0:00:02 > 0:00:03DISCO MUSIC PLAYING
0:00:06 > 0:00:09Hey, ladies and gentlemen, for the first time ever in her new part-time job
0:00:09 > 0:00:13in the Public Health Department at City Hall, it's Ann Meredith Perkins! Yay!
0:00:13 > 0:00:15Leslie, this is so nice!
0:00:15 > 0:00:17I put a poisonous gas in one of these balloons,
0:00:17 > 0:00:18so if any of them pops, you may die.
0:00:18 > 0:00:21No, April, we would all die.
0:00:21 > 0:00:25Gases fill the volume of whatever container they're in.
0:00:25 > 0:00:26School.
0:00:26 > 0:00:28We have activities every hour on your first day.
0:00:28 > 0:00:3110am, "Ann's first day waffle explosion."
0:00:31 > 0:00:3311am, "The start-paperwork jamboree."
0:00:33 > 0:00:38And then 12 noon sharp is the inaugural "D-Ann-ce Party."
0:00:38 > 0:00:39Welcome to City Hall, cupcake!
0:00:39 > 0:00:42- How many of you are in here? - There's seven.
0:00:42 > 0:00:45And you have an office mate. His name is Stuart, and he's kind of a grouch.
0:00:45 > 0:00:46I have an office mate?
0:00:46 > 0:00:49- Get these- BLEEP- balloons out of here.
0:00:49 > 0:00:51Hi. I'm Ann.
0:01:10 > 0:01:12- Hey.- Hey.
0:01:12 > 0:01:14Just to let you know, I gave the senior centre project to Donna.
0:01:14 > 0:01:16Sounds good. The meeting's at two o'clock?
0:01:16 > 0:01:18Yes. Conference room C.
0:01:18 > 0:01:20OK. I think at some point,
0:01:20 > 0:01:22you and I should probably make out with each other.
0:01:22 > 0:01:23Yeah, good call.
0:01:23 > 0:01:26The best part of any relationship is the beginning.
0:01:26 > 0:01:27No problems, no fights.
0:01:27 > 0:01:32Just white wine, cuddling, and crazy amounts of
0:01:32 > 0:01:34History Channel documentaries.
0:01:34 > 0:01:37Hey, we should take separate cars to the restaurant tonight.
0:01:37 > 0:01:40- Chris is deadly serious about this...- I know.
0:01:40 > 0:01:43I just don't want to talk about it, OK? I'll see you tonight.
0:01:43 > 0:01:48OK. By the way, I have a meeting with Marlene Griggs-Knope.
0:01:48 > 0:01:50Is that any relation?
0:01:50 > 0:01:53- No.- Oh, OK.- Just a coincidence.
0:01:53 > 0:01:56We get it all the time. We laugh about it.
0:01:56 > 0:01:57But I've never met her.
0:01:57 > 0:01:59She's Filipino. OK, bye.
0:02:01 > 0:02:04Why don't you just tell Ben she's your mother?
0:02:04 > 0:02:07Because Ben and I are in this amazing little bubble right now,
0:02:07 > 0:02:09and there's no room in here
0:02:09 > 0:02:12for Chris's stupid rules about us not dating or my ball-busting mother.
0:02:12 > 0:02:15Leslie, I'm sorry, but I don't think you thought this through.
0:02:15 > 0:02:17You know what I should do? I should get my mother
0:02:17 > 0:02:19a one-way ticket to London, leaving today.
0:02:19 > 0:02:20And that way, Ben never has to meet her
0:02:20 > 0:02:23and I could visit her in London. Everybody wins.
0:02:23 > 0:02:25What if he sees a picture of her on your desk?
0:02:25 > 0:02:27What if Marlene says, "Hey, have you met my daughter, Leslie?
0:02:27 > 0:02:29"She works in the Parks Department."
0:02:29 > 0:02:32Stuart, please, could you give us, like, 45 minutes?
0:02:32 > 0:02:34- It's my office, too.- Stuart.
0:02:36 > 0:02:37That guy was rude.
0:02:37 > 0:02:39I feel that some structural changes
0:02:39 > 0:02:41could really unlock this department's potential.
0:02:41 > 0:02:42- Jerry.- Mmm?
0:02:42 > 0:02:45I believe you are capable of much more.
0:02:45 > 0:02:47- I'm not.- Nonsense.
0:02:47 > 0:02:49- Look in the mirror.- Huh?
0:02:49 > 0:02:53You are an intelligent, charismatic, beautiful superhero.
0:02:53 > 0:02:55I'm making you head of Public Relations,
0:02:55 > 0:02:58which means you'll be leading the daily briefing sessions.
0:02:58 > 0:02:59Excellent idea.
0:02:59 > 0:03:03This is my favourite part about having a new city manager.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06They always try to shake things up, and their ideas are terrible,
0:03:06 > 0:03:09and it brings City Hall to a grinding halt.
0:03:09 > 0:03:13I just grab a few doughnuts, sit back, and enjoy the show.
0:03:13 > 0:03:16April, you are too valuable
0:03:16 > 0:03:17to just be Ron's assistant.
0:03:17 > 0:03:20So from now on, you are a multitasking executive aide,
0:03:20 > 0:03:21assisting the entire office.
0:03:21 > 0:03:23Is this a nightmare?
0:03:23 > 0:03:25April, wake up.
0:03:25 > 0:03:26Tom, I just want to say
0:03:26 > 0:03:30that you are a wonderful employee, and a terrific human being.
0:03:30 > 0:03:32Meeting adjourned!
0:03:32 > 0:03:34- Tom. - HE LAUGHS
0:03:34 > 0:03:35I enjoy you.
0:03:35 > 0:03:38You know what else I enjoy? Your entrepreneurial spirit.
0:03:38 > 0:03:40I did recently sell my Chronicles Of Riddick DVD
0:03:40 > 0:03:42on eBay for 10.
0:03:42 > 0:03:44Used the profits to buy the Blu-ray.
0:03:44 > 0:03:46That's terrific. I have an amazing project
0:03:46 > 0:03:47for someone of your talents.
0:03:47 > 0:03:49You are going to digitise
0:03:49 > 0:03:51the entire city archives up on the fourth floor.
0:03:51 > 0:03:54No! I hate the fourth floor! Last time I was up there,
0:03:54 > 0:03:57I saw someone buy crystal meth out of a vending machine. It's a bad place.
0:03:57 > 0:03:59You won't be alone. Andy.
0:03:59 > 0:04:02Starting now, you are nobody's shoeshine boy.
0:04:02 > 0:04:06Starting now, you are an administrative assistant.
0:04:06 > 0:04:08For three weeks. Then back to shoes.
0:04:08 > 0:04:10Chris!
0:04:10 > 0:04:12I wasn't super paying attention to what you just said
0:04:12 > 0:04:15that we'll be doing, but I will give 110%!
0:04:15 > 0:04:18As soon as you repeat yourself in a more interesting way.
0:04:18 > 0:04:20Hey, Ben.
0:04:20 > 0:04:22- Hey, what's up?- Nothing much. Since I'm here, I just wanted
0:04:22 > 0:04:25to let you know that Marlene Griggs-Knope is my mom.
0:04:25 > 0:04:27What? Wh... Why...?
0:04:27 > 0:04:29Also, she can be cruel and difficult,
0:04:29 > 0:04:31and she makes snap judgements about people
0:04:31 > 0:04:32that she holds on to for a very long time.
0:04:32 > 0:04:35And she's kind of a bully. OK! Go in there, you're going to be great.
0:04:35 > 0:04:39Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I'm sorry. Here. Sorry!
0:04:39 > 0:04:40Hello.
0:04:40 > 0:04:41I'm Mr Ben Wyatt.
0:04:41 > 0:04:44Looks like you got some shirt on your coffee.
0:04:44 > 0:04:45Yeah. You know what happened?
0:04:45 > 0:04:49I spilled it, but you know how it goes.
0:04:49 > 0:04:50Fun anecdote.
0:04:50 > 0:04:53The county school district needs four new school buses.
0:04:53 > 0:04:55I'm being stonewalled by the board,
0:04:55 > 0:04:57and I'm hoping your office can help us out.
0:04:57 > 0:04:59OK.
0:04:59 > 0:05:01Really? That's it?
0:05:01 > 0:05:04Yeah. Actually, no. It...
0:05:04 > 0:05:06It's probably not possible.
0:05:06 > 0:05:08Then I'm confused, Ben,
0:05:08 > 0:05:11because you just told me it was. Five seconds ago.
0:05:12 > 0:05:14I got a second box of doughnuts, if anybody...
0:05:15 > 0:05:17- What the- BLEEP- is this?
0:05:17 > 0:05:20This, Mr Director, is your new desk.
0:05:20 > 0:05:21OK.
0:05:21 > 0:05:23This desk is the epitome
0:05:23 > 0:05:25of the Swedish concept of jamstalldhet,
0:05:25 > 0:05:27or "equality."
0:05:27 > 0:05:30- Imagine someone needs your attention. Somebody say my name.- Chris.
0:05:30 > 0:05:33Swivel! What is it, Jerry?
0:05:33 > 0:05:34You told me to say your name.
0:05:34 > 0:05:36And you did a great job, superstar.
0:05:36 > 0:05:37Someone else say something.
0:05:37 > 0:05:40- You look like a freak.- Swivel!
0:05:40 > 0:05:42April, that is not a very good attitude.
0:05:42 > 0:05:43I will keep my eye on you
0:05:43 > 0:05:45from my circular desk where I can see everything.
0:05:45 > 0:05:48Tiny swivel. See how it works?
0:05:48 > 0:05:52What about my office and its many walls?
0:05:52 > 0:05:54That becomes a new public waiting room.
0:05:54 > 0:05:58And we got rid of that giant pillar that was in front of your door.
0:05:58 > 0:05:59I loved that pillar.
0:05:59 > 0:06:01It made it really annoying to stand in my doorway.
0:06:01 > 0:06:04CHRIS LAUGHS Well, get over it, cos it's gone!
0:06:04 > 0:06:06You're going to be more accessible than ever.
0:06:10 > 0:06:13'The fourth floor. Small claims court,
0:06:13 > 0:06:15'divorce filings, state-ordered drug tests.'
0:06:15 > 0:06:18It's somehow both freezing and humid.
0:06:18 > 0:06:19There's a whole room on the fourth floor
0:06:19 > 0:06:22where they store knives they've confiscated from people
0:06:22 > 0:06:24who went to the fourth floor to stab someone.
0:06:24 > 0:06:25METAL DETECTOR BEEPS
0:06:25 > 0:06:27- You from Parks and Rec?- Yeah.
0:06:27 > 0:06:29I'm here to show you around.
0:06:29 > 0:06:31Nice to meet you, ma'am. What's your name?
0:06:31 > 0:06:34Ethel Beavers. Follow me.
0:06:34 > 0:06:38OK, this is you.
0:06:38 > 0:06:39Oh, wow!
0:06:39 > 0:06:42Double computers?
0:06:42 > 0:06:43I get my own office phone.
0:06:43 > 0:06:45Hello, Wall Street.
0:06:45 > 0:06:46Buy more stocks. Now.
0:06:46 > 0:06:48This phone kind of smells like a butt.
0:06:48 > 0:06:50Try not to move things around.
0:06:50 > 0:06:53Because technically speaking, this is still a crime scene.
0:06:53 > 0:06:55Here's your name tags.
0:06:55 > 0:06:57Here.
0:06:57 > 0:06:59Ethel, this shirt is from Theory.
0:06:59 > 0:07:01Name tags make holes. I'm not wearing this.
0:07:01 > 0:07:02Do what you want.
0:07:04 > 0:07:05- Bye, Ethel!- Damn it.
0:07:05 > 0:07:08Remind me next time to ask her where she was when Lincoln got shot.
0:07:08 > 0:07:12"Remind...Tom...ask...something."
0:07:12 > 0:07:13You got it, boss.
0:07:13 > 0:07:15Hey! Somebody made somebody a mix!
0:07:15 > 0:07:18And I definitely heard your feedback from last time,
0:07:18 > 0:07:21so I only put five Sarah McLachlan songs on this one.
0:07:21 > 0:07:23Cool. Should we talk about how you claimed your mom
0:07:23 > 0:07:25was a Filipino woman you'd never met?
0:07:25 > 0:07:28Should we? SHE SIGHS
0:07:28 > 0:07:30I was just trying to delay the inevitable.
0:07:30 > 0:07:32If this turns into something real,
0:07:32 > 0:07:35then we are going to have to deal with Chris's rule,
0:07:35 > 0:07:38and parents, and annoying flossing habits,
0:07:38 > 0:07:39and a lot of un-fun stuff.
0:07:39 > 0:07:41But not yet.
0:07:41 > 0:07:44I just want to enjoy the bubble for a little while.
0:07:45 > 0:07:46I'm sorry.
0:07:46 > 0:07:48- Everything's good?- No, it's not.
0:07:48 > 0:07:51I was completely flustered. I came off like an idiot.
0:07:51 > 0:07:53I mean, at one point, for no reason,
0:07:53 > 0:07:55I just took off my shoes and held them in my hand.
0:07:55 > 0:07:58I'm going to go ask her how it went, and I bet she loved you.
0:07:58 > 0:07:59HE SIGHS
0:07:59 > 0:08:01I loved him!
0:08:01 > 0:08:04He's a total pushover.
0:08:04 > 0:08:06Very odd guy, though.
0:08:06 > 0:08:10He's like a goofy, spineless jellyfish.
0:08:10 > 0:08:11SHE CHUCKLES
0:08:11 > 0:08:12Why do you ask, sweetheart?
0:08:12 > 0:08:14No reason.
0:08:14 > 0:08:16Don't worry about it. It's totally fine.
0:08:16 > 0:08:18No, it's not fine.
0:08:18 > 0:08:20What if she starts going around telling people I'm a pushover?
0:08:20 > 0:08:22No-one's going to believe that.
0:08:22 > 0:08:24When I first met you, I thought you were a fascist hard-ass.
0:08:24 > 0:08:26- What? - A cute fascist hard-ass,
0:08:26 > 0:08:29but still, you give off a very... DOOR OPENS
0:08:29 > 0:08:32Education Department now officially requesting 10 school buses.
0:08:32 > 0:08:35I thought they only wanted four.
0:08:35 > 0:08:38Well, now that I'm a pushover, why not ask for 10, or 20,
0:08:38 > 0:08:41or 100 new school buses and a fleet of school yachts?
0:08:41 > 0:08:43How about that? Here's what we're going to do.
0:08:43 > 0:08:46You are going to tell me everything there is to know about your mom.
0:08:46 > 0:08:49I'm going to have another meeting with her, and we're going to have it out.
0:08:49 > 0:08:51Or we could go to Belize, and go scuba diving.
0:08:51 > 0:08:53And we could look at the whale sharks.
0:08:53 > 0:08:55You're certified, right? Let's get you certified.
0:08:59 > 0:09:02April, do you have that usage report that I asked for?
0:09:06 > 0:09:08- Anything for you, Jerry.- Thank you.
0:09:08 > 0:09:11Oh, come on. Why?
0:09:11 > 0:09:13Excuse me.
0:09:13 > 0:09:16There's a sign at Ramsett Park that says, "Do not drink the sprinkler water,"
0:09:16 > 0:09:20so I made sun tea with it, and now I have an infection.
0:09:20 > 0:09:22Sir?
0:09:22 > 0:09:25Sir, are...are you listening to me, sir?
0:09:25 > 0:09:27Sir, I'm talking to you!
0:09:27 > 0:09:28Sir!
0:09:28 > 0:09:30Sir, are you aware
0:09:30 > 0:09:34that there is waste in your water system?
0:09:34 > 0:09:37OK, you need to be strong, powerful, decisive.
0:09:37 > 0:09:39This is not a meeting. It's a battle.
0:09:39 > 0:09:41Normal meeting rules do not apply.
0:09:41 > 0:09:44I'll be my mom, and I'm going to be very harsh with you,
0:09:44 > 0:09:46and it's only because I like you a lot.
0:09:46 > 0:09:47- OK.- Go!
0:09:50 > 0:09:51- Hello.- Wrong.
0:09:51 > 0:09:53- What?- No preambles. No introductions.
0:09:53 > 0:09:55Just walk in and start talking.
0:09:55 > 0:09:57I'd like to discuss the new school bus.
0:09:57 > 0:10:00I'd like to discuss your rhyming...Dr Seuss.
0:10:00 > 0:10:02And you should be sitting by now.
0:10:02 > 0:10:04- What? - Just walk in and take a seat.
0:10:04 > 0:10:07- Um... - "Um" is the sound in "dumb."
0:10:07 > 0:10:08That's what she says to people.
0:10:08 > 0:10:10And now you've crossed your legs like a woman.
0:10:10 > 0:10:11God! OK, should we just start over?
0:10:11 > 0:10:13No. No, we need to put a pin in this.
0:10:13 > 0:10:17Here is a list of my mother's top 100 favourite conversation topics,
0:10:17 > 0:10:19starting with Persian rugs, ending with Daniel Craig.
0:10:19 > 0:10:21You have 10 minutes to memorise it.
0:10:21 > 0:10:24- Deliverance, the movie?- Mm-hm.
0:10:24 > 0:10:25Oh, God.
0:10:25 > 0:10:27So Jerry is, like, basically my boss now,
0:10:27 > 0:10:29which I'm never going to work for him.
0:10:29 > 0:10:31Ron's trapped in this weird desk prison,
0:10:31 > 0:10:34and I now work at this travelling IV station.
0:10:34 > 0:10:36This Mort Jansen's office?
0:10:36 > 0:10:37Nope.
0:10:39 > 0:10:40HE SIGHS
0:10:46 > 0:10:48Tell Mort I said, "Your move."
0:10:51 > 0:10:55Oh, my God. I want to work up here with you guys. This is awesome.
0:10:55 > 0:10:57How many more of those stupid documents do you have to scan?
0:10:57 > 0:11:01Just this one, and all the ones in those boxes.
0:11:01 > 0:11:03I've got to get out of here, pronto.
0:11:03 > 0:11:05Time to get those old ladies to do my work for me.
0:11:05 > 0:11:09How? By shining down on them with the Haverford charm ray.
0:11:09 > 0:11:10HE IMITATES RAY GUN
0:11:10 > 0:11:14Well, well, well. If it isn't Ethel Beavers.
0:11:14 > 0:11:16What's up, beautiful?
0:11:16 > 0:11:18Julianne Moore just called. She wants her hair back.
0:11:20 > 0:11:22Nobody named Julien called.
0:11:22 > 0:11:25Never mind. I just need to ask you a couple of questions.
0:11:25 > 0:11:29One, can you help me out with this project we're doing?
0:11:29 > 0:11:30And, two,
0:11:30 > 0:11:34will you please invite me to your 30th birthday party?
0:11:36 > 0:11:38What are you doing?
0:11:38 > 0:11:40I'm making a test call to your phone to make sure it's working
0:11:40 > 0:11:42so you don't miss any more calls.
0:11:42 > 0:11:44You know what? Don't bother.
0:11:44 > 0:11:46- Maybe I'll just find an open window and plummet to my death.- OK.
0:11:49 > 0:11:51This isn't going to work.
0:11:52 > 0:11:55OK, you did not just swivel away while I was talking to you.
0:11:55 > 0:11:59This spaceship keyboard is driving me crazy.
0:11:59 > 0:12:02I'm down to one word a minute, and the word is "perflipisklup",
0:12:02 > 0:12:05because I can't fly spaceships.
0:12:05 > 0:12:07Donna, you know as well as I do
0:12:07 > 0:12:09these city manager shake-ups always peter out.
0:12:09 > 0:12:12- You just have to wait. - Usually I'm with you.
0:12:12 > 0:12:14But this is Chris Traeger, the 6 million man.
0:12:14 > 0:12:15He won't quit.
0:12:15 > 0:12:18So you need to swivel your ass down to his office
0:12:18 > 0:12:19and have a word with him.
0:12:19 > 0:12:22- Mommy.- Oh!
0:12:22 > 0:12:26That is so thoughtful of you.
0:12:26 > 0:12:27Of course!
0:12:27 > 0:12:32I just figured, "Hey, why not put my mother in a good mood?"
0:12:32 > 0:12:35So, it's my understanding that despite what I said in our meeting,
0:12:35 > 0:12:39you have somehow increased your request for more school buses.
0:12:39 > 0:12:41Excuse me, but I'm having coffee with my daughter.
0:12:41 > 0:12:43Maybe we could do this another time.
0:12:43 > 0:12:45No, we're going to talk about this now.
0:12:45 > 0:12:46Or if you'd prefer,
0:12:46 > 0:12:49I could put a permanent freeze on the education budget.
0:12:49 > 0:12:51- It's your call. - SHE SCOFFS
0:12:51 > 0:12:55Wow, maybe you should talk to him, Mom. He seems pretty self-assured.
0:12:56 > 0:12:59There's nothing left. It's over.
0:12:59 > 0:13:01Hey, hey, hey, don't say that. Now, come on.
0:13:02 > 0:13:03Get yourself together
0:13:03 > 0:13:08and go out there and be the woman you always knew you could be.
0:13:08 > 0:13:10- SHE SNIFFLES - Thank you so much.
0:13:11 > 0:13:14- Who was that?- I don't know.
0:13:14 > 0:13:16I saw her crying, and so I helped.
0:13:16 > 0:13:19What did you want to talk to me about?
0:13:19 > 0:13:20Look, Chris, I'm very flattered
0:13:20 > 0:13:23you thought of me for this amazing opportunity,
0:13:23 > 0:13:25but I don't really know if this gig is in my wheelhouse.
0:13:25 > 0:13:28I tend to work best with young, attractive people.
0:13:28 > 0:13:30Tom, I have made you a project leader.
0:13:30 > 0:13:32This is a big deal!
0:13:32 > 0:13:33You should keep an open mind.
0:13:33 > 0:13:36Let your brain unlock the door to your heart's future.
0:13:36 > 0:13:38I made that expression up when I was 14.
0:13:38 > 0:13:41Still in use today. By me. Gotta jam.
0:13:42 > 0:13:44You know what? It's just not possible.
0:13:44 > 0:13:47And don't even bother trying to outflank me either, because you will fail.
0:13:47 > 0:13:51- Where did all this confidence come from all of a sudden? - Hey, guys, come on. Let's relax.
0:13:51 > 0:13:53- You know, Ms Griggs-Knope... - Marlene.
0:13:53 > 0:13:56- There's probably a compromise here. - Compromise is usually a sign of weakness.
0:13:56 > 0:13:58Yes, it is, according to Andrew Carnegie.
0:13:58 > 0:14:00But your demands remind me of a different quote,
0:14:00 > 0:14:02from the great Bill Watterson.
0:14:02 > 0:14:05"You need a lobotomy. I'll get a saw."
0:14:05 > 0:14:08- I love Calvin And Hobbes. - Me too!
0:14:10 > 0:14:13I've got to say, this is some of my best work.
0:14:13 > 0:14:15This could not have gone better.
0:14:15 > 0:14:17They are really hitting it off.
0:14:17 > 0:14:20Thank God. Crisis averted.
0:14:20 > 0:14:22Well, I am very glad you came back up here.
0:14:24 > 0:14:25Yeah, me too.
0:14:25 > 0:14:27- Yeah...- So you have a deal.
0:14:27 > 0:14:28Well, let me mull everything over,
0:14:28 > 0:14:32and then we can reconnect and hash things out.
0:14:32 > 0:14:34It might get rough, but that can be fun.
0:14:34 > 0:14:36- Ben can handle it.- Yep, I can.
0:14:36 > 0:14:38OK, great.
0:14:38 > 0:14:41- It was a pleasure. - Oh! Mm-hm.
0:14:42 > 0:14:45What's so great is she was impressed by you too. You could tell instantly.
0:14:45 > 0:14:47The way you guys were connecting was amazing.
0:14:47 > 0:14:50What I'm thinking is maybe we should go over to her house...
0:14:50 > 0:14:53You two are just the cutest things on four legs!
0:14:53 > 0:14:54But why so much black?
0:14:54 > 0:14:56It's like you're going to a funeral.
0:14:56 > 0:14:57She's got a point, babe.
0:14:57 > 0:14:59So, marry HER then.
0:14:59 > 0:15:01- THEY LAUGH - I wish!
0:15:01 > 0:15:03Hey, sorry to interrupt the love-fest,
0:15:03 > 0:15:05but can you hand me that folder there, please, Ethel?
0:15:05 > 0:15:08Oh, great. Why've you got to be like that, Ethel?
0:15:08 > 0:15:11Looks like someone got up on the wrong side of the crib.
0:15:11 > 0:15:12SHE LAUGHS
0:15:12 > 0:15:13Stop laughing, Muriel.
0:15:13 > 0:15:14BOTH LAUGH
0:15:14 > 0:15:16Stop it!
0:15:16 > 0:15:18I've got to say, I'm a genius.
0:15:18 > 0:15:20The only thing my mom loves more than music boxes
0:15:20 > 0:15:21is McSteamy from Grey's Anatomy.
0:15:21 > 0:15:24So I made her a McSteamy-style music box.
0:15:24 > 0:15:25MUSIC BOX PLAYS
0:15:25 > 0:15:28I thought maybe you could give it to her. She would love you for it.
0:15:28 > 0:15:30I think maybe that's not such a good idea.
0:15:30 > 0:15:33Why? I mean, it's not the best picture of him, but...
0:15:33 > 0:15:35Your mom kind of...
0:15:36 > 0:15:40..um, made a pass at me.
0:15:40 > 0:15:41MUSIC STOPS
0:15:43 > 0:15:45JERRY: So, Webster's dictionary
0:15:45 > 0:15:47describes a pork as a...
0:15:47 > 0:15:49No, it's park... Park.
0:15:49 > 0:15:52I'm sorry. Jeez, OK. So...
0:15:52 > 0:15:54You know what? Can we start over?
0:15:54 > 0:15:57Let's...let's go from the first thing. I said pork, which...
0:15:57 > 0:16:00By the way, they have a great pork sandwich in the cafeteria today.
0:16:00 > 0:16:02- Ron Swanson.- Chris.
0:16:02 > 0:16:06You have come up with a plan so spectacularly horrible
0:16:06 > 0:16:09that it might ruin the entire department.
0:16:09 > 0:16:11- Now, wait a minute. - I mean that as a compliment.
0:16:11 > 0:16:13So, it pains me to say this.
0:16:13 > 0:16:16My department has to go back to the way it was.
0:16:16 > 0:16:20- Give them time. They'll adjust. - No, they won't. They're miserable.
0:16:20 > 0:16:23Tom only performs when there's someone to impress,
0:16:23 > 0:16:26so marooning him on Freak Island isn't helping anyone.
0:16:26 > 0:16:31And you made April assistant to everyone? You know who April hates?
0:16:31 > 0:16:32Everyone.
0:16:32 > 0:16:35And Jerry can only function if no-one's looking.
0:16:35 > 0:16:36You shine a light on him,
0:16:36 > 0:16:39and he shrinks up faster than an Eskimo's scrotum.
0:16:39 > 0:16:42Well, that's very perceptive, Ron. And, very graphic.
0:16:42 > 0:16:44I understand your point,
0:16:44 > 0:16:46but there's no way that I can just roll over on this.
0:16:46 > 0:16:48HE GROANS
0:16:48 > 0:16:50OK.
0:16:50 > 0:16:53You won't ever hear me say this again, so savour this moment.
0:16:56 > 0:16:58I may have a compromise.
0:16:58 > 0:17:00Look, she was just flirting a little.
0:17:00 > 0:17:02I'm sure she's not really interested in me.
0:17:02 > 0:17:04Oh, my God. I can't even have this conversation.
0:17:04 > 0:17:06The whole thing is screwed up now.
0:17:06 > 0:17:08There's so many ways to destroy a bubble,
0:17:08 > 0:17:11but my mom flirting with you is number one on the list.
0:17:11 > 0:17:13And I'm sorry, I have to say this -
0:17:13 > 0:17:15were you asking for it in any way?
0:17:15 > 0:17:18- No! - How were you dressed?- Oh, my God.
0:17:18 > 0:17:20- I was wearing this. - Here's what we do.
0:17:20 > 0:17:21You issue a government-wide memo
0:17:21 > 0:17:23about sexual harassment, and then you go to Mexico.
0:17:23 > 0:17:25Just for a couple of weeks.
0:17:25 > 0:17:28Where are you going? Ben!
0:17:28 > 0:17:30Ben! Wait. Just... Hey...
0:17:31 > 0:17:33- Hi, Mom. - Hi again.
0:17:33 > 0:17:34Leslie and I are dating.
0:17:34 > 0:17:35We haven't told anyone
0:17:35 > 0:17:38because there's a rule against office relationships.
0:17:38 > 0:17:39But it's happening.
0:17:39 > 0:17:42I'm sorry we didn't tell you before you touched my knee,
0:17:42 > 0:17:44and I trust you won't tell anyone now
0:17:44 > 0:17:46since it could get your daughter fired.
0:17:48 > 0:17:50SHE LAUGHS
0:17:52 > 0:17:55That is hilarious.
0:17:55 > 0:17:57That's what we thought too.
0:17:57 > 0:17:59Well...
0:17:59 > 0:18:01SHE SIGHS
0:18:01 > 0:18:02Four buses.
0:18:02 > 0:18:04- Two.- Deal.
0:18:09 > 0:18:10I like this one.
0:18:10 > 0:18:12Me too.
0:18:12 > 0:18:14You keep your hands off him.
0:18:14 > 0:18:18Margaret's pecan squares.
0:18:18 > 0:18:20They are like crack. I brought you one.
0:18:20 > 0:18:22How are you so happy working here?
0:18:22 > 0:18:24I don't know, man. It's not that bad. A year ago, I lived in a pit.
0:18:24 > 0:18:27Now I got a job, and a kickass wife.
0:18:27 > 0:18:29And my band is so good,
0:18:29 > 0:18:32and are you going to eat that pecan square?
0:18:36 > 0:18:40When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
0:18:40 > 0:18:42I read that once on a can of lemonade.
0:18:42 > 0:18:45But I like to think that it applies to life.
0:18:46 > 0:18:47I don't want lemonade.
0:18:47 > 0:18:50It's too sweet, and it makes my tongue feel gritty.
0:18:50 > 0:18:52So maybe it's time for a change.
0:18:52 > 0:18:54Starting now, when life gives me lemons,
0:18:54 > 0:18:56I'm going to slice them up into wedges
0:18:56 > 0:18:58and throw them into vodka tonics,
0:18:58 > 0:19:01which I will then sip in a burlesque nightclub
0:19:01 > 0:19:05that I co-own with actor Taye Diggs and two of the Pussycat Dolls.
0:19:08 > 0:19:10Here you go. Thank you.
0:19:16 > 0:19:18Kind of figured you'd be back in your office by now.
0:19:18 > 0:19:20Well, you know how new city managers are.
0:19:20 > 0:19:23Seems like everyone else is back to normal.
0:19:24 > 0:19:26- How long do you have to do this? - A week.
0:19:28 > 0:19:30Citizen request. Swivel, swivel, swivel.
0:19:30 > 0:19:33Hello. I can help you in here, sir.
0:19:37 > 0:19:40Oh, man, you're really screwing this up.
0:19:40 > 0:19:43I'm gone for one day, and this entire shoe shine stand falls apart.
0:19:43 > 0:19:44Everything I built.
0:19:44 > 0:19:46Jump up here. I'll show you how it's done.
0:19:46 > 0:19:48See, your problem is you're thinking too much.
0:19:50 > 0:19:52Wow. You're really good at this.
0:19:52 > 0:19:53Yes. I am.
0:19:53 > 0:19:55When I come back here in a few weeks,
0:19:55 > 0:19:57I don't want all my regular customers to not be here
0:19:57 > 0:19:59waiting for me because somebody screwed it up.
0:19:59 > 0:20:01- Huh?- Thanks.
0:20:01 > 0:20:03No problem.
0:20:03 > 0:20:06- See you later, kid.- Wow. - What a moron.