0:00:02 > 0:00:04This programme contains strong language.
0:00:04 > 0:00:07# Hype on the riddim, it's a...boom seleck!
0:00:07 > 0:00:09# Hype on the riddim, it's a...boom seleck!
0:00:09 > 0:00:11# Hype on the riddim, it's a...boom seleck! #
0:00:11 > 0:00:13RAP MUSIC CONTINUES
0:00:13 > 0:00:16- It's DJ Beats right now. - It's MC Grindah right now.
0:00:16 > 0:00:18- And what time is it, Grinds? - It's about grime time!
0:00:18 > 0:00:20What's changed since we were last here?
0:00:20 > 0:00:24- Erm, subs have gone up 50p.- Yeah. - Innit?- Yeah.
0:00:24 > 0:00:27Decoy's got a new exhaust fitted.
0:00:27 > 0:00:29- Yeah.- Erm... - Sounds like an aeroplane.
0:00:29 > 0:00:31EXHAUST ROARS
0:00:31 > 0:00:33Do you think you've got more listeners now?
0:00:33 > 0:00:37Yeah, I'd say we're at least on double figures now.
0:00:37 > 0:00:39- Oh, yeah. At least.- Per show. - Yeah, yeah.
0:00:39 > 0:00:42- Max.- At least. Max. - At least, yeah.
0:00:42 > 0:00:43At least max, yeah.
0:00:43 > 0:00:45- # B stands for brutality - I said E
0:00:45 > 0:00:46# Stands for the energy
0:00:46 > 0:00:49- # I said A - Stands for Audi
0:00:49 > 0:00:50- # I say T - Audi TT
0:00:50 > 0:00:52- # T! - Guaranteed
0:00:52 > 0:00:53- # T! - Riding the beat
0:00:53 > 0:00:55# T!
0:00:55 > 0:00:56- BOTH:- # T! #
0:00:56 > 0:00:59Have you got more attention now you've got the beard?
0:00:59 > 0:01:01A lot of attention from the beard, yeah.
0:01:01 > 0:01:03I'm getting a lot of the mums down Green Dragon,
0:01:03 > 0:01:06do you know what I mean, checking me out and that, yeah.
0:01:06 > 0:01:09Cos they know I'm on telly, so they think I got bare money.
0:01:09 > 0:01:12I ain't. Cos you lot don't give us no money.
0:01:12 > 0:01:17This programme contains strong language.
0:01:17 > 0:01:20- Miche! - You get it!- Miche!
0:01:20 > 0:01:22Oh. They're 'ere!
0:01:23 > 0:01:26- All right, boys. What's going on? - All right?
0:01:26 > 0:01:29'It's a big day, big event for all of us. It's exciting.'
0:01:29 > 0:01:32Angel becoming a Christian is probably the biggest event
0:01:32 > 0:01:34she's ever been through, other than being born,
0:01:34 > 0:01:36so, yeah, it's pretty big.
0:01:36 > 0:01:38Are you a Christian?
0:01:38 > 0:01:39I'm not technically christened,
0:01:39 > 0:01:42but I definitely am a very spiritual person.
0:01:42 > 0:01:44And I think I have Christian morals.
0:01:44 > 0:01:47Like, I love Christmas, for example.
0:01:47 > 0:01:50I love, like, everything about Christmas, like, getting presents,
0:01:50 > 0:01:55eating loads of food, so I think I do believe in God in that way, yeah.
0:01:55 > 0:01:58Miche! Do you know where my Avirex is?
0:01:58 > 0:02:01You've... Miche, there's glitter all over it.
0:02:01 > 0:02:03- Huh? Oh, sorry. I've been doing T-shirt designs.- Don't put...
0:02:03 > 0:02:06It's hectic, it gets everywhere!
0:02:06 > 0:02:08They should have more christening emoticons, shouldn't they?
0:02:08 > 0:02:11So what I've done is like a baby's head with some water splashes
0:02:11 > 0:02:13and then a church. Like, what else?
0:02:13 > 0:02:16- I dunno. Just, like, smiley face or...- Mm.
0:02:16 > 0:02:18- A gun?- Why a gun?
0:02:18 > 0:02:20Godfather, innit.
0:02:20 > 0:02:22- Love that.- See ya later.
0:02:22 > 0:02:25Basically, yeah, when you get Christianed,
0:02:25 > 0:02:27- you need a godfather, yeah. - Godfather.
0:02:27 > 0:02:29So it's a very important decision I have to make,
0:02:29 > 0:02:31do you know what I mean, like?
0:02:31 > 0:02:33- And it's going to be someone that's very close to me...- Yeah.
0:02:33 > 0:02:35..and someone that's loyal.
0:02:35 > 0:02:36It's out of Decoy and Beats.
0:02:38 > 0:02:40But...
0:02:40 > 0:02:41I thought it was going to be me.
0:02:41 > 0:02:43Huh? Well, we'll see.
0:02:43 > 0:02:45Whoever's the most deserving out of them two.
0:02:45 > 0:02:48- Congrats, mate. You're in the running.- Yeah, but...
0:02:48 > 0:02:49Nah, you've made it to the finals.
0:02:49 > 0:02:52- Oh, it's the finals?- Yeah! It's them two.- Oh, sick.- Yeah.
0:02:54 > 0:02:57- Lean back.- Huh?- Lean back.
0:02:57 > 0:03:00- Oh, that's lovely, that is. Cheers, mate.- It's all right.
0:03:00 > 0:03:01See that?
0:03:05 > 0:03:06And what are you doing here?
0:03:06 > 0:03:09So these are designs for Angel's christening T-shirt.
0:03:09 > 0:03:12And it's just so everyone can have a sort of memento from the day.
0:03:12 > 0:03:13Oh.
0:03:13 > 0:03:15Like, I did GCSE Art, so, yeah, just using some of the skills
0:03:15 > 0:03:18and techniques I picked up from then.
0:03:18 > 0:03:20This is just a sketch, though. It'll look a lot better
0:03:20 > 0:03:22when a professional's done it.
0:03:26 > 0:03:27Oh, shit.
0:03:27 > 0:03:31'I've conquered the snack world, conquered the DJ world,
0:03:31 > 0:03:32'the rig doctoring world,
0:03:32 > 0:03:35'been there, done that and now I'm printing the T-shirt.'
0:03:35 > 0:03:38Designer T-shirt...printing!
0:03:38 > 0:03:40It's emphasis, you know.
0:03:42 > 0:03:44The first lady of Kurupt FM enters.
0:03:44 > 0:03:45- All right.- How you doing?
0:03:45 > 0:03:47All right, yeah. Thanks so much for this.
0:03:47 > 0:03:49I was going to go Snappy Snaps,
0:03:49 > 0:03:50but Grindah said you could do it a bit cheaper.
0:03:50 > 0:03:53Yeah, no, I've actually got my own printing machine.
0:03:53 > 0:03:55- Pretty?- Printing machine, so...
0:03:55 > 0:03:58- Pretty?- Er, printing. Printing machine.
0:03:58 > 0:04:00- Machine to...- Oh, right, yeah! No, printing machine.
0:04:00 > 0:04:01- Yeah, 'course.- Exactly, yeah.
0:04:01 > 0:04:05I got it off Uncle Bobby. Yeah, he told me that it's like a 3D printer,
0:04:05 > 0:04:09- but 2D, so you actually save on energy.- It's so big!
0:04:09 > 0:04:11That's what they all bloody say.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13Yeah, when it comes to fashion, I'm always one step ahead.
0:04:13 > 0:04:15Sometimes, people look at me strangely
0:04:15 > 0:04:16and they're like, what's he wearing?
0:04:16 > 0:04:18These are actually women's boots.
0:04:18 > 0:04:20I like the heel on them, I like the texture of them.
0:04:20 > 0:04:23They're very er...silky smooth, easy clean.
0:04:23 > 0:04:27The jacket is real halal lambskin leather,
0:04:27 > 0:04:29blessed by the guy at the mosque.
0:04:29 > 0:04:32- OK, so I've sketched out a sort of family portrait.- Mm-hm.
0:04:32 > 0:04:35Obviously, this is rough, so the final product will need to be
0:04:35 > 0:04:38sort of more classy, but with that sort of essence of heaven.
0:04:38 > 0:04:40Like, does that sound OK?
0:04:40 > 0:04:43Erm... Yeah, definitely. Listen, I can handle anything, you know.
0:04:43 > 0:04:45- Yeah.- I'm a self-made guy, you know. - Yeah.
0:04:45 > 0:04:49I came here in '93 with nothing but £5 and my brother's passport...
0:04:49 > 0:04:50MY passport.
0:04:50 > 0:04:52Definitely my passport.
0:04:54 > 0:04:57Shout out Steve's in action, too. I see ya.
0:04:57 > 0:04:59# Up and down, she's rubbing it
0:04:59 > 0:05:00# Up and down, she's rubbing it
0:05:00 > 0:05:02# What's that? Yeah, she's loving it.
0:05:02 > 0:05:04# I said up and down, she's rubbing it,
0:05:04 > 0:05:06- # Up and down - She's rubbing it
0:05:06 > 0:05:07- # Up and down - She's rubbing it.
0:05:07 > 0:05:09# To be fair, she's loving it. #
0:05:09 > 0:05:11She always bloody does, to be fair.
0:05:11 > 0:05:14- Do you know what I mean? - They always do, mate!
0:05:14 > 0:05:16So what makes a good godfather?
0:05:16 > 0:05:19Oi, a good godfather is someone that is...
0:05:19 > 0:05:21- that listens.- Listens.- Yeah?
0:05:21 > 0:05:23- Erm...is loyal.- Loyal.
0:05:23 > 0:05:26- Erm...looks out for people. - For people.
0:05:26 > 0:05:28- Er, keeps themselves to themselves. - To themselves.
0:05:28 > 0:05:31- You're talking over me.- Sorry.
0:05:31 > 0:05:34That's minus one in the godfather chart, mate.
0:05:34 > 0:05:36Oh!
0:05:36 > 0:05:37POLICE SIRENS WAIL
0:05:43 > 0:05:44See that, Decoy, mate?
0:05:44 > 0:05:48You want to step your levels up, mate.
0:05:48 > 0:05:49Keep going.
0:05:50 > 0:05:52Yeah, that's fine.
0:05:53 > 0:05:55ENGINE STARTS
0:05:55 > 0:05:56'To be honest, like,
0:05:56 > 0:06:00'the whole Godfather thing, like, it don't really bother me.
0:06:00 > 0:06:03Like, I'm always there for them, innit, so if they ever need me,
0:06:03 > 0:06:05- then I'm there, either way. - ANGEL LAUGHS
0:06:05 > 0:06:07Why do you care about her so much?
0:06:08 > 0:06:12Pfff... That's a bit of a weird question to be honest, like...
0:06:13 > 0:06:17I'm just there, innit. They're like...family.
0:06:17 > 0:06:19Right, so this is just mine and Angel's dance routine,
0:06:19 > 0:06:22obviously in the early stages, but, we'll just show you
0:06:22 > 0:06:24- where we've got to so far... - DANCE MUSIC STARTS
0:06:24 > 0:06:29And one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.
0:06:29 > 0:06:31One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.
0:06:31 > 0:06:34MUSIC: Play Hard by David Guetta ft. Ne-Yo and Akon
0:06:34 > 0:06:35Remember tits and teeth.
0:06:37 > 0:06:39Decoy, stand back a bit.
0:06:39 > 0:06:40MUSIC CONTINUES
0:06:40 > 0:06:43Right, so I've toned down the dance routine.
0:06:43 > 0:06:46- We don't need a dance routine.- Yeah, yeah. No, sure. Absolutely, yeah.
0:06:46 > 0:06:49We can just see how it goes on the day. If there's time.
0:06:49 > 0:06:51Cos we're ready either way, aren't we, Ange?
0:06:51 > 0:06:53- Yeah? Cool. - Five, six, seven, eight...
0:06:53 > 0:06:55And lasso. And round, and round.
0:06:55 > 0:06:57And round. Shimmy down.
0:06:57 > 0:07:01- Can we just try and keep it simple? - Lasso, lasso.
0:07:01 > 0:07:03- No, Miche. Stop going over the top with everything.- Do you remember
0:07:03 > 0:07:06the gun fingers I taught you on your birthday last year?
0:07:06 > 0:07:09Don't confuse her, she's got to remember the christening routine.
0:07:09 > 0:07:12No, she doesn't! Angel, don't do a routine!
0:07:12 > 0:07:13GRINDAH SIGHS
0:07:13 > 0:07:17Right, so I've sorted the T-shirts. Er, what else, what else?
0:07:17 > 0:07:20Ooh! Do you want to see her christening dress?
0:07:20 > 0:07:23- Angel, are you looking forward to getting Christianed?- Yep.
0:07:23 > 0:07:26You know you're going to have a new godfather tomorrow, yeah?
0:07:26 > 0:07:29Which means you will always have a guardian to protect you
0:07:29 > 0:07:32throughout your tiny life. Yeah?
0:07:33 > 0:07:36Ooh, ideally, though, I suppose he needs to be somebody
0:07:36 > 0:07:39that has experience of actually being a legal guardian.
0:07:39 > 0:07:41Innit?
0:07:41 > 0:07:44She agreed. Angel agreed with me!
0:07:44 > 0:07:46Isn't that a bit much?
0:07:46 > 0:07:48No, cos this way, you know, she could always re-use it
0:07:48 > 0:07:51later on in life. I got a couple of sizes bigger so, you know,
0:07:51 > 0:07:53maybe within the next sort of 18 months, two years,
0:07:53 > 0:07:55she could use it as like a bridesmaid's dress,
0:07:55 > 0:07:58- if she was ever a bridesmaid.- Well, no, cos we don't know anyone
0:07:58 > 0:08:01that's getting married and... Let's just change the subject.
0:08:02 > 0:08:03Oh!
0:08:03 > 0:08:04DECOY GROANS
0:08:04 > 0:08:06This brings me back.
0:08:06 > 0:08:08Hit me, Angel!
0:08:08 > 0:08:10- DECOY GROANS - Hit me! Hit me!
0:08:12 > 0:08:14Hit me! Angel, hit me!
0:08:16 > 0:08:21Oh! We're having a great time. We're having a great time!
0:08:21 > 0:08:24'Yeah, I do think Kevin would make a good godfather.
0:08:24 > 0:08:27'I mean, you know, he's got a lot of things going for him.'
0:08:27 > 0:08:29Kids love him, he's a lot of fun.
0:08:29 > 0:08:31You know, he can be a right old laugh,
0:08:31 > 0:08:34cos he's really on their level, mentally.
0:08:34 > 0:08:36Right, now you're both dead!
0:08:36 > 0:08:38I'm not.
0:08:38 > 0:08:40'She seems a bit fonder of Decoy, you know,
0:08:40 > 0:08:42'but I think that's cos she sees more of him.'
0:08:44 > 0:08:46Er...you know.
0:08:47 > 0:08:48RUSTLING
0:08:48 > 0:08:51Put that on there. OK.
0:08:51 > 0:08:52MUSIC PLAYS
0:08:52 > 0:08:55And down...
0:08:55 > 0:08:56we go.
0:08:56 > 0:08:57- PHONE RINGS - Yes.
0:08:57 > 0:08:59Yeah, Aldona!
0:09:02 > 0:09:03Hello? Aldona?
0:09:03 > 0:09:05HE BREATHES HEAVILY
0:09:05 > 0:09:08Yeah, all right. I'll come round later.
0:09:08 > 0:09:10Yeah, come and get it later, man.
0:09:11 > 0:09:15It's bloody Abdi, innit. He forgot his scarf, I thought it was Aldona!
0:09:15 > 0:09:16HE GRUNTS
0:09:16 > 0:09:18So where is Aldona?
0:09:18 > 0:09:21Oh, you know, she's very spontaneous. Sometimes she'll just
0:09:21 > 0:09:23kind of head out for a couple of months and she'll come back
0:09:23 > 0:09:27with, you know, my credit card, hopefully, this time, Aldona!
0:09:29 > 0:09:32You know, she's like a bloody sexy, slutty Frisbee.
0:09:32 > 0:09:34You know, I'll throw her away sometimes,
0:09:34 > 0:09:36she'll always come back, mate.
0:09:36 > 0:09:38It's all banter, you know.
0:09:38 > 0:09:39Banter, banter.
0:09:40 > 0:09:42No, please come back, Aldona.
0:09:44 > 0:09:46So do you know who the godfather's going to be, then?
0:09:46 > 0:09:47I feel like it has to be Beats, surely?
0:09:47 > 0:09:49Cos, you know, I think he'd be really good,
0:09:49 > 0:09:51like, caring and thoughtful.
0:09:51 > 0:09:55Well, we still got Decoy in the running.
0:09:55 > 0:09:56I just think it feels a bit weird, you know,
0:09:56 > 0:09:58Decoy being the godfather.
0:09:58 > 0:10:00- Why would it be weird?- Oh, I dunno.
0:10:00 > 0:10:03- It just doesn't seem...- Oh, Miche, come on! Get with the times.
0:10:03 > 0:10:04It's the 21st century, all right?
0:10:04 > 0:10:07- Skin colour does not matter any more.- Oh, my God! No, no.
0:10:07 > 0:10:09I'm not saying that. I'm just saying, you know,
0:10:09 > 0:10:11- he's around a lot already. - Which is good.- So maybe it's good...
0:10:11 > 0:10:12KNOCK ON DOOR
0:10:12 > 0:10:15..to get someone else. Oh, my God, Chapatti's here!
0:10:17 > 0:10:18Hello.
0:10:18 > 0:10:20Special delivery for Lady Miche.
0:10:20 > 0:10:22- Can I have a look?- You may.
0:10:31 > 0:10:33Killed it.
0:10:33 > 0:10:35Smashed it.
0:10:35 > 0:10:38Oh, my God. Chapatti...
0:10:38 > 0:10:39I think I hate them.
0:10:41 > 0:10:44- SHE SOBS - This is ruined!
0:10:44 > 0:10:47- What the fuck's she going on about? Miche!- I don't know, mate.
0:10:47 > 0:10:49- Tell him to fuck off!- It glitters.
0:10:49 > 0:10:51- Fucking hell, mate.- Classy.- Jesus!
0:10:51 > 0:10:53I'm not having her crying all through
0:10:53 > 0:10:55my godfather announcement, all right?
0:10:55 > 0:10:57Right, we need to think of summat.
0:10:57 > 0:11:00- GRINDAH CLICKS Here's what we're going to do.- OK.
0:11:00 > 0:11:02- You bosh out some T-shirts.- Mm. - Something simple.
0:11:02 > 0:11:04Just like a picture of Angel and the date.
0:11:04 > 0:11:07- Yeah?- OK, cool.
0:11:07 > 0:11:09- So what are you going to do then? - What d'you mean?
0:11:09 > 0:11:11Nah, I mean, when you were saying the list of things to do,
0:11:11 > 0:11:14I thought you were going to say, "And I'll do this and that".
0:11:14 > 0:11:16Mate, I've got a very important, life-changing decision
0:11:16 > 0:11:19to make, yeah, about my daughter, who's getting Christianed.
0:11:19 > 0:11:22I ain't got time to be fucking around with you and that.
0:11:22 > 0:11:23- Sweet.- All right. Cool.
0:11:26 > 0:11:28Delegation. Know what I mean?
0:11:28 > 0:11:30HE WHISPERS: For fuck's sake, how do you get this on?
0:11:30 > 0:11:31Miche?
0:11:33 > 0:11:35Miche?
0:11:35 > 0:11:37- SHE CRIES Miche?- Go away!
0:11:37 > 0:11:40I need help with my tie, I can't clip it on.
0:11:40 > 0:11:42Are you big into your religion?
0:11:42 > 0:11:45Nah, we're not really religious sort of people.
0:11:45 > 0:11:48I'd say, personally, if I was to choose one I related to,
0:11:48 > 0:11:51I'd probably be Rasta.
0:11:51 > 0:11:52What, do they do christenings?
0:11:52 > 0:11:55Yeah, yeah. They do their own sort of tip, where they all go
0:11:55 > 0:11:57into, like, a mountain in Jamaica
0:11:57 > 0:12:00and just all sit in a massive tent,
0:12:00 > 0:12:02- relaxing and blazing all night. - Yeah.
0:12:09 > 0:12:12CAMERA CLICKS
0:12:12 > 0:12:13That's nice.
0:12:13 > 0:12:15Thank you.
0:12:15 > 0:12:17I thought the pink looks quite nice, doesn't it,
0:12:17 > 0:12:19with the brown of the cross?
0:12:19 > 0:12:20CAMERA CLICKS
0:12:22 > 0:12:24'Ah, Miche gets just proper weird around churches'
0:12:24 > 0:12:28and she starts banging on about marriage constantly, like...
0:12:28 > 0:12:31I don't see why she'd want me and her to be related.
0:12:31 > 0:12:33If anything, I think that would put me off
0:12:33 > 0:12:36wanting to do anything with her.
0:12:36 > 0:12:38It's basically incest, innit?
0:12:39 > 0:12:42So do you do any sort of loyalty discounts here then?
0:12:42 > 0:12:44You mean for other events?
0:12:44 > 0:12:47- Yeah, like weddings or...- Oh. - Do you do a lot of weddings here?
0:12:47 > 0:12:49Well, weddings are a slightly different case, because,
0:12:49 > 0:12:52- for a wedding, you have to be a member of the congregation.- Yeah.
0:12:52 > 0:12:54See the mic situation?
0:12:54 > 0:12:56Is it wireless based or is it...?
0:12:56 > 0:12:58- We don't have mics, sorry.- No mics?
0:12:58 > 0:13:01- No.- Bit weird. No worries, I've got my own,
0:13:01 > 0:13:02- but erm... cool.- Oh, right, OK.
0:13:02 > 0:13:05- Ooh, just so you know, your friend is down there.- Yeah.
0:13:05 > 0:13:06I think he's been here all night.
0:13:06 > 0:13:08MUTTERING: Oh, fuck's sake.
0:13:08 > 0:13:10Steves! Steves! Wake up, you mess!
0:13:10 > 0:13:12- I got your text message. - GRINDAH SIGHS
0:13:12 > 0:13:14Did I miss the cremation?
0:13:14 > 0:13:17Nah, you got a good 20 minutes left.
0:13:17 > 0:13:18Sorry, can I help you?
0:13:18 > 0:13:21Ye... Ah! You have got a...a mic.
0:13:21 > 0:13:23Well, it's for...this is for...
0:13:23 > 0:13:25We use this for sort of the big services.
0:13:25 > 0:13:28- This is going to be a big service. How do you...?- I don't...
0:13:28 > 0:13:30Pop that in there for me, please mate. Go on.
0:13:30 > 0:13:32- Well, OK.- Come on, that's the way.
0:13:32 > 0:13:33What else? Whoa!
0:13:33 > 0:13:35We're going to have to get this removed.
0:13:35 > 0:13:37Is there anything I can be sick into?
0:13:37 > 0:13:39Er, yeah, there's loads of stuff.
0:13:39 > 0:13:40There's...here you go.
0:13:41 > 0:13:43- Cheers, man.- It's all right, mate. We'll wash it.
0:13:43 > 0:13:46That's not going to be enough, actually. Is there a bigger one?
0:13:46 > 0:13:48'Nah, I wouldn't say I got a drug problem.
0:13:48 > 0:13:50'I think I've got the opposite of a drug problem,'
0:13:50 > 0:13:54to be honest, like, I've got no problem with drugs whatsoever.
0:13:54 > 0:13:56I'll try anything.
0:13:57 > 0:14:01- We gather in the front.- Yeah, yeah. You've got everyone sitting there.
0:14:01 > 0:14:03I'll probably pop you off to the side there.
0:14:03 > 0:14:05- I'm by the font, normally. Just by the font.- Yeah.
0:14:05 > 0:14:09- Yeah.- No, that's good. Good, good, good, good, good.- OK.
0:14:10 > 0:14:12There it is.
0:14:12 > 0:14:13Going to get Christianed in there.
0:14:13 > 0:14:16You see in there, yeah? That's where you're going to meet God!
0:14:16 > 0:14:19Not if you don't make it down the stairs in them heels, Carol.
0:14:19 > 0:14:20- No, don't laugh. - CAROL LAUGHS
0:14:20 > 0:14:22I don't know how you do it.
0:14:22 > 0:14:26Just wiggle it, come here. Let me look at you, darling.
0:14:26 > 0:14:27Ah, that's nice.
0:14:27 > 0:14:30- Here she is, look at her, Princess! - Ah!- Can we go in?
0:14:30 > 0:14:32- Your shirt's untucked.- What are you doing?
0:14:32 > 0:14:35Is he looking?
0:14:35 > 0:14:36Come on.
0:14:36 > 0:14:38- Grindah, you see that?- What?
0:14:38 > 0:14:40Just tucked Craig's shirt in,
0:14:40 > 0:14:43- standard parent-guardian sort of sh...- We have to go, mate.
0:14:43 > 0:14:45- You've got a bit of glitter on your cheek.- What?
0:14:45 > 0:14:46Bit of glitter. Bit of glitter.
0:14:46 > 0:14:50- Has it gone?- Yeah.- Right, come on.
0:14:50 > 0:14:51Miche? Have you got any pants on?
0:14:51 > 0:14:54- What? Yeah! I've got a thong on. - Just looking.
0:14:56 > 0:14:58- Hello.- Hello.
0:14:58 > 0:15:00- Mum, this is the vicar. - Hello, darling.
0:15:00 > 0:15:01- Hello, nice to meet you. - And this is Angel.
0:15:01 > 0:15:04- All right? Lovely to meet you.- You too.- Angel, say hello to the vicar.
0:15:04 > 0:15:06- Don't you look lovely.- Say hello.
0:15:06 > 0:15:08- I'll come and speak to you. - All right.
0:15:08 > 0:15:10Hello. Welcome, welcome.
0:15:13 > 0:15:15- Don't you look lovely? - Yeah, she does, doesn't she?
0:15:15 > 0:15:17Yeah, like a little angel.
0:15:19 > 0:15:20GUESTS CHAT
0:15:24 > 0:15:28- Easy.- Easy.- You just come straight from the rave?
0:15:28 > 0:15:30- Yeah.- Do you still feel fucked?
0:15:30 > 0:15:33GRINDAH CLICKS FINGERS Mic's not working. Come on.
0:15:33 > 0:15:35Try it. Try it. It's not working.
0:15:35 > 0:15:39I've had face paint all over my face, when I got here.
0:15:39 > 0:15:43Lucky there was little sink thing on the way in to wash your face.
0:15:44 > 0:15:46Mate, that's holy water.
0:15:48 > 0:15:50What happens if you get it on your face?
0:15:50 > 0:15:52Makes you religious or something.
0:15:53 > 0:15:55HE SIGHS
0:15:55 > 0:15:57I didn't mean to be religious.
0:16:10 > 0:16:13Hope they've got them ready, to be honest, mate, you know? Cos...
0:16:13 > 0:16:16I haven't got time, mate. I've been up all night, you know.
0:16:16 > 0:16:18I'm not in the mood, mate, you know.
0:16:18 > 0:16:21All right, geezer. I'm here to pick up my T-shirts,
0:16:21 > 0:16:24- I've got a receipt for you.- Yeah.
0:16:24 > 0:16:27Nice bit of kit you've got there, actually, mate.
0:16:27 > 0:16:29- Is it a smooth mechanism on that, yeah?- Yeah, it's OK.- Yeah.
0:16:31 > 0:16:33Do you make some decent profit off that?
0:16:33 > 0:16:36What kind of money you making, net profit? What kind of margins?
0:16:36 > 0:16:38- I'm not sure.- Cash flow?
0:16:38 > 0:16:40That's £225, please.
0:16:40 > 0:16:41225 quid!
0:16:43 > 0:16:45- I'm sorry for your loss, by the way. - Huh?
0:16:45 > 0:16:48No, it's fine, mate. It's not a problem.
0:16:48 > 0:16:49It's very reasonable anyway.
0:16:49 > 0:16:53You've got to lose some to gain some, you know?
0:16:53 > 0:16:55Do your pout.
0:16:55 > 0:16:58- CAMERA CLICKS - Perfect! Stunning.- Right.
0:16:58 > 0:16:59Miche? Miche?
0:16:59 > 0:17:01- What? - HE WHISTLES
0:17:01 > 0:17:04- What's he want?- I don't know. Can you watch my bag?- Yeah, 'course.
0:17:05 > 0:17:08HE WHISPERS: Come, come on.
0:17:08 > 0:17:09Easy!
0:17:09 > 0:17:12- How you doing, Selecta? You all right, yeah?- Yeah.
0:17:13 > 0:17:15- Angel?- Yeah, looks nice.
0:17:15 > 0:17:17Angel?
0:17:17 > 0:17:18Angel?
0:17:18 > 0:17:20THEY TALK
0:17:20 > 0:17:22Angel? Angel?
0:17:24 > 0:17:25- Oh, my God!- Yeah!- Do you like it?
0:17:25 > 0:17:28- What, you got him to re-do the T-shirts?- Yeah.
0:17:28 > 0:17:31- That's so romantic!- It wasn't romantic, it's just normal.
0:17:31 > 0:17:33That just shows how committed you are to me, doesn't it?
0:17:33 > 0:17:35Not really. Just needed them done, so don't...
0:17:35 > 0:17:37- Thank you.- Do you like it, yeah?
0:17:37 > 0:17:38Ta-da!
0:17:38 > 0:17:41Oh, my God. They are stunning!
0:17:41 > 0:17:43- Oh, thank you so much! - You're welcome.
0:17:43 > 0:17:44- No worries. No worries.- Oh, my God.
0:17:46 > 0:17:48- Craigy boy!- Have a look.
0:17:48 > 0:17:50One for you, mate.
0:17:51 > 0:17:53It looks like she's died!
0:17:55 > 0:17:57Oh, man, that T-shirt!
0:17:57 > 0:17:59Like she was, you know...
0:17:59 > 0:18:01we were at a wake or something.
0:18:01 > 0:18:04It was really funny.
0:18:04 > 0:18:05Oh!
0:18:05 > 0:18:07Stevie...t-shirt.
0:18:07 > 0:18:11Sorry. Jesus' eyes were watching me.
0:18:11 > 0:18:14No, Miche, it ain't going to go over. No, I can tell.
0:18:14 > 0:18:16- It's going to squish my do. - Put it on, Beats, mate.
0:18:16 > 0:18:20Put it on, mate. Come on! Take your top off. Take your top off.
0:18:20 > 0:18:21Yeah.
0:18:30 > 0:18:32- MICHE WHISPERS:- All right, shall we go up?
0:18:32 > 0:18:34- Angel.- Will you take pictures? You can take some pictures.
0:18:34 > 0:18:36Do you know...? Just go up there.
0:18:38 > 0:18:40Just go like that.
0:18:40 > 0:18:43Angel, do you wish to be baptised?
0:18:43 > 0:18:44Say yes, Angel, yeah?
0:18:46 > 0:18:49- Yes.- Yes? Well done.
0:18:49 > 0:18:52- Let us pray.- Hands together, everybody! Or not, is it?
0:18:53 > 0:18:58Here, we are washed by the Holy Spirit and made clean.
0:18:58 > 0:19:01Here, we are clothed with Christ,
0:19:01 > 0:19:04dying to sin that we may live his risen life.
0:19:04 > 0:19:06- Decoy. - VICAR SPEAKS
0:19:06 > 0:19:10- Shall I take Angel for a bit?- If you want, mate.- Yeah.
0:19:10 > 0:19:12Come on! Come to Uncle Beats!
0:19:12 > 0:19:14- You got her?- Yeah, come on.
0:19:14 > 0:19:18You give to your faithful people new life in the water of baptism.
0:19:18 > 0:19:20- Angel. All right. - VICAR TALKS
0:19:20 > 0:19:23Just stand closer to me than Uncle Decoy, yeah?
0:19:23 > 0:19:26..may serve you in faith and love and grow...
0:19:26 > 0:19:29- Is that your family over there?- Mm. - It's a bit weird, innit?
0:19:29 > 0:19:33"Ooh, I'm Decoy. I bring my family with me.
0:19:33 > 0:19:34"I want to be Godfather."
0:19:34 > 0:19:36- ..Amen.- Pathetic.
0:19:36 > 0:19:38And now we come to the responses.
0:19:40 > 0:19:44Do you reject the devil and all rebellion against God?
0:19:44 > 0:19:45- Everyone?- Yes!- I reject them.
0:19:45 > 0:19:48- The responses are on the sheet. - Oh, there's a sheet.- "I reject them."
0:19:48 > 0:19:49I reject them.
0:19:49 > 0:19:52Do you renounce the deceit and corruption of evil?
0:19:52 > 0:19:54- Yeah, I do. Yes, renounce them. - I renounce them.
0:19:54 > 0:19:56Do you turn to Christ as saviour?
0:19:56 > 0:19:59- Yeah.- I turn to Christ. - THEY TALK OVER EACH OTHER
0:19:59 > 0:20:01Do you submit to Christ, our lord?
0:20:01 > 0:20:03- ALL:- I submit to Christ, our lord.
0:20:06 > 0:20:07CAMERA CLICKS
0:20:07 > 0:20:09Christ claims you for his own.
0:20:10 > 0:20:12Receive the sign of his cross...
0:20:12 > 0:20:14GRINDAH CHUCKLES It's like, yeah, I was thinking,
0:20:14 > 0:20:16- the power of Christ compels you! - Yes, all right, thank you.
0:20:16 > 0:20:18- Ah, that's from Exorcist, innit? - Yeah!
0:20:18 > 0:20:21- About the girl's mum noshing people off in hell!- Yeah, I love that!
0:20:21 > 0:20:24If the father would like to step forward, please.
0:20:24 > 0:20:26No worries, mate. I'll take over from here.
0:20:26 > 0:20:29- Pass me the mic, please, mate. - Yeah, sure.
0:20:29 > 0:20:30Angel, if you just stand there.
0:20:30 > 0:20:34Right...welcome, people.
0:20:34 > 0:20:37As you all know, I've had the important decision
0:20:37 > 0:20:41- of who will be the godfather. - Very important.- Exactly.
0:20:41 > 0:20:45It's er... it's something I took very seriously.
0:20:45 > 0:20:48I even watched this film called The Godfather to help me work out
0:20:48 > 0:20:50what it is they actually do.
0:20:50 > 0:20:53To be honest, I didn't end up watching it all, cos it's quite long.
0:20:53 > 0:20:57But the point is, I learnt that it is more than just some little name
0:20:57 > 0:21:01given to you by some silly little John in a church. Yeah?
0:21:01 > 0:21:03- It's about loyalty.- Yeah.
0:21:03 > 0:21:05It's about respect.
0:21:05 > 0:21:09It's about being the head of a crime family.
0:21:09 > 0:21:11- Which is something we know a little bit about, isn't it?- Yep.
0:21:11 > 0:21:13So, for that reason,
0:21:13 > 0:21:18I feel there is no-one better for the role of godfather...
0:21:18 > 0:21:19than...
0:21:19 > 0:21:21me! MC Grindah!
0:21:23 > 0:21:28I now declare myself godfather!
0:21:28 > 0:21:31SCATTERED APPLAUSE
0:21:31 > 0:21:32Good, good.
0:21:35 > 0:21:38We should have actually all had maybe a little drinks
0:21:38 > 0:21:40for this bit, like a toast.
0:21:40 > 0:21:43Anyway, good. Back to you, mate.
0:21:46 > 0:21:48The best man won in the end of the day, innit.
0:21:48 > 0:21:49- Good job, mate. - Yeah, same to you, mate.
0:21:49 > 0:21:51VICAR TALKS TO ANGEL
0:21:51 > 0:21:54..and come to the inheritance of the saints in glory, amen.
0:21:54 > 0:21:56You're Christianed!
0:21:58 > 0:22:01- Thanks, thank you, everybody. Amen!- Amen!
0:22:01 > 0:22:04Come on then, let's go. Let's go and eat buffet.
0:22:04 > 0:22:07Thank you, everybody. Great ceremony, innit?
0:22:07 > 0:22:09Yeah, it was really good, man. Craig?
0:22:09 > 0:22:10Come on, come with Mum.
0:22:11 > 0:22:14GUESTS TALK
0:22:14 > 0:22:16Went well.
0:22:16 > 0:22:18What about Angel, is she happy?
0:22:18 > 0:22:20Ah, very much so. She didn't have a clue about it and, to be honest,
0:22:20 > 0:22:23if she had some next John just always there, like, she'd be like,
0:22:23 > 0:22:26"Who's that?" She's got Daddy there, do you know what I mean?
0:22:26 > 0:22:27a.k.a The Godfather, like!
0:22:31 > 0:22:34Steves! It's time to go.
0:22:34 > 0:22:36What you doing?
0:22:36 > 0:22:38No, just...just talking to Jesus.
0:22:38 > 0:22:40What you saying to him?
0:22:40 > 0:22:42Just apologising, cos...
0:22:42 > 0:22:44I'm a bit worried that he's put a curse on me.
0:22:44 > 0:22:47You're just on a come-down, man.
0:22:47 > 0:22:50Come on, we'll get back to Grindah's and we'll sort all this out.
0:22:50 > 0:22:51Bye, Jesus.
0:22:52 > 0:22:55Going church is definitely one of the most...
0:22:55 > 0:22:58like, intense things you can do on a come-down, really.
0:22:58 > 0:23:00Oh, wait a second.
0:23:00 > 0:23:04'But I just try and avoid comedowns as much as possible.'
0:23:04 > 0:23:07'How do you avoid them?'
0:23:07 > 0:23:08Just do more drugs, basically.
0:23:11 > 0:23:12MUSIC: Party Hard by Bob Bradley
0:23:12 > 0:23:15ANGEL: # Getting down to the old school... #
0:23:15 > 0:23:17Go on, give it a go, Craig.
0:23:17 > 0:23:20Probably got Little Mix on there.
0:23:20 > 0:23:22KARAOKE MUSIC INSTRUMENTAL
0:23:23 > 0:23:24MICHE SIGHS
0:23:24 > 0:23:27I just think - listen to me, Miche - I just think
0:23:27 > 0:23:29Decoy would be a better choice, that's all.
0:23:29 > 0:23:31It doesn't really matter, cos all that matters
0:23:31 > 0:23:32is that Angel's going to go heaven.
0:23:32 > 0:23:34And he's the perfect man, that's what I think.
0:23:34 > 0:23:36Oh, whatever, Mum. Nobody's perfect.
0:23:36 > 0:23:39If he ain't, he'll fucking do till Mr Perfect turns up.
0:23:39 > 0:23:41Cheers, darling. I would smash him into next week.
0:23:41 > 0:23:44- Mum!- I would! I don't care!
0:23:44 > 0:23:46He'd wake up and be like , "Ooh, what day is it?"
0:23:46 > 0:23:48And I'd be like, "It's next week, darling!" Oh!
0:23:48 > 0:23:50SHE LAUGHS
0:23:50 > 0:23:52KARAOKE MUSIC
0:23:52 > 0:23:53ANGEL SINGS
0:23:55 > 0:23:56Beats! Decoy! Ready for you, mate!
0:23:56 > 0:24:00Ah, I got to go do this Jah ceremony to help Steves with his come-down.
0:24:00 > 0:24:03Is that....? Yeah. Sweet.
0:24:03 > 0:24:04Take a seat there.
0:24:04 > 0:24:07- Yeah!- Yeah! - Miche! Miche!
0:24:07 > 0:24:08Huh?
0:24:08 > 0:24:10How about Angel? I have got it all ready.
0:24:10 > 0:24:13- Nah, I think just do her when she's older.- Sure?
0:24:13 > 0:24:15Cos we have hotboxed her room out, so we are good to go,
0:24:15 > 0:24:16so just letting you know.
0:24:16 > 0:24:19Yeah, that's fine. She's busy doing her karaoke.
0:24:19 > 0:24:21- Last chance!- No, it's fine.
0:24:21 > 0:24:23All right, sweet!
0:24:24 > 0:24:27Do you think that Grindah and Miche are good parents?
0:24:27 > 0:24:30Oh...er, well, you know, I don't judge other people.
0:24:30 > 0:24:33But no. Probably not.
0:24:33 > 0:24:37'Miche is lovely and I reckon she's doing her best, but, you know...
0:24:37 > 0:24:40'with an absolute twat in the house,'
0:24:40 > 0:24:43how can...how can he be a good father?
0:24:43 > 0:24:46- Well done. - ALL:- Yay!
0:24:46 > 0:24:48- Oh, Princess, look at you.- Who wants cake?- Yeah.- Do you want cake?
0:24:48 > 0:24:50Yeah, I'll have some.
0:24:50 > 0:24:53- Happy christening!- What sort of portion control do you...?
0:24:53 > 0:24:54Mm!
0:24:54 > 0:24:56Steves, this is for you mate, all right?
0:24:56 > 0:24:59We'll get you back, keep toking it.
0:24:59 > 0:25:02# If it wasn't for the girl you're holding tight
0:25:02 > 0:25:06# If it wasn't for the girl you're holding tonight...#
0:25:06 > 0:25:08I watched this documentary once,
0:25:08 > 0:25:11where they all just go into a hill in Jamaica
0:25:11 > 0:25:16in a fucking big tent and just chill and blaze, do you know what I mean?
0:25:16 > 0:25:18And that's how you cleanse yourself.
0:25:18 > 0:25:20With the power of Jah Rastafari!
0:25:20 > 0:25:22What is Rastafarianism?
0:25:22 > 0:25:25Ugh, you're so white.
0:25:25 > 0:25:29Rastafarianism is a movement that started in Jamaica...
0:25:31 > 0:25:34..with a geezer called Bob Marley and...
0:25:34 > 0:25:39he just blazed a lot, made some of the best music in the world.
0:25:39 > 0:25:42Boom, there you go. The rastas was born.
0:25:42 > 0:25:45MUSIC: Play Hard by David Guetta ft. Ne-Yo and Akon
0:25:45 > 0:25:46Ugh! I can feel it now.
0:25:46 > 0:25:48I can feel the curse being lifted.
0:25:48 > 0:25:50- Five, six, seven, eight. - Go on, then!
0:25:50 > 0:25:51One, two.
0:25:51 > 0:25:53- Go on, Ange!- Oh, yeah!
0:25:53 > 0:25:55# I get the way that you rockin'
0:25:55 > 0:25:56# Flip that thang thang, don't stop it... #
0:25:56 > 0:25:58Oh, I love it! I love it!
0:25:58 > 0:26:00- Ooh.- Whoo!
0:26:00 > 0:26:02Agh!
0:26:02 > 0:26:05# Got a gang of cash and it's going all on the bar
0:26:05 > 0:26:08# And it's going fast cos I feel like a superstar... #
0:26:08 > 0:26:11MUSIC CONTINUES
0:26:11 > 0:26:13Easy. Just exorcised Steves' come-down.
0:26:13 > 0:26:15Jesus has been defeated!
0:26:15 > 0:26:17# The only thing we know how to do
0:26:17 > 0:26:20# Said it's the only thing we know how to do
0:26:20 > 0:26:22# Work hard, play hard
0:26:22 > 0:26:24# Work hard, play hard We work hard, play hard... #
0:26:24 > 0:26:26That's it. Spin her, spin her!
0:26:26 > 0:26:29# Keep partying like it's your job Work hard, play hard... #
0:26:29 > 0:26:30- Now you spin me.- Oh, my goodness!
0:26:30 > 0:26:32# Work hard, play hard. # We work hard... #
0:26:32 > 0:26:33Spin mummy, Ange. Spin Mummy.
0:26:33 > 0:26:35# Keep partying like it's your job... #
0:26:39 > 0:26:42'Yeah, I made the right decision with the whole godfather thing.
0:26:42 > 0:26:43'I mean, at the end of the day,'
0:26:43 > 0:26:45you don't send a boy in to do a man's job, do ya?
0:26:45 > 0:26:48Yeah, but you know that I'll always be there for you anyway, so...
0:26:48 > 0:26:51'Nah, I checked it out and there's not actually that much to it.
0:26:51 > 0:26:53'It's just good to get her done, know what I mean?
0:26:53 > 0:26:55'Yeah, set her up for life and that.
0:26:55 > 0:26:56'Exactly. Cos, like...'
0:26:56 > 0:27:00if she does end up going down a darker path or whatever,
0:27:00 > 0:27:03like...becoming a brass or a murderer or whatever,
0:27:03 > 0:27:06then I know she'll always go heaven.
0:27:06 > 0:27:08Yeah. Straight into the VIP.