0:00:02 > 0:00:05This programme contains some strong language.
0:00:05 > 0:00:08RADIO: 'If your career's going the wrong way down a one-way street,
0:00:08 > 0:00:11'turn it around at BrighterDayCareers.co.uk.'
0:00:11 > 0:00:14'Firstly, that incident we reported on the M6 -
0:00:14 > 0:00:19'a lorry has shed its entire load of bottled beer just near junction 32.
0:00:19 > 0:00:21'Now, the northbound carriageway is completely closed,
0:00:21 > 0:00:24'so all I can suggest is avoid the area at all costs
0:00:24 > 0:00:26'cos it's an absolute nightmare, as you can imagine.
0:00:26 > 0:00:29'We'll have more on that story in the news as well.
0:00:29 > 0:00:32- 'Elsewhere, not so much to report, really...'- 'Ey up.
0:00:32 > 0:00:35'..don't forget Brundle Street is closed until further notice,
0:00:35 > 0:00:37'they're dealing with a collapsed sewer there.
0:00:37 > 0:00:39- 'There are diversions in place...' - Hello!
0:00:39 > 0:00:43- 'Buses, trains and trams all looking good this morning...'- You all right?
0:00:43 > 0:00:47'I've heard of a beer on the house, but a beer on the motorway?'
0:00:47 > 0:00:50- 'Forever FM, traffic and travel...' - Where's she going?
0:00:50 > 0:00:52- '..with BrighterDayCareers.co.uk.' - Ugh...
0:00:52 > 0:00:54'Your route to a better, brighter future.'
0:00:54 > 0:00:57MUSIC: Can You Dig It? by The Mock Turtles
0:00:59 > 0:01:00Hello...
0:01:07 > 0:01:09Let me in here. Let me in, let me in...
0:01:09 > 0:01:12Let me in, let me in... Come on, you miserable sod, come on!
0:01:12 > 0:01:15Come on, come on, let me in!
0:01:15 > 0:01:16We're going to lose her!
0:01:16 > 0:01:17Let me in!
0:01:17 > 0:01:20Ah... Shit.
0:01:20 > 0:01:23Ah, well. There she goes.
0:01:26 > 0:01:28Probably married, anyway.
0:01:28 > 0:01:31Or some psycho trying to lure me in.
0:01:31 > 0:01:33# Can
0:01:33 > 0:01:36# You understand me now
0:01:38 > 0:01:41# I'll get it through somehow
0:01:44 > 0:01:47# You
0:01:47 > 0:01:50# Won't ever get me down
0:01:51 > 0:01:56# Won't see me hanging around
0:01:56 > 0:01:59# Can you dig it?
0:01:59 > 0:02:01# Oh, yeah
0:02:01 > 0:02:04# Can you dig it?
0:02:04 > 0:02:05# Oh, yeah
0:02:05 > 0:02:08# Can you dig it?
0:02:08 > 0:02:10# Oh, yeah
0:02:10 > 0:02:13# Can you dig it? What I'm saying...
0:02:13 > 0:02:16CAR HORN BEEPS
0:02:16 > 0:02:19# One little kiss isn't anything
0:02:19 > 0:02:22# I won't be sad. #
0:02:25 > 0:02:28Come on. Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on...
0:02:29 > 0:02:30CAR HORN BEEPS
0:02:39 > 0:02:41Picking someone up. All right?
0:03:00 > 0:03:03- Hiya.- Morning... - Oh! Bloody hell! Oh!
0:03:04 > 0:03:06Oh, my God.
0:03:06 > 0:03:09- Bloody hell... Are you all right? - Don't look at me!
0:03:10 > 0:03:12- Don't look at me. - What happened?
0:03:12 > 0:03:14I forgot to put me feet in.
0:03:15 > 0:03:17You OK? You drunk?
0:03:17 > 0:03:19I've had a drink, John, but I'm not drunk.
0:03:19 > 0:03:20You stink of drink!
0:03:22 > 0:03:24Ugh, your breath stinks, you're leathered.
0:03:24 > 0:03:25I'm not! Cheeky rat.
0:03:34 > 0:03:36What's she looking at?
0:03:37 > 0:03:39Probably looking at you.
0:03:39 > 0:03:42Look like you've been dragged through a hedge backwards.
0:03:42 > 0:03:45Thanks very much, Jonathan. Happy Christmas to you too.
0:03:46 > 0:03:49- John, look at that! - I can't, I am driving.
0:03:49 > 0:03:51- Look at it.- Well, you hit your hand when you fell, didn't you?
0:03:51 > 0:03:54I've got gravel in my hand!
0:03:54 > 0:03:55Dirty.
0:03:55 > 0:03:58- Here, have some wipes. - Thank you. Thank you!
0:03:58 > 0:04:00My pleasure.
0:04:01 > 0:04:04WHY...have you got baby wipes in your car?
0:04:04 > 0:04:06They're not baby wipes, they're just wipes.
0:04:06 > 0:04:10Well, you haven't got a baby, and you don't wear make-up.
0:04:10 > 0:04:11Or do you?
0:04:11 > 0:04:14- You out last night, were you? - Well...
0:04:15 > 0:04:18You know our Kelly's going to Australia tonight?
0:04:18 > 0:04:20Yeah, you said.
0:04:20 > 0:04:24So everyone just piled round at our house for a P-A-R-T-Y!
0:04:24 > 0:04:26Because I said so.
0:04:29 > 0:04:31You are proper pissed.
0:04:31 > 0:04:33I am.
0:04:34 > 0:04:36I can't do it any more, I'm too old.
0:04:36 > 0:04:40I used to go out and partayyy. Party all night long.
0:04:40 > 0:04:42Party with Kayleigh.
0:04:42 > 0:04:46Then go to work, eight-hour shift. Yes, sir!
0:04:46 > 0:04:48Fine.
0:04:48 > 0:04:50Now, it's going to take me about four days
0:04:50 > 0:04:52to get over this, John, seriously.
0:04:52 > 0:04:56I didn't get to bed till five! Five o'clock.
0:04:58 > 0:05:00Our Kieran...
0:05:00 > 0:05:04was making everyone Cheeky Vimtos.
0:05:04 > 0:05:06- Have you had one? - No, I've never had one.
0:05:06 > 0:05:08Port...
0:05:08 > 0:05:10and Blue WK Wickeds.
0:05:12 > 0:05:14Lethal.
0:05:14 > 0:05:15All the rage in Basra.
0:05:15 > 0:05:18Didn't know your Kieran were home on leave.
0:05:18 > 0:05:21I told you! He's on leave, John!
0:05:21 > 0:05:22You didn't tell me.
0:05:22 > 0:05:24I told you.
0:05:26 > 0:05:30Didn't get to bed till five in the AM!
0:05:30 > 0:05:31I know, you said.
0:05:31 > 0:05:33I woke up on the poof.
0:05:35 > 0:05:36It's still going.
0:05:36 > 0:05:39They're still going! SingStar.
0:05:40 > 0:05:41Crazy.
0:05:46 > 0:05:48Ugh...!
0:05:49 > 0:05:53Jonathan! You did not tell me I had one eyelash.
0:05:53 > 0:05:55Was too busy looking at your hair.
0:05:55 > 0:05:59- Thought it were Carol Decker staggering out your house.- Aw...
0:05:59 > 0:06:00I love Carol Decker.
0:06:01 > 0:06:03I love her and I miss her.
0:06:04 > 0:06:06You can't go to work like that.
0:06:06 > 0:06:08What you going to do? Look at the state of you!
0:06:09 > 0:06:12I'll just have a good stand-up wash in the disabled bogs.
0:06:12 > 0:06:13Be fine.
0:06:13 > 0:06:18'..Brillington College - where brilliance is almost our name.'
0:06:18 > 0:06:20Let's tame the mane.
0:06:20 > 0:06:23'My name's Shirley, and I lost 3st with Weight Stoppers.
0:06:23 > 0:06:26- 'I was always big growing up...' - KAYLEIGH FARTS
0:06:26 > 0:06:30'..got all the names - Chunky Monkey, Fatty Bum-bum, Sausage Fingers...'
0:06:30 > 0:06:32- (So sorry.) - '..Blobface. That was the worst...'
0:06:32 > 0:06:34Animal.
0:06:34 > 0:06:38'..It wasn't easy. But then I heard about Weight Stoppers.
0:06:38 > 0:06:41'The menus are great. I can have all my favourite food,
0:06:41 > 0:06:43'as long as I cut out anything that makes me fat.'
0:06:43 > 0:06:45MUSIC: Xanadu by Olivia Newton-John
0:06:45 > 0:06:47What's so funny? Go on, what?
0:06:49 > 0:06:52What? What? Go on.
0:06:52 > 0:06:55- You'll laugh. You'll laugh. - What?
0:06:55 > 0:06:58- We were playing this game last night.- What?
0:06:58 > 0:07:00Lady Diana!
0:07:00 > 0:07:02It's hysterical.
0:07:02 > 0:07:04Hysterical. Have you played it?
0:07:04 > 0:07:06I've never heard of it. Never heard of it.
0:07:06 > 0:07:11Good. Cos it's my game. Copyright! Copyright here.
0:07:11 > 0:07:13You are so leathered!
0:07:15 > 0:07:16SHE MUMBLES: Lady Diana.
0:07:16 > 0:07:19- What'd you say? - Lady Diana.
0:07:19 > 0:07:22- Eh? - Go on, you say it. Lady Diana.
0:07:22 > 0:07:24Why?
0:07:24 > 0:07:26It's the game!
0:07:26 > 0:07:31You've got to say Lady Diana as small as you possibly can.
0:07:31 > 0:07:33(Lady Diana.) Go on, you do it.
0:07:33 > 0:07:35- Do it! - Get out of town!
0:07:35 > 0:07:36- Do it!- No.
0:07:36 > 0:07:39- Go on!- No. - Go on, go on, go on, go on.
0:07:39 > 0:07:41- No! Don't be stupid. - Lady Diana.
0:07:41 > 0:07:45- Bloody crap game. - Lady Diana.- No.- Lady Diana. Do it.
0:07:45 > 0:07:48- No.- Lady Diana. I'll keep saying it till you do it, John!
0:07:48 > 0:07:50- Lady Diana. - Lady Diana.
0:07:50 > 0:07:52No! Do it with a little...
0:07:52 > 0:07:56little tiny mouth. Say it.
0:07:56 > 0:07:57Lady Diana.
0:07:57 > 0:07:59Lady Diana...
0:07:59 > 0:08:01Lady Diana.
0:08:01 > 0:08:02(Lady Diana.)
0:08:02 > 0:08:06It's outrageous! That's so silly...!
0:08:09 > 0:08:11I'm going to crash!
0:08:17 > 0:08:19- Just ridiculous. - I just nearly wee'd!
0:08:19 > 0:08:23Don't you wee on my seats, lady!
0:08:23 > 0:08:24(Diana.)
0:08:36 > 0:08:39I'm hurting!
0:08:40 > 0:08:42That's a good game.
0:08:42 > 0:08:45# ..a shooting star
0:08:45 > 0:08:49# An everlasting world and you're here with me
0:08:49 > 0:08:52# Eternally
0:08:53 > 0:08:56# Xanadu
0:08:58 > 0:09:01- # Xanadu... # - Ugh... Minger.
0:09:01 > 0:09:05Would you believe I've finally got a date today of all days, too?
0:09:05 > 0:09:10- You've got a date today? - Yeah. Can you believe it? Typical.
0:09:10 > 0:09:12I'm meeting him at lunchtime.
0:09:12 > 0:09:16He's going to run a mile when I rock up looking like t'Bride of Chucky!
0:09:17 > 0:09:19Hate my nose...!
0:09:20 > 0:09:24You've a lovely nose. Why are you meeting him at lunchtime?
0:09:24 > 0:09:27Er... Safer.
0:09:27 > 0:09:30And if I don't like him, I can just say I've got to go back to work.
0:09:31 > 0:09:32And what if you like him?
0:09:32 > 0:09:36SCHWARZENEGGER VOICE: I'll be late back.
0:09:39 > 0:09:41Where you meeting him?
0:09:41 > 0:09:43Nando's at half 12.
0:09:43 > 0:09:45Oh. Who said romance was dead?
0:09:46 > 0:09:48I think I'm on to a winner with this one, actually.
0:09:48 > 0:09:50You said that the last time.
0:09:50 > 0:09:52He's exotic.
0:09:52 > 0:09:54He's intelligent.
0:09:55 > 0:09:56Perfect match.
0:09:56 > 0:09:58Opposites attract.
0:09:58 > 0:10:00Careful, you.
0:10:01 > 0:10:03- He's Japanese, actually. - Who is?
0:10:03 > 0:10:06- Me date.- Oh!
0:10:06 > 0:10:08You know how much I love sushi.
0:10:08 > 0:10:09No.
0:10:09 > 0:10:11I do, and you do know.
0:10:11 > 0:10:15- You won't even eat prawn crisps. - Sushi isn't crips, John!
0:10:15 > 0:10:17I've been learning that Japanese!
0:10:17 > 0:10:20SHE SPEAKS JAPANESE
0:10:26 > 0:10:28That's good!
0:10:28 > 0:10:30That's fantastic! What did you say?
0:10:30 > 0:10:33"Hi! It's a pleasure to meet you, I'm your date for today."
0:10:33 > 0:10:37- That's great, that. - It's dead easy. Learnt it online.
0:10:37 > 0:10:40Can you say...
0:10:40 > 0:10:41"Good morning, John"?
0:10:41 > 0:10:44I can. Ohesan, John.
0:10:44 > 0:10:46- Ohesan, John. - Ohesan!
0:10:46 > 0:10:47Ohesan, John.
0:10:47 > 0:10:49Ohesan, Kayleigh.
0:10:49 > 0:10:52- Ohesan, John. - Yeah. Bloody hell.
0:10:52 > 0:10:54What about swear words? You must know swear words.
0:10:54 > 0:10:57- Very childish. - Go on... Go on.
0:10:57 > 0:10:58Kuso debu.
0:10:58 > 0:11:00Eh?
0:11:00 > 0:11:03- Kuso debu. - Kuso debu.
0:11:03 > 0:11:04Angry. Kuso debu.
0:11:04 > 0:11:06- Kuso debu!- Kuso debu. - What does that mean?
0:11:06 > 0:11:09- "Fat shit!"- Ha-ha-ha! Brilliant.
0:11:09 > 0:11:12- Kuso debu. - Kuso debu.
0:11:12 > 0:11:14I've got to use that today.
0:11:14 > 0:11:17- AMERICAN ACCENT: - Get out of my way, you kuso debu!
0:11:17 > 0:11:20- You're not American. - Yeah, I know.
0:11:22 > 0:11:24MUSIC: How Will I Know by Whitney Houston
0:11:32 > 0:11:37'Forever FM - playing timeless hits, now and forever.'
0:11:37 > 0:11:39Whoo!
0:11:41 > 0:11:44Oh, frig-a-dig, it's Ray from work.
0:11:44 > 0:11:47- What? - Ray. Work Ray.- Oh, shit.
0:11:47 > 0:11:50Ugh... Don't let him see us, he stinks of fish, him.
0:11:50 > 0:11:52- He's a fishmonger. - Well, I know that.
0:11:52 > 0:11:56- Stink Ray, we call him. - So do we.- Do you?- Yeah.
0:11:56 > 0:12:00Pat Smyth refused car share with him, cos he reeks of fish that bad.
0:12:00 > 0:12:02That's why he'll be getting the bus.
0:12:02 > 0:12:04Keeps stinking her car out.
0:12:04 > 0:12:06It's cost her a fortune in Magic Trees.
0:12:06 > 0:12:08Never mind a Magic Tree. You need a Magic Forest.
0:12:10 > 0:12:12- Well, he's not getting in here. - Oh... No.- Don't look at him!
0:12:12 > 0:12:15- Don't look at him, look straight ahead.- I am.
0:12:15 > 0:12:19That's it, Ray - keep looking for the bus.
0:12:19 > 0:12:21Please don't let him in, John.
0:12:21 > 0:12:23I'll throw up in your car, you know I can't stand fish.
0:12:23 > 0:12:25You said you liked sushi.
0:12:25 > 0:12:28- Sushi isn't fish. - What is it then?
0:12:28 > 0:12:30Wrestling. JOHN MUTTERS UNDER HIS BREATH
0:12:30 > 0:12:32That's it, Ray, look at the bus. Don't look at us.
0:12:32 > 0:12:34Keep going. Keep going.
0:12:34 > 0:12:36Nothing to see.
0:12:38 > 0:12:40Made it.
0:12:40 > 0:12:43Oh... Thank the Lord. That was close.
0:12:45 > 0:12:47- BOTH: Argh... - God.
0:12:47 > 0:12:50Shall...shall we just ignore him? Just look forward.
0:12:50 > 0:12:52He's staring right at you!
0:12:52 > 0:12:53All right...!
0:12:55 > 0:12:57All right, how's it going?
0:12:57 > 0:12:59Oh, hi!
0:12:59 > 0:13:01- Just on my way to work. - Yeah?
0:13:01 > 0:13:04- Thought it was you two. - Yeah, it's us.
0:13:04 > 0:13:07- On your way to work? - No.- Er...
0:13:07 > 0:13:09Yeah... Yeah.
0:13:09 > 0:13:11- Got any chance of a lift? - What?
0:13:11 > 0:13:14Any chance of a lift? Me car's in for a service.
0:13:14 > 0:13:15(Liar.)
0:13:15 > 0:13:17The bus is taking ages.
0:13:18 > 0:13:22- (What we going to...? What? What?) - (Let him in.) Yep, not a bother.
0:13:22 > 0:13:25- That all right? - Yeah, get in.- Brilliant.
0:13:27 > 0:13:29- 'Ere we go. - (Jesus...)
0:13:31 > 0:13:34- Been there ages talking to them ladies.- Have you?
0:13:35 > 0:13:38- One of their husbands had died. - Pfft!
0:13:38 > 0:13:40(I think he's got in here.)
0:13:50 > 0:13:51Sorry about that.
0:13:51 > 0:13:54Thought you were one of those gypsies, you know.
0:13:54 > 0:13:57You get it? Cleaning your windows without asking?
0:13:57 > 0:14:00Oh, yeah. Cos I'm always getting mistaken for a gypsy girl(!)
0:14:01 > 0:14:03(Kuso debu.)
0:14:03 > 0:14:04(Correct.)
0:14:04 > 0:14:06Who are you calling a fat shit?
0:14:08 > 0:14:12JAPANESE ACCENT: Oh... You speak the Japanese?
0:14:12 > 0:14:14- 'Tis my mother tongue.- Oh.
0:14:14 > 0:14:17HE SPEAKS JAPANESE
0:14:26 > 0:14:29- What did he say? - Never you mind.
0:14:29 > 0:14:32I trained there, '86 to '95, boom time!
0:14:32 > 0:14:36I worked on the fish markets, where men are men and...fish are filleted.
0:14:36 > 0:14:41I developed me knife skills. Me yanagi, my deba.
0:14:41 > 0:14:42Any update on t'knife situation?
0:14:42 > 0:14:46Cos I've told you, I can't slice through butter with that shite you give me at work.
0:14:46 > 0:14:47I'm sorting it, all right?
0:14:47 > 0:14:49Yeah, are you? We've had this conversation.
0:14:49 > 0:14:52MUSIC: Here Comes The Hotstepper by Ini Kamoze
0:14:52 > 0:14:55- What you doing!?! - Get it pumped up!
0:14:55 > 0:14:59I was a very naughty boy to this song, many moons ago in Okinawa.
0:14:59 > 0:15:01# Nah, na-na-na-nah
0:15:01 > 0:15:03# Na-na-na-nah, na-na-nah na-na-nah
0:15:03 > 0:15:05# Na-na-na-nah... #
0:15:05 > 0:15:07This is it, here we go, two-three-four!
0:15:07 > 0:15:09HE SINGS ALONG POORLY, MOSTLY MAKING NOISES INSTEAD OF LYRICS
0:15:09 > 0:15:11- # Here comes the hotstepper - Murderer
0:15:11 > 0:15:12- # I'm the lyrical gangster - Murderer
0:15:12 > 0:15:15- # Pick up the crew in-a de area - Murderer
0:15:15 > 0:15:17- # Still love you like that - Murderer...
0:15:17 > 0:15:18Come on!
0:15:18 > 0:15:21# No, no - we don't die
0:15:21 > 0:15:23# Yes, we multiply
0:15:23 > 0:15:27# Anyone test will hear the fat lady sing
0:15:27 > 0:15:29- # Here comes the hotstepper - Murderer
0:15:29 > 0:15:32- # I'm the lyrical gangster - Murderer
0:15:32 > 0:15:34Come on, dead bodies!
0:15:34 > 0:15:35You're boring.
0:15:36 > 0:15:40And that's why you'll never beat the Japanese for efficiency.
0:15:40 > 0:15:43Hey. Did you talk to Dave Thomson about getting me some cover on the counter?
0:15:43 > 0:15:45I did. I did, he's all over it, Ray.
0:15:45 > 0:15:48- He's going to get it sorted. - You said that three weeks ago.
0:15:48 > 0:15:50I'll chase him up. Trust me, it's going to get sorted.
0:15:50 > 0:15:53I'm up to me eyes in it since George collapsed.
0:15:53 > 0:15:56- Are you listening?- Look, I'm listening...- Hey! Ray.
0:15:56 > 0:16:00If he says he'll sort it, he'll sort it, all right?
0:16:00 > 0:16:01'Ark at Amy Winehouse here!
0:16:01 > 0:16:04He's got enough on his plate, this fella.
0:16:04 > 0:16:06He's got to organise Christmas.
0:16:06 > 0:16:08Fuck Christmas, I'm spread out too thin down there.
0:16:08 > 0:16:11There's no need for that, OK?
0:16:11 > 0:16:14How dare you eff Christmas?
0:16:14 > 0:16:15It's only ruddy fish, Ray!
0:16:15 > 0:16:17There's plenty more of 'em in the sea.
0:16:17 > 0:16:20- Only fish? You've got no idea, have you?- No.
0:16:20 > 0:16:22I've got 30 lines coming in every single day, love -
0:16:22 > 0:16:25I've got to gut 'em and get them cleaned up. And its all about presentation.
0:16:25 > 0:16:27Cos if they can't see it, they can't buy it.
0:16:27 > 0:16:30Eye level is buy level. And they're not just buying fish!
0:16:30 > 0:16:32It's personality.
0:16:32 > 0:16:36I've always said it - it's 30% fish, 70% charisma.
0:16:36 > 0:16:37- (Bollocks.)- It's not bollocks!
0:16:37 > 0:16:38And it's got to be fresh.
0:16:38 > 0:16:42Cos if they can smell it before they can see it, we've got a big problem!
0:16:42 > 0:16:45- (Well, we've got a big problem...) - Come again?
0:16:45 > 0:16:47That was just... I was just getting a drink.
0:16:47 > 0:16:51Fishmongery is an art form. It's a skill.
0:16:51 > 0:16:53- Fish is in my blood.- Ugh...
0:16:53 > 0:16:55Me father was a fishmonger,
0:16:55 > 0:16:58me father's father was a fishmonger. Three generations of fish.
0:16:58 > 0:17:01- Good cod(!) - Yeah, you're laughing now, missy,
0:17:01 > 0:17:04but when I go, that'll be it. Finito benito.
0:17:04 > 0:17:06We're a dying breed!
0:17:06 > 0:17:09There'll always be fish, but there won't always be fishmongers.
0:17:09 > 0:17:10It's a sad fact.
0:17:10 > 0:17:13Kids today, they don't want fishmongery as a trade.
0:17:13 > 0:17:14They want Ugg boots and a wrap of whizz.
0:17:14 > 0:17:17Oh, shut it, will you? You're giving me a haddock.
0:17:17 > 0:17:19Oh, yeah, "haddock", very funny. Grow up!
0:17:19 > 0:17:22- Just calm down, t'pair of you, will you?- It's him!
0:17:22 > 0:17:24- He can't hake a joke! - Oh, I can, flower,
0:17:24 > 0:17:26but I've got buttons and you're pushing 'em.
0:17:26 > 0:17:29- All right...Mr Crabby. - Just ignore her, Stin...
0:17:29 > 0:17:30Ignore her, Ray. She's leathered.
0:17:30 > 0:17:33I'm not! It's him.
0:17:33 > 0:17:35- Moby Dickhead. - You're the Moby Dickhead, Worzel!
0:17:35 > 0:17:38Just calm down, t'pair of you! I'm getting a bloody haddock meself.
0:17:42 > 0:17:46- So am I all right for a lift home? - Ha!
0:17:46 > 0:17:49- Er... I don't think there'll be enough room.- Why?
0:17:49 > 0:17:51Erm... We've got to pick up a prescription.
0:17:51 > 0:17:55- Prescription?- For me.- Yeah, she's got to pick up her prescription.
0:17:55 > 0:17:56Well, how big are your tablets?
0:17:56 > 0:17:59- Oh, they're not... - You can't ask a lady that, Ray,
0:17:59 > 0:18:03- play the game.- Yeah - mind that, they're lady things.- Oh, right.
0:18:03 > 0:18:06Well...can I come with you as far as the chemist?
0:18:06 > 0:18:09Then I'll get the bus from there, least I'll be halfway home.
0:18:09 > 0:18:12'.. we've got soldering wire coming out of our storage boxes.'
0:18:12 > 0:18:15'So, off we go. The Forever FM Golden Hour,
0:18:15 > 0:18:18'with hits and headlines from a chosen year.
0:18:18 > 0:18:20'It was the year that publishing tycoon Robert Maxwell
0:18:20 > 0:18:24'was found floating in the Atlantic Ocean, whilst this motley crew were
0:18:24 > 0:18:28'sexing up the charts. But who were they, and what was the year?'
0:18:28 > 0:18:30- Colour Me Badd, '91. - '91!
0:18:30 > 0:18:34MUSIC: I Wanna Sex You Up by Colour Me Badd
0:18:34 > 0:18:36Where's HIS hi vis jacket?
0:18:39 > 0:18:42Look at him! I'll be having bloody words.
0:18:42 > 0:18:43Killjoy.
0:18:43 > 0:18:45Who is he?
0:18:45 > 0:18:47Old Ted's replacement.
0:18:47 > 0:18:49Oh, don't let him see me like this.
0:18:49 > 0:18:51Oh, he's half your age, love! He won't be looking at you.
0:18:53 > 0:18:56Come on, hurry up, hurry up, I'm going to be late!
0:18:56 > 0:18:57Should have GOT the bus.
0:19:04 > 0:19:05Right, I better leg it. Got a delivery.
0:19:05 > 0:19:08I'll catch you two later. See you on the ice.
0:19:12 > 0:19:14- I hate him. - He is a proper arsehole.
0:19:14 > 0:19:17Never, ever let that happen again. I stink.
0:19:17 > 0:19:19Well, we're going to have to think of something.
0:19:19 > 0:19:22Because he's coming with us to get your prescription.
0:19:22 > 0:19:25Sorry. Me mind just went blank.
0:19:25 > 0:19:27Well, that can't have been hard, can it?
0:19:27 > 0:19:28Oh, don't you start.
0:19:35 > 0:19:38Oh... Help me, help me! I'm all right, I'm all right.
0:19:40 > 0:19:43There's some weight in here, in't there?
0:19:43 > 0:19:47- See you, Kayleigh. - Oh, bye, Alexa, bye.
0:19:47 > 0:19:48Watch where you're going.
0:19:50 > 0:19:53I tell you what, I would not want to be a woman.
0:19:53 > 0:19:56Only good for two things - cooking and...
0:19:56 > 0:19:59- Can't shift that.- It's all right, we'll sort it when John comes.
0:19:59 > 0:20:02You sure? That's some heavy medication you've got there,
0:20:02 > 0:20:04- what is it?- Never you mind.
0:20:04 > 0:20:07Whatever you've got, I hope that shifts it.
0:20:07 > 0:20:08OK.
0:20:11 > 0:20:13- John'll be here in a minute. - Right, great.
0:20:15 > 0:20:17Right, well, I'll be off for me bus then.
0:20:17 > 0:20:18Thank you.
0:20:19 > 0:20:22Yep. See you later.
0:20:22 > 0:20:23See ya.
0:20:25 > 0:20:27- See ya.- Bye.
0:20:37 > 0:20:38Get out.
0:20:38 > 0:20:40Oh... Thank Christ for that.
0:20:40 > 0:20:42Thought he'd never leave.
0:20:42 > 0:20:44That worked a treat, didn't it?
0:20:53 > 0:20:56Well, how were we to know he'd left his bloody hat?
0:20:56 > 0:20:58- I feel awful. - Well, I don't.
0:20:58 > 0:21:01I had to have me car re-valeted twice in me lunch hour.
0:21:01 > 0:21:05- Stank of fish.- Mortified. - Oh, shit, he's here.- Oh.- Oh, God...
0:21:05 > 0:21:08- Look forward. - Don't look, don't look, don't look...
0:21:11 > 0:21:12Mortified... Ah!
0:21:12 > 0:21:15- Kuso debu! Kuso debu! - Put your foot down!
0:21:16 > 0:21:19- Oh... Psycho. - Psycho!
0:21:19 > 0:21:23'..morning rush hour, so try and find yourself an alternative route.
0:21:23 > 0:21:26'Trains, buses and planes all OK. If you see something
0:21:26 > 0:21:29'we're not talking about, you can call us on the Forever FM Jam Line.'
0:21:29 > 0:21:32MUSIC: The King Of Rock 'N' Roll by Prefab Sprout
0:21:33 > 0:21:34Ugh. Well, I hope she cleaned it up.
0:21:36 > 0:21:39SHE LAUGHS Our Kieran slept in the bath!
0:21:39 > 0:21:43He couldn't get in his own bedroom cos Gill and Alison were crashed out on his bed!
0:21:44 > 0:21:45So funny.
0:21:46 > 0:21:48OK. OK.
0:21:48 > 0:21:50Well, I'll Skype you when you've landed
0:21:50 > 0:21:52and you're settled in, all right?
0:21:52 > 0:21:54Yeah, you just get your head down, have a kip.
0:21:54 > 0:21:57That's what I'm going to do.
0:21:57 > 0:22:00All right. Be careful.
0:22:00 > 0:22:01I love you.
0:22:01 > 0:22:03Yeah. Sure.
0:22:03 > 0:22:05OK, bye! Bye-bye-bye. Bye.
0:22:10 > 0:22:12Going to miss her so much.
0:22:13 > 0:22:15Our Kelly, she's off to Australia.
0:22:15 > 0:22:17Where's she stopping out there?
0:22:17 > 0:22:19With family.
0:22:19 > 0:22:22Me Auntie Pat and Uncle Bob. Lovely people.
0:22:25 > 0:22:27I love her so much.
0:22:27 > 0:22:30She's been there for everything in my life, Kelly.
0:22:30 > 0:22:33Don't know how I'm going to cope without her.
0:22:33 > 0:22:36I know it sounds dead selfish and everything, but
0:22:36 > 0:22:38I really hope she's homesick, and has to come back soon.
0:22:38 > 0:22:40Don't look at me like that.
0:22:40 > 0:22:42Give her a chance! She's not even taken off yet.
0:22:42 > 0:22:45- I know. But I'm going to miss her! - Flippin' heck.
0:22:48 > 0:22:50- Hey, how did your date go?- Oh...
0:22:50 > 0:22:52He wasn't even Japanese!
0:22:52 > 0:22:56Furious! After I'd learnt the language as well.
0:22:56 > 0:22:58- Oh, no. Where were he from? - Rochdale!
0:22:58 > 0:23:01- Rochdale?! - Yeah! His name wasn't even Simon.
0:23:01 > 0:23:04- Well, what made you think it was? - Well, he'd shortened it to Si.
0:23:04 > 0:23:07Fair enough. But why the oriental?
0:23:07 > 0:23:09Cos his username was Jap Si.
0:23:11 > 0:23:13- Jap's eye?! - I know.
0:23:13 > 0:23:17Jap's eye! Jap's eye!
0:23:17 > 0:23:19HE LAUGHS
0:23:19 > 0:23:20Racist.
0:23:20 > 0:23:22I'm not being racist.
0:23:23 > 0:23:26- You're laughing! - Jap's eye!
0:23:26 > 0:23:31Oh, God... I hope you made your excuses and left, sharpish.
0:23:31 > 0:23:32Yeah. I did.
0:23:32 > 0:23:35- Just went to the ladies' and climbed out the window.- Why?
0:23:36 > 0:23:37I hate goodbyes.
0:23:37 > 0:23:41'This is Forever FM. Let's get your latest news headlines.'
0:23:41 > 0:23:43'This is Forever FM...'
0:23:43 > 0:23:45I wish you'd be careful on those dating sites.
0:23:45 > 0:23:49- Oh, I'm all right.- Jap's eye?! - A blip, Jonathan.
0:23:49 > 0:23:51A blip? What about the pussy lover?
0:23:51 > 0:23:53You thought HE was just fond of cats.
0:23:53 > 0:23:55They can't all be weirdos.
0:23:55 > 0:23:58It's costing me 15 quid a month, this.
0:23:58 > 0:23:59There's got to be somebody out there.
0:23:59 > 0:24:01I think you're wasting your bloody time.
0:24:01 > 0:24:05Well, I haven't got any time to waste. I've told you me clock's ticking.
0:24:05 > 0:24:08I'm not going to meet someone sitting on me arse.
0:24:08 > 0:24:11It's stupid, there's nothing wrong with you.
0:24:11 > 0:24:13Well, we all need someone.
0:24:13 > 0:24:15I've told you - I don't.
0:24:15 > 0:24:18I don't believe you. You've had girlfriends in the past.
0:24:18 > 0:24:21Yeah. I have. That's exactly why I know I don't need anybody.
0:24:21 > 0:24:24Women, they just mess you about at the end of the day.
0:24:24 > 0:24:27- Like who? - All of you.
0:24:27 > 0:24:28You're nuts.
0:24:28 > 0:24:31Look at Anna. She dumped me and then came back six months later,
0:24:31 > 0:24:33said she'd changed her mind.
0:24:33 > 0:24:36Which one was that? Was she the one you went to Malta with?
0:24:36 > 0:24:38No. She went to uni and went off with someone else.
0:24:38 > 0:24:40Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
0:24:40 > 0:24:42The one that you thought you were in love
0:24:42 > 0:24:45- but you were sick on your hand. - Threw up on my hand in Woolworths.
0:24:45 > 0:24:49So did Charlotte... Was it Charlotte - did SHE dump you?
0:24:49 > 0:24:50Erm...
0:24:50 > 0:24:53No, that were a bit of a misunderstanding, that.
0:24:53 > 0:24:54How come?
0:24:54 > 0:24:58- We were living together and things had...- You were living together?!
0:24:58 > 0:25:00- Yeah.- Really?
0:25:00 > 0:25:01Yeah!
0:25:01 > 0:25:04Must have been serious. Were you engaged?
0:25:04 > 0:25:06- Were you?! - Yeah.
0:25:08 > 0:25:12You're a little dark horse, you. I never knew that.
0:25:12 > 0:25:14- Never told you. - What happened?
0:25:14 > 0:25:16Had you set a date?
0:25:16 > 0:25:18No, we never got that far.
0:25:18 > 0:25:20What happened to the ring?
0:25:21 > 0:25:22Er...
0:25:22 > 0:25:23Think she's still got it.
0:25:23 > 0:25:26- Bitch. - Bit strong!
0:25:26 > 0:25:29Anyway, I never felt it was appropriate asking for it back,
0:25:29 > 0:25:31given the circumstances.
0:25:31 > 0:25:33Why? What happened?
0:25:33 > 0:25:35Er...
0:25:35 > 0:25:37We just...we just hadn't been getting on.
0:25:37 > 0:25:39Me dad rang one night for one of his chats.
0:25:39 > 0:25:41He loved Charlotte, thought t'world of her.
0:25:41 > 0:25:44He were always mithering - "When are you going to set a date, you two?"
0:25:45 > 0:25:47I don't know...
0:25:47 > 0:25:49Anyway, me dad knew something were up, he said he could always tell
0:25:49 > 0:25:52in me voice. And I just told him we hadn't been getting on,
0:25:52 > 0:25:54- and we'd been rowing... - You and your dad?
0:25:54 > 0:25:57- No, me and Charlotte! Keep up. - Yeah, yeah.
0:25:57 > 0:25:59Anyway - you know, we just...
0:25:59 > 0:26:02I loved Charlotte, I just wasn't IN love with her.
0:26:02 > 0:26:03It just didn't feel right,
0:26:03 > 0:26:05you know what I mean? And you just keep ignoring it
0:26:05 > 0:26:07and you carry on like you do and...
0:26:07 > 0:26:08We'd got a house, we'd got engaged,
0:26:08 > 0:26:11but it just felt like we were going through the motions and...
0:26:11 > 0:26:13I always felt removed.
0:26:14 > 0:26:16Like I were playing a part in someone else's life.
0:26:16 > 0:26:20- That's t'only way I can explain it.- Wow.
0:26:20 > 0:26:23So why did you split up, then?
0:26:23 > 0:26:24Well, I told my dad all of that,
0:26:24 > 0:26:27and the answer machine recorded the entire conversation.
0:26:27 > 0:26:29- No!- Straight up.
0:26:29 > 0:26:32It clicked on when he rang, recorded the lot.
0:26:32 > 0:26:35I went out to work, Charlotte came home, saw the light flashing,
0:26:35 > 0:26:39played it back and the rest, as they say, is history.
0:26:39 > 0:26:42- Shit a brick! - Exactly.
0:26:42 > 0:26:44That must have been awful.
0:26:44 > 0:26:45It was.
0:26:45 > 0:26:48Oh, God, I were devo'd. Didn't eat for three weeks.
0:26:48 > 0:26:51- Not for you, for her! - What?
0:26:51 > 0:26:54Well - I didn't know it were being recorded!
0:26:54 > 0:26:56Poor Charlotte.
0:26:56 > 0:26:58I bet she was heartbroken, the poor girl.
0:26:58 > 0:27:01Imagine coming home and hearing your fiance slagging you off.
0:27:01 > 0:27:03- I wasn't proud of it!- Awful.
0:27:03 > 0:27:05I was upset too, you know. This is what I mean...
0:27:05 > 0:27:07God, you...
0:27:07 > 0:27:09Anyway, it were probably for t'best in t'long run.
0:27:09 > 0:27:13I must admit, it did feel like a weight had been lifted.
0:27:13 > 0:27:15Typical...selfish....man!
0:27:15 > 0:27:16Selfish?!
0:27:16 > 0:27:18You're the one waiting for her best mate to come home
0:27:18 > 0:27:21before she's even bloody taken off on a plane.
0:27:21 > 0:27:23- Completely different. - It's not completely different!
0:27:23 > 0:27:25- Yes, it is!- This is women - you're nuts, the lot of you,
0:27:25 > 0:27:28this is why you're better off on your own. Out of it.
0:27:28 > 0:27:29Bollocks to love.
0:27:29 > 0:27:34MUSIC: Please, Please, Please, Let Me Get What I Want by The Smiths
0:27:34 > 0:27:37# See, the luck I've had
0:27:37 > 0:27:40# Can make a good man turn bad
0:27:42 > 0:27:46# So please, please, please
0:27:46 > 0:27:50# Let me, let me, let me... #
0:27:50 > 0:27:53What's up, you sulking? You not speaking to me?
0:27:53 > 0:27:55# ..get what I want this time
0:28:04 > 0:28:07- HE SINGS ALONG: - # Haven't had a dream in a long time
0:28:09 > 0:28:11# See, the life I've had
0:28:11 > 0:28:15# Can make a good man bad
0:28:16 > 0:28:21# So, for once in my life
0:28:21 > 0:28:25# Let me get what I want
0:28:25 > 0:28:30# Lord knows, it would be the first time
0:28:33 > 0:28:37# Lord knows, it would be the first time. #