0:00:02 > 0:00:05- NANA:- 'Ooh, did you hear that wind last night? It were awful.
0:00:05 > 0:00:07'You should have seen Betty's trees bending.'
0:00:07 > 0:00:09- JOHN:- Bending, were they?
0:00:09 > 0:00:11'I thought they were going to snap.'
0:00:11 > 0:00:14Yeah, it were bad, weren't it, last night? It's lovely now, though.
0:00:14 > 0:00:17'I've never known weather like it. We've had the lot.
0:00:17 > 0:00:20'Wind, rain, wind. I've never known weather like it.
0:00:20 > 0:00:22'It can't make its mind up.
0:00:22 > 0:00:25'And I'm worried about our Paul and all.'
0:00:25 > 0:00:26Why? What's up with him?
0:00:26 > 0:00:30'He borrowed my leaf blower and he never took the charger.'
0:00:30 > 0:00:32It'll be all right. Have you told him?
0:00:32 > 0:00:34He can bob round and get it, can't he?
0:00:34 > 0:00:38'But he'll be busy. He'll be off gallivanting.'
0:00:38 > 0:00:39Well, if he wants it, he can come and get it.
0:00:39 > 0:00:41He can get it at the weekend.
0:00:41 > 0:00:43You're coming to my mum's for dinner on Sunday, aren't you?
0:00:43 > 0:00:45'Am I? She never said.'
0:00:45 > 0:00:47Yeah, we're all going round for birthday tea.
0:00:47 > 0:00:48I've got you a Dairy Box.
0:00:48 > 0:00:50'But what if he needs it before then?'
0:00:50 > 0:00:51Who?
0:00:51 > 0:00:55'Paul. What if he needs the charger before then?'
0:00:55 > 0:00:58Well, I'm sure he can come and get it if he needs it.
0:00:58 > 0:01:01'I know, but he's busy with his job.
0:01:01 > 0:01:03'Can you not drop it round to him?'
0:01:03 > 0:01:07I'm busy with my job! Anyway, I'll have to go. I'm at work now.
0:01:07 > 0:01:08'So soon?'
0:01:08 > 0:01:10Well, I mean I'm nearly at work.
0:01:10 > 0:01:12Are you doing owt today?
0:01:12 > 0:01:15'No, I'm not stirring out in this weather.'
0:01:16 > 0:01:18But it's a gorgeous day, and it's your birthday.
0:01:18 > 0:01:22'Oh, it makes no odds when you get to my age, John.
0:01:22 > 0:01:25- 'I'm just going to play my Michael Buble.'- What did you say?
0:01:25 > 0:01:29- Playing your what?- 'I'm going to sit and play my Michael Buble CD.'
0:01:29 > 0:01:31- Oh, right. Very good. - 'But I think he's gone off.'- Do you?
0:01:31 > 0:01:34'He was on TV AM, and I think he looked tired.'
0:01:34 > 0:01:36- UNINTERESTED:- Yeah? Did he?
0:01:36 > 0:01:39Well, have a good day, and I'll see you at the weekend.
0:01:39 > 0:01:42- I've got your Dairy Box. - 'OK, then.'- All right.
0:01:42 > 0:01:44- (Seatbelts.)- Yeah. - 'I'll see you. Ta-ra.'
0:01:44 > 0:01:46All right, bye-bye. See ya, Nana. Take care. See ya.
0:01:46 > 0:01:48'Oh, did you hear...'
0:01:48 > 0:01:50Sorry about that. Hello. Hello.
0:01:50 > 0:01:52Sorry, I was getting these dressed.
0:01:52 > 0:01:54Yeah... Who are they?
0:01:54 > 0:01:57- You did get my text about the kids, didn't you?- No.
0:01:57 > 0:02:01Oh, that's funny. I text you last night to see if it was all right to drop them off on the way in.
0:02:01 > 0:02:03No, but it doesn't matter. It's OK.
0:02:03 > 0:02:07- They stayed at mine last night. Our Mandy's having her legs done, private.- Is she?
0:02:07 > 0:02:08Hello. Nice to meet you.
0:02:08 > 0:02:11This is Alfie. This is Chloe.
0:02:11 > 0:02:12Say hello to Uncle John.
0:02:12 > 0:02:15I'm hanging for an high five here, kids. Eh?
0:02:17 > 0:02:19Nah.
0:02:19 > 0:02:20Where's the school?
0:02:20 > 0:02:23Keep going. It's just on the way in as normal.
0:02:23 > 0:02:26It's just off Hibbert Road, near the old Bla-busters...
0:02:26 > 0:02:27Blackbusters?
0:02:27 > 0:02:29Ooh, sorry. I just burped.
0:02:31 > 0:02:33- RADIO DJ:- Morning all. This is Forever FM.
0:02:33 > 0:02:35A classic Madonna and Cherish...
0:02:35 > 0:02:38So, who's Rose? Finally got yourself a girlfriend?
0:02:38 > 0:02:42No, it's my nana, if you must know. It's her birthday. I should have sent that yesterday.
0:02:42 > 0:02:45- ALFIE:- It's her birthday. I should have sent that yesterday.
0:02:45 > 0:02:47- You call your nana Rose? - Yeah, why?- Yeah, why?
0:02:47 > 0:02:49Why don't you just call her Nana?
0:02:49 > 0:02:51No, I... I call her Rose. I've always called her Rose.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53No, I call her Rose. I've always called her Rose.
0:02:53 > 0:02:55- Weird.- No, it ain't.- No, it ain't.
0:02:55 > 0:02:58- Is he trying to wind me up? - Is he trying to wind me up?
0:02:58 > 0:03:00It's just his thing at the moment.
0:03:00 > 0:03:03- How come he's not copying you? - How come he's not copying you?
0:03:03 > 0:03:05Aw, he must have taken a shine to you.
0:03:05 > 0:03:07Oh. All right, son, what are you into?
0:03:07 > 0:03:09- Right, son, what are you into? - Angry Birds.
0:03:09 > 0:03:12Oh, aye, are you? I've had a few of them in my time.
0:03:12 > 0:03:15- I've had a few of them in my time. - John!- What?
0:03:15 > 0:03:16What?
0:03:16 > 0:03:19- I'm just looking for the party, buddy.- Tool.
0:03:19 > 0:03:22- You're the tool.- You're the tool. - No, you're the tool.- No, you're the tool.- You're the tool.
0:03:22 > 0:03:25Quit it, the pair of you!
0:03:25 > 0:03:26- It's him.- It's him. - It's him.- It's him.
0:03:26 > 0:03:29- It's him.- It's him. - You want to act your age, son.
0:03:29 > 0:03:31- I'm eight.- You want to act your age, John.
0:03:31 > 0:03:33Arguing with a child.
0:03:33 > 0:03:36- I'll keep my mouth shut. - I'll keep my mouth shut.
0:03:36 > 0:03:37Enough!
0:03:40 > 0:03:43MUSIC: When Smokey Sings by ABC
0:04:03 > 0:04:05Do you know what? I'm going to post this.
0:04:05 > 0:04:08Don't be daft. You'll never make it there and back in time.
0:04:08 > 0:04:09Who won't?
0:04:09 > 0:04:10Watch this.
0:04:24 > 0:04:26Oh, my God. What is he doing? KIDS LAUGH
0:04:26 > 0:04:28Wait there.
0:04:29 > 0:04:32HE GROANS John!
0:04:32 > 0:04:34Suffering Jesus. Oh, God...
0:04:34 > 0:04:37- Are you all right? - THEY LAUGH
0:04:37 > 0:04:39- Thank you.- It's all right. - Thanks. You're all right.
0:04:39 > 0:04:41- Oh, God, me arm. - Did you see his hair?
0:04:41 > 0:04:44- CAR HORNS BLARE - And you!
0:04:44 > 0:04:46There's a man down, here. All right?
0:04:46 > 0:04:48Just get in the car.
0:04:48 > 0:04:50I've broken my arm.
0:04:50 > 0:04:52Aaargh! What are you doing to it?!
0:04:52 > 0:04:54- If you can bend it, it's not broken. - Don't do that again!
0:04:54 > 0:04:57Just get me to... It's not funny, you!
0:04:57 > 0:05:00- Stop laughing! - Leave it. Alfie, shut up.
0:05:00 > 0:05:01Get in the car.
0:05:01 > 0:05:04- What are you doing?- Well, you can't drive, can you? Get in!
0:05:04 > 0:05:07Well, you can't drive this. You're not insured.
0:05:07 > 0:05:10- It doesn't matter. Just get in. - You two, stop laughing.
0:05:11 > 0:05:14Shut the door, shut the door. I can't shut it.
0:05:17 > 0:05:20Aaaaargh! Me arm!
0:05:20 > 0:05:23- RADIO DJ:- We stick a celebrity in that toaster, you tell us who it is.
0:05:23 > 0:05:26So, Katie, can you put today's celeb in the toaster?
0:05:26 > 0:05:28HE WHIMPERS
0:05:30 > 0:05:31Brave soldier.
0:05:31 > 0:05:33KIDS GIGGLE
0:05:33 > 0:05:34Jesus!
0:05:34 > 0:05:36I've been in the wars, here!
0:05:38 > 0:05:39You've got to laugh, John.
0:05:39 > 0:05:40I'm not laughing.
0:05:40 > 0:05:44- It was so funny!- Went right round. It's gone right round.
0:05:47 > 0:05:49Your hand goes like...
0:05:50 > 0:05:53SHE WHIMPERS MOCKINGLY
0:05:53 > 0:05:56KIDS CONTINUE TO LAUGH
0:05:56 > 0:05:58It's proper throbbing.
0:06:08 > 0:06:09Ooh...
0:06:10 > 0:06:12Come on, Miss Daisy!
0:06:12 > 0:06:14Get your foot down. We've got a stock take at half nine.
0:06:14 > 0:06:15Agh!
0:06:15 > 0:06:18Do you not think you should go to A & E and get it checked out?
0:06:18 > 0:06:19Oh, I-I've no time for A & E.
0:06:21 > 0:06:24I'll be reet. I'll power through.
0:06:24 > 0:06:26BLEEP Oh!
0:06:26 > 0:06:29What... What was that noise, John?
0:06:29 > 0:06:31It's the petrol thing. It needs filling up.
0:06:31 > 0:06:33It's the petrol thing. It needs filling up.
0:06:33 > 0:06:35Oh, quit it, son! I've been through the mill, here.
0:06:35 > 0:06:37Alfie, stop it. Shh.
0:06:39 > 0:06:41Are you all right? You've gone white.
0:06:41 > 0:06:42- WEAKLY:- I'm not surprised.
0:06:42 > 0:06:44- Have you hurt your arm? - Take a wild guess, love.
0:06:44 > 0:06:46Take a wild guess, love.
0:06:46 > 0:06:49- (Shut up, you.)- All right, John, don't snap at her.
0:06:49 > 0:06:50She's only trying to be nice to you.
0:06:50 > 0:06:54It's your own fault for playing the daredevil. I told you you wouldn't make it.
0:06:54 > 0:06:57I would've made it, easy, if it hadn't been for that bloody pavement sticking up.
0:06:57 > 0:07:00- They're going to get a strong letter off me tonight.- Who is?
0:07:00 > 0:07:01'Kin council. Shithouses.
0:07:01 > 0:07:03- Shithouses.- Right!
0:07:03 > 0:07:05Alfie Price, any more filth like that out of your mouth
0:07:05 > 0:07:08- and you're grounded for a month. - You can't ground me!
0:07:08 > 0:07:11Ah! Keep going. Soon see who can't.
0:07:11 > 0:07:13HE WHIMPERS
0:07:13 > 0:07:17MUSIC: Put Yourself In My Place by Kylie Minogue
0:07:21 > 0:07:23Jesus, my arm!
0:07:23 > 0:07:25Right, come on, quick, you two.
0:07:25 > 0:07:27Say goodbye to Uncle John the cripple. We're late.
0:07:27 > 0:07:30- He's made us late now, the idiot.- Hey!- Hey!
0:07:30 > 0:07:32What have I told you? Come on.
0:07:32 > 0:07:34Outrageous, that, son.
0:07:34 > 0:07:38If I'd said that to my dad, he'd have put me over his knee.
0:07:38 > 0:07:39Cheeky, aren't they?
0:07:39 > 0:07:41Alfie, you've left your orange on the seat.
0:07:41 > 0:07:44Yeah, I'll orange you.
0:07:44 > 0:07:45- Come on, in, in.- Look at that!
0:07:45 > 0:07:47Did you see the look he gave me?
0:07:47 > 0:07:50- Ugh. Are you going to be all right? I'll just be in and out.- Yeah, yeah.
0:07:50 > 0:07:54See, this is why this country's gone wrong.
0:07:54 > 0:07:56They need a good crack, these kids today.
0:07:56 > 0:07:59Kids like that will be wiping my arse when I'm an old man.
0:08:10 > 0:08:12Here, I got you this.
0:08:12 > 0:08:14- What is it?- It's a sling.
0:08:14 > 0:08:16You're joking. Peppa Pig?
0:08:16 > 0:08:17It's all they had.
0:08:17 > 0:08:19Aaaaargh!
0:08:19 > 0:08:20You stupid bi...
0:08:23 > 0:08:27Did they not have a Bob the Builder or a...Power Rangers or something?
0:08:29 > 0:08:31SHE SNIGGERS
0:08:31 > 0:08:32Peppa pissing Pig.
0:08:33 > 0:08:35You're making it worse!
0:08:35 > 0:08:38- It's so funny...- It's not funny.
0:08:38 > 0:08:40Ah, keep me going all day, that.
0:08:40 > 0:08:42SHE LAUGHS
0:08:42 > 0:08:43All right, all right!
0:08:46 > 0:08:48Have you any Nurofen in your bag?
0:08:48 > 0:08:50- No, I don't believe in it.- Oh...
0:08:53 > 0:08:54Anadin?
0:08:54 > 0:08:57I don't have any chemical toxins in my body.
0:08:58 > 0:09:00Yeah, well...
0:09:00 > 0:09:03I didn't hear you moaning yesterday, when you had me Fruit Pastilles.
0:09:05 > 0:09:07- RADIO DJ:- This is Forever FM.
0:09:07 > 0:09:09MUSIC: New Sensation by INXS
0:09:09 > 0:09:10BOTH: (Forever FM.)
0:09:10 > 0:09:12Oh, this is a song.
0:09:15 > 0:09:17I used to have this cassette.
0:09:17 > 0:09:19Kick, this is off.
0:09:19 > 0:09:20Belter.
0:09:20 > 0:09:22I had it.
0:09:23 > 0:09:26He were another Jim Morrison, this fella.
0:09:26 > 0:09:28You know what he did, don't you?
0:09:28 > 0:09:30- Who?- This fella.
0:09:30 > 0:09:32Hutchence?
0:09:32 > 0:09:35Put his pants on t'bed and hung himself on t'door.
0:09:35 > 0:09:37Yeah, you've told me.
0:09:37 > 0:09:38SONG PAUSES
0:09:38 > 0:09:40SONG RESUMES
0:09:41 > 0:09:44Shocking, though, when he died.
0:09:44 > 0:09:45I know!
0:09:46 > 0:09:47Didn't expect that.
0:09:49 > 0:09:51It's like when the People's Princess died.
0:09:51 > 0:09:54- Ugh.- Awful.- Awful. Where were you when Diana died?
0:09:54 > 0:09:55I'm not telling you.
0:09:55 > 0:09:57- Why?- I'm not telling you.
0:09:57 > 0:09:59- Why?- Cos I'm not.
0:10:01 > 0:10:04- Where were you when...? - I was in a hot tub.
0:10:04 > 0:10:06Who were you in a hot tub with?
0:10:07 > 0:10:09Four boys and our Mandy.
0:10:12 > 0:10:13Huh...
0:10:13 > 0:10:15I were at me mam's.
0:10:15 > 0:10:16I was, too. Me mum was away.
0:10:17 > 0:10:19Cat's away, eh?
0:10:19 > 0:10:21I had a party.
0:10:21 > 0:10:22Did you?
0:10:22 > 0:10:26Me mum were in Lytham with me Auntie Joan.
0:10:26 > 0:10:28She went, and I come back in at night
0:10:28 > 0:10:30from working night shift at the supermarket,
0:10:30 > 0:10:34and she left a Post-it Note...
0:10:34 > 0:10:36"There's a lasagne in the fridge, and Diana's died."
0:10:36 > 0:10:38SHE GASPS What a way to tell you!
0:10:38 > 0:10:39Awful.
0:10:41 > 0:10:42SONG CONTINUES
0:10:45 > 0:10:47THEY SING ALONG WITH RADIO JINGLE:
0:10:47 > 0:10:49# Miles of tiles that'll make you smile
0:10:49 > 0:10:53# Make dreams come true at Corton Tiles. #
0:10:53 > 0:10:55Did you try and harmonise, then?
0:10:55 > 0:10:59- RADIO DJ:- This is the station with the timeless hits.- (Timeless hits.)
0:10:59 > 0:11:02- How's your arm?- Sore.
0:11:02 > 0:11:04MUSIC: Have A Nice Day by Stereophonics
0:11:04 > 0:11:05This is a nice, happy song.
0:11:05 > 0:11:09You think it is, but if you listen to the words, it's actually...
0:11:09 > 0:11:11quite a bitter song about a man who's not happy.
0:11:11 > 0:11:14- He's being sarcastic. - Oh, is he?- Yeah.
0:11:14 > 0:11:16He's saying, "Have a nice day."
0:11:16 > 0:11:18- One of them.- Aw...
0:11:20 > 0:11:23My friend had this at her wedding.
0:11:23 > 0:11:24More fool her.
0:11:24 > 0:11:27I knew a couple who had I'm Not In Love as their first slow song.
0:11:27 > 0:11:29- SHE LAUGHS - 10cc.
0:11:29 > 0:11:31Even I know that's not a good one to have.
0:11:31 > 0:11:33Split up six months after.
0:11:33 > 0:11:35Talk about cursing.
0:11:36 > 0:11:38- What would you have?- What?
0:11:38 > 0:11:40What would be your first dance?
0:11:40 > 0:11:41I don't know...
0:11:41 > 0:11:44I don't know. It's not going to happen, so...
0:11:44 > 0:11:47I don't need to think about that one.
0:11:47 > 0:11:49I'll never get wed.
0:11:49 > 0:11:52I'm going to have Runaway by The Corrs.
0:11:52 > 0:11:55You can't have Runaway. It's about running away.
0:11:55 > 0:11:57I know, running away together.
0:11:57 > 0:12:00Oh, no. You can't have Runaway as a slow dance.
0:12:00 > 0:12:01Why not?
0:12:01 > 0:12:06- It's about running off. - Yeah, with the man of your dreams.
0:12:06 > 0:12:09- Nah.- I've got my whole wedding day planned.
0:12:09 > 0:12:12You've got to meet someone first. Talk about jumping the gun.
0:12:12 > 0:12:13It's not in it.
0:12:15 > 0:12:17How are things going with, erm...
0:12:17 > 0:12:19Heartsearches.com?
0:12:21 > 0:12:24I've not had any winks for a while.
0:12:25 > 0:12:27I won't be having any winks with this arm.
0:12:31 > 0:12:33RADIO JINGLE
0:12:35 > 0:12:38- RADIO:- Pick a number between one and ten.
0:12:38 > 0:12:39Seven.
0:12:39 > 0:12:41Take that number and double it.
0:12:41 > 0:12:44- 14.- Then add your age...
0:12:44 > 0:12:45I'm lost.
0:12:45 > 0:12:48- ..and take away 15. - Fif... Ff... 31.
0:12:48 > 0:12:51- Are you left with the number 76?- No.
0:12:51 > 0:12:53No. It doesn't add up, does it?
0:12:53 > 0:12:55- No.- But one thing that does add up...- Ugh, bollocks.
0:12:55 > 0:12:57..is the new current account from...
0:12:57 > 0:12:58Suck you in, don't they?
0:12:58 > 0:13:01BLEEP It's still beeping, John.
0:13:01 > 0:13:03- HE SIGHS - We need petrol.
0:13:03 > 0:13:06Just...get to a garage, fill her up.
0:13:06 > 0:13:09..current account is the one that really adds up.
0:13:09 > 0:13:12Call into your local branch today, and let us do the maths.
0:13:15 > 0:13:20- RADIO:- 15 degrees.- Forever FM weather with Lancashire Scrap Metal.
0:13:20 > 0:13:23If the wind's blown it down, we'll pick it up.
0:13:23 > 0:13:27Call Keith on 08081-570-075.
0:13:27 > 0:13:30So here we go, the Forever FM Golden Hour,
0:13:30 > 0:13:32with hits and headlines from a chosen year.
0:13:32 > 0:13:34What year is it?
0:13:34 > 0:13:36It was the unforgettable year of 9/11,
0:13:36 > 0:13:39when two planes hit the World Trade Center in New York,
0:13:39 > 0:13:41whilst Harry Potter started his first year at Hogwarts
0:13:41 > 0:13:44on the big screen. But what was the year?
0:13:45 > 0:13:472001.
0:13:47 > 0:13:49MUSIC: Hero by Enrique Iglesias
0:13:57 > 0:13:58Got something for your arm.
0:13:58 > 0:13:59Painkillers?
0:13:59 > 0:14:01A Creme Egg!
0:14:02 > 0:14:03Argh!
0:14:07 > 0:14:09SONG CONTINUES
0:14:10 > 0:14:13Aw, how's your poorly arm now?
0:14:13 > 0:14:14Still smarting.
0:14:15 > 0:14:17There he is.
0:14:18 > 0:14:20Ted number two, having a Diet Coke break.
0:14:21 > 0:14:25# I can be your hero, baby... #
0:14:27 > 0:14:29He could lift me up like that any time he likes.
0:14:29 > 0:14:31# I can kiss away the pain... #
0:14:31 > 0:14:34I bet he's not been CRB checked.
0:14:34 > 0:14:37# I will stand by you forever... #
0:14:37 > 0:14:39I don't know why you just don't speak to him.
0:14:39 > 0:14:41What?! As if I'd just...
0:14:41 > 0:14:43Pfft, no! As if...
0:14:43 > 0:14:45Joking.
0:14:45 > 0:14:47Mind you, he'll probably have bloody clocked off
0:14:47 > 0:14:49by the time you've parked up.
0:14:50 > 0:14:51Ow!
0:14:51 > 0:14:55- Are you sure you don't want to go to the hospital and get it checked out?- No time.
0:14:55 > 0:14:57Just get a few painkillers down me, I'll be right as rain.
0:14:57 > 0:14:59Well, don't you go overdosing.
0:14:59 > 0:15:02I don't want to get the bus home on my own.
0:15:07 > 0:15:10There's no chance. It's too much money.
0:15:10 > 0:15:11I said I'm happy for you.
0:15:14 > 0:15:18Well, you've got to, haven't you? It's work. What can you do?
0:15:20 > 0:15:22I don't know. I'll have to sort something.
0:15:24 > 0:15:25I'm not phoning her tonight.
0:15:25 > 0:15:27She's had a sedation, she'll be off her face.
0:15:28 > 0:15:31Yeah, as far I know. Steve rang earlier.
0:15:32 > 0:15:34Anyway, I'm going to have to go.
0:15:34 > 0:15:36OK. I know it's not your fault.
0:15:37 > 0:15:39Well, just speak to your boss, sergeant fella,
0:15:39 > 0:15:41and let us know what's happening.
0:15:41 > 0:15:43All right. Bye.
0:15:45 > 0:15:48- How's your arm?- Ugh, agony.
0:15:48 > 0:15:51I felt a right arsehole, sat in stocktake with this in a sling.
0:15:51 > 0:15:53- Give us your keys.- Why?
0:15:53 > 0:15:56You can't drive with your arm like that, can you?
0:15:56 > 0:15:59- All right. A bit of sympathy wouldn't go a miss.- Get in.
0:16:03 > 0:16:07MUSIC: Picture Of You by Boyzone
0:16:07 > 0:16:11# You'll be there - the only one who can help me
0:16:11 > 0:16:16# I had a picture of you in my mind
0:16:16 > 0:16:21# Never knew it would be so wrong
0:16:21 > 0:16:24# Why'd it take you so long just to find
0:16:24 > 0:16:29# The friend that was there all along. #
0:16:31 > 0:16:34I see you were chatting to your friend Rachel.
0:16:34 > 0:16:36- Yep.- What did she want?
0:16:36 > 0:16:39Nowt. I was just telling her about my accident,
0:16:39 > 0:16:41what happened this morning.
0:16:41 > 0:16:43Did she offer to kiss it better?
0:16:43 > 0:16:45No, but she did ask me if I fancied a drink sometime.
0:16:45 > 0:16:47What?!
0:16:47 > 0:16:49She asked me if I fancied going for a drink.
0:16:49 > 0:16:51Well, I hope you told her where to go.
0:16:51 > 0:16:52What's rattled your cage?
0:16:52 > 0:16:55(Nothing.)
0:16:55 > 0:16:57- Just didn't think you went for that type.- And what type's that?
0:16:57 > 0:16:58Slutty.
0:16:58 > 0:17:01Christ! I don't know what's got into you lately.
0:17:01 > 0:17:02I can't do right for doing wrong.
0:17:02 > 0:17:05You're always on at me, "John, you need to meet somebody,
0:17:05 > 0:17:07"you can't spend the rest of your life on your own," and then
0:17:07 > 0:17:09when I do finally get a sniff, you go berserk.
0:17:09 > 0:17:12Well, she's just not right for you, that's all I'm saying.
0:17:12 > 0:17:15- How do you know what's right for me? - Well, I know it's not that slapper.
0:17:15 > 0:17:18- I thought you were friends?- We are!
0:17:18 > 0:17:19I know what she's like.
0:17:19 > 0:17:21She'd go with anything with a pulse.
0:17:21 > 0:17:23Thanks(!)
0:17:25 > 0:17:30- Well, she's already been out with three different blokes from our place since Christmas.- Who?
0:17:30 > 0:17:33Steve...off freezers,
0:17:33 > 0:17:38Ian Hardy, who left, and I'm sure he moved to Burnley just to get away from her because he still lives
0:17:38 > 0:17:41- round here and it takes him two hours to get to work every morning.- Ian Hardy left
0:17:41 > 0:17:44cos he got store manager. It had nothing to do with Rachel.
0:17:44 > 0:17:45And who's the third?
0:17:45 > 0:17:48- You, now!- Ha-ha! Me?
0:17:48 > 0:17:53- Yes!- She's only asked me out for a bloody drink. Good God.
0:17:53 > 0:17:56And as for fancying people from work, that's rich.
0:17:56 > 0:17:59You've been drooling over Ted 2 since old Ted's funeral.
0:17:59 > 0:18:01- Completely different.- No, it's not.
0:18:01 > 0:18:04Yes, it is, that's from afar. She's gone and asked you out for a drink.
0:18:04 > 0:18:06Aye, for a drink. Nothing else.
0:18:06 > 0:18:11Yeah, a drink, and the next thing you know, her knickers will be hanging off your lampshade.
0:18:12 > 0:18:14Sounds to me like you're jealous.
0:18:14 > 0:18:16Of her?!
0:18:16 > 0:18:17You've got to be kidding.
0:18:19 > 0:18:22She's a wrong 'un, John. Don't say I didn't warn you.
0:18:22 > 0:18:24MUSIC: Devil Woman by Cliff Richard
0:18:26 > 0:18:29# I've had nothing but bad luck
0:18:29 > 0:18:32# Since the day I saw the cat at my door
0:18:34 > 0:18:38# So I came into you, sweet lady
0:18:38 > 0:18:40# Answering your mystical call
0:18:42 > 0:18:44# Crystal ball on the table
0:18:46 > 0:18:48# Showing the future, the past
0:18:51 > 0:18:54# Same cat with them evil eyes
0:18:54 > 0:18:57# And I knew it was a spell she cast
0:18:59 > 0:19:03# She's just a devil woman with evil on her mind
0:19:03 > 0:19:07# Beware the devil woman she's going to get you
0:19:07 > 0:19:11# She's just a devil woman with evil on her mind
0:19:11 > 0:19:14- # Beware the de... # - PHONE RINGS
0:19:15 > 0:19:17"Our Keiron."
0:19:17 > 0:19:19- Leave it. I'll speak to him later.- Sure?
0:19:23 > 0:19:26# Give me the ring on your finger
0:19:27 > 0:19:30# Let me see the lines on your hand
0:19:32 > 0:19:35# I can see me a tall, dark stranger
0:19:35 > 0:19:38# Giving you what you hadn't planned... #
0:19:38 > 0:19:42PHONE RINGS
0:19:42 > 0:19:43"Our Keiron" again.
0:19:43 > 0:19:45Ugh, just leave it.
0:19:45 > 0:19:46Are you sure? He wants to get hold,
0:19:46 > 0:19:49- he's obviously trying to get hold of you.- John, I said leave it.
0:19:49 > 0:19:52- I can't answer it when I'm driving, can I?- What's got into you?
0:19:52 > 0:19:55- Nothing.- Has something happened at work?- Nothing. No.
0:19:55 > 0:19:57Is it Rachel asking me out for a drink?
0:19:57 > 0:19:59- No!- Well, summat's up.
0:20:04 > 0:20:07Our Keiron's been offered a job and he's got to move away.
0:20:09 > 0:20:11Can he not commute?
0:20:11 > 0:20:13It's in Cyprus.
0:20:13 > 0:20:15Clearly not, then.
0:20:15 > 0:20:18He's in the army, though. You're used to him being away.
0:20:18 > 0:20:20I know but it's different this time.
0:20:20 > 0:20:24He's going to be stationed out there permanently.
0:20:24 > 0:20:25Ah, I see.
0:20:25 > 0:20:27What am I going to do?
0:20:27 > 0:20:30I can't afford to keep paying for the house on my own.
0:20:31 > 0:20:33But don't you do that now?
0:20:33 > 0:20:37Well, not on my own. He still chucks in for the mortgage.
0:20:37 > 0:20:40He won't be able to do that any more.
0:20:40 > 0:20:41I'll have to move out, won't I?
0:20:41 > 0:20:43Where will you go?
0:20:43 > 0:20:44I don't know.
0:20:46 > 0:20:47Probably to our Mandy's.
0:20:47 > 0:20:49I can't afford to rent on my own.
0:20:49 > 0:20:51Do none of your friends need someone to rent with?
0:20:51 > 0:20:54They're all married with kids. It's only me who's still left
0:20:54 > 0:20:55on their effing own.
0:20:55 > 0:20:58This wouldn't have happened if I'd met someone.
0:20:58 > 0:21:01Don't be ridiculous. They're two separate things.
0:21:01 > 0:21:03You can't force meeting somebody,
0:21:03 > 0:21:06and your Keiron would have got that job, whatever the weather.
0:21:08 > 0:21:09What about your mum's?
0:21:11 > 0:21:12Fair enough.
0:21:12 > 0:21:15SHE SIGHS I'll have to ask our Mandy.
0:21:15 > 0:21:18- She's got her own family, hasn't she?- I know, I know.
0:21:18 > 0:21:19There's hardly enough room as it is,
0:21:19 > 0:21:22and Steve's got his bikes in the garden.
0:21:22 > 0:21:25MUSIC: Drive by The Cars
0:21:25 > 0:21:27I could actually cry.
0:21:27 > 0:21:3136, and what have I got to show for my life? I've got nothing.
0:21:31 > 0:21:33Don't be silly.
0:21:33 > 0:21:34It'll be all right. You've got...
0:21:34 > 0:21:37You'll only be at Mandy's for a little while,
0:21:37 > 0:21:39and I can still pick you up in the mornings.
0:21:39 > 0:21:41She lives in Bury.
0:21:41 > 0:21:42Shit. Bury?
0:21:42 > 0:21:45Bloody miles away.
0:21:45 > 0:21:47How are you going to get in?
0:21:47 > 0:21:48I'll have to get the tram.
0:21:48 > 0:21:50Oh, right.
0:21:50 > 0:21:52Well, you can't pick me up.
0:21:52 > 0:21:53It's on the other side of town.
0:21:53 > 0:21:55Yeah, I suppose.
0:21:55 > 0:21:58I'll be all right. I've got to get the tram. I'll be fine.
0:21:58 > 0:22:00At least you've got a bit of time to sort things out.
0:22:00 > 0:22:02He leaves next week!
0:22:02 > 0:22:03Bloody hell! Are you joking?
0:22:05 > 0:22:08- What you slowing down for? - I'm not. I've got me foot right down.
0:22:08 > 0:22:10- It's not me.- Put your foot down.
0:22:10 > 0:22:12It's not me, it's just slowing down, John.
0:22:12 > 0:22:14- What's up with her?- John, it's...
0:22:14 > 0:22:16- Pull over.- Oh, shit.
0:22:16 > 0:22:18- Pull over.- I'm pulling over!
0:22:19 > 0:22:20Here, pull over here.
0:22:22 > 0:22:23Park here.
0:22:27 > 0:22:29Well, what do you reckon?
0:22:29 > 0:22:31Not a clue. Flip the bonnet.
0:22:38 > 0:22:40What do you reckon?
0:22:41 > 0:22:44Bloody catches, eh? Why do they hide 'em?
0:22:47 > 0:22:50It's snapped off. It's snapped off!
0:23:00 > 0:23:01What do you reckon?
0:23:01 > 0:23:04Will you stop saying that, "What do you reckon?" I know nothing about cars!
0:23:04 > 0:23:06SHE SIGHS
0:23:06 > 0:23:08Looks all right... No steam.
0:23:09 > 0:23:10It just slowed down?
0:23:10 > 0:23:12Yeah. You were with me!
0:23:12 > 0:23:14Bollocks! What a day!
0:23:14 > 0:23:15I don't need this.
0:23:15 > 0:23:17What are we going to do?
0:23:17 > 0:23:19We're going to have to ring roadside recovery, aren't we?
0:23:19 > 0:23:22SHE SIGHS We're going to be stuck here for hours.
0:23:22 > 0:23:24Here, you speak to them. They come quicker for a woman.
0:23:29 > 0:23:31Come on.
0:23:32 > 0:23:34Well, I do need some new knickers.
0:23:34 > 0:23:35Hurry up!
0:23:35 > 0:23:37ADVERT ON RADIO
0:23:41 > 0:23:42Bloody hell, are you trying to cop off?
0:23:42 > 0:23:45I've just spoke to a lovely man called Jermaine.
0:23:45 > 0:23:47- Oh, Christ.- He's sorting it.
0:23:47 > 0:23:50They'll either be an hour or we get 45 quid's worth of M&S vouchers.
0:23:50 > 0:23:53I get 'em. It's my car.
0:23:53 > 0:23:55I made the call.
0:23:56 > 0:23:59- An hour?- Mm-hm. - What are we going to do for an hour?
0:24:01 > 0:24:03Do I have my own chat show?
0:24:03 > 0:24:05No.
0:24:07 > 0:24:09Am I a human being?
0:24:09 > 0:24:11Yes, course you are.
0:24:12 > 0:24:13Am I alive or dead?
0:24:15 > 0:24:16I honestly don't know.
0:24:19 > 0:24:22- Yeah, I think you might be. I think you might be.- Well, that's no good.
0:24:22 > 0:24:24Either I'm dead or I'm alive. Am I a famous boxer?
0:24:24 > 0:24:28- You've had your turn. - I know, but you didn't know if I was alive or dead, so it doesn't count.
0:24:28 > 0:24:33- When you know who you are, it won't matter if you're alive or dead anyway.- Oh, how shite's that?
0:24:33 > 0:24:35Am I a famous boxer?
0:24:35 > 0:24:37It's still not your go. It's my go.
0:24:38 > 0:24:40Am I a famous boxer?
0:24:40 > 0:24:43No. Am I a famous boxer for the third time?
0:24:43 > 0:24:45No...
0:24:45 > 0:24:46but you like fighting.
0:24:46 > 0:24:48Where's this fella?
0:24:50 > 0:24:52Are you going to go for a drink with Rachel?
0:24:52 > 0:24:54What's...that...? Just play the game.
0:24:54 > 0:24:56Right, another question.
0:24:57 > 0:24:58Am I a child?
0:24:58 > 0:24:59Yes, constantly.
0:25:02 > 0:25:06I'm a fighter, I like fighting...
0:25:06 > 0:25:07Am I Rocky Balboa?
0:25:07 > 0:25:08No.
0:25:10 > 0:25:11Am I...
0:25:11 > 0:25:14Oh, for God's sake. Oh, play fair.
0:25:14 > 0:25:17- Do I have a...- Can I speak?
0:25:17 > 0:25:18Do I have an Afro?
0:25:19 > 0:25:21Yes, you do.
0:25:22 > 0:25:24- My go.- Am I Snoopy?
0:25:24 > 0:25:26My go! Snoopy doesn't have an Afro!
0:25:29 > 0:25:31Am I made of Plasticine?
0:25:31 > 0:25:34- Oh, finally, the cavalry's here. - Whoo-hoo.
0:25:42 > 0:25:44Oh, frig, I hope that's not Jermaine.
0:25:46 > 0:25:48- Hi.- All right, love?
0:25:48 > 0:25:50Do you want to flip your bonnet, Little Orphan Annie?
0:25:50 > 0:25:51I knew it was her.
0:25:51 > 0:25:53HE TUTS I knew it!
0:26:01 > 0:26:03Am I a famous boxer?
0:26:03 > 0:26:05Definitely not.
0:26:10 > 0:26:11Ooh.
0:26:12 > 0:26:14What do you reckon?
0:26:14 > 0:26:16When did you last fill her up?
0:26:16 > 0:26:17This morning, why?
0:26:17 > 0:26:21Well, it's never a good idea to fill a diesel engine up with unleaded.
0:26:22 > 0:26:24What have you done now?!
0:26:24 > 0:26:26I'll go and sort the truck out.
0:26:26 > 0:26:28You said it was petrol!
0:26:28 > 0:26:29Yeah, diesel!
0:26:29 > 0:26:32You didn't say diesel, you definitely said petrol.
0:26:32 > 0:26:33Petrol is diesel!
0:26:33 > 0:26:35Petrol is petrol, diesel is diesel!
0:26:35 > 0:26:38It says on the cap in bloody big, red letters, "Diesel!"
0:26:38 > 0:26:41- Well, I didn't see it! - Obviously not!
0:26:42 > 0:26:45A perfect end to a bloody perfect day.
0:26:49 > 0:26:52# It can lift you up Never let you down
0:26:52 > 0:26:56# Take your world and turn it all around
0:26:56 > 0:26:59# Ever since time, nothing's ever been found
0:26:59 > 0:27:03# That's stronger than love
0:27:03 > 0:27:05# Ever since time, nothing's ever been found
0:27:05 > 0:27:08# That's stronger than love. #