50 > 0:17:52I'm sorry. Rules are rules.
0:17:52 > 0:17:54I wish there was something we could do.
0:17:54 > 0:17:56Ben, is there something we can do?
0:17:56 > 0:17:57Damn it. Ben's not here.
0:17:57 > 0:17:59Tom's not scamming anyone.
0:17:59 > 0:18:01He's not savvy enough to manipulate the system like that.
0:18:01 > 0:18:04He's just a kid chasing a goofy dream.
0:18:04 > 0:18:06I'm sorry. My hands are tied.
0:18:08 > 0:18:11Jan Cooper was a terrible wife.
0:18:11 > 0:18:12I just want everybody to know that.
0:18:12 > 0:18:14Thank you, Dennis.
0:18:14 > 0:18:17But we can't give you your job back.
0:18:17 > 0:18:19You sound just like her.
0:18:19 > 0:18:21- That was unpleasant.- Yeah.
0:18:21 > 0:18:23All right, who's next?
0:18:23 > 0:18:24You came!
0:18:24 > 0:18:26Yeah, I had some encouragement.
0:18:27 > 0:18:30Your sweater's on inside out.
0:18:31 > 0:18:32And backwards.
0:18:32 > 0:18:33It's been a tough morning.
0:18:33 > 0:18:36Lots of regret and shame.
0:18:36 > 0:18:39That should be the official slogan for Snakejuice.
0:18:39 > 0:18:42LESLIE CLEARS THROAT Well, er, this committee would like to ask
0:18:42 > 0:18:45if you are the kind of candidate who could forgive someone
0:18:45 > 0:18:47after they've behaved like a complete jackass.
0:18:47 > 0:18:49This candidate could,
0:18:49 > 0:18:53especially because this candidate also behaved
0:18:53 > 0:18:54like a total jackass.
0:18:54 > 0:18:58Please, don't worry about it. The committee totally understands.
0:18:58 > 0:19:01Also, I can talk about my qualifications
0:19:01 > 0:19:02for this position.
0:19:02 > 0:19:06But first, I am gonna go throw up in a waste basket.
0:19:06 > 0:19:08- Would you mind if I joined you? - Not at all.
0:19:08 > 0:19:10Shall we?
0:19:12 > 0:19:15'Ann came in the next day and had a second interview with Chris.
0:19:15 > 0:19:17'She nailed it, of course.
0:19:17 > 0:19:19'But she doesn't want to totally leave her job.
0:19:19 > 0:19:21'So they struck up a deal.
0:19:21 > 0:19:23'She works at City Hall part-time and two days a week,
0:19:23 > 0:19:26'she still gets to be the greatest nurse in the world.'
0:19:26 > 0:19:27Win-win.
0:19:27 > 0:19:30'We need to remember what's important in life -
0:19:30 > 0:19:34'friends, waffles, and work.'
0:19:34 > 0:19:37Or waffles, friends, work - it doesn't matter. But work is third.
0:19:37 > 0:19:39'So listen, Crazy Ira, check this out, OK?
0:19:39 > 0:19:42'I'm at this club last night just killing it - the Snakehole Lounge.
0:19:42 > 0:19:45'Oh, yeah, is that a gay club?
0:19:45 > 0:19:46- CAMP:- 'Hello!
0:19:46 > 0:19:49'Ha-ha! Shut up, ass. Come on, man.
0:19:49 > 0:19:54'So I'm dancing on the floor with this super-hot chick.
0:19:54 > 0:19:55'Me so horny!
0:19:55 > 0:19:58- 'More like a dude, I bet. - CAMP:- Hello?
0:19:58 > 0:20:00Did you wet your whistle?
0:20:00 > 0:20:02- SLIDE WHISTLE - 'I wish.
0:20:02 > 0:20:03'Me likey.
0:20:03 > 0:20:06'No, no, no, no. She spent the whole night talking to her friend,
0:20:06 > 0:20:08- 'arguing about their feelings.' - That's me!
0:20:08 > 0:20:10'Who knows? She's probably a lesbian.
0:20:10 > 0:20:13'They were in the bathroom a LONG time.'