0:00:00 > 0:00:04OK, Jerry, what have you chosen to put in the time capsule?
0:00:04 > 0:00:06These are my mother's diaries.
0:00:06 > 0:00:08- Wow.- Yeah, she lived in Pawnee all of her life
0:00:08 > 0:00:10and recorded everything she ever did.
0:00:10 > 0:00:13So it's, you know, kind of like a living document about the town.
0:00:13 > 0:00:16Mmm. A disappointingly good idea from Jerry.
0:00:16 > 0:00:18Better than good, Jerry. Perfect.
0:00:18 > 0:00:19Give me that.
0:00:19 > 0:00:22"January 18, 1964.
0:00:22 > 0:00:25"Jerrold starred in his school production of Peter Pan.
0:00:25 > 0:00:27"He was a beautiful Tinker Bell."
0:00:27 > 0:00:28ALL LAUGH
0:00:28 > 0:00:30It was an all-boys school.
0:00:33 > 0:00:36HE LAUGHS Jerry!
0:00:36 > 0:00:38Hey, Leslie, I have an idea.
0:00:38 > 0:00:39Why don't we put Eduardo in there
0:00:39 > 0:00:43and seal the top so that he suffocates and dies?
0:00:43 > 0:00:45OK, Tom, you're up.
0:00:45 > 0:00:49For my item, I chose a picture of my ex-girlfriend Lucy
0:00:49 > 0:00:51with a moustache drawn on her face
0:00:51 > 0:00:54and stink lines coming off her, cos she stinks.
0:00:54 > 0:00:56She broke up with me. Didn't really tell me why.
0:00:56 > 0:00:59Luckily, when you're the guy, you can just tell people she's crazy.
0:00:59 > 0:01:01"Hey, Tom, I heard you and Lucy broke up."
0:01:01 > 0:01:04"Yeah, man. Turns out she's crazy."
0:01:04 > 0:01:06That's what they always do on Entourage.
0:01:06 > 0:01:08- Ron? - I am submitting this menu
0:01:08 > 0:01:11from a Pawnee institution, JJ's Diner,
0:01:11 > 0:01:13home of the world's best breakfast dish,
0:01:13 > 0:01:16The Four Horse-meals of the Egg-pork-calypse.
0:01:16 > 0:01:17Wendy loves it, too.
0:01:17 > 0:01:20And I am submitting this.
0:01:20 > 0:01:23A brief history of everything that has ever happened
0:01:23 > 0:01:25since Pawnee was founded.
0:01:25 > 0:01:27Not like you get extra credit for this, but I typed it from memory.
0:01:27 > 0:01:29And for the first time ever compiled,
0:01:29 > 0:01:34it includes a complete list of every official town slogan we've ever had.
0:01:34 > 0:01:37- Oh, my God, Leslie.- Can you believe it?- That's crazy.- Isn't it?
0:01:37 > 0:01:39"Pawnee, the Paris of America."
0:01:39 > 0:01:42"Pawnee, the Akron of south-west Indiana."
0:01:42 > 0:01:44"Pawnee. Welcome, German soldiers."
0:01:44 > 0:01:47After the Nazis took France, our mayor kind of panicked.
0:01:47 > 0:01:50"Pawnee, the factory fire capital of America."
0:01:50 > 0:01:52"Pawnee. Welcome, Vietnamese soldiers."
0:01:52 > 0:01:54"Pawnee. Engage with Zorp."
0:01:54 > 0:01:58For a brief time in the '70s, our town was taken over by a cult.
0:01:58 > 0:02:00"Pawnee. Zorp is dead. Long live Zorp."
0:02:00 > 0:02:02"Pawnee, it's safe to be here now."
0:02:02 > 0:02:05"Pawnee, birthplace of Julia Roberts."
0:02:05 > 0:02:07That was a lie, she sued, and so we had to change it.
0:02:07 > 0:02:11"Pawnee, home of the world-famous Julia Roberts lawsuit."
0:02:11 > 0:02:13"Pawnee. Welcome, Taliban soldiers."
0:02:13 > 0:02:15And finally, our current slogan.
0:02:15 > 0:02:18"Pawnee. First in friendship, fourth in obesity."
0:02:38 > 0:02:40Yes, Pawnee has had its set of problems,
0:02:40 > 0:02:43but this time capsule is our way of saying
0:02:43 > 0:02:46that Pawnee is going to be around for a long time...
0:02:46 > 0:02:49capsule. And you can quote me on that.
0:02:49 > 0:02:51I'll quote you on all of this, cos it's a newspaper article...
0:02:51 > 0:02:53- I thought of a great headline.- Great.
0:02:53 > 0:02:56"It's Time to Encapsulate the Future."
0:02:56 > 0:02:57- Good one.- Sub headline,
0:02:57 > 0:03:00"The Parks Department Cuts the Crapsule, Buries the Time Capsule."
0:03:00 > 0:03:03- I'll be back tomorrow with the photographer.- OK.
0:03:03 > 0:03:05Leslie, this guy's here.
0:03:05 > 0:03:06Hi. Can I help you?
0:03:06 > 0:03:09I'm Kelly Larson. I read online about your time capsule,
0:03:09 > 0:03:11and I'm here to make a suggestion.
0:03:11 > 0:03:13- Oh, I'm sorry. We're not taking... - The Twilight books.
0:03:13 > 0:03:17It's a beautifully told saga of vampires, werewolves and romance.
0:03:17 > 0:03:20You are the person that's been emailing me about Twilight.
0:03:20 > 0:03:22I thought you would be younger.
0:03:22 > 0:03:25- And a girl.- Well, I'm not. I'm older and a boy.
0:03:25 > 0:03:27But I feel very strongly that these should be included.
0:03:27 > 0:03:28Can I tell you why?
0:03:28 > 0:03:31- Sure, Kelly. Have a seat. - Awesome.
0:03:31 > 0:03:33- And plead your case.- Thanks.
0:03:33 > 0:03:35OK, Christmas Eve, 1973.
0:03:35 > 0:03:36Author Stephenie Meyer, nee Morgan,
0:03:36 > 0:03:38was born in Hartford, Connecticut.
0:03:38 > 0:03:41Oh. You're going all the way back to her birth. OK.
0:03:41 > 0:03:45So basically, Ann kissed me and then April kissed me,
0:03:45 > 0:03:48and I told April, because of honesty is important.
0:03:48 > 0:03:50That's so true.
0:03:50 > 0:03:52But now she's gone and gotten herself a Venezuelan boyfriend
0:03:52 > 0:03:55who's, like, the handsomest dude I've ever seen.
0:03:55 > 0:03:56Present company excluded.
0:03:56 > 0:03:58Oh, thank you.
0:03:58 > 0:04:00I was talking about me.
0:04:00 > 0:04:01Hey.
0:04:01 > 0:04:04Ann Perkins! Andy just gave me a phenomenal shoeshine
0:04:04 > 0:04:07and I did not know that you two once lived together.
0:04:07 > 0:04:08Yes. Yes, we did.
0:04:08 > 0:04:11Thank you for catching him up on our history.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13Andy, that was an amazing shoeshine.
0:04:13 > 0:04:16I can literally see my face in my shoes.
0:04:16 > 0:04:18See you later!
0:04:18 > 0:04:20He didn't... He didn't pay me.
0:04:20 > 0:04:22- Why are you hanging out with Chris? - He just sat down.
0:04:22 > 0:04:26- What am I supposed to do? He's my boss.- No, he's not.- He isn't?
0:04:26 > 0:04:27God dang it.
0:04:27 > 0:04:29I cannot figure out who my boss is.
0:04:29 > 0:04:30Andy, I like this guy.
0:04:30 > 0:04:32Please don't do anything weird, I beg you.
0:04:34 > 0:04:36I just started dating Chris, and I don't know how,
0:04:36 > 0:04:38but Andy's going to screw it up.
0:04:38 > 0:04:40Andy screws everything up.
0:04:40 > 0:04:43When we were dating, I bought him a fish. I don't want to get into it,
0:04:43 > 0:04:47but somehow that fish ended up dead in a cowboy boot.
0:04:47 > 0:04:50And combined, they have sold more than 100 million copies worldwide.
0:04:50 > 0:04:52Now, have you seen any of the Twilight movies?
0:04:52 > 0:04:55- No, I have not.- Well, let me describe them to you shot for shot.
0:04:55 > 0:04:58Movie number one. Twilight.
0:04:58 > 0:05:00We slowly pan up over a mossy log
0:05:00 > 0:05:02to see a deer drinking crystal-clear water.
0:05:02 > 0:05:05OK, Kelly, this time capsule isn't just
0:05:05 > 0:05:07a barrel full of stuff that people like.
0:05:07 > 0:05:10It's about life in Pawnee at this moment in time,
0:05:10 > 0:05:14and there is nothing in Twilight that is specific to Pawnee.
0:05:14 > 0:05:15I disagree, OK?
0:05:15 > 0:05:18The town of Forks, Washington is exactly like Pawnee,
0:05:18 > 0:05:21except for the climate and the vampires.
0:05:21 > 0:05:22I'm sorry. I have to say no.
0:05:22 > 0:05:24I beg you to reconsider.
0:05:24 > 0:05:28- I have to ask you to leave.- Then I'm going to have to do this.
0:05:34 > 0:05:36He brought handcuffs with him. This whole thing was planned.
0:05:36 > 0:05:37I think it's kind of cool.
0:05:37 > 0:05:41It's not cool. It's trespassing, and that is breaking the rules.
0:05:41 > 0:05:42Cool people don't break the rules.
0:05:42 > 0:05:45And if those kids want you to, they're not really your friends.
0:05:45 > 0:05:48- Whoa, who are you talking about?- I don't know. Sorry. I'm just annoyed.
0:05:48 > 0:05:52But on the subject, your friend Orrin with the black nails and cloak?
0:05:52 > 0:05:54- He concerns me.- He's a genius.
0:05:55 > 0:05:58I'll take care of this trespasser. Give me 30 seconds.
0:05:58 > 0:06:02- I'm going to call security.- Guys, can we push the meeting an hour?
0:06:02 > 0:06:03What's going on?
0:06:03 > 0:06:05Some guy handcuffed himself to a pipe in my office
0:06:05 > 0:06:08because we wouldn't put a copy of Twilight in the time capsule.
0:06:08 > 0:06:10Damn it. Again?
0:06:12 > 0:06:14You look sad.
0:06:14 > 0:06:16You look like a weird goon who's obsessed with a kid's book.
0:06:16 > 0:06:19It's a girl, isn't it? I can tell.
0:06:19 > 0:06:22It's the look Mike had on his face when Bella turned him down for the dance.
0:06:22 > 0:06:25Oh, yeah? Is it? What look did your mom have
0:06:25 > 0:06:27when she realised her son was a complete failure?
0:06:27 > 0:06:29OK, I'll be quiet.
0:06:29 > 0:06:31But I do know something about heartbreak.
0:06:31 > 0:06:33And you know who else does?
0:06:33 > 0:06:35- Kenneth "Babyface" Edmonds? - No.
0:06:35 > 0:06:38A little lady named Twilight author Stephenie Meyer.
0:06:39 > 0:06:40Trust me.
0:06:40 > 0:06:44You should listen to him. Those books are good.
0:06:44 > 0:06:49Oh, I love any book about vampires, werewolves, monsters, zombies,
0:06:49 > 0:06:52sorcerers, beasties or time-travelling romances.
0:06:52 > 0:06:55And if I had an hour alone with Robert Pattinson,
0:06:55 > 0:06:58he would forget all about Skinnylegs McGee. I'll tell you that much.
0:06:58 > 0:07:01OK, buddy, time is up. Give us the keys.
0:07:01 > 0:07:03They're hidden somewhere very far away.
0:07:03 > 0:07:05- Then we're cutting you loose. - I'm not doing anything wrong.
0:07:05 > 0:07:07Yes, you are. You're trespassing.
0:07:07 > 0:07:09Well, the fact remains this is perfectly legal.
0:07:09 > 0:07:11No, it's not. You're trespassing.
0:07:11 > 0:07:13Look, I really don't want to cause any trouble,
0:07:13 > 0:07:17but I am not leaving until you put Twilight in the time capsule.
0:07:17 > 0:07:19This muscle-headed Stormtrooper doesn't scare me.
0:07:19 > 0:07:21Go ahead, Artie.
0:07:21 > 0:07:23- SHRIEKS:- No! No! No! No! No!
0:07:23 > 0:07:26Please! No! No! No! No! No! No! Get him away from me!
0:07:26 > 0:07:27I am very scared of you!
0:07:27 > 0:07:31All right! OK! All right! All right! All right! Stop!
0:07:31 > 0:07:33'If he wants to stay in there, I'll let him stay in there.'
0:07:33 > 0:07:36In two hours, he's going to be so hungry and freaked out,
0:07:36 > 0:07:38he's going to be begging me to...
0:07:40 > 0:07:41He brought a pillow.
0:07:41 > 0:07:44Hey, Leslie, I'm making some Sleepytime tea. Do you want any?
0:07:44 > 0:07:45SHE SIGHS
0:07:46 > 0:07:49Hey, dude, wake up, man.
0:07:49 > 0:07:51Oh, morning, Tom.
0:07:51 > 0:07:53Twilight is dope.
0:07:53 > 0:07:55- I told you. - I couldn't put it down.
0:07:55 > 0:07:57It was like she was peering into my soul.
0:07:57 > 0:07:59Sing it, friend. Here.
0:07:59 > 0:08:03Book two. Twilight: New Moon. Get cracking.
0:08:03 > 0:08:05There's a second book?
0:08:05 > 0:08:07And a third and a fourth.
0:08:07 > 0:08:08- No- BLEEP- way!
0:08:10 > 0:08:11- It's fantastic.- Yeah.
0:08:11 > 0:08:14I worked really hard. I did every pair that I could.
0:08:14 > 0:08:16I didn't know what to do with these.
0:08:16 > 0:08:18- I think they're gloves. - No, no, no, no.
0:08:18 > 0:08:19Those are sports sandals.
0:08:19 > 0:08:21They are for adventure racing.
0:08:21 > 0:08:23They perfectly contour to the human foot,
0:08:23 > 0:08:25and the human foot is the ultimate technology.
0:08:25 > 0:08:29Dude, that is the coolest sentence I've ever heard somebody talk.
0:08:30 > 0:08:33So you love April, and she has a new boyfriend, right?
0:08:33 > 0:08:36- You got all of that from a picture? - No, you told me yesterday.
0:08:36 > 0:08:39Andy, I want to help you win her over.
0:08:41 > 0:08:42Why do I want to help him?
0:08:42 > 0:08:44Because he's a good person.
0:08:44 > 0:08:45I love good people.
0:08:45 > 0:08:48Hey, you know who should wear these shoes? Monkeys.
0:08:52 > 0:08:54Well, this is an interesting turn of events.
0:08:54 > 0:08:56Is it? I don't know. I guess it's kind of interesting.
0:08:56 > 0:08:59What the real story is is how wonderful our time capsule is
0:08:59 > 0:09:02and how it perfectly encapsulates,
0:09:02 > 0:09:04a word I really think you should use,
0:09:04 > 0:09:05what our town is all about.
0:09:05 > 0:09:07Hey, how's this for a headline?
0:09:07 > 0:09:09"Parks Department Foiled by Pipe Dreams."
0:09:10 > 0:09:13God, that's an amazing headline, but please don't write that story.
0:09:13 > 0:09:16The key to April's heart is within you, Andy.
0:09:16 > 0:09:19You need to tap in to the aspects of your personality
0:09:19 > 0:09:20that she once found attractive
0:09:20 > 0:09:23to make yourself the best version of yourself.
0:09:24 > 0:09:25What's great about you?
0:09:25 > 0:09:27- I'm nice.- Good! Nice.
0:09:29 > 0:09:30- What else?- I'm in a band.
0:09:30 > 0:09:32Band!
0:09:32 > 0:09:34- What else?- That's it.
0:09:36 > 0:09:39Am I Team Edward? Yes.
0:09:39 > 0:09:41Do I share his concerns about turning Bella, though?
0:09:41 > 0:09:43Absolutely not.
0:09:43 > 0:09:46Edward's primary goal, at all times, is Bella's protection.
0:09:46 > 0:09:50Can you please, please be quiet?
0:09:50 > 0:09:51Sorry. Sorry.
0:09:51 > 0:09:53Let's keep it down. Be considerate.
0:09:53 > 0:09:57(Look at it this way, Tom. Bella's love for Edward is being tested.)
0:09:57 > 0:09:59- By Jacob?- Mmm. Not exactly.
0:09:59 > 0:10:01- The Volturi?- Yes. - OK, you know what?
0:10:01 > 0:10:04I'm going to work in the conference room, cos you guys are the worst.
0:10:04 > 0:10:06You seem tense, Leslie. You know what you should do?
0:10:06 > 0:10:08Read Twilight?
0:10:08 > 0:10:11- Read Twilight. Here. - Yeah, thanks.
0:10:11 > 0:10:14Sometimes I think she's in the Volturi.
0:10:14 > 0:10:15ALL LAUGH
0:10:17 > 0:10:19Good morning, Kelly.
0:10:19 > 0:10:21Oh, morning, Leslie. Hope you don't mind, I moved myself to this pipe.
0:10:21 > 0:10:23- It's a little more comfortable. - No problem.
0:10:23 > 0:10:26- Did you have a nice night? Sleep well?- It was all right, considering.
0:10:26 > 0:10:28- Picked you up some coffee. - Thank you so much.
0:10:28 > 0:10:31- Well, you seem pretty chipper this morning.- I am, Kelly,
0:10:31 > 0:10:33because I know why you're here.
0:10:35 > 0:10:36You know what I did last night?
0:10:36 > 0:10:40Read Twilight, it transformed your life and it's in the time capsule?
0:10:40 > 0:10:41Well, I read the first 10 pages.
0:10:41 > 0:10:43I couldn't really get into it, though.
0:10:43 > 0:10:44More of a Harry Potter girl myself.
0:10:44 > 0:10:47- What?! - But I looked in the inside cover,
0:10:47 > 0:10:49and I saw this.
0:10:50 > 0:10:53Did a little research, and Liz Waverly is 12 years old,
0:10:53 > 0:10:55a straight-A student at King Philip Middle.
0:10:55 > 0:10:59She's also a member of many Twilight internet message boards,
0:10:59 > 0:11:01and I'm guessing your daughter?
0:11:02 > 0:11:05Is that why you did this? To impress your daughter?
0:11:05 > 0:11:08Liz's mom and I divorced a couple years ago,
0:11:08 > 0:11:10and it's been really hard on her.
0:11:10 > 0:11:12She loves Twilight.
0:11:12 > 0:11:14So, I read about your time capsule and I thought
0:11:14 > 0:11:17that if I could somehow convince you to get it in there,
0:11:17 > 0:11:18I'd be a big hero.
0:11:18 > 0:11:20That's really sweet.
0:11:20 > 0:11:23You should have told me you were doing this for your daughter.
0:11:23 > 0:11:26I didn't want to drag her into it. I'm sorry. This is a mistake.
0:11:26 > 0:11:28You don't have to put Twilight in the time capsule.
0:11:30 > 0:11:32We should put Twilight in the time capsule.
0:11:32 > 0:11:35Leslie, no. We don't negotiate with weirdoes.
0:11:35 > 0:11:39Yeah, what happened to, "A perfect encapsulation of life in Pawnee"?
0:11:39 > 0:11:41Well, for that guy, life in Pawnee is him
0:11:41 > 0:11:43and his daughter reading that book.
0:11:43 > 0:11:45Besides, I can get Shauna on board.
0:11:45 > 0:11:47It would make a great human interest story.
0:11:47 > 0:11:50Uh, if this gets out, every time you want to do anything,
0:11:50 > 0:11:51some guy's going to come into your office
0:11:51 > 0:11:53and handcuff himself to a pipe.
0:11:53 > 0:11:55Well, yeah, that's a good point.
0:11:56 > 0:11:59Then we shall bring the pipe to them.
0:11:59 > 0:12:01- Oh, no.- Oh, yes.
0:12:03 > 0:12:06- What does that mean? - Crackpot convention.
0:12:06 > 0:12:10So that's what today's forum is for. We'll hear suggestions from everyone,
0:12:10 > 0:12:13and then whichever items we generally agree on
0:12:13 > 0:12:15will go into the time capsule.
0:12:15 > 0:12:17Please remember, this is a government project,
0:12:17 > 0:12:21so we need to refrain from corporate promotion and religious items.
0:12:21 > 0:12:22Who'd like to start?
0:12:23 > 0:12:26- I think we should put in the Bible. - Great.
0:12:29 > 0:12:30Eduardo.
0:12:32 > 0:12:35Hi, Eduardo. I want to apologise.
0:12:35 > 0:12:37Just because you're dating my soul mate
0:12:37 > 0:12:39doesn't give me any right to be a jerk to you.
0:12:39 > 0:12:43I promise from now on, I'm just going to be super nice to you.
0:12:43 > 0:12:45- Thank you for saying that. - You're welcome.
0:12:45 > 0:12:47- What CDs are those?- Mouse Rat.
0:12:47 > 0:12:50My band. It's our latest album. Yeah.
0:12:50 > 0:12:52You like music? What are you listening to?
0:12:52 > 0:12:54The Smiths. Very depressing!
0:12:54 > 0:12:58April's making you listen to that? She's really into that indie stuff.
0:12:58 > 0:13:00I'm more of a Dave Matthews guy myself.
0:13:00 > 0:13:02David Matthews! Crash Into Me!
0:13:02 > 0:13:04Yes! I love that song.
0:13:04 > 0:13:06Here you go, here. Take one. Check us out.
0:13:06 > 0:13:08We're amazing, so let me know how much you like us.
0:13:08 > 0:13:10Yeah, gracias.
0:13:10 > 0:13:12That means "thank you"?
0:13:12 > 0:13:14- Yes.- Nailed it.
0:13:14 > 0:13:17So, we have one very moving case for Twilight.
0:13:17 > 0:13:19Anyone else? Great.
0:13:19 > 0:13:21- Two people for Twilight. - Oh, no, no, no, no.
0:13:21 > 0:13:22I'm Marcia Langman,
0:13:22 > 0:13:25from the Society for Family Stability Foundation.
0:13:25 > 0:13:29This book contains pagan creatures and strong sexual overtones.
0:13:29 > 0:13:32There are girls quivering.
0:13:32 > 0:13:34There are boys staring deeply into girls' eyes
0:13:34 > 0:13:36as they quiver, and so forth.
0:13:36 > 0:13:38There really is a tremendous amount of quivering.
0:13:38 > 0:13:40It is anti-Christian, it is pro-quivering,
0:13:40 > 0:13:44and the government has no business promoting it.
0:13:44 > 0:13:46I totally disagree.
0:13:46 > 0:13:49- Well, now we have two people for Twilight.- Absolutely not.
0:13:49 > 0:13:52I'm with the National Civil Liberties Association.
0:13:52 > 0:13:55That book actually contains overt Christian themes,
0:13:55 > 0:13:57and as such, has no business being
0:13:57 > 0:14:00associated with any government project.
0:14:00 > 0:14:04So too Christian, and not Christian enough?
0:14:04 > 0:14:06Do you see the irony here?
0:14:06 > 0:14:07No? OK. Uh...
0:14:07 > 0:14:11Donna, why don't you put a question mark next to Twilight?
0:14:11 > 0:14:13No! You promised!
0:14:13 > 0:14:15You promised? That's not fair!
0:14:15 > 0:14:18- Wait, it's not a question of fairness.- Go back to Russia, commie!
0:14:18 > 0:14:19Hey, you go back to Russia!
0:14:19 > 0:14:22- You go back to wherever you came from!- Why would I...
0:14:22 > 0:14:25THEY ALL ARGUE FIERCELY
0:14:25 > 0:14:28- Uh, who else?- I would like to include my favourite book,
0:14:28 > 0:14:30Crazy From The Heat, the David Lee Roth story.
0:14:30 > 0:14:33If we're going to be adding a book to the time capsule,
0:14:33 > 0:14:34it would probably be Twilight.
0:14:34 > 0:14:37I don't care about Twilight. Why is this only about his favourite?
0:14:37 > 0:14:39I want my favourite book in there.
0:14:39 > 0:14:41OK, I have an idea.
0:14:41 > 0:14:43Two time capsules.
0:14:43 > 0:14:45One that totally encapsulates
0:14:45 > 0:14:47what's happening right now in Pawnee in this moment in time
0:14:47 > 0:14:50and the other one that's just for items of personal significance,
0:14:50 > 0:14:53- like Twilight.- No Twilight!
0:14:53 > 0:14:55Yes, Twilight!
0:14:57 > 0:14:58- Hey.- Hey.
0:14:58 > 0:15:00Thanks for coming.
0:15:00 > 0:15:02I only have a second. I have to get to work.
0:15:02 > 0:15:04Bella's going on her first hunt.
0:15:06 > 0:15:08I just don't get why you broke up with me.
0:15:08 > 0:15:10Is it cos I'm not cool enough?
0:15:10 > 0:15:12Like the normal kids compared to the vampires?
0:15:12 > 0:15:15Is it an Edward-Bella-Jacob type situation,
0:15:15 > 0:15:17where you like me but there's someone else you like more?
0:15:17 > 0:15:19Uh...
0:15:19 > 0:15:22It's nothing to do with Twilight.
0:15:22 > 0:15:24It just didn't work out.
0:15:24 > 0:15:26- OK?- Well, what difference does it make?
0:15:26 > 0:15:29If we stayed together, you would have just dumped me for Ron.
0:15:29 > 0:15:31Actually, that's the reason.
0:15:31 > 0:15:34I believe you when you say you're not in love with Wendy anymore,
0:15:34 > 0:15:37but you're definitely not cool with her dating Ron.
0:15:37 > 0:15:38You talk about it constantly.
0:15:38 > 0:15:40Well, I can't help it, OK?
0:15:40 > 0:15:42I mean, he's so manly, and he's my boss.
0:15:42 > 0:15:45Imagine if your boss was Angelina Jolie,
0:15:45 > 0:15:48and then one day, she just started dating your ex-boyfriend.
0:15:48 > 0:15:49Wouldn't that freak you out?
0:15:49 > 0:15:52Well, not if I had a great new boyfriend, dumbass.
0:15:52 > 0:15:53Look, Tom, I like you.
0:15:53 > 0:15:56You're really cute and you're funny,
0:15:56 > 0:15:58and you're small enough for me to throw you around.
0:15:58 > 0:16:02So if you ever work through this, then give me a call.
0:16:08 > 0:16:10My grandmother lived in Pawnee for 60 years,
0:16:10 > 0:16:14and I want to put her ashes in the time capsule.
0:16:14 > 0:16:17My cat, Turnip, was the greatest cat ever,
0:16:17 > 0:16:20and I'd like to put his ashes in the time capsule.
0:16:20 > 0:16:23For the last time, and I won't say this again,
0:16:23 > 0:16:26there will be no human or feline ashes
0:16:26 > 0:16:27in either one of the time capsules.
0:16:27 > 0:16:31- CHANTS:- Except for Turnip! Except for Turnip!
0:16:31 > 0:16:33No chanting.
0:16:33 > 0:16:36Look, we don't know what the world is going to be like in 50 years.
0:16:36 > 0:16:40We could all have been wiped out from disease or the flu.
0:16:40 > 0:16:41So what's your suggestion?
0:16:41 > 0:16:44I don't know.
0:16:44 > 0:16:45I'm just scared.
0:16:45 > 0:16:46Hey.
0:16:54 > 0:16:55Ugh!
0:16:58 > 0:17:01HE PLAYS FLAMENCO RIFF
0:17:01 > 0:17:04- Andy!- I got two microphones, a four-track recorder
0:17:04 > 0:17:06and every bass tab to Dave Matthews ever.
0:17:08 > 0:17:10- We're going to jam for, like, nine hours. Is that cool?- Yeah!
0:17:10 > 0:17:12That's ridiculous.
0:17:12 > 0:17:17Now, why should the Bill of Rights be in the official time capsule,
0:17:17 > 0:17:21but this painting of my dog is in time capsule seven?
0:17:21 > 0:17:26Well, I think pet paintings/ashes are in time capsule four.
0:17:26 > 0:17:29No, that's baseball cards.
0:17:29 > 0:17:33No, baseball cards are in time capsule nine, childhood memorabilia.
0:17:33 > 0:17:36Honestly, Twilight could go in almost any of these categories.
0:17:36 > 0:17:38- Oh, shut up, Kelly!- Make me, Bob!
0:17:38 > 0:17:41OK, let's take a 10-minute break!
0:17:41 > 0:17:43Oh, God.
0:17:43 > 0:17:45This time capsule's tearing this town apart.
0:17:45 > 0:17:47You're leaving soon.
0:17:47 > 0:17:48Can I blame it on you in the press?
0:17:48 > 0:17:50Sure.
0:17:50 > 0:17:53Well, I gotta say, I think it's kind of impressive.
0:17:53 > 0:17:56I've been to lots of towns. Usually people don't care about anything.
0:17:56 > 0:17:57I mean, don't get me wrong.
0:17:57 > 0:18:01These people are weirdos, but they're weirdos who care.
0:18:05 > 0:18:06Excuse me, everyone.
0:18:06 > 0:18:09I realise things have gotten a little out of control,
0:18:09 > 0:18:11and that's Ben's fault, and he's sorry.
0:18:11 > 0:18:13But I have an idea, and if you like it,
0:18:13 > 0:18:15I think we can end this right now.
0:18:16 > 0:18:17"Dear Pawnee of the future,
0:18:17 > 0:18:19"congratulations.
0:18:19 > 0:18:23"You have found a time capsule that was buried over 50 years ago.
0:18:23 > 0:18:27"We wanted to include a collection of items that would best represent
0:18:27 > 0:18:30"what life was like in our town at that moment.
0:18:30 > 0:18:33"Instead, you'll find only one item,
0:18:33 > 0:18:36"a video recording of a public forum we held
0:18:36 > 0:18:39"in order to determine just what those items would be.
0:18:39 > 0:18:41"This is truly what life was like.
0:18:41 > 0:18:43"A lot of people with a lot of opinions
0:18:43 > 0:18:46"arguing passionately for what they believed in.
0:18:46 > 0:18:51"So enjoy watching it, assuming you still have electricity.
0:18:51 > 0:18:54"And sorry about the weird blank gap in the middle.
0:18:54 > 0:18:58"A man named Jerry Gergich screwed up the recording somehow.
0:18:58 > 0:19:00"He had one job to do.
0:19:01 > 0:19:04"Sincerely, Pawnee of the past."
0:19:08 > 0:19:10Is Eduardo coming?
0:19:10 > 0:19:12No, he went back to Venezuela.
0:19:12 > 0:19:14Oh, that sucks.
0:19:14 > 0:19:17He was a really good bassist. I was actually starting to like him.
0:19:17 > 0:19:20I know. That's what made me start to hate him.
0:19:24 > 0:19:27Hey. Nice and band totally worked.
0:19:31 > 0:19:34Have you enjoyed your time with Andy?
0:19:34 > 0:19:36Yeah, he's great.
0:19:36 > 0:19:38And he told me how great you are.
0:19:38 > 0:19:42And he told me that I would be crazy to let you get away.
0:19:42 > 0:19:44- He did, huh?- He did.
0:19:44 > 0:19:46And also, there is a pretzel stand over there
0:19:46 > 0:19:49that serves, literally, the best pretzel I've ever had.
0:19:49 > 0:19:50- Would you like one?- Absolutely.
0:19:52 > 0:19:55- Hey, guys.- Hey, Tom.- Tom!
0:19:55 > 0:19:57Listen, I've never seen this before,
0:19:57 > 0:19:59so I'd really appreciate it if no-one, like,
0:19:59 > 0:20:01talked or texted or anything. OK.
0:20:01 > 0:20:03Ooh!
0:20:07 > 0:20:10- Hey.- Hey, Leslie, thanks for setting this up.
0:20:10 > 0:20:11Dude, what did I just say?
0:20:11 > 0:20:15- Hey, I was the guy who introduced you to...- How about you shut up?