0:00:02 > 0:00:04This programme contains strong language.
0:00:04 > 0:00:07I'd like to welcome you to the grand opening of my very first nightclub.
0:00:07 > 0:00:11I now declare Champagne Steam Rooms officially open!
0:00:11 > 0:00:13- Oi!- Whoa!- Bloody hell.
0:00:13 > 0:00:15Ah, shit! Oh, for...
0:00:17 > 0:00:18I didn't know it was red.
0:00:21 > 0:00:24Oh, the armadillo skin shoes are ruined as well -
0:00:24 > 0:00:26cheap wine all over the bastards.
0:00:27 > 0:00:29- This is it, guys.- Let me go first. Let me go first.
0:00:29 > 0:00:33- Welcome!- Ahh!- Jesus.- Yes!
0:00:33 > 0:00:34Fuckin' speakers!
0:00:34 > 0:00:37Ah, look at the sound system!
0:00:37 > 0:00:41Guys, guys, welcome to my super-club.
0:00:41 > 0:00:44Look at that - smoke machine... for the steam.
0:00:44 > 0:00:46- Oh, that is perfect. - Look, wait, look.
0:00:46 > 0:00:47Wait.
0:00:47 > 0:00:49- Ohh!- That is sick.
0:00:49 > 0:00:52This is going to be where, like, everyone's going to push through
0:00:52 > 0:00:55to get towards me, and I'm on stage like this,
0:00:55 > 0:00:57with you as well, like that, yeah?
0:00:57 > 0:00:59And everyone's like, "Ah, can I can touch, man?" and that,
0:00:59 > 0:01:01and I'm gonna be fully dripped in Moschino, like...
0:01:01 > 0:01:05A-a-a-and...where is the VIP, cos I cannot see anything?
0:01:05 > 0:01:06Oh, VIP! Come through, guys.
0:01:06 > 0:01:10Welcome to the V-I-P.
0:01:10 > 0:01:12- Ah, gold chairs, yeah?- Wow.
0:01:13 > 0:01:16- Phew!- A little taste of how the other half live.
0:01:16 > 0:01:19One of the main things that you need sorted
0:01:19 > 0:01:21when you've got your own club night, yeah, is just a room
0:01:21 > 0:01:23you can go and chill out and just get away
0:01:23 > 0:01:26- from all the hectic fans and that. - Green room.
0:01:26 > 0:01:27Well, it can be any colour.
0:01:27 > 0:01:32And it's just got, like, champagne in ice buckets, pre-rolled zoots...
0:01:32 > 0:01:34Ooh, what about them lovely sausage rolls Miche did
0:01:34 > 0:01:37- for your packed lunch the other day? - We don't need...
0:01:37 > 0:01:40- Yeah.- Yeah?- Few sausage rolls to line the stomach before we kill the set.
0:01:40 > 0:01:43- Shall I bang it on the list? - Whack 'em on the list, yeah, yeah.
0:01:43 > 0:01:45Sausage...roll.
0:01:45 > 0:01:49This is very much a team-based area, so no-one else will be allowed in.
0:01:49 > 0:01:51- Please back off, guys.- All right?
0:01:51 > 0:01:53- Yeah, cos we're better than them! - Yeah.
0:01:53 > 0:01:55Am I better than everyone?
0:01:55 > 0:01:57- I doubt it, to be honest, Steves. - Can I just...?
0:01:57 > 0:01:59Stevie, I've got a job for you if you want -
0:01:59 > 0:02:01you can make another tenner if you want?
0:02:01 > 0:02:03Steves, I just thought, you are part of the team, so you can come in...
0:02:03 > 0:02:06- Cool, man.- ..but just you'll very much have to stand, still.
0:02:06 > 0:02:08- Cool. I'll just stand.- Yeah.
0:02:08 > 0:02:11Still, though - red carpet treatment.
0:02:11 > 0:02:14Let me show you the bar! Let me show you the bar, come on.
0:02:14 > 0:02:15- There's a bar? - Come through, come through.
0:02:15 > 0:02:17What's the bar's name, Decoy?
0:02:17 > 0:02:20Welcome to the Champagne Cocktails!
0:02:20 > 0:02:22Oh, fuck off! Fuck off!
0:02:22 > 0:02:24What is that?
0:02:24 > 0:02:25Shut up, there's sand here!
0:02:25 > 0:02:28Hey, guys, what cocktail do you want?
0:02:28 > 0:02:29THEY LAUGH
0:02:31 > 0:02:34- I think that's probably you done now, actually.- Is it?
0:02:34 > 0:02:37- Susan's only got one customer left, so...- OK.
0:02:37 > 0:02:40Actually, Miche... can I have a quick word?
0:02:40 > 0:02:43Oh, Tanya, sorry - is it about the hair straighteners?
0:02:43 > 0:02:47Cos I was borrowing them cos me and Angel were trying out some Rihanna looks on her....
0:02:47 > 0:02:51No, don't worry about that. It's actually about your contract.
0:02:51 > 0:02:54- You know your probation period is up now?- Yeah.
0:02:54 > 0:02:56And...
0:02:56 > 0:02:59- we'd like to offer you the position full-time!- Really?!
0:02:59 > 0:03:02- Yes!- Ah, amazing! That's so great!
0:03:02 > 0:03:04Is Angela going to be full-time as well, then?
0:03:04 > 0:03:07Actually, Angela's going back to college - that's sort of why we...
0:03:07 > 0:03:09Sorry, sorry, so just to confirm...
0:03:09 > 0:03:12I've got the job but Angela has not?
0:03:12 > 0:03:13Yeah, it's just you...
0:03:13 > 0:03:17Oh, God. And she's been here longer than me. Oh, dear.
0:03:17 > 0:03:21- OK. Obviously, you don't have to say yes right now.- Yeah.
0:03:21 > 0:03:24Have a little think about it tonight. Let me know tomorrow. OK?
0:03:24 > 0:03:25Yeah. Definitely. Amazing.
0:03:25 > 0:03:27Thank you, Tanya, this is brilliant news. Yeah.
0:03:27 > 0:03:30- I'll probably need to go home and check with my boyfriend...- Fiance.
0:03:30 > 0:03:31Fiance, yeah.
0:03:31 > 0:03:34But I'm sure he'll be really happy about it, so it's brilliant.
0:03:41 > 0:03:44Nah, the strands are too thick.
0:03:44 > 0:03:45DOOR SLAMS
0:03:45 > 0:03:47Miche? Ah, thank fuck you're back.
0:03:47 > 0:03:49I'm trying to get these strands right,
0:03:49 > 0:03:50but I can't get 'em spot-on like you.
0:03:50 > 0:03:53I got the job, baby!
0:03:53 > 0:03:56- Yeah?- Yeah, I'm full-time now at Lavender!
0:03:56 > 0:03:58Yeah, I thought you already had a job?
0:03:58 > 0:04:00No, I've been on probation for the last two weeks, remember?
0:04:00 > 0:04:02Is it? Come and do this, please?
0:04:02 > 0:04:04To be honest, Miche, I reckon you don't even need a job
0:04:04 > 0:04:06cos, with all this rave shit going off,
0:04:06 > 0:04:09I reckon you should focus just on my hair from now on.
0:04:09 > 0:04:12So, um... Yeah, no-one can get it done like you, anyway,
0:04:12 > 0:04:14so it's better off that way, innit?
0:04:14 > 0:04:16'Nah, I ain't happy Miche has got a job.'
0:04:16 > 0:04:20Like, to be honest, she's showing herself up and she's showing me up.
0:04:20 > 0:04:21Cos it's embarrassing, innit?
0:04:21 > 0:04:24Like, one of the highly-skilled MCs in the area, yeah?
0:04:24 > 0:04:27Like, top boys out here, and his missus is working.
0:04:27 > 0:04:29Look at the Premiership footballers...
0:04:29 > 0:04:31But you don't earn as much as they do.
0:04:31 > 0:04:34No, but one day I will earn more than them.
0:04:34 > 0:04:36If I want.
0:04:38 > 0:04:42Chabuddy G is back on the London party scene.
0:04:42 > 0:04:44I AM the bloody London party scene!
0:04:44 > 0:04:46Lock up your daughters. Lock up...
0:04:46 > 0:04:48Actually, no, don't lock up your daughters.
0:04:48 > 0:04:50Lock up your mother, lock up your aunties
0:04:50 > 0:04:53and any other women of legal age limit!
0:04:53 > 0:04:58Chabuddy G, aka 50 Shades Of Brown, is ready for action!
0:05:01 > 0:05:04What's that? What's that?
0:05:04 > 0:05:05What's going on up here?
0:05:05 > 0:05:07Nah, nothing. Craig's letting me use his Lynx.
0:05:07 > 0:05:10- He's actually perfected the perfect blend.- Yeah?
0:05:10 > 0:05:12So is it just two sprays of Excite?
0:05:12 > 0:05:14No, no, no. One spray of Excite...
0:05:14 > 0:05:16CAN SPRAYS
0:05:16 > 0:05:19..two sprays of Dark Temptation...
0:05:19 > 0:05:23And then, the last bit, just a mist of Africa.
0:05:25 > 0:05:26Let me try that.
0:05:26 > 0:05:27- Cor. - SHE COUGHS
0:05:27 > 0:05:28Thank you.
0:05:30 > 0:05:31CAN SPRAYS
0:05:31 > 0:05:33Yeah. Perfect.
0:05:33 > 0:05:35Now I've got a man who smells exactly the same as my son!
0:05:35 > 0:05:36I was just wondering -
0:05:36 > 0:05:39should I bring my expandable truncheon, do you reckon?
0:05:39 > 0:05:42- Yeah, definitely, I want you both to have a good time.- Yeah?
0:05:42 > 0:05:44Yeah, and if any gurning 19-year-old gets out of hand...
0:05:44 > 0:05:46Smash! Boom! Back of the knee.
0:05:46 > 0:05:49When he's down, I'll just go, bang! Upwards, bring them back up.
0:05:49 > 0:05:51So are you looking forward to the rave?
0:05:51 > 0:05:54This might sound awful, but I'm really hoping something kicks off,
0:05:54 > 0:05:56cos that'd really make my night.
0:05:56 > 0:05:58And then I'd get right round his neck, right round.
0:05:58 > 0:06:01'So I'm sort of looking forward to it,
0:06:01 > 0:06:03'but I'm, er... I'm a bit, you know...'
0:06:03 > 0:06:06Imagine a whole warehouse of THEM.
0:06:06 > 0:06:09You hurt my collarbone, man. You always take it too far.
0:06:09 > 0:06:11Just got a bit excited, love.
0:06:11 > 0:06:13KNOCK ON DOOR
0:06:13 > 0:06:14Miche! Door!
0:06:14 > 0:06:16No, I'm getting ready.
0:06:18 > 0:06:20I thought you were supposed to be gone already.
0:06:20 > 0:06:22Miche, there's a homeless woman at the door.
0:06:22 > 0:06:25- What?! Well, shut the door then! - Little twat.
0:06:25 > 0:06:28Whatever. Even Angel says I'm better than you.
0:06:28 > 0:06:30- I like your top.- Thank you, darling.
0:06:30 > 0:06:31HE SIGHS
0:06:31 > 0:06:34So, um, you sure you'll be able to get the bus on your own?
0:06:34 > 0:06:37Yeah, it's fine, cos Mum's got to do my hair first - it takes...
0:06:37 > 0:06:39All right, cool. Well, you are on the VIP list.
0:06:39 > 0:06:41So you'll be right at the top.
0:06:41 > 0:06:43Could you put me down as Lady Miche?
0:06:43 > 0:06:46- Just cos that's my Twitter name so...sounds classier.- Yeah.
0:06:46 > 0:06:48It does sound pretty classy, yeah.
0:06:48 > 0:06:51All right, cool. Well, um...Decoy's outside,
0:06:51 > 0:06:53I better go, cos he's downstairs right now.
0:06:53 > 0:06:55- So, yeah, see you later. Bye.- Bye.
0:06:57 > 0:07:00Shadom-badom-badom-shidda-bidda-bom, shadom-badom, r-r-r...
0:07:00 > 0:07:02Ah, what's the other one? It's a better one.
0:07:02 > 0:07:05- Er, badbiggidyboy. - Badbiggidyboy-gidyboy-gidyboy,
0:07:05 > 0:07:07biggidyboy-brr-brr-gidyboy. Vocal warm-ups.
0:07:07 > 0:07:09Mind out the way, VIP coming through.
0:07:09 > 0:07:11- Yeah, fuck off! - THEY LAUGH
0:07:11 > 0:07:15- See you in a bit.- See you in a bit, yeah?- All right, love, yeah.
0:07:15 > 0:07:16Woo!
0:07:16 > 0:07:21MUSIC: Try Me Out (Let Me Lick It) By Sunship
0:07:24 > 0:07:26This is shit!
0:07:28 > 0:07:30There's hardly anyone here.
0:07:31 > 0:07:34It's half 11, there's meant to be a sea of people everywhere,
0:07:34 > 0:07:37what the fuck are we going to do?
0:07:37 > 0:07:39Don't you let that little mug, right,
0:07:39 > 0:07:41tell you what you should do with your life.
0:07:41 > 0:07:44If you want to do it, you should just go for it, all right?
0:07:44 > 0:07:48Yeah, Yolo. But also, you know, you have been divorced four times...
0:07:48 > 0:07:49Oi, oi! Three times, if you don't mind.
0:07:49 > 0:07:53- Yeah, and we're talking about you. - Yeah.- You don't need anybody, yeah?
0:07:53 > 0:07:55Chelle, you are beautiful.
0:07:55 > 0:07:58Thanks, Mum. You know what? I'm going to call her.
0:07:58 > 0:08:00- I'm just going to do it.- Are you? - Yeah
0:08:00 > 0:08:03- What, right now?- Yeah.- All right. I'll pour us a drink.
0:08:03 > 0:08:04Go on, then.
0:08:06 > 0:08:08Talk, like... Talk nice and everything.
0:08:08 > 0:08:11- Yeah, I'll do my posh voice. - Do your telephone voice!- Yeah.
0:08:11 > 0:08:12- THEY LAUGH - Oh, it's ringing.
0:08:12 > 0:08:14If it goes to answerphone, put it down.
0:08:14 > 0:08:17Hi, Tanya!
0:08:17 > 0:08:20Oh, God, sorry. Oh, did I wake you up?
0:08:22 > 0:08:25Sorry, I'm drunk. Yeah, no, I didn't realise what time it was.
0:08:27 > 0:08:31Yeah, well, I was just calling to say that I will take the job!
0:08:33 > 0:08:36We can talk about it more tomorrow. Yeah, it's fine.
0:08:36 > 0:08:40Yeah, no problem. Yep, no, sleep well. Yeah. No...
0:08:40 > 0:08:43"Sleep well"! You just woke her up, you prat!
0:08:43 > 0:08:46THEY LAUGH
0:08:46 > 0:08:47Cheers to the new job!
0:08:47 > 0:08:50- To you, darling.- To you and me.
0:08:50 > 0:08:51And Angel.
0:08:51 > 0:08:53And Angel. To Angel.
0:08:54 > 0:08:56- And your new boyfriend?- Yeah.
0:08:56 > 0:08:59How was it when you went to go and see him?
0:08:59 > 0:09:01He's nice. I mean, he's well fit.
0:09:01 > 0:09:03- Is he?- 18.- Really?
0:09:03 > 0:09:06Wow, that's the youngest yet, isn't it?
0:09:06 > 0:09:07Not really.
0:09:10 > 0:09:12Where's...?
0:09:12 > 0:09:14There's not even a champagne bucket.
0:09:19 > 0:09:21What...? Excuse... Why is...?
0:09:21 > 0:09:24Why is there people walking through the VIP bit?!
0:09:26 > 0:09:28The toilet's just there, mate.
0:09:28 > 0:09:30That's ridiculous! It stinks!
0:09:32 > 0:09:34Do you know if I'm meant to wipe them?
0:09:34 > 0:09:36- What's that?- Do you know if I'm supposed to wipe them?
0:09:36 > 0:09:38Whatever you're comfortable with, Steves.
0:09:38 > 0:09:41- Oi! Tell them no shitting! - No shitting. No shitting.
0:09:41 > 0:09:44No shitting? All right.
0:09:44 > 0:09:47Er...hello?
0:09:47 > 0:09:49- I'm gonna go chat to Chabuds. - Yeah, sort it out.
0:09:51 > 0:09:55Just to say that there's actually a no-shitting rule now,
0:09:55 > 0:09:57so if you've started, just kind of clench.
0:09:57 > 0:09:59Or just suck it back in.
0:10:00 > 0:10:02- You all right?- Not really.
0:10:02 > 0:10:04Have you got a bucket for the champagne?
0:10:04 > 0:10:06Oh, yeah, yeah, I was going to give you that, actually.
0:10:06 > 0:10:08Here you go, ice bucket.
0:10:08 > 0:10:10That's just a bucket.
0:10:10 > 0:10:12Yeah, no, it's a gold bucket, mate - turn it round!
0:10:13 > 0:10:18- It's a champagne bucket!- Exactly. - Cheers, mate. You're the man, bruv.
0:10:18 > 0:10:19See ya in a bit.
0:10:20 > 0:10:22Got the champagne bucket.
0:10:25 > 0:10:27Fuck.
0:10:27 > 0:10:30MUSIC: Friendly Pressure by Jhelisa
0:10:33 > 0:10:34Can I get a water, please, mate?
0:10:34 > 0:10:38We don't actually do waters, but, um...
0:10:38 > 0:10:40Actually, yeah, why not? Um...
0:10:40 > 0:10:44Waters are £3. I can do you two for £5.
0:10:44 > 0:10:45Yeah, mate.
0:10:45 > 0:10:46- You want them?- Yeah, mate.
0:10:46 > 0:10:48Two bottles of water, yeah?
0:10:48 > 0:10:51OK, two bottles of water.
0:10:51 > 0:10:52Um...
0:10:59 > 0:11:03- There we go, mate, that's £5. - Cheers, mate.- Cheers.
0:11:10 > 0:11:13We could call a few people, get them to come down.
0:11:13 > 0:11:16Nah, I ain't doing that! That's just...
0:11:16 > 0:11:18Do you know what?
0:11:18 > 0:11:19This is all YOU, mate.
0:11:19 > 0:11:21Cos you fucked up the promotion
0:11:21 > 0:11:24by fucking off with Craig on your little fishing trip.
0:11:24 > 0:11:26Don't talk about Craig. He's got a heart of gold.
0:11:26 > 0:11:28- Oh, yeah? "Don't talk about Craig," yeah?- Yeah.
0:11:28 > 0:11:31I tell you what, why don't you and Craig go fucking do a set
0:11:31 > 0:11:33to, like, three, four people or whatever?
0:11:33 > 0:11:36Cos I ain't fuckin' doing it. Get the fuck out my way.
0:11:52 > 0:11:54MUSIC THUMPS INSIDE CLUB
0:11:54 > 0:11:55- You got a light, bruv?- Yeah.
0:12:01 > 0:12:02What's all this about, then?
0:12:02 > 0:12:05Oh. They was meant to be filming me MC-ing in there, but...
0:12:05 > 0:12:08- Fuck off.- What?
0:12:08 > 0:12:10- You MC Grindah!?- Er, yeah.
0:12:10 > 0:12:12- Mate, I beg you, let me get a picture.- Yeah, yeah.
0:12:12 > 0:12:14- Oi, Aaron, you got your phone?- Yeah.
0:12:14 > 0:12:16- Throw your Ks up as well.- Yeah.
0:12:16 > 0:12:18Get the champers in there.
0:12:19 > 0:12:21You get it?
0:12:23 > 0:12:26Are you nervous about telling Grindah that you've taken the job?
0:12:26 > 0:12:28I think I just need to tell him that he's wrong.
0:12:28 > 0:12:31There's this thing now on social media and it's called feminism,
0:12:31 > 0:12:34and it's just basically all about women, you know - we're all equal.
0:12:34 > 0:12:38So why can't we wear the trousers too?
0:12:38 > 0:12:40Although, of course, it does depend on your physique.
0:12:40 > 0:12:42Cos if you've got an apple-shaped body,
0:12:42 > 0:12:44then you really need to conceal the trunk
0:12:44 > 0:12:46and let your legs do the talking.
0:12:47 > 0:12:50MUSIC: My Love by Kele Le Roc
0:13:00 > 0:13:01Straggler.
0:13:04 > 0:13:08Let's get out of here, me and you. Let's get out of this place.
0:13:08 > 0:13:10Can I just get a cocktail, please?
0:13:10 > 0:13:13Yeah, no worries. No problem. We can start with a cocktail first.
0:13:15 > 0:13:17Oh, whoa - what you got there?
0:13:17 > 0:13:20- The old Jack and Jills is it?- Yeah.
0:13:20 > 0:13:22Fuck it - have one, innit.
0:13:22 > 0:13:25- I'm all good. - What, you don't get on it?
0:13:25 > 0:13:27These ones are banging, mate, trust me. I ain't some mug!
0:13:27 > 0:13:29Yeah, no, I do get on it,
0:13:29 > 0:13:32just cos I've got this so I'll probably be full off that.
0:13:32 > 0:13:35I do do them, obviously, but more after the set if anything, so...
0:13:37 > 0:13:39Oh, I'll have one.
0:13:40 > 0:13:42Cheers, mate.
0:13:42 > 0:13:43Oh, these ones, are they?
0:13:46 > 0:13:48Oh, good.
0:13:48 > 0:13:51- Did you take it?- Yeah, I-I took it.
0:13:53 > 0:13:56Give me another one, then, if you don't believe me.
0:13:56 > 0:13:59You actually want me to do another one?
0:13:59 > 0:14:01- Just do it, mate. - Yeah, I will just do it.
0:14:05 > 0:14:06On my tongue.
0:14:15 > 0:14:18Steves! I'm just going to see if I can find Grindah.
0:14:18 > 0:14:19Cool, man.
0:14:20 > 0:14:21Turn them out for me.
0:14:22 > 0:14:25- All right, Roche?- All right, Miche? - How are you?- Fine.
0:14:25 > 0:14:27You're looking lovely.
0:14:27 > 0:14:29You too. Yeah, great.
0:14:29 > 0:14:31So I'm on the VIP list.
0:14:31 > 0:14:34Oh, that's all right, there ain't a VIP list - you can just go in.
0:14:34 > 0:14:36So I'm down as Lady Miche on the list.
0:14:36 > 0:14:39OK, no, there's no list, you can just go in.
0:14:39 > 0:14:41MUSIC: Deep Inside by Hardrive
0:14:47 > 0:14:49Can I ask you a question?
0:14:49 > 0:14:50OK.
0:14:50 > 0:14:53What kind of guys do you like to have sex with?
0:14:53 > 0:14:55Ah, no worries. Can I help you?
0:14:57 > 0:15:00Decoy. Have you seen Grindah?
0:15:02 > 0:15:03How was that for you? All right?
0:15:03 > 0:15:06Do you want a little zhuzh under the armpits?
0:15:10 > 0:15:12Steves.
0:15:12 > 0:15:14Put that roll-on down, mate, we've got to find Grindah.
0:15:14 > 0:15:17- There you go, mate - all fresh, good to go.- Steves!
0:15:17 > 0:15:18Yeah, yeah. Sorry, man.
0:15:18 > 0:15:22- COINS CLINK - Ah, nice one! Sick.
0:15:22 > 0:15:24Got anything in your pockets, or...?
0:15:24 > 0:15:26Roche, have you seen Grindah?
0:15:26 > 0:15:28Oh, yeah, he came out earlier - was all pouting and sulky.
0:15:28 > 0:15:32I didn't see where he went cos I've been dealing with these nonces.
0:15:32 > 0:15:34- Seen his hair? - What the fuck is that on his hair?
0:15:34 > 0:15:37- Like a walknut on his head. - Like a Shoreditch samurai.
0:15:37 > 0:15:40Right, Steves, you do a lap of the warehouse, yeah?
0:15:40 > 0:15:42I'm going to hit the high street.
0:15:48 > 0:15:50Grindah! Grindah!
0:15:50 > 0:15:53SHIVERING AND GASPING
0:15:53 > 0:15:55Oh, my God.
0:15:55 > 0:15:56Grindah!
0:15:56 > 0:15:58GRINDER SHUDDERS
0:15:58 > 0:15:59What's wrong?
0:15:59 > 0:16:00- Ah, bruv...- Bruv?
0:16:01 > 0:16:05Fuck, it's pounding - my jaw's all weird. I've taken a pill.
0:16:05 > 0:16:07- You all right? - I've never done one before.
0:16:07 > 0:16:09Argh! Oi, don't film me like this!
0:16:09 > 0:16:11- Let's just sit you up. - Sit me up where?
0:16:11 > 0:16:13Hug your knees. Hug your knees.
0:16:13 > 0:16:15- That's a little technique I've learned.- Ohh...
0:16:15 > 0:16:18Feel that? Feel that? How's that? How's that?
0:16:18 > 0:16:20Ah, that actually feels better, actually.
0:16:20 > 0:16:23- Yeah? That's all right isn't it? - Feels better.- That's all right.
0:16:23 > 0:16:26Go on, just pop yourself up, we're going to have positive energy.
0:16:26 > 0:16:29That's it, you're with friends. You're with friends.
0:16:29 > 0:16:31Just hold onto me, that's it - positive energy, positive energy.
0:16:31 > 0:16:33GRINDAH HEAVES
0:16:33 > 0:16:36That's all right, that's all right, that's all right.
0:16:36 > 0:16:39- GRINDAH SPITS - Don't worry, that's all right.
0:16:39 > 0:16:41- Ugh...- How's that now?
0:16:41 > 0:16:42- Eh?- Oh...- How's that now?
0:16:45 > 0:16:47- That's better, innit? - Ah yeah, fucking...
0:16:47 > 0:16:50That feels a lot better actually.
0:16:50 > 0:16:55See that? That's all you needed, just a little release there.
0:16:55 > 0:16:57Thanks for that.
0:16:57 > 0:16:59- Cool, man.- Where's Beats?
0:16:59 > 0:17:01You got a tissue?
0:17:01 > 0:17:03This feels banging!
0:17:03 > 0:17:06MUSIC: It Ain't Enough by Artful Dodger
0:17:06 > 0:17:09Right, Fanta, this is your time to shine, brother.
0:17:09 > 0:17:12- You've earned this. Ready? - I'm ready, man.
0:17:12 > 0:17:15Oh. Wait. Grindah! Don't need you now, pull back.
0:17:15 > 0:17:18Grindah! Bruv, you all right?
0:17:18 > 0:17:21- Well, fucking sick. - Have you seen the crowd?
0:17:21 > 0:17:23It's sick. They're all here for me!
0:17:23 > 0:17:26Take one of these. Do it.
0:17:26 > 0:17:28Banging. A little fan gave it to us.
0:17:28 > 0:17:31- All right, fuck it. Livin' la vida loca, yeah?- Trust me.
0:17:35 > 0:17:40Who's ready for the world famous...
0:17:40 > 0:17:45best MC in the world, MC Grindah, right now?
0:17:45 > 0:17:46'Brentford's just the start.'
0:17:46 > 0:17:49Yeah, after that, the world is our oyster.
0:17:49 > 0:17:52- We got Plymouth.- Yeah. - Chinchester... Yeah?- Yeah.
0:17:52 > 0:17:55'I mean, next thing you know, probably get Ayia Napa on the phone
0:17:55 > 0:17:57like, "Oh, you lot are killing it!"
0:17:57 > 0:17:59Like, "Do you want to come out to Ayia Napa?"
0:17:59 > 0:18:01Like, "We'll pay you bare money,
0:18:01 > 0:18:04"fly you out, get you a hotel, all-inclusive...
0:18:04 > 0:18:06"Well, not necessarily all-inclusive food
0:18:06 > 0:18:08- "but definitely a breakfast buffet," like.- Yeah.
0:18:08 > 0:18:10'Most important meal of the day, innit?'
0:18:10 > 0:18:13- RAPPING:- G-R-I-N-D, G-R-I-N-D
0:18:13 > 0:18:16G-R-I-N-D, G-R-I-N-D
0:18:16 > 0:18:18Baddest MC in the Industry
0:18:18 > 0:18:19B to the E to the A to the T
0:18:19 > 0:18:21And the S, and the yes, and the "We are the best!"
0:18:21 > 0:18:23B to the E to the A to the T
0:18:23 > 0:18:25- To the S, and the yes - And the "We are the best!"
0:18:25 > 0:18:26K to the U-R-P to the T
0:18:26 > 0:18:28Kurupt FM is the Family
0:18:28 > 0:18:30K to the U-R-P to the T
0:18:30 > 0:18:32Baddest MC in the industry
0:18:32 > 0:18:33Who's that brother with the blue suede shirt?
0:18:33 > 0:18:35Who's that brother with the blue suede shirt?
0:18:35 > 0:18:38Who's that brother with the blue suede shirt?
0:18:38 > 0:18:40Who's that brother with the blue suede shirt?
0:18:40 > 0:18:42Who's that brother with the blue suede shirt?
0:18:42 > 0:18:46Who's that brother with the blue suede shirt?
0:18:46 > 0:18:48One water please, babe.
0:18:48 > 0:18:51For you, pretty lady, I'll do you a special price.
0:18:51 > 0:18:54£2 and you get a free straw as well.
0:18:54 > 0:18:57- Thanks so much!- No, you're welcome.
0:18:57 > 0:18:59Stevie, come on, mate.
0:18:59 > 0:19:01- I'm going to DJ in front of everyone.- Selecta!
0:19:01 > 0:19:03- Come on, Steves.- Selecta!
0:19:03 > 0:19:04N-I-K-E
0:19:04 > 0:19:06The brand that I'm wearing, you see
0:19:06 > 0:19:08It's the A-double-D-I-D-A-S
0:19:08 > 0:19:09Are the trousers that I possess
0:19:09 > 0:19:13R-double-E-B-O to the K R-double-E-B-O to the K
0:19:13 > 0:19:14R-double-E-B-O to the K
0:19:14 > 0:19:16That's the trainer that I wear every day.
0:19:16 > 0:19:18When I say, you say, we say, they say
0:19:18 > 0:19:20MAKE SOME NOISE!
0:19:20 > 0:19:21When I say, you say, we say, they say
0:19:21 > 0:19:23MAKE SOME NOISE!
0:19:23 > 0:19:25When I say, you say, we say, they say
0:19:25 > 0:19:27MAKE SOME NOISE!
0:19:27 > 0:19:29When I say, you say, we say, they say
0:19:29 > 0:19:30MAKE SOME NOISE!
0:19:30 > 0:19:32Sit upon the riddim when I sit up on the riddim!
0:19:32 > 0:19:34Sit upon the riddim when I sit up on the riddim!
0:19:34 > 0:19:36Sit upon the riddim when I sit up on the riddim!
0:19:36 > 0:19:39Sit upon the riddim when I sit up on the riddim!
0:19:39 > 0:19:40You've got a really nice face.
0:19:40 > 0:19:43Thank you very much. You have a beautiful face as well.
0:19:43 > 0:19:45I like a woman who's not afraid to sweat.
0:19:45 > 0:19:47THEY LAUGH
0:19:47 > 0:19:51She's been up here ten times, asking for "water". Right(!)
0:19:51 > 0:19:54I think she's sniffed out the fact that this is my club, you know?
0:19:54 > 0:19:59A classy lady like that, she can smell success from a mile, mate.
0:19:59 > 0:20:02And right now, I bloody reek of it.
0:20:02 > 0:20:04Hey, hey, hey!
0:20:04 > 0:20:05Wiv di riddem and the ride
0:20:05 > 0:20:08All pon di riddem wit the roughneck style
0:20:08 > 0:20:10Watch the man go cronk, baby
0:20:10 > 0:20:11Badboy Grind
0:20:11 > 0:20:14When they come at me they gon sit down beside
0:20:14 > 0:20:17Casually pull me out Suck me off then bounce
0:20:17 > 0:20:20Yes, MC Grindah comes back for the fucker!
0:20:20 > 0:20:22- Sick. - Oh, my days, all on that ragga shit.
0:20:22 > 0:20:25- I love that ragga shit, man. - I've got a Jamaican soul, so like...
0:20:25 > 0:20:28Don't matter, boy I've got MC Grindah
0:20:28 > 0:20:29Takin' the mic
0:20:29 > 0:20:30We're gonna be there
0:20:30 > 0:20:33Who's then got the riddem and the burst of the light?
0:20:33 > 0:20:36On time, the Beats His name down beside me.
0:20:36 > 0:20:37Oh, my days.
0:20:37 > 0:20:40Hey! Hey, listen! Miche, I sees ya!
0:20:40 > 0:20:43Lady Miche, big up! I see you, yeah?
0:20:43 > 0:20:47You do everything for me - you even put me before your job,
0:20:47 > 0:20:49and I fucking love you for that.
0:20:49 > 0:20:51Hang tight, my gorgeous son, Craig!
0:20:51 > 0:20:54Somewhere in here with bare girls, like getting noshed off.
0:20:54 > 0:20:57- Slammin' the pussy. - I sees ya, Craig. Daddy sees ya.
0:20:57 > 0:20:58Big it up.
0:21:00 > 0:21:02Insane!
0:21:02 > 0:21:03Whoa, gosh.
0:21:03 > 0:21:05Oi, oi, oi, oi, oi!
0:21:05 > 0:21:07I'm going to do a stage dive!
0:21:07 > 0:21:09I'm going to do a fucking stage dive!
0:21:09 > 0:21:11Grindah's going to do a stage dive!
0:21:11 > 0:21:14CHEERING AND WHISTLING
0:21:15 > 0:21:18CHEERING
0:21:22 > 0:21:24That was really amazing!!
0:21:24 > 0:21:27They fucking love me, yeah? Worship me!
0:21:28 > 0:21:32- Look, I wanted to talk to you about the whole job thing.- What?
0:21:32 > 0:21:35- The job thing.- Yeah, yeah. Listen, don't worry about that.
0:21:35 > 0:21:38Everything I said earlier, yeah? Forget that.
0:21:38 > 0:21:41You take that job - that's you, cuz!
0:21:42 > 0:21:45Oh, OK. I will then, I'll take it.
0:21:45 > 0:21:48- Yeah.- Yeah.- I was thinking, yeah, being up there,
0:21:48 > 0:21:51I feel like we could do anything together!
0:21:51 > 0:21:52We can, like, get on a plane
0:21:52 > 0:21:55and just live in the hills of Jamaica in a farm
0:21:55 > 0:21:56and get married, with a dog.
0:21:56 > 0:21:58- Get married?- Huh?
0:21:58 > 0:22:01Ah, it's more the Jamaica thing, not necessarily...
0:22:03 > 0:22:05Are you proposing??
0:22:05 > 0:22:07Er...
0:22:07 > 0:22:08Sort of, like...
0:22:10 > 0:22:13Yeah, fuck it - why not? Er...
0:22:13 > 0:22:16Yeah, as long as we don't have to get married for a long time,
0:22:16 > 0:22:17we might as well, innit?
0:22:17 > 0:22:21- You going to kneel down?- Yeah
0:22:21 > 0:22:22So you just go down like that.
0:22:25 > 0:22:27HE PUFFS
0:22:28 > 0:22:30Ah. It's quite intense.
0:22:30 > 0:22:31I do!
0:22:31 > 0:22:32What?
0:22:32 > 0:22:34I do!
0:22:34 > 0:22:35Sick.
0:22:36 > 0:22:37Ahh.
0:22:39 > 0:22:41Did you lot see me stage dive in there?
0:22:41 > 0:22:44Your face is so amazing.
0:22:44 > 0:22:46Yeah, I actually moisturise with almond butter.
0:22:46 > 0:22:48THEY LAUGH
0:22:48 > 0:22:50Is your whole body soft?
0:22:50 > 0:22:53Well, I'll tell you one part of my body that isn't soft!
0:22:53 > 0:22:54THEY LAUGH
0:23:02 > 0:23:03Don't go anywhere.
0:23:11 > 0:23:12- Grindah.- Yeah, man?
0:23:14 > 0:23:16I'm sorry about being defensive earlier.
0:23:16 > 0:23:18It's just cos of Craig and that.
0:23:18 > 0:23:19Like, you know what it's like being a dad.
0:23:19 > 0:23:23Nah, don't even try that, brother. I'm sorry, bruv.
0:23:23 > 0:23:27Craig opened up to me the other day, like, he called me "Dad", so...
0:23:27 > 0:23:31- Are you serious? Bruv, that's fucking sick.- Yeah.
0:23:31 > 0:23:33Eh, come here, you fucking sickhead.
0:23:35 > 0:23:38Ah, man, that's what I'm saying about you, man.
0:23:39 > 0:23:42You know I proposed to Miche earlier, sort of like by mistake?
0:23:42 > 0:23:45But I feel all right for doing it.
0:23:45 > 0:23:48Phwoar. That's amazing, man!
0:23:48 > 0:23:51- That's what it's about, though, innit?- Yeah.
0:23:51 > 0:23:52It's all about family and that.
0:23:52 > 0:23:54It's true.
0:23:54 > 0:23:56- It's fucking true.- Always.
0:24:00 > 0:24:04Hello, mate, there's a no shitting rule tonight but apart from that...
0:24:08 > 0:24:10This is what having your own club does to people!
0:24:10 > 0:24:13She can't bloody get enough, mate!
0:24:13 > 0:24:14HE LAUGHS
0:24:14 > 0:24:15Ah...
0:24:18 > 0:24:20All right, mate?
0:24:20 > 0:24:22So, Steves, can you do me a favour, mate?
0:24:22 > 0:24:24- Can you take over on the bar for a minute, yeah?- Yeah.
0:24:24 > 0:24:26I've pulled, mate! Yeah.
0:24:26 > 0:24:28And I think, yeah...
0:24:28 > 0:24:30I think she might be really special, this one.
0:24:30 > 0:24:32- She does seem nice, man.- Yeah.
0:24:33 > 0:24:35- Cheers, Stevie.- Cool.
0:24:37 > 0:24:40The return of the queen!
0:24:40 > 0:24:43- What?- Shall we boogie? Let's boogie. Come on.
0:24:44 > 0:24:46Abdi, back off, mate.
0:24:46 > 0:24:48Abdi, you're too close!
0:24:54 > 0:24:55You all right?
0:24:56 > 0:24:57Yeah.
0:24:57 > 0:24:59Why are you so sweaty?
0:24:59 > 0:25:03I think it's, like, cos I'm nervous.
0:25:03 > 0:25:04- Roche...- Yeah?
0:25:04 > 0:25:07I need to tell you something.
0:25:07 > 0:25:10- Basically, Grindah proposed to Michelle.- Aww.
0:25:10 > 0:25:13And it made me think that maybe we should do the same.
0:25:15 > 0:25:18That's very romantic. Let's talk about it tomorrow, eh, Kevin?
0:25:18 > 0:25:22Nah, cos Craig called me "Dad" this week.
0:25:22 > 0:25:24And it made me think that we're a family.
0:25:26 > 0:25:29Maybe we could be a proper family!
0:25:29 > 0:25:30I love you, Roche.
0:25:32 > 0:25:35No, get up! You're only meant to go on one knee, all right?
0:25:35 > 0:25:38- Oh, is it?- If you still feel like it, ask me tomorrow, yeah?
0:25:38 > 0:25:40Yeah, I definitely will.
0:25:40 > 0:25:42- OK, well, I look forward to that. - Yeah.- All right?
0:25:42 > 0:25:44Go and enjoy yourself, Romeo.
0:25:44 > 0:25:45Safe.
0:25:50 > 0:25:53Mate! I'm having the sickest time.
0:25:53 > 0:25:56Bruv, your jacket smells a bit weird. Stay in that bit.
0:25:56 > 0:25:58I can't believe we've done this, man.
0:25:58 > 0:26:00It's amazing!
0:26:03 > 0:26:05Is your tummy still feeling poorly?
0:26:05 > 0:26:07Yeah, it still hurts quite a lot.
0:26:07 > 0:26:09How are your dark thoughts getting on?
0:26:09 > 0:26:10Ugh...
0:26:13 > 0:26:15Get you all tucked in.
0:26:17 > 0:26:21- I still feel pretty sad, to be honest.- (Put your head up.)
0:26:21 > 0:26:24Oh, don't worry. I've got something that'll cheer you up.
0:26:24 > 0:26:26I knew you probably wouldn't want to go out today,
0:26:26 > 0:26:29so I just popped out and I got a ring, so...
0:26:29 > 0:26:31What for...? Ah, fuck!
0:26:31 > 0:26:32Aww.
0:26:34 > 0:26:35Mummy!
0:26:35 > 0:26:37Here she is!
0:26:37 > 0:26:39- Yay!- I've got my dress on.
0:26:39 > 0:26:41Me and Angel have been practising. So, yeah.
0:26:41 > 0:26:43I can't believe that we're engaged now!
0:26:43 > 0:26:45Congratulations.
0:26:45 > 0:26:47- Oh, yeah. We...- Keep holding them.
0:26:47 > 0:26:51We don't necessarily need to tell everyone we're engaged, Miche.
0:26:51 > 0:26:53It's just...people stay engaged for a long time
0:26:53 > 0:26:56- before they actually sort of tell anyone.- Yeah.
0:26:56 > 0:26:58Can we just... talk about this another time?
0:26:58 > 0:27:01I'm feeling pretty sick, to be honest.
0:27:01 > 0:27:02Until next time, my queen.
0:27:05 > 0:27:07Just promise me one thing, baby -
0:27:07 > 0:27:10don't fall in love. I'm damaged goods...
0:27:10 > 0:27:11Oh, hey, guys. Come in.
0:27:13 > 0:27:15HE CHUCKLES
0:27:15 > 0:27:18That's embarrassing, innit? Bed's still unmade.
0:27:18 > 0:27:19HE CHUCKLES
0:27:19 > 0:27:21- HE SNIFFS - What's that smell?
0:27:21 > 0:27:23I'll tell you what that is - that's the smell of sex.
0:27:23 > 0:27:26With a little bit of very basic foreplay.
0:27:27 > 0:27:28You all right?
0:27:28 > 0:27:30I think if I cough, I might shit myself.
0:27:30 > 0:27:32- HE SIGHS - Aww.
0:27:35 > 0:27:38There you go, that's for you.
0:27:38 > 0:27:42Craig, man, you legend. Thanks, man.
0:27:42 > 0:27:44See you had a good time last night, as well -
0:27:44 > 0:27:46chewing that bird's face off.
0:27:46 > 0:27:50- What girl?- Yeah, she was all right. Bit sweaty, though.
0:27:50 > 0:27:53You guys done me proud last night, man. Both of you.
0:27:53 > 0:27:55You didn't do too badly yourself.
0:27:55 > 0:27:59Hey, is there anything you wanted to talk about today?
0:27:59 > 0:28:00No, not really.
0:28:00 > 0:28:03- No? Nothing you wanted to ask me? - Nah.
0:28:05 > 0:28:12You see... You see, what I said last night, outside and that...
0:28:12 > 0:28:14Yeah, don't worry, you twat, I'm only joking.
0:28:14 > 0:28:16Ah, fuckin' hell.
0:28:16 > 0:28:20- Cos I was going to leave today like, just run.- Were you?- Yeah.
0:28:20 > 0:28:22- Oh, well.- For a bit, and then come back.
0:28:22 > 0:28:23- OK. - SHE LAUGHS
0:28:26 > 0:28:29Success means different things to different people.
0:28:29 > 0:28:32But, to me, success isn't about money.
0:28:32 > 0:28:37- It's about family and love, innit? - Nah.
0:28:37 > 0:28:38Everyone's got a family.
0:28:38 > 0:28:41We've got that AND the club night, so...
0:28:41 > 0:28:42- Truesay.- Yeah.
0:28:42 > 0:28:46- We're actually probably quite inspirational, really, innit?- Yeah.
0:28:46 > 0:28:49What I would say is if you're watching this right now,
0:28:49 > 0:28:50and you're feeling bare inspired,
0:28:50 > 0:28:52just remember MC Grindah told you -
0:28:52 > 0:28:56- you can achieve anything you want in life.- Anything.
0:28:56 > 0:28:58Well, not...
0:28:58 > 0:29:01Within reason, obviously. Be realistic about it.
0:29:01 > 0:29:04Do something that you're probably already quite good at,
0:29:04 > 0:29:06- just make it easier.- Yeah, exactly.
0:29:06 > 0:29:10Set your goals low so that you might be able to achieve them.
0:29:12 > 0:29:13No-one likes a failure.