0:00:10 > 0:00:12Jeffrey can't hear you, hi-de-hi.
0:00:12 > 0:00:14ALL: Hi-de-ho.
0:00:14 > 0:00:15Give me strength.
0:00:18 > 0:00:20No, Sergeant Major.
0:00:20 > 0:00:22- IMITATES MOCKINGLY: - No, Sergeant Major.
0:00:25 > 0:00:27SHOUTING
0:00:30 > 0:00:31Oh, 'eck!
0:00:35 > 0:00:38My grandfather was a butler. And they were always on the fiddle.
0:00:38 > 0:00:40Why are you topping it up with soda?
0:00:40 > 0:00:43Strong whiskey is not good for his Lordship's gout.
0:00:43 > 0:00:47"Use your loaf, son, or you'll be back at school."
0:00:47 > 0:00:48He means Cambridge.
0:00:49 > 0:00:53All our shows have strong class influences.
0:00:53 > 0:00:55It still applies today, I'm sure.
0:00:55 > 0:00:57SHE SHOUTS
0:01:03 > 0:01:05Hi-de-hi!
0:01:08 > 0:01:12'The important thing with any sitcom is that it's real,
0:01:12 > 0:01:16'you care about the characters and the situation is real.'
0:01:16 > 0:01:18Why shouldn't I drink their wine?
0:01:18 > 0:01:21'We take turns to write, too, that's the other thing.'
0:01:21 > 0:01:24- Cos nobody actually wants to write it down.- Writing it down...
0:01:24 > 0:01:27That's a chore. While you're writing, you can't be creative -
0:01:27 > 0:01:29the other person's thinking of all the funny lines.
0:01:29 > 0:01:31Do you know she hadn't even...
0:01:31 > 0:01:34she hadn't even tried tomato sauce before she met me?!
0:02:01 > 0:02:02Now, You Rang M'Lord?
0:02:02 > 0:02:05The latest comedy series to come from the pen
0:02:05 > 0:02:06of Jimmy Perry and David Croft.
0:02:06 > 0:02:09It's outrageous that we should be sitting down here,
0:02:09 > 0:02:12guzzling ourselves, while the family are up there hungry.
0:02:12 > 0:02:14It's not my fault that they're self-denying themselves.
0:02:14 > 0:02:17- But it's for the poor. - We are the poor!
0:02:17 > 0:02:19Any more sprouts, Mrs Lipton?
0:02:19 > 0:02:22It must be terrible to have to marry somebody you don't love.
0:02:22 > 0:02:25With the upper classes, happiness is a secondary consideration.
0:02:25 > 0:02:28They're more concerned with the preservation of the bloodline.
0:02:28 > 0:02:30Where do you think the Royal Family would be today
0:02:30 > 0:02:32if they married common people?
0:02:35 > 0:02:39- You can cut that, can't you? - It's chaos here. Chaos.
0:02:39 > 0:02:42- HE CHUCKLES - Do you want some cake, Jeffrey?
0:02:42 > 0:02:44No, thank you! I'm... No, I'm not into cake.
0:02:44 > 0:02:46- Go on, have some cake, Jeffrey. - Get...!
0:02:46 > 0:02:49HE BARKS
0:02:49 > 0:02:51'What are you working on at the moment?'
0:02:51 > 0:02:53It's called You Rang M'Lord?
0:02:53 > 0:02:55It's a sort of a comedy Upstairs, Downstairs.
0:03:10 > 0:03:12You know, on an occasion such as this,
0:03:12 > 0:03:15one realises, whether one lives up here or below stairs,
0:03:15 > 0:03:18we are all one big happy family.
0:03:18 > 0:03:20- FLATLY:- Hear, hear.
0:03:21 > 0:03:23As a token of my appreciation,
0:03:23 > 0:03:27I would like to present you with something, personally.
0:03:27 > 0:03:29- ALL:- Thank you.- No, no, no,
0:03:29 > 0:03:32you deserve it, you saved £85 from being lost
0:03:32 > 0:03:35and £85 is a great deal of money.
0:03:35 > 0:03:37Here is five shillings for you, Stokes.
0:03:37 > 0:03:39Five for you, James.
0:03:39 > 0:03:41And five shillings for you, Mr Lipton.
0:03:41 > 0:03:44Ivy, half a crown.
0:03:44 > 0:03:46Mabel, a shilling.
0:03:46 > 0:03:48Oh, how very kind, Your Lordship.
0:03:50 > 0:03:51And Henry, sixpence.
0:04:16 > 0:04:19We started in... It was supposed to be 1927.
0:04:19 > 0:04:22I was only about four or five at the time.
0:04:22 > 0:04:24When you start thinking about it,
0:04:24 > 0:04:27it all rubs off somehow and you do have recollections
0:04:27 > 0:04:30of the atmosphere and the feeling of life in those days.
0:04:32 > 0:04:35All the sets look right and the people are dressed right
0:04:35 > 0:04:38and their attitudes to each other,
0:04:38 > 0:04:41from the servants to the posh people upstairs,
0:04:41 > 0:04:44the attitudes are right.
0:04:44 > 0:04:47# Saucy flappers in cloche hats
0:04:47 > 0:04:49# Natty chappies in white spats
0:04:49 > 0:04:52# The upper set is going bats... #
0:04:58 > 0:05:04What started this was that David Croft came from a very lah-di family.
0:05:04 > 0:05:07They had a cook and a maid and a chauffeur and all that.
0:05:08 > 0:05:11I came from a well-off, middle-class family.
0:05:11 > 0:05:13I went to a very good public school.
0:05:13 > 0:05:18And so I, you know, I can't say... I didn't have it rough at all.
0:05:20 > 0:05:24SHOUTING
0:05:31 > 0:05:34# I've got the brains You've got the looks
0:05:34 > 0:05:37# Let's make lots of money... #
0:05:37 > 0:05:41We've laid the economic foundations of a decent and prosperous future.
0:05:45 > 0:05:50# I've had enough of scheming And messing around with jerks
0:05:50 > 0:05:53# My car is parked outside I'm afraid it doesn't work
0:05:53 > 0:05:58# I'm looking for a partner Someone who gets things fixed
0:05:58 > 0:06:03# Ask yourself this question Do you want to be rich? #
0:06:03 > 0:06:07With respect, Miss Poppy, if I may say so, that's not fair.
0:06:08 > 0:06:10I beg your pardon?
0:06:10 > 0:06:12Mrs Lipton is the finest cook of any household in the street.
0:06:12 > 0:06:15In all the years I've served His Lordship, we've had many
0:06:15 > 0:06:18distinguished guests to dinner and there's never been any complaints.
0:06:18 > 0:06:22On the contrary, she's only ever received the very highest praise.
0:06:22 > 0:06:24How dare you question my father's judgment?!
0:06:24 > 0:06:26I shall see you in his study now.
0:06:27 > 0:06:29Properly dressed.
0:06:31 > 0:06:33Cor, what a little bitch!
0:06:55 > 0:06:57Having shepherd's pie, are you?
0:06:57 > 0:07:00Yes, Mabel, we're having shepherd's pie.
0:07:00 > 0:07:03That's nice.
0:07:03 > 0:07:06I can't remember the last time I sat down to a big plate
0:07:06 > 0:07:08of shepherd's pie
0:07:08 > 0:07:10with onions and gravy.
0:07:10 > 0:07:12There's a bit of cheddar cheese in the larder
0:07:12 > 0:07:14you can take home with you, Mabel.
0:07:14 > 0:07:16That'll be nice.
0:07:18 > 0:07:20There's plenty of pie in the oven.
0:07:20 > 0:07:22Be quiet, Ivy!
0:07:22 > 0:07:26Mrs Lipton, which bit is it, the big bit or the little bit?
0:07:26 > 0:07:27The little bit!
0:07:28 > 0:07:30Thanks!
0:07:30 > 0:07:34It's been there for days, it's all wizened.
0:07:34 > 0:07:36All she's got to do is cut the mould off!
0:07:38 > 0:07:40Are you sure you don't want it for the mouse trap?
0:07:42 > 0:07:45There's no need to be sarcastic, Mabel, you don't have to take it
0:07:45 > 0:07:48- if you don't want it. - Oh, I'll take it.
0:07:48 > 0:07:50I'll make a Welsh rabbit...
0:07:50 > 0:07:52a green one!
0:07:55 > 0:07:57We didn't want to make it a cosy series, Eamonn.
0:07:57 > 0:08:00It's a sort of comedy/drama, that's the whole point.
0:08:02 > 0:08:05Some of it is quite heavy, just after the General Strike.
0:08:07 > 0:08:11# Times are getting hard, boys
0:08:13 > 0:08:17# Money's getting scarce
0:08:17 > 0:08:22# If times don't get no better, boys
0:08:24 > 0:08:28# I'm going to leave this place
0:08:29 > 0:08:34# Take my sweetheart by the hand
0:08:34 > 0:08:38# Lead her through the town
0:08:40 > 0:08:45# Say goodbye to everyone
0:08:45 > 0:08:49# Goodbye to everyone... #
0:08:57 > 0:09:00I mean, the toffs upstairs treat the servants appallingly
0:09:00 > 0:09:04and the servants have no regard for them ones upstairs.
0:09:23 > 0:09:26My grandfather was a butler.
0:09:26 > 0:09:30He told my dad all the terrible stories
0:09:30 > 0:09:35where the staff had to wait up until the toffs came in
0:09:35 > 0:09:37at four o'clock in the morning.
0:09:39 > 0:09:41Good morning, Sir, I trust you had a pleasant evening.
0:09:41 > 0:09:44Yes, but I find these late nights rather exhausting.
0:09:44 > 0:09:46I know the feeling, Sir!
0:09:46 > 0:09:48Jerry took us all to The Silver Slipper.
0:09:48 > 0:09:49It's got a glass dance floor.
0:09:49 > 0:09:51Damned dangerous!
0:09:53 > 0:09:56- Sorry to keep you up so late, Ivy. - It's all right, Miss Cissy.
0:09:56 > 0:09:58- What time do you have to get up? - Six o'clock.
0:09:58 > 0:10:01- Have a lie in tomorrow, Ivy. - Oh, thank you, M'Lord.
0:10:01 > 0:10:03Make it 6.30.
0:10:20 > 0:10:24I should like to live in a world where opportunity is for everyone.
0:10:24 > 0:10:27Where peace is truly universal
0:10:27 > 0:10:29and where freedom is secure.
0:10:29 > 0:10:32We're a very class ridden society and it's all very well
0:10:32 > 0:10:35trying to be classless, but it doesn't seem to work.
0:10:35 > 0:10:37We still laugh at it.
0:10:37 > 0:10:39United Workers' Party!
0:10:39 > 0:10:41Oh, my God!
0:10:41 > 0:10:42No!
0:10:42 > 0:10:44No. No!
0:10:44 > 0:10:47What do you want to get mixed up with all that lot for?
0:10:47 > 0:10:49They're all barely Bolsheviks.
0:10:49 > 0:10:51It's time somebody did something for the poor!
0:10:51 > 0:10:52Do you feel better now, M'Lord?
0:10:52 > 0:10:54I shall be all right in a minute.
0:10:54 > 0:10:56Old age pension?
0:10:56 > 0:10:5812/6 a week!
0:10:59 > 0:11:01It'll ruin the country.
0:11:03 > 0:11:05Nearly all of my shows, anyway, are historical shows
0:11:05 > 0:11:09so they can look back on that particular aspect of British life
0:11:09 > 0:11:11and enjoy it and laugh at it.
0:11:14 > 0:11:17Hi-de-Hi is set at a holiday camp in the 1950s
0:11:17 > 0:11:19and, like their previous successes,
0:11:19 > 0:11:21it's based on the author's own experiences.
0:11:21 > 0:11:23A beautifully observed period piece,
0:11:23 > 0:11:26much of the humour comes from the startlingly different
0:11:26 > 0:11:28backgrounds of the two main characters -
0:11:28 > 0:11:31the graduate entertainment manager, Jeffrey Fairbrother
0:11:31 > 0:11:34and the more earthy experienced host, Ted Bovis.
0:11:34 > 0:11:37Now he takes the crown and he puts it on her head.
0:11:37 > 0:11:40When he's done that he puts all his arms around her and kisses her.
0:11:40 > 0:11:44Then somebody says, "Take your tentacles off that girl, you naughty octopus."
0:11:44 > 0:11:47Whereupon Olly turns and squirts him all over with black ink.
0:11:47 > 0:11:49I see.
0:11:49 > 0:11:52Who says, "Take your tentacles off that girl, you naughty octopus?"
0:11:52 > 0:11:55You'll get a belter, there's no doubt about it.
0:11:58 > 0:12:00You mean, you-you want me to say it?
0:12:00 > 0:12:02Well, one of the first rules of comedy
0:12:02 > 0:12:05is that a line like that must be said in a posh voice.
0:12:05 > 0:12:07You're the only one with a posh voice!
0:12:14 > 0:12:18We wanted a contrast and I remembered
0:12:18 > 0:12:20the entertainments manager at Butlin's
0:12:20 > 0:12:24had been a university professor.
0:12:35 > 0:12:39You should be setting an example and what do you do?
0:12:39 > 0:12:43Take a job at a holiday camp as an entertainment manager. Why?
0:12:43 > 0:12:45Just tell me why?
0:12:45 > 0:12:46Because I'm in a rut, Mother,
0:12:46 > 0:12:49and my wife's left me because she says I'm boring.
0:12:49 > 0:12:52My students fall asleep at lectures because I bore them.
0:12:52 > 0:12:54And, worst of all, I'm boring myself.
0:12:54 > 0:12:55What's that got to do with it?
0:12:55 > 0:12:57Your father was boring, as well!
0:12:59 > 0:13:01He didn't bother other people with it.
0:13:01 > 0:13:04He just went to his club every day and dozed off!
0:13:04 > 0:13:07Well, I've been dozing too.
0:13:07 > 0:13:10- Now I've woken up. - But Maplins holiday camp...
0:13:11 > 0:13:14Working class people go there.
0:13:14 > 0:13:17What's wrong with that? They have a damned good holiday!
0:13:24 > 0:13:26TANNOY: Hello, campers!
0:13:26 > 0:13:29We've got a fun packed programme for you today.
0:13:29 > 0:13:32A holiday princess competition, knobbly knees competition...
0:13:36 > 0:13:39..kiddies' fancy dress and lots more.
0:13:41 > 0:13:43Things like spaghetti-eating competition
0:13:43 > 0:13:47and knobbly knees competition, we invented some worse ones after that,
0:13:47 > 0:13:49mainly to play off against Jeffrey.
0:13:49 > 0:13:52Did you ever see that programme on telly called What's My Line?
0:13:52 > 0:13:54Occasionally.
0:13:54 > 0:13:56Well, we used to do one called That's Your Bum.
0:14:00 > 0:14:02You see instead of going and doing a bit of mime
0:14:02 > 0:14:04and guessing your occupation,
0:14:04 > 0:14:06you show your bum and the campers have to guess who it belongs to.
0:14:08 > 0:14:11CAMPERS: That's Your Bum!
0:14:16 > 0:14:18That was an essential part of the programme,
0:14:18 > 0:14:21the complete inadequacy of him as a character
0:14:21 > 0:14:25and also his embarrassment, actually, at what was going on around him, really.
0:14:25 > 0:14:26Yes. Yes, indeed.
0:14:26 > 0:14:28# Boom!
0:14:28 > 0:14:30# Why did my heart go boom
0:14:30 > 0:14:31# Me and my heart go boom
0:14:31 > 0:14:33# Bump-ity boom
0:14:33 > 0:14:35# When I'm around you
0:14:35 > 0:14:37# Boom... #
0:14:41 > 0:14:43Well done, everyone, it's going awfully well.
0:14:43 > 0:14:45The campers are lapping it up.
0:14:49 > 0:14:53You've dealt mainly with the staff, there's very little about the guests.
0:14:53 > 0:14:57Yes, that's the basis of the series, we're sticking to the staff.
0:14:57 > 0:15:01May I remind you that when I first took you up
0:15:01 > 0:15:04you were a third rate chorus boy? I taught you everything.
0:15:04 > 0:15:07I taught you how to dress, how to speak.
0:15:07 > 0:15:10How to stand up when a lady entered the room.
0:15:10 > 0:15:13I stopped you using your table knife like a pen.
0:15:13 > 0:15:17I even allowed you to use my name, my family name Stuart-Hargreaves.
0:15:17 > 0:15:21And what a mouthful that is, Yvonne and Barry Stuart-Hargreaves.
0:15:21 > 0:15:25And just how far do you think you would have got in this profession
0:15:25 > 0:15:27- with a name like Bert Pratt! - That's right...
0:15:29 > 0:15:30..tell the whole camp.
0:15:40 > 0:15:42TYRES SCREECH
0:15:42 > 0:15:43Hi-de-Hi!
0:15:46 > 0:15:49I'm Clive Dempster, I've come to work here.
0:15:49 > 0:15:50I'm in charge of something, or other.
0:15:50 > 0:15:53- Yeah, you are the new camp entertainments manager.- That's it.
0:15:53 > 0:15:57I don't know much about it but I expect I'll pick it up as I go along.
0:15:57 > 0:15:59I'm Peggy Ollerenshaw, chalet maintenance.
0:15:59 > 0:16:01Glad to meet you, Peggy.
0:16:03 > 0:16:06What a lovely car. Do you know, I've never been in one of these.
0:16:06 > 0:16:09I'll soon fix that. Hop in, we'll go for a spin.
0:16:09 > 0:16:11What shall I do with my toilet rolls?
0:16:11 > 0:16:13You can leave them there, pick 'em up later.
0:16:15 > 0:16:19Everybody else, when doing a series about holiday camps, makes jokes about the holiday camp.
0:16:19 > 0:16:23We don't make jokes about the holiday camp, it's all about the characters who worked there.
0:16:23 > 0:16:26In reality, people have a wonderful time at holiday camps.
0:16:26 > 0:16:28Yes, it was with both our experience. We were both there.
0:16:28 > 0:16:31I was producing shows about the same time that Jimmy was a red coat.
0:16:31 > 0:16:35So we knew what it was like and it's always been much maligned in the past.
0:16:35 > 0:16:38People do have an hilarious time, and come back year after year.
0:16:38 > 0:16:41# Well, come on, let's go
0:16:41 > 0:16:44# Let's go, little darlin'
0:16:44 > 0:16:46# Tell me that you'll never leave me
0:16:46 > 0:16:49# Come on, come on, let's go again
0:16:49 > 0:16:51# Go again and again
0:16:51 > 0:16:54# Well, swing me, swing me
0:16:54 > 0:16:55# All the way down here.
0:16:55 > 0:16:58# Come on, let's go, little darlin'
0:16:58 > 0:17:03# Let's go, let's go again once more... #
0:17:04 > 0:17:05# Do nowt if you want to
0:17:05 > 0:17:08# Step out if you want to
0:17:08 > 0:17:11# Feel free to have the fun that's really free
0:17:11 > 0:17:15# You'll have a really wonderful time
0:17:15 > 0:17:19# It's free and easy
0:17:19 > 0:17:25# Simply sublime at Butlin's by the sea! #
0:17:25 > 0:17:28Jimmy's a great enthusiast. He also had total recall,
0:17:28 > 0:17:31he remembers everything that ever happened to him in his life
0:17:31 > 0:17:34and that's very useful when you're writing things.
0:17:34 > 0:17:35Take one.
0:17:35 > 0:17:40I had so much in my head that it just came up.
0:17:43 > 0:17:44Evening, gents.
0:17:44 > 0:17:46- Name?- My card.
0:17:50 > 0:17:52Joe Walker, wholesale supplier?
0:18:18 > 0:18:23In Oxford Street, there were huge lines of spivs.
0:18:23 > 0:18:25They'd have two suitcases.
0:18:25 > 0:18:28The contents inside, nylon stockings.
0:18:28 > 0:18:32Now, the thing is, the shops in Oxford Street didn't have anything
0:18:32 > 0:18:35to sell and the spivs were filling the gap.
0:18:37 > 0:18:40Anything there you fancy?
0:18:40 > 0:18:43The spiv was always the one that was well-dressed
0:18:43 > 0:18:47and when he opened his wallet, it was stuffed full of notes.
0:18:47 > 0:18:50Where did it come from? But people had a sneaky admiration for him.
0:18:50 > 0:18:53# I'm a guy who's always late
0:18:53 > 0:18:55# Any time we have a date
0:18:55 > 0:18:58# But I love her
0:18:58 > 0:19:01# Yes, I love her... #
0:19:01 > 0:19:04- Would you do me a favour? - What is it?
0:19:04 > 0:19:06Will you nip outside into the street
0:19:06 > 0:19:09- and watch out in case a copper comes by.- Yeah...
0:19:09 > 0:19:12- I beg your pardon!- Well, I've got some things outside
0:19:12 > 0:19:14for Miss Fortescue in the car. I want to bring them in.
0:19:14 > 0:19:19Now look, once and for all, Walker, I want nothing to do with your black market activities.
0:19:19 > 0:19:22Right... I'll cancel that order of yours for whisky.
0:19:25 > 0:19:29You use snobbery to great effect. Captain Mainwaring is sensational.
0:19:29 > 0:19:33I mean, a wonderful snob, isn't he? Are you a snob at all?
0:19:33 > 0:19:36- He is, terribly.- Of course I'm not. That's absolute rubbish.
0:19:36 > 0:19:37Dreadful snob. Awful.
0:20:02 > 0:20:06There's a very fine picture of my late father, Edmund Mainwaring.
0:20:06 > 0:20:08A wonderful man...
0:20:08 > 0:20:12He had a flourishing tailoring business on The Parade at Eastbourne.
0:20:12 > 0:20:14A member of the Master Tailors' Guild.
0:20:14 > 0:20:17Did he make the suit you're wearing now, Mr Mainwaring?
0:20:17 > 0:20:20Don't be silly, boy, he died in 1922.
0:20:20 > 0:20:22So did that suit!
0:20:26 > 0:20:29I've known Eastbourne for 50 years,
0:20:29 > 0:20:32his father never had a posh tailor shop on The Parade.
0:20:32 > 0:20:35He had a pokey little draper shop up a side street
0:20:35 > 0:20:39and he'd got all old workman's trousers hanging up
0:20:39 > 0:20:42and my brother bought a pair and the gusset fell out.
0:20:44 > 0:20:47I suppose you might call that a comment on the society of the '40s
0:20:47 > 0:20:51which was terribly snob ridden and terribly class conscious.
0:20:51 > 0:20:53We do a little bit of it.
0:21:16 > 0:21:18Perhaps you would care to explain?
0:21:18 > 0:21:21Yes, well you see, one of my uncles died without leaving any children
0:21:21 > 0:21:25so that meant that my side of the family moved up one place,
0:21:25 > 0:21:29so to speak, and therefore I am now The Honourable...
0:21:32 > 0:21:34Bless my soul.
0:21:34 > 0:21:36Yes, well, I don't really see why it should make any
0:21:36 > 0:21:38difference to you and me.
0:21:40 > 0:21:43You can bet your bottom dollar it won't make any difference to you and me!
0:21:43 > 0:21:47You needn't think you can roll in here 20 minutes late after lunch. Where have you been?
0:21:47 > 0:21:50I went up to the golf club and had a bite to eat up there.
0:21:50 > 0:21:52- The golf club?- Yes.- Who took you?
0:21:52 > 0:21:54Well, I'm a member.
0:21:54 > 0:21:56You're a member, since when?
0:21:56 > 0:21:59Yes, well you see, when the committee heard about this
0:21:59 > 0:22:03title thing they asked me if I would, you know, like to join.
0:22:06 > 0:22:09I've been trying for years to get in there!
0:22:09 > 0:22:17I believe they're awfully particular.
0:22:46 > 0:22:47My mother used to say,
0:22:47 > 0:22:49"Dreadful common man...
0:22:49 > 0:22:51HE CHUCKLES
0:22:51 > 0:22:53"Have you seen his fingernails?
0:22:53 > 0:22:55"Greengrocer."
0:22:57 > 0:23:00Only half a pound of them onions, Mabel, they're like gold.
0:23:00 > 0:23:01Shove them under the counter.
0:23:01 > 0:23:03So, during the war,
0:23:03 > 0:23:08people from a more humble station were given jobs like
0:23:08 > 0:23:11air raid wardens and it was a very necessary job
0:23:11 > 0:23:15and people who had never had any power in life
0:23:15 > 0:23:18and never been anything but looked down on,
0:23:18 > 0:23:21suddenly found they had power and they could order people about
0:23:21 > 0:23:25and knock on their doors and fine them for showing a light.
0:23:25 > 0:23:28- What's going on here? - We're having a party.
0:23:28 > 0:23:30Watch the blackout.
0:23:42 > 0:23:44Attention!
0:23:44 > 0:23:48The air raid warden, played by Bill Pertwee, has a little speech.
0:23:48 > 0:23:50I've had enough of you, Mainwaring.
0:23:50 > 0:23:54I hope you stay up there forever so I can enjoy this war in peace
0:23:54 > 0:23:56because I do enjoy this war.
0:23:56 > 0:23:59In fact, I've never enjoyed anything so much in all my life,
0:23:59 > 0:24:02as being chief warden! I love it!
0:24:02 > 0:24:04And you, you always spoil it!
0:24:04 > 0:24:09That sums up the character of Chief Warden Hodges.
0:24:09 > 0:24:12"I had power, never had power before."
0:24:12 > 0:24:18Our theory is, isn't it David, we do something that I don't think many do, that is adventure comedy.
0:24:18 > 0:24:20# Mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the midday sun
0:24:20 > 0:24:23# The toughest Burmese bandit can never understand it
0:24:23 > 0:24:27# In Rangoon, the heat of noon, is just what the natives shun
0:24:27 > 0:24:31# They put their Scotch or Rye down and lie down
0:24:31 > 0:24:33# In a jungle town, where the sun beats down
0:24:33 > 0:24:35# To the rage of man and beast
0:24:35 > 0:24:38# The English garb of English sahib merely gets a bit more creased
0:24:38 > 0:24:42# In Bangkok at 12 o'clock they foam at the mouth and run
0:24:42 > 0:24:46# But mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the midday sun! #
0:24:46 > 0:24:51David Croft was a major in the war, in the Far East
0:24:51 > 0:24:53and I was a sergeant.
0:24:53 > 0:24:57Whenever we went filming it always reverted with this big film unit,
0:24:57 > 0:25:01he was the blooming major and I was a sergeant.
0:25:01 > 0:25:03I'm afraid there's nothing else for it,
0:25:03 > 0:25:05things are getting very desperate.
0:25:05 > 0:25:08We'll have to break into the cocktail snacks.
0:25:08 > 0:25:11- Surely not, Sir. - Yes, I'm afraid so.
0:25:11 > 0:25:13The bottle of maraschino cherries,
0:25:13 > 0:25:15the tin of football wafers
0:25:15 > 0:25:18and the bottle of miniature gherkins.
0:25:18 > 0:25:20Supposing somebody drops in for drinks?
0:25:22 > 0:25:26- It's a chance we have to take. Go get the cocktail snacks.- All right.
0:25:32 > 0:25:38Basically, it all happened, the two officers were idiots.
0:25:38 > 0:25:42The captain and the colonel and they talked like that.
0:25:54 > 0:25:57- You're not nervous, are you? - Not very, anyway.- Good.
0:25:57 > 0:25:59- You're going first, are you? - Yes, sir.
0:25:59 > 0:26:01- What's your name?- Arthur Parker.
0:26:01 > 0:26:03Arthur Parker and who are you going to talk to?
0:26:03 > 0:26:05- My wife.- Your wife.
0:26:05 > 0:26:08- Well, there she is in front. - Hello, Gladys, darling.
0:26:08 > 0:26:09It's a long time since I saw you.
0:26:11 > 0:26:14The grammar school boys did come up through the ranks to sort of
0:26:14 > 0:26:18officer class. It was the way they spoke and the way they behaved.
0:26:22 > 0:26:25In fact, they were mainly worried about whether they'd get
0:26:25 > 0:26:28their gin and tonic on time, that sort of thing.
0:26:30 > 0:26:34- La-de-dah Gunner Graham is next, Sir.- Why do you call him that?
0:26:34 > 0:26:35It's the way he talks, Sir.
0:26:35 > 0:26:39He's got an awfully affected accent. I can't stand that.
0:26:41 > 0:26:44Yes, sir, well he makes me feel like a bad smell under his nose.
0:26:44 > 0:26:47Still, we must be absolutely fair and impartial.
0:26:47 > 0:26:50- Get him in, will you.- Sir!
0:26:50 > 0:26:53Quick march, left-right, left-right, left-right, left-right,
0:26:53 > 0:26:56left-right. Move yourself, move yourself.
0:26:56 > 0:26:58Halt! Salute!
0:26:58 > 0:27:01- I don't think so, do you, Ashwood? - Not really, Sir.
0:27:01 > 0:27:04- I quite agree, Sir. - That'll be all, thank you.- Salute!
0:27:04 > 0:27:06About turn, left-right, left-right...
0:27:09 > 0:27:12The sergeant major had a rag but he ran the army.
0:27:12 > 0:27:14The officers indicate what they want to be done
0:27:14 > 0:27:18but they're the personalities that actually make it happen.
0:27:18 > 0:27:19Move yourselves, move yourselves!
0:27:19 > 0:27:21The colonel has asked me
0:27:21 > 0:27:24to conduct a survey as to the state of your minds. Gunner Graham?
0:27:24 > 0:27:27Yes, Sergeant Major. What is the state of your mind?
0:27:27 > 0:27:29Stagnating, Sergeant Major.
0:27:29 > 0:27:31IMITATES MOCKINGLY: Stagnating, Sergeant Major. You...
0:27:31 > 0:27:33Useless by James Joyce.
0:27:40 > 0:27:43- Whose is this? - It's mine, Sergeant Major.
0:27:43 > 0:27:45"Useless" just about sums you up.
0:27:45 > 0:27:48Actually, it's Ulysses by James Joyce.
0:27:49 > 0:27:53It concerns the peregrinations of an apostate theological...
0:27:53 > 0:27:55I know what's it all about!
0:28:06 > 0:28:10Now if you have any queries, you can ask me, or Sylvia.
0:28:10 > 0:28:13She's an old stager and she has had a lot of experience,
0:28:13 > 0:28:16- haven't you, Sylvia?- Yes, Gladys, not quite as much as you.
0:28:18 > 0:28:22A lot of interesting little stories going on, interesting relationships.
0:28:22 > 0:28:25This is the first series we've done that we've had girls in.
0:28:25 > 0:28:28They're not real girls, Sir.
0:28:28 > 0:28:30They're men dressed up as girls.
0:28:30 > 0:28:33WOLF WHISTLE
0:28:33 > 0:28:35Have you got a free hand to deal with the knob?