0:00:02 > 0:00:05There is a crazy flu going around. Lots of miserable dehydrated people
0:00:05 > 0:00:07with high fevers and diarrhoea.
0:00:07 > 0:00:11And one of those dehydrated, high-fevered miserable people
0:00:11 > 0:00:13is April... Who hates me.
0:00:13 > 0:00:16DEVICE BEEPS
0:00:16 > 0:00:18I want another nurse.
0:00:18 > 0:00:20Well, there are none. We're stretched pretty thin right now.
0:00:20 > 0:00:23Then I want a janitor. They can do what you do, right?
0:00:23 > 0:00:26Yep, nurses and janitors are totally interchangeable.
0:00:26 > 0:00:29Except no-one dresses up like a janitor when they want to be slutty.
0:00:29 > 0:00:32I get the sense that maybe you're angry at me for kissing Andy...
0:00:32 > 0:00:34What are you talking about? That's crazy.
0:00:34 > 0:00:37And that you think it might be fun to take it out on me.
0:00:37 > 0:00:39Please don't do that.
0:00:39 > 0:00:42"Do"? I can't do anything. I'm sick.
0:00:44 > 0:00:46DEVICE BEEPS
0:00:46 > 0:00:49My blankets are on the floor.
0:00:49 > 0:00:50DEVICE BEEPS
0:01:10 > 0:01:13So, JJ, we wanted to talk to you about the harvest festival.
0:01:13 > 0:01:15Yeah, I heard you were bringing that back.
0:01:15 > 0:01:16SHE COUGHS
0:01:16 > 0:01:18Sorry, I haven't been feeling myself.
0:01:18 > 0:01:19SHE CLEARS THROAT
0:01:19 > 0:01:22Well, I'm organising this huge harvest festival,
0:01:22 > 0:01:26and I need at least 80 local businesses to participate.
0:01:26 > 0:01:29And normally, this is the kind of thing I would love to do,
0:01:29 > 0:01:32but I'm just feeling really tired.
0:01:32 > 0:01:35I think maybe my allergies are acting up.
0:01:35 > 0:01:39I've already vomited, like, five times today.
0:01:40 > 0:01:42We're having a meeting tonight at the Chamber of Commerce
0:01:42 > 0:01:44and we're gonna go over all the details
0:01:44 > 0:01:45and we'd love if you could come and join us.
0:01:45 > 0:01:48Sure, anything for my favourite customer.
0:01:48 > 0:01:50I bet you say that to all the girls.
0:01:50 > 0:01:52Oh, no, no. Actually, you're my favourite.
0:01:52 > 0:01:56You spent over 1,000 last year on waffles alone.
0:01:58 > 0:02:01SHE COUGHES Here.
0:02:01 > 0:02:02I didn't know what to bring you,
0:02:02 > 0:02:05so I just got some magazines and lipstick...
0:02:05 > 0:02:06woman stuff.
0:02:06 > 0:02:08Thanks.
0:02:08 > 0:02:10All my parents got me was that.
0:02:11 > 0:02:14OK, well, I'm not very good at visiting people in hospitals,
0:02:14 > 0:02:16so I'm going to go.
0:02:16 > 0:02:20Hey, if you see Andy, will you not tell him I'm here?
0:02:20 > 0:02:23- OK.- Because of what happened, I don't want him to think...- Stop!
0:02:23 > 0:02:25Don't want to know.
0:02:25 > 0:02:27The less I know about other people's affairs,
0:02:27 > 0:02:28the happier I am.
0:02:28 > 0:02:31I'm not interested in caring about people.
0:02:31 > 0:02:34I once worked with a guy for three years
0:02:34 > 0:02:35and never learned his name...
0:02:35 > 0:02:37Best friend I ever had.
0:02:38 > 0:02:41We still never talk sometimes.
0:02:43 > 0:02:45Mmm.
0:02:45 > 0:02:48So we've developed a revenue-sharing formula
0:02:48 > 0:02:50that will hopefully appeal to most business owners.
0:02:50 > 0:02:53'Leslie! Go home. You're sick.'
0:02:53 > 0:02:55I'm not sick. It's just allergies.
0:02:55 > 0:02:57Come on, guys. Just let me in there. ALL: No!
0:02:57 > 0:02:59- 'You can't come in here.' - 'You're not coming in.'
0:02:59 > 0:03:02'Leslie, you look tired and you're all sweaty.'
0:03:02 > 0:03:05You look tired and sweaty all the time, what's your excuse? You want to go there, Jerry?
0:03:05 > 0:03:07- No. - Fine, I'm coming in.
0:03:07 > 0:03:09Donna, barricade the door, now!
0:03:09 > 0:03:12- Donna, come on, just let me in. - Mm-mm.
0:03:12 > 0:03:15Either go home, or go back into quarantine.
0:03:15 > 0:03:17I'm not going home!
0:03:17 > 0:03:18Get out of here, Leslie. Go home.
0:03:18 > 0:03:20Hit the bricks.
0:03:24 > 0:03:26Oh, come on. No, no, no, no, no. She's germing up all my stuff.
0:03:26 > 0:03:29Aw, yuck. Leslie!
0:03:31 > 0:03:33- Ann Perkins! - Hey.
0:03:33 > 0:03:34How was your run?
0:03:34 > 0:03:37Ended with a 5.5 minute mile, my personal low.
0:03:37 > 0:03:39I think the pavement in this town is soft.
0:03:39 > 0:03:42- What's with the mask? - Flu prevention.
0:03:42 > 0:03:44My body is finely tuned, like a microchip
0:03:44 > 0:03:45and the flu is like a grain of sand -
0:03:45 > 0:03:48it could literally shut down the entire system.
0:03:48 > 0:03:50My body's like a chip too.
0:03:50 > 0:03:51Potato chip!
0:03:51 > 0:03:53- THEY CHUCKLE - No.
0:03:53 > 0:03:56Speaking of potato chips, you and I are on for dinner tomorrow, yes?
0:03:56 > 0:03:57Yes, definitely.
0:03:57 > 0:04:00I'm super, super excited.
0:04:00 > 0:04:01Looking forward to it.
0:04:01 > 0:04:03Excellent.
0:04:05 > 0:04:07Way to go, buddy. Way to go.
0:04:07 > 0:04:10'We've been on a couple of dates. I really like him.'
0:04:10 > 0:04:14The problem is, he's like a perfect human man.
0:04:14 > 0:04:16I can't find one flaw.
0:04:17 > 0:04:20There was one time I thought he farted.
0:04:20 > 0:04:22But it was me.
0:04:22 > 0:04:23TELEPHONE RINGS
0:04:23 > 0:04:27I need to find someone to fill in for April.
0:04:27 > 0:04:29Now, I know I'm not gonna find someone
0:04:29 > 0:04:33'who's both aggressively mean and apathetic.'
0:04:33 > 0:04:36April really is the whole package.
0:04:36 > 0:04:41'But I think I might know someone who will be just as ineffective.'
0:04:44 > 0:04:46Hello, Andrew. What's new?
0:04:46 > 0:04:48Um, a whole lot.
0:04:48 > 0:04:51Check this out. I just invented it - super straw.
0:04:57 > 0:05:00So just sit here and do your thing.
0:05:00 > 0:05:01Do I have to tuck my shirt in?
0:05:01 > 0:05:03Because, honestly, that's kind of a deal breaker.
0:05:03 > 0:05:04Let 'er fly.
0:05:04 > 0:05:06Hey, wait.
0:05:06 > 0:05:07Where's April?
0:05:07 > 0:05:08Is she all right?
0:05:08 > 0:05:12Yeah. I just gave her the day off.
0:05:12 > 0:05:14Would it be weird if I asked for the day off?
0:05:14 > 0:05:17Yeah, no. It's OK. I didn't think so.
0:05:17 > 0:05:19I'm sorry. Are you leaving?
0:05:19 > 0:05:20- I thought we had a meeting. - No, we do.
0:05:20 > 0:05:22It's just I think it's a little chilly in here.
0:05:22 > 0:05:23- Are you OK? - Your eyes are glassy.
0:05:23 > 0:05:25Oh, my God. Oh, my...
0:05:25 > 0:05:26Is she... Is she sick? Are you sick?
0:05:26 > 0:05:29- No. - Yeah, she's sick.
0:05:29 > 0:05:31That's why I'm wearing this
0:05:31 > 0:05:33and misting myself with hand sanitizer.
0:05:33 > 0:05:35I am not sick. I just have allergies, OK?
0:05:35 > 0:05:38I took a Claritin, and I threw that up.
0:05:38 > 0:05:39So I took another one. I threw that up.
0:05:39 > 0:05:42And then I took a third, and it stayed down. I'm getting better.
0:05:42 > 0:05:44All right, you're burning up.
0:05:44 > 0:05:45You're burning up. What?
0:05:45 > 0:05:48I have to get out of here. I have 2.8% body fat.
0:05:48 > 0:05:51My body's like a microchip. A grain of sand could destroy it.
0:05:52 > 0:05:54My body's a microchip.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57- Leslie, go home. - No, I can't. I can't go home.
0:05:57 > 0:05:59I have to get ready for the Chamber of Secrets.
0:05:59 > 0:06:01- Commerce.- If this meeting does not go perfectly,
0:06:01 > 0:06:03then the harvest festival's gonna be over before it began.
0:06:03 > 0:06:06- I cannot go home. - OK, then who is your doctor?
0:06:06 > 0:06:08Ann's my doctor.
0:06:08 > 0:06:10And she's the most beautiful nurse in the world.
0:06:10 > 0:06:12- Come on. - Oh, God.
0:06:12 > 0:06:15- Now I'm hot. Now it's really hot in here.- OK, well, that's your fever.
0:06:15 > 0:06:18Leslie, I typed your symptoms into the thing up here,
0:06:18 > 0:06:21and it says you could have network connectivity problems.
0:06:21 > 0:06:24104.1.
0:06:24 > 0:06:26Leslie, you're dehydrated. I'm admitting you.
0:06:26 > 0:06:28If I was sick, could I do this?
0:06:31 > 0:06:34- What are you doing? - Cartwheels.
0:06:34 > 0:06:35Am I not doing them?
0:06:35 > 0:06:37- No. - Look, don't worry.
0:06:37 > 0:06:39I've done presentations like this before,
0:06:39 > 0:06:41and Tom will be with me. So you're in good hands.
0:06:41 > 0:06:43It's not that I don't TRUST Ben.
0:06:44 > 0:06:47It's that I don't have faith in Ben.
0:06:48 > 0:06:50And also, I'm starting to forget who Ben is.
0:06:52 > 0:06:54I'll handle the general outline if you want to, uh...
0:06:54 > 0:06:56- Look. - ..Just jump right in.
0:06:56 > 0:06:59The worst thing you can do with an important presentation like this is over-prepare.
0:06:59 > 0:07:01- Well... - So...
0:07:01 > 0:07:02I think it's best if I go to the spa.
0:07:02 > 0:07:05No, we promised Leslie we'd prep for the meeting.
0:07:05 > 0:07:07No, Ben, YOU promised Leslie.
0:07:07 > 0:07:09See, I never promise Leslie anything.
0:07:09 > 0:07:11That way, I never disappoint her.
0:07:11 > 0:07:12I try to be considerate.
0:07:12 > 0:07:13Well...
0:07:13 > 0:07:17I am off for a soak and a schvitz.
0:07:17 > 0:07:20Arrivederch.
0:07:21 > 0:07:24TELEPHONE RINGS
0:07:24 > 0:07:26Ron Swanson's office.
0:07:28 > 0:07:29Yes.
0:07:29 > 0:07:31I will transfer you.
0:07:33 > 0:07:35DIAL TONE
0:07:35 > 0:07:37I just dropped another call.
0:07:38 > 0:07:43DEVICE BEEPS
0:07:43 > 0:07:45I thought you might like a fresh set of pillows.
0:07:45 > 0:07:47Are you trying to smother me?
0:07:47 > 0:07:51Help! The slutty nurse is trying to smother me to death with a pillow!
0:07:51 > 0:07:52OK, never mind.
0:07:52 > 0:07:54Stay back, slut!
0:07:54 > 0:07:56I know what she's trying to do.
0:07:56 > 0:07:57She's trying to get me to break.
0:07:57 > 0:07:59And you know what? I'm not gonna do it.
0:07:59 > 0:08:02I'm gonna be a professional and I'm gonna put on a happy face
0:08:02 > 0:08:04and then I'm gonna go into a supply closet
0:08:04 > 0:08:06and snap a bunch of tongue depressors.
0:08:06 > 0:08:08'OK, so let's, um, talk about your opening remarks.'
0:08:08 > 0:08:10Do you want me to write you a rap?
0:08:10 > 0:08:11I'll write you a rap.
0:08:11 > 0:08:14No, you're never gonna be able to pull it off. You're too white.
0:08:14 > 0:08:15'How about a show tune or something?'
0:08:15 > 0:08:18I was just, uh, planning to introduce myself...
0:08:18 > 0:08:19Non-musically,
0:08:19 > 0:08:22'and then get everyone to refer to their packets,'
0:08:22 > 0:08:23- and, uh, blah, blah, blah.- 'No.'
0:08:23 > 0:08:25No "blah, blah, blah,"
0:08:25 > 0:08:27OK? You need to go over every single detail with me.
0:08:27 > 0:08:30Leslie, I promise you, I won't half-ass this, OK?
0:08:30 > 0:08:31Now get some rest.
0:08:31 > 0:08:34I have some great news. I think my fever just broke.
0:08:34 > 0:08:35Goodbye.
0:08:41 > 0:08:42This came out.
0:08:42 > 0:08:43Eh.
0:08:43 > 0:08:45I am starving.
0:08:45 > 0:08:48I haven't had lunch since yesterday. So I'm gonna head over to Callahan's.
0:08:48 > 0:08:51Oh, no, no, no. Don't go there. They totally skimp on pickles.
0:08:51 > 0:08:52Let me go to Bighead Joe's for you.
0:08:52 > 0:08:55They have the most insane burritos.
0:08:55 > 0:08:57I don't much go for ethnic food.
0:08:57 > 0:08:58No, no, no. Trust me.
0:08:58 > 0:09:00They have one called the meat tornado.
0:09:00 > 0:09:02Literally killed a guy last year.
0:09:02 > 0:09:04You had me at "meat tornado."
0:09:08 > 0:09:09What are you doing?
0:09:09 > 0:09:12Hey, that flu medicine really helped. I feel 1,000% better.
0:09:12 > 0:09:15Good as new. Does this scarf look OK? I don't want to look stuffy
0:09:15 > 0:09:17but I also don't want to look too schlubby.
0:09:17 > 0:09:19- Get back in that bed. - So no to the scarf?
0:09:19 > 0:09:22- Get back in the bed. - No, I'm going to that meeting.
0:09:22 > 0:09:23Either you get back in the bed,
0:09:23 > 0:09:26or I will strap you down. I've done it before. Don't test me.
0:09:30 > 0:09:32RAUCOUS LAUGHTER
0:09:32 > 0:09:34OK, OK, OK. All right.
0:09:34 > 0:09:36Now, what superpower would you rather have?
0:09:36 > 0:09:39Would you rather be able to fly or be invisible?
0:09:39 > 0:09:40Ed, go first.
0:09:40 > 0:09:42Uh, fly, I guess.
0:09:42 > 0:09:46I forgot to tell you - you can only fly five feet above the ground. LAUGHTER
0:09:46 > 0:09:49I bring a certain panache and spice
0:09:49 > 0:09:51to the spa experience for these guys.
0:09:51 > 0:09:53Before I joined, they were just three old white dudes
0:09:53 > 0:09:54quietly boiling in hot water.
0:09:55 > 0:09:58Would you rather live in the pocket
0:09:58 > 0:10:01of a giant kangaroo
0:10:01 > 0:10:04or have a pocket on your own stomach
0:10:04 > 0:10:07that has a tiny kangaroo in it all the time?
0:10:07 > 0:10:08Preston.
0:10:08 > 0:10:11Tiny kangaroo in my stomach pocket.
0:10:11 > 0:10:14Forgot to mention, the tiny kangaroo is a racist.
0:10:14 > 0:10:15LAUGHTER
0:10:17 > 0:10:19- Hey, Ann.- What happened?
0:10:19 > 0:10:22I just saw you a few hours ago, and you were fine.
0:10:22 > 0:10:23Not like, "Damn, you're fine,"
0:10:23 > 0:10:25but fine health-wise.
0:10:25 > 0:10:27My body has no fat to protect itself from disease.
0:10:27 > 0:10:30Things happen very quickly. Listen to me.
0:10:30 > 0:10:33It's very important that you replenish my body with electrolytes
0:10:33 > 0:10:36after every involuntary loss of bodily fluids.
0:10:36 > 0:10:38- Oh, boy. - My body tends to lose
0:10:38 > 0:10:40a lot of fluids when it's sick.
0:10:40 > 0:10:42My brain is on fire. I'm dying.
0:10:42 > 0:10:45Mm. Well, you definitely have the flu.
0:10:45 > 0:10:46Oh, my God.
0:10:47 > 0:10:49The microchip has been compromised.
0:10:49 > 0:10:53Pierre Garcon was a sixth-round pick.
0:10:53 > 0:10:56Collie was the fourth round.
0:10:56 > 0:10:58Indianapolis Colts know how to draft so well.
0:10:58 > 0:11:00They really do.
0:11:00 > 0:11:03Andy, this was delicious.
0:11:03 > 0:11:04It's awesome, huh?
0:11:04 > 0:11:07It's a whole new meat delivery system.
0:11:07 > 0:11:09Thank you, son.
0:11:09 > 0:11:10What do you say we go out to the parking lot,
0:11:10 > 0:11:13run a few pass plays to burn off the calories?
0:11:13 > 0:11:15You are an unstoppable good-idea machine!
0:11:15 > 0:11:17HE LAUGHS
0:11:17 > 0:11:18'I like Andy.'
0:11:18 > 0:11:22I'm surrounded by a lot of women in this department.
0:11:22 > 0:11:24And that includes the men.
0:11:24 > 0:11:26Hup, hup, hup!
0:11:28 > 0:11:30Peyton Manning reading the defence!
0:11:30 > 0:11:32Reggie Wayne, post corner!
0:11:32 > 0:11:34CAR ALARM BLARES
0:11:37 > 0:11:39RON LAUGHS WILDLY
0:11:39 > 0:11:40Andy, wait up!
0:11:40 > 0:11:43DEVICE BEEPS
0:11:43 > 0:11:44Hey, April.
0:11:44 > 0:11:47I saw that you called for me. What can I do for you?
0:11:47 > 0:11:50- I need more flu medicine. - Oh, an actual request.
0:11:50 > 0:11:52Well, you can't have any.
0:11:52 > 0:11:54That stuff is powerful. No extra doses.
0:11:54 > 0:11:56I didn't take any.
0:11:56 > 0:11:59Leslie came in here and stole it and left.
0:12:00 > 0:12:02Leslie?
0:12:02 > 0:12:04Leslie!
0:12:05 > 0:12:07Hey, have you seen Leslie?
0:12:07 > 0:12:08I had a dream
0:12:08 > 0:12:10that she came into this room,
0:12:10 > 0:12:14stole my flu medicine, told me not to tell you,
0:12:14 > 0:12:16and then disappeared through that hole in the wall.
0:12:16 > 0:12:18The door?
0:12:18 > 0:12:20Maybe we should get a suite here for them, OK?
0:12:20 > 0:12:22Ben Wyatt! Hello!
0:12:22 > 0:12:23Uh, hi, Leslie.
0:12:23 > 0:12:25- Good to see you. - You too.
0:12:25 > 0:12:27Wow, you're really burning up.
0:12:27 > 0:12:30Can I get some money for the cab that I took over here, please?
0:12:30 > 0:12:32- Sure. How much? - I'm not sure.
0:12:32 > 0:12:35I looked at the meter and it had Egyptian hieroglyphics on it.
0:12:35 > 0:12:37- Wow. - Do you know the exchange rate?
0:12:37 > 0:12:39So should we do this?
0:12:39 > 0:12:41Oh, boy. Hold on.
0:12:41 > 0:12:43- Be careful. - What?
0:12:43 > 0:12:45The floor and the wall just switched.
0:12:46 > 0:12:48OK.
0:12:48 > 0:12:50Walk very carefully.
0:12:56 > 0:12:59You know, I find it a little insulting that you don't trust me to handle this.
0:12:59 > 0:13:02It's not that I don't trust you, OK? It's just...
0:13:02 > 0:13:05This harvest festival is my project.
0:13:05 > 0:13:07It's my career on the line.
0:13:07 > 0:13:08And I just need to make sure
0:13:08 > 0:13:11that I've done everything I can to make it work.
0:13:11 > 0:13:13SHE SIGHS OK.
0:13:13 > 0:13:15It's showtime.
0:13:15 > 0:13:16OK.
0:13:16 > 0:13:18Good evening, everyone. I'm Leslie Monster
0:13:18 > 0:13:20and this is Nightline.
0:13:20 > 0:13:22- OK, I wouldn't open with that.- No?
0:13:22 > 0:13:24- Why don't we sit down. - Yep.- OK?
0:13:24 > 0:13:28Libertarianism is all about individual liberty,
0:13:28 > 0:13:29and it should never be defined
0:13:29 > 0:13:31by the terms "liberal" or "conservative."
0:13:31 > 0:13:35- And communism is no good, right? - That's right.
0:13:35 > 0:13:37Big swing and a miss.
0:13:37 > 0:13:39And what's the word for when a few clerics are in charge?
0:13:39 > 0:13:41Religious oligarchy.
0:13:41 > 0:13:43- Holy- BLEEP.
0:13:43 > 0:13:44THEY LAUGH
0:13:44 > 0:13:46- I can remember things. - I guess.
0:13:46 > 0:13:48Mm, hey, keep mine rare.
0:13:48 > 0:13:50A man after my own heart.
0:13:53 > 0:13:56I vomited somewhere in this room.
0:13:56 > 0:13:58I don't remember where, though.
0:13:59 > 0:14:01Wait. You might want to check that drawer.
0:14:02 > 0:14:04Stop...
0:14:05 > 0:14:06..pooping.
0:14:06 > 0:14:08You have to get up off the floor now.
0:14:08 > 0:14:10This floor is my friend.
0:14:10 > 0:14:12Nothing like a complete physical breakdown
0:14:12 > 0:14:15to make a guy seem less intimidating.
0:14:15 > 0:14:16I love the flu.
0:14:16 > 0:14:17And then I said, "You know what?
0:14:17 > 0:14:20"I think we need to get these bananas out of here."
0:14:20 > 0:14:22LAUGHTER
0:14:22 > 0:14:23Have a seat, boys.
0:14:23 > 0:14:25Oh, hey, Tom, glad you could make it(!)
0:14:25 > 0:14:27Uh, you have a nice day with your spa buddies(?)
0:14:27 > 0:14:29Actually, yes, Ben, I did.
0:14:29 > 0:14:32And my spa buddies own a couple of car dealerships in town,
0:14:32 > 0:14:34and they've agreed to donate
0:14:34 > 0:14:36a fleet of vehicles for harvest festival...
0:14:36 > 0:14:3925 vans for the entire event.
0:14:39 > 0:14:41OK, Tom, I'm ready. Get up there and introduce me.
0:14:41 > 0:14:42You got it.
0:14:42 > 0:14:44I can't let you do this, Leslie.
0:14:44 > 0:14:47Hey, this ain't your call, McCluskey.
0:14:47 > 0:14:50Hey, Ron, can I ask you a question?
0:14:50 > 0:14:53- Sure. - It's about April.
0:14:53 > 0:14:56I don't like to get involved in people's personal...
0:14:56 > 0:14:59I hurt her feelings, and now she's pissed at me.
0:14:59 > 0:15:02I feel like if I could just explain myself, she'd understand,
0:15:02 > 0:15:04but she's avoiding me.
0:15:04 > 0:15:06It's making me miserable.
0:15:09 > 0:15:11April's in the hospital, sick with the flu.
0:15:11 > 0:15:12What?
0:15:12 > 0:15:15I knew it! I didn't know that.
0:15:15 > 0:15:17- Is she OK? - Yeah, she's fine.
0:15:17 > 0:15:19You can go visit her tomorrow morning.
0:15:19 > 0:15:20But don't tell her I told you.
0:15:20 > 0:15:21I won't.
0:15:22 > 0:15:25- No, no. - Nope.
0:15:25 > 0:15:26Come here. Ugh.
0:15:26 > 0:15:28Ohhh!
0:15:28 > 0:15:31Before we get started, a quick announcement...
0:15:31 > 0:15:34Every Thursday night is ladies' night
0:15:34 > 0:15:36down at the Snakehole Lounge over on Burnham Avenue.
0:15:36 > 0:15:39Ladies get two drinks for the price of one.
0:15:39 > 0:15:43Oh, no, that can't be right. That's...way too good of a deal.
0:15:43 > 0:15:45Nope.
0:15:45 > 0:15:47That is what it says.
0:15:47 > 0:15:49Wow. That sounds like a fun time.
0:15:49 > 0:15:51Anyway, uh,
0:15:51 > 0:15:54it is now my great honour to welcome to the stage
0:15:54 > 0:15:56the woman responsible for the entire harvest festival.
0:15:56 > 0:15:58Ladies and gentlemen, Leslie Knope!
0:15:58 > 0:16:01APPLAUSE
0:16:11 > 0:16:12Every one of you,
0:16:12 > 0:16:15just by showing up here tonight, has already made history.
0:16:15 > 0:16:18In days past, the harvest festival
0:16:18 > 0:16:20was the cornerstone
0:16:20 > 0:16:22of Pawnee's small-business community,
0:16:22 > 0:16:24a weeklong showcase
0:16:24 > 0:16:27for everything from textiles to small farms.
0:16:27 > 0:16:29By our estimates, as many as 30,000 people
0:16:29 > 0:16:32might attend the festival, and the monetary value
0:16:32 > 0:16:34of that kind of direct customer-to-business exposure
0:16:34 > 0:16:37is, frankly, incalculable.
0:16:39 > 0:16:43- What? - Three, two, one.
0:16:43 > 0:16:44And my shift's over.
0:16:44 > 0:16:46What the BLEEP is your problem?
0:16:46 > 0:16:47Whoa, I thought you weren't gonna lose it.
0:16:47 > 0:16:49While I was on duty, I didn't. Now it's just me.
0:16:49 > 0:16:52I get that you're mad that I kissed Andy, OK?
0:16:52 > 0:16:54But it was a moment of confusion, and it was a mistake.
0:16:54 > 0:16:57And I'm very sorry. You want to hate me for ever?
0:16:57 > 0:16:58- OK.- Fine!
0:16:58 > 0:17:01You know what? I don't care. But you shouldn't take it out on Andy,
0:17:01 > 0:17:04because he really likes you, and he did nothing wrong.
0:17:04 > 0:17:07And just for the record, I'm starting to hate you too.
0:17:09 > 0:17:12That's the most I've ever liked Ann.
0:17:12 > 0:17:14The time is now.
0:17:14 > 0:17:16The place is Pawnee.
0:17:16 > 0:17:18Let's make history.
0:17:18 > 0:17:20CHEERING
0:17:20 > 0:17:23'That was amazing.'
0:17:23 > 0:17:24That was a flu-ridden Michael Jordan
0:17:24 > 0:17:26at the '97 NBA finals.
0:17:26 > 0:17:28That was...
0:17:28 > 0:17:30Kirk Gibson hobbling up to the plate
0:17:30 > 0:17:34and hitting a homer off of Dennis Eckersley. That was...
0:17:34 > 0:17:37That was Leslie Knope.
0:17:37 > 0:17:39Thank you so much. Any questions?
0:17:39 > 0:17:41Yes, sir?
0:17:41 > 0:17:44Are we going to get the same sales-tax incentives we used to?
0:17:44 > 0:17:46That's a very good question, sir,
0:17:46 > 0:17:49and I would counter with my own question, which is,
0:17:49 > 0:17:51why is half of your face all swirly?
0:17:51 > 0:17:53OK, um, unfortunately,
0:17:53 > 0:17:56Leslie has another very important meeting right now.
0:17:56 > 0:17:57So if you have any other questions,
0:17:57 > 0:17:59you can just direct them, uh, towards me.
0:17:59 > 0:18:02Give it up, everybody, for Scott Bakula from Quantum Leap.
0:18:02 > 0:18:04All right. OK, let's...
0:18:04 > 0:18:06Excuse me.
0:18:06 > 0:18:08Um, and to answer your question, sir,
0:18:08 > 0:18:10there will be sales-tax incentives this year.
0:18:10 > 0:18:12I should drive you to the hospital.
0:18:12 > 0:18:13Was I wearing a tiara when I came in here?
0:18:13 > 0:18:15Because if you happen upon it,
0:18:15 > 0:18:18will you have Lady Pennyface retrieve it and send it posthence?
0:18:20 > 0:18:21KNOCK AT DOOR
0:18:21 > 0:18:23- Oh, hey. - Hey, there.
0:18:23 > 0:18:25I got you, uh, some waffles here,
0:18:25 > 0:18:29courtesy of JJ's diner and chicken soup, courtesy of me.
0:18:29 > 0:18:32- I'll take the waffles. Thank you.- OK.
0:18:33 > 0:18:35So how did the rest of the meeting go?
0:18:35 > 0:18:37Um, well, you said you needed
0:18:37 > 0:18:40- 80 total businesses to participate.- Yeah.
0:18:40 > 0:18:43We have 110...and counting.
0:18:43 > 0:18:45So, uh, nice work, Leslie.
0:18:45 > 0:18:47Nice work to you too. Oh.
0:18:47 > 0:18:49Uh, left the chicken soup there, just in case.
0:18:49 > 0:18:52It's...an old family recipe.
0:18:52 > 0:18:54It's not a big deal, but...
0:18:54 > 0:18:56- Thank you for that. - OK.
0:19:01 > 0:19:02Hi, April.
0:19:02 > 0:19:04(It's me, Andy.)
0:19:04 > 0:19:06Just stay sleeping.
0:19:06 > 0:19:09I am going to be here when you wake up.
0:19:10 > 0:19:12I will not leave your side.
0:19:16 > 0:19:20You could be asleep for hours. Maybe I'll come back later.
0:19:20 > 0:19:23Hope you feel better. OK.
0:19:23 > 0:19:25Oh, and I know you think that I'm a jerk,
0:19:25 > 0:19:27but I hope you can forgive me.
0:19:31 > 0:19:34Gross. Your forehead is all sweaty. That's gross.
0:19:36 > 0:19:38But I still like you.
0:19:38 > 0:19:40OK. Oh, that's disgusting.
0:19:47 > 0:19:48Got your message. What's up?
0:19:48 > 0:19:50I got a call from the boys upstairs.
0:19:50 > 0:19:52And they have a new assignment for us.
0:19:52 > 0:19:54- OK.- Yeah.
0:19:54 > 0:19:57And I feel like...we should ask for an extension to stay here.
0:19:57 > 0:19:58Yes, definitely. You know...
0:19:58 > 0:20:00The festival thing's getting pretty huge,
0:20:00 > 0:20:03and, uh, couple loose ends that need tying up.
0:20:03 > 0:20:05Good, so I'll make the call, then, to get the extension?
0:20:05 > 0:20:07- Yeah, they need our help. - For the loose ends.
0:20:07 > 0:20:09- Great.- Good.- OK, you need a ride back to the office?
0:20:09 > 0:20:12No, no, I'm gonna go for a light 15k. I missed yesterday.
0:20:13 > 0:20:15Way to go, buddy. Way to go.