0:00:02 > 0:00:05GARAGE MUSIC PLAYS
0:00:08 > 0:00:10Whack one up there, Steves.
0:00:11 > 0:00:14This program contains some strong language.
0:00:16 > 0:00:19That lamppost there, Steves, quick time, quick time.
0:00:19 > 0:00:21All right, go.
0:00:26 > 0:00:28Fuck it. Fuck it. That'll do.
0:00:28 > 0:00:31That'll do, Steves, that'll do! Right, let's go.
0:00:44 > 0:00:47You lot have got to hold it down, yeah?
0:00:47 > 0:00:50Like, I cannot get caught on this moped, like.
0:00:50 > 0:00:53Since my driving ban, Roche gets very weird about it.
0:00:54 > 0:00:58Oh, fuck, what's he doing up?
0:00:58 > 0:01:00He tells his mum everything.
0:01:00 > 0:01:02There's no man code, do you know what I mean?
0:01:02 > 0:01:03There should be a man code.
0:01:05 > 0:01:08If I want to watch pornos, let me, don't tell your mum.
0:01:08 > 0:01:11If I want to drive the moped, let me, don't tell your mum.
0:01:11 > 0:01:13Them ones.
0:01:13 > 0:01:14Little snake.
0:01:21 > 0:01:23Here you are, Craig, made you a breakfast.
0:01:23 > 0:01:25- Cheers.- Want the ketchup? - Yeah, just put it there.
0:01:25 > 0:01:27Ah, he's a man of hidden talents, isn't he?
0:01:27 > 0:01:29I'm not hiding anything,
0:01:29 > 0:01:33so just making sure that Big Man gets a decent breakfast, like.
0:01:33 > 0:01:34What time did you get in last night?
0:01:34 > 0:01:37I heard you creeping about like a pervert in the middle of the night.
0:01:37 > 0:01:39About two.
0:01:39 > 0:01:40More like four.
0:01:41 > 0:01:44Yeah, maybe it was four, actually. Thank you, Craig.
0:01:45 > 0:01:48So are you trying to work out a man code with Craig?
0:01:48 > 0:01:51Yeah, but it's a bit weird cos it's not like a mate man code,
0:01:51 > 0:01:53so I'm just trying to...
0:01:53 > 0:01:54I'm trying to pally it up
0:01:54 > 0:02:01until we're proper connected, and then I'll bring the code in.
0:02:01 > 0:02:04Be good, Craig, catch you later.
0:02:19 > 0:02:21- Weapon X?- Here.
0:02:21 > 0:02:22- Fantasy?- Here.
0:02:22 > 0:02:24- Beats?- Here.
0:02:24 > 0:02:25Decoy?
0:02:29 > 0:02:30Decoy?
0:02:30 > 0:02:31I drove you here.
0:02:31 > 0:02:34Yeah, but just say here, then, don't...
0:02:34 > 0:02:37try and overrule everything constantly.
0:02:39 > 0:02:43- Right, so obviously today's a very special day.- Yeah.
0:02:43 > 0:02:46- It is the day of the live caller competition!- Competition.
0:02:46 > 0:02:49So, I've got everyone here today basically to come up with
0:02:49 > 0:02:53the question that one of our number one fans would be able to answer,
0:02:53 > 0:02:56like, someone who's worthy of it, do you know what I mean?
0:02:56 > 0:02:59- Not just trying to get a bit of free perfume and that.- Yeah, exactly.
0:02:59 > 0:03:02So, everyone needs to think, yeah, let's think of a question.
0:03:02 > 0:03:03Steven?
0:03:05 > 0:03:07You all right?
0:03:07 > 0:03:09Fucking hell, it's the bear people.
0:03:09 > 0:03:11Yeah, Kurupt FM is so popular, like,
0:03:11 > 0:03:15if you go anywhere in this area, then there's a few places that
0:03:15 > 0:03:17play it. Like, there's a cafe down there that sometimes
0:03:17 > 0:03:20when I pop in there they're playing Kurupt and I think
0:03:20 > 0:03:23he's just out there and everyone's listening to his voice, like,
0:03:23 > 0:03:24it's amazing.
0:03:24 > 0:03:26See, it's very, very big in Brentford area.
0:03:26 > 0:03:29We should probably base it around someone, someone on this station...
0:03:29 > 0:03:32- Hmm.- I don't know, maybe one of the main ones or something like that.
0:03:32 > 0:03:34What do you lot think? Like, who's...
0:03:34 > 0:03:35who's one of the main ones on the...
0:03:35 > 0:03:37I'm just trying to think, do we...do we do...
0:03:37 > 0:03:39- Probably you.- Huh? Probably me?
0:03:39 > 0:03:42- Yeah, yeah, that's... That could work, couldn't it?- Yes.
0:03:42 > 0:03:44What if we did a thing, yeah, how do crop circles get formed?
0:03:44 > 0:03:46No, just come on, think about something, think.
0:03:46 > 0:03:48That is interesting, like, cos I don't even know.
0:03:48 > 0:03:50That's proper good. That's interesting.
0:03:50 > 0:03:51Yeah, I mean we've always
0:03:51 > 0:03:53- done competitions, really.- Yeah.
0:03:53 > 0:03:55Like, it's a part of the whole
0:03:55 > 0:03:57sort of pirate radio culture,
0:03:57 > 0:03:59- do you know what I mean? - Yeah, it's a standard thing.
0:03:59 > 0:04:02It's like our way of giving back something to the fans,
0:04:02 > 0:04:04you know what I mean? Like, that's why...
0:04:04 > 0:04:08But this time we've got a special little surprise in store for them.
0:04:08 > 0:04:11Yeah, we normally give 'em, like, a £5 phone credit and that,
0:04:11 > 0:04:15but this time, erm, they're getting designer perfume, so.
0:04:15 > 0:04:18Yeah, well, that's...that's what they think anyway, innit?
0:04:18 > 0:04:21- Oh, are they not getting the perfume? - No, they are, but...- Oh.
0:04:21 > 0:04:24Got an extra little twist this time, yeah.
0:04:24 > 0:04:26Yeah, me and Grindah are going to surprise 'em.
0:04:26 > 0:04:28Don't say it when I've...
0:04:28 > 0:04:31Cos there's a video, yeah, on YouTube where the Crost...
0:04:31 > 0:04:35What's it called? Roswell, where the thing landed, crashed down,
0:04:35 > 0:04:37and they had a dead one, they actually did a autopsy on it.
0:04:37 > 0:04:40- Right, can we just...- And it's all there, like, it's all proof.
0:04:40 > 0:04:42Can we just focus now, yeah? Focus on the question.
0:04:42 > 0:04:45Ah, what about what was Grindah's old MC name?
0:04:45 > 0:04:47- That's... I don't know, could that...?- Is that...?
0:04:47 > 0:04:49Do you think anyone would know that or...?
0:04:49 > 0:04:51Do I think everyone...? Of course they'd know it.
0:04:51 > 0:04:53Everyone knows who I am.
0:04:53 > 0:04:54Don't you think it's too easy, mate?
0:04:54 > 0:04:57- I could think of a harder one if you like.- Don't... Just sshh.
0:04:57 > 0:04:58Stop getting in his head, all right,
0:04:58 > 0:05:01cos you're making it all about you again when it's actually about
0:05:01 > 0:05:03giving something back to one of the fans, all right?
0:05:08 > 0:05:10Here we go.
0:05:10 > 0:05:11This is the prize
0:05:11 > 0:05:12that I've kindly donated.
0:05:12 > 0:05:15It is Sean Paul Gaultier,
0:05:15 > 0:05:17world exclusive.
0:05:17 > 0:05:21Only available from Chabuddy's Worldwide Internet Cabin Cafe.
0:05:21 > 0:05:23Um, they've started to go a bit stagnant
0:05:23 > 0:05:25so I thought might as well shift a...
0:05:25 > 0:05:27VACUUM CLEANER HUMS
0:05:27 > 0:05:28Ho-ho-ho!
0:05:28 > 0:05:33There we go. What every man needs, a bloody good woman, isn't it?
0:05:33 > 0:05:36Aldona!
0:05:36 > 0:05:39I missed you! HE LAUGHS
0:05:39 > 0:05:41- Move.- All right.
0:05:41 > 0:05:44She, er... Big day today for Aldona.
0:05:44 > 0:05:46Her brother's coming over from Poland
0:05:46 > 0:05:48and she's just doing a bit of cleaning.
0:05:48 > 0:05:51Um... She doesn't clean like this for me.
0:05:51 > 0:05:53SHE SPEAKS POLISH
0:05:53 > 0:05:55Ah, I forgive you.
0:05:56 > 0:05:57Very good, very good.
0:06:03 > 0:06:06What's it like on competition days?
0:06:06 > 0:06:09It's tiring and you've got to put in a lot of energy,
0:06:09 > 0:06:11- and also you're blazing all day, so...- Kevin?
0:06:11 > 0:06:13..don't want to get a headache.
0:06:13 > 0:06:18- Huh?- I could've sworn that moped was facing the other way yesterday.
0:06:18 > 0:06:20Is it? Really?
0:06:20 > 0:06:22Yeah. No-one's been using it, have they?
0:06:22 > 0:06:24- No.- Sure?
0:06:25 > 0:06:28Oh, yeah, er... Cos I must've
0:06:28 > 0:06:32moved it cos the sunlight's hitting one side
0:06:32 > 0:06:37and so the colour was fading, so I turned it round so that it's even.
0:06:37 > 0:06:38Forgot about that.
0:06:38 > 0:06:40You do remember our little deal, though, don't you?
0:06:40 > 0:06:43- Yeah, yeah, of course.- Do you want to tell these lot about it?
0:06:43 > 0:06:44Yeah, man's on a driving ban right now,
0:06:44 > 0:06:47- so I can't really drive the moped, like.- And?
0:06:48 > 0:06:51- And we've got a deal where I can't drive the moped.- And?
0:06:53 > 0:06:56And if I do drive the ped, then I've got to pick up all the hard tissues
0:06:56 > 0:06:58from under Craig's bed.
0:06:58 > 0:07:01I don't even want to think about how many there must be under that bed
0:07:01 > 0:07:04right now. It's probably like papier-mache.
0:07:05 > 0:07:06Sorry, mate.
0:07:11 > 0:07:14- What?- Nothing, mate, you just eat your ham.- Nothing.
0:07:14 > 0:07:16- All right. - Take it up, take that with you.
0:07:16 > 0:07:17Get your strength up, love.
0:07:20 > 0:07:23Do you enjoy spending time with the family, then?
0:07:23 > 0:07:24Yeah, I really... I've start...
0:07:24 > 0:07:28At first I, like, just come in to see Roche, just checking her
0:07:28 > 0:07:32every now and then, do you know what I mean? No strings attached, simple.
0:07:32 > 0:07:37But then I met the little man and it all changed. I felt passion.
0:07:37 > 0:07:42And, er... Do you, er, do you like older women?
0:07:42 > 0:07:43- Who me?- Yeah.
0:07:45 > 0:07:47I get whatever I can, to be honest with you,
0:07:47 > 0:07:49and it just so happened that Roche liked man,
0:07:49 > 0:07:51so I just went true on it.
0:07:51 > 0:07:53What?
0:07:53 > 0:07:56TANNOY: The next train to arrive on platform one will be...
0:07:56 > 0:07:57He should be coming now.
0:07:58 > 0:08:00Excited?
0:08:00 > 0:08:04Is that him? No, that's just a black woman. It's OK.
0:08:04 > 0:08:07- Dalek!- That's him.
0:08:11 > 0:08:13That's nice.
0:08:13 > 0:08:16They are really affectionate, you know, that's the thing.
0:08:16 > 0:08:17How are you doing, you all right?
0:08:17 > 0:08:18SHE SPEAKS POLISH
0:08:20 > 0:08:23- You came on train, yeah? - Train, yeah.
0:08:23 > 0:08:24Yeah.
0:08:27 > 0:08:28All right, jump in the Merc.
0:08:34 > 0:08:37MC'ING
0:08:42 > 0:08:44Right about now we're running a competition, yeah.
0:08:44 > 0:08:46Live callers, come through.
0:08:46 > 0:08:50- Come through.- So the question is, what is my old MC name?
0:08:50 > 0:08:54So that is, what is MC Grindah's old MC name?
0:08:54 > 0:08:59- Phone line number to get you through will be...- 07700 9001 108.9.
0:08:59 > 0:09:03So to get your hands on some exclusive perfume
0:09:03 > 0:09:06- you know what to do.- Call us.
0:09:06 > 0:09:09Don't say it, they already know, just... All right.
0:09:09 > 0:09:13So, OK, next up we're just going to run a little message
0:09:13 > 0:09:15from one of our sponsors letting you know that
0:09:15 > 0:09:18if you want to be winning yourself something, something,
0:09:18 > 0:09:20tonight, tonight then you'd better get to know.
0:09:20 > 0:09:24- RECORDING:- If you are one of our lucky competition winners today,
0:09:24 > 0:09:26you can collect your prize, an exclusive bottle of
0:09:26 > 0:09:28limited edition Sean Paul Gaultier perfume
0:09:28 > 0:09:30from Chabuddy's Worldwide Internet Cabin Cafe.
0:09:30 > 0:09:32- But wait, that's not all... - No, no, that is all.
0:09:33 > 0:09:35Did you lot hear that?
0:09:36 > 0:09:37HE LAUGHS
0:09:37 > 0:09:40Oh, it's just me on bloody radio again, isn't it?
0:09:40 > 0:09:42Bit of advice for you actually, mate,
0:09:42 > 0:09:44I know you're fresh off the boat and that,
0:09:44 > 0:09:48- ladies love a disco jockey, mate. - A DJ?- Yeah, a DJ.
0:09:48 > 0:09:50No, I like man in kitchen.
0:09:51 > 0:09:54- I like when I hear you cook.- Yeah?
0:09:54 > 0:09:57- Mm.- OK.
0:09:57 > 0:09:58I think I know what you want.
0:10:04 > 0:10:07Aldona, I'm chopping stuff.
0:10:07 > 0:10:11- Mmm.- You like that, yeah?- Mmm, nice.
0:10:11 > 0:10:14Did you hear that? I'm chopping. I was chopping stuff just then.
0:10:14 > 0:10:16- Yes, it's, er...- You heard it?
0:10:16 > 0:10:18- ..very sexy.- Yeah?
0:10:18 > 0:10:21- You chop more?- More?- Mm.
0:10:21 > 0:10:22You're greedy.
0:10:26 > 0:10:29THEY SPEAK POLISH
0:10:30 > 0:10:31I'm marinating.
0:10:33 > 0:10:36You can't hear it, but I'm marinating.
0:10:50 > 0:10:52They're his moped keys.
0:10:52 > 0:10:54Craig!
0:10:54 > 0:10:56Have you seen Kevin on his moped?
0:10:56 > 0:10:58- Yeah, why?- When?
0:10:58 > 0:10:59Last night.
0:11:01 > 0:11:03Right, then.
0:11:03 > 0:11:04What use is he to us in prison?
0:11:06 > 0:11:09"What use is he to us?" is more the question.
0:11:13 > 0:11:15Who's going to be my selector on point?
0:11:15 > 0:11:17Don't know, don't know.
0:11:17 > 0:11:19Ladies and gentlemen, if you're listening, this is one of
0:11:19 > 0:11:23the famous Kurupt FM giveaways, yeah. Make sure you dial the number.
0:11:23 > 0:11:26- Exactly. Do not miss out! - It's a competition, yeah?
0:11:26 > 0:11:29- Exactly.- So, and the question is...
0:11:29 > 0:11:32What is my old MC name?
0:11:33 > 0:11:35PHONE RINGS
0:11:35 > 0:11:40Ah, shh, everyone quiet, be quiet. Come on, turn it down.
0:11:40 > 0:11:43Caller, you're live. What's your name and where do you come from?
0:11:43 > 0:11:46- Ah, yeah, it's Ben from Isleworth. - Hold tight, Ben.
0:11:46 > 0:11:49Ah, big up the Isleworth mandem. I sees ya.
0:11:49 > 0:11:51- What's the question? - What, are you...
0:11:51 > 0:11:53What is my MC name?
0:11:54 > 0:11:55Which one are you?
0:11:55 > 0:11:57Oh, for f... Cut him, cut him off.
0:11:59 > 0:12:01Well, that was pointless, wasn't it?
0:12:01 > 0:12:03Big up all the pointless ringers, like, make sure...
0:12:03 > 0:12:05No, let me illiterate, yeah?
0:12:05 > 0:12:08If you call up, make sure you've got the right answer.
0:12:08 > 0:12:09Caller, you're blocked.
0:12:09 > 0:12:11Yeah, you're blocked, mate, your number's blocked.
0:12:11 > 0:12:13You can't even get no shout-outs, no relays.
0:12:13 > 0:12:16So, you've made your bed, now sit in it. You lose.
0:12:16 > 0:12:18We always have, like, a little sort of VIP party
0:12:18 > 0:12:20when there's something special going on at radio.
0:12:20 > 0:12:23Having mocktails, aren't we, Ange?
0:12:23 > 0:12:25There you go.
0:12:25 > 0:12:27I tried to put, like, a bit of salt round the edge so that, you know,
0:12:27 > 0:12:30it'd be like a proper cocktail, but it all just sort of fell in.
0:12:30 > 0:12:33Here's to a big night, hey? Yeah.
0:12:34 > 0:12:35Down it in one.
0:12:35 > 0:12:36Or you don't have to.
0:12:40 > 0:12:43Little bit more sugar?
0:12:43 > 0:12:44Yeah, all right.
0:12:46 > 0:12:49THEY SPEAK IN POLISH
0:13:05 > 0:13:07Ah, this is so much fun, guys.
0:13:07 > 0:13:10Er, what shall we do tonight?
0:13:10 > 0:13:11I'll tell you what,
0:13:11 > 0:13:14I'll get the CDs out, have a little disco party, DJ party,
0:13:14 > 0:13:16what do you reckon, huh?
0:13:16 > 0:13:19HE SPEAKS POLISH
0:13:19 > 0:13:20He's bang on it.
0:13:22 > 0:13:24- Baby?- Yes, baby?
0:13:25 > 0:13:27- Yes?- Get me more beer?
0:13:27 > 0:13:31OK, OK, I can do that. Drinking games? I like that.
0:13:31 > 0:13:33Go hard or go home back to bloody Poland.
0:13:33 > 0:13:35- Can you go now?- Now?
0:13:35 > 0:13:37OK, OK, all the way,
0:13:37 > 0:13:39if you tell me to. You know I like to be bossed around.
0:13:39 > 0:13:40OK, go now or I hit you.
0:13:40 > 0:13:42OK, OK.
0:13:42 > 0:13:44I like that, I like that.
0:13:44 > 0:13:47Treat me mean, keep me keen. Keep me erect, more like.
0:13:49 > 0:13:52It's alL right, he doesn't understand.
0:13:52 > 0:13:54Me and Aldona like to role-play, you know,
0:13:54 > 0:13:57she'd call me, like, these funny racist names and things,
0:13:57 > 0:13:59like "you dirty, curry-eating bastard"
0:13:59 > 0:14:02and "get back into the lorry that you climbed out of"
0:14:02 > 0:14:03and stuff like that.
0:14:03 > 0:14:06I bloody love it, to be fair. I really like it, you know.
0:14:06 > 0:14:10She'll say things like, er, that my penis is like a really weird colour
0:14:10 > 0:14:12and that it's tiny and stuff like that, you know.
0:14:12 > 0:14:13Sexy, you know.
0:14:15 > 0:14:17Maybe we should change the question.
0:14:17 > 0:14:19No, we're not going to change the question until someone
0:14:19 > 0:14:24gets it right, and then there's no point to change it anyway, so, no.
0:14:25 > 0:14:27Actually, you know what it is, just one last...
0:14:27 > 0:14:30Let me use your phone?
0:14:31 > 0:14:34I mean give it a bell, see if it works.
0:14:34 > 0:14:35Cos it might not be...
0:14:35 > 0:14:37- It might be signal cos of the cameras and that.- Yeah.
0:14:40 > 0:14:41PHONE RINGS Hello.
0:14:41 > 0:14:43Oh, for... No, it's working.
0:14:43 > 0:14:45Pointless, then, innit?
0:14:45 > 0:14:47Ah, you know what? Whatever, leave it.
0:14:53 > 0:14:57MUFFLED DANCE MUSIC PLAYS
0:14:58 > 0:14:59MUFFLED LAUGHTER FROM INSIDE
0:15:01 > 0:15:03Aldona!
0:15:05 > 0:15:07Sweetie face.
0:15:09 > 0:15:10Sugar tits.
0:15:22 > 0:15:24Ah, it's all steamed up.
0:15:26 > 0:15:28They must've found my Wii dance mat.
0:15:34 > 0:15:35Authentic Polish beers.
0:15:45 > 0:15:47Absolutely pointless.
0:15:49 > 0:15:52PHONE RINGS
0:15:54 > 0:15:57Hello and welcome to the Kurupt FM hotline.
0:15:58 > 0:16:01- What's your name and that? - It's Joe from Brentford.
0:16:01 > 0:16:03Yes, Joseph. Erm...
0:16:04 > 0:16:05What's the answer?
0:16:07 > 0:16:10Er, did he used to be called MC Sniper?
0:16:10 > 0:16:13- Oi!- Oh-h!
0:16:13 > 0:16:14Sound! Sound!
0:16:14 > 0:16:16Ho! Ho! Ho!
0:16:16 > 0:16:19- Ah, mate! It's going absolutely... - They're going absolutely...
0:16:19 > 0:16:21- ..wild inside!- Yeah. It's like rampage.
0:16:21 > 0:16:25- Everyone inside's going mental, like. - It's like rampage, a carnival here.
0:16:25 > 0:16:26It is, mate. How are you feeling, Joe, mate?
0:16:26 > 0:16:30- Good, yeah, cheers, guys, yeah. - Sounds over the moon, doesn't he?
0:16:30 > 0:16:32Can I get the perfume posted just cos I'm working?
0:16:32 > 0:16:34Er, sorry, mate, you can't get it posted.
0:16:34 > 0:16:36You're going to have to go down Chabuddy's internet cafe.
0:16:36 > 0:16:38We'll text you the address.
0:16:38 > 0:16:40Ah, God, you're going to have such a great time.
0:16:40 > 0:16:42- All right, no worries. Cheers, guys. - All right. Uh-uh.
0:16:42 > 0:16:44Any final words, mate?
0:16:44 > 0:16:47- Er...- No, he's been cut off. - He's probably overexcited.
0:16:47 > 0:16:49Yeah, probably smiling too much the cheek pressed the button.
0:16:49 > 0:16:52- Yeah, uh-huh.- Big up Joe.
0:16:52 > 0:16:58That was so nerve-racking, like, such an amazing day for Joe, though.
0:16:58 > 0:17:01Ah, little lightweight. She can't party like her mum can.
0:17:03 > 0:17:05Shall we get a couple of beers in?
0:17:05 > 0:17:06Yeah, let's get the beers in.
0:17:06 > 0:17:08Wepster, up with you, mate, let's get a few beers.
0:17:08 > 0:17:11- You boys up for a few beers?- Yeah. - Let's go, mate, come on.
0:17:11 > 0:17:15- Er, mate! Jesus, that is... - And we're going to surprise him.
0:17:15 > 0:17:18- Whoo!- Boys, I've been sick, bruv. - Huh?- I've been sick, bruv.
0:17:18 > 0:17:20Er, we'll get him to clean it up himself in the morning
0:17:20 > 0:17:22since it's part of his morning clear-up.
0:17:22 > 0:17:25- Ah, that's a fucking success. - That is a fucking success, mate.
0:17:25 > 0:17:26Grindah...
0:17:28 > 0:17:29Graffiti style, so.
0:17:29 > 0:17:32I might even do a little...
0:17:32 > 0:17:33- headphone sign there as well.- Yeah.
0:17:33 > 0:17:37Er, it looks like a penis, mate. Just don't...
0:17:37 > 0:17:38We'll go...
0:17:40 > 0:17:42- We turned it into a K, so... - Oh, yeah.
0:17:42 > 0:17:44Kurupt. It's like our logo.
0:17:44 > 0:17:45Kuruption.
0:17:47 > 0:17:48MUFFLED DANCE MUSIC PLAYS
0:17:50 > 0:17:52I'll probably just wait in the Merc, it's a bit warmer in here.
0:17:59 > 0:18:01They're obviously having some kind of dance-off tournament
0:18:01 > 0:18:03or something, you know.
0:18:03 > 0:18:06It's lucky I'm not involved, bro, I'd probably win every round.
0:18:17 > 0:18:20Probably... Probably call it a night, yeah, lads, yeah?
0:18:33 > 0:18:35- Quite a lot this time, yeah?- Yeah.
0:18:35 > 0:18:37- You know how I like it, don't ya? - Yeah, I know.- Loads.
0:18:37 > 0:18:40No, don't have it all sticking up and that, I'm not in a boy band.
0:18:40 > 0:18:41No, that's just...
0:18:41 > 0:18:43- Just make sure your head's straight. - OK.- Thank you.
0:18:43 > 0:18:46Make sure it's all forward with the bits, like...
0:18:46 > 0:18:49Yeah, no, I know how to do it. I invented this one for you.
0:18:49 > 0:18:51It's one of the things I like most about the job actually,
0:18:51 > 0:18:55- is the, er... If I'm honest, is the public appearances, innit?- Yeah.
0:18:55 > 0:18:56It must be, like, so exciting,
0:18:56 > 0:18:59like, meeting your real-life heroes in real life.
0:18:59 > 0:19:02Yeah, it is. It's, yeah, in our industry, yeah,
0:19:02 > 0:19:05- we have to give back to the fans, do you know what I mean?- Yeah.
0:19:05 > 0:19:09It's like, one little moment in my life will change a fan's life
0:19:09 > 0:19:11- forever, probably, so.- Yeah.
0:19:11 > 0:19:14No, I don't really get jealous, cos, like,
0:19:14 > 0:19:16I understand what it takes to be in this sort of industry, like.
0:19:16 > 0:19:18I read a lot of celeb magazines.
0:19:18 > 0:19:20Like, obviously I'm going to have to get used to,
0:19:20 > 0:19:23like, girls chasing after Grindah and that kind of thing,
0:19:23 > 0:19:26but you just have that trust between you.
0:19:26 > 0:19:28And anyway, like, if anything was going on I'd know about it
0:19:28 > 0:19:31cos I look through all his e-mails and texts.
0:19:31 > 0:19:33That's perfect, that is. Looks good, doesn't it?
0:19:33 > 0:19:35- Yeah, looks really nice. - What hat shall I wear with it?
0:19:35 > 0:19:37Oh, no, you don't need a hat, like, no.
0:19:37 > 0:19:40Sshh... I'm an MC, I need a hat, OK?
0:19:41 > 0:19:42Get me a hat.
0:19:44 > 0:19:45There you go.
0:19:51 > 0:19:53- Spot on.- Yeah.
0:19:55 > 0:19:56Now get the jeans.
0:20:09 > 0:20:13Quite nervous actually. Erm, about to meet a fan,
0:20:13 > 0:20:17- so never done that before, it's real exciting.- You going out?
0:20:20 > 0:20:22- Huh?- Where are you going?
0:20:22 > 0:20:24Just got this, this radio thing...
0:20:24 > 0:20:26All right, I was just wondering,
0:20:26 > 0:20:28um, what's better out of Nuts and Zoo magazine?
0:20:30 > 0:20:33Nuts, more posters. Why?
0:20:33 > 0:20:36Well, I was just thinking I'd get Craig a bit of afternoon reading.
0:20:37 > 0:20:40Are they...? They're my moped keys, yeah?
0:20:40 > 0:20:43Yeah, they are.
0:20:43 > 0:20:44Look, Roche, I'm really sorry, yeah,
0:20:44 > 0:20:47but I had to, like, ride it the other night.
0:20:47 > 0:20:48It didn't mean anything, though.
0:20:48 > 0:20:50Well, it does mean something, doesn't it?
0:20:50 > 0:20:52It means you've broken the deal.
0:20:52 > 0:20:53Is Roche the boss?
0:20:53 > 0:20:57Nah, not of me. I'm my own boss.
0:20:57 > 0:20:59I control my own chakra.
0:20:59 > 0:21:01Looked like you'd been in a bit of trouble recently, though.
0:21:01 > 0:21:04Yeah, yeah, I've been in a bit of trouble recently but, still,
0:21:04 > 0:21:07it doesn't make me not the boss of my own life.
0:21:08 > 0:21:10Nah, she is in charge, though, to be fair.
0:21:10 > 0:21:13Realistically, yeah, she's in charge.
0:21:13 > 0:21:16- Cos you know, she'll be seeing this. - Yeah, exactly, that's why I said it.
0:21:16 > 0:21:19All right, well, I'm really sorry. I'll do it when I get back, yeah?
0:21:19 > 0:21:22- Mm-hm.- All right, sweet.
0:21:22 > 0:21:25Well, you might want to pick up some gloves on your way back
0:21:25 > 0:21:27to stop the fresh ones from sticking to your hands.
0:21:33 > 0:21:35- Disappointed in you, son.- Why?
0:21:43 > 0:21:46So, brother, nice one. Easy, boys.
0:21:48 > 0:21:51- You're ready for fan signing, yeah? - Wah-hey!- Good balls! He loves it.
0:21:51 > 0:21:55- Both of them are.- So this is our, um, our little fan day,
0:21:55 > 0:21:58- do you know what I mean? They're going to love it, yeah.- Yeah, yeah.
0:21:59 > 0:22:02- Chabsy!- Chabsy! - Let me do it first.- OK.
0:22:04 > 0:22:06- Think he's in the van.- Chab... Oh.
0:22:06 > 0:22:10- Is that him?- Oh, he's asleep. Sh-sh.
0:22:10 > 0:22:12- Pranked him.- Shall I? - Classic prank.
0:22:12 > 0:22:13I'll prank him as well.
0:22:15 > 0:22:16WHISPERING
0:22:16 > 0:22:18Chabsy!
0:22:19 > 0:22:22Where the fuck have you been? You look fucked, mate.
0:22:22 > 0:22:24Yeah...
0:22:24 > 0:22:27I had a bit of a mental one last night in the Portakabin,
0:22:27 > 0:22:28a little party.
0:22:28 > 0:22:30Er...I must've drunk about eight or nine beers.
0:22:30 > 0:22:32I fell asleep in the van by accident.
0:22:32 > 0:22:34- Is that Aldona's brother, yeah? - Yeah.
0:22:34 > 0:22:37- They're a bit close, aren't they? - Hey, don't judge, mate, all right?
0:22:37 > 0:22:39If you haven't been to Poland, then you don't understand it,
0:22:39 > 0:22:43- it's different.- All right, see that. - I might just go and help him pack.
0:22:43 > 0:22:45- He's got to catch a train or something.- All right there, mate?
0:22:45 > 0:22:47- Have a shower or something, yeah? - All right, mate.
0:22:47 > 0:22:50- Is it all right to use your van? - The van? Oh, the Merc?
0:22:50 > 0:22:51- Yeah.- All right, nice one.- Ah-h!
0:22:51 > 0:22:54Now we can burst out like a music video, like get out the way!
0:22:54 > 0:22:58BOTH: Get out the way, someone's getting shot, wah-hey!
0:22:58 > 0:22:59So if you hadn't been in music,
0:22:59 > 0:23:01where would you be now, do you think?
0:23:01 > 0:23:04Probably in a slammer, like, you know, the street life
0:23:04 > 0:23:06technology, like, do you know what I mean?
0:23:06 > 0:23:09When you're in that, life-street mentality, yeah,
0:23:09 > 0:23:11when you're raised in this, yeah,
0:23:11 > 0:23:15you've got either music or jail, like, do you know what I mean?
0:23:15 > 0:23:17- Yeah.- I'd probably work in Megabulb, Felton,
0:23:17 > 0:23:19- cos my cousin's got a little job there, so...- Yeah.
0:23:19 > 0:23:22..he'd probably hook me up with that.
0:23:22 > 0:23:25- Right, so basically, yeah, you're going to be standing there...- Yeah.
0:23:25 > 0:23:28..and then all you do is, it's simple, you just say,
0:23:28 > 0:23:29"I ain't got the perfume
0:23:29 > 0:23:32- "but maybe Grindah can help you out with that," yeah?- Yeah.
0:23:32 > 0:23:35And I'm just like, bang, boot the door open, like.
0:23:35 > 0:23:37- you know what I mean, yeah?- Yeah.
0:23:37 > 0:23:40Ah, it's going to be mental, I'm going to love this.
0:23:40 > 0:23:41And they will as well, so.
0:23:45 > 0:23:47You lot filmed fan stuff before?
0:23:47 > 0:23:50It's pretty... It can get a bit...
0:23:50 > 0:23:51on top.
0:23:53 > 0:23:55It's started raining out here now, so.
0:23:57 > 0:23:59- Are you talking to me?- Yeah.
0:23:59 > 0:24:00Well, I'm in the van.
0:24:02 > 0:24:05Obviously it ain't always about the glamorous lifestyle,
0:24:05 > 0:24:07do you know what I mean? But we'll probably eventually
0:24:07 > 0:24:11have our own merchandise, raves, er...aftershave line.
0:24:11 > 0:24:13I Am Kurupt.
0:24:13 > 0:24:14That's the name of it.
0:24:14 > 0:24:17Yeah, we actually spoke to someone at Debenhams about it
0:24:17 > 0:24:20and they seemed... Said they was going to get in contact, so.
0:24:20 > 0:24:22She wasn't really sure, the girl on the perfume bit.
0:24:22 > 0:24:25Obviously we need to speak to people higher up.
0:24:25 > 0:24:29I should've just gone round the back of the van.
0:24:29 > 0:24:32Just walked out. This is a bit of a piss-take now.
0:24:32 > 0:24:35Let me ask if he can see him.
0:24:35 > 0:24:36Any sign of him or what?
0:24:36 > 0:24:38Nothing yet, mate. Dead up.
0:24:40 > 0:24:42- Hold on. - HE WHISTLES
0:24:42 > 0:24:45- I can see him now. - Don't forget the signal.
0:24:45 > 0:24:47No, I won't.
0:24:47 > 0:24:49- You all right, mate?- Hi there.
0:24:49 > 0:24:55You all right? Er, we were going to give you perfume, but we've run out.
0:24:59 > 0:25:02- What?- Yeah, we've run out,
0:25:02 > 0:25:04but maybe...
0:25:04 > 0:25:06just maybe...
0:25:07 > 0:25:08Huh?
0:25:08 > 0:25:11You've locked the door, fuck's sake! Beats! This is a fucking joke.
0:25:11 > 0:25:15Oh, for fuck... That's not it, for fuck's sake, you've ruined it!
0:25:15 > 0:25:18You fucked up the whole thing! That's not how it was meant to go!
0:25:18 > 0:25:20You've completely ruined it!
0:25:20 > 0:25:23- Should we go again?- Do you want to just... Well, we can't go again,
0:25:23 > 0:25:25he's seen me now, look at him.
0:25:25 > 0:25:27He's not going to be surprised, it's a waste of time now,
0:25:27 > 0:25:29the whole vibe's been ruined, so...
0:25:29 > 0:25:31Let's do a photo, let's do a picture.
0:25:31 > 0:25:33- Sure.- Steves.- I've got a camera.
0:25:33 > 0:25:34Whatever, come on, just...
0:25:34 > 0:25:35I've got to shoot off in a second
0:25:35 > 0:25:37cos I'm just on my lunch break, so...
0:25:37 > 0:25:39Yeah, well, I'm in a rush as well, so.
0:25:40 > 0:25:42That's it.
0:25:42 > 0:25:45Actually, have you got one without all the writing on it?
0:25:45 > 0:25:48That's signed by us, that's the whole point.
0:25:48 > 0:25:49Well, it's actually a present.
0:25:49 > 0:25:51Go in there afterwards, he'll sort you out one.
0:25:51 > 0:25:54Have you lot got a signing cos this is a joke, right?
0:25:54 > 0:25:57What's the point without us signing anything, like?
0:25:57 > 0:25:59What about the shirt, like a footballer?
0:26:01 > 0:26:03Fuck it, yeah, let's just use my shirt.
0:26:03 > 0:26:05- Yeah? Sign the shirt, yeah? - Huh? His...
0:26:05 > 0:26:08- Said we can sign his shirt. - Sign his shirt?- Yeah.
0:26:08 > 0:26:11Celebrity fan signing, do you know what I mean? It's... It's...
0:26:11 > 0:26:14This is what happens, part and parcel of the business, really, innit?
0:26:14 > 0:26:16- Yeah, pass the parcel.- Ah, see now, come on, let's go, let's go.
0:26:16 > 0:26:19- Aargh.- Ah.
0:26:19 > 0:26:21- Do the...- Smiling yeah?
0:26:21 > 0:26:22Do Kurupt K. Yeah.
0:26:22 > 0:26:27So, nice one, mate, see you later. Pop yourself off, yeah?
0:26:27 > 0:26:28He loved it. Did you lot get that, yeah?
0:26:28 > 0:26:30Signed his shirt and everything.
0:26:30 > 0:26:33It does happen quite a lot, doesn't it? See you later, mate.
0:26:33 > 0:26:34Yeah, I got one, so.
0:26:34 > 0:26:35Yeah, yeah, yeah.
0:26:35 > 0:26:37- Cheers, see you. - See you later, mate. Yeah.
0:26:37 > 0:26:39That was really draining, though, wasn't it?
0:26:39 > 0:26:42Yeah, no, it is. You'll have to get used to it, actually, yeah.
0:26:42 > 0:26:45MUSIC: "Neighbourhood" by Zed Bias
0:26:52 > 0:26:56I just love the way that she kind of treats me like shit.
0:26:56 > 0:26:58That's real, you know.
0:26:58 > 0:27:00I'd rather be with someone like that
0:27:00 > 0:27:03than be with some bloody bimbo bitch, cos, let's be honest,
0:27:03 > 0:27:04most of girls are like that with me.
0:27:04 > 0:27:07They see the money, they see the moustache,
0:27:07 > 0:27:10they see the Gucci, the Prada, Versace and that, yeah.
0:27:10 > 0:27:12They're like, "He's obviously got money," isn't it, yeah?
0:27:12 > 0:27:14But I don't want that. I don't get that.
0:27:14 > 0:27:17I want a real bitch, you know, a real tom needs a real bitch,
0:27:17 > 0:27:19and she's a real bitch.
0:27:19 > 0:27:20She's my bitch.
0:27:29 > 0:27:30Ah-h!
0:27:30 > 0:27:33Absolutely bloody mental.
0:27:33 > 0:27:35Oh, my God. How did it go?
0:27:35 > 0:27:37Yeah, good, actually.
0:27:37 > 0:27:41I ended up signing his shirt, so just standard for me, really.
0:27:41 > 0:27:42What, his actual shirt?
0:27:42 > 0:27:44Yeah, yeah, yeah. Got you something as well.
0:27:44 > 0:27:46What did you get me?
0:27:46 > 0:27:49Nothing, just a little Sean Paul Gaultier perfume.
0:27:50 > 0:27:52What?
0:27:52 > 0:27:55For free as well. Don't even worry about giving me any money.
0:27:55 > 0:27:56- Amazing.- Yeah.
0:27:56 > 0:27:58- Actual Sean Paul Gaultier? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
0:27:58 > 0:28:02- Aw, thank you so much.- Cool, just...
0:28:02 > 0:28:04Aw.
0:28:05 > 0:28:07It's lovely. Love you.
0:28:07 > 0:28:08Huh?
0:28:08 > 0:28:09Come on, give me a kiss.
0:28:11 > 0:28:13- Love you.- You too.
0:28:15 > 0:28:17And Beats signed it, too, that's nice.
0:28:18 > 0:28:19WHISPERS
0:28:19 > 0:28:20BEATS RETCHES
0:28:20 > 0:28:22That smells like crab.
0:28:26 > 0:28:28Not putting this on the telly.
0:28:28 > 0:28:29Stop.